My soon to be ex (betrayer) told me when I was severely ill and going through insomnia, "I sleep fine, maybe you can't sleep because of your conscience." Talk about gaslighting! My poor nervous system was a mess!
Oh my gosh. THANK YOU for this video! I finally feel validated and so many things in my life suddenly make sense. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve been extremely dysregulated, unhappy, sick, insomnia, sudden and constant UTI’s that won’t go away… and the list goes on. Found out a few days ago my husband has been talking to other women.. and who knows what else.
Now it makes so much more sense. My exwife blew up our life together. Tried for 2 years and finally gave up. Always another lie. Couples therapy was the worst. It was all my problem all the time. I didnt make her feel this or that.
Wow! I only discovered you two last night with Kristin Snowden in this video. How refreshing! I have been searching for this! I can relate. I ended my 27 year marriage. I was the crazy one for questioning anything and we’d go to therapy and I would be the focus as the problem and end up on numerous meds to get me under control because he could manipulate and gaslight me and everyone. Yes, betrayal trauma, three emotional affairs he was caught having and would twist, deny, act like it wasn’t what I thought and knew it was, I was never validated. I was so confused all the time. It was total insanity. I shut down. I was so tired of going around the same mountain. He took no responsibility. I was all me. So grateful that chapter of my life is over. Now I’m reclaiming my life alone. Looking for the right help but I’m so scared of making a mistake or bad decision. Finally off all mind altering meds and learning who I am and feeling many emotions that were repressed for so many years. Just need proper therapy and support. Struggling to find the right fit.. thank you for bringing this stuff to light!
I’m balling my eyes out .everything you just said validated what I’ve been feeling and not been able to explain. We broke off our engagement and are now no contact. He’s moving on, all within 2 months.
I'm so sorry you are going through all that. Just know you are not alone and you will be ok. Please don't be afraid to seek professional support or at least reach out and talk with a trusted and supportive friend or family member. I'm rooting for you to heal your body, mind and soul.
From someone who bounced from relationship to relationship of one after another just like this please do yourself a favor and change the way you pick a partner. I am praying for you.
I feel so validated right now. Thank you, all of you. Grateful to be where I am now. Left my soon x-spouse to be last December. Filed in May. Healing journey….
The gaslighting is even worse if you already know you are triggered by fear of abandonment. You already believe that your fear is self sabotaging and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am so sorry that happened to you. But glad to hear you took a stand for yourself. I am experiencing the same thing now, but so conflicted with filling for divorce. My heart aches so bad.
I've been going through this for 18 months with my boyfriend. It's been hell, truly. We are still together, and I hope he is sticking to the promises he made me. But what's really really helped me is finally truly realising that if he is secretly breaking his promises, it's not my fault or my issue. That they are his issues that live inside his head. One day, if it's still happening it will surface. In the mean time I'm treating myself so kindly, forgiving myself, being peaceful. If he ever needs to come to me to confess, I'll be here. It took me a long time to get to this place in my mind, but I'm so glad I'm here and not punishing myself anymore. No one knows what the future holds but you have to make sure YOU are going to ok no matter what. Peace to you all 💗
I have learned I will NEVER know everything he did to me and I have to come to terms with the unknown. I can't change that or him and what he did to me for 13 years. I have to forgive and try to move forward. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and healing.. ❤
I love this video. I just wish you'd do away with the background music. It's quite distracting. Having said that, I love Kristin's work and I am watching a lot of her videos as the betraying partner. I am learning a lot from her. I have done a lot of gaslighting to my wife, and I truly want to turn my life around and bring healing to our marriage.
My husband had sex with multiple long term women kept his true income from me, managed to hide most of his addictive behaviors had a “ private life” that was none of my business and abused me into total submission. Yet multiple counselors and Christian pastors saw me as the entire problem. To where I hated myself for as he said Deserved the life I had. I was eventually left penniless and guilty of all the loss it took me 15 years to begin to fight my way out of the place I was in. This is the first time I’ve ever heard this So Validating. I am the Exemplification of everything you describe here. I held it together for 25 years with this man for the sake of our children and the honor of the pastors authority
I’m glad this video found me. Great interview. There is more awareness on betrayal trauma and covert abuses these days but more needs to be done. Thank you for your work.
Almost everything Kristin says is so on point with what I've been through. My biggest regret is not taking a stand and making my wife go to therapy with me to uncover everything and get past it. The secrets and lies from that time of our life still haunts me and every few years, triggers line up and put me right back in that initial trauma phase. This last time has been more then I can handle and I'm finally trying to find a therapist to help me. :(
Sooooo refreshing to view a honest perspective on modern day relationships BS and the toxic world of dating. Dating can induce insecurities, paranoia and anxiety. Please be aware of what your body is telling you ❤
Thank you very much for posting. This is the first time I ever felt heard. And years ago, I had a marriage counselor do the same thing to me where I took responsibility for his affair and thought it was all my fault. I’m thankful there’s people out there that really do understand. I’m really struggling with how to move forward because I’ve been married to this man for 32 years but we’ve been together for 48 thank you!
