Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough?

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  • Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
  • In The Know: Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears.
    More coverage at: www.onion.com

КОМЕНТАРІ • 8 тис.

  • @jwbowen
    @jwbowen Рік тому +5965

    "Everyone around you wants to get you."
    ...
    "In reference to 'help.'"
    Ah, of course

    • @nexiuz2233
      @nexiuz2233 4 місяці тому +51

      He nearly cracked and showed the governments true colors, he saved it tho

    • @hiddenleif6854
      @hiddenleif6854 4 місяці тому +14

      I'm still laughing at this one line

    • @purple_cat7836
      @purple_cat7836 3 місяці тому +17

      “you’re not alone”

    • @kleets1996
      @kleets1996 13 днів тому +1

      Looks around like what did you think I meant 😂😂😂

  • @kimgkomg
    @kimgkomg Рік тому +10997

    As a non-schizophrenic, this an incredibly accurate depiction of the symptoms I don't have

    • @chillreznov0227
      @chillreznov0227 Рік тому +80

      Lol this is a very underrated comment

    • @bruhzzer
      @bruhzzer 10 місяців тому +41

      based non-schizo

    • @Greg-jr5kr
      @Greg-jr5kr 10 місяців тому +7

      Hey man my father had a mental breakdown same situation same symptoms

    • @overflow5436
      @overflow5436 10 місяців тому +16

      @@Greg-jr5kr sir i believe you just won the internet! Here is your crown👑

    • @sprobablycancr4457
      @sprobablycancr4457 9 місяців тому +13

      Is this aimed at me?

  • @billthegenericguy
    @billthegenericguy 4 роки тому +62671

    Oddly, this is one of the only media representations of schizophrenia I've seen that actually gets the symptoms right.

    • @austincde
      @austincde 4 роки тому +3425

      You can tell the edgy comments that are like "santa claus lives in my teeth!" are the ones that never experienced psychosis in their lives

    • @manuelsputnik
      @manuelsputnik 4 роки тому +3888

      It's sad that the Onion is unironically the most accurate news source there is.
      We live in a society.

    • @orions2908
      @orions2908 4 роки тому +530

      @@manuelsputnik Gamer, rise up!

    • @raidenthekat2444
      @raidenthekat2444 4 роки тому +82

      @@RobespierreThePoof I was going to say the same thing.!

    • @jerrymartin7019
      @jerrymartin7019 4 роки тому +49

      @@orions2908
      You have nothing to lose but your deodorant!

  • @lhering
    @lhering 11 місяців тому +4140

    "Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you."

    • @JamilaJibril-e8h
      @JamilaJibril-e8h 6 місяців тому +16

      😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @lilblackduc7312
      @lilblackduc7312 5 місяців тому +20

      I agree! In addition, I wouldn't be Paranoid if they weren't really out to get me! 🤔😳

    • @Interdacted
      @Interdacted 5 місяців тому +16

      Just because they actually talk about you behind your back, doesn't mean they're talking about you behind your back.

    • @JamilaJibril-e8h
      @JamilaJibril-e8h 5 місяців тому

      @@Interdacted excuses..

    • @Interdacted
      @Interdacted 5 місяців тому

      @@JamilaJibril-e8h so talking behind ppls backs is good?

  • @zytr0x108
    @zytr0x108 Рік тому +8091

    As a schizophrenic myself I‘m happy to say that they have since implemented all of these help measures. God bless them.

    • @Jacktrack7
      @Jacktrack7 Рік тому +161

      I'm watching you.

    • @user-sp2yu9zt6h
      @user-sp2yu9zt6h Рік тому +40

      You're not schizophrenic

    • @jackaryyy
      @jackaryyy Рік тому +10

      You somehow have all forms?

    • @drunkpaulocosta
      @drunkpaulocosta Рік тому +78

      They are also putting microphones in your microwave. Thats why they call them Microwaves

    • @Beatrix-tg9dg
      @Beatrix-tg9dg Рік тому

      Then you have a very pacific case of paranoid schizophrenia, should also go back on you’re medication. Lol I’m actually schizoeffective, be a little more creative man. I’m doing some usual thread reading. I’m well aware it’s not real, schizophrenia means split mind, like living in 2 worlds at once bassicly. I’ve seen dead children, people hanging, to my own sisters head watching me. We’ve got absolutely titanium fkn balls brother. Lol😂

  • @spot67833
    @spot67833 2 роки тому +4755

    As a paranoid schizophrenic, I'm glad to know that these people are looking out for me.

    • @changeit000
      @changeit000 Рік тому +2

      IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS

    • @jeff6413
      @jeff6413 Рік тому +172

      Every step you take, every move you make they'll be watching you!

    • @VinnieGer
      @VinnieGer Рік тому +81

      We are all looking out for you. Right now. Through the camera part of your phone. Smile

    • @petermorrow3565
      @petermorrow3565 Рік тому +20

      As a semi regular person with schitzo aspirations I am happy to know I won't be alone when I reach diagnosis..thx

    • @matthewb.7172
      @matthewb.7172 Рік тому +9

      That’s right, literally everyone you pass by in your daily life is looking out for you! Many are also coordinating their…help. They want what’s best for you. We all want what’s best for you. Comply with our help. Let us help. You need our help.

