How to Sound Assertive
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- You want to sound more assertive. But you’re not sure what to say or how to say it.
In this episode, I’m revealing 3 simple ways to instantly sound more assertive. These are easy phrases you can say to sound more confident and communicate your needs clearly.
Plus, I share several common mistakes people make when trying to be assertive and how to avoid them. So you stand up for yourself and keep your conversations respectful and productive.
Like what you hear? Subscribe to this podcast and leave a 5 star review.
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0:33 &&Stop overapologizing
0:45 &&Stop undervaluing yourself & what you say/do
0:58 **Get comfortable saying NO
1:10 think back to the old convo you had
1:32 &&you'll be walked all over
1:48 everytime he is new to something
2:15 **Say what u want to say respectfully
2:34 &&Kept saying 'So Sorry'
3:05 STOP, stop overapologizing
3:41 **Say 'Thank you', say words of gratitude
4:28 **I appreciate you for..
5:28 &&Downplaying Undervaluing your words
6:35 Trying to sound less harsh
6:55 **Remove them or Build on to that
7:35 Say NO, No need to overexplain
8:05 &&Dont say 'Because' or overadd
9:30 **Catch yourself, "I'm not sorry, I'm John"
10:25&& "I could be wrong but"
11:05 **Speak on behalf of Yourself.. YOUR CLIENT YOu
11:50 **I need to know whats going on this convo
12:30 The more confident you feel, the more assertive you sound. **Say what you mean, Mean what you say
no is a complete sentence: the best advice this week!
@@SharonMeliusTransform-18-sw8udI'm bad about justifying my no, and I've noticed when I do give an excuse for why I'm saying no, ppl will often eliminate my excuse. For insurance, if I say, "I can't, I have to finish painting my living room this weekend" they'll respond with "c'mon do this for me and I'll help you finish painting, I promise". And you know they're gonna come up with an excuse when it's time to pay up.
1:00 @@jeffersonfisher
So refreshing to hear/see a handsome young man who is kind, intelligent, humble, generous with his time, loyal to his family, balanced, grounded, honest, clean, easy going, motivated, healthy, grateful, fit, respectful, assertive, polite, understanding, consistent, encouraging, funny, and probably many other qualities. Thank you for sharing all that you are with people at a time when it is needed the most. I’m sure you’re making your parents very proud.
@mountainwmn70 right! A dream son in law. 😃. But seriously, I wish I’d have come across these sooner, however no time like the present to be grateful for Jefferson’s much useful video’s. 👍
He definitely is good looking. Adds to people running to this video and watching.
The Halo Effect. 🧠
I thought you were describing Donald Trump!!! Especially “intelligent, humble”. God bless all that is America❤
@@davidmcnicol5322 Trump is nothing of what you just described 😅!
I think the comment was super to be ironic
Your car must be a monster in social events after hearing all that advice
Hahahaha my dad uses that one!! Also if you ever say it sorry to him he responds with hi sorry I'm Greg nice to meet ya! Same with I'm hungry lol 🤣 ❤ thanks I need this pep talk I'm walking into a real abuse of power situation tomorrow again at the court house and the stakes are the most high, my beautiful babies safety and security and I have been under horrible attacks this year and non stop these weeks leading up to it with malicious slander and sabotage of every degree to keepe from having anything I need to be able to get anything done. And not even a safe device to use to research or communicate with an attorney or anything else! I do have detailed incident reports with photo and video and also receipts and screenshots of the hacking and bank fraud and proof of the slander and bribery and perjury but no attorney and I'm hoping for an extension tomorrow! So my focus in on getting myself to a calm peaceful place and making sure I express the truth in the most direct and easily consumed and respectful way! A refresh in assertiveness for someone like me who is naturally humble and mild mannered and respectful of other peoples space and boundaries to a almost fault lol very comfortable with apologizing and learning from my mistakes makes for a open ticket for people to try and use it against me lol especially after spending all my time with a toddler, this is a really great thing lol
😂
😅😅
Haha!!
Hilarious 😂
Thank you for dishing out courage everyday for those of us who, even at 70, are finding their voice🌻
Still learning at 78!!!
Go girl! ❤️
Instead of saying “sorry I shot your leg, try: thank you for taking the pain!”