I totally understand your situation. Begin to validate yourself and be kind to yourself. I began with a focus on gratitude for absolutely anything I could identify in my life. This opened a window to let light in. Slowly keeping my eyes on the light and my nose to fresh air I living a decent albeit small space that is safe.
Thank you for the validation. Yours, among other videos, have helped so much. 18 years of loyalty to an alcoholic, porn addicted, covert narcissist. Had several emotional affairs, and finally left me for a coworker. Told me I neglected and abused him. I tried to get him to go to cou seling to no avail. He was terrible at communicating. Although I know long term it is best for me that he left, the betrayal is gut-wrenching.
Several therapists AND my church “family “ took a “boys will be boys” attitude and concluded that I was in the wrong for not accepting his pornography addiction. He was absolutely enabled by this and therefore refused to change his ways. Ultimately he walked out because he was unwilling to accept my boundaries.
I have been told as well as heard from my research that I have Allowed my spouse to treat me the way he treated me. Hearing this makes me understand I wasn't even informed Ever to allow me to even understand how to put down boundaries or make any decisions! I didn't allow bc I didn't even know...I cried hard Hearing that I'm not actually crazy 😢
After seeing the full impact, the chain reaction something like this can set off… This stuff doesnt happen in the vacuum of a relationship….it is so traumatizing for a child watch a parent endure the catastrophic chain of events occurring in a parent with cptsd. The damage to trust and disruption of connection between the dysregulated parent and the developing child. Never again.
Your comment brought me to tears. This has been the most painful aspect and part that is preventing my way back to health. Going through crisis due to betrayal and then help being withheld making your child go rheoufh it with you is more betrayal not only from them but feeling like you betrayed your child. So much depression, anxiety, self hatred, pain. Being forced to witness the trauma you caused, even unintentionally, has kept me stuck in a living hell. Thank you for the acknowledgment. I’m sick of being aassured I’m a good mother and my kid is fine. If I can admit the problems I’ve caused and experience the heartache, why can’t others 😞
Thank you so much for making this video and validating my feelings as a betrayed partner. I was minimizing how traumatized I feel because I thought I was overreacting. God Bless you Kristin…you are helping so many people. ☺️
My soon to be ex husband and I were married 31 years. I started having female problems, so I visited my gynecologist. When the results came back, I was informed that I had a STD (chlamydia, which is treatable). I’ve always been faithful to my husband so there was no doubt he was the source. I just about had a nervous breakdown.
Why its seems easier to leave by suiside when u are like a cged animal with now way out. This whole programme feels dedicated to my whole experience 23 years into my marriage. If not for my kids having gone througj so much.... Putting them through losing their mom... After everything... Is all thats holding me on in the world. I am completely incapable of the next 40 years ahaead... And leaving is out... These people they dont take no for an answer... And he refuses to go to counselling. I am so gaslighted i feel like i am no one and nothing.. When u feel so empty and so unsure of reality........ And no one understands... Then u have no support.... Nothing....
Trust me....I get it. Your reference to a caged animal is very powerful. My husband of 15 years abandonded me for someone he knew through his hobbies. He always made time for these things while I looked after our son and worked full time. About 5 years ago, he began acting very strange. One evening he came home...he was checking his phone every few minutes while I was making dinner. He ended up picking some fight with our teenage son and storming out of the house. Long story short.....he never returned and I had to find out through our son that he was living with this woman. I had no idea where he was living, and I swung into 'detective mode'. Things got very nasty. I let my hurt and anger get the better of me (not to mention this was all during Covid and my son and I were evicted from our apartment for landlord use) The lies just kept coming. I lost it and began leaving notes on his (our) car when I would find it parked outside his mistress' apartment. Then for the final cherry on top....she charged me with criminal harassment. I don't have any advice for you as I am still hurting, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I hear you, and you are not crazy But they are!!! As to why they blame you, gaslight, minimize and deny deflect and project!! Its all in the game for them to not feel so shitty about themselves bc they do deep down inside, for one mere second/ then its gone!! But they methodically choose who they choose, those w/ empathy and compassion bc they hope they've conditioned us long enough so we will always stroke their ego's and put them on the pedestal and NEVER ever say anything against them or tell anyone who they really are behind closed doors!! ONCE we do that we are NO longer love bombed but put in their line of fire, bc we all know that they've tried to destroy anyone who didn't like them in the past...especially IF they can't pay you off to like them/ as they do to anyone they can!! You're/OUR identity is NOT found in them nor any other human being/ I finally realized that when I believed and received that Jesus Christ died on that cross for me personally and I no longer look to anyone to validate me, especially the narcissist!! Your identity is in