How To Talk So People Listen - Make People Remember You
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- Опубліковано 10 лип 2018
- How to talk so people listen. This video will focus on how to speak with authority and influence. Having people listen to you makes it easy to get the things you want.
Here are 3 ways to develop more charisma.
1. Smile when you talk. Emotions are contagious, so let people catch something positive from you. People treat you differently when you smile. And the message comes across differently when you’re smiling than when you’re not.
2. Be curious and interested in others. The way to find out things about people is to ask questions. Most people like talking about themselves. And they will respond positively to someone who gives them the opportunity to talk.
3. Encourage and support others. People don’t want criticism, they crave support and affirmation.
Body Language
The goal of your body language should be to convey that you are important and open, interesting and interested.
Here are 5 ways to make that happen:
1. Fill the space around you.
2. Lean towards whomever you’re speaking to. You show interest in the other person by leaning in slightly.
3. No fidgeting. You want to keep unnecessary movements to a minimum
4. Slow down. Confident and commanding personalities tend to have slower motions. Nervous and harried people rush around.
5. Practice mirroring. This is something that can happen naturally when two people talking are really in sync.
I upload every Wednesday at 9am, and sometimes have extra videos in between. Subscribe to my channel so you don't miss a video goo.gl/DFfT33
I always thought I was weird or different in any social situations, but after wachten this I realized I’m doing these naturally when I talk with people. The only thing that is hard for me is when people dont give me that energy back and I feel stupid for trying to engage with them.
Same, I do all of these things
Lol some ppl aren’t sociable or aren’t having a good day, keep it pushing
🤚 hi . Same here . I have to ask how they are doing and they even ask if I care or I’m just asking just to ask 🤦♀️
I can relate.
U are not weird...u holding ur truth...u have to stop doing that.. change the company ur with...I'm 51 bipola adhd...I felt like u...and was tired of it...I woke up and thought u know what I have one best friend she went through everything with me...before I was diagnosed...she stood by my side...if u have bipola educate urself...make sure u know ur boundaries...do what makes u strong or vulnerable...and u will have a beautiful life I promise u xx
Boy. This is the ultimate crash course into human interaction.
Wow thank you AloineMind. 😊
More of these please or where we can go for more of this.
The aliens watching this ✍🏻
@@DrTraceyMarks this is so hard for me .. I shake my leg, I pick my face, Look around the room . And I'm aware that I look insecure, so I avoid going out. what can I do to not be so nervous.i love your tips but it's seems I've tried this over and over
Yes, I needed this. I always wondered how I have to fake acting like other people. I have some kind of "disability/inability " to smile naturally /physically outwardly a lot of times when I'm truly happy I have a straight calm face,no smile 😑
This is me, people enjoy being in my presence because I listen, smile, I open up, be understanding, non judgemental. I love people.
That’s awesome. That’s a great character trait to have.
I'd love to know you too Esha. Those are extremely valuable traits. Treat them like precious diamonds. It took me too, too long to see the value of this in myself. I thought why am I attracting all these vampires that suck the energy out of me, never stop talking about themselves and don't even know the first thing about me and don't care. Well, the answer was: of course they like me! I listen, I am interested, I respond, I can be present. Now I want some too. I want it reciprocated.
You are a beautiful human💕
That beautiful ..I'm learning not to be judgmental I'm getting so much better:)
I love people too❤️
As an INFJ who loves people, these tips tends to come very easily to me. The two problems that I often run into is: people mistaking my kindness for a weakness and feeling as if they can disrespect me. #2 I attract clingy people that can't read my moods and do not realize that I don't want to be bothered🤭
As another INFJ I completely understand this! It’s the same for me too. I’ve become better at putting boundaries up though. 🥰 My channel is for INFJ’s if you want to check it out!
I completely understand. People take my kindness for weakness.
@@PaperCraneOfHope I'm INFJ too, and similarly learned to set boundaries. I used to think I was being difficult, but as I learned how to do it better, realized that most people are respectful of boundaries and even appreciate you being straightforward and open. Also, really like your channel!
