20:38 her kids are so lucky that she says “it’s not your fault mommy’s having a bad day” so many parents even with out any personality disorders tend to blame their kids or allow their kids to think it’s their fault... that really hit a soft spot for me.. recovery mum you’re amazing
I think more than anything it is Pride and hope for mental health sufferers. It genuinely makes him happy to see such aloquent, vulnerable, resilient and adaptive human being. ❤️
Thank you both for the insight. I’ve lived w/ BPD for more than 25 years, it’s been difficult, confusing, & heartbreaking for myself & my loved ones. You’ve shed so much light & helped me to better articulate to my health care professionals to better advocate for myself. There’s been a huge improvement in communication and I feel more in alignment with treatment plans instead of feeling misunderstood and frustrated. I don’t wish BPD on anyone, but it’s a comfort knowing I’m not alone. Again, thank you 🙏🏼
finally ,I see dr grande smile, and it's so soothing, so grateful to you for using this platform to raise mental health awareness and make a lot of people's lives less alone. as always , stay awesome !
Wonderful to see Dr Grande smile,I completely comprehend why Dr Grande,rarely smiles,professionalism is essential....however it’s so refreshing and transformative,Thank you.
Even before listening to this, I have to mention, it’s nice to see you looking casual, and smiling. You have a lovely smile; be great to see it more often😊👍
Of course we love to see you smile, Dr. Grande 🙂 However, this comment reminds me of the men who’ve told me and countless other women to “smile more” when we’re doing basic shit like minding our own business. It’s odd that anyone would suggest Dr. Grande smile more often given the disturbing and dark nature of most of his content. We didn’t come here for shits and giggles
Living with BPD is not a life at all. I will never be able to have a fulfilling romantic relationship and my friendships are so unstable. Something I’ve learned about myself is that I am most stable when I isolate myself. It doesn’t matter how supportive people are; people are ALWAYS triggering for me.
@@marcdraco2189 I’m sorry 😔 I understand. I spend most of my time being angry and sad. Like I said, not really a life. What pisses me off the most is that I’m doing all of the right things and I WANT to do/be better.
@@TairyHesticles Yeah, it’s terrible. We are social creatures and isolating isn’t healthy. So why are our brains wired differently. I don’t understand.
@@nscott2590 Hear hear, Nathan. The sad thing is the more I learn from Dr. Grande, the more I realise how "abnormal" I am and I wonder what it must be like to have normal empathy, etc. I realise that for the most part, I feign many of these feelings and replace empathy (internal) with sympathy (learned). But as I've said before, without my great parents, I'd be in jail (or dead) by now anyway so there's that.
It’s so heartening to see a successful person manage their BPD. I love seeing people in the mental health community become functional and work their recovery! Seeing people live in mental hospitals for years and go through the revolving door over and over again is disheartening, to say the least.
This was an awesome video, Dr. Grande. Putting a face to these diagnoses helps to destigmatize mental health issues. It would be wonderful to have this sort of format for other mental health diagnoses as well. Thank you, as always, for your continuous efforts to help educate people on complex mental health topics.
Congratulations to the both of you. This video is ground breaking. The more people that come forward about this PD the better it will be for people to maintain a relationship. Amazing video and you both should be very proud of the work you have put into this video! I have hope 🙏🏼
Dr. Todd Grande & Recovery mum, I'm so thankful for this collaboration. It is absolutely rich in information from the perspective of R.Mum, she's the real-deal who knows firsthand the tendency and traits. R. Mum, there is abnormally long-term pain from abandonment issues for many people, and I want to know how on earth do those with BPD shut off their feelings to avoid the pain?
When she talked about her children and recovery I started bawling my eyes out. She's an amazing mother for putting so much time and effort into being a good parent. You'd think more people would do it but it's so goddamn uncommon. My parents could not once try and better themselves to then be better parents to my brother and I. They were terrible parents and yet have the audacity to make me feel bad for not being grateful of the pain they caused me.
I'm sorry you went through that and I'm sorry you had to carry that. You are in my thoughts and I know you can heal within (even though it's unfair). I know we have the power to self heal especially when we are used to being so let down by others. 💛
Really great discussion..I'm 50 years old and was just recently diagnosed with BPD and have just begun DBT with my therapist...I can soooo relate to feeling like a child in an adult's body, lol
Recoverymum speaks of self awareness. Basically know your emotions, communication skills, and feelings. Thank you DR. GRANDE for this very intetesting. Self analysis by recoverymum really hits the nail on the head.
They would make a really attractive and interesting couple and it happens. One of my lecturers at college suffered from Bipolar disorder and she was married to a Consultant Psychiatrist that I saw for years. I didn't realise until I met them on holiday by accident!
Anybody can be a good parent no matter your situation. Being sober is the one thing you can control and you are obviously on the right side of that. You made the best decision for you and your families lives Recoverymum. Whether they say it or not I know they respect you for it so much. I fell asleep while watching Dr. Grande and when I woke up this video was playing and I'm glad I watched it. Needed to hear this today. I'm not a parent but a addict to the core. Sober for 6 months 5 days as of March 28th 2021.
Thank you Dr. Grande and outstanding guest. My wife is an outstanding researcher and has stated she feels I have BPD. I did 4 tours in combat and of course they said I’ve got “PTSD” but who really knows. I do know this. Your channel has helped me more than any Dr. that I’ve met with.
Nice one Dr. Grande and Recovery Mum. It's great to hear a lived experience. It's a shame that this disorder is highly stigmatised, even amongst mental health professionals. Hopefully the sharing of lived experience, like this, will break down some of those walls.
How many of us in their forties and fifties were diagnosed as borderline in their twenties? This used to be a "death sentence", but new treatments have given us so much help and hope. I seriously didn't think I'd hit 50. It was pretty sketchy on the way. I do feel some Freedom, empathy and optimism. I still resent my position, but I am doing things to change that. My agoraphobia however has become worse since covid. I just got an exercise bike. I'm hoping that will help with anxiety, and movement
I sympathize with you as I used to have bad agrophobia, I have social phobia, I'm on anti anxiety tablets which help ALOT, IM HAPPY ONLY I FEEL THAT I SHOULD BE DOING MORE WITH MY LIFE, ONLY FOR NOW IM HAPPY SITTING IN WATCHING UTUBE & F.B. I THINK I DESERVE A BREAK , I HOPE YOU FIND A HAPPIER LIFE WHICH MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, IT APPEARS YOU REALLY do try to help yourself as best you can. Goidluck.
I love listening to Dr Grande. This lady is interesting. I like hearing from someone with the disorder who is in recovery. I like her self insight. She’s very relatable.
I'm glad that I looked at information to diagnose my two BPD exes. I'm not a Doctor but it gave me ideas and insights on what to look for in the individuals!
This was a fascinating Q & A video. I also watched the video on the channel of RecoveryMum, where Dr. Grande answers questions about BPD. Thank you both very much for these two great videos. I hope Dr. Grande is going to do more of these kind of videos ☺
I'm so glad you clarified this!! I only know one person diagnosed with BPD yes it's very stigmatizing and this was a great post! In the case of the person I knew; her husband loved her; he was unavailable due to work; their lives changed dramatically after they were married; she was 18 with a child in a large house in a place she couldn't navigate. When he came home things were ok at first but after the pattern set in she spent a lot of time self-medicating and her daughters brought themselves up. I don't know what kind of relationship she has with them now in her mid-60s. He never stopped loving her; it was a train wreck; they didn't understand each other. He was on the run from an abusive father and toward a happier world and immersed in his work; she wanted constant reassurance and closeness. It was no-one's fault. Very positive presentation. Hope she reads it.
Thank you so much for this interview!! It’s seldom that we have the gold treasure of hearing from someone managing BPD in their life. Having a relative with BPD, I can’t even raise the subject, at all. I just evolve through the devaluation stages. I’ve had to become a conflict innovator, defeat my conflict avoider default, or I’d never have a relationship with this person at all. Respect is huge with me, and BPD violates that on a continual basis.
Thank you both for shedding some positive light on BPD. Dr. Daniel Fox's channel is an awesome find I stumbled across, that doesn't bash BPD. He is very genuine and kind. Thank you Dr. Grande for hosting RecoveryMum. Much love. You are helping us more than you know, to feel less alone and give us hope for recovery.
Standing on the edge of do I go through recovery for BPD or not, and a video like this makes it really hard to make a commitment. I'm still very thankful for Mum and yourself making and sharing this video.
