Phrases You'd Never Hear at an Airport - John Crist
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- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- "TSA was super quick today!" and other phrases you'd never hear at an airport.
John Crist is a standup comedian. For more videos, bio and live tour dates, visit www.johncristco...
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"Isn't that baby crying the sweetest thing you've ever heard?"
Matthew Krebs I would actually say that. I’m overly hormonal
You only say that when they’re born.
@@dontmindme.imjustafraidofe9327 newborns have sweet cries, but when those lungs develop... All hands on deck!
oh god my last 3 hour fight this baby cried the entire time and the mom ignored it the entire flight it was torture
@@sameaston9587 It's not so sweet when you're on a 5+ hour flight. Please god quiet that kid down.
Phrases You’d Never Hear At an Airport in 2020: “I’m at an airport”
😂😂
Matthew Siegler - good one! 😆😂😆🤣😆😂🤣
I have been flying a lot for work and that is so true it has been a ghost town. It has only started picking up
I flew in March. Plane was empty and it was beautiful so we're the prices.
😂🤣
"The flush in the airplane toilet isn't scary at all"
😂😂😂
It really takes you by surprise too
You flush. You wait. You wait. You wait. Boom. Silence. Swoosh.
Seriously, though, ha ha...I always be like, y it sound like that?!
Reason 1923772 why I try my best not to use the airplane toilet
“Oh pilots at the bar, that makes me feel so much better.”
@@qwq1rq ever heard of auto pilot?
@@jillvalentine5962 yeah..but even if they had auto pilot it’s still dangerous.
@@qwq1rq most pilots only have 1 or 2 drinks and there older so they wont get drunk from only a couple drinks they have a regard for their work. they are not stupid
@@jillvalentine5962 ...ok thanks😅.....
Check out the man show, they did a bit on this
"No, I`m not tempted to pet the bomb-sniffing dog." This. Is. Me.
I always want to pet the dog!
Forbidden pupper!
I thought the same thing when he said it! 😂
Also me.
ShadowsandCityLights - Which needs to be the name of ... something. A secret organization ? A band ?
imagine just seeing john at the airport talking to himself in a camera 😂
I know.... I WOULD BE DYING😂
He looks completely normal 😂😂
I was thinking that as i was watching the video. Lol
Mayer Fakeh People probably thought he was video chatting or something.
Mayer Fakeh in the Starbucks scene there was a guy that just stared at him as he walked past
Someone sees John talking to himself with a camera:
*No he’s not weird at all*
Awesome
“I prefer the middle seat”
Sitting in a row with only 2 seats
I prefer the window wing seat
You forgot I love using the airplane restrooms. They’re so clean.
You will NEVER find bodily fluids on the floor of the bathrooms. EVER!
The only one airport bathroom I've ever been to was actually super clean ... but it was also ridiculously big ... like I'm not joking when I say I had to walk like 10 feet to get to the urinals.
People NEVER take more time than necessary
Maybe im lucky but the only airport bathroom that wasnt clean was las vegas.
However the airport and toilets in Dubai, UAE are amazing . So clean you feel like ur in a hotel bathrrom
"No that wasn't traumatizing at all..."
Getting massage in an airport? Yeah, nothing is more relaxing than worrying about missing your flight.
The TSA agents will be glad to give “massages”
“My ears popping during the turbulence is the most comforting feeling in the world. Oh, my God! I love it!”
I actually love turbulence and the popping sound
@@clarinethro1695 what r u a psychopath
Lmao same
It’s a nice feeling when it goes away
Just pinch and blow your nose when you feel pressure building up in your ears.
*me being a Muslim & Arab*
“Sir, would you like to come to the front first with no extra search.”
DUDE THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME ESPECIALLY IN CANADA
gosh that's obnoxious.
Ahmed Othman Yeah sorry people do that. I'm mot Muslim or anything but I know how in airports you guys get the most looks and Tsa questions. :(
Natailyee What do you mean? It stinks for them? I mean I kinda feel bad for muslims and arabs who have to deal with that.
Natailyee Oh okay then. Have a good day:)
*John Crist ranting about airports for 3 minutes*
Shelby Jean I read this as Jesus Christ
ignore this 😂😂 I’m dying
@@ignorethis6856 ME TOO ;)
@@ignorethis6856 I think he's probably somewhat used to people confusing his last name by now
Complaining is more like it.
"to the children behind me, keep kicking my seat!! it's very relaxing while trying to take a nap!!"
Yes in flight massage
@@johnree6106 and for free. Ah, the perks of coach.
Other phrases include “I have a bomb”
"The Bomb has been planted"
I had a family friend who told a tsa agent his shampoo or conditioner or something exploded in his bag....😂😂😂😂😂
That falls more under “Things one should NEVER hear” category... 😆
Just the word bomb by itself will get you in trouble at an airport!
