"Maturing is realising you don't want to be around drama, stress, or conflict anymore. You start choosing calm over chaos, and distance over disrespect. You start prioritising your peace, mental health, and happiness over everything." - Adrea Subotic (youtuber)
Exactly why my boyfriend has got a cob on today so I’m staying home. I’m not grovelling on his doorstep asking what’s wrong, I’m ok entertaining myself. He can come round when he’s over his mood.
14:37 🎯What Anna says here is very important! Pausing (& silence) has *many benefits,* one of those benefits is not allowing yourself to be rushed into a reaction when the other person’s behavior is rushed, time-wise. You control your own behavior, take all the time you need to pause or be silent, so you can think.
It must be very... helpful to be able to talk to your sibling about your common hellhole past. My sister and I don't get along (I'm not going to throw around labels, let's just say my family is deeply dysfunctional in all the ways that count) so it's both fascinating and sort of vicariously heart-warming, if that makes any sense, to watch the two of you interact. And if I may say so, Anna, to me you look like a mix between your brother and Emma Thompson.
I can relate and share the same sentiments! So sorry about your family, I understand too well (same here). It is somewhat comforting knowing we are not alone in this pain and struggles. I hope life treats you kind today and always, hugs 🤗
BRILLIANT!! That last sentence killed me Richard. Well done for saying with such natural humour and intelligence on so many layers so quickly before the haters said it. You two are a gift. The path is multifaceted and great to hear two who are so at ease with naming the subtle pitfulls of this fake effort we can get trapped in..To go deeper is to get dirty till you've licked the edges of the bottom of barrel clean and spat it out with love and innerstanding. The resistance to it all is exhausting, but just part of it. Good on us all...keep feeling and inner chatting to the centre..of peace fullness.and then laugh at it all!! Just what you both did together ....and THAT is rare. First 'a lone' ranger then together is possible xx
I love the discussion about women and anger...thank you for addressing the sexist attitude toward anger in women and how it is not considered acceptable.
I wish my brother understood that narc mother is triangulating him with me, I am 14 yrs NC with her but he's her go between. Even after asking him NOT to tell me what she says or wants, he still will. I cannot just be me with him as I want because of her manipulating. He's 60, I'm 62 and she is 80. I keep attending her funeral in my head.
WE ARE N-EX SURVIVORS ❤ LOVE Y'ALL & BE SAFE. The circus of approval is absolutely relentless. EVERYTHING they see in you is absolute disgust. It's such a traumatic experience and take years to try and unravel and peel back all the layers through no contact & finding and protecting my sense of peace.
Anna made a good point, what she said about yoga/meditating- (she’s referring to Western ‘yoga’) and what she said after that, about the other 23 hours of the day, is exactly what the difference is between real yoga and the Westernized version of ‘yoga’ - Real yoga is a *way of being,* not an exercise you do a few times a week.
I absolutely LOVE that she talked about "performance therapy" and how we bullshit our way through therapy. "You do the stretch and write on the mirror, you go through the somatic "breakthroughs"...and then you spend the rest of the day obsessing about your ex." YES THIS!!! As a Relationship Coach, honestly, most of my clients are totally disassociated during the therapeutic process. They're totally full of crap. They're lying through their teeth. The therapy isn't working. They're cheating on their therapeutic process with their own shadow side. It's a lack of emotional maturity. They won’t get better until they're aware of this.
“I am now turning into you” - yup I get this. Left my toxic family after leaving a toxic ex as they too were bringing the worst out of me. No longer in the mud ☀️☮️🥰💃🏽 - yoga - meditation - u tube motivational videos - my morning tea routine - music - reading magazines - an inner circle of more emotionally mature & compassionate & empathetic people -
Great point about turning into them & trying to diffuse situations that are impending. Careful who you hang around. My son’s ex Borderline Personality disorder girlfriend just confused us all with such a grip of fear.
What a lovely bond you have with your sister. As someone who has an older sister but zero relationship with her of any kind, it’s so interesting and refreshing to watch the two of you interact. This is how a sibling relationship should be, I think.
Two therapists here two... Thank you so much for this. So happy rewatching this. Loved it. These conversations I have with my cousin and thank God I have a nice grandad
My mum was wonderful (now passed) but the rest of the family abusive. 3 narcissistic sisters and a crazy brother. I have no contact with anyone left in the family.
Richard please consider a video that covers the following what and how of any relationship in order to be in a “state of readiness” for varying degrees of narcissistic behaviors, conduct and abuses: Fact: There are only two questions that must be asked and will be answered 1) What does this person(s) want ? 2) How will this end ? Based upon those two questions the next question going into the relationship will determine your level of self control : What is the only “ known and sustainable premise” into entering this relationship ? The next is the how and this is what will determine the magnitude and level of potential suffering. I will only initially meet or engage with this person face to face in real life, not with electronic technology. Reason being outcomes will end up being in totally different paths.