Thank you Dr Grande and Recovery Mom for your honest and open conversation. Such great and helpful insights. I look forward to more videos from both of you!
Two addicts with cluster B disorders separately in recovery happily ever after? There's the recollection of this priest telling me upon a dilemma of another sort, that perfection is in heaven and not on earth.
This is amazing. So many good questions and it’s wonderful to have the perspective of a mental health professional right along side of such a self aware person who has BPD. Thank you for this.
(from Lise Hull) what an excellent, informative and uplifting video! I found the questions very helpful and was so impressed with Shehrina's self-disclosure. Thank you both!
I have an enormous compassion for people with BPD. Having had BPD self-diagnosed, till probably my mid-20s, and after tons and tons of “working” on myself, though I wouldn’t call it that even, it was either improve or drive myself into madness. I have very little sympathy for people with narcissism on the other hand.
You are my hero, Mum. You are going to save so many people by coming on here and putting a face on PBD, some who would never have thought about going for treatment will now. Because you are beautiful, are a lovely person and explained so much they see or feel every day, whether they wanted to know about it or not, you brought the bait and the hook. They would have become so interested, they could not shut you off. My son has autism and true auditory agnosia. We always talked about how we can't be in the emotional side of our brain and the thinking side of our brain at the same time. I saw this somewhere and knew it was true. At first, I would give him examples of what I meant and told him it could be something simple like count something or do a crossword puzzle or read something or write a story. He would pick the strategies he could jump into when he needed them. Then he chose strategies to use and we talked about it and what that would look like. Prayer was always a strategy. Then, when he was having a good time and day where things miraculously came together, he would choose the strategy himself, that he could use if things fell apart. I will hear him choose his own strategy, because he never talks in his head, it is always out loud. He has become so gentle now that he knows how to figure it all out. He has had less meltdowns in this epidemic. He will tell me how he feels and it surprises me, because you would never know. I ask him if he wants to come with me, because I would not want someone to drag me out if I was having a time when adding one more thing would not be healthy. Thank you both for your contribution to mental health. We really appreciate it. 🌹🌹
You get such a better understanding of BPD when you hear directly from the person who experiences it. Such an important video! Thank you both for your time
Now I will commend you for allowing us to see both sides of the coin. This way we can try to fairly assess those we spend time with and not totally cut them off like the plague. This lady was awesome in how open and through in how she recovered along with her complications and remedies she encountered. My complication with a woman I dated had me baffled as to what person I am dealing with, is she psychotic, Narcissistic, or now BPD. I am busy working and she creates these stories of me being off with someone, and such, or gets jealous if I am on my phone, she actually stated she tested me to see howmuch control she has over me. I am still baffled in how to recognize these traits and I like to help who I am with and this would be a 3rd girl that I met in a row that is showing some weird signs that leave me feeling depressed and distracted after, so I don't want that again. Thanks for this and feel free to comment on this thanks.
Some bpd’s the pushy ones will test you, just to also abandon the situation before you can abandon them. I guess that’s what drives them to be controlling is because they want to control a situation enough to avoid an experience of abandonment or sometimes loss. Unless they are Comorbid with npd, they won’t be that entitled to not take accountability afterwards. It can feel hurtful even losing things too because it feels like you lost something that is part of you. Even relationships hurt because your sense of self Evolves around what reminds you of you. I guess it’s like you forget who you are sometimes. It’s an odd feeling
I wouldn't say "self pity" is the right word for a state people with BPD fall into; I think it's more like a collapse of inner reserves to the point that positive self talk simply is unavailable at the time. Self pity is what other people would assume but that's such a punishing way to put it.
Idk, I think you make a good point, but I think sometimes it can be self-pity as well :p not on purpose, it’s just a defence mechanism for people with bpd to blame others and feel bad for themselves, because it’s too painful at that moment to face what’s really going on
When you were describing yourself as a chameleon I was thinking Autism too. I'm pretty sure I have both, actually the three :D (ASD, STPD, Quiet BPD). Don't ask how magical thinking is dealing with paranoia AND dissociating, intrusive thoughts, spending and binge eating, meltdowns, emotional regulating, low self-esteem and feeling of emptiness, and hopelessness, sensory and communicative issues, at once, every day, and how all of that plus more are making you feel if you don't know the symptoms... Everything make sense now and I know you shouldn't self-diagnose. The problem is that here in Bulgaria, autism is defined as "child autism" and no one can diagnose an adult. Grown up kids with autism are considered to have some sort of mental retardation. I found out just a week ago. Not only that but here people are seeing BPD a bit more like from the books than from real life. So it's really important to have diagnosed people sharing their experiences like that. Thank you both!
@Venetta Thomas Thank you so much! I think I'm suspecting PTSD but I need a specialist. About the BPD, the ASPD and the ASD, every thing is super obvious. I'm doing a massive research for more than half a year and I even recognized two people with BPD (both turned out to be confirmed by a specialist) so there's not much of a chance for me to be wrong about myself. No one in my home country can diagnose me with ASD because in Bulgaria autism is defined as "Child autism" and diagnosed kids are considered to have some sort of mental retardation as adults. Not nice, just our system. The first "specialist" I visited told me I probably have psyhopaty o.O At least as a personal structure. I'm overly empathic and I always feel guilt and remorse. And I'm crying easily, even over little things. That's not all but I'm not here to waist your time... 😅 And please excuse my English... ✌️
I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was like that in some places. I was very recently diagnosed as autistic as an 18 year old and I also have been diagnosed with BPD, I identified with everything you mentioned. I wish you all the best and hope you can get the diagnosis and the help you deserve
@@watchingthebees Thank you so much! And I'm so happy for you 😇👍 I actually visited a therapist 3 months ago and you can imagine how she took my suspicions... But after an hour she indirectly confirmed everything. 😃 Now I'm saving for long term therapy and we'll see...
Thank you. wonderful discussion. "Maybe it's not a personality disorder at all, but have to call it something." lol. But that leads me to ask a question: Considering all the classifications of disorders... what are personalities that are not a disorder? Maybe none of these disorders are disorders. But merely personality "types."
@@WakeyWakeyEggsandBakey This is the point at which people begin to question what is wrong with me. Why aren't I happy. Many people start a spiritual quest.. Is there God? Spiritual cultures claim that when someone is favored by God He may make his life difficult to help him turn his attention to higher consciousness. In other words when someone is so far down the only way is UP. Best wishes.
As someone with bpd who has also come a long way in recovery from some very low lows to a relatively normal life its so nice to see positive and hopeful content like this. Its easy to find content about how to "deal" with a borderline person or what its like having a borderline partner/family member/friend etc less about what it feels like inside our heads and how we get better. Just a couple years ago i thought i couldnt get any better, family and even some of my providers werent showing any hope for my future anymore, thankfully today i no longer fit diagnostic criteria either. Theres always struggles but now they are manageable
Dr. Grande, I have a daughter with BPD and bipolar disorder and other comorbidity, and your work is indispensable for me. It has been difficult for me to sort out what troubles my daughter. Your style of presentation is most helpful for me to get a better picture of this personality disorder.
I’m 44 years old and this wonderful woman describes this perfectly. I also have learned to live with this and it can be absolutely paralyzing. It can get better with time as you learn to alter your behavior and manage emotions better. Emotions directly affect actions. With people with BPD, it can be most beneficial due to the desire to act impulsively. Everyday can be trivial but I have to say it truly gets better with time and practicing some different behavioral techniques. Great video, very informative!
As a mom who has bad days myself, hearing another mom be so honest and share helpful insights into how to deal with them is so helpful - you're a brave woman, thank you! Great discussion that goes a long way in helping to remove stigmas that can make getting help insurmountable Dr Grande, great work 💗
What a wonderful video. I've been an outpatient psychotherapist for about 25 years. This video is better than some six hour continuing education classes I've taken. Thank you for the video and congrats RecoveryMum. I'm so proud of you for the hard work you've done and am so happy your life is so much better than it used to be.
What an AMAZING hour!! I must point out that this video helps my migraine headaches directly..along with the dark, cool room..you both created a fabulous video.
INTROSPECTION IS EVERYTHING. We also must study our family of origin dynamics in depth. We need to look at the role that was implicitly assigned to us in the family also. I was the scapegoat and was mistreated the worst. It also lucky for me made me very strong and enabled me to go no contact from my family years ago and stuck with it.