@@bibinoojen Thank you! I almost started crying when I read your comment. 😭 Been doubting myself on my channel but your encouragement has really lifted me up!
I am an INFJ and I could find so many things that I do wrong. I needed this.
I really prefer people be honest with me. I hate the idea of walking around thinking something was great and others thinking it wasn't but not saying it. I also have a hard time reading between the lines so straight forwardness (not rudeness) is a breath of fresh air.
"I dont know much about it" and not having an opinion is also great way to escape confrontation and those who like to bait. It shuts them down. Great advice all around.
Yes Especially the people that baited. Oh man.
Gee, who new lying was a good technique. If you’re passing judgment, then I’m guessing you probably do know something about the topic so if you’re saying you don’t know much about it you’re lying. There’s no other way to cut it.
As a psychologist, I'd like to add that when someone is talking, that when it is your turn to talk to repeat the last few words they said in their sentence which lets them know you were really listening. I'm always smiling and I chuckle a little when I repeat their words adding something like that's very insightful or I never thought of it that way or I'm glad you said that.
Then he start to control you.
Sounds like you are using clean questions technique here.
I would also like to add though to be careful not to overdo it because I have a friend who does it for like every single sentence and it feels weird sometimes
@@g.3521 lowkey when ppl do it to me it feels like I'm being joked abt.Or when I do it, I can seem insensitive to what they were talking abt."my dog died yo, I'm not feeling alr,im honestly very suicidal"then I say "your dog died?
There's a fine line between active listening and seeming staged or slightly manipulative.
The trouble these days is that you can ask questions about them but they so often don’t ask questions about you. This is disappointing
It doesn't matter. Just keep asking. It's great that you are even able to. Also, don't forget that they will always remember how YOU made them feel👍
Margaret Campbell send love to them
It doesn't matter. Asking them questions makes them feel good, and gives them a positive view of you, that was the point, it seems to be aimed more professionally. If you want to have a personal relationship with a person, and they seem completely self interested, then that is a LACK of charisma on their part, and a red flag to you.
@@gracecar5820 Yup or they don't care to get to know you in particular in which case you could move on and stop trying or give them some space for a while and try again in the future when they give you an opening. People will make it obvious from the get go if they'll get along with you in the long term or not. You can gauge that from their initial reaction. That's been my experience at least.
Am and understand them well . guarded initially friendly .later on
That said don't like intrusive characters at all .there must be a space .dunno why !!
I’m autistic and so I work really hard at human interaction, but I do all of these things! Listening to you has me feeling so RELIEVED that I’m doing okay and that I’ve improved in my efforts. It stresses me out so much. Thank you!
I hope it gets easier for you!
am i crazy or does the eye contact thing freak you out too
I have to learn how to not give negative feedback. I'm always in fixer mode. I'm learning how to chill. This is really helpful for me. Excellent video as always.
My name is Charisma so it was very cool hearing it said so often in a video ♥️
Awesome Charima! People need to have you 🙂
1. Smile when you talk
2. Be interested in others...ask questions or be neutral
3. Encourage and Support.. no judging
4. Body language...shoulders relax, don't take up space, sit up straight, eye contact, no fidgeting, slow down, mirror them
Thanks for the summary :)
*do* take up space
Thank you.
_DO_ take up space...
It seem you realy got the message
Being autistic, these videos have been some of the best in how informative they are, and I like that they're straight to the point.
"Well that was two months wasted." I laughed so hard at that 💀
These are the exact kind of thoughts that are at the forefront of my mind when talking to people 💀 Although I am a bubbly person I tend to deal out very thorough and frank criticism, especially when it's related to my field because I hate to see nonsense 😩
I realized that I need to soften the blow a little more. Thanks for the video!
You just described me.