  • @spetsnatzlegion3366
    @spetsnatzlegion3366 4 роки тому +24825

    Why is the onion so damn good at writing around serious conditions, while keeping it realistic, not offensive to those with the condition and hilarious to all? Their channel from 8-12 years ago is absolute gold, their writers need oscars

    • @vanillajack5925
      @vanillajack5925 3 роки тому +754

      It's too bad they don't make these kind of videos anymore :(

    • @AdolfTrumpler
      @AdolfTrumpler 3 роки тому +142

      The producers would “commit suicide” with 2 bullets in the back of their heads if they made anything like this now.

    • @gwenethp511
      @gwenethp511 3 роки тому +358

      @@AdolfTrumpler i mean considering that basically every person with a condition they made skits on laughed, i doubt it.

    • @apollo1573
      @apollo1573 3 роки тому +87

      @@___meph___4547 because there’s been people that were ruled as a suicide with two gunshot wounds to the head, which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself

    • @mayormccheese2028
      @mayormccheese2028 3 роки тому +182

      @@apollo1573 "which is obviously not possible if you shot yourself"
      Not with that attitude...

  • @ireallyreallyhategoogle
    @ireallyreallyhategoogle Рік тому +1862

    It is so depressing to see how little the government does to help schizophrenics nowadays compared to just 15 years ago.

    • @mosesracal6758
      @mosesracal6758 9 місяців тому

      Ive heard that ever since the aliens left New Mexico they have now since found a new home in Wuhan, China in which these kind aliens helped develop groundbreaking technologies in our masks and vaccines so that we can control everybody around these schizophrenics in order to help them more effeciently without the use of outdated technologies like phone booths and radio waves.

    • @Reblwitoutacause
      @Reblwitoutacause 9 місяців тому +70

      They just want to do so less invasive, and so aren't public about it and all. They do this still, and much, much, MUCH more. They're always watching our schizophrenic populations, very closely, and often overtly 😇

    • @ireallyreallyhategoogle
      @ireallyreallyhategoogle 9 місяців тому

      @@Reblwitoutacause Nah, they're so busy helping other countries' schizophrenics that they neglect the local population.
      It's a good thing the internet private sector has picked up some of the slack. It's just not the same. Nowadays, you have to go online and on social medias to be properly watched and monitored.

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 9 місяців тому

      OK buzzkill, dry ass comment no one cares

    • @foxboiunknown320
      @foxboiunknown320 7 місяців тому

      Sad pattern ive noticed: schizophrenia is a common disease found in people doing horrible things with news coverage.
      There is evidence of things like subliminal messages and other forms of subtle brain washing.
      Schizophrenics are easily to manipulate as they would likely mistake attempts as hallucinations or delusions.
      I believe they are being manipulated now as an easy source for black flag ops victims

  • @Warp_Portal
    @Warp_Portal 3 роки тому +9632

    Schizophrenic Person:
    "Get out of my head!!!"
    The ominous voice of the government:
    "Dude, you are like, being really ungrateful right now. We are just trying to help you man"

  • @xfirexrainx6668
    @xfirexrainx6668 4 роки тому +21019

    I just picture a schizophrenic watching this without knowing it's satire

    • @HolyCrusader23
      @HolyCrusader23 4 роки тому +316

      Dude you wouldn't tell who's a schizophrenic even if it was your friend

    • @EvilMAiq
      @EvilMAiq 4 роки тому +2025

      @@HolyCrusader23 If you had met someone with schizophrenia you would definitely notice.

    • @aj4829
      @aj4829 4 роки тому +880

      Xeroin Dop what are you on about? Ive known several People with the diagnosis, and when theyre in a psychosis, its really easy noticeable.

    • @HolyCrusader23
      @HolyCrusader23 4 роки тому +100

      @@aj4829 they're new then and or mentally weak, normal intelligent schizophrenics manage their symptoms without meds and no oce can notice anything

    • @anthonyhadsell2673
      @anthonyhadsell2673 4 роки тому +1584

      @@EvilMAiq a lot of them life normal lives actually I know a girl with it and I couldn't tell unless she told me but I've never seen her have an episode because we've done a good job of keeping the cameras and microphones in her house hidden in things like lights and even the inside of her couch

  • @Amenomihashira
    @Amenomihashira 5 років тому +20137

    "Of course we can't have just one voice, we need to have more than one voice because then they know it's a team effort." LMFAO

    • @aricgoss
      @aricgoss 4 роки тому +169

      Team effort 😆😆

    • @dianachupryk6213
      @dianachupryk6213 4 роки тому +67

      We’ve seen the video

    • @No-ej5jz
      @No-ej5jz 3 роки тому +48

      @@dianachupryk6213 its already a year

    • @AtheistEdge
      @AtheistEdge 3 роки тому +16

      That's where I lost it 😆

    • @dehydratedwater9806
      @dehydratedwater9806 3 роки тому +48

      I just ignore the voices in my head, none of them speak English anyway

  • @Jackie89000
    @Jackie89000 Рік тому +877

    This is exactly what I needed UA-cam to recommend me 15yrs later randomly.

