Our Son-in-Law Isn’t a Hard Worker
Вставка
- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- Our Son-in-Law Isn’t a Hard Worker
Next Steps
📞 Ask John a question! ter.li/0pimqr
📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life: ter.li/TDJDSBNAL
📝 Anxiety Test: ter.li/6zeike
📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future: ter.li/TDJDSOYP
❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards: ter.li/TDJDSQFH
💭 John's Free Guided Meditation: ter.li/mnl8mg
Offers From Today's Sponsors
• 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ⮕ bit.ly/3seoBCe
• Three free months of Hallow ⮕ www.hallow.com/delony
• 25% off Thorne orders ⮕ www.thorne.com/u/delony
• 20% off Organifi with code DELONY ⮕ www.Organifi.com/Delony
• Up to 30% off and two free pillows at Helix Sleep ⮕ www.HelixSleep.com/Delony
Listen to More From Ramsey Network
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/wtjnp7
💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights ⮕ ter.li/3opzgn
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/iy4cj0
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/46pj7d
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/9rrvlr
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/drmpbx
📈 EntreLeadership ⮕ ter.li/ux0fyw
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
If your goal is to have a child and be a stay-at-home mom, you don’t marry a 27 y.o. guy who has never supported himself. Now he’s supposed to support 3 people? Not realistic.
He’s not 27 anymore he’s older
Straight up. Where were these parents when she started dating him?
That's the root of the whole problem! I agree
Yep
@@Jane5720 but he's still never supported himself, he's always had a woman looking after him
We really need to start holding people accountable for their actions. Why would you have a child with someone that only works part time? Their finances were probably a mess before the baby.
This!! And she knew mom would help
Thats so sad
So true!
She chose to “see the best in him” and got with him for “his potential”.
Exactly
And she's calling talking about the way the was raised. What does it say about the way they raised*their* daughter they she'd marry a man who didn't work full time?
Being a stay at home mom is a luxury. And that sucks but that is reality.
Luxury? SAHM are drowning in mental/emotional turmoil while never sitting their ass down. It is not a luxury. Low income families have them and that’s only because daycare is too expensive. It is not a luxury. Period. It has been calculated at an over 200k job a year. It is work. In every single way.
Thats totally fair, but the other side of that coin is, I see a lot of "traditional men" who want a "traditional woman".....except the man doesnt make enough and they need their trad wife to go to work
@@TonyCox1351those guys can want whatever they want, it's up to the traditional girls to understand that Men who are not capable of being providers will not be able to provide them with the traditional lifestyle and should look elsewhere
have you tried to maintain a healthy household w children with a deadbeat? its NOT a luxury nor luxurious.
@@benjaminfairchild411 Once again thats true, but you're only stating half of the equation. The other half is that traditional men who are not capable of providing their with with a traditional lifestyle, should not look for a traditional woman
When I was CAREFULLY picking a husband, his ability and willingness to work was something I took a look at. As a result, I got to be a stay at home mom.
Good for you! My wife and I are in our early 30s. We have 4 little boys and my wife gets to stay home and raise them full time. And because we planned this before baby #1 even arrived, I was able to build an income that dwarfs most modern couple's combined incomes. But it just took some actual planning and talking things over in advance, not trudging through life until we're forced to make decisions.
Yep. At 22 she probably didn’t think this through at all
Me too. The number one reason I didn’t marry a previous boyfriend who really tried hard to convince me to was that I wasn’t convinced he could hold a job long term. Someone close to me had similar reservations about her husband before marriage but her mom’s advice was “if you love him that’s what matters.” It’s been a disaster. I’m way too pragmatic for that.
I hope you’re ready for when the children don’t need you anymore, don’t sleep on that little tidbit.
hey good for you, you found yourself a man who will work himself to death for you and your baby!!!
She picked a man's promised potential and not who he really is.
💯
Bs! It doesn't even look like he had any promised potential😂😂😂
He lived at home until he was 27! A woman closer to his age might have seen the problem with this. She was barely out of her teens when she married him.
@@phoebeintheforest Exactly. Guy was a loser. They rasised a daughter who marries losers.
Problem is: at this point in life he should have something to show for his efforts and be able to support his family.
Let them sink or swim. Why did your daughter have a baby with a guy who does not know how to provide for himself let alone a family?
Women who want to be married tend to have low standards.
Why did a man marry someone and make a child with someone when he knew he wasn’t going to provide for them?
That part. She knew she wanted to be a SAHM, so she should have married a man with the ability to do so.
This is like needing a pick up truck but buying a mini Cooper. I can't be mad at the mini Cooper for not being a pick up truck. She married a non provider. Why is she mad that he isn't providing?
@jurikowhy359 to be fair, maybe he wanted to marry a woman who wanted 50/50 relationship.
because women are taught to marry for “love” rather than use common sense.
When you said “him not providing is just a lack of fidelity” . That's powerful.
Only IF you're talking traditional roles, otherwise its just hypocritcal.
He's talking about the roles they decided upon and apparently want.
@@Duhclay if there’re not taking traditional roles it’s even more important because they both chose to have a child they both will need to provide for. They can’t abdicate that responsibility.
No it's B.S.
He is working and She is not.
@@allinlen That's what being a sole provider means. He didn't have to do that, but then he shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place.
When you agree to take on responsibilities, you can't whine when people hold you to them.
This is part of the mother’s fault. As moms, we need to teach our daughters that they need to consider the life they want to live when picking a husband. It’s not just about loving someone and hoping they will change and give you what you want. She knew who he was before they got married and had a child.
that's a great and simple way of framing it
Women don't generally get to pick their husbands. Men pick the women they want to marry. She was just stupid enough to do it. At only 22 years, she definitely had more time to explore.
Yes. We have to install the proper vetting criteria into our daughters at a very young age.
I think cardi b said it best, broke boys don't deserve no 🐈
exactly. parents in our culture take no responsibility in not educating their daughters on how to date and what to look out for.
Agree. Marry up or do not get married-I wish my mom knew to tell me this.
Your daughter doesn’t get to be a SAHM if her husband can’t solely provide for her and their child and save for their future 🤷🏼♀️ that’s just that on that. He either gets a better job or she has to work. Period.