They need to add a section when you report a profile that says “pretending to be some one they are not” 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER UA-cam, EVEN FB HAS THAT FEATURE 😏🤨😳😳😳
Such a great podcast guys! Thank you Anna for choosing to share your life experiences, they are really inspiring. I am of the same opinion about maturity being primordial for a faster healing process in therapy and the need for Emotional Literacy Course to start regulating triggers/responses in life in general which can be achieved only when one is ready . As about the inner child work yes 😅..gosh spot on “terrifying” if it’s cptsd is hard work but nevertheless extremely essential indeed. Grateful to you Richard as always for all you do 🙌🏼👏🏻🙏🏻🤲🏻👁️🧠❤️💯
🙌@Anna woww!!! Thank you for sharing how you experience meditation. I do too BUT people (teachers, co-meditators at retreats etc.) always told me that I'm doing it WRONG. For me the "creating space" part functions sometimes. But primarily (because I am still in the phase of developing my emotional maturity to process the deepest issues), especially at silent retreats, my meditation so far was mainly about things that "come out". I never had words for what happens until now, when hearing you talk about it. It fully resonates with me! Yes, for me it often is about "who am I when there's nothing and no one else to disturb my 'frequencies'?" and to interject? This is how I discovered that my family and many friends as are not as pure and innocent as their fantasies, which they have sucked me into. In my perception, doing meditation only as a means to create space/find peace right away can become like the toxic positivity trends we see. You cannot create space when your being and brain have been parasited by someone else and are full of toxic waste. Unless you overwrite it, and you continue the dissociation and splitting, which defeats the purpose. Now that I write this, I realise that it's not so paradoxical as I thought that I have met two of my NPD exes at meditation retreats. They were doing just that apparently, using meditation to strengthen their splitting and "let go" ... unfortunately of the actual reality, not the fantasy. Thank you both for this great, eye-opening session!💚🙌
My thoughts on healing post abuse… I’d love to know what you think! So post discard/leaving what’s the main things you need to understand? Your brain will be going at a serious rate of knots & confusion will reign down. Spiralling into a descent of narratives and querying your mind about the truth of what’s just occurred. Firstly, if we can get these basic understandings in place & a plan to calm down our Central Nervous System (CNS from now on) we will stand a better chance of mitigating the damage done to our mental health. First and foremost. The trauma bond that we hear so much about. What is actually occurring within the body? Understanding this process is imperative. This looks in reality, like someone completely losing their mind. Their dignity and integrity. It’s all out confusion, and this will be getting used against you. Getting this under control is a massive undertaking & need to maintain for the rest of our lives.. So what is it? Why does it present in such a manner? Why does it cause so much confusion? Where the body goes, the brain will follow. We are what we see & feel… A trauma bond between a narc and their ex partner. Is an addiction to the relief offered when a narcissist, intermittently reinforces their abuse by means of showing affection. They’ve put you through various stages of love bomb, devaluation, love bomb, leave, hoover, love bomb, devalue etc etc. All this has created a neuro chemical storm in your brain and body. Flooding you with cortisol, adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine & serotonin, whilst love bombing you. However when the mask slips and the devaluation and psychological games become more intense. It flips the switch meaning; When they restrict the oxytocin (bonding chemical) dopamine & serotonin (pleasure, happiness hormones) but continue to flood you with cortisol (stress hormone) adrenaline (energy hormone) this leaves the body wanting relief. This is only provided by their affection, albeit only enough to keep you addicted. Creating a state of heightened anxiety, vigilance and if done for prolonged periods. It will create C-PTSD by the time it’s all over. This cycle will repeat daily. For the duration of the relationship. So a trauma bond is your body seeking relief from the stress (cortisol & adrenaline) via oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin (connection, pleasure & joy) At the moment because they were the provider of those hormones via the abuse & “love”.. cutting you off abruptly from it will have your body and brain begging for them. It’s been likened to coming off heroin, or crack cocaine. Overcoming a trauma bond is very difficult. At this point it’s about getting your CNS settled down. All the adrenaline has your CNS in fight/flight/fear/fawn. This is known as being stuck/frozen. Just know this. You will be 0k. You’re not going mad. You’re CNS is working fully. It’s just on high alert. This is completely normal & something every single one of us goes through to some degree. To put it simply, you’re “stuck” in the sympathetic nervous system & need to return to your parasympathetic nervous system. It will ease. If you play by the rules of healing properly. This requires patience, discipline & diligence. Strict no contact. Strict focusing on yourself and your needs. Closing down your circle. Accepting help Radical Realisation Make calming down your CNS your top priority via somatic therapy. Use meditation as the key to access your body. Find a therapist that can carry out the therapies you need to hasten your recovery. I’ll cover the therapies I used and recommend, in another post. I hope that explains things in a bit more detail. Thank you for reading! Peace ☮️ and love ❤️ Mark. ClusterBombed on FB
Thank you for the part where you say there are no bad emotions ! The day I worked out that emotions are just like tools, there is the right one for the right job and sometimes you need several tools.. lol.. I found my emotional maturity.. Due to being raised with a narcissistic father I was used to using a hammer to put in a screw, lol,, it doesn't work very well...