Thank you Dr. Grande for doing these UA-cam videos. Very informative and more opportunities for people out there to hear sound mental health information. As for the Mum, thank you as well! I know struggling with any mental illness is hard for others that don't understand everyday things can be a struggle. I have gotten far with my PTSD. I finally had moments where you could say I felt quite normal and could see how someone may not understand why it's so difficult for some people to do everyday action or thinking. I hope the information you both share continues to reach more and more people, so people with mental issues don't feel like they have to stay in the dark and communication regarding mental illness is greeted with courage, instead of shame. Thank you again!
Listening and learning from every episode, thank you doctor Grande, for always having a good sense of humour, and keep your clarifications in a easy to understand language. 👍🏻👍🏻
As someone with BPD traits, from the side that naturally avoids romantic relationships but not friendships, for example. My fear of abandonment wasn't triggered until someone actually leave me, because I was just a rebound, while he made me believe he was madly in love. I ignored the signs because i found myself making exactly the same excuses AKA giving the benefit of the doubt. Later on I found myself again with someone with narcissist traits, and my interenal alarm was screaming, I was always on the "borderline" of a break down. Opening communication just gave the other person info about how to be more sneaky and camouflage. Most likely our instinct is right .
Fascinating. This was definitely ground breaking as one of your listeners commented. I'm glad I hung in there. I'm pretty sure I can add this disorder to my list..that's funny.
The part at 49:00 about perceived memory loss vs. memory of a distorted perception of the experience = ingenious insight!! Thank you so much for clarifying that. My loved one constantly cannot seem to recall her abusive treatment of me, which I often find infuriating. But she swears she cannot remember it. Your explanation really makes sense given the distortion I definitely see going on with her perception much of the time.
after watching a lot of your videos I'm starting to realize I would benefit from talking to a professional. I keep hearing a symptom here and there but nothing seems to line up for me and of course, I shouldn't self diagnose but I can't help being curious haha. Thanks for making these, it's helping me understand how complex mental health can be.
Dr. Grande its a rare pleasure to see a humble mental health person as yourself who can share the stage with a non-doctor guest. Great discussion on what should be such a taboo topic! Except for one NY CSW, most dismiss the idea that its possible to be a functional borderline
This video on Borderline Personality Disorder has been a real eye opener. Thank you so much for making a video using an articulate person who actually has this disorder.
Thanks so much for your openness and transparency. I hate labels, but I know one has to accept in order to be honest with one’s self in Order to heal and accept responsibility for your behavior. Your strength has been quite healing for me! Self hatred was the most difficult thing I had to overcome. Complex ptsd almost killed me! Can’t deal right now but this has truly been a blessing. Thank both of you and God bless both of you
I listened, fascinated to this interview. It’s been an eye opener to the real pain suffered by BPD/PTSD sufferers. I’ve been on the sharp end of some horrendous attacks, blaming, gaslighting, victimisation and the hardest thing is to continually forgive your beloved when they cannot ever say Sorry, or any word close to that. They might justify their behaviour in 50 different ways including waving a diagnosis letter, or saying they’re vulnerable, but how about their victims? We have feelings. Being made to feel hated can wear is down till we go no contact - the worst torture for somebody who loves you. So I beg anyone who has ripped into an innocent parent or child, say Sorry and mean it. You are not actually a toddler and you can’t keep beating up those who want a relationship with you, despite your disrespect. No blame, just a little acknowledgement that will, I promise, clear the air and allow for a reset.
How do we forgive ourselves for the destructive aspects of BPD? Schizotypal; like Schizophrenia; the term Borderline came as being on the borderline of departing from reality, right? psychosis. Distorted perception of reality. I also pick up other people's way of speech but nothing else, I wonder is picking up accents might be different. I was going to say the same thing that relationships are not recommended for people with BPD. I have a question: is there room in the world for people with BPD so long as they are making a sincere effort to recover? Can they be in the workplace? As with autism awareness, can society have BPD awareness or is that not the world's business but only our own? Is it a matter of finding our nich, is there a place for us were we can fit? Love that she brought up self-soothing skills, neuroplasticity and neuro-pathways. How does one self assess that one is making progress when one feels that one is not? Totally on board with her on the stigma and with not wanting to admitting it to ourselves but that once one knows the traits, it offers so much clarity and what to work with. I see myself in her animated manner. About personality disorder or not, there is something about the fact that BPD responds so well to DBT and remission is high. I've had difficulty knowing who I am or what I want because my mother did everything she could to obliterate and distort my sense of self. I've experienced memory recollection distortion in that I've caught myself recalling things often with a lense of taking blame for events or self-predicating when in truth, that was not the case. I've been baffled by this tendency when I've been able to see it and, again, this has been from being convinced by my mother that things are my fault; I do it very automatic and I have to catch myself. By the way, I think that our reactions to triggers are automatic from a limbic survical way; when we become more self aware and have more self-insight, I think the new ways are less automatic, perhaps a better word might be second-nature but that's just my opinion on the use of words. The question I often have is does childhood abuse count as trauma or traumatic or as PTSD? What if the abuse or trauma is not sexual? What if it is constant consistent verbal abuse? There is a difference between guilt and shame but I agree that excessive guilt can also be problematic. I'm trying to do a Bene Brown and move from Shame to responsibility to connection.
Always learn from your channel, Dr. Grande. For someone with Bipolar Disorder knowledge is power. I say that in part because based on what I've researched I think I've been misdiagnosed. It sounds much more like BPD. I see my Dr in a month and plan to discuss. Hopefully won't be stepping on his toes.
BPD is worse than bipolar and there are overlapping symptoms you might also have ADHD and be misdiagnosed as bipolar I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ADHD and later they said oh you have BPD too it’s just fucked up
Loved this video! Having the combined insight of a professional and of someone with personal experience is really effective in conveying a fuller picture :) thank you both!
When we are triggered and in fight or flight mode we go right back to the age of our worst trauma so yes we feel exactly like the child we were at that time. I definitely have CPTSD. And yes I was sexually abused at age 5 years old.
You are right. I was abused as a child and the. From my first bf. I spent years in active addiction and then years working on that trauma in recovery. I was equally assaulted at a legit massage place last week and I'm falling apart but having to hide it.
@@thatlaserlady3899 I am so sorry Christine. I’ve had over 20 years of recovery and still can get triggered, maybe not as badly in recent years but it still can. Happen ask God in prayer for deliverance. I pray in Jesus name that He will help you in a huge way. I acknowledge Christ every morning, first thing in the day and it helps tremendously. I’m not religious & don’t go to church but I have a personal relationship with Him. Pls try this . It really gives me peace. God bless u Christine. Peace of Christ. How were u assaulted at the massage place.? Was it a male or female? Did u make a complaint. That’s disgusting. Pls respond if u choose to do so.
I made a similar comment in one of your other videos...but I was diagnosed with PTSD around 22 years ago...which I believe strongly would have been called "CPTSD" if that classification had existed at that time. From my own perspective, my CPTSD is due, in part, to having grown up in a dysfunctional family (high level of emotional manipulation, relational aggression...likely some naricissism, possibly some BPD...etc.. and having been scapegoated...always feeling like I was walking on eggshells...and never knowing how to avoid being blamed for every little perceived "injury" of certain family members. I knew, intuitively, that this was all "insane" and never fully internalized the crap that was being dumped on me (although did, at times, wonder if I might be unconsciously fooling myself...based on "feedback" from the family) But I was mostly just biding my time until the day I could get out of it....trying various tactics to survive until that day came. When it did, I noticed that this "being constantly on guard" had stuck with me.....and the a lack of trust in the sanity of humans in general stuck with me as well.....along with a very highly tuned sensitivity to the states of others. I have never felt that I wasn't able to control my behavior or regulate my emotions...and the fear of abandonment is not characteristic of me. More than anything, I tend to avoid relationships with people who don't "read" to me as "healthy".....and this, to me, adds up to a LOT of people! So I'm not really "avoiding" intimacy as much as I tend to "avoid" relationships with people who don't seem emotionally mature. My point is....I really believe that CPTSD deserves it's own diagnosis. I feel I've known the BPD "type" based on the characteristics given, and I can see how some people might "go there" FROM CPTSD....especially if they don't become aware of their CPTSD before it progresses. It seems to me that BPD is a whole different arena. Something like those who have drawn certain conclusions about reality and how they must cope with it and never questioned those beliefs again until their chosen behaviors brought them into crisis (BPD)......vs.......those who can see clearly they're being abused...neglected...betrayed...scapegoated...etc.....by people they are dependent on....cannot escape....but who never seem to settle on any particular "beliefs" other than "something is seriously wrong here.....I need to get away from this...I can't....and the reality is, I'm going to have to deal with it until I'm able to leave (CPTSD)." It seems to me the "whole different arena" of BPD possibly springs from not being able to live with "not knowing" the answers, and therefore "creating" beliefs internally for survival purposes that "seem" helpful, but end up being a whole "extra level" of "problematic" over time.
