Hi, Frank, saw running into you in my dream last night. Hope it means you are working on my suggestion to make a video about personality type differences in people with Aspergers or highly functional autism. Or else it simply means you got 900 subscribers. Anyway... Congratulations!
1. i agree, i am very lonely, and i’m an infp 2. ash, why did you leave 3. name the plant bruno 4. stop talking in caps in live chat, i’m begging you, it’s only okay in twitch
Hope ur feeling better soon, u also sounded like you catched a cold. This is as well beautiful and filled with depthed honesty, firechat on. Thanks lots.
infp/intp: "i've won.... but at what cost" also ur comment reminded me of frank's "16p interacting with the same type" infp that were like - i always felt so different cuz no one could relate to me - i relate to that .... - STOP RELATING TO ME
It's so sad tbh. I want to have so many friends and a partner but so many people don't give off the energy I need. I need some extroverted, intelligent, caring and funny lads
IP type here. I've tested as INFP or INTP at different points in life. I'd agree with the assessment of feeling separate from everybody most of the time. And most of the time that's ok. But dear god sometimes I just wish somebody was on my wavelength.
INFP here! Ya I found one. An ENFP. He got me like no one else ever has. Not even my family. We were a serious couple for about 7 years. He ended up leaving me for someone else. So yeah good luck with that shit lol 😂😂😂😭😣💔
INTP here. Totally understand. Married an ESFJ this summer after 5 years of dating. She’s not on the same wavelength but that’s ok. There are more important things and it can be learned
I'm an INFP and I'm stuck in a perpetual state of feeling lonely but being around other people makes it even worse. It's ironic because I desperately crave and need deeper connections but being around others just confirms how misunderstood and out of place I really am, deepening the loneliness.
Oohhhh, i feel you. I'm an infp too and i'm in the exact same stage. It's been a long time since i don't have a real connection with someone, or even a longer conversation with someone randomly, but sometimes i'm just too afraid of showing myself to others in a more deep way and getting rejected by it, i always keep that feeling to myself though and try to ignore it as much as possible cause i really want to get over it, and move on ♡ even if it's hard and hurts as hell :) i really, really want to move on. I personally believe that as feelers we become so much strong with life. I'm sure we got this ;) 〘 hugs from Latin America ♡ 💫 〙
Thats really tough. I think its also harder for boys in our society too bc there's this expectation that boys just want to get out and play around and wrestle, or whatever. Girls get away a bit more with being quiet. Its almost expected. Are you still in school? Are there any interest-based clubs or conferences where you are?
I'm an INFP too and i totally relate to what you're feeling, lol i simply can't find someone that understands me anywhere and i just get so anxious yk thinking I'll never find that person or group of ppl
@@patriciarose2342 nah, I'm 30 and haven't been in school since 2010. After graduation I went to college, lost my grandfather and dropped out to come back home (I was 11 hours away from home bc I had a scholarship to a good school). Then 2 years later my dad died and he was my only parent growing up. Then I lost my grandmother and favorite cousin, my ex, all my friends from depression, and then lost my 2 kids. I know life happens and all that. But these losses have only confirmed that I was damned to be alone because everything I've ever loved has been taken from me. So it's just best for me to admire from a far but never get too close. I just wish my life didn't have to be this way but it is what it is.
But, as an INTP myself, I already knew even before the video started that we INxP types already lost this battle. 😕 We also correspond with the melancholic temperament, which makes it a lot worse. Also, asked a hikkimori community out of curiosity what their mbti/enneagram types are, and, no surprise, a majority of them were INxP 4w5 or 5w4 types.
I've always had a desire to socialize and make friends, but I just could never fit in, hence why I'm always by myself and have been since a kid. My imagination saved me, but now I value my personal space. On the other hand, even though I like having the house TO myself, I cannot handle being BY myself. I don't get it. But to be fair, I'm very picky about who I want around me. I'm not antisocial, like everybody assumes. Most people like to talk about shallow stuff like sports and whatnot, which is so boring and provides no brain stimulation for me. My sister, who says she's an INFJ, used to be extremely outgoing, but life changed her view about people, so, unlike myself to a point, she chooses to isolate herself.
Greetings from a fellow INFP. This is absolutely spot on. The only problem is that far too many folks out there are oblivious to this fact, and even if our pain shows, they wouldn't understand no matter how hard we try to explain.
True. Especially when its your own family, trying to tell you who you are or trying to "repeat" something you've said to prove they actually heard you. Only to miss it. Every time.
as an INTP I want to remind you guys, that being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing. Being alone is physical isolation, being lonely is emotional isolation. Always tackle them differently please.
@WildChild Well as an INTP I do feel emotions because thinking is only slightly dominant over feeling. I wish I could be more isolated so I could read, think and create in peace.
@@jjrhimself yep, as an intp my loneliness usually kicks in when there are many people around. Like in group settings where everyone else is around people and vibing with each other and I'm just wondering wtf shd I do... The only times I feel lonely when I'm alone is when I open social media to see other people hanging out with their frnds and stuff and I'm just alone, thts when I feel lonely, other than tht I just enjoy solitude so fkin much...
@@dee-litee4494 it's not about having a "split personality", it's more likely that it's just a judgment call, because ok, this situation (in this case, being lonely) isn't ideal, but changing it would take more emotional labor and that's exhausting. It's a choice between feeling a little discomfort for an extended period of time VS feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed all at once. Sometimes you will think "Yeah, I'm not dealing with that" and stay where you are to avoid that rush of negative emotions
@@user-sm3gk9us3s I have issues with personality charts etc. They try to put everyone in a category. People are unique. They can't be put into boxes. All introverts, extroverts, etc are not the same. Meyers Briggs tries harder but still fails nonetheless.
INTP here. One of the hardest parts about being an IP from my experience is the maintenance of social relations. I feel like I’ve always existed outside people’s radars, and without people who actively reach out to me, it falls on me to reach out to others-which paradoxically, I never feel the need or desire to do until they’re gone. I could go months without needing to be around people, but internally know that there are life experiences I’m missing out on. And with the one or two friends you manage to keep, you feel like you’re failing them when really you’re just living to the beat of your own drum. It’s always felt like a battle to match everybody else’s rhythm when I’d rather just…not make the effort. Thus the loneliness persists unchanged.
i'm an intp too but as i grew older, i enjoyed my own company more and more. the only craving i sometimes need is physical contact (and that's what the boyfriend is for). but if i don't have a boyfriend, then just having a pet dog or cat is fine for petting 🤣 i stopped caring if i'm lonely or in company of friends. at the end of the day, we all die alone 🤣🤣
im an infp and i can feel the not reach out part. like i hate making people feel like i dislike them or having to always make them reach out to me and make them "do all the work." in reality, i just overthink "should i text/call/talk or will i be annoying/am i really wanted/what will they think of it/etc." you got it, im avoiding judgement again. (fun fact im actually debating if i should post this comment because of fear of judgement for this. i hate myself really)
I would definitelly agree that INTPs are one of the loneliest types. I feel like I don't really wanna socialize with people but at the same time I would love to have a small group of good friends that would just get me and we would do fun stuff together, but I think it's nearly impossible to get a group like that in my life and obviously without socializing it is probably impossible. So I just imagine having friends like that and it makes me lonely that I'll never experience that lol.
Yes. I want a close set of friends, but when I have tried to make that happen I end up not liking someone in the group because they are awful (overcome by emotion and act selfishly). I have built up a lot of good friendships with people who don't know each other, because I cherry pick the best people from each group. Hahaha. It really is sad though - at the end of the day my high standards of being logical and compassionate (because I believe compassion is the only logical way to live) make me lonely. I wish I could better accept people's faults. But I can't. So I won't.
I (INFP?) am lucky I'm still at school, where it's easier to make friends. I actually have a small and comfortable group of friends there, but I don't have any friends outside of school and it worries me. I still can't help but feel that they all have more important friends than me. (I know they like me and I'm important to them, they make sure I know that, but I still can't help those thoughts) I lost a person I would call my bestfriend to an unsuccessful attempt at relationship with him and now I'm a bit lost. I don't know how to make new friends, because i don't think I'm interesting enough, I also have high standards for people so there's that. I'm also a bit scared of not being able to maintain a long bond with someone, because it requires effort. Sorry for the rant under your comment, but i guess i just needed to let it out somewhere. Hope it works out for both of us) sending you love💜
INTP or INTJ here, not sure, why are you so pessimistic? Our strength is to be ourselves which automatically makes like-minded people attract to us as long as we force ourselves to be a bit more social
@@ceceliaz What I do is I never try to make friends with a group, only with those who I like and if I unfortunately have to be part of a whole group, I usually just talk with the people I like. I also rarely do a lot of stuff with my friends when we are in groups so that's one way to escape that😂😂
INTJ here. I've struggled with loneliness my whole life. I never really understood why because I like being alone for long periods of time, but eventually I like seeing people for the dopamine kick. That's why I liked my past job. I didn't have to be alone the whole time, but when I wanted to be, I could. Same with living alone. I like occasionally seeing my friends, but don't like it when they stay too long. Loneliness versus time management, I guess.
@@suzdwyer4577 Yup. That's probably because we live in our Ni (which is the only function which can solely be used when alone), and spend our entire existence trying to avoid the Sensory, lol.
As a matured INFP (old and been to therapy), I think we can recognize the difference between the joy of solitude and the need for social interaction. I'm never lonely with myself.
I'm also an INFP but I wouldn't call myself matured - at least mentally. But for me a big part of the problem is that I'm never lonely with myself... I feel like I am with someone who is talking ALL THE TIME so I'm exhausted by social interactions before even having them...
As an INFP, it's not that I dislike being around people, it's that sometimes even when I'm with people, I still feel as though I'm alone and I block everything and everyone out.
I'm an INFP and i try my best to fit in with everyone else but there's just some point in which no matter how hard i try im simply like 'wtf am i doing' cuz I AM NOT AN EXTROVERT, so i just enjoy being alone
I could be in a room of people and still feel alone. I get that completely. The reason is probably because in that room nobody wants to really know you because nobody has asked. Even your own family. So, you just stay isolated. Not because of pain, but because nobody really asked. They don't ask, because they don't care to know, if they don't care to know, they really don't give a shit about you. Honestly. Truth be told.
@@ZtormVibin it's sad to say but the truth. The only one that really wants to know you is the one who created you. The great God Jehovah, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. People say they love you in this world and honestly... NOPE. Even though they raised you from birth, couldn't give 2 shits about you. You can tell by their actions. Family, friends, just crazy.
So I'm INTP and I just wanted to see if anyone else could relate to the specific things that go on in my mind. I love to be by myself I feel most comfortable and secure when I'm alone and I don't ever get bored because I always have so many things on my mind and to do. I also love to be around people sometimes like my family and closer friends but sometimes it's just so draining I always feel like I have to find things to talk about and I'm always very conscious of what I'm saying and how I'm reacting and so on. I love the idea of having a big circle of friends and spending time with them and doing fun things together but in the end I just end up wanting to be alone so yeah
Except loving the idea of having a big circle of friends, i relate to everything you said, as an intp ofc. I also love to talk to myself a lot about anything and i enjoy it so much .
I definitely relate to feeling like I need to find something to talk about, and to be conscious of what I say and how I react. That's part of why small talk is so draining for me; I'm much more comfortable talking about deeper things instead of feeling like a mom asking their teenager "How was your day?" It feels really awkward, but I also feel bad if I don't say anything. I also relate to the feeling of being comfortable and secure when I'm alone, and not being bored. I have a large variety of things that I think about, so even if I get bored with one thing, I can move on to a different thing. Being alone on purpose also makes me feel less lonely, but unfortunately it can end up as a neverending cycle of self-inflicted loneliness. Luckily, I have an INFP friend (who's also an mbti nerd) and another friend who I suspect is an INFP, but hasn't tested. I never feel obliged to ask about their classes or anything because we usually talk about our interests or go into deeper conversations. I hope you can find some fellow INxPs to have discussions with as well; it feels very fulfilling once you find someone who actually wants to listen to you ramble about something.
I've found they way around the awkward B's. Literally just be myself all the time and not give one single care. It took some building up to let loose but the negative reactions I thought were going to come from the situation didn't happen and most of the time I'm met with a surprising reaction or none at all. Which is more fun then thinking they will judge for being you... Also kinda depends on the people your around. But your not going to know unless you try.
I used to have a big circle of friends and it was always drama that finally eneded in disaster. I guess I don't want that EVER again, it's not worth it. But same with family and close friends - sometimes I love time with them but it gets tiring very quickly. I wish I had some people to sit in silence with. INTP.
The loneliest part I feel as an INFP is purely how you can relate to everyone, but nobody ever really relates to you since they're just never on the same wavelength, there is just a constant stream of misunderstandings and not realizing how much I care because I guess I don't really show it outwards... It's such a source of frustration, during my 32 year life I have only ever found one person with whom I could be completely just myself and them fully understanding me. Where we both can explain the others feelings and explanation when others are clueless. It was the biggest relief ever to realize that hey, I'm not alone!
INFP’s are the worlds universal translators 😂, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work in reverse. I find ENTJ’s and especially INTJ’s do a very good job though, oddly enough. They speak an entirely different language but do a good job in showing interest, and have the intense curiosity and intelligence, needed to decode and understand INFP’s. Most people won’t bother. Problem is they are also rare personality types 😢. The few very close friends I have are NTJ’s for this reason, they are the only ones they can be bothered trying to decode the language of INFP’s 😂. Anyways it’s friggin weird, that as a fluffy INFP all my closest friends are NTJ’s but apparently it’s not an uncommon thing.
@@begformeowcy I'm too antisocial to really spend time around other people much so wouldn't really know tbh😂With the exception of the bf who's an INFJ.. Makes for some interesting convos when he tends to take everything I say literally 😣🤣The time it takes to try to get on the same pages sometimes is enough to make me want to rip my hair out... 😂😂
Damn as an INFP, I suck at communicating with feelings. Like I can’t comfort anyone and more often than I would like, I can’t talk about my feelings out loud in a way that even I would understand. Luckily me and my brother have a similar wavelength at times so we end up talking the most random things every now and then. I don’t know why I shared this but have a good day!
@@_ALONE4EVER_ sometimes I wish I had siblings or a pet I have one person I consider my "friend" who is my 9yo cousin we live really close by but since quarantine my parents are very careful. I tried to make friends online but there is no easy and safe way of finding friends online when you are a minor. Good bye.
