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“I didn’t want to be seen as this monster. I loved people, I loved the world, I loved animals. ...I just didn’t get it” That line hit me hard :’( great speech, thank you for having the courage to share ❤️
Exactly,I suffer from BPD and bipolar 1.And my ex wife suffer from bipolar, schizophrenia and post pardum depression.And 4 years ago i wasnt diagnosed and aware of how to deal with her condition.I assume that she will be okay but it lasted for months I lost my job and career over it because I thought money and gifts will solve all problems.Chronic homelessness was the consequence of that loss etc. long story short she end up being abandoned by her family, getting in other relationships if you call them relationships.Til this day I feel helpless and guilty, flashbacks of her auditory and visual hallucinations, violence etc.
@@razorsharplifestyle101hard9 It can be a daunting and frustrating journey. Believe me, I know from experience. Just let them know that you'll always be there for them no matter what. Hopefully, with prayer, and patience, you will see a difference one day. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. A girl I fell head over heels in love with, just destroyed me and left me so broken. I still am. I miss her like crazy and I still pray for her. I just want her to be happy, safe, and have a strong faith in God. She told me herself that she is very lost. It hurts to see someone you love so deeply hurting like that. I tried to help her but she didn't seem to want the help. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it. She has to figure that out on her own. I planted the seed, now I must let God do the work. It's hard being patient though. Sometimes it's difficult to keep the faith as well (even as a Christian) but I'm trying my best. For her and for myself.
Wow. I applaud her because not everyone makes it especially if they don't have the supportive group around them. Bless her courage to be able to talk about BPD and to give insight into what it was like for her to grow up with BPD.
Thank you for your story.. My late first husband was a Borderline. The fact that I kept loving him and forgave him the rages every time I think made it work. I was from a toxic home and he gave me a good life... I sort of clung to him and his love. He knew that I would never leave him. He studie after work and did 2 B degrees as well as honnours and his maters... As well as degree in teaching. He became psychotic at age 60..was at a psycogical institution and died o e month later. I am so glad to hear that the rage was not who he really was. His kindness.. Many beautiful qualities was who he really was! It does not mater that I was walking on eggshells. He never wanted to see a psychiatrist or take tablets
I've had Personality Disorder since my early teens i'm now 55 & it's prevented me from making something of my life. I had a very traumatic childhood being abandoned and put in a children's home for 11 years. "It feels like you aren't living at all."
I am the same.Sinnce i was innn my 20's and i am now 52...I had alot of trauma as ayoung girl. My parennts way of disaplinning me was to shame me. Most of the time innfront of people. My father is a narscissist. Called me every name but my own. I slit my wrists on a monthly basis at this point i'm wanting to give up. Absolutly zero support system. I love so deeply annd i'm not a mannnnipulater,also my sponnser said the same thing.I'vebeenn silenced and dismissed from parennts to Kids i LOVE more than anything and nowi'm still feelig empty and just a problem to everyone.....this is the worst thing i've ever imagine going through. Get help if u have these signs.
I’m 49 years old and my emotions rule my Life. I’m a survivor of child and adolescent sexual abuse and neglect This is my life explained and I didn’t even know Lonely and invisible
I am pretty sure I have BPD now.... MDD GAD and ADHD diagnosed in past but this is the culprit. Stay strong Angela, I feel for your abuse. Love from a random stranger.
@@iamacomputergenius say... I know I have BPD. I'm a caring & sensitive person. Yes, I've been told many times that I'm beautiful & I have no reason to doubt it because I care much about others & If I realize i hurt someone, it REALLY bothers me. & I avoid those who have hurt me or rub me the wrong way. I know other BPDs like myself. Loving pple.
the first half of the video was the only time i've ever felt like someone really understood my brain in my entire life. thank you for making me feel less alone and for giving me hope that things will get better
Without going into too much detail... I think this presentation downplays the negative effects of BPD on those people around the sufferer. I've been in a relationship with someone and had to leave as her constant outburst almost ended in my death a number of times. There was no option to leave during an outburst without her physically assaulting me and when I finally did leave she used the police as a weapon. I guess I become a victim of a victim of this disorder. I had no idea of what I getting into, no one around her would assist me, they made excuses for her, no one else ever saw the horror of my existence with her. I'm not discounting that it's traumatic for the sufferer but it can be just as bad for those around them.
Tyson Horsewell you're right. I have this disorder and I try to detach myself from everyone I know because I know how hard it is for them to be with me
Tyson Horsewell There are also quiet borderlines who don't act out and deal with there feelings internally. They dont lash out at others despite their own emotional turmoil. I would agree though that borderline or not someone acting violently is never ok.
Shiny Rain I understand that it's not everyone, I'm talking about my recent experience with one person, but not the first person I met. The emotional turmoil is very confusing in itself, with words and actions, even without (violent) outbursts. The biggest problem for me was that the lack of those people to see that there was something wrong with themselves and I, for a moment, thought I was crazy. I've been doing a lot of research and do empathise with people with BPD and have a lot of respect for everyone that tries to better themselves, no matter how many "messes" they have made.
Tyson Horsewell, that is probably the kindest way you can put it. Sure they are victims but so was Hitler. She was willing to use violence and potentially deadly force (the police) to get what satisfied her best at the moment. These people should be shunned at the very least and put in jail when they lie to the authorities or use violence. There is nothing at all virtuous in their emotions.
yeah, psychopaths don't get a break from prison due to their disorder if they happen to kill someone, neither should BPD or any other disordered people if they act in a way that is detrimental to other people's lives,
I appreciate your experience. Thank you for sharing. I think what this disorder definitely needs is more people like you speaking out about their experience. Bpd is Actually very common and most suffering don't know what's wrong or are too afraid to Seek help because of the stigma attached to the disorder. It's important people with this disorder know that their are treatments and they can improve and live normal thriving lives.
DBT therapy has helped me a lot. So has Eckhart Tolle, going vegetarian, adding almonds & mood boosting foods, meditation and soon I hope to check out EMDR therapy. I hear it helps with PTSD. Borderline is an attachment disorder. Learn to self soothe and regulate in ways your mom didn't teach or show, deal with the flashbacks, etc and as time goes on it helped simmer ky rage and help me accept my past morex I also offer a library of mental health vids from many doctors and gurus on here who have helped me understand Borderline personality on a deeper and more FACT BASED clinical level. This. is is great.
I Ave bpd as well. a alcoholic recovering drug addict. your life story is so much like my own. I tend to make a what meant to be message into a huge overly informative book. thank you for being. so brave to tell your experiences. it sounds like u jumped into my life other than I'm 46. I needed to hear this tonight. thank u I'm not alone
Wellness and Self Worth .... I'm not vegetarian because I absolutely love salmon which is actually good for brain health, but, I want to eat more healthily as well and occasionally, I will eat vegetarian type foods that I like, or even vegan type foods that I enjoy. I'm curious, could you tell me what are the foods that you consider mood-boosting so I can look into it?
no ,many live off frauding disability and welfare.Many buy alot of pets take no birth control but assure partners they are on it then,get pregnant to trap the man for lifelong child support and spousal and after they abuse family members call police have restraining orders placed on the real victems so they can live free in the victems home for a year and punch and claw there faces to assist in police believing they are the victem. I beg to differ about being bright.We can all con,manipulate,and abuse if we chose to and these qualities are not intellegent,they may be just exceptional actresses,play inteligent,play charm,but I could never look at a serial killer as wow he seems bright or a pedophile who he seems bright,or a con artist wow she seems bright..They all need to go on an island with preachers ,priests,churches and find god.
@@nessahughes4175 you do realize that every single mental illness in the dsm was voted into existence by a bunch of psychiatrist without any type of scientific or measurable test? I believe who you are describing is a evil person. I'm assuming by your comment that you have been hurt and abused by some really evil souls. If this is the case, I'm so sorry. 😔
They are, but it often can’t be channeled well...due to the profound chaos caused by the deep core wounds of fear of abandonment and of unworthiness. It sometimes becomes like millions of dollars put though a paper shredder...sure, it was millions, but it got destroyed. Their brilliance often is overshadowed or destroyed by their fears. It’s truly heartbreaking.
