Denial by omission is still lying to your partner even when the proof is right there. As a psychologist it's a way to become the victim and blame others for the behavior. I lived with him for decades believing that he would settle down but it only got worse. I divorced him and now he's admitting that he knew it was wrong but his ego and entitlement kept him continually having to need validation.
The denial, lying and gaslighting was worse than the affair my ex wife had. After a year of "he's just a friend" "Ya we slept in a bed together, but all we did was cuttle" "He is saying we had an affair because that's the way he jokes around" "You are blowing this out of proportion, its not a big deal" "Ya I sent those naked pictures to him, but that's how we joke around with each other so it's really not inappropriate" etc. The denial and lying was laughable and infuriating at the same time. Even when i would tell her the truth sounds better than your lies, she would stand firm. I never got an admission, any apology or any closure. That was really hard in the moving on process.
Such valuable information. I must show this to my spouse. For decades I bought into his denial snd pushed down my feelings because he first and foremost blamed me, so on top of my anguish was my sense of shame. I think the way you present your experience and expertise will disarm many who are in denial. Your discussion gives me clarity and hope. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but this helps reinforce that there are accessible paths to healing. Thank you, gentlemen.
When you find out after you talked to your husband on the phone he listens to “little miss can’t be wrong” and then when he sees the divorced woman at church, that has messed with every man either through text or physically, that will play her games. he plays “Do you wanna touch me there?” Or “I hate myself for loving you”, he had 8 favorites he played after seeing her on Wed. Nights when I couldn’t be there. There is no hope, is there? So much more to this 9 year texting emotional affair story. Makes me sick and I’m the problem because as he always tells me “You’ll never get over this” and I ask him “What?” and then he can’t talk, I mean seriously. When all this pops up in our lives he actually cannot talk. What is that about? The hardest stonewall you’ve ever seen. I know he needs the 12 step program badly but that will never happen. How I found out is such a crazy story because I had no reason to believe this was going on but all the signs were right in front of me. ….She sent a text at the wrong time of the night and SHAZAM there it all was in front of my eyes. We were sound asleep and his phone went off on his desk in the study and she actually sent two messages that night and I then found everything because I went out to get the phone to shut off the annoying notification sound. It’s been a different life since then. It’s so evil to do this to someone. Proverbs 5-6-7 takes you to hell and back: Every second, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. 2.5 years into this mess. But Still hanging on.
I'm the betrayed spouse listening to this..I am desperate to not just throw in the towel on our marriage. Denial, being a victim, justifying, villainizing..etc. If hes doing these things, what does that mean for my marriage? Should I walk?
I identify with so much of what you say. Your insight is the light at the end of the tunnel for me that gives me hope as my husband continues to stand beside me. 20 months and still struggling with disclosure and taking responsibility.
My husband is in denial of what is actually an offense against our relationship and the sacred vows we took. He also claimed to have had an emotional affair (after 2 decades of messing around with other women) FOR ME. 😂
Wish there was a way to cause a reckoning cause I'm moments away from a divorce and I've literally given it 15 years to get better. To bad I wasted my life. Amazing that we look to men for strength but the one I need to be strong the most is the weakest person I know
So very sorry your going through this When spouses cheat and I don't understand how they can't see the damage they are doing. 😢 prayers to your healing.....
Denial by omission is still lying to your partner even when the proof is right there. As a psychologist it's a way to become the victim and blame others for the behavior. I lived with him for decades believing that he would settle down but it only got worse. I divorced him and now he's admitting that he knew it was wrong but his ego and entitlement kept him continually having to need validation.
The denial, lying and gaslighting was worse than the affair my ex wife had. After a year of "he's just a friend" "Ya we slept in a bed together, but all we did was cuttle" "He is saying we had an affair because that's the way he jokes around" "You are blowing this out of proportion, its not a big deal" "Ya I sent those naked pictures to him, but that's how we joke around with each other so it's really not inappropriate" etc. The denial and lying was laughable and infuriating at the same time. Even when i would tell her the truth sounds better than your lies, she would stand firm. I never got an admission, any apology or any closure. That was really hard in the moving on process.
Such valuable information. I must show this to my spouse. For decades I bought into his denial snd pushed down my feelings because he first and foremost blamed me, so on top of my anguish was my sense of shame.
I think the way you present your experience and expertise will disarm many who are in denial. Your discussion gives me clarity and hope. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but this helps reinforce that there are accessible paths to healing.
Thank you, gentlemen.
When you find out after you talked to your husband on the phone he listens to “little miss can’t be wrong” and then when he sees the divorced woman at church, that has messed with every man either through text or physically, that will play her games. he plays “Do you wanna touch me there?” Or “I hate myself for loving you”, he had 8 favorites he played after seeing her on Wed. Nights when I couldn’t be there. There is no hope, is there? So much more to this 9 year texting emotional affair story. Makes me sick and I’m the problem because as he always tells me “You’ll never get over this” and I ask him “What?” and then he can’t talk, I mean seriously. When all this pops up in our lives he actually cannot talk. What is that about? The hardest stonewall you’ve ever seen. I know he needs the 12 step program badly but that will never happen. How I found out is such a crazy story because I had no reason to believe this was going on but all the signs were right in front of me. ….She sent a text at the wrong time of the night and SHAZAM there it all was in front of my eyes. We were sound asleep and his phone went off on his desk in the study and she actually sent two messages that night and I then found everything because I went out to get the phone to shut off the annoying notification sound. It’s been a different life since then. It’s so evil to do this to someone. Proverbs 5-6-7 takes you to hell and back: Every second, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months. 2.5 years into this mess. But Still hanging on.
I am once again, so grateful for this video to clarify my thoughts and keep me sane🙏🏻
I'm the betrayed spouse listening to this..I am desperate to not just throw in the towel on our marriage. Denial, being a victim, justifying, villainizing..etc. If hes doing these things, what does that mean for my marriage? Should I walk?
Listening to you two brings tears to my eyes, while offering hope at the same moment. Your thoughts, words and personal growth are in abundance
I identify with so much of what you say. Your insight is the light at the end of the tunnel for me that gives me hope as my husband continues to stand beside me. 20 months and still struggling with disclosure and taking responsibility.
My husband is in denial of what is actually an offense against our relationship and the sacred vows we took.
He also claimed to have had an emotional affair (after 2 decades of messing around with other women) FOR ME. 😂
Every insight is so very helpful. Keep doing more such videos
Wish there was a way to cause a reckoning cause I'm moments away from a divorce and I've literally given it 15 years to get better. To bad I wasted my life. Amazing that we look to men for strength but the one I need to be strong the most is the weakest person I know
So very sorry your going through this
When spouses cheat and I don't understand how they can't see the damage they are doing. 😢 prayers to your healing.....
Brilliant points. As the betrayed, looking for better understanding, this video, well all of your videos, have shown that there's a path forward.