the Blood of the Lamb AND YOU ARE WORTH IT BC HE SAID SO AND DIED FOR YOU!!! They have a lot, A LOT of demons and the confusion spirit falls on us just as they plan it to, to try to make us crazy and question EVERYTHING BUT the truth is their confused deceived and absolute counterfeits SO don't allow them to make you think you are ITS ALL THEM!! DO NOT, i repeat do not go to counselling with them, they will go to blame you and just what was said in this video that there aren't many therapists or counsellors who are trained for narcissistic behaviours and they couldn't smell them out if they were paid!! I went to Focus on the Family intense marriage therapy for a wk away w/ the narc and it was HELL, they fed his lies and calm demeanour as I fell apart and sobbed and they NEVER went into detail or tried to fix anything BC IT IS NOT A MARRIAGE ISSUE BUT AN ABUSE ISSUE AND IT TAKES ONLY 1 TO DESTROY A MARRIAGE THAT WAY, NOT 2 as it does in a normal marriage setting....NOTHING about this behaviour or abuse is normal!! Listen to Lesley Vernick, Patrick Doyle, Dr. Ramani, ...get some more clarity to whats been going on and plan for whats next, baby steps and GIVE YOURSELF GRACE!!!! ....You're worth the freedom, the truth and I pray strength and tenacity to come upon you as well as divine wisdom In Jesus Name, amen......If you ever want to message me, please do!! I've been studying narcissistic abuse for 9 years and just know that a huge majority of narcissistic abuse victims deal w/ depression and/or suicide attempts...Its demonic spirits coming from these demonic filled people and its got to STOP as we have the authority in Jesus Christ to stop it!!! Kimberly J. Greidanus on fb
I wanted to be a cop when i was a young traumatized kid. Didn’t know that I would become robocop crossed with sherlock because of my relationship betrayals. Family and partners. Every. Single. Partner. Except my first highschool sweetheart.. I BPD impulse dumped her out of nowhere.
This is brilliant. Do you perhaps have this interview somewhere else without the background music? I'm struggling to concentrate (sorry). Just hoping. If not that's ok.
As the betrayed spouse, I've got a lot of mixed emotions when I watch a lot of these different videos from groups who have the "betrayer" doing a fair amount of the speaking and educating. I can't understand it and quite honestly I don't want to hear from them.
Catastrophic Betrayal Trauma - the "FOUNDATION" of my LIFE that I trusted, believed in and was so proud of was hit by a nuclear bomb where the fragments and vapour of the explosion reverberate through my brain and body every single day of my life! D-Day was 28th December 2018. For 15 plus years (he says he doesn't remember the year he started) he lived a double life and was a consummate and EXPERT liar. My only consolation is that both my children were educated and adults themselves. Just be kind to yourselves and trust your gut instinct! 5 years later I completely relate to this amazing video. Thank you ❤ I am now trying to take this complex "PUZZLE" of what I thought my life was and reposition the puzzle pieces to reflect the truth!
Thank you for your compassionate content and being such a great human being and I am sure you know how much it hurts, feeling lost and empty and a lot more after investing 12 years of my life with a lady and lots of gaslighting and shame, I don’t know how to put it to words. God bless you and your family and now I am starting to find a right therapist to start my healing 🤍🙏
Thanks for this, awesome job defining the “profile”. The four points cited in the closing comments give a great outline of next steps, but does not provide where the resources could be found. How do I find a good therapist? How do I find a support group? What are the signs of a wrong therapist? What if you’re currently not involved in the church - how do you rely on the “ higher power”; what mechanism is effective in self finding that support? What are the signs of futility- I.e. your partner shows no signs of accepting their contribution?
I love you guys for making this video. It really validates my past experience. I have a question for you guys. How hard is it for the betrayer to tell the truth? Do you ever have any that never tell? I think many of us never got the truth and eventually got out. For me, I was left in shambles. It took years to understand what I had gone through.
My spouse of 31 years betrayed me by gambling away huge amounts of money without me knowing it. He considered it a wash because even though he lost a lot of huge money, he would win some every once in a while. I am hurt, angry, don’t trust him. I’m at a loss. It is eating me up inside. Our marriage has suffered drastically and even sought marriage counseling. But, the counseling started focusing on him possibly being very depressed because every time I tried to explain my feelings he would clam up and not speak. Even now he is emotionally unavailable and I feel so alone and confused. I’ll explain why I’m feeling hurt and angry and all I get is silence.
We're so sorry to hear this. If you need additional support, please reach out to us. James has a unique gift for challenging men who need it. www.livelifeunplugged.org/contact
First of all, you have to be able to spot a person who is repressing things. If they’re repressing something, then they will act out in negative ways to harm themselves and others they’re closest to 😢
I am in the road ... 1st stage on trying to move on but I dont feel as weak as i did the first time because unfortunately let myself get fooled and pulled me back in.. something i am ashamed of🙏
Marital and family life just blew up. I was protecting everything the hurting partner has been saying and doing. I feel like such a foool for wanting his justification and validation before anything else 😢 who to even talk to.