I will say one thing tho. I refuse to let society tell me that I am an invalid because of how I feel. I have every right to feel deeply and passionately and modify my behavior to let me emotions serve me and other positively
No, never hurt anybody, the least thing anyone needs is to become a calloused person who acts hastily in judging others as worthy or not. The basic flaw in all humans is to think they belong while others do not. Comparing yourself to others and there will always be high and low, but whatever you do, act or think about others says more about who YOU are than them. For example desiring to harm others whether they're deemed good or evil is never justice, a death penalty does not equal justice for a criminal act, but is only punishment, not necessarily justice, which is in the person who was victimised, and often learning how the criminal who harmed you came to be who they are are victims themselves. There are what's deemed the greatest flaw in humans is the pyschopath whose callousness is beyond the pale, for they feel nothing emotionally that most of the human race that has grown the best parts of humans either in their DNA or who have raised themselves up through culture, going with the best of who you are, and it may mean escaping predisposed innate hatred towards others. Humans cerebral cortex overcomes the abject innateness and it requires the same perception humans have, namely becoming aware of themselves as an actor, a seperate entity who can make decisions, and begins the building of the personality, which is only for getting along with others and communiacting with others, words point and are nothing in themselves the word is not the thing, the word food won't fill your biological hunger and non violence is the only way. Peace
Its like were all comparing are selves with people that are exactly the same as us just as flawed, just as broken, just as abused, just as fed up with everyone that they cant trust anyone, just as informed/uninformed, just as hungry, just as vulnerable, just as tired of the same circular pointless nonsensical unfair debates and arguments about things that are just hard to even wrap my head around the fact there actually back up as important things that still need any changing or anything like that. Biology is not really something you can change simply by meditation or thinking about changing it or just speaking it out in the world and getting everyone globally to believe you. No amount of public opinion can change the truth.
The highs and lows. If you are truly in love with human nature and see the best in people you will see if you peel that onion. BPD people are the most loving and beautiful human beings. They're like wolves glorious beautiful strong and by nature dangerous for self and others but thats what makes them beautiful. The high and lows. Like day and night both make each other so beautiful.
The wreckage caused by BPD people is massive especially for parents siblings and spouses of them. Compassion and support for family, spouses, children is imperative. When you have a sibling with this it can make the “normal emotions “ child or whatever you want to call it feel invisible. No one wins and it is a nightmare for everyone not just the BPD person. This fact needs to be stated more in this video.
You are so right on.... a great personal experience synopsis. watching this makes me feel less damaged and more heard. Thank you for bearing your soul. I feel stronger having seen this. Keep it up, amazing persevering woman.
I can relate completely and at a point in my life where im fighting myself about starting dbt...i am at a dark point right now, but trying to pull myself through life
I now see my life through her life, im 57 and i finally recognize it...so enlightening and some inner peace, unfortunately i had to go through a painful breakup to realize that..thanks for your story
BS....if she can blame it on a disorder, then her mom can blame it on not knowing how to deal with it. Tired of the blame game with people, especially their mothers, who are the only ppl on earth that have to be perfect.
@@dmm6341 Well this was a '' Perfect '' Mother don't you think...?? ''...‘Monster’ mum not guilty of drowning son...'' ''...The judge found that the woman drowned her youngest child and attempted to drown her eldest in the Murray River at Moama, on March 2, 2017. But he said that mental illness - including borderline personality disorder and a major depressive condition - had caused her to "fail to appreciate what she was doing was wrong"...'' www.gladstoneobserver.com.au/news/drowned-boys-father-lashes-out-evil-twisted-act-of/3589164/
@@dmm6341 Mothers have to be believable though. How can a child grow up whole when their mother says, " I love you" but her actions say otherwise? The mother says, "I love you" but then writes in the 10 year old child's diary, "you're the bitch, NOT ME." I don't TRUST myself. I have no love for myself. I am constantly trying to PROVE that I'm worthy. It's NEVERENDING! I'm exhausted... I can't do it anymore. Ok God...I'm ready
@@melissamason2983 You ARE worthy, you don't have to prove it to anyone. You just need to get in touch with your inner self and detach from other people's opinions.. not that that's easy! But it can be done, try starting small. Tell yourself something, or a few things, every day that you like about yourself, in the mirror, written down, and any other way you might think of. Listen to self-love meditations while relaxing and awake and/or while you sleep at night. Do yoga. Protect your energy and your desires and tell people "no". It may be hard at first but it starts to be very liberating. It might sound cliche but these things really help! Give it some time. Your energy and hope will start to regenerate as you invest it in yourself instead of the endless black hole of a largely selfish world.
@@dmm6341 It's not BS at all in many cases. A narcissistic, neglectful authority or family figure, including a mother, can wreak absolute havoc on a person's psyche. It's not always the mom, but it can be. And while it is understandable to not automatically know how to help a child with mental or mood issues, some don't try very hard to find loving, constructive ways, but resort to criticism, punishment, control, meanness, or dissociation. It's not acceptable.
Male BPD. Getting away from my family is what worked for me. Men and women are different and this may play a role. I was traumatized as a child and shortly thereafter had an experience that made me think the solution to that trauma was to be a righteous person at all time; I was wrong. My efforts to stay righteous at all costs put me at odds with my family and the world. However, figuring this out and resolving it would not have been possible had I not left my sick family of origin. Sick people don't make good nursemaids and my mother and her family (both her parents and her daughter) taught me that. Getting healthy, for me at least, looked like getting away from sick people, working and processing my repressed emotions and endeavoring to become financially independent. Good luck, feel free to reply if you have any questions.
wow! well done on managing to put it all into words- I've been trying for soooo many years & 2 much has happened 4 me 2 remember it all & keep on track of the subject. u r a strong and positive woman who is now helping others outta all ur pain. u've got a good heart 💜
I'm not so sure I'd say that her mother was there for her. It took me aback when she said that. As a child, this young woman was off on her own, couch surfing at 14. A mother who is 'there' for her daughter wouldn't allow that. A mother who is 'there' for her daughter would be searching for answers, solutions and ways to help her daughter. A mother would want to keep searching when one thing and another doesn't work. A mother would listen to the problems her daughter is feeling emotional about and validating her feelings. She help her child work through her feelings and understand them. A good mother lets her daughter know that her daughter's emotions are OK and that her feelings are not something to fear. Please note I did not say a mother should validate bad behavior. But bad behavior doesn't generally exist in a vacuum and a good mother would also recognize that. Something causes it, especially in a child. If I'm understanding correctly, this woman was sexually molested as a child before the age of 8 repeatedly? And then it continued throughout her childhood into her teens? And she didn't feel safe to talk about it to her mother? Yeah, this effects a child deeply. This is where the over emotion comes from. She was neglected. It sounds to me like mother was not showing her much love from an early age. No wonder she wanted to hold onto that kitten. I am happy that she got the help she needed finally, but it doesn't sound like her mother had all that much to do with it. If your kid is behaving over the top with emotion, wouldn't you want to know why? And if she felt as though she couldn't talk about it because she was afraid she'd get in trouble for her emotions, she was set up by the adults in her life to feel like that. The more I hear experiences about BPD, the more the illness sounds like scapegoating since they don't seem to be taken seriously. Childhood abuse causes complex PTSD.
@@Spirituallove2000AD in his book "COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" Pete Walker writes the following "What You May Have Been Misdiagnosed With I once heard renowned traumatologist, John Briere, quip that if Cptsd were ever given its due, the DSM [The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] used by all mental health professionals would shrink from its dictionary like size to the size of a thin pamphlet. In other words, the role of traumatized childhoods in most adult psychological disorders is enormous. I have witnessed many clients with Cptsd misdiagnosed with various anxiety and depressive disorders. Moreover, many are also unfairly and inaccurately labeled with bipolar, narcissistic, codependent, autistic spectrum and borderline disorders. [This is not to say that Cptsd does not sometimes co-occur with these disorders.]" I don't know much about BPD, I'm curious about what the difference is. At this stage I feel like you are right.