With women especially, "just" can be our downfall. Can I just talk to you for a second, I just wanted to ask, It's just feel like, .... remove the "just" it's doing nothing for you. I think it falls into downplaying... I am so happy you're here JF!
Holy smokes that’s brilliant
Also a manipulation
In between our im sorry s
@@jackdeniston6150 that’s what they’re best at lol
Spot on!
I'm a mental health counselor and your information is very helpful! You are a very skilled communicator!
I used to be the "I'm sorry" guy. One day, I heard someone tell me they were "broke, not poor," leading me to believe being poor is a frame of mind. Later in life, I decided being sorry is also a frame of mind. It's okay to apologize. Never be sorry.
Love this
Thank you for helping me find my voice again in a world that loves doormats. I appreciate you so much ❤️
Happy to help!
I get it, i was raised in a misogynistic environment .
Thank you so much!
Topic suggestion. Managing emotions when they run high. Our own and responding
God tells us in His Word our no should be no and our yes should be yes. Thank you for your sharing this wisdom.
Coming from someone who is lives in Canada, I do not know why we always say sorry for everything we do. I am so grateful I came across your channel because I had trouble with people pleasing, not knowing how to say no, cutting people out of my life, the list goes on. This content has been so helpful to me. Thank you. ❤🇨🇦
I looooooove this! My goodness, I love it! I'm a British woman born in Canada so saying "sorry" is very much ingrained for me. I will for sure be saying to myself, "I'm not Sorry, I'm Alison". Thank you so much Jefferson, and wishing you continued success. 🙌🙌🙌
Topic Suggestion: How to set boundaries
Thanks for the suggestion!
Follow up video: how to *maintain* those boundaries when those around us resent them
Google Dr. Becky Kennedy on the Huberman podcast. She has great advice for setting boundaries.
I have ptsd, it's so hard speaking to others, and hard to speak to people who think they can bully me. Your words have helped me so much, thank you
I was brought up to apologize for my existence (I feel). This is helpful information.
Follow the holistic psychologist
Me too, I’m trying to learn to stop apologizing for my existence. And apologizing to my adult children when they criticize me.
Me three. Holy shit, did that hit a nerve.
Me four.
Thank you, Jefferson! I get a lot of value from your quick, condensed, power-loaded videos!
Me too
I like the phrase..."I'm not sorry...I'm "...love this ❤
❤❤me too ✋️
Topic discussion: how to deal with people who deliberately derail discussions/conversations.
Btw- Love your work!
This is life changing... To add to the Client's Advocate scenario, we need to shed the old tired sounding persona and breathe in the transformation -"I need to be heard. I need to be seen."
Got it, coach!
Love your content, Jefferson. Thank you for your great advice. Can you give any tips for disengaging from a gossipy conversation without seeming sanctimonious?
Great suggestion!
I'd like to hear that one too
I believe I do this too. I will say "sorry to bother you, don't want to bother you..." What I am really doing is stating my worst fear right out loud. That I am a bother, insignificant, not worthy. I do it in an effort to belay that fear & am fishing for reassurance from the other person to build me up. Kinda needy. You're teaching me to claim it or assert it (my worth) right up front as if it's already so & not grovel for it. Thanks 😊
And I absolutely love how you move the camera around, please don’t stop doing that like one person commented. It breaks up the monotony of the podcaster who sometimes is talking like a robot. Love it.
Thank You, Jefferson for your podcast. I am very direct but not very tactful., most of the time. Your videos have helped me to soften my communication style. Keep up the great job!
Because I was a very used Dorrmat since childhood I also tend to be Over assertive, forward,blunt.
It's so new for me and I realize now I too need to learn how to be in the middle
I use your advise with my 3 teens it truly helps me set boundaries & parent better. I always say I’M SORRY & I hate it ugh! I’m a people pleaser I need to stop it & get thicker skin & you’re helping me!!
I imagine somewhere in your life.Without the internet , you will be spreading the word along with a positive message. Thank you for your research and practice skills. You have shared
Topic suggestion: how to bring your experience into a conversation without saying “in my experience”, or “in my past role”. I sometime feel like I need to convince people that I know what I’m talking about when I feel pushback or disagreement, or feel like I need some added credibility.
Thank you Jefferson for the phrase, "Thank you for your patience." For me, it has worked 100% of the time.
"Thank you for waiting for me." All of these things have been a struggle for me most of my life. It's getting better though. Jefferson, I just found your channel recently and love your advice!