What about a sexless marriage? For years and years I did not feel safe. I was emotionally neglected and sexually neglected. But I was the identified patient always ending up in a depressive episodes. Do I stay do I go? So I was made to feel needy and wrong. I feel shame and I feel guilt. I am sacred and again depressed, Betrayal trauma is real and I feel it. A spouse that continues to lie and say yes I am going to therapy I will get better I can change. Yes we will go to the sex therapist and I will change. It’s 20 plus years. I feel lost, angry and deeply sad. I am a shell of myself. I don’t recognize myself. Help me. Emotional neglect has left me a raw nerve and I cry so much. My heart hurts so much. Please talk about emotional neglect and sexless marriages, it destroys love. I am Worried about my mental health. I got shut down for so many years. I was made to be annoying and a nag and I wanted to much. Waking on eggshells it reminds me of my mom. The panic and the anxiety are just to much. Please help me.
Been going through betrayal trauma for the past week, it’s all new to me and it caught me completely off guard. Your videos have helped me to not feel crazy and to trust in my instincts more. I’m always brushing off my instincts as anxiety, it just hurts when you find out your instincts were right 😔 So grateful to have come across your videos! 🫶🏼
I'"m concerned that this video offers a lot of false hope Which just keeps people entangled in these toxic relationships for even longer. The betrayed partner cannot change a narcissistic personality disorder and neither can a highly trained therapist. Most often betrayal, control, manipulation, gsslighting, lying, pornography, double-lives, anger, lack of empathy, lack of accountability, etc., are done by narcissists. A personality disorder is permanent and cannot be altered. Lttle tiny changes are usually not sufficient for a successful marriage. Marriage counseling will just give them more ammunition and more insight into ways that they can harm the person that they are with. They don't think like normal people. They take advantage of people with empathy. They're doing everything on purpose. They don't care and they actually have zero desire to change. And they also fake everything. They are essentially acting in the most insidious ways. Pretending to love, pretending to tell the truth , pretending to chamge, etc. The world needs to educate themselves on narcissistic personality disorder, sociopaths, and psychopathilogies. It's so dangerous and naive to assume that anything can be done to make someone stop being a cluster B type of person. And betrayal is a flat-out deal breaker forever. This is because betrayal robs the relationship of trust. You cannot have a relationship without trust. You can never truly trust someone who betrays you ever again. Forever you will wonder if they are being faithful and honest. Just cut your loss. It is actually their loss. If they leave you count your blessings. If you leave them , you're an amazingly strong person. You do not need anyone in this life to feel well and whole. We only need Jesus. Everyone else who is healthy is a bonus. If we find our identity in Christ, then we find true security, healing, forgiveness, hope, truth, love, etc. Jesus even takes away all our shame and covers us is His holy perfection. He understands shame, betrayal, being lied to, being hated, smear campaigns, etc. - He alone tuely gets it. Let's let God set us free and help us truly heal forever.
This is a video on recognizing what gas lightening is ,this is to inform you of the manipulation tactics and that what you are seeing and feeling is real.God can’t help you here ,he has sent therapists on earth to communicate this info to you .Now wake up ,Have faith that these therapists are his guardian angels here to help.
As a follower of Jesus, and a betrayed and abandoned spouse, yes, Jesus is the only way. If He can change me, He can change anyone. But it’s by His power that a person is changed AND we find forgiveness. Forgive whoever it is who hurt you, holding onto it is like taking poison and hoping it hurts the one in need of forgiveness…but it really kills you.
My soon to be ex (betrayer) told me when I was severely ill and going through insomnia, "I sleep fine, maybe you can't sleep because of your conscience." Talk about gaslighting! My poor nervous system was a mess!
I'm so sorry he did that to you. Sending hugs that you will heal quickly once you're away from him.
This breaks my heart. I have been there too. I’m glad you are getting out.
Oh my gosh. THANK YOU for this video! I finally feel validated and so many things in my life suddenly make sense. I thought I was going crazy. I’ve been extremely dysregulated, unhappy, sick, insomnia, sudden and constant UTI’s that won’t go away… and the list goes on. Found out a few days ago my husband has been talking to other women.. and who knows what else.
I have worked through this alone. I am a survivor. I am a hero. I am thriving. I have built relationships with ppl around me.
Wow 😭 “is love even real, what am I able to ask for in a relationship” are all questions I went through. great episode and thank you.
Now it makes so much more sense. My exwife blew up our life together. Tried for 2 years and finally gave up. Always another lie. Couples therapy was the worst. It was all my problem all the time. I didnt make her feel this or that.
Wow! I only discovered you two last night with Kristin Snowden in this video. How refreshing!