@@emotophobiccdd8006 the difference is real or imagined intense fear of abandonment. Its like emotional anorexia you want the person so much but when you get it your massively overwhelmed and fear they will abandon you so you throw them away then you are abandoned and in terror and beg for them back then they cine back then your overwhelmed and round on a loop it goes destroying lives especially your adult children.
I have just seen my daughter in distress with a very angry outburst. It hurt so much to see her in that state because I could see it was not her. It made me realize she had BPD (she has been formally diagnosed). It made me realize how much she has been suffering. Seeing this video made me realize how much I need o learn t herp her, to understand her, and to be there when she goes to a dark place.
I don't know how this would ever be possible, but I would love to form some type of dialogue with you. I am so grateful for your story which resonates so much with me. Thank you for being so brave. X
They should Get this Boderline treatment, online accesible to the public domain, so they can treat themselfs, especcaliy for the ones that are afraid to seek help.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is available but if the therapist needs their own personal therapist to be able to teach it to the bpd sufferer what chance does the patient have?
This is amazing!!!! Thank you so much for realizing that I am actually different, I ve been always feeling that I am strange as the storries begin and end rhe same way. Very tough life, it s like devil inside of an angel...never sleeps, always observes and plays the role in the moment you never would expect..You are actually anybody you want but only if you really want:)
You are awsome! You really brought real clear understanding to emotions. Also you clearly explained that everyone will react strongly sometime but BPD goes on with difficulty dealing with emotions all the time. THANKS‼️💯🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😎🙌
I just came across your video and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story. You allowed such vulnerability and rawness to come forth. You are precious to share this. I have a 33 year old daughter that has lived an almost identical life to yours and we’ve never known what was going on. Now her 13 year old daughter is developing the same behaviors. I’ve recently started going to therapy just to be able to handle more of the drama that has come into our family because of her behaviors. The very first day I saw my therapist and described what was going on, she said it sounded like my daughter had BPD. I don’t know how to approach my daughter with this possibility, for one thing shes never stays in therapy and has a very defensive respond to anything I say to her. If you have any suggestions for me, I would welcome your response. Thank you
Ensure your partner receives consistent therapy, especially DBT. Read up on Disorganized Attachment styles and how that pertains to BPD. Ensure that YOU have access to consistent and long-term therapy. Always keep in touch with close others - and importantly, do not stick around if you can't do it anymore. You can't help others if you aren't able to take care of yourself. Good luck
Its hard when a family member has this. My mother has been displaying the signs of BPD for the past few years, with the official diagnosis coming last year. Its hard to deal with because she keeps treating majority of people in her life. My sister and her former best friends walked away because they cant handle mum, but have said they will come back when she is a tad more 'stable'. I have been trying for months to explain that to her and she just wont listen. It's OUR fault because WE dont understand what she is going through as she doesn't either. She keeps putting the blame on my sister who just doesn't talk about her and just wants mum to focus on herself. I'm struggling to cope as i want her seen to before i get stable as when someone says something small, she just blows it out of proportion. There's been so many times where she has made everyone else out to be in the wrong she she was and doesnt understand that
That’s one of the paradoxes though....support of friends and family. How can one have needs/boundaries and give “support” to someone with BPD. The vitriolic abuse can be so overwhelming, even when you’ve helped in many ways. Whatever you do is never enough, not the right thing, and on and on. To agree with everything this person says would be invalidating to myself...and I’ve already had that in spades. I’m just learning to validate myself and that my needs and boundaries matter too. It seems codependent to “support” someone with BPD, at least it would be for the person I know. I’d love to support them, if they could recognize and appreciate it...but I am more punished for support than I am for completely not interacting with them. How is this supposed to work? I have become physically/emotionally taxed and unwell at times due to this person’s behavior. I’ve done more for them than almost anyone and yet they are angry for it and say I’ve never done anything. So, a person who needs validation, railroads over others with complete disregard and invalidation...and we are supposed to support that? I’d love for them to be healed, love themselves, stop living out their fears of abandonment and unworthiness...but they keep perpetuating those wounds themselves and not seeing it. It’s heartbreaking beyond measure. What we fear we create...applies to many, but especially to those with BPD. The self sabotage is of epic proportions. I wish all with BPD would see they are creating the barrier to the very love and acceptance they deeply want. It’s like chronically pushing on the pull door, and not seeing you’re keeping yourself out. 💔
My exact situation. Im in a permanent loop thinking how can I change my approach - I think it through - all the ways I can - to avoid being verbally and emotionally beaten up. But it's unavoidable triggering her due to the nature of this illness. You sound exhausted. I am too. We're taking a break to take the heat out of things (again) Much love to you. I think it's ok to take a break. I'm acknowledging I need to replenish myself again for everyone's sake. Your third paragraph sums it up. We all have to survive.
You are amazing I too have had BPD for many years 36 to be exact. I had the 6 sessions that you have to have prior to starting the actual DBT therapy. This was only offered to me 28 years into my illness after waking up on the Life Support after yet another off the scale determined Suicide attempt. For some reason Jesus keeps saving me time after time when I do a thorough attempt. Intensive Care Unit Life Support being given the last rights several times. Police sitting next to my hospital bed waiting to tell there Sergeant time of death. The only thing I can think of is fulfilling my ambitions of writing my unbelievable life story so that it can show others to surviving against the odds on any circumstance is possible and to encourage people to keep fighting and never to lose hope. Also I would love to raise funds to open a sanctuary for Lost Souls misunderstood unwanted people who have lost everything and have nothing and nobody. A place staffed that damaged people will find kindred spirits. People who they can feel like family and a place they feel loved and welcome...a place they can call home. Love to you. Jessica Bell xxx
It's really lovely and comforting to hear educated people talk about 'me', but sadly the big wide world is nowhere near as educated, understanding or kind.
I gave my life to God at 11 (Jesus) I had a really bad childhood and youth God brought me through I may Wright a story of my life I list my dreams Of what I wanted in my life But God did bring me through I'm very blessed and thankful
Oh my GOD thank you for telling your story, your story is mine, tiny details are different but the feelings are exactly what I’m going through my whole life and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I have tried everything.everything is so intense all the time,
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
There is much in the way of good information here - and I will add that those of us with much empathy have been ground down by our significant others who have used us to perpetuate a cycle. At some point, a line needs to be drawn. People, when the iron is cold, need to choose to seek help and accept the love that sits with them as they work through their life questions.
I’ve come to find that I probably have some level of BPD on my one journey to find help for panic/agoraphobia. I wonder how many others have this also.i feel the emotions of anxiety can be unbearable, and I have anger issues. I am an abuse survivor and always just thought I was just more sensitive and in tune to the world/ heightened sensitivity than others.
This only applied to me with my favorite person...or as I saw it as a replacement of my parents...I would say to by boyfriend at 14 yrs old...or even my bestie or best friend.....I love you more than my parents ever could.
I was put in a group home when I was 12 years old I was beaten at home etc I won't go into all of it but I wanted to say that after I got out almost 2 years later my mom said I think you got enough attention when you were there when I asked to go to the talent contest they were having. She was always this mean to me even as a adult, has not talked to me in 5 years because I did not wash the dishes after buying and cooking Easter dinner in 2015. People don't get borderline personality disorder and all the other things I have because parents were loving and kind. Most of the time we end up this broken because of what a parent or parents do to you and sexual abuse etc.
At 44:07~ “sometimes we fear that the emotion will never end” oh dear God, this has always been the worse part of the panic disorder/agoraphobia. Just leaving BPD Is linked
My trauma began when we moved to France 🇫🇷. Parents stuck me into a French school, assuming that children quickly pick up a new language. Well, a year later I was still struggling to learn French but I did get the art of daydreaming down pat. Then began terrible tantrums. The BPD diagnosis was a frightening possibility in my brainy little head. I was furious with Parents (both Harvard profs) for the years suffered and at 14 ran away for 7 months. My tantrums stopped, but people were afraid of my 'coldness'. Always wondered if I had BPD or just am an aloof (but loving) person. Few understood that i was hiding pain. The idea of BPD was a terrible concept to embrace. I read constantly that It was the worst possible diagnosis. Not treatable. Today I remain aloof and alone, though wish to participate. Is this BPD ?