I love these videos.
I grew up in a very toxic and dysfunctional family where any show of assertiveness, by a child no less, was met with awful consequences.
Needless to say it took me so long to find my own voice, let alone an assertive one at that.
These vids have been a great addition to my personal growth and healing. Thank you. 😊
You are so right about finding your own voice . It took me many years and someone very special coming into my life . She helped me to truly realize I needed to step up and have a voice about my feelings and how I like things to go. To speak up about myself and what I like and dislike and to have a voice .
OMG
Thank you! I needed this video. I have all of these problems at work. I can't say 'no' to the bosses, colleagues. I work hard, over apologise, and use ' I might be wrong, but...' to sound more polite. In the end the post I've been promised to be promoted on was offered already twice to other employees and I'm still nowhere. No matter how much work I do, how polite and skillful I am. My mistake is that I'm trying to please everyone and always help, over explaining myself to others.
I think I've learned the lesson the hard way.
When you said to imagine a time when I wanted to be more assertive, I saw a huge fishbowl filled with tiny squares of folded paper I got to draw from. If I ever doubted I was a people pleaser, that removed it completely. I've seen this video a few times in some form from you and have since used flat-out "No." I'm not at a point where it feels good saying it, but I feel relief when the day I would have been doing something in a state of regret comes, and I'm not the one doing it.😊 TY
New subscriber here. I’m a man in my mid-30s. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by communication in all forms in every kind of relationship. If possible, can you please do a video on how to respond during the times where needing to think on your feet is important. Whenever I’ve tried, I either get too nervous and can’t think clearly enough to respond in a timely fashion, or I’ll sometimes think of a response after the conversation is over. Please keep up the phenomenal work on this channel. (I’ve signed up for your emails. I’m also going to subscribe to your podcast.) Your work is needed and appreciated!!
Thank you Jefferson! I’m Canadian and I will need lots of practice to stop apologizing constantly but you make complete sense.
New Yorkers apologize often too. People might not know this.
Bruh is a genius with the movement of the camera. It’s like he’s talking right to me. Lol.
You are the greatest in the world. Love your advice and your eyes show that you're a genuine human. It's refreshing.
I am new here in the US, first hand exposure to the culture. Your videos are helping me so much. Thanks
hi Jefferson thank you for all your help. It’s really help me in communicating with my friends and being brave and trying you ways to communicate which is fun too.
Thank you so much for these motivating tutorials. You are making all communication opportunities more authentic and helping reduce stress for those of us who are not use to dealing with bullies.
Can I add more on this:
I appreciate when people say sorry and show their humility. They come across as polite and easygoing, which makes them approachable. However, it's interesting to observe that these same individuals often emerge as the most assertive in challenging situations, demonstrating their perseverance and resilience. On the other hand, those who consistently display assertiveness and overconfidence can sometimes be off-putting. Their unwavering assertive stance doesn't always lead to the right outcomes, and it can leave others feeling that they are unforgiving and difficult to relate to.
Your videos are the most on point ones for business and personal guidance
YOU ARE WONDERFUL! Thanks so much for all of your videos!
I really love your short videos and I'm here to learn more. I love the most "I'm not sorry I'm ..." part 👍🏻
I had to chuckle when you replied to Daniel with, "Sorry." and "I may be wrong." I know you didn't use those in exactly the way's you were cautioning us earlier not to use them, but it made me smile, anyway.
I am so glad I found you on here, Jefferson. You are brilliant! You're words really hit the spot and the way you talk and get your message across is so calming,warm and charming too 😊
Jefferson really knows so hear and listen to him.
Another circumstance when people will say “I could be wrong but...” is when they are not 100% confident that they are correct or they have a fear that they’ll be proven wrong.
An issue I find during conversations is when someone is constantly ending their thoughts or opinions with “if that makes sense...” it make me want to ask if they normally go around saying things that don’t make sense? Is it generally your habit to not make sense? Because why would you say something if you honestly did not believe it made sense?
Great video.
I need a quarterback play wrist band to have all these written down on till they are second nature. It all works- God bless!
No is a complete sentence!!!
Wow!!! The NO is a sentence is a game changer for me, I do notice that when I tend to explain why I can’t do something the person on the other side loses respect instantly.
Omg🤦🏽♀️ I do all of these.
