THERE WAS AN UPDATE ON THE FIRST STORY. OP kept the original couple's booking, and he offered added security, requested a guest list/a main point of contact for guest questions, and a discount for just in case things happen. They understood and accepted the new terms/offer. He has a lawyer and had them send C&D letters to his sister, mother, the "friends," and other family members who were making false reviews and talking bad about his business. Told sis and mom that it was HIS property, not the family's property, and the whole situation would have been avoided if he'd just been told what their date was. Groom contacted OP to ask about the situation. He said the sister told his side she "had it covered" and to "not worry about it." Also, it turns out, the couple KNEW FOR A WHOLE YEAR WHAT THEIR WEDDING DATE WAS AND SIS NEVER SAID A THING ABOUT TO OP. Groom said he now has a lot to think about. Op said since that talk everything is quiet, and he's scared because usually, when his sister is quiet, one of two things happens. It's about to get painful, or eruption is imminent. He knows for sure the situation isn't over yet, and he will be updating again at some point, but he's not quite sure when that will be.
Glad he is putting his foot down, if she does anything outrageous, he should file a report that she's banned from the property so if she does anything she will immediately go to jail I'm assuming he doesn't want to do it this way, but he should, it puts entitled people in their place and teaches them a valuable lesson
Unfortunately, what I see happening down the line is this poor sweet man being cut out/having to go no contact with his family and becoming the black sheep of the family. I think he's trying to avoid that as long as possible since he's lost his grandparents, he doesn't want to lose everyone. My more cynical side makes me wonder if his sister doesn't see that while he inherited properly that is already making income and growing in value, the rest of the family got cash, and whatever her mother doesn't spend she may still have to split with him if her mother doesn't make a will. She is jealous and wants to make sure he gets cut out.
@@TheLovelyMissBeans they were sent away to the grandparent. they have already been rejected by the family. they are the ones trying to destroy their business. They are the enemy.
The whole Ally story really reminds me of a situation in my own family. My parents and I basically adopted my high school best friend into our family because she had a rotten home life, and today she refers to my parents as mom and dad. My older brothers were never too keen on this whole situation and mostly politely ignored her, until just a few months ago when my mom and I got into a near fatal car accident. My friend came to the rescue right away, traveling half a state and staying for several days to help us out, as I was quite injured, and my brothers finally realized that my 'adopted' sister was not a fly by night relationship, but true family. My oldest brother even started calling her little sister as well.
Ally is the sister-in-laws younger sister. Who from what I understand came into the picture when OP had already gone away to college/left the nest. I don't think it is weird at all that OP does not feel any attachment to this child or consider her family. Cause she is not. She is SILs family.
They also stated they wanted an immediate family photo. SIL aka Maya is immediate family however her sister Ally is NOT! I get she's been around the family for years and everyone calls her sister or daughter but she is not legally apart of the family. OP is NTA for wanting a picture of immediate family. However they definitely could have done a couple with Ally just to appease the family but they're still NTA!
NTA. I think it was just the photos of immediate family that this Ally wasn't included. Tbf, she wasn't immediate family. It was OP's wedding, OP's immediate family and who she feels is her immediate family; there was no connection with that kid and her, why would she want to let a stranger to her be in her family pictures? It was not even that Ally was not included in ANY pictures, I could imagine she had because she was with the family. Smh
I had a VERY similar situation happen with someone who was “adopted in” through my in-laws open door policy. Everyone calls her our sister, and she is in all of my wedding pictures with my husband’s side of the family. I just accepted it. BUT, every time she comes to my house or interacts with me, she is extremely judgmental and condescending. She has her own parents and 8 other siblings - it is still difficult for me to look at the “family” picture from the wedding.
@@MaidenHelll She is ABSOLUTELY NOT the OP's sister in law. She's OP's brother's sister in law but not OP's. OP wanted a picture with IMMEDIATE family and sister of sister in law is NOT immediate family!
I'm with the OP on the Aly story. You have the right to have whoever you want in your family wedding photo that you might hang up and look at every day. You can't make someone love someone.
I can't believe she didn't discuss and settle the date with her brother. In weddings, everything is discussed and done advance. You want the day to be perfect. How can it be perfect if you are careless about it?
She MUST have wanted to cause problems. Like, OBVIOUSLY she wants everyone to bow down to her whims and wanted to flex power over him with the wild wild dream that he would ACTUALLY ruin the wedding planning of another couple of strangers and hundreds of attendees/workers. BUT she was probably JUST as happy to have this outcome happen, where she can heavily blame someone, cry about it, act like the victim, and be as nasty as possible to be vindicated.
I was traveling with my friend (remote working so we were there for awhile) and we made friends with another group of girls who were working on the same project there. My friend and one of the other girls had the same birthday that was coming up that weekend, so they briefly talked about having a joint party at our place. A day later she texted my friend and said she wasn’t comfortable sharing her 30th birthday. We were like, no worries, no hard feelings. Later that day we get a group text to dozens of people with her birthday party invitation and it has OUR AIRBNB ADDRESS ON IT. Said it went until 3 am when we had to be up at 8 the next day. Most importantly, it was on my friends birthday. We had to keep the peace so even though I wanted to tell her to fuck off my friend very kindly let her have it a different day at our place. We later found out it wasn’t even her birthday-her last party had gotten cancelled and this was the date she chose to postpone the celebration to. The audacity of some people
re: the story about the sisters, the pictures op was trying to take at the time WERE the immediate-family-only photos. the mother was trying to force ally into it. and op wasn't even mean about saying no; everyone's just offended that op doesn't feel the same way about her than they do. she asked for an immediate-family-only set of photos, and it didn't have to be a thing if everyone just respected that.
I was gearing up to be an unpopular opinion before I foubd this but Im with you... and you're right, it wouldn't have been an issue if OPs Mom hadn't wanted HER version of immediate family instead of OPs version.
No, no OP is wrong, she was discriminating the poor kid. Judging by the way she was talking about her, she doesn't like her for no reason. She is in the wrong
Allie is the sister to OP’s brothers wife. She is an outsider to OP, she wasn’t raised with her or close to her at all. She isn’t trying to make anyone else treat her less, OP isn’t even treating her less. She just does not see this girl as family which is fully within her rights to do so.
Too bad thats not how family works. Did you choose your cousins? Nieces nephews??? No. Choices outside of your control link you to people in your family.
@@Squirreltasticqueen But Ally is not any of those things, she's an actual stranger that they just kind of took in one day. She has absolutely no blood relation or emotional relation to OP.
She goes from ‘Family. Don’t mean shit’ in the first post to ‘you have to treat Family nice’ in the second post. Allie is a sister-in-law‘s sister, that you happen to be roommates with, that’s not exactly immediate family.
@@artemisa1523it is normal. You don't like who you don't like. The kid isn't legally adopted but just hangs around there. It makes the op uncomfortable. Simple
@@sunshinehope9825 no I wouldn't force her to like the kid, I would just cut relationship with a person like her. I would never trust in an adult that couldn't grow to love a kid of her family. That's selfish, immature and make her an untrustworthy person.
@@artemisa1523 Ally is not "a kid of her family", that's the point, she's Maya's sister. Her mom could think of her as one, but OP has no obligation to agree nor feel the same. Feelings don't work that way, if there are no feelings growing then there's none! I also think the other family members only accepted Ally being there to not upset Mom, since Mom is "my home is open for anyone" kinda person, which imo as an introvert is annoying. But since it's Mom's house, then it's Mom's rules hence OP doing their best to be at least on decent terms with Ally over the years. Maintaining a decent surface level relationship is enough out of respect for Mom and Maya. OP's not even hating on Ally, they just don't see Ally as "family" so she's not in the photo. Not feeling anything towards Ally doesn't make OP selfish or immature, they just don't feel it. Your response sounds to me like you're projecting.
As someone who has worked in childcare, and has had to deal with kids whose parents fostered, adopted, and/or had to deal with caseworkers asking how things are settling outside the home. I view the whole situation with Allie through that lens. If this were a situation where a caseworker or adoption agency was involved, and OP at any point said that she didn't want this person in the home or weren't comfortable with said child, the that would be a heavily weighed and valued opinion. But OP was never asked, this kid came along with an older sibling who was the friend of his brother. It probably wasn't that uncommon if the mom is so welcoming. She probably saw said kid, and was polite, never outright rude to their presence. If this was a situation where Allie was literally adopted into the family, then I can see it was being an AH. However, even if OP has younger siblings, that doesn't mean that every kid that has ever walked through the door of their parent's home that they have treated like family get to be in the damn wedding photo.
Exactly 👍 very well worded! I do not think she’s the ahole she isn’t her immediate family and shouldn’t be pushed into it. If they want them to have some sort of relationship they cannot force one
I think OP parents really treated this girl as a family because OP mentioned that they spent a lot of money on her. That is why OP is probably so angry. She doesn’t like the kid because the kid is a demonstration of her parents betrayal. Her parents chose to invest time and a lot of money into this child, taking those resources from their biological kids. OP has aggression against her parents but she pushes it down because they are parents, so she transfers this passive aggressive behaviour towards this girl. It is not kid’s fault of course but I can see the pain OP has. She never consented to this . Probably it was a bunch of situations when her parents prioritised this kid need over OP
Right?? I mean, I think it was nice of the OP to even invite her to the wedding! She's the one who's going to be hanging those pics on her wall and who knows if Ally will even be around the family 10, 15 yrs from now!? She was absolutely not the Ahole!
For real. My friends mom was similar and would take in kids that just needed a day or 2 safe place, or have conversations with one of the parents. One of the longer stays was a teenage boy and occasionally his little sister. But they didn't take offense to certain 'family' things, because they understood that they are extended family, but not considered the immediate in certain situations. It wasn't hurt feelings about it. They were still like family.
Ally is not immediate family. As someone who was 7-8 when my older sister started seeing her now husband, I would never expect to be in family picture of my BIL’s sister. Another sibling of mine got super close with our BIL’s whole family, and he was not in the family pictures she takes either. The mother had no right to bring Ally into a picture if OP said it was immediate family. It’s OP’s wedding, what matters is who she sees as family, not who other members of her family think of as family.
@@breerea9928not to Op, though. That child got thrusted into her as a sister without being one. Why is she an AH for only wanting the people she sees as family in her close family photos.
@@breerea9928 “siblings not by blood” only exist if both sides of the relationship consider that to be true, same way people can share blood but not consider someone their family. It’s why some step/half families work and some don’t, everyone gets to have their on view on relationships and it’s going to be wildly different for everyone because everyone is different. OP considers Ally to belong to another family, and that family sucks and it’s great OP’s other family members have formed family bonds with Ally, but OP hasn’t and that’s OP’s right.
for the 2nd story I think people are forgetting the fact that OP is talking about the IMMEDIATE family photo not the extended one so OP's request of not having ally in those photos was very much right and as the comment on the actual post I can see or maybe feel that op was somewhat neglected by the family more specifically the mom
I honestly think the main issue with the story is how confusing it is. I think a lot of people on Reddit read it once, think they get it and comment based on that. Hell I had to listen to it three times to understand who was who and only after that and reading the comments did I come to the conclusion that I don't think OP is an asshole. I see her mom as more of an asshole here because she forced her daughter to have a kid she doesn't think of as family in a photo of immediate family. Also you're right that immediate family doesn't include Alli in this case.
I just made a very convoluted reply about post 2, but expanded on the why she may have really wanted Ally not in the family pictures and it comes down to OP's jealousy and resentment toward the situation that happened when her brother and SIL were teens through no faults of the SIL and Ally.
I think though the reason why people say “YTA” is bc of how he treated Ally. I do agree that he deserves to get a picture of immediate family. But the way he goes about it and the way he talks about ally in his post is gross. Ally has done nothing to him but he acts as though she is such a problem. Ally doesn’t deserve that. But I do feel bad for op bc I feel like there’s something else going on. Maybe envy for ally stealing attention?
@@draalttom844it’s not cause lack of bloodlink op clearly doesn’t feel a family connection with her just cause their family does doesn’t mean they have to 🤷🏻♀️
There's nothing wrong with taking ONE photo without a non relative in it. She said she wanted one picture with HER immediate family. To throw a fit because you were asked to sit out of one picture is ridiculous.
Ally wasn't throwing a fit, that was OP's mom. And I doubt very much that Ally was crying about being left out of a photo, that was mom trying to lay on the guilt and deflect from her own demanding behavior.
@@hrobinson9701 If it were me I'd probably cry too at 14, even if I were initially okay with not being in the photo, the fact that everyone made a big deal out of it would have mortified me, because then you're the center of a family conflict you don't even want to be associated with, and that probably brought up a bunch of feelings re: her bio family and their crappy home life (I saw other comments mentioning emotional abuse). So I 100% believe she could have been crying, not that it's relevant to the central issue.
@melindajimenez3210 because she’s a sister-in-law they didn’t say they wanted fucking blood relatives in there. They said they wanted immediate as in the closest to being related to them and a sister-in-law someone married to their fucking brother is about his fucking close as you can get a sister-in-law‘s little sister is in no way related to you even if she did grow up in your childhood home when you were a teenager
One photo would be fine, but Ally was asked to sit with the other guests and she wasn´t allowed in any of the family photo´s. I can understand how that would have hurt her feelings if she practically grew up in that family.
Last Story. Op is NTA. People too easily forget just being 16 doesn't make you an adult, it makes you a hormonal child. We know nothing about the dynamics of their family life and how adding Maya and Ally could have changed that. Nor do we know how this affected OP over the years. Maybe they were all treated fairly, but it's also likely that OP was neglected and made to give up things for Ally to be more comfortable. It was OP's wedding day and it was about their wants for that day. They shouldn't have to be forced to be in a situation they don't want just to appease others. Imagine if Ally was brought in at a later age. I doubt people would be so sympathetic then. OP may have been rude, but in no way were they wrong.
💯 I don’t think she was being rude though. I think she was trying to be accommodating but her mother rolled over her feelings like an 18 wheeler… which seems to be a bad habit…….. and Maya set a boundary which most people who are used to getting their way DO NOT LIKE….. Ally was just in the crossfires which is unfortunate.. but weddings bring out a lot of truth…..
Doubt the op had to give up too much. She was 18 already when Ally was brought in at age 4. All the other kids that are closer to Ally in age call her their sister. The op didn't grow up with Ally so I wouldn't expect her to think of her as another younger sister, but to exclude only her from the photo seems unnecessary to me. It wasn't just her siblings in the photo. Her brothers wife (Ally's sister) and their child were in the picture too. So extended family was included but Ally was told no, that she wasn't family. To a 14 year old, that had to hurt. OP could've just taken an extra picture or two and avoided that entirely. Even if op had a reason to feel resentful and just didn't say it, to me, there's no reason a 28 year old woman needs to do that to a 14 year old girl.