@@nataliegerdano6028 Hopefully they didn’t end up like the German guy who told a flight attendant his bladder was going to explode and they diverted the flight and had him arrested.
"Emotional support rabbits, yeah she definitely needs it."
You _would_ hear that, just sarcastically.
It's not as bad as an emotional support velociraptor. I'm talking to you, Chris Pratt.
Jessica Jennings, YOU DESERVE AN APPLAUSE!
I have an ESA rabbit, but I cannot imagine bringing her onto a plane. It would stress her out, which would stress me out.... And when she's an ESA for my anxiety and to ease stress, that's not a good combo
Can't forget emotional support peacocks.
One of the guys on there gave him a look like what the heck dude. Lol😂
“My luggage got to baggage claim before I even got here” 😂😂😂😂😂
That actually happened to me...once
That's happened to me twice.
That happened to me in Newark, because Immigration took so long. It was during the shutdown, so I was glad I catched my next flight, six hours later
That happened to me
1 time mine came so early it went all the way through and I thought it wasn’t going to come back
“I’ll be there in one second just let me hear this accurate and unbiased truth they’re sharing on the news today” 😂
Cnn sux!
@@dealio1762 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I don't watch CNN but as far as I know they are not "inaccurate." They just report the news, even if it makes lord and savior Trump look bad. Sorry it screws up your little fantasy that Donald Trump was somehow a good president, but OANN, FOX and Newsmax (to put it lightly) could not be more biased and inaccurate.
@@fostersamels are you talking to me? Because you sure are assuming quite a bit, considering my comment was just a quote from the video with an emoji. You don’t seem very confident in your statements. You just said you don’t watch CNN… how would you know? and I’m dying to know why would YOU be watching Fox News/News max instead? 😂 Since you brought Mr. Trump into this discussion, I think I should let you know that CNN was a joke long before that. It’s ALL a crock of shit, and if you don’t see that.. well, I would love to say “joke’s on you,” but it’s actually on us, the Americans surrounded by deluded psychos like you. It really is a shame. Get well soon!
yes omg 😆 the news is so overly hateful nowadays, I want nothing to do with it. it's part of the reason why I never watch TV anymore.
"I would love to wear a mask the entire flight".
"It's so much easier to see when people are happy"
Thank you!!!
First Class Upgrade um I’d rather Not 😂
who wants to? 😂😂
choosyduchess25 I know right
Elijah Zielke I read that right as he said it😂
Abby King that’s awesome
Itsajokelol
Just let me hear this accurate and unbiased truth they’re sharing on the news today. 😂
I want to like that comment so bad, but you reached the accomplishment of 420 likes and it would be a sin to disrupt.
@@McMan82 You need to get saved
CNN airport is shutting down this year thankfully
@@simtek3475 yay
"I don't know, everything in here is just like sor reasonably priced" This sentence. This one right here.
“I don’t know I would’ve preferred a little more turbulence honestly” . Actually me tho. I love turbulence
@Anne Liesveld I'm 15 and I've never been on a plane
@@jackbode3312 Same I Have Never Been On A Airplane To...
Same I’m weird
Fr, it’s lowkey kinda fun
turbulence is so fun it’s like that feeling in your stomach when you go down a hill.
You forgot: I am so glad they started charging extra for checked baggage. It was ridiculous they used to let you check it for free.
Love your stuff, sir. Thanks for that.
Yes! Perfect! 👏👏👏 😅
"No, there were like no extra fees at all!" 🤣
"Oh, pilots at the bar...that makes me feel WAY better" 😂🤣🤣
“I love getting to the airport at 5 AM even though the flight isn’t until 9 AM.” “I am never not in the mood for tiny pretzel bags and a flat, watered down Diet Coke.” “I am so glad there aren’t skymall magazines on planes anymore.”
*" No that mom with kids doesn't look overwhelmed AT ALL"!* 🤦😂
Ikr, I am not ready to take my 7 yr old son, who has way to much energy even after school and brazilian jiu jitsu, on a plane. I see him trying to open the emergency 🚪 😱
Lol
"Just for me as a customer, I've always felt very valued by Spirit airlines." 😂😂😂
Med students be like
“No I don’t want a ginger ale” said no one EVER on an air plane! :)
"Hold on lemme watch this accurate and unbiased truths on the tv."
That made me smile
Agreed! I was going to say it if no one else did
Oh when you get a seat at a couch with outlets but then the outlets don’t work because the couch isn’t “plugged in”.
BOS actually plug their outlets in
John passive aggressively ranting about airports for three minutes. "No, guys. It's for a video."