It really can go either way for INFPs because, on the one hand, we can be very independent and emotionally self-sufficient, but on the other hand, many of us long for deep, meaningful connections that can be difficult to find. We can experience a really deep existential loneliness at times, but we are also among the types most capable of being happy and thriving in solitude. Also, if we do manage to find the kind of deep connection we desire, even with a single person, we can be very fulfilled by that and not need much more.
As an INTP, I constantly feel like there's a huge gap between me and literally everyone else, either alone at home or in a group of my best friends. Even when I'm having a good time socializing, there's a little voice in the back of my head saying that no matter how much fun you have, you are fundamentally alone and most people cannot or will not care or understand your mind in its fullest. Now, I don't need constant interaction, but one of the worst things is knowing when you're feeling lonely, but also knowing you'll never truly not feel alone.
This! INFP here but i've always felt exactly like this. I could be hanging out with my favorite people on earth but there's always that nagging feeling of loneliness at the back of my head. I could be having the time of my life, but im constantly worried that i'd mess it up and everybody would start hating me then. and i'm always worried to speak my mind because the truth is my thoughts and opinions are just different from other people my age. what if nobody relates with me and then i might just truly realize how completely and totally alone i am. it just sucks.
i’m an INTP and for some reason, i feel the most lonely when i’m crowded by a lot of people. it’s like my mind just turns down immediately on it’s own when there’s a lot of actions and voices around me, and that’s why i find it hard to concentrate in class (and because the class is boring) but i think i’m ok with it ‘cause i don’t want to go there and get rejected by people ‘cause i’ve been rejected before and it just hurts when you feel like you’ll never find someone who cares for you and understands you for who you are 🤧
Are you sure that you’re not an ENTP? Sensitive to rejection doesn’t have to be introversion. If you suffer by not beeing included you could be an extrovert. I thought I was INFP for a long time but I am ENTP. I relate to what you have written, but it’s a little bit better now when I am surrounded by different people in a different class where I feel more included.
This sounds more like feelings against people because they didn't care for you in the past, not loneliness. If you do actually feel this way, I suggest finding someone to listen to your emotions such as a therapist or get the correct help for your mental state.
@@linneadietz4085 as an intp . We have that worrying side but I'm not really sure if I feel like talking to people in the first place . Basically the worrying side will only work if we like the person we want to talk to . But to normal people I don't care at all if I talked to someone and got no reply . I always say let's ask another empty head there is plenty in the room .
ISTP: Yeah, the contradiction of feeling ok when beeing alone for long periods time while potentionally feeling lonely when with a group of people is real. It depends however on which people I'm with, the situation and my general mood / energy level.
My (INFJ) most lonely years were middle school and high school. I never felt like I fit in and I would cry almost every day. I hated it. I still feel loneliness today but I have learned to deal with it much better.
Totally get you (also INFJ). For me the worst loneliness is not actually being alone, but being around others who make you feel alone. Thankfully experience that far less nowadays!
INTJ here, felt the same at that age. Did several bad decisions just to fit in. Thankfully it's in the past and today I can appreciate who I am. Don't worry, you are not trully alone. We weirdos are still here to support each other. Stay strong! 🙂
It depends on how you define loneliness. You can be around many people but still feel lonely but not feel lonely when you're alone. I'm an INFP and I often feel lonely in a group/around many people but when I'm alone again I don't feel that way anymore (which doesn't mean that I can't fee lonely when I'm alone)
I agree that I feel lonelier & more distant when I'm around people. Being alone gives me more time for my reflections but as reflections tend to slap us with truth, it's also painful realizing why I am so distant & how it crushes me when I try to put so much words that it eventually messes up the entire explanation.
I am INFP. When I was in my 20s, rather than fear being alone, I made a conscious decision to 'make friends' with my loneliness. I got too good at being happy on my own. It became too comfortable and my default state. I stopped drinking alcohol, and stopped socializing in bars etc. I realized quite quickly that if I stayed at home on my own at the weekends, and worked on some music, I felt much better than if I had gone out drinking with friends, which often left me feeling emotionally drained for several days afterwards. Ironically, I discovered that going out socializing would leave me feeling more lonely than if I just stayed at home on my own, doing my own thing. I dedicated nearly all of my free time to creativity, reading, and spiritual practice like meditation. I lost touch with almost all of my friends in my early 30s (44 now), bar a small number of fellow creatives and introverts. I got very used to having minimal drama and stress in my life. Do I regret that? No, not really. Do I actually want to be alone all of the time? Not at all. Is it a challenge for me to maintain social connections and relationships? Yup. If I was to do it all again, I would likely try harder to find and build communities of like-minded people where more introverted types feel loved, accepted, recognized and valued. Too many of us slip through the cracks in a predominantly extroverted culture. It is as alien to us as we can seem to it.
My teenage son is an INFP and yesterday he opened up to me telling that he feels lonely. He has friends, but none of them can relate to his special and deep emotions for which there aren't even proper terms in the dictionary. He wants more than some fun and laughing about memes or talking about girls. He said that he wants deep conversations, which his peers cannot provide. I felt bad for him. So I bet the video will be about INFP. INTJ and INTP might have few friends, but most probably they don't wish to have more of them. While INFPs miss someone who can relate to them.
Yup, us INFP’s aren’t interested in superficial surface level relationships, we need deeper connections with people to be happy. Sadly, small talk and shallow conversations are the norm, I can’t be bothered with those kind of relationships, so find it hard making friends, as I want more than what most people can provide. Then end up lonely 😂.
@@begformeowcy It's hard for people to understand each other because we are different. The kind of friend you talking about is what others considered soul mate. I find it's too high, for INTPs standards are lower. A friend is someone who doesn't annoy me, understands that I'm different and that I don't like to be annoyed, can use their brain effectively. I don't hate small talk but meaningless talk.
@@begformeowcy Exactly what my son says, "Sorry, I don't do small talk. " 😂 I don't like doing small talk either but I have understood that this is what people expect from me so I gotta do it. I see it as kind of a social tax I gotta pay. Those days I'm totally not for small talk, I better don't leave my house.
As soon as I saw this, I figured it had to be the INFP because of just how much inner turmoil we naturally have, lol. I definitely feel lonely pretty much 95% of the time, and my inner dialogue doesn't help. Been working on it!
@@timefortee I used to think that if I just found friends or a partner, then I wouldn't be lonely. But it turns out that having friends/partner doesn't cure loneliness. Learning how to love yourself and be with yourself is what will help. I am still working on it, and it is definitely very hard.
As an ISTP, the contradiction between wanting to be alone with my thoughts (or activity of the moment) and wanting to have someone(s) who I can share all my thoughts and interests with, hits hard. at times. Obviously, one's never going to find a perfect replica of themselves in another person, and sometimes all one has in common with a friend is a certain hobby or a certain worldview, but damn... sometimes I feel like I can only be 100% me when alone, and have to silence parts of myself in order to get along with my groups of friends.
Yeah, sometimes i feel alone but then i try to go out with friends and i feels so energy consuming because I’m not doing anything i like, so i return to isolation for another 3 months until I realize I’m lonely again and maybe i should try to go out, lol.
I’ve discovered that I tend to feel lonely when I’m very stressed, as I feel I’ve got no one to talk to about my stressors. It’s because I feel that I never connect to people on a very deep level, so I can’t be free and open about my deep emotions to them.
As an INTP, and one who lives alone (and had depression), I'm usually not bothered being alone but damn, when feelings of loneliness hits, I can literally spend quite a bit of time just curled up in my room crying my eyes out about it. But man, once those tears are all done and dry, does it feel refreshing lol.
I’m an INFJ and I used to think that I often feel lonely, but then I met my INFP boyfriend and now we enjoy being alone together. He’s weird as heck and I love him to bits. I hope that someday, you guys will also get to feel as I feel right now. ☺️♥️
INTPs suppressing the lonely feeling is so true. i recently started to let it come out a bit and i was so surprised to find that i've been lonely all through my life lol, solid denial for 20 yrs
I as an INFP wholly agree in this ,, there is no one around us who we can tell these thoughts to and we think we're overbearing to somebody who we think doesn't wanna hear us rant or talk too much :/
i'm an INFP and, i guess it depends on your definition of lonliness. if we're talking about being isolated, then i don't feel lonely at all. but i do wish there were people around me who could connect to my struggles, but they don't seem to be there. it's hard to open up that side of me and be vulnerable since i'm worried the other person won't listen to me
@@CamzCritiques THIS... INFP here & I exactly feel this, nothing is more lonely than surrounded by so many people who don't understand or can relate with you
As an infp, i often feel emotional, always craving for deeper connections yet can't even open up--be completely honest even to my closest friends because it's scary, very scary. Growing up in a house hold that are quick to jump conclusions and judge people didn't help either. Being always guarded protects me, at the same time it pushed me to the depths of isolation.
I'm an INTP, and I definitely feel lonely a lot. I feel less lonely when I'm alone, though; I'm more likely to feel lonely in a crowd of people. Maybe that's part of why I feel the need to isolate; I feel less lonely if I did it on purpose.
That's because in a crowd you are more confronted with that which you want, crave even: human connection. But at the same time you know how hard it is to really make those connections. It's so confronting, to have what you want so close, yet at the same time so far from realising. It is "in your face". When you are physically alone at least it's not in your face that much.
@@som31ne57 you're right about the craving for human connection. It feels like you expect something different but when people around you can't provide with what you want/expect you just get disappointed in everything, even yourself and isolate yourself further. At least that's my experience...
I'm an infp and my very best friend is definitely extroverted. I love solo traveling, and she recently did it for the first time and asked me, "Don't you ever just get... lonely?" And I was just so confused by that question because I feel lonely far more often than I feel connected anyway. Might as well travel through it 😂
IXXJ so accurate 💯 change = anxiety, spend 99.9% of time alone by choice. Zero in on tasks robotically and preferably alone. Need routine and control. Takes a long time to notice loneliness.
I think INFPs are more so romantically lonely and it’s hard for others to understand the extent to which we really want someone to love us. I generally think we feel lonely because we go misunderstood by society and crave a sense of belonging in social acceptance. I don’t think it has much to do on a discrete level but more on a worldly level. Close persons do help but a romantic lover and recognition in society is what we really desire.
oh man, so true. And given we live in our imagination so much, we have so many imaginary loves but whenever we get pulled back to reality, the painful loneliness is so apparent. We start wondering if reality will ever be like our fantasies and feel doomed to live a life of eternal loneliness
I'm an INTJ and I am most comfortable when I'm by myself. I get the most work done and think things through most smoothly with as little human interaction as possible. The last time I truly felt lonely was when I was waiting for my office to reopen when the pandemic hit, and suddenly my laptop completely stopped working. My focus shifted from the code I was working on to thinking I'd never get back on track, and it was when I had nothing to occupy myself with that I very quickly became depressed. I truly thrive in isolation, but that is a completely different thing to loneliness.
im an infp, whenever i take a break from programming for just a second it feels like time stopped. but i also feel time is going by faster than ever. also that my computer is all i really have to grip onto in life.
INFJ here 🙋♀️ Before I even watched this video, I knew you were going to declare INTP as the loneliest. My ex was INTP: loneliest person I have ever met. I know other INTPs and they all seem to share a pretty extreme introversion and sometimes crushing loneliness; often exasperated by and worsened by badly matched social situations. BTW, INTPs, look for INFJs in your life. We truly get you. You won't feel lonely around us. Also, INFJS: look for INTPs. They're some of the few people that can truly appreciate you. PS. INFJs can often feel lonely, but yeah, our routines and projects can keep us going for a long time. They provide comfort and a much needed sense of self-efficacy. Also, feeling lonely and "weird" around other people is a theme in my life. I often look forward to social events and then feel weird as hell compared to everyone else.
This is spot on for me as an INFJ! Loss of control is the worst thing for me to experience, much worse than isolation. Isolation is not really a problem as long as I have something meaningful to focus on.
As an ENFP I thought I would have hated being at home during quarentine. But with the 2 hours (1 hour out and 1 to return) commuting time suddenly not there I found I had so much more time to myself to exercise, learn languages, write to my penpals, go for walks in new places and so on. So though the quarentine was imposed on me it gave me so much more freedom and experiences! I loved it!
I'm also an ENFP and I knew it I would love quarantine. I spent 5-6 months in my house and go off social media except YT. I live with my family but I don't talk much with them especially on deeper topics. I got out the first time after a while cause my mom force me to bcs I'm 'too isolated' :( It's great to be an ambivert we can enjoy both worlds!
Us ENFP gang are apparently the most introverted members of the extroverted personalities. I know for a fact that I can be great when surrounded by people but I freaking love to be on my own as well. Funnily enough it's to do the very same thing as you 😅
Idk I'm an ENFP and I at first did love the quarantine but after a while I was missing getting out the house 😩 but when I started going back I also started missing being in quarantine again because I was able ti get some much needed rest, clarity, and work done that I was putting off. Lol I guess we all are either the same or different.
I’m an ENFJ. I’ve found that the leadership component of being an ExxJ actually keeps you from being in a position to actually connect with others as deeply as I allow others to connect with me. Being around people is not the same as not being isolated. It is entirely possible to be in extreme isolation inside of a crowd. That comes from what feels like a very uneven transfer of emotional energy.
Me, an INFP, before watching this video: I’d be willing to bet all the money in my bank account that INFPs are the most lonely. *17 minutes later:* I knew it. Now time to go spend the next hour imagining scenarios that’ll make me feel even more lonely.
As an infp, the part about fearing rejection is very accurate. Despite having friends, I would say I actually have quite an anxious-avoidant personality with avoidant tendencies that I try very hard to supress in order to get to know others. However, sometimes it backfires, as sometimes i feel uncomfortable around new people after having tried to connect and feeling unable to. That I will just give in to myself and avoid them due to percieved rejection and discomfort. Whereas I have seen others in my same situation with different temperaments still stick around with new people even after admitting they dislike them. For me lonliness feels cripplingly painful but also alright. But I find it really hard to stick around with people I feel no connection with.
I'm an Intj, and though I'm drown to solitude, and barely speak, I can't relate to the others around me. We have major communicative differences, and I can't imitate them without sounding braindead.
