moving out, living, learning, my 20's etc
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- Опубліковано 17 вер 2024
- i wanted to introduce myself with my lore so that you guys know A LOT about me right off the bat LOL
id love it if you stuck around and joined me on my lil journey of navigating and sharing life on YT
************one disclaimer ************
my familial situation will never be exactly like anyone elses, this is my own personal experience. take it with a grain of salt and apply any advice to your own life with careful consideration, i am always here if you have questions but remember everyones circumstances are different. my family is not perfect, nobodies is, but alhamdillulah i am blessed with a wonderfully big and unique family, i love them, and will forever be grateful for them.
curious for all your thoughts, and see you again soon.
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“How quiet it was, because I come from loud household” this and even down to their questions/reactions is SPOT ON
33:33
I saw your moving out story on tiktok 3 years ago while I was 18 and contemplating doing the exact same thing. I saved that TikTok and watched it every day to get some courage. A month later I pulled through and did it the exact same way you did. I moved my things out all in one day and didn’t inform them.
My family didn’t speak to me for months and then forgave me. Looking back now, I am literally the happiest person on earth today and closer to Islam than ever. Our communities and cultures convince us that moving out is the biggest sin you could commit against your family and yourself which is the OPPOSITE of the truth. Thank you so much for that video I genuinely think its the only reason I live the life I do now since I also decided to move abroad this year :) I’ve been following you ever since even with your move to London and I hope you’re doing as well and good as I am now thanks to you
Hey, can i message you on any platform because i need some advice. I am litterally in the same situation and i don’t know what to do..
@@romy3871 i am genuinely so so honored to be a part of your story. thank you for sharing this with me. it’s crazy how moving out also brought me closer to Islam. alhamdillulah. i am so happy and proud of you. it’s not an easy thing to go through. sending you so much love 💖 thank you for watching
you know what is crazy, its that men can go out, travel, explore the world and themselves and then marry, whereas women should stay home and wait on «prince charming» to knock on the door to get them out of the house, and they right away get thrown into a world with so many responsibilites like being a wife and mother without having lived their own life. THIS is the exact reason why just like you, I am going to move out without marrying and live MY life to the fullest b4 I marry.
One of the hardest parts of this journey is realising that you have a different mentality and worldview from your family. That the way you want to live your life no matter how simple or halal that version may be, they dont celebrate or accept it but rather create friction against it. All we want as kids is to share our happiness, hopes and dreams with our family and knowing they wont be apart of that sinply because they cant get past the mental hurdle is devasting. Even more so when your siblings who grew up in the west with you and think like our parents. Like we understand why our parents think like this because they grew up in a different environment and time but our siblings didnt so its even more disappointing when siblings behave like this
100%. i always think about the major disconnect between the fact that i genuinely want to share this experience with my family but they’ve decided that these concepts (family and independence) cannot co-exist. it’s so stubborn & creates a rift where there does not need to be one.
You handled this with so much grace, I'm inspired 🫶🏾
@@TomiwaRodia thank you angel. 🤍
I moved out of my family's house at 22. Im 24 now. Its still very hard to heal from the guilt and shame that is embedded into immigrant daughters. Add the fact that like you said, we grew up with the privilege of choice, education, and agency. This often makes us the scapegoats in our family because we speak out on what we see and we refuse to accept how they treat us. We end up being a catch all person to blame for their shortcomings as parents. You can save up and move out but it takes lifetimes to peel away from the way we've been conditioned to please others and family.
I cannot even begin to explain how close this hits to home. The only way for me to manage moving out was by being my sister's support system while she's in college... otherwise I would have never been able to. And although I love that I'm in my own space and living on my own terms, it still annoys me that I was able to do so solely bc they want me to house my sister- forget what I want for myself. Unfortunately a lot of parents never want their daughters to ever exercise agency. It's either you seek their permission and (later on)...your husband's. So when do we ever make decisions for ourselves? But your story has really inspired me to live my best life even if it's going to upset those closest to me. This was sooo therapeutic and I'm so glad someone got on YT to speak on this. I cannot wait for more videos!!!
the one thing i felt i was missing was perspective from someone who felt like i did. im so glad this resonated with you - because it’s often such an isolating and difficult decision to make in our community. thank you for watching ❤
you're an incredibly strong person! and I'm glad that you didn't let your siblings guilt trip you into not doing what you wanted to do. hopefully you're family will come around and understand that you've made an important decision that has benefitted your life for the better!