I have been searching for this! I can relate. I ended my 27 year marriage. I was the crazy one for questioning anything and we’d go to therapy and I would be the focus as the problem and end up on numerous meds to get me under control because he could manipulate and gaslight me and everyone. Yes, betrayal trauma, three emotional affairs he was caught having and would twist, deny, act like it wasn’t what I thought and knew it was, I was never validated. I was so confused all the time. It was total insanity. I shut down. I was so tired of going around the same mountain. He took no responsibility. I was all me. So grateful that chapter of my life is over. Now I’m reclaiming my life alone. Looking for the right help but I’m so scared of making a mistake or bad decision. Finally off all mind altering meds and learning who I am and feeling many emotions that were repressed for so many years. Just need proper therapy and support. Struggling to find the right fit.. thank you for bringing this stuff to light!
Omg… I can relate to your experience so much!
Mic drop. This acknowledgment (and hope???) is a message that must be shared. Thank you.
Thank you. Please, share it. I want everyone going through betrayal trauma to be seen, heard and validated. ❤
I’m balling my eyes out .everything you just said validated what I’ve been feeling and not been able to explain. We broke off our engagement and are now no contact. He’s moving on, all within 2 months.
I'm so sorry you are going through all that. Just know you are not alone and you will be ok. Please don't be afraid to seek professional support or at least reach out and talk with a trusted and supportive friend or family member. I'm rooting for you to heal your body, mind and soul.
From someone who bounced from relationship to relationship of one after another just like this please do yourself a favor and change the way you pick a partner. I am praying for you.
I feel so validated right now. Thank you, all of you. Grateful to be where I am now. Left my soon x-spouse to be last December. Filed in May. Healing journey….
The gaslighting is even worse if you already know you are triggered by fear of abandonment. You already believe that your fear is self sabotaging and creating the self-fulfilling prophecy.
Cheating is my top betrayal. Divorce is what I am filing. 3 years affair, 3 years of lies and 3 years of hurting me. I’m done!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry that happened to you. But glad to hear you took a stand for yourself. I am experiencing the same thing now, but so conflicted with filling for divorce. My heart aches so bad.
I've been going through this for 18 months with my boyfriend. It's been hell, truly.
We are still together, and I hope he is sticking to the promises he made me.
But what's really really helped me is finally truly realising that if he is secretly breaking his promises, it's not my fault or my issue. That they are his issues that live inside his head. One day, if it's still happening it will surface. In the mean time I'm treating myself so kindly, forgiving myself, being peaceful. If he ever needs to come to me to confess, I'll be here.
It took me a long time to get to this place in my mind, but I'm so glad I'm here and not punishing myself anymore.
No one knows what the future holds but you have to make sure YOU are going to ok no matter what.
Peace to you all 💗
How has he hurt you? What lies has he told?
She robbed me of my life. Everything I thought i knew gone in that one small sentence she said. Sadly she only told me 10% of what really happened.
It’s MINDFKERY and I’m in it too! This is sick diabolical malicious and destroys us from the inside out! 😢💔🤯😵💫🫠🤕
I have learned I will NEVER know everything he did to me and I have to come to terms with the unknown. I can't change that or him and what he did to me for 13 years. I have to forgive and try to move forward.
I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and healing.. ❤
I love this video. I just wish you'd do away with the background music. It's quite distracting. Having said that, I love Kristin's work and I am watching a lot of her videos as the betraying partner. I am learning a lot from her. I have done a lot of gaslighting to my wife, and I truly want to turn my life around and bring healing to our marriage.
Thank you. And thank you for your willingness to share, be vulnerable, and work so hard to heal.
My husband had sex with multiple long term women kept his true income from me, managed to hide most of his addictive behaviors had a “ private life” that was none of my business and abused me into total submission. Yet multiple counselors and Christian pastors saw me as the entire problem. To where I hated myself for as he said Deserved the life I had. I was eventually left penniless and guilty of all the loss it took me 15 years to begin to fight my way out of the place I was in. This is the first time I’ve ever heard this So Validating. I am the Exemplification of everything you describe here. I held it together for 25 years with this man for the sake of our children and the honor of the pastors authority
I’m glad this video found me. Great interview. There is more awareness on betrayal trauma and covert abuses these days but more needs to be done. Thank you for your work.
So happy you found this content helpful!
Almost everything Kristin says is so on point with what I've been through. My biggest regret is not taking a stand and making my wife go to therapy with me to uncover everything and get past it. The secrets and lies from that time of our life still haunts me and every few years, triggers line up and put me right back in that initial trauma phase. This last time has been more then I can handle and I'm finally trying to find a therapist to help me. :(
Sooooo refreshing to view a honest perspective on modern day relationships BS and the toxic world of dating.