Nobody seem to be suggesting INTP, so I'll suggest it. I prefer to be by myself and figure things out/ learn new concepts. I get lost in the way of examining the microscopic parts. Once I'm done, I look around and there's no one left beside me. I've been left behind in stasis and stagnation the same way I've left them behind when I dove into the rabbit hole
The same has happened to me, i looked up and everyone was gone. Ghosting me comes so easy to my "friends" and family. Feels like they were just waiting for the opportunity to be rid of me 🤷♂
As an INFJ I've had this happen before. We do have a similar way of viewing the world. These days I chose carefully what I want to focus on, choose my priorities, hold myself accountable. With great power comes great responsibility :)
Yeah, INTPs (and ISTPs) are very easily alone, which is often fine and even needed, but when they become aware of it, they are also the least capable to do anything about it (and when they feel lonely, they are also objectively very alone). So while I can see ExxJs having acute attacks about feeling loneliness, for IxxPs it becomes more like long-burning existential crisis... - INTP
No one is suggesting INTP? I see so many INTPs in the comments rn. If there is any type that is the most similar to yours and is not mentioned, its the ISTP.
INTP: I self-isolated before it became "cool" with COVID. In fact, it took a while for me to understand what people were fussing about with the "forced isolation" (tongue-in-cheek delivery on that bit) and the "problems" associated with it. The last few years have been a normal Tuesday for me. That's all serious, btw, but also serious is that I moved to a new town and state right before COVID and I went on disability at about the same time, so: I know no one here, I have no family, and I don't even have co-workers. There's "yay! I love being by myself!" alone time, which I need a lot of, and then there's "holy cats! I live in solitary confinement!" Thank god for the Internet.
"ISFP and INFP can become overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness and then just not know what to do about it and just stay there in that feeling" ... Well at least this made me feel understood... That's something 😅
as an INTP, I would say you nailed it. the way you described the loneliness IXXP feel, was exactly what I have experienced. I hate feeling judged by others and I also have a great fear of abandonment, so I usually just don't let people see me and never let them really get close to me enough for me to actually care about them. And that's why I often feel lonely even when I am surrounded by people.
Thank you so much, Frank.💛 My sister is an INTP. So this video just helped me a lot to understand her inner feelings. And I just got the strength & hope to make her feel better. I wish I'll be able to.😌
INTJ - Never experienced lonelyness. I have my wife. And my family is near- though I may not see them months at a time. If not for my wife I could see myself getting lonely, but aside from that scenario, I don't see it happening. Alot is going on in my head at any give moment and I can quite literally keep the company of my own thoughts. For better or for worse.
ENFP here to let you know that Ne/Fi makes me a hopeless romantic and dreamer when I get captivated. I have to hardest time letting go and moving on as well. I just keep imagining scenarios and Si wants me to revisit and fix old wounds even years later. I just had a cry session over my ex because I read an inspirational quote and imagined him coming back to me to say it.
It gets easier. Have nonzero interest in denying it. I'm on my second time around and I'm 38. Lovebhelps and heals no matter what. But lots of wise people can't hang when you don't recieve the love back. In that feminine love is forever marry me , take your love and lay it on me , right now. Yep. I was willing to let go for like 10 years. And the shit, would not let me goooooooooooo! So yep. But it teaches you, that love is something without your own input on it. You never rush God and you always answer the call. It feeds the masses. Stay sweet and nice, anyway and brutally not cheap. Remain sincere. Put it first on the plate. At least I do. I don't like to hide any wackiness, I do this, I like to keep it 100 plus plus, focused on God's love and work. Have you tried BED PEACE???? I woke up , in a good mood. It might leave soon, though, no worries. Weddings, let's talk about Weddings either way. .... Hello??? Is anybody available and can they finish the conversation if we drop out???? Thank you, everyone. ALWAYS GREAT KNOWING THE PEOPLE REALLY STILL ARE INTERESTED IN LOVE. ITS LOVELY. GOSSIP NAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! VENTING YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! HIDING THE VENTONG MACHINE HELLLLLLL NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! PEACE ON EARTH FAMILY.
I feel you so much and it's tough talking about this with other people because they're like "you'll get over it!", but oh my goodness it literally hurts! The pain can become physical. It's crazy
I have to agree with FJ on the dominant Ni and the way it put's you on a different wavelength from most people being a source of loneliness. As an INTJ, while I can get lonely like anyone from a lack of company, that isn't the form of loneliness that typically troubles me. It's much more the absence of the deeper connection I crave for that gives me an empty/lonely feeling. INXJs are often adaptable and can keep up social appearances, but that doesn't necessarily make it fulfilling or satisfying. That isn't a slant against other people, they can be friendly and pleasant, but I feel like I'm always looking for that intuitive connection. Growing up I often felt I had to explain myself to people to either be understood, or avoid being misunderstood. Or, when trying to bond with other people, I felt like I needed to keep up a certain pretense and jump through social hoops in the hopes that I eventually would get a pass to be myself. Not that I would be fake, but it's that I feel like an acquired taste that has to be gradually introduced. As was brought out in the video, sometimes I have gotten the thought that the effort, time, and anxiety it takes to try to build something at times doesn't seem worth it compared to the bit of loneliness I get. That said, I haven't called it quits yet, so good luck to those of you in the same position. 😊
Mmmmm the reality is, I still don't care that much. Of course in order to not get a bad spotlight on me, I avoid as much as I can to just be tough, but believe me, in order to get what it's needed I do it. And the fact it's I assume all responsibilities. I know my limits (every INTJ knows it I guess) simply I don't owe explanations to anyone with all due respect, of course if people in front of me, shows they are willing to understand, then I explain. But it's not relevant at all, if you developed TE enough as secondary function, you should be able to deal with remorses or being misunderstood which is clearly our FI knocking at the door. Of course it would be easy if people understands us, but actually it's not required as long as things go as planned.
@@leandrobarbarito2763 I get what you're saying. It's not like I necessarily feel the need to explain myself to everyone, don't got the energy for that LOL. I was just relating it more to when I'm looking to make those connections. Ni isn't something a lot of people easily get off the bat understandably, so there's that feeling of having to put in extra effort. Like you said, misunderstandings will happen, and I wouldn't expect everyone to get me. But it is fun when you can meet someone who just seems click.
@@pandamonia8620 Exactly. We are those who fix things unseen. And even if we'd like to be recognized for that, actually we don't give it too much importance.
I'm an ESTP and I feel lonely whenever I try to get into preexisting friendship groups. At this point, this is a rite of passage for me (since I was 10 or 11) for any new groups, but I absolutely HATE the feeling of being the "new overlooked idiot". Like feeling half weirded out by the pre-existing dynamics, and feeling half upset by the fact that I'm "an outsider" and not accepted. I hate that initial feeling before fully becoming a part of said group
I’m an INFJ and the shutdown for Covid was a wonderful time in my life! My mental state was revived, I was happy, I felt relaxed… yea, our personality type can be odd🤔
ENFJ here... so we are xNFx. But during covid, I had the most miserable time. I shared a place with two introverts and it was disastrous for me because they hardly ever wanted to communicate. I couldn't wait to go back to the office!
I have gone back and forth my whole life from INFP and ENFP...believe me...the loneliness of being in a huge crowd of fake people...IS the loneliest I have ever been.
My INTJ husband loves it! Aside from all the technology failing, that shiz makes INTJ’s rage, aside from that, he doesn’t care much for the lack of human interaction, he considers it a bonus 😂.
I think... INTJ & INFJ. More prone to have existential crisis, and anxiety, and depression and... I don't know. 🌠💙 Edit : So I guessed wrong. You right, Ni domiant INTJ INFJ, enjoy to be lonely. "More likely voluntary isolation" "something to keep them busy" "focus on something" "Loneliness is painful but not the worst... less than anxiety" You are right : anxiety is worse than loneliness.
as an IP this couldn’t be more accurate. I’ve always spent 75% of my time alone, but I used to have 2 friends I considered on/near my wavelength. then I started to perceive how different we really are and it would make me very anxious to be around them. this eventually turned into me ghosting them so I could avoid the challenge of explaining how I felt. Now i’ve been alone for 3ish months and it’s not bad, but I crave someone to exchange ideas with
Frank, you are so good at explained the issues and advantages of the 16 personalities. Thanks for your very creative, humorous way of explaining everything.
IJ types but harder for IFJ types or imagine if no one would interact with the ITJ types, also tough...But on the other hand, I might say: Infp types, maybe because of missing to share what there is inside, with the outside world. Its nothing physical, but more mental.
@@marcwemtrust1480 you were, right. True. I found Franks description of IJs fitting. My routines and work helped me for the last 2 years most of the time to avoid feeling lonely.
I'm ISTP, I find your description of the build-up and explosion of loneliness to fit me personally. It tends to be triggered by rejection, actually, so for me you were pretty spot on! Bear in mind I have a history of recurring depressions...
Well, as an ISTP dude, I don't really feel loneliness often, I kind of opt for solitude. But at rare instances, when I do want some social interaction, most people don't convey to me talking to them would be the best use of my time, if you feel what I mean. Not saying this out of arrogance, but most people just don't fit my interests and won't have profound meaningful topics in common that would feel worthwhile. So I usually would rather be on my own doing my own stuff. Gotta feel the need to talk to somebody else, otherwise it just doesn't feel right. I like talking, even if it isn't necessary at times, but most often than not, I'd rather see a necessity in order to proceed.
@@jimenamondragon2076 I don't really care much about rejection nowadays. I cared most about it at my teenage days. Now, I just want to talk to people if I know they'll have some shared interest to a decent level of profundity. I tend to avoid most people because I don't enjoy talking about senseless stuff just to say i'm having social interactions if you know what I mean.
As an INFP/ISFP, when I'm isolated, I feel alone because I don't really have anyone in my life. But when I'm with people, I feel alone because I get ignored, used, forgotten, and abandoned. I realize that nobody really wants me in their life, and that's why I go back into isolation
This would depend very much, too, on one's definition or concept of "loneliness," wouldn't it? My preliminary response, as an INFP-T, is that I deeply experience "existential isolation" (the inescapable kind) and profoundly know its pain, yet at the same time I am dramatically more comfortable in isolation (since being with people does nearly nothing to resolve the existential isolation anyway) than many other people. As cliched as it is to say it, it's totally true that being with people depletes me...radically...quickly. It forces an INFP to embrace the isolation and its benefits (I'm never bored; there's always something to explore in isolation), even at the price that, at times, you're alone with your own worst enemy. Positively, if you're wise, you learn to create a symbiosis with that "enemy." 😊 So, I would say, INFPs can be among the most lonely...in a crowd. But certainly not the most lonely (as in, longing for company) when alone. Again, depends on how you define "lonely."
As an INTP I agree, I feel disconnected most of the time, I can spend hours alone, even when I'm surrounded by people I'm doing my own thing mostly because when others engage in conversation I don't put my own input, however in my case is not caused by fear of being judged or rejected, it used to be, but I have grown a lot during the pandemic and now it's more out of the idea that there's no need to talk about irrelevant things, For example: I don't care what happened to your friend's cousin the other day, if you want to talk about it, go ahead I guess, but if you vaguely explain it and expect me to pry on it you won't get anything out of me. I'm more likely to engage whenever the conversation takes a toll towards philosophical, theorical or controversial topics, now it's an example and in this cases, as you can see, I start talking a lot That being said, I'm not oblivious to the fact that as a human I need human interaction, something I realized after spending more than a year without hanging out with my friends; and maybe I care about the irrelevant things when they come from very close friends or family because that's just how conversations work. It may take time, but one has to take notice to the fact that even us, as Introverts, need to socialize, there's no point in denying it. Sure, you may like it a lot better to be on your own, I know I do, but the more you think you don't need people in your life, the more lonely you're gonna feel
Great video Frank. My view on this as an INFP is that while we might be one of the types that spends the most time alone and self-isolates even without a pandemic, we know how to live in such a state. Worst part is, we even enjoy it...although yeah, it is overwhelming when there's an urge get out of loneliness, but it doesn't last for long and we go back to our hermit modes. From the outside this looks terrible and extremely lonely to others, but it's not necessarily how we view or experience it. I think extroverted types like the ENFP can experience loneliness the hardest when their cravings for social (and meaningful) interactions aren't met.
As an intj, I myself feel quite lonely most of the time, even when around friends. I experience this however, because I feel as though there aren’t really any people out there for me who are intelligent enough to have a good conversation with me. I feel isolated because no one provides me with intellectual challenge.
Saaame people are boring and disappointing, most of the time. They are also predictable because manipulated by the dictates of society, so not unique, not really themselves, so not interesting if it's to meet the same types of people every time.
Yeah Im not exactly bored all the time I really like my friends and all, but at times I catch myself thinking how dumb they are. I know they’re not all stupid but this I think is just a problem all INTJ’s can run into if they get ahead of themselves. I definitely need to work on this.
omg i feel like im losing brain cells when people keep gossiping and talking about boring things..some people find gossiping exciting and blah blah I don't. it feels like a waste of time
I can relate! In school people the same age weren't interesting for me. I never had real friendships, because I get bored or I am in a state of focussing on something so I tend to isolate myself. But many people can't deal with me not answering or contacting them for month. There was a point I felt very lonely, so I forced myself to do a job I had to deal with other people all the time. Made me feel even lonelier, because I isolated myself in private even more. For me I am always searching for a job that matched my intellect and some people that keep being interesting enough long time. It's hard. And I, female myself, do not prefer working with women, because of gossiping.
I love the fact that Frank's started posting stuff like this again i mean i agree the 16 personalities and different situations skits were nice but I came to this channel because of the old thinking out loud and deep kinda videos and and stayed in the hope this content will come back again
ENFP. IP types can keep themselves busy and like a great deal of alone time. All the ones I know have legitimately cancelled plans because they find it fun. On the other hand, most ENFPs will have the emotional depth of an INFP but will also need to feel loved by at least 3 people at all times. This is hard.
As an INTJ who has had to live through the pandemic, I've discovered that it's partially my work routine that provides the requisite amount of social contact in my life. In the past, I've been snowed in and not seen or spoken to a human being for 2 weeks at a time, and only barely started to notice it at the end of the two weeks (I do have cats to provide for my social needs as well). But anyway, the months and years of being cooped up because of the pandemic, the times when I've been at work, I sometimes feel like that person who talks too much at work because there's other people and I really need to talk to them while I see them after being locked up. Eventually I go back to an equilibrium, and I've considered that I may need to rearrange my schedule to get in more time with other people on a regular basis. I've also found in the past that going to get a massage helps. I don't have to talk, but I'm paying someone for an hour of physical human contact every other week, and in the pre-pandemic, that was nice.
