My Eating Disorder
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- Опубліковано 3 січ 2015
- Today I wanted to talk to you guys about something I've never fully opened up about. I hope you get something out of this & I love you all! My next new #howtobehappyjanuary video will go up on Wednesday!
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But you had plastic surgery... Lipo on you hips and butt and a boob job.. So how did you accept and get over your body dismorphia?? You controlled it in a different way.. I'm confused about the message of acceptance here
please comprehend that she suffered from this as a teenager....not 19/20 year old
I'm confused as well but i still appreciate the positive message she's trying to send out
I don't think shes necessarily saying she's perfect and always completely acceptances herself. I think it's a journey and a struggle for everyone throughout their whole lives. When you still struggle with accepting yourself, you want to guide others to be stronger than you. She's just human but knows that you need to accsept yourself to be happy, which she's obviously still working on too
To be fair, the lipo suction was more of a corrective surgery, to fix the unevenness that her previous surgery had caused.
I have to say that I am offended by your comment. According to your logic, someone that has partook in plastic surgery is not qualified to talk about self acceptance? Has she not attempted to love herself in the same way that you have? My friend, what you are attempting to state is known as a classic FALLACY. Having plastic surgery does not in any way discredit her knowledge on the topic of self acceptance.
There are so many things wrong with this video.
1: self-diagnosis.
2: childish editing.
3: chipmunk voice.
4: vague instructions on recovery.
5: HOLY SHIT YOU SHOULD NEVER PUT NUMBERS! NEVER NEVER NEVER.
We are only asking for positive comments so can you please not critizice the video
Good point on the self-diagnosis and vague "recovery" instructions....which don't exist. There is no manual on "how to recover from an ED"
So many things wrong with this comment
***** So how can you explain the women (and men) who have seen a psychologist, nutritionist and doctor for years and are not "recovered" yet? Thinking there is a "manual" on how to recover is very misinformed of you. There are some people who need resident treatment, some people who need a nutritionist, some people who need different coping skills than others, different medications. To say "there 3 things will make you recover is 100%" is crap. You could see a psychologist, nutritionist and doctor and not recover because of other issues, lack of motivation, no support system at home, very powerful ED thoughts....basically just saying that "yes there is a manual to recover" is wrong in every way. I, as well as millions of women who take years to recover, are the proof.
***** Can you send me a copy of the manual? I've love to have it. I can send it to all the eating disorder therapists I know. Everyone CAN recover from an ED with the right help- but not everyone will. And obviously a doctor or therapist and nutritionist can help someone recover.
I admire your honesty and strength. This was a great video but I didn't need all the high pitch weirdness. It's a serious topic. I'm fine watching a serious video without stupid edits.
I agree. It makes me take her less seriously on such a serious topic
I think making it "silly" was her way of coping with how scared she was to share so much on this topic.
it was an artistic choice to paint my teenage self with those voices. i knew it was a gamble as to whether it was going to annoy some people or not but i wanted to use it. plus, I'm aware its a serious topic (because i lived it)--- but there are a lot of serious things in the world and not everything has to be address as the darkest most horrible thing ever...lots of people go through LOTS of horrible things... so ya- it was just how i wanted to edit. that was a long explanation hahah just answering since a couple people said that=) i love you guys
NikkiPhillippi thanks nikki, I think I understand more now. Thank you so much for commenting and explaining and also for sharing this video. Lots of love 💕💕💕💕
Agreed. What is the jazz music in the background? Not necessary... you're not making this video to entertain people!
I agree with another commentor, the term eating disorder is overused. And eating disorder is a mental illness. It sounds like this was more like a period of disordered eating.if something like this can be fixed by a talk with mom, then it is not an eating disorder. I am not trying to downgrade the harm of this, or the mental stress. I just think that we undermined the seriousness of mental illness.
Well said!
It seemed unreal to me that something so serious could be healed by having a talk with your mom. Am I the only one who thought this?
Jamara Campbell No you are not. I had many talks with my parents during the midst of my eating disorder and it took help from a treatment center and a therapist to really get it under control. Most often, family can be a support during recovery but you need tools and help from professionals. Just my opinion.
TheButterflyfoot I hope this does not come across as rude but even disordered eating is considered an eating disorder and is treated by professionals.
Having a talk with mom is something that can fix ALOT of things..... just because she was able to learn something from her moms advice doesn't downplay what she was going through. Everyone has their way of getting out of difficult situations. Just because she might not have gotten help from a professional does not mean she she didn't have a problem or a mental issue. Nikki is being open and honest, and its kind of crumby for people to pick every phrase she says apart.
I think the term "eating disorder" is thrown around too much. Disordered eating and even calorie restricting to some point, are forms of disordered eating but may not be an eating disorder. I have been to treatment for an eating disorder 5 times and it took me years to recover from binging/purging and restricting and self harm. This is not a light topic. Most people with an ED do not have a talk with their Mom one day and stop purging. If that was the case I would have saved my parents thousands of dollars in rehab bills. I find it similar to someone saying that can understand what it is like to have cancer because they have a bad cold. I've been recovered for years, but this video is poorly done and makes a very deadly illness sound like something you can get over because you "try hard" and learn to love yourself.. I'm sure any ED therapist would agree. This video should be taken as a body positivity video and nothing more.
i understand and agree with your comment, but i think it can be quite devaluing, as it comes across like you're saying her issues are not that big of a deal and she exaggerated them. Even though you might think thats true, for her, its probably been a massive trauma in her life and she may not have explained the full story or even the effect it had on her. I believe people can have different degrees of eating disorder and ofc not every persons story will be the same, so i think that should be respected. I hope i haven't misunderstood your comment or anything and i've no intention to be rude or argumentative. (sorry i dont know why i felt the need to write this)
marmisty I can see how my comment came across like that....and I'm not trying to sound mean (even though I got passionate and I'm sure it can) I'm sure whatever she went through was tough on her....I guess because I don't remember her talking about seeing an ED therapist or really working through a true (by the book/treatment standards) ED, I feel like it should be called disordered eating (which is still a HUGE struggle). I feel the need to make sure people do understand that just because someone feels "fat" or struggles with some dieting/food issues does not mean they have a full blown ED. A full blown eating disorder will 99.99% of the time require some form of treatment/ intervention and won't go away in a year or two. You can self-diagnose an ED because you restricted your calories or purged a few times. Just speaking from experience and knowing many woman who have gone through treatment for an ED.