My daughter has this borderline personality disorder and i have liter ally diagnose . i went researching and discovered my daughter has at 7 out of the 9 symptoms. I have placed her literally at the feet of Jesus. Hes the only one that can cure her. I pray that she and others that suffer with this desease find true Peace , Trust , and their identity in Jesus. Thank God this woman has a support system. Yes my daughter is a really kind person. I know that i know she'll be alright.
My best friend has BPD and she got very angry with me because I told her I couldn't move with her, and I do wonder if part of it was her mood, because she had just gotten done telling me she wouldn't be mad if it wasn't what I wanted, and I felt pressured. But now she's deactivated her Facebook, totally withdrawn. I know she's hurt, and she said she doesn't want me around. I would never mean to hurt her. This happened on Thanksgiving. Her son's birthday is Tuesday. I want to respect her need for space, but don't want to let her son's birthday pass without acknowledgement. I want to wish him happy birthday and tell her I'm sorry I hurt her. Will she think I don't care, or is it better to let her come to me? Thank you so much for your help.
I have BPD from childhood neglect. I'm now 59 yrs old. Certainly not healed but I've learned to cope & protect my heart by keeping to myself. & im Lucky to have a gentle kind husband. If I meet someone sense a connect with, I take it with a grain of salt. I will text to say hi; may reach out again weeks later... still no response - Done. Good riddens. I consider it cold, rude & unkind when someone chooses not to respond to a simple hello. These are folks UNworthy of your friendship. Genuine pple are rare. & Folks are generally not trustworthy. Feeling lonely sometimes but peace of mind & time alone with GOD is beautiful & healing - my treasure. This world is very harsh.
I want people to see me as a beautiful soul. When I can tell that is how they view me. My brain thinks "HA HA...I got you." And then my brain would bash me for hours for being a manipulative person, and when people WOULD compliment me I would disassociate. I would realize later that they gave me a compliment and I would go back to that person and have to ask them if I said thank you when they complimented me because I couldn't remember. It seems I would act appropriately even though I wasn't present.
It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life I can’t keep a person in my life long enough to have a relationship I’m 49 I’ve been on drugs since 13 and I can’t stop and hate these feelings ,tough love isn’t going to help I’ve lived a long time like this but AA won’t work for me I’ve been in rehab 9 times I was diagnosed in one of them but have never got treatment for it
I love this. I feel like I was watching her tell my life story. I'm struggling to find a video in Spanish that explains real life experiences like this. I want to tell my parents what I've been experiencing but I don't know how to explain BPD to them in Spanish. Does anyone have any recommendations?
Expectations may be a problem. So much concentration on self. So many references too I and the word me. Id be depressed too if my mind centered on self. Just a thought. Just putting it out there and I’m probably wrong and uneducated in this. We do have a family member who has been diagnosed with this personality disorder.
It’s so hard for me to allow myself to feel bad for Them with Bpd such as the kind that are being explained in this video. I was torched by someone like they describe and I’m a very sensitive person i care and hold in crying over anything “sad”that I see or hear… But I really feel that there is no excuse for the lack of control over and over because at some point as an adult you have to of learned and seen others react correctly to anger and irritability.. to be 3o years old and older with people giving their all to try 24/7 to not upset them but be treated so rudely in return. Everyone feels emotion definitely but acting out negatively over what is thought or assumed or because of feeling insecure is not ok after becoming aware of their behavior and how it affects ones trying to support and love them is just not okay
I get what you are saying. It's hard to have someone lose their temper at every little thing. I think the deal breakeris if they know they have a problem and acknowledge that. If they think you are the problem its like being caught in a nightmare. The projection is out of this world. Everything is your fault because you made them lose control. No matter what kind of diplomatic ways you use to voice your concerns, you become the issue.
I have dogs,cats,rabbits(so darn cute)and box turtles. I grow a lot of edibles and I get great fertilizer which is way better than the crap I got from my family who know nothing about chronic ptsd.
CONTENT WARNING : First half of video has mention of unspecified childhood sexual abuse, addiction, self harm behaviors (cutting), and medical/professional harm to children or adolescents (description of child being pulled from chair & dragged down hall in mental health facility) & other (mostly verbal) harm by professionals probably not intending harm. First half of video is a self-described person suffering from BPD describing their history and 1.5 yrs into DBT. Second half - about 38 minutes in - is therapist speaking about Borderline Personality traits and Borderline Personality Disorder mostly to adults with children who have Borderline Personality traits, it seems.
Good luck if you live in Canada and you are needing help with this. Some off the organization around this don’t even have the courtesy of returning your phone call even though your GP initiated the contact.
I learned the hard way that to actually get good care you need to pay for it out of pocket. Public health is awesome but for mental health it takes a little bit more. Those people are over worked, underpaid and are limited in options.
Has today been hard for you? Trapped by anxiety, mental anguish, or loneliness? Struggling and want to talk with someone? Call our Houston Hope Line at (832) 831-7337, an outlet for the feelings and emotional distress we all face everyday regardless of where you live. The call is free, and you might just feel that way too. Open daily, 5-8pm. Learn more at houstonhopeline.com. *If you are experiencing an emergency, please call 911.
Explaining BPD is hard enough as it is, this woman is amazing and so incredibly brave.
obviously does not have narcisitic tendencies , most bpd people are vile destructive people
“I didn’t want to be seen as this monster. I loved people, I loved the world, I loved animals. ...I just didn’t get it”
That line hit me hard :’( great speech, thank you for having the courage to share ❤️
Someone I care deeply for has symptoms of BPD and even though she broke my heart, I still love her and pray for her every day.
Jamie
Exactly,I suffer from BPD and bipolar 1.And my ex wife suffer from bipolar, schizophrenia and post pardum depression.And 4 years ago i wasnt diagnosed and aware of how to deal with her condition.I assume that she will be okay but it lasted for months I lost my job and career over it because I thought money and gifts will solve all problems.Chronic homelessness was the consequence of that loss etc. long story short she end up being abandoned by her family, getting in other relationships if you call them relationships.Til this day I feel helpless and guilty, flashbacks of her auditory and visual hallucinations, violence etc.
@@razorsharplifestyle101hard9 The best thing you can do for her is pray for her and never give up.
@@thebob01 Exactly,I haven't given up.But her family has given up on her.
@@razorsharplifestyle101hard9 It can be a daunting and frustrating journey. Believe me, I know from experience. Just let them know that you'll always be there for them no matter what. Hopefully, with prayer, and patience, you will see a difference one day. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. A girl I fell head over heels in love with, just destroyed me and left me so broken. I still am. I miss her like crazy and I still pray for her. I just want her to be happy, safe, and have a strong faith in God. She told me herself that she is very lost. It hurts to see someone you love so deeply hurting like that. I tried to help her but she didn't seem to want the help. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it. She has to figure that out on her own. I planted the seed, now I must let God do the work. It's hard being patient though. Sometimes it's difficult to keep the faith as well (even as a Christian) but I'm trying my best. For her and for myself.
Wow. I applaud her because not everyone makes it especially if they don't have the supportive group around them. Bless her courage to be able to talk about BPD and to give insight into what it was like for her to grow up with BPD.
Thank you for your story.. My late first husband was a Borderline. The fact that I kept loving him and forgave him the rages every time I think made it work. I was from a toxic home and he gave me a good life... I sort of clung to him and his love. He knew that I would never leave him. He studie after work and did 2 B degrees as well as honnours and his maters... As well as degree in teaching. He became psychotic at age 60..was at a psycogical institution and died o e month later. I am so glad to hear that the rage was not who he really was. His kindness.. Many beautiful qualities was who he really was! It does not mater that I was walking on eggshells. He never wanted to see a psychiatrist or take tablets
I've had Personality Disorder since my early teens i'm now 55 & it's prevented me from making something of my life. I had a very traumatic childhood being abandoned and put in a children's home for 11 years.
