"Ted Haggard Is Completely Heterosexual" by Roy Zimmerman
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- Опубліковано 5 кві 2007
- www.royzimmerman.com/
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My songs are available through my website and on iTunes. Here, I perform "Ted Haggard..." at the 142 Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley during a recent "Mark Pitta and Friends" comedy night. - Комедії
this is brilliant
Yoooooo bo
Bo dude... No you're brilliant
Found this through ur playlist. Thankyou
@@SoVidushi same
This explains a lot actually
That "you're right but wait for it" is perfect comedy.
Can someone explain to me the punchline behind "Ted's a little haggard but he's thankful for the schism"? As a non native speaker I only get the literal translation.
Jar Jar Banksy it took me a minute to figure out what he meant even as a native speaker, easiest way to say it without getting censored by UA-cam is he’s talking about someone’s cleft or split. Atleast I think that’s what he meant
@@shekhinah2185 syllogism contains "gism" which is a slang term for semen
Always been fond of his improvised lines. There’s a great one in End of the Ship That’s Rising as well. It’s even on the album, although it doesn’t make any sense without the original audience reaction.
@@shekhinah2185 When he says schism everyone laughs because they realize what he's going to rhyme it with. His next line is "you might find it hard to swallow the syllogism." Technically that line just means it's hard to accep the argument being made, but it's a double entendre for "swallowing jizz." A slang term for semen - it's a blowjob joke.
Over 12 years later, and still wonderful. 10/10 A classic.
"he was one in a million--or more aptly, one in ten"
awesome.
I am so happy I found this using Bo Burnham's favorites playlist.
This shit was diamond, incrusted gold with a side of platinum.
"three weeks later he was born again again"
the head nod here kills me
The Atheist experience brought me here, this song is fucking hilarious!!!!!
Great stuff pmsl
Ditto. My favourite of all Roy's songs.
One year later and the same show brought me here
Same 😂
Which episode?
Same 😂
The president of the United States of America got weekly advise from Ted Haggard... Why do people let politicians live these things down?
yay....democracy...?
"three weeks later he's born again... again" is one of the most brilliant lines here.
"Born again, AGAIN" XD that line killed me.
Man, I can't believe this song is almost two decades old. I feel old.
This never gets old :)
You'll burn in hell, you fucking Illuminati!
PHILL SHIVELY Nope, trollin'....
PHILL SHIVELY Me too, cheers. :)
I still come back for "You're right... but wait for it." ROFL
I heard this song over 12 years ago, and it still pops in my head from time to time. Roy, you're a great satirist, hope you're still out there!
Roy sadly passed away last spring.
@@sarcastaball But he's still releasing videos...?
@@TheReaverOfDarkness Only old videos.
@@sarcastaball D=
@@sarcastaball Not according to Wiki...
To this day whenever I see or hear the name Ted Haggard, this song immediately starts playing in my head.
Roy Zimmerman is really quite a skilled guitarist!
OMG! Swallow the syllogism. I almost fell off my chair.
I loved that cheeky, self-aware "You're right, but wait for it"
"You might find it hard to swallow the syllogism" is one of the greatest lines ever, if not for the audience assuming (wrongly) that the pun is just a dirty joke before it even comes up. Brilliant line
“Syllo-jizm”
Absolutely brilliant, i love how he plays with their expectations, yet the punch line also delivers a clever play on words.
Years on this song is still funny and makes a point about so called religious preachers ;)
This will never not be gold.
"Glory how he blew ya!" Brilliant!
Ted Haggard is such a joke, lol. Everyone KNOWS he's gay. If you look in his eyes and his wife's eyes - they freaking know too. There's a look of desperation there.
Princess Buttercup what we know is that you are Batshitcrazy!
@@jerilynbridges1740 And what we know about you is that you're a triggered Right-Whinger.
Must be horrible being ignored about everything?