😂😂
Complaining and calling it comedy☺.
Can y'all keep it down I'm trying to listen to the emergency instructions
Honestly
Best thing I've ever heard at an airport: after my 9 hour flight landed, I was behind the pilot on an escalator, and he said to his co-pilot "That sucked. I hate flying on 2 hours of sleep."
I don't get it. Maybe the jokes just flew over my head?
I see what you did there?
Ohhhhh i get it now
Boo
AshidentsHappen
*_AhHh_*
Haha
"I love TSA"
"I hope I'm sitting next to a baby."
I'm dead
"We got a layover at O'Hare. I'm from Chicago, I can feel your pain."
O'Hare was the first airport I ever had to navigate alone. That was so traumatizing.
"I hope I'm sittin next to a baby." XD 1:47
I got pitted next to a toddler once I kept that kid entertained by playing with them and his mom was thankful. True story
@@theroadtocosplayandcomicco5840 Why do say "his mom," but you don't say "playing with him"?
@Isaiah Hykes It wouldn't matter if it were a typo, but it looks like it's done on purpose as if there were something wrong with saying "playing with him." I apologize if it's just a typo.
I have flight anxiety and tell whoever I’m traveling with to quiet down so I can listen to the emergency instructions 😂 I need to be prepared for all the horrible things my anxiety says is going to happen lmfao
Paloma Renee I do the same thing
I just wear noise canceling headphones and try to sleep through it all. I tell myself that I won't hear death coming so there's nothing to worry about 😅 gets me from point A to B.
Just a tip, if you land in the water your anxiety is probably going to be more extreme, so I recomend sitting on the isle seat near an exit. It gives quick access. Also, if you are ever in a situation where your plane crashes but your alive, I read somewhere you have 90 seconds to get off the plane before it explodes.
I actually feel safer in an airplane than I do in most places
Same
I love the sarcasm just oozing from every pore on this man
“That guy has AirPods SICK!”
Lol
“That guy has AirPods? Sick!”
“This guy is wearing a neck pillow in an airport. He probably has the hottest girlfriend ever!”
HEROSAM12 I love how autocorrect changed “hottest” to “boat test”
Adnan Ashtar That’s Apple for ya
Josiah Molina wait… I can get 150+ likes just for commenting something someone says in the video? Aightttt
You forgot the one person that snores and annoys you on the airport
Or takes their shoes off 😖
It's not so annoying when they take their shoes off. It's when they put their feet up on the armrest in front of them that gets me fuming.
General kenobi
And the baby that won't stop crying since take off until landing.
Or when people keep sniffing but don't blow their nose. That annoys me
"Yes I love Wichita Kansas!"
Rude😂
@Bethany Shultz lol yes. Witchita to be exact😂
Whoot Whoot! Wichita is awesome! :)
ICT native - love that we're in his big hit video!
@@Gen.Sun. are we talking about the same Wichita?
When he said hes "thrilled to be in Wichita, KS" I felt that one, considering I live there 😂
"Just let me hear this accurate and unbiased truth they're sharing on the news today"
Got me 🤣😂🤣😂
*sniff sniff* mmm that smells like sarcasm
😂😂
*sarcasm self check complete*
Good, that's still working.
You also forgot “I definitely want to be seated in the middle seat”
Edit: also, as a flight attendant who works for a regional airline “I’d prefer to be underpaid and overworked starting out as a FA for my company”
"Between two huge dudes."
Seriously, I knew someone who had a friend who was in that situation
He said that in the video
But he didn't forget
“Oh no, I like hearing screaming kids and them kicking my seat”
This plane has overhead space for EVERYONES bag! Yeah right LOL
Just flew for my first time Wednesday and somehow I understand everything you’re saying haha
I’m actually the wacko who says “I would’ve liked some more turbulence” when I get off the flight😂🤧
oh, i absolutely *love* TSA looking through my bags!
"Nooo, I'm THRILLED to be in Witchita, Kansas"
I'm crying😂😂😂 as your friendly neighborhood kansan, I hear Kansas being dragged all the time, but this was a new one😂
Gotta love the CNN jokes :')
CNN actually pays to have their news shown in the airports! Crazy.
@@gbart842 doesnt everyone do it cuz money
me too.
I think CNN is only on at airports because it boost their numbers, plus they pay the airports. Nobody actually watches CNN for news voluntarily! 😂
@@kimintacoma exactly
“I love it when there are perfectly capable people riding on those carts”
When you hit the news one... I love you man!
My sister pronounces this dude's name like he's Mexican: John Creest
Juan Creest
Juan Cristo 😂
Hahahaa! South Central KS/Wichita represent! What an honor, we just got dissed by John Crist xD (for what it's worth, our new airport is WAY better than the old monstrosity lol)
I miss Wichita, but at least in Phoenix there's no snow!