    • @literallyjustgrass
      @literallyjustgrass 6 місяців тому +12

      The algorithm is onto you

    • @vwiddymcgunter
      @vwiddymcgunter 4 місяці тому +1

      The rhythm is punna get you.

    • @StrangeScaryNewEngland
      @StrangeScaryNewEngland 4 місяці тому

      @@vwiddymcgunter punna???

    • @Quintzal
      @Quintzal 4 місяці тому +3

      16 years for me - it just popped up (May 2024)

    • @Jokervision744
      @Jokervision744 4 місяці тому

      ​@@literallyjustgrassWell... After I took a massive shit, I got onions news about "Breaking news: some bullshit happening somewhere". So yeah... They are on the shit.

  • @crysknife007
    @crysknife007 10 років тому +10887

    Oh man it's so perfect

    • @DebSzvr
      @DebSzvr 6 років тому +7

      crysknife007 overly

    • @Z26E5H7
      @Z26E5H7 5 років тому +21

      @Srithor You are doing a piss poor job of explaining any of these points. You want to be understood then its up to you to make yourself understood instead of insulting people because of your own incapabilities. The video DOES mention paranoid schizophrenia "Improving care for america's paranoid schizophrenics". Its a joke video clearly not meant to take seriously...

    • @Kokonutzlz
      @Kokonutzlz 5 років тому +25

      @Srithor sorry to burst your ego bubble but literally the whole video it displays a box saying 'America's Paranoid Schizophrenics'. The main part is them being paranoid, but it's upgraded by adding schizophrenia

    • @kairuw6477
      @kairuw6477 5 років тому +6

      Srithor if I may ask, you claim to be a professional no? If that’s the case may I ask why you said they confused a neurological disorder with a plausible symptom of said disorder? I’m kind of confused why you felt the need to state that if the point of the joke is that they would be exasperating the joke. I’m currently studding neuroscience and would just like a clarification on that point since that seems like and important thing to note. Since you seem to be knowledgeable in the field I would love it if you could explain this. I could see it as a confusion between just general paranoia versus paranoid schizophrenia as what you were stating to be the confusion. But that wouldn’t make sense considering they were hinting at symptoms that would not be apart of some sort of general paranoia disorder and would be more inline with schizophrenia. Thanks in advance and I hope to hear back from you soon! :)

    • @kairuw6477
      @kairuw6477 5 років тому +1

      Srithor can I ask why symptom is in air quotes? It seems like you are not disputing the fact that it’s a symptom which is what it sounded like from some of your arguments. Also this video doesn’t seem to be attempting to inform the public on the nature of schizophrenia, just kind of act as a nod to those who know about the discorder at least vaguely? Not only that any of the things taken at face value from this video would exasperate the paranoia symptoms that such people would have if actually implemented no? It would seem kind of weird to take this all at face value wouldn’t it? Or am I crazy to think that? If I ever do work in this kind of stuff I would like to know what would be an appropriate way to show case this disorder. If this is truly inappropriate I would appreciate it if you could let me know in fair detail on how to present this. It is a fascinating disorder and I would love to be able to do the topic justice if I ever have the need to. Once again thank you in advance!

  • @MarkShawakage
    @MarkShawakage 9 років тому +5103

    I think these are the best comedians on the planet.

    • @vaniapang6
      @vaniapang6 8 років тому +5

      +Mark Shawa LITERALLY YEAH

    • @Ben-rz9cf
      @Ben-rz9cf 8 років тому +4

      +Lilly M he played chet on childrens hospital... one of the funniest guys ever

    • @gameswoodmore5950
      @gameswoodmore5950 6 років тому

      Mark Shawa The German equivalent of the onion "der Postillon" is really good as well.

    • @ronaldmcdonald2637
      @ronaldmcdonald2637 5 років тому

      Mark Shawa he

    • @gtPacheko
      @gtPacheko 5 років тому

      @@gameswoodmore5950 I wish Brazil had something like this haha

  • @effreyjeppstein4673
    @effreyjeppstein4673 6 років тому +13677

    Someone just brought me this video as "evidence" of a tracker they claim to have pulled out of their skin.
    Never change, The Onion

    • @nintendoROX121
      @nintendoROX121 5 років тому +598

      Never change, random methheads

    • @kalebbruwer
      @kalebbruwer 5 років тому +229

      This is the type of thing a 12 year old would fall for and go on about for weeks

    • @einzelwolf3437
      @einzelwolf3437 5 років тому +375

      I know schizos
      They would think this is some kind of targeting designed as satire as plausible deniability
      They see hidden messages everywhere

    • @macomputersuck
      @macomputersuck 5 років тому +20

      r/atetheonion

    • @HiddenObject98
      @HiddenObject98 5 років тому +9

      @Steve the Pirate Careful, them conspiracy nuts will start coming out lol

  • @lethargogpeterson4083
    @lethargogpeterson4083 2 місяці тому +145

    The woman getting interrupted at 21 seconds. The satire is so well done it is almost brutal.

