How to deal with family that doesn't accept your asexuality
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- Опубліковано 4 лип 2024
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If your family doesn't accept you, I'm your mom now. I love you, and you're perfect just as you are. Make sure you eat your vegetables, get enough sleep and water, and love yourself as much as I love you, because you're worth it.
I haven't told my parents I'm ace. If I did, they'll just ignore me, and act like I never said anything. They already ignore my gender identity, and won't use my pronouns. It would double suck if they ignored my ace-ness.
I'm also trans and ace. Haven't had a family in 35 years due to my finally living as my true gender (male). I can't understand why in the world what gender I identify as affects so many people , most of whom I have never met. Ace I've kept to myself. No way people will understand, especially since I've had girlfriends. I like holding hands and being in a relationship but I can't stand sex at all. It's just how I am. Nobody gets it. Keep holding on, friend.
So sorry 😔 I celebrate your Ace- ness 🖤 💜
Sending ghosts hugs from someone who hasn't always had the most understanding family members 👻👻👻
I wish more ace kids had parents like I do. When I first came out, their main thought was "welp, at least (they) won't get teen pregnant!" and they've treated me the same as they always had. It's been at least 15 years since then, and while they've never pretended to understand all the aspects of my identity as they've come to the surface over the years, they've been nothing but supportive. More queer kids of all stripes deserve parents like that.
My parents laughed and said "what is that?" I did tell them what it meant for me and they were indifferent at best, and either roll their eyes or ignore me if I ever mention it.
Could be worse, but would be nice to be taken seriously by someone without supposed friends saying "I'll change you" revealing they were only ever interested in one thing or, " that's not real" and ignoring it completely.
However, I'm old enough now to be comfortable in my identity that it doesn't bother me. I know who I am and am hoping to meet other ace-spec people like myself, find community.
One of my siblings doesn't even get to know that I'm ace. That's because he wouldn't understand and if he did, he would blame my gay friends for "recruiting" me.
The other, a psych nurse, asked me if I was gay. When I said no, she took the opportunity to psychoanalyze me and blame it on circumstances in my life.
I just quietly lived my life loudly, and made a big deal out of my relationships with my besties. When they held a birthday party for me, they invited her and they got to meet her. I think now that she sees that my life is not devoid of love and I have people in my life who look out for me and care for me ... she's less worried for my long term wellbeing and is cool with it.
I love the notion "I quietly lived my life loudly."
The ironic part is numerous people (especially married women) are absolutely fucking miserable in their relationships… but have the audacity to shamefully undermine the happiness of aro/ace people
I never came out to my parents and don't regret it. My narcissist mother was really into compulsory heterosexuality & flaunted her homophobia. My empath dad seemed to assume I was ace--maybe that's a dad thing.
For real though! When I came out to my parents(both at different times.) My Dad laughed at me, I said 'I'm serious, why are you laughing?' He replied with 'I laugh at everything'. Not Nice! When I came out to Mum, she was like 'Awwww' as if my life was over 😅
Since then, a year and a half ago, they haven't offered any support or progression. My family don't like me 'Shoving it in their faces' with my merch! Not to worry, I just exist in my little, happy Aroace corner haha! 🌈🍰
Love the video. I have had this problem with me 3 older sisters they Don't flat out reject me but the do kinda say underhanded things sometimes and when I try to point out that hurts my feels or the just trying to explain that not all ace people act the same they Kinda just Shut-It down like they don't want to talk about it or that I'm getting to Defensive but I Don't think I'm I was just try to let them know my feelings and for them to understand that sometimes the comments they make can be Offensive and baseless Assumptions. But i learned to just let it go at this put because it feels like I'm talking to air, so I just stay quiet or leave the room
I tried telling my dad that I'm just not interested in being in a romantic relationship and it came across to him that I was depressed and nothing more. 🙁At this point, I'm pretty sure I won't change his mind on the matter. He always has been rather hard-headed.
I'm disabled and haven't had a relationship in like 14 years. My parents have just come to the conclusion that I enjoy being single and will be single forever. I really really hate in one way that I'm living the ultimate disabled stereotype, because reality is disabled people also have a wide variety of sexuality on a spectrum too.
Never feel ashamed for not wishing to be in a relationship just to pander to fragile and pathetic people hellbent on reducing people to outdated stereotypes. Ur feelings are completely valid.
@SweetSkies478 thank you so much. This comment really means a lot to me. Honestly I really do love being single and don't want to give that up easily. I have had options for relationships over the years... but they've all been unsuitable because we want different things. I love that I know I'm asexual now. It definitely helps with the feelings of "needing to be like everyone else". It has given me permission to stop feeling like I HAVE to be in a relationship to fit in and be "worthy" in societies eyes.