Cristina Yvette i understand and i trust you on that as I'm sure (from looking at your previous comment) that you know a greater deal about the system and official treatment etc. but i think that if one of the onset reasons is clarified, through time and developing and a significant change in your life, then the person may be able to feel they can help themselves, this may not be a lasting treatment however can offer a relief.this is still bearing in mind what i said earlier about how there are differing severities of illness. not sure this comment is very clear.
I agree! It's kind of like when people are sad or go through a period of sadness and they call it depression. What people don't realize is that that is a disease. I Don't know its hard to explain I guess
marmisty Basically a person can not self-diagnose an eating disorder. Everyone's struggles are valid, but the severity of the eating disorder behaviors discussed in the videos are not in line with a full blown eating disorder. Someone can help themselves feel more confident and start the journey to recovery, but I've never known someone with an ED who recovered without the help of a therapist, nutritionist, or by a parents having a heart to heart.
Im not try to hate on this video in ANY way, but I've too suffered from an eating disorder, and still am. Its not anorexia, its not bulimia, I'm not starving my self, its nothing like that. Its acually something that ALWAYS gets overlooked. Binge eating. People always either ignore this, or judge people who do this. What it is, is over eating, and hoarding of food, and basically emotional eating. It started in about 5th grade for me. I had no friends, no one was there for me, but food was, I always had food. I gained about 20 pounds that year, and in a few months went from skinny and tiny, to pudgy. Now I'm healthier. I am 5'3", and currently fluctuate between 135, and 140 pounds. I am still not tiny (I'm not fat either though) I wear about a size 8-10, and I still want to lose about 10 pounds. Granted some of the weight (being a runner, swimmer, and ex-dancer) is muscle. Anyway, back on topic: Now its more a bad habit than emotional eating for me, but still. Just once, I would like to see a video like this for binge eating. Not about how to lose the weight, or how to starve yourself, or critizicing and judging the people who do this, but just trying to get them through it, and supporting them.
You should watch bree loves beauty's channel, she has a video dedicated to that topic :)
***** thank you
I totally understand and agree!! I struggle with the same thing and Cambria Joy or breelovesbeauty here on UA-cam did a few videos on it so you should go check out her channel! actually she's done some videos with Nikki too
I struggle with binge eating so much, it's so hard, it only takes one bad day and just ruins it. But we gotta stay strong💪
I am so glad you made this comment because until I saw breelovesbeauty's channel, I didn't even realize I had this. I've seen multiple doctors and they don't even acknowledge this. They just tell me that I'm "sneaking" and stuff like that, when I know I don't want to but there's something forcing me to eat. I'm pretty overweight now, partially (not saying 100%) from my eating disorder, and other health issues despite that I've been a volleyball player, swimmer, and dancer my entire life. I have gotten so much better at overcoming it, even though it's still a daily struggle. I just think there needs to be awareness brought to this eating disorder that doesn't make someone think of the person as a pig because from my experience, it's mostly beyond me. Hopefully we will get through this together. I'm here for you.
This video was the most disrespectful thing I've ever watched about eating disorders.
I have never actually read through peoples comments or even commented for that matter but for some reason today I decided to. First off Nikki, sharing something like this takes so much courage and can mean so much to someone without you even knowing so thank you for putting yourself out there. Second, I cannot believe some of the things you guys are saying. She is sharing something very serious and you have to jump on it with so many negative comments, what is the point and what does that do for you? What is the point of telling her it is not a "real eating disorder". Seriously people! It was something she struggled with and who knows could still be in one way or another, she can call it whatever she wants! Sorry to rant, but if i had the courage to put myself out there and open up about something like that I would hope someone would stick up for me and people would be more accepting. Kudos to you Nikki for being such an awesome and open person!
Agree!!
Exactly what I wanted to say! Part of what I love about Nikki and her videos is that when she chooses to share something personal, she tells it like it is (which, of course, could be triggering to some, but is really refreshing to me). Thank you for all your videos, Nikki! They mean a lot to me, especially your ask NikkiP channel. Just by listening to it, I feel like I'm hearing a lot of applied biblical truths and learning about wisdom. You rock!
Yes! I agree, too!
this is so crazy... I'm relapsing right now and i haven't eaten in a couple days... i think this video showing up in my subscription box is a sign...
Definitely! I don't know you, but I can tell you that health and happiness are magnetic. The moment you decide to be the most healthy you good things will come your way. It doesn't mean that your life will be perfect. Everyone struggles with hardships but you be able to get through them because your mind will be at peace and your body will be strong. Cheers to 2015 and cheers to your health & happiness.
I know you've heard this a billion times but starving yourself is not the way! Please start eating.
Stay strong lovely. I hope you get better very soon. I don't know you but I wish you a lot of luck. Much love ❤️
Stay strong lady💜 you are loved, you are beautiful.
You are more worth it than the unnecessary pain you're putting yourself through. Everyone will go through pain naturally for lack of a better word but heaping unnecessary pain on top of that doesn't help. I do hope you get over it.
I am glad I am not the only person who doesn't eat everything in sight when I am anxious/stressed/upset/etc. I seriously feel like I will throw it up!
Me too. When I feel like that I can barely eat and my stomach feels too upset to eat
I have the same problem. Anxiety is no bueno ugh
ya its strange cuz my mom has made comments before "oh must be nice..." cuz she just wants to eat everything when she's stressed, but its not nice. the stomach ache, the blood sugar dips that are accompanied by mood swings, headaches, nausea, etc---- it sucks but as an adult (at least at this point in my life) I've definitely gotten to the point where i lose my appetite under serious stress. ins sorry you deal with that too!
NikkiPhillippi It's funny--most people don't even realize some people lose their appetite when they're stressed. Lots of people just assume everyone eats more. Sometimes when I'm really stressed, my stomach gets so uneasy that the thought of eating makes me feel sick. Stress can do a number on our bodies, whether we eat too much or too little because of it. I relate to what you said about body dismorphia or whatever it's called, but or me it's not really a weight issue, it's overall appearance. Thanks for this video, Happy New Year! xo
This video NEEDS a trigger warning. There are so many people that can slip into disordered thoughts by hearing you talk about. Gives me chills :(
She titled it "eating disorder" so hopefully it will warn people if they need to be warned! :)
read the title maybe..........