@@breerea9928If you're going to be rude, at least be right. They were talking about how OP was 16 when Ally entered the family dynamic, not how old Ally was for the photo
Right! And the OP invited her to her wedding, for crying out loud! I don't know how many people she invited, but I invited over 300 people to mine and it never occurred to me to invite my in-laws siblings, let alone have them in my photos. OP is the one PAYING for the photos and the one who's hanging them in HER house and who knows if Ally will even still be in contact with her family 10 yrs from now! Can't believe the mother expected that Ally would be in immediate family photos!
I have multiple adopted siblings was a teenager when it happened and grown another time , the relationship isn’t immediate family at the end of the day . She says she doesn’t exclude her from anything else , buys gifts all that , it’s one photo one Wedding day she wanted immediate family . I’m doing two photos of my blood siblings and parents then everyone and back and forth. She was probably tired of Everything having to include ally and wanted just one thing to feel connected to her family again. You don’t have to do things for others for the sake of being kind . It was one photo and if my family got pissy about it they can pay for the photos .
@@blaire9971 the whole thing makes me feel bad for the bride. To have her family flip on her over a request so small on HER OWN WEDDING DAY when otherwise the girl/bride relationship has been friendly . . . Idk, I think the family were the AH for not letting her have that. Also, the girl isn't a poor destitute orphan as people in comments seem to think.
for the Ally situation, OP is not a dick or AH or monster. She didn't want to include family and Ally isn't family. She's her brother's sister-in-law. Just because everyone else accepts her as family doesn't mean OP has to include her in pictures for immediate family. And yes, her brother's wife and their child are the immediate family to the bride/OP
Thank you! It's her pictures and a depiction of who she considers her closest family. Even if they were blood, it's still within her right to not want her in the picture.
@@alicianelson1252 why should OP do that? Mom's the one who is embarrassing Ally because how big of a deal she's making out of this. Ally's a teenager and she doesn't have a bond with OP because when she came, OP's out for college. Ally wouldn't care. Mom's forcing OP to have a bond with Ally.
Agreed, OP wasn't an AH. I think Charlotte just got confused with how everyone was and wasn't related. OP is not obligated to feel like Ally is her family just because her parents like to pretend that she is.
Ok, I’m gonna stand up for the bride (OP) with the “adopted” sister … these weren’t just family photos being taken, these were photos at OP’s wedding, and SHE was paying for them. She deserves to have who she wants in her pics, and who she doesn’t. She was kind, she invited the kid to the wedding, doesn’t mean she has to have her in HER family photos on HER wedding day, period. I don’t care who thinks of the kid as “family”, if OP doesn’t, it shouldn’t be shoved down her through during her own freaking wedding. I’m disgusted with her family for trying to make her feel like the villain/bridezilla, when all she wanted was a pic of immediate family
Taking one photo out of the thousands is having it shoved down her throat? Honestly, putting her foot down at the wedding makes it worse. Why was she buying birthday and Christmas gifts for this girl if she feels that strongly that she's not family?
@@Bonbun372 Because OP was trying to get along with the rest of her family? I have given gifts and dealt with "not quite family" for decades. "Ally" is technically OP's sister-in-law. That makes her a family member. If the two sisters had such a horrible family life, OP's family's acceptance and caretaking was probably a great thing. OP was being a bit jealous and needs to deal with that.
I feel like the whole situation could have been solved with a photo without “Allie” and then one with her, she isn’t technically immediate family but she is family in a way so one photo is immediate family (with maya since she’s married in) and a separate one with allie for the family that isn’t technically family. What OP does with those photos is her choice since they are from her wedding. It’s maybe 8 photos out of hundreds
Feels like everyone is missing the most important part of story 2. OP wanted one picture of her immediate family which Ally is NOT. She even states she didnt exclude her from any of the other group photos. The only reason this became a problem is because OPs family made it a problem. Ally is Maya’s sister she isnt even OPs sister in law thats Maya.
@@333-u9o Ally didn’t make any drama about it. I’m not even sure she was there at that point. I recall from the Reddit post, it was OP’s mom who was upset that Ally was not in every photo. The rest of the family didn’t want mom upset, so they backed mom up.
This. They're also ignoring the fact OP was significantly older than the brother and his wife and never really lived in the family home while Ally stated coming around. She's just a kid who was attached to her sister who was attached to her boyfriend (OPs brother). OP isn't a bad person for not viewing her as family.
yeah im not saying Ally was the problem she was just a poor innocent bystander that got sucked into the family drama, the OPs family caused the drama not Ally.
On the second one with "Ally" and "Maya", I am with OP on this one. So, Ally started to come around all the time because her and her sister "Maya" had a "bad home life". Okay...so let me dive into this one. If I had a child who brought home 2 other kids that had a bad home life, I would gladly accept them, but I do NOT expect any of my other children to include them in their biggest life's moments - such as a wedding. If one of my kids wanted immediate family only, I'm not going to say that they're wrong for excluding someone who isn't immediate family. I'm sorry that there are kids out there with bad home lives, but at the same time, I cannot and will not make any of my kids share certain moments with someone they aren't comfortable with. OP said they aren't mean to the kid. And let's be real here... the brother and "Maya" were in highschool and then got married later in life. How old is "Ally" at the time of the wedding? There needs to be a discussion with "Ally" about boundaries and how it's okay to respect the person's boundaries, especially when it comes to something like this. OP wanted immediate family. "Ally" isn't immediate family to OP, and tbh, she's not. I get that there are people out here whose hearts will bleed over stories like this, but I've learned in my life that 1. you can't save everyone, 2. you can't please everyone, and 3. just because you make a decision as a parent while your children are younger, it doesn't mean that your child HAS to feel that same way or include someone (or something) as an adult. If OP wanted an immediate family only photo, that is their right. Simple as 🤷♀ edited to add: OP did state they took pics beforehand without just immediate family and "Ally" was included. There is NO reason why OP should be considered an asshole for wanting a picture of immediate family only. "Ally" is going to grow up thinking she can do anything with everyone in that family without consideration of boundaries, at least to me is what it sounds like. OP shouldn't be forced into a relationship with someone that they don't want to be involved with in any regard like that. She still buys this kid bday, christmas, etc., but NTA. I think too many people these days worry about hurt feelings, etc., when in reality, you're not required to ensure that everyone's feelings are taken care of. Don't intentionally hurt someone, but you can have your boundaries. And especially at your own wedding. Sorry, not sorry here, but I'd have felt the same way. I'm not going to go out of my way to hurt someone's feelings, but I'll be damned if I'm pushed into something I don't want to be. I was raised by old-school grandparents and they just said it like it was.. the entire generation did. If me being blunt about how I feel is gonna hurt someone's feelings, I can't help that. Just like with my friends...they all know this... I'm going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. If you're messing up, I'm going to tell you that. If I don't want someone in my wedding photo, then sorry, but you're not gonna be in those photos. It's not that big of a deal and wayyy too many people these days think it's got to be one way or the other. Teach the kid some boundaries, too. The world isn't going to bend to the will of someone just because the person's feelings might be hurt a bit. You'll get over it and be okay.
You clearly didn't listen very well because OP said Ally accepted the boundary and sat down. It was OP's parents and family who got mad and protested. And btw Ally is just 14.
The issue with the photograph story that everyone seems to miss is that that particular shot WAS the immediate family photo. Which is why OP didn't want Ally in the picture. Her family is mad that she doesnt see Ally as immediate family. Which she has every right not to. They don't have to like that but they should respect it 🤷🏼♀️ she was grown when the kid was introduced into the family dynamic and she never had a relationship with her. She shouldn't have to tiptoe around everyone elses feelings for her wedding. To me it's no different than when a parent gets married to someone new and they force their kid to have a relationship with the new step family. You cant force it.
Same!! Omg this! I was like, its her wedding. Ally is a sister in law to her brother, not her. This is ridiculous. Ally could be in extended family photos if OP wanted but at the end of the day OP is paying for those photos and should be able to choose who goes where. Sure, she could've been nicer about it, but it's HER PHOTOS she's paying for.
@@jesclifford88there typically is a photo taken with extended family…the bride might have avoid doing that photo due to the reaction to the immediate photo.
Charlotte did you actually pay attention to the second story? Ally is Maya's sister and in no way actually related to OP. The rest of the family acts like she's an extra sister or has been unofficially adopted in. It's actually perfectly okay for OP not to want her in the pictures because the only people she's related to are Maya and OPs brother.
Wow you guys are bad people like terrible. No ome who is decent cares about blood relations. Its a sister blood or not, doesn't require a genius to get that
These two stories are so funny. We're supposed to be against OP's sister in the first story because they're using the BUT FAAAAMILY excuse to make OP 1 feel guilty for not letting them use property he owns, but we're supposed to be against the second OP because of the BUT FAAAAMILY over Ally to make OP 2 feel guilty over photos she's paying for (even though OP has no personal familial connections to Ally.)
The difference is the first is a business the OP offered, but when the sister didn't tell the date and because of that the date was booked thus the sister is in the undeniable wrong. The argument falls flat because of it. Whereas the second Ally had been welcomed into the family only to be excluded in this way when there were compromises to be made. Nothing Ally did was in the wrong and even if I agree the OP doesn't need to accept her as a sister, there again was still a compromise that could have included everyone and still got OP the photo they wanted. Though I do admit it's quite amusing the comparison between these two, I wonder if it was intentional to pair these stories together.
@@weirddo3633 What compromise could have been made beyond the ones OP already made? Ally was invited to the wedding, included in group photos and basically treated just like any other guest or extended family member, but when the time came for *immediate* family pics and OPs mom calls Ally over to be in the photo... what "compromise" should she have made?? You don't mean compromise, you mean just let Ally be in all the family pics so her and the family's feelings don't get hurt and then 10 yrs from now when Ally has moved on and doesn't hang out with OPs family anymore, OP is stuck looking at her pics and remembering how she gave in to her family's demands - that's not a compromise!
In the first story he was left the property because he was sent to live with the grandparents and when they passed away he got the property because he helped take care of it after his mother no longer wanted to take care of him. The business wasn’t there until he started it after they passed away with the grandparents permission so this is not a “family” business it’s his business. How op’s family are so entitled is mind boggling! He’s lucky he was raised by his grandparents. I wrote this because people kept calling it a family business.
OP is not the ahole in the second story. It was her wedding, and she wanted a picture with just immediate family, which Ally is not a part of. Just because others in her family may consider her so, the bride does not, and her wishes should have been respected for just that one photo.
This is about the first AITA story. If they were "family" to him why did his mom leave him at his grandparents? The sister only contacted him to get a venue the mind set she probably has maybe the free kind. He is NTA . Edit: Ty for the likes
The mother may have been at a rough point in her life and thought that a more stable environment would be better for him. His mother taking the daughter’s side over him, and participating in tearing down his business was a bridge too far though.
As far as I can see, that was a blessing in disguise for him. His mother thinks it’s acceptable how his sister has behaved AND is actively trying to ruin him, while he is such a well rounded, kind person, he was willing to still let her have the wedding there..
You are probably right about the mother having a hard time in life when he was born but the mom taking her daughters side and participating in trying to tear his business is way too far.@@miahdavis8331
I'm just gonna say it, with the Ally story, the bride has the absolute right to decide who SHE wants in the photo. It is HER wedding, and I'm assuming she is paying for the photos. A lot of people like to say "it's not just about the bride" etc - and to a point, that is true, but it is ONE of the most important days of her life, and if she would prefer to not have a specific person in the photos, she has the right to decided that, and NGL, I think the people who want to make the bride feel like crap on her special day, kind of suck. I don't think anyone in that story is horrible, but the bride really shouldn't be forced to deal with this kind of thing on her day. It's not like she didn't invite Ally at all, or told the photographer to avoid her. She just didn't want her in the immediate family photos. It would be one thing if this was a "Holiday photo" where you send out to your family members, and friends, something that is done yearly. This is her wedding, something that normally happens once.
Just because OP is not close with Ally doesn't mean she's being unkind to her. As she stated, she doesn't have anything against her and even recognizes her on holidays with gifts, which is further than I would even go. To not want to include her in the IMMEDIATE family photo is her right and there is nothing wrong or rude about it. People are just so sensitive about not wanting to hurt this girl's feelings because of her age. She's 14, not 4. I would be pissed if I was forced to include someone I am not close with or related to in my IMMEDIATE family photo because other people have that kind of relationship with them. The family is the real ahole here for making it a big deal.
If I read it right, OP only excluded Ally from 1 photo, or at least the photos taken for that 1 photo OP wanted with tgeir family. I have to respect OP for being able to let her wishes known that they didn't want Ally in that photo. This is coming from someone who has a hard time expressing my feelings and wishes. So in my eyes they are not an AHole. But at the same time there were other options like one photo with her and one without, or Ally staying on the side and then edit her out for OP's photo album
I was married into a family that considered/refered to pretty much EVERYONE in their lives as family...so much so that some of the family wasn't exactly sure who was an actual blood relative & who wasn't...& while no one was ever excluded from being in photos...there were more than a few who seemed to feel/think they were entitled to be included in pretty much every "family group" photo & it made getting a photo of you & your spouse with your kids/grandkids...or with parents &/or siblings...at events/weddings/holidays damn near impossible... so I can fully understand where OP is coming from wanting some wedding pics with just her family...& while I agree that she could...& should...have handled the situation a whole lot better than she did I'm not sure if it would've made much difference in the reaction she got from her family if she had...& no matter how long the sister in laws little sister has been around OP's family...them trying to push OP into accepting as her sister/family just because they view her as such & expecting OP to include her in her wedding photos was total BS
Story 2 NTA You do not have to include people you do not consider family into your wedding photo. Why are they trying to push her on you, it is your choice! And your family kinda the AH for making you feel bad, you don’t have to make everyone else happy….they didn’t seem to care how you felt or try to understand why you don’t want her in The family photo.
I disagree with your point about the family making OP feel bad. If OP's decision is morally right, then she has nothing to feel bad about. OP is allowed to not feel like Ally is family or include her in photos, but she doesn't get to dictate how other people feel either. They consider Ally family and were hurt on Ally's behalf. OP made a choice and must face the consequences of that choice, aka upsetting her family with how she treated an adopted family member.
@Rikrobat, I disagree with you. Her wedding, her decision. I do think she should have mentioned that before the wedding tho that she doesn't consider her family.
@ - I don’t disagree about “her wedding, her decision.” She can do whatever she wants. But actions have consequences. She doesn’t get to tell her family not to be upset about it.
