I noticed that my aversion to romance oriented media was due to them always being highly sexual and the relationships were basically solely built on the sexual attraction. I actually like sexless romance, when people like each other for their personality and shared life experiences. I would like to live in a world were this wasn't super niche.
I agree. I am ace but not aro so I love a romance where the two people actually love each other for who they are and sex is implied, like you see them go in the bedroom and shut the door and it's not a huge part of the plot,
I'm not aro or ace, but I can totally see why being ace and watching something like that would basically being like watching porn without plot... It would feel like nothing actually meaningful happening between these two people and the relationship feels fake other than the fact that they get in each other's pants. If you took out the sex this relationship would basically have nothing of substance.
That is one of the reasons why I love Chinese historical dramas - most romance is no heavily sexualized…or if it is…it is suggested. It is so relaxing. (Same for Korean historical dramas)
I just treated it like entertainment. Dirty jokes are funny mostly because I don’t understand it and all of my friends get it and think it’s kind of freaking hilarious. my coworkers think I’m some sort of innocent creature into one of the masses stupid question and I answer without blinking. understand some of the things they’re talking about. I just don’t personally want to be involved and stuff.
There is a certain Delight I have as an ace person making an even dirtier joke in response to the allos’ and making THEM flush instead. Bonus points if I also reassert my asexuality vs “ace not prude”
i think its interesting how so many allo people argue that purity culture is on the rise and how many of them face sl*t shaming while i and many other ace people feel like it's the complete opposite and overt sexuality has been the norm for at least a decade or two even before the show euphoria came out. even if there is a societal standard for how much sex is "too much", allos will never understand the alienation you feel when physical intimacy isn't something you've even thought of pursuing once or twice
Tbh, unless it's from a middle to old aged person talking about their own demographic representation, I take these comments with a grain of salt. Middle to old aged can personally see the difference in rep especially of their own demographic. If someone is talking about an outside demographic I start to take it in a grain of salt, ESPECIALLY if they have rhe attitude that it's taking away from other rep (often the majority CicHet White male demographic).
In a way, I think purity culture is talking as obsessively about sex than the rest. It's just that they say it's bad. But they are constantly talking about it. Purity culture is NOT ace.
Both can be true. Society isn't a monolith, so we get different messages from different places all the time. And I think the parts that affect us negatively tend to stand out more to us, so ace people notice the parts of society that push s*x and allos maybe notice the parts that tell them to be ashamed of it. I do think purity culture is on the rise, but not in a generalized "s*x is bad" type of way. It's more and more about policing which types are "acceptable" and which aren't.
I definitely think both hypersexualization and purity culture are rising problems. One comes from media (mostly male creators) and the other is more tied to (in the US) Christianity. Young girls in particular are at the center of these two extremes and face pressure to be both or neither. Madonna/whore complex.
I feel like I get shamed for being replused when I literally don’t care what other people do it’s just me personally has nothing to do with anyone else
I must confess I let a troll comment on a different platform get under my skin but no more! My aceness and aceness in general is valid and we as humans are still learning about it I will no longer give any weight to someone's opinions when they are choosing to be willing stupid and ignorant in the face of learning and understanding that humans are vastly complex and there is not one way of being.! Shouldn't asexually actually be the default experience for everyone?? (Not that there is a default experience or should be but it doesn't add up somehow) Starting now I'm a safe and affirming space for my ace experience and when the time comes others as well! I love you fellow Aces 🖤❤️
i agree that amatonormativity and compulsive sexuality exist to lift allo people up, but i feel like in the same way misogyny is made to lift men up it also hurts many many men as well. for example, two allo friends might feel like that *should* have sex/date even though they might not truly hold those desires on their own, without the societal expectations and pressures. i also see that a lot of allos tend to keep emotional distance from their friends because they feel like it’d be weird to have a super close friendship with someone, closeness they only associate with romance.
I’m in that process of building a mental safe and supportive place for my aceness and something that suddenly just clicked and has helped me a lot. That was to understand that my rejection towards sexual messages and stuff came from my early understanding that they were targeted to me and that I had to comply, instead of being a message that I could accept or refuse/ignore. I mean, whenever people in my social circle started talking of sexual stuff that for them was important and relevant, I just showed that I found the idea of sex and their interest on those things wrong or irrelevant. But that’s because I was forcing myself to imagine myself seeking, wanting or practicing that stuff; it felt so wrong in my own body, that I just dismissed and judged the whole thing even in others. But now that I understand my aceness, I realized that we just have different priorities and goals, and that we can respectfully support each other and that there is no need to force ourselves into something we don’t desire. I’m still trying to understand how to support them when they share something about that topic with me, but that distinction has been really useful
I don't understand the obsession with sex. So, I just ignore it. Since realising that I was Asexual, I've never felt pressured into doing anything I didn't want to do. Luckily, I'm also at an age where no one bothers me for sex and no one asks why I'm not married. As far as I'm concerned, what I do in my private life and how I live my life is no one else's business. I don't need to stand on street corner shouting out that I'm different nor do I need a special support system either. I'm not bothered about getting together with other asexuals either.
