Great to see you and the family back on the Tube. Yes, it is very sad that some people paint unreal pictures of "the perfect life" and use it to exploit others. Thanks for providing a well-grounded view of relationships and parenting. I wish you had 8 million subscribers -- the world would be a better place.
Hi, I’m a non religious stay at home mom. I have very similar feelings to the ones you expressed today! With Clara climbing about I felt like I was over at your place chatting with a friend. Thank you for sharing! I go to UA-cam for inspiration and ideas on how to do this stay at home parenting thing. I love your content and non religious take on parenting. I found your channel after my husband and I started talking about moving to New Zealand and I wanted to see what I could find about American families living in NZ. We’re still contemplating that move but admittedly I’m nervous to make such a big move with little kids. It was encouraging to see you and family enjoying it so much.
I totally get what you're saying. When I was younger I was much more influenced and really thought I wanted to be a housewife and traditional homemaker because I was a tired university student and the idea of staying home with the only responsibility of keeping home and husband sounded so nice. Then I got a little older, graduated and started earning my own salary and all of a sudden I understood the criticism of my perspective. I like having my own money, doing what I want with it, making my own decisions, and not giving up some of my wants to please other people. There is a time and a place for work life balance and serving your domestic needs vs financial needs, but when it goes off into the direction of serving another completely selflessly and expecting absolutely nothing in return then that becomes a ticket to dissatisfaction and at worst, abuse. The trad wife trend is unrealistic as the time in the past that a lot of the imagery and ideas comes from is a sanitised media portrayal rather than actual lived experience. If I look at my grandmother and great-grandmothers generations, they were not poor nor mistreated, but they absolutely did not have the choice that we have now. They didn't choose to serve, they were expected to fulfil a role and lived their lives for others, and that was returned, but not always, and that's so limiting. I really appreciate your comments about the connection to religious ideas too, because domesticity has slowly become intertwined with religion and it is alienating if you aren't into that. I was raised Catholic but in New Zealand, not US, so the way US religion appears is very over the top and offputting. I empathise with your perspective here. I hope you can build a good group of friends that reflect your own values☺
Your thoughts are much better stated than mine 😂 you should make a video on the topic! But I completely agree and feel strongly about the bit with you being Younger and persuaded. Social media is problematic at best, but it feels like these women are intentionally curating their content to reflect a perfect life and it’s causing actual women to struggle and feel like they’re not doing life right when it’s not the truth! The tradwife message is “you are never enough” and “you’re never doing enough.”
No one has to justify anything; I really dislike people who push their ideals. I like you. you are real, down to earth and just trying to live a good life, and you have been kind enough to share your life with us. Sad how religion preys on the vulnerable. hate patriarchy, oh Becca I could go on and on. I am not team trad wife but if it makes them happy all good.
Usually I’m the same way but it keeps drawing me back in. And as someone that used to be in a “cult” I feel like it’s oftentimes not a choice. And just because they seem “happy” doesn’t mean that they’re not trapped in an extreme, demanding lifestyle they’re told they need to love and push on other people. I think it’s beautiful that so many people can have so many beliefs and I don’t care if anyone is any religion. But this tradwife thing is salesmen showing their fake life and then selling to you PLUS making you feel worse about yourself. And then mix in a bit of toxic Christianity and some cult-y vibes. It’s just kind of bizarre to me.
This video really hits home! I am a stay at home mom as well and we are not a religious family either. We live in a townhouse, shop Costco, and sometimes even buy our sourdough(shhh). I do enjoy caring for our family and our home but I definitely don’t let it consume me as a person or brand. Hope you find your tribe, friend. I know I’m still looking in the Midwest.
SarahTherese bugs me especially because it’s obvious she’s LARPing and everything she does is extremely performative. She also contradicts herself constantly. I don’t follow any tradwife, thankfully.
I'm with the tradwives, and not just in the weak "Whatever makes you happy, more power to ya!" sense. I full-on believe traditional gender roles and norms are the way to go.
I love how real this video is! I have watched Sarah Therese's videos on and off for a few years and recently stopped because it felt so fake and, as someone mentioned in the comments already, she is LARPing! I've recently come to realization of how hurtful social media is because it portrays everybody else's lives as perfect and I just end up comparing my own imperfect life to theirs! It's dumb and so is the tradwife trend. Like you said Becca its literally not real!! It's an archaic, misogynistic way of life. It makes me want to barf haha!!
Yes lets open the discussion. This whole idea of Tradwives and where it comes from is damaging. We need to be able to speak about it instead of letting it happen in silence. More of this.
But then you have so many saying why should they have any responsibility 🤦🏼♀️ they’re so intentional about showing perfection while selling you products to “achieve it” - which is problematic enough. But add to that the problem of making women feel horrible and unhappy when they can’t achieve their fake level of perfection and that’s where I get so upset.