  • @NoirTheSable
    @NoirTheSable 11 років тому +945

    See, this is why I'm for insurance reform. My paranoid grandfather's Medicaid only covers subliminal messages in TV static and infomercials, and all I can do is to go to his house in the dead of the night and scrape my nails against the windows or slam the lights on and off via the outdoor electrical box to show him that he is not alone, and that he has a grandson that loves and cares about him.

    • @BNK2442
      @BNK2442 4 роки тому +83

      @Bangbabangbabangbang Agree, taking away old items and putting new ones similar to the original makes them realize that you both care enought to get new thing and recognize his likeness of the already present design.

    • @MikkoMurmeli
      @MikkoMurmeli 4 роки тому +20

      This is underrated. From a psychosis guy :)

    • @bakerfritz4681
      @bakerfritz4681 4 роки тому +14

      This made me laugh so hard I cried.

    • @johndickson1008
      @johndickson1008 2 роки тому +7

      Underrated comment

    • @kindredtoast3439
      @kindredtoast3439 2 роки тому +4

      This is one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life.

  • @santi2683
    @santi2683 2 роки тому +7430

    I find it very wholesome that these measures are considered to help the schizophrenic people, I use to follow them around their routine and then pretend I'm not when they look at me to make sure they are fine but also to give them space to be themselves. It's very important that they feel a constant hidden presence around them so they know they are not alone.

    • @ericparrish1515
      @ericparrish1515 2 роки тому +130

      Sounds like something an imaginary psychologist would say.

    • @miso_honey
      @miso_honey Рік тому +99

      Thank you for your service. ❤

    • @themysticsamoan
      @themysticsamoan Рік тому +45

      doing the lords work

    • @commentguy9469
      @commentguy9469 Рік тому +32

      God bless your kind heart

    • @petermorrow3565
      @petermorrow3565 Рік тому +4

      Who ever said loneliness is next to godliness needs a cognitive test.

  • @lavamatstudios
    @lavamatstudios 2 роки тому +5102

    We should organize supportive "gang helping" communities over the internet to carefully plan who schizophrenics get to interact with during the day. When the schizophrenic is present, we can use special hand signals and secret words to coordinate each other, as to not distract the schizophrenic from his activities.

    • @theocorkrean6810
      @theocorkrean6810 Рік тому +181

      This comment is evil 🤣

    • @ozymandiasramesses1773
      @ozymandiasramesses1773 Рік тому +236

      We should also alternate between signal colors using our clandestine civilian outfits.

    • @iceicebabie
      @iceicebabie Рік тому

      Dude if one of those gangstalk nut jobs read this, they'd have a straight up aneurysm and start foaming at the mouth

    • @christiangottsacker6932
      @christiangottsacker6932 Рік тому +10

      This just sounds like the internet already

    • @pinetreegang5232
      @pinetreegang5232 Рік тому +1

      What does this mean?

  • @jellyfsh5621
    @jellyfsh5621 Рік тому +1798

    I love how the onion accurately makes fun of different groups of people without dehumanizing them. They are what every “edgy” comedian tries to be

    • @jr2904
      @jr2904 Рік тому +28

      15 years ago you would be right, not today though

    • @DioTheGreatOne
      @DioTheGreatOne Рік тому +4

      ​@@jr2904 Same

    • @SniperPrecision
      @SniperPrecision 10 місяців тому +19

      They took parody to a true art form. The details are amazing.

    • @chainswordcs
      @chainswordcs 10 місяців тому +129

      ​@@jr2904neo nazis forfeited their right to fair treatment when they decided to become neo nazis

    • @Asterion_Mol0c
      @Asterion_Mol0c 10 місяців тому +8

      ​@@chainswordcssounds like you are authoritarian

  • @tach5884
    @tach5884 4 роки тому +4460

    I like how youtube didn't recommend this until my anti-anxiety meds ran out.

    • @JasonP6339
      @JasonP6339 4 роки тому +32

      Well if watching this from a site that everyone knows is a complete joke and parody still freaks you out.... Well then you need more than just medicine....

    • @user-ellievator
      @user-ellievator 4 роки тому +105

      They did it because they care. '

    • @tigerroselili5765
      @tigerroselili5765 4 роки тому +25

      Jason Price 😳🤦‍♀️

    • @KevinShinwoo
      @KevinShinwoo 4 роки тому +1

      lmao that is so sad

    • @neurofiedyamato8763
      @neurofiedyamato8763 3 роки тому +101

      @@JasonP6339 If "everyone knows is a complete joke and parody" is enough to stop mental illness, it wouldn't be much of a illness would it?