I noticed that a lot of women have a problem dealing with anger. It's like Kryptonite to most women, even if the emotion is right the reaction is usually disproportionate to situation or the emotion is suppressed, magnified and released later on something else or someone else.
Oh cool! I’ve been curious about your upbringing Mr. Grannon! You have made some seriously life changing points in my life since 2018. Id love to see a video “remake” about the video about fight club/God is dead. “Our fathers were our models for God” video if you remember that one. I can’t find it because there are just so many videos now & it was in the middle of one or your old super long talk videos. It was really truly life changing for me.
She's brilliant. And I may be too forward saying so but your relationship may be the key to relating to women in romantic relationships as well. As all good relationships have many "sides." Friendship and familial love being key and something I also need to work on
I was just checking my subs to make sure you were still there. Are you in north country? Will you go to Fallbrook and see my old trainer? Blue Skies pilates, Kat Folger. You'll love her.
this emotional maturity might come after a long time of therapy. I think it's the development of self as we say in IFS language. As Anna says; this space. Before a manager part probably was doing the therapy mainly. With us/being overtaken by our parts when they come up. This how we live before our self and Self development which is in contact with our soul is my experience and perspective now. Ah I like that what she says : moving emotions/ experiences through our body....now I get the value of this more and a therapy I did just before learning IFS which is developed by a psychiatric nurse here emotive therapy. But all these years before I practiced lightpointwork from Riet Okken as well. And my take away as well is my Angelic pedestal; yes I now get it why The gene keys are so important to know too as it's moving me towards my sidi's
how long does it actually take for the theraphy to kick into. I’ve in theraphy since august 2021 and I am developing just quite slowly, however I am quite happy w my therapist. I am able to trust her and she is enough gentle so I don’t go into a deep depressions…
I’m from San Diego, so I can make a good guess who that famous skateboarder is - as I’m sure most ppl who follow skateboarding can do. 😂 Rhythms with Pony Spark. lol 😆
1740 ish- If I want to come over to you two and be a nice person for you to talk and laugh with; is that a codependent response to hearing your trauma, or is it a friendship that can blossom because I’m someone you can talk to? Someone who is a friend to you?
I remembering squaring it in my head with myself that if I was going to open my mouth to verbally stand up for myself, I needed to make sure I was willing to go the full distance to physically defend myself if he attacked me. I’m Scouse too and my Irish Catholic upbringing, which was highly matriarchal, went before me lol. The lads looked after the girls in my family, you know? So the minute he verbally abused me he instantly became a little boy in my eyes talking back to his mother/sister/whatever, and my reaction was indignance - I was like who the hell do you think you’re speaking to?! He wasn’t Scouse and I don’t think he’d ever been spoken to by a woman like that 😂 We’re a whole other breed 😁 Still it wasn’t pleasant and was a time in my life filled with emotional and psychological abuse, mind games and gaslighting. I think he was getting close to the physical by the time I left - as you know they don’t always start with that straightaway. It strikes me that no amount of respectful upbringing or even cognitive awareness protects you from these relationships or their effects whilst in them - eventually Stockholm syndrome kicks in, you’re like a canary down a mine and you have to get out. I would have 💯 hit him in self defence, but I never would have wanted to, simply because of the inevitable bloodbath that would have ensued for the reasons outlined above 😆 I might not have won but I would certainly have put up a fight! Good on you Anna for getting therapy too. Reactive abuse is a thing and it is a little bit like a vampire bite. We can feel like we’re turning into them. I’ve never thought about talking to my brother about any of his relationships. Something to think about 🙂
The key is in the lack of accountability for woman. They can choose badly from the supply of available men and are not held accountable for their bad choices. Maturity is always emotional. Better said, maturity comes from taking accountability for your childish choices as an adult. More important, other people holding you accountable for your childish choises as an adult woman. Stop calling yourself girls if you are above 18yo. For the men, stop helping woman shoveling shit they themselves have piled up.
Making my narccicist father pay for my $200 therapy per session to fix the damages 😉 He gets to feel like a hero and I get to heal and be ontop, win win! I was on the road of becoming a narccicist just like him but god stepped in and saved me, hallelujah!!!