Sad but true!
Yes!!!
She picked badly
Yes but their marriage will suffer.
@@The-Oneness11 Isn't it already?
If no one discouraged her from marrying and having a baby with him, that’s a shame. Daughter needs to step into reality. Forget a “dream of being a sahm,” get a job and provide for your child. And don’t get knocked up again.
Good advice.
Here here
Bingo
Bingo
Women should be discouraged from being with men who refuse to be slaves? Wow, feminism is a DISASTER.
“He’s in ministry”
Oh boy. “God wants me to be lazy”
And, with the arrogance of thinking he's special when he's a phoney.
Which is crazy cause the Bible talks about how God is against laziness 😭
even though sloth is one of the 7 deadly sins🤣
I wish John went off like he wanted to cuz it needs to be called out for the bullshit that it is
😂😂😂😂
Your daughter married the wrong guy to be a stay at home mom. She needs to run to the work force. And your job is to mind your own business. The one bit of advice I'd give her is not to make a bunch of babies with this guy or they will be overwhelmed and in poverty.
Her daughter and grandchild is her business. She’s seeking advice - what’s wrong with that?
@@Sarasapien Dido!
@@Sarasapien Exactly. Close families make it possible for a possible divorce to be easier.
@@WemmieFemmie I know exactly what you mean - I was once there, and the same age as the young lady they’re talking about in this episode.
@@gnamc ❤️
As sad as it sounds, the parents need to simply let them struggle. They won’t figure it out until they feel the heat.
So the daughter married him, knowing he was lazy, and now wants him to miraculously become an ambitious man and good provider. Brilliant.
He’ll change, she said.
Or “i love love love him, i can do it all, as long as I have him.”
This hits home because I was that guy at one point. We weren’t married with a kid yet, but my girlfriend (now wife) told me pretty directly that I needed to get my act together and get a job or she was moving on with her life.
I wound up getting the highest paying job I’d ever had a week later, and it was 100% because of that ultimatum. After two years, it was her who told me to leave that job because she thought I could do even better. This guy should know, you can go from bum to pretty darn successful in two years. You can go from being on the verge of being left to very respected in your field pretty quick
Agree. Did the same with my husband twice. Works all the time. I meant it, too. Sometimes, when we talk, he tells me that he doesn't think he would have ever reached the state he is now had I never encouraged him to do better.
SAME ..❤ my husband doing incredible now ❤❤❤❤
Amazing 🤩
Damn. I messed up. Now I know why I thr main bread winner and running the household. I didn't put my foot down.
Thank you for sharing! Great job making the necessary changes and sacrifices to change the future for your family!
This man is fully capable of changing and becoming a great breadwinner for his family. We all have the capacity to rise up to meet the challenges of life and succeed.
If your daughter is that well raised, smart and Blablabla … why did she choose so poorly? 😅
I hear that!
There’s nothing noble about working 60 hours per week and being broke. That’s a life lesson in adaptation and change in the least.
@@slickdaddy6073 PREACH! People, especially many Evangelicals, have a "poverty gospel" mindset. Like they're more holy for being broke. HARD PASS.
From the sounds of it I don’t think this dude is working no 60 hours a week 😂😂
Sounds like he's working 30 hours a week for 2 people
This breaks my heart. The first caller.
@@jasonmorgan5275 for real 😂
The wife’s story is my own. Sadly, he will never change. Some men stay unemployable. Because there is a child, she won’t do anything about this, and he knows that. I found no solution for my situation except to soldier on and do what it takes to bring up a decent child. She (and her baby) got played by an unemployable man.
Maybe him being 27 and never having a job or moving out of his parents house could have been a sign. I don’t understand how someone gets played for years when it doesn’t sound like he’s had a job or income their entire relationship.
She played herself.
Yup , I was with one for way too long!!
@@jasonmorgan5275 - She is young (22) and got baby-trapped.
@@jasonmorgan5275 Exactly..why does everyone want to blame the other person when it was THEM who made the dang choice to be with that person. What he does or doesn't do does not negate her choice. Now she has to make the choice to stay (and shut up) or do something else for her and her child. As it's her parents calling, she isn't totally on her own.
This MIL sounds absolutely wonderful. She is asking what to do and she isn’t stepping in. Good for her!
Maya Angelou once said " when somebody shows you who they are,believe them the first time!" The wife already knew what kind of man she married,but she preferred to chase the fantasy of what she wanted him to be! By having a baby all she did was add more people for her to support,and instead of being a SAHM she will be the main breadwinner.
He's 30 and she's 22?!
The guy is a loser. So much work available in the Dallas Fort Worth area.
Agree. There are jobs everywhere. I live in northern Wisconsin and we have stores that have been closed days because of no staff. It's pretty wild. I am an RN and the work is unlimited. I made 150K in 2023 (with a ton of OT) because we so short staffed.
Yeah I'm in Portland, OR.I went out the other night for drinks and the restaurant was closing at 8:00 p.m. And I was like what the heck is going on. Why is a bar closing at 8:00 p.m. And they said it was staffing issues. I'm guessing people are making all their money online now?@@danielrn133
@@danielrn133 hell yea brother. My wife is a RN and I’m going back to school to join her. Once everything is paid off we’re going to just work 2 days a week and enjoy the rest of our lives coasting into retirement at the ages of 32 and 26
Lazy people have a lot of free time to party and smooth talk their dates lol.
Great for him to get a young woman. The one thing this guy has going for him.
When I was younger and was considering suitors, one of the characteristics I watched out for is for a man willing to work ANY job to provide for his family. I have my own career and grew up comfortable. However, I have a very hard-working father, and I honestly dont think I can respect a man who can afford to be choosy while letting his family suffer. My husband is kind, faithful and more importantly, he is conscientious with money management. We both live below our means and save a good portion of our wages. But before that, we had to work jobs that were demanding and grueling. We both put in the work while striving for career growth. I love my husband but more importantly, I respect him.
“ANY JOB” is key here. Some people will stay unemployed for 6 months because they have too much pride to work at McDonald’s while looking for something better.