  • @micahy.6190
    @micahy.6190 5 років тому +1599

    As a non-schizophrenic, I won't claim I'm a schizophrenic.

    • @roberttomsiii3728
      @roberttomsiii3728 4 роки тому +39

      Thanks for the humor, and thanks for not feeding the misinformation.

    • @abstractrussian5562
      @abstractrussian5562 4 роки тому +10

      You're doing it right brother! I say it all the time too. We live in hard times.

    • @micahy.6190
      @micahy.6190 4 роки тому +4

      Humor is the best medicine

    • @micahy.6190
      @micahy.6190 4 роки тому +12

      @Alpha I'm epileptic and some of the meds I take also work as bipolar medications. Without them I'd be kaput. Not all meds are bad, it just depends on the severity of the situation. Believe me, I've tried every natural remedy out there and worked with everyone from certified nutritionists to naturopaths and nothing comes close to being as effective as pharmaceutical drugs. I supplement with a healthy keto diet that's proven to help epileptics, but believe me when I say my meds are a GOOD thing. In general, though, America is overmedicated, I agree.

    • @micahy.6190
      @micahy.6190 4 роки тому +9

      @Alpha Oh, gotcha. Nice troll haha.

  • @Bigtoe
    @Bigtoe 5 років тому +7261

    As somebody who went through pretty much all of the delusions listed in this video, this is one of the best/most accurate things I've ever seen

    • @joaquin2473
      @joaquin2473 4 роки тому +97

      Bigtoe the only real part is the doctors injecting recorders on patients and updating the system through medicine, trust me I’m a doctor 🥼 just to study them and then give the information to the government so they can find out how to control them and use them in favor of society, nothing dark, just good intentions!

    • @loveworksnoevil
      @loveworksnoevil 4 роки тому +11

      i dont call persecution dellusions

    • @bryanmejia3498
      @bryanmejia3498 4 роки тому +336

      The thing about these kinds of a delusions is that even if the rational part of you recognizes that it might be a little ridiculous for some reason the "feeling" doesn't go away, and the thoughts persist.

    • @Bigtoe
      @Bigtoe 4 роки тому +357

      @@bryanmejia3498 You're 100% right, some of my delusions were literally impossible but still to this day there's a small part of me that thinks they're real. It really throws your sense of intuition and instinct off

    • @MS-il3ht
      @MS-il3ht 4 роки тому +1

      @Green Giant Try anti-psychotic meds

  • @enragedkaiser237
    @enragedkaiser237 10 місяців тому +114

    The amount of talent that went into these sketches is on another level, incredible acting and writing.

  • @abilea4081
    @abilea4081 3 роки тому +9771

    Jesus christ as someone who works with paranoid schizophrenics this is hilariously accurate to the common delusions, this is officially my favourite video ever

    • @user-yz8oi9ez1e
      @user-yz8oi9ez1e 3 роки тому +121

      @David C they’re in the walls

    • @staringatchairs7844
      @staringatchairs7844 2 роки тому +22

      @David C It's similar to making fun of blind or deaf people, or people with photosensitive epilepsy.

    • @szewal
      @szewal 2 роки тому +74

      @@staringatchairs7844 it isn't making fun of schizophrenics, it's mocking people who don't have schizophrenia but believe the government is constantly tracking and surveilling them. The humor is that they list out these things commonly said by your average libertarian Facebook user and compare it to a disease as serious as schizophrenia. The onion doesn't just pick on people with mental illness

    • @staringatchairs7844
      @staringatchairs7844 2 роки тому +202

      @@szewal They talked about schizophrenics and used textbook paranoid schizophrenic delusions. It's about schizophrenia. Still funny tho

    • @abilea4081
      @abilea4081 2 роки тому +20

      @Wise Acres Not even remotely the same, you can take your edgy atheism somewhere else lmao. And people with schizophrenia can have religious delusions but that doesn't mean anybody who is religious is experiencing psychosis, it's a faith.

  • @YasirMahmood7
    @YasirMahmood7 4 роки тому +3535

    NSA : National Schizophrenia Awareness

  • @trixstermillion2190
    @trixstermillion2190 6 років тому +6229

    I am a paranoid schizophrenic and am greatly relieved to find out it's been a "team effort" all along. I used to worry that I had good luck or God was watching out for me or something. I guess all those daily rituals and prayers were for nothing.
    Also, I always knew they were hiding shit in the tattoos.

    • @timfarkas1568
      @timfarkas1568 5 років тому +58

      @@JonnySUN7 jeez who hurt you

    • @maximilianthomas3006
      @maximilianthomas3006 5 років тому +14

      @@JonnySUN7 Atheists are not friends they are enemies of God and men, but we can still pray for them.

    • @Mureirsa
      @Mureirsa 5 років тому +17

      Who hurt you was the funniest response ever XD

    • @jonavanderpal
      @jonavanderpal 5 років тому +81

      @@maximilianthomas3006 Screw you buddy. I am not the enemy of all christians, but I am yours.