Thank you both so much. My daughter, 34, needs therapy for BPD along with ptsd, alchoholism and so on. Most of what was discussed sounded very familiar. Just got a call from the police to come get her car. Alchohol involved, altercation, and she was transported to the hospital as she has health issues on top of everything else. How can I get her into a therapist and recovery. She needs hospitalization but no one will keep or refer her.
i have been watching dr grande for a couple of years now and have never stumbled upon recovery mum before. What an absolute delight she is! I just loved this collaboration and am going to search for all of the collaborations between Dr. Grande and recovery mum. signed, a fan with bipolar 2 and many other identifying qualities!
thank you so much for sharing this - I originally began watching your content for entertainment since i just find psychology and true crime to be fascinating but i actually have bpd. I'm so excited to check out her channel and learn more about myself in my healing journey.
Oh wow 🙈 great to see both of you together! I honestly love how compassionate and understanding you are. Thank you for being such an awesome human being. Honestly, I can sympathize with recoverymum about learning those skills. It doesn't mean what we have been through is invalidated. I think we all can acknowledge that.
Thank you both for an insightful interview! I’m also a mother of two a 14 year old and a 4 year old yes the age gap is very challenging but the best thing I did was to talk to my children and make them aware that I’m only one person and I have to guide two of you with two different ages !! My children are close and that has been my wish since I had my 4 year old but just like recovery mum said you have to put in the work ! As a wish is useless with out work input and challenge !! I have PTSD, Anxiety, I’ve also attempted suicide a far few times, I’m also in recovery! And I’ve also been in a 7 week coma dead 3 times in this ! A very painful recovery in hospital to survive when I come out of the coma , and was told I had to fight or I will die, Which was the result of domestic violence! I also grew up with server neglect, and physical abuse ,my father abandoned and rejection me! No love at all as a child ! I’m also dyslexic but I’m self taught and now much better with that !And much more !! I look back and have no idea how I survived, I also still feel like when I’m talking about my past that I’m talking about someone else, I still can’t comprehend what has happened to me ! But I’m learning about the child within and It’s been like an Epiphany I highly recommend therapy around this. What struck me was when recovery mum said about always feeling like a child ! Because that’s how I have always felt ! It came out in my therapy last week that I have two ages a 7 year old and a 12 year old when I’m under stress ! But most of the time I feel about 17ish and the strange thing is I have no real memory of my childhood just flash’s of trauma and a few nicer memories normal around being with animal’s, like the love hugs and interaction with dogs ! I’m smiling right now and my heart feels great ! Im at my most happiest time when I’m with animals, children and understanding loving adults ! It baffles me how people become hatful as I haven’t an ounce in my heart but have every reason too. I wonder about this and think if I knew why maybe I could bottle it and sell it lol. Anyways !! Thank you both again. ✨♥️✨
It’s so encouraging to hear from someone who has worked through this. I have close family members who are in denial about having BPD and are dabbling with DBT but it’s not effective because accountability is lacking. They see other peoples behavior towards them but not their own, which are the initiation of the conflict. Self diagnosing as autistic is the new avoidance.
Dr Grande, I have just listened to this talk on BPD and I found it fascinating. I am a retired registered nurse and Mental Health was not part of our education at all. did midwifery instead. I had a patient referred to me in the Community who had BPD and did not know how to handle it at all. I realy appreciated this talk by this woman an finally understood what it was all about. Thank you.
Never got the full diagnosis. I received a cPTSD and "traits of borderline personality" diagnosis. I was very self- destructive in my early to mid-20s. I had to make a conscious decision to call myself out on and stop myself from making bad decisions. I had to learn how to challenge my negative perceptions of being abandoned or judged. My boyfriend has asked me to assume good intent of him, and I've now applied that to all my closed relationships. I'm not perfectly recovered, but I am immensely happier and able to maintain relationships and friendships.
I have never been diagnosed, but it sounds like so many people.including myself.. From childhood trauma. Thank you for doing these videos. I am on a fixed income and retired. No mental health care paid for by insurance yet. I found in the family I grew up in that did not like discussions about feelings. Or hearing crying after a beating. So I have done a lot of work. It’s a lifetime journey. Tapping helps with the positive affirmations.. Anyway, great subject. Thanks!
How beautiful and wonderful that she can articulate what we can't understand when our loved one is in that state. It really expands my understanding of the one I love so much yet who sometimes scares me when he is in that state. The essential sweetness is still there but he is suffering and must let it out.
This is such a good presentation to hear how she is able to cope and use her learned skills day to day to manage her emotions. Without being diagnosed with any disorders , now I recognize some of my mistakes with my relationships. For the last three years I have been working so hard on controlling negative behaviors and out of control emotions, learning and observing healthy conversations between partners and loving behaviors without manipulation. I am learning so much here from your you tube conversations. This one esp. speaks to me. knowing that being a productive member in society and becoming a better listener , controlling impulsivity and emotions is necessary to be in check often throughout the day. It is possible to change a mindset and become aware of what is going on relative t9 life , people and stress. Please keep playing more episodes like this so we can grow and develop proper coping skills like she has done.
20:38 her kids are so lucky that she says “it’s not your fault mommy’s having a bad day” so many parents even with out any personality disorders tend to blame their kids or allow their kids to think it’s their fault... that really hit a soft spot for me.. recovery mum you’re amazing
Amen. Self aware. Talking honestly to children. I have such a difficult time saying no.
ive never seen dr grande smile and giggle so much... he was really enjoying himself
I think more than anything it is Pride and hope for mental health sufferers. It genuinely makes him happy to see such aloquent, vulnerable, resilient and adaptive human being. ❤️
Thank you both for the insight. I’ve lived w/ BPD for more than 25 years, it’s been difficult, confusing, & heartbreaking for myself & my loved ones. You’ve shed so much light & helped me to better articulate to my health care professionals to better advocate for myself. There’s been a huge improvement in communication and I feel more in alignment with treatment plans instead of feeling misunderstood and frustrated.
I don’t wish BPD on anyone, but it’s a comfort knowing I’m not alone. Again, thank you 🙏🏼
finally ,I see dr grande smile, and it's so soothing, so grateful to you for using this platform to raise mental health awareness and make a lot of people's lives less alone. as always , stay awesome !
Thank you so much!
💚'd seeing yor smile too Dr. Grande
Wonderful to see Dr Grande smile,I completely comprehend why Dr Grande,rarely smiles,professionalism is essential....however it’s so refreshing and transformative,Thank you.
Because she's so hot.
LittleFawn Uwoduhi is that the reason
Even before listening to this, I have to mention, it’s nice to see you looking casual, and smiling. You have a lovely smile; be great to see it more often😊👍
Of course we love to see you smile, Dr. Grande 🙂 However, this comment reminds me of the men who’ve told me and countless other women to “smile more” when we’re doing basic shit like minding our own business. It’s odd that anyone would suggest Dr. Grande smile more often given the disturbing and dark nature of most of his content. We didn’t come here for shits and giggles
@@natasha2009 men always say this to me - not as much now that I’m 46 ..🤔🤔it seems men are only concerned about the smiles of 15-30 year old women 😂
@@natasha2009 yes we did and the dr provides Everytime... that's why we're here 😆🦘😂🏌️💯🇭🇲🍿🤸🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🦘🏏
@@jettsetgirl interesting comment!
I agree, he is a clever young man who needs to smile alot mure.
Living with BPD is not a life at all. I will never be able to have a fulfilling romantic relationship and my friendships are so unstable. Something I’ve learned about myself is that I am most stable when I isolate myself. It doesn’t matter how supportive people are; people are ALWAYS triggering for me.
same
I desperately want to love and be loved - but BPD has made that intolerably difficult. I joke that I'm eccentric but ...
@@marcdraco2189 I’m sorry 😔 I understand. I spend most of my time being angry and sad. Like I said, not really a life. What pisses me off the most is that I’m doing all of the right things and I WANT to do/be better.
@@TairyHesticles Yeah, it’s terrible. We are social creatures and isolating isn’t healthy. So why are our brains wired differently. I don’t understand.