She goes into some pretty intense details. Just looking out for people! I think she would want her viewers to know that ahead of time too!
Nishat Nguyen
I can see your point. But not talking about things can't be the solution. Most people with eating disorders don't talk to people. This could be a start for them.
Oh I agree, but we also need to understand our limitations as UA-camrs and say we are not doctors, psychologists or counselors. It's great that this is a start and conversation but there still needs to be some forewarning that her personal details about her struggle can really affect people.
Nikki, you are such an amazing person. I can't even tell you how much your last two videos have helped me. I have been struggling with an eating disorder since I was thirteen. I'm always being reminded that I'm "Never alone in this world"... But it's hard to believe it when there's no one around you that knows exactly what you're going through. Watching this video and listening to you talk, brought me to tears! You're the first person that I feel like I can really relate to. I have only been watching your videos for a year, and you have helped me overcome so much. Keep up the good work girl! You are changing the world
I'm struggling with a eating disorder. This made me feel better!
please take care of yourself and stay strong :)
Food is your friend! Use it to fuel your body and don't be afraid of it. Stay strong, you've got this!! :D
I am as well. Stay strong girl! I know how hard it is.
Stay strong xx
stay strong girl, you're beautiful and loved!
This was beautiful. Thank you so much for existing, and I'm so excited for your January series, and just in general series! I really hope you can indulge anything with organizing tips, etc. :)
I am so glad that you made this video and spoke about this topic. There are so many things I want to say. I honestly can't put it all into words. This video is relevant to my life and I am glad that you are, as someone with so much influence on others, sharing this and starting this conversation. This is something I hope continues to be discussed more openly. I really like this series so far (I liked it last year too!) and I am really glad that you are reflecting and sharing. I don't think they were downer videos at all..it's important to discuss sad things so that we can be happy.
Flawless Foundation for DRY SKIN up on my channel if anyone is interested, I'd really appreciate anyone checking it out :)
I relate to you a lot on this Nikki, and i have been going BACK and FOURTH on sharing my story next month (national eating disorder awareness month) Its a scary thing to talk about, but i want to help some of this girls that watch me… to know that they too can FULLY recover.. its not impossible! You inspired me to want to share mine… we'll see if i get the courage. O_O
I think your audience (me included) will appreciate your honesty regarding this very delicate subject. Even if you are able to reach one scared girl, it'll be worth it!
Love your videos Carah! Hope you're able to share your story x
Carah! I got excited to see another youtuber I watch and relate to in the comments. As someone who has had this struggle for years...it's comforting to be able to watch videos by youtubers that I've watched for a long time and then be able to relate to them on a level that I can with no one in my real life. I'd love to hear how u fully recovered bc I've kinda reached a point in my life where I've accepted it will always be a part of me and I don't want that. If you decide to share your story I know you'll get nothing but respect and love from your viewers.
You go girl!!!!:)
Carah! Love you!! It always makes me happy when other youtubers comment! You should share your story, if you want I mean! It was so beautiful of Nikki to share hers! I related so much to it! I went through major body dismorphia after having my little boy 4 years ago.
You are such an amazing person! You are just so real and the way you look at life is inspiring.i love how you embrace your flaws and the stories you have told this week have helped me so much; it's a new year and I'm trying to improve myself and of course that means taking a look at my imperfections and being happy with myself just the way I am. I struggled with an eating disorder, depression and many other things in high school and have had major anxiety all my life, but now that I'm aware of all my problems and understand them more I'm ready to take on life and watching your videos help me stay motivated to be positive and love life and those around me. So thank you so much for your videos and just being a genuinely great person, you are a role model.
good luck with your future. i wish you the best! i'm sure you'll do great :) ♡
So glad you posted this video. I've never experienced this personally but I can't deny I've thought about ways to change my body (and I'm a pretty thin girl already). This topic has always been near and dear to my heart and I really appreciate you sharing your story with us. I love what you're doing with this series! Love you Nikki!
Hi Nikki! I’ve been watching your videos for a long time, but I’ve always felt too self-conscious to comment. That being said, this video was so beautiful that I just… Couldn’t stop myself haha. I love this video so much. It must have been so scary to share this, but I think your goal of trying to be transparent, especially on such a public platform, is so admirable. This video is poignant and sheds light on the experience of having an eating disorder, and I think a lot of people will appreciate your understanding of the topic and how they feel. I love how you share it as a time in your life that you have genuinely learned from to be more patient and compassionate with yourself. I really do think you will touch a lot of people with this video. Also, I’m currently studying Carl Rogers, so the quote at the end was just the cherry on top! Thank you for your courage and wisdom. :)
I don't even know where to start with this comment, there is so much I want to say! First, every word you spoke rang true with me. Thank you so much for sharing your story even though talking about these things can be really hard. We have really similar ED stories. I actually entered recovery this time last year at 21. I opened up about my ED disorder "journey" on my blog and a little bit on my channel. Sharing my story brought me so much peace because many people reached out and I soon found I wasn't alone. I danced as well, over exercised, restricted food and calories, abused laxatives and Senna tea, and started purging after high school. It sounds so brutal and disgusting to me now, looking back at what I put myself through. I really liked when you talked about our bodies being a "temple" or vessel that allows us to be alive and live this life. After living with my ED for 8 years, this is the first New Year where my resolution was not to have a "bikini body" or lost weight. Recovering was the best decision I ever made, especially because I can fill up my life with things that matter like hobbies, books, and loved ones. I know this is long (sorry!) I just found your video so inspiring that it brought me to tears. Even being recovered, finding people who have shared this struggle feels comforting because I know that I am not nor ever will be alone in this battle. Hugs! :)
***** Thanks, Hailey! You are on the right track :) I can't wait until you don't feel that either. Good luck in your recovery!