I appreciate realizing that I’m not sounding less harsh. And that “ No” is a complete sentence. Love the dad joke. Going to use this to help me remember to stop apologizing for everything. Thank you!
Wow! This was so powerful. Filled in the gaps for me in places where I’ve been struggling to communicate. Thank you! 🙏🏼
I feel SO LUCKY for having found your podcast and UA-cam channel. Thank you for being you! ☺
New subscriber here. You gave me more information in this one video that I have been needing for four months where I’ve been out of a job and listening to all these different recruiters here. Telling me what to say and how to act in my interviews. I received some feedback after not getting so many Jobs that I’ve interviewed for…. I get all the way to the top and I don’t get the offer. Well, one recruiter told me that my responses were too long. While I don’t mind the constructive feedback, I don’t believe that was the case. However, I want to be assertive, and not long-winded. This helped me more than any recruiter. It helped me to frame my sentences.
Jefferson I can’t give an unbiased review yet but I’m really excited you moved from shorts to these. Both are great but I’m digging these longer explanations. Thank you for being brave!
I appreciate so much your videos; they are a wonderful gift. I hope you are blessed because of your generosity in giving advice for free.
A friend I work with recommended you to me. I am a new Work Group Leader, and work with people of all ages, and Everyone has an opinion on how things should be done. It's challenging but also fun for me to learn the most positive way to communicate. Thank you so much. ~ Randa Fox
I say that I’m sorry constantly, so thank you!
Only a month and almost 150K? wonderful and very well deserved!! I liked and subscribed - can't wait for more videos! You make a very pleasant impression, trustworthy and rational!
Thanks so much. Appreciate you.
We definitely do say I'm sorry ALOT in Canada! 😂 I even find myself saying sorry to furniture when I stub my toe. When I ask my Google Mini a question, and get an answer, I say Thank-you! She actually answers me by saying you're very welcome as usual! Super polite country for the most part. 😊
Turning uncertainty into curiosity, that's brilliant!
I'm learning to use my assertive voice but it's way too assertive bordering mean. Trying to be gentle with myself in the process. I do feel woman's hormones play a huge part in the tone of our voices. Working on it. Thank you Jefferson
Would have never know he was still in the car from the podcast. Great sound.
Jefferson also needs a shave. This wouldn't matter to someone who is blind.
Although i know alot of assertive communuication theres MORE TO learn & be comfortable with !!
😮😮😃 THANK YOU !!!🎉🎉
I heard all that you said while thinking why do we need to hear your lesson and who says those statements that make us problems in our communication.
My thought is: we weren't brought up to say what we want or need. The "I" was put down, ignored or negated on regular basis.
So now we need to learn how to validate ourselves.
It took a while to accumulate those programmes, I hope it will take much less time to replace them with new more affective communication.
Thank you.
Yes J you are helping people be brave in their responses & the taking things personally is such angst. Thank u for all the personal advice! Especially helpful for those who care for dementia clients. 🌈
I love watching this guy. Literally a wealth of knowledge. Would you make a video on how to argue with someone who won’t listen at all?
I work for a person who would profess chronic anger toward a family member behind her back this was so toxic to have to bear with. Finally I said "would you like me to tell her ...sent her a text..." response: no! No! NO! My anger is gone... Thank you Jefferson you are redeeming the profession of attorneys. As it is written " Woe to attorneys". Been through a tortures divorce u are a healing instrument as u represent your profession.😊😅🎉😂
I avoid overused expressions and cliches. This way it gives me the opportunity to say exactly what I need to say in the moment and say something for that exact instance and situation, but never in a roundabout way either. This process of not using cliches helps me form my own clear thoughts that sound honest and real. And one big one is saying I'm sorry. I never say I'm sorry because I am not sorry. Whoever started this business of saying I'm sorry was incorrect. Saying I'm sorry or anything similar is equal to devaluing yourself as a person and and deflating your message to not being as important. I also see saying I'm sorry as a form of disrespecting ourselves.
Excellent advice. Live the subject. Thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to make these. These are excellent tips. I have some of these bad ticks you were speaking about today and I also hope to overcome them.
Thank you for taking the time to be an encouragement.
You are so welcome!
I’m enjoying your new podcast! Do you think women apologize for their existence more than men? I’ve always felt that I was holding up the waiting line or standing in someone’s way until a man told me my existence was important. Your advice is helping so many people! Thank you!!