    • @maximilianthomas3006
      @maximilianthomas3006 5 років тому +8

      @@jonavanderpal My pleasure, but please believe in Jesus. If you don't God will punish you for your all your lifetimes sins after your death.

  • @steveninverse9579
    @steveninverse9579 2 місяці тому +55

    These were the golden days of The Onion

    • @burntheelastic
      @burntheelastic Місяць тому +1

      The golden days of The Onion were before UA-cam.

    • @StudentSwope
      @StudentSwope Місяць тому +2

      These were the golden days of The Onion

  • @acenewgate4039
    @acenewgate4039 Рік тому +5768

    i have schizophrenia and this is one of the funniest things ive seen about it. i'm normally way sensitive about my illness and the "delusions" i have are no joke (i only call them delusions bc its easier) especially about surveillance. this is just so funny tho. def dont wanna watch while im unmedicated but good job

    • @rum-ham
      @rum-ham Рік тому +77

      What else would you call them other than delusions?

    • @acenewgate4039
      @acenewgate4039 Рік тому +752

      @@rum-ham "thoughts and beliefs i have that only i experience the effects of and know are 100% true" doesn't roll off the tongue quite so easily so delusions it is

    • @rum-ham
      @rum-ham Рік тому +98

      @@acenewgate4039 I see. Question: How could they be true/real if you're the only one who experiences them? I have had issues with paranoia about surveillance myself and I try to ask lots of questions to myself like this. I find that it helps me realize that's it's probably not true.

    • @acenewgate4039
      @acenewgate4039 Рік тому +542

      @@rum-ham the reasoning is kinda more than i wanna say on a public forum where ppl are joking about this kind of thing, but i'll say a schizophrenic's mind can take incredible twists and turns to make a "delusion" "work" if that makes any sense.

    • @farshot2713
      @farshot2713 Рік тому +209

      We, the collective internet, knew you'd love it, thats why we made it for you :)

  • @tonysmokoni7835
    @tonysmokoni7835 Рік тому +3361

    Remember kids, even if a person refuses your help, you can always give them some confident reassurance that you’ll be coming back to get them (again, in reference to help). Best to show your determination by giving example scenarios that you will gladly overcome, and make sure to never break eye contact because it would be rude.

    • @christiangottsacker6932
      @christiangottsacker6932 Рік тому +24

      Shit had me crying 😂😂

    • @kimkimmy1269
      @kimkimmy1269 Рік тому +4

      😂

    • @francesleader2746
      @francesleader2746 Рік тому +11

      Spookily similar to Jehovah's Witnesses.

    • @maazkalim
      @maazkalim Рік тому +4

      Are you referring to intense stare as another act to care for them?

    • @patrickmonahan7804
      @patrickmonahan7804 11 місяців тому +17

      ive found it really helpful to let them know I know their secrets and I've heard their thoughts, just so they feel seen and understood

  • @soxpeewee
    @soxpeewee 8 років тому +6283

    My husband (with schizophrenia) thinks this is the funniest thing ever.

    • @inspectorjavert8443
      @inspectorjavert8443 8 років тому +168

      How is he doing?

    • @Impetuss
      @Impetuss 7 років тому +194

      Not schizophrenic but this is scary, because its slowly happening, to everyone.

    • @lukassnakeman
      @lukassnakeman 6 років тому +663

      soxpeewee twist: you’re actually a schizophrenic who is hallucinating a husband

    • @Alexander-in1hv
      @Alexander-in1hv 6 років тому +17

      But he secretly believes it true!

    • @babyvalentine3684
      @babyvalentine3684 5 років тому +3

      soxpeewee I hope by now you got a divorce, your life’s in danger woman

  • @snbforever
    @snbforever 11 місяців тому +260

    The question is not: "Am I paranoid?", it's: "Am I paranoid enough?"

    • @Chazulu2
      @Chazulu2 5 місяців тому

      Yeah. The fact that the government can be so paranoid that they openly say to "prepare for the worst" but then lock people up thru the hospital system when individuals also show concern for what they can not falsify is screwed up.

    • @ironhell813
      @ironhell813 14 годин тому

      It’s like the old refrain: if you have to ask….

  • @problematique9389
    @problematique9389 4 роки тому +1988

    "Which bus drivers hate them... Which statues don't don't love them anymore..."
    Oh my stars. XD

    • @pozloadescobar
      @pozloadescobar 3 роки тому +34

      The bus driver quip is just sooooooo spot on 😂😂

    • @Adam-xf6sq
      @Adam-xf6sq 3 роки тому +23

      I’m sorry Statue of Liberty! I didn’t know it wasn’t you I saw in Las Vegas. It was only 1 night

    • @thinginground5179
      @thinginground5179 3 роки тому

      @@pozloadescobar why

  • @Neithernine
    @Neithernine 9 років тому +21555

    everyone around you wants to get you... in reference to help LOL

    • @bugglemagnum6213
      @bugglemagnum6213 6 років тому +41

      Pororo Lover fuck you

    • @Jack-vo7yf
      @Jack-vo7yf 6 років тому +173

      No you

    • @judygrey3024
      @judygrey3024 6 років тому +142

      Jack Miller watch your fucking mouth

    • @TragoudistrosMPH
      @TragoudistrosMPH 6 років тому +121

      @@rogerab1792 paranoid schizophrenics often feel, or 'hear' "everyone is out to get you",
      So they are parodying "everyone is out to get you help", but 7 words is probably too much :P

    • @robert5976
      @robert5976 6 років тому +14

      Best line!