If she has to accept her family's decision of considering Ally family shouldn't they do the same for her? You can't force anyone to love or accept someone else as family
For the second story with Ally, the OP is not the AH. They never said they dislike daily. They actually said they like her quite a bit. They send her birthday cards and presents as well as Christmas cards and presents. It sounds like OP. Just simply wanted a photo of her immediate family. The ones that were there for the first 16 years of her life and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. My mom and stepdad met 10 months after my parents separated and they have been together ever since and I am currently 40. My mom and dad have 4 kids(born 1978,1981,1982,1983) My stepdad has three kids (born 1981,1986,1987) we are all very close in age. And generally a close family. My dad even comes to Christmas at my mom and stepdad's house. But we always get photos of my Mom Dad, their 4 kids, 3 grandkids and my blood siblings spouses/significant others and my stepdad and his three kids and their kids and spouses are not included. Then they will get photos that way as well. And guess what? Nobody is mad at anybody for it. Because it's simply just getting a picture. We all love each other and get along and we know that it's not meant to hurt anybody. It's just simply getting a picture of my parents and the family that they created together. Then we take a picture of everybody that my mom and stepdad made when they met. We will take one with and without my dad included in that large photo too. It's just the reality of the situation. We are a blended family and there is nothing wrong with wanting to take a picture of my original family. It sounds like it's the same way with OP and everybody just kind of blew up because she simply wanted a picture with her original family. And maybe she is a little hurt that her parents missed things or she was affected negatively because her parents took on this little girl originally without even making sure their kids were okay with it. Because especially at the age of 16. There's a lot going on for a teenager. You don't know how she felt or what she was going through and maybe she was already feeling neglected and then it was one more younger kid that took away any attention that should have been focused on her or her other blood siblings. It's not like her parents divorced and she was well aware of the fact that Mom and Dad were going to have possibly new families with more kids coming in. To that, maybe her parents should have talked to all of their kids when they were younger before deciding to take in another kid. I know that might sound selfish to some but those parents had to responsibility to the kids that they created. I would never take on another kid without explicitly talking to my child first and making sure she was 100% okay with it (I know she would be okay with it but I would still ask). Yes, I am a mother and I do have a 10-year-old. But if my kid said no for whatever reason as hard as it would be for me my responsibility is to my child. I would make damn sure that the other kid was being taken care of before I stepped away from them though. Because like I said my responsibility at the end of the day is for the child I created. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You all can't tell somebody else how to feel and whether or not it's wrong for them to feel that way because it's their feelings. You don't know how you would be in that situation until you are actually in that situation. Because it's usually very different than what you expect in your head
@@justinaregis1823 why the hell would we want step kids? also she was NOT his step child. do you understand what imediate family is? its not uncomon to take a phtoto with only them
That's a great take, If you want to take care of another child, It's important that everyone in your immediate family is okay with it. Even though you don't do anything wrong with adopting a child, anything can give trauma to people. Caring parents often neglect their kids for someone else
@@justinaregis1823 ally is not their step kid. she's her brother's girlfriend's sister. as the brother and ally's sister don't seem to be married she is not even her sister inlaw. there is no official family relationship here. only emotional attachment of some of the family members.
I am so sick of people saying "but it's family." Family can be more hateful than strangers. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family for 6 years. I've never been happier!
7:35 the way I’m understanding it is ally is OPs brothers wife’s…little sister. Michael married maya…Maya and Ally had a poor home life. So their daughter in laws little sister. How this helps clarify for anyone else who was confused lol
In the first story, I can’t imagine why the grandparents left the business to the brother and not the sister. Oh wait, it’s because the brother respected the business and money whereas she and the rest of the family didn’t. Also, the sister was the AH because she tried to cheat the system into believing they didn’t need to register. Who the hell sends out invitations if they don’t have a venue booked? She was an even bigger AH when she told the brother to cancel another couple’s wedding who had been booked for over a year. If that were me, I would have no problem filing a trespass against her and the family if they’re going to trash the business to try to get a free venue at the expense of other paying customers. The bottom line here is that you don’t mix family with business because this is what will happen. The brother seems like a great guy and his grandparents made the right decision to leave him in charge of the business and I hope it’s still going well.
@CreatingArt23 I think he set it up before they passed, because he wrote that they thought it was a good idea. Regardless, the sister is a huge AH in this situation!
The brother was living with the grandparents, it is natural to give him the property. There is nothing in the post about the sister wasting money, y'all just like to make things up
In story 2, I don't think OP was an asshole. I hate people who wants to force someone on you. OP didn't feel the sisterly bond with her, so she doesn't consider ally her family... End of discussion.
Me too. I am adamant that I choose to socialize with and who to love as family or otherwise. If you try to force me to feel something for someone then the feeling I have for them and YOU will automatically be HATRED.
Yep totally agree. OP has every right to just want their own family in the photo. I'd feel the same too. Ally sounds like she has been very well supported by the family but it doesn't mean she has to be in everything they do as a family. She was at the wedding and likely a bunch of other photos anyway.
@@wobblyjelly345 - Except the post said she was edited out of the other photos deliberately. I think it’s pretty obvious OP just hates this girl for existing and taking away “family resources,” her words. So many comments are focused on the one wedding photo when that’s not the entirety of the situation being presented.
Story 2 Ally is Maya's younger sister...Maya was dating older brother and eventually they moved out together but Maya's sister Ally became an unofficial part of OP's immediate family. At best Ally became a sister in law when Maya and older bother got married. Ally is an in law- not immediate family- which is fine but it sounds like OP's family may be catering to Ally over their other kids with no legal claim of guardianship. Meaning anything done for the natural born kids is also being done for this potential younger in law (worst case more is being done for Ally over the other full born siblings.) It would be like you asking for a family photo with immediate family and the unrelated in-laws being pissed they were not invited to partake. OP has no beef with Ally, they even said that, she is just not immediate family. Maya and Ally's parent's never gave up parental rights, she was never put into the system, or legally adopted out of that system. Ally is the sister of a bother's wife, not even the sister of the spouse. I don't see the beef here. What is wrong about wanting a photo of immediate family? I mean sure take 2 photos if it is that big a deal... So at the end of the day she is not family... she is extended family by proxy of Marriage to an older sibling... Not the A-Hole for not wanting in laws in a immediate family photo. Ally was never part of the family outside of being a lost puppy Mom and Dad took in (almost technically kidnapped). also what is the hang up on the photos... it was 1 photo of immediate family, a photographer will take 100's of photos at a wedding/reception. this was 1 photo of immediate family which is a very traditional 1 photo to take in the laundry list of the 100's taken at an event. OP is NOT in the wrong for wanting 1 picture of immediate family and Ally was NOT immediate family end of story. On that not we were not there for the whole conversation we don't have the entire pic of who said what and when... or if candid and pics with close friends and extended relatives were on the list, this was 1 ONE O-N-E photo of IMMEDIATE family which OP never considered this toddler when she entered her life as such cause she was the younger sister of the girl another sibling was dating. No OP is not the A-hole, was have no idea what was actually said or how OP was attacked on an already stressful day, or how they defended themselves, over 1 stupid picture which excluded someone she never considered family in the 1st place... Op did not make anything a big deal, the family did. All OP said was 1 photo out of 100's with immediate family only... I know at my wedding I had several posed shots... one with Grandparents only, one with parents only, one with bridal party only, one one with siblings only, then one with siblings partners/spouses and kids, and there are 3 candids my photographer took with huge shots of My husbands whole maternal side, My whole Maternal side, and My whole paternal side. Those had like 40+ people in each shot. I know we had a list of like 30 posed specific shots and over 200 candids. I am not sure why this singular posed shot is OP's faults as it is a very traditional shot. We only know the details of this singular photo request, and it is not an unreasonable one... One photo of immediate family only. In no way is OP the a-Hole the family is what made a big deal out of it and had no regards for OP's feelings desires or plans for any other photos that were supposed to be taken at that event... The family considered Ally family, OP did not most likely do to the age gap. OP has nothing against her, she is just not immediate family for that ONE photo.
As far as it sounds Ally is not family or related, she's just someone that started to hang around, and kept doing so, so much that parts of the family now accepts her as a part of it. But the story stated that he has her own family and home.
Here's the problem with the last one, op said in the story that this all happened bc they wanted an IMIDIATE family photo, so it was likely ally was in the other photos, I was just getting annoyed bc everyone was saying op should've done separate photos but thats essentially what op did. At least from my point of view.
I'm a wedding and marriage minister and perform weddings almost weekly. If a couple tells me a date and time, that goes on my calendar, too. It's not that she "booked" the venue without telling the venue (bad), but ALL the other vendors - DJ, officiant, photographer, videographer,, cake, caterer, flowers. ALL those vendors have blocked off that date and can't rebook if they don't know the venue and/or date is wrong. If that wedding didn't completely fail, I'll be shocked.
That's the way life works. The venue is the foundation of everything. Annabelle's Catering is going to check their calendar and say "Yes, we are available for that date" and take a deposit. Same with Joe's Flowers, Ellen's Custom Wedding Cakes, and Crazy Careen's Mobile D.J. services. Every single one of them is going to realize the bride has screws loose if it gets back to them they didn't book the venue and it's unavailable. Honestly, if I was a vendor and found out this was the way the bride operated, I might return the deposit (assuming I hadn't had to go to actual expenses, like making a few hundred pigs in a blanket in advance) and decline a new booking. This event wouldn't smell like money. It would smell like trouble.
@@jeffreyclinard2002there was a video that went around of a wedding planner that returned the money and her comment was “all money is not good money and that was bad money”. I think it applies here too to this bride. I really hope her fiancé realized that his marriage was just an expensive ride to crazy town and got out of there before the papers got signed.
First time possibly ever I've disagreed with Charlotte. OP in story 2 was NTA. It was her wedding, and it was completely her prerogative to get an immediate-family photo. Ally was in other photos. Ally wasn't deliberately unincluded. OP was never rude or dismissive of Ally. She just never saw her as a sibling like the others did, and that's totally valid, too!
I actually have a similar experience as the second story. My cousin was pretty much thrown out of his family, so we took him and his wife and kids on as move than just extended family (ie. he's at all the holidays, my parents buy his kids presents, etc.) It works for us, but I understand what her feeling about it is. OP isn't resentful, or an AH. She's being forced to have a rando be part of her life and she has no obligation, even though it sounds like she has been perfectly pleasant the whole time. Plus, it's just a picture. Her family couldn't let her have one damn picture of just them?
Yes it hit me that on her day, her mother's version of "family" ( ally still resided with her own birth parents) was seen by all as being more important than the Brides version of family for her own photos. I had a mother who'd emotionally adopt girls at our church that were then held up to us her real daughters as paragon of virtue. She'd try to force me to be friends with this one girl whose lack of personality I couldn't stand. And her pressure made it difficult for me as a teen to even tolerate this "paragon" who was dumb, smelt, and said yes to everything my bossy mother said. But I stayed away from her to avoid conflict and comparison. So you never know what these add on kids by moms cost the real birth kids emotionally.
@@joywebster2678 oh man, I actually have something similar to that too. My parents would “adopt” girls from their church too. One of the girls was getting a little too close to my dad. For context, my dad is the sweetest man on the planet, so he assumed nothing. I stared getting weirded out and told them. They insisted I just had a sick mind, so I called some of their friends telling them about my concerns, and every one of them told me it was fine, and nothing like that was going on. Soon enough, the stepmom started making accusations at my dad, and the girl admitted she had feelings for him. I was angry, but it made it worse that no one would acknowledge that I sniffed it out early.
Imagine the mental health issues the bride is having to deal with by not wanting a member of her brother's in laws in her immediate family pictures, then getting pushback from her family because she chose not to pursue a relationship with said brothers family member. Not to mention she posted it online, ambiguously, now the world thinks she doesn't like the girl when all she wanted was a pic of her imediate family. To boot, she now thinks she should have made compromises on HER wedding day to make sure everyone else had a good time. Im just glad she enjoyed HER day, and has maintained her relationship with Ally. Hopefully she hasnt fallen into a deep self loathing depression, and thinks twice before she posts online again.
I feel bad for OP and for Ally. It looks like it was mom that was pushing the narrative. Also, if the photographer had been prepped about the situation in advance I’m sure they could have finessed a way to that photo without any hurt feelings. Ally is a 16(?) y/o kid from a crap family, and OP is a woman trying to share her wedding day with HER family. It’s just a shit sandwich if a situation.
I was surprised Charlotte had such take on it. I feel bad for the bride. It was her day and she seems to have a relatively healthy relationship with the girl and it must have sucked to have her family flip on her over something that should have been uncontroversial.
To be fair, the OP didn't really explain the situation very well and had to do an update to explain who Ally was in relation to Maya. It's not that hard to be confused.
@@MarloAnn The relationship between Maya and Ally wasn't very clear though, that's why the OP had to do an edit to clarify. Some people just need the clarification, even a guy like me who read at the level of a high school senior in fifth grade.
@@passionsquietrage To be fair, even with the clarification Charlotte read, a lot of folks in the comment section still don't understand. As a writing instructor, I guess I'm so used to figuring out what people "meant" to day that I made the connection through context clues before the edit and was wondering why Charlotte was so confused. 😂
The 2nd OP, it sounds like the colloquially adoptive sister is actually the much younger SIL to the OP' brother and due to loving arrangements that happened as a result of Maya and Ally's home life while Maya and OP' brother were teens, everyone, obvs excepting OP's brother since Ally is his SIL, came to consider Ally as an adoptive sibling/child/extended family member/relative even though Ally was never formally adopted by OP's parents. Sounds like OP's a big of a jealous pucker of Ally and doesn't like her because (a) of her mother's 'the more the merrier' mentality it people around the house, and (b) since Ally would have only been a grammar school-aged child when she and Mya joined the home dynamic, OP's parents or at least mother may have given more time and attention to Ally, and possibly Maya as well, being, as OP mentions in her opening paragraph her brother and Maya were highschool sweethearts. Sorry if my understanding is too convoluted or confusing, but that's how I interpret this post.
The story about the sisters.. listen i can relate to this more than i care to explain. I was already moving out of my house when my father "adopted" a boy with his then girlfriend & brought him around our family home. My uncles, cousins & family friends did understand this boy to be considered my father's son even though the adoption was never legal (his ex is the child's sole guardian and he just wanted to be there for them both). I dont feel this way because i was not living at home lol You cant force a relationship on people that just is not there. Now that my father has passed away i dont see the need to have much to do with this child anymore or continue to welcome him near my own child when he's never been close to me in anyway. OP just wanted a photo with HER immediate family & they are the ones who are creating drama out of nothing.
Nothing is better than watch other people's drama with Charlotte adorable sense of humor and petty reactions. At this point i live for her reactions. 😂 Oh and the editing of the vídeos: congratulations. I absolutely Love Charlotte's team petty editing. Makes everything even better. ❤ thank you.
Don't be stupid like me! When you sign a contract, *GET A COPY!* It sounds so simple and... stupid! But, I was young, naive and believed businesses did what they should. My contract went into 'my folder' that they kept. There was "no record" of it when the time came to need it! I'm sure they "filed it" in the trash.
Not necessarily related to this context, but it works in any situation : don't be afraid to read it thoroughly and don't hesitate to ask questions. If they get irritated, you definitely have good reasons to ask. If anyone pressures you into signing a contract too quickly, run
If there is one day in your entire life that you get to pick who is in photos it’s your wedding day. That’s it. The other people in those photos will either never see them or only see them occasionally. The OP in the 2nd story will have the photos to remember for the rest of her life. She was absolutely not the AH. It’s her day, she can have whoever she damn well pleases in her photos.
