She Went From One Abuser to The Next. Until She Was Able to Break The Chain
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 жов 2024
- If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse call or visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline...
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
-------
A Woman's Place is a two part initiative combining story telling elements of narrative film and short documentary clips of real stories to raise awareness about domestic abuse #1StoryAtaTime
Our funding is donor based, learn more on our website. Subscribe to our newsletter and donate today at: awomansplacefil...
#awomansplace is free from abuse!
-------
From fiesty teenager to living in several abusive relationships. Tami has been free from abuse and in a happy relationshp for 17 years. She's taken her unfortunate experiences and is now using her knowledge for good with monster trucks and more via Break The Chain. Learn more about Break the Chain here: breakthechainap...
---------
You can learn more about our projects at our website: aWomansPlaceFil...
Videos in the docu-series are part of an oral history of survivors of domestic abuse, with the purpose of raising awareness. None of these stories have been verified. They have been edited for clarity.
---------
#awomansplace Documentary film series produced by Monica Graves, & Jessica Bork
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #30 ДВА В ОДНОМ [Один человек]• Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nrXy15orKhY/mqdefault.jpg)
Another beautiful,smart, articulate woman.Its obvious that small,weak, cowardice men just can't handle women like this so they resort to violence and abuse.Such shameful men.
I love this lady. Shes telling my story ,nearly word for word. Bless you sweet lady. God bless🙏💜thank you.
I am 60. My prince charming has PTSD but I did not know. He would just explode in the middle of a sentence and beat me up. When my baby was 23 days old he plucked the baby from my breast and proceeded to try and kill me while pinching the baby under his one arm. He only stopped kicking me and stomping on me when I did not move anymore. I left him shortly thereafter. This was just the fruits of the seeds of hate, shame, violence and abuse that my family had sown in my life which started to bear fruit. Since they hated me how could anybody ever love me? They never had any mercy, love, respect or compassion and their verbal abuse and social media projections of hate and despise in my live never stopped. They will never change but I have. I have turned my back on them and walked out. I do not foresee that I shall have contact with any of them ever again. The chapter, book and all doors have been closed. Peace to them.
Dahlia That's how it starts...l was the family scapegoat too...from infancy my dad beat me and my mom stood by. l didn't hold it against them, married young and continued to allow them to influence and infiltrate my life...they ruined my marriage and family...l no longer have anything to do with them. l would be living in my car if my X mother in law hadn't bought me a home out of her mercy and compassion!
Blue Skies so sorry for your lost childhood and lost years. Love your X mom in law for the caregiver you never had. She deserves it.
That's my story. Mother who. Abused and hated me went onto another abuser my identity destroyed now she's sorry I lost everything how do I forget loosing everything including my kids due to there satanic father brainwashng them to hate me for no reason I want him to rot
Thank you. I needed to hear that today 💚💜🧡♥️💖❤️❤️❤️
People ladies and men love yourself. Love yourself enough to not tolerate this type of behaviour from anyone. Things happened to us when we are young that were out of our control. It is not our fault. You could not controll what happened when you were young however you can control what happens to you as you get older you can control how you allow others to treat you in a relationship. Heal yourself before getting involved with someone and make sure that the person you are choosing as a partner is also healed of their childhood traumas. Loving yourself is so important.
Me too,from abuser to an new abuser..
My dad was a narc and my NM too,grown up in a toxic and dysfunctional home..
In age of 55 I broke that circle and start to work with and heal my self..,thank you for your story which also is mine..Take care..❤🙌❤
Narcissistic parents set you up for a lifetime of abusive relationships. It took me until I was 52yo to realise what the hell was going on!
@@carlatibbetts8815 Yes,they do it with me in whole my life.STOLEN.YEARS..,they set me up for one abusive narc men and another..
Now in age of 55 I wake up,broke that circle and start to HEAL.Its never to late for recovery,warm.HUGS from Trondheim Norway💑
I'm 48 and healing from NPD parents too. They can really destroy your life. Feel so much better away from them. They train you to see other NPDs as normal which is a dangerous and potentially deadly belief to take out into the world.
I often wonder with all that abuse in childhood can a woman ever meet healthy relationships after such insanity
What's a NM?