If you dont mind me asking are you "cis-male" asexual? because I have had the opposite experience ... constant nosy-busy bodies prying into "why are you single" "how come you dont have a GF" "your over 30 and not married...that is WEIRD" its almost like if you are a cis-male your expected to be married with 2 kids and a dog by the time your reach 35
Tbh I find even the tagline for this video kind of...odd. "Resisting sexualized society"? Why do you need to resist anything? Let yourself be as you are and let others be as they are. If you accept yourself, no need to spend so much effort on "resisting", unless you enjoy feeling like some kind of partisan fighter defending your trench. If you don't connect to the sexualized ideas, just let them pass you by; "resisting" seems to imply being afraid of getting converted into one of the allosexual people or some such.
@@oksanakaido8437 the "resistance" is the fact that allos push sex on people all the time. Including aces, which will make ace people feel isolated and stuff. In the video ace dad says a bunch of phrases that are what allos would say to am ace person. While yes I do agree with your statement of "be yourself live for you". There is people who do take things like that to heart, and that's when they'll feel isolated and lonely and non human.
I try to be a good ally and do my best to see others' perspectives. As someone with sexual desire, but who is so sick of the overt sexual nature of society and the encouragement of detrimental hyper-sexuality, I REALLY appreciate your words of resistance. I want to help build the ace-inclusive world!
While not quite what's discussed here per ce. I went through the Ace > Tran/NB questioning > Ace Imposter Syndrome pipeline. I basically in the end came to the conclusion that Asexuality is not the same as X stuff, like appreciation, envy, Libido/Horny etc and vice-versa. And another that thing, I could value something commonly viewed as sexual without "compromising" my Asexuality. I'm comfortable in my Asexuality and Aromanticism right now.
Just today I was saying the world wasn't built for aces. I was looking for Zootopia fan art and so much of it was sexual. It's a freaking Disney movie yet theres drawings of Judy Hopps spreading her legs in just underwear, her posed sexually and on and on I found a few non sexual ones then just got frustrated because it was so overly sexual and it's a cartoon! I posted my frustration on FB and a friend suggested putting "wholesome" in front of fan art while googling
Gaming is so difficult for me, being afab (assigned female at birth), anytime I get on voice chat thinking we'll coordinate this way and do better at the game by speaking directly in real time, only for guys to hear my voice and start dropping the sex jokes and at first I'm like haha jokes but then they want me to send pics and be dirty because they took me joking back as actual interest and I'm like dude gross can we not just play the fuckin game? Why does everything have to be about you getting your rocks off? And if I don't joke back, they won't game with me anymore. I just want some friggen gaming buddies. That's all I want. I shouldn't have to play your sex games just to play video games with a teammate.
I'm sorry you have to deal with immature idiots like that. People should just be able to Game & have fun! Some of my Transfemme friends are reluctant to use voice chat in online games cuz of reactions of Bigots & other immature people. Take Care 💜 🖤
@@wallaceshawn-zk8iw Thank you! 😊 I'm also genderfluid and nonbinary (which is such an oxymoron but it feels right 😅) so I'm working on vocal training for my male presenting days, and I cannot wait to bust it out on voice chat to avoid all the creeps. I'm sorry your transfemme friends live with that worry and hope they find that safe space where they can hop on voice chat and just be respected. Real genuine gaming buddies who are there for the games and comraderie ❤ tell your friends I don't even know them but I love them and wish all the best for them!
Was shown some tik tok video with some sexual undertones and I had no idea why others were laughing at it. Till some one explained it to me. To promote aceness, i have been finding books with ace rep.
I'm a bisexual transfem writer trying to learn what the aroace experience is like for a character in a short story I'm working on. His family's reaction both to to aroaceness and his transgenderism centers more on not taking him seriously, the aroace character feels that not being taken seriously arguably hurts more than if they were outright cursing him out. Do you feel like this approach is realistic enough to seem possible through the aroace experience? Everyone's experience is a little different, I know this but I'm asking just to see if anybody from the community actually feels this way.