I feel so seen
I needed this 😅. I’m a private person and having conversations with co workers is very hard for me
Keep going. Practice helps....makes perfect, not to be perfect but the situation.🤗
Sarah I know what you mean
Me too
This week I was verbally abusive to someone who didn’t deserve my bad words. So this is me trying to be better at not criticising. Relationships need thoughtfulness, compassion and consideration. Thanks for this vlog! 🙏ℹ️💯
Good luck.
Wow. I think this will help with my anxiety. I am a very intelligent person but when it comes to dealing with people man it's hard. This is how I know God gives you what you need right on time. Thank you for sharing your intelligent wisdom
Your channel and Polar Warriors have helped me A LOT. I just want to say I appreciate what you do. You are helping a lot of people.
Thanks so much Gokce! I'm glad they are helping you
Polar warriors?🤔
Why is it called that
Don't forget Doctor Grande he's REALLY REALLY good too...
@@ultimatewarriors1291 because it's about Bipolar disorder
@@alliwishis2652 for some reason I don't like his videos. I don't think I find him genuine.
She has beautiful eyes.
Thank you Sara 😊
Dr. Marks ,
These videos help me learn and confirm what I am already doing right. Also, self improvement so I stay kind in this world where others can be condescending, demanding, demeaning, etc.
Oh boy, these tips are pretty brutal for someone with ADHD and ASD...
I know people dont understand how difficult it is😞 it's not lower intelligence, bad behavior or lazyness but simply very difficult.
I myself have to keep the ADHD perspective in the back of my mind when talking to ppl
@@alliwishis2652 That's the entire Litchfield Hills of Connecticut....the Appalachian trail full of talentless ppL....try getting something fixed or installed ...lol.... the newly minted NYkers that moved up in the "exurbs" will find out soon :))
Adhd girl approves 🤣 🤦🏻♀️ you can see how much I struggle with these in my youtube videos.’
I like how respectful you are, taking the time to respond to every comments. Thanks for being you😊
You’re welcome Marie. Thanks for noticing that. 😊
I'm in the process of relearning these steps! So hard after dealing with past trauma but not impossible 🙌🏾💪🏾!!!
Thank you Dr.Tracey 🕉💕👑
Me as well, stay Encouraged, Relearning is a whole process🤗wish I had subscribed years ago just found her channel 🙏🏽💜
SAME! Also you are so right about it being a whole process🤦🏾♀️ but we got this sis 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾! I didnt start taking this youtube serious until recently and I'm glad I stumbled across this video!
Thanks for the encouraging words !!!!! Be blessed always!!!! 👑💕🕉
Same .. re learning how to do things is tough but I like to think it’s so able💜🙏🏻
My trouble is usually when people start asking for advice and I struggle w being genuine but not encourage something that I think is a bad idea. 🤦🏽♀️
This is totally accurate. I am a very introverted and shy person but I naturally do those things. Showing that I'm interested specially with my expressions and body language makes people recognize me as a "warm" person even though I don't talk much. It creates a good balance.
I am an extrovert and I struggle sometimes with being distracted. So even with all the charisma I have, I still feel a disconnect with people. I did not think about this until you brought it up in the video. Thank you
Charisma means being appealing to others. It's not very appealing if you don't show genuine interest in others and are easily distracted much less distracted at all. Maybe all this "charisma" you claim to have is only felt by you, when you look in the mirror. Extroversion doesn't automatically mean charismatic.
@@tinaperez7393 this person could just have adhd too
You're a blessing and l am glad l subscribed to your channel. I am 52 and just graduated with my MSW. I am studying now for my LMSW. I am listening and taking notes to each one of your topics.
That’s wonderful Carmelita. Congrats on getting your MSW. And all the best with your LMSW. 😊
You are an inspiration. I am at that age (50) where the world tells us we are all washed up and I love to hear of people like you who keep on living and going for what energises them. Thank you.
Very informative video. I'm going to try smiling when I talk.. Thank you for sharing. Have a great day. Fully view video. 👍
“People never forget how you make or made them feel.”