For the family photo story, surely doing separate pictures wouldnt help since if the op wanted a picture with siblings and parents only, the family would still have attempted to put Ally there since they consider her their sister. OP would've still have to say "no, not you" for that photo. Feelings would still be hurt at the revelation that OP doesnt see that girl as her actual sister.
For the second story: Ally is Maya's sister and not legally adopted into the family. Let's call her... honorary family. The OP doesn't consider her family BECAUSE of this. I don't find him the AH because it was his wedding AND he and Ally aren't LEGALLY family. His family may think that Ally is apart of THEIR family, but OP does not.
@@GalinaEv it's like purposely not wanting to like a band that your friends talk about all the time because you're annoyed and sick of hearing it ALL THE TIME. I think that's what OP felt. And prolly because the family has been invalidating his feelings over not sharing the same sentiments towards Ally. I'd be annoyed too and I'd do the same thing as OP. If I don't want her in the photo, then I don't want her!
Peoples who say "we don't know family dynamics" in second story... But we do - its EVIDENT that OP does not consider Ally as her little sister... Yet OP mother doesn't care - it doesn't matter if she failed to notice or don't care in both case shes very unfair to OP as her birth daughter. She must knew OP doesn't want Ally in CLOSE family picture yet she IGNORED that on OP wedding day and brought Ally anyway. And afterwards when OP set the boundary she was pushing on OP for being in the wrong when SHES the one being in the wrong. That whole thing says a lot about family dynamic to me. 1st Ally is more important to mother than OP 2 OP is being forced in those sort of situations regularly and thats first time she didn't bend. 3 family bully OP into treating Ally as her little sister which is ABSURDAL OP is not the AH the mother is Also stop acting like OP bullied the kid. She wanted ONE PHOTO specifically with CLOSE family. ONE FFS, on her wedding day. Sorry not sorry - shes NTA
On the Maya and Ally one, she's the sister in law's sister. So, what I like to call the sister in law law. She's not related to them in any ways but she had been around so often since Maya was with the brother from high school so Ally was there with Maya. That said, the OP could have done a photo with and without Ally. My husband is 14 years younger than his brothers so even with biological family, they're not super close because by the time he was running around and what not, they were finishing high school or into college and moving out.
Not only did they not, not take other phots, OP said they DID include her in other family group shots and candids... This was specifically one photo out of 100's that was Immediate family only. We are somehow assuming that this one singular photo was the only photo of the entire event. Ally was in several photos through out the night just not that one.
For the story starting at 8:47 ish OP could've let the picture get taken and then they could've asked the photographer to edit the pictures and make 2, so one has ally and the orher doesnt so everyone would've been happy that way
Im the oldest of five and my mother is one of those people that is always "bringing in strays" i literally shared a bed with my sisters best friend for my last 2 years of high school because her father was a truck driver and was never home so she lived with us... after i moved out my siblings always had friends in and out of our home.. we modified closets and busted down walls to make space and extra beds for teens who didnt have safe places to call home... i never resented any if them and was always sad when the kids inevitably moved on somewhere else but one did stay 😅 we never actually adopted her but she is just as much my sister as my blood sister and her baby is my neice... its nice
i’m pretty sure Ally is the brothers sister in law. cuz she’s op’s brother’s wife’s sister, if that makes sense. so in no way is Ally even remotely related to op 10:00
I was actually crying because I was picturing booking a wedding venue sending invitations making bachelor and bachelorette parties around that date and location and then last minute the venue said "oh sorry my sister wants it"
OP said in an edit or update or something that they included brother’s wife so she could hold the baby, and there was a comment on the post that pointed out that the brother could’ve just held the baby instead of the brother’s wife. That would’ve definitely made it feel personal that I was left out if I were Ally. It would’ve made seem less like that if the brother would’ve held the baby so exclusively just immediate family was in the photo, not immediate family but also brother’s wife just so the baby can be in the picture.
Imagine the MH issues after not wanting to pursue a relationship with your brothers sister in law, and being chastised by your entire family, and some of the internet, for said decision.
I had a situation similar to the ally story. My mum tends to informmaly adopt "strays" and while i didnt mind. One of my at the time friends who lived with us for over a year ended up stealing alot of my stuff, getting annoyed and pissy at me for hanging out in my own room ect. Was not the best time 😅 We were the same age at the time
I think the answer to number two is she’s jealous. “My parents have spent so much time and resources on her it’s ridiculous.” It’s a clear case of feeling less than bc there was another girl to be doted on.
Vanessa putting the McDs pic up when Charlotte said "really nice venue" Gah! I died! Love this hilarious editing!!💖Also 13:31 can we get a "Charlotte Seal of Approval" Tshirt or merch? Pretty Please?🥔
10:13 Not the AH. It was her wedding photos. She can have anyone in them she chooses. I came from a blended family with step-sisters and the works. When I took my immediate family photos, my step-sisters weren’t in it but they were in others. Being mad about your little brother’s stepsister-in-law not being included in the “immediate family” photo is just petty family drama.
That is not 'family property' nor is it a 'family business'. It belongs to the brother who was obviously not being respected by his own family. He doesn't need these toxic and entitled people in his life.
7:25 I'm sorry that a 14 year old was upset but I firmly believe that a bride is entitled to family pictures. That's great that their family has accepted this girl who had a bad home and treated her like family but this shows why OP doesn't have a good relationship with her. As a teenager this young girl was brought in and basically moved into the home and like she said she was forced into her life. And now they're trying to force her into her wedding and guilt tripping her about it. There's no situation where a bride shouldn't be able to have a family photo at her wedding, I firmly believe the family should be labeled the Ahole.
She invited Ally to the wedding! Does that count for nothing? She's paying for the photos and she's going to be looking at them the rest of her life! Who knows if Ally will even be connected to the family 10 yrs from now? Even if she really liked Ally and was close to her, I can see wanting a few family pics without her!
@@lizajane2971 exactly, why are peope acting like ally was entitled to be in family pics. I really think that she was treated perfectly fine, this whole "she was upset and cried" just shows that they placate her unrealistic feelings a lot and nobody has given this young lady any sense of reality and how you don't always get what you want. She wasn't treated badly she just didn't get what she wanted 🤷🏾♀️. That happens in life and by 14 she should have known that.
I’m not gonna lie, at 14, your not emotionally mature and being left out, even if reasonable, is still hurtful. I don’t think the OP is the ah either. I think if she’s given her photographer a heads up they could have done the pics with a little more tact so no one would have noticed, photographers are amazing like that. I think OPs mom is actually the ah for pushing the narrative. I think if she never called ally over the poor girl would never have even noticed she wasn’t in that one pic.
@@MyLifeMyWay true the mom definitely made this worse but, by 14 you should know better then to not pout and mope because you weren't included in ONE picture. I agree that she's not going to be mature at 14 but she SHOULD know how to act.
Ally is OP's brother's, girlfriend's younger sister. She and OP are not related. Parents chose to let her be at their house all the time because they felt sorry for her, apparently. OP never felt close to her or developed a sibling type relationship with her. She was respectful and gracious to her for years, including giving her b-day presents and Christmas presents-things she was in no way obligated to do. But she mostly did it because she was trying to be nice and respectful of her parents and/or because they forced her to. Brother finally married GF so she is now family by marriage. Ally is still just sister of sister-in-law. At least that is the real relationship between her and OP. When it came time to do ONE specific photo of just immediate family, bride didn't want Ally in that one photo. So what? She's not close family. She's a kid who keeps crashing at the bride's parents house for a decade. Bride has a right to various versions of photos with certain groups of people in them. Ally was in other groups pics. Bride/OP has ZERO obligation to accept someone into their life who they do not feel a connection with. Especially not just because they all think it is the nice thing to do. You have a right to your genuine feelings if you simply aren't close to someone and if you feel this person was thrust upon you against your will. If they never bonded, then that's just how it is. You are NOT the AH for asking other people to respect your boundaries. Anyone who says differently is just the same as the parents and needs to stop pushing their feelings or wishes on OP.
7:18 after hearing this story I would say not TAH. The girl is the little sister of his brother’s girlfriend and OP felt she was pushed or forced onto them. It is completely natural in my opinion to not want her in a wedding photo of just immediate family and maybe significant others. She could have joined in on photos with more extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). Just because someone spends a lot of time over years coming over to your house doesn’t make them family. What the replies said about adding her later into group photos while still having at least one or two photos of just immediate family would have been the wise decision.
First time I've heard of an AITA where the OP said "the people agreeing with me are making me think I'm wrong" because the people agreeing with her were being such AHs. Lol!
Story 1: NTA, it is time to call a lawyer and send out cease and desist notices to every family member slandering the business. Also it is not "the family" property, it is OP's property.
OP with the wedding venue needs to sue the family members who are talking crap about his business. Or at least threaten them with that unless they remove every single negative comment and review from Yelp, FB, whatever. If they don't, follow through and take their houses.
The sister in the 1st story was being passive-aggressive by sending out invitations. She physically announced, to everyone, her plans without cooperating. This is to lock in what she wants with bare minimum effort. She simply feels like she doesn't need to do the work and there is no reasoning beyond that. °~•.☆.•~°
9:47 I don't care what you say, I am on an author's side. Ally can be anyone to the family, but not necessary to the author. If author doesn't like her - their right
I don't think the 2nd lady is wrong. She doesn't seem to have demanded that Ally be excluded from family events. But at her wedding, she gets to have an immediate family picture without her. In fact, it sounds like that's what was happening but then her mother called Ally up to join the family without the poster being requested. There were more tactful ways to group people in pics, but she was pit on the spot. I think she should apologize to Ally but maybe discuss boundaries for future events with her mother.
“Adoptive” family members are a tricky situation. I tried to embrace my “adopted” cousin my whole life, but he keeps us at an arms length or farther. I am younger than him. His mom and my uncle dated, but my cousin was already 5 when that started. However, my uncle took on a fatherly role to my cousin for years and years longer than his relationship with my cousins’ mother had lasted. I went to his graduation, but he didn’t come to mine. He has kids whom my grandmother has never met but insists on calling them her “great grandchildren.” My cousin physically and psychologically abused me for years. We were 11 months apart (he was born in late September and I was born early the following august) but my grandmother would make us celebrate our birthdays together either with him coming to “my” party (in quotes because he had more friends and I only ever got to invite 1) or us waiting to celebrate until his birthday in September.
I don’t think the bride was wrong. Why include someone in your family photos from your wedding that you don’t consider family? Sorry if that hurts everyone else’s feelings, but it’s not their wedding. She doesn’t want her photo time to be spent on photos she doesn’t want. If Ally wasn’t 14, no one would be calling OP the asshole.
THERE WAS AN UPDATE ON THE FIRST STORY. OP kept the original couple's booking, and he offered added security, requested a guest list/a main point of contact for guest questions, and a discount for just in case things happen. They understood and accepted the new terms/offer. He has a lawyer and had them send C&D letters to his sister, mother, the "friends," and other family members who were making false reviews and talking bad about his business. Told sis and mom that it was HIS property, not the family's property, and the whole situation would have been avoided if he'd just been told what their date was. Groom contacted OP to ask about the situation. He said the sister told his side she "had it covered" and to "not worry about it." Also, it turns out, the couple KNEW FOR A WHOLE YEAR WHAT THEIR WEDDING DATE WAS AND SIS NEVER SAID A THING ABOUT TO OP. Groom said he now has a lot to think about. Op said since that talk everything is quiet, and he's scared because usually, when his sister is quiet, one of two things happens. It's about to get painful, or eruption is imminent. He knows for sure the situation isn't over yet, and he will be updating again at some point, but he's not quite sure when that will be.
Thank you for the update.
Glad he is putting his foot down, if she does anything outrageous, he should file a report that she's banned from the property so if she does anything she will immediately go to jail I'm assuming he doesn't want to do it this way, but he should, it puts entitled people in their place and teaches them a valuable lesson
Thanks for the update!
Holy crap!
Thanks for the update!
thanks, this is definately one to follow up on, I wish I could see photos of the ranch/venue, I like that idea for a wedding
i would sue the family for defamation. and never let them use the property now.
This is what I was thinking. Wish Judge Judy would get this one.
Unfortunately, what I see happening down the line is this poor sweet man being cut out/having to go no contact with his family and becoming the black sheep of the family. I think he's trying to avoid that as long as possible since he's lost his grandparents, he doesn't want to lose everyone.
My more cynical side makes me wonder if his sister doesn't see that while he inherited properly that is already making income and growing in value, the rest of the family got cash, and whatever her mother doesn't spend she may still have to split with him if her mother doesn't make a will. She is jealous and wants to make sure he gets cut out.
@@TheLovelyMissBeans they were sent away to the grandparent. they have already been rejected by the family. they are the ones trying to destroy their business. They are the enemy.
You can’t sue for defamation without proof that your reputation has been affected. The cease and desist is appropriate.
@@itschristineg If they're leaving bad reviews, that wouldn't count?
The whole Ally story really reminds me of a situation in my own family. My parents and I basically adopted my high school best friend into our family because she had a rotten home life, and today she refers to my parents as mom and dad. My older brothers were never too keen on this whole situation and mostly politely ignored her, until just a few months ago when my mom and I got into a near fatal car accident. My friend came to the rescue right away, traveling half a state and staying for several days to help us out, as I was quite injured, and my brothers finally realized that my 'adopted' sister was not a fly by night relationship, but true family. My oldest brother even started calling her little sister as well.
❤I hopefully you and your mom are doing much better sounds like your little sister is awesome
That’s so sweet
That’s a beautiful story. God bless
Touching story. Alls well that ends well
Though a nice story that is not the same thing though…
Ally is the sister-in-laws younger sister. Who from what I understand came into the picture when OP had already gone away to college/left the nest. I don't think it is weird at all that OP does not feel any attachment to this child or consider her family. Cause she is not. She is SILs family.
They also stated they wanted an immediate family photo. SIL aka Maya is immediate family however her sister Ally is NOT! I get she's been around the family for years and everyone calls her sister or daughter but she is not legally apart of the family. OP is NTA for wanting a picture of immediate family. However they definitely could have done a couple with Ally just to appease the family but they're still NTA!
NTA. I think it was just the photos of immediate family that this Ally wasn't included. Tbf, she wasn't immediate family. It was OP's wedding, OP's immediate family and who she feels is her immediate family; there was no connection with that kid and her, why would she want to let a stranger to her be in her family pictures? It was not even that Ally was not included in ANY pictures, I could imagine she had because she was with the family. Smh
I had a VERY similar situation happen with someone who was “adopted in” through my in-laws open door policy. Everyone calls her our sister, and she is in all of my wedding pictures with my husband’s side of the family. I just accepted it. BUT, every time she comes to my house or interacts with me, she is extremely judgmental and condescending. She has her own parents and 8 other siblings - it is still difficult for me to look at the “family” picture from the wedding.
@@MaidenHelll She is ABSOLUTELY NOT the OP's sister in law. She's OP's brother's sister in law but not OP's. OP wanted a picture with IMMEDIATE family and sister of sister in law is NOT immediate family!
@@MaidenHelll No, the siblings of the person your sibling marries are not your in laws. They are of no relation to you.
