Anger Management: How To Calm An Angry Person In 90 Seconds with Doug Noll

Doug Noll is an award-winning author, teacher, trainer, and highly experienced mediator. His work carries him from international work to helping people resolve deep interpersonal and ideological conflicts to training life inmates to be peacemakers and mediators in maximum-security prisons. His fourth book, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less was published by Beyond Word Publishing in September 2017. De-Escalate is now in four languages and in its second printing. He is the co-founder of Prison of Peace, and creator of the De-Escalate Emotional People (DEEP) skills.
During the episode, we discuss:
• attributes of an emotionally competent person
• the difference between emotional intelligence and emotional competence
• de-escalating an angry person in 90 seconds
• why we are 98% emotional and only 2% rational
• why emotional invalidation is the first deadly sin
Get in touch after the interview:
• LinkedIn: / dougnoll
• Facebook: / douglasnoll
• Twitter: / dougnoll
• UA-cam: / douglasnoll
• Website: dougnoll.com/
• Podcast Agent Email: [e-mail]
Get Doug’s book on Amazon today: “De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less” www.amazon.com/Escalate-Calm-...
Doug is also offering a free one-hour spot on his new project called Difficult Conversations With Doug which will be live-streamed on UA-cam. This will be made available to any two of your listeners who may be avoiding difficult, yet crucial, conversations. You can find out more about this freebie here 👉 dougnoll.com/lp/difficult-con....
Claim your free gift!
We’re giving away a one-year membership to the world’s #1 business book summary service for leaders! Our gift will help you stay on top of the latest ideas, decide which books to read next, and engage your teams.
To get your gift:
1. Leave a rating or review on your favorite listening channel.
2. Take a screenshot of your review.
3. Share the screenshot on LinkedIn, and mention either “Allison Dunn” or “Deliberate Directions” and the “Deliberate Leaders Podcast”.
=============
Allison Dunn
Executive Business Coach
Deliberate Directions + Executive Business Coaching + Training Center
3003 W Main Street, Suite 110, Boise ID 83702
[phone]
Website www.deliberatedirections.com
LinkedIn / allisondunn
Podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

Brilliant. Wow. Thank you. This info is so valuable.

[@kpfern2337]

To me, anger gives me control and power. It protects me from my boyfriend’s rage. It helps me from being emotionally bullied.
I can totally see that your 3 step method will work on him. But am I the one who has to validate his feelings all the time? Why do I need to calm him? What about me? What about MY feeling?

[@dameanvil]

00:00 🎙 Doug Knoll introduces the concept of de-escalation and its importance in calming angry individuals.
01:07 🛑 Three-step process for de-escalating anger: Ignore the words, read the emotional data fields, and use statements to label the emotions.
02:47 🧠 Humans are highly attuned to others' emotions, evolved from prehistoric communication methods.
03:01 🤫 Labeling emotions can help calm the emotional center of the brain, activating the prefrontal cortex for calmness.
06:01 📊 Emotional data structuring involves layering emotions to make them easier to understand and address.
09:05 🤝 Use statements in communication, even interrupting, to effectively label emotions without causing offense.
12:17 🧒 Early emotional labeling in children leads to academic and emotional advancement.
14:06 📚 Building an emotional database through association enhances emotional intelligence and communication.
16:28 🗣 Ethic labeling in leadership can create instant trust and rapport by acknowledging and validating emotions.
17:02 🏡 Application of de-escalation skills in personal relationships fosters understanding and strengthens bonds.
19:38 🧘 Attributes of emotional competence: Recognizing and naming emotions, regulating emotions, and practicing empathy.
19:52 🔄 Mastery of ethic labeling can lead to significant improvements in emotional competence without expensive training courses.
20:23 🧠 Emotional intelligence, as defined by Mayer and Salovey in 1983, is a form of social intelligence measured on a scale.
21:02 🎓 Emotional competency can be learned, leading to high emotional intelligence scores.
22:03 🤔 Emotional competency can be developed simply through listening to and reflecting on others' emotions.
22:39 🏛 Emotional intelligence can be taught effectively, even to those with troubled backgrounds, such as prisoners.
24:01 💡 Human behavior is 98% emotional and only 2% rational, challenging the long-held assumption of human rationality.
25:02 🧠 Emotional decisions at the neuronal level are based on hedonic responses, not rationality.
27:10 🔄 Recognizing ourselves as emotional beings allows for better understanding and predictability of behaviors.
27:32 ⚠ Emotional invalidation, common in childhood, halts emotional maturation and can lead to lifelong emotional struggles.
30:05 🚸 Emotional invalidation is pervasive, insidious, and detrimental to brain development.
30:26 📚 "De-escalate: How to calm an angry person in 90 seconds or less" addresses emotional management across various life stages, from dating to workplace conflicts.
32:38 💬 Ethic labeling, a communication tool, can help emotionally troubled teens feel understood and safe.
33:07 📱 Providing an emotionally safe environment for children fosters connection and nurturance.

[@renatebarkow5250]

Seems to me it only works,when you are in front of s.o. Or does it work on the telephone too? What can I do when I only in telefhon contact with a near person?????

[@pngproductions8529]

last thing I want is someone to tell me how I feel, its controlling. I can tell someone How I feel..just need to be heard.

[@keepcalmkd]

You’re angry
You’re frustrated
You’re Pissed off
You feel disrespected
Ignored
Not appreciated
Unsupported
Not heard
You’re a little worried
And anxious
You’re feeling a little embarrassed,
A little sad,
Upset,
And distressed
And you feel completely abandoned
Unloved
And all alone
And rejected