I have the exact same problem than you, but I'm not in recovery yet (but I'm aware that I should and I'm trying to work on that). what is so discusting is that taking laxatives and throw up is a "normal" routine to me, but so horrible that I can't even tell anyone at the same time. I do that to lose weight, but I'm not totally in control. If I purge, I feel like I have to hide it, everytime I eat, I feel discusting and when I don't I feel bad because I know that it is not the solution.
cheer2562010 I hope you soon find the courage to get the help you deserve. There are many resources out there that can help you get on the track to living a happier and more fulfilling life. Good luck!
I struggle with anxiety,badly! I thought it was gone but it recently came back. I have panic attacks often where my heart starts beating really fast and i start feeling warm and i cant swallow, i feel like im out of breath. I see myself in the mirror and somedays im happy with what i see but others im not. Its so hard living in a world where you feel lonely. I can be surrounded by a group of people yet i feel lonely.
Nikki have u ever struggled with this type of anxiety? Id love to see a video on anxiety or how to deal with parents haha thanks for this great video and im praying for all of you who are struggling❤️
I have:( all too much. I recently had to stop working because of it. I just started a channel I'll be mentioning it more. Stay strong
It happens to me too... I'm here for you, anxiety is such a huge challenge
It happens to me too :(
I struggle with anxiety as well! Here for you!
@itsnikoletta... I totally understand what you are saying about the anxiety.. I could be at school surrounded by my peers and close friends and feel alone. I want to be with my friends yet when I am with them I want to be alone and then when I am alone at night I'm haunted by my thoughts and I lay in bed staring at the wall unable to fall asleep because I just hate myself. I've struggled with binge eating and starving myself for as long as I can remember. I always am paranoid about my weight and my body. A lot of my family members are skinny and super critical and idk it's just hard. my mom is a monster and super uncompassionate and is one of the main reasons I have issues with my weight because she's always on my case. I just admire Nikki for all that she has overcome and will definitely use her story to help me out! we're all in this together!
I am so late watching this video but I have to tell you thank you. Thank you for sharing that hard time you had in your life. I have always struggled with my weight. I've never believed I was "beautiful enough "or "good enough" and now that I have a little girl the fear inside of my heart that she will feel the same about her self one day eats away at me. I need to learn to not only love my body but to care for it the right way. To know that someone as beautiful and amazing as you went through such a struggle and overcame it gives me hope that I can too. Thank you, thank you, thank you!💗
Hi Nikki, every January video you have posted so far has made me cry (in a good way) because the topics you've brought up really hit me and you are so right about everything you've talked about so far. I really hope you're happy that you did how to be happy January because it's a good life lesson
i always find it so bizarre when people say they get over an eating disorder after a conversation or with the help of family because during my recovery, i don't think it would have been possible to completely heal and recover without the help of the eating disorder center i was admitted into and a professional dietician and therapist
I really wouldn't speed up certain parts of your videos, especially ones like this, to where you have that chipmunk voice. It makes it really hard to take you and the video seriously
i was just about to say that
You're so brave for sharing this, I never thought you had gone through something like this! I'm glad you're happy today though and I can honestly say you're an inspiration!
Nikki you are such a beautiful person inside and out. I struggled with an eating disorder around the same age. I remember being 13-14 and disgusted by my stomach and the way I looked even though I was thin. I was 5'7 and 128 lbs and in one summer I got down to 105 lbs by severely undereating and overexercising. It was a scary time but I got through it by confiding in someone and learning to love myself. I am now at a healthy weight and hoping to help others love themselves too. Thank you for sharing! You are helping so many people out there who are struggling. Sending love to all of you:)
This is crazy triggering. I have an eating disorder and I clicked on this video for support but I think it's making me worse. You should never say numbers in an eating disorder video. It causes lots of disordered thoughts for people who are struggling with this.
I dont get how this wouldn't help someone with an eating disorder. Did you listen to the ending of the video?
i suffered from anorexia two years ago....it lasted for about eight months. i weighed about 130-135 lbs and i am 5"6, i thought i was fat and hated my body, i tried eating under 500 calories a day and when i ate more than that i cried for hours and just done sit ups in my room and squats until i didnt feel heavy or full anymore. i never lost a lot of weight and that is what scares me these days about telling people i was anorexic because they'd say i wasnt because i 'didnt look it'. i met my boyfriend and he saved me before i actually got worse. now i love my curves know im not fat, i dance and that has helped build muscle, my boyfriend is my savior and hes the reason i now adore food again and love my body.
Hi Nikki. I have been watching your videos for the past few years. This is the most amazing video I have ever seen of yours. I myself have struggled with an eating disorder very similar to yours. I would throw up a big dinner that I just had for a few months. Thankfully I stopped but only I knew what I did. I have always felt so bad about my body and I would often compare myself to others. I love you and I am so proud of everything you have accomplished! Your words really spoke to me and I thank you for sharing your amazing words. Btw you should write a book I would definitely read it! xoxo stay strong and God bless
Nikki, you are absolutely amazing! Your how to happy series lifts me up so much and I look forward to watching because I know I am going to be encouraged by you. Thank you for this series!
This was incredible. Thank you so much for posting this, it has made me feel so much better. You have honestly helped me and I'm sure you have helped many others too, thank you. I'm constantly called 'too skinny' or 'anorexic' and it kills me. I hate it. And then they say 'oh it's a compliment' and I get so upset. I have a lot of health issues which mean I faint easily and my metabolism is really fast, so whenever I eat, I constantly have in my brain that I need to eat enough otherwise later on in the day I will faint. If you are wondering im hypoglycaemic and I have postural hypotension. Again, thank you 💖😭👑
a lot of people fail to realize that calling someone skinny can be equally as rude as calling someone fat. the media has people brainwashed into thinking that "skinny" is a compliment. i hope you don't let people's comments upset you too much. i'm sure you're a beautiful person and that you stay healthy and safe. stay strong! :) ♡
I have have an eating disorder and after years of strictly watching what I eat I binge eat and it's hard I heard it happens after you restrict yourself for a long time it's the worst thing ever b/c you're obsessed with food but afraid of it at the same time I honestly don't know how to get through this it may sound dumb but I don't know how to eat 😔
I'm facing the same thing. It's like in under control of my eating. I wanna do something but its so difficult.
no same honestly I feel you... we can get through this. just a tip for meals on how I'm getting through and trying to stay heathy I scroll through Pinterest and look at different fun healthy raw foods... they may look/ sound gross but I've honestly never felt better.