"It feels like you aren't living at all."
I am the same.Sinnce i was innn my 20's and i am now 52...I had alot of trauma as ayoung girl. My parennts way of disaplinning me was to shame me. Most of the time innfront of people. My father is a narscissist. Called me every name but my own. I slit my wrists on a monthly basis at this point i'm wanting to give up. Absolutly zero support system. I love so deeply annd i'm not a mannnnipulater,also my sponnser said the same thing.I'vebeenn silenced and dismissed from parennts to Kids i LOVE more than anything and nowi'm still feelig empty and just a problem to everyone.....this is the worst thing i've ever imagine going through. Get help if u have these signs.
sorry my n is stuck
I’m 49 years old and my emotions rule my
Life. I’m a survivor of child and adolescent sexual abuse and neglect
This is my life explained and I didn’t even know
Lonely and invisible
@Angela Evans. Im 56 and was treated as bi polar for 30 years. I am so with you WE ARE SURVIVORS XX always free to natter stay strong 💪 stay safe😷
Don’t give up. You have value and you are loved.
I am pretty sure I have BPD now.... MDD GAD and ADHD diagnosed in past but this is the culprit. Stay strong Angela, I feel for your abuse. Love from a random stranger.
Ok, so getting diagnosed at 39 isn’t uncommon as I thought!!! 🤗
I think being molested is likely a huge early life cause of BPD later on.
"They are that beautiful person." Thank you for this. I don't want to leave them.
Me too. She is wonderful and terrible.
@@iamacomputergenius say... I know I have BPD. I'm a caring & sensitive person. Yes, I've been told many times that I'm beautiful & I have no reason to doubt it because I care much about others & If I realize i hurt someone, it REALLY bothers me. & I avoid those who have hurt me or rub me the wrong way. I know other BPDs like myself. Loving pple.
I have just been diagnosed BPD and i tell you what these videos help so much and make sense of so many times of my life.
the first half of the video was the only time i've ever felt like someone really understood my brain in my entire life. thank you for making me feel less alone and for giving me hope that things will get better
This was a very compassionate and informative talk on BPD
Wow! This is VERY powerful! Thank you for sharing!! ❤️
Without going into too much detail... I think this presentation downplays the negative effects of BPD on those people around the sufferer. I've been in a relationship with someone and had to leave as her constant outburst almost ended in my death a number of times. There was no option to leave during an outburst without her physically assaulting me and when I finally did leave she used the police as a weapon. I guess I become a victim of a victim of this disorder. I had no idea of what I getting into, no one around her would assist me, they made excuses for her, no one else ever saw the horror of my existence with her. I'm not discounting that it's traumatic for the sufferer but it can be just as bad for those around them.
Tyson Horsewell you're right. I have this disorder and I try to detach myself from everyone I know because I know how hard it is for them to be with me
Tyson Horsewell There are also quiet borderlines who don't act out and deal with there feelings internally. They dont lash out at others despite their own emotional turmoil. I would agree though that borderline or not someone acting violently is never ok.
Shiny Rain I understand that it's not everyone, I'm talking about my recent experience with one person, but not the first person I met. The emotional turmoil is very confusing in itself, with words and actions, even without (violent) outbursts. The biggest problem for me was that the lack of those people to see that there was something wrong with themselves and I, for a moment, thought I was crazy. I've been doing a lot of research and do empathise with people with BPD and have a lot of respect for everyone that tries to better themselves, no matter how many "messes" they have made.
Tyson Horsewell, that is probably the kindest way you can put it. Sure they are victims but so was Hitler. She was willing to use violence and potentially deadly force (the police) to get what satisfied her best at the moment. These people should be shunned at the very least and put in jail when they lie to the authorities or use violence. There is nothing at all virtuous in their emotions.
yeah, psychopaths don't get a break from prison due to their disorder if they happen to kill someone, neither should BPD or any other disordered people if they act in a way that is detrimental to other people's lives,
I appreciate your experience. Thank you for sharing. I think what this disorder definitely needs is more people like you speaking out about their experience. Bpd is Actually very common and most suffering don't know what's wrong or are too afraid to
Seek help because of the stigma attached to the disorder. It's important people with this disorder know that their are treatments and they can improve and live normal thriving lives.
DBT therapy has helped me a lot. So has Eckhart Tolle, going vegetarian, adding almonds & mood boosting foods, meditation and soon I hope to check out EMDR therapy. I hear it helps with PTSD.
Borderline is an attachment disorder.
Learn to self soothe and regulate in ways your mom didn't teach or show, deal with the flashbacks, etc and as time goes on it helped simmer ky rage and help me accept my past morex
I also offer a library of mental health vids from many doctors and gurus on here who have helped me understand Borderline personality on a deeper and more FACT BASED clinical level. This. is is great.
I Ave bpd as well. a alcoholic recovering drug addict. your life story is so much like my own. I tend to make a what meant to be message into a huge overly informative book. thank you for being. so brave to tell your experiences. it sounds like u jumped into my life other than I'm 46. I needed to hear this tonight. thank u I'm not alone
Wellness and Self Worth .... I'm not vegetarian because I absolutely love salmon which is actually good for brain health, but, I want to eat more healthily as well and occasionally, I will eat vegetarian type foods that I like, or even vegan type foods that I enjoy. I'm curious, could you tell me what are the foods that you consider mood-boosting so I can look into it?
I discovered ekhart too
Eckhart
One thing I’ve noticed about Borderline people: they all seem exceptionally bright.
no ,many live off frauding disability and welfare.Many buy alot of pets take no birth control but assure partners they are on it then,get pregnant to trap the man for lifelong child support and spousal and after they abuse family members call police have restraining orders placed on the real victems so they can live free in the victems home for a year and punch and claw there faces to assist in police believing they are the victem. I beg to differ about being bright.We can all con,manipulate,and abuse if we chose to and these qualities are not intellegent,they may be just exceptional actresses,play inteligent,play charm,but I could never look at a serial killer as wow he seems bright or a pedophile who he seems bright,or a con artist wow she seems bright..They all need to go on an island with preachers ,priests,churches and find god.
@@nessahughes4175 you do realize that every single mental illness in the dsm was voted into existence by a bunch of psychiatrist without any type of scientific or measurable test? I believe who you are describing is a evil person. I'm assuming by your comment that you have been hurt and abused by some really evil souls. If this is the case, I'm so sorry. 😔
They are, but it often can’t be channeled well...due to the profound chaos caused by the deep core wounds of fear of abandonment and of unworthiness.
It sometimes becomes like millions of dollars put though a paper shredder...sure, it was millions, but it got destroyed.
Their brilliance often is overshadowed or destroyed by their fears. It’s truly heartbreaking.
Aww, I needed that!! Thank you!!!
I will say one thing tho. I refuse to let society tell me that I am an invalid because of how I feel. I have every right to feel deeply and passionately and modify my behavior to let me emotions serve me and other positively
Lean Meat Amen!
No, never hurt anybody, the least thing anyone needs is to become a calloused person who acts hastily in judging others as worthy or not. The basic flaw in all humans is to think they belong while others do not. Comparing yourself to others and there will always be high and low, but whatever you do, act or think about others says more about who YOU are than them. For example desiring to harm others whether they're deemed good or evil is never justice, a death penalty does not equal justice for a criminal act, but is only punishment, not necessarily justice, which is in the person who was victimised, and often learning how the criminal who harmed you came to be who they are are victims themselves.