I'm with the OP on the Aly story. You have the right to have whoever you want in your family wedding photo that you might hang up and look at every day. You can't make someone love someone.
Imagine sending a "save the date" invite without yourself having saved the date by securing the wedding venue😂
I can't believe she didn't discuss and settle the date with her brother. In weddings, everything is discussed and done advance. You want the day to be perfect. How can it be perfect if you are careless about it?
She MUST have wanted to cause problems. Like, OBVIOUSLY she wants everyone to bow down to her whims and wanted to flex power over him with the wild wild dream that he would ACTUALLY ruin the wedding planning of another couple of strangers and hundreds of attendees/workers. BUT she was probably JUST as happy to have this outcome happen, where she can heavily blame someone, cry about it, act like the victim, and be as nasty as possible to be vindicated.
@@yoyohayli she even lied to her Fiance that the venue is taken care of. She is a walking red flag.
I was traveling with my friend (remote working so we were there for awhile) and we made friends with another group of girls who were working on the same project there. My friend and one of the other girls had the same birthday that was coming up that weekend, so they briefly talked about having a joint party at our place. A day later she texted my friend and said she wasn’t comfortable sharing her 30th birthday. We were like, no worries, no hard feelings. Later that day we get a group text to dozens of people with her birthday party invitation and it has OUR AIRBNB ADDRESS ON IT. Said it went until 3 am when we had to be up at 8 the next day. Most importantly, it was on my friends birthday. We had to keep the peace so even though I wanted to tell her to fuck off my friend very kindly let her have it a different day at our place. We later found out it wasn’t even her birthday-her last party had gotten cancelled and this was the date she chose to postpone the celebration to. The audacity of some people
@subhajitdeysarkar9724 considering the latest update (in this comment section above) I doubt the wedding will happen lol.
re: the story about the sisters, the pictures op was trying to take at the time WERE the immediate-family-only photos. the mother was trying to force ally into it. and op wasn't even mean about saying no; everyone's just offended that op doesn't feel the same way about her than they do. she asked for an immediate-family-only set of photos, and it didn't have to be a thing if everyone just respected that.
true
100% I don't know why that was lost. It was clear. NTA. Sorry kid, you're not immediate fam. She IS in other photos. Ppl have no chill
I was gearing up to be an unpopular opinion before I foubd this but Im with you... and you're right, it wouldn't have been an issue if OPs Mom hadn't wanted HER version of immediate family instead of OPs version.
Thank you!
No, no OP is wrong, she was discriminating the poor kid. Judging by the way she was talking about her, she doesn't like her for no reason. She is in the wrong
Correct me if I’m wrong but that first one isn’t the family business right? It’s the BROTHER’S business on HIS property.
100 right he started the business after he inherited the property from the grandparents
Nope - you're 100% correct!!
But his sister is claiming the God-given right of entitlement lol
Even if it was a family business, it's still a business, and she'd have to save the date anyway...
Absolutely correct + These bitches got all the money from the will that was worth far far MORE than the property!
Allie is the sister to OP’s brothers wife. She is an outsider to OP, she wasn’t raised with her or close to her at all. She isn’t trying to make anyone else treat her less, OP isn’t even treating her less. She just does not see this girl as family which is fully within her rights to do so.
Amen. I wondered why it was so hard to understand that Ally is Maya's sister.
Right. I got it was her sister from the beginning. Just look at the ages 😂
Too bad thats not how family works. Did you choose your cousins? Nieces nephews??? No. Choices outside of your control link you to people in your family.
@@Squirreltasticqueen But Ally is not any of those things, she's an actual stranger that they just kind of took in one day. She has absolutely no blood relation or emotional relation to OP.
@@Squirreltasticqueenally isn’t family my guy 💀 she’s not blood related
She goes from ‘Family. Don’t mean shit’ in the first post to ‘you have to treat Family nice’ in the second post. Allie is a sister-in-law‘s sister, that you happen to be roommates with, that’s not exactly immediate family.
If you are ´´roommate´´ with a little kid and after years you don't get to love that kid then you have a problem, that´s not normal.
@@artemisa1523it is normal. You don't like who you don't like. The kid isn't legally adopted but just hangs around there. It makes the op uncomfortable. Simple
@@artemisa1523 we can't force ourselves to like or even love someone. You're one of the people who'd likely force OP to like Ally 🙄
@@sunshinehope9825 no I wouldn't force her to like the kid, I would just cut relationship with a person like her. I would never trust in an adult that couldn't grow to love a kid of her family. That's selfish, immature and make her an untrustworthy person.
@@artemisa1523 Ally is not "a kid of her family", that's the point, she's Maya's sister. Her mom could think of her as one, but OP has no obligation to agree nor feel the same. Feelings don't work that way, if there are no feelings growing then there's none!
I also think the other family members only accepted Ally being there to not upset Mom, since Mom is "my home is open for anyone" kinda person, which imo as an introvert is annoying. But since it's Mom's house, then it's Mom's rules hence OP doing their best to be at least on decent terms with Ally over the years. Maintaining a decent surface level relationship is enough out of respect for Mom and Maya. OP's not even hating on Ally, they just don't see Ally as "family" so she's not in the photo.
Not feeling anything towards Ally doesn't make OP selfish or immature, they just don't feel it. Your response sounds to me like you're projecting.
As someone who has worked in childcare, and has had to deal with kids whose parents fostered, adopted, and/or had to deal with caseworkers asking how things are settling outside the home. I view the whole situation with Allie through that lens. If this were a situation where a caseworker or adoption agency was involved, and OP at any point said that she didn't want this person in the home or weren't comfortable with said child, the that would be a heavily weighed and valued opinion. But OP was never asked, this kid came along with an older sibling who was the friend of his brother. It probably wasn't that uncommon if the mom is so welcoming. She probably saw said kid, and was polite, never outright rude to their presence. If this was a situation where Allie was literally adopted into the family, then I can see it was being an AH. However, even if OP has younger siblings, that doesn't mean that every kid that has ever walked through the door of their parent's home that they have treated like family get to be in the damn wedding photo.
I was thinking the same thing. OP is not an A-hole for that.
Exactly 👍 very well worded! I do not think she’s the ahole she isn’t her immediate family and shouldn’t be pushed into it. If they want them to have some sort of relationship they cannot force one
I think OP parents really treated this girl as a family because OP mentioned that they spent a lot of money on her. That is why OP is probably so angry. She doesn’t like the kid because the kid is a demonstration of her parents betrayal. Her parents chose to invest time and a lot of money into this child, taking those resources from their biological kids. OP has aggression against her parents but she pushes it down because they are parents, so she transfers this passive aggressive behaviour towards this girl. It is not kid’s fault of course but I can see the pain OP has. She never consented to this . Probably it was a bunch of situations when her parents prioritised this kid need over OP
Right?? I mean, I think it was nice of the OP to even invite her to the wedding! She's the one who's going to be hanging those pics on her wall and who knows if Ally will even be around the family 10, 15 yrs from now!? She was absolutely not the Ahole!
For real. My friends mom was similar and would take in kids that just needed a day or 2 safe place, or have conversations with one of the parents. One of the longer stays was a teenage boy and occasionally his little sister. But they didn't take offense to certain 'family' things, because they understood that they are extended family, but not considered the immediate in certain situations. It wasn't hurt feelings about it. They were still like family.
Ally is not immediate family. As someone who was 7-8 when my older sister started seeing her now husband, I would never expect to be in family picture of my BIL’s sister. Another sibling of mine got super close with our BIL’s whole family, and he was not in the family pictures she takes either. The mother had no right to bring Ally into a picture if OP said it was immediate family. It’s OP’s wedding, what matters is who she sees as family, not who other members of her family think of as family.
Agreed. I wouldn't expect my brother's wife sister to put me in her family pictures and I wouldn't have her in mine either.
That's not the same dynamic at all. Ally has been living with OP's family since she was 4, for ten years. She is a "sibling" not by blood
Did you live with your brother's wife's family since you were 4?@@jamie7398
@@breerea9928not to Op, though. That child got thrusted into her as a sister without being one. Why is she an AH for only wanting the people she sees as family in her close family photos.
@@breerea9928 “siblings not by blood” only exist if both sides of the relationship consider that to be true, same way people can share blood but not consider someone their family. It’s why some step/half families work and some don’t, everyone gets to have their on view on relationships and it’s going to be wildly different for everyone because everyone is different. OP considers Ally to belong to another family, and that family sucks and it’s great OP’s other family members have formed family bonds with Ally, but OP hasn’t and that’s OP’s right.
"Never do business with family . They should always remain separate" - Don Charlotte Corleone . 😊
🤣🤣🤣
Don Char-leone
December, 2023.
This is monumental, for sure! 😂
Omg i laughed so much when Charlotte said that.
for the 2nd story I think people are forgetting the fact that OP is talking about the IMMEDIATE family photo not the extended one so OP's request of not having ally in those photos was very much right and as the comment on the actual post I can see or maybe feel that op was somewhat neglected by the family more specifically the mom
I honestly think the main issue with the story is how confusing it is. I think a lot of people on Reddit read it once, think they get it and comment based on that. Hell I had to listen to it three times to understand who was who and only after that and reading the comments did I come to the conclusion that I don't think OP is an asshole. I see her mom as more of an asshole here because she forced her daughter to have a kid she doesn't think of as family in a photo of immediate family. Also you're right that immediate family doesn't include Alli in this case.
I just made a very convoluted reply about post 2, but expanded on the why she may have really wanted Ally not in the family pictures and it comes down to OP's jealousy and resentment toward the situation that happened when her brother and SIL were teens through no faults of the SIL and Ally.
I think though the reason why people say “YTA” is bc of how he treated Ally. I do agree that he deserves to get a picture of immediate family. But the way he goes about it and the way he talks about ally in his post is gross. Ally has done nothing to him but he acts as though she is such a problem. Ally doesn’t deserve that. But I do feel bad for op bc I feel like there’s something else going on. Maybe envy for ally stealing attention?
She is immédiate family tho, no person worthy of respect would reject someone who's clearly familily because of a lack of bloodlink
@@draalttom844it’s not cause lack of bloodlink op clearly doesn’t feel a family connection with her just cause their family does doesn’t mean they have to 🤷🏻♀️
There's nothing wrong with taking ONE photo without a non relative in it. She said she wanted one picture with HER immediate family. To throw a fit because you were asked to sit out of one picture is ridiculous.
Ally wasn't throwing a fit, that was OP's mom. And I doubt very much that Ally was crying about being left out of a photo, that was mom trying to lay on the guilt and deflect from her own demanding behavior.
@@hrobinson9701 If it were me I'd probably cry too at 14, even if I were initially okay with not being in the photo, the fact that everyone made a big deal out of it would have mortified me, because then you're the center of a family conflict you don't even want to be associated with, and that probably brought up a bunch of feelings re: her bio family and their crappy home life (I saw other comments mentioning emotional abuse). So I 100% believe she could have been crying, not that it's relevant to the central issue.
@melindajimenez3210because she married the brother, I think?
@melindajimenez3210 because she’s a sister-in-law they didn’t say they wanted fucking blood relatives in there. They said they wanted immediate as in the closest to being related to them and a sister-in-law someone married to their fucking brother is about his fucking close as you can get a sister-in-law‘s little sister is in no way related to you even if she did grow up in your childhood home when you were a teenager
One photo would be fine, but Ally was asked to sit with the other guests and she wasn´t allowed in any of the family photo´s. I can understand how that would have hurt her feelings if she practically grew up in that family.
It’s not “our families property”. It is HIS BUSINESS.
Last Story. Op is NTA. People too easily forget just being 16 doesn't make you an adult, it makes you a hormonal child. We know nothing about the dynamics of their family life and how adding Maya and Ally could have changed that. Nor do we know how this affected OP over the years. Maybe they were all treated fairly, but it's also likely that OP was neglected and made to give up things for Ally to be more comfortable. It was OP's wedding day and it was about their wants for that day. They shouldn't have to be forced to be in a situation they don't want just to appease others. Imagine if Ally was brought in at a later age. I doubt people would be so sympathetic then. OP may have been rude, but in no way were they wrong.
💯
I don’t think she was being rude though. I think she was trying to be accommodating but her mother rolled over her feelings like an 18 wheeler… which seems to be a bad habit…….. and Maya set a boundary which most people who are used to getting their way DO NOT LIKE….. Ally was just in the crossfires which is unfortunate.. but weddings bring out a lot of truth…..
You need to get your ears cleaned. She was 14 and she excluded her out of a photo that MAYA was in
She should have discussed it ahead of time with her parents so there would be no surprises.
Doubt the op had to give up too much. She was 18 already when Ally was brought in at age 4. All the other kids that are closer to Ally in age call her their sister.
The op didn't grow up with Ally so I wouldn't expect her to think of her as another younger sister, but to exclude only her from the photo seems unnecessary to me. It wasn't just her siblings in the photo. Her brothers wife (Ally's sister) and their child were in the picture too. So extended family was included but Ally was told no, that she wasn't family. To a 14 year old, that had to hurt. OP could've just taken an extra picture or two and avoided that entirely.
Even if op had a reason to feel resentful and just didn't say it, to me, there's no reason a 28 year old woman needs to do that to a 14 year old girl.
@@breerea9928If you're going to be rude, at least be right. They were talking about how OP was 16 when Ally entered the family dynamic, not how old Ally was for the photo
The Ally story, I think that I would also feel resentful if I was forced to act like someone was family if they weren’t especially on my wedding day.
Right! And the OP invited her to her wedding, for crying out loud! I don't know how many people she invited, but I invited over 300 people to mine and it never occurred to me to invite my in-laws siblings, let alone have them in my photos. OP is the one PAYING for the photos and the one who's hanging them in HER house and who knows if Ally will even still be in contact with her family 10 yrs from now! Can't believe the mother expected that Ally would be in immediate family photos!
I have multiple adopted siblings was a teenager when it happened and grown another time , the relationship isn’t immediate family at the end of the day . She says she doesn’t exclude her from anything else , buys gifts all that , it’s one photo one Wedding day she wanted immediate family . I’m doing two photos of my blood siblings and parents then everyone and back and forth. She was probably tired of Everything having to include ally and wanted just one thing to feel connected to her family again.
You don’t have to do things for others for the sake of being kind . It was one photo and if my family got pissy about it they can pay for the photos .
@@blaire9971 the whole thing makes me feel bad for the bride. To have her family flip on her over a request so small on HER OWN WEDDING DAY when otherwise the girl/bride relationship has been friendly . . . Idk, I think the family were the AH for not letting her have that. Also, the girl isn't a poor destitute orphan as people in comments seem to think.
This
@@lizajane2971It didn't occur to you to invite your spouses siblings? Weird.
for the Ally situation, OP is not a dick or AH or monster. She didn't want to include family and Ally isn't family. She's her brother's sister-in-law. Just because everyone else accepts her as family doesn't mean OP has to include her in pictures for immediate family. And yes, her brother's wife and their child are the immediate family to the bride/OP
Thank you! It's her pictures and a depiction of who she considers her closest family. Even if they were blood, it's still within her right to not want her in the picture.
