I’m 65 and was diagnosed with manic depression in 1975. To this very day I take my meds. I have had my ups and downs been hospitalized 3 times I’m still fighting but besides my wife of 42 years my 4 children are my greatest joy. They are all healthy and successful. I have 1 daughter an attorney, 2 sons civil engineers and another daughter teaches 3rd grade. It is obvious what I would have missed out if fear of having children had prevailed.
Your comment gives me hope that I’m doing the right thing. I’m bipolar and pregnant. I always wonder how that’ll effect my child but I know with the proper care and love anything is possible
Roy wilkins lucky that u were a male. Same cant be saidvfor a female with BPD. bearing children with the side effects andcteratogenic effects of the drugs s a huge risk
Trust me, you are one of the bravest and most courageous persons I have read about. I am also 64 and father of a 34 years old son with BD. And going though hell trying to manage his and being torn apart from within, seeing him going through this hell. But my love for him is unwavering, and your comments really has given me great courage to keep supporting my son.
I was traumatized by my bipolar mother as a child and I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 myself earlier this year. I often wonder myself if I can handle having children. I feel like I would be able to help my potential children if they end up with bipolar disorder, but I worry about my own stability. I can snap and be unreasonably angry with people and that kind of behaviour from my mother is exactly what traumatized me. My mother never was treated for bipolar disorder and was completely unaware of how terrible she could be to me. I feel like I’m at an advantage over her because I’m aware of my symptoms and I’m in treatment and have a team behind me.
Stephanie your mother's story will not be your story. It's hard when you come from abuse as you think your children will have the same childhood as you. But this will not be the case. Find a good psychologist and work through your trauma from childhood and somewhere along the way it will just click that you are a completely different person and you can use your childhood to love your children like every child deserves. Don't let your bipolar diagnosis stop you from experiencing the gift of motherhood as children are a blessing. Xx
I feel you Stephanie. I don't know what you'll decide to do, but I know my sister felt much the same way. She had one child and wanted so desperately to be a great mom and not repeat our mother's mistakes, but unfortunately, she ended up doing just that and even worse. She committed suicide when her son was 12, leaving a whole different kind of pain and trauma :(
My father; bipolar. Me; bipolar. He didn't receive his diagnosis until his 30s/40s, I received mine as a teen, and have tacked on schizo Affective in the last 20 years. I have a 4 year old daughter, now. I sometimes wonder if she may be better off without me, but then I remember that I wouldn't have the awareness of my bipolar that I do if it weren't for seeing my father work through his. I recommend human behavioral biology studies to determine for yourself whether or not you want a child when you have a diagnosis.
I wanted to leave a comment to I understand my mom is crazy an I say that word bc I love my mom an I’ll never get another but she is crazy an she tried her best to fuck me up in the head over an over an bc I have BPD I’m a bit narsitistic an I have probs showing love an accepting it I’m very head strong an have taught my self to build my self up bc my dad wasn’t around an I was adopted by my moms adoptive parents wich I call maw maw an pawpaw an he died when I was 6 then my maw maw got alzimers then went to my moms an it was hell from there !!!!!!!
I was diagnosed december last year age 24, I left med school, and I had struggle every day to accept my diagnosis. I dont really have a family to be there to support me in my journey, but I did find a good psychologist, she tries to encourage me to think about my future in a more positive way, we once talk about having my own family one day, she said is always possible with a loving and understanding partner (communication is the key, nothing new in there), and always honest conversations with your child, even taking them to therapy with you as they grow older so they will have a better understanding. For now my energy is in finding a better job for my needs and learning to love myself even with my BD. Kids sound great, I just dont think is correct by any circunstance for me to have children, when I am struggling myself so much. I am really happy I found Polar Warriors, and the fact that you are so open with any topic and reading the comments of all this brave people really gives me hope that one day things will be better for me. I send you all a great hug.
I feel you man. My bipolar disorder nearly derailed my entire PhD and I nearly walked away from it. I still don't feel like I'm a 100% back from my episode even though it was pretty much over about a year ago at this point. I definitely don't feel as sharp as I used to be or as capable of the level of work and stress I put on myself for years. I hope you find a lifestyle and a career that works for you. I know I'm sure trying to keep it together.
I was diagnosed very early on in my life, and I stopped taking any meds at 16 because I thought I knew better. Let me tl you, I absolutely fucking didn't I'm still struggling with type 2 bipolar disorder to this day.
@@robertmines5577 I know that this comment is a year old but it resonated with me so much. I accepted a job 6 months ago as a dialysis tech and it was so stressful. I suffer with bipolar 2 and I usually can deal with a lot of stress, i would joke and call myself super women because I was always busy and on the go. Until i had a horrible episode 3 months into my new job. I couldn’t get out of bed one morning and I abandoned my job, I blocked their number and I never contacted them. It was like my brain wouldn’t let me contact them, I was hiding in bed from the world for about 2 weeks. I refused to leave the house, I couldn’t eat, sleep, I wasn’t answering my phone. I have never had an episode that bad in my life, that was like 3 months ago and I do not feel like I am fully recovered yet. I am seeing a new therapist and a psychiatrist, I am frightened now because this opened my eyes to see how serious bipolar is. I am sad that I left a job that I worked so hard for, I am also scared that I won’t be able to hold a job in the future again.
I can barely take care of myself, and would feel so anxious thinking that my child will go through this suffering. Furthermore I am terribly afraid of the lack of sleep due to infants as well as the heightened anxiety, worry, and responsibility. Finally, I worry I will ruin my whole family with my mania or depression. Having children was one of my dreams but I believe I have to focus on myself first, and the clock is ticking
I'm too old for children now but when I was young I was afraid of those exact things and I think it's definitely better not to do something then do something that may not turn out so good especially when you have some insight
For me personally, it's a no. I wouldn't want to pass this hell on to anyone else. Nor would I want to put any kid through the hell I went through growing up with a bipolar mom (her and my sister have bipolar type 1, I have type 2, so mine was overlooked for a long time). I don't judge others for whatever choices they make though. I would also think the severity of your particular illness would weigh into the issue. Plus, some people (like me) don't even know for sure that they have it until they are old enough to have already had kids. Luckily, I didn't want kids from the beginning, so it was never an issue with me.
I have 18 year old daughter. She doesn't have B2 like me. If she has that I wold be the best teachers for her because I know everything about illness. With her I have the best relationship ever; full of trust. So some of us are happy with being parent.😊
Tanja, I have bipolar. I have three children: 19, 17, and 15. Most of the time, bipolar shows up in late teens through mid 20s. It’s really hard to tell if your child has bipolar or not until later in life. With that said, my mom had no clue how to parent me. If my children did end up with bipolar, I feel like you do: I have all the tools to help him or her. 😊
I will never regret having my children and having Bipolar 1 disorder. I stay on top of my meds, have had years of therapy and a great supportive spouse. I have made some terrible mistakes but they have allowed me to grow as a person. We need to take accounbility for our actions, yes , Bipolar disorder makes things harder for us and causes us to not think" normally" but once you start separating your self from this disease you gain so much. Take care my fellow peeps on this sometimes crazy journey. Pun intended !
Tanya, what a wonderful & great attitude. I think you're right on! I'm bipolar & alcoholic (from dad & mom's side respectively). What a double whammy! But I've been sober almost 10 years & learned from A.A. how to make amends for my mistakes without feeling guilt, because many were caused by my illnesses. It took me decades to climb out of the hole I was in. Things are still difficult for me, but I have meds that help w/symptoms, friends & tools to support me. I'm so relieved to have some sunshine in my life now!
Obviously, I can only speak from my experience, but take from this what you will. BP runs rampant in my family, cousins, siblings, mother, aunts, etc. I was not diagnosed early and had minimal support. I have 2 adult children whom I love more than anything. My untreated BP had an impact on them growing up, and I believe I struggled unnecessarily as a mother. Both of my children have bipolar disorder. They have love and support, and I believe they are happy. However, certain aspects of the stress of parenthood were MAJOR triggers for me, and still are. Consider how difficult it might be on you emotionally, because it doesn’t end when they are grown. The stress can be traumatic at times. It is not my intention to sound dark or frighten anyone out of having children. I have a very happy and close relationship with both of them. I suppose I just hope people will consider beyond the younger years.
Did you get postpartum depression during your pregnancies? I've heard it's more likely for that to happen to bipolar women than women who don't have bipolar disorder.
I grew up with a dad with bipolar and other mental problems. I think it helped me. I am bipolar and I know what I don’t want to be like. I do have kids. One with bipolar but 4 without. I have a supportive husband. He knows my ups and downs and we manage this together. I take meds, go to therapy and lots of self care. My kids have saved me from myself a lot.
I was a bit hesitant about watching your video. But glad I did. I don't ever regret being a mum despite having bipolar 2. I have four children and it was when I was postpartum with my 4th where I took manic episode. It was horrible and recovery was harder as I had four children whose needed their mum to be okay again. It was after this that we decided our family was complete and I needed to focus on developing good mental health. I grew up in an abusive home where my mum had schizophrenia and my dad was an alcoholic. So I am determined to do all I can to make sure my children have a stable, loving home and thankfully I married a fantastic man who helps make our home a loving one. So my advice to mother's with bipolar is having a child is a massive decision and more than likely your mental wellness may suffer at times due to hormonal changes. However being a mother is a beautiful experience and one I am grateful I had the chance to experience this lifetime.
I really enjoyed this video, it was extremely well thought out and your ability to stay neutral was perfect. I’m 43 now, but decided decades ago to not have children for several reasons, but I have zero regrets in doing so. My parents, to this day, still have a “you don’t need medication, you need church” mentality, even after hospitalizations. They’ll just have to enjoy my sister’s kids! It is a very difficult decision to make on whether or not to have children, so my heart goes out to those of you out there who are struggling with it. ❤️
Yeah, as a Christian myself, let me tell you this. I firmly believe in supernatural heading. However, God doesn't always choose that route for people. I believe that doctors and the medical field in general are also just as much, probably more often, used by God as a means of healing as well as controlling things that won't be healed. I can't stand when people say "go to church, God will heal you if you choose to let Him" because frankly, we don't get to tell God what to do, any more than we should be telling reach other what to do! These choices are the sole responsibility of the person making them, including God. 🙂
I chose not to have children because I was afraid of what my illness would do to my children. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50 and just knew something wasn't normal with me. I managed to be a very functional person but had 3 month long depressions every year. I feel at 63 it was the right decision for me. I just wish I had been treated earlier in my life but back in the 70's there wasn't much awareness concerning trearment.
@@joanburbank3755at 50 it was way too late to have children anyway you only have till you're about 42 until it becomes unhealthy I'm concerned you weren't aware of that
I have bp 2 and 2 children myself. They are my everything! I wasn’t diagnosed when I had my first who is now 14 years old. I think I did a good job! I had rough times with my depression, but we made it through and she’s turned out great! So far no issues with her, hopefully none arise...but if they do, I’m well equipped to help her with that, just like I felt I was well equipped to have children as an adult ( regardless of illness) period. I now have a 3 year old, post diagnosis. No regrets, they give me purpose, will to live, and strength to push through! ❤️ children are not for everyone...bp or not.
I hope you’re well, Rob. I just want to hug everyone in the comments section, I love reading other warrior’s opinions and experiences and how it brings us together so much. My heart goes out to the people who decide to have chidren and for the people who don’t, as you said there’s no yes or no to having children if you have BD. I’m just 22 and I have no idea if I want children but I know that I’d only have them if I’ve learnt how to look after myself properly and my situation is adequate. My mom is bipolar as well and she raised me by herself, overcoming toxic family patterns and giving me a great childhood. Her emotional intelligence has taught me so much and I don’t think I would have been able to be so rational and analytical towards my BD if she hadn’t taught me to think that way. I wouldn’t change a thing, I think she made the right choice and now that I’m older I understand her struggles. Chemically speaking, it’s so complicated. My mum had a very healthy postpartum even with horrible circumstances but others sometimes fall in a horrible depression, so having support as you said is fundamental. I’m so proud of her for doing everything so well on her own but it can’t have been easy. It’s possible though❤️
My Dad has Bipolar Manic since 1982, and it has been a living hell for my family and myself since my sister was born. Almost everyday he comes home and yells at my mom... and it makes me cry and sad too hear what he does....My mom might leave my dad, if he doesn't take his meds. What will happen is...we will move to my grandmom's house we will end up being poor, and it will be a hard time for my family and I that we, had to suffer through this.
Hay I know u feel my ex only find out he get it I had leve him it was so make me ill I try help him did not listen to me what so ever did bad to me and his own kid hugs I understand u so much I was thinking it was just me and my little girl
Thank you for this video. As someone with bipolar disorder 1, I found this information to be very enlightening. You mention aspects of this topic that I honestly hadn’t considered before- solidifying my reasons to not have my own children. I can’t imagine being a parent with this disorder, it’s so difficult for us to take care of ourselves, let alone an innocent child. More power to those polar warriors who can actually have children and best of luck to them. 💛 Thank you again for everything you do, I recently discovered your videos and I can’t express my gratitude for the work you do. 🤟🏻
I was not diagnosed with Bipolar 2 until I was 44 years old. This was after my wife and I had four children. For us there were some difficult times but we made it workout. I can say now that my wife was really patient with my short comings, and I always worked hard at correcting my issues. For us and our situations it worked out just fine. My oldest is 29 and my youngest is 17. So far none of them have had a diagnosis of having bipolar.
You covered most of it. I'm schizoaffective with bipolar, daughter of a bipolar mother. My mothers experience with repeated ECT made us her children swear off children. Neither my brother or sister has kids though married. I had a chance to marry but I was terribly unsure of being a mother to my friends child. I lost the man and his child. It still hurts and I have regret. But my mothers history was a warning for even getting married. Moreover my own history has been turbulent with stability only after ten years after diagnosis at 37. I'm 51 now and single. Thank you for spending time on this topic. Some things are clearer now. Thanks.
Yeah, I have Bipolar, and looking back, I probably shouldn't have had children...I wasn't diagnosed until after I'd had 3 of them, but I Know I was pretty Extreme as a Mother...But So Often, it was Extremely Good, and we had SO much Fun ! But my anger was on a different level...I still feel Ashamed, and all my children are now adults, and living separately from me...The eldest One has cut me out of her Life Completely, the middle one seems to also have some sort of 'thing' going on, but the other 2 are Fine, Now... After Many Fallings Out... It's been, and still is in a way, a Particularly Turbulent Rollercoaster Ride...I Don't feel Great about myself, when all's said and Done. The Guilt is Crushing. ...By the way, So glad to see you back, Rob, hope you're feeling a little better now, with everything.
Carrie, Please try not to feel guilty! You had no idea about your mental issues when you had your 3 kids. You've done your best & your children should know that.
OMG- reading this is so similar to the comment I just left here! I can empathize with you completely. My son (only child) blames me and his father. He has written himself out of my life. My guilt, especially with my melancholy, is also crushing, and a huge trigger. Check out my channel if you'd like.