My husband is torturing me, my life is hell. Constant abuse and he is running me into the ground and telling a pack of lies about me to family and friends. He portrays himself as this great hard working husband and he beat me a few weeks ago and he then phoned the police and said I attacked him. He accuses me of having affairs, he threatened my friend to stay away from me. He records me and he says I am the abuser. The kids hate him and he is drunk every night. My parents can't handle it so they don't get involved. I just do not know what to do.
Narc Free Formula is a great You Tube channel that has helped me. It might help you. Helen Saddler Destiny Helper also good and Tracy Malone.
Plan an escape. Leave area and go to D V Shelter. Kids need U witg them, home & Safe.
Get out.
Did I go thru same abuse in childhood I did I ask cause it seems all women seem to go on and meet more abusers like there parents
PLEASE, If you truly love your children get the Hell out Now. Then and only then will it Be Better. BLESSINGS 🙏
What shocks me is I never recognized how bad the abuse was until recently. Everything is in retrospect looking back you wonder how you survived it for so long. I like her story because she's real she admits she's not perfect but still recognizes its not HUMANE to treat someone with such little regard.
love her eyes
You made me cry. Thanks for your story. I created success for myself but then gave up due to the pain from npd abuse. I will get up, heal my self and go for my dreans again. Some people have left negative comments here they don't know how trauma bonds do make u act in weird ways. But u got out. And here you are telling your story. Fantastic.
I would like to tell my story too... it pretty extreme. I have waited years for the right format to tell my story too. I have begun a book and am ready to talk.
How is your book coming on? 💕
I was in emotional abusive marriage for 22 years also a cheater then was in a 7 year physical verbal relationship held a knife to my neck twice in one week in my own house he’s gone now but wow I still cannot understand this
You are so lucky to be alive.........when you said you left him, I literally clapped out loud.
Well done to you
I too was in an abusive marriage
I got out at 55 year old
And I tòo didn't realize I was been Abused
Until I went to the police And it was a female police officer who said to me
You are been Abused
And that's when I decided to leave him
In one now i cant tell it all here just know im getting control and abused i been dealing with it for 11 years at the time i didnt realize i was being controlled and abused at the same time im trapped and stuck in the marriage with the man.
Im still allowing him controlling and abusing me.
Me too
A woman who just wanted to be herself, and who was determined to be herself and have fun and would make her happy. Apparently the consequences were worth it to her. She knew.. she knew what what happen. She knew, and she still did it. She’s a free spirit, her spirit was strapped and in a cage. Honestly I admire her will to be herself despite the controlling piece of shit who hated a woman who had THE NERVE to do anything that brought her joy.
It was always a .50 honeybun the next day after the abuse. A dried out, .50 cent honeybun.
So sad. Life is short. Stay strong. YOU are beautiful !♡
I'm 59 and I would like to tell my story
Me too but no one would believe it and the bits some people know makes them feel uncomfortable. I'm 54.
Claire M Montrose trust me when i tell u this Claire, many others have traveled those same roads. You need to share with someone in order to truly begin to heal. Im like you,ive only shared bits and pieces and i still need to find someone to really listen to me tell it all. Call this group,or email. Set up an appt or write it down and mail it to them. God bless you. Stay strong ,my sister in Jesus🙏
Cathy T: this has been my whole life and I'm doing extremely well with my recovery, thank you. I'm 100% independent, self-sufficient with a responsible full time job, my own house that I bought 5 years ago, my own premier car, foreign holidays and a pet cat. The point being - I've done all this ON MY OWN. No emotional support, no financial help, just me battling on and on. However, I do remain closed and unavailable as a means of protection but it's my life and there's no one else in it. It's staying that way!
@@cmmontrose1469 that is great news, welldone 👌 xxx
I'm 58, would like to tell my story but it is so much I wouldn't know how to write it all. I've been told I should write a book but I jokingly said my life was so crazy no one would believe all that happened to one person and survived. Still learning, growing and healing.
I am so sorry of what you have been through. So horrible 😞
One of the most horrible stories
I've ever heard, but I'm glad
There was a good ending.😢
God bless your ministry!❤️🙏✌️
She's so pretty I hope I look like that in my 50s!