Some people use these techniques instinctively. They left a good impression on us because they sound and look caring, kind and genuinely interested. Others need to learn these techniques and retrain their minds. Thank you for you informative videos!
I’m one of those who have to learn these techniques.
"because they sound caring" --> maybe it's because they are actually caring :p
I think that for some people it's not a "technique" they use (even unconsciously), it's just how they naturally are. Good-natured people attract people
@@hukihuki4135 sometimes but some are good at trickery
instinctive vs being polished and intentional goes a long way!! Id say as an instinctive kind of person myself, following guidelines with a certain degree of discipline is amazingly beneficial!
The advice to keep it pushing is good advice. I am an extreme introvert. What that means practically ( I'm too old and self assured to be bullied by common myths about Introversion) is that we as a group create our own energy. We literally get as hyped as extroverts get in a club ...all...by... ourselves. Just like introverts rarely of ever get a charge.from a crowd....extroverts can't relate to getting energy alone they get as drained alone as we get in public..
So when your extroverted happy go lucky high energy self comes to us you zap our energy you are feeding off our energy...we are very off putting because we see you coming and we don't want to be fed on. It's not a bad thing we just want to set some boundaries to not get drained in the course of the day ...we talk to people we can trust so we need time to open up because we are.losing lots of energy and we just want to go back to our energy source ( solitude) being in public means getting sucked on by the energy suckers but we like extroverts they make socialization easier and we need human Interaction but it is so draining.....extroverts will dismiss what I say ..introverts will nod in agreement ...it's just what it is...
The one here difficult is constant eye contact; I almost feel more ease pulling away to think...This is great advice to make this world just a better place. Thanks
I'm not a native English speaker so I'm very grateful that you speak loud and have pronounced everything clearly.
That's another part of this class..
Thank you
"people will forget what you said, they may even forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel" - Yeye Angelou
My favorite quote
Who is Yeye? I think you mean the great Maya Angelou. 👍
@@LG-universe Yeye is Yoruba for Mother
@@DrTraceyMarks didn't even see you responded Kween! 😁
@@classiql I stand corrected. Thank you for teaching me. Have a blessed day.
Smile when you talk. Be curious and interested in others. Encourage and support others.....carry conversation with warmth. 🙂
My mother is critical, nag, negative, judgemental, non supportive and makes me feel worst about myself. Still she is expecting that our relationship should improve. She is totally opposite when it comes to dealing with my brother. She never judged him, nagged, angry, critical, putting him down , disrespected and that is why her relationship with him is good. But in that dynamic she expects me to improve and she gives credit to my brother. What a crap.
Depression is so heavy, that it feels like I'm trying to take care of others, did this my whole life. Success comes and goes. Still end up alone and so down that ending it, crying and being sad seem normal. Energy so low that getting up is hard, let alone, doing the things I must to stay in the game. I'm now in my late 60's and still burdened by childhood trauma. Just once I would to know a day without struggle of destructive thoughts and know what it is like to be free, okay with myself and just have a day of delightful freedom and just be okay, I don't know what that is like.
Hey Doc, for some, talking brings more anxiousness. But we do enjoy watching and listening to you and others who are skillful with the spoken word.
Thanks Drew. Yes, there are some people who just aren't wired for this and that's okay. We someone listening. 🙂
This was presented so well.. as a designer I see the clever in this simple delivery. Great music, and words. Im recovering from childhood trauma that programmed me to please my abuser to stay safe. But now, as an adult, I carry that "hyper diligent" energy with me.
I have trouble engaging the mirroring part of me because I get so stuck in my head, trying to ask questions or sound interesting , that I miss the FEELING part of me , required to mirror their energy. I think mirroring is a gift , healthy parents give to their children, to open up those observational pathways.
From the eyes to the brain and heart...along the vagas nerve. This beautiful lady is my new teacher in applying what Im learning. and I look forward to discovering her lesson plan. With Gods help, we can all help each other find our devine selves...
We are children of the most high...