Yes, as an aroace enby queer in their forties, I definitely think it's realistic that a character would be more upset about not being taken seriously than if the family, or others, reviled them. "See me!" There's the struggle of not being understood. Sometimes experiencing a hateful response can strengthen your resolve or determine who your real people are. Having just one person in your life who respects you, even if they don't fully understand, makes all the difference in the world. It's NOT childish, immature, or a phase, and it really hurts if the ones you love and trust betray that trust by saying otherwise. It also can lead them to outting someone, or coercing them into situations they don't want.
People have always tried to push it on me even no matter how many times I try to get it through their thick skulls they still don't understand even to some it feels like getting their feelings hurt when being told I'm not into sexual stuff I always known that I'm asexual sex repulsed private parts are very hideous to look I even find some pornography and some sexual content bad advertisement in my opinion but not many people are aware about asexuality
I don't disagree with anything you've said, except the concept that allonormativity uplifts and supports allo communities. It's like saying patriarchy uplifts and supports men. It doesn't. Normative systems of any sort, be they gender, sexuality, culture or anything else don't "help" people. They help other systems like capitalism and power structures like the political hierarchy. Do ace folk suffer the most under allonormativity? Of course. And that sucks. But allo folk aren't getting all sorts of perks with these expectations and rigid borders. They are merely suffering less.
@@AceDadAdvice As men use patriarchy. But that doesn't mean that more often than not they see more negative effects from patriarchy than positive. Regarding allonormativity, I can think of so many examples of how allo folk experience negative impacts. A late 20's, cishet, allo woman who has decided against kids and is focusing on career or travel or whatever instead of a relationship. The pressure of societal, allo expectations. A cis man in his late 50's feeling less of a man because his sex drive has naturally dropped. Teenage kids being expected to have boy/girl friends regardless of how emotionally ready they are for them. In no way am I saying that allo people experience negative aspects of allonormativity as deeply or regularly as ace folk. But I really do think the negatives outweigh the positives even for them. To put this in my own context, I'd say the same thing about gender normativity and heteronormativity as a trans and bi guy. Basically my point is that normative systems benefit capitalism and power hierarchies far more than they do even the people who are positioned to see the fewest negative consequences of those systems.
Really my only insecurity with my asexuality are romantic relationships: -I’m demiromantic. I don’t want WANT a queer platonic relationship because what I SOMETIMES BUT RARELY feel is indeed romantic attraction BUT -I am sex-repulsed if I am completely honest with myself. Gaslighting myself into mentally breaking my boundaries with hypotheticals is /still/ only deemed “foreplay” ie Not Enough but that’s my ONLY Flux-Maybe and -I don’t even want to kiss. Ever. But everyone else does. It’s “greater proof” than even sex that a relationship is Romantic and Healthy so -…what would be an ace affirming romantic relationship for me…would make someone feel incredibly neglected but -I just CAN’T “compromise” because that compromises me. And -honestly? Even if my community and family would accept me being in some sort of poly relationship…no, no I don’t want to be in one myself. No shade but…it’s…honestly just me gaslighting myself if I entertain the thought of myself in one so -since I cannot compromise. I refuse to make someone else feel neglected. I’m Strange to even other aces because I don’t want to kiss, but don’t belong within the aroace community because I’m demiromantic and want an affirming ace romantic relationship if I bother at all, NOT a QPR so I’ve therefore been gatekept then - …I…really don’t see HOW I could ever be anything other than single. That every time I fall in love, immediately have to let them go and suffer in silence to never burden someone else or be expected to break my boundaries if they actually did like me back There is literally NOTHING about “Romantic Relationship but DON’T Want To Kiss.” You get articles on how you’re broken, or 0% Romantic Attraction Aromantic at best
As someone who is also asexual and demiromantic... yeah. This. 100% this. It's been really hard for me because I DO want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but catching romantic feelings happens very rarely for me, as I firstly need a strong emotional connection with them (basically we need to be, like, best friends), and then it's really up to my brain whether or not I feel the other stuff for them lol. I'm also sex-repulsed and, for the most part, kissing-repulsed (I also just... don't understand kissing? I've done it multiple times before and it always felt like locking lips with a statue lmao). I currently have strong romantic feelings for one of my closest friends, and I have so much inner turmoil surrounding telling them about it because the odds of them 1) reciprocating, 2) being okay that I'm ace, and 3) being okay that I find a lot of romantic stuff uncomfortable is unlikely. I don't want to risk ruining what we already have by telling them about my feelings for them, either. I just feel bad about the entire situation lol. After my last relationship broke off (I was in it before I realised I was ace), I've been craving that kind of closeness with someone again (which I didn't previously care about), so it's been hard coming to terms with the fact that it's going to be extremely difficult to find someone like that who is okay with everything I have going on. I'm also not interested in poly relationships or QPRs (I'm all for them - they're just not what I'm looking for, personally). It also doesn't help that I'm definitely genderqueer in some way (possibly agender), so that factors into it all. It feels like I've unintentionally eliminated almost everyone on Earth from my potential dating pool lol (the term 'dating pool' sounds gross, but you get what I mean). Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from, and I'm sending lots of love and luck your way! Also, demiromantic people absolutely belong in the aromantic community. Don't let other people tell you otherwise.