It's sad enough not having your parents support but siblings too? That's different. But I'm happy that you were able to do this for yourself.
I deeply relate to the desperation of a small taste of freedom, I hope you keep posting videos this one was so nice and relatable thank you so much❤️
🥺🤍 thank YOU
thank you for sharing your story, as an almost 21-year old, muslim and south-asian girl who needs to ask for permission for everything despite being able to make my own decisions.. this was really REALLY needed. i am mustering up the courage to speak to my parents about moving out, bcuz I believe that will be the best for my own growth. im TERRIFIED of losing the relationship I have with them, but if it that is whats going to happen so be it. I do believe somewhere along the line they'll accept. i cant really say anything rn, cuz I havent had the talk yet but watching this vid made me realize the worst-case scenario. i do hope my parents reaction will be a lil more lenient but dont have much hope sadly. I need to keep reminding myself that im an adult capable of making my own decisions and that moving out isnt some big and bad thing that im doing. its really hard when I ve listened to them my whole life and now Im kinda starting to "disobey" them, but I've realised that I will only regret the things I dont do in the future. I dont want that to happen. thanks for sharing your story and being an inspiration to us all. it must've been extremely hard, I am thankful and proud.
thanks for listening.
We enjoyed keep going your doing great ❤
thank you for this 🖤
thank YOUUUU from sharing, from one muslim girl to another ❣
Thanks for this beautiful representation ❤u gave me hope as 23 yrs stuck in this double standard living, inshaAllah I will reach this stability and peace of mind for myself
im going through something similar. ugh the guilt has been killing me! glad to see someone on the other side :))
@@patiencentim literally just wanted to post to share that i did in fact make it out to the other side and im still okay. 🙂↕️🤍
im so proud of you for making this video!! SUbhanAllah i discovered your tiktok around the same time I had gotten kicked out and it made me feel so seen. as Muslims we're taught to honor our parents but that leaves little room for us to speak up when they've wronged us. That forever guilt you mentioned hit me so deep because it really never goes away knowing you are disposable to your loved ones. But Alhamdulillah, Allah has given us so much. 💗💗💗💗 I hope we see more videos from you.
Your story is all too familiar and one that me and my cousins and friends have grown up with. It takes a lot to change the narrative for yourself, and I’m so happy for you, and inspired by you. What kept me going when I was navigating tough situations with family was understanding that this is where it’s at now, but it may not always be that way. Wish things as simple as moving out weren’t this hard for us.
May Allah grant you ease in your affairs and bless you with rizq in all that you do.
this video came to me at such a peculiar time as i am planning on moving out and away from my family house. and with mexican parents, i fear they will say similar things that your parents/family did. you have no idea how much i understand the fear and struggle of just wanting to be heard and seen by those who should love and appreciate you. thank you so much for recording this and posting it. it's helped me continue down my personal path and put myself first
Your video popped up on my feed in such a strange perfect time! It’s crazy how I can relate to so much of what you’ve mentioned! Our stories are different but similar in some ways. As a single 29 year old, I pray for everything to work out for my -potential- new job and own a property someday soon to feel at ease with life. Thank you for sharing this you’ve no idea how much I needed it ❤
we’re never as alone as we think tbh- i’m so glad you can relate loool. i pray you truly do get everything you want. x
I don’t know how you didn’t cry telling this it made me cry I really wanna make brave decisions like this but I’m so afraid of the outcome I genuinely look up to u honestly so cool that u did that❤
@@sohaila6342 i cried off cam looool. thank you so much my love i really appreciate the kind words. 💖
@@fatimahaidarr also do u have a podcast u should make one id listen to u💕
I just want to give you such a big hug because I can relate to how it feels to have people you love so much to only love you conditionally,. I love you and thank you for being such a beautiful reflection 🫶❤️
you are an excellent storyteller. your words are inspiring, but even more so your existence: seven years after the big jump, you’re living and thriving and you have no regrets. may Allah bless you in everything and grant you jannah. ameen
I am in the same state rn. It is so suffocating. I cant go out with my friends nor do anything. My mental health is affected. It is so exhausting for me. Like i love my family but i need my alone time and i fear i need to move out for this idk what to do so i want to move out once i am financially stable 😭
Hello, Fatima. This is the very first time I heard your story, and can I say it's incredibly moving. So many parts of your story I was able to see myself in. Your strength and wisdom are honestly so inspiring. I'm turning twenty in two months and am so afraid of doing so many things because I'm scared of disappointing other people. But your video has really, really moved me, and thank you for that. Thank you so much for sharing. You are truly inspiring.