Jesus christ you people really suck
Yeah but she could have avoided the situation by making photo regulations
@@alicianelson1252 why should OP do that? Mom's the one who is embarrassing Ally because how big of a deal she's making out of this. Ally's a teenager and she doesn't have a bond with OP because when she came, OP's out for college. Ally wouldn't care. Mom's forcing OP to have a bond with Ally.
Agreed, OP wasn't an AH. I think Charlotte just got confused with how everyone was and wasn't related. OP is not obligated to feel like Ally is her family just because her parents like to pretend that she is.
Ok, I’m gonna stand up for the bride (OP) with the “adopted” sister … these weren’t just family photos being taken, these were photos at OP’s wedding, and SHE was paying for them. She deserves to have who she wants in her pics, and who she doesn’t. She was kind, she invited the kid to the wedding, doesn’t mean she has to have her in HER family photos on HER wedding day, period. I don’t care who thinks of the kid as “family”, if OP doesn’t, it shouldn’t be shoved down her through during her own freaking wedding. I’m disgusted with her family for trying to make her feel like the villain/bridezilla, when all she wanted was a pic of immediate family
Couldn't agree more. Actually wanted to comment the same.
So agree, my comment will tell you that.
Taking one photo out of the thousands is having it shoved down her throat? Honestly, putting her foot down at the wedding makes it worse. Why was she buying birthday and Christmas gifts for this girl if she feels that strongly that she's not family?
@@Bonbun372 Because OP was trying to get along with the rest of her family? I have given gifts and dealt with "not quite family" for decades. "Ally" is technically OP's sister-in-law. That makes her a family member. If the two sisters had such a horrible family life, OP's family's acceptance and caretaking was probably a great thing.
OP was being a bit jealous and needs to deal with that.
I feel like the whole situation could have been solved with a photo without “Allie” and then one with her, she isn’t technically immediate family but she is family in a way so one photo is immediate family (with maya since she’s married in) and a separate one with allie for the family that isn’t technically family. What OP does with those photos is her choice since they are from her wedding. It’s maybe 8 photos out of hundreds
Feels like everyone is missing the most important part of story 2. OP wanted one picture of her immediate family which Ally is NOT. She even states she didnt exclude her from any of the other group photos. The only reason this became a problem is because OPs family made it a problem. Ally is Maya’s sister she isnt even OPs sister in law thats Maya.
I totally agree. The drama created was by Ally. Completely unnecessary.
@@333-u9o Ally didn’t make any drama about it. I’m not even sure she was there at that point. I recall from the Reddit post, it was OP’s mom who was upset that Ally was not in every photo. The rest of the family didn’t want mom upset, so they backed mom up.
This. They're also ignoring the fact OP was significantly older than the brother and his wife and never really lived in the family home while Ally stated coming around. She's just a kid who was attached to her sister who was attached to her boyfriend (OPs brother). OP isn't a bad person for not viewing her as family.
This exactly.
yeah im not saying Ally was the problem she was just a poor innocent bystander that got sucked into the family drama, the OPs family caused the drama not Ally.
On the second one with "Ally" and "Maya", I am with OP on this one. So, Ally started to come around all the time because her and her sister "Maya" had a "bad home life". Okay...so let me dive into this one. If I had a child who brought home 2 other kids that had a bad home life, I would gladly accept them, but I do NOT expect any of my other children to include them in their biggest life's moments - such as a wedding. If one of my kids wanted immediate family only, I'm not going to say that they're wrong for excluding someone who isn't immediate family. I'm sorry that there are kids out there with bad home lives, but at the same time, I cannot and will not make any of my kids share certain moments with someone they aren't comfortable with. OP said they aren't mean to the kid. And let's be real here... the brother and "Maya" were in highschool and then got married later in life. How old is "Ally" at the time of the wedding? There needs to be a discussion with "Ally" about boundaries and how it's okay to respect the person's boundaries, especially when it comes to something like this. OP wanted immediate family. "Ally" isn't immediate family to OP, and tbh, she's not. I get that there are people out here whose hearts will bleed over stories like this, but I've learned in my life that 1. you can't save everyone, 2. you can't please everyone, and 3. just because you make a decision as a parent while your children are younger, it doesn't mean that your child HAS to feel that same way or include someone (or something) as an adult. If OP wanted an immediate family only photo, that is their right. Simple as 🤷♀
edited to add: OP did state they took pics beforehand without just immediate family and "Ally" was included. There is NO reason why OP should be considered an asshole for wanting a picture of immediate family only. "Ally" is going to grow up thinking she can do anything with everyone in that family without consideration of boundaries, at least to me is what it sounds like. OP shouldn't be forced into a relationship with someone that they don't want to be involved with in any regard like that. She still buys this kid bday, christmas, etc., but NTA. I think too many people these days worry about hurt feelings, etc., when in reality, you're not required to ensure that everyone's feelings are taken care of. Don't intentionally hurt someone, but you can have your boundaries. And especially at your own wedding. Sorry, not sorry here, but I'd have felt the same way. I'm not going to go out of my way to hurt someone's feelings, but I'll be damned if I'm pushed into something I don't want to be. I was raised by old-school grandparents and they just said it like it was.. the entire generation did. If me being blunt about how I feel is gonna hurt someone's feelings, I can't help that. Just like with my friends...they all know this... I'm going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. If you're messing up, I'm going to tell you that. If I don't want someone in my wedding photo, then sorry, but you're not gonna be in those photos. It's not that big of a deal and wayyy too many people these days think it's got to be one way or the other. Teach the kid some boundaries, too. The world isn't going to bend to the will of someone just because the person's feelings might be hurt a bit. You'll get over it and be okay.
I agree with everything you said.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Say it louder for the idiots in the back!
You clearly didn't listen very well because OP said Ally accepted the boundary and sat down. It was OP's parents and family who got mad and protested. And btw Ally is just 14.
@@kitkat5339 you are everything that's wrong with people today. You better toughen up if you want to survive in this world, buttercup.
The issue with the photograph story that everyone seems to miss is that that particular shot WAS the immediate family photo. Which is why OP didn't want Ally in the picture. Her family is mad that she doesnt see Ally as immediate family. Which she has every right not to. They don't have to like that but they should respect it 🤷🏼♀️ she was grown when the kid was introduced into the family dynamic and she never had a relationship with her. She shouldn't have to tiptoe around everyone elses feelings for her wedding. To me it's no different than when a parent gets married to someone new and they force their kid to have a relationship with the new step family. You cant force it.
Ugh! Thank you! I was starting to think I might be the AH for seeing it just the way you put it😆
Same!! Omg this! I was like, its her wedding. Ally is a sister in law to her brother, not her. This is ridiculous. Ally could be in extended family photos if OP wanted but at the end of the day OP is paying for those photos and should be able to choose who goes where.
Sure, she could've been nicer about it, but it's HER PHOTOS she's paying for.
She could’ve just done one photo with and one without to ease the tension but you’re right she’s under no obligation to do so
But why Mia then? SIL isn't immediate family. I can see bio family. But excluding Ally while including Mia was low.
@@jesclifford88there typically is a photo taken with extended family…the bride might have avoid doing that photo due to the reaction to the immediate photo.
Charlotte did you actually pay attention to the second story? Ally is Maya's sister and in no way actually related to OP. The rest of the family acts like she's an extra sister or has been unofficially adopted in. It's actually perfectly okay for OP not to want her in the pictures because the only people she's related to are Maya and OPs brother.
This is what I'm saying. I don't often disagree with Charlotte or reddit, but this is one of those times.
Wow you guys are bad people like terrible. No ome who is decent cares about blood relations. Its a sister blood or not, doesn't require a genius to get that
These two stories are so funny. We're supposed to be against OP's sister in the first story because they're using the BUT FAAAAMILY excuse to make OP 1 feel guilty for not letting them use property he owns, but we're supposed to be against the second OP because of the BUT FAAAAMILY over Ally to make OP 2 feel guilty over photos she's paying for (even though OP has no personal familial connections to Ally.)
Not the same thing but okay
@@julibeanbag Explain how it's not.
The difference is the first is a business the OP offered, but when the sister didn't tell the date and because of that the date was booked thus the sister is in the undeniable wrong. The argument falls flat because of it.
Whereas the second Ally had been welcomed into the family only to be excluded in this way when there were compromises to be made. Nothing Ally did was in the wrong and even if I agree the OP doesn't need to accept her as a sister, there again was still a compromise that could have included everyone and still got OP the photo they wanted.
Though I do admit it's quite amusing the comparison between these two, I wonder if it was intentional to pair these stories together.
@@weirddo3633 What compromise could have been made beyond the ones OP already made? Ally was invited to the wedding, included in group photos and basically treated just like any other guest or extended family member, but when the time came for *immediate* family pics and OPs mom calls Ally over to be in the photo... what "compromise" should she have made?? You don't mean compromise, you mean just let Ally be in all the family pics so her and the family's feelings don't get hurt and then 10 yrs from now when Ally has moved on and doesn't hang out with OPs family anymore, OP is stuck looking at her pics and remembering how she gave in to her family's demands - that's not a compromise!
In the first story he was left the property because he was sent to live with the grandparents and when they passed away he got the property because he helped take care of it after his mother no longer wanted to take care of him. The business wasn’t there until he started it after they passed away with the grandparents permission so this is not a “family” business it’s his business. How op’s family are so entitled is mind boggling! He’s lucky he was raised by his grandparents. I wrote this because people kept calling it a family business.
Exactly so!
OP is not the ahole in the second story. It was her wedding, and she wanted a picture with just immediate family, which Ally is not a part of. Just because others in her family may consider her so, the bride does not, and her wishes should have been respected for just that one photo.
This is about the first AITA story. If they were "family" to him why did his mom leave him at his grandparents? The sister only contacted him to get a venue the mind set she probably has maybe the free kind. He is NTA .
Edit: Ty for the likes
Even if it was for free, you still need to reserve your date! What absolute moron. 🙄
The mother may have been at a rough point in her life and thought that a more stable environment would be better for him. His mother taking the daughter’s side over him, and participating in tearing down his business was a bridge too far though.
As far as I can see, that was a blessing in disguise for him. His mother thinks it’s acceptable how his sister has behaved AND is actively trying to ruin him, while he is such a well rounded, kind person, he was willing to still let her have the wedding there..
You are probably right about the mother having a hard time in life when he was born but the mom taking her daughters side and participating in trying to tear his business is way too far.@@miahdavis8331
Yeah I was so surprised when he still offered another day at the venue.@@jesclifford88
I'm just gonna say it, with the Ally story, the bride has the absolute right to decide who SHE wants in the photo. It is HER wedding, and I'm assuming she is paying for the photos. A lot of people like to say "it's not just about the bride" etc - and to a point, that is true, but it is ONE of the most important days of her life, and if she would prefer to not have a specific person in the photos, she has the right to decided that, and NGL, I think the people who want to make the bride feel like crap on her special day, kind of suck. I don't think anyone in that story is horrible, but the bride really shouldn't be forced to deal with this kind of thing on her day. It's not like she didn't invite Ally at all, or told the photographer to avoid her. She just didn't want her in the immediate family photos.
It would be one thing if this was a "Holiday photo" where you send out to your family members, and friends, something that is done yearly. This is her wedding, something that normally happens once.
You are just as much of an animal as the bride.
Just because OP is not close with Ally doesn't mean she's being unkind to her. As she stated, she doesn't have anything against her and even recognizes her on holidays with gifts, which is further than I would even go. To not want to include her in the IMMEDIATE family photo is her right and there is nothing wrong or rude about it. People are just so sensitive about not wanting to hurt this girl's feelings because of her age. She's 14, not 4. I would be pissed if I was forced to include someone I am not close with or related to in my IMMEDIATE family photo because other people have that kind of relationship with them.
The family is the real ahole here for making it a big deal.
If I read it right, OP only excluded Ally from 1 photo, or at least the photos taken for that 1 photo OP wanted with tgeir family. I have to respect OP for being able to let her wishes known that they didn't want Ally in that photo. This is coming from someone who has a hard time expressing my feelings and wishes. So in my eyes they are not an AHole. But at the same time there were other options like one photo with her and one without, or Ally staying on the side and then edit her out for OP's photo album
No one is owed to be in any pictures or to be treated like family especially if they are not. It's life, welcome to it.
Its not " our family's property" . Its his property alone. They received money and other belongings. All he got was that one property.
I was married into a family that considered/refered to pretty much EVERYONE in their lives as family...so much so that some of the family wasn't exactly sure who was an actual blood relative & who wasn't...& while no one was ever excluded from being in photos...there were more than a few who seemed to feel/think they were entitled to be included in pretty much every "family group" photo & it made getting a photo of you & your spouse with your kids/grandkids...or with parents &/or siblings...at events/weddings/holidays damn near impossible...
so I can fully understand where OP is coming from wanting some wedding pics with just her family...& while I agree that she could...& should...have handled the situation a whole lot better than she did I'm not sure if it would've made much difference in the reaction she got from her family if she had...& no matter how long the sister in laws little sister has been around OP's family...them trying to push OP into accepting as her sister/family just because they view her as such & expecting OP to include her in her wedding photos was total BS
Not me screaming at my phone ALLY IS HIS SISTER IN LAW!! 😂😂😂
Purple is definitely Charlotte's colour. Her room looks so beautiful. I LOVE it so much.
She is beautiful today.
Right!! It’s so perfect for her. 💟
Her hair is such a pretty color. Anyone know if it’s her natural color?
@@oORiseAboveOo I think she's a natural redhead, but I think it's enhanced
It highlights her glorious hair!
Story 2 NTA
You do not have to include people you do not consider family into your wedding photo. Why are they trying to push her on you, it is your choice! And your family kinda the AH for making you feel bad, you don’t have to make everyone else happy….they didn’t seem to care how you felt or try to understand why you don’t want her in The family photo.
I disagree with your point about the family making OP feel bad. If OP's decision is morally right, then she has nothing to feel bad about. OP is allowed to not feel like Ally is family or include her in photos, but she doesn't get to dictate how other people feel either. They consider Ally family and were hurt on Ally's behalf. OP made a choice and must face the consequences of that choice, aka upsetting her family with how she treated an adopted family member.
@Rikrobat, I disagree with you. Her wedding, her decision. I do think she should have mentioned that before the wedding tho that she doesn't consider her family.
@ - I don’t disagree about “her wedding, her decision.” She can do whatever she wants. But actions have consequences. She doesn’t get to tell her family not to be upset about it.