You are just like my fiance, he’s more touch-adverse and just doesn’t like physical contact. But he always tells me he loves me, always helping me and he is just always there for me! The physical stuff isn’t necessary for anyone to love and appreciate someone, it really goes past that. You are awesome. Fantastic comment, thank you for sharing.
@@Cat_Friend_333 haha sorry but the kissing repulsed part really resignates with me. With my ex, everytime we kissed, I wouldn't know how to do it properly so i Always had my eyes open and I felt nothing from it, it was so awkward for me all the time.
@@nameless6512 Yeah, it’s kind of a weird concept. Probably didn’t help that my partner at the time wasn’t very good at it (…I assume, anyway, because I don’t know how you’re meant to be good at it really lol). Maybe I’ll feel different about it in the future, but I’m not sure.
Everyone seems to assume you were sexually abused if you’re aero and/or ace, and will tell everyone about those theories because they make no attempt to understand that there are people that could be different from them in any way. Societal egocentrism is insanely toxic. Hearing someone make up those stories and spread rumors about someone makes me feel sick, because I both feel bad for them and know the same is being done about me when I’m not around.
Yes i agree, although there is an asexual identity called caedosexual. It is losing sexual attraction from trauma. So meanwhile yes it is partially right, it's just not every single ace/aro Person's experience with asexuality. All forms of Ace/Aro are valid
This definitely can make sense in a lot of ways, granted I'm in a slightly different space since they "know what is wrong with me" due to me being autistic which probably explains the lack of expectation of me to want to pursue sex and even leading to people finding it easier to imagine me as a member of the Grenadier Guards than as a sexual person, some people would use my family's immigrant background as an explanation but still while there were those who saw sexuality as what everyone wants to do (often rooting this thinking in evolution and claiming that its actually heterosexuality that's constantly being repressed) there was definitely a block who stood strongly against this notion. I would find people often quite angry about the highly sexual culture, often with images of GI Joe bribing his way into women's bedrooms with the offer of cigarettes, candy and other items in short supply in Europe and that this would evolve into a whole industry around getting people hooked on cheap thrills and gossip and impoverishing them further to keep them under the thumb of the rich corporations of New York and Hollywood, whether there's a critique of capitalism under the Europa Rhetoric is a question I probably know too little about to answer. And some who gave a more overt critique of capitalism by claiming that in fact this was a form of capitalist oppression as on the logic that humans don't naturally want sex in itself but the bonding and or reproduction that comes with it but Middle Class Morality instils the idea of sex as a market and inherently about competition. Perhaps people would be a lot happier if they didn't feel the need to control how other people live their lives.
Huh. Well, I've never really felt... disconnected? angry at? sad about? my asexuality. I'm sure this advice is great for those who have had trouble accepting themselves. Ngl tho, sometimes I forget not queer people exist, so many of my friends and family are queer 😅
That title is confusing... there's no need to resist it's not like I can be tempted to not be ace. It's not a choice. Time to take a break and watch your video 😆
People in the world: Sex is bad and you should stay away from it!! It’s a sin!! Ace people: Ok. People: Woah woah! Not like that!! Please make it make sense…
I noticed that my aversion to romance oriented media was due to them always being highly sexual and the relationships were basically solely built on the sexual attraction. I actually like sexless romance, when people like each other for their personality and shared life experiences. I would like to live in a world were this wasn't super niche.
I agree. I am ace but not aro so I love a romance where the two people actually love each other for who they are and sex is implied, like you see them go in the bedroom and shut the door and it's not a huge part of the plot,
I'm not aro or ace, but I can totally see why being ace and watching something like that would basically being like watching porn without plot... It would feel like nothing actually meaningful happening between these two people and the relationship feels fake other than the fact that they get in each other's pants. If you took out the sex this relationship would basically have nothing of substance.