I'm in a similar boat. At home, I don't talk to anyone (my normal state). But at work, I won't shut up. I've been alone my entire life and have rarely felt lonely, but I've noticed after the pandemic (or maybe because I'm closing in on 40) I've started to feel as if I should have a regular person in my life for communication when necessary. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. Regardless, this was a fascinating video.
Feels very accurate for Ni doms (INTJ)... have to force myself out of my shell & routines... and 80% of the time it's great, enriching, and 100% necessary for my mental & emotional health.
I agree,,, sometimes I struggle to leave and plan things and put things off ,, but when I do go through with it, I am so glad and happy to be out and about. I wish it wasn't so hard at times but I at least understand now. INTJ single mama
I’m also an INTJ and it took me a while to learn how to manage my social life. The key for me is to sandwich plans with alone days, and not feel obligated to extend plans past the point of what I signed up for.
So true! it took me years to realize how important leaving the shell is from time to time. and sometimes it's hard to notice that i'm in need for getting out, there's this weird feeling that i cant define and boom, time to go out and see someone! lol
I’m over here reading the comments and everyone who is talking is an introvert. I’m an ENFP and I agree with what you said. The only part that wasn’t true for me that you said about EXXP is not being lonely in crowds. If I’m alone in a crowd I feel super lonely, but I have at least one friend with me I’m practically guaranteed to have a good time.
I'm an ENTJ but I've always been a loner. I feel good being alone, I can manage things by myself, focus on what I like, nobody annoys me and actually if I'm not stimulated by something that makes me join the crowd I will just stand alone with my thoughts. Definitely not a party animal or somebody who likes to be around people for the sake of it or that hangs out often in general. At the same time sometimes I really need somebody to communicate what's going on inside my mind and I'm really extreme in expressing/opening myself to others. Basically I value (and need) way more quality over quantity.
As also ENTJ myself I'm also loner, we can get along and play social games but I don't really feel connected to anyone, only for the goals and paths that really
As an ENTP people literally can bother me to the point of hiding out lol (I’ve heard we do that). Being misunderstood most of the time can be lonely but at least I know I do it to myself. I think when we self analyze being in our introverted thinking overall it isn’t a bad thing at all as long as we know we can be the problem and end our own pain. Great content Frank!!
As an ENTP too, I agree. My personal experience is that there's this part of me that really wants to fit in, but also turn people off (at least this is what I perceive) by being extremely, let's say enthusiastic and overly passionate, about whatever topic I'm into. Me: I don't really care about Topic. Everyone else: Me: topic, topic, Topic. TOPIC, TOPIC, TOPIC...And on and on. Everyone else: It's getting really late... Me: Topic?
@@CherylBeachlerRizzo We literally run on stimulation!! As long as our minds stimulated we’re fine. Boredom is our demise. I don’t agree about the not fitting in. I literally didn’t really think about it or care and apparently was popular. Completely right about topics I get absolutely enthusiastic and passionate about things that matter to me. I think most wish that they could be as bold as we are.I always just assume that most Like to avoid conflict when we love conflict because it brings change since we are problematic by nature.I have yet to find any Entp or Intjs!!!
@@CherylBeachlerRizzo I have to moderate myself verbally a lot! I know if I just talked untethered, and let my mind jump like it wants to-most people would back away slowly (ENTP).
As an INTP who lives with three other humans, I never really have the opportunity to be alone. When I sit down somewhere, it's only a matter of time before someone is sitting next to me, or on my lap. I love my family, but sometimes I do need alone time to be in my own head for awhile.
I'm a pretty isolated INTJ by choice, I have self-employment stuff to do in the comfort of my home, but realize I need to remain socialized (like a puppy or something!), so I have a p/t 16 hr/wk job a couple blocks away to interact with people. That's PLENTY enough socializing for me. Makes me appreciate my aloneness a LOT.
INFP here. What you've said is spot on and with the pandemic, it's been really easy rationalizing that isolation with "it's the responsible thing to do." I've recognized I'm super lonely about a year and a half ago, but with social events and get togethers out of the picture, and my general lack of local friends... I haven't really tried putting myself into a position that isn't familiar to me. I've gotten a lot better at guitar, though haha.
I feel lonely very often but at the same time I enjoy being alone. I feel disconnected from the few friends I have and I find it hard to open up to people. I'm an INFP btw.
As an ISTJ, I think true loneliness is when people are part of the routine and then they aren’t free. For instance, I was picking up my girlfriend from school everyday for weeks. She then got Covid. I was VERY lonely just because I couldn’t see her on the schedule I had anticipated. When I was single, though, I almost never felt lonely because people were never part of the routine
As an INTP, the issue for me is not simply being lonely, it's the difficulty in making connections with other humans, which leads to feelings of loneliness. As an aside, if I do form a true connection with someone, it's nearly always an INTJ. Which is, admittedly, stereotypical.
INTPs view the world differently and values different thing than majority of the people in the world. I can always end a conversation with one sentence but ppl seems to enjoy talking about meaningless things and just feel good.
@@goldsword0531 I tend to blank out when people so much as gossip. I'll be sitting a room full of friends and I would be in some far off land in my head to snap to reality when everyone laughs and just awkwardly laugh with everyone (BECAUSE I HAVE N0 IDEA WHAT'S FUNNY) and repeat until I can finally leave.
Frank 🙏 You're so accurate here- 🙌 ISFP here, and you're words are right on.... You know, just hearing this- gives solace in a way... especially if taken to a self-compassionate place. And who more than the IP's has the opportunity to develop Self Compassion....
The only time I'm lonely is if I'm stuck (deliberately using that pejorative term) in a roomful of people, they're all happily chatting with each other, and no one is giving me so much as a glance. Then I just feel weird - which, of course, I am.
“Well, seeking out other people could be more painful.” This is so true, I don’t isolate myself it’s because I’m scared of people but because I’m scared of what people could make me feel and mostly they are mean. And ok
I'm an INFP-A whose best friend is an INFP-T and whose husband is an INTP-T. I've been lucky enough to surround myself with deep, meaningful relationships of people who understand me and who can open up to me in a way that feeds me emotionally as I can for them. I think I'm one of the few who's been blessed my whole life to have attracted people to me who feel like soulmates, and I don't ever feel lonely, but I can certainly understand how isolating life would be for those like me who haven't been so lucky. I hope everyone out there can find someone who helps you process a crappy world so you can make your corner a little brighter.
The personality types are embedded in our brains. The introverted brain reacts to the presence of other people in a stressful way, releasing stress hormones, while the extroverted brain (like me, an ENFP) in the presence of others signals an exciting sensation of wellbeing. Often, as we all humans need connections, the introverted brain get a bit more extroverted with exposure to people and situations, with the progressive knowledge of people, by repeated confirmation of the awareness that in general the world is a welcoming place inhabited by positive people. That’s why some introverts feel better with age. Often in my introverted peers I see some kind of social anxiety, disconnection, fear of rejection, fear of the stranger, but it’s all in their heads, and yet… as an ENFP I feel genuinely attracted to them too with an open heart, but in the end it’s always them who close their doors.
INFP here, I’ve experienced excruciating loneliness but having worked on accepting myself I’ve been able to make friends, and lots too! Don’t give up. It gets better, so keep trying.
As An INTP I can relate to your conclusion. Fe inferior leads not only to avoidance behaviour ( especially with unhealthy or immature INTP) but at the same time it is also your aspirational function. So Fe inferior types are probably the most affected by loneliness since they crave it, but at same time have great difficulty making those personal connections.
As an INTP-A, I pretty much don't care and notice loneliness when i am alone. Its when i am with a group (>3 ppl) i care about, it hits me. Basically being in a larger group I value makes me lonely due to the constant shift in conversations which does not stick, every time there is a change of topic, my social battery drains faster. In contrary when am alone, i gots several things to explore and learn which never makes me feel lonely
As an ISFP I am more than happy to be alone for prolonged periods of time. I can relate to the sentiment of feeling disconnected from those around me but I enjoy my own company more. I have a terrible habit of zoning out of conversations which can be problematic. I have also been accused of lacking enthusiasm… I don’t have enough energy for that. However, the need for an emotional connection on a deeper level could, I think, be a source of loneliness. And if that was my plant I’d call it Edwina.
I fully relate to everything you said. Especially zoning out during conversations (and/or half listening). I think as ISFPs, we're so focused on our own lives, our thoughts, memories. etc. that we've built a habit of frequently ignoring the external world. Like FJ said, to avoid the judgment of the external world. Even if we're not exactly thinking about anything in the moment, that habit can still be making it difficult to not zone out of conversations or half-listen. Also, I do have Autism, so that fear of others, and desire to be alone would definitely be magnified 😂
I never feel lonely when I am by myself. I only feel it when I am in certain situations with people around me. I think it's because I feel very isolated with people I am not connecting with, but when I am alone, there is no reason to feel isolated. I can spend a 3 day weekend by myself doing artsy fartsy things and not get bored or lonely at all. But eventually it does feel nice to say hi or chit chat with another person - it uplifts me...but it takes quite some time before I get to that point. All it takes is a 30 second conversation with a checkout girl at the grocery store and I'm good to go. hahahahah
This really hit me as a INFP i really want to make friends but the rejection and the dissapointment of others on me are really scary ,just like in my high school days , people approach me first all the time so im happy and welcomed them but as days goes by i realized i can't be with them all the time cause i feel uncomfortable and suffocated(i really can't tell them this)(im the worst) even though they treat me good (i hate myself). so i start distancing myself from them, and i got better to just doing things on my own and sometimes playing with them.
As an INTP, I prefer being physically alone. However, I am and always have been alone on a more pervasive level. Anytime I wish that I had people who really understood me, I'm reminded that there is no one that ever has and likely never will. I don't have any friends, and that does bother me to a degree because it makes me feel like something is inherently wrong with me. It's like I'm in another dimension peaking into this realm of funny creatures called humans. All I can do is observe and attempt to communicate. But all of my attempts to connect or share my thoughts with people are fruitless because no ever understands what I'm talking about. I'm trapped within my own mind. A good thing to a degree, but there so much in here that is worth sharing but that no one will ever understand.
Let me know what other questions you have about personality types!
Hi, Frank, saw running into you in my dream last night. Hope it means you are working on my suggestion to make a video about personality type differences in people with Aspergers or highly functional autism. Or else it simply means you got 900 subscribers. Anyway... Congratulations!
NO THANKS I ALREADY HAVE ONE!!!!
Love the plants 😍
1. i agree, i am very lonely, and i’m an infp
2. ash, why did you leave
3. name the plant bruno
4. stop talking in caps in live chat, i’m begging you, it’s only okay in twitch
Hope ur feeling better soon, u also sounded like you catched a cold. This is as well beautiful and filled with depthed honesty, firechat on. Thanks lots.
Even though INFPs and INTPs pretty much won the battle of loneliest type, it still feels like we lost.
infp/intp: "i've won.... but at what cost"
also ur comment reminded me of frank's "16p interacting with the same type" infp that were like
- i always felt so different cuz no one could relate to me
- i relate to that
....
- STOP RELATING TO ME
nah i think its better being lonely.
I'm an Entp and I'm lonely... it's because people don't know how to talk to me without making me argue...
It's so sad tbh. I want to have so many friends and a partner but so many people don't give off the energy I need. I need some extroverted, intelligent, caring and funny lads
We have succeeded at failure.
IP type here. I've tested as INFP or INTP at different points in life. I'd agree with the assessment of feeling separate from everybody most of the time. And most of the time that's ok. But dear god sometimes I just wish somebody was on my wavelength.
same ... I got the feeling finding someone with that same wavelength is my biggest desire and the thing that I need the most :)
@@yassinkhalifa3897 you will never find them. 😀😄😃
INFP here! Ya I found one. An ENFP. He got me like no one else ever has. Not even my family. We were a serious couple for about 7 years. He ended up leaving me for someone else. So yeah good luck with that shit lol 😂😂😂😭😣💔
INTP here. Totally understand. Married an ESFJ this summer after 5 years of dating. She’s not on the same wavelength but that’s ok. There are more important things and it can be learned
@@Joshops31 oh, thanks for this info, and for sharing this experience, gotta rly work on my expectations in people
As an INFJ
The lockdown was the best period in my life
looking at my social calendar, lockdown didn’t even register.
Yep, I'm still self imposing it, not because I'm afraid of the 'fluRona' just lovenot going anywhere.
Same. Lockdown was my jam! I actually miss it
I hear a lot of people during lockdown getting bored. My brain did not compute that. I'm ISFJ. 🤷🏻♀️
Lockdown: happens.
Everyone: PANIK!!!
Me, an INFJ: you pathetic peasants.
I'm an INFP and I'm stuck in a perpetual state of feeling lonely but being around other people makes it even worse. It's ironic because I desperately crave and need deeper connections but being around others just confirms how misunderstood and out of place I really am, deepening the loneliness.
Oohhhh, i feel you. I'm an infp too and i'm in the exact same stage. It's been a long time since i don't have a real connection with someone, or even a longer conversation with someone randomly, but sometimes i'm just too afraid of showing myself to others in a more deep way and getting rejected by it, i always keep that feeling to myself though and try to ignore it as much as possible cause i really want to get over it, and move on ♡ even if it's hard and hurts as hell :) i really, really want to move on. I personally believe that as feelers we become so much strong with life. I'm sure we got this ;)
〘 hugs from Latin America ♡ 💫 〙
Thats really tough. I think its also harder for boys in our society too bc there's this expectation that boys just want to get out and play around and wrestle, or whatever. Girls get away a bit more with being quiet. Its almost expected. Are you still in school? Are there any interest-based clubs or conferences where you are?
I'm an INFP too and i totally relate to what you're feeling, lol i simply can't find someone that understands me anywhere and i just get so anxious yk thinking I'll never find that person or group of ppl
As an enfj, I've felt the same.
@@patriciarose2342 nah, I'm 30 and haven't been in school since 2010. After graduation I went to college, lost my grandfather and dropped out to come back home (I was 11 hours away from home bc I had a scholarship to a good school). Then 2 years later my dad died and he was my only parent growing up. Then I lost my grandmother and favorite cousin, my ex, all my friends from depression, and then lost my 2 kids. I know life happens and all that. But these losses have only confirmed that I was damned to be alone because everything I've ever loved has been taken from me. So it's just best for me to admire from a far but never get too close. I just wish my life didn't have to be this way but it is what it is.
Everyone : "Humans are social beings."