There are what's deemed the greatest flaw in humans is the pyschopath whose callousness is beyond the pale, for they feel nothing emotionally that most of the human race that has grown the best parts of humans either in their DNA or who have raised themselves up through culture, going with the best of who you are, and it may mean escaping predisposed innate hatred towards others. Humans cerebral cortex overcomes the abject innateness and it requires the same perception humans have, namely becoming aware of themselves as an actor, a seperate entity who can make decisions, and begins the building of the personality, which is only for getting along with others and communiacting with others, words point and are nothing in themselves the word is not the thing, the word food won't fill your biological hunger and non violence is the only way. Peace
Its like were all comparing are selves with people that are exactly the same as us just as flawed, just as broken, just as abused, just as fed up with everyone that they cant trust anyone, just as informed/uninformed, just as hungry, just as vulnerable, just as tired of the same circular pointless nonsensical unfair debates and arguments about things that are just hard to even wrap my head around the fact there actually back up as important things that still need any changing or anything like that. Biology is not really something you can change simply by meditation or thinking about changing it or just speaking it out in the world and getting everyone globally to believe you. No amount of public opinion can change the truth.
May I ask how you did that? I'm at the end of my rope. 💔😣
The highs and lows. If you are truly in love with human nature and see the best in people you will see if you peel that onion. BPD people are the most loving and beautiful human beings. They're like wolves glorious beautiful strong and by nature dangerous for self and others but thats what makes them beautiful. The high and lows. Like day and night both make each other so beautiful.
Baby, thank you for your voice, for telling your story, my life makes more sense. Hugs to you!
Thank you for this, my daughter has BPD and this is so exact and helpful.
The wreckage caused by BPD people is massive especially for parents siblings and spouses of them. Compassion and support for family, spouses, children is imperative.
When you have a sibling with this it can make the “normal emotions “ child or whatever you want to call it feel invisible. No one wins and it is a nightmare for everyone not just the BPD person. This fact needs to be stated more in this video.
You are so right on.... a great personal experience synopsis. watching this makes me feel less damaged and more heard. Thank you for bearing your soul. I feel stronger having seen this. Keep it up, amazing persevering woman.
I'd like to see a video about the victims of BPD people !!! My ex has BPD and she is NUTS and DANGEROUS
I can relate completely and at a point in my life where im fighting myself about starting dbt...i am at a dark point right now, but trying to pull myself through life
Do it if you want to live.
Please do it. It IS possible and you can do it.
I did dbt and started new antidepressants, things are looking up! Thank you for giving me hope when I didn't see it at that point in my life!
This video is AMAZING and LIFE CHANGING! Thank you!
I now see my life through her life, im 57 and i finally recognize it...so enlightening and some inner peace, unfortunately i had to go through a painful breakup to realize that..thanks for your story
Key word for Cause of Most Personality Disorders" MOTHER"
BS....if she can blame it on a disorder, then her mom can blame it on not knowing how to deal with it. Tired of the blame game with people, especially their mothers, who are the only ppl on earth that have to be perfect.
@@dmm6341 Well this was a '' Perfect '' Mother don't you think...??
''...‘Monster’ mum not guilty of drowning son...''
''...The judge found that the woman drowned her youngest child and attempted to drown her eldest in the Murray River at Moama, on March 2, 2017. But he said that mental illness - including borderline personality disorder and a major depressive condition - had caused her to "fail to appreciate what she was doing was wrong"...''
www.gladstoneobserver.com.au/news/drowned-boys-father-lashes-out-evil-twisted-act-of/3589164/
@@dmm6341
Mothers have to be believable though. How can a child grow up whole when their mother says, " I love you" but her actions say otherwise? The mother says, "I love you" but then writes in the 10 year old child's diary, "you're the bitch, NOT ME."
I don't TRUST myself.
I have no love for myself.
I am constantly trying to PROVE that I'm worthy.
It's NEVERENDING!
I'm exhausted...
I can't do it anymore.
Ok God...I'm ready
@@melissamason2983 You ARE worthy, you don't have to prove it to anyone. You just need to get in touch with your inner self and detach from other people's opinions.. not that that's easy! But it can be done, try starting small. Tell yourself something, or a few things, every day that you like about yourself, in the mirror, written down, and any other way you might think of. Listen to self-love meditations while relaxing and awake and/or while you sleep at night. Do yoga. Protect your energy and your desires and tell people "no". It may be hard at first but it starts to be very liberating. It might sound cliche but these things really help! Give it some time. Your energy and hope will start to regenerate as you invest it in yourself instead of the endless black hole of a largely selfish world.
@@dmm6341 It's not BS at all in many cases. A narcissistic, neglectful authority or family figure, including a mother, can wreak absolute havoc on a person's psyche. It's not always the mom, but it can be. And while it is understandable to not automatically know how to help a child with mental or mood issues, some don't try very hard to find loving, constructive ways, but resort to criticism, punishment, control, meanness, or dissociation. It's not acceptable.
Male BPD. Getting away from my family is what worked for me. Men and women are different and this may play a role. I was traumatized as a child and shortly thereafter had an experience that made me think the solution to that trauma was to be a righteous person at all time; I was wrong. My efforts to stay righteous at all costs put me at odds with my family and the world.
However, figuring this out and resolving it would not have been possible had I not left my sick family of origin. Sick people don't make good nursemaids and my mother and her family (both her parents and her daughter) taught me that.
Getting healthy, for me at least, looked like getting away from sick people, working and processing my repressed emotions and endeavoring to become financially independent.
Good luck, feel free to reply if you have any questions.
wow! well done on managing to put it all into words- I've been trying for soooo many years & 2 much has happened 4 me 2 remember it all & keep on track of the subject. u r a strong and positive woman who is now helping others outta all ur pain. u've got a good heart 💜
I'm not so sure I'd say that her mother was there for her. It took me aback when she said that.
As a child, this young woman was off on her own, couch surfing at 14. A mother who is 'there' for her daughter wouldn't allow that. A mother who is 'there' for her daughter would be searching for answers, solutions and ways to help her daughter. A mother would want to keep searching when one thing and another doesn't work.
A mother would listen to the problems her daughter is feeling emotional about and validating her feelings. She help her child work through her feelings and understand them. A good mother lets her daughter know that her daughter's emotions are OK and that her feelings are not something to fear.
Please note I did not say a mother should validate bad behavior.
But bad behavior doesn't generally exist in a vacuum and a good mother would also recognize that. Something causes it, especially in a child.
If I'm understanding correctly, this woman was sexually molested as a child before the age of 8 repeatedly? And then it continued throughout her childhood into her teens? And she didn't feel safe to talk about it to her mother?
Yeah, this effects a child deeply.
This is where the over emotion comes from. She was neglected. It sounds to me like mother was not showing her much love from an early age. No wonder she wanted to hold onto that kitten.
I am happy that she got the help she needed finally, but it doesn't sound like her mother had all that much to do with it.
If your kid is behaving over the top with emotion, wouldn't you want to know why? And if she felt as though she couldn't talk about it because she was afraid she'd get in trouble for her emotions, she was set up by the adults in her life to feel like that.
The more I hear experiences about BPD, the more the illness sounds like scapegoating since they don't seem to be taken seriously. Childhood abuse causes complex PTSD.
Aura Gael
BPD is extreme complex post traumatic stress disorder around abandonment.
Wordivore 😭😭😭😭 yep
@@Spirituallove2000AD in his book "COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" Pete Walker writes the following
"What You May Have Been Misdiagnosed With
I once heard renowned traumatologist, John Briere, quip that if Cptsd were ever given its due, the DSM [The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] used by all mental health professionals would shrink from its dictionary like size to the size of a thin pamphlet. In other words, the role of traumatized childhoods in most adult psychological disorders is enormous. I have witnessed many clients with Cptsd misdiagnosed with various anxiety and depressive disorders. Moreover, many are also unfairly and inaccurately labeled with bipolar, narcissistic, codependent, autistic spectrum and borderline disorders. [This is not to say that Cptsd does not sometimes co-occur with these disorders.]"
I don't know much about BPD, I'm curious about what the difference is. At this stage I feel like you are right.