Dating can induce insecurities, paranoia and anxiety. Please be aware of what your body is telling you ❤
This is great and validating. Thank you Kristen ❤
So proud of this video!! Hoping this will really help validate many people’s current and past struggles.
Thank you very much for posting. This is the first time I ever felt heard. And years ago, I had a marriage counselor do the same thing to me where I took responsibility for his affair and thought it was all my fault. I’m thankful there’s people out there that really do understand. I’m really struggling with how to move forward because I’ve been married to this man for 32 years but we’ve been together for 48 thank you!
sadly, maybe meaning to move forward is moving out?!
I totally understand your situation. Begin to validate yourself and be kind to yourself. I began with a focus on gratitude for absolutely anything I could identify in my life. This opened a window to let light in. Slowly keeping my eyes on the light and my nose to fresh air I living a decent albeit small space that is safe.
Thank you for the validation. Yours, among other videos, have helped so much. 18 years of loyalty to an alcoholic, porn addicted, covert narcissist. Had several emotional affairs, and finally left me for a coworker. Told me I neglected and abused him. I tried to get him to go to cou seling to no avail. He was terrible at communicating. Although I know long term it is best for me that he left, the betrayal is gut-wrenching.
Thank you for bringing this into the light for us. 💗Kristen
Several therapists AND my church “family “ took a “boys will be boys” attitude and concluded that I was in the wrong for not accepting his pornography addiction. He was absolutely enabled by this and therefore refused to change his ways. Ultimately he walked out because he was unwilling to accept my boundaries.
What? No way
Wow!!! So validating!! Thank you!!💛🙏🏻
So glad you found it helpful and validating!
This is absolutely amazing. Thank you for giving words to this.
I’m so happy to hear that you found this helpful. ❤
I have been told as well as heard from my research that I have Allowed my spouse to treat me the way he treated me. Hearing this makes me understand I wasn't even informed Ever to allow me to even understand how to put down boundaries or make any decisions! I didn't allow bc I didn't even know...I cried hard Hearing that I'm not actually crazy 😢
I’m glad you found this video to validate your experience and struggles.
This is so spot on!
After seeing the full impact, the chain reaction something like this can set off… This stuff doesnt happen in the vacuum of a relationship….it is so traumatizing for a child watch a parent endure the catastrophic chain of events occurring in a parent with cptsd. The damage to trust and disruption of connection between the dysregulated parent and the developing child. Never again.
Your comment brought me to tears. This has been the most painful aspect and part that is preventing my way back to health. Going through crisis due to betrayal and then help being withheld making your child go rheoufh it with you is more betrayal not only from them but feeling like you betrayed your child. So much depression, anxiety, self hatred, pain. Being forced to witness the trauma you caused, even unintentionally, has kept me stuck in a living hell.
Thank you for the acknowledgment. I’m sick of being aassured I’m a good mother and my kid is fine. If I can admit the problems I’ve caused and experience the heartache, why can’t others 😞
Thank you so much for making this video and validating my feelings as a betrayed partner. I was minimizing how traumatized I feel because I thought I was overreacting. God Bless you Kristin…you are helping so many people. ☺️
My soon to be ex husband and I were married 31 years. I started having female problems, so I visited my gynecologist. When the results came back, I was informed that I had a STD (chlamydia, which is treatable). I’ve always been faithful to my husband so there was no doubt he was the source. I just about had a nervous breakdown.
I’m so sorry you went through this but I’ve unfortunately heard this story many times. You’re not alone in your pain and betrayal.
Why its seems easier to leave by suiside when u are like a cged animal with now way out. This whole programme feels dedicated to my whole experience 23 years into my marriage. If not for my kids having gone througj so much.... Putting them through losing their mom... After everything... Is all thats holding me on in the world. I am completely incapable of the next 40 years ahaead... And leaving is out... These people they dont take no for an answer... And he refuses to go to counselling. I am so gaslighted i feel like i am no one and nothing.. When u feel so empty and so unsure of reality........ And no one understands... Then u have no support.... Nothing....
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Trust me....I get it. Your reference to a caged animal is very powerful. My husband of 15 years abandonded me for someone he knew through his hobbies. He always made time for these things while I looked after our son and worked full time. About 5 years ago, he began acting very strange. One evening he came home...he was checking his phone every few minutes while I was making dinner. He ended up picking some fight with our teenage son and storming out of the house. Long story short.....he never returned and I had to find out through our son that he was living with this woman. I had no idea where he was living, and I swung into 'detective mode'. Things got very nasty. I let my hurt and anger get the better of me (not to mention this was all during Covid and my son and I were evicted from our apartment for landlord use) The lies just kept coming. I lost it and began leaving notes on his (our) car when I would find it parked outside his mistress' apartment. Then for the final cherry on top....she charged me with criminal harassment. I don't have any advice for you as I am still hurting, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I am going through this exact thing. I feel you deeply.