V says the real problem is because you’re still inside the narcissist head. You’ve lost yourself and you exist in his head. Like Neo in The Matrix (who is trans by the way) he’s still in his mother’s head. Like Norman Bates who is trapped inside his mother’s head. Or Truman in Truman Show who is trapped in the director’s head. Or DiCaprio in Inception who is trapped in his dead wife Mal’s head.
Pathetic I’m so tired of all of you making money, big money out of so much pain Thank you for Pete walker s book, the only tool I can trust, hope that you may stop one day the exploration, that enough money is enough, and help genuinely, because you have good communication skill , but you want the cake and… Too much learn in L.A
Sounds like somebody goes through alot of men, and from what ive heard from you Rich, you do the same with women. Nothing wrong with that if thats what your shooting for, but thats not what im picking up, seems like yall want relationships to last.
@@AmandaMG6 then why they bitching about it like somethings wrong, i could watch about 2 mins, im just seeing weak minds, damn sure aint taking advice here
The first GIANT question is.....WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIRST HUSBAND??? She couldn't stand the good relationship? It's very one-sided when these people come on and say so and so was a narcissistic monster without saying what about you attracted that monster to you. I know because I've had to take stock of why I kept attracting the same type of man, and low and behold, the root cause lay inside of me. It was my codependent nature that they could see. It was my drinking and lack of care for myself partying so much that they could see. I was kind of a lone wolf, or so they thought. So, let's ask the real questions like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT THEY COME FOR YOU? That isn't a blaming question, so everyone who wants to pop off just swallow that noise. Predators go after easy prey usually. They don't choose the strongest of the group. That's why as I got stronger, the type of narcissistic monster who came for me became less psychopathic and more sociopathic and much lower on the narcissistic scale. I not only was too strong for the darker ones because I c I uld see them more clearly, but even the ones who did try backed off in a hurry when I called them out. They didn't fight and the hoovering was little to none because they realized that I am an empathy, but not one to fuc% with.
Narcissist often pick people who are confident, successful and outgoing. Especially coverts. It gives them more delight in destroying you.....weak and easy are not a challenge and are easy to control. Many like a challenge,,plus...they need the other person to make then look good.....they want the doctor, lawyer etc.... Dr Ramani Dr Carter And many very educated and successful people have fallen in with the narcissist. They do pick victims who are people pleasers though and those with a lot of empathy.
"Maturing is realising you don't want to be around drama, stress, or conflict anymore. You start choosing calm over chaos, and distance over disrespect. You start prioritising your peace, mental health, and happiness over everything."
- Adrea Subotic (youtuber)
Amen
Exactly why my boyfriend has got a cob on today so I’m staying home. I’m not grovelling on his doorstep asking what’s wrong, I’m ok entertaining myself. He can come round when he’s over his mood.
Thank U for Staying That.
Nice to see you and your sister together. Wise people both
14:37 🎯What Anna says here is very important! Pausing (& silence) has *many benefits,* one of those benefits is not allowing yourself to be rushed into a reaction when the other person’s behavior is rushed, time-wise. You control your own behavior, take all the time you need to pause or be silent, so you can think.
‘Did you catch him clean?’ 💪🏽🤩
What a breath of fresh air this conversation is. 🙏🏽❤️🔥🌅
Both of you should do a podcast series together! ❤
Isn't having a sibling who "gets it" the best???? My brother and I have lots of amazing conversations too! Thank you both for everything! ❤
@@JohnSmith-nc6ulsame
I've always wanted that with a brother... had to go no contact with mine.
Same. (Sigh!)
My brother, the only one who understood, passed away when I was 22. I wish he was still here to help me out.
@@LolaAileenVanslette ❤
Can you do more of these pls Richard? Fascinating hearing your exchanges and different insights.
It’s wonderful to see two siblings enjoying such an interesting conversation.😊 That’s quite the connection that you share. Thank you both.🙏🏼🤍🧩🤍🙏🏼
It must be very... helpful to be able to talk to your sibling about your common hellhole past. My sister and I don't get along (I'm not going to throw around labels, let's just say my family is deeply dysfunctional in all the ways that count) so it's both fascinating and sort of vicariously heart-warming, if that makes any sense, to watch the two of you interact. And if I may say so, Anna, to me you look like a mix between your brother and Emma Thompson.
I can relate and share the same sentiments! So sorry about your family, I understand too well (same here).
It is somewhat comforting knowing we are not alone in this pain and struggles. I hope life treats you kind today and always, hugs 🤗
@@mariamadsen7071 Only now did I see this. Thank you, the very same to you 🙂
BRILLIANT!! That last sentence killed me Richard. Well done for saying with such natural humour and intelligence on so many layers so quickly before the haters said it. You two are a gift. The path is multifaceted and great to hear two who are so at ease with naming the subtle pitfulls of this fake effort we can get trapped in..To go deeper is to get dirty till you've licked the edges of the bottom of barrel clean and spat it out with love and innerstanding. The resistance to it all is exhausting, but just part of it. Good on us all...keep feeling and inner chatting to the centre..of peace fullness.and then laugh at it all!! Just what you both did together ....and THAT is rare. First 'a lone' ranger then together is possible xx
Very cool getting to hear from your sister, Richard! I love her insight about emotional maturity being so key
Oh yeah, she's got it!