@@emotophobiccdd8006 the difference is real or imagined intense fear of abandonment. Its like emotional anorexia you want the person so much but when you get it your massively overwhelmed and fear they will abandon you so you throw them away then you are abandoned and in terror and beg for them back then they cine back then your overwhelmed and round on a loop it goes destroying lives especially your adult children.
Realizing the greatest gift I could give someone I love, is to leave them alone is heartbreaking.
I know.
Thank you, this is so important. Brave woman, it is such a hard thing to speak about. Thank you, stay strong always.
its like she tells my story...
All of us story
I have just seen my daughter in distress with a very angry outburst. It hurt so much to see her in that state because I could see it was not her. It made me realize she had BPD (she has been formally diagnosed). It made me realize how much she has been suffering. Seeing this video made me realize how much I need o learn t herp her, to understand her, and to be there when she goes to a dark place.
my favourite BPD experience video, one that I think all most all people who have been dx with BPD can relate to on some level
Adrian Feeger defnitely
i understand her and feel for her and respect her for downplaying the abuse and shitty mom
Thank you for sharing your story.this touched my heart in a way nothing else had.
I don't know how this would ever be possible, but I would love to form some type of dialogue with you. I am so grateful for your story which resonates so much with me. Thank you for being so brave. X
Thank you. You are blessed to have a wonderful support system...most BPDs repel members of their support system.
This is the mirror image of my life in so many ways
Thank you. It was a very helpful and a very wonderful presentation. Love and blessings : )
They should Get this Boderline treatment, online accesible to the public domain, so they can treat themselfs, especcaliy for the ones that are afraid to seek help.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is available but if the therapist needs their own personal therapist to be able to teach it to the bpd sufferer what chance does the patient have?
It is online
Being in a relationship with this person is hell on earth
This is amazing!!!! Thank you so much for realizing that I am actually different, I ve been always feeling that I am strange as the storries begin and end rhe same way. Very tough life, it s like devil inside of an angel...never sleeps, always observes and plays the role in the moment you never would expect..You are actually anybody you want but only if you really want:)
Thank you for sharing your story!!!
You are awsome! You really brought real clear understanding to emotions. Also you clearly explained that everyone will react strongly sometime but BPD goes on with difficulty dealing with emotions all the time. THANKS‼️💯🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😎🙌
You really helped me unstand much more i deeply desire to communicate wirh people about what is going on inside
I just came across your video and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story. You allowed such vulnerability and rawness to come forth. You are precious to share this. I have a 33 year old daughter that has lived an almost identical life to yours and we’ve never known what was going on. Now her 13 year old daughter is developing the same behaviors. I’ve recently started going to therapy just to be able to handle more of the drama that has come into our family because of her behaviors. The very first day I saw my therapist and described what was going on, she said it sounded like my daughter had BPD. I don’t know how to approach my daughter with this possibility, for one thing shes never stays in therapy and has a very defensive respond to anything I say to her. If you have any suggestions for me, I would welcome your response. Thank you
❤
You have given me understanding and hope and a determination to stick with my partner whatever it takes.
Ensure your partner receives consistent therapy, especially DBT. Read up on Disorganized Attachment styles and how that pertains to BPD. Ensure that YOU have access to consistent and long-term therapy. Always keep in touch with close others - and importantly, do not stick around if you can't do it anymore. You can't help others if you aren't able to take care of yourself.
Good luck
You are speaking and it is exactly how my life has been.. how do I deal with this idk.. I'm in tears.. wow.. thank u I dont feel so alone now.
Thank you to this amazing person for bravely sharing your story
Its hard when a family member has this. My mother has been displaying the signs of BPD for the past few years, with the official diagnosis coming last year. Its hard to deal with because she keeps treating majority of people in her life. My sister and her former best friends walked away because they cant handle mum, but have said they will come back when she is a tad more 'stable'. I have been trying for months to explain that to her and she just wont listen. It's OUR fault because WE dont understand what she is going through as she doesn't either. She keeps putting the blame on my sister who just doesn't talk about her and just wants mum to focus on herself. I'm struggling to cope as i want her seen to before i get stable as when someone says something small, she just blows it out of proportion. There's been so many times where she has made everyone else out to be in the wrong she she was and doesnt understand that
That’s one of the paradoxes though....support of friends and family.
How can one have needs/boundaries and give “support” to someone with BPD.
The vitriolic abuse can be so overwhelming, even when you’ve helped in many ways. Whatever you do is never enough, not the right thing, and on and on.
To agree with everything this person says would be invalidating to myself...and I’ve already had that in spades. I’m just learning to validate myself and that my needs and boundaries matter too.
It seems codependent to “support” someone with BPD, at least it would be for the person I know.
I’d love to support them, if they could recognize and appreciate it...but I am more punished for support than I am for completely not interacting with them.
How is this supposed to work?
I have become physically/emotionally taxed and unwell at times due to this person’s behavior. I’ve done more for them than almost anyone and yet they are angry for it and say I’ve never done anything.
So, a person who needs validation, railroads over others with complete disregard and invalidation...and we are supposed to support that?
I’d love for them to be healed, love themselves, stop living out their fears of abandonment and unworthiness...but they keep perpetuating those wounds themselves and not seeing it. It’s heartbreaking beyond measure.
What we fear we create...applies to many, but especially to those with BPD. The self sabotage is of epic proportions. I wish all with BPD would see they are creating the barrier to the very love and acceptance they deeply want.
It’s like chronically pushing on the pull door, and not seeing you’re keeping yourself out. 💔
My exact situation. Im in a permanent loop thinking how can I change my approach - I think it through - all the ways I can - to avoid being verbally and emotionally beaten up. But it's unavoidable triggering her due to the nature of this illness.
You sound exhausted. I am too. We're taking a break to take the heat out of things (again)
Much love to you. I think it's ok to take a break. I'm acknowledging I need to replenish myself again for everyone's sake.
Your third paragraph sums it up. We all have to survive.
This is so me too. Hope you've gotten better.
Karyn is absolutely brilliant and immensely passionate.
You are amazing I too have had BPD for many years 36 to be exact. I had the 6 sessions that you have to have prior to starting the actual DBT therapy. This was only offered to me 28 years into my illness after waking up on the Life Support after yet another off the scale determined Suicide attempt. For some reason Jesus keeps saving me time after time when I do a thorough attempt. Intensive Care Unit Life Support being given the last rights several times. Police sitting next to my hospital bed waiting to tell there Sergeant time of death. The only thing I can think of is fulfilling my ambitions of writing my unbelievable life story so that it can show others to surviving against the odds on any circumstance is possible and to encourage people to keep fighting and never to lose hope. Also I would love to raise funds to open a sanctuary for Lost Souls misunderstood unwanted people who have lost everything and have nothing and nobody. A place staffed that damaged people will find kindred spirits. People who they can feel like family and a place they feel loved and welcome...a place they can call home. Love to you. Jessica Bell xxx
It's really lovely and comforting to hear educated people talk about 'me', but sadly the big wide world is nowhere near as educated, understanding or kind.
Should have a speaker up that has been at the receiving end of this horrible behaviour, the gaslighting, lying, cheating, defamation ect
I don't have a support system. My fam does not care to read about or understand my suffering. So when it's dark it's dark.
FAWK them there is ASSISTANCE for your Disability ssdi will help you for your illness
I'm so sorry. I have one sister who calls me. I have a few friends who call me too. But I don't have anyone nearby. It's very lonely.
I gave my life to God at 11 (Jesus) I had a really bad childhood and youth
God brought me through
I may Wright a story of my life
I list my dreams
Of what I wanted in my life
But God did bring me through
I'm very blessed and thankful
Oh my GOD thank you for telling your story, your story is mine, tiny details are different but the feelings are exactly what I’m going through my whole life and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I have tried everything.everything is so intense all the time,
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
Thank you for helping me understand.
There is much in the way of good information here - and I will add that those of us with much empathy have been ground down by our significant others who have used us to perpetuate a cycle. At some point, a line needs to be drawn. People, when the iron is cold, need to choose to seek help and accept the love that sits with them as they work through their life questions.