I hear you, and you are not crazy But they are!!! As to why they blame you, gaslight, minimize and deny deflect and project!! Its all in the game for them to not feel so shitty about themselves bc they do deep down inside, for one mere second/ then its gone!! But they methodically choose who they choose, those w/ empathy and compassion bc they hope they've conditioned us long enough so we will always stroke their ego's and put them on the pedestal and NEVER ever say anything against them or tell anyone who they really are behind closed doors!! ONCE we do that we are NO longer love bombed but put in their line of fire, bc we all know that they've tried to destroy anyone who didn't like them in the past...especially IF they can't pay you off to like them/ as they do to anyone they can!! You're/OUR identity is NOT found in them nor any other human being/ I finally realized that when I believed and received that Jesus Christ died on that cross for me personally and I no longer look to anyone to validate me, especially the narcissist!! Your identity is in the Blood of the Lamb AND YOU ARE WORTH IT BC HE SAID SO AND DIED FOR YOU!!! They have a lot, A LOT of demons and the confusion spirit falls on us just as they plan it to, to try to make us crazy and question EVERYTHING BUT the truth is their confused deceived and absolute counterfeits SO don't allow them to make you think you are ITS ALL THEM!! DO NOT, i repeat do not go to counselling with them, they will go to blame you and just what was said in this video that there aren't many therapists or counsellors who are trained for narcissistic behaviours and they couldn't smell them out if they were paid!! I went to Focus on the Family intense marriage therapy for a wk away w/ the narc and it was HELL, they fed his lies and calm demeanour as I fell apart and sobbed and they NEVER went into detail or tried to fix anything BC IT IS NOT A MARRIAGE ISSUE BUT AN ABUSE ISSUE AND IT TAKES ONLY 1 TO DESTROY A MARRIAGE THAT WAY, NOT 2 as it does in a normal marriage setting....NOTHING about this behaviour or abuse is normal!! Listen to Lesley Vernick, Patrick Doyle, Dr. Ramani, ...get some more clarity to whats been going on and plan for whats next, baby steps and GIVE YOURSELF GRACE!!!! ....You're worth the freedom, the truth and I pray strength and tenacity to come upon you as well as divine wisdom In Jesus Name, amen......If you ever want to message me, please do!! I've been studying narcissistic abuse for 9 years and just know that a huge majority of narcissistic abuse victims deal w/ depression and/or suicide attempts...Its demonic spirits coming from these demonic filled people and its got to STOP as we have the authority in Jesus Christ to stop it!!! Kimberly J. Greidanus on fb
I feel this 100%
I wanted to be a cop when i was a young traumatized kid. Didn’t know that I would become robocop crossed with sherlock because of my relationship betrayals. Family and partners. Every. Single. Partner. Except my first highschool sweetheart.. I BPD impulse dumped her out of nowhere.
I need a new therapist. I knew something was wrong. Thank you 😊
My therapist is great for me, just not as a couples therapist.
This is brilliant. Do you perhaps have this interview somewhere else without the background music? I'm struggling to concentrate (sorry). Just hoping. If not that's ok.
As the betrayed spouse, I've got a lot of mixed emotions when I watch a lot of these different videos from groups who have the "betrayer" doing a fair amount of the speaking and educating. I can't understand it and quite honestly I don't want to hear from them.
It makes the entire service seem suspicious
Catastrophic Betrayal Trauma - the "FOUNDATION" of my LIFE that I trusted, believed in and was so proud of was hit by a nuclear bomb where the fragments and vapour of the explosion reverberate through my brain and body every single day of my life! D-Day was 28th December 2018. For 15 plus years (he says he doesn't remember the year he started) he lived a double life and was a consummate and EXPERT liar. My only consolation is that both my children were educated and adults themselves. Just be kind to yourselves and trust your gut instinct!
5 years later I completely relate to this amazing video. Thank you ❤ I am now trying to take this complex "PUZZLE" of what I thought my life was and reposition the puzzle pieces to reflect the truth!
SO good.
Thank you for your compassionate content and being such a great human being and I am sure you know how much it hurts, feeling lost and empty and a lot more after investing 12 years of my life with a lady and lots of gaslighting and shame, I don’t know how to put it to words. God bless you and your family and now I am starting to find a right therapist to start my healing 🤍🙏
Thanks for this, awesome job defining the “profile”. The four points cited in the closing comments give a great outline of next steps, but does not provide where the resources could be found. How do I find a good therapist? How do I find a support group? What are the signs of a wrong therapist? What if you’re currently not involved in the church - how do you rely on the “ higher power”; what mechanism is effective in self finding that support? What are the signs of futility- I.e. your partner shows no signs of accepting their contribution?
I love you guys for making this video. It really validates my past experience. I have a question for you guys. How hard is it for the betrayer to tell the truth? Do you ever have any that never tell? I think many of us never got the truth and eventually got out. For me, I was left in shambles. It took years to understand what I had gone through.