Thanks guys it feels good to know I'm not alone and thanks for the tips I recently started using pump up and it's amazing 💖
Natalie is that Twitter or Instagram?
Also going through this but now I'm back to overly excercising and restricting mostly everything it's so bad but I can't stop it's hard I feel for you you are not alone ❤️ im OBSSESED with my weight also
These last few videos you have posted are my favorite ones ever! This series is awesome and your vulnerability is so needed here on UA-cam! It shows your not perfect, and I really respect that! I can't wait for the next video! Love you! Xo
I love the transparency. You are an amazing person and please don't ever stop sharing your stories because someone out there, like me, can relate to your stories. May God bless you always!
I love the hauls and the lipsticks, and Zoe in her sweaters ... but this is where UA-cam becomes vital, because there's going to be someone out there, watching this, who now feels less alone. Bless you for having the courage to make that happen x
Also just wanted to say my prayers are with everyone who is dealing with or has dealt with these awful diseases of the mind and body. It's important too to remember that an "eating disorder" is different from "bulimia" or "anorexia" or binge eating disorder or even orthorexia. Nikki did have disordered eating, even if it didn't fit perfectly into a category. We don't all fit into perfect categories cus were all different :) Let's just share this space and not try not to judge anyone for their experience or their struggle. I love you all!
I really needed this. It is amazing how I felt so understood when I was listening to you talk about how you felt and how it all started. Thank you so much for sharing this with us your viewers, it actually helped me a lot and it is great to hear someone who has gone through a eating disorder and it's now happy, it shows that there is a way out of it. :) thank you so much again ilyy
Hey Nikki! I was so excited to see your video today! What a raw topic! You should feel rewarded for being able to open up like you did! I, being a Christian woman myself, am a huge fan of Candace Cameron Bure. Maybe you have already read her books, but in the odd chance that you haven't, I really recommend her book "Reshaping it All"! Her other book "Balancing it All" is excellent as well. She opens up and talks about real topics such as body image, vanity, busy life styles, and how to do the things we love doing. I went to church this morning and our pastor gave us some great pointers and principles for refueling and recharging for a new year and "new start". The two that spoke most to me were that God is a big God and how he can use us in so many ways if we just ask him to! Also, he touched upon that any sense of longing or incompleteness ultimately points to Him! These are amazing things to think about! I thought I would share since I feel we have similar struggles. Again, amazing video! Xoxo
you know usually, i wouldn't say this but i feel as though people say that they have eating disorders too often. This video seems to be a little too upbeat to have such powerful message. idk-- i love nikki though i am just kinda confusedddd
ALSO,
Why is it that she put an effect over her term eating disorder as well as every time she threw up- did she have to make it comedic
Nikki, you are inspiring, beautiful and make me and so many other unbelievably happy:-) I cannot express my gratitude enough for how much you inspire me to be as good a person as you, you are my idol because you are so lovely, kind and confident, you rock at life! Your videos always have so much thought and effort put in to them and I don't think some people realise how much love and thought you put into every one of you videos, you are so creative and never let me down with the content of you videos:-) I hope you have a had an amazing Christmas and an incredible New Year filled with love and happiness, I can't wait to see what 2015 brings for you and your channel! I am soo super excited about the tumbler cups as well:-) your #howtobehappyJanuary series is such a good idea too, after my birthday, Christmas and New Year all in one go, the series keeps me happy through my post celebration sadness;-) so awesome that you have talked about this in a video, you are helping people through this and you are so brave for it, well done you! I cannot stress enough how wonderful a person you are Nikki. Hope life is wonderful for you always Nikki, you deserve everything good that comes you way, you earn it girl! So much love and adornment coming your way from me in the UK, can't wait for the next video, as always:-) x x x
I cannot thank-you enough for this video! You are such a ray of light and energy in your vlogs and to know you came to this point from the place you are in is utterly inspirational :) i am currently trying to pull myself out of a relapse and this gives me such hope, thank-you!!! xx
I thank God every night for important people in my life, and you Nikki are one of them. I may have not had anorexia but I have been struggling with binge eating disorder for a couple years now. It's a struggle every day, to calm my urges to eat and tell myself that I am still worthy and a beautiful person because when I look in the mirror I never see that. You are a reminder that even some of the most beautiful ladies have hidden struggles, within them and thats what makes them even more beautiful! Loving ourselves and everyone around us no matter what they are going through is what God wants us to do, that is what he tells us to do and you are a reminder and also an inspiration to do that daily. Thank you Nikki for sharing your story I know that it is not easy but you have just sent inspiration and happiness just thousands of ladies!
God Bless
I feel like some people are unintentionally turning this into a competition. "Well I had three eating disorders" and "I only let myself eat 500 calories." This is just her story. She's not invalidating yours so don't invalidate hers.
How was your ED recovery? Or was it over after your talk with your mum? (:
Hi Nikki!! I just wanted to tell you how much I love these videos when you open up. You and I have SUCH similar stories and I too was a dancer with an eating disorder.... That was homeschooled! Haha I'm so glad to see that you were able to recover and are doing so well now!! Keep up the good work, and being amazing! I hope the new year is being good to you!
Thank you Nikki for this video! I had suffered with anorexia for 6 years and it is so important to inform people about eating disorders, that it is more than being skinny and fixing it by eating, that mentally it is really hard and how the brain is affected by reducing food drastically! Talking about it is so important, getting help is so important, and this video will be helpful for so many people. Your such a positive person and are so inspirational Nikki!!! Great video for the New Year!!!! :-)
I am "skinny" and I always get comments like: You are a stick, you need to eat more, do you eat?, you are anorexic, I can feel your bones....( i am a dancer and I will never stop dancing) those commetns annoy me but recently i have been feeling fat.. My grand mother told me " oh you have big thighs" and that made me think that I was fat,,, I am not anorexic but I think i was starting to get into an eating disorder because i was always dizzy and felt weak... i dont eat much and i have a quick metabolism but I am not feeling fat anymore... I am very thankful that it didnt get worse... it was just staring :)
i've felt that way in the past. and occasionally family comments still bother me, but i work through it. i'm happy that you're feeling better and that things didn't get worse. congratulations! you're beautiful :) ♡
don't let only one comment to destroy your whole life!!