Bless you fellow journeyer toward wholeness!
I’m super friendly , and my feelings get hurt when people don’t reciprocate especially neighbors. I have learned to just leave people alone and on their own time in their own way let them come to me. Low investment, HIGH energy. When they finally do say hello even if it’s weeks or months ,I give a very hearty warm well hello there how are you! we all want to feel like we have control over what we say and do it’s basic human nature. Thank you this video was awesome!
Fidgeting is an unreasonable expectation for many people.
So happy to have found your channel. I’m working on breaking generational cycles, and I’ve notice my actions are mimicking of my parents. I always wonder why I would respond the way I do around others, especially when I enjoy meeting new people. It was difficult until I found your channel. I’m preparing to watch more of your videos. Thanks again
This video is amazing!! You've literally answered all the questions that have been bugging me about social interactions for years!
I love how "they didn't ask you for your opinion" needs to be spread. But hey, I'm glad it is.
CHANGE THE FOCUS OF THE FEEDBACK! LOVE IT. 🙏🏽🤟🏽😍
Love this advice for ‘neurotypical’ people! Just thinking about how overwhelming each of these tips would be for someone on the Autism spectrum.
Yes it is as a person with Asperger and as an introvert you have to stay and keep quite conscientious when talking to people almost like having a script it you might seem cold and aloof but its Direct
YEP......
@@alliwishis2652 I don't believe I am aspergers. I had an abusive upbringing, as well as the other parent having me i na cult so I never learned to properly social however I am very intelligent too and have done tons of reading ,watching videos, talking to a few professionals,reading books, etc.. all in self help to catch up.. So oddly enough I actually can tell when I am speaking with someone on the spectrum and because of my fading away (still work in progress) issues from my upbringing I grew untrusting of people but also due to my need to know what is going ,why people are upset when they are, etc.. I became very good at communicating anything I knew was going on unseen (without telling too much personal) , that could offend overly sensitive people, and its helped me a lot in making people feel comfortable with me. But I do it because the old saying treat others how I want to be treated. Well I would VERY much like you to let me know stuff I feel I should know ..for example " This frowny face is because of my massive headache, and I'm happy inside, but unable to smile atm" So don't worry I'm not mad at you or being mean. I tend to get along well with people I meet who happen to have aspergers for this very reason. But at the same time still struggling to deal with neurological people. In the cult I grew up in Truth was everything. Never lying , living IN truth etc.. The love of truth itself, wasn't what made it a cult. That is their theme, and it took to my heart where I wanted that too (wanting to live in truth) People don't believe I didnt lie before 2017. I always had a love for truth (in all things) and hatred unrighteousness. So seeing people pretend, or behave disrespectful, really made me mad and I still have to work on that. I grew up with You better show me respect" or else so I became like that on the inside but always was polite until recently because I really am so fed up with how mean and cruel people are being to others.
This is great advice! I also find speaking from the diaphragm is helpful if you have to speak to group...whether that's in a public speaking capacity or mingling with a small group at a network event. I need to do more mirroring....must remember that. I consciously work on smiling more in the videos when I'm talking, and it makes a difference. I didn't smile much in the beginning because I was so self conscious filming, but now I make sure I smile a LOT. It feels funny when I'm doing it but I always think it looks better in the video.
You're right. I notice you smile a lot and it's very warm and inviting. It's not always easy to do if you're doing some hard thinking. 🙂
This was awesome!!!!! I just subscribed and yes; she’s engaging. 😊
Great job. Carnegie once said that some animals have jobs: chicken lay eggs, cows produce milk. But a dog’s only job is to instill these feelings in others.
I love that you used Maya Angelou she is my favorite poet and she was so amazing with her words. Love your channel.
Didn't she make a racist comment?
I can apply this to co-workers
You can use this in your work setting? Or you know some coworker who could use this?
Thank you, Dr. Tracey! This message is still so relevant today! I needed to hear this since I feel that I have a great, outgoing personality, but need to be able to control it and not seem over anxious to get people to listen to me.