@@stephaniej.stanley2141 yes! I asked my husband then boyfriend, point blank. What if his chosen career is not hiring? Would he be willing to be work any job? He answered that his dad was a civil engineer and when their company closed during a recession, he worked any job. Even making and selling sweets just so they would survive and taking on other odd jobs and short contracts for his engineering job. They survived. He was eventually re employed full time as a civil engineer but it left a great impression to my husband. That a real man provides no matter the circumstances.
My daughter had a boyfriend who didn't even provide for himself. He only got himself short jobs so he got some pocket money.
She thought a child would make him take more responsibility. It didn't happen. He barely could take care of their daughter while she was at work. He was basically just a parasite. She eventually left him in the apartment, and then he had to face reality by himself.
There was a lot of drama around their separation, so my ex and I had to summon on how our two families together could support and practically help our daughter.
She has now found a new boyfriend who is hard working and caring, and they are building their future.
When my daughter was 17 21:55 and still in hs, she was dating a young man who had graduated from hs the previous year.
He had no serious plans for college or a career, but was a newspaper distributor.
The two of them thought they were in love. Not much discussion between them of their vision of their future.
She's a smart and fairly pragmatic. She planned a gap year, then college, hoped for a career she would like, and a family.
During Christmas, the boyfriend bought a ring, and proposed, in front of his family and the Christmas tree. She was not expecting it, but excited he had proposed, Christmas was romantic, but she was not really prepared for such a big step, even tho' she loved him.
,
She felt the pressure ( and the pleasure), and didn't want to embarasss him in front of his family, so she accepted.
During the holidays, they came to see me ( I was divorced from her father and single at the time), to announce their engagement.
I wasnt in favor of the idea at all, although he was a nice guy who treated her well.
I was not in favor of the plan,, but kept my head and was kind about the news.
I asked him where they wood live. He said he planned to buy a light house, fix it up, and live there.
There was not much left to discuss. My daughter was practical enough to see the huge holes in that plan. She gave the ring back within a week.
About a year later, she had another serious boyfriend. Her father and I loved this young man because he was very good to my daughter. And because he had such a good heart.
When it was time for college, they decided to go to the same school, and live together. My husband and I weren't pleased, partly because we would be paying for college for her, but he had no resources to pay for his own, a no plans on how he would be able to do so.
She refused to discuss details with us, and was FURIOUS when we brought it up. It became clear to us that whatever we provided would probably be split between them.
Her bf was a philosophy major, an excellent student. He had dropped out of college for a year, because he couldn't afford the pricey private college he attended, and didn't want to get a job or loans.
My husband and I were very against the arrangement she proposed, we couldn't afford to support both of them.
We proposed that they each live at home and attend 2 years of community College. If he worked while attending school, he could afford to go to school. If she got her first two years finished at community College, she could save some money, while getting 2 years of college under her belt. If she really insisted an attending school together, they could do that in couple of years.
She was absolutely furious at us, and refused to even discuss it.
They both enrolled in college at her first choice. She took out loans for school, and still refused to discuss it.
She finished school and graduated with excellent grades and an internship for a year.
Meanwhile, the bf didn't finish college, but they stayed together.
He proposed and she accepted. After graduation, she got a great job at a big international advertising agencies in NYC. She became an assistant producer making
TV commercials.
They got married and moved to NYC. He got a job right away, although it didn't pay much, he considered it a starter job while he looked for better jobs. Unfortunately, not a big market for philosophers. Much less with good pay., and no PHD.
She liked her job, started being recognized and rose in responsibilities and pay I.
Meanwhile, during that first two years,her husband made a couple of job changes to other low paying jobs. Finally found that her really liked a landscaping job, but had no interest in rising through the ranks. He just liked the manual labor.
My daughter finally realized that although they loved each other in many ways, he had no ambition. She knew would never be able to have a family, unless she was the one to support the family. This was not their original plan. After hard discussions, they divorced, but are still friends.
I believe, had she not had that first engagement. She might not have been able to recognize that somebody needs to pay for the dreams.
Eventually, she met her match with a guy who has done well at his profession, and has the same vision of children, and a stay at home mother. They have 2 beautiful children she has been at home for during school ages, and the 4 of them are happy.
At least your daughter has learned from her mistakes.
@@curiousone61290
@@beepbopboop7727
Thank goodness!
Thank goodness she hD you guiding her. When we are young and naive, we don't know what we don't know about real life.
I love John's response here! Its upsetting to see a family member with bills and a newborn they cannot afford. And the caller has to listen and see all the fear up close but ultimately can't do anything. We all just want to fix problems for people we love and where do you draw the boundaries? She can be honest, supportive, and have boundaries and thats what i love about John Delony's advise. I pray her daughter and son in law figure out how to step up and balance with their newborn.
My friend is in same sitiation going through divorce. They had 50/50 splitting bills while dating. She fought with us when we advised her againts dating a bill splitting as*h0le. She said we were too entitled and traditional. She finally learns the reality of a man who isnt interested to provide. She has twins and hates her life being a single mom now. Choose wisely, ladies ! Dont listen to the crap of society's latest toxic standard. If a man wants 50/50, run !
I will say as a Christian man, it’s even worse that he’s in ministry and doesn’t work. 1 Timothy 5:8 commands that if the man doesn’t work hard and provide, he is worse than the unbeliever
Why would you enter into a sole provider situation with someone who's never even had a full time job?
This outcome was inevitable.
😂😂😂😂😂
BINGO!!
This was totally preventable too
an acquaintance married a guy like this. 20 plus years later, he never worked a full time, full benefits, 40 hour a week job.
If they are financially struggling, give them advice but it’s ultimately up to them to solve their financial problems. If they are struggling financially, the husband needs another job and the wife cannot be a SAHM, she need to get a job too.
So
At 30 , this father/ husband feels perfectly satisfied having in laws pay bills while he games….
Perfectly oblivious to his wife’s struggle….
The daughter needs to hear this.
If she has to get a job to take care of the family and NOT do her job of raising her child, she might as well be without her husband.
His job is to provide.
Her job is to raise the children.
Pick your partners wisely.