@@nscott2590 Hear hear, Nathan. The sad thing is the more I learn from Dr. Grande, the more I realise how "abnormal" I am and I wonder what it must be like to have normal empathy, etc. I realise that for the most part, I feign many of these feelings and replace empathy (internal) with sympathy (learned).
But as I've said before, without my great parents, I'd be in jail (or dead) by now anyway so there's that.
It’s so heartening to see a successful person manage their BPD. I love seeing people in the mental health community become functional and work their recovery! Seeing people live in mental hospitals for years and go through the revolving door over and over again is disheartening, to say the least.
This was an awesome video, Dr. Grande. Putting a face to these diagnoses helps to destigmatize mental health issues. It would be wonderful to have this sort of format for other mental health diagnoses as well. Thank you, as always, for your continuous efforts to help educate people on complex mental health topics.
You are quite welcome - thanks for the kind words -
Congratulations to the both of you. This video is ground breaking. The more people that come forward about this PD the better it will be for people to maintain a relationship. Amazing video and you both should be very proud of the work you have put into this video! I have hope 🙏🏼
Thank you so much! Xxx
Thank you!
@@RecoveryMum o
Thankyou very much Dr Grande talking about BPD . Recovery mum is so well spoken and explains it so well .
Thank you so much my lovely xxx
You are quite welcome!
Wait, why am I only seeing this 3 years later? I like this format. I hope Dr Grande will go back to doing more Q&As like this.
Thank you for your videos. I am a therapist myself and your videos have helped to sharpen my clinical skills!
You are most welcome!
You are both so lovely. What a strong lady. A great conversation and so interesting.
So great you have Recovery Mum on the show, and I greatly respect you both.
Thank you so much!
Thank you!! Xxx
Dr. Todd Grande & Recovery mum, I'm so thankful for this collaboration. It is absolutely rich in information from the perspective of R.Mum, she's the real-deal who knows firsthand the tendency and traits. R. Mum, there is abnormally long-term pain from abandonment issues for many people, and I want to know how on earth do those with BPD shut off their feelings to avoid the pain?
@@DrGrande
Are you religious Dr Grande? I see a crucifix on your wall.
@@phoenixzappa7366 oh shoot, sharp eyes.
When she talked about her children and recovery I started bawling my eyes out. She's an amazing mother for putting so much time and effort into being a good parent. You'd think more people would do it but it's so goddamn uncommon. My parents could not once try and better themselves to then be better parents to my brother and I. They were terrible parents and yet have the audacity to make me feel bad for not being grateful of the pain they caused me.
Prayers for healing that pain babygirl.
I'm sorry you went through that and I'm sorry you had to carry that.
You are in my thoughts and I know you can heal within (even though it's unfair). I know we have the power to self heal especially when we are used to being so let down by others.
💛
Are you BPD?
I68686
PThank uu
My ex had borderline personality, was a terrible mom.
Really great discussion..I'm 50 years old and was just recently diagnosed with BPD and have just begun DBT with my therapist...I can soooo relate to feeling like a child in an adult's body, lol
Recoverymum speaks of self awareness. Basically know your emotions, communication skills, and feelings. Thank you DR. GRANDE for this very intetesting. Self analysis by recoverymum really hits the nail on the head.
This video made me cry at the point of intimacy and cuddling and being told that we're loved... I haven't had this... Holy crap
Phoenix the II 💜🌈✨
Huggies!!
It's so helpful to have Dr Todd. First time Im admitting it's me not them. I've suffered along time. I have hope now.
@@lovecatstabbys6271 that is so so so amazing and encouraging for you!! Good luck!!!
🤗
I watch dr grande all the time ...but does anybody else love these two together or is it just me ??
Yeah... watch his body language and his eyes when she's talking. I know he would act professionally about it but there something there.
They would make a really attractive and interesting couple and it happens. One of my lecturers at college suffered from Bipolar disorder and she was married to a Consultant Psychiatrist that I saw for years. I didn't realise until I met them on holiday by accident!
@@brandibutler6024 LMAO!
I ship it
This is so amazing.
Anybody can be a good parent no matter your situation. Being sober is the one thing you can control and you are obviously on the right side of that. You made the best decision for you and your families lives Recoverymum. Whether they say it or not I know they respect you for it so much. I fell asleep while watching Dr. Grande and when I woke up this video was playing and I'm glad I watched it. Needed to hear this today. I'm not a parent but a addict to the core. Sober for 6 months 5 days as of March 28th 2021.
you have no idea how emotionally helpful this was, it made me feel a little less alone
Thank you Dr. Grande and outstanding guest. My wife is an outstanding researcher and has stated she feels I have BPD. I did 4 tours in combat and of course they said I’ve got “PTSD” but who really knows. I do know this. Your channel has helped me more than any Dr. that I’ve met with.
Best of luck to you, Sir. Thank you for your service.
Nice one Dr. Grande and Recovery Mum. It's great to hear a lived experience.
It's a shame that this disorder is highly stigmatised, even amongst mental health professionals. Hopefully the sharing of lived experience, like this, will break down some of those walls.
Congratulations to her for getting into her own recovery to be a loving mom. That is crucial.
How many of us in their forties and fifties were diagnosed as borderline in their twenties? This used to be a "death sentence", but new treatments have given us so much help and hope. I seriously didn't think I'd hit 50. It was pretty sketchy on the way. I do feel some Freedom, empathy and optimism. I still resent my position, but I am doing things to change that.
My agoraphobia however has become worse since covid. I just got an exercise bike. I'm hoping that will help with anxiety, and movement
I can relate with the agoraphobia.
I sympathize with you as I used to have bad agrophobia, I have social phobia, I'm on anti anxiety tablets which help ALOT, IM HAPPY ONLY I FEEL THAT I SHOULD BE DOING MORE WITH MY LIFE, ONLY FOR NOW IM HAPPY SITTING IN WATCHING UTUBE & F.B. I THINK I DESERVE A BREAK , I HOPE YOU FIND A HAPPIER LIFE WHICH MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, IT APPEARS YOU REALLY do try to help yourself as best you can. Goidluck.
Equality of the sexes !!
Reverse the script ....omg !
Hes like a atomic clock
She gurning
PROFESSIONz
@@paulmillard9535 LOL Wat?
@@JetScreamer_YT Hes a cardsharp playing poker with a can o worms..
I love listening to Dr Grande. This lady is interesting. I like hearing from someone with the disorder who is in recovery. I like her self insight. She’s very relatable.
Neurons that fire together, wire together. Way to go RecoveryMum! You got this!
RecoveryMum should feel immensely proud of how far she's come.
I'm glad that I looked at information to diagnose my two BPD exes. I'm not a Doctor but it gave me ideas and insights on what to look for in the individuals!
This was a fascinating Q & A video. I also watched the video on the channel of RecoveryMum, where Dr. Grande answers questions about BPD. Thank you both very much for these two great videos.
I hope Dr. Grande is going to do more of these kind of videos ☺
Thank you so much! Xxx
Thank you so much - I certainly plan to make more videos like this!
I'm so glad you clarified this!! I only know one person diagnosed with BPD yes it's very stigmatizing and this was a great post! In the case of the person I knew; her husband loved her; he was unavailable due to work; their lives changed dramatically after they were married; she was 18 with a child in a large house in a place she couldn't navigate. When he came home things were ok at first but after the pattern set in she spent a lot of time self-medicating and her daughters brought themselves up. I don't know what kind of relationship she has with them now in her mid-60s. He never stopped loving her; it was a train wreck; they didn't understand each other. He was on the run from an abusive father and toward a happier world and immersed in his work; she wanted constant reassurance and closeness. It was no-one's fault. Very positive presentation. Hope she reads it.
I read this.
think my grandmother may have had BPD my pop was pure love my mum said if it wasn't for her dad she might have been killed.
Thank you so much for this interview!! It’s seldom that we have the gold treasure of hearing from someone managing BPD in their life. Having a relative with BPD, I can’t even raise the subject, at all. I just evolve through the devaluation stages. I’ve had to become a conflict innovator, defeat my conflict avoider default, or I’d never have a relationship with this person at all. Respect is huge with me, and BPD violates that on a continual basis.
Thank you both for shedding some positive light on BPD. Dr. Daniel Fox's channel is an awesome find I stumbled across, that doesn't bash BPD. He is very genuine and kind. Thank you Dr. Grande for hosting RecoveryMum. Much love. You are helping us more than you know, to feel less alone and give us hope for recovery.
