Blocking their pregnant daughter because she wants to be equally loved is crazy. Imagine if something had gone wrong with the pregnancy and she died? Wtf.
Its sad to hear so many stories about middle children or really any child being neglected by their family. It needs to more addressed that this is also a form of abuse. That child isnt getting the love and care they deserve/need.
OP handled this well. Reddit loves to preach "setting boundaries", but I can assure you, 99% of the people who say that have no idea what it even means, lol. OP does. "Boundaries" are NOT limitations you impose on others. You can't trust them to stay within those limits. You will be disappointed every time. Rather they need to be limitations you impose on yourself. You can't control their actions, you can control your own actions. Done properly, it is virtually impossible for them to tread over your boundaries. For example: Let's say you have a very talkative neighbor, and every day when you get home from work, you are ambushed in your own driveway by a lonely busy-body who wants to chat your ear off for 2 hours about the neighborhood gossip. Telling them to stop is not always effective. That is NOT setting boundaries. Instead, pull your car straight into the garage and close the garage door behind you before even exiting the vehicle (I know, this assumes you have an attached garage, stay with me on this, lol). You deny them the opportunity to approach you. People HATE this explanation. They feel like changing their own behavior to avoid others is just "letting them win". But that's subjective as hell... You define what "winning" means to you. If you define it as not dealing with a pain in the ass neighbor, then you did in fact accomplish your goal. You won. If that specific action isn't acceptable to you, the same principle can be applied to other actions. Perhaps you go to the gym after work instead of before so you arrive later and miss the neighbor. Now you get an extra hour to sleep in, lol. If that works for you do that. Or do something else. You set the terms that work for you, but you must do so in a way that denies the antagonist opportunities to antagonize. Don't expect them to "respect boundaries", they never do. If that's your problem, it's because YOU are doing it wrong. In OP's case, moving was a good decision. Blocking them was a good decision. Her goal is a happy family who values her. She has that in her husband and child. Allowing miserable people who don't value her into her life only undermines that objective. She has no expectations of them, so they can't let her down. They have no way of reaching her, so they can't drag her back into their mess. Mission accomplished.
this is a rlly good explanation of boundaries and i love your example. especially bc “setting boundaries” gets used as a buzzword/excuse to control people’s behavior which is not what setting boundaries means. (for example, someone demanding their gf not talk to any men bc “its my boundaries”) boundaries (hence the name) are the circle you draw around yourself not others.
@@NinesRaeOmg thank you for this because I always got so frustrated seeing people control their partners friendships because of the same gender. Whenever they said it was boundaries I would feel so off about it (mainly bc it was controlling behavior) But honestly I started second guessing!! However you mentioning it and the commenter really put it into perspective. Now I totally see why it's so offputting. Its just not setting a boundary at all. 😒
@@shanel4294 FRRRRRRR THO..i kept saying outloud to stop chasing and trying to get closure cause its literally giving them multiple chances to yell at her😭
To be honest, we gotta look at the common denominator, if someone comes to you and say everyone in that room is a dick, and you go inside that room and each individual says that guy is a dick, who do you believe?
@@MrArielK depends lol, I’m not gonna act like a mum or dad being a narc or can’t make someone the. Black sheep. There’s always an odd one out somewhere, it’s not always bad and it’s always a case by case basis. We aren’t a monolith.
@@LuisManuelLealDiasFor real, it honestly makes me sad because I've been in similar positions with family and it's just out of a place to seek the love or approval. It's depressing she didn't get any apologies (although predictable) but she probably still had faith in her family. I wouldn't call it stupid at all.
They blocked her because of the intial argument about the mum not looking after her after pregnancy. She kicked the mum out the house which upset them all
Blocking their pregnant daughter because she wants to be equally loved is crazy. Imagine if something had gone wrong with the pregnancy and she died? Wtf.
The funeral would be a mess with the parents and brother being the MC and "she was so special, but she always rejected us for some reason".
I know OP is hurting but honestly, that was the closure I would've taken. Clearly they were done and nothing else needed to be said.
The last ones were kinda harsh but true. There is no fight in dead land
Its sad to hear so many stories about middle children or really any child being neglected by their family.
It needs to more addressed that this is also a form of abuse. That child isnt getting the love and care they deserve/need.