Need to go through it to get beyond it.
I love the discussion about women and anger...thank you for addressing the sexist attitude toward anger in women and how it is not considered acceptable.
Thank you for telling your story!!!!
A great interview. Two honest, integrous, remarkable people. ❤🎉
Richard, you have a wonderful sister🙂Thank you Anna for all the great insights🙌
This is great, honesty about horror with humor, perfect🙂
I loved your sisters story . Very powerful. Thank you 😊
I wish my brother understood that narc mother is triangulating him with me, I am 14 yrs NC with her but he's her go between. Even after asking him NOT to tell me what she says or wants, he still will. I cannot just be me with him as I want because of her manipulating. He's 60, I'm 62 and she is 80. I keep attending her funeral in my head.
very useful information, plus I love the relationship between brother and sister.
WE ARE N-EX SURVIVORS ❤ LOVE Y'ALL & BE SAFE.
The circus of approval is absolutely relentless. EVERYTHING they see in you is absolute disgust. It's such a traumatic experience and take years to try and unravel and peel back all the layers through no contact & finding and protecting my sense of peace.
Anna made a good point, what she said about yoga/meditating- (she’s referring to Western ‘yoga’) and what she said after that, about the other 23 hours of the day, is exactly what the difference is between real yoga and the Westernized version of ‘yoga’ - Real yoga is a *way of being,* not an exercise you do a few times a week.
Love the value you bring as a team. Thanks for this vid
I absolutely LOVE that she talked about "performance therapy" and how we bullshit our way through therapy. "You do the stretch and write on the mirror, you go through the somatic "breakthroughs"...and then you spend the rest of the day obsessing about your ex." YES THIS!!!
As a Relationship Coach, honestly, most of my clients are totally disassociated during the therapeutic process. They're totally full of crap. They're lying through their teeth. The therapy isn't working. They're cheating on their therapeutic process with their own shadow side. It's a lack of emotional maturity. They won’t get better until they're aware of this.
“I am now turning into you” - yup I get this. Left my toxic family after leaving a toxic ex as they too were bringing the worst out of me. No longer in the mud ☀️☮️🥰💃🏽
- yoga
- meditation
- u tube motivational videos
- my morning tea routine
- music
- reading magazines
- an inner circle of more emotionally mature & compassionate & empathetic people
-
I absolutely loved this entire conversation. You are both brilliant. ❤
Great point about turning into them & trying to diffuse situations that are impending. Careful who you hang around. My son’s ex Borderline Personality disorder girlfriend just confused us all with such a grip of fear.
Thank you for your kind & welcome words.
This is my second time through, nice to see Anna again, yall are sweet together. Good talk!
Absolutely loved this collab!! 👏
She’s fab you created a great chat there x
What a lovely bond you have with your sister. As someone who has an older sister but zero relationship with her of any kind, it’s so interesting and refreshing to watch the two of you interact. This is how a sibling relationship should be, I think.
Love these types of conversations, I thirst and wish I could do this with my siblings. Thank you, you are two beautiful souls ❤
Interesting and personal interview, many thanks Richard. ~peace
Wonderful video! She must be a great coach!
Cannot wait to finish work to see/hear this ❤❤❤
Two therapists here two... Thank you so much for this. So happy rewatching this. Loved it. These conversations I have with my cousin and thank God I have a nice grandad
Hey ! Richards sister! That’s awesome. You’re both so cool. I love her vibe! Beautiful stuff.
A very good point, you have to be mature enough to really embrace and do the work. 100%
This is brilliant, always appreciative Richard, and just loving Anna's wisdom ❤
My mum was wonderful (now passed) but the rest of the family abusive. 3 narcissistic sisters and a crazy brother. I have no contact with anyone left in the family.
Really interesting conversation. And what a gift to have the unique bond you both share.
Thank you.
Richard please consider a video that covers the following what and how of any relationship in order to be in a “state of readiness” for varying degrees of narcissistic behaviors, conduct and abuses:
Fact: There are only two questions that must be asked and will be answered
1) What does this person(s) want ?
2) How will this end ?
Based upon those two questions the next question going into the relationship will determine your level of self control :
What is the only “ known and sustainable premise” into entering this relationship ?
The next is the how and this is what will determine the magnitude and level of potential suffering.
I will only initially meet or engage with this person face to face in real life, not with electronic technology.
Reason being outcomes will end up being in totally different paths.