I wished I had been diagnosed earlier, I'm 49 and was diagnosed at 42. I knew there was something wrong with me and tried for years to get help, I'm one who slipped through the cracks. I have bipolar 2 and my dad had bipolar 1. My twin daughters went through tuff times with me, they're almost 25 now. I carried so much guilt and mu therapist told me to call it remorse instead, that helps. Thank God my daughter's forgive me but it took a lot of time. I just waited for their time clock. I love them more than anything in the world.
I understand how you feel I have bipolar 1 and 4 grown children and 2 don't want anything to do with me and the other two barely do they all blame me for everything wrong with them
I didn't know I was Bipolar until after becoming pregnant with my 3rd child. Had I known before I really don't know if I'd have had children. But they have saved my life more than once. When I'm very down I do my best to remember them. On the other hand, I have convinced myself that ending everything would be better for them because of how horrible I am as a mother. I find myself breaking down a lot for being overwhelmed. And I worry a lot that one of my girls maybe bipolar as well. It definitely is a struggle. I love my children but I do often feel like I'm not doing right by them by being here. And that can be scary. I read once, a list of things that children grow up having issues with and one of them was having a parent that wasn't mentally stable. It set with me and plays over and over in my mind. I feel like I'm ruining their lives by being their mother. It really is a hard topic. Looking back now I'm about 90% sure the first time I got pregnant I was manic and just didn't know. I feel really bad about it most days and it is really hard to cope.
@Pug_Frost I was just diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last year at the age of 39 and already had four children. My oldest was almost 12 and my youngest was almost 6. I absolutely don't regret having any one of them, but I do think I would have been more skeptical about having kids in the first place if I had been diagnosed sooner. Like you, I think I got pregnant with my first child during a manic episode. I had only known my now husband for a little over a month when I got pregnant. I know that sounds so horrible, but hypersexuality IS one of the symptoms of this terrible disorder 😢 Also, like you, there have been times when I have felt like if I no longer existed my family would be so much better off, and all at the same time I fight like hell to suppress those feelings because of them. I can't imagine leaving them that way. I had an aunt who committed suicide and I know the pain that caused her kids, but it had an effect on the rest of our family as well, with me especially. I was only her niece and the hole left in my heart remains even 30 years later. I hope you are doing well. Many hugs to you 🤗 💚
You’re so well spoken and you don’t miss any angle. Thank you! I have BP2 and I’m just now learning this at 34 years old. I have kids. And it’s making sense why I was so triggered. But all is still well. I guilt myself more than I should but I know there’s room for improvement. Almost a month in with OTC meds have done such a difference and I’m starting to really enjoy being a new mom now. And I’ll add I’ve been a single mom since forever. Even during pregnancy so I now know why I would leave their dads and why things didn’t happen and work out. Know better do better. Ppl say I’m a great mom but I feel like I wasn’t. So don’t let your BP disorder keep u from having help and hope. Having kids completed me in so many ways.
Hi @crimegeek! Thank you so much for the kind words. Sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment... It's comments like yours that motivate me to keep making videos. I'm also grateful that you took so much time to share some of your experience with the community. How are you feeling this week? It would be great to stay connected with you... I'll include a link below to my private community on Patreon. It's where you can message me directly anytime (and access a lot of content I don't post on UA-cam). www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors Take extra good care of yourself @crimegeek and I hope you will continue to stop by the channel. I appreciate you =) -Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors
I’m almost 23, was diagnosed bp2 at the end of last year, and the idea of getting pregnant is probably the scariest thing I can imagine. I’m already on a very precarious edge since I don’t have a stable income or state of mind, and the hormones alone from a pregnancy would probably push me over the edge. However maybe one day when I’m much older and wiser, if I have a stable job and have been stable emotionally for a while I might consider adopting because I am a very caring and nurturing person (my dog is on a great routine and is the most spoiled). But that will be a long way away considering how I am now. The years of adulting I did in my early college years took a big backslide with my first manic episode, so I don’t want to force a kid to grow up in the hellish chaos that surrounds me. Good video!! I think you were very fair. 💕
My dad is bipolar. I was 10 when he went through his first psychosis, it gave me PTSD. I wish there was a larger support group for children with bipolar parents.
I'm so sorry! Perhaps consider getting involved with the mental health community in your area. There are usually support groups for family and friends, the one in my city is well attended. If not, consider starting your own small group, lots are meeting on Zoom. Take gentle care Eva! Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member (H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nd For ten dollars a month you can message Rob directly, watch videos that are more personal in nature and have access to a great community. www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Having 3 kids in 3 years really wore me out. I was diagnosed when the kids were older. It was hard to have my thinking changing all the time and I was inconsistent. Yet my kids learned compassion for others who are hurting. One of my children went into the medical field to help people who struggle. There is hope and no parent is perfect ❤️
Yes....it is a difficult discussion. I am a 64 year old woman. Didn't get a Bipolar Disorder diagnosis until I was 30 but looking back it started much earlier. It took me 6 years to get pregnant and I have 2 adult children. My son has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My daughters physician mentioned the possibility that she may have it but she's not really diagnosed. Looking back...I WOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. My son suffers, I suffer and I feel SO guilty that I was a horrible parent. I hate seeing my son go through this. Drug abuse, suicidal ideations and all that does along with this illness. And like you said....it's an individual decision to make but I am miserable and have been for years and now watching my son and possibly my daughter go through this. Personally NO I wouldn't have children.
Cynthia, Wow, I understand how you must feel. My mother feels the same way. No one told her my father's family had a lot of mental illness. They hid it from her. She later said she wouldn't have married him if she'd known. She feels very guilty. I am bipolar, 1 brother is schizophrenic. I tell my mom it's not her fault. If you didn't know you'd pass mental illness on to your kids then of course it's not your fault. You should understand that & not beat yourself up about it - just help your children as best you can. I'm 66 & am happy I didn't have a family because my father became seriously mentally ill & diagnosed as bipolar when he was in his late 30s. By then he'd had 5 kids. We were a very disfunctional family & I suffered a lot of abuse. I didn't want to take the chance of passing that on to anyone else.
Does medication and counseling not work well for you or your children? I know it’s a personal decision, and I am in no way judging your position. I just hate to see you and your family suffering when there is help.
Cynthia, you are not alone. Reading your post was like reading about my own experience. Both of my children have BP. My daughter was in such a dark place that I was so afraid she would never function normally or maybe would commit suicide. My son is kind of there now. I have hope for him because of how well his older sister is doing. I got a late diagnosis of BP, and I know my untreated disease caused them pain growing up. I require intense therapy because of the guilt I feel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I did not have children due to my illness. I wasnt diagnosed until I was 50 but knew I wasn't ok. It was the 3 month depressions that worried me the most. I knew I would struggle and didnt want to be a neglectful parent.
I am diagnosed when I was 18 my age is 27 and my wife is pregnant ..I am feeling very depressed about his future coz nowadays i am unable to speak with anyone and even unable to go out
Yes of course, and I wish you the very best - but at the same time, please be acutely vigilant about the safety and well-being of your children when you are up against things. My mother wasn't and we were alone and unsafe with her, with dire results though we all got through it in the end, some how.
@@maheshisapure4085 Hey, while looking at previous discussions, this was found. Although I have empathy for anyone who had children during such circumstances, most of all- hopefully you have since discovered fellow support from bipolar parents and/ or men who you can relate to in your situation since during the pregnancy. An important gift that you can offer your child, or anyone is compassion while the world around us adapts.
welcome back Rob, I hope "U" R well ! as far as having children. I am in my 60's now. My 3 children R in their 30's. My husband wanted children, I thought I would be a bad person if I didn't, so I did. I had 3 children in less than 4 yrs. It was NOT good. I love my children w all my heart. But I have bipolar 1, but wasn't diognosed till after my kids were born. But I knew something was not right w my mind. My kids went throu hell. I was hospitalized 30 times in a 20 yr period. I died by suicide. My kids came home from school early & found me. My oldest daughter called 911, told the other 2 to go stay in the back yard.the paramedics worked on me for an hour, all while my daughter watched screaming, I was in a coma for 12 hours. I came from a very dysfunctional family. Mom had manic depression, dad was an alcoholic. My 1 daughter used to cut herself, my oldest daughter has severe panic & anxiety & PTSD. 2 of my kids attempted suicide. My husband had to work long hours, then come home & take care of the kids. It was hell 4 all of us. My advice would be, if U don't think U can handle it, don't have kids just because U want to make someone else happy. If U R not diognosed yet but think something is just not right w your mind.See a doctor before U make this huge decision. It is a major life change. I hope this was helpful to even 1 person!
Also, I'd like to add.All 3 of my daughters went to college, R very successful, none R on drugs. I have a wonderful relationship with all of them today. They realize , the reason it was so hard 4 me to raise them,was because I was extreamly overprotective & always TERRIFIED something bad would happen to them. I am so thankful NOW to have my husband & children :) They ARE my life! My oldest daughter lives in Hawaii, is an avid surfer, meditates, does yoga, & is vegan. We help each other with ideas to stay mentally healthy!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am just getting into researching about bipolar disorder because my girlfriend has it who I've been with for almost 2 months. I feel very lost and am unsure about our future together. As bad as it sounds I don't know if this disorder is something that I can handle. I am 25 and she's 26 and I still haven't even gotten my life together yet. I love her and am dedicated to support her with anything she needs but I am scared about our future.
I was diagnosed in Jan ‘19 but struggled with depression and postpartum depression years before that which affected my parenting. My daughter is now 8 and I feel I have let her down somewhat for being, well, me but she has turned into such a wonderful child. I do think about having another kid but I am concerned about the medication and how careful I’d need to be if I am trying to conceive because of the Lithium and I am worried about the post-partum side of things, also I am 32 so my “clock” is ticking. I have also come to the realisation that I am happy with 1 kid; I am trying to be a good mother and that I am too scared to have another one. In other words, all the stress and anxiety I would put my mental health, body and family through isn’t worth it right now. Thank you for your video’s, they are always appreciated.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 when my son was 8 months old and went through postpartum depression and a hypomanic state, but was able to stay in my home for treatment. I don’t remember much of that time, but my husband won’t ever forget. So for all our sakes, we have decided that we are one and done. Even the slight chance of an episode is too much of a risk.
Thanks for this video and to all the people that commented that they successfully raised kids. I started crying in the beginning of this video because I always thought I would never be able to raise kids in a manner that would make them happy. Now I see the topic a bit different. Maybe one day with the right partner and support system this would really be an option. You gave me hope. Thanks a lot ❤️
I've been on my Meds since 2010. My wife and I already had our 3 kids before we knew that I had BP. I think that faith and family are a great help for those of us who suffer from BP. I will say that it is a very personal decision that each couple should weigh the blessings as well as the challenges that children can be, then decide for themselves. I just know that for us, we are so glad that we have kids. Take care and GOD BLESS
I love your humility and dedication to creating dialogue, even if it's just dialogue for us warriors to have with ourselves. I struggle so much around this issue of procreating not just as a person with mental health struggles, but because of climate change and economic instability. Thank you for being so kind and generous of heart in all of your videos.
Thanks for your kind words Izzy. Procreation is such a deeply sensitive and personal issue. I have struggled with my own feelings on it as well over the years. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us. -Rachel (Polar Warriors team member)
This is a very good but kind of moot question. Many people who are bipolar or have other mental illnesses do not have noticeable symptoms until they're in their late 20s or 30s. By that time, many have had children. I'm bipolar and didn't have serious symptoms until I was in my late 30s. But because my father was bipolar, I decided when I was young not to have kids. He went through Hell, & I didn't want to take the chance of passing it on. 2 of my brothers had kids and 1 of them became mentally ill when in his 30s. By then my nephew had already had a daughter. Many families who grew up in the 20s & 30s, like mine, wouldn't discuss this type of disease with their kids because they were uneducated about it & ashamed. Society looked down on them. That's unfortunate and can cause terrible problems. If my parents had told me there was a chance I could have these issues, I would have been able to recognize it & gotten help years before I did. Instead I suffered a long time before being diagnosed.
Not all people develop symptoms in that time frame though. I had my first manic episode at 15 and I find this discussion to be very important in helping me decide what I'm going to do in the future. Also, since people are getting married and having kids later in life these days it's perfectly possible someone could learn they're bipolar in their 20s or 30s before ever having children.
While people can develop symptoms later, with bipolar disorder it is actually more common to present with symptoms in your late teens to early twenties. And on average people are deciding to have children later and later these days. Not to say that some people don't miss the boat with this question, but it definitely comes in time for some people to consider. (I'm even weirder in that some of the depressive symptoms of my bipolar started when I was 11)
I have bipolar 1, but was already a parent before getting diagnosed. My son is an adult now and doesn't have the bipolar diagnosis. I have no regrets about becoming a mom. Very thankful for it, actually! Thanks for addressing the topic.
I am a mother of 6 children with a Bipolar 1 Ultradian Cycling diagnosis. My Autobots are the reason I am still here. Its not easy and I worry I'm not the best I can be all the time.(hell hardly ever) I know they see me struggle; I also know that I have open communication with them about my mental illness. That they also see me accomplish great things. Showing them (since some of my children also have different disorders) that you are not defined by your mental illness and its noy an excuse. It's a learning process a life long, day to day growth or back pedal. I strongly feel they are and will be great, compassionate, fierce human beings because they have a Mom that shows new strength everyday and never stops. Thank you for the videos!
Beautiful video! So wonderful how you emphasize the importance of being supportive (so many people don't know what that means), gathering reliable information, being open to change, respecting others for the choices they feel are best for their lives & remaining loving & supportive, even if you disagree. Time, patience, love, understanding, setting healthy boundaries & coming up with an action plan when the bipolar person feels stable/ WELL, I feel, means the difference between living (what feels like) a life of hell, where you are eternally misunderstood & setting yourself up for failure time & time again; and living a life of love, while effectively managing the ups & downs of life, bipolar disorder & other mental health challenges, in a meaningful, healthy way. I am so thankful to have found your channel. You're a wonderful speaker. It feels like you took the weight of the world off my shoulders. This has been such a validating experience, just listening to your videos. Loved ones often try to help but don't know how & it's hard for a person/people who are in the midst of a mental health crisis to articulate their needs in an effective way without leaving them open to a sh*tstorm of negativity that only further exasperates the problem. You helped put words to so many things that I've been feeling for a long time but couldn't express. "Its okay to not be okay." #LoveThat 🙂 Thank you!