If she has to accept her family's decision of considering Ally family shouldn't they do the same for her? You can't force anyone to love or accept someone else as family
For the second story with Ally, the OP is not the AH. They never said they dislike daily. They actually said they like her quite a bit. They send her birthday cards and presents as well as Christmas cards and presents. It sounds like OP. Just simply wanted a photo of her immediate family. The ones that were there for the first 16 years of her life and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. My mom and stepdad met 10 months after my parents separated and they have been together ever since and I am currently 40. My mom and dad have 4 kids(born 1978,1981,1982,1983) My stepdad has three kids (born 1981,1986,1987) we are all very close in age. And generally a close family. My dad even comes to Christmas at my mom and stepdad's house. But we always get photos of my Mom Dad, their 4 kids, 3 grandkids and my blood siblings spouses/significant others and my stepdad and his three kids and their kids and spouses are not included. Then they will get photos that way as well. And guess what? Nobody is mad at anybody for it. Because it's simply just getting a picture. We all love each other and get along and we know that it's not meant to hurt anybody. It's just simply getting a picture of my parents and the family that they created together. Then we take a picture of everybody that my mom and stepdad made when they met. We will take one with and without my dad included in that large photo too. It's just the reality of the situation. We are a blended family and there is nothing wrong with wanting to take a picture of my original family. It sounds like it's the same way with OP and everybody just kind of blew up because she simply wanted a picture with her original family. And maybe she is a little hurt that her parents missed things or she was affected negatively because her parents took on this little girl originally without even making sure their kids were okay with it. Because especially at the age of 16. There's a lot going on for a teenager. You don't know how she felt or what she was going through and maybe she was already feeling neglected and then it was one more younger kid that took away any attention that should have been focused on her or her other blood siblings. It's not like her parents divorced and she was well aware of the fact that Mom and Dad were going to have possibly new families with more kids coming in. To that, maybe her parents should have talked to all of their kids when they were younger before deciding to take in another kid. I know that might sound selfish to some but those parents had to responsibility to the kids that they created. I would never take on another kid without explicitly talking to my child first and making sure she was 100% okay with it (I know she would be okay with it but I would still ask). Yes, I am a mother and I do have a 10-year-old. But if my kid said no for whatever reason as hard as it would be for me my responsibility is to my child. I would make damn sure that the other kid was being taken care of before I stepped away from them though. Because like I said my responsibility at the end of the day is for the child I created. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You all can't tell somebody else how to feel and whether or not it's wrong for them to feel that way because it's their feelings. You don't know how you would be in that situation until you are actually in that situation. Because it's usually very different than what you expect in your head
ppl that think like you should not have step kids please
@@justinaregis1823 why the hell would we want step kids? also she was NOT his step child. do you understand what imediate family is? its not uncomon to take a phtoto with only them
That's a great take, If you want to take care of another child, It's important that everyone in your immediate family is okay with it. Even though you don't do anything wrong with adopting a child, anything can give trauma to people. Caring parents often neglect their kids for someone else
@@justinaregis1823 a lot of people are calling her sister-in-law, which is not correct, but stepdaughter is even more incorrect.
@@justinaregis1823 ally is not their step kid. she's her brother's girlfriend's sister. as the brother and ally's sister don't seem to be married she is not even her sister inlaw. there is no official family relationship here. only emotional attachment of some of the family members.
I am so sick of people saying "but it's family." Family can be more hateful than strangers. I haven't spoken to anyone in my family for 6 years. I've never been happier!
7:35 the way I’m understanding it is ally is OPs brothers wife’s…little sister. Michael married maya…Maya and Ally had a poor home life. So their daughter in laws little sister. How this helps clarify for anyone else who was confused lol
In the first story, I can’t imagine why the grandparents left the business to the brother and not the sister. Oh wait, it’s because the brother respected the business and money whereas she and the rest of the family didn’t. Also, the sister was the AH because she tried to cheat the system into believing they didn’t need to register. Who the hell sends out invitations if they don’t have a venue booked? She was an even bigger AH when she told the brother to cancel another couple’s wedding who had been booked for over a year. If that were me, I would have no problem filing a trespass against her and the family if they’re going to trash the business to try to get a free venue at the expense of other paying customers. The bottom line here is that you don’t mix family with business because this is what will happen. The brother seems like a great guy and his grandparents made the right decision to leave him in charge of the business and I hope it’s still going well.
The brother was left the property and set up the business himself on the property after his grandparents died
He should also get in touch with outer wedding venues and let them know about her and family, trashy people tend to trash others properties
@CreatingArt23 I think he set it up before they passed, because he wrote that they thought it was a good idea. Regardless, the sister is a huge AH in this situation!
@@lisamelroy2855they thought the idea was good but it didn't happen until they passed
The brother was living with the grandparents, it is natural to give him the property. There is nothing in the post about the sister wasting money, y'all just like to make things up
In story 2, I don't think OP was an asshole. I hate people who wants to force someone on you. OP didn't feel the sisterly bond with her, so she doesn't consider ally her family... End of discussion.
Me too. I am adamant that I choose to socialize with and who to love as family or otherwise. If you try to force me to feel something for someone then the feeling I have for them and YOU will automatically be HATRED.
Yep totally agree. OP has every right to just want their own family in the photo. I'd feel the same too. Ally sounds like she has been very well supported by the family but it doesn't mean she has to be in everything they do as a family.
She was at the wedding and likely a bunch of other photos anyway.
i agree 100%
@@wobblyjelly345 - Except the post said she was edited out of the other photos deliberately. I think it’s pretty obvious OP just hates this girl for existing and taking away “family resources,” her words.
So many comments are focused on the one wedding photo when that’s not the entirety of the situation being presented.
No one was forcing her on OP, just take a picture with her in it. Good lord shes fourteen and she IS a part of the familly.
Story 2 Ally is Maya's younger sister...Maya was dating older brother and eventually they moved out together but Maya's sister Ally became an unofficial part of OP's immediate family. At best Ally became a sister in law when Maya and older bother got married. Ally is an in law- not immediate family- which is fine but it sounds like OP's family may be catering to Ally over their other kids with no legal claim of guardianship. Meaning anything done for the natural born kids is also being done for this potential younger in law (worst case more is being done for Ally over the other full born siblings.) It would be like you asking for a family photo with immediate family and the unrelated in-laws being pissed they were not invited to partake. OP has no beef with Ally, they even said that, she is just not immediate family. Maya and Ally's parent's never gave up parental rights, she was never put into the system, or legally adopted out of that system. Ally is the sister of a bother's wife, not even the sister of the spouse. I don't see the beef here. What is wrong about wanting a photo of immediate family? I mean sure take 2 photos if it is that big a deal... So at the end of the day she is not family... she is extended family by proxy of Marriage to an older sibling... Not the A-Hole for not wanting in laws in a immediate family photo. Ally was never part of the family outside of being a lost puppy Mom and Dad took in (almost technically kidnapped). also what is the hang up on the photos... it was 1 photo of immediate family, a photographer will take 100's of photos at a wedding/reception. this was 1 photo of immediate family which is a very traditional 1 photo to take in the laundry list of the 100's taken at an event. OP is NOT in the wrong for wanting 1 picture of immediate family and Ally was NOT immediate family end of story. On that not we were not there for the whole conversation we don't have the entire pic of who said what and when... or if candid and pics with close friends and extended relatives were on the list, this was 1 ONE O-N-E photo of IMMEDIATE family which OP never considered this toddler when she entered her life as such cause she was the younger sister of the girl another sibling was dating. No OP is not the A-hole, was have no idea what was actually said or how OP was attacked on an already stressful day, or how they defended themselves, over 1 stupid picture which excluded someone she never considered family in the 1st place... Op did not make anything a big deal, the family did. All OP said was 1 photo out of 100's with immediate family only... I know at my wedding I had several posed shots... one with Grandparents only, one with parents only, one with bridal party only, one one with siblings only, then one with siblings partners/spouses and kids, and there are 3 candids my photographer took with huge shots of My husbands whole maternal side, My whole Maternal side, and My whole paternal side. Those had like 40+ people in each shot. I know we had a list of like 30 posed specific shots and over 200 candids. I am not sure why this singular posed shot is OP's faults as it is a very traditional shot. We only know the details of this singular photo request, and it is not an unreasonable one... One photo of immediate family only. In no way is OP the a-Hole the family is what made a big deal out of it and had no regards for OP's feelings desires or plans for any other photos that were supposed to be taken at that event... The family considered Ally family, OP did not most likely do to the age gap. OP has nothing against her, she is just not immediate family for that ONE photo.
As far as it sounds Ally is not family or related, she's just someone that started to hang around, and kept doing so, so much that parts of the family now accepts her as a part of it. But the story stated that he has her own family and home.
Here's the problem with the last one, op said in the story that this all happened bc they wanted an IMIDIATE family photo, so it was likely ally was in the other photos, I was just getting annoyed bc everyone was saying op should've done separate photos but thats essentially what op did. At least from my point of view.
all rise court is now in session
Here here!
This is one of my favorite parts of her videos
I love her judge character sm😂God bless you in the name of Jesus Christ, who is the name above all names & the only way to Heaven❤
👩⚖️
Logohlgolgologlholglol
Charlotte, Ally was Maya’s sister. Maya married the brother, so Maya is family, not Ally.
So I don’t really think the OP was wrong here. 🤷🏻♀️
It depends, in my culture she would absolutely be considered family
I agree. She's not family.
Me too, I also think OP wasn't wrong
Sister in law is family...
ALLY is not the sil, tho!
I'm a wedding and marriage minister and perform weddings almost weekly. If a couple tells me a date and time, that goes on my calendar, too. It's not that she "booked" the venue without telling the venue (bad), but ALL the other vendors - DJ, officiant, photographer, videographer,, cake, caterer, flowers. ALL those vendors have blocked off that date and can't rebook if they don't know the venue and/or date is wrong. If that wedding didn't completely fail, I'll be shocked.
That's the way life works. The venue is the foundation of everything. Annabelle's Catering is going to check their calendar and say "Yes, we are available for that date" and take a deposit. Same with Joe's Flowers, Ellen's Custom Wedding Cakes, and Crazy Careen's Mobile D.J. services. Every single one of them is going to realize the bride has screws loose if it gets back to them they didn't book the venue and it's unavailable.
Honestly, if I was a vendor and found out this was the way the bride operated, I might return the deposit (assuming I hadn't had to go to actual expenses, like making a few hundred pigs in a blanket in advance) and decline a new booking. This event wouldn't smell like money. It would smell like trouble.
@@jeffreyclinard2002there was a video that went around of a wedding planner that returned the money and her comment was “all money is not good money and that was bad money”. I think it applies here too to this bride. I really hope her fiancé realized that his marriage was just an expensive ride to crazy town and got out of there before the papers got signed.
First time possibly ever I've disagreed with Charlotte. OP in story 2 was NTA. It was her wedding, and it was completely her prerogative to get an immediate-family photo. Ally was in other photos. Ally wasn't deliberately unincluded. OP was never rude or dismissive of Ally. She just never saw her as a sibling like the others did, and that's totally valid, too!
For the first one, the brother followed the wise, old saying:
“It’s not personal, it’s just business.”
Good for him!
I actually have a similar experience as the second story. My cousin was pretty much thrown out of his family, so we took him and his wife and kids on as move than just extended family (ie. he's at all the holidays, my parents buy his kids presents, etc.) It works for us, but I understand what her feeling about it is.
OP isn't resentful, or an AH. She's being forced to have a rando be part of her life and she has no obligation, even though it sounds like she has been perfectly pleasant the whole time. Plus, it's just a picture. Her family couldn't let her have one damn picture of just them?
Yes it hit me that on her day, her mother's version of "family" ( ally still resided with her own birth parents) was seen by all as being more important than the Brides version of family for her own photos. I had a mother who'd emotionally adopt girls at our church that were then held up to us her real daughters as paragon of virtue. She'd try to force me to be friends with this one girl whose lack of personality I couldn't stand. And her pressure made it difficult for me as a teen to even tolerate this "paragon" who was dumb, smelt, and said yes to everything my bossy mother said. But I stayed away from her to avoid conflict and comparison. So you never know what these add on kids by moms cost the real birth kids emotionally.
@@joywebster2678 oh man, I actually have something similar to that too. My parents would “adopt” girls from their church too. One of the girls was getting a little too close to my dad. For context, my dad is the sweetest man on the planet, so he assumed nothing.
I stared getting weirded out and told them. They insisted I just had a sick mind, so I called some of their friends telling them about my concerns, and every one of them told me it was fine, and nothing like that was going on.
Soon enough, the stepmom started making accusations at my dad, and the girl admitted she had feelings for him. I was angry, but it made it worse that no one would acknowledge that I sniffed it out early.
OP just wanted a picture with the family she grew up with but the very kind mother wanted Ally to be in all of it.
@@soakedpasta Mom didn't seem very kind to her own daughter imo.
@@ThereSaSpiderNMySoup ik I meant that sarcastically.
Imagine the mental health issues the bride is having to deal with by not wanting a member of her brother's in laws in her immediate family pictures, then getting pushback from her family because she chose not to pursue a relationship with said brothers family member. Not to mention she posted it online, ambiguously, now the world thinks she doesn't like the girl when all she wanted was a pic of her imediate family. To boot, she now thinks she should have made compromises on HER wedding day to make sure everyone else had a good time. Im just glad she enjoyed HER day, and has maintained her relationship with Ally. Hopefully she hasnt fallen into a deep self loathing depression, and thinks twice before she posts online again.
I feel bad for OP and for Ally. It looks like it was mom that was pushing the narrative. Also, if the photographer had been prepped about the situation in advance I’m sure they could have finessed a way to that photo without any hurt feelings.
Ally is a 16(?) y/o kid from a crap family, and OP is a woman trying to share her wedding day with HER family. It’s just a shit sandwich if a situation.
This comment should have more likes!
I was surprised Charlotte had such take on it. I feel bad for the bride. It was her day and she seems to have a relatively healthy relationship with the girl and it must have sucked to have her family flip on her over something that should have been uncontroversial.
On the wedding photo story: All I'm going to say is a lot of people failed reading comprehension in school. That's all. 🤦♂
To be fair, the OP didn't really explain the situation very well and had to do an update to explain who Ally was in relation to Maya. It's not that hard to be confused.
@@MarloAnn The relationship between Maya and Ally wasn't very clear though, that's why the OP had to do an edit to clarify. Some people just need the clarification, even a guy like me who read at the level of a high school senior in fifth grade.
@@passionsquietrage To be fair, even with the clarification Charlotte read, a lot of folks in the comment section still don't understand. As a writing instructor, I guess I'm so used to figuring out what people "meant" to day that I made the connection through context clues before the edit and was wondering why Charlotte was so confused. 😂
Yeah. No sense of context clues at all 😅
The 2nd OP, it sounds like the colloquially adoptive sister is actually the much younger SIL to the OP' brother and due to loving arrangements that happened as a result of Maya and Ally's home life while Maya and OP' brother were teens, everyone, obvs excepting OP's brother since Ally is his SIL, came to consider Ally as an adoptive sibling/child/extended family member/relative even though Ally was never formally adopted by OP's parents. Sounds like OP's a big of a jealous pucker of Ally and doesn't like her because (a) of her mother's 'the more the merrier' mentality it people around the house, and (b) since Ally would have only been a grammar school-aged child when she and Mya joined the home dynamic, OP's parents or at least mother may have given more time and attention to Ally, and possibly Maya as well, being, as OP mentions in her opening paragraph her brother and Maya were highschool sweethearts. Sorry if my understanding is too convoluted or confusing, but that's how I interpret this post.