Thank you for the free “stop emotional flash backs” course. ❤️😘💪🔥I really appreciate it. I also sent it to both my grown sons. 💪💪
❤️💪🔥☯️🖖🦋
They need to add a section when you report a profile that says “pretending to be some one they are not” 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER UA-cam, EVEN FB HAS THAT FEATURE 😏🤨😳😳😳
Lovely sharing, thank you for your vulnerability. Pretty Eucalyptus in background. 😊
Such a great podcast guys! Thank you Anna for choosing to share your life experiences, they are really inspiring. I am of the same opinion about maturity being primordial for a faster healing process in therapy and the need for Emotional Literacy Course to start regulating triggers/responses in life in general which can be achieved only when one is ready . As about the inner child work yes 😅..gosh spot on “terrifying” if it’s cptsd is hard work but nevertheless extremely essential indeed.
Grateful to you Richard as always for all you do
🙌🏼👏🏻🙏🏻🤲🏻👁️🧠❤️💯
Wow, respect !!! Lovely practical sense. Brilliant.
More from your sister, brilliant stuff. She’s giving some great insights about therapy process. 👍👍👍
How cool is your sister wow ❤
Enjoyed the two a ya!
🙌@Anna woww!!! Thank you for sharing how you experience meditation.
I do too BUT people (teachers, co-meditators at retreats etc.) always told me that I'm doing it WRONG. For me the "creating space" part functions sometimes. But primarily (because I am still in the phase of developing my emotional maturity to process the deepest issues), especially at silent retreats, my meditation so far was mainly about things that "come out". I never had words for what happens until now, when hearing you talk about it. It fully resonates with me! Yes, for me it often is about "who am I when there's nothing and no one else to disturb my 'frequencies'?" and to interject? This is how I discovered that my family and many friends as are not as pure and innocent as their fantasies, which they have sucked me into.
In my perception, doing meditation only as a means to create space/find peace right away can become like the toxic positivity trends we see. You cannot create space when your being and brain have been parasited by someone else and are full of toxic waste. Unless you overwrite it, and you continue the dissociation and splitting, which defeats the purpose.
Now that I write this, I realise that it's not so paradoxical as I thought that I have met two of my NPD exes at meditation retreats. They were doing just that apparently, using meditation to strengthen their splitting and "let go" ... unfortunately of the actual reality, not the fantasy. Thank you both for this great, eye-opening session!💚🙌
Lovely to hear you both✨👍👍🙏⚖️💟✨
Great interview. Thanks. U x
what a lovly sister
The space in the middle... very interesting indeed. Like a mature pause that turns into a creative response (controlled one).
Richard, she's charming & beautiful. Only family resemblance I notice are the eyes...
Richard,great stuff!!
My thoughts on healing post abuse… I’d love to know what you think!
So post discard/leaving what’s the main things you need to understand?
Your brain will be going at a serious rate of knots & confusion will reign down.
Spiralling into a descent of narratives and querying your mind about the truth of what’s just occurred.
Firstly, if we can get these basic understandings in place & a plan to calm down our Central Nervous System (CNS from now on) we will stand a better chance of mitigating the damage done to our mental health.
First and foremost. The trauma bond that we hear so much about.
What is actually occurring within the body?
Understanding this process is imperative. This looks in reality, like someone completely losing their mind. Their dignity and integrity. It’s all out confusion, and this will be getting used against you.
Getting this under control is a massive undertaking & need to maintain for the rest of our lives..
So what is it? Why does it present in such a manner?
Why does it cause so much confusion?
Where the body goes, the brain will follow. We are what we see & feel…
A trauma bond between a narc and their ex partner. Is an addiction to the relief offered when a narcissist, intermittently reinforces their abuse by means of showing affection.
They’ve put you through various stages of love bomb, devaluation, love bomb, leave, hoover, love bomb, devalue etc etc.
All this has created a neuro chemical storm in your brain and body.
Flooding you with cortisol, adrenaline, oxytocin, dopamine & serotonin, whilst love bombing you.
However when the mask slips and the devaluation and psychological games become more intense. It flips the switch meaning;
When they restrict the oxytocin (bonding chemical) dopamine & serotonin (pleasure, happiness hormones) but continue to flood you with cortisol (stress hormone) adrenaline (energy hormone) this leaves the body wanting relief. This is only provided by their affection, albeit only enough to keep you addicted.
Creating a state of heightened anxiety, vigilance and if done for prolonged periods. It will create C-PTSD by the time it’s all over.
This cycle will repeat daily. For the duration of the relationship.
So a trauma bond is your body seeking relief from the stress (cortisol & adrenaline) via oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin (connection, pleasure & joy)
At the moment because they were the provider of those hormones via the abuse & “love”.. cutting you off abruptly from it will have your body and brain begging for them. It’s been likened to coming off heroin, or crack cocaine.
