This is awesome, to finally hear a therapist who's aware of the somatic experience and the autonomic nervous system. And is also aware of the polyvagal theory. ☺
This is a large and important subject that seems to be at the base of so much personal angst and also motivation to be a better person when shame is utilized rather than buried under. Thank you for shining light onto this emotional set! I'm writing children books to help my son, and this is part of the research I'm going to apply.
Existentialist thought offers a path away from shame controlled behavior and feelings. Knowledge of who you are and what you are can give you a problem solving framework to escape the coercive control that is shame.
What about individuals who have differences that are rejected in their society (i.e. neurodivergence, mental health, alternative identity) which leads to internalized shame? How do you manage the balance between realistic navigation based on one's abilities and differences as they relate to their environmental context, without promoting shame or negative self worth? Just sharing thoughts!
A very good, difficult, and timely question - I've been thinking a lot about the nature of personal/collective identity, individual differences, and how the person is situated within society; I think any attempt to answer your question will need to be careful and nuanced; unfortunately, I am not sure the current sociopolitical climate is one that encourages that kind of thinking/discussion - there seems to be an awful lot of polarization right now. I'm still sorting some things out in my own head, but I will try to come back and explain my position once it is more carefully formulated.
Thanks some good info on shame. The most wounding and shame-inducing experience of my life actually occurred in psychotherapy, and some of the effects were as you describe. I was rejected by my therapist on a romantic level (symbolically, not real world) and then rejected again via imposed termination and severing of all contact, which was also a profound abandonment and betrayal. The humiliation and shame from this has been life altering. The profession seems to rarely talk about damage from therapy. It is the cruelest of ironies when core shame is doubled down in therapy. Where does one go from there?
+baconlatte Sorry to hear about your experience of therapy. I've learned to always ask (in a first appointment) about a client's previous therapy experiences ... a significant number (maybe half?) will say that they didn't work well with their previous therapist or had a bad experience. What's interesting is that almost none of these clients felt comfortable telling their therapist that they disliked something about how their therapist engaged with them. This is a reminder, to me at least, to continually attend to the therapy relationship. I've learned to almost never let a single session go by without asking someone: "how are you feeling about today's session?" or "are you feeling comfortable with my approach or style of engagement?" ... and most importantly: "would you tell me if you weren't?" Now, many people will of course say 'yes' when they really mean 'no,' but the intuitive therapist might pick up on this and inquire a little deeper. If you still wanted to give therapy a try, I would make an appointment with someone and just talk about your previous experience. See what kind of reaction you get from this person and whether they go that extra mile to reassure you or make it comfortable for you to talk about issues that could arise.
I now find that shame is child's play. When I was a younger humanoid I was crucified by it. For endless years. Then I was taught by masters. I came to understand that those who had judged me were far more shameful than I. Then I came to understand that most of humanity is shameful. Then I became a judge of those who had judged me. The gratification that came from that activity I cannot put into words. I never felt guilt. But the excruciating pain of shame I felt deeply and for a very long time. All because of a lack of understanding. Understanding did not come overnight. Hope this is helpful, Brad.
By listening to you I'm learning a lot about what I thought I knew. As a person who has watched several of your videos, I do have a suggestion about your presentation. Vary it in subtle ways; move the order of the books around, wear an eyepatch, hang a Christmas ornament on that bamboo-like plant. Counter that dense definition you provided at the 50 second point with a little whimsy. There aren't any laughs in Sartre; don't follow him too closely!
Thanks Andrew - that's some good feedback. I've been thinking about how I want to approach these videos going forward (when I have the time to do so). I agree, more variation would be a very good thing!
This is awesome, to finally hear a therapist who's aware of the somatic experience and the autonomic nervous system. And is also aware of the polyvagal theory. ☺
I'm a lonely psychology student and I watch these videos when I'm sad and want to hear a calm voice.
It's interesting the co-dependant personalities often exhibit a lot of hang ups with shame.
This is a large and important subject that seems to be at the base of so much personal angst and also motivation to be a better person when shame is utilized rather than buried under. Thank you for shining light onto this emotional set! I'm writing children books to help my son, and this is part of the research I'm going to apply.
But how do people who have realized that they have this problem solve it?
Existentialist thought offers a path away from shame controlled behavior and feelings. Knowledge of who you are and what you are can give you a problem solving framework to escape the coercive control that is shame.
What about individuals who have differences that are rejected in their society (i.e. neurodivergence, mental health, alternative identity) which leads to internalized shame? How do you manage the balance between realistic navigation based on one's abilities and differences as they relate to their environmental context, without promoting shame or negative self worth? Just sharing thoughts!
A very good, difficult, and timely question - I've been thinking a lot about the nature of personal/collective identity, individual differences, and how the person is situated within society; I think any attempt to answer your question will need to be careful and nuanced; unfortunately, I am not sure the current sociopolitical climate is one that encourages that kind of thinking/discussion - there seems to be an awful lot of polarization right now. I'm still sorting some things out in my own head, but I will try to come back and explain my position once it is more carefully formulated.
Thanks some good info on shame. The most wounding and shame-inducing experience of my life actually occurred in psychotherapy, and some of the effects were as you describe. I was rejected by my therapist on a romantic level (symbolically, not real world) and then rejected again via imposed termination and severing of all contact, which was also a profound abandonment and betrayal. The humiliation and shame from this has been life altering. The profession seems to rarely talk about damage from therapy. It is the cruelest of ironies when core shame is doubled down in therapy. Where does one go from there?
+baconlatte Sorry to hear about your experience of therapy. I've learned to always ask (in a first appointment) about a client's previous therapy experiences ... a significant number (maybe half?) will say that they didn't work well with their previous therapist or had a bad experience. What's interesting is that almost none of these clients felt comfortable telling their therapist that they disliked something about how their therapist engaged with them. This is a reminder, to me at least, to continually attend to the therapy relationship. I've learned to almost never let a single session go by without asking someone: "how are you feeling about today's session?" or "are you feeling comfortable with my approach or style of engagement?" ... and most importantly: "would you tell me if you weren't?" Now, many people will of course say 'yes' when they really mean 'no,' but the intuitive therapist might pick up on this and inquire a little deeper. If you still wanted to give therapy a try, I would make an appointment with someone and just talk about your previous experience. See what kind of reaction you get from this person and whether they go that extra mile to reassure you or make it comfortable for you to talk about issues that could arise.
I like your deep intellectualism, and find your replies both touching and professional. I intuit that you must be an effective psychologist!
I now find that shame is child's play. When I was a younger humanoid I was crucified by it. For endless years. Then I was taught by masters. I came to understand that those who had judged me were far more shameful than I. Then I came to understand that most of humanity is shameful. Then I became a judge of those who had judged me. The gratification that came from that activity I cannot put into words. I never felt guilt. But the excruciating pain of shame I felt deeply and for a very long time. All because of a lack of understanding. Understanding did not come overnight. Hope this is helpful, Brad.
Your amazing
great
By listening to you I'm learning a lot about what I thought I knew. As a person who has watched several of your videos, I do have a suggestion about your presentation. Vary it in subtle ways; move the order of the books around, wear an eyepatch, hang a Christmas ornament on that bamboo-like plant. Counter that dense definition you provided at the 50 second point with a little whimsy. There aren't any laughs in Sartre; don't follow him too closely!
Thanks Andrew - that's some good feedback. I've been thinking about how I want to approach these videos going forward (when I have the time to do so). I agree, more variation would be a very good thing!
Are you shaming him?! Don’t change a thing.
You should be ashamed of the recording tho
No sound on right stereo, lol