That is one of the reasons why I love Chinese historical dramas - most romance is no heavily sexualized…or if it is…it is suggested. It is so relaxing. (Same for Korean historical dramas)
I just treated it like entertainment. Dirty jokes are funny mostly because I don’t understand it and all of my friends get it and think it’s kind of freaking hilarious. my coworkers think I’m some sort of innocent creature into one of the masses stupid question and I answer without blinking. understand some of the things they’re talking about. I just don’t personally want to be involved and stuff.
There is a certain Delight I have as an ace person making an even dirtier joke in response to the allos’ and making THEM flush instead. Bonus points if I also reassert my asexuality vs “ace not prude”
Be who you areeee 👾⛸🐀🐈⬛
i think its interesting how so many allo people argue that purity culture is on the rise and how many of them face sl*t shaming while i and many other ace people feel like it's the complete opposite and overt sexuality has been the norm for at least a decade or two even before the show euphoria came out. even if there is a societal standard for how much sex is "too much", allos will never understand the alienation you feel when physical intimacy isn't something you've even thought of pursuing once or twice
Tbh, unless it's from a middle to old aged person talking about their own demographic representation, I take these comments with a grain of salt. Middle to old aged can personally see the difference in rep especially of their own demographic.
If someone is talking about an outside demographic I start to take it in a grain of salt, ESPECIALLY if they have rhe attitude that it's taking away from other rep (often the majority CicHet White male demographic).
In a way, I think purity culture is talking as obsessively about sex than the rest. It's just that they say it's bad. But they are constantly talking about it. Purity culture is NOT ace.
Both can be true. Society isn't a monolith, so we get different messages from different places all the time. And I think the parts that affect us negatively tend to stand out more to us, so ace people notice the parts of society that push s*x and allos maybe notice the parts that tell them to be ashamed of it. I do think purity culture is on the rise, but not in a generalized "s*x is bad" type of way. It's more and more about policing which types are "acceptable" and which aren't.
I definitely think both hypersexualization and purity culture are rising problems. One comes from media (mostly male creators) and the other is more tied to (in the US) Christianity. Young girls in particular are at the center of these two extremes and face pressure to be both or neither. Madonna/whore complex.
I feel like I get shamed for being replused when I literally don’t care what other people do it’s just me personally has nothing to do with anyone else
I must confess I let a troll comment on a different platform get under my skin but no more!
My aceness and aceness in general is valid and we as humans are still learning about it
I will no longer give any weight to someone's opinions when they are choosing to be willing stupid and ignorant in the face of learning and understanding that humans are vastly complex and there is not one way of being.!
Shouldn't asexually actually be the default experience for everyone?? (Not that there is a default experience or should be but it doesn't add up somehow)
Starting now I'm a safe and affirming space for my ace experience and when the time comes others as well!
I love you fellow Aces 🖤❤️
i agree that amatonormativity and compulsive sexuality exist to lift allo people up, but i feel like in the same way misogyny is made to lift men up it also hurts many many men as well. for example, two allo friends might feel like that *should* have sex/date even though they might not truly hold those desires on their own, without the societal expectations and pressures. i also see that a lot of allos tend to keep emotional distance from their friends because they feel like it’d be weird to have a super close friendship with someone, closeness they only associate with romance.
I’m in that process of building a mental safe and supportive place for my aceness and something that suddenly just clicked and has helped me a lot. That was to understand that my rejection towards sexual messages and stuff came from my early understanding that they were targeted to me and that I had to comply, instead of being a message that I could accept or refuse/ignore.
I mean, whenever people in my social circle started talking of sexual stuff that for them was important and relevant, I just showed that I found the idea of sex and their interest on those things wrong or irrelevant. But that’s because I was forcing myself to imagine myself seeking, wanting or practicing that stuff; it felt so wrong in my own body, that I just dismissed and judged the whole thing even in others.
But now that I understand my aceness, I realized that we just have different priorities and goals, and that we can respectfully support each other and that there is no need to force ourselves into something we don’t desire.
I’m still trying to understand how to support them when they share something about that topic with me, but that distinction has been really useful
very well said. that idea of “this isn’t about me” is so essential to existing as an ace person.