That is seriously the most valuable video on UA-cam (for me)
Thank you my lovely!! Xxx
Thank you so much!
Standing on the edge of do I go through recovery for BPD or not, and a video like this makes it really hard to make a commitment. I'm still very thankful for Mum and yourself making and sharing this video.
Thank you Dr Grande and Recovery Mom for your honest and open conversation. Such great and helpful insights. I look forward to more videos from both of you!
Two addicts with cluster B disorders separately in recovery happily ever after? There's the recollection of this priest telling me upon a dilemma of another sort, that perfection is in heaven and not on earth.
Awesome discussion on BPD...thanks a million for you time and honesty
Yes, feeling like a child: small, weak, helpless, scared.💔
And acting like you are in total control.
Thank you for this, Dr. Grande. I absolutely love your content and this is definitely one of my favorites. ☺️
You are most welcome!
Thank you. I personally find it more helpful and interesting when you make videos using examples of real people and events, such as this one.
This is amazing. So many good questions and it’s wonderful to have the perspective of a mental health professional right along side of such a self aware person who has BPD. Thank you for this.
Dr Grande seems like the healthiest, most sensitive, humble, and sane guy on earth. And this woman is wonderful also.
(from Lise Hull) what an excellent, informative and uplifting video! I found the questions very helpful and was so impressed with Shehrina's self-disclosure. Thank you both!
Thank you so much my lovely xxx
You are quite welcome!
I have an enormous compassion for people with BPD. Having had BPD self-diagnosed, till probably my mid-20s, and after tons and tons of “working” on myself, though I wouldn’t call it that even, it was either improve or drive myself into madness. I have very little sympathy for people with narcissism on the other hand.
You are my hero, Mum. You are going to save so many people by coming on here and putting a face on PBD, some who would never have thought about going for treatment will now. Because you are beautiful, are a lovely person and explained so much they see or feel every day, whether they wanted to know about it or not, you brought the bait and the hook. They would have become so interested, they could not shut you off. My son has autism and true auditory agnosia. We always talked about how we can't be in the emotional side of our brain and the thinking side of our brain at the same time. I saw this somewhere and knew it was true. At first, I would give him examples of what I meant and told him it could be something simple like count something or do a crossword puzzle or read something or write a story. He would pick the strategies he could jump into when he needed them. Then he chose strategies to use and we talked about it and what that would look like. Prayer was always a strategy. Then, when he was having a good time and day where things miraculously came together, he would choose the strategy himself, that he could use if things fell apart. I will hear him choose his own strategy, because he never talks in his head, it is always out loud. He has become so gentle now that he knows how to figure it all out. He has had less meltdowns in this epidemic. He will tell me how he feels and it surprises me, because you would never know. I ask him if he wants to come with me, because I would not want someone to drag me out if I was having a time when adding one more thing would not be healthy. Thank you both for your contribution to mental health. We really appreciate it. 🌹🌹
You get such a better understanding of BPD when you hear directly from the person who experiences it. Such an important video! Thank you both for your time
I needed this. This made me feel less alone, and I also admire her courage to be able to share her insight and backstory. Thank you both! :'-)
An absolutely marvellous discussion ! Thank you to the Recovery Mum and to you, Dr Grande.
Now I will commend you for allowing us to see both sides of the coin. This way we can try to fairly assess those we spend time with and not totally cut them off like the plague. This lady was awesome in how open and through in how she recovered along with her complications and remedies she encountered. My complication with a woman I dated had me baffled as to what person I am dealing with, is she psychotic, Narcissistic, or now BPD. I am busy working and she creates these stories of me being off with someone, and such, or gets jealous if I am on my phone, she actually stated she tested me to see howmuch control she has over me. I am still baffled in how to recognize these traits and I like to help who I am with and this would be a 3rd girl that I met in a row that is showing some weird signs that leave me feeling depressed and distracted after, so I don't want that again.
Thanks for this and feel free to comment on this thanks.
Some bpd’s the pushy ones will test you, just to also abandon the situation before you can abandon them. I guess that’s what drives them to be controlling is because they want to control a situation enough to avoid an experience of abandonment or sometimes loss. Unless they are Comorbid with npd, they won’t be that entitled to not take accountability afterwards. It can feel hurtful even losing things too because it feels like you lost something that is part of you. Even relationships hurt because your sense of self Evolves around what reminds you of you. I guess it’s like you forget who you are sometimes. It’s an odd feeling
I wouldn't say "self pity" is the right word for a state people with BPD fall into; I think it's more like a collapse of inner reserves to the point that positive self talk simply is unavailable at the time. Self pity is what other people would assume but that's such a punishing way to put it.
Idk, I think you make a good point, but I think sometimes it can be self-pity as well :p not on purpose, it’s just a defence mechanism for people with bpd to blame others and feel bad for themselves, because it’s too painful at that moment to face what’s really going on
Agreed
That is a brilliant way to describe it. Agree 💯
When you were describing yourself as a chameleon I was thinking Autism too. I'm pretty sure I have both, actually the three :D (ASD, STPD, Quiet BPD). Don't ask how magical thinking is dealing with paranoia AND dissociating, intrusive thoughts, spending and binge eating, meltdowns, emotional regulating, low self-esteem and feeling of emptiness, and hopelessness, sensory and communicative issues, at once, every day, and how all of that plus more are making you feel if you don't know the symptoms... Everything make sense now and I know you shouldn't self-diagnose. The problem is that here in Bulgaria, autism is defined as "child autism" and no one can diagnose an adult. Grown up kids with autism are considered to have some sort of mental retardation. I found out just a week ago. Not only that but here people are seeing BPD a bit more like from the books than from real life. So it's really important to have diagnosed people sharing their experiences like that. Thank you both!
@Venetta Thomas Thank you so much! I think I'm suspecting PTSD but I need a specialist. About the BPD, the ASPD and the ASD, every thing is super obvious. I'm doing a massive research for more than half a year and I even recognized two people with BPD (both turned out to be confirmed by a specialist) so there's not much of a chance for me to be wrong about myself. No one in my home country can diagnose me with ASD because in Bulgaria autism is defined as "Child autism" and diagnosed kids are considered to have some sort of mental retardation as adults. Not nice, just our system. The first "specialist" I visited told me I probably have psyhopaty o.O At least as a personal structure. I'm overly empathic and I always feel guilt and remorse. And I'm crying easily, even over little things. That's not all but I'm not here to waist your time... 😅
And please excuse my English... ✌️
@Venetta Thomas Oh, thank you so much! :)))
I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was like that in some places. I was very recently diagnosed as autistic as an 18 year old and I also have been diagnosed with BPD, I identified with everything you mentioned. I wish you all the best and hope you can get the diagnosis and the help you deserve
@@watchingthebees Thank you so much! And I'm so happy for you 😇👍 I actually visited a therapist 3 months ago and you can imagine how she took my suspicions... But after an hour she indirectly confirmed everything. 😃 Now I'm saving for long term therapy and we'll see...
@@watchingthebees I've been diagnosed with BPD today and I'm euphoric! Finally!
Thank you. wonderful discussion. "Maybe it's not a personality disorder at all, but have to call it something." lol. But that leads me to ask a question: Considering all the classifications of disorders... what are personalities that are not a disorder? Maybe none of these disorders are disorders. But merely personality "types."
@@WakeyWakeyEggsandBakey This is the point at which people begin to question what is wrong with me. Why aren't I happy. Many people start a spiritual quest.. Is there God? Spiritual cultures claim that when someone is favored by God He may make his life difficult to help him turn his attention to higher consciousness. In other words when someone is so far down the only way is UP. Best wishes.
As someone with bpd who has also come a long way in recovery from some very low lows to a relatively normal life its so nice to see positive and hopeful content like this. Its easy to find content about how to "deal" with a borderline person or what its like having a borderline partner/family member/friend etc less about what it feels like inside our heads and how we get better. Just a couple years ago i thought i couldnt get any better, family and even some of my providers werent showing any hope for my future anymore, thankfully today i no longer fit diagnostic criteria either. Theres always struggles but now they are manageable
God bless this woman. Her honesty is refreshing. She is a beacon of hope 😀
👍😎🙏💪
Amazing Interview. What a great teacher this woman is.She explains things in such an accessible way. So real.