  • @lumiq713
    @lumiq713 Рік тому +837

    "which statues don't love them anymore" I FEEL SEEN??

    • @katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987
      @katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987 4 місяці тому +14

      Wait. So, was this helpful? Lol.

    • @lumiq713
      @lumiq713 4 місяці тому +16

      @@katalystkatapatheticalyssa5987 Lmfao in a way?

    • @kinseybruno5920
      @kinseybruno5920 3 місяці тому +16

      Bro I died at that part Lmao 🤣 how did they know

    • @black7594
      @black7594 2 місяці тому +12

      If you must know, Lady Liberty is looking for someone else

    • @erikeriks
      @erikeriks Місяць тому +4

      You are seen.

  • @Flat_Earth_Addy
    @Flat_Earth_Addy 9 місяців тому +36

    As a Schizophrenic, this is clearly old news. All this is now implemented.

    • @micahslash
      @micahslash 8 місяців тому +2

      Please get help.

    • @mckennasweda3614
      @mckennasweda3614 4 місяці тому +3

      Did someone call for help? FlatEarthAddy you are correct. Sorry my response time was so slow. The reality being sent to my projected consciousness had me focused on other things

  • @nicholaswoehrle5898
    @nicholaswoehrle5898 9 років тому +1534

    i wonder how many takes they took to perform this straight faced?

  • @proberts34
    @proberts34 3 роки тому +371

    @1:02 "A recorded voice on a loop saying, everyone around you wants to get you. . .in reference to help". That pregnant pause and a deadpan delivery. Classic Onion! 😃

  • @eclipsing_moon5685
    @eclipsing_moon5685 4 роки тому +1451

    As a schizophrenic, thank you. Now when the demon under the street lamp finally tries to wear my skin and blend into society, the feds will know it's not me

    • @Bloxwess
      @Bloxwess 3 роки тому +9

      wtf

    •  3 роки тому +23

      @@Bloxwess It's a thinker

    • @normalhuman9878
      @normalhuman9878 2 роки тому +42

      Hey demons have feelings too, we just want to have a normal life and unfortunately that occasionally means skinning someone to assume their identity

    • @-idontknowanything9579
      @-idontknowanything9579 2 роки тому +1

      You’ll still go to jail

    • @Clone-up2ge
      @Clone-up2ge Рік тому +9

      @@smeggiamagarwine the weapon turns out to be a skinwalker in disguise

  • @jenguinofdoom4747
    @jenguinofdoom4747 Місяць тому +49

    I know it's not the best look but I showed this to my schizophrenic boyfriend without context when it first came out. He responded exactly how you thought one would. I explained to him it's just a parody video and he absolutely loved the prank I pulled on him. He thought it was hilarous. We were together for 12 years. Unfortunately he took his own life Nov. 14, 2021. It may seem dumb but I revisit this video to remember how we laughed together.

    • @MrCoolBossMan-cum
      @MrCoolBossMan-cum Місяць тому +4

      I’m so sorry for your loss 😢

    • @carlosmejia2597
      @carlosmejia2597 Місяць тому +4

      Wow I’m really sorry

    • @williamtruax1095
      @williamtruax1095 Місяць тому +3

      That's a beautiful memory

    • @eisenkeith
      @eisenkeith Місяць тому +3

      my drummer is severely schizophrenic, like... "made the news getting arrested" level schizo.. he has successfully committed suicide and been revived 3 times while committed.. I can't wait to send him this video when he wakes up in a few lol... hey we have to try and have fun with our crazy loved ones, my friend is in a great place right now I know he'll be triggered but we'll laugh, I'm sorry for your loss, it is what it is, someday I'll be dealing with it too, hope not, he's a good man he just thinks insects are cameras for ninja fbi agents

    • @bambic3641
      @bambic3641 Місяць тому +1

      ​@@eisenkeith Maybe don't show him this

  • @lukecwolf
    @lukecwolf 5 років тому +222

    I have mild schizophrenia and find this very amusing.
    However, I’m also reminded that while detained in a psychiatric unit,
    Having nurses check in on me every 5 minutes and scribbling notes and reviewing my day to day didn’t really help

    • @HiddenObject98
      @HiddenObject98 5 років тому +30

      Ikr, freaked me out more than a few times

    • @caade_1967
      @caade_1967 Рік тому +4

      Is that not the point of the video? That everything they are saying would be the exact opposite of what a paranoid schizophrenic person would want?

    • @petermorrow3565
      @petermorrow3565 Рік тому

      They don't know what else to do. It's only understandable to those afflicted. I think it's normal and everyone else has an issue.