I don't understand the obsession with sex. So, I just ignore it. Since realising that I was Asexual, I've never felt pressured into doing anything I didn't want to do. Luckily, I'm also at an age where no one bothers me for sex and no one asks why I'm not married. As far as I'm concerned, what I do in my private life and how I live my life is no one else's business. I don't need to stand on street corner shouting out that I'm different nor do I need a special support system either. I'm not bothered about getting together with other asexuals either.
If you dont mind me asking are you "cis-male" asexual?
because I have had the opposite experience ... constant nosy-busy bodies prying into "why are you single" "how come you dont have a GF" "your over 30 and not married...that is WEIRD"
its almost like if you are a cis-male your expected to be married with 2 kids and a dog by the time your reach 35
Tbh I find even the tagline for this video kind of...odd. "Resisting sexualized society"? Why do you need to resist anything? Let yourself be as you are and let others be as they are. If you accept yourself, no need to spend so much effort on "resisting", unless you enjoy feeling like some kind of partisan fighter defending your trench. If you don't connect to the sexualized ideas, just let them pass you by; "resisting" seems to imply being afraid of getting converted into one of the allosexual people or some such.
@@zatarraii7234I'm Cis-Male & I have luckily not run into many people prying into my Relationship life.
@@oksanakaido8437 the "resistance" is the fact that allos push sex on people all the time. Including aces, which will make ace people feel isolated and stuff. In the video ace dad says a bunch of phrases that are what allos would say to am ace person. While yes I do agree with your statement of "be yourself live for you". There is people who do take things like that to heart, and that's when they'll feel isolated and lonely and non human.
I try to be a good ally and do my best to see others' perspectives. As someone with sexual desire, but who is so sick of the overt sexual nature of society and the encouragement of detrimental hyper-sexuality, I REALLY appreciate your words of resistance. I want to help build the ace-inclusive world!
While not quite what's discussed here per ce. I went through the Ace > Tran/NB questioning > Ace Imposter Syndrome pipeline. I basically in the end came to the conclusion that Asexuality is not the same as X stuff, like appreciation, envy, Libido/Horny etc and vice-versa. And another that thing, I could value something commonly viewed as sexual without "compromising" my Asexuality. I'm comfortable in my Asexuality and Aromanticism right now.
Just today I was saying the world wasn't built for aces. I was looking for Zootopia fan art and so much of it was sexual. It's a freaking Disney movie yet theres drawings of Judy Hopps spreading her legs in just underwear, her posed sexually and on and on I found a few non sexual ones then just got frustrated because it was so overly sexual and it's a cartoon! I posted my frustration on FB and a friend suggested putting "wholesome" in front of fan art while googling
Gaming is so difficult for me, being afab (assigned female at birth), anytime I get on voice chat thinking we'll coordinate this way and do better at the game by speaking directly in real time, only for guys to hear my voice and start dropping the sex jokes and at first I'm like haha jokes but then they want me to send pics and be dirty because they took me joking back as actual interest and I'm like dude gross can we not just play the fuckin game? Why does everything have to be about you getting your rocks off? And if I don't joke back, they won't game with me anymore. I just want some friggen gaming buddies. That's all I want. I shouldn't have to play your sex games just to play video games with a teammate.
I'm sorry you have to deal with immature idiots like that. People should just be able to Game & have fun! Some of my Transfemme friends are reluctant to use voice chat in online games cuz of reactions of Bigots & other immature people. Take Care 💜 🖤
@@wallaceshawn-zk8iw Thank you! 😊 I'm also genderfluid and nonbinary (which is such an oxymoron but it feels right 😅) so I'm working on vocal training for my male presenting days, and I cannot wait to bust it out on voice chat to avoid all the creeps. I'm sorry your transfemme friends live with that worry and hope they find that safe space where they can hop on voice chat and just be respected. Real genuine gaming buddies who are there for the games and comraderie ❤ tell your friends I don't even know them but I love them and wish all the best for them!
Was shown some tik tok video with some sexual undertones and I had no idea why others were laughing at it. Till some one explained it to me. To promote aceness, i have been finding books with ace rep.
I've embraced sexuality rather than avoid it, but it often turns out poorly, because it confuses me.
Your channel is my lifesaver. I'm 46 and just finding out now that I'm not broken/dysfunctional/whatever.
I'm a bisexual transfem writer trying to learn what the aroace experience is like for a character in a short story I'm working on. His family's reaction both to to aroaceness and his transgenderism centers more on not taking him seriously, the aroace character feels that not being taken seriously arguably hurts more than if they were outright cursing him out. Do you feel like this approach is realistic enough to seem possible through the aroace experience? Everyone's experience is a little different, I know this but I'm asking just to see if anybody from the community actually feels this way.