Overcoming a trauma bond is very difficult. At this point it’s about getting your CNS settled down.
All the adrenaline has your CNS in fight/flight/fear/fawn. This is known as being stuck/frozen.
Just know this.
You will be 0k.
You’re not going mad.
You’re CNS is working fully. It’s just on high alert.
This is completely normal & something every single one of us goes through to some degree.
To put it simply, you’re “stuck” in the sympathetic nervous system & need to return to your parasympathetic nervous system.
It will ease. If you play by the rules of healing properly.
This requires patience, discipline & diligence.
Strict no contact.
Strict focusing on yourself and your needs.
Closing down your circle.
Accepting help
Radical Realisation
Make calming down your CNS your top priority via somatic therapy.
Use meditation as the key to access your body.
Find a therapist that can carry out the therapies you need to hasten your recovery.
I’ll cover the therapies I used and recommend, in another post.
I hope that explains things in a bit more detail.
Thank you for reading!
Peace ☮️ and love ❤️
Mark.
ClusterBombed on FB
Besides the topic which is really relevant to me, I also just love listening to two Scousers, can you do more of those interviews?
Anna rocks Mr Richard 💞.
Thank you for the part where you say there are no bad emotions ! The day I worked out that emotions are just like tools, there is the right one for the right job and sometimes you need several tools.. lol.. I found my emotional maturity.. Due to being raised with a narcissistic father I was used to using a hammer to put in a screw, lol,, it doesn't work very well...
liked this a lot 👌🏻
I noticed that a lot of women have a problem dealing with anger. It's like Kryptonite to most women, even if the emotion is right the reaction is usually disproportionate to situation or the emotion is suppressed, magnified and released later on something else or someone else.
Dealing with issues in the tissues
Oh cool! I’ve been curious about your upbringing Mr. Grannon! You have made some seriously life changing points in my life since 2018. Id love to see a video “remake” about the video about fight club/God is dead. “Our fathers were our models for God” video if you remember that one. I can’t find it because there are just so many videos now & it was in the middle of one or your old super long talk videos. It was really truly life changing for me.
😂Awe Richard Grannon and sister Anna conversing...Cool!😎
She's brilliant. And I may be too forward saying so but your relationship may be the key to relating to women in romantic relationships as well. As all good relationships have many "sides." Friendship and familial love being key and something I also need to work on
I was just checking my subs to make sure you were still there. Are you in north country? Will you go to Fallbrook and see my old trainer? Blue Skies pilates, Kat Folger. You'll love her.
16:11 Is that your "Listening -Face" Richard?
this emotional maturity might come after a long time of therapy. I think it's the development of self as we say in IFS language. As Anna says; this space. Before a manager part probably was doing the therapy mainly. With us/being overtaken by our parts when they come up. This how we live before our self and Self development which is in contact with our soul is my experience and perspective now. Ah I like that what she says : moving emotions/ experiences through our body....now I get the value of this more and a therapy I did just before learning IFS which is developed by a psychiatric nurse here emotive therapy. But all these years before I practiced lightpointwork from Riet Okken as well. And my take away as well is my Angelic pedestal; yes I now get it why The gene keys are so important to know too as it's moving me towards my sidi's
how long does it actually take for the theraphy to kick into. I’ve in theraphy since august 2021 and I am developing just quite slowly, however I am quite happy w my therapist. I am able to trust her and she is enough gentle so I don’t go into a deep depressions…
I would venture to say it depends on your sense of autonomy...being a people pleaser myself, the lines can get blurred. You must trust yourself.
It takes as long as necessary. We are all different.
I would love to afford therapy, BUT, I can't so I use videos
Wish my siater was like Anna.Sadly mine is a Narc😂
Does your sister have a podcast??
Need to disidentfiy with the feeling e.g. I'm experiencing anxiety....
3:08 So I got 2 therapists…. 😂
I’m from San Diego, so I can make a good guess who that famous skateboarder is - as I’m sure most ppl who follow skateboarding can do. 😂 Rhythms with Pony Spark. lol 😆
Phoney Pork?
TH?
1740 ish-
If I want to come over to you two and be a nice person for you to talk and laugh with; is that a codependent response to hearing your trauma, or is it a friendship that can blossom because I’m someone you can talk to? Someone who is a friend to you?
I remembering squaring it in my head with myself that if I was going to open my mouth to verbally stand up for myself, I needed to make sure I was willing to go the full distance to physically defend myself if he attacked me.
I’m Scouse too and my Irish Catholic upbringing, which was highly matriarchal, went before me lol. The lads looked after the girls in my family, you know? So the minute he verbally abused me he instantly became a little boy in my eyes talking back to his mother/sister/whatever, and my reaction was indignance - I was like who the hell do you think you’re speaking to?! He wasn’t Scouse and I don’t think he’d ever been spoken to by a woman like that 😂
We’re a whole other breed 😁
Still it wasn’t pleasant and was a time in my life filled with emotional and psychological abuse, mind games and gaslighting. I think he was getting close to the physical by the time I left - as you know they don’t always start with that straightaway.