subhanaAllah your video is like a sign from Allah that I’ll be alright and I’m not alone 🥹 you talking about this topic feels like a hug to me 🫶🏻 thank you so much fatima 💌 please share more about your current journey we all would lovee to see it ❤
you are much a inspiration babe! i am also thinking of moving out and feel the same thing as you. i do have hope that it does take time for our family to accept and let go of things that we cant control. yes selfish it is but sometimes we have to choose ourselves for the sake of our future. i guess leaving your family isn’t that hard as you think it is because they could still survive with or without you. my probably is i care too much about my family especially for what they have sacrifice for you and your siblings. you give more courage to wake up in reality. being at home, my family always makes me feel like i couldnt do things on my own and im still immature and have not much experience in life and thats one of the reason why i want to move out because of the negativity around me its just not it and i do love my family they are great but its just hard to be independent when they are around what if especially when the day comes they are not here anymore and im still attached to them, i will be the one who is struggling. this is a perfect timing of Allah to show me your journey. Alhamdulillah thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
@@airaablagon8745 we understand each other more than you could ever know. inshallah one day you get to be selfish and have the time to live just for you. but please be easy on yourself, you have so much love and consideration for your family even while you sacrifice for them. that’s beautiful.
Thank you so much for sharing. I had similar experience and what you said about realizing that your family love was conditional and it’s can be withdrawn the moment you don’t meet these conditions highly resonated with me. Keep making videos and sharing your experiences it’s so therapeutic to me to know that someone out there has gone through the same experience.
right back at you. it helps me feel less alone. sending you love ❤
We should all make a support group or like a FB group of women who have been through this or who are planning to move out from strict parents. Having each other’s support would help so much ❤
I have never in my life related to something this much, I am planning on moving out within a few years and I am not excited about the reactions I am going to recieve but this video has helped me so much.
me too, i have a 3-4 year plan to move out
Life is a crazy thing, its good to hear your perspective ❤
🥺🤍
The big sister insight I NEEDED 🫶🏼 thank u
I went to your channel to find more videos but there was just this 😭 already loving your vibe 🫶🏻 thank you for sharing such relatable content
@@yasminejenna8883 thank you 😭🤍 will be more soon!!!!!
But can't doubt that's pretty easier when u're in a country as u've been raised at ur whole life cause if we as girls in the middle east especially with those type of struct parents this gonna end up being killed but i totally encouraging u at this u've made and gone through alot and u've continued what u've started u're such a super girl to complete this journey and kept ur mindest also ur mentality is such a thing no one could ever define it as a normal thing could anybody do u're so strong i'm so proud that u're one of my species and make urself as an powerful example to us that we can thank u fatima ♥️
im so glad your video showed up on my feed :) your story and the difficulties you brought up were so important and reminded me of some of the struggles i have too. i wanted to move out eventually but im the oldest and so my parents rely on me more, but i think ill be able to after letting go of the guilt of doing that eventually. also really needed to hear "youre never stuck" because i keep thinking i am because of things im not able to do right now. wishing you all the best!
Wow! To have the courage to step out and live the life you want for yourself - it’s really something !
@@sereolu3920 🥺🤍
Firstly, I would like to say how I am of you for making this choice and putting yourself first.I understood I can’t make everyone happy all time.My sanity and wellbeing comes before anything else. I’m glad your mother came round in the end.
this is my first time hearing your story and i feel you so much on every level especially the unfair treatment our parents give to boys im 18 years old and i feel so scared i wont be able to achieve anything in the future cuz of my parents and yes the thoughts of getting married to escape sadly never left my mind i cant ever have the courage to say no to them or put my feelings first and you doing so was really brave and inspiring
Wow, this video brought me to tears. I’m glad you chose YOU. I’m glad you are trying with your mother. Like you said she is living life for the first time too. I wish you all the best and I’m sending you so many hugs 💘 May Allah protect you 🫶🏾
Would love to hear more about your experiences!