@Becca.Loveless absolutely, it's hard to make others understand the problematic behind the behaviour of most "influencers". Between normalization of consumerism (making it acceptable to establish a parasocial relationship to sell, wich is probablyone of the worst type of advertising as you create a "relationship" and trust with the people to sell them things and the Americans way of religion "freedom" that make it taboo to talk about problematic in them (where they condition most everything), there's a society cognitive dissonance. We need to be able talk about things and questions them to make sure they are healthy. In a world now where anyone that want to reach out to big group and it's made much easier via social media, we need to remember that the old day mainstream media had multi levels of filtration to ensure quality and respecting laws put in place to protect us. Social media has very little accountability which results in easy propaganda of what can appear so sweet and innocent to be very harmful. One great example of this cognitive dissonance is the bucket list family that has such a sweet appearance but it doesn't take long if you look at issues to see them. Between the perfect family look and the wealth to travel worry free the parents not without flaws in greating not realistic lifestyle. The boundaries are very hard to see as they are film anywhere (up to their bedroom and most of the house to their school) and anytime (the dad having a bizarre habit of filming the kids losing their teeth by forcing it (which is advised against by dentist, you should leave the teeth to fall on their own). The they have said they "ask the kids" to post things like that but them they have admitted they want to keep the kids from knowing much about their presence on social media... In the Portrayal Project Garet says he has gaslight the oldest asking to know what followers are. And than they do met up for the kids to met with people that develop parasocial relationship with them; cringe. And they use the kids to sell their merch. These situations is very harmful for the viewers and the kids involved. There's a huge lack of accountability and no one is doing anything because their the sweet family (btw guess their link with many many other social media... One hint these parents and many others went to the same uni as you did.) Thank you for speaking about it and starting the conversation. And stay authentic.
I'm a mom who works part time outside the home, and on days I don't work I'm home with my child. I feel guilty for not having time to pour myself into both responsibilities. I'm not perfect, but these "tradwives" are making me feel like I'm not good enough. One thing I want to add though, Mormonism is very interesting. I don't consider Mormons Christians. It's only Mormons who consider themselves Christians.
either you only call the catholic church, the orthodox churches (state run), and the one hierarchic protestant organisation in europe „the real christian churches“, and then all other „christians are just sects. or you call everybody christian who calls themselves christian (mormons, amish, jhovas…) 🤷🏻♂️
Oh my gosh sooo much of this runs sooo true!!! I would say - if you ever manage to live in Australia - you'll certainly find more SAHM's that are not religious.
I relate to this more now than ever! I grew up in the midwest, and I was raised going to multiple different Christian (not LDS) churches, but as an adult, I don't subscribe to a religion or go to church other than invited occasions by family members. I got pregnant out of wedlock at 19 with my then boyfriend of 18mo (now husband who was raised LDS but left the church at 16) and then when our daughter was nearly a year old we moved to Utah. And I (who had never met a Mormon in Iowa) was suddenly surrounded by them & it was an intense culture shock. The very first interaction I had with a Utahn, was an old lady literally telling me that 'because I'd had my baby out of wedlock, I was the reason the world was as messed up as it is.' It was wild stepping into a culture where it wasn't as taboo that I'd had children young (at 20) but I was judged harshly for still not being married to him. (Didn't get married until our daughter was 2.5 and we'd been together for nearly 5 years. And I still have just a couple friends that aren't religious and are mom's but I'm the only working mom of my friends because we can't afford to live on my husband's single income, although we'd like to. Anyways yeah, trad-wives are cringy, and although I wish I could be a SAHM, what I think sucks the most is that our whole identities get wrapped up in the parenthood aspect of our lives, and no matter what kind of mom you are, the you that you were before kids is lost and lots of people don't have the time, money or support to have any hobbies or outlets outside of being a mom. And of course motherhood is fulfilling but moms are people that deserve their cups filled too & their emotional & physical needs met too
Just got to the part about “serving your husband” and yesssss. I think we should all walk in humility and should be willing to serve others, but their version of serving their husband is “I don’t let my husband unload the dishwasher because I read the Bible”. Um, what? 😂 It’s absolutely insane. Also, can we just talk about how the wives in these movements are suppose to do everything? I refer to these sects as hyper fundamentalists and they can be so damaging, and it reflects a lot of the IBLP (what the Duggars grew up in) teaches and promotes but it doesn’t always involve dresses. It comes in every denomination.
I was 2 weeks postpartum the same time “ballerina farm” was and it kind of took my breath away when I saw she was going to compete in a pageant. It was pretty disappointing as I really enjoyed her content up until then. I fully support women staying home and resting as much as possible postpartum and she was pushing the complete opposite message and perpetuating the idea that we all need to “get back at it!!” after birth. She could have at least given a disclaimer like “THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING POSTPARTUM, DONT DO THIS” 🙄
And people will say it’s her body, she can do what she wants - WHICH IS TRUE. But she is influencing MILLIONS of women. She has power over them. And she’s choosing to use it in this way and I think it’s harmful. Which is why I feel passionate enough about it to try and bring up a conversation about it!
Yes, 2 weeks postpartum competiting in pageant is not the flex she think and make it to be. I'd want to spend as much time with my little one, not competing in some pageant where if you win you'll be having to be going to more events and all. Not too mention that the reality is if you have the privilege to take the time to fully recover (forth trimester is real and your body has been working hard for 9months, it takes time to recover. And ad if you're breastfeeding). I am all about women been empowered but let not compromise your recovery (no matter what one say 2wks would way beyond to be out competing) and taking you away from your children. Not everyone has this privileged and it's insufferable to witness this privileged being used to go parade in highheels.