Your story made me cry as I've made terrible mistakes 3 partners all of them hit me. I would love to tell you more .I'm happy for you that your happy god bless you in still crying
I think physical abuse is better (than emotional abuse) because you can show your injuries to other people. I can not imagine living with someone who makes you so afraid 😥
Timmy B oprah helped me too. Oprah was raped and later found herself serving eggs to her rapist because she wanted to ger along and peace. I did too. I found myself serving eggs to my personal monster. I needed help. Everyone like that needs help. Not family members or ministers,,or catholic priest. Some one trained. I am strong today helping others.
you're more than your past, you are your future.
How did you learn to finally love yourself?
Thank you
"I knew that I was in trouble". yup. :-(
Usually people learn to love themselves in a healthy way are the ones whom grew up in a loving environment..it’s natural. Not something you have to study to do as an adult 😢
Why is there no new videos? There help women and men. Please continue this work. Even if someone else continues this type of work but in a different form. These videos help ppl heal 💓💟💖
All I can say is "wow!" This has my story!☹☹😥😥
You're awesome 🙂
53? She looks 15 years younger
God will look after uou if you 0ray tobhim
She was brave to go out dancing and drinking with a husband like that
SO SORRY TO HEAR ......MAKE BETTER CHOICES
I do not attract abusers or anti-social men . Or narcs. Even if I were an Empath. Getting pissed drunk is an open door to abuse. Have intimacy when sober.
I am wondering why people should hear this from others that if they are in abusive relationship and the time it is labled as abusive relationship they think, oh maybe I should leave or do something about it.
Why ppl do not realize that nobody allowed to assault them menatlly or physically? The time somebody allows him or herself to get physically violance then the natural reaction is to defend yourself or run away....in human society we can go to the police and report it.
How women allow partner hit them? How???? No matter what they give you after such an assault it will not compromise the pain and hurt and disrespect.
Why women take these BS? I wonder why?
We allow others to abuse us.
A mortgage and 4 kids and no outside support whatsoever that's why
A family who also physically attacks you and won't give you a place to stay. Poverty, no car, no money for alternative accommodation, no support, living in constant fight/flight, trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome all explain why. The more important question is why do abusers think it is okay to physically attack women in their own home. We don't ask car accident victims why they were driving on roads where clearly drunk, unlicensed, raging, dangerous drivers may put them at risk of death.
Mehrnaz Siahi, If you don't know and understand it's because you have not had the experience we have, you cannot possibly understand. We women who have been abused have most of the time been programmed and groomed by parents who were supposed to love and protect us, but instead used us for their own gain, abused, accused, lied to, and manipulated us. We lived in that crazy, chaotic, dysfunctional mess as children, that's all we knew. To us it's normal, and don't feel that we are worthy of love and we don't even know how to love and protect our own self. We don't see the red flags because, again, we were conditioned to accept it. We didn't know how to make good choices. We only live what we learned by example. You can't understand it because you haven't walked in our shoes. As for myself I was on co-pilot for years wandering aimlessly, starved for love and acceptance I never got as a child, I believed what I was conditioned to believe about myself. Which was a very clear message of "You don't matter, you are no one, you're worthless, stupid, and don't know how to do anything." So anyone who initially made me feel loved, or cared for, I fell for. Abusive people wear a mask, they only show you what they want you to see. Then when you are invested in them, they slowly pull off the mask and begin terrorizing, tormenting you all while making you believe it's your fault, you deserve it and since we were already conditioned to believe we were bad, dirty, ugly, unlovable, shameful, etc, etc, we believe IT IS our fault, we believe we deserve to be punished. So, subconsciously we seek out people that are broken themselves and are abusers. Also most women who are abused turn their anger on their own self (self hatred). Men, on the other hand who are survivors of childhood abuse usually turn their anger outward and become abusers, or they may have witnessed their father abusing their mother so they think that's the way it's suppose to be, they subconsciously seek out broken women that don't know any better as explained in the beginning. Abuse is a vicious cycle. Be glad you don't understand, but know this...We aren't stupid, and we don't like being abused. We are so starved for love we believe what we hear and what we feel and see in the beginning instead of waiting and watching, out of sheer desperation for acceptance we fall for the beast, unknowingly. If they presented themselves as who they truly are in the beginning we may have been able to know they weren't good for us. BUT since they posed as someone who loved us and cared for us we accepted them at face value. Hope that helps you to understand. At 44, I got away from the last abusive husband, but since I've been conditioned to be a doormat, I've been abused, used and taken advantage of by many people who I thought cared about me. Now, at 58, I'm finally healing and learning how to love my own self, how to protect myself and learning that I do deserve to be loved and treated with respect. But right now, I'm afraid of everyone, and don't have but one friend who loves me, that I trust and talk to and we've been friends for 35 years, so she knows my whole story. I dare not go near a man for fear that I will choose another monster. I'm having to LEARN how to be a person, like a baby learns step by step. Could go on, but hopefully you get the jest of what I'm trying to explain. I've learned a lot from being in therapy for many years and reading books that have helped me to understand myself and make changes.