Yes, as an aroace enby queer in their forties, I definitely think it's realistic that a character would be more upset about not being taken seriously than if the family, or others, reviled them. "See me!" There's the struggle of not being understood. Sometimes experiencing a hateful response can strengthen your resolve or determine who your real people are. Having just one person in your life who respects you, even if they don't fully understand, makes all the difference in the world. It's NOT childish, immature, or a phase, and it really hurts if the ones you love and trust betray that trust by saying otherwise. It also can lead them to outting someone, or coercing them into situations they don't want.
Yes, I resonate with being not taken seriously is more hurtful as it goes somehow directly under the skin. I’m cis aroace.
People have always tried to push it on me even no matter how many times I try to get it through their thick skulls they still don't understand even to some it feels like getting their feelings hurt when being told I'm not into sexual stuff I always known that I'm asexual sex repulsed private parts are very hideous to look I even find some pornography and some sexual content bad advertisement in my opinion but not many people are aware about asexuality
I don't disagree with anything you've said, except the concept that allonormativity uplifts and supports allo communities. It's like saying patriarchy uplifts and supports men. It doesn't.
Normative systems of any sort, be they gender, sexuality, culture or anything else don't "help" people. They help other systems like capitalism and power structures like the political hierarchy.
Do ace folk suffer the most under allonormativity? Of course. And that sucks. But allo folk aren't getting all sorts of perks with these expectations and rigid borders. They are merely suffering less.
Theoretically sure. But you can look at countless ways cisgender, heterosexual and allosexual people utilize normative systems to their advantage.
@@AceDadAdvice As men use patriarchy. But that doesn't mean that more often than not they see more negative effects from patriarchy than positive.
Regarding allonormativity, I can think of so many examples of how allo folk experience negative impacts. A late 20's, cishet, allo woman who has decided against kids and is focusing on career or travel or whatever instead of a relationship. The pressure of societal, allo expectations. A cis man in his late 50's feeling less of a man because his sex drive has naturally dropped. Teenage kids being expected to have boy/girl friends regardless of how emotionally ready they are for them.
In no way am I saying that allo people experience negative aspects of allonormativity as deeply or regularly as ace folk. But I really do think the negatives outweigh the positives even for them.
To put this in my own context, I'd say the same thing about gender normativity and heteronormativity as a trans and bi guy. Basically my point is that normative systems benefit capitalism and power hierarchies far more than they do even the people who are positioned to see the fewest negative consequences of those systems.
Really my only insecurity with my asexuality are romantic relationships:
-I’m demiromantic. I don’t want WANT a queer platonic relationship because what I SOMETIMES BUT RARELY feel is indeed romantic attraction BUT
-I am sex-repulsed if I am completely honest with myself. Gaslighting myself into mentally breaking my boundaries with hypotheticals is /still/ only deemed “foreplay” ie Not Enough but that’s my ONLY Flux-Maybe and
-I don’t even want to kiss. Ever. But everyone else does. It’s “greater proof” than even sex that a relationship is Romantic and Healthy so
-…what would be an ace affirming romantic relationship for me…would make someone feel incredibly neglected but
-I just CAN’T “compromise” because that compromises me. And
-honestly? Even if my community and family would accept me being in some sort of poly relationship…no, no I don’t want to be in one myself. No shade but…it’s…honestly just me gaslighting myself if I entertain the thought of myself in one so
-since I cannot compromise. I refuse to make someone else feel neglected. I’m Strange to even other aces because I don’t want to kiss, but don’t belong within the aroace community because I’m demiromantic and want an affirming ace romantic relationship if I bother at all, NOT a QPR so I’ve therefore been gatekept then
- …I…really don’t see HOW I could ever be anything other than single. That every time I fall in love, immediately have to let them go and suffer in silence to never burden someone else or be expected to break my boundaries if they actually did like me back
There is literally NOTHING about “Romantic Relationship but DON’T Want To Kiss.” You get articles on how you’re broken, or 0% Romantic Attraction Aromantic at best
As someone who is also asexual and demiromantic... yeah. This. 100% this.