Good to see you didnt give up on vlogging. Im an ex too never been a😅 traditional wife but i have met many lds who are in both camps. I must say living in foreign lands was easier because i could associate with a group i understood. Even though im ex i still associate with my alum friends and they accept me for who i am and support me when they can. I have found other interest groups whose membership are Christian,Muslim, Buddist, Hindu, Witches,Athiests, Humanist, multiracial, varying politically and economical levels. There I've truely found what giving and recieving respect from the other children of God is like. Join a sports group, play group, gardening or flower club, health spa, dominoes eventors, kindergarden,
I already really enjoyed your instagram content and this is my first video of yours. I've been telling everyone I know the same thing! It's not real! Homes *can be messy* so can kids and animals and things. All the fakeness is wild
As a non religious stay at home wife,even without kids I can relate on the whole topic very much. I honestly admired all of the “capable energetic super women” that showed their cottage core perfect lives and wanted the same for myself. It’s funny how easily we can get influenced by unrealistic things and set ourselves for unrealistic expectations. If nothing else, the whole internet propaganda has pushed me to not be afraid to do the things I want and not be afraid of judgement, but at the same time I had to sit down and start thinking more critically and realistically what is my own reality and what I can do with it. And the reality for me personally is that- I have to do a lot of self work,self healing and learn to accept the natural imperfections of me as a human and the imperfections and chaos of life itself. Some of the things this includes is that we struggle financially even if my husband has two jobs, we are away from family (for a reason) and do a lot of things around our lives ourselves/or hire someone to do it. Even if I don’t have kids I don’t always have the time and energy to make my house spotless. We both learned to cook,clean and do any other necessary chore around the house in case one can’t do their part,and even then we can’t fulfill all of them. At the core of all frustration is that no-one really knows how to function with life and then there are those that need to stand out and play pretend that they found some magic wisdom and have it all figured out, but that’s all bs.Life itself is complicated enough, and we are served a lot of play pretend expectations that even the people that sell that don’t have it figured out themselves. When you add to this financial realities, personal backgrounds, education, the country you live in etc its very easy to set yourself for misery and frustration if you follow unrealistic idealisms. So the best you can do is take inspiration from wherever, but strive for your own personal happiness and wellbeing. If you pursue your own view of happiness and whatever that means for you personally,with time, and however long it takes,eventually you will get there. It’s a process and the best thing you can do is be present to it and actively participate in your own life. Everything else will come and go and so will the tread wife propaganda.😂 Take care.❤
This is a very true message! It took me a while to realize what I was consuming and I’ve studied it long enough to understand it (mostly) now and can separate my thoughts and feeling from them. The tricky thing is how many women aren’t able to see their manipulations and falsehoods? How many anxieties and depressions are directly caused by these women getting in screens and saying they have it figured out but not disclosing what’s really going on behind the scenes and what supports they have. It’s those people I worry about.
@@Becca.Loveless From what I’ve experienced this far and have noticed, in the end, people always gravitate towards things that resonate the most with them. It’s how the things we consume make us feel that has the most impact on us. And that’s the thing Ive noticed following accounts that promote insincere standards. With time I was not feeling uplifted on how I lived my life and just noticed how much I was lacking in comparison to the people I was following. And I didn’t want that for myself. So I was glad that I found you on insta and enjoy how you talk about the simple everyday life and struggles. I value how you turned your attention to embracing back the normal simple joys of everyday life. And I think that that is the true value people will always gravitate towards. 😊 So just continuing to live life as one feels fit and sharing the joys and sorrows, other people will slowly start to notice those things in their own life and then want that more for themselves and start ditching the unrealistic standards and people that they were so eagerly trying to compete with before. And it’s always a pleasure to just be able to enjoy the simple human experience.🌱✨
Love your content! I stay at home part-time and work part-time. We're atheists and my husband does as much parenting as me, when he's home from his full time job. Wish we could be Mom friends...if you're ever in England 😆
Doesn't this sum up just about every single content creator? I think it's up to the individual to be mature enough to live the life they're living and realise that not everything they see on social media is real. Why does someones life have to be achievable for them to be able to show it on social media?
As the other commenter said, many people don’t see it. Or at least it’s a long, painful lesson they have to learn. I have actually read many people’s accounts saying they follow another problematic girl and they ended up with an eating disorder. Or they follow Sarah therese and end up with PPD. I wish we were all mature enough to realize even the realest accounts are still only showing you a fraction of their lives. But some people start social media incredibly young (and I would still say early 20s is very young.) and I think it’s harmful for people to be saying “look at my perfect life - here’s how to get it” when they’re obviously trying so hard to put up a fake representation of their life.
Kia kaha Becca. You are on the right track. Personally, I think people who fall into this trap are weak individuals, so its easy for them to become a sheep and go with that flow. If people who align themselves like Trump call themselves "christians", then thats the last thing anyone needs to be. The hypocrisy is strong with them. I'm sure there are plenty of mates out there for you to find, and you will, even if it takes a bit of time. Great to see Kiwi girl Clara is growing up into a family that will take great care of her. Hope young William, and Billy are blossoming too.
Late to the video, but I am a Christian, a homeschooler, I work part time, and I abhor the trad wife movement on the internet. 😂 It’s rife with holier-than-thou legalistic, I’m better than you mentalities. They shame women for working outside the home while trying to quietly guilt them into buying their “make money at home course”. It’s scammy and scummy in my opinion.