INTJ and INTP : What ? 🤨
Intp here, this comment is the most social interaction I’ve participated in all year
I'll need to reconsider my plans now that I have this knowledge
Don't forget INFPs with us.
But, as an INTP myself, I already knew even before the video started that we INxP types already lost this battle. 😕 We also correspond with the melancholic temperament, which makes it a lot worse.
Also, asked a hikkimori community out of curiosity what their mbti/enneagram types are, and, no surprise, a majority of them were INxP 4w5 or 5w4 types.
I've always had a desire to socialize and make friends, but I just could never fit in, hence why I'm always by myself and have been since a kid. My imagination saved me, but now I value my personal space. On the other hand, even though I like having the house TO myself, I cannot handle being BY myself. I don't get it.
But to be fair, I'm very picky about who I want around me. I'm not antisocial, like everybody assumes. Most people like to talk about shallow stuff like sports and whatnot, which is so boring and provides no brain stimulation for me.
My sister, who says she's an INFJ, used to be extremely outgoing, but life changed her view about people, so, unlike myself to a point, she chooses to isolate herself.
INFP here: when Frank said "Everyone around you is a source of pain." ... I felt that!
As an INFP, I agree
I had to pause the video and contemplate. He summed it right up, huh?
Greetings from a fellow INFP.
This is absolutely spot on. The only problem is that far too many folks out there are oblivious to this fact, and even if our pain shows, they wouldn't understand no matter how hard we try to explain.
True. Especially when its your own family, trying to tell you who you are or trying to "repeat" something you've said to prove they actually heard you. Only to miss it. Every time.
You guys are hurting me! Stop it!
as an INTP I want to remind you guys, that being alone and being lonely aren't the same thing. Being alone is physical isolation, being lonely is emotional isolation. Always tackle them differently please.
@WildChild Same, though I am apathetic person...
@WildChild Well as an INTP I do feel emotions because thinking is only slightly dominant over feeling. I wish I could be more isolated so I could read, think and create in peace.
Mhm
Soooo many intps here omg
@@jjrhimself yep, as an intp my loneliness usually kicks in when there are many people around. Like in group settings where everyone else is around people and vibing with each other and I'm just wondering wtf shd I do...
The only times I feel lonely when I'm alone is when I open social media to see other people hanging out with their frnds and stuff and I'm just alone, thts when I feel lonely, other than tht I just enjoy solitude so fkin much...
Introverts can simultaneously feel lonely and still avoid people. Sometimes we imprison ourselves with our instincts.
All of my instincts tell me to shelter in place in a dark room and wait for the zombies intent on making me one of them
Do you have a split personality?
@@dee-litee4494 it's not about having a "split personality", it's more likely that it's just a judgment call, because ok, this situation (in this case, being lonely) isn't ideal, but changing it would take more emotional labor and that's exhausting. It's a choice between feeling a little discomfort for an extended period of time VS feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed all at once.
Sometimes you will think "Yeah, I'm not dealing with that" and stay where you are to avoid that rush of negative emotions
@@user-sm3gk9us3s This!!
@@user-sm3gk9us3s I have issues with personality charts etc. They try to put everyone in a category. People are unique. They can't be put into boxes. All introverts, extroverts, etc are not the same. Meyers Briggs tries harder but still fails nonetheless.
INTP here. One of the hardest parts about being an IP from my experience is the maintenance of social relations. I feel like I’ve always existed outside people’s radars, and without people who actively reach out to me, it falls on me to reach out to others-which paradoxically, I never feel the need or desire to do until they’re gone. I could go months without needing to be around people, but internally know that there are life experiences I’m missing out on. And with the one or two friends you manage to keep, you feel like you’re failing them when really you’re just living to the beat of your own drum. It’s always felt like a battle to match everybody else’s rhythm when I’d rather just…not make the effort. Thus the loneliness persists unchanged.
i couldnt agree more as an istp
On point!
i'm an intp too but as i grew older, i enjoyed my own company more and more. the only craving i sometimes need is physical contact (and that's what the boyfriend is for). but if i don't have a boyfriend, then just having a pet dog or cat is fine for petting 🤣 i stopped caring if i'm lonely or in company of friends. at the end of the day, we all die alone 🤣🤣
im an infp and i can feel the not reach out part. like i hate making people feel like i dislike them or having to always make them reach out to me and make them "do all the work." in reality, i just overthink "should i text/call/talk or will i be annoying/am i really wanted/what will they think of it/etc." you got it, im avoiding judgement again. (fun fact im actually debating if i should post this comment because of fear of judgement for this. i hate myself really)
@@dimitra8569 Hun! Don't be so harsh on urself cause I swear u r not alone at all.
Timestamps:
3:26 EXXJ types
2:25 EXXP types
9:00 IXXJ types
12:44 IXXP types
isfp gaming
Thank you.
U deserve so many things.
6:25 For EXXP
thx
U deserve happiness
I would definitelly agree that INTPs are one of the loneliest types. I feel like I don't really wanna socialize with people but at the same time I would love to have a small group of good friends that would just get me and we would do fun stuff together, but I think it's nearly impossible to get a group like that in my life and obviously without socializing it is probably impossible. So I just imagine having friends like that and it makes me lonely that I'll never experience that lol.
Yes. I want a close set of friends, but when I have tried to make that happen I end up not liking someone in the group because they are awful (overcome by emotion and act selfishly). I have built up a lot of good friendships with people who don't know each other, because I cherry pick the best people from each group. Hahaha. It really is sad though - at the end of the day my high standards of being logical and compassionate (because I believe compassion is the only logical way to live) make me lonely. I wish I could better accept people's faults. But I can't. So I won't.
I (INFP?) am lucky I'm still at school, where it's easier to make friends. I actually have a small and comfortable group of friends there, but I don't have any friends outside of school and it worries me. I still can't help but feel that they all have more important friends than me. (I know they like me and I'm important to them, they make sure I know that, but I still can't help those thoughts) I lost a person I would call my bestfriend to an unsuccessful attempt at relationship with him and now I'm a bit lost. I don't know how to make new friends, because i don't think I'm interesting enough, I also have high standards for people so there's that. I'm also a bit scared of not being able to maintain a long bond with someone, because it requires effort.
Sorry for the rant under your comment, but i guess i just needed to let it out somewhere. Hope it works out for both of us) sending you love💜
Felt this on a personal level, intp
INTP or INTJ here, not sure, why are you so pessimistic? Our strength is to be ourselves which automatically makes like-minded people attract to us as long as we force ourselves to be a bit more social
@@ceceliaz What I do is I never try to make friends with a group, only with those who I like and if I unfortunately have to be part of a whole group, I usually just talk with the people I like. I also rarely do a lot of stuff with my friends when we are in groups so that's one way to escape that😂😂
INTJ here. I've struggled with loneliness my whole life. I never really understood why because I like being alone for long periods of time, but eventually I like seeing people for the dopamine kick. That's why I liked my past job. I didn't have to be alone the whole time, but when I wanted to be, I could. Same with living alone. I like occasionally seeing my friends, but don't like it when they stay too long. Loneliness versus time management, I guess.
I find that INTJ needs more alone time than any other type
What was your job?
So true
@@cbhorxo Stocker at a grocery store. I'd either work early morning or late night shifts when customer count was low.
@@suzdwyer4577 Yup. That's probably because we live in our Ni (which is the only function which can solely be used when alone), and spend our entire existence trying to avoid the Sensory, lol.
As a matured INFP (old and been to therapy), I think we can recognize the difference between the joy of solitude and the need for social interaction. I'm never lonely with myself.
I'm also an INFP but I wouldn't call myself matured - at least mentally.
But for me a big part of the problem is that I'm never lonely with myself...
I feel like I am with someone who is talking ALL THE TIME so I'm exhausted by social interactions before even having them...
As an INFP, it's not that I dislike being around people, it's that sometimes even when I'm with people, I still feel as though I'm alone and I block everything and everyone out.
I am an INFP too but I feel a lot better alone. But when I am around people that's when I feel the loneliest. I easily get get bored of people tho.
I'm an INFP and i try my best to fit in with everyone else but there's just some point in which no matter how hard i try im simply like 'wtf am i doing' cuz I AM NOT AN EXTROVERT, so i just enjoy being alone
I could be in a room of people and still feel alone. I get that completely. The reason is probably because in that room nobody wants to really know you because nobody has asked. Even your own family. So, you just stay isolated. Not because of pain, but because nobody really asked. They don't ask, because they don't care to know, if they don't care to know, they really don't give a shit about you. Honestly. Truth be told.
@@JF32304 couldn't have said it better💯
@@ZtormVibin it's sad to say but the truth. The only one that really wants to know you is the one who created you. The great God Jehovah, his son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. People say they love you in this world and honestly... NOPE. Even though they raised you from birth, couldn't give 2 shits about you. You can tell by their actions. Family, friends, just crazy.
So I'm INTP and I just wanted to see if anyone else could relate to the specific things that go on in my mind. I love to be by myself I feel most comfortable and secure when I'm alone and I don't ever get bored because I always have so many things on my mind and to do. I also love to be around people sometimes like my family and closer friends but sometimes it's just so draining I always feel like I have to find things to talk about and I'm always very conscious of what I'm saying and how I'm reacting and so on. I love the idea of having a big circle of friends and spending time with them and doing fun things together but in the end I just end up wanting to be alone so yeah
Except loving the idea of having a big circle of friends, i relate to everything you said, as an intp ofc. I also love to talk to myself a lot about anything and i enjoy it so much .
I definitely relate to feeling like I need to find something to talk about, and to be conscious of what I say and how I react. That's part of why small talk is so draining for me; I'm much more comfortable talking about deeper things instead of feeling like a mom asking their teenager "How was your day?" It feels really awkward, but I also feel bad if I don't say anything.
I also relate to the feeling of being comfortable and secure when I'm alone, and not being bored. I have a large variety of things that I think about, so even if I get bored with one thing, I can move on to a different thing. Being alone on purpose also makes me feel less lonely, but unfortunately it can end up as a neverending cycle of self-inflicted loneliness.
Luckily, I have an INFP friend (who's also an mbti nerd) and another friend who I suspect is an INFP, but hasn't tested. I never feel obliged to ask about their classes or anything because we usually talk about our interests or go into deeper conversations. I hope you can find some fellow INxPs to have discussions with as well; it feels very fulfilling once you find someone who actually wants to listen to you ramble about something.
I've found they way around the awkward B's. Literally just be myself all the time and not give one single care. It took some building up to let loose but the negative reactions I thought were going to come from the situation didn't happen and most of the time I'm met with a surprising reaction or none at all. Which is more fun then thinking they will judge for being you... Also kinda depends on the people your around. But your not going to know unless you try.
I used to have a big circle of friends and it was always drama that finally eneded in disaster. I guess I don't want that EVER again, it's not worth it.
But same with family and close friends - sometimes I love time with them but it gets tiring very quickly. I wish I had some people to sit in silence with. INTP.
Ahhhhh 😭 exactly my thoughts!
The loneliest part I feel as an INFP is purely how you can relate to everyone, but nobody ever really relates to you since they're just never on the same wavelength, there is just a constant stream of misunderstandings and not realizing how much I care because I guess I don't really show it outwards... It's such a source of frustration, during my 32 year life I have only ever found one person with whom I could be completely just myself and them fully understanding me. Where we both can explain the others feelings and explanation when others are clueless. It was the biggest relief ever to realize that hey, I'm not alone!
INFP’s are the worlds universal translators 😂, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work in reverse. I find ENTJ’s and especially INTJ’s do a very good job though, oddly enough. They speak an entirely different language but do a good job in showing interest, and have the intense curiosity and intelligence, needed to decode and understand INFP’s. Most people won’t bother.
Problem is they are also rare personality types 😢. The few very close friends I have are NTJ’s for this reason, they are the only ones they can be bothered trying to decode the language of INFP’s 😂. Anyways it’s friggin weird, that as a fluffy INFP all my closest friends are NTJ’s but apparently it’s not an uncommon thing.
@@begformeowcy I'm too antisocial to really spend time around other people much so wouldn't really know tbh😂With the exception of the bf who's an INFJ.. Makes for some interesting convos when he tends to take everything I say literally 😣🤣The time it takes to try to get on the same pages sometimes is enough to make me want to rip my hair out... 😂😂
Damn as an INFP, I suck at communicating with feelings.
Like I can’t comfort anyone and more often than I would like, I can’t talk about my feelings out loud in a way that even I would understand.
Luckily me and my brother have a similar wavelength at times so we end up talking the most random things every now and then.
I don’t know why I shared this but have a good day!
I m INTP but same case.
People never understand me, most of the times.
@@_ALONE4EVER_ sometimes I wish I had siblings or a pet I have one person I consider my "friend" who is my 9yo cousin we live really close by but since quarantine my parents are very careful. I tried to make friends online but there is no easy and safe way of finding friends online when you are a minor. Good bye.
It really can go either way for INFPs because, on the one hand, we can be very independent and emotionally self-sufficient, but on the other hand, many of us long for deep, meaningful connections that can be difficult to find. We can experience a really deep existential loneliness at times, but we are also among the types most capable of being happy and thriving in solitude.
Also, if we do manage to find the kind of deep connection we desire, even with a single person, we can be very fulfilled by that and not need much more.
As an INFP, I second your comment
You read my mind
Yes. YES.
100%
And when we do find the deep and meaningful relationships, it's exhausting after a while.
As an INTP, I constantly feel like there's a huge gap between me and literally everyone else, either alone at home or in a group of my best friends. Even when I'm having a good time socializing, there's a little voice in the back of my head saying that no matter how much fun you have, you are fundamentally alone and most people cannot or will not care or understand your mind in its fullest. Now, I don't need constant interaction, but one of the worst things is knowing when you're feeling lonely, but also knowing you'll never truly not feel alone.
I’m sure a lot of INTPs feel like that. You might feel like there’s a certain pane of glass between you and the outer world.
I'm probably an INTP, Not Understanding my mind completely.. that's exactly how I feel.. It feels good to read this feeling in words..
This! INFP here but i've always felt exactly like this. I could be hanging out with my favorite people on earth but there's always that nagging feeling of loneliness at the back of my head. I could be having the time of my life, but im constantly worried that i'd mess it up and everybody would start hating me then.
and i'm always worried to speak my mind because the truth is my thoughts and opinions are just different from other people my age. what if nobody relates with me and then i might just truly realize how completely and totally alone i am. it just sucks.