It strikes me that no amount of respectful upbringing or even cognitive awareness protects you from these relationships or their effects whilst in them - eventually Stockholm syndrome kicks in, you’re like a canary down a mine and you have to get out.
I would have 💯 hit him in self defence, but I never would have wanted to, simply because of the inevitable bloodbath that would have ensued for the reasons outlined above 😆 I might not have won but I would certainly have put up a fight!
Good on you Anna for getting therapy too. Reactive abuse is a thing and it is a little bit like a vampire bite. We can feel like we’re turning into them.
I’ve never thought about talking to my brother about any of his relationships. Something to think about 🙂
The key is in the lack of accountability for woman. They can choose badly from the supply of available men and are not held accountable for their bad choices. Maturity is always emotional. Better said, maturity comes from taking accountability for your childish choices as an adult. More important, other people holding you accountable for your childish choises as an adult woman. Stop calling yourself girls if you are above 18yo. For the men, stop helping woman shoveling shit they themselves have piled up.
I literally cannot spend any more money on therapy
almost makes my family seem normal by comparison lol
anger is interpreted by men as 'crazy'
Unless it them whose angry, then it's your fault and they're a victim
Has Richard covered the difference between narcissistic abuse and garden variety gendered/domestic abuse?!
It doesn’t land until you calm your CNS down..
" I am turning into you. "
Making my narccicist father pay for my $200 therapy per session to fix the damages 😉 He gets to feel like a hero and I get to heal and be ontop, win win! I was on the road of becoming a narccicist just like him but god stepped in and saved me, hallelujah!!!
V says the real problem is because you’re still inside the narcissist head. You’ve lost yourself and you exist in his head. Like Neo in The Matrix (who is trans by the way) he’s still in his mother’s head. Like Norman Bates who is trapped inside his mother’s head. Or Truman in Truman Show who is trapped in the director’s head. Or DiCaprio in Inception who is trapped in his dead wife Mal’s head.
Hey Richard, have you ever read the 48 laws of power? Seems like a narcissists handbook tbh 😂
North county? She said north county lol nothing but narcissists there
Richard are you Vaping ?😮
Pathetic I’m so tired of all of you making money, big money out of so much pain
Thank you for Pete walker s book, the only tool I can trust, hope that you may stop one day the exploration, that enough money is enough, and help genuinely, because you have good communication skill , but you want the cake and…
Too much learn in L.A
💀 lol
Psychotherapist for45 yrs. None of this made sense. Sorry.
Sounds like somebody goes through alot of men, and from what ive heard from you Rich, you do the same with women. Nothing wrong with that if thats what your shooting for, but thats not what im picking up, seems like yall want relationships to last.
Nah. She's not in her 20s. A few lengthy relationships with some more casual dating between is perfectly normal
@@AmandaMG6 then why they bitching about it like somethings wrong, i could watch about 2 mins, im just seeing weak minds, damn sure aint taking advice here
Sounds a bit delusional to call others who have feelings, WEAK.
@@maegankaley5981 feelings or recurring behavioral problems? Accompanied by regret of doing it again, its like i said
Wow, amazing!
The first GIANT question is.....WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIRST HUSBAND??? She couldn't stand the good relationship? It's very one-sided when these people come on and say so and so was a narcissistic monster without saying what about you attracted that monster to you. I know because I've had to take stock of why I kept attracting the same type of man, and low and behold, the root cause lay inside of me. It was my codependent nature that they could see. It was my drinking and lack of care for myself partying so much that they could see. I was kind of a lone wolf, or so they thought. So, let's ask the real questions like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT THEY COME FOR YOU?
That isn't a blaming question, so everyone who wants to pop off just swallow that noise. Predators go after easy prey usually. They don't choose the strongest of the group. That's why as I got stronger, the type of narcissistic monster who came for me became less psychopathic and more sociopathic and much lower on the narcissistic scale. I not only was too strong for the darker ones because I c I uld see them more clearly, but even the ones who did try backed off in a hurry when I called them out. They didn't fight and the hoovering was little to none because they realized that I am an empathy, but not one to fuc% with.
Narcissist often pick people who are confident, successful and outgoing. Especially coverts. It gives them more delight in destroying you.....weak and easy are not a challenge and are easy to control. Many like a challenge,,plus...they need the other person to make then look good.....they want the doctor, lawyer etc....
Dr Ramani
Dr Carter
And many very educated and successful people have fallen in with the narcissist.
They do pick victims who are people pleasers though and those with a lot of empathy.
I help people suffering from trauma too.