coming up 😌
Salaam! I just stumbled upon this (thank you algorithm) and I really appreciate your honesty. I'm going through a similar situation. What you've said resonates and validates how I've felt since moving out. You're inspiring me to share my story too when I'm ready. I can't wait to see more from you
Such a hard, emotional but an inspiring story. May Allah give you even more than what you’re hoping and praying for and may Allah reunite you with your parents in Jannah where it’s only love and happiness!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am going through a similar process, and sometimes I have my moments of doubts and guilt, but you have reassured me greatly.
OMG! I was also told I was the reason my mom was unwell too😭😭😭 do they read the same guidebook orrrr???
genuinely they must 😭
I love how honest and open and well spoken this is! You’re such a beautiful person and thanks for sharing your story!! Radiant mA!❤
This video is so comforting especially because I see so much of myself in you , Cant wait for more videos < 3
@@juveriyanaser3132 🥺🤍 thank you.
hoping to see more of your content!!! thank you for sharing your moving out story ❤
I love this video so much! I think it came at the right time tbh!
0:35 this is exactly my shituation , i have a twin brother, i am a female, i have a vagina , he gets treated differently and gets to live differently like he feels like a stranger, I'm 23 yrs and him too but there is so much big of a gab between us when it comes to freedom
omg you're like my new comfort youtuber , love you already
This might sound crazy to some, but the mother is never the problem in this situation; it's usually the siblings filling their heads with so many assumptions about you. I had four older siblings and five younger ones. I was the only one who never understood why my parents homeschooled us from elementary through high school, but I still went through it. I noticed that my mom would constantly get frustrated with me even when I didn't do anything.
When I was younger, I'm not going to lie, I really hated my life. I didn't like where I was or where I was going, and I genuinely believed that everyone hated me. When I started university, I wasn't allowed to drive or do anything except school and home. I started university at 21, by the way. But I noticed that everything I told my mom, she would tell my sisters, and because of this, it created a separation between us. I completely stopped talking to my mom and didn't tell her anything.
My older sisters, who are 4 and 2 years older than me, would constantly go through my phone when I was asleep. They would read my messages and take them to my mom. They did this when I was 21, so I didn't see it as anything at the time. But recently, my older sister, who is 2 years older than me, went through my entire phone when I was asleep. She read all the messages, my DMs, everything, went through my pictures, and took pictures of everything. She sent it to everyone in the house but every time they did this they would fine anything so I wouldn't get in trouble, it was mostly them telling my parents that I was allowing my friends to curse or say bad words and I was not stopping them. At the time, I was 24.
I lost it. Instead of going towards my sisters and arguing with them, which was always unfair because it would be 4 against 1, I went straight to my mom. I told her I was moving out and wanted nothing to do with this family. My mom didn't say anything but told me that Allah wouldn't be happy with me because she wouldn't. I was hurt because the only thing that kept me going was Allah. But my mom pretended that she didn't know my sister did that and told me, "Why am I hurting her for something that my sisters did?" That really hurt me because I saw the messages on her phone that my sister sent to her.
I decided to stay because I knew my mother only wanted what was good, but now I have openly lost all respect for my older sisters. As for my mother, she just didn’t want to be yelled at and look like a bad person because I knew my sisters would tell her that the things she let me do, she would never let them do, and my mom would feel like a failure. Ever since I was young, I would let my older siblings lie about me because I knew if they got in trouble by my parents, they would give them the cold shoulder, so my parents would avoid doing that. But as for me, within the next hour, I would forgive them, so it was easier for them to discipline me.
So yes, I stayed. I explained everything to my mother, and she started crying. She told me that it's true; they (my older sisters) would always say things like that. When I go to school, all my friends are guys, which is true. I am a computer science major, and there are only two other girls in my class; the rest are men. So yes, it’s true most of my friends are guys, and they would blame me if a man complimented me and they would say that I would get punished for that. But when I shut them out and made sure that the only person I'm making happy is my mother, everything worked out. I can't thank Allah enough. I try my best to listen to what Allah said not to do, and Allah has never let me down.
so proud of you and how you didnt cry while saying all of this , having a strict family is the worst thing ever.