I don't think you're against "tradwives" (which is a label i hate to be honest) but against stay at home moms who set unrealistic expectations on social media, and people who preach on social media. christians tend to believe every single moment of their life can be traced back to God, and of course that will bleed through to their content. it's their entire life. each family is going to do what works for them. no matter how your family gets your income, motherhood is a vocation from God regardless. IMO- the most unrealistic or polarizing people get the most attention. i agree with you at the end- it's wrong to profit off of people's insecurities and portray yourself falsely online. also, a mormon upbringing will leave a bad taste in your mouth about "christianity" (which mormonism isn't even traditionally christian). not necessarily something that's wrong, but people are allowed to be christian and like it, and even share it with others. it's your job to unfollow / disengage
I just grabbed this quick little note from Wikipedia in regards to tradwives - “The traditional housewife aesthetic has since spread throughout the Internet in part through social media featuring women extolling the virtues of behaving as the ideal woman.” Every single aspect of tradwives is problematic. Also how are Mormons not Christian? The religion believes in Christ. The church is called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? Only difference is it was founded in a later year than the other more popular Christian churches.
Thank you for talking about this. Im so over fake . Iam christian and i really dont feel Mormon is christian they have 2 books which Christianity dosnt. Husbands love your wifes as christ loved the church, that means husbands lay down your lives for your wife and serve your wife.. i know you dont like christians but its very much husbands serve your wives .
can we please at some point get beyond the sexist „woman at home and children, men can only be providers“ at some point? stay at home dads and women working 30h and doing some child and home care are the only future!
I think every situation is so different! And I encourage everyone to do what works best for their family. For us Billy loves his job and it’s a huge fulfilling passion for him. Me, I enjoy staying home with my kids. It works out well for us.
First problem people like you come on UA-cam hoping to get monetized and you have hours of the day that you’re making content and a lot of ways you are not just a homemaker you are a employed person doing a job just happens with your job is also placed inside your home but you are notnone of you are that are on the web making contact just homemakers your homemakers with a dream UA-cam or whatever is gonna monetize you and you’ll be on easy street that’s your dream also the elephant in the room is this was being driven by a bunch of cultus called Mormons and a
I agree with a lot of this Becca, but I think it's a shame you talk about "Christians" as if they all have this tradwife idea, and try to push it onto others. You said Christians do this, Christians do that, which just isn't so! I agree that there are sects of Christians who may hold these extreme ideas, but there are lots of perfectly ordinary mums out there who are also Christians! I'm old now, but I like to think I was just an ordinary mum who happened to have a Christian faith. And so were a lot of my family and friends. No way did I ever "serve" my husband, produce perfect meals, have a spotless home with angelic clean quiet children. It's a shame that your only views of Christianity is based on the mormon faith, or fundamentalist sects. Don't spoil your argument by ignoring the rest of us, who are actually quite ordinary! I really enjoy your videos by the way!
I am not sure but I think that these days if you refer to yourself as "Christian" it does indeed mean that you come from the strict fundamental-type sects such as Morman and Bretheren etc. In the old days saying you were Christian meant Anglican or Catholic or other like-minded religions I think the vocabulary used these days for the non-fundamental sects is just referred to as religious. I could be totally wrong, but that is my take on it.
@@jandutton in europe, 90% of the people are christian from birth and their culture revolves around it, but they are socialists and conservatives and fascists and hippies and environmentalists. there‘s everything. the catholic church is still the biggest in the world! you refer only to north america
In general yes, but I believe Becca is speaking from her experience in this situation. She is ex-mormon and has done the hard work of stepping away and to be confronted with that when not expecting it can be jarring
A lot of tradwives aren't like this, but the biggest creators in this space are all from money, don't actually have to "farm" the land they're on to make money and they talk very openly about submitting to their husbands; the biggest creators in this space are being fake and strongly promoting unhealthy "traditional" gender roles, so I think it's a very fair critique!
As you know you're going through the classic temptation of shall-i-optimise-for-instagram or not. Capatalism motivation. Reason I watch because authentic. IMH/non expertise opinion authenticity almost always gets rewarded on youtube, not initially but for longivity.
Great to see you and the family back on the Tube. Yes, it is very sad that some people paint unreal pictures of "the perfect life" and use it to exploit others. Thanks for providing a well-grounded view of relationships and parenting. I wish you had 8 million subscribers -- the world would be a better place.
I truly do not want 8 million followers 😂 social media would not have the same charm at that point!
Hi, I’m a non religious stay at home mom. I have very similar feelings to the ones you expressed today! With Clara climbing about I felt like I was over at your place chatting with a friend. Thank you for sharing! I go to UA-cam for inspiration and ideas on how to do this stay at home parenting thing. I love your content and non religious take on parenting. I found your channel after my husband and I started talking about moving to New Zealand and I wanted to see what I could find about American families living in NZ. We’re still contemplating that move but admittedly I’m nervous to make such a big move with little kids. It was encouraging to see you and family enjoying it so much.
We're Americans living in New Zealand with a young child. It's hard but we are enjoying it!
It's worth it! The childhood I had here I took for granted seeing how kids grow up in other countries now.