I've had the same type of comments directed to me. People have called me a stick, anorexic, bullimic, that I need to eat more. Ask me if I eat..and even complete strangers. I've always been skinny and petite and long legs but I'm 5'4, I have a high metabolism. I've never had an eating disorder, so these comments were always very hurtful. There was a time when I desperately wanted to gain weight to look "normal" and maybe guys will like me more. But now I eat whatever the heck I want to. And I try to eat healthy even though if I do, like eat a salad(which I love), I feel like I'm being criticized like maybe people are thinking "that's all she eats no wonder she's so skinny." But no I've always had that body shape. And people don't understand how hurtful it can be, just as much as when people get called fat. I still struggle with my body image because of what people have said/done to me in the past. But I know that I'm okay because God made me this way and he loves me just the way I am. Your beauty is not determined by your weight.
you guys should never let anybody tell you howyou look you are beautiful just the way you are.
Ik exactly how u feel but a bit diff. I always get commemted that im so skinny....but the reality is im not actually that skinny and i am also a dancer...my problen is that i tend to over eat sometimes. My metabolism is very fast i rarely ever feel full ill feel satisfied and just want to eat food, and on top of that i dance even when im not at class. Now im really worried that bc i am getting a bit older my metoblism wont b fast anymore and i will gain weight
My friend, I am sorry but "wanting to be skinny" is NOT an eating disorder
No, but eating so little and working out that much. That's unhealthy and yes I would call it a disorder. And its an eating disorder because its all about the food and your weight...
Yes it is
some people was born to be short and skinny and they want to loose more weight that is so unhealthy
+Ashanti Oliver Ok well wanting to lose more weight when you are already thin is not an eating disorder. An eating disorder is a mental disorder and this girls story is a bs excuse for an eating disorder
Ok but u need to understand that some people wants to loose weight just because u dont
Honestly you are probably the MOST inspirational girl I have ever seen! You have an awesome spirit and I really wish I could have a friend like you! Not only because you are a more than awesome person but I feel like you would be the one person I could talk about anything with! Not a lot of people understand people with eating disorders because most of them always think of bulimia or anorexic type disorders but there are many more... Just simple things like overeating all the time is a type of disorder! I just wanted to say that after watching this video, I feel more confident to talk about my problem with others even though they are not you. Thank you so much for these videos about "sad" moments because they really reflect real life and they make me feel so much "closer" to you I guess since I see that you deal with daily things like I do! Anyway, if you did, thanks for reading my comment and I hope you keep making these types of videos! Lots of love xoxo
I'm barely halfway into this video and I just want to say that this is amazing that you talk about this and you are so confident, and you are helping so many people and letting them now that they are not alone, you are truly an amazing person
I currently struggle with an eating disorder. I ended up in a mental hospital in November 2014 after a suicide attempt and for being severely underweight due to me ED. I stayed in the hospital for 33 days, it was long an boring. I met a ton of amazing people though even with my anxiety. I had no internet in there for 33 days since they take Sim card out of your phone... imagine no you tube for a month :(. I haven't recovered from any of my disorders, in fact everything is getting worse. Thank you for making this video and I love you so much!
Stay strong lovely xx
Stay strong I believe in you
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You will get through this. Take care of yourself you are beautiful the way you are.
stay strong! we're here for you(: also, nice bmth icon(:
stay strong... I believe in you beautifulllll!
when people say "you're so/too skinny!" to someone suffering from an ED, it's honestly just encourages them to continue their unhealthy habits.
Just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your story! It's so important to have these kinds of discussions, especially because of our society's obsession with bodies and what is accepted as "beautiful"! Your journey is inspiring and your encouraging words will help many. Thank you for putting yourself out there and letting us in on something so personal and private ❤️
nikki you're such a beautiful person inside and out. i love you so much and all of your videos really speak to me. i've always been really down on myself but you're helping me realize i shouldn't be. thank you for everything and keep making these amazing videos.
Thanks for sharing this. I've been battling this issue for years and I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that won't get over it. I love hearing all the success stories but that's what sometimes makes me feel even more alone bc I don't feel like I'll ever have one.
Keep working at overcoming it! I am and so can you! Sending you positive love and thoughts xxx
I just think some of the parts of this video we're not serious enough and honestly very triggering for viewers that are fighting this right now.
This video was just amazing! The words you said we're inspiring and heart felt it touched my heart, as well as everyone else. It hit home to those that have an eating disorder or not. You are an amazing person to share your experiences and how you got through them. it takes an amazing person to share their story to the world to help others get past their troubles in life. I love the fact that you share your life stories and or experiences. Thank you for all that you do for us. We love you and appreciate you, your hard work and for just being YOU! :-)
this video made me feel proud to be your subscriber. you have grow in my eyes. I love the maturity you showed and carried yourself out with. love you.
I don't understand the chipmunk voice. This is a serious video..
Hey Nikki, I'm a new subbie to your fabulous channel and I've seen some of your health videos and noticed you eat Gluten Free (no wheat). I have Celiac Disease ( my small intestine reacts in a harsh manner when I eat, gluten, wheat, rye and barley.) I was curious if you do a gluten free diet for health reasons such as celiac disease or just for clean eating? I absolutely love you videos and share some of your gluten free favorites like the Udis bakery brand!:) thank you and I hope you see my question!:):)
My twin sister and I have Celiac Disease too. Niki doesn't eat Gluten Free for that reason though. It's just better for her health. She probably just has an intolerence, like my mom does.
Thank you so much for this nikki! I struggled with a similar eating disorder about a year and a half ago, depriving my self of nutrition. I lost a lot of weight and still wasn't satisfied, I was always worrying about food and I couldn't get it off my mind. I have realized that being healthy and happy is loving yourself for who you are and not looking a certain way. I love you soooo much nikki I can't even explain it in words, your are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your life with us. God bless!
I love how you remain so positive, this video will truly help so many people get through their struggles! this is such a kind hearted idea
I was so confused when you said "116" was underweight because i'm 95 pounds BUT i'm also only 5'3
It all depends on your height and age.