“You don’t want to look like one of those clown mimes” - that made me lol, just like a real friend would do. God, I love this woman. So real, and great at relating these principles. You got me figured out, for sure. I learned to quit talking so fast years ago, when a client commented I talk fast and asked if I was nervous. I had no idea. The fidgeting, that’s pretty baked in, but I’ll try to watch it.
Thank you again Dr Mark. I've been watching your channel for a while. I love your presentation style. This theme really hit home for me. I oftentimes feel invisible in social gatherings, too often.
I see you!
This is a powerful video. This would be a great video for supervisor 101 courses. I appreciate you. Thank you. Cheers 😉 🌷
I remember a topic on a model-boating forum that turned pear-shaped: a young beginner had started building a cruise ship model, posted pictures of his progress and asked for advice. Others posted a lot along the lines of "you go, boy" and "well done", while I had severe doubts that this thing was ever going to float, let alone with the right side up. I took a lot of flak for pointing out that a cruise ship is not a beginner's project and that maybe it would be wiser to start with something simpler, but I would have found it much more impolite to watch the kid run into a wall and sink a lot more time and money into the project.
I am happy that you made it clear that people are private because they know that some people are out there to hurt and not to encourage
Wow this was just SOOOOO!!!! Informative!! Brilliant
Wow thanks Jules! I appreciate that 🙂
I really loved this video! Thank you so much, Dr. Tracey, for your dedication to producing quality content. Very useful
You're welcome Christian. Thanks for watching.
Dr.Tracey for President!!!!! 😍😍
Your videos are spot on. I am a therapist, and today I noticed that I was channeling Dr Marks. It was a good moment in session.
love this!! you're so sweet and kind!! thank you for the advice :)
Aaww Imara! You're so welcome. Thanks for leaving me a comment. 🙂
I can really soak in what the doctor says, especially have to work on my eye contact and attention span, but much of the programming this channel provides is good to rewatch, and worth a review.
I like the example about diffusing your own opinion. If someone wants you to try their cherry pie, but you don't like cherries- no matter how WELL they made the pie, your earnest experience will be that you don't like it. So by disclosing in advance that you don't eat cherries, you can diffuse the pressure that might otherwise have been placed on your feedback. Then you can either decline to try the thing or try it and give your feedback with the qualification that you don't like cherries having already been established.
I am here because my class is stressful and I am asked questions that are controversial and I don’t feel heard but outcast. I have always felt outcast. I hate this class, and I like video. I hate when people assume what feel or think.😩
I love how you impart information! Very charismatic 🏵🏵🏵
Thanks Marwa!!
That’s a good compliment.
Is this an American thing, being so nice and polite even though you find something really bad? Few people would get upset here, if I told them my honest opinion and I, myself prefer to be told if something could be improved. There is nothing hurtful about an other person’s opinion- it is just another perspective, I might agree or disagree with, and it is ok. Personally, I run from people who try to sugarcoat thing to make me feel better about myself, I don’t need that. I find these kind of people really fake and not trustworthy. All the other tips were great! Thank you!
Yes I agree this is cultural. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things I said are out right offensive and some cultures - like eye contact. Eye contact can mean a totally different thing in another country. Thanks for this observation.
Acting like a negotiating salesman became a thing in the 90s over here.
@@xxgg55 I think that most people on the west coast in general are fake. I used to live in Las vegas and people acted that way. Fake and always trying to act as if their lives are perfect. Very judgmental etc. I couldn't take it. I moved back to the Midwest last January.
The latest generations of Americans have weak sense of self. So, yes they have to be handled like 2 year olds.
All though I agree with you, I also totally agree with Tracey when she says " this is about small talk, and people are not wanting to be fixed by you " something along those lines. Cause this is something I always do, I try to be helpful and empathic. But people usually just want to have fun, not sit in therapy lol. But in your case, if you hate it when people sugarcoat it, you can just say it.
