ASK ACE DAD: What if coming out as asexual makes people assume negative things about my partner?
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- Опубліковано 19 жов 2024
- How do you handle the negative assumptions from other people about your partner when you come out as asexual? Answering another viewer question.
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I asked my partner for permission before officially coming out publicly because of this. I obviously didn't feel like I needed permission to come out to close friends and family, but I wanted to make sure he was comfortable with the implications for him. He was.
That’s a great approach.
Hello, I want to thank you. I was recommended your channel and after watching it and having my eyes opened to the ace spectrum I finally have the vocabulary to speak how I’m feeling inside and convey my thoughts and feelings to my family. The education you do is very important and I want to thank you for helping me understand me better.
This means the world to me. I am so glad you’re here!
@@AceDadAdvice can I ask u a question
Im still (late 30s) too afraid to come out to friends/fam bc of the negativity me and my allo partner wld face. Your video was nice to hear, since i see "mixed" cpls get a lot of hate from both allos and aces. Ive told my partner that i wasnt comfortable with him telling ppl, bc yea, he wld get both pitty and laughed at, and I wld be viewed as the evil demon thats trapped him 🤦♀️. He says he'd be fine with being made fun of (he's bit oblivious to how no, that shldnt be "fine"), but I know some of his friends and I'D be the one getting the brunt of the hate. Im a pretty sensitive person and already get a lot of animosity due to other social justice stances i take, so im already so worn down and stressed out. Im so glad to see the ace movement start to get a foot in the door though, it def relieves some of the stress for sure. I applaud those that are out and paving the way! 👏
Great video! 💜 Most of the time when I come out as ace to people this is also the first reaction I get. 'But how does your partner feel about that?' 'Oh that must be really hard for your partner' Same goes for when my allo partner talks about asexuality. I am sharing this intimate part of my identity with them and all they care about is if my partner is getting enough sex or not 🙄
thanks for the tips, it is something I am anxious about a lot. love the tip about boundaries. i think it has also a lot to do with toxic masculinity, esp "the more sex you have, the more man you are". when I say I'm ace, people assume my partner doesn't have sex at all, so he's not manly enough or smth. it really bothers me and makes me sad.
So glad to hear your words of wisdom again! Personally, my family just hasn’t brought up my (lack of) romantic relationships, so I haven’t needed to come out officially, or even put a name to my feelings. I’m so grateful for your channel and the good things you share.
That’s very kind. Thank you so much friend.
I get nervous about those assumptions too being a poly ace who is totally fine with my partners having sexual relations with other people and just being romantic with me but the what other people friends and family may think about it can give me anxiety but I feel I've worked up my self confidence enough over the years that it help to ignore peoples opinions more even if I still have some friends and family who don't fully understand.
Yes. Exactly.
"People are gonna people." Aint that the truth!
Thank you this is timely as I am contemplating coming out to some friends and am concerned about the affect it will have on my partner. He is supportive but I want to be fully prepared, this was helpful.
I'm grateful for your work, activism and existence. Hopefully, one year from now I will be reading your book while eating a slice of cake 🍰☕🌈
Saludos desde México 💜
For me coming out to my parents, it took them a while to understand what asexual was and what it applies to me. Like trying to explain that holding hands grosses me out but I love hugging completely blew their minds xD
I can't wait to read your book. Squeal!
Aw thanks! I’m very excited about it!
Oh man I never thought of this before, can't wait to watch
Also playwright, I'm intrigued!!!
I have a whole theatre life!
As ace i doubt I will ever find a romantic relationship.
Someone told me this week I will never find a partner because of me being vegetarian..the fact.that that trivial matter wa a no go kinda shocked me.
Let alone if they get to know I am a vegetarian ace...
How do you stop with the "habit" of conforming in a relationship when you have acted like being heterosexual for the biggest part of your life?
I’m the partner who’s getting weird questions because I’m with an asexual person
Thank you as always for your great advice! 💜 I had never thought about that problem until recently when I casually mentioned me being ace to a new friend. They could not believe that my allo boyfriend could possibly be ok with me being ace. It was very hurtful at first but I just told them that he obviously is ok with it since he has decided to date me, knowing from the start that I am ace 😄
Thanks for another great perspective. Love the encouragement to set boundaries, and the reminder that we all have the right to our boundaries, and our privacy.
Hi, thanks for the informative video! I love books so I will be requesting one at my library when it's out. I am straight so thank you for educating me.
I want to be like you when I grow up, you are my hero sz
Lovely video! I'm so happy to see how far the ace community has come :3
Thank you so much for another great video! Your work is greatly appreciated.
You’re appreciated in return!
Fantastic on the book 📕
welcome backkkkkkkk
Early next year is so far awayyyyy
what would be the reason you would tell other people that one of you in the relationship was ace? thanks
If you are just being open with your other circles as an ace person. I am out as ace in the world, so people make assumptions.
To show we're not invisible, we exist. We can still find love. I'm very open about being Ace for two reasons it's part of who I am & for visibility to show others they're not alone n educate ppl.
@@mylife-23 i really admire that. Im ace too but my feeling is that i dont wanna tell anyone because theres no reason i should and its private. I do appreciate other people being more open, but i cant help my shyness about it. I suppose if someone asked me outright i would tell them
@@karenKristal you don't have to. I'm jus saying why some might.
@@mylife-23 yeah course 🙂