I'm so glad you've found Rob's videos to be helpful! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. If you'd like to support Rob in what he does with Polar Warriors I'd encourage you to consider joining him on Patreon. He posts exclusive content there and is able to reply to direct messages through that platform. There's also a wonderful support community there in the community section. I'll include the link for you to check it out. All the best to you! -Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member) www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I seriously regret being a parent. Coupled with childhood sexual abuse and very serious domestic violence in my first marriage being bipolar ( not even ‘suggested’ let alone diagnosed until recently and I am mid 50’s now. I have so much grief and guilt over what my children went through. 2 out of 3 are estranged from me, they consider me unstable and toxic. My mother is bipolar and now in her late 70’s....it was very, very, very confusing being raised by her. All of this is wisdom in hindsight, My mother wasn’t diagnosed until after I had left home. Being unstable mentally and physically ( always moving...I went to 15 schools). Although I wish I could say it was better for my children, it wasn’t. Parenting may well be a joy for many but it can be a ‘life curse’ and very damaging for offspring.
I'm a little late to the conversation but, I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2003 when my oldest son turned 1. I have 2 boys now 19 and 15 who both have autism. My youngest also has torretts syndrome. I, of course, have my ups and downs and considering I rapid cycle, those ups and downs come very frequently. Before I had children, I was a terrible mess and didn't recognize that there was a problem with me except for major depression. When I became an pregnant, I grew up quickly and stopped the partying etc,..you could say it saved my life quite literally. I have to put my two boys before my own self and in order to do that, I know that I cannot afford to go backwards to who I was before or to stop taking my meds. My boys are the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I do fear not being a good enough mother for them and it makes me fear my Bipolar but I have also learned that I need to accept it as a part of me and have built up a support system.
I'm almost 32 I'm a mum to a 5 year old and a 3 year old and have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. I'm still really struggling with having bipolar and your videos are so very helpful. I'm trying to just keep my head above water and be a decent parent while doing so. I have a good support system from my friends and my husband (my kids dad ) is brilliant support to me and our kids.
Hi. This video's made me think upon my life journey. I got bipolar I and an only child, now 19 years old, struggling with autism. Wow! It's been really difficult facing all the obstacles related to both our disorders, especially being a single mom. Doctors say my daughter's problems are up to a certain point related to mine and my ex-husband's (schizophrenia). My first signs of bipolar were triggered by a postpartum depression. Thankfully I had the help of my parents findind all the help my daughter needed pursuing a diagnosis. On the other hand I also counted on them to support my worst moments. I'm stabilized now in terms of medication and I found the right psychiatrist and therapist. I never regretted having my daughter.
Man don't make kids if u cant commit to it. If you want to have kids, you must accept all responsibilities and recognise the fact that your life will never be the same. People make kids and don't take care of them / abuse them, which leads to them being hurt and doing bad things thus ruining the world!!
I have bipolar 2 and just had a baby. I kind of forgot I have it and just thought I was super excited about finally starting my family until I realized I’ve been having a hard time sleeping & I just want to clean all day/get irritated when I can’t. I go to therapy and take medicine & I have an amazing husband and support system, my baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love being a mama. I just hope my mania and depression doesn’t mess with my ability to be a present and nurturing parent
I’m 66 and grew up with a father who was bipolar. From what I experienced growing up I would advise those with bipolar NOT to have children. I have been in therapy most of my life, but I will never recover from my horrific childhood
You're very welcome! Thank you Corien for being a subscriber, two years! Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member Rob: I really need your help to keep a good thing going here... PLEASE consider supporting Polar Warriors work on Patreon. Even just $1 a month makes a huge difference. Thank you so much
Thank you Robert, very much for this video. Your comments are very important. My daughter had thought of adopting a child, because she didn't want to pass on her BP and also her partner's migrane attacks, and other genetic things. But I think you are right; the decision has to be made between the couple, considering their circumstances, their jobs or income support in case neither has a job, and as you said: the meds. Are they going to affect the baby's development or not, etc. I'll ask my girl to watch your video along with her partner and make the right decision between both of them. Thank you so much for your comments. God bless you.
I have a 21 yr old son & 17 yr old daughter. I was not diagnosed woth BP1 until aged 50 when my son was 13 & daughter was 10. Like others here regardless of my illness they are my greatest joy in this life & the main reason I keep going even things are at their worst (I've been in hospital 6 times on 25 years with depression/manic depression). My wife is a saint basically to cope with all my issues. My only regret is the hurt I have caused them when unwell. Their love is unconditional. I am blessed. I wish you & all hete well...
Great video rob , this is something I think about a lot I’ve even thought of giving up on having that dream of being a mom I have bipolar and BPD and worry so much I’m going lash out if I were to have kids and what would kill me is having my kids hate me for being a bad mother I been off and on meds and in and out the hospital and get suicidal thoughts a lot I can’t imagine putting my kids through. All that I been searching for the right meds for a while now. And I’m not even stable life is so hard right now I do want to mention your videos help me when I’m down and binge watch your channel over and over keep up the amazing work you do for us all I know it can’t always be easy to do what you do with your own set of issues that being said. Thank you again for this video it has given me a lot to think about
Mr. Polar warrior is amazing. He is so great with his feedback. My son is bipolar and while we have challenges and he will have challenges of his own, having my son is such a blessing. As someone said, bipolar is just another condition that needs to be managed.
Presented the answer in a logical and well thought out manner, the real answer is that it is the issue are same as when having a child who has an illness or condition where mental or physical, what are all the possible outcomes in, the future. I am the grandson, son of three generations of men who had Bipolar Disorder and yes I have it also. The Worst thing that you can do is try to place blame somewhere. The best thing is to do is learning as much as you can about the illness and understand that the things that go wrong are not meant to hurt anyone and are impulses that need to be talked through 😮
I think this is very helpful for others to be able to consider all possibilities. I am Bipolar 1 as you know, and my ex-husband, as I later found out, had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We divorced when my son was 5. My son, now 25, has displayed no signs of mental illness - but he blames his father and myself (to this day) for ruining his childhood. It's left me with a huge amount of guilt. My own parents did not have mental illness, but I had a very troubled childhood. It's definitely a very sensitive topic, but one I feel deserves thorough consideration. Thanks Rob - don't forget to check out my channel.
Im pregnant and I cant take any of my medications. Anxiety is one of my worst symtoms and uts just not fun being pregnant. But this is something that I really want and I believe it will be worth it
All the best to you Tina! I hope you have a safe healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby :) Take good care of yourself.-Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
You are new to me, I am trusting you with my Bipolar disorder information ive been listening to a lot of Kati Morgan the why she talk's is soothing to me.
Depends on how serious it is .Many bi polar people have enough stress just keeping a serious relationship . The woman I loved even quit talking to me .
My four years old daughter helping me living my life organized but with fulltime job : family, home, job and extra attention to your child... trying to be a good mom , I couldn't manage all of that issues without my husband. Child is best thing ever but I don't want to have the second one. It can be sometimes very stressful. My child and my husband need a healthy mother and partner. I am also once in this life. And I don't want to play the strong woman. All the best everyone. 🤗
Reading the title, and being raised by a bipolar mother, my honest answer is no. Everyone is free to do as they please, but to answer the question it is a hard no.
I didn’t get symptoms until I had a second child and for a while it was a lot of OCD I took Paxil for ten years and stopped it seemed not to work after that my life took a downward spiral I thank you for all your insight and your remarkable ability to make this very human and not weird I feel I handed down some things but I pray my two gifts from god don’t hate me and mood swings can be rough the medicine is Tiring
I have 2 boys age 17 and age 15. I didn’t know when I became pregnant either time that I was bipolar. My 17 year old although he is my world he is diagnosed with not only bipolar but a few other things as well. We have had so much support and help with him but he remains to say how much he hates me and wishes I would die. I know this is part of the disease sadly. My other son suffers greatly due to the terrible things the 17 year old does to him and the family. He is very withdrawn and quiet but an absolute love. I am well versed in the conditions that r going on in the home due to everything I read and have had help with ,, like resprit care providers , counseling, meds. Would I do it all again? My boys are my world , I love them so much. But my answer is No! If I would have known that I could pass this along at the time... I choose No! This illness is too much to pass on for me. Hugs to you all, Thank you. For reading. Xx
Thank you so much for sharing your story and opinion Kelly. ⚘ - Dianna Polar Warrior Team Member For additional content consider joining us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Hi, I wanted to share this video link. It's a lecture by a father who was watching his anorexic daughter starve herself. A good reminder to also remember your health and healing. ua-cam.com/video/2Qcz2CX7TAo/v-deo.html
...get this... they tried to say my bipolar diagnosis made me an unfit mother... all sorts of allegations, accusations assumptions, and unfair fear against me... heartless fools all of them... I prove the love I have for my two kids and the focus on responsibility increases my stability and subsides my symptoms... My kids love and need me. Bipolar or not.
Rossana Alvarado I hate hearing about people being treated like that! I am so glad that you have that attitude and it sounds like you will be a wonderful parent… Bipolar or not! Thanks for joining the conversation and a very warm welcome to the channel Rosanna 😊😊🤗🤗☀️☀️
I got diagnosed after I had my child. They’re 16 now. I was a mess before I got pregnant and suicidal but I refused medical intervention, I had a terrible parent who also refused to get me help when I was severely ill when I was 14 and just said it was me, a personality fault, “not coping with being a teenager”, lazy, on drugs (when I was manic my parents were convinced I was on drugs and there couldn’t possibly be any other reason) Anyway I found out a few years later when I was 21 I was pregnant, they literally saved my life. I literally wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for finding out I was pregnant. I decided things weren’t right and I got all the help for my kid and eventually got diagnosed when my kiddo was 7 (takes years here to get diagnosis) and got on meds and did everything my doctors told me. I chose not to have any more children. I devote my life to my kiddo it’s a choice you have to make I think. You have to be all in. You can’t half ass it like the dishes, or cleaning, you have to get up when you’re depressed and still be a parent. It’s hard but I’ve done more than my 2 parents ever did for me and one of them has zero mental health problems and was severely emotionally abusive. Mental health problems aren’t always a precursor for a child not being treated right. I wouldn’t have anymore children though. One child is perfect for me and they’re fine and healthy thus far and got all A*s in their end of school exams. The thing that helped me most, a lot of parents go wrong when they see their child as property, an object they own, no boundaries whatsoever, see them as an actual human being with their own rights and you won’t go far wrong. “I don’t want to take these meds, but my child has a right for me to try everything for them”
My dad is bipolar and I have started showing signs of bipolar according to my counselor. It is ok though, wouldn't blame my dad for this. It is about having greater awareness and a support system. It is difficult but I would never blame a parent!!
Fortunately I was diagnosed in ‘95 and hadn’t had issues til menopause. My girls are 20 and 16 ! I guess you have to watch your situation and see how bad it may run in the family !
I'm 54 & was diagnosed when I was about 29 or 30. I had my daughter when I was 19. I've always worked & gone to college. I was a very devoted mother. Even though I was a single mom I the support of my family till they found out I was bipolar. Everything changed. I was on another city to finish my education and my daughter stayed with my parents, because of the demands that my program had. Well, because I had a very difficult time accepting my diagnosis, I was worried about being alone. So, I pretty much married someone I had to convince to marry me. Well, 2 marriages & 2 deaths later. I'm alone again, because both my husbands were narcissistic. I suffered the abuse. But now I'm working on untangling the mess of myself with help. I did have a misscarriage in my first marriage & now that I look back on it, I'm happy it happened. Now, come to find out my daughter who is now 35 was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She has been angry with me and blames me. I'm very sad about that because she doesn't want to talk to me anymore & it breaks my heart. I honestly tried to do the best I could. Now I'm having to work through my cptsd & things that trigger it. After my 2nd husband passed away I had 3 nervous breakdowns and 1 I had to be hospitalized. He's been gone 2 years. But it took me a total of a year & a half to realize what happened to me in his hands. While all that was going on, I had no-one else except my therapist and psycharitrist to talk to. They've helped me tremendously. I'm doing much better than I was. I've had a medicine change & that helped too. I'm going to work with the state agency to go back to work again. I'm praying my daughter comes around, & that I successfully am placed into a job again. That structure helped me so much! Thank you for the channel, it is so helpful & there's things I've learned that are new to me. But, again, thanks! You're a man with the best vision.
I 36 years old and my doctors think that t I have some kind of bipolar disorder. I already have 2 children (3 and 6 year old). Its difficult when I am irritable of really depressed and want to be left alone. My partner helps me when I feel this way by taking more care of them or play imlre with them. But the guilt and frustration I feel by this is overwhelming. And this makes the depression even worse. Like a vicious cycle. I hope you can dedicate a video of tips on how to deal in a better way with your kids while feeling this way.
Hi! Unfortunately us bipolar folk seem to all be baptized by fire. I think it makes us strong as heck. Please be kind to yourself, you did the best you could with what you had. Consider getting involved with the mental health community in your area, support groups etc. You are NOT alone, there are some things that only WE can truly understand. Thank you for sharing your story! Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member (H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds Rob: I really need your help to keep a good thing going here... PLEASE consider supporting Polar Warriors work on Patreon. Even just $1 a month makes a huge difference. Thank you so much
My twin girls were about 10 when I was diagnosed. Luckily we decided not to have more kids before then because I had become so depressed post partum. I wouldn’t have had enough in my emotional “well” to raise a 3rd child. My girls are 34 now. Both can be a little “intense” as people, but neither show signs of bipolar thank god. My husband was key in providing stability for them as kids. I tended to be remote and withdrawn while a mom. This makes me sad, but I’ve made a point of being close to them since my diagnosis.
I'm sorry to hear you dealt with such severe post partum depression. That must have been so hard to deal with. I'm glad that your girls seem to be doing well and that your husband was key in providing stability for them as they were growing up. I'm also glad to hear that you've made a point of being close to your children since your diagnosis. Best wishes to you and your family! :) -Rachel (Polar Warriors team member)
Though this was posted 4 years ago I want to respond. I am bipolar 1 very rapid cycling. I was ill and in a daily treatment program when I had my first child, with the blessing of my doctor and staff. I was never told my child could have a mental illness because of me, that it was a true reality that I could face. This was over 30 years ago and maybe this knowledge wasn't known then, that this terrible disease could afflict my child, I don't know. Had I had a full understanding of the situation I'm not sure I would have had children. I love my kids, don't get me wrong they are my light and joy but what I put them through, what they are going through because of genetics their personal struggles makes me rethink my decision. I feel I am the cause their pain, the struggles they go through due to their own various mental illness brought on by my genetics. The thought of my being the link is a great burden to me, one I think about often and the pain and guilt is overwhelming at times. Sure there are plenty of good days for them but when they struggle in the back of my mind is the nagging realization I contributed to their grief, I could be the reason they are going through this. This is a true reality I live with every day.
There is no manual for raising a child with bipolar disorder. It was and is very difficult. My daughter is very responsible about her condition .. always takes medication; does not drink alcohol, eats well and gets rest . But she has a stressful job and I see her struggle ( well) with the symptoms…ups , downs, anger over petty things , blaming me and others for what does not go well in her life. She wants a family and I understand and respect that. I know when I am “ getting on her nerves” and to stay a little removed but at a supportive distance. She knows she can count on me to help as much as I can. So it is up to her.