ItsKeyanna that's why I said BUT (:
Ya ur height can affect ur weight
She said she is 5'8" and 116 pounds is underweight for that height
Are you naturally that thin?
Although I found the style of the video not fitting for the subject matter. I totally don't see anything wrong with what Nikki shared. The title says 'my eating disorder'. It is clear what the content will be. God bless you for being open and doing what you can to shed light on a very serious topic. I hope that if people hear one thing, it should be to find someone to talk to about how you are feeling!
This video has made my heart feel lighter than it has in a long time. That point you made about beauty being a moving target is SO true and eye-opening. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable side of yourself! xoxo
Honestly this series could not have come at a better time. I'm having a rough time right now.. Life just gets complicated sometimes, and right now it just seems like one of those times. But I'm loving hearing about your experiences! It's like an escape for a little while, and it's uplifting to hear what everyone else is going through and how they deal with it, because things do get better!
I'm sorry Nikki. I love your videos. But lately everything has been so "poor me" and it's really not good. You are so contradictory and I don't see how this is actually helping anyone. You say that people with eating disorders and body dysmorphia are ok the way they are, but you got plastic surgery to fix the things that you had a dysmorphic perception of. I've been a subscriber from the beginning but I'm getting tired of these videos.
Also, there is a huge difference between eating disorders and disordered eating. 1200 calories a day definitely isn't enough for working out that much, but I went through a time where I was consuming less than 500, sometimes less than 200 while working out constantly. And throwing up a few times before your mom found out and saying you had an eating disorder is very disrespectful to people who are struggling with bulimia and purging dozens of times a day.
I love you Nikki and I love your channel but this was a disappointment. I'm sure you've had plenty of struggles in your life just like the rest of us and you're very brave to put it out on the Internet. But please, next time be more considerate of people who are still recovering and living through this hell.
i see where you are coming from, but clearly she struggled with an eating disorder. i've gone through bad times too, way worse than her and i've been to doctors specialists and therapy for a very long time and barely consumed any calories. just because she consumed 1200 calories doesn't mean she can't see what people who have severe eating disorders are going through. there are people who have eating disorders that are on all different levels of terrible. some may be more extreme than others, and some may not be as bad. it's no competition, an eating disorder is an eating disorder. god bless her for being treated easily. i think we all wish it was that simple for our cases. regardless, she still struggled and overcame something big and terrible and is a healthy woman. i think it's great that she posted this video, it helps plenty of people judging from the positive comments. she is also brave for discussing this topic with her viewers. thumbs up from me 👍💗
Actually I don't see this persons point at all. Why would you even compare your eating disorder to hers? You're saying her eating disorder isn't worthy of being talked about because it didn't reach the extent yours did or other girls did and that's bullshit. What kind of logic is that? Oh well you weren't completely killing yourself so you're being too self pitiful to come out with your personal issues online and you don't deserve the views. That's basically what you are saying. And you're wrong.
.
muselover144 why even comment something like this? your either there for her or against her. I couldn't imagine how hard it was to film this.
This video was a bad idea for you to do Nikki. It seemed as though you were selling the idea of an eating disorder. The parts you edited into a chipmunk voice were particularly triggering and also mocking, as this is what many people think about. I don't have an eating disorder diagnosed but i do have these thoughts. Saying about how much weight you lost, and all the exercise you did it and the fact it works, just gives people the idea to do that.
I'm sure you didn't mean to do that, but i don't think you thought your video/story through and how it would affect others as this was very self involved and no real diagnosis or help given.
I'm so proud of you for doing this video Nikki! I can really relate to the things you have spoken about and it really helps to hear others speak about this when they have been in a similar situation! I have always found you such an inspiration! Xxx
Nikki, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It takes so much strength and courage to be so raw and open about your struggles and it is one of the reasons I admire not only your channel, but you. It is people like you who inspire me to not only remind myself to change my negative thoughts into positive ones, but also to be more open about my own past struggles knowing I may help someone else. Your compassion is truly inspiring and your wisdom is beyond your years. Now, I could go on for another hour so before I write an essay, I just wanted to close by saying how inspiring and motivating your first three videos for #howtobehappyjanuary have been. Much love
Eating disorders have the highest mortality rates of all psychiatric disorders combined. Only 30-40% fully recover-WITH TREATMENT. That must have been one hell of a talk with mommy. You are being irresponsible by not educating yourself on the difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder.
anyone else feel like this is just disordered eating blown out of proportion for attention seeking purposes????
Bless you Nikki! You're videos lately have been wonderful and encouraging. I love how you're working to share your life with others in a way that is enriching. I also love seeing you post on instagram about what you're learning in church! Keep inspiring us girl! (:
Thank you so much Nikki. You have helped me and touched my heart with your kind words. I totally agree with you opening up and letting your story's be free. I'm 14 I don't have an eating disorder but I do struggle with my appearance. I'm not vary happy with what I see in the mirror. I feel like I'm not pretty Enough or not skinny enough. Like I need to change. But I fear that changing the way I look will change the way I am. Or will change the way I treat others. Anyways I'm so thankful with you doing these videos for us. You have gone threw so much but you made it. Your strong Nikki and I admire that not envy(: I'm so happy for you. Your amazing and don't forget that!
I used to think 'maybe if I will have anorexia I could finally loose weight and be too skinny then eat a little bit and back to normal size... It was poor thinking :( but I wanted to be skinny so badly...but I think I can't... I also have increasing stress level and can't fix it and do Sth to stop such amounts of food :( now I am big girl and don't like myself..
There's this youtuber, her name is Scola Dondo, and she gives such motivational tips. Also, love yourself, it's better to be bigger and healthy, than skinny and starving! You can get through this! God Bless You! :) ♡
Thank you so much. I know it's better to be fit than skinny and starving but I just wanna be healthy and loose my obesity....
:)
Uh, why?
Why can't people honestly accept and not put down other people. Half of thess comments only focus on the idea of how Nikki's edits sucked or the wrong definition of the term 'Eating Dissorder'. No matter she used thd correct term or not. Her past actions were destructive as an ED. None of you probably even thought about how much letting this personal informtion go means to her. The only thing you all are worried about is starting an argument and trolling.