Dr. Grande, I have a daughter with BPD and bipolar disorder and other comorbidity, and your work is indispensable for me. It has been difficult for me to sort out what troubles my daughter. Your style of presentation is most helpful for me to get a better picture of this personality disorder.
I’m 44 years old and this wonderful woman describes this perfectly. I also have learned to live with this and it can be absolutely paralyzing. It can get better with time as you learn to alter your behavior and manage emotions better. Emotions directly affect actions. With people with BPD, it can be most beneficial due to the desire to act impulsively. Everyday can be trivial but I have to say it truly gets better with time and practicing some different behavioral techniques. Great video, very informative!
Wonderful video! Thank you both.
You are most welcome!
As a mom who has bad days myself, hearing another mom be so honest and share helpful insights into how to deal with them is so helpful - you're a brave woman, thank you! Great discussion that goes a long way in helping to remove stigmas that can make getting help insurmountable Dr Grande, great work 💗
What a wonderful video. I've been an outpatient psychotherapist for about 25 years. This video is better than some six hour continuing education classes I've taken. Thank you for the video and congrats RecoveryMum. I'm so proud of you for the hard work you've done and am so happy your life is so much better than it used to be.
What an AMAZING hour!! I must point out that this video helps my migraine headaches directly..along with the dark, cool room..you both created a fabulous video.
INTROSPECTION IS EVERYTHING. We also must study our family of origin dynamics in depth. We need to look at the role that was implicitly assigned to us in the family also. I was the scapegoat and was mistreated the worst. It also lucky for me made me very strong and enabled me to go no contact from my family years ago and stuck with it.
Thank you Dr. Grande for doing these UA-cam videos. Very informative and more opportunities for people out there to hear sound mental health information. As for the Mum, thank you as well! I know struggling with any mental illness is hard for others that don't understand everyday things can be a struggle. I have gotten far with my PTSD. I finally had moments where you could say I felt quite normal and could see how someone may not understand why it's so difficult for some people to do everyday action or thinking. I hope the information you both share continues to reach more and more people, so people with mental issues don't feel like they have to stay in the dark and communication regarding mental illness is greeted with courage, instead of shame. Thank you again!
Love this collaboration! I've followed both of you for a while now.
Thank you!
Thank you my lovely xxx
Listening and learning from every episode, thank you doctor Grande, for always having a good sense of humour, and keep your clarifications in a easy to understand language. 👍🏻👍🏻
she has no control over her facial expressions, but such clear control over her verbal expression and tone. fascinating.
This is a great video. Thank you so much. I'm going to check out recovery mum's Channel right now!
As someone with BPD traits, from the side that naturally avoids romantic relationships but not friendships, for example.
My fear of abandonment wasn't triggered until someone actually leave me, because I was just a rebound, while he made me believe he was madly in love.
I ignored the signs because i found myself making exactly the same excuses AKA giving the benefit of the doubt.
Later on I found myself again with someone with narcissist traits, and my interenal alarm was screaming, I was always on the "borderline" of a break down.
Opening communication just gave the other person info about how to be more sneaky and camouflage.
Most likely our instinct is right .
Fascinating. This was definitely ground breaking as one of your listeners commented. I'm glad I hung in there. I'm pretty sure I can add this disorder to my list..that's funny.
fascinating conversation
Thank you!
Thanks 👍 Dr Grande and Sabrina, Recovery Mum.
The part at 49:00 about perceived memory loss vs. memory of a distorted perception of the experience = ingenious insight!! Thank you so much for clarifying that. My loved one constantly cannot seem to recall her abusive treatment of me, which I often find infuriating. But she swears she cannot remember it. Your explanation really makes sense given the distortion I definitely see going on with her perception much of the time.
after watching a lot of your videos I'm starting to realize I would benefit from talking to a professional. I keep hearing a symptom here and there but nothing seems to line up for me and of course, I shouldn't self diagnose but I can't help being curious haha. Thanks for making these, it's helping me understand how complex mental health can be.
Dr. Grande its a rare pleasure to see a humble mental health person as yourself who can share the stage with a non-doctor guest. Great discussion on what should be such a taboo topic! Except for one NY CSW, most dismiss the idea that its possible to be a functional borderline
This should be required viewing for all psychology students
This video on Borderline Personality Disorder has been a real eye opener. Thank you so much for making a video using an articulate person who actually has this disorder.
Thanks so much for your openness and transparency. I hate labels, but I know one has to accept in order to be honest with one’s self in Order to heal and accept responsibility for your behavior. Your strength has been quite healing for me! Self hatred was the most difficult thing I had to overcome. Complex ptsd almost killed me! Can’t deal right now but this has truly been a blessing. Thank both of you and God bless both of you
I listened, fascinated to this interview. It’s been an eye opener to the real pain suffered by BPD/PTSD sufferers. I’ve been on the sharp end of some horrendous attacks, blaming, gaslighting, victimisation and the hardest thing is to continually forgive your beloved when they cannot ever say Sorry, or any word close to that. They might justify their behaviour in 50 different ways including waving a diagnosis letter, or saying they’re vulnerable, but how about their victims? We have feelings. Being made to feel hated can wear is down till we go no contact - the worst torture for somebody who loves you. So I beg anyone who has ripped into an innocent parent or child, say Sorry and mean it. You are not actually a toddler and you can’t keep beating up those who want a relationship with you, despite your disrespect. No blame, just a little acknowledgement that will, I promise, clear the air and allow for a reset.
How do we forgive ourselves for the destructive aspects of BPD? Schizotypal; like Schizophrenia; the term Borderline came as being on the borderline of departing from reality, right? psychosis. Distorted perception of reality. I also pick up other people's way of speech but nothing else, I wonder is picking up accents might be different. I was going to say the same thing that relationships are not recommended for people with BPD. I have a question: is there room in the world for people with BPD so long as they are making a sincere effort to recover? Can they be in the workplace? As with autism awareness, can society have BPD awareness or is that not the world's business but only our own? Is it a matter of finding our nich, is there a place for us were we can fit? Love that she brought up self-soothing skills, neuroplasticity and neuro-pathways. How does one self assess that one is making progress when one feels that one is not? Totally on board with her on the stigma and with not wanting to admitting it to ourselves but that once one knows the traits, it offers so much clarity and what to work with. I see myself in her animated manner. About personality disorder or not, there is something about the fact that BPD responds so well to DBT and remission is high. I've had difficulty knowing who I am or what I want because my mother did everything she could to obliterate and distort my sense of self. I've experienced memory recollection distortion in that I've caught myself recalling things often with a lense of taking blame for events or self-predicating when in truth, that was not the case. I've been baffled by this tendency when I've been able to see it and, again, this has been from being convinced by my mother that things are my fault; I do it very automatic and I have to catch myself. By the way, I think that our reactions to triggers are automatic from a limbic survical way; when we become more self aware and have more self-insight, I think the new ways are less automatic, perhaps a better word might be second-nature but that's just my opinion on the use of words. The question I often have is does childhood abuse count as trauma or traumatic or as PTSD? What if the abuse or trauma is not sexual? What if it is constant consistent verbal abuse? There is a difference between guilt and shame but I agree that excessive guilt can also be problematic. I'm trying to do a Bene Brown and move from Shame to responsibility to connection.
Always learn from your channel, Dr. Grande. For someone with Bipolar Disorder knowledge is power. I say that in part because based on what I've researched I think I've been misdiagnosed. It sounds much more like BPD. I see my Dr in a month and plan to discuss. Hopefully won't be stepping on his toes.
BPD is worse than bipolar and there are overlapping symptoms you might also have ADHD and be misdiagnosed as bipolar I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder ADHD and later they said oh you have BPD too it’s just fucked up
Loved this video! Having the combined insight of a professional and of someone with personal experience is really effective in conveying a fuller picture :) thank you both!
She's so attractive. And the fact that she knows all about, has AND successfully works on her BPD let alone teaches about it is amazing
When we are triggered and in fight or flight mode we go right back to the age of our worst trauma so yes we feel exactly like the child we were at that time. I definitely have CPTSD. And yes I was sexually abused at age 5 years old.
So sad to hear 😢
Me at twelve but major trauma way before that
You are right. I was abused as a child and the. From my first bf. I spent years in active addiction and then years working on that trauma in recovery. I was equally assaulted at a legit massage place last week and I'm falling apart but having to hide it.