I’ve come to find that I probably have some level of BPD on my one journey to find help for panic/agoraphobia. I wonder how many others have this also.i feel the emotions of anxiety can be unbearable, and I have anger issues. I am an abuse survivor and always just thought I was just more sensitive and in tune to the world/ heightened sensitivity than others.
Gosh, this is brilliant! Thankyou
What if family is the source of the anxiety and depression? Counter to supportive but abusive.
Thank.you for this wonderfully informative speech. This was an eye- opening moment for me..?
This only applied to me with my favorite person...or as I saw it as a replacement of my parents...I would say to by boyfriend at 14 yrs old...or even my bestie or best friend.....I love you more than my parents ever could.
wow thank you so much...excellent information
I was put in a group home when I was 12 years old I was beaten at home etc I won't go into all of it but I wanted to say that after I got out almost 2 years later my mom said I think you got enough attention when you were there when I asked to go to the talent contest they were having. She was always this mean to me even as a adult, has not talked to me in 5 years because I did not wash the dishes after buying and cooking Easter dinner in 2015. People don't get borderline personality disorder and all the other things I have because parents were loving and kind. Most of the time we end up this broken because of what a parent or parents do to you and sexual abuse etc.
Why isn't there a 12 Step BPD PROGRAM for us?
Best comment! Getting the proper treatment is nearly impossible, especially if you're poor.
At 44:07~ “sometimes we fear that the emotion will never end” oh dear God, this has always been the worse part of the panic disorder/agoraphobia. Just leaving BPD Is linked
My trauma began when we moved to France 🇫🇷. Parents stuck me into a French school, assuming that children quickly pick up a new language. Well, a year later I was still struggling to learn French but I did get the art of daydreaming down pat. Then began terrible tantrums. The BPD diagnosis was a frightening possibility in my brainy little head. I was furious with Parents (both Harvard profs) for the years suffered and at 14 ran away for 7 months. My tantrums stopped, but people were afraid of my 'coldness'. Always wondered if I had BPD or just am an aloof (but loving) person. Few understood that i was hiding pain. The idea of BPD was a terrible concept to embrace. I read constantly that It was the worst possible diagnosis. Not treatable. Today I remain aloof and alone, though wish to participate. Is this BPD ?
BPD so hard to live with so HARD
Identify a lot with this share thank u XXX
My daughter has this borderline personality disorder and i have liter ally diagnose . i went researching and discovered my daughter has at 7 out of the 9 symptoms. I have placed her literally at the feet of Jesus. Hes the only one that can cure her. I pray that she and others that suffer with this desease find true Peace , Trust , and their identity in Jesus. Thank God this woman has a support system. Yes my daughter is a really kind person. I know that i know she'll be alright.
My best friend has BPD and she got very angry with me because I told her I couldn't move with her, and I do wonder if part of it was her mood, because she had just gotten done telling me she wouldn't be mad if it wasn't what I wanted, and I felt pressured. But now she's deactivated her Facebook, totally withdrawn. I know she's hurt, and she said she doesn't want me around. I would never mean to hurt her. This happened on Thanksgiving. Her son's birthday is Tuesday. I want to respect her need for space, but don't want to let her son's birthday pass without acknowledgement. I want to wish him happy birthday and tell her I'm sorry I hurt her. Will she think I don't care, or is it better to let her come to me?
Thank you so much for your help.
Thank you for such precise articulation on this!!
I have BPD from childhood neglect. I'm now 59 yrs old. Certainly not healed but I've learned to cope & protect my heart by keeping to myself. & im Lucky to have a gentle kind husband.
If I meet someone sense a connect with, I take it with a grain of salt. I will text to say hi; may reach out again weeks later... still no response - Done. Good riddens. I consider it cold, rude & unkind when someone chooses not to respond to a simple hello. These are folks UNworthy of your friendship. Genuine pple are rare. & Folks are generally not trustworthy. Feeling lonely sometimes but peace of mind & time alone with GOD is beautiful & healing - my treasure.
This world is very harsh.
What strikes me is that she isn’t full of blame or bitterness
They are that beautiful person.Hmm thank you for that.
I want people to see me as a beautiful soul. When I can tell that is how they view me. My brain thinks "HA HA...I got you." And then my brain would bash me for hours for being a manipulative person, and when people WOULD compliment me I would disassociate. I would realize later that they gave me a compliment and I would go back to that person and have to ask them if I said thank you when they complimented me because I couldn't remember. It seems I would act appropriately even though I wasn't present.
It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life I can’t keep a person in my life long enough to have a relationship I’m 49 I’ve been on drugs since 13 and I can’t stop and hate these feelings ,tough love isn’t going to help I’ve lived a long time like this but AA won’t work for me I’ve been in rehab 9 times I was diagnosed in one of them but have never got treatment for it
This woman is describing MY life.
I like Jamie's hair
You tell my story.
❤️ this video on many levels.
I love this. I feel like I was watching her tell my life story. I'm struggling to find a video in Spanish that explains real life experiences like this. I want to tell my parents what I've been experiencing but I don't know how to explain BPD to them in Spanish. Does anyone have any recommendations?
Very good info here. I want to understand this better.
my left ear liked this
Insightful video x
Very relatable
Expectations may be a problem. So much concentration on self. So many references too I and the word me. Id be depressed too if my mind centered on self. Just a thought. Just putting it out there and I’m probably wrong and uneducated in this. We do have a family member who has been diagnosed with this personality disorder.
Thanks for this
At least she had support and realized that at twenty. I’m 36 years old and I’m just figuring this shit out. Suffering, suffering, suffering for years.
Emotional regulation disorder = highly sensitive emotional human Not validated
It’s so hard for me to allow myself to feel bad for Them with Bpd such as the kind that are being explained in this video.
I was torched by someone like they describe and I’m a very sensitive person i care and hold in crying over anything “sad”that I see or hear…
But I really feel that there is no excuse for the lack of control over and over because at some point as an adult you have to of learned and seen others react correctly to anger and irritability.. to be 3o years old and older with people giving their all to try 24/7 to not upset them but be treated so rudely in return. Everyone feels emotion definitely but acting out negatively over what is thought or assumed or because of feeling insecure is not ok after becoming aware of their behavior and how it affects ones trying to support and love them is just not okay
I get what you are saying. It's hard to have someone lose their temper at every little thing.
I think the deal breakeris if they know they have a problem and acknowledge that. If they think you are the problem its like being caught in a nightmare. The projection is out of this world.
Everything is your fault because you made them lose control. No matter what kind of diplomatic ways you use to voice your concerns, you become the issue.
What if you have no family?
Same with me...
I now understand my life amd my mothers before me wow im alone too
Learn to not abandon yourself need no one and be ok with that you then attract the right people
I have none either but my dogs cats rabbits lol
I have dogs,cats,rabbits(so darn cute)and box turtles. I grow a lot of edibles and I get great fertilizer which is way better than the crap I got from my family who know nothing about chronic ptsd.
I have adhd but I can relate to everything she's been with.
CONTENT WARNING : First half of video has mention of unspecified childhood sexual abuse, addiction, self harm behaviors (cutting), and medical/professional harm to children or adolescents (description of child being pulled from chair & dragged down hall in mental health facility) & other (mostly verbal) harm by professionals probably not intending harm.
First half of video is a self-described person suffering from BPD describing their history and 1.5 yrs into DBT.
Second half - about 38 minutes in - is therapist speaking about Borderline Personality traits and Borderline Personality Disorder mostly to adults with children who have Borderline Personality traits, it seems.
"The support of your family...." don't forget that most of the mental illness that got was because of their family's actions.
The audio only has left channel. Are you trying to influence our left brain only ? :)
Good luck if you live in Canada and you are needing help with this. Some off the organization around this don’t even have the courtesy of returning your phone call even though your GP initiated the contact.
I learned the hard way that to actually get good care you need to pay for it out of pocket.
Public health is awesome but for mental health it takes a little bit more. Those people are over worked, underpaid and are limited in options.