I love how in Daniel's question your answer contains "I could be wrong, but...", and the next question is advice on how not to sat that!
(I was taught decades ago in a gentle parenting class to say, "I could be wrong, but..." as a way to get kids to listen to you without feeling "talked at".)
This all what I need at my workplace, everyday dealings n different scenarios with tenants coming from different countries, cultures, natures, from my higher managers, visitors, housekeeping and security support
Who needs a sound proof room when u can start recording inside your car to sound assertively handsome ❤
I just wanna say thank you for this channel.
Your advices are just brilliant! All of them, with no exception. Where is this wisdom coming from?
Hi Jefferson -- thank you for all your communications--the sound of your voice is a highlight of the day and the words you say are always helpful and enlightening. Annie Shiffer
I've forgotten how many times I've listened to this one 💜💜
Wow, I’ve needed this. I’m working on it. I love all your great advice. There are a few of the so sorry’s that ring true.
I have said I could be wrong when I knew I was not. My client, I, won’t do that any longer.
You got this!
Jefferson Fisher, where have you been all my life? LOL. I've always been a people pleaser and, therefore a wonderful colorful mat for people to walk all over. I've been a magnet for that . I didn't know how to say NO because I believed it hurt people. I have also encountered so many people who, immediately when you give them a NO, they throw a big WHY back at you? Maybe in another podcast, you can expand on saying NO and give people like me tips on how to handle this situation. My mother is the biggest WHY person I know. The saddest thing is, I know she doesn't really care about the reason. I don't even know why she asks. I have opted to not tell her some things, for that reason alone. That's sad because I love my mother and I am the only one she has. Thanks so much for your wonderful tips. You got yourself a new follower. 😊
I did English/Spanish interpretations for a number years, and as a member of the Mexican community for years growing up myself I have to say, it would be filling such a great need on the wrong perception on communication if you could do some of your videos in Spanish. Any plans of doing so?
The I'm sorry thing is also fishing for reassurance and if we get into adulthood we get less and less of reassurance and we have to learn to reassure ourselves.
I find this particularly challenging when I am faced with a person who is a little intimidating or acts like you're bothering them as soon as they see you coming we have to re- teach people how to treat us. Yes I myself have groomed people to treat me certain ways and I need to undo that.
There are influencers, one in particular who is promoting no just being what they call a "soft yes." I confronted this matter. No response. This person is prominent in the big ticket sales world and cannot come out of character. Totally opportunistic. No means no. It's not sales resistance. It's NO.
"I need " ,.. so helpful .
Just found your channel. You are brilliant and just the kind of help and advice I’ve been after. Have signed up to your newsletter. Fantastic video 🎉
Thank you. I wish I listened to this episode earlier.
I live in Germany, where you hear "no" a lot more than "sorry". They don't so superficial 🤣 Shorter versions of "I could be wrong, but ..." are _perhaps_ or _maybe_
A lot to learn from you! Thanks so much🎉
I always say " i might be wrong" when i am about to tell my social group members something i feel i might get a negative response. I use it as a "buffer" to sort of passify myself and lessen the blows coming for me 😂. I enjoy my job but when im up against fearless over seventies i just find it awkward. I might be wrong 😉...but i dont know what else to do!
We should stop worrying about sounding assertive. If we learn to have mastery of our minds and emotions we don't need to prepare for negative interactions. Preparing for negativity attracts negativity.
Putting out great vibes Jefferson. There’s always a nice reminder in your messages x
Isn't it tho, always on a high note even when it's not so nice he turns it around.
I appreciate that
Thank you Jefferson, for all your helpful advice ,
You are very welcome
Thank you Jefferson great advice. Truly helps me in my job.
In case you're wondering about your demographic, I'm watching to learn how to better myself but also in particular to being a self rep heading for trial. Thx for all the tips
Yes using words of gratitude instead of the word sorry .
I can listen to you the whole day😊
Great tips! It's so important to learn new ways to assert yourself.
Thank you I appreciate all this information. Grateful
You are the man! thank you so much for all your valuable education...Sorry from Canada I did not find you sooner in life...🤣😆
Love your program !
Idea - please tell people that say the word “like” in every sentence that it’s annoying to listen to !!!!!!
Jefferson this content is amazing Thank you!😊
Having a job interview in a few hours. This is all I needed to hear, thank you!