@@thatlaserlady3899 I am so sorry Christine. I’ve had over 20 years of recovery and still can get triggered, maybe not as badly in recent years but it still can. Happen ask God in prayer for deliverance. I pray in Jesus name that He will help you in a huge way. I acknowledge Christ every morning, first thing in the day and it helps tremendously. I’m not religious & don’t go to church but I have a personal relationship with Him. Pls try this . It really gives me peace. God bless u Christine. Peace of Christ. How were u assaulted at the massage place.? Was it a male or female? Did u make a complaint. That’s disgusting. Pls respond if u choose to do so.
Yes 💯✨ Facts‼️
I strongly believe I have multiple disorders. Including Borderline and CPTSD❗️
I made a similar comment in one of your other videos...but I was diagnosed with PTSD around 22 years ago...which I believe strongly would have been called "CPTSD" if that classification had existed at that time. From my own perspective, my CPTSD is due, in part, to having grown up in a dysfunctional family (high level of emotional manipulation, relational aggression...likely some naricissism, possibly some BPD...etc.. and having been scapegoated...always feeling like I was walking on eggshells...and never knowing how to avoid being blamed for every little perceived "injury" of certain family members. I knew, intuitively, that this was all "insane" and never fully internalized the crap that was being dumped on me (although did, at times, wonder if I might be unconsciously fooling myself...based on "feedback" from the family) But I was mostly just biding my time until the day I could get out of it....trying various tactics to survive until that day came. When it did, I noticed that this "being constantly on guard" had stuck with me.....and the a lack of trust in the sanity of humans in general stuck with me as well.....along with a very highly tuned sensitivity to the states of others. I have never felt that I wasn't able to control my behavior or regulate my emotions...and the fear of abandonment is not characteristic of me. More than anything, I tend to avoid relationships with people who don't "read" to me as "healthy".....and this, to me, adds up to a LOT of people! So I'm not really "avoiding" intimacy as much as I tend to "avoid" relationships with people who don't seem emotionally mature. My point is....I really believe that CPTSD deserves it's own diagnosis. I feel I've known the BPD "type" based on the characteristics given, and I can see how some people might "go there" FROM CPTSD....especially if they don't become aware of their CPTSD before it progresses. It seems to me that BPD is a whole different arena. Something like those who have drawn certain conclusions about reality and how they must cope with it and never questioned those beliefs again until their chosen behaviors brought them into crisis (BPD)......vs.......those who can see clearly they're being abused...neglected...betrayed...scapegoated...etc.....by people they are dependent on....cannot escape....but who never seem to settle on any particular "beliefs" other than "something is seriously wrong here.....I need to get away from this...I can't....and the reality is, I'm going to have to deal with it until I'm able to leave (CPTSD)." It seems to me the "whole different arena" of BPD possibly springs from not being able to live with "not knowing" the answers, and therefore "creating" beliefs internally for survival purposes that "seem" helpful, but end up being a whole "extra level" of "problematic" over time.
Your message made me sad. I truly hope you one day overcome your struggles my lovely. Big hugs xxx
Thank you Shehrina... And thanks for great info in this video!
Thank you both so much. My daughter, 34, needs therapy for BPD along with ptsd, alchoholism and so on. Most of what was discussed sounded very familiar. Just got a call from the police to come get her car. Alchohol involved, altercation, and she was transported to the hospital as she has health issues on top of everything else. How can I get her into a therapist and recovery. She needs hospitalization but no one will keep or refer her.
MaCoeur You just described my life in brief. Hopefully. Thank you.
@@janthorpe9577 i am not an expert but just sending you good wishes and hope someone knowledgeable will provide advice.
Dr smiling. How wonderful to see😃
Thank you so much for a excellent conversation Dr Grand and recovery mom 👏
You're welcome!
I haven't viewed all of clips but it was nice to see Dr Grande smile and displaying more emotion in his demeanor.
i have been watching dr grande for a couple of years now and have never stumbled upon recovery mum before. What an absolute delight she is! I just loved this collaboration and am going to search for all of the collaborations between Dr. Grande and recovery mum. signed, a fan with bipolar 2 and many other identifying qualities!
thank you so much for sharing this - I originally began watching your content for entertainment since i just find psychology and true crime to be fascinating but i actually have bpd. I'm so excited to check out her channel and learn more about myself in my healing journey.
Oh wow 🙈 great to see both of you together! I honestly love how compassionate and understanding you are. Thank you for being such an awesome human being.
Honestly, I can sympathize with recoverymum about learning those skills. It doesn't mean what we have been through is invalidated. I think we all can acknowledge that.
Thank you both for an insightful interview!
I’m also a mother of two a 14 year old and a 4 year old yes the age gap is very challenging but the best thing I did was to talk to my children and make them aware that I’m only one person and I have to guide two of you with two different ages !!
My children are close and that has been my wish since I had my 4 year old but just like recovery mum said you have to put in the work ! As a wish is useless with out work input and challenge !!
I have PTSD, Anxiety, I’ve also attempted suicide a far few times, I’m also in recovery! And I’ve also been in a 7 week coma dead 3 times in this ! A very painful recovery in hospital to survive when I come out of the coma , and was told I had to fight or I will die, Which was the result of domestic violence! I also grew up with server neglect, and physical abuse ,my father abandoned and rejection me! No love at all as a child ! I’m also dyslexic but I’m self taught and now much better with that !And much more !!
I look back and have no idea how I survived, I also still feel like when I’m talking about my past that I’m talking about someone else, I still can’t comprehend what has happened to me ! But I’m learning about the child within and It’s been like an Epiphany I highly recommend therapy around this.
What struck me was when recovery mum said about always feeling like a child ! Because that’s how I have always felt ! It came out in my therapy last week that I have two ages a 7 year old and a 12 year old when I’m under stress ! But most of the time I feel about 17ish and the strange thing is I have no real memory of my childhood just flash’s of trauma and a few nicer memories normal around being with animal’s, like the love hugs and interaction with dogs ! I’m smiling right now and my heart feels great ! Im at my most happiest time when I’m with animals, children and understanding loving adults !
It baffles me how people become hatful as I haven’t an ounce in my heart but have every reason too.
I wonder about this and think if I knew why maybe I could bottle it and sell it lol.
Anyways !! Thank you both again. ✨♥️✨
Oh my god
It’s so encouraging to hear from someone who has worked through this. I have close family members who are in denial about having BPD and are dabbling with DBT but it’s not effective because accountability is lacking. They see other peoples behavior towards them but not their own, which are the initiation of the conflict.
Self diagnosing as autistic is the new avoidance.
Dr Grande, I have just listened to this talk on BPD and I found it fascinating. I am a retired registered nurse and Mental Health was not part of our education at all. did midwifery instead. I had a patient referred to me in the Community who had BPD and did not know how to handle it at all. I realy appreciated this talk by this woman an finally understood what it was all about. Thank you.
Never got the full diagnosis. I received a cPTSD and "traits of borderline personality" diagnosis. I was very self- destructive in my early to mid-20s. I had to make a conscious decision to call myself out on and stop myself from making bad decisions. I had to learn how to challenge my negative perceptions of being abandoned or judged. My boyfriend has asked me to assume good intent of him, and I've now applied that to all my closed relationships. I'm not perfectly recovered, but I am immensely happier and able to maintain relationships and friendships.
I have never been diagnosed, but it sounds like so many people.including myself.. From childhood trauma. Thank you for doing these videos. I am on a fixed income and retired. No mental health care paid for by insurance yet. I found in the family I grew up in that did not like discussions about feelings. Or hearing crying after a beating. So I have done a lot of work. It’s a lifetime journey. Tapping helps with the positive affirmations.. Anyway, great subject. Thanks!
How beautiful and wonderful that she can articulate what we can't understand when our loved one is in that state. It really expands my understanding of the one I love so much yet who sometimes scares me when he is in that state. The essential sweetness is still there but he is suffering and must let it out.
This is such a good presentation to hear how she is able to cope and use her learned skills day to day to manage her emotions. Without being diagnosed with any disorders , now I recognize some of my mistakes with my relationships. For the last three years I have been working so hard on controlling negative behaviors and out of control emotions, learning and observing healthy conversations between partners and loving behaviors without manipulation. I am learning so much here from your you tube conversations. This one esp. speaks to me. knowing that being a productive member in society and becoming a better listener , controlling impulsivity and emotions is necessary to be in check often throughout the day. It is possible to change a mindset and become aware of what is going on relative t9 life , people and stress. Please keep playing more episodes like this so we can grow and develop proper coping skills like she has done.
I really enjoyed this episode; easy to comprehend and very informative. Thanks Dr Grande!