I totally understand what you mean, I have never made myself sick from thinking that i am overeating and being unhappy with myself however I did deal with two years of none stop bullying about my weight, I guess it just all comes down to the fact that no matter what drastic measure you undertake you will never be happy with your body unless you change your state of mind and try to start a fun healthy routine that keeps your mind off the actual losing weight part. All in all this video did open up my eyes a lot and at the same time made me realise that i'm not the only one who has felt like that before. Nikki you are a beautiful girl and I look up to you in so many ways, your words are honest and truthful and I am so happy that you decided to post this as a message to us, we all love you x
New subscriber. So very glad I found you. Your last 2 videos spoke right to my heart, made me cry, but were a much needed reminder that I will be ok, flaws and all 😊
This is edited in a way that it makes me feel like it's all joke to you.
What the hell is up with you editing this to make it seem like a joke. Eating disorders are not a joke. And if you did have one, you would think you would be a little more considerate of the subject. This is a very triggering and braggadocios video.
Wtf this is no joke and she is be totally serious
As someone who has been diagnosed with an eating disorder I don't think it's right to say you NO LONGER have an eating disorder. It's something you will live with the rest of your life. We just learned to maintain it the best we can. Relapses do happen and the message your sending out by making this video is extremely brave. We all need to learn to be happy in our own skin, love our body, and nourish it. When I watch your videos you motivate me to feed my body in a healthy way. So thank you for being such a good role model and making this video Nikki :)
Even though I have never struggled with an eating disorder, I have had a struggle with my weight for years now. I have also struggled with depression and anxiety a lot, this past year especially. So although I do not have an eating disorder this video speaks volumes. I think it is really important to make peace with your demons and truly go through the process of learning to love yourself. Whether its an eating disorder, depression, or any other problem, there is a lot that can be shared and strength that can be gained with learning the experience of others and sharing your experience. Thank you for sharing this. I know I am always terrified to talk about the ghosts in my closet, let alone letting the world know- so thank you. You have given all of us strength and courage and wisdom through your experience and the words you said can move mountains for anyone watching this video. It truly is important to go through struggle in order to learn and grow as a person. Going into the new year, I have made the commitment to strive to come at peace with myself and grow. This past year has been crippling at times, it has gotten to the point where I was not sure if I wanted to be here anymore. But it is people like you, who without knowing me, give me courage to fight to get to a better and happier me. Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging me and so many others.
why did you use the chimpmuck voice, it's making it seem like it's not serious and this is a very serious video
I felt like the high voice was extremely distracting. I know it's your choice how to present this topic, but I feel like for such a heavy issue, that voice was just inappropriate.
We are SO PROUD of you for posting this. Thank you for such an honest and real video. We feel like there are so many people in the world who can relate to this vid and we hope that anyone who is facing an eating disorder stays strong and realizes that they are not alone. You are a great role model Nikki and we love your channel. Xoxo
It means so much that you actively choose to share your life with so many people and therefore touch and help other people. You see amazing person and I'm so glad I've been watching you for so long. I'm starting my own UA-cam channel in part because of you and I hope to be as open as you are in my videos. Hugs and love to you Nikki Phillippi
You said you may be crazy but just like beauty...what IS crazy? It's subjective. What I may consider crazy could very well be another person's norm. Labels are for packages, not people. Great video. Thank you for allowing us in to see something that caused you a lot of pain.
Wow. That was SUCH a good comparison. I always feel like a crazy person and dan will be like "dude. You're not crazy! You're just you! Why is that crazy?!"... I wasn't even taking my own advice I guess! Hahaha thank for the parallel:)
Not a problem. I picked up on that because I've been what some may consider a crazy person for 43 glorious years. I'm the one people love to hang out with but can never quite seem to figure out how my brain works. LOL My motto: Embrace Your Weirdosity. Life is much more fun that way!
I still worry that you put too much focus on your weight and controlling your body... I don't know you personally, so I could be wrong, but it seems like you're constantly focused on what you can and can't eat and making some part of you better. When you said you thought you were obtaining injuries because your lower body isn't strong enough it sounded like malnutrition. You're an active person, your body shouldn't be weak enough to cause pain and damage... Then again, it is your body and you know it better than I do. Just be careful and try not to fall into old habits... I don't want any of this to sound mean because it seems no matter what I comment someone has something negative to say and I'm honestly trying to be helpful. I've struggled with eating disorders and I used to restrict my calories and work out obsessively too and once you've done that it's hard to ever let go because you're constantly aware of what you're putting into your body. Anyway, I hope you continue to focus more on loving yourself and enjoying life's journey and focus less on that unobtainable goal of perfection. Thank you for sharing and reminding those who are struggling with themselves that they aren't alone.
I think it's a very brave thing to post because I know how hard it is to open up to people about it & I'm glad that you've overcome it now because it's such a horrible disorder to cope with, proud of how strong you are!
I'm really glad that you posted this. A lot of people don't talk about things like this and it makes us all feel alone and like we're the only ones struggling. I could really relate to this video since I've been struggling with an eating disorder since I was 13
If this was such an important and serious issue to you, there shouldn't have been those 'funny' voice effects. SO out of place
You remind me so much of Taylor Swift in this video. I love it😊😘
Nikki you are TRULY an inspiration. You are so courageous and you are starting off 2015 in such a beautiful and encouraging way. You have inspired me so much. Thank you for this.
This is a great video :) Thank you so much for doing videos like this. I love just hearing terrible things that people have gone through, and have recovered. Ur so inspiring and have such amazing advice to give young teenage girls like me. I love you so much Nikki
Nikki I love your hair straight and red lipstick on you. Well everything!
i liked the video, and i think the topic is very important. however, the chipmunk voice editing made it less serious than it is and for that, i couldnt enjoy the video. sorry.
You seriously just hit home. Thank you so so so so so much, I love you and I'm so glad that I found your youtube account a year ago, I may not comment a lot or be active on twitter, but I watch EVERY video of your, your vlogs also, and I just looove spending my time on your channels! Thank you so much for sharing all these videos, and god bless you.
i absolutely loved this video! the video's message was great and you are an incredible person inside and out! keep making videos :)