Without a world of suffering, we would not have evolve as a species. I mean that in no disrespect. As someone with bipolar 2, I used to think it was a curse, but realized it's a blessing. The heaven and hell I went through has constantly changed my mental scape in extremeities which I finally took time in understanding. It has gave me multiple perspectives in ways a normal person wouldn't be able to grasp. I hope your daughter has the same epiphany as I have and makes her stronger
Had my children even though I knew something was wrong..wasnt diagnosed till I was 50... My children have actually helped me get through and keep on keeping on. I've made many mistakes and wish I had been helped early on but i was blessed to have my beautiful kids..all grown now. One is bipolar but he won't admit or get help.. It was very hard being a single mom, working very long hours and going to school...but i did it, bipolar and all. My only regrets...the men I chose to marry!
Honestly for me it's a toss up. saying growing up with a parent with bipolar disorder and mania is not easy would be an understatement, but my mom the most wonderful, caring, person I've ever met in my entire life. And I'm truly so glad she decided to have me. obviously it depends on the person, (in her case she had no idea about her diagnosis when she had me) I don't know if my stance would be the same if she had me after being diagnosed tho
i am a widow with a daughter and my bf is bipolar... and this topic even we had discussed. i wanted to be mother again, and he just dont agree to it, saying why to burden another soul (cos his father also had). and we will have just one daughter i guess. he is already struggling and i dont want to make him guilty if our child together, also have bipolar. i might loose both.
Hi...i was diagnosed with bipolar in May 2012. After that i had 8 maniac episodes due to emotional outburst and anxiety. Most of the time my behaviour remains normal but my confidence remains down and i don't feel like doing anything because of lack of motivation in life. Rest my life is full of comfort and i have people around who loves me. This lethargy, loss of interest in everything, low will power is taking toll on me. Can somebody suggest anything to come out of this. Mania, i can manage triggers now.
If available a Mood stabilizer and antidepressant might help. - Rob For additional content consider joining us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I was diagnosed with bipolar 3 years after I had my first and only child. 4 years after the diagnosis he was taken away from me because of bipolar diagnosis
I went through abortion, it was years ago, I didn’t know I was bipolar. At that time I thought it wasn’t the right guy to have kid with, but now I think about it, I guess I knew something wasn’t right about myself. Now I’ve found out my bipolar, I think I’ll be ready soon.
I have bipolar disorder, I had my tubes tied. I wanted kids but can’t imagine them going through what I have. I have no children, for me this was the correct decision, but I cannot tell others what to do with their lives.
I'm so surprised how many people are against bipolar people having children. Anyone can be a successful parent with the correct resources. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 before I had my kids. I have a 3 year and a 1 year old. And it has been difficult during episodes, but I still think I've been a successful parent. I have the resources to do so. I dont think anyone should be discouraged about having children. I just think there needs to be education before doing so. I have a ton of support from my husband, family members, my psychiatrist and my therapist. So I dont think it should be a cut and dry no kids for you! And just because others have horror stories of being unsuccessful does not mean that's true for everyone.
I very much agree. ❤ I have Bipolar 1, I have 3 children. I would say my top 3 things to be a "good" parent is growing and learning about your own self awareness through therapy or whatever works, Med compliance, and a great support system( even if it's just your spouse or one other person ,just somebody that has your back)
@@ANaturalApproachMedFreeAndMore my parents are divorced and my mother is bipolar and that is a crappy situation. But I've never regretted being alive and there are crappy situations with everyone not just bipolar people. I dont think it's fair that people should tell anyone not to be a parent. Being a parent is the most selfless things you can do and just because people make mistakes or have illness doesnt mean they are all selfish people. That's like saying that someone with cancer (and knew before they had a child) is selfish because they cant care for their children because their illness returned. At the end of the day i dont think telling people in general not to be a parent is productive.
Thank you!! I have bp 2 and 2 children myself. They are my everything! I wasn’t diagnosed when I had my first who is now 14 years old. I think I did a good job! I had rough times with my depression, but we made it through and she’s turned out great! So far no issues with her, hopefully none arise...but if they do, I’m well equipped to help her with that, just like I felt I was well equipped to have children as an adult ( regardless of illness) period. I now have a 3 year old, post diagnosis. No regrets, they give me purpose and will to live! ❤️
i grew up with a bipolar dad that also has PTSD, anxiety, depression, and possibly other undiagnosed things such as psychosis. for most of the beginning of my life, he was unmedicated, and he still sometimes refuses to take his medicine. i feel like there is no reason why they should not have kids… i absolutely love my dad, and he is the absolute main reason to why i had such a great childhood. however, there were definitely some extreme downsides. I am still young, i’m 17, so bear with me and please understand my views if you are older. i’d also like to preface by saying when i mention arguments, i mean full blown cursing, slamming things, insulting, crying, and full volume yelling. some people in my life don’t understand what i mean when i say “argument” while explaining my situation. also, when i say yelling, im talking full volume, cursing, and insulting. first off, my dad absolutely loves me to bits, as i’m his only biological child, and i am so grateful i can say this. unfortunately, because of his bipolar disorder, he became EXTREMELY angry at the slightest triggers, and he would lose touch with reality and become irrational with his arguments and words, he would say extremely hurtful things and always believe he was in the right. he went from telling me how much he loved me to yelling and cursing at me, letting me know how he is not afraid to leave me behind and run away, and how i make his life miserable and he would be better off without me. he only says this when he is extremely angry, but because of these harsh words, it made me forget that he actually loved me, and it made me deeply question my worth. there was a big blow up in my family when i was 12-13, and i didn’t understand anything, like why i felt the way i did and why he acted the way he did. i think it was just because i was so young, but due to this, i fell into some severely destructive habits, such as a few forms of self-mutilation. i didn’t understand why some things i did made him so angry so quickly, and i often blamed myself for making him so mad and angry, especially when his anger was directed towards me. because of my dads bipolar disorder, my mom and dad also had MANY arguments throughout my childhood. when i was around 6-7, they argued so much, and i didn’t understand why. not knowing any better, i blamed myself. that is just an example, but my mom hated when he was not on medication, and many arguments would spark from my dad thinking irrationally and making my mom seem like the problem (he often said she was useless to him because she “never did anything to help him in his life” but that is not true) and my mom would get mad for never being on medicine and yelling at his family so cruelly. for my next point, just know i compete at high levels in softball, and my dad takes it VERY seriously. because of how easily angered he is due to bipolar disorder, if i do something as simple as strike out, he can get incredibly angry and may yell at me for the whole multiple hour car ride home, and hold a grudge against me for the next week or so. i feel like how he reacts is based on how high or low he is, but basically, i never know how he will react if i make a mistake. this causes me extreme anxiety and nervousness, i have had panic attacks after striking out just because i know my dad will seriously yell at me for it later on. i have two points coming from this. when i start to freak out, i try to hold myself together, and my teammates sometimes come to comfort me and ask why i am so upset. when i was younger, like ages 14 and below, i didn’t understand WHY my dad got so angry, so i just explained that my dad was gonna get super mad at me. they usually say something like “i get it, my dad gets mad too”. when people said this to me, i HATED it. i remember thinking things like “there is no way your sad could get as mad as my dad does”. I now know that, no, their parents probably did not get as mad as my dad did, but at the time, i seriously wondered if maybe everybody’s parents got this mad. it made me begin to question if i was being dramatic-if, perhaps, everybody’s parents got this mad, and i was just weak and couldn’t bare it. this, again, made me think there was something wrong with me, and made me question my worth. because my dad would get so mad at my over little things, my mom would often step in and defend me, and they would end up in a full blown argument. most of these arguments led to divorce threats, or my parents even explaining that they did in fact plan on divorcing, even though they never did. because these arguments usually sparked from me angering my dad, i felt like i caused the arguments, which again caused me to question my self worth. i spent my life wondering what kind of mood my dad was in, wondering if he was mad, and making sure i didn’t make him mad. i would go very far out of my way to make sure he was never mad. i lived my life walking on egg shells, afraid to trigger him and make him mad. he is also incredibly difficult to read, but i am not sure if this is because of his bipolar disorder or not. i feel like because i had to work so hard to read him, i am not very very good at reading people’s emotions. anyway, i often times would put my happiness second to his, making sure he was happy and not mad, even if it made me upset. as long as he was happy, i could be happy. but if he was not happy, i was definitely not happy. this has led me to never expressing my emotions, and i think it has caused me to be emotionally confused. i always hid my true emotions because i didn’t want to mess with my dad, and now i struggle with handling and expressing my emotions. i was never taught how to handle my emotions because i never let parents never helped me handle mine, and i grew up watching my father who also cannot handle this emotions. i always tend to put myself second, putting other peoples emotions first, and if i am upset, i push past it and put on a smile, saying everything is ok. this also makes me feel like some people that express their emotions all the time can be selfish, like why are you ruining everyone’s mood just because you’re upset? i would never do that. but i think that is because my dad always does that and i hate it. but, i also feel like when people are upset, i try to be the first one there to help them. because my parents always argued and threatened to divorce over my dads anger and bipolar disorder, they were rarely nice and loving to each other. i definitely feel like this has affected my ability to show affection to others. i never saw them show each other affection, so i now have no idea how to show my boyfriend affection. i am completely uncomfortable with any physical touch, not even just with my boyfriend but with everybody, and since i cannot express my feelings and emotions, it just makes it even more difficult to show my boyfriend i love him. i have explained my situation to him, and he is understanding, but i can tell it sometimes upsets or annoys him that i am not that affectionate, and it kills me. i love him so much but i can barely even TELL him how i feel, and i struggle with showing it. if you are a parent with bipolar disorder and reading this, please, the only thing i have to say is make sure to remind your child that you truly love them. also remind the kid that it is not their fault that you (the parent) behave the way you do, and that they are not the root of your anger. if the bipolar parent does not do this and refuses to go further lengths than stable parents to show their child love, or refuses to acknowledge that they have a problem and refuses to try to help it, then i personally don’t think it is a good idea to have a kid. my dad goes further lengths than most parents do to provide for me, yet because of his disorder i became very mentally unstable at a young age, and i still question my worth and whether or not he truly loves me. my dad does not acknowledge that his anger is an issue and he states that “this is just how he is”. i understand he struggles, and i do everything in my power to help him, but when he refuses to try and get help and take his medicine, i can’t help but lose some of my respect for him. he has caused me such great suffering and doesn’t even realize it, and refuses to acknowledge it. please remember that through all of this, he is the #1 reason to why i had such a great childhood. he got me everything i ever wanted as a kid, played with me constantly, prioritized me, and did EVERYTHING for me. i wouldn’t trade him for anything. every happy memory i have as a kid is with him. bipolar people should definitely not let their disorder stop them from having children, because they absolutely do have the ability to be an amazing parent, but i feel like they need to go further lengths and take measures that a stable parent would need to.
Hi @kalvinclein2105! Thanks for joining the conversation in the comments. I know it took a lot of time and thought to share everything you have with the community. I hope your voice helps others who share in your experiences =) If you'd like to stay connected, I'll include a link below to my private community on Patreon. It's where you can message me directly anytime (and access a lot of content I don't post on UA-cam). www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors Take extra good care of yourself @kalvinclein2105 and I hope you will continue to stop by the channel. I appreciate you =) -Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors
I have a bipolar1 mother and not inheriting the mutant Ankyrin3 and CACNA1C alleles is what saved me from being like her. I inherited plenty of genes that lowere my serotonin level from both of my parents and the slow met/met COMT a DRD1 receptor mutation CNR1 CHRNA3 and CHRNA5 mutations and the novelty seeking DRD4 genotype and dad told me that his mother had a severe postpartum psychosis and some depression too afeter telling him about my homozygoted mutant alleles. I can say I was close to getting it and I was lucky not to get it
i have bp1 and through cbt techniques, staying on top of meds, keeping an open communication with partner about how i'm feeling, and kid friendly explanations about whats going on, i feel like i maintain a healthy family dynamic and that i am a good parent
My current bf is bp and prior to us meeting he was in a 20 year relationship with a woman who alresdy had a young child when they met.m He freely admits that he wasnt much of a partner or a stepfather and struggled with both and at the same time feeling too ashamed about his illness to tell them both. Different times and its so good that in todays society much of the stigma has gone i think. But he did tell me he didnt want his own kids - he wouldve found it too hard to cope. I can totally understand why and i guess its down to how supportive your partner is too.
What a great comment. Thank you for sharing that. It's great that he is so self-aware. In case you are interested Rob offers one on one support on Patreon and he has a support group for patrons only on discord where we have a lot of loved ones who attend. He also has a specific group for partners and family as well. Would love to have you there! Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Welcome back Rob. Loss is oh so, so Very difficult. Be safe. When I was part way through one of your videos I came upon, I hit that subscribe button. I then devoured your content. Never have I heard such an honest and gentle approach to a heinous life wrecking disease. I have BP2. Diagnosed at age 30, I'd already had 2 beautiful children. I am a survivor only because of my tough love parents and fantastic spouse. Dad has bipolar 2 as well, as did my grandma and her mom, and her sisters. Without my support system I'd have been dead many times over. I will be signing up to be a Patreon member. Don't ever give up!
I’m 65 and was diagnosed with manic depression in 1975. To this very day I take my meds. I have had my ups and downs been hospitalized 3 times I’m still fighting but besides my wife of 42 years my 4 children are my greatest joy. They are all healthy and successful. I have 1 daughter an attorney, 2 sons civil engineers and another daughter teaches 3rd grade. It is obvious what I would have missed out if fear of having children had prevailed.
Proud of you for raising wonderful kids 🌺
Your comment gives me hope that I’m doing the right thing. I’m bipolar and pregnant. I always wonder how that’ll effect my child but I know with the proper care and love anything is possible
Roy wilkins lucky that u were a male. Same cant be saidvfor a female with BPD. bearing children with the side effects andcteratogenic effects of the drugs s a huge risk
This is beautiful. Thank you for the encouragement!
Trust me, you are one of the bravest and most courageous persons I have read about. I am also 64 and father of a 34 years old son with BD. And going though hell trying to manage his and being torn apart from within, seeing him going through this hell. But my love for him is unwavering, and your comments really has given me great courage to keep supporting my son.
I was traumatized by my bipolar mother as a child and I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 myself earlier this year. I often wonder myself if I can handle having children. I feel like I would be able to help my potential children if they end up with bipolar disorder, but I worry about my own stability. I can snap and be unreasonably angry with people and that kind of behaviour from my mother is exactly what traumatized me. My mother never was treated for bipolar disorder and was completely unaware of how terrible she could be to me. I feel like I’m at an advantage over her because I’m aware of my symptoms and I’m in treatment and have a team behind me.
Stephanie your mother's story will not be your story. It's hard when you come from abuse as you think your children will have the same childhood as you. But this will not be the case. Find a good psychologist and work through your trauma from childhood and somewhere along the way it will just click that you are a completely different person and you can use your childhood to love your children like every child deserves. Don't let your bipolar diagnosis stop you from experiencing the gift of motherhood as children are a blessing. Xx
I feel you Stephanie. I don't know what you'll decide to do, but I know my sister felt much the same way. She had one child and wanted so desperately to be a great mom and not repeat our mother's mistakes, but unfortunately, she ended up doing just that and even worse. She committed suicide when her son was 12, leaving a whole different kind of pain and trauma :(
My father; bipolar.