I relate to a lot of what you said. I moved out late at 26. It was a nerve-wrecking experience because although my father was on board my mother was very very angry about me leaving and had a huge temper tantrum saying all sorts of horrible things. It was very hurtful. Eventually when she calmed down she realised she was in the wrong, she apologised and I forgave her but still what she did caused a lot of unnecessary stress and worry for me on top of the worry I already had about moving... so anyway she eventually realised that I was supposed to have gone a long time ago and then eventually accepted it. I didn't wait for her permission because unfortunately I wasted a lot of my life waiting for her permission on a lot of unnecessary things and if I waited for it, she would never give it so I decided not to even tell her until the week I was going. If I could go back I would do the same thing much younger...I didn't have the guts until 26 so respect those who were able to do it at a younger age. Agree about some girls who have controlling families getting married to escape their controlling and/or abusive parents...it's not a healthy reason to get married, it's better to get independence, go to therapy and grow as an individual first and eventually you can meet the person right for you at the right time.
I think this is my first comment ever. I saw your video on Tiktok first. Moving forward I think best relationships are within yourself. Are we able to focus on our mindset to remain at peace with anything in life and having faith in Allah SWT. It's better to take risks than to do nothing. Never forget to repent and always forgive others this is a key to have happiness in life !! I've admire your openess in this video. One of my fav video by far. Continue staying strong Fatima!
Listening to this literally gave me a lump in my throat. I keep forgetting there are people like me with parents like mine out there. However I know I won’t be able to live alone, ever. Either I’m with my parents or I’m with my husband. I know you made fun of your past self for thinking like that, your past self is probably exactly like me lmao
My mom just can’t understand why I want the things that I want. Why I am sad for reasons other than war, death or hunger. Which I understand. Since she struggled with things I, alhamdullilah, won’t have to struggle with. People think that since my mom is only 20 years older than me it means that we understand each other, but it just gets harder and harder the older I get.
I am so desperate for a husband (only in my head, I won’t ever let anybody, especially a man, see that I’m desperate behahhwha) because I genuinely know that marriage is the only way to get away from my mom without getting disowned. Seeing women like you gives me hope haha. It’s really never that deep, to be honest
I’m so proud of you ❤
thank you. ❤
Love this. As a revert family opinions/lack of family support has been really hard dealing with. I know that isn't the same topic, but this video make me feel a little seen. Wish I could have friends like you
I’m so sorry that your parents didn’t give you the support you deserve. Dealing with that rejection for years is a burden you shouldn’t have had to carry. ❤
i enjoyed listening to youuuu, keep going lovee❤❤❤❤
I'm 30 and cannot move out. My dad sees a woman moving out as bad as Zina and would actually try to kill me, himself, or my mom because he would blame her for my "western" mindset since she is American. Basically I have to live with him until he's elderly and take care of him, so about another 20-30 years then I can move out unless I'm married :/ My dad cannot comprehend why I would want to move out of the big house he worked so hard for. Always guilt tripping us, mentioning how he moved to the US when he was 18, worked his life away every single day to get money and build us a big house and have us well-off, all for me to want to move out. He is also going crazy because I havent agreed to get married yet and make him babies to a stranger from his country. He thinks its absolutely terrible and an evil "Western" mindset
Omg similar girl I feel ya
Sorry to say this but this is what’s wrong with this society, I don’t know how everyone’s gunna save themselves from Dajjal when they can’t save themselves from their nafs, I pray Allah guides us all, Ameen
@@RB-gy6mf what do you mean by nafs?
babes, I wish it wasnt so bad as that. may Allah help you! and keep making dua, cuz dua can change qadr. have faith and trust in Allah that one day you'll be able to do this. may He make it easy for you and people in a similar situation, ameen. but plz try to move out and as secretly as you possibly can. take ur mom with you and if ur life is in actual danger get the police involved. you are perfectly capable of doing that and in no way does Islam encourage this behavior from ur father.
So proud of you 💖💖💞 May Allah keep you protected ❤️
12:36 this hit so hard💔
You look so much like kelly bishop in her gilmore girls era! Literally SO beautiful allahuma barik I'm in awe
yaaaaay, you're on UA-cam🥳, New comfort channel added to mine!
I am so proud of you, May Allah bless you and keep you protected💓 Thank you for sharing this comforted me a lot.