My spouse of 31 years betrayed me by gambling away huge amounts of money without me knowing it. He considered it a wash because even though he lost a lot of huge money, he would win some every once in a while. I am hurt, angry, don’t trust him. I’m at a loss. It is eating me up inside. Our marriage has suffered drastically and even sought marriage counseling. But, the counseling started focusing on him possibly being very depressed because every time I tried to explain my feelings he would clam up and not speak. Even now he is emotionally unavailable and I feel so alone and confused. I’ll explain why I’m feeling hurt and angry and all I get is silence.
We're so sorry to hear this. If you need additional support, please reach out to us. James has a unique gift for challenging men who need it. www.livelifeunplugged.org/contact
First of all, you have to be able to spot a person who is repressing things. If they’re repressing something, then they will act out in negative ways to harm themselves and others they’re closest to 😢
I am in the road ... 1st stage on trying to move on but I dont feel as weak as i did the first time because unfortunately let myself get fooled and pulled me back in.. something i am ashamed of🙏
Marital and family life just blew up. I was protecting everything the hurting partner has been saying and doing. I feel like such a foool for wanting his justification and validation before anything else 😢 who to even talk to.
Nothing compares to this
Once a cheater always a cheater/narcissist
What about a sexless marriage? For years and years I did not feel safe. I was emotionally neglected and sexually neglected. But I was the identified patient always ending up in a depressive episodes. Do I stay do I go?
So I was made to feel needy and wrong. I feel shame and I feel guilt. I am sacred and again depressed, Betrayal trauma is real and I feel it. A spouse that continues to lie and say yes I am going to therapy I will get better I can change. Yes we will go to the sex therapist and I will change. It’s 20 plus years. I feel lost, angry and
deeply sad. I am a shell of myself. I don’t recognize myself. Help me.
Emotional neglect has left me a raw nerve and I cry so much. My heart hurts so much. Please talk about emotional neglect and sexless marriages, it destroys love. I am
Worried about my mental health. I got shut down for so many years. I was made to be annoying and a nag and I wanted to much. Waking on eggshells it reminds me of my mom. The panic and the anxiety are just to much. Please help me.
Been going through betrayal trauma for the past week, it’s all new to me and it caught me completely off guard.
Your videos have helped me to not feel crazy and to trust in my instincts more. I’m always brushing off my instincts as anxiety, it just hurts when you find out your instincts were right 😔
So grateful to have come across your videos! 🫶🏼
I'"m concerned that this video offers a lot of false hope Which just keeps people entangled in these toxic relationships for even longer. The betrayed partner cannot change a narcissistic personality disorder and neither can a highly trained therapist. Most often betrayal, control, manipulation, gsslighting, lying, pornography, double-lives, anger, lack of empathy, lack of accountability, etc., are done by narcissists. A personality disorder is permanent and cannot be altered. Lttle tiny changes are usually not sufficient for a successful marriage. Marriage counseling will just give them more ammunition and more insight into ways that they can harm the person that they are with. They don't think like normal people. They take advantage of people with empathy. They're doing everything on purpose. They don't care and they actually have zero desire to change. And they also fake everything. They are essentially acting in the most insidious ways. Pretending to love, pretending to tell the truth , pretending to chamge, etc. The world needs to educate themselves on narcissistic personality disorder, sociopaths, and psychopathilogies. It's so dangerous and naive to assume that anything can be done to make someone stop being a cluster B type of person. And betrayal is a flat-out deal breaker forever. This is because betrayal robs the relationship of trust. You cannot have a relationship without trust. You can never truly trust someone who betrays you ever again. Forever you will wonder if they are being faithful and honest. Just cut your loss. It is actually their loss. If they leave you count your blessings. If you leave them , you're an amazingly strong person. You do not need anyone in this life to feel well and whole. We only need Jesus. Everyone else who is healthy is a bonus. If we find our identity in Christ, then we find true security, healing, forgiveness, hope, truth, love, etc. Jesus even takes away all our shame and covers us is His holy perfection. He understands shame, betrayal, being lied to, being hated, smear campaigns, etc. - He alone tuely gets it. Let's let God set us free and help us truly heal forever.
This is a video on recognizing what gas lightening is ,this is to inform you of the manipulation tactics and that what you are seeing and feeling is real.God can’t help you here ,he has sent therapists on earth to communicate this info to you .Now wake up ,Have faith that these therapists are his guardian angels here to help.
As a follower of Jesus, and a betrayed and abandoned spouse, yes, Jesus is the only way. If He can change me, He can change anyone. But it’s by His power that a person is changed AND we find forgiveness.
Forgive whoever it is who hurt you, holding onto it is like taking poison and hoping it hurts the one in need of forgiveness…but it really kills you.
Forgiveness is a must NOT for your betrayer but for you! Do not harden your heart for God is not done with you yet.