Jen....You have to go further south to get the snow...... or not.
Adrienne....... Just remember John gets paid to be good......we're good for nuthin.
Wichita native! While it is a nice city, I will admit that we aren't winning any awards for best place to visit😂.
We do have nice restaurants though😁
True true that old airport was terrible! But I love how the Wichita airport has like 3 gates 😂 I don’t miss Wichita, but I miss the airport where you can arrive 30 min before your flight. (I fly into Wichita from Seattle)
"I love the smell of Tuna." haha
Ok but I love turbulence. I was always short so I could never go on roller coasters with my cousins so I figured turbulence was the next best thing and just the shaking and drops are soooo fun
Flying into Denver in the afternoon.
Yee Haa.
As a nun who wears a veil I am also in the "flagged for pat down" list for your safety.
They keep confiscating my holy cards😁😇
First part is true
One day this comment will get 69 likes.. I did my part... 67th like..
@@alams3860 Did my part. Got it to 69
Mr. Hat I just ruined it...oops😂💀
Religion is a joke on science
@@rameshshinde1193 no one cares, go somewhere else with your hate
The first shall be...who am I kidding, I can't come up with something as cleverly as Chris!
The first shall find "the first shall be last" comments on unsuspecting videos
And the ultimate you would never hear onboard a plane.... "HI, JACK!"
🤣🤣
0:53 once heard about someone trying to get an emotional support turkey through and another time someone tried an emotional support peacock
CNN -“Hold on let me just hear this unbiased truth they are sharing on the news” 😂!
“Oh, the pilots at the bar. That makes me feel way better.”
XD
Not gonna lie, I read your name as "Autism Sphinx" at first and was confused
I'm the one trying to listen intently to the emergency instructions. "Shhh! This is important!"😆
I got so confused cause I didn’t read the title right 😂 I was like “huh?? People NEVER says these things at airports!”😂
You got me with the CNN jab. Very funny!
GMMReviews I don’t understand why I always see that channel on while in public... CNN sucks!!
Of course he did
Love John B Crist! So funny
I was expecting “I HAVE A BOMB!” But this was genuinely funny.
1:06 “Oh, pilots at the bar! Yeah, that makes me feel way better!”
You are spot-on! Especially about waiting to hear the unbiased news!
“Accurate and Unbiased truth on the news” lol
2:00
Ok but that is ACTUALLY ME😂
2:17 ok airport art is actually super interesting it’s one of the only times i’ve ever stopped to look at art
There was 0 salt in this video 😂
Southwest flight attendants are awesome!!!
Chris Aguilar agreed!
“All these people in first class look so happy!” 💀💀💀💀
O Hare is not confusing. That’s just a fact.
“Carrying a body pillow through the airport... yeah she’s not a psychopath”. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh, the accuracy of this video! 💯🙌🏼
Spirit Airlines. The name I've cursed with the fury of the flames of hell
EVERY. TIME. 😭
I won't be flying with them then. Lol. It's a trap..lol
Idk man they’re super cheap tho
Please tell me I'm not the only one who's watching and has never been to an airport.😔
yes you're almost certainly are not . at all
“He probably has a hot girlfriend.” I died
Transferring through O'Hare: Every flyers favorite thing in the world! :P
"No I am not tempted to pet that bomb sniffing dog" 🤣 my favorite one!
I haven't flown since '97, so alot of this is over my head. LOL
2:34 I’ve heard Wichita is AWESOME! 👍🏻
What I'm wondering is...
Where's he going that he can say these things???
T A K E M E T H E R E !
Wichita, Kansas. My hometown.
The first one is Nashville Tennessee. The second one is Wichita Kansas
JennyD do you still live here?
Literally the most passive aggressive video I've ever seen and I love it! 😂😂
"Hold on let me just hear this accurate and unbias truth they are sharing on the news today" lmao
"No, I am definately super relaxed on this 10 hour long trans-atlantic flight, I am sure is gonna feel short"
SOUTHWEST LMAO THEY REALLY ARE SO NICE
They really are!! I love it whenever my mom books a flight with them
Loved that blurb about the news, so true!
This airport does NOT exist😁🤣:)
"I LUV the smell of tuna, LOL🐟...
It exists. I've been there countless times. I grew up 5 miles from it.
Hey as a Kansas Boy I love being in Wichita, KS. And you should too damnit!
Preach it, brother! How can anyone not like Wichita?!
Another UA-cam Patron Hahahaha 😂 I lived in Wichita for the first 7 years of my life and frequently go back...I can’t say I miss it 😂