Can Narcissists and Addicts Change? Are They the Same Thing?
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- Kristin M, Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF is a seasoned therapist who specializes in betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and helping individuals/couples navigate relationship crises. She discusses the similarities and differences between narcissism and active addiction. She shares clinical knowledge related to her experience working with addicts and those diagnosed as narcissists, exploring changes/shifts she looks for in their recovery process. She answers questions like:
Can narcissists or addicts ever change, heal, or recover?
What does is look like to love and be in relationship with an addict or a narcissist?
How does one “become” an addict or a narcissist?
Many of Kristin's viewers are in relationships with addicts and narcissists (including sex/porn addicts) and ask similar questions: Can my partner get better? Are they capable of changing? How deeply embedded are these behaviors (i.e. The denial, the minimization, the lying, the sneaking around, the apparent lack of consideration for other’s feelings, etc.)
How much of this is the “addict” and how much is something more than just addiction?
As they ponder these questions, the topic of Narcissism often surfaces.
They wonder: Is my partner a narcissist? What’s the difference of a narcissist versus an addict?
Both appear to be selfish, dismissive of others feelings, unwilling to accept influence, and willing to break rules and do anything to get what they want
So are they the same thing? Are all narcissists addicts? Or are all addicts narcissists?
While Kristin cannot diagnose your partner, she can offer you helpful definitions, an understanding of what narcissism looks like, what addiction looks like, and MOST IMPORTANTLY what an addict IN RECOVERY CAN LOOK LIKE. This video is helpful for betrayed partners, people struggling in their life and relationships, recovering addicts, and trauma survivors. (This is recorded live webinar through Sex and Relationship Healing, co-hosted by Tami VerHelst)
(THIS IS EDUCATIONAL ONLY, THIS IS NOT THERAPY)
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7:07 great illustration of exactly what causes a narcissist, deeply in their core, to react the same way, (albeit they do it constantly) bc they feel the shame constantly and they’re **always** overcompensating for it.
And nothing repairs this wounded-ego problem in a real narcissist… the hold is strong.
45:11 how betrayal could turn the intimacy to feel like rape. “Your body holds it as rape”.
oh thats why i felt like that.
i didnt went through that part of video yet.
I'm frightened someone will want to destroy him if he lives the way he lives
My husband had such contempt for me trying to get him into seeing a CSAT with me after his 48 yr porn compulsion. I was highly traumatized and didn't understand what I was going through as he blameshifed me lied, manipulated, gaslighting It took over 4 months until I figured out that what was missing all along were boundries I had never placed throughout 28 years if marriage. I assumed that being married and having 3 children with him and always staying committed to my vows had only been something we both shared. Obviously I was all too wrong. My boundaries included him going to therapy, making all technology and my home safe. No TV in bedroom or laptops. (Probably because I smashed them lol) no phones in bathroom etc. We learned majority through your videos and many of Dr. Robs as well as podcasts. My husband reports to me once a month looking me in the eye as well as texts that read # of months porn and masturbation free so he could never forget what we went through to get here. We continue to work at empathy, reciprocation, and feelings. If my boundries were not met, he knew we were done because I couldn't live with the thoughts of betrayal the rest of our lives and I knew I was worth so much more. The pain is real! The work is hard! But 1 1/2 years later, we are closer than ever. It's a new marriage, but it's ne I'd take any day over where we were at or what we had become from his habitual use of pornography. Thank you so much for all of your videos and hard work. I truly believe the more we educate women, the more we will empower them to know the truth about their gut feelings. We have them for a reason.
I am so grateful for your willingness and courage to share this story with all of us. There are so many partners out there who are hurting and looking for hope. Thank you for sharing what helped you both get to a place of healing.
@@KristinSnowden It's entirely my pleasure. Hope is real and change can happen. If anyone asked me 1 1/2 years ago if my dismissive avoidant husband with narcissistic traits could change, I would have stated that it was impossible. The change is real and I now see the transformation on a continuum. Never lose hope and never stop fighting to save who you love. Opening eyes is definitely the 1st step into recovery. Keep fighting for the true wholehearted love you both deserve. 💖
I'm very happy for you and will continue seeking out more information too. Human relationships and families are so complex and I really appreciate knowing that it doesn't necessarily have to be attached to religious support(not that there is anything wrong with that! It just alienates people who don't have the same belief systems and also is very conditional. Conditional assistance has unintended consequences) I almost wanted to ask how did you it finally worked, but that's unfair to you and completely understand how long it takes and everyone's journey is personal story. So instead, I am so greatful for just knowing that there is hope and thank you for being so brave for sharing your truth :)
I’d say-be careful that you’re getting truth and not just a new learned way to cover the lies.
If it is full truth, best of luck. 💪🙏
can i ask how did you get him interested into wanting to listen to this kind of video, what was the first one you showed him? and also actually consider you being serious about it?😱
They love to impress the authority, figures, judges, lawyers, cops, etc.
Thankyou Kristin❤
Interesting....
I think I.know why we are still friends I asked myself Is he was angry And I am too Him with his Family Me with mine and collided in our worlds
My band and I professionally produced a brand new song in Chicago that we posted recently on UA-cam that sheds light on betrayal trauma and sexual addiction. Please click on the sleeping tiger to the left and it will take you right to the song. Thank you for listening, if you do.
You can NOT help a true narcissist. Therapists know this.
Some of those men use this diagnose to get away with cheating and “ murder” if they can …they will use the DSM ….as a strategy …..
Why because you had my son's Father the Narcissist JP
Gosh Ilove these.
So happy to hear that!
My friend is a narcissist and an addict
Because I haven't slept with him I think This is why he has called me a Narsissist
Both angry from our family's
Some people have been murdered for less If you know what I mean
Why do you demonize people who’s addiction is a trauma response?
I disagree that I demonize anyone but I agree that addiction is a symptom of trauma. I often say “hurt people hurt people”, however the trauma one has experienced is never an excuse or justification to lie, steal, betray, emotionally abuse, and/or break commitments and harm others during the progression of addiction. Owning how one’s harmed others ALONG with understanding the underlying trauma that drives the addiction are two important tenets of healing and recovery. You don’t have to demonize someone to acknowledge the harm they’ve done or caused, even if it’s due to their trauma.
@@KristinSnowden thanks. I agree.
@@KristinSnowdenexactly, thank you!
@@KristinSnowdenbut “normal” people do this all the time. But I guess that’s why you have to experiment with counselors that fit you
ABSOLUTELY NOT ….FOR BOTH EXAMPLES .
Snap😮 thought they were narcissists😮but they were all addicts😢
She’s saying this happens with both-it’s highly likely a narcissist has several serious addictions.
@@jadegreen1554 I guess the question is what came first, the chicken or the egg...