Me; bipolar.
He didn't receive his diagnosis until his 30s/40s, I received mine as a teen, and have tacked on schizo Affective in the last 20 years.
I have a 4 year old daughter, now.
I sometimes wonder if she may be better off without me, but then I remember that I wouldn't have the awareness of my bipolar that I do if it weren't for seeing my father work through his.
I recommend human behavioral biology studies to determine for yourself whether or not you want a child when you have a diagnosis.
same!
I wanted to leave a comment to I understand my mom is crazy an I say that word bc I love my mom an I’ll never get another but she is crazy an she tried her best to fuck me up in the head over an over an bc I have BPD I’m a bit narsitistic an I have probs showing love an accepting it I’m very head strong an have taught my self to build my self up bc my dad wasn’t around an I was adopted by my moms adoptive parents wich I call maw maw an pawpaw an he died when I was 6 then my maw maw got alzimers then went to my moms an it was hell from there !!!!!!!
I was diagnosed december last year age 24, I left med school, and I had struggle every day to accept my diagnosis. I dont really have a family to be there to support me in my journey, but I did find a good psychologist, she tries to encourage me to think about my future in a more positive way, we once talk about having my own family one day, she said is always possible with a loving and understanding partner (communication is the key, nothing new in there), and always honest conversations with your child, even taking them to therapy with you as they grow older so they will have a better understanding.
For now my energy is in finding a better job for my needs and learning to love myself even with my BD. Kids sound great, I just dont think is correct by any circunstance for me to have children, when I am struggling myself so much. I am really happy I found Polar Warriors, and the fact that you are so open with any topic and reading the comments of all this brave people really gives me hope that one day things will be better for me. I send you all a great hug.
I feel you man. My bipolar disorder nearly derailed my entire PhD and I nearly walked away from it. I still don't feel like I'm a 100% back from my episode even though it was pretty much over about a year ago at this point. I definitely don't feel as sharp as I used to be or as capable of the level of work and stress I put on myself for years. I hope you find a lifestyle and a career that works for you. I know I'm sure trying to keep it together.
I was diagnosed very early on in my life, and I stopped taking any meds at 16 because I thought I knew better. Let me tl you, I absolutely fucking didn't I'm still struggling with type 2 bipolar disorder to this day.
@@robertmines5577 I know that this comment is a year old but it resonated with me so much. I accepted a job 6 months ago as a dialysis tech and it was so stressful. I suffer with bipolar 2 and I usually can deal with a lot of stress, i would joke and call myself super women because I was always busy and on the go. Until i had a horrible episode 3 months into my new job. I couldn’t get out of bed one morning and I abandoned my job, I blocked their number and I never contacted them. It was like my brain wouldn’t let me contact them, I was hiding in bed from the world for about 2 weeks. I refused to leave the house, I couldn’t eat, sleep, I wasn’t answering my phone. I have never had an episode that bad in my life, that was like 3 months ago and I do not feel like I am fully recovered yet. I am seeing a new therapist and a psychiatrist, I am frightened now because this opened my eyes to see how serious bipolar is. I am sad that I left a job that I worked so hard for, I am also scared that I won’t be able to hold a job in the future again.
I can barely take care of myself, and would feel so anxious thinking that my child will go through this suffering. Furthermore I am terribly afraid of the lack of sleep due to infants as well as the heightened anxiety, worry, and responsibility. Finally, I worry I will ruin my whole family with my mania or depression. Having children was one of my dreams but I believe I have to focus on myself first, and the clock is ticking
I'm too old for children now but when I was young I was afraid of those exact things and I think it's definitely better not to do something then do something that may not turn out so good especially when
you have some insight
For me personally, it's a no. I wouldn't want to pass this hell on to anyone else. Nor would I want to put any kid through the hell I went through growing up with a bipolar mom (her and my sister have bipolar type 1, I have type 2, so mine was overlooked for a long time). I don't judge others for whatever choices they make though. I would also think the severity of your particular illness would weigh into the issue. Plus, some people (like me) don't even know for sure that they have it until they are old enough to have already had kids. Luckily, I didn't want kids from the beginning, so it was never an issue with me.
Well hypothetically if you wanted children and were worried about passing your bipolar disorder down you could always adopt a child.
@@bloodmoonvampire6632 you'd still pass on the environment part. Psychology is nature and nurture.
I had my daughter before diagnosis. I worry so much about her future
I have 18 year old daughter. She doesn't have B2 like me. If she has that I wold be the best teachers for her because I know everything about illness. With her I have the best relationship ever; full of trust. So some of us are happy with being parent.😊
Tanja, I have bipolar. I have three children: 19, 17, and 15. Most of the time, bipolar shows up in late teens through mid 20s. It’s really hard to tell if your child has bipolar or not until later in life. With that said, my mom had no clue how to parent me. If my children did end up with bipolar, I feel like you do: I have all the tools to help him or her. 😊
I believe that too bc we live with the disorder ever day
I will never regret having my children and having Bipolar 1 disorder. I stay on top of my meds, have had years of therapy and a great supportive spouse. I have made some terrible mistakes but they have allowed me to grow as a person. We need to take accounbility for our actions, yes , Bipolar disorder makes things harder for us and causes us to not think" normally" but once you start separating your self from this disease you gain so much. Take care my fellow peeps on this sometimes crazy journey. Pun intended !
Tanya, what a wonderful & great attitude. I think you're right on! I'm bipolar & alcoholic (from dad & mom's side respectively). What a double whammy! But I've been sober almost 10 years & learned from A.A. how to make amends for my mistakes without feeling guilt, because many were caused by my illnesses. It took me decades to climb out of the hole I was in. Things are still difficult for me, but I have meds that help w/symptoms, friends & tools to support me. I'm so relieved to have some sunshine in my life now!
Obviously, I can only speak from my experience, but take from this what you will. BP runs rampant in my family, cousins, siblings, mother, aunts, etc. I was not diagnosed early and had minimal support. I have 2 adult children whom I love more than anything. My untreated BP had an impact on them growing up, and I believe I struggled unnecessarily as a mother. Both of my children have bipolar disorder. They have love and support, and I believe they are happy. However, certain aspects of the stress of parenthood were MAJOR triggers for me, and still are. Consider how difficult it might be on you emotionally, because it doesn’t end when they are grown. The stress can be traumatic at times. It is not my intention to sound dark or frighten anyone out of having children. I have a very happy and close relationship with both of them. I suppose I just hope people will consider beyond the younger years.
Did you get postpartum depression during your pregnancies? I've heard it's more likely for that to happen to bipolar women than women who don't have bipolar disorder.
I grew up with a dad with bipolar and other mental problems. I think it helped me. I am bipolar and I know what I don’t want to be like. I do have kids. One with bipolar but 4 without. I have a supportive husband. He knows my ups and downs and we manage this together. I take meds, go to therapy and lots of self care. My kids have saved me from myself a lot.
I was a bit hesitant about watching your video. But glad I did. I don't ever regret being a mum despite having bipolar 2. I have four children and it was when I was postpartum with my 4th where I took manic episode. It was horrible and recovery was harder as I had four children whose needed their mum to be okay again. It was after this that we decided our family was complete and I needed to focus on developing good mental health. I grew up in an abusive home where my mum had schizophrenia and my dad was an alcoholic. So I am determined to do all I can to make sure my children have a stable, loving home and thankfully I married a fantastic man who helps make our home a loving one. So my advice to mother's with bipolar is having a child is a massive decision and more than likely your mental wellness may suffer at times due to hormonal changes. However being a mother is a beautiful experience and one I am grateful I had the chance to experience this lifetime.
I really enjoyed this video, it was extremely well thought out and your ability to stay neutral was perfect. I’m 43 now, but decided decades ago to not have children for several reasons, but I have zero regrets in doing so. My parents, to this day, still have a “you don’t need medication, you need church” mentality, even after hospitalizations. They’ll just have to enjoy my sister’s kids! It is a very difficult decision to make on whether or not to have children, so my heart goes out to those of you out there who are struggling with it. ❤️
I went to see a doctor because of the advice of the pastor
Yeah, as a Christian myself, let me tell you this. I firmly believe in supernatural heading. However, God doesn't always choose that route for people. I believe that doctors and the medical field in general are also just as much, probably more often, used by God as a means of healing as well as controlling things that won't be healed. I can't stand when people say "go to church, God will heal you if you choose to let Him" because frankly, we don't get to tell God what to do, any more than we should be telling reach other what to do! These choices are the sole responsibility of the person making them, including God. 🙂
I chose not to have children because I was afraid of what my illness would do to my children. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 50 and just knew something wasn't normal with me. I managed to be a very functional person but had 3 month long depressions every year. I feel at 63 it was the right decision for me. I just wish I had been treated earlier in my life but back in the 70's there wasn't much awareness concerning trearment.
@@joanburbank3755at 50 it was way too late to have children anyway you only have till you're about 42 until it becomes unhealthy I'm concerned you weren't aware of that
You`re a really good person. Remember that your viewers care about you!
Thank you soooo much for the kind words. I care about you all too. 🤗
I have bp 2 and 2 children myself. They are my everything! I wasn’t diagnosed when I had my first who is now 14 years old. I think I did a good job! I had rough times with my depression, but we made it through and she’s turned out great! So far no issues with her, hopefully none arise...but if they do, I’m well equipped to help her with that, just like I felt I was well equipped to have children as an adult ( regardless of illness) period. I now have a 3 year old, post diagnosis. No regrets, they give me purpose, will to live, and strength to push through! ❤️ children are not for everyone...bp or not.
I hope you’re well, Rob. I just want to hug everyone in the comments section, I love reading other warrior’s opinions and experiences and how it brings us together so much. My heart goes out to the people who decide to have chidren and for the people who don’t, as you said there’s no yes or no to having children if you have BD. I’m just 22 and I have no idea if I want children but I know that I’d only have them if I’ve learnt how to look after myself properly and my situation is adequate. My mom is bipolar as well and she raised me by herself, overcoming toxic family patterns and giving me a great childhood. Her emotional intelligence has taught me so much and I don’t think I would have been able to be so rational and analytical towards my BD if she hadn’t taught me to think that way. I wouldn’t change a thing, I think she made the right choice and now that I’m older I understand her struggles. Chemically speaking, it’s so complicated. My mum had a very healthy postpartum even with horrible circumstances but others sometimes fall in a horrible depression, so having support as you said is fundamental. I’m so proud of her for doing everything so well on her own but it can’t have been easy. It’s possible though❤️
My Dad has Bipolar Manic since 1982, and it has been a living hell for my family and myself since my sister was born. Almost everyday he comes home and yells at my mom... and it makes me cry and sad too hear what he does....My mom might leave my dad, if he doesn't take his meds. What will happen is...we will move to my grandmom's house we will end up being poor, and it will be a hard time for my family and I that we, had to suffer through this.
i am so sorry to learn of your suffering...perhaps you could get counselling
Hay I know u feel my ex only find out he get it I had leve him it was so make me ill I try help him did not listen to me what so ever did bad to me and his own kid hugs I understand u so much I was thinking it was just me and my little girl
Thank you for this video. As someone with bipolar disorder 1, I found this information to be very enlightening. You mention aspects of this topic that I honestly hadn’t considered before- solidifying my reasons to not have my own children. I can’t imagine being a parent with this disorder, it’s so difficult for us to take care of ourselves, let alone an innocent child. More power to those polar warriors who can actually have children and best of luck to them. 💛 Thank you again for everything you do, I recently discovered your videos and I can’t express my gratitude for the work you do. 🤟🏻
I was not diagnosed with Bipolar 2 until I was 44 years old. This was after my wife and I had four children. For us there were some difficult times but we made it workout. I can say now that my wife was really patient with my short comings, and I always worked hard at correcting my issues. For us and our situations it worked out just fine. My oldest is 29 and my youngest is 17. So far none of them have had a diagnosis of having bipolar.
You covered most of it. I'm schizoaffective with bipolar, daughter of a bipolar mother. My mothers experience with repeated ECT made us her children swear off children. Neither my brother or sister has kids though married. I had a chance to marry but I was terribly unsure of being a mother to my friends child. I lost the man and his child. It still hurts and I have regret. But my mothers history was a warning for even getting married. Moreover my own history has been turbulent with stability only after ten years after diagnosis at 37. I'm 51 now and single. Thank you for spending time on this topic. Some things are clearer now. Thanks.
Yeah, I have Bipolar, and looking back, I probably shouldn't have had children...I wasn't diagnosed until after I'd had 3 of them, but I Know I was pretty Extreme as a Mother...But So Often, it was Extremely Good, and we had SO much Fun ! But my anger was on a different level...I still feel Ashamed, and all my children are now adults, and living separately from me...The eldest One has cut me out of her Life Completely, the middle one seems to also have some sort of 'thing' going on, but the other 2 are Fine, Now... After Many Fallings Out... It's been, and still is in a way, a Particularly Turbulent Rollercoaster Ride...I Don't feel Great about myself, when all's said and Done.
The Guilt is Crushing.
...By the way, So glad to see you back, Rob, hope you're feeling a little better now, with everything.
Carrie, Please try not to feel guilty! You had no idea about your mental issues when you had your 3 kids. You've done your best & your children should know that.
OMG- reading this is so similar to the comment I just left here! I can empathize with you completely. My son (only child) blames me and his father. He has written himself out of my life. My guilt, especially with my melancholy, is also crushing, and a huge trigger. Check out my channel if you'd like.
You gave them life..
I wished I had been diagnosed earlier, I'm 49 and was diagnosed at 42. I knew there was something wrong with me and tried for years to get help, I'm one who slipped through the cracks. I have bipolar 2 and my dad had bipolar 1. My twin daughters went through tuff times with me, they're almost 25 now. I carried so much guilt and mu therapist told me to call it remorse instead, that helps. Thank God my daughter's forgive me but it took a lot of time. I just waited for their time clock. I love them more than anything in the world.
I understand how you feel I have bipolar 1 and 4 grown children and 2 don't want anything to do with me and the other two barely do they all blame me for everything wrong with them
my 4 children are what keeps me going !! they are such a blessing
@Jewel lee my 4 keeps me going and fighting like hell, too!
I didn't know I was Bipolar until after becoming pregnant with my 3rd child. Had I known before I really don't know if I'd have had children. But they have saved my life more than once. When I'm very down I do my best to remember them. On the other hand, I have convinced myself that ending everything would be better for them because of how horrible I am as a mother. I find myself breaking down a lot for being overwhelmed. And I worry a lot that one of my girls maybe bipolar as well. It definitely is a struggle. I love my children but I do often feel like I'm not doing right by them by being here. And that can be scary. I read once, a list of things that children grow up having issues with and one of them was having a parent that wasn't mentally stable. It set with me and plays over and over in my mind. I feel like I'm ruining their lives by being their mother. It really is a hard topic. Looking back now I'm about 90% sure the first time I got pregnant I was manic and just didn't know. I feel really bad about it most days and it is really hard to cope.