No, women joined the workforce decades ago and drove wages down...this is the fault of feminists. The majority of families have to have 2 people working. "Dr. John" is a simp wimp who caters to women. He's a 🤡 and rarely offers helpful advice.
I think the mother said that the daughter manages all the bills etc. maybe that is part of the problem he never sees where they are running short. I don't agree that it is her "job" to raise the child it should be both of their goals to do that in a flexible manner. They need to talk about what they want in this relationship.
This is sad and familiar. My sister married a lazy oaf. He was good the first few years. Six kids later, she is the major breadwinner at minimum wage jobs. He ‘owns’ a contracting business and picks and chooses the jobs he feels like doing. Sits around or spends time trying to make his kid a professional athlete the rest of the time. My parents have picked up the slack. Mortgage payments, taxes, utilities. His parents as well, though they’ve recently backed off. We’ve told them to stop. They won’t. My dad says ‘I won’t let my grandkids starve.’ He’s 82 now. He doesn’t care anymore. My Sister is now 42 with two grandbabies. Has been on anti-depressants for 15 years. She and her husband have no sex life. They still spend a lot of money on non-necessities (eating out, smart phones, travel). I am mostly disappointed in my dad, honestly. 😢
Why, in this year of 2024, is ANY woman reaching adulthood with skills that only get her minimum wage??? There's no excuse for that anymore.
Reminds me of my parents. My dad wanted a traditional marriage, then once he had her saddled with 5 kids he decided he was done working. He just loafed around for over a decade bringing in ZERO money, still expecting my mom to do all the cooking/cleaning/childcare, and he tried to sabotage all her attempts at making money since women belonged at home. Make it make sense.
Extended family and church bailed us out repeatedly. Honestly, it makes me mad all the enabling people did with his bad behavior.
Wow. What a mess. Its hard to sit back and watch that.
@@ChipsTheOrigamiLemon Good for your dad! Women get away with watching t.v. and eating bon bons all day when they are sahm's.
I'm actually proud of your dad. He didn't let his grandkids suffer.
All a parent can be for their adult kids is a good listener, not a problem solver.
Exactly!
AMEN...and I don't give advice unless they ask for it.
Touché
Thank you. I truly needed to hear that today. Perfect timing 🙏🏻. I’m not here to solve their problems. They are grown adults now.
@@elderlypoodle9181 Believe me, I have to keep reminding myself of this all the time!
I was once the financial secretary for our church, and, trust me, in most smaller congregations pastors don’t make much money. She had to know that before she married him and had a kid.
She thought God would provide. And it looks like that happened. Likely, the man has a ministry where he games with the youth, because he is connecting with today's youth. I bet the gaming screen at the church is big! But the parking is a wreck, and the bathrooms clog.
Scripture says: "He who does not provide for his own family is worse than an infidel."
Yet the church he works for doesn’t pay him enough to provide for his family. Oh the hypocrisy.
@@andrea6053 agreed
@@andrea6053many people who work in ministry also work other jobs. Some churches don't pay their staff a full salary because they are using the funds to upkeep the building or pay for food pantry or financially support sick ornpoor families in the congregation
@@andrea6053it's not hypocritical. Most churches can't support a full-time pastor. My father is a pastor and he's had two full time jobs for decades. That's the reality for most people in church roles
The most important bit was when Dr Deloney said 'he knows he's hurting her and he doesn't care" and that he's being unfaithful to his marriage.
So gross that there are men like this
The details just got worse as the call went on 🥴
I know😮
The fact that the In Law has this much detail about the marriage an issue??
Yeah the age gap really through me off. Especially because in the beginning she mentioned her daughter used to be the breadwinner.
John won't say it but her daughter should leave this guy now instead of later. She's 22 and this will never change for the better.
I see, you’re one of those people
Lol daughter gotta go work
You should never get married.
Then she can be a stay at home mom and live in luxury? Or find a provider mentality man why she is still young?
Right, and by the time she has several children by this guy it will be very difficult to find a worthwhile husband.
This is one of those instances we're she needs to mind her own business and let her adult daughter figure it out and if they fail they fail that's part of being an adult. And she is blaming it all on her son in law. My guess is the daughter is just as bad as him but doesn't want to deal with it
This is precisely why I told my daughter that if she wants to start a family, she better not marry a broke dude. She watched me kill myself working full time while doing the majority of housework and childrearing. It sucked. Most men think their job ends when they get home. A wife and mother's job never ends.
True and also a father who truly cares about his family he never turns off he is always ready to go for them
Your daughter will most likely be a single mother judging by how low quality women are today. Young men have learned from older men that marriage today is a prison sentence for men and if they want out it will cost them a bundle.
Women of today have watched our mothers be married single mothers. We see the manipulative red pilled men and many of us are choosing to be single and/or child free. If men want patriarchy on a budget, we will either stay single or be extremely wise in our choices of a partner. Thank you for helping your daughter choose wisely.❤
@@lilred00051 Amen.
@@kenlang2154 this caller has a low quality man. Prison sentence? LOL don't get married if you feel that way.
I was married to this lady’s son in law for 25 years. I’m a nurse and was the breadwinner and fortunately able to make ends meet with his salary as well. He always worked but never had any ambition whatsoever. Young ladies… choose wisely. Think about what you want for your future family BEFORE marriage. He’s 30 and wants his 22 year old wife to be the head of household. NO WAY.
I’ve had a hard time getting my husband to keep a job. I love him deeply but it gets frustrating after years of hearing him talk big but not seeing any action, years of just barely scraping by. We have had a little help from my parents but no help at all from his family. He recently got a new job and I am praying that he keeps this one.
I have five children all married, I have taught all of them to be solution oriented. I trust and support their choice even if I do not agree, because of this I am trusted by both my child and their spouse. When any of them (spouses included) come to me for advice all three of us sit down and work through what the issue is and focus on the possible solutions. Marriage is a state of consciousness negotiation, not battling.
The least motivated people I know are young people in ministry. They work short hours, “trust God” for their finances. They have given up personal responsibility in exchange for the idea that everything will magically work out ok.
I moved to Portugal a couple of years ago. Beside Catholic priest, 100% I believe of pastors have to work full-time to support their families.