@@jerilynbridges1740 Gotta just stop in and take a second to savor the sweet irony of a barely-literate adult who believes in fairy tales and bases her life off of them calling anybody else crazy.
everybody knows but Ted Haggard
“Asssssss youuuuu wiiiiiiiishhh”
Oh come all ye faithful...
...WAS THAT A PUN?!??! Because if it was, it was GLORIOUS!!!
Sasha Remington
Aye. He should have closed the song with that line.
My 2 1/2 year old daughter says, "I like this song!"
+Sarah Trachtenberg I would like to see her face, when see get's old, and finds out the true meaning of the song
+Sarah Trachtenberg Enjoy the moment - we're all born atheists.
From the mouths of babes.
Sarah Trachtenberg
"Babes" - really - . Drunk or influenced by Amanita and kids i`d say.....straight from the horse`s mouth
yabbadabbadoo - it`s a true lie.........
I've listened to this so many times that whenever I hear the name "Ted Haggart", that song starts playing in my head!
It's the 27th of July 2017 (10 and a bit years later), and this is still one of the funniest songs about hypocrisy that I have EVER heard!
Next to come out should be Rick Santorum
Oh wait! No! He is mormon...His space god will take him to his own planet, where he might have all the...uh...pussy he wants...
+Abraxas1177 Not that I give a rat's ass if it looks bad for Mormons or Santorums But Romney is the Moron.........Mormon. Santorum is Baptist or some other crazy fundy flavor of Christian. Unless you go by Google and then he is a frothy mixture of lube and fecal material that may ooze out after anal sex. Thank you Dan Savage
***** LOL! thnx for the correction, crazy folks look all the same to me...
Roy, you are a gem. I'm so glad to have learned of you. Subscribed!
If I were the president and Ted Haggard called me, I'd put him on hold while I called up this video.
Oh man, that Leviticus slam is probably the best/most concise/most brilliant/most entertaining I've ever heard.
Gaah. For me, who only learned english as a second language, "completely heterosexual" is a complete tongue twister! lol
Education: Oral Roberts University
And Ray Comfort's Instructional Videos
Just when you think there is nothing more he could do with that phrase, out comes halleluuuube'ya.
epic.
This is great! I can't believe I found this! I'm thankful I clicked on that link someone posted.
I literally Rolled On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
Just about the most clever and witty song I've heard in a long time.
LOL omg this is awesome! seeing this gives me a fellow singing comedian inspiration
Brilliant word play! I always get such a laugh out of this.
Just keep on doing what you are doing, Roy! You make my day.
I laughed so much on this, it practically made my night :D
How have I never heard this masterpiece before?
Six years later and it's still funny! love Roy.
Makes me laugh every time.
What happened to Larry Craig?
I come back to this video every so often, might be the best satrical song ive ever heard. Mr Zimmerman, youre a lyrical genius.
This man is a GENIUS!! I've watched it at least 4 times and it just gets better!!
Everyone can agree that incest is wrong, even with in-laws, step-parents, and step-siblings. So we can't just pick and choose what parts of Leviticus to ignore like trimming your beard or planting wheat and barley in the same furrow or eating pork or wearing polyester. ;)
"Everyone can agree that incest is wrong" Not everyone can agree on that. And while i have no particular interest, i have to ask, why is it wrong? If you use protection, its hard to make an argument against it.
Well, actually all those forms of incest outlined in Leviticus aren't as big a deal, but marrying brothers to sisters and fathers to daughters does produce super messed up children. I guess I mean the very idea of incest is creepy even to the most devout atheists.
What's a "devout atheist"? Atheists have no belief in a deity, they can't be devout in their lack of belief.
And I never could understand the genetic disorders argument. It's not like relationships or marriage specifically is about children anyway. Even if it was, heteronormative couples face the same problems, down syndrome is not uncommon. There is also a lot of ways to have children without risks- adoption, surrogate motehrhood, sperm donation, just to name a few.
I think you really should not assume that people share your contempt and your beliefs, in most cases they actually don't.