OBSESSED
I’m so excited for your next videos💗💖
Funny I’m going through the exact same thing bc I wanna study in a different country, it’s not for the weak ngl
absolutely not. has me fighting for my life lmao
this was so amazing to watch thank you for sharing! inshallah you will be great!
I needed this!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
idk how else to say this but i relate to EVERY SINGLE THING u said i need to hear u speak more
So relatable. ❤❤
I love this. Thank you so much
This hits me I love my parents but sometimes I feel they don’t trust me I am 20 years and really have no friends because of my mom dose not allowed to me to go with them and most of the times she go with me like a child. Like even the gym She does not allow to me to go alone. I really try hard .l don’t wanna upset her but i want my own life
Your mum is overprotective, this is totally okey but discuss this issue with her since the way she overcontrols your life is abnormal honestly
Good luck sis
I moved out by applying to a Masters program across the country and I never came back. That’s one way to do it lol
Omggg I don’t have tiktok anymore but I remember watching you all the time when I used to have it! I prayed that Allah would help me to move out my house just like you did, but He gave me better and removed our dad from our lives so now we’re all happier together without him. I looked up to you so much, can’t believe I’m seeing you again 🥹 I literally clicked ur profile like no wayyyy that’s her 😂
And also, keeping dogs inside the house is haram no? Because angels don’t enter the house. Just wondering!! :)
lovef the video 💞
I wanna move out but no one to move with like you😢
So relatable
I want to be like you when I grow up
@@rabisrad and you will 😌🤍
Im sorry 🫶🏾. Your family disowning because you moved out is insane. Subhanallah .
Ps : your gorg
I will move out some day iA. But i have a long way to save and then my parents will agree. I wanna move out and study and do research and start businesses. Its hard when you live in a toxic household (i wouldnt say my family is bad alhumduillah i have survived this much bcz of my 8 siblings i love them ) but its suffocating to be given a role of parent so young to take care of them and also i gotta figure out my life when you are the oldest ) but Allah is the greatest i can already feel Allahs help coming from these trials that i have.
Can I know how to put the scarf on your head? I liked it very much
This is great 😢. Unfortunately i still don't have enough money to do it and i don't even want marriage
Thank u for this
Edit You are in London I’ve applied to ORE exam and it’s my only way out and I need help because I can barely afford the visa and the ticket, and I can’t go to the embassy because it’s in another city and I can’t leave. I’d love to talk with you if there is a way I can go around going to the embassy for a visa. I remember you from TikTok I saved your clip, my god im 27 now and I’m still here. And now due to problems I’m the only one left with my parents and I’m already the only kid of my mom and they are old. She literally cried because I just tried, I really want to leave I’m tired and suffocated from past traumas …. They grow old and kinda changed but I’m not. I just want to leave I’ve never lived
damn im the youngest and i havent moved out yet :(
FATIMAAAA WE NEED ARABIC SUBSS
Me when
Where in quran God is talking about completing half of your religion by getting married? It is recommended but not obligated at least not for females .
anyway thank you for your great video 🙏🥰
33:33
EVERYONE REMBER THEIR IS A DIFFERENCE FROM CULTURE TO RELIGION.
The whole “marriage” part isn’t related to Islam but rather the double standard that is in her ethic community.
@@humen27631 i’d disagree- marriage is super important in Islam so it seeps into the mentality of a lot of our parents. but correct islam and culture should not be conflated! that’s why it’s not haram to move out even tho lots of people think that x
I came from tiktok and I definitely don't regret it 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
I'm glad I came across your video. My parents and family in general were quite the opposite when i wanted to move out (I'm not Muslim though), always supportive of wherever i wanted to move, however, it's mind opening to hear how different life to mine others have.
I'm super proud of you :) 🩷
Thanks for sharing this ❤🤍 im more hopeful now
LITERALLY MY FAVORITE VIDEO ON THIS APP
I’m so proud of you. I’m so inspired and i live in iraq but i will do it in sha ALLAH and about these young girls being obsessed with marriage. like one of my friend got married she was 19 and one of her cousin asked her why is she getting married this young ? and she said because she wants to get out of her house and finally be free but guess what she got divorced after 3 months and I’m not shaming her but I fell so bad for her .🤍