It's been really hard for me because I DO want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but catching romantic feelings happens very rarely for me, as I firstly need a strong emotional connection with them (basically we need to be, like, best friends), and then it's really up to my brain whether or not I feel the other stuff for them lol. I'm also sex-repulsed and, for the most part, kissing-repulsed (I also just... don't understand kissing? I've done it multiple times before and it always felt like locking lips with a statue lmao). I currently have strong romantic feelings for one of my closest friends, and I have so much inner turmoil surrounding telling them about it because the odds of them 1) reciprocating, 2) being okay that I'm ace, and 3) being okay that I find a lot of romantic stuff uncomfortable is unlikely. I don't want to risk ruining what we already have by telling them about my feelings for them, either. I just feel bad about the entire situation lol.
After my last relationship broke off (I was in it before I realised I was ace), I've been craving that kind of closeness with someone again (which I didn't previously care about), so it's been hard coming to terms with the fact that it's going to be extremely difficult to find someone like that who is okay with everything I have going on. I'm also not interested in poly relationships or QPRs (I'm all for them - they're just not what I'm looking for, personally). It also doesn't help that I'm definitely genderqueer in some way (possibly agender), so that factors into it all. It feels like I've unintentionally eliminated almost everyone on Earth from my potential dating pool lol (the term 'dating pool' sounds gross, but you get what I mean).
Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from, and I'm sending lots of love and luck your way! Also, demiromantic people absolutely belong in the aromantic community. Don't let other people tell you otherwise.
Kinda the same for me. I don't mind conventional kissing that much but it also doesn't give me anything. I would prefer a forehead kiss tbh.
You are just like my fiance, he’s more touch-adverse and just doesn’t like physical contact. But he always tells me he loves me, always helping me and he is just always there for me! The physical stuff isn’t necessary for anyone to love and appreciate someone, it really goes past that.
You are awesome. Fantastic comment, thank you for sharing.
@@Cat_Friend_333 haha sorry but the kissing repulsed part really resignates with me. With my ex, everytime we kissed, I wouldn't know how to do it properly so i Always had my eyes open and I felt nothing from it, it was so awkward for me all the time.
@@nameless6512 Yeah, it’s kind of a weird concept. Probably didn’t help that my partner at the time wasn’t very good at it (…I assume, anyway, because I don’t know how you’re meant to be good at it really lol). Maybe I’ll feel different about it in the future, but I’m not sure.
This is perfect
Everyone seems to assume you were sexually abused if you’re aero and/or ace, and will tell everyone about those theories because they make no attempt to understand that there are people that could be different from them in any way. Societal egocentrism is insanely toxic. Hearing someone make up those stories and spread rumors about someone makes me feel sick, because I both feel bad for them and know the same is being done about me when I’m not around.
Yes i agree, although there is an asexual identity called caedosexual. It is losing sexual attraction from trauma. So meanwhile yes it is partially right, it's just not every single ace/aro Person's experience with asexuality. All forms of Ace/Aro are valid
This definitely can make sense in a lot of ways, granted I'm in a slightly different space since they "know what is wrong with me" due to me being autistic which probably explains the lack of expectation of me to want to pursue sex and even leading to people finding it easier to imagine me as a member of the Grenadier Guards than as a sexual person, some people would use my family's immigrant background as an explanation but still while there were those who saw sexuality as what everyone wants to do (often rooting this thinking in evolution and claiming that its actually heterosexuality that's constantly being repressed) there was definitely a block who stood strongly against this notion.
I would find people often quite angry about the highly sexual culture, often with images of GI Joe bribing his way into women's bedrooms with the offer of cigarettes, candy and other items in short supply in Europe and that this would evolve into a whole industry around getting people hooked on cheap thrills and gossip and impoverishing them further to keep them under the thumb of the rich corporations of New York and Hollywood, whether there's a critique of capitalism under the Europa Rhetoric is a question I probably know too little about to answer.
And some who gave a more overt critique of capitalism by claiming that in fact this was a form of capitalist oppression as on the logic that humans don't naturally want sex in itself but the bonding and or reproduction that comes with it but Middle Class Morality instils the idea of sex as a market and inherently about competition.
Perhaps people would be a lot happier if they didn't feel the need to control how other people live their lives.
Huh. Well, I've never really felt... disconnected? angry at? sad about? my asexuality. I'm sure this advice is great for those who have had trouble accepting themselves. Ngl tho, sometimes I forget not queer people exist, so many of my friends and family are queer 😅
Thanks, dad!
That title is confusing... there's no need to resist it's not like I can be tempted to not be ace. It's not a choice. Time to take a break and watch your video 😆
Sound is very low
People in the world: Sex is bad and you should stay away from it!! It’s a sin!!
Ace people: Ok.
People: Woah woah! Not like that!!
Please make it make sense…
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