I hate when they try to find closure with someone who will CLEARLY NOT CHANGE.
LIKE?!?!?!!?!?
Obviously its illogical but thats her parents? Its obvious she's gonna try and make peace?
OP handled this well.
Reddit loves to preach "setting boundaries", but I can assure you, 99% of the people who say that have no idea what it even means, lol. OP does.
"Boundaries" are NOT limitations you impose on others. You can't trust them to stay within those limits. You will be disappointed every time.
Rather they need to be limitations you impose on yourself. You can't control their actions, you can control your own actions. Done properly, it is virtually impossible for them to tread over your boundaries.
For example:
Let's say you have a very talkative neighbor, and every day when you get home from work, you are ambushed in your own driveway by a lonely busy-body who wants to chat your ear off for 2 hours about the neighborhood gossip. Telling them to stop is not always effective. That is NOT setting boundaries.
Instead, pull your car straight into the garage and close the garage door behind you before even exiting the vehicle (I know, this assumes you have an attached garage, stay with me on this, lol). You deny them the opportunity to approach you.
People HATE this explanation. They feel like changing their own behavior to avoid others is just "letting them win". But that's subjective as hell... You define what "winning" means to you. If you define it as not dealing with a pain in the ass neighbor, then you did in fact accomplish your goal. You won. If that specific action isn't acceptable to you, the same principle can be applied to other actions. Perhaps you go to the gym after work instead of before so you arrive later and miss the neighbor. Now you get an extra hour to sleep in, lol. If that works for you do that. Or do something else. You set the terms that work for you, but you must do so in a way that denies the antagonist opportunities to antagonize.
Don't expect them to "respect boundaries", they never do. If that's your problem, it's because YOU are doing it wrong.
In OP's case, moving was a good decision. Blocking them was a good decision. Her goal is a happy family who values her. She has that in her husband and child. Allowing miserable people who don't value her into her life only undermines that objective. She has no expectations of them, so they can't let her down. They have no way of reaching her, so they can't drag her back into their mess. Mission accomplished.
this is a rlly good explanation of boundaries and i love your example. especially bc “setting boundaries” gets used as a buzzword/excuse to control people’s behavior which is not what setting boundaries means. (for example, someone demanding their gf not talk to any men bc “its my boundaries”)
boundaries (hence the name) are the circle you draw around yourself not others.
@@NinesRaeOmg thank you for this because I always got so frustrated seeing people control their partners friendships because of the same gender. Whenever they said it was boundaries I would feel so off about it (mainly bc it was controlling behavior) But honestly I started second guessing!! However you mentioning it and the commenter really put it into perspective. Now I totally see why it's so offputting. Its just not setting a boundary at all. 😒
its so infuriating to me how the family tries to spin it on OP and make her out to be this spoiled bratty daughter
Ngl i started tweaking out when the parents and brother tried to make it her fault
TWEAKINGGGGG, like why are we chasing these people, her mum didn't even deserve an apology
@@shanel4294 FRRRRRRR THO..i kept saying outloud to stop chasing and trying to get closure cause its literally giving them multiple chances to yell at her😭
To be honest, we gotta look at the common denominator, if someone comes to you and say everyone in that room is a dick, and you go inside that room and each individual says that guy is a dick, who do you believe?
@@MrArielK depends lol, I’m not gonna act like a mum or dad being a narc or can’t make someone the. Black sheep. There’s always an odd one out somewhere, it’s not always bad and it’s always a case by case basis. We aren’t a monolith.
The OP was stupid for even putting herself through this for people who made it clear that she means nothing to them.
It's never stupid to give the benefit of the doubt, or second chances, to your parents and family.
@@LuisManuelLealDiasFor real, it honestly makes me sad because I've been in similar positions with family and it's just out of a place to seek the love or approval. It's depressing she didn't get any apologies (although predictable) but she probably still had faith in her family. I wouldn't call it stupid at all.
@ exactly.
1m ago so now i have to formulate my own opinion
shut up
Marcia Marcia Marcia!
The parents blocked OP first? She's leaving something out of the story.
They blocked her because of the intial argument about the mum not looking after her after pregnancy. She kicked the mum out the house which upset them all
For real, notice how none of the 4 sibiling has something to say in defense of OP