@@trickynicky2118 , that is a great explanation!
When you say about 'why they don't leave when they hear from others that the relationship is abusive'... Well often (but maybe not always) the people who end up in these relationships are either lonely or, through the slow manipulation of the partner, end up lonely (either because the partner makes it slowly difficult for them to hang out with friends/family or slowly chips away at their self esteem so that they think no one cares/wants them/is their friend) so then there is no one really around to say to them "the relationship is abusive". Obviously some people are less isolated and they probably end up in and staying in for a myriad of reasons but it's usually a combo of a few different factors not limited to upbringing/past abuse, esteem issues, toxic friends/family who don't really care etc. For some people there is a lot of shame, eg esp if it was seemingly good at first, it's hard to come out later and say it's not... And the partner may be charming/a good manipulator and may have also laid some groundwork in making the other person look bad so that if the person comes out and raises concerns/problems, they seem ungrateful/crazy etc.
As for the police, it can take a brave person to contact the police. And sadly, depending on jurisdiction, local/county/country laws, they are invariably powerless to do anything. So depending on the situation, say you are poor and have no family, the only thing you have achieved is angering the person, who could later take it out on you. This is why in many countries there are charities that specifically try to quietly assist these women's escape and house them temporarily etc. Women have been killed many times trying to leave an abuser.
Additionally, sometimes the police drop the ball. People will leave an ex and the ex will stalk them, threaten their life repeatedly. They will get a restraining order against the abuser via the court system. The ex will violate the order and continue the behaviour. The police may or may not come out each time the victim calls them. Sadly there have been cases where they have not acted or have been unable to due to legal loopholes etc and the victim has ended up dead. You can easily read the news and see people who can acid thrown and their faces and all sorts. Obviously not all is physical violence, but it's usually always mental abusive, wearing someone down, isolating them, making them feel worthless.
I don't wish to mention the physical side or potential physical consequences as some sort of "it only ends in doom and gloom" story or make it sound like someone shouldn't leave, as obviously it is good and right to leave (in a way that's a safe and well planned and supported by others as is possible) but these stories are so common and known by people and therefore it does make people extremely scared to leave. Additionally, different families, expectations, cultures and resource availabilities play a role. Some people are scared to tell their family what is going on (fear of disapproval or that they won't be believed, they may have come from a dysfunctional or abusive family anyway) or have no means of leaving financially or they are crippled by low self esteem or various other illnesses, resultant mental disorders and so on from years of slow burning manipulation/abuse and so it is too much for them. There are just so many reasons.
Another thing to note is abusers will often pray on people at an opportune time, eg parent has just passed away or you have suffered a series of setbacks in life. So they may already be in a downward spiral or more isolated.
If it was as straight forward as everything being fine, meeting someone and immediately they are abusive, I dare say 99.9% of people would walk away but it's never usually that straight forward.
Sorry if this is a long response but the fact is the reasons are long and I could go on for ages. I'm by no means an expert but in my old career I came across a lot of these cases and have seen people in these situations first hand professionally and in my own life with people I've known.
Hmm no excuse for any abuse by the men but that being said …being puke drunk in front of her daughter is an assault on her child but I guess that behavior doesn’t count…. me has the feeling this was chronic behavior on her part……and you can guess the rest the rest of the story.
I hear you and I send you my love. However, you need to look into the mirror and take responsibility for your own mistakes and behaviour, and irresposibility. I hear you telling, your daughter was at home when you got abused the next morning after your wild outing. Otheerwise, you left out your child from the story. You went out celebrating even though you probably knew his reaction and you knew your child was in the house. Was she old enought to be left alone while you were partying? However, she was young enough to live at home. I am not preaching, I care enough to say this.
no matter your mistakes or behaviour, Jane. no one has the right to physically or emotionally abuse you. No Jane there is never a reason to justify abuse.