I LOOOOOOVE YOU DOC!!! THANK YOU for putting all this videos up
This is so me. I love talking to people. I think anyone can be interesting. My fave strangers are taxi drivers and customer service folk. They meet so many ppl and often have an interesting perspective on ppl.
I love all of your videos! I've learned so much from you! ❤
Thanks so much Tino! I appreciate you.
So basically you have to lie to others to be able to thrive in social interactions. Interesting. I think I know the reason why I am an introvert :) I am waiting for the time when people will need the truth instead of the lies. I think humanity will step a huge step ahead when reaches this state of mind. Thank you for the hard work putting this video together! ;)
Dr. Tracey. This is great advice. You pointed out some things that I need to work on. Thanks.
I really enjoy these videos. I'm finishing CMHC Master's and entering a PhD program in Clinical psychology. Dr. Marks has been a great encouragement. I truly look forward to meeting her in the future.
Thank you for the clear direction and at the same time guidance on how far to take it and explaining how to make it possible
You're welcome Oxnyx 🤗
I'll have to watch again, great info. I love to talk, I need to learn to listen more.
Thanks Bridgette!
I have an awful habit of cutting people off so I can talk. I've even apologized as I do it. That must come off like "Sorry but it's my turn now," how back-handed I am.
Great tips. Smile. Be curious. And be supportive. Thank you so much for sharing. You are truly amazing Doctor Marks
Thanks for the helpful advice. I took notes. I saw Maya Angelou quite a few years back now. I remember I was moved to tears. For me her statement was so true.
Smile though you're heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
This is powerful. You are very helpful and charismatic yourself, and a great communicator. Thanks for helping. :)
You're so welcome Joe. I appreciate that.😊
what a great idea to take notes 📝 👍👍 i want to start taking notes too , i,m glad i found your comment 😊
Thank you Tracey! Those are great tips.
Great advice but I NEED to fidget. A good way to not appear bored or insecure is to bring knitting or crochet. I did this for D&D and was able to focus much better.
I’m working on the “not looking in a hurry bit” by working through trauma and it’s been really helpful in slowing down. Isn’t mirroring someone manipulative though? Learning about narcissistic abuse they say those that mirror others are void of their own personality and at the very least are trying to manipulate you. - Thank you for this, it’s really great content. I’ve subscribed!
I’m not her, but I did get a psychology degree at some point and we did discuss this topic in classes. It’s not manipulative unless there’s manipulative intentions behind it. Humans instinctively mirror the behavior of those they like. That’s why mirroring is a positive social behavior in terms of building relationships. Most do it unconsciously. It can be used in a manipulative way, but it doesn’t have to be necessarily done to abuse, or hurt others. For example, you can do this at a job interview to make yourself appear more friendly, or familiar (by mimicking behavior). Doing this isn’t going to hurt your interviewer in any way. It’s the same as how people smile to appear friendly…or how some people change their voice to makes themselves appear more attractive. It is technically manipulative since you are manipulating the other person’s perception of you to benefit you. However, most people do that just by acting and dressing the way they believe others like. Everyone is trying to manipulate their situations and others’ perceptions all the time. Think on how we speak in a different manner with a boss and teacher as opposed to our peers. My point is that there doesn’t have to be malicious intent in it to do it.
@@march9177 thank you for taking the time to answer. That makes sense.
Sadly, psychopaths use this method perfectly.
sociopaths
So do narcissists.
True,its a learnt behaviour,any can imitate to impress.
@EddieDaunt they're not loners, they're just impulvise and neurotic. more of reactionary violence and misperceiving social cues.
Yes i definitely agree with the social isolation part.but I think lack of social competence leads to one being awkward, fearful,boring and ultimately bad at approaching other people even in a non-conventional rebellious manner.
They'd be too scared to break rules.