The story about the sisters.. listen i can relate to this more than i care to explain. I was already moving out of my house when my father "adopted" a boy with his then girlfriend & brought him around our family home. My uncles, cousins & family friends did understand this boy to be considered my father's son even though the adoption was never legal (his ex is the child's sole guardian and he just wanted to be there for them both). I dont feel this way because i was not living at home lol
You cant force a relationship on people that just is not there.
Now that my father has passed away i dont see the need to have much to do with this child anymore or continue to welcome him near my own child when he's never been close to me in anyway.
OP just wanted a photo with HER immediate family & they are the ones who are creating drama out of nothing.
Nothing is better than watch other people's drama with Charlotte adorable sense of humor and petty reactions. At this point i live for her reactions. 😂
Oh and the editing of the vídeos: congratulations. I absolutely Love Charlotte's team petty editing. Makes everything even better. ❤ thank you.
Don't be stupid like me! When you sign a contract, *GET A COPY!*
It sounds so simple and... stupid! But, I was young, naive and believed businesses did what they should. My contract went into 'my folder' that they kept. There was "no record" of it when the time came to need it! I'm sure they "filed it" in the trash.
always get your copy of the contract that has your signature !
Judge Judy says: Always get a copy that has BOTH signatures!
Not necessarily related to this context, but it works in any situation : don't be afraid to read it thoroughly and don't hesitate to ask questions. If they get irritated, you definitely have good reasons to ask. If anyone pressures you into signing a contract too quickly, run
These stories were actually pretty mild compared to what we're used to. And still wonderful because they're not our relatives.
If there is one day in your entire life that you get to pick who is in photos it’s your wedding day. That’s it. The other people in those photos will either never see them or only see them occasionally. The OP in the 2nd story will have the photos to remember for the rest of her life. She was absolutely not the AH. It’s her day, she can have whoever she damn well pleases in her photos.
For the family photo story, surely doing separate pictures wouldnt help since if the op wanted a picture with siblings and parents only, the family would still have attempted to put Ally there since they consider her their sister. OP would've still have to say "no, not you" for that photo. Feelings would still be hurt at the revelation that OP doesnt see that girl as her actual sister.
For the second story:
Ally is Maya's sister and not legally adopted into the family. Let's call her... honorary family. The OP doesn't consider her family BECAUSE of this. I don't find him the AH because it was his wedding AND he and Ally aren't LEGALLY family. His family may think that Ally is apart of THEIR family, but OP does not.
Yeah, I think in your own wedding photos, you get to choose who appears.
💯
I agree but op hates her for some other reason and it showes
@@GalinaEv it's like purposely not wanting to like a band that your friends talk about all the time because you're annoyed and sick of hearing it ALL THE TIME. I think that's what OP felt.
And prolly because the family has been invalidating his feelings over not sharing the same sentiments towards Ally. I'd be annoyed too and I'd do the same thing as OP. If I don't want her in the photo, then I don't want her!
@sunshinehope9825 we all petty here sure. But if ally was there from age 4, i think she is family, even if OP doesnt like here lol.
Peoples who say "we don't know family dynamics" in second story...
But we do - its EVIDENT that OP does not consider Ally as her little sister... Yet OP mother doesn't care - it doesn't matter if she failed to notice or don't care in both case shes very unfair to OP as her birth daughter. She must knew OP doesn't want Ally in CLOSE family picture yet she IGNORED that on OP wedding day and brought Ally anyway. And afterwards when OP set the boundary she was pushing on OP for being in the wrong when SHES the one being in the wrong.
That whole thing says a lot about family dynamic to me.
1st Ally is more important to mother than OP
2 OP is being forced in those sort of situations regularly and thats first time she didn't bend.
3 family bully OP into treating Ally as her little sister which is ABSURDAL
OP is not the AH the mother is
Also stop acting like OP bullied the kid. She wanted ONE PHOTO specifically with CLOSE family.
ONE FFS, on her wedding day.
Sorry not sorry - shes NTA
100% agree
On the Maya and Ally one, she's the sister in law's sister. So, what I like to call the sister in law law. She's not related to them in any ways but she had been around so often since Maya was with the brother from high school so Ally was there with Maya.
That said, the OP could have done a photo with and without Ally. My husband is 14 years younger than his brothers so even with biological family, they're not super close because by the time he was running around and what not, they were finishing high school or into college and moving out.
Not only did they not, not take other phots, OP said they DID include her in other family group shots and candids... This was specifically one photo out of 100's that was Immediate family only. We are somehow assuming that this one singular photo was the only photo of the entire event. Ally was in several photos through out the night just not that one.
She did do a photo with Ally. The family wanted her in EVERY photo. Or at least, every photo that included the bride’s side of the family.
For the story starting at 8:47 ish
OP could've let the picture get taken and then they could've asked the photographer to edit the pictures and make 2, so one has ally and the orher doesnt so everyone would've been happy that way
Im the oldest of five and my mother is one of those people that is always "bringing in strays" i literally shared a bed with my sisters best friend for my last 2 years of high school because her father was a truck driver and was never home so she lived with us... after i moved out my siblings always had friends in and out of our home.. we modified closets and busted down walls to make space and extra beds for teens who didnt have safe places to call home... i never resented any if them and was always sad when the kids inevitably moved on somewhere else but one did stay 😅 we never actually adopted her but she is just as much my sister as my blood sister and her baby is my neice... its nice
i’m pretty sure Ally is the brothers sister in law. cuz she’s op’s brother’s wife’s sister, if that makes sense. so in no way is Ally even remotely related to op 10:00
She didn't want her in the picture because SHE IS NOT FAMILY. I totally understand her position.
Stories like these make
me so incredibly grateful to have incredible relationships with my sisters. 💗
I was actually crying because I was picturing booking a wedding venue sending invitations making bachelor and bachelorette parties around that date and location and then last minute the venue said "oh sorry my sister wants it"
I love charlottes videos sm!!❤ She’s hilarious and down to earth and deserves more attention!!!!’
Ally is her SIL’s little sister. She’s not actually related to OP. It’s not wrong but not nice.
Yeah, what makes it wrong is that the parents have basically welcomed Ally into their family as well, but the OP is not having it.
@@robertgronewold3326 you mean what makes it not nice. they aren't wrong for it, but they could be nicer about it. the OP does not have to like Ally
OP said in an edit or update or something that they included brother’s wife so she could hold the baby, and there was a comment on the post that pointed out that the brother could’ve just held the baby instead of the brother’s wife. That would’ve definitely made it feel personal that I was left out if I were Ally. It would’ve made seem less like that if the brother would’ve held the baby so exclusively just immediate family was in the photo, not immediate family but also brother’s wife just so the baby can be in the picture.
Imagine the MH issues after not wanting to pursue a relationship with your brothers sister in law, and being chastised by your entire family, and some of the internet, for said decision.
It's not nice to want to have one single photo without Ally in it?? C'mon!
Ugh. It's 9am. Charlotte's notifications have become my defacto "You're late again!" alarm clock. 😂
@@SSeul96There's still time for you to goof off! Heh.
It's 3:30 am here lol
@@C.Churchagreed!
@@C.ChurchGood Morning Petty Potato!
@@Good.Morning.Petty.Potatoes Good morning. Time to peel out. Lol
The last one, feeling get hurt all the time. It's time people stopped pandering to other people just because their feelings might be hurt.
I had a situation similar to the ally story. My mum tends to informmaly adopt "strays" and while i didnt mind. One of my at the time friends who lived with us for over a year ended up stealing alot of my stuff, getting annoyed and pissy at me for hanging out in my own room ect. Was not the best time 😅
We were the same age at the time
I think the answer to number two is she’s jealous. “My parents have spent so much time and resources on her it’s ridiculous.” It’s a clear case of feeling less than bc there was another girl to be doted on.
Vanessa putting the McDs pic up when Charlotte said "really nice venue" Gah! I died! Love this hilarious editing!!💖Also 13:31 can we get a "Charlotte Seal of Approval" Tshirt or merch? Pretty Please?🥔
Dwayne popping his face in on the left, made me jump a foot. Well done, Ms. Editor.
It was OP's wedding, so they had the final say on the photos, they also should have expected the backlash from excluding Ally.
10:13 Not the AH. It was her wedding photos. She can have anyone in them she chooses. I came from a blended family with step-sisters and the works. When I took my immediate family photos, my step-sisters weren’t in it but they were in others. Being mad about your little brother’s stepsister-in-law not being included in the “immediate family” photo is just petty family drama.
That is not 'family property' nor is it a 'family business'. It belongs to the brother who was obviously not being respected by his own family. He doesn't need these toxic and entitled people in his life.
Literally pushed back cooking lunch so I could eat to this video 😂❤
7:25 I'm sorry that a 14 year old was upset but I firmly believe that a bride is entitled to family pictures.
That's great that their family has accepted this girl who had a bad home and treated her like family but this shows why OP doesn't have a good relationship with her. As a teenager this young girl was brought in and basically moved into the home and like she said she was forced into her life. And now they're trying to force her into her wedding and guilt tripping her about it. There's no situation where a bride shouldn't be able to have a family photo at her wedding, I firmly believe the family should be labeled the Ahole.
She invited Ally to the wedding! Does that count for nothing? She's paying for the photos and she's going to be looking at them the rest of her life! Who knows if Ally will even be connected to the family 10 yrs from now? Even if she really liked Ally and was close to her, I can see wanting a few family pics without her!
@@lizajane2971 exactly, why are peope acting like ally was entitled to be in family pics. I really think that she was treated perfectly fine, this whole "she was upset and cried" just shows that they placate her unrealistic feelings a lot and nobody has given this young lady any sense of reality and how you don't always get what you want. She wasn't treated badly she just didn't get what she wanted 🤷🏾♀️. That happens in life and by 14 she should have known that.
I’m not gonna lie, at 14, your not emotionally mature and being left out, even if reasonable, is still hurtful. I don’t think the OP is the ah either. I think if she’s given her photographer a heads up they could have done the pics with a little more tact so no one would have noticed, photographers are amazing like that. I think OPs mom is actually the ah for pushing the narrative. I think if she never called ally over the poor girl would never have even noticed she wasn’t in that one pic.
@@MyLifeMyWay true the mom definitely made this worse but, by 14 you should know better then to not pout and mope because you weren't included in ONE picture. I agree that she's not going to be mature at 14 but she SHOULD know how to act.
that first one infuriated me. I can't deal with people like that anymore
Ally is OP's brother's, girlfriend's younger sister. She and OP are not related. Parents chose to let her be at their house all the time because they felt sorry for her, apparently. OP never felt close to her or developed a sibling type relationship with her. She was respectful and gracious to her for years, including giving her b-day presents and Christmas presents-things she was in no way obligated to do. But she mostly did it because she was trying to be nice and respectful of her parents and/or because they forced her to. Brother finally married GF so she is now family by marriage. Ally is still just sister of sister-in-law. At least that is the real relationship between her and OP.
When it came time to do ONE specific photo of just immediate family, bride didn't want Ally in that one photo. So what? She's not close family. She's a kid who keeps crashing at the bride's parents house for a decade. Bride has a right to various versions of photos with certain groups of people in them. Ally was in other groups pics.
Bride/OP has ZERO obligation to accept someone into their life who they do not feel a connection with. Especially not just because they all think it is the nice thing to do. You have a right to your genuine feelings if you simply aren't close to someone and if you feel this person was thrust upon you against your will. If they never bonded, then that's just how it is. You are NOT the AH for asking other people to respect your boundaries. Anyone who says differently is just the same as the parents and needs to stop pushing their feelings or wishes on OP.
7:18 after hearing this story I would say not TAH. The girl is the little sister of his brother’s girlfriend and OP felt she was pushed or forced onto them. It is completely natural in my opinion to not want her in a wedding photo of just immediate family and maybe significant others. She could have joined in on photos with more extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). Just because someone spends a lot of time over years coming over to your house doesn’t make them family. What the replies said about adding her later into group photos while still having at least one or two photos of just immediate family would have been the wise decision.
I love your aita posts! They’re the best! Love your content ❤
I miss the rolling in the chair "moving in the shadows" move. I dont know why i lived for that😂
First time I've heard of an AITA where the OP said "the people agreeing with me are making me think I'm wrong" because the people agreeing with her were being such AHs. Lol!
Story 1: NTA, it is time to call a lawyer and send out cease and desist notices to every family member slandering the business. Also it is not "the family" property, it is OP's property.
Filthy little mudblood LMAO! That was so on point and awesome. Made me laugh.
OP with the wedding venue needs to sue the family members who are talking crap about his business. Or at least threaten them with that unless they remove every single negative comment and review from Yelp, FB, whatever. If they don't, follow through and take their houses.
I love seeing your videos when I wake up. I literally make coffee and watch your videos as my morning routine 😂
Me too! Literally still drinking my coffee 😂
The sister in the 1st story was being passive-aggressive by sending out invitations.
She physically announced, to everyone, her plans without cooperating. This is to lock in what she wants with bare minimum effort.
She simply feels like she doesn't need to do the work and there is no reasoning beyond that.
°~•.☆.•~°
9:47 I don't care what you say, I am on an author's side. Ally can be anyone to the family, but not necessary to the author. If author doesn't like her - their right
I don't think the 2nd lady is wrong. She doesn't seem to have demanded that Ally be excluded from family events. But at her wedding, she gets to have an immediate family picture without her. In fact, it sounds like that's what was happening but then her mother called Ally up to join the family without the poster being requested. There were more tactful ways to group people in pics, but she was pit on the spot. I think she should apologize to Ally but maybe discuss boundaries for future events with her mother.
a good day when Charlotte posts 🎉
Everyday
These are my favorite videos! Along with the bridezilla videos lol
Not me continuing to hit refresh at 9:00am
Same, Good Morning
“Adoptive” family members are a tricky situation. I tried to embrace my “adopted” cousin my whole life, but he keeps us at an arms length or farther. I am younger than him. His mom and my uncle dated, but my cousin was already 5 when that started. However, my uncle took on a fatherly role to my cousin for years and years longer than his relationship with my cousins’ mother had lasted. I went to his graduation, but he didn’t come to mine. He has kids whom my grandmother has never met but insists on calling them her “great grandchildren.” My cousin physically and psychologically abused me for years. We were 11 months apart (he was born in late September and I was born early the following august) but my grandmother would make us celebrate our birthdays together either with him coming to “my” party (in quotes because he had more friends and I only ever got to invite 1) or us waiting to celebrate until his birthday in September.
I don’t think the bride was wrong. Why include someone in your family photos from your wedding that you don’t consider family? Sorry if that hurts everyone else’s feelings, but it’s not their wedding. She doesn’t want her photo time to be spent on photos she doesn’t want. If Ally wasn’t 14, no one would be calling OP the asshole.