My parents are okay with my asexuality/aromanticism some don't understand it fully siblings they don't care much last relationship I've been in I never see a point of hiding my orientation and she was okay with it
I'm very glad to have a family that wholeheartedly accepts that I'm an apothi aroace, don't want (and shouldn't have*) kids and even if that's the difficult one. they're eve fine with my genderless identity. I could say agender, but I'm gender averse so I need my separation similar to using apothi to separate myself from aroace who's stances are indifferent or favoring.
anyway. it wasn't always like that. not that my family was aphobic towards me, but they often left very aphobic remarks behind the back of my uncle who never dated, had sex or even kissed anyone in a romantic way and the guy is nearing his 50s.
I admit while in denial I joined in on that shit, but I think my coming out made it pretty clear that if they continue to badmouth him for being a forever single virgin, they indirectly badmouth me for also being a forever single. sadly in my attempt to be "normal" and to "fix myself", I lost my virginity and I strongly wish I could go back and tell 16y/o me that it's okay to be disgusted by sex ed and even if it means screaming profanities and storming off. that's better than coercing myself into doing things I hate just for the sake of coming across as less weird than I already am.
I'm autistic.
*and yes my semi-severe autism is the reason why I shouldn't have kids. besides not ever wanting kids within the 30 years I'm around, I am also literally too disabled to take care of a child
Hey! I was lucky enough to find great friends in this life, I've only told about it for them, and all of them gave me full support! I'm glad I have such a nice found family :) Although I haven't told my parents/family yet (and don't know if I ever will) I think some of them, like my grandpa, would have my back ( he once told me that he would be by my side, no matter where I live, what I study or if I date a boy or a girl, and I think that was really cute :)
I plan on coming out in the next couple of weeks thank you for helping me gain the confidence to do it
i think it helped for me that my parents saw a lot of my journey so they kinda knew where i was at. i didn't have a coming out moment, i just gradually started using the language. and they weren't perfect about everything all the time but they have been supportive at every part of my acespec journey. in some ways i think my mom was describing demisexuality by accident when she told me a lot of women develop sexual attraction in the context of a romantic relationship. she didn't say it would definitely happen for me, but she put it out there that it could, and for me that was part of a relevant thing.
problem i have because i am ace and aro dont date people think automatically i am homosexual.
Hi Ace Dad, I’m Brad. I have come out to a few members of my family as aegosexual and they have all been ok with it except my mom. When I told her that I’m aegosexual she said “who told you that?”. But that’s ok because she doesn’t really know what it is or even remember the word. Nice to meet you.
I give thanks that I've never had this problem. I remember once a doctor noted I might never develop "adult feelings" back when I was diagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome" as they called it back in 1996 but still, I think that on a familial level this was down to morals, respect for my developing ought as Hegel would put it and the idea that I am my own human being with my own understand of right and wrong and own life to live not merely a functionary device of another's will.
Hope that brief bit of philosophy was helpful and that all people have their ought respected in the times to come, we cannot change the past but we can change the future.
Ive only come out to my mum cuz i broke up with my allo bf cuz i found out i was ace, and when i told my mum that i broke up with him because of that, (i also gave a very brief description of asexuality) she accepted it for a while until like weeks later on a walk she says "i dont really understand why you broke up with him" and i tried to explain why i did but (im 16 years old for context) she invalidated my feelings on my ace sexuality by saying "well lots of people your age feel that now" and basically saying that ill grow out of it, which annoyed me like hell and when i said something like no this is different and i may not grow out of it, she got annoyed and didnt shout but did raise her voice and i basically dropped it. We havent spoken about ne being ace since
I haven't come out to my parents because I'm scared they'll try to "fix" me or assume I'm just confused due to trauma.
I told my mom once that I fully intended to pursue romantic relationships, but I planned on never having sex. Had this gone better, I would have bought up my identity and tried to explain separate attraction, but...
She said "you'd better get over that because no one will ever marry you"
I doubt I'll ever try to tell my dad. He's significantly more chill about most things, but I know for a fact that he'll just go ask my proudly homophobic/ transphobic/ etc aunt what I'm talking about and refuse to take me seriously. She's the one who convinced him that LGBT+ people are out "proselytizing" after all
Will you adopt me??? 💜🤍🩶🖤
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In school when i would be asked about my crush I would always say no one and then get told I was just embarrassed and everybody liked someone. Eventually I just started saying the name Taylor because we all knew fifty Taylor’s 😂 (m and f). I didn’t know that no one really was an option, and my friends thought that it wasn’t an option either 😂 I thought I was crazy and weird (though those still might be an option, depends on who you ask😂 …)
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Yeah I’m not going to tell my family/friends that I’m ace until I make it to the ripe age of 20 😂
My paternal grandparents are more accepting of my asexuality than my maternal grandparents. Which doesn't surprise me at all, considering my maternal set are trumpers and my grandma has said to my face "at least you're not trans," which joke's on her, I've figured out I'm a demigirl, sooo 🤙 But when I told my paternal grandparents, my grandma said "I can't change who I'm attracted to, and I've always been like this. That made me realize that gay people don't choose who they are attracted to - they can't change. So you can't change who you are and it's okay." She's in her 80's so her thinking is bit old-fashioned, but she's accepting and has willingly asked questions about drag queens, so I'd call it a win 😆