@Pug_Frost I was just diagnosed with Bipolar 1 last year at the age of 39 and already had four children. My oldest was almost 12 and my youngest was almost 6. I absolutely don't regret having any one of them, but I do think I would have been more skeptical about having kids in the first place if I had been diagnosed sooner. Like you, I think I got pregnant with my first child during a manic episode. I had only known my now husband for a little over a month when I got pregnant. I know that sounds so horrible, but hypersexuality IS one of the symptoms of this terrible disorder 😢 Also, like you, there have been times when I have felt like if I no longer existed my family would be so much better off, and all at the same time I fight like hell to suppress those feelings because of them. I can't imagine leaving them that way. I had an aunt who committed suicide and I know the pain that caused her kids, but it had an effect on the rest of our family as well, with me especially. I was only her niece and the hole left in my heart remains even 30 years later. I hope you are doing well. Many hugs to you 🤗 💚
You’re so well spoken and you don’t miss any angle. Thank you! I have BP2 and I’m just now learning this at 34 years old. I have kids. And it’s making sense why I was so triggered. But all is still well. I guilt myself more than I should but I know there’s room for improvement. Almost a month in with OTC meds have done such a difference and I’m starting to really enjoy being a new mom now. And I’ll add I’ve been a single mom since forever. Even during pregnancy so I now know why I would leave their dads and why things didn’t happen and work out. Know better do better. Ppl say I’m a great mom but I feel like I wasn’t. So don’t let your BP disorder keep u from having help and hope. Having kids completed me in so many ways.
Hi @crimegeek! Thank you so much for the kind words. Sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment... It's comments like yours that motivate me to keep making videos. I'm also grateful that you took so much time to share some of your experience with the community. How are you feeling this week?
It would be great to stay connected with you... I'll include a link below to my private community on Patreon. It's where you can message me directly anytime (and access a lot of content I don't post on UA-cam).
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Take extra good care of yourself @crimegeek and I hope you will continue to stop by the channel.
I appreciate you =)
-Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors
I’m almost 23, was diagnosed bp2 at the end of last year, and the idea of getting pregnant is probably the scariest thing I can imagine. I’m already on a very precarious edge since I don’t have a stable income or state of mind, and the hormones alone from a pregnancy would probably push me over the edge.
However maybe one day when I’m much older and wiser, if I have a stable job and have been stable emotionally for a while I might consider adopting because I am a very caring and nurturing person (my dog is on a great routine and is the most spoiled). But that will be a long way away considering how I am now. The years of adulting I did in my early college years took a big backslide with my first manic episode, so I don’t want to force a kid to grow up in the hellish chaos that surrounds me.
Good video!! I think you were very fair. 💕
Respectfully, no for some. Sister and I in 50's and were traumatised in a way that we have spent our lives attempting to recover from.
My dad is bipolar. I was 10 when he went through his first psychosis, it gave me PTSD. I wish there was a larger support group for children with bipolar parents.
I'm so sorry! Perhaps consider getting involved with the mental health community in your area. There are usually support groups for family and friends, the one in my city is well attended. If not, consider starting your own small group, lots are meeting on Zoom. Take gentle care Eva!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nd
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Having 3 kids in 3 years really wore me out. I was diagnosed when the kids were older. It was hard to have my thinking changing all the time and I was inconsistent. Yet my kids learned compassion for others who are hurting. One of my children went into the medical field to help people who struggle. There is hope and no parent is perfect ❤️
You did good mom! ⚘
- Dianna
Polar Warrior Team Member
For additional content consider joining us on Patreon!
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Dominique Shaw three kids in three years? Shouldnt there be a gap of atleast 15 to 18 months between subsequent pregnancies? What was the rush?
Life happened quickly and I got pregnant easily. Not planned.
Yes....it is a difficult discussion. I am a 64 year old woman. Didn't get a Bipolar Disorder diagnosis until I was 30 but looking back it started much earlier. It took me 6 years to get pregnant and I have 2 adult children. My son has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My daughters physician mentioned the possibility that she may have it but she's not really diagnosed. Looking back...I WOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN. My son suffers, I suffer and I feel SO guilty that I was a horrible parent. I hate seeing my son go through this. Drug abuse, suicidal ideations and all that does along with this illness. And like you said....it's an individual decision to make but I am miserable and have been for years and now watching my son and possibly my daughter go through this. Personally NO I wouldn't have children.
Cynthia, Wow, I understand how you must feel. My mother feels the same way. No one told her my father's family had a lot of mental illness. They hid it from her. She later said she wouldn't have married him if she'd known. She feels very guilty. I am bipolar, 1 brother is schizophrenic. I tell my mom it's not her fault. If you didn't know you'd pass mental illness on to your kids then of course it's not your fault. You should understand that & not beat yourself up about it - just help your children as best you can. I'm 66 & am happy I didn't have a family because my father became seriously mentally ill & diagnosed as bipolar when he was in his late 30s. By then he'd had 5 kids. We were a very disfunctional family & I suffered a lot of abuse. I didn't want to take the chance of passing that on to anyone else.
Does medication and counseling not work well for you or your children? I know it’s a personal decision, and I am in no way judging your position. I just hate to see you and your family suffering when there is help.
Cynthia, you are not alone. Reading your post was like reading about my own experience. Both of my children have BP. My daughter was in such a dark place that I was so afraid she would never function normally or maybe would commit suicide. My son is kind of there now. I have hope for him because of how well his older sister is doing. I got a late diagnosis of BP, and I know my untreated disease caused them pain growing up. I require intense therapy because of the guilt I feel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I did not have children due to my illness. I wasnt diagnosed until I was 50 but knew I wasn't ok. It was the 3 month depressions that worried me the most. I knew I would struggle and didnt want to be a neglectful parent.
Im bipolar and have a wife and 2 kids and i wouldnt change a thing. FEAR can not guide our lives we must be brave!
Well said Matt! 🙏
I am diagnosed when I was 18 my age is 27 and my wife is pregnant ..I am feeling very depressed about his future coz nowadays i am unable to speak with anyone and even unable to go out
Yes of course, and I wish you the very best - but at the same time, please be acutely vigilant about the safety and well-being of your children when you are up against things. My mother wasn't and we were alone and unsafe with her, with dire results though we all got through it in the end, some how.
@@maheshisapure4085 Hope you can find some counselling - so important for you, your wife, and the child to come.
@@maheshisapure4085 Hey, while looking at previous discussions, this was found. Although I have empathy for anyone who had children during such circumstances, most of all- hopefully you have since discovered fellow support from bipolar parents and/ or men who you can relate to in your situation since during the pregnancy. An important gift that you can offer your child, or anyone is compassion while the world around us adapts.
welcome back Rob, I hope "U" R well ! as far as having children. I am in my 60's now. My 3 children R in their 30's. My husband wanted children, I thought I would be a bad person if I didn't, so I did. I had 3 children in less than 4 yrs. It was NOT good. I love my children w all my heart. But I have bipolar 1, but wasn't diognosed till after my kids were born. But I knew something was not right w my mind. My kids went throu hell. I was hospitalized 30 times in a 20 yr period. I died by suicide. My kids came home from school early & found me. My oldest daughter called 911, told the other 2 to go stay in the back yard.the paramedics worked on me for an hour, all while my daughter watched screaming, I was in a coma for 12 hours. I came from a very dysfunctional family. Mom had manic depression, dad was an alcoholic. My 1 daughter used to cut herself, my oldest daughter has severe panic & anxiety & PTSD. 2 of my kids attempted suicide. My husband had to work long hours, then come home & take care of the kids. It was hell 4 all of us. My advice would be, if U don't think U can handle it, don't have kids just because U want to make someone else happy. If U R not diognosed yet but think something is just not right w your mind.See a doctor before U make this huge decision. It is a major life change. I hope this was helpful to even 1 person!
Also, I'd like to add.All 3 of my daughters went to college, R very successful, none R on drugs. I have a wonderful relationship with all of them today. They realize , the reason it was so hard 4 me to raise them,was because I was extreamly overprotective & always TERRIFIED something bad would happen to them. I am so thankful NOW to have my husband & children :) They ARE my life! My oldest daughter lives in Hawaii, is an avid surfer, meditates, does yoga, & is vegan. We help each other with ideas to stay mentally healthy!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am just getting into researching about bipolar disorder because my girlfriend has it who I've been with for almost 2 months. I feel very lost and am unsure about our future together. As bad as it sounds I don't know if this disorder is something that I can handle. I am 25 and she's 26 and I still haven't even gotten my life together yet. I love her and am dedicated to support her with anything she needs but I am scared about our future.
@@worldwithoutbass U R welcome, James ! I wish U the best & God Bless U !
I was diagnosed in Jan ‘19 but struggled with depression and postpartum depression years before that which affected my parenting. My daughter is now 8 and I feel I have let her down somewhat for being, well, me but she has turned into such a wonderful child. I do think about having another kid but I am concerned about the medication and how careful I’d need to be if I am trying to conceive because of the Lithium and I am worried about the post-partum side of things, also I am 32 so my “clock” is ticking. I have also come to the realisation that I am happy with 1 kid; I am trying to be a good mother and that I am too scared to have another one. In other words, all the stress and anxiety I would put my mental health, body and family through isn’t worth it right now.
Thank you for your video’s, they are always appreciated.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 when my son was 8 months old and went through postpartum depression and a hypomanic state, but was able to stay in my home for treatment. I don’t remember much of that time, but my husband won’t ever forget. So for all our sakes, we have decided that we are one and done. Even the slight chance of an episode is too much of a risk.
Thanks for this video and to all the people that commented that they successfully raised kids. I started crying in the beginning of this video because I always thought I would never be able to raise kids in a manner that would make them happy. Now I see the topic a bit different. Maybe one day with the right partner and support system this would really be an option. You gave me hope. Thanks a lot ❤️
I've been on my Meds since 2010. My wife and I already had our 3 kids before we knew that I had BP. I think that faith and family are a great help for those of us who suffer from BP. I will say that it is a very personal decision that each couple should weigh the blessings as well as the challenges that children can be, then decide for themselves. I just know that for us, we are so glad that we have kids. Take care and GOD BLESS
I love your humility and dedication to creating dialogue, even if it's just dialogue for us warriors to have with ourselves. I struggle so much around this issue of procreating not just as a person with mental health struggles, but because of climate change and economic instability. Thank you for being so kind and generous of heart in all of your videos.
Thanks for your kind words Izzy. Procreation is such a deeply sensitive and personal issue. I have struggled with my own feelings on it as well over the years. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us. -Rachel (Polar Warriors team member)
This is a very good but kind of moot question. Many people who are bipolar or have other mental illnesses do not have noticeable symptoms until they're in their late 20s or 30s. By that time, many have had children. I'm bipolar and didn't have serious symptoms until I was in my late 30s. But because my father was bipolar, I decided when I was young not to have kids. He went through Hell, & I didn't want to take the chance of passing it on. 2 of my brothers had kids and 1 of them became mentally ill when in his 30s. By then my nephew had already had a daughter.
Many families who grew up in the 20s & 30s, like mine, wouldn't discuss this type of disease with their kids because they were uneducated about it & ashamed. Society looked down on them. That's unfortunate and can cause terrible problems. If my parents had told me there was a chance I could have these issues, I would have been able to recognize it & gotten help years before I did. Instead I suffered a long time before being diagnosed.
Not all people develop symptoms in that time frame though. I had my first manic episode at 15 and I find this discussion to be very important in helping me decide what I'm going to do in the future. Also, since people are getting married and having kids later in life these days it's perfectly possible someone could learn they're bipolar in their 20s or 30s before ever having children.
While people can develop symptoms later, with bipolar disorder it is actually more common to present with symptoms in your late teens to early twenties. And on average people are deciding to have children later and later these days. Not to say that some people don't miss the boat with this question, but it definitely comes in time for some people to consider. (I'm even weirder in that some of the depressive symptoms of my bipolar started when I was 11)
My dad has bipolar and it was hard growing up but he understood things other parents wouldn't.
Props to your dad for being able to see things from a different angle, despite the challenges.
-Rob
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I have bipolar 1, but was already a parent before getting diagnosed. My son is an adult now and doesn't have the bipolar diagnosis. I have no regrets about becoming a mom. Very thankful for it, actually! Thanks for addressing the topic.
I am a mother of 6 children with a Bipolar 1 Ultradian Cycling diagnosis. My Autobots are the reason I am still here. Its not easy and I worry I'm not the best I can be all the time.(hell hardly ever) I know they see me struggle; I also know that I have open communication with them about my mental illness. That they also see me accomplish great things. Showing them (since some of my children also have different disorders) that you are not defined by your mental illness and its noy an excuse. It's a learning process a life long, day to day growth or back pedal. I strongly feel they are and will be great, compassionate, fierce human beings because they have a Mom that shows new strength everyday and never stops. Thank you for the videos!
Beautiful video! So wonderful how you emphasize the importance of being supportive (so many people don't know what that means), gathering reliable information, being open to change, respecting others for the choices they feel are best for their lives & remaining loving & supportive, even if you disagree. Time, patience, love, understanding, setting healthy boundaries & coming up with an action plan when the bipolar person feels stable/ WELL, I feel, means the difference between living (what feels like) a life of hell, where you are eternally misunderstood & setting yourself up for failure time & time again; and living a life of love, while effectively managing the ups & downs of life, bipolar disorder & other mental health challenges, in a meaningful, healthy way. I am so thankful to have found your channel. You're a wonderful speaker. It feels like you took the weight of the world off my shoulders. This has been such a validating experience, just listening to your videos. Loved ones often try to help but don't know how & it's hard for a person/people who are in the midst of a mental health crisis to articulate their needs in an effective way without leaving them open to a sh*tstorm of negativity that only further exasperates the problem. You helped put words to so many things that I've been feeling for a long time but couldn't express. "Its okay to not be okay." #LoveThat 🙂 Thank you!
I'm so glad you've found Rob's videos to be helpful! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. If you'd like to support Rob in what he does with Polar Warriors I'd encourage you to consider joining him on Patreon. He posts exclusive content there and is able to reply to direct messages through that platform. There's also a wonderful support community there in the community section. I'll include the link for you to check it out. All the best to you! -Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
I seriously regret being a parent. Coupled with childhood sexual abuse and very serious domestic violence in my first marriage being bipolar ( not even ‘suggested’ let alone diagnosed until recently and I am mid 50’s now. I have so much grief and guilt over what my children went through. 2 out of 3 are estranged from me, they consider me unstable and toxic. My mother is bipolar and now in her late 70’s....it was very, very, very confusing being raised by her. All of this is wisdom in hindsight, My mother wasn’t diagnosed until after I had left home. Being unstable mentally and physically ( always moving...I went to 15 schools). Although I wish I could say it was better for my children, it wasn’t. Parenting may well be a joy for many but it can be a ‘life curse’ and very damaging for offspring.