I totally get what you're saying. When I was younger I was much more influenced and really thought I wanted to be a housewife and traditional homemaker because I was a tired university student and the idea of staying home with the only responsibility of keeping home and husband sounded so nice. Then I got a little older, graduated and started earning my own salary and all of a sudden I understood the criticism of my perspective. I like having my own money, doing what I want with it, making my own decisions, and not giving up some of my wants to please other people. There is a time and a place for work life balance and serving your domestic needs vs financial needs, but when it goes off into the direction of serving another completely selflessly and expecting absolutely nothing in return then that becomes a ticket to dissatisfaction and at worst, abuse.
The trad wife trend is unrealistic as the time in the past that a lot of the imagery and ideas comes from is a sanitised media portrayal rather than actual lived experience. If I look at my grandmother and great-grandmothers generations, they were not poor nor mistreated, but they absolutely did not have the choice that we have now. They didn't choose to serve, they were expected to fulfil a role and lived their lives for others, and that was returned, but not always, and that's so limiting.
I really appreciate your comments about the connection to religious ideas too, because domesticity has slowly become intertwined with religion and it is alienating if you aren't into that. I was raised Catholic but in New Zealand, not US, so the way US religion appears is very over the top and offputting. I empathise with your perspective here. I hope you can build a good group of friends that reflect your own values☺
Your thoughts are much better stated than mine 😂 you should make a video on the topic!
But I completely agree and feel strongly about the bit with you being
Younger and persuaded. Social media is problematic at best, but it feels like these women are intentionally curating their content to reflect a perfect life and it’s causing actual women to struggle and feel like they’re not doing life right when it’s not the truth! The tradwife message is “you are never enough” and “you’re never doing enough.”
You’re awesome Becca 🙌🏽 I appreciate your your honest & real content 😊
Well spoken Becca. Also Kiwi Lady Williams has grown so big! Your Kiwi followers miss you not being here!
I miss being there!! I’m so sad William won’t even remember NZ 😭
I agree with you - I miss Becca & her whole family not being here to showcase our beautiful county and our way of life
No one has to justify anything; I really dislike people who push their ideals. I like you. you are real, down to earth and just trying to live a good life, and you have been kind enough to share your life with us. Sad how religion preys on the vulnerable. hate patriarchy, oh Becca I could go on and on. I am not team trad wife but if it makes them happy all good.
Usually I’m the same way but it keeps drawing me back in. And as someone that used to be in a “cult” I feel like it’s oftentimes not a choice. And just because they seem “happy” doesn’t mean that they’re not trapped in an extreme, demanding lifestyle they’re told they need to love and push on other people. I think it’s beautiful that so many people can have so many beliefs and I don’t care if anyone is any religion. But this tradwife thing is salesmen showing their fake life and then selling to you PLUS making you feel worse about yourself. And then mix in a bit of toxic Christianity and some cult-y vibes. It’s just kind of bizarre to me.
@@Becca.Loveless true it is bizarre.
This video really hits home! I am a stay at home mom as well and we are not a religious family either. We live in a townhouse, shop Costco, and sometimes even buy our sourdough(shhh). I do enjoy caring for our family and our home but I definitely don’t let it consume me as a person or brand. Hope you find your tribe, friend. I know I’m still looking in the Midwest.
SarahTherese bugs me especially because it’s obvious she’s LARPing and everything she does is extremely performative. She also contradicts herself constantly.
I don’t follow any tradwife, thankfully.
Bravely spoken Becca 😄
I sat on this topic for a while 😅
Just live your own life and stop worrying about what other people think.
Your daughter is very cute by the way :)
I'm with the tradwives, and not just in the weak "Whatever makes you happy, more power to ya!" sense. I full-on believe traditional gender roles and norms are the way to go.
Same❤
I love how real this video is! I have watched Sarah Therese's videos on and off for a few years and recently stopped because it felt so fake and, as someone mentioned in the comments already, she is LARPing! I've recently come to realization of how hurtful social media is because it portrays everybody else's lives as perfect and I just end up comparing my own imperfect life to theirs! It's dumb and so is the tradwife trend. Like you said Becca its literally not real!! It's an archaic, misogynistic way of life. It makes me want to barf haha!!
So glad to hear someone saying out loud what I'm thinking!
And yes! To the religion in your face comment! Drives me nuts 🙈
Yes lets open the discussion. This whole idea of Tradwives and where it comes from is damaging. We need to be able to speak about it instead of letting it happen in silence. More of this.
But then you have so many saying why should they have any responsibility 🤦🏼♀️ they’re so intentional about showing perfection while selling you products to “achieve it” - which is problematic enough. But add to that the problem of making women feel horrible and unhappy when they can’t achieve their fake level of perfection and that’s where I get so upset.