Growing up, I was unpopular and the guy others picked on and made fun of. As an adult I found myself thrust into a leadership position. One day as I was walking outside, I saw my reflection... head down and all hunched over. I thought to myself, no one will follow someone who looks like that. I started improving my posture and walking more purposefully. People started viewing me as confident, even though I was anything but!
Over the years, I learned the importance of relationship and how it sets the stage for gaining the respect and loyalty of others.
Now a leadership veteran, I still possess far less confidence than others think, but am able to lead effectively because my teams love following me.
I am now mentoring my successor in preparation for retirement and shared with her how to this day, I seldom "feel" confident or "know" exactly what to do in some situations. She was absolutely shocked and had no idea.
Training myself to look the part and taking time to know and care about my staff has yielded great rewards. You are spot on in this topic!
Been watching these on and off but this one is GOLD for me. This is the video that made me ring that subscribe and notify bell. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌝
Thanks so much for this. You summed up a year of my college study in Communication Theory in under 10 mins. It felt good to revisit these techniques again.
I can recommend you to someone that helped me get my ex back without stress or delay
What sap him 💓💓💓💓
+ 1 4 7 8 5 6 9 7 3 9 5 ✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽
I like how you bring up the idea of being a blank slate. I finally figured out how I think, I always approach as a blank slate. I find it allows me to be considerate and respectful instead of prejudging people. It is definitely the foundation of being an influencer, because you are feeding off the other person and it makes the person feel important.
Yes indeed. Thanks for adding this.
After all you said in the video ppl will be who they are at the very core. Thank you, it was healing for me.
It's like a crash course on public speaking! I like it. Thanks Dr. Tracey
A really useful video, thank you. I am not a naturally tactful person and I'm having to learn a lot about how to talk to people in a way that doesn't sound over critical. Videos like this have really helped me. I am still struggling though with how to talk to people at work when, as a more experienced staff member, I see them underperform in some way. Do you have a video on how to to offer constructive criticism that won't seem like a personal attack?
Suggest you drop the background music.
It is a bit too agitating and the stop and start of the track does not fit to what you say.
Thank you Tracey!! This video has helped more than I thought it would. 🙌🏾🙌🏾❤️❤️
I literally started taking notes about this
You call it charisma, I would call a great deal of it just being well-bred :)
There were some good ideas in this video, thanks but as a newly aware lifelong survivor of serious narcissistic & psychopathic psychological abuse, I now abhor dishonesty of any kind. I'm ok with not being an influencer or being thought of as 'important'. I'm happy with being loved &/ genuinely respected by fewer people. Thanks, T
Good for you for evolving.
Thank you so much DR.Tracey. you are so helpful..
This was such a revelation to me. Thank you for your amazing way of explaining this 💖 I appreciate it!
Whys it so hard to look at people in the eyes? half the time when I look too long people act anxious, but i know if i dont do it enough it seems bad. whats good guidelines for eye contact?
I maintain contact on things I want to be heard the most and do a quick break during my “ums” or while I’m gathering my thoughts. I try to use hand motions and head nods so that it’s not like I’m just staring them down.
It depends some people like intense eye contact and others see it as an intrusion in their space!! You have to see from person to person!!
Have you got a dog? If not, get one or borrow one from an elderly neighbour to walk. You will encounter many others out there with their dogs and it is so much easier to chat and get used to using your eyes in a way that is comfortable for you and others. After all, you can't lose Mrs Jones's dog!
Reverse it in your head …. Lock eyes with them to make them look away. Like a dog! Make them break first and prove who’s alpha.
This only works well if you’re at your best physical health.
Very true. For someone like me who deals with GI issues, it’s hard to be on point all the time. There’s a strong connection between the brain and the gut
Hi Dr.Marks you set me thinking am one of those guarded need to loosen up. Anyways thanks for uploads tons of help take care be safe
A Crash Course in How the Deal with Others Positively! We All have the Power to be Super Attractors, to make others Feel Good, in turn We Feel Good too!
Thank You Dr Tracey! I get more out of watching your videos than seeing my therapist.
Happy New Year 2022 ❤️