I'm a little late to the conversation but, I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2003 when my oldest son turned 1. I have 2 boys now 19 and 15 who both have autism. My youngest also has torretts syndrome. I, of course, have my ups and downs and considering I rapid cycle, those ups and downs come very frequently. Before I had children, I was a terrible mess and didn't recognize that there was a problem with me except for major depression. When I became an pregnant, I grew up quickly and stopped the partying etc,..you could say it saved my life quite literally. I have to put my two boys before my own self and in order to do that, I know that I cannot afford to go backwards to who I was before or to stop taking my meds. My boys are the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I do fear not being a good enough mother for them and it makes me fear my Bipolar but I have also learned that I need to accept it as a part of me and have built up a support system.
I'm almost 32 I'm a mum to a 5 year old and a 3 year old and have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. I'm still really struggling with having bipolar and your videos are so very helpful. I'm trying to just keep my head above water and be a decent parent while doing so. I have a good support system from my friends and my husband (my kids dad ) is brilliant support to me and our kids.
Hi. This video's made me think upon my life journey. I got bipolar I and an only child, now 19 years old, struggling with autism. Wow! It's been really difficult facing all the obstacles related to both our disorders, especially being a single mom. Doctors say my daughter's problems are up to a certain point related to mine and my ex-husband's (schizophrenia). My first signs of bipolar were triggered by a postpartum depression. Thankfully I had the help of my parents findind all the help my daughter needed pursuing a diagnosis. On the other hand I also counted on them to support my worst moments. I'm stabilized now in terms of medication and I found the right psychiatrist and therapist. I never regretted having my daughter.
Man don't make kids if u cant commit to it. If you want to have kids, you must accept all responsibilities and recognise the fact that your life will never be the same. People make kids and don't take care of them / abuse them, which leads to them being hurt and doing bad things thus ruining the world!!
I have bipolar 2 and just had a baby. I kind of forgot I have it and just thought I was super excited about finally starting my family until I realized I’ve been having a hard time sleeping & I just want to clean all day/get irritated when I can’t. I go to therapy and take medicine & I have an amazing husband and support system, my baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love being a mama. I just hope my mania and depression doesn’t mess with my ability to be a present and nurturing parent
I’m 66 and grew up with a father who was bipolar. From what I experienced growing up I would advise those with bipolar NOT to have children. I have been in therapy most of my life, but I will never recover from my horrific childhood
It really is unfair to knowingly pass down a mental.illness to a child.
@@catherinebirch2399ableist
I like that there’s no cuts it’s just all one long monologue, feels more authentic
I have been wrestling with this decision for a long time. I really needed this. Thank you so much.
You're very welcome! Thank you Corien for being a subscriber, two years!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
Rob:
I really need your help to keep a good thing going here... PLEASE consider supporting Polar Warriors work on Patreon. Even just $1 a month makes a huge difference. Thank you so much
Lovely to see you back. I was diagnosed with type 1 when my son was 6 - it has been a rough road.
I have 3 children myself with me having bp2. It gets very difficult especially since I have more lows than highs.
Thank you Robert, very much for this video. Your comments are very important. My daughter had thought of adopting a child, because she didn't want to pass on her BP and also her partner's migrane attacks, and other genetic things. But I think you are right; the decision has to be made between the couple, considering their circumstances, their jobs or income support in case neither has a job, and as you said: the meds. Are they going to affect the baby's development or not, etc. I'll ask my girl to watch your video along with her partner and make the right decision between both of them. Thank you so much for your comments. God bless you.
I have a 21 yr old son & 17 yr old daughter. I was not diagnosed woth BP1 until aged 50 when my son was 13 & daughter was 10. Like others here regardless of my illness they are my greatest joy in this life & the main reason I keep going even things are at their worst (I've been in hospital 6 times on 25 years with depression/manic depression). My wife is a saint basically to cope with all my issues. My only regret is the hurt I have caused them when unwell. Their love is unconditional. I am blessed. I wish you & all hete well...
Great video rob , this is something I think about a lot I’ve even thought of giving up on having that dream of being a mom I have bipolar and BPD and worry so much I’m going lash out if I were to have kids and what would kill me is having my kids hate me for being a bad mother I been off and on meds and in and out the hospital and get suicidal thoughts a lot I can’t imagine putting my kids through. All that I been searching for the right meds for a while now. And I’m not even stable life is so hard right now I do want to mention your videos help me when I’m down and binge watch your channel over and over keep up the amazing work you do for us all I know it can’t always be easy to do what you do with your own set of issues that being said. Thank you again for this video it has given me a lot to think about
I love the way you speak.... so fluent and outspoken😍
I had my son years before I was diagnosed. Made a lot of mistakes but don't regret having him,but yea might not be okay for everyone.
God bless you and all of us who fight bipolar , faith helps me xx Thank you for your sincere website at Patreon
Thank you for your support susan🙏🌞
I have bi polar, I was diagnosed late. My youngest daughter is showing symptoms, we talked about it. But she refuses to see a doctor.
Mr. Polar warrior is amazing. He is so great with his feedback. My son is bipolar and while we have challenges and he will have challenges of his own, having my son is such a blessing. As someone said, bipolar is just another condition that needs to be managed.
Presented the answer in a logical and well thought out manner, the real answer is that it is the issue are same as when having a child who has an illness or condition where mental or physical, what are all the possible outcomes in, the future.
I am the grandson, son of three generations of men who had Bipolar Disorder and yes I have it also. The Worst thing that you can do is try to place blame somewhere. The best thing is to do is learning as much as you can about the illness and understand that the things that go wrong are not meant to hurt anyone and are impulses that need to be talked through 😮
I think this is very helpful for others to be able to consider all possibilities. I am Bipolar 1 as you know, and my ex-husband, as I later found out, had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We divorced when my son was 5. My son, now 25, has displayed no signs of mental illness - but he blames his father and myself (to this day) for ruining his childhood. It's left me with a huge amount of guilt. My own parents did not have mental illness, but I had a very troubled childhood. It's definitely a very sensitive topic, but one I feel deserves thorough consideration. Thanks Rob - don't forget to check out my channel.
Im pregnant and I cant take any of my medications. Anxiety is one of my worst symtoms and uts just not fun being pregnant. But this is something that I really want and I believe it will be worth it
All the best to you Tina! I hope you have a safe healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby :) Take good care of yourself.-Rachel (Polar Warriors Team Member)
my dad is an alcoholic with bipolar disorder. I’m scared I’m becoming him. I’m never having children, I cant put them through what he put me through.
You are new to me, I am trusting you with my Bipolar disorder information ive been listening to a lot of Kati Morgan the why she talk's is soothing to me.
I decided to have one before I found out 😂😂😂
Same
I had my son then I found out about it
Depends on how serious it is .Many bi polar people have enough stress
just keeping a serious relationship . The woman I loved even quit talking
to me .
My four years old daughter helping me living my life organized but with fulltime job : family, home, job and extra attention to your child... trying to be a good mom , I couldn't manage all of that issues without my husband. Child is best thing ever but I don't want to have the second one. It can be sometimes very stressful. My child and my husband need a healthy mother and partner.
I am also once in this life. And I don't want to play the strong woman. All the best everyone. 🤗
Reading the title, and being raised by a bipolar mother, my honest answer is no. Everyone is free to do as they please, but to answer the question it is a hard no.
I didn’t get symptoms until I had a second child and for a while it was a lot of OCD I took Paxil for ten years and stopped it seemed not to work after that my life took a downward spiral I thank you for all your insight and your remarkable ability to make this very human and not weird I feel I handed down some things but I pray my two gifts from god don’t hate me and mood swings can be rough the medicine is Tiring
Sir thank you for your honest opinion and experience with this disease.
I have 2 boys age 17 and age 15. I didn’t know when I became pregnant either time that I was bipolar. My 17 year old although he is my world he is diagnosed with not only bipolar but a few other things as well. We have had so much support and help with him but he remains to say how much he hates me and wishes I would die. I know this is part of the disease sadly. My other son suffers greatly due to the terrible things the 17 year old does to him and the family. He is very withdrawn and quiet but an absolute love. I am well versed in the conditions that r going on in the home due to everything I read and have had help with ,, like resprit care providers , counseling, meds. Would I do it all again? My boys are my world , I love them so much. But my answer is No! If I would have known that I could pass this along at the time... I choose No! This illness is too much to pass on for me. Hugs to you all, Thank you. For reading. Xx
Thank you so much for sharing your story and opinion Kelly. ⚘
- Dianna
Polar Warrior Team Member
For additional content consider joining us on Patreon!
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Hi, I wanted to share this video link. It's a lecture by a father who was watching his anorexic daughter starve herself. A good reminder to also remember your health and healing. ua-cam.com/video/2Qcz2CX7TAo/v-deo.html
I have been scare and questioned my self about this, now I am waiting in Gods answer.
...get this... they tried to say my bipolar diagnosis made me an unfit mother... all sorts of allegations, accusations assumptions, and unfair fear against me... heartless fools all of them... I prove the love I have for my two kids and the focus on responsibility increases my stability and subsides my symptoms...
My kids love and need me. Bipolar or not.
Rossana Alvarado I hate hearing about people being treated like that! I am so glad that you have that attitude and it sounds like you will be a wonderful parent… Bipolar or not! Thanks for joining the conversation and a very warm welcome to the channel Rosanna 😊😊🤗🤗☀️☀️
I got diagnosed after I had my child. They’re 16 now. I was a mess before I got pregnant and suicidal but I refused medical intervention, I had a terrible parent who also refused to get me help when I was severely ill when I was 14 and just said it was me, a personality fault, “not coping with being a teenager”, lazy, on drugs (when I was manic my parents were convinced I was on drugs and there couldn’t possibly be any other reason)
Anyway I found out a few years later when I was 21 I was pregnant, they literally saved my life. I literally wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for finding out I was pregnant. I decided things weren’t right and I got all the help for my kid and eventually got diagnosed when my kiddo was 7 (takes years here to get diagnosis) and got on meds and did everything my doctors told me. I chose not to have any more children. I devote my life to my kiddo it’s a choice you have to make I think. You have to be all in. You can’t half ass it like the dishes, or cleaning, you have to get up when you’re depressed and still be a parent. It’s hard but I’ve done more than my 2 parents ever did for me and one of them has zero mental health problems and was severely emotionally abusive. Mental health problems aren’t always a precursor for a child not being treated right.
I wouldn’t have anymore children though. One child is perfect for me and they’re fine and healthy thus far and got all A*s in their end of school exams.
The thing that helped me most, a lot of parents go wrong when they see their child as property, an object they own, no boundaries whatsoever, see them as an actual human being with their own rights and you won’t go far wrong.
“I don’t want to take these meds, but my child has a right for me to try everything for them”
My dad is bipolar and I have started showing signs of bipolar according to my counselor. It is ok though, wouldn't blame my dad for this. It is about having greater awareness and a support system. It is difficult but I would never blame a parent!!
My struggle is emotional and physical availability and capacity. Plus my hubby is adhd. Thanks for your video.
Fortunately I was diagnosed in ‘95 and hadn’t had issues til menopause. My girls are 20 and 16 ! I guess you have to watch your situation and see how bad it may run in the family !
I'm 54 & was diagnosed when I was about 29 or 30. I had my daughter when I was 19. I've always worked & gone to college. I was a very devoted mother. Even though I was a single mom I the support of my family till they found out I was bipolar. Everything changed. I was on another city to finish my education and my daughter stayed with my parents, because of the demands that my program had. Well, because I had a very difficult time accepting my diagnosis, I was worried about being alone. So, I pretty much married someone I had to convince to marry me. Well, 2 marriages & 2 deaths later. I'm alone again, because both my husbands were narcissistic. I suffered the abuse. But now I'm working on untangling the mess of myself with help. I did have a misscarriage in my first marriage & now that I look back on it, I'm happy it happened. Now, come to find out my daughter who is now 35 was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She has been angry with me and blames me. I'm very sad about that because she doesn't want to talk to me anymore & it breaks my heart. I honestly tried to do the best I could. Now I'm having to work through my cptsd & things that trigger it. After my 2nd husband passed away I had 3 nervous breakdowns and 1 I had to be hospitalized. He's been gone 2 years. But it took me a total of a year & a half to realize what happened to me in his hands. While all that was going on, I had no-one else except my therapist and psycharitrist to talk to. They've helped me tremendously. I'm doing much better than I was. I've had a medicine change & that helped too. I'm going to work with the state agency to go back to work again. I'm praying my daughter comes around, & that I successfully am placed into a job again. That structure helped me so much! Thank you for the channel, it is so helpful & there's things I've learned that are new to me. But, again, thanks! You're a man with the best vision.
Side note. Single mom with bipolar here and you sir are a king. 🤴
I 36 years old and my doctors think that t I have some kind of bipolar disorder. I already have 2 children (3 and 6 year old). Its difficult when I am irritable of really depressed and want to be left alone. My partner helps me when I feel this way by taking more care of them or play imlre with them. But the guilt and frustration I feel by this is overwhelming. And this makes the depression even worse. Like a vicious cycle. I hope you can dedicate a video of tips on how to deal in a better way with your kids while feeling this way.
Hi! Unfortunately us bipolar folk seem to all be baptized by fire. I think it makes us strong as heck. Please be kind to yourself, you did the best you could with what you had. Consider getting involved with the mental health community in your area, support groups etc. You are NOT alone, there are some things that only WE can truly understand. Thank you for sharing your story!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
(H)old (O)n (P)ain (E)nds
Rob:
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I’m 49 years old I have BP1 and my daughter has BP2
My twin girls were about 10 when I was diagnosed. Luckily we decided not to have more kids before then because I had become so depressed post partum. I wouldn’t have had enough in my emotional “well” to raise a 3rd child. My girls are 34 now. Both can be a little “intense” as people, but neither show signs of bipolar thank god. My husband was key in providing stability for them as kids. I tended to be remote and withdrawn while a mom. This makes me sad, but I’ve made a point of being close to them since my diagnosis.
I'm sorry to hear you dealt with such severe post partum depression. That must have been so hard to deal with. I'm glad that your girls seem to be doing well and that your husband was key in providing stability for them as they were growing up. I'm also glad to hear that you've made a point of being close to your children since your diagnosis. Best wishes to you and your family! :) -Rachel (Polar Warriors team member)
Though this was posted 4 years ago I want to respond. I am bipolar 1 very rapid cycling. I was ill and in a daily treatment program when I had my first child, with the blessing of my doctor and staff. I was never told my child could have a mental illness because of me, that it was a true reality that I could face. This was over 30 years ago and maybe this knowledge wasn't known then, that this terrible disease could afflict my child, I don't know. Had I had a full understanding of the situation I'm not sure I would have had children. I love my kids, don't get me wrong they are my light and joy but what I put them through, what they are going through because of genetics their personal struggles makes me rethink my decision. I feel I am the cause their pain, the struggles they go through due to their own various mental illness brought on by my genetics. The thought of my being the link is a great burden to me, one I think about often and the pain and guilt is overwhelming at times. Sure there are plenty of good days for them but when they struggle in the back of my mind is the nagging realization I contributed to their grief, I could be the reason they are going through this. This is a true reality I live with every day.