@Becca.Loveless absolutely, it's hard to make others understand the problematic behind the behaviour of most "influencers". Between normalization of consumerism (making it acceptable to establish a parasocial relationship to sell, wich is probablyone of the worst type of advertising as you create a "relationship" and trust with the people to sell them things and the Americans way of religion "freedom" that make it taboo to talk about problematic in them (where they condition most everything), there's a society cognitive dissonance. We need to be able talk about things and questions them to make sure they are healthy. In a world now where anyone that want to reach out to big group and it's made much easier via social media, we need to remember that the old day mainstream media had multi levels of filtration to ensure quality and respecting laws put in place to protect us. Social media has very little accountability which results in easy propaganda of what can appear so sweet and innocent to be very harmful. One great example of this cognitive dissonance is the bucket list family that has such a sweet appearance but it doesn't take long if you look at issues to see them. Between the perfect family look and the wealth to travel worry free the parents not without flaws in greating not realistic lifestyle. The boundaries are very hard to see as they are film anywhere (up to their bedroom and most of the house to their school) and anytime (the dad having a bizarre habit of filming the kids losing their teeth by forcing it (which is advised against by dentist, you should leave the teeth to fall on their own). The they have said they "ask the kids" to post things like that but them they have admitted they want to keep the kids from knowing much about their presence on social media... In the Portrayal Project Garet says he has gaslight the oldest asking to know what followers are. And than they do met up for the kids to met with people that develop parasocial relationship with them; cringe. And they use the kids to sell their merch. These situations is very harmful for the viewers and the kids involved. There's a huge lack of accountability and no one is doing anything because their the sweet family (btw guess their link with many many other social media... One hint these parents and many others went to the same uni as you did.) Thank you for speaking about it and starting the conversation. And stay authentic.
I'm a mom who works part time outside the home, and on days I don't work I'm home with my child. I feel guilty for not having time to pour myself into both responsibilities. I'm not perfect, but these "tradwives" are making me feel like I'm not good enough.
One thing I want to add though, Mormonism is very interesting. I don't consider Mormons Christians. It's only Mormons who consider themselves Christians.
either you only call the catholic church, the orthodox churches (state run), and the one hierarchic protestant organisation in europe „the real christian churches“, and then all other „christians are just sects. or you call everybody christian who calls themselves christian (mormons, amish, jhovas…) 🤷🏻♂️
Interesting. Mormons believe in god. I assumed that went into the definition of Christian. Believe in Christ = Christian.
@@Becca.Loveless Idk. From what I've heard there are quite a few differences.
You got this! You're not the only one. We're out here. Keep on keeping on. ❤
Oh my gosh sooo much of this runs sooo true!!! I would say - if you ever manage to live in Australia - you'll certainly find more SAHM's that are not religious.
I need to get Billy to take an audition there!
I relate to this more now than ever! I grew up in the midwest, and I was raised going to multiple different Christian (not LDS) churches, but as an adult, I don't subscribe to a religion or go to church other than invited occasions by family members. I got pregnant out of wedlock at 19 with my then boyfriend of 18mo (now husband who was raised LDS but left the church at 16) and then when our daughter was nearly a year old we moved to Utah. And I (who had never met a Mormon in Iowa) was suddenly surrounded by them & it was an intense culture shock. The very first interaction I had with a Utahn, was an old lady literally telling me that 'because I'd had my baby out of wedlock, I was the reason the world was as messed up as it is.' It was wild stepping into a culture where it wasn't as taboo that I'd had children young (at 20) but I was judged harshly for still not being married to him. (Didn't get married until our daughter was 2.5 and we'd been together for nearly 5 years. And I still have just a couple friends that aren't religious and are mom's but I'm the only working mom of my friends because we can't afford to live on my husband's single income, although we'd like to. Anyways yeah, trad-wives are cringy, and although I wish I could be a SAHM, what I think sucks the most is that our whole identities get wrapped up in the parenthood aspect of our lives, and no matter what kind of mom you are, the you that you were before kids is lost and lots of people don't have the time, money or support to have any hobbies or outlets outside of being a mom. And of course motherhood is fulfilling but moms are people that deserve their cups filled too & their emotional & physical needs met too
You couldn't make me drink the Kool-Aid to join this toxic trend!!
Good!!
Just got to the part about “serving your husband” and yesssss.
I think we should all walk in humility and should be willing to serve others, but their version of serving their husband is “I don’t let my husband unload the dishwasher because I read the Bible”. Um, what? 😂 It’s absolutely insane.
Also, can we just talk about how the wives in these movements are suppose to do everything? I refer to these sects as hyper fundamentalists and they can be so damaging, and it reflects a lot of the IBLP (what the Duggars grew up in) teaches and promotes but it doesn’t always involve dresses. It comes in every denomination.
I was 2 weeks postpartum the same time “ballerina farm” was and it kind of took my breath away when I saw she was going to compete in a pageant. It was pretty disappointing as I really enjoyed her content up until then. I fully support women staying home and resting as much as possible postpartum and she was pushing the complete opposite message and perpetuating the idea that we all need to “get back at it!!” after birth. She could have at least given a disclaimer like “THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING POSTPARTUM, DONT DO THIS” 🙄
And people will say it’s her body, she can do what she wants - WHICH IS TRUE. But she is influencing MILLIONS of women. She has power over them. And she’s choosing to use it in this way and I think it’s harmful. Which is why I feel passionate enough about it to try and bring up a conversation about it!
Yes, 2 weeks postpartum competiting in pageant is not the flex she think and make it to be.
I'd want to spend as much time with my little one, not competing in some pageant where if you win you'll be having to be going to more events and all. Not too mention that the reality is if you have the privilege to take the time to fully recover (forth trimester is real and your body has been working hard for 9months, it takes time to recover. And ad if you're breastfeeding). I am all about women been empowered but let not compromise your recovery (no matter what one say 2wks would way beyond to be out competing) and taking you away from your children. Not everyone has this privileged and it's insufferable to witness this privileged being used to go parade in highheels.
Good to see you didnt give up on vlogging.