Because Cain had to use either a sister or a female that 'god' created. Sins are only sins in the bible when and if god ever says not to do them. God ordered abortion in Numbers 5.
Paula Catlover Also, after Noah's Ark, there were 8 people who had to repopulate the entire world. Now, that is some premium grade incest, that is.
LMAO! That is so true!!
"He preached the gospel message of Intolerance and self loathing."
Christian Hypocrisy at it's finest.
A gift. Thanks for posting -- and thank you, Roy! -- a Pastor in Maryland
Just got done watching "Jesus Camp" and really needed some comic relief. Thanks,Roy!!
New sex allegations against Ted Haggard just dropped!
I love Roy's little nods after "born again..." (1:03) and "well, nothin'... (2:09)
Roy strikes the nail on the head with "choose to be a hetero and 7 foot 2."
You tell 'em, Roy!
I never thought I'd say this is my "comfort song." I come here to watch it whenever I need a little lift! :) Kind of like I shop for office supplies when I need to distract myself from something. Bizzare, but it works. I ain't gonna fix what aint broke.
Thanks, Roy!
I LOVE IT! Best one yet, Roy!!!!
I keep coming back to this one. :D
"[VenomFangX]'s gonna change his major to biology and learn science so he can debunk evolution"
Oh wow, I sense an atheist in the making.
I can't stop playing this. It's so awesome!!!!
Well, you'd better stop of it'll fall off!
Love your songs!
Great Job..
Why can't we see this on CNN, MSNBC, or better yet, FOX? This guy is great!!!! Thanks for posting!!
This is a glorious, glorious song. Thank you. *dances to it*
Thank you Ted Haggard for making me find Roy Zimmerman!
Just coming back to this to remember how good it is
Roy Zimmerman! I have just discovered you today and you are freaking brilliant. Hahaha, I love what you do. You hate what I hate. Thank you for your insightful songs!!
Beautiful done, bravo!
More! More! More, Roy! You're one delightful, highly entertaining genius of a parodist!
Thank you Mr Roy!!!
You made my day!!
Roy - excellent ... nice guitar playing too.
So topical!!! I'm sad that most folks from now on won't know enough about Haggard to appreciate this song!
this song was stuck in my head for weeks
Totally great. I never heard of him!
Most excellent. Thanks, Mr. Zimmerman.
WOW -- incredibly enjoyable! Mahalo, Roy!
Beautiful! Thank you for your gifts of comedy.
Well done, Mr. Z. Thanks!
Awesome Roy. In one section of your performance I thought for sure you were going to say "You're right, but wait for it; it's coming..." I'm still lol.
I'm always impressed by his guitar work.
An important message in a fun 3 minutes. Thanks Roy!
Oh, wow, astounding stuff. Such lovely wit and word play!
So great
Absolutely incredible! I love it!
that ad being there is funnier than the actual video lol!
Brilliant stuff, Roy you are fantastic!!
Yeah Roy this one is bye far one of your best one, couldn't you do a " how to play Ted Haggard Is Completely Heterosexual", it's so great. I have actually played your creation sciences 101 in school in our science class and it totaly blew everyone away. Well even if you don't do a "how to play this song" thank you for all great videos.
YT showed me an ad for "Worship Guitar" before playing this video. The irony level is over 9000.
Excellent
I love you Roy!
Thanks, Roy.
Excellent, well done indeed!
Roy Zimmerman, you have been Touched by His Noodly Appendages. The FSM blesses you.
Wow. This guy is awesome. *searches for more songs*
One of my all-time favorites. :)
Very Clever and apt!
awesome!!
hey, I know about this guy! I listened to his 'Formen Folks Heroes' CD all the time. Glad he's back.
AMAZINGLY brilliant!!
Great song!
great work herd it on athiest exsperience they had great praise for your work hope to watch some of your other stuff awsome work.
Love it!
Brilliant!! ;D