Most, if not all their time in the ministry is not paid or paid very little. It is volunteer of their heart. The cost of running a church, and everything that a church entails takes all if not the majority of the ties and offerings.
The pastors here are very humble, hard-working, and loving human beings that care for their families and their congregations. It has been a blessing to be here.
I would give hubby 2 weeks to sort it out or get out of my life. Extreme? Maybe, but nothing makes a wife more resentful than a man who does not provide.
A man has no business being "in ministry" if he cannot - or refuses to - provide for his wife and children. Even heathens provide for their households! This woman's daughter should be taking this up with the pastors and elders at their church.
Paul Washer and Voddie Baucham would have some strong words for him, I can tell you that.
Well said - I wonder if his pastor or other colleagues in the church are holding him accountable for this? Sounds crazy to allow someone to "minister" to people aka give advice and guidance when their own household is in dissaray.
my daughter did this twice....both the men ended up resenting her and being angry at her for wanting more from them. she is single now with two children and struggling, holding down 3 jobs (two are part time). they expected and wanted what SHE could provide to THEM. They were moochers.
I don't understand how you can quit your job to be at home when you can't pay your bills, what kind of concept is that?
I also don't get it. it is not a thing here in Portugal. And the ammount of people saying that she sould have chosen a better man for that purpose...what? Is using people the new thing?
@@carolinarochapinto8552daughter wanted to be a stay at home mom and for that to happen, she needed to choose a partner that could support their family on one income.
Real masculine man will provide for wife and kid. Feminine loser will not.
@@carolinarochapinto8552 In the US it is- women no longer want to work so they have to marry a man who will provide a certain lifestyle, then once they are SAHM's they continue to complain that they want more.
So why would she marry him in the 1st place??
🍆
Can't work in your 20s, it doesn't get any better. Her daughter will have to do it all until she gets tired or sick.
Probably packing or good looking then
Cuz she was young and dumb. No other explanation.
she married for “love” aka desperation, daddy issues and baby fever.
He's 30, and she's 22 😂😂😂😂😂. That man will NEVER change. The only thing she can do is save herself.
Let's be real here. A 30 yr old man marrying your 22 yr old daughter should have been the first clue that this guy takes the easy road in life.
There's nothing wrong with a 30 year old man marrying a 22 year old woman. He's a loser because he is lazy-not because of the age difference.
He was 24 when she was 16.I wonder when they started dating?
GOOD LUCK. My grandfather said that not even the devil wants lazy people.
😂
😂😂😂😂
Oh my goodness I love this lol
I love that!!!
Danm! 😂😂
As a man working two jobs and having a stay at home wife this is a disgrace! That man is gonna get cheated on if he doesn’t get his act together! He is a bum
Daughter has a degree. She is going to work and daddy is staying home. That happens alot now because more women go to college. If he has no degree he won't be making money. Restaurants and stores don't pay much.
I thought that. My parents taught me to be self sufficient. I am. I’ve worked to achieve great qualifications and a very employable. Unfortunately because of that I married a man I loved. Great yes? No. I became my family’s credit card. I was no longer the wife or the mother. I just kept going to work. I was run down and destroyed. I left him and things are tough but I’m still self sufficient and I know I’ll work my way up to where I need to be again. If I had my time over I would look closer at what he could provide in return and be lead by his actions not his promises.
@@fionamerrin422 it's not so bad if he keeps the house clean, cooks dinner, grocery shops and takes care of the kids because that is a job in itself. Problem is most men do nothing to help with the house so you end up doing everything and work.
@@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86 👍 that’s great too. Unfortunately, for me, when the kids were sick or there were things at school where mums are different to dads, that biological pull was just too much. And our house was never clean! Until I paid the cleaner.
The other option is for her to not get a degree and be oppressed forever, because she can't support herself and her child.
@@lmiller1413 She already has a degree. She really settled with this guy, who does not have a degree.
So the daughter married a guy who only worked part time on purpose 😅
So no mention of what he plans on doing before he thinks he's gonna marry my child. Hell what was the daughter thinking was gonna happen. They both sound sheltered to me.
Agreed.
There was no thinking. That’s the problem 😂
Likely he was also a bullshiters claiming to change
@@philwill0123 not buying that. He lived at home scratching his balls with a part time job. Ok girl is sheltered and lives in fairy land and honestly her mom needs to point the finger at herself. I wish my daughter would. Lol. I've made my expectations clear. Lol
Some cheat with laziness, some with golf course and others with rejection.
Ministry is not a career and should not be treated as such. The idea that in the western world we put people on a pedestal to teach about God yet cant keep their home in order is insane. You want to be leader in a Church, do it for free and do it when you are of appropriate age. Personally I think it is best to have no one in a church on a payroll, and only retired men of one wife (unless widowed at some point) are qualified. The letter to Timothy in the Bible talks about who is qualified to preach and teach. It really is common sense when you get down to it.
There are absolutely some exceptions to this … but the way he is acting has nothing to do with ministry.
Ministry, especially full-time is WORK! Its fulfilling but it’s not easy.
She will wind up leaving him. He just doesn't get it. The daughter won't be a SAH mom cuz she'll not have a choice about working. This has played out a billion times.
Instead, she will be a single mom.
That's what it looks like
My husband and I got married the summer after he graduated college, and he didn't have a job for the first three months of marriage and it just about killed him. Even if I could support him one day, he would not be able sit at home and not work to take care of me and our kids. He got his first professional position 12 years ago, and has changed jobs several times, but has never been unemployed for a day since that first job, and have always been provided for.
My buddy in his 30s too does not have a full time job either. He is the life of the party and relies on welfare. Great guy everyone loves him because he has time to hang out and help anyone.
My father told me "what you see is what you get". The husband was never a worker. You have to love the person as they are, not as you wish. Sounds like the daughter loves the "potential" that will not become reality. These are questions they should have decided on prior to the baby. I bet he thought she would go back to work and then realized daycare costs money. Stop expecting men to understand childcare. Many don't. Women have got to start taking accountability.
She never should've married the loser in the first place and saved herself a heap of trouble
What potential 😂😂😂???
I think she believed his lies and trusted that the lord would work it out. She didn't have street smarts.