Im an ex too never been a😅 traditional wife but i have met many lds who are in both camps.
I must say living in foreign lands was easier because i could associate with a group i understood. Even though im ex i still associate with my alum friends and they accept me for who i am and support me when they can. I have found other interest groups whose membership are Christian,Muslim, Buddist, Hindu, Witches,Athiests, Humanist, multiracial, varying politically and economical levels. There I've truely found what giving and recieving respect from the other children of God is like.
Join a sports group, play group, gardening or flower club, health spa, dominoes eventors, kindergarden,
I already really enjoyed your instagram content and this is my first video of yours. I've been telling everyone I know the same thing! It's not real! Homes *can be messy* so can kids and animals and things. All the fakeness is wild
As a non religious stay at home wife,even without kids I can relate on the whole topic very much. I honestly admired all of the “capable energetic super women” that showed their cottage core perfect lives and wanted the same for myself. It’s funny how easily we can get influenced by unrealistic things and set ourselves for unrealistic expectations. If nothing else, the whole internet propaganda has pushed me to not be afraid to do the things I want and not be afraid of judgement, but at the same time I had to sit down and start thinking more critically and realistically what is my own reality and what I can do with it. And the reality for me personally is that- I have to do a lot of self work,self healing and learn to accept the natural imperfections of me as a human and the imperfections and chaos of life itself. Some of the things this includes is that we struggle financially even if my husband has two jobs, we are away from family (for a reason) and do a lot of things around our lives ourselves/or hire someone to do it. Even if I don’t have kids I don’t always have the time and energy to make my house spotless. We both learned to cook,clean and do any other necessary chore around the house in case one can’t do their part,and even then we can’t fulfill all of them. At the core of all frustration is that no-one really knows how to function with life and then there are those that need to stand out and play pretend that they found some magic wisdom and have it all figured out, but that’s all bs.Life itself is complicated enough, and we are served a lot of play pretend expectations that even the people that sell that don’t have it figured out themselves. When you add to this financial realities, personal backgrounds, education, the country you live in etc its very easy to set yourself for misery and frustration if you follow unrealistic idealisms. So the best you can do is take inspiration from wherever, but strive for your own personal happiness and wellbeing. If you pursue your own view of happiness and whatever that means for you personally,with time, and however long it takes,eventually you will get there. It’s a process and the best thing you can do is be present to it and actively participate in your own life. Everything else will come and go and so will the tread wife propaganda.😂
Take care.❤
This is a very true message! It took me a while to realize what I was consuming and I’ve studied it long enough to understand it (mostly) now and can separate my thoughts and feeling from them. The tricky thing is how many women aren’t able to see their manipulations and falsehoods? How many anxieties and depressions are directly caused by these women getting in screens and saying they have it figured out but not disclosing what’s really going on behind the scenes and what supports they have. It’s those people I worry about.
@@Becca.Loveless From what I’ve experienced this far and have noticed, in the end, people always gravitate towards things that resonate the most with them. It’s how the things we consume make us feel that has the most impact on us. And that’s the thing Ive noticed following accounts that promote insincere standards. With time I was not feeling uplifted on how I lived my life and just noticed how much I was lacking in comparison to the people I was following. And I didn’t want that for myself. So I was glad that I found you on insta and enjoy how you talk about the simple everyday life and struggles. I value how you turned your attention to embracing back the normal simple joys of everyday life. And I think that that is the true value people will always gravitate towards. 😊 So just continuing to live life as one feels fit and sharing the joys and sorrows, other people will slowly start to notice those things in their own life and then want that more for themselves and start ditching the unrealistic standards and people that they were so eagerly trying to compete with before. And it’s always a pleasure to just be able to enjoy the simple human experience.🌱✨
Well said.
I wish I could have researched more, but I wanted to get my thoughts out there!
Love your content! I stay at home part-time and work part-time. We're atheists and my husband does as much parenting as me, when he's home from his full time job. Wish we could be Mom friends...if you're ever in England 😆
so happy about this, you‘re instinctively understand this.
also, stay at home people, men as well, can be as socialist as others 😉
I’ve been thinking about all of this far too much, which is why I wanted to make a video about it 😂
Doesn't this sum up just about every single content creator?
I think it's up to the individual to be mature enough to live the life they're living and realise that not everything they see on social media is real. Why does someones life have to be achievable for them to be able to show it on social media?
As the other commenter said, many people don’t see it. Or at least it’s a long, painful lesson they have to learn. I have actually read many people’s accounts saying they follow another problematic girl and they ended up with an eating disorder. Or they follow Sarah therese and end up with PPD.
I wish we were all mature enough to realize even the realest accounts are still only showing you a fraction of their lives. But some people start social media incredibly young (and I would still say early 20s is very young.) and I think it’s harmful for people to be saying “look at my perfect life - here’s how to get it” when they’re obviously trying so hard to put up a fake representation of their life.
Kia kaha Becca. You are on the right track. Personally, I think people who fall into this trap are weak individuals, so its easy for them to become a sheep and go with that flow. If people who align themselves like Trump call themselves "christians", then thats the last thing anyone needs to be. The hypocrisy is strong with them. I'm sure there are plenty of mates out there for you to find, and you will, even if it takes a bit of time. Great to see Kiwi girl Clara is growing up into a family that will take great care of her. Hope young William, and Billy are blossoming too.