    • @EL-oj6uq
      @EL-oj6uq Рік тому

      Wdym "mild schizophrenia"? You been bipolar or Cyclothymia?

  • @abdulahs.alasiri1024
    @abdulahs.alasiri1024 Рік тому +940

    The writers are on a complete different level. This is GOLD. This is better than everything I have seen in satire! Brilliant!!!

    • @petermorrow3565
      @petermorrow3565 Рік тому +9

      That's what I said. It's nice to know someone gets it, even if it is only humor

    • @kingstonsteele7820
      @kingstonsteele7820 Рік тому +2

      Used to be.
      Gone...
      Gone...

    • @ggggg77273
      @ggggg77273 10 місяців тому +9

      The acting is what sells it though. It's so earnest

    • @Minnevan
      @Minnevan 10 місяців тому +3

      @@ggggg77273Sometimes I think about these random Onion actors, and how hilarious they were. These characters should get their own movie or something

    • @rolon-will3362
      @rolon-will3362 10 місяців тому +1

      If you haven’t, Brass Eye and The Day Today are in very much the same vein and well worth a watch.

  • @Kyavata
    @Kyavata 8 років тому +12702

    I know this is a joke, but it's very close to what the robotic government squirrel that greets me on my way to work every morning told me too. Just sayin'.

    • @ненад-1
      @ненад-1 6 років тому +64

      Ayava Kyavata
      Stalin did nothing wrong

    • @mammon_is_god
      @mammon_is_god 6 років тому +38

      That's the actual government.

    • @notthepsychicyourelookingf2369
      @notthepsychicyourelookingf2369 6 років тому +184

      the robotic squirrels have many complaints about you, actually. i've seen their list.

    • @ոakedsquirtle
      @ոakedsquirtle 5 років тому +1

      r/thathappened

    • @henrysawyer3051
      @henrysawyer3051 5 років тому +127

      Naked Squirtle there is a difference between r/thathappened and a FUCKING JOKE

  • @crowderpiano
    @crowderpiano 15 днів тому +3

    DEAR GOD. I hope this has reached a large amount of people who struggle with this condition, it is good to know the world is watching out for you

  • @BigMastah79
    @BigMastah79 4 роки тому +438

    More phrases they should say in the Ear Speakers:
    “We want you”. This is in reference to them being in our lives.
    “We know what’s going to happen”. We know that we’re going to help them with their mental state.
    “We’re here for you. Basically in your house”. Because THATS how devoted we are to helping them.

    • @23randomuser
      @23randomuser 3 роки тому +65

      I think such a message is necessary: "We will always be here. Nothing can get rid of us."
      It's important to anyone being treated for mental health that they know their caregivers are present and not going to leave or give up on them. I think that message of constancy needs to be sent to underline the fact that anywhere they go there will be someone watching for them. Regardless of where it is, whether it be their bedroom at night, the woods outside the city, or even in abandoned infrastructure they may seek shelter in.

  • @hoonaignachowaneha
    @hoonaignachowaneha 5 років тому +1272

    I find it annoying that when I give a schizophrenic a friendly stare at the coffee shop while my FBI friend secretly places a GPS tracker on their car they have this look like they are uncomfortable and I'm "suspicious".

    • @giannacollins1608
      @giannacollins1608 3 роки тому +110

      I hate when my schizophrenic next door neighbor complains about me whispering "you won't be alone much longer" through my shower wall. I do it so he knows that I'll always be there for him. Ungrateful.

    • @THEMATT222
      @THEMATT222 3 роки тому +7

      Maybe they just played too much among us

    • @SapioiT
      @SapioiT 3 роки тому +15

      @@THEMATT222 They played the game before the game even existed, and in real-life, too.

    • @THEMATT222
      @THEMATT222 3 роки тому +3

      @@SapioiT yeah, like witch hunt / witch burning is basically blaming people of being an imposter.

    • @Clone-up2ge
      @Clone-up2ge Рік тому +5

      @@THEMATT222 The Salem witch trials was just an among us reference if you really think about it

  • @mopsm
    @mopsm 7 років тому +1179

    did I hear "have their care givers faces reconstructed to look like dead relatives" wtf

    • @Blutteufel
      @Blutteufel 6 років тому +398

      No - you just thought that you did.
      I wouldn't worry about it....

    • @notthepsychicyourelookingf2369
      @notthepsychicyourelookingf2369 6 років тому +21

      so what does e.y.e.s. spell anyway? i mean, what's e yes? a drug reference?

    • @1943vermork
      @1943vermork 6 років тому +74

      I ask my girlfriend Jessica if she could get a face reconstruction to look more like my ex Rebecca so I could stop thinking about her.

    • @mahtoosacks
      @mahtoosacks 5 років тому +23

      @@1943vermork how'd that go over?

    • @diaegou7673
      @diaegou7673 5 років тому +1

      DJ Matusiak - he been moided

  • @leonlinton634
    @leonlinton634 11 місяців тому +48