As an INTP, I’ve learned to ignore it. I know no one near me can understand me fully but I still socialize with my two friends, ENTP and ISTP.
i’m an INTP and for some reason, i feel the most lonely when i’m crowded by a lot of people. it’s like my mind just turns down immediately on it’s own when there’s a lot of actions and voices around me, and that’s why i find it hard to concentrate in class (and because the class is boring) but i think i’m ok with it ‘cause i don’t want to go there and get rejected by people ‘cause i’ve been rejected before and it just hurts when you feel like you’ll never find someone who cares for you and understands you for who you are 🤧
Are you sure that you’re not an ENTP? Sensitive to rejection doesn’t have to be introversion. If you suffer by not beeing included you could be an extrovert. I thought I was INFP for a long time but I am ENTP. I relate to what you have written, but it’s a little bit better now when I am surrounded by different people in a different class where I feel more included.
This sounds more like feelings against people because they didn't care for you in the past, not loneliness. If you do actually feel this way, I suggest finding someone to listen to your emotions such as a therapist or get the correct help for your mental state.
@@linneadietz4085 Could be an ENFP as well in my opinion 🤷♀️
@@bubbleteabeatboxx yes, could be but I just assumed because the person said INTP, but yes, you can get two letters wrong so
@@linneadietz4085 as an intp . We have that worrying side but I'm not really sure if I feel like talking to people in the first place . Basically the worrying side will only work if we like the person we want to talk to . But to normal people I don't care at all if I talked to someone and got no reply . I always say let's ask another empty head there is plenty in the room .
ISTP: Yeah, the contradiction of feeling ok when beeing alone for long periods time while potentionally feeling lonely when with a group of people is real. It depends however on which people I'm with, the situation and my general mood / energy level.
My (INFJ) most lonely years were middle school and high school. I never felt like I fit in and I would cry almost every day. I hated it. I still feel loneliness today but I have learned to deal with it much better.
I thought I was the only one but now there are people like me...😊
Totally get you (also INFJ). For me the worst loneliness is not actually being alone, but being around others who make you feel alone. Thankfully experience that far less nowadays!
@@openureyees awww so sorry to hear this 😣
Well, im experiencing it now in my college days, i can fit with the whole group but not with my own room mates but im obliged to
INTJ here, felt the same at that age. Did several bad decisions just to fit in. Thankfully it's in the past and today I can appreciate who I am. Don't worry, you are not trully alone. We weirdos are still here to support each other. Stay strong! 🙂
It depends on how you define loneliness. You can be around many people but still feel lonely but not feel lonely when you're alone.
I'm an INFP and I often feel lonely in a group/around many people but when I'm alone again I don't feel that way anymore (which doesn't mean that I can't fee lonely when I'm alone)
same
intp
same here. I'm an infp too.
I agree that I feel lonelier & more distant when I'm around people. Being alone gives me more time for my reflections but as reflections tend to slap us with truth, it's also painful realizing why I am so distant & how it crushes me when I try to put so much words that it eventually messes up the entire explanation.
Same here
Being an infp feels very paradox.
As an INTJ I enjoy being alone most of the time, but I also cherish times when I’m feeling social… that feeling comes in once in a while.
Judging by your username I'd guess you are an INFP. Good camouflage!
Nice try but INTJ’s can like fluffy things too.
The only fluffiness I'm ready to admit I like are my cats.
I'm an INTJ and this is literally me
@@user-mc5vy2vk5n Nah we can definitely love fluffy and cute things, but only on Internet while being anonymous.
I am INFP. When I was in my 20s, rather than fear being alone, I made a conscious decision to 'make friends' with my loneliness. I got too good at being happy on my own. It became too comfortable and my default state. I stopped drinking alcohol, and stopped socializing in bars etc. I realized quite quickly that if I stayed at home on my own at the weekends, and worked on some music, I felt much better than if I had gone out drinking with friends, which often left me feeling emotionally drained for several days afterwards.
Ironically, I discovered that going out socializing would leave me feeling more lonely than if I just stayed at home on my own, doing my own thing.
I dedicated nearly all of my free time to creativity, reading, and spiritual practice like meditation. I lost touch with almost all of my friends in my early 30s (44 now), bar a small number of fellow creatives and introverts. I got very used to having minimal drama and stress in my life.
Do I regret that? No, not really. Do I actually want to be alone all of the time? Not at all. Is it a challenge for me to maintain social connections and relationships? Yup.
If I was to do it all again, I would likely try harder to find and build communities of like-minded people where more introverted types feel loved, accepted, recognized and valued. Too many of us slip through the cracks in a predominantly extroverted culture. It is as alien to us as we can seem to it.
"Everyone around you is kind of a source of pain"
As an INFP, I relate a lot to this statement 😢
same
It is so true!
Very well put into words.
(ISTP)
Just being around people is a source of pain.
@@more444store6 eh, more than pain nowadays I'd say is annoyance, frustration at times. I just don't try connecting with people anymore.
My teenage son is an INFP and yesterday he opened up to me telling that he feels lonely. He has friends, but none of them can relate to his special and deep emotions for which there aren't even proper terms in the dictionary. He wants more than some fun and laughing about memes or talking about girls. He said that he wants deep conversations, which his peers cannot provide. I felt bad for him. So I bet the video will be about INFP. INTJ and INTP might have few friends, but most probably they don't wish to have more of them. While INFPs miss someone who can relate to them.
Yup, us INFP’s aren’t interested in superficial surface level relationships, we need deeper connections with people to be happy. Sadly, small talk and shallow conversations are the norm, I can’t be bothered with those kind of relationships, so find it hard making friends, as I want more than what most people can provide. Then end up lonely 😂.
@@begformeowcy It's hard for people to understand each other because we are different. The kind of friend you talking about is what others considered soul mate. I find it's too high, for INTPs standards are lower. A friend is someone who doesn't annoy me, understands that I'm different and that I don't like to be annoyed, can use their brain effectively. I don't hate small talk but meaningless talk.
@@begformeowcy Exactly what my son says, "Sorry, I don't do small talk. " 😂 I don't like doing small talk either but I have understood that this is what people expect from me so I gotta do it. I see it as kind of a social tax I gotta pay. Those days I'm totally not for small talk, I better don't leave my house.
You are such a psychological and caring father for your children
As an Infp I relate but I have an infp twin so I have usually have someone for a deep conversation.
As soon as I saw this, I figured it had to be the INFP because of just how much inner turmoil we naturally have, lol. I definitely feel lonely pretty much 95% of the time, and my inner dialogue doesn't help. Been working on it!
I feel lonely 100% of the time. ~Enfp
That's because you probably haven't found your special someone (yet).
I'm proud of you for working on it.
@@timefortee I used to think that if I just found friends or a partner, then I wouldn't be lonely. But it turns out that having friends/partner doesn't cure loneliness. Learning how to love yourself and be with yourself is what will help. I am still working on it, and it is definitely very hard.
As an ISTP, the contradiction between wanting to be alone with my thoughts (or activity of the moment) and wanting to have someone(s) who I can share all my thoughts and interests with, hits hard. at times. Obviously, one's never going to find a perfect replica of themselves in another person, and sometimes all one has in common with a friend is a certain hobby or a certain worldview, but damn... sometimes I feel like I can only be 100% me when alone, and have to silence parts of myself in order to get along with my groups of friends.
You just describe my life😂
- a fellow istp
Yeah, sometimes i feel alone but then i try to go out with friends and i feels so energy consuming because I’m not doing anything i like, so i return to isolation for another 3 months until I realize I’m lonely again and maybe i should try to go out, lol.
That's on point! -ISTP
I'm not the only one!! - ISTP
I’ve discovered that I tend to feel lonely when I’m very stressed, as I feel I’ve got no one to talk to about my stressors. It’s because I feel that I never connect to people on a very deep level, so I can’t be free and open about my deep emotions to them.
As an INTP, and one who lives alone (and had depression), I'm usually not bothered being alone but damn, when feelings of loneliness hits, I can literally spend quite a bit of time just curled up in my room crying my eyes out about it. But man, once those tears are all done and dry, does it feel refreshing lol.
I’m an INFJ and I used to think that I often feel lonely, but then I met my INFP boyfriend and now we enjoy being alone together. He’s weird as heck and I love him to bits. I hope that someday, you guys will also get to feel as I feel right now. ☺️♥️
INTPs suppressing the lonely feeling is so true. i recently started to let it come out a bit and i was so surprised to find that i've been lonely all through my life lol, solid denial for 20 yrs
Yeah, the moment you realised how lonely you are compared to other change your view of your world
I as an INFP can be confident in saying that we experience most loneliness. Its super super painfull.
I as an INFP wholly agree in this ,, there is no one around us who we can tell these thoughts to and we think we're overbearing to somebody who we think doesn't wanna hear us rant or talk too much :/
Believe me that's better in this world
And yet we love or lone time. As an INFP, I love being alone, but I do get lonely really easily at the same time.
i'm an INFP and, i guess it depends on your definition of lonliness. if we're talking about being isolated, then i don't feel lonely at all. but i do wish there were people around me who could connect to my struggles, but they don't seem to be there. it's hard to open up that side of me and be vulnerable since i'm worried the other person won't listen to me
@@CamzCritiques THIS... INFP here & I exactly feel this, nothing is more lonely than surrounded by so many people who don't understand or can relate with you
As an infp, i often feel emotional, always craving for deeper connections yet can't even open up--be completely honest even to my closest friends because it's scary, very scary. Growing up in a house hold that are quick to jump conclusions and judge people didn't help either. Being always guarded protects me, at the same time it pushed me to the depths of isolation.
Ditto 💞
As an INFP with the rest of my family being extrovert, I feel you.
I'm an INTP, and I definitely feel lonely a lot. I feel less lonely when I'm alone, though; I'm more likely to feel lonely in a crowd of people. Maybe that's part of why I feel the need to isolate; I feel less lonely if I did it on purpose.
That's because in a crowd you are more confronted with that which you want, crave even: human connection.
But at the same time you know how hard it is to really make those connections.
It's so confronting, to have what you want so close, yet at the same time so far from realising. It is "in your face".
When you are physically alone at least it's not in your face that much.
@@som31ne57 you're right about the craving for human connection. It feels like you expect something different but when people around you can't provide with what you want/expect you just get disappointed in everything, even yourself and isolate yourself further. At least that's my experience...
I'm an infp and my very best friend is definitely extroverted. I love solo traveling, and she recently did it for the first time and asked me, "Don't you ever just get... lonely?" And I was just so confused by that question because I feel lonely far more often than I feel connected anyway. Might as well travel through it 😂
IXXJ so accurate 💯 change = anxiety, spend 99.9% of time alone by choice. Zero in on tasks robotically and preferably alone. Need routine and control. Takes a long time to notice loneliness.
I think INFPs are more so romantically lonely and it’s hard for others to understand the extent to which we really want someone to love us. I generally think we feel lonely because we go misunderstood by society and crave a sense of belonging in social acceptance. I don’t think it has much to do on a discrete level but more on a worldly level. Close persons do help but a romantic lover and recognition in society is what we really desire.
Exactly
we do love so passionately as well, so it hurts when others don't.
@@peacheroseee It’s hard for us being so loving but having nobody to share that love with because we want someone to experience our love also.
oh man, so true. And given we live in our imagination so much, we have so many imaginary loves but whenever we get pulled back to reality, the painful loneliness is so apparent. We start wondering if reality will ever be like our fantasies and feel doomed to live a life of eternal loneliness
Ok I have to completely agree with this.
It makes complete sense, and it relates to my personal experience.
I'm an INTJ and I am most comfortable when I'm by myself. I get the most work done and think things through most smoothly with as little human interaction as possible.
The last time I truly felt lonely was when I was waiting for my office to reopen when the pandemic hit, and suddenly my laptop completely stopped working. My focus shifted from the code I was working on to thinking I'd never get back on track, and it was when I had nothing to occupy myself with that I very quickly became depressed.
I truly thrive in isolation, but that is a completely different thing to loneliness.
im an infp, whenever i take a break from programming for just a second it feels like time stopped. but i also feel time is going by faster than ever.
also that my computer is all i really have to grip onto in life.
ME! I'm an INTJ as well
INFJ here 🙋♀️ Before I even watched this video, I knew you were going to declare INTP as the loneliest. My ex was INTP: loneliest person I have ever met. I know other INTPs and they all seem to share a pretty extreme introversion and sometimes crushing loneliness; often exasperated by and worsened by badly matched social situations. BTW, INTPs, look for INFJs in your life. We truly get you. You won't feel lonely around us. Also, INFJS: look for INTPs. They're some of the few people that can truly appreciate you.
PS. INFJs can often feel lonely, but yeah, our routines and projects can keep us going for a long time. They provide comfort and a much needed sense of self-efficacy. Also, feeling lonely and "weird" around other people is a theme in my life. I often look forward to social events and then feel weird as hell compared to everyone else.
😆 I’m INJF but I don’t have bf. So now I know what I need to find. 😆 INTP.
This is spot on for me as an INFJ! Loss of control is the worst thing for me to experience, much worse than isolation. Isolation is not really a problem as long as I have something meaningful to focus on.
I agree. I’m also INFJ
My entire life is out of control so i got used to it
Same and legit.
As an ENFP I thought I would have hated being at home during quarentine. But with the 2 hours (1 hour out and 1 to return) commuting time suddenly not there I found I had so much more time to myself to exercise, learn languages, write to my penpals, go for walks in new places and so on. So though the quarentine was imposed on me it gave me so much more freedom and experiences! I loved it!
I'm also an ENFP and I knew it I would love quarantine. I spent 5-6 months in my house and go off social media except YT. I live with my family but I don't talk much with them especially on deeper topics. I got out the first time after a while cause my mom force me to bcs I'm 'too isolated' :(
It's great to be an ambivert we can enjoy both worlds!
Sameeeeeee
Us ENFP gang are apparently the most introverted members of the extroverted personalities. I know for a fact that I can be great when surrounded by people but I freaking love to be on my own as well. Funnily enough it's to do the very same thing as you 😅
Idk I'm an ENFP and I at first did love the quarantine but after a while I was missing getting out the house 😩 but when I started going back I also started missing being in quarantine again because I was able ti get some much needed rest, clarity, and work done that I was putting off. Lol I guess we all are either the same or different.