The hardest working job I ever had was for an industrial demolition company
I worked swinging sledgehammers and using a jackhammer with a guy we called “Preacher”
We called him that because he was also a church pastor
I was married to a guy like this. I worked part time after my son was born but i eventually had to go back to work full time and put my son in daycare. It broke my heart and i ended up divorcing my husband 2 years later. 16 years later he's still struggling to pay his bills, but no longer my problem
Here’s a concept for the caller… If their family is “struggling big time financially” then YOUR DAUGHTER is also not a hard worker.
No man or woman should lay back and let their family struggle “big time financially”. Growing up in poverty is inherently traumatic.
Most likely, if she stopped being a SAHM, most of her salary would go to child care. The daughter would be financially better off being single and child-free but, she chose otherwise. The mother said that the daughter was making more than her husband before she stopped working.
You can be a hard worker and struggle. It means you’re not a smart worker. In this case you are probably right about the daughter if she’s not stepping up.
Second, this depends on the situation. Assuming they’re in poverty because of poor decisions then that’s on them. You can’t just give handouts to adults expecting them to one day figure it out.
I would have no problem not helping my children if they consciously choose to not do anything to change their situation.
Edit: now that I re read the comment, maybe your second paragraph is about the SIL. If that’s the case then I agree if you’re talking about the parents then I disagree.
They had an agreement that she would be a stay at home mom instead of working. Since he agreed to that, it is his responsibility to provide for the family. If he is too lazy to provide for the family, she should go back to work for a bit with the understanding that it’s not forever. But it’s understandable that she hasn’t done that yet when there is an expectation he has agreed to fulfill.
She has a baby to take care of. It’s not gonna feed its little self. I had 3 kids. It is definitely a very full time job if you are providing your children with safety.
I was in this scenario. The main issue is that after a woman has a baby, she actually becomes less of a hard worker for a couple years after. Is biological. The mother is supposed to put all her energy into the baby. The father is the one who should provide to allow her to do that.
My dad was a pastor AND worked 2 other jobs. This 30 yr old man is a joke and I highly doubt he’ll ever change. He has no reason to.
As the old folks used to say, "Finance before Romance!"
"You gotta have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me...."😅😅😅
Yeah maybe. Or that's a different kind of miserable life.
I was the 22 year old, 23 years ago. Waited a long time to have a child and then when I did, I suddenly saw the light and got rid. Best decision ever. It was like having two babies at once. I’m now a strong independent woman with a good money job and a happy son whom I, and everyone he meets, adores.
How did you do it
I think I just woke the hell up and my baby gave me the strength to want better for his life. My husband was so nasty when I was pregnant and when our son came along he didn’t provide or help me with anything. I knew I had to do it. I told him one Valentine’s Day ten years ago that I was done. He moved back in with his mum…which just proves everything! We are friends for the sake of our son, but I have greatly improved mine and my son’s life by retraining myself and am now in a well paid and stable job.
I was married to someone like this for 25 years. I was the breadwinner and did everything at home. The last three years he made $10,000 a year and he finally left me because I complained too much. 😂. I hope this young lady learns more quickly than I did.
Jesus.
......................................
Who supports him now?
@@lmiller1413 he’s had a bunch of different jobs so I guess he’s cobbled enough together plus the $80,000 I gave him. His car was repossessed, according to my daughter. I haven’t spoken to him since he left in June 2020
I'm kind of in the opposite situation. I worked hard for my degree (IT) got an entry level position and it has been two years. Don't make a ton of money, student loans are $1000 a month and we are just scraping by. My wife works, she's not lazy at all. She's amazing. But I am like depressed because I know she wants kids, she doesn't want to live in this rental her whole life and I can't provide that to her. I've applied to soooo many jobs but get nothing back. I just want to provide for my wife and my future family.. It's rough out there. I want to give her everything, even at the cost of my own health, at least for a few years while I'm young.
I hear you...
It's definitely a struggle out there. This is what I would do though... I'm 40.
1. See if you can buy a duplex or a home that will allow you to house hack. Basically, get somebody else to pay your mortgage. Look into the naca program. Zero down payment, no mortgage insurance, and closing costs.
2. Compounding interest is your friend!!!!
If you invest 500 a month into a high growth fund and get the average 10% return, you will have 380k in 20 years. If you get 15%, you will have 750k. Look up aggressive growth funds (biawx is a good one). Focus on investing now, because you will be set up later. If you change your perspective, you can allow compounding interest to do the work for you.
Get a decent job that allows you to work from home. Take the money you will save from paying for child care and invest it. If you sink 1500 a month into the fund, you will have 1.1 million to 2.2 million, depending on the rate of return. You could be 45 sitting on 2 million. That is enough to pay for your kid's college, buy them a starter home, and retire.
If you allow that money to sit for 30 years, you will have 3.4M or 10M (15%). All this from you tucking away 1500 a month. Compounding interests is a wonderful tool that most of us don't learn about until we are forty. You could literally make yourself a millionaire by tucking away fifteen hundred a month over a long period of time. Time is your best friend.
Your willingness to get where you want to be is admirable!
But health ALWAYS comes first.
Without that you can not be able to ‘DO’ for your family for the long term.
💕
@The_Generalgr It's definitely a struggle out there. This is What I would do though... I am 40 now.
1. See if you can buy a duplex or a home that allow you to house hack. Basically get somebody else to pay your mortgage. Look into the naca program. Zero down payment, no mortgage insurance, and no closing costs. There are tons of other programs out there.
2. Time and Compounding interest are your bests friend. You don't actually have to make a lot of money in order to become a multi millionaire. Time and compounding interest will do the work for you. If you invest 1500 a month for the next 20 years, in an aggressive growth fund, you'll have 2.2 million dollars. 25 years will create 4.8m!!!! Look up the dave ramsey investment calculator and play with it. the s&p returns 10% percent on average. Aggressive funds can get you over 15%.
If you focus on a 20 year horizon, you could have a relatively low salary now, but save a bunch, and then allow compounding interest and time to do the work for you. You'll blink and be rich by 50.