The so-called "tradwife" is just a normal feminist with historical perspective----here's what I mean by that:
Late to the video, but I am a Christian, a homeschooler, I work part time, and I abhor the trad wife movement on the internet. 😂 It’s rife with holier-than-thou legalistic, I’m better than you mentalities. They shame women for working outside the home while trying to quietly guilt them into buying their “make money at home course”. It’s scammy and scummy in my opinion.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for addressing the judgemental Christianity.
It’s going crazy online!
People don't put a fake life into the internet
No one would do that.
I don't think you're against "tradwives" (which is a label i hate to be honest) but against stay at home moms who set unrealistic expectations on social media, and people who preach on social media. christians tend to believe every single moment of their life can be traced back to God, and of course that will bleed through to their content. it's their entire life.
each family is going to do what works for them. no matter how your family gets your income, motherhood is a vocation from God regardless. IMO- the most unrealistic or polarizing people get the most attention.
i agree with you at the end- it's wrong to profit off of people's insecurities and portray yourself falsely online.
also, a mormon upbringing will leave a bad taste in your mouth about "christianity" (which mormonism isn't even traditionally christian). not necessarily something that's wrong, but people are allowed to be christian and like it, and even share it with others. it's your job to unfollow / disengage
I just grabbed this quick little note from Wikipedia in regards to tradwives - “The traditional housewife aesthetic has since spread throughout the Internet in part through social media featuring women extolling the virtues of behaving as the ideal woman.” Every single aspect of tradwives is problematic.
Also how are Mormons not Christian? The religion believes in Christ. The church is called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? Only difference is it was founded in a later year than the other more popular Christian churches.
Thank you for talking about this. Im so over fake . Iam christian and i really dont feel Mormon is christian they have 2 books which Christianity dosnt. Husbands love your wifes as christ loved the church, that means husbands lay down your lives for your wife and serve your wife.. i know you dont like christians but its very much husbands serve your wives .
can we please at some point get beyond the sexist „woman at home and children, men can only be providers“ at some point? stay at home dads and women working 30h and doing some child and home care are the only future!
I think every situation is so different! And I encourage everyone to do what works best for their family. For us Billy loves his job and it’s a huge fulfilling passion for him. Me, I enjoy staying home with my kids. It works out well for us.
First problem people like you come on UA-cam hoping to get monetized and you have hours of the day that you’re making content and a lot of ways you are not just a homemaker you are a employed person doing a job just happens with your job is also placed inside your home but you are notnone of you are that are on the web making contact just homemakers your homemakers with a dream UA-cam or whatever is gonna monetize you and you’ll be on easy street that’s your dream also the elephant in the room is this was being driven by a bunch of cultus called Mormons and a
Thanks for sharing your thought
I agree with a lot of this Becca, but I think it's a shame you talk about "Christians" as if they all have this tradwife idea, and try to push it onto others. You said Christians do this, Christians do that, which just isn't so! I agree that there are sects of Christians who may hold these extreme ideas, but there are lots of perfectly ordinary mums out there who are also Christians! I'm old now, but I like to think I was just an ordinary mum who happened to have a Christian faith. And so were a lot of my family and friends. No way did I ever "serve" my husband, produce perfect meals, have a spotless home with angelic clean quiet children. It's a shame that your only views of Christianity is based on the mormon faith, or fundamentalist sects. Don't spoil your argument by ignoring the rest of us, who are actually quite ordinary! I really enjoy your videos by the way!
What I gathered was that she would love to meet some people who don't even bring up their religion, which absolutely can be done.
I think you didn't actually listen to what she said, maybe go and listen to it again without the bias of Christianity that you obviously have.
christianity in the new world is very different from old europe 🤷🏻♂️
I am not sure but I think that these days if you refer to yourself as "Christian" it does indeed mean that you come from the strict fundamental-type sects such as Morman and Bretheren etc. In the old days saying you were Christian meant Anglican or Catholic or other like-minded religions I think the vocabulary used these days for the non-fundamental sects is just referred to as religious. I could be totally wrong, but that is my take on it.
@@jandutton
in europe, 90% of the people are christian from birth and their culture revolves around it, but they are socialists and conservatives and fascists and hippies and environmentalists. there‘s everything. the catholic church is still the biggest in the world!
you refer only to north america
I think you shouldn’t generalise and put one group of people in a box. It’s not very fair and very close minded.
In general yes, but I believe Becca is speaking from her experience in this situation. She is ex-mormon and has done the hard work of stepping away and to be confronted with that when not expecting it can be jarring
she is correct though!
and even people who see themselves as individuals can promote or are used by toxic movements
A lot of tradwives aren't like this, but the biggest creators in this space are all from money, don't actually have to "farm" the land they're on to make money and they talk very openly about submitting to their husbands; the biggest creators in this space are being fake and strongly promoting unhealthy "traditional" gender roles, so I think it's a very fair critique!
My husband and I live in a dairy farm. He is a farmer. We don’t live paycheque to paycheque. Once again, she’s putting one group into a whole box.
@@lifewithjess12
work in a dairy farm or are you the owners?
As you know you're going through the classic temptation of shall-i-optimise-for-instagram or not. Capatalism motivation. Reason I watch because authentic. IMH/non expertise opinion authenticity almost always gets rewarded on youtube, not initially but for longivity.