@@mypride_andjoy2269 Or we just like change 😁
I’m an ENFJ. I’ve found that the leadership component of being an ExxJ actually keeps you from being in a position to actually connect with others as deeply as I allow others to connect with me. Being around people is not the same as not being isolated. It is entirely possible to be in extreme isolation inside of a crowd. That comes from what feels like a very uneven transfer of emotional energy.
Me, an INFP, before watching this video: I’d be willing to bet all the money in my bank account that INFPs are the most lonely.
*17 minutes later:*
I knew it. Now time to go spend the next hour imagining scenarios that’ll make me feel even more lonely.
Well I can also bet my money 😂😂😂😂that we're the most loneliest people
As an infp, the part about fearing rejection is very accurate. Despite having friends, I would say I actually have quite an anxious-avoidant personality with avoidant tendencies that I try very hard to supress in order to get to know others. However, sometimes it backfires, as sometimes i feel uncomfortable around new people after having tried to connect and feeling unable to. That I will just give in to myself and avoid them due to percieved rejection and discomfort. Whereas I have seen others in my same situation with different temperaments still stick around with new people even after admitting they dislike them. For me lonliness feels cripplingly painful but also alright. But I find it really hard to stick around with people I feel no connection with.
I'm an Intj, and though I'm drown to solitude, and barely speak, I can't relate to the others around me. We have major communicative differences, and I can't imitate them without sounding braindead.
Nobody seem to be suggesting INTP, so I'll suggest it. I prefer to be by myself and figure things out/ learn new concepts. I get lost in the way of examining the microscopic parts. Once I'm done, I look around and there's no one left beside me. I've been left behind in stasis and stagnation the same way I've left them behind when I dove into the rabbit hole
The same has happened to me, i looked up and everyone was gone. Ghosting me comes so easy to my "friends" and family. Feels like they were just waiting for the opportunity to be rid of me 🤷♂
As an INFJ I've had this happen before. We do have a similar way of viewing the world. These days I chose carefully what I want to focus on, choose my priorities, hold myself accountable. With great power comes great responsibility :)
Yeah, INTPs (and ISTPs) are very easily alone, which is often fine and even needed, but when they become aware of it, they are also the least capable to do anything about it (and when they feel lonely, they are also objectively very alone). So while I can see ExxJs having acute attacks about feeling loneliness, for IxxPs it becomes more like long-burning existential crisis...
- INTP
No one is suggesting INTP? I see so many INTPs in the comments rn. If there is any type that is the most similar to yours and is not mentioned, its the ISTP.
@@freregregoire2685 That is very true, not saying extroverts can't feel stuff but for introverts its a whole new idea of loneliness.
INTP: I self-isolated before it became "cool" with COVID. In fact, it took a while for me to understand what people were fussing about with the "forced isolation" (tongue-in-cheek delivery on that bit) and the "problems" associated with it. The last few years have been a normal Tuesday for me. That's all serious, btw, but also serious is that I moved to a new town and state right before COVID and I went on disability at about the same time, so: I know no one here, I have no family, and I don't even have co-workers. There's "yay! I love being by myself!" alone time, which I need a lot of, and then there's "holy cats! I live in solitary confinement!" Thank god for the Internet.
I understand this. I’m in a very similar situation myself. Hope you’re doing well. 💗💗💗
"ISFP and INFP can become overwhelmed by the feeling of loneliness and then just not know what to do about it and just stay there in that feeling" ... Well at least this made me feel understood... That's something 😅
True 💚😂
as an INTP, I would say you nailed it. the way you described the loneliness IXXP feel, was exactly what I have experienced. I hate feeling judged by others and I also have a great fear of abandonment, so I usually just don't let people see me and never let them really get close to me enough for me to actually care about them. And that's why I often feel lonely even when I am surrounded by people.
Thank you so much, Frank.💛
My sister is an INTP. So this video just helped me a lot to understand her inner feelings. And I just got the strength & hope to make her feel better. I wish I'll be able to.😌
INTJ - Never experienced lonelyness. I have my wife. And my family is near- though I may not see them months at a time. If not for my wife I could see myself getting lonely, but aside from that scenario, I don't see it happening. Alot is going on in my head at any give moment and I can quite literally keep the company of my own thoughts. For better or for worse.
ENFP here to let you know that Ne/Fi makes me a hopeless romantic and dreamer when I get captivated. I have to hardest time letting go and moving on as well. I just keep imagining scenarios and Si wants me to revisit and fix old wounds even years later. I just had a cry session over my ex because I read an inspirational quote and imagined him coming back to me to say it.
First time around????
Ouch. I felt that.
It gets easier. Have nonzero interest in denying it. I'm on my second time around and I'm 38. Lovebhelps and heals no matter what. But lots of wise people can't hang when you don't recieve the love back. In that feminine love is forever marry me , take your love and lay it on me , right now. Yep. I was willing to let go for like 10 years. And the shit, would not let me goooooooooooo! So yep. But it teaches you, that love is something without your own input on it. You never rush God and you always answer the call. It feeds the masses. Stay sweet and nice, anyway and brutally not cheap. Remain sincere. Put it first on the plate. At least I do. I don't like to hide any wackiness, I do this, I like to keep it 100 plus plus, focused on God's love and work. Have you tried BED PEACE???? I woke up , in a good mood. It might leave soon, though, no worries. Weddings, let's talk about Weddings either way. .... Hello??? Is anybody available and can they finish the conversation if we drop out???? Thank you, everyone. ALWAYS GREAT KNOWING THE PEOPLE REALLY STILL ARE INTERESTED IN LOVE. ITS LOVELY. GOSSIP NAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! VENTING YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP! HIDING THE VENTONG MACHINE HELLLLLLL NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! PEACE ON EARTH FAMILY.
Well, as INFP that Fi-Ne makes me feel the same way as well, really
I feel you so much and it's tough talking about this with other people because they're like "you'll get over it!", but oh my goodness it literally hurts! The pain can become physical. It's crazy
I have to agree with FJ on the dominant Ni and the way it put's you on a different wavelength from most people being a source of loneliness. As an INTJ, while I can get lonely like anyone from a lack of company, that isn't the form of loneliness that typically troubles me. It's much more the absence of the deeper connection I crave for that gives me an empty/lonely feeling. INXJs are often adaptable and can keep up social appearances, but that doesn't necessarily make it fulfilling or satisfying. That isn't a slant against other people, they can be friendly and pleasant, but I feel like I'm always looking for that intuitive connection.
Growing up I often felt I had to explain myself to people to either be understood, or avoid being misunderstood. Or, when trying to bond with other people, I felt like I needed to keep up a certain pretense and jump through social hoops in the hopes that I eventually would get a pass to be myself. Not that I would be fake, but it's that I feel like an acquired taste that has to be gradually introduced. As was brought out in the video, sometimes I have gotten the thought that the effort, time, and anxiety it takes to try to build something at times doesn't seem worth it compared to the bit of loneliness I get. That said, I haven't called it quits yet, so good luck to those of you in the same position. 😊
I relate to this so much...INTJ here too!
Mmmmm the reality is, I still don't care that much. Of course in order to not get a bad spotlight on me, I avoid as much as I can to just be tough, but believe me, in order to get what it's needed I do it. And the fact it's I assume all responsibilities. I know my limits (every INTJ knows it I guess) simply I don't owe explanations to anyone with all due respect, of course if people in front of me, shows they are willing to understand, then I explain. But it's not relevant at all, if you developed TE enough as secondary function, you should be able to deal with remorses or being misunderstood which is clearly our FI knocking at the door. Of course it would be easy if people understands us, but actually it's not required as long as things go as planned.
@@leandrobarbarito2763 I get what you're saying. It's not like I necessarily feel the need to explain myself to everyone, don't got the energy for that LOL. I was just relating it more to when I'm looking to make those connections. Ni isn't something a lot of people easily get off the bat understandably, so there's that feeling of having to put in extra effort. Like you said, misunderstandings will happen, and I wouldn't expect everyone to get me. But it is fun when you can meet someone who just seems click.
@@pandamonia8620 Exactly. We are those who fix things unseen. And even if we'd like to be recognized for that, actually we don't give it too much importance.
I'm an intp but i relate to this a lot!
I'm an ESTP and I feel lonely whenever I try to get into preexisting friendship groups. At this point, this is a rite of passage for me (since I was 10 or 11) for any new groups, but I absolutely HATE the feeling of being the "new overlooked idiot". Like feeling half weirded out by the pre-existing dynamics, and feeling half upset by the fact that I'm "an outsider" and not accepted. I hate that initial feeling before fully becoming a part of said group
I’m an INFJ and the shutdown for Covid was a wonderful time in my life! My mental state was revived, I was happy, I felt relaxed… yea, our personality type can be odd🤔
I agree. I changed my career since pandemic and now I’m in a happier place.
Every introverts was in heaven during covid
ENFJ here... so we are xNFx. But during covid, I had the most miserable time. I shared a place with two introverts and it was disastrous for me because they hardly ever wanted to communicate. I couldn't wait to go back to the office!
I have gone back and forth my whole life from INFP and ENFP...believe me...the loneliness of being in a huge crowd of fake people...IS the loneliest I have ever been.
People during pandemic: How are you so calm & cheery???
Me: idk... *INTJ?* ●__●
My INTJ husband loves it! Aside from all the technology failing, that shiz makes INTJ’s rage, aside from that, he doesn’t care much for the lack of human interaction, he considers it a bonus 😂.
I think... INTJ & INFJ. More prone to have existential crisis, and anxiety, and depression and... I don't know. 🌠💙
Edit : So I guessed wrong. You right, Ni domiant INTJ INFJ, enjoy to be lonely.
"More likely voluntary isolation" "something to keep them busy" "focus on something" "Loneliness is painful but not the worst... less than anxiety"
You are right : anxiety is worse than loneliness.
feeling my life is going nowhere is way worse than feeling alone.
as an IP this couldn’t be more accurate. I’ve always spent 75% of my time alone, but I used to have 2 friends I considered on/near my wavelength. then I started to perceive how different we really are and it would make me very anxious to be around them. this eventually turned into me ghosting them so I could avoid the challenge of explaining how I felt. Now i’ve been alone for 3ish months and it’s not bad, but I crave someone to exchange ideas with
Frank, you are so good at explained the issues and advantages of the 16 personalities. Thanks for your very creative, humorous way of explaining everything.
prognosis: infj.
my "reason": the most extrovert of the introverts & takes life too serious & sits home pondering (yet wants to go to parties)
IJ types but harder for IFJ types or imagine if no one would interact with the ITJ types, also tough...But on the other hand, I might say: Infp types, maybe because of missing to share what there is inside, with the outside world. Its nothing physical, but more mental.
@@marcwemtrust1480 you were, right. True. I found Franks description of IJs fitting. My routines and work helped me for the last 2 years most of the time to avoid feeling lonely.
I'm ISTP, I find your description of the build-up and explosion of loneliness to fit me personally. It tends to be triggered by rejection, actually, so for me you were pretty spot on! Bear in mind I have a history of recurring depressions...
Well, as an ISTP dude, I don't really feel loneliness often, I kind of opt for solitude.
But at rare instances, when I do want some social interaction, most people don't convey to me talking to them would be the best use of my time, if you feel what I mean.
Not saying this out of arrogance, but most people just don't fit my interests and won't have profound meaningful topics in common that would feel worthwhile.
So I usually would rather be on my own doing my own stuff. Gotta feel the need to talk to somebody else, otherwise it just doesn't feel right.
I like talking, even if it isn't necessary at times, but most often than not, I'd rather see a necessity in order to proceed.
@@Rayzerow I relate so much to that nowadays, u have no idea
and to avoid rejection we isolate ourselves even more : /
@@talaomaluko6749 Imagino, irmão.
@@jimenamondragon2076 I don't really care much about rejection nowadays.
I cared most about it at my teenage days.
Now, I just want to talk to people if I know they'll have some shared interest to a decent level of profundity.
I tend to avoid most people because I don't enjoy talking about senseless stuff just to say i'm having social interactions if you know what I mean.
"The loudest in the room is the loneliest in the room."
You-
As an INFP/ISFP, when I'm isolated, I feel alone because I don't really have anyone in my life. But when I'm with people, I feel alone because I get ignored, used, forgotten, and abandoned. I realize that nobody really wants me in their life, and that's why I go back into isolation
Wow me too!! You sound like me! I feel so much worse when I’m around people and no one is talking to me makes me feel so lonely
This would depend very much, too, on one's definition or concept of "loneliness," wouldn't it? My preliminary response, as an INFP-T, is that I deeply experience "existential isolation" (the inescapable kind) and profoundly know its pain, yet at the same time I am dramatically more comfortable in isolation (since being with people does nearly nothing to resolve the existential isolation anyway) than many other people. As cliched as it is to say it, it's totally true that being with people depletes me...radically...quickly. It forces an INFP to embrace the isolation and its benefits (I'm never bored; there's always something to explore in isolation), even at the price that, at times, you're alone with your own worst enemy. Positively, if you're wise, you learn to create a symbiosis with that "enemy." 😊 So, I would say, INFPs can be among the most lonely...in a crowd. But certainly not the most lonely (as in, longing for company) when alone. Again, depends on how you define "lonely."
I'm a random stranger here just reminding you to get to know about cognitive functions related to the types besides those additional -T/-A letters.
Totally "SAME"
@@sansnitizer Yes, I'm familiar with them, thank you!
As an INTP I agree, I feel disconnected most of the time, I can spend hours alone, even when I'm surrounded by people I'm doing my own thing mostly because when others engage in conversation I don't put my own input, however in my case is not caused by fear of being judged or rejected, it used to be, but I have grown a lot during the pandemic and now it's more out of the idea that there's no need to talk about irrelevant things, For example: I don't care what happened to your friend's cousin the other day, if you want to talk about it, go ahead I guess, but if you vaguely explain it and expect me to pry on it you won't get anything out of me. I'm more likely to engage whenever the conversation takes a toll towards philosophical, theorical or controversial topics, now it's an example and in this cases, as you can see, I start talking a lot
That being said, I'm not oblivious to the fact that as a human I need human interaction, something I realized after spending more than a year without hanging out with my friends; and maybe I care about the irrelevant things when they come from very close friends or family because that's just how conversations work. It may take time, but one has to take notice to the fact that even us, as Introverts, need to socialize, there's no point in denying it. Sure, you may like it a lot better to be on your own, I know I do, but the more you think you don't need people in your life, the more lonely you're gonna feel
I am INTP, and yeah, I feel this way too.
Great video Frank.