There is no manual for raising a child with bipolar disorder. It was and is very difficult. My daughter is very responsible about her condition .. always takes medication; does not drink alcohol, eats well and gets rest . But she has a stressful job and I see her struggle ( well) with the symptoms…ups ,
downs, anger over
petty things , blaming me and others for what does not go well in her life.
She wants a family and I understand and respect that. I know when I am “ getting on her nerves” and to stay a little removed but at a supportive distance. She knows she can count on me to help as much as I can. So it is up to her.
Without a world of suffering, we would not have evolve as a species. I mean that in no disrespect. As someone with bipolar 2, I used to think it was a curse, but realized it's a blessing. The heaven and hell I went through has constantly changed my mental scape in extremeities which I finally took time in understanding. It has gave me multiple perspectives in ways a normal person wouldn't be able to grasp. I hope your daughter has the same epiphany as I have and makes her stronger
Had my children even though I knew something was wrong..wasnt diagnosed till I was 50...
My children have actually helped me get through and keep on keeping on.
I've made many mistakes and wish I had been helped early on but i was blessed to have my beautiful kids..all grown now. One is bipolar but he won't admit or get help..
It was very hard being a single mom, working very long hours and going to school...but i did it, bipolar and all.
My only regrets...the men I chose to marry!
Honestly for me it's a toss up.
saying growing up with a parent with bipolar disorder and mania is not easy would be an understatement, but my mom the most wonderful, caring, person I've ever met in my entire life. And I'm truly so glad she decided to have me. obviously it depends on the person, (in her case she had no idea about her diagnosis when she had me) I don't know if my stance would be the same if she had me after being diagnosed tho
i am a widow with a daughter and my bf is bipolar... and this topic even we had discussed. i wanted to be mother again, and he just dont agree to it, saying why to burden another soul (cos his father also had). and we will have just one daughter i guess. he is already struggling and i dont want to make him guilty if our child together, also have bipolar. i might loose both.
Hi...i was diagnosed with bipolar in May 2012. After that i had 8 maniac episodes due to emotional outburst and anxiety. Most of the time my behaviour remains normal but my confidence remains down and i don't feel like doing anything because of lack of motivation in life. Rest my life is full of comfort and i have people around who loves me. This lethargy, loss of interest in everything, low will power is taking toll on me. Can somebody suggest anything to come out of this. Mania, i can manage triggers now.
If available a Mood stabilizer and antidepressant might help.
- Rob
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I'm 48 never had kids. I just never wanted my child to go through what I go through.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 3 years after I had my first and only child. 4 years after the diagnosis he was taken away from me because of bipolar diagnosis
I had 2 children. I am bi polar 2 and didn’t get diagnosed until later in my life. My children didn’t get it from me. Thank God!
I went through abortion, it was years ago, I didn’t know I was bipolar. At that time I thought it wasn’t the right guy to have kid with, but now I think about it, I guess I knew something wasn’t right about myself. Now I’ve found out my bipolar, I think I’ll be ready soon.
I'm so glad my husband and I are planning to adopt
I have bipolar disorder, I had my tubes tied. I wanted kids but can’t imagine them going through what I have. I have no children, for me this was the correct decision, but I cannot tell others what to do with their lives.
I'm so surprised how many people are against bipolar people having children. Anyone can be a successful parent with the correct resources. I was diagnosed bipolar 2 before I had my kids. I have a 3 year and a 1 year old. And it has been difficult during episodes, but I still think I've been a successful parent. I have the resources to do so. I dont think anyone should be discouraged about having children. I just think there needs to be education before doing so. I have a ton of support from my husband, family members, my psychiatrist and my therapist. So I dont think it should be a cut and dry no kids for you! And just because others have horror stories of being unsuccessful does not mean that's true for everyone.
I very much agree. ❤ I have Bipolar 1, I have 3 children. I would say my top 3 things to be a "good" parent is growing and learning about your own self awareness through therapy or whatever works, Med compliance, and a great support system( even if it's just your spouse or one other person ,just somebody that has your back)
@@ANaturalApproachMedFreeAndMore this goes for anyone really... Right now you can say Bipolar but it can go for anyone.
@@ANaturalApproachMedFreeAndMore my parents are divorced and my mother is bipolar and that is a crappy situation. But I've never regretted being alive and there are crappy situations with everyone not just bipolar people. I dont think it's fair that people should tell anyone not to be a parent. Being a parent is the most selfless things you can do and just because people make mistakes or have illness doesnt mean they are all selfish people. That's like saying that someone with cancer (and knew before they had a child) is selfish because they cant care for their children because their illness returned. At the end of the day i dont think telling people in general not to be a parent is productive.
Thank you!! I have bp 2 and 2 children myself. They are my everything! I wasn’t diagnosed when I had my first who is now 14 years old. I think I did a good job! I had rough times with my depression, but we made it through and she’s turned out great! So far no issues with her, hopefully none arise...but if they do, I’m well equipped to help her with that, just like I felt I was well equipped to have children as an adult ( regardless of illness) period. I now have a 3 year old, post diagnosis. No regrets, they give me purpose and will to live! ❤️
@@RAWKSTARtm I totally agree. My children give me so much purpose! It's just such a miracle to be a parent!
i grew up with a bipolar dad that also has PTSD, anxiety, depression, and possibly other undiagnosed things such as psychosis. for most of the beginning of my life, he was unmedicated, and he still sometimes refuses to take his medicine. i feel like there is no reason why they should not have kids… i absolutely love my dad, and he is the absolute main reason to why i had such a great childhood. however, there were definitely some extreme downsides. I am still young, i’m 17, so bear with me and please understand my views if you are older.
i’d also like to preface by saying when i mention arguments, i mean full blown cursing, slamming things, insulting, crying, and full volume yelling. some people in my life don’t understand what i mean when i say “argument” while explaining my situation. also, when i say yelling, im talking full volume, cursing, and insulting.
first off, my dad absolutely loves me to bits, as i’m his only biological child, and i am so grateful i can say this. unfortunately, because of his bipolar disorder, he became EXTREMELY angry at the slightest triggers, and he would lose touch with reality and become irrational with his arguments and words, he would say extremely hurtful things and always believe he was in the right. he went from telling me how much he loved me to yelling and cursing at me, letting me know how he is not afraid to leave me behind and run away, and how i make his life miserable and he would be better off without me. he only says this when he is extremely angry, but because of these harsh words, it made me forget that he actually loved me, and it made me deeply question my worth. there was a big blow up in my family when i was 12-13, and i didn’t understand anything, like why i felt the way i did and why he acted the way he did. i think it was just because i was so young, but due to this, i fell into some severely destructive habits, such as a few forms of self-mutilation. i didn’t understand why some things i did made him so angry so quickly, and i often blamed myself for making him so mad and angry, especially when his anger was directed towards me.
because of my dads bipolar disorder, my mom and dad also had MANY arguments throughout my childhood. when i was around 6-7, they argued so much, and i didn’t understand why. not knowing any better, i blamed myself. that is just an example, but my mom hated when he was not on medication, and many arguments would spark from my dad thinking irrationally and making my mom seem like the problem (he often said she was useless to him because she “never did anything to help him in his life” but that is not true) and my mom would get mad for never being on medicine and yelling at his family so cruelly.
for my next point, just know i compete at high levels in softball, and my dad takes it VERY seriously. because of how easily angered he is due to bipolar disorder, if i do something as simple as strike out, he can get incredibly angry and may yell at me for the whole multiple hour car ride home, and hold a grudge against me for the next week or so. i feel like how he reacts is based on how high or low he is, but basically, i never know how he will react if i make a mistake. this causes me extreme anxiety and nervousness, i have had panic attacks after striking out just because i know my dad will seriously yell at me for it later on. i have two points coming from this. when i start to freak out, i try to hold myself together, and my teammates sometimes come to comfort me and ask why i am so upset. when i was younger, like ages 14 and below, i didn’t understand WHY my dad got so angry, so i just explained that my dad was gonna get super mad at me. they usually say something like “i get it, my dad gets mad too”. when people said this to me, i HATED it. i remember thinking things like “there is no way your sad could get as mad as my dad does”. I now know that, no, their parents probably did not get as mad as my dad did, but at the time, i seriously wondered if maybe everybody’s parents got this mad. it made me begin to question if i was being dramatic-if, perhaps, everybody’s parents got this mad, and i was just weak and couldn’t bare it. this, again, made me think there was something wrong with me, and made me question my worth.
because my dad would get so mad at my over little things, my mom would often step in and defend me, and they would end up in a full blown argument. most of these arguments led to divorce threats, or my parents even explaining that they did in fact plan on divorcing, even though they never did. because these arguments usually sparked from me angering my dad, i felt like i caused the arguments, which again caused me to question my self worth.
i spent my life wondering what kind of mood my dad was in, wondering if he was mad, and making sure i didn’t make him mad. i would go very far out of my way to make sure he was never mad. i lived my life walking on egg shells, afraid to trigger him and make him mad. he is also incredibly difficult to read, but i am not sure if this is because of his bipolar disorder or not. i feel like because i had to work so hard to read him, i am not very very good at reading people’s emotions. anyway, i often times would put my happiness second to his, making sure he was happy and not mad, even if it made me upset. as long as he was happy, i could be happy. but if he was not happy, i was definitely not happy. this has led me to never expressing my emotions, and i think it has caused me to be emotionally confused. i always hid my true emotions because i didn’t want to mess with my dad, and now i struggle with handling and expressing my emotions. i was never taught how to handle my emotions because i never let parents never helped me handle mine, and i grew up watching my father who also cannot handle this emotions. i always tend to put myself second, putting other peoples emotions first, and if i am upset, i push past it and put on a smile, saying everything is ok. this also makes me feel like some people that express their emotions all the time can be selfish, like why are you ruining everyone’s mood just because you’re upset? i would never do that. but i think that is because my dad always does that and i hate it. but, i also feel like when people are upset, i try to be the first one there to help them.
because my parents always argued and threatened to divorce over my dads anger and bipolar disorder, they were rarely nice and loving to each other. i definitely feel like this has affected my ability to show affection to others. i never saw them show each other affection, so i now have no idea how to show my boyfriend affection. i am completely uncomfortable with any physical touch, not even just with my boyfriend but with everybody, and since i cannot express my feelings and emotions, it just makes it even more difficult to show my boyfriend i love him. i have explained my situation to him, and he is understanding, but i can tell it sometimes upsets or annoys him that i am not that affectionate, and it kills me. i love him so much but i can barely even TELL him how i feel, and i struggle with showing it.
if you are a parent with bipolar disorder and reading this, please, the only thing i have to say is make sure to remind your child that you truly love them. also remind the kid that it is not their fault that you (the parent) behave the way you do, and that they are not the root of your anger. if the bipolar parent does not do this and refuses to go further lengths than stable parents to show their child love, or refuses to acknowledge that they have a problem and refuses to try to help it, then i personally don’t think it is a good idea to have a kid. my dad goes further lengths than most parents do to provide for me, yet because of his disorder i became very mentally unstable at a young age, and i still question my worth and whether or not he truly loves me. my dad does not acknowledge that his anger is an issue and he states that “this is just how he is”. i understand he struggles, and i do everything in my power to help him, but when he refuses to try and get help and take his medicine, i can’t help but lose some of my respect for him. he has caused me such great suffering and doesn’t even realize it, and refuses to acknowledge it.
please remember that through all of this, he is the #1 reason to why i had such a great childhood. he got me everything i ever wanted as a kid, played with me constantly, prioritized me, and did EVERYTHING for me. i wouldn’t trade him for anything. every happy memory i have as a kid is with him. bipolar people should definitely not let their disorder stop them from having children, because they absolutely do have the ability to be an amazing parent, but i feel like they need to go further lengths and take measures that a stable parent would need to.
Hi @kalvinclein2105! Thanks for joining the conversation in the comments. I know it took a lot of time and thought to share everything you have with the community. I hope your voice helps others who share in your experiences =)
If you'd like to stay connected, I'll include a link below to my private community on Patreon. It's where you can message me directly anytime (and access a lot of content I don't post on UA-cam).
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Take extra good care of yourself @kalvinclein2105 and I hope you will continue to stop by the channel.
I appreciate you =)
-Rob Whittaker, Polar Warriors
I have a bipolar1 mother and not inheriting the mutant Ankyrin3 and CACNA1C alleles is what saved me from being like her. I inherited plenty of genes that lowere my serotonin level from both of my parents and the slow met/met COMT a DRD1 receptor mutation CNR1 CHRNA3 and CHRNA5 mutations and the novelty seeking DRD4 genotype and dad told me that his mother had a severe postpartum psychosis and some depression too afeter telling him about my homozygoted mutant alleles. I can say I was close to getting it and I was lucky not to get it
i have bp1 and through cbt techniques, staying on top of meds, keeping an open communication with partner about how i'm feeling, and kid friendly explanations about whats going on, i feel like i maintain a healthy family dynamic and that i am a good parent
That is so incredibly awesome Bonnie! 🙏🏻
@@PolarWarriors thank you. it takes a lot of work and self awareness to get stable as im sure you know
I got diagnosed recently at 38 and already have 2 kids. I hate that they might get it too but they are the best part of my life.
My current bf is bp and prior to us meeting he was in a 20 year relationship with a woman who alresdy had a young child when they met.m He freely admits that he wasnt much of a partner or a stepfather and struggled with both and at the same time feeling too ashamed about his illness to tell them both. Different times and its so good that in todays society much of the stigma has gone i think. But he did tell me he didnt want his own kids - he wouldve found it too hard to cope. I can totally understand why and i guess its down to how supportive your partner is too.
What a great comment. Thank you for sharing that. It's great that he is so self-aware. In case you are interested Rob offers one on one support on Patreon and he has a support group for patrons only on discord where we have a lot of loved ones who attend. He also has a specific group for partners and family as well. Would love to have you there!
Dianna Polar Warriors Team Member
www.patreon.com/PolarWarriors
Hey Rob 😘😘😘missed you.
Welcome back Rob. Loss is oh so, so Very difficult. Be safe. When I was part way through one of your videos I came upon, I hit that subscribe button. I then devoured your content. Never have I heard such an honest and gentle approach to a heinous life wrecking disease. I have BP2. Diagnosed at age 30, I'd already had 2 beautiful children. I am a survivor only because of my tough love parents and fantastic spouse. Dad has bipolar 2 as well, as did my grandma and her mom, and her sisters. Without my support system I'd have been dead many times over. I will be signing up to be a Patreon member. Don't ever give up!