I remember older people telling me when I was 20. That I should invest early, but I didn't totally understand it. I get it now. You could literally be a stay at home parent, create a side hustle, and invest all of the funds. You could Uber your way into being have almost 5 million dollars in 25 years. Please sit down and look at the math. It is totally doable.
@@user-ex3mx7hk4l Thanks. You’re right, but my mind tells me a different story, as always..
I respect this mother in law. She choose not to interfere. We need more like her.
Being a sahm is unfortunately a luxury these days. I’m so thankful for my husband being able to provide enough for me to be able to do that. You have to be on the same page when you make that choice and work ethic to provide enough on a single income.
Sounds like her daughter won’t be able to fulfill the desire to be a sahm.
It's not thankful. My sister is grateful her husband is 6'3, can dance and is a good dad. God didn't provide that she chose her husband.
@@JudePi-jx7yoyou're just typing to type
@@JudePi-jx7yo Are you telling this woman not to be thankful?! 😐
@@taunyb5429 I’ll just pat myself on the back for choosing wisely 😭😂
I was a stay at home mom when my first child was born, when baby number 2 came along it was back to work. Life’s expensive and me working helped out a lot.
22 and 30 told me all I needed to know . He strategized all of this .
Daughter needs tough love… she’ll figure it out eventually and it’ll be a very valuable life lesson. Sometimes that’s necessary…
Whew. I'm in my mid 70s. I've seen this situation play out with others throughout my life. When you're younger, the situation can be more easily handled, but as more kids arrive and become older creating more expenses, the situation deteriorates rapidly. I wish had known, as I do now, that outlooks on finances which agree produce happier marriages. I wish them well.
Would be interested to know how old she was when they got together. Men like this choose young women because they’re much easier to manipulate. Dating women their own age is near impossible because they see right through them.
the women his own age probably for the most part had their lives together and already ready for kids. so he might have decided to date younger to buy himself more time before she wanted kids. she fell for his empty promises, had his kid, and now is bamboozled he can't afford to keep her at home. it's sad. the daughter is not blameless but i think he's definitely more manipulative than the caller believes
There are a lot of jobs available these days, no reason he can't find something. McDonald's in my town pays about 20 per hour.
They don’t offer 40 hours.. and will most likely be replaced by the end of the year by a machine
@@julieosmondson5180 Where do you live? New York City?
@@duvessa2003 I live in northern Minnesota. Lots of jobs here. Desperate for fast food workers.
One of the best calls!
It is sooo difficult being in the position to defend a loved one against a choice they made themselves. It's like two contradicting things they tell you: their choice tells you, 'please don't get involved'. Their coming to you says:' please get involved'.
No good position to be in.
wf4983 THE HUSBAND THE MAN IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE PROVIDER!!! SHE STAYS AT HOME WITH THE KIDS. THE MAN IS SUPPOSE TO BE THE PROVIDER!! HE NEEDS TO GET A SECOND JOB IF NEED BE.
@@ericaaubie860 oh. I talked about the position the mom is in. She really can't do a lot about her son in law providing or not. She herself can become a provider for her daughter and her grandchild. But that is not ending well when the daughter is only sometimes on board with the mother and sometimes on board with her husband. You can't defend someone against their husband if they don't become clear.
Lived at home till 27, never had a full-time job....redflags all over the place!
Ugh her daughter married a BUM! I was 21 and was marrying a 30yo like this dude. My dad told me, “you have so many goals and dreams, you’re marrying a 30yo man…this IS WHO HE IS…he Is not going to change or grow with you.” Dad was 1000% right. I should have listened, it would have saved me a divorce. Fortunately, we did not have kids. This girl needs to RUN FOR HER LIFE! She has so much growing to do. She is going to support herself and this child alone anyways. Mine as well not support a grown ass man too. Cut the loses and divorce him.
Your children's life is their life This is your daughter's choice. I hated it when my in-laws stuck their noses into our business. They made their choices and we made ours.
Even as a sahm, I would be afraid. I don't know how women so happily trust these men to not leave them, cheat, or whatever else they always seem to be doing. She is getting screwed either way because as a sahm, she will be losing at least a decade of income and growth in the field she got a degree in and if they end up divorced, she will have to struggle to get back into the field. It's too risky, ladies. Make sure you have income coming in even as a sahm, never depend on men to do the right thing. I'm so happy I'm child-free...this is too stressful.
You don’t sound happy at all. I’m happy. I’m a SAHM of 3 and haven’t had an income in 14 years. I never have to think about the stress you are projecting onto happily married women. My husbands income has tripled in those 14 years of being a mom and housewife partly due to me being at home vs him looking like the bitches at his work who talk about “their night” to make dinner or how they can’t finish their work because they have to pick up the kids by 5. He takes last minute travel and texts me vs having to call his wife for permission or who they can impose on (again) with the kids. The men at his employment are jealous of home cooked meals and packed lunches and the freedom he has. And the women routinely express how they wish to be at home but “can’t”. We are living the best of both worlds vs being one of those as miserable as you, simply projecting on others. ✌🏼
@rebeccamcbride1519 original comment is valid, even if it is a bit of generalizing. im genuinely glad u have had a good experience with being a sahm but my mom was a sahm too and she was physically, mentally and financially abused my entire childhood by my dad and was unable to leave for basically all the reasons OP listed. each decision a woman makes for her life is a calculated risk that can bring happiness or struggle.
@@rebeccamcbride1519 Wow! You don’t sound happy. I hope you don’t end up eating your words.
My mom always told me to find a man who can sustain us on a sole income if we choose to have a family. I think it’s less about the money but the ambition to take care of your family in that way as a man so your wife isn’t drowning. It’s absolutely a luxury to be a stay at home mom, but it’s not unreasonable to look for a man who has the drive and ambition to potentially give you that if that’s what you want
To me in 2024 it’s too much risk and irresponsible to have 1 stay at home parent. goodness forbid something happens to the money maker, family will immediately be in poverty
Yup 7 years marriage and I finally realized he can't be the provider I need emotionally and financially. He is 34 and never lived alone basically moved out with me at 27 but for 27 years lived with his mom
she def has a right to be heartbroken ... but at the end of the day this is who her daughter chose and she knew his financial situation and ambition
Daughter's decision & choice.
If he truly was in ministry he would know I Timothy 5:8:
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This is sad but a good reminder not to marry for potential. She’s young so she probably didn’t understand how this could play out. If he’s this immature, once she starts working, she will probably become the main bread winner, primary care giver to the kid and keep the house in order while cooking…what is he good for? This is a prime example as to why so many women are opting out of marriage and children. Hopefully she’ll learn so her second marriage can be more successful
She may eventually have to pay spousal support to this guy
You can't invest enough in him to stabilize your daughter's family. He and she will have to do that. If they don't know what to do about reality now that a child has come along or how fast finances drown an unprepared family then there are some lessons and decisions to be made. Offer child care so she can work to either dig them out of this or to afford to live on her own and get a divorce. Because this world is not as nice as you are and won't be to them. It doesn't buy the boyish charm. The world is cut and recognizes immaturity.
We'd all love to stay home with our kids, but is that the reality we chose? Is that the partnership we signed up for?
We have agency and we can make choices and we can change our minds if one way doesn't work out well. Better to admit that and correct before this gets worse because finances make the rest of life circle the drain. Kids make going down fast and hard if you're not ready.
Help with child care or household chores help to give the mom a break and a chance to earn reliable income of her own.
That old saying is true - women marry men hoping they change and men marry women hoping they never do. She married him hoping he'd change, because he was who he is before they got married.
It’s hard to be a SAHM in these times. In order to survive financially you both have to work to get ahead. Why doesn’t the daughter get a job to work from home. That to me would be the best of both worlds.
That makes sense if the husband was willing to bust his ass to do what was necessary. Let's say he was working constantly but just didn't make enough money. That would be a completely different story. He's doing everything in his power, to provide for his family.
Here, he's sitting on his butt doing nothing. This would be the exact same if she didn't want to be a state home mom and was working but couldn't support by entire family on her salary alone. At the end of the day he is not doing his part.
Most legitimate work from home jobs require you to have childcare if there are minors in the home.
So she’d still need to pay for childcare and have the child cared for by someone else
@@megc1981 Thank you lol. I was just about to say work from home doesn't mean she gets to do everything now. Just means she MIGHT be able to get something going in a crock/insta-pot or oven for dinner and run the washer/dryer on breaks, not care for a infant.😅 The infant to toddler stage (0-4) is a full time job alone but people only seem to understand that when they are paying a babysitter/nanny or daycare facility an arm and a leg. School aged kids are more independent but are still full time if they are being home schooled.
“He doesn’t love her back like she loves him.” “… you are a husband who lacks integrity and fidelity.”
He is a THIRTY! year old man with a 22 year old pregnant young woman. He lives on hopes and dreams, while letting everyone else work out the reality of things.
People always say “I would die for my kids! “But… they won’t get a job for their kids. They won’t save money for their kids or plan for their future or be financially responsible. Before you thought about “staying home”, you should’ve thought about how you would pay for the family you started.
This young lady was conned by a predator. They no doubt got together when she was barely legal/still not an adult mentally. He picked a hard working naive young lady on purpose so he could get away with his behavior. He has now trapped her with a baby. Only thing he " messed up" on was picking a lady with options to leave him. She has at any time the option to rely on her family and leave him....which she should. A part time ministry job is the easiest job on the planet, it's basically no work. He is not applying himself to provide at all. He is perfectly fine seeing them struggle. He is not marriage material at all. Even if he worked, he would resent her, and that would tear the marriage apart. He's such a nice guy now because he can live like he wants. Make him provide...and you will see a totally different human.
This young lady missed or ignored all the red flags. Hopefully, she won't make the mistake again after she leaves him. And she will. Men like this don't change. If they do end up providing, they resent you for it and treat you not right, and that tears the marriage apart. She needs to get out while she's still relatively untraumatized, young, beautiful, and able to attract the provider man she wants who she can start a family with before she has fertility issues with aging.
I feel bad for her, and I pray she moves on from this man. Asap.
I agree with what you said except the predator part. That's BS. I got married two weeks after graduation. I wasn't conned. She wasn't conned. She wanted to be married and have a family. She just ignored all the signs that he was useless.
@@cajbaf When someone purposely seeks out a specific type of person to take advantage of.... that's a predator, a perfect example of a predator. A predator doesn't have to be sexual. He's a financial and emotional predator. Predators look for and take advantage of people. That's what he is.
Wait why is the daughter staying at home, the guy definitely needs to work and stuff but when your family is struggling big time financially as the mom said both the man and women should be working
Being a stay at home mom is a luxury. I know very religious and traditional people say that its nature that's what God intended for men and women being different but in todays world the cost of living is too high and it's more common for women to work with small children and even to the extent their child is a baby simply because living in itself is just more expensive. If a couple is in a situation where the husband just doesn't make enough money alone to support the family, if you want to provide stability for your household it's on both the man and the woman just like raising the child is on both the man and the woman. Financial instability wrecks families. I know that sounds harsh and callous, but it's just a fact that most marriages now fail because of a lack of financial stability.
Being in ministry is no excuse .
My brother is a pastor AND on the side he’s an interpreter working from home for the court . He’s always busy but provides for his family .
My wife and I didn't get married till we were 27 because I needed to prove (both to her and to myself) that I could stand on my own 2 feet financially and be responsible. Granted, we're not planning to have her be a SAHM because she still has double my earning potential, but that's ok. We're still both contributing to our current standard of living and our future financial goals as equal partners.
The "or what" as John says could very well be that she needs to get a job too and they figure out daycare. Regardless of willingness, it can be very hard to support a family on 1 income in 2024 unfortunately, so they may have had to go that direction anyway especially once their kid(s) are school age.
Homeboy needs to join the military before he gets too old. 2 years in, he'd be making a low salary, but with more disposable income than his peers as uncle sam provides a benefit for housing, food, and medical is very economical for service members.
(A good life to be a pencil pusher who spends half the workday playing videogames in a friends barracks room.)
"But she loves him" yeah she shouldn't though. He's not a 'great person', he's a toddler who is trying to get a free ride
This is pretty painful since I married a guy who works hard periodically, but does not stay consistent. No kids, but it's a bleak retirement situation.