My view on this as an INFP is that while we might be one of the types that spends the most time alone and self-isolates even without a pandemic, we know how to live in such a state. Worst part is, we even enjoy it...although yeah, it is overwhelming when there's an urge get out of loneliness, but it doesn't last for long and we go back to our hermit modes. From the outside this looks terrible and extremely lonely to others, but it's not necessarily how we view or experience it.
I think extroverted types like the ENFP can experience loneliness the hardest when their cravings for social (and meaningful) interactions aren't met.
Where are my fellow INFPs? 🤗
Gather up,it's us🙂
Lurking in the comments trying to find others of our species 😂.
As an intj, I myself feel quite lonely most of the time, even when around friends. I experience this however, because I feel as though there aren’t really any people out there for me who are intelligent enough to have a good conversation with me. I feel isolated because no one provides me with intellectual challenge.
Saaame people are boring and disappointing, most of the time. They are also predictable because manipulated by the dictates of society, so not unique, not really themselves, so not interesting if it's to meet the same types of people every time.
Yeah Im not exactly bored all the time I really like my friends and all, but at times I catch myself thinking how dumb they are. I know they’re not all stupid but this I think is just a problem all INTJ’s can run into if they get ahead of themselves. I definitely need to work on this.
@@mockingchief8144 I have the same issue. Having a problem not being alone because I perceive most people as idiots😬
omg i feel like im losing brain cells when people keep gossiping and talking about boring things..some people find gossiping exciting and blah blah I don't. it feels like a waste of time
I can relate! In school people the same age weren't interesting for me. I never had real friendships, because I get bored or I am in a state of focussing on something so I tend to isolate myself. But many people can't deal with me not answering or contacting them for month. There was a point I felt very lonely, so I forced myself to do a job I had to deal with other people all the time. Made me feel even lonelier, because I isolated myself in private even more. For me I am always searching for a job that matched my intellect and some people that keep being interesting enough long time. It's hard. And I, female myself, do not prefer working with women, because of gossiping.
I love the fact that Frank's started posting stuff like this again i mean i agree the 16 personalities and different situations skits were nice but I came to this channel because of the old thinking out loud and deep kinda videos and and stayed in the hope this content will come back again
ENFP. IP types can keep themselves busy and like a great deal of alone time. All the ones I know have legitimately cancelled plans because they find it fun. On the other hand, most ENFPs will have the emotional depth of an INFP but will also need to feel loved by at least 3 people at all times. This is hard.
As an INTJ who has had to live through the pandemic, I've discovered that it's partially my work routine that provides the requisite amount of social contact in my life. In the past, I've been snowed in and not seen or spoken to a human being for 2 weeks at a time, and only barely started to notice it at the end of the two weeks (I do have cats to provide for my social needs as well). But anyway, the months and years of being cooped up because of the pandemic, the times when I've been at work, I sometimes feel like that person who talks too much at work because there's other people and I really need to talk to them while I see them after being locked up. Eventually I go back to an equilibrium, and I've considered that I may need to rearrange my schedule to get in more time with other people on a regular basis.
I've also found in the past that going to get a massage helps. I don't have to talk, but I'm paying someone for an hour of physical human contact every other week, and in the pre-pandemic, that was nice.
I'm in a similar boat. At home, I don't talk to anyone (my normal state). But at work, I won't shut up. I've been alone my entire life and have rarely felt lonely, but I've noticed after the pandemic (or maybe because I'm closing in on 40) I've started to feel as if I should have a regular person in my life for communication when necessary. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind. Regardless, this was a fascinating video.
@@lyraserpentine894 I have also always been this way. That's typical of the NiTe combo.
Same here. As long as I have my cats and the internet, I'm good.
Feels very accurate for Ni doms (INTJ)... have to force myself out of my shell & routines... and 80% of the time it's great, enriching, and 100% necessary for my mental & emotional health.
I agree,,, sometimes I struggle to leave and plan things and put things off ,, but when I do go through with it, I am so glad and happy to be out and about. I wish it wasn't so hard at times but I at least understand now. INTJ single mama
I’m also an INTJ and it took me a while to learn how to manage my social life. The key for me is to sandwich plans with alone days, and not feel obligated to extend plans past the point of what I signed up for.
So true! it took me years to realize how important leaving the shell is from time to time. and sometimes it's hard to notice that i'm in need for getting out, there's this weird feeling that i cant define and boom, time to go out and see someone! lol
I’m over here reading the comments and everyone who is talking is an introvert. I’m an ENFP and I agree with what you said. The only part that wasn’t true for me that you said about EXXP is not being lonely in crowds. If I’m alone in a crowd I feel super lonely, but I have at least one friend with me I’m practically guaranteed to have a good time.
Im also an ENFP, who tried to find other extroverts in the comment section and i am relating
i was literally just scrolling the comments like man there are so many introvert types here where are my fellow enfps at
I'm an ENTJ but I've always been a loner. I feel good being alone, I can manage things by myself, focus on what I like, nobody annoys me and actually if I'm not stimulated by something that makes me join the crowd I will just stand alone with my thoughts. Definitely not a party animal or somebody who likes to be around people for the sake of it or that hangs out often in general. At the same time sometimes I really need somebody to communicate what's going on inside my mind and I'm really extreme in expressing/opening myself to others. Basically I value (and need) way more quality over quantity.
As also ENTJ myself I'm also loner, we can get along and play social games but I don't really feel connected to anyone, only for the goals and paths that really
As an INTP, I’d say you were spot on about me LOL thanks James for another insightful video, much appreciated!
As an ENTP people literally can bother me to the point of hiding out lol (I’ve heard we do that). Being misunderstood most of the time can be lonely but at least I know I do it to myself. I think when we self analyze being in our introverted thinking overall it isn’t a bad thing at all as long as we know we can be the problem and end our own pain. Great content Frank!!
As an ENTP too, I agree. My personal experience is that there's this part of me that really wants to fit in, but also turn people off (at least this is what I perceive) by being extremely, let's say enthusiastic and overly passionate, about whatever topic I'm into.
Me: I don't really care about Topic.
Everyone else:
Me: topic, topic, Topic. TOPIC, TOPIC, TOPIC...And on and on.
Everyone else: It's getting really late...
Me: Topic?
@@CherylBeachlerRizzo We literally run on stimulation!! As long as our minds stimulated we’re fine. Boredom is our demise. I don’t agree about the not fitting in. I literally didn’t really think about it or care and apparently was popular. Completely right about topics I get absolutely enthusiastic and passionate about things that matter to me. I think most wish that they could be as bold as we are.I always just assume that most Like to avoid conflict when we love conflict because it brings change since we are problematic by nature.I have yet to find any Entp or Intjs!!!
@@CherylBeachlerRizzo This is so true omg :D
@@CherylBeachlerRizzo I have to moderate myself verbally a lot! I know if I just talked untethered, and let my mind jump like it wants to-most people would back away slowly (ENTP).
As an INTP who lives with three other humans, I never really have the opportunity to be alone. When I sit down somewhere, it's only a matter of time before someone is sitting next to me, or on my lap.
I love my family, but sometimes I do need alone time to be in my own head for awhile.
As another intp, "sometimes" is such an understatement
INTP with three family members as well and I can totally relate. The constant interruptions are so bothersome!
As INTP- yeah exacly and i don't even have room just for me and that sometimes piss me off
I'm a pretty isolated INTJ by choice, I have self-employment stuff to do in the comfort of my home, but realize I need to remain socialized (like a puppy or something!), so I have a p/t 16 hr/wk job a couple blocks away to interact with people. That's PLENTY enough socializing for me. Makes me appreciate my aloneness a LOT.
INFP here. What you've said is spot on and with the pandemic, it's been really easy rationalizing that isolation with "it's the responsible thing to do."
I've recognized I'm super lonely about a year and a half ago, but with social events and get togethers out of the picture, and my general lack of local friends... I haven't really tried putting myself into a position that isn't familiar to me. I've gotten a lot better at guitar, though haha.
I feel lonely very often but at the same time I enjoy being alone. I feel disconnected from the few friends I have and I find it hard to open up to people. I'm an INFP btw.
As an INTP, same
As an ISTJ, I think true loneliness is when people are part of the routine and then they aren’t free. For instance, I was picking up my girlfriend from school everyday for weeks. She then got Covid. I was VERY lonely just because I couldn’t see her on the schedule I had anticipated. When I was single, though, I almost never felt lonely because people were never part of the routine
As an INTP, the issue for me is not simply being lonely, it's the difficulty in making connections with other humans, which leads to feelings of loneliness.
As an aside, if I do form a true connection with someone, it's nearly always an INTJ. Which is, admittedly, stereotypical.
Same
INTPs view the world differently and values different thing than majority of the people in the world. I can always end a conversation with one sentence but ppl seems to enjoy talking about meaningless things and just feel good.
@@goldsword0531 I tend to blank out when people so much as gossip. I'll be sitting a room full of friends and I would be in some far off land in my head to snap to reality when everyone laughs and just awkwardly laugh with everyone (BECAUSE I HAVE N0 IDEA WHAT'S FUNNY) and repeat until I can finally leave.
@@olalahonka omg I think that is what I do too
Frank 🙏 You're so accurate here- 🙌
ISFP here, and you're words are right on....
You know, just hearing this- gives solace in a way... especially if taken to a self-compassionate place.
And who more than the IP's has the opportunity to develop Self Compassion....
The only time I'm lonely is if I'm stuck (deliberately using that pejorative term) in a roomful of people, they're all happily chatting with each other, and no one is giving me so much as a glance. Then I just feel weird - which, of course, I am.
“Well, seeking out other people could be more painful.” This is so true, I don’t isolate myself it’s because I’m scared of people but because I’m scared of what people could make me feel and mostly they are mean. And ok
INFP (me) watching to the end: “I KNEW it!”
I'm an INFP-A whose best friend is an INFP-T and whose husband is an INTP-T. I've been lucky enough to surround myself with deep, meaningful relationships of people who understand me and who can open up to me in a way that feeds me emotionally as I can for them. I think I'm one of the few who's been blessed my whole life to have attracted people to me who feel like soulmates, and I don't ever feel lonely, but I can certainly understand how isolating life would be for those like me who haven't been so lucky. I hope everyone out there can find someone who helps you process a crappy world so you can make your corner a little brighter.
yeah yk as an INFP, i have always felt disconnected from others in a way, and i feel lonely a lot
The personality types are embedded in our brains. The introverted brain reacts to the presence of other people in a stressful way, releasing stress hormones, while the extroverted brain (like me, an ENFP) in the presence of others signals an exciting sensation of wellbeing. Often, as we all humans need connections, the introverted brain get a bit more extroverted with exposure to people and situations, with the progressive knowledge of people, by repeated confirmation of the awareness that in general the world is a welcoming place inhabited by positive people. That’s why some introverts feel better with age. Often in my introverted peers I see some kind of social anxiety, disconnection, fear of rejection, fear of the stranger, but it’s all in their heads, and yet… as an ENFP I feel genuinely attracted to them too with an open heart, but in the end it’s always them who close their doors.
INFP here, I’ve experienced excruciating loneliness but having worked on accepting myself I’ve been able to make friends, and lots too! Don’t give up. It gets better, so keep trying.
As An INTP I can relate to your conclusion. Fe inferior leads not only to avoidance behaviour ( especially with unhealthy or immature INTP) but at the same time it is also your aspirational function.
So Fe inferior types are probably the most affected by loneliness since they crave it, but at same time have great difficulty making those personal connections.
Congratulations on 900K subscribers, Frank! 🎉 Always enjoy your amazing content! Keep up the good work! Next stop... 1M!! 😎
I didn't notice! How exciting!!!!
As an INTP-A, I pretty much don't care and notice loneliness when i am alone. Its when i am with a group (>3 ppl) i care about, it hits me.
Basically being in a larger group I value makes me lonely due to the constant shift in conversations which does not stick, every time there is a change of topic, my social battery drains faster.
In contrary when am alone, i gots several things to explore and learn which never makes me feel lonely
1:42 - Mallorn for the plant 🌱 Illuin for the lava lamp 🛋 (just because they kinda resemble lol)
As an ISFP I am more than happy to be alone for prolonged periods of time. I can relate to the sentiment of feeling disconnected from those around me but I enjoy my own company more. I have a terrible habit of zoning out of conversations which can be problematic. I have also been accused of lacking enthusiasm… I don’t have enough energy for that. However, the need for an emotional connection on a deeper level could, I think, be a source of loneliness. And if that was my plant I’d call it Edwina.
As an ISFP, I agree with the need for an emotional connection on a deeper level possibly being a source of loneliness.
I fully relate to everything you said. Especially zoning out during conversations (and/or half listening). I think as ISFPs, we're so focused on our own lives, our thoughts, memories. etc. that we've built a habit of frequently ignoring the external world. Like FJ said, to avoid the judgment of the external world. Even if we're not exactly thinking about anything in the moment, that habit can still be making it difficult to not zone out of conversations or half-listen. Also, I do have Autism, so that fear of others, and desire to be alone would definitely be magnified 😂
I never feel lonely when I am by myself. I only feel it when I am in certain situations with people around me. I think it's because I feel very isolated with people I am not connecting with, but when I am alone, there is no reason to feel isolated. I can spend a 3 day weekend by myself doing artsy fartsy things and not get bored or lonely at all. But eventually it does feel nice to say hi or chit chat with another person - it uplifts me...but it takes quite some time before I get to that point. All it takes is a 30 second conversation with a checkout girl at the grocery store and I'm good to go. hahahahah
This really hit me as a INFP i really want to make friends but the rejection and the dissapointment of others on me are really scary ,just like in my high school days , people approach me first all the time so im happy and welcomed them but as days goes by i realized i can't be with them all the time cause i feel uncomfortable and suffocated(i really can't tell them this)(im the worst) even though they treat me good (i hate myself). so i start distancing myself from them, and i got better to just doing things on my own and sometimes playing with them.
As an INTP, I prefer being physically alone. However, I am and always have been alone on a more pervasive level. Anytime I wish that I had people who really understood me, I'm reminded that there is no one that ever has and likely never will. I don't have any friends, and that does bother me to a degree because it makes me feel like something is inherently wrong with me. It's like I'm in another dimension peaking into this realm of funny creatures called humans. All I can do is observe and attempt to communicate. But all of my attempts to connect or share my thoughts with people are fruitless because no ever understands what I'm talking about. I'm trapped within my own mind. A good thing to a degree, but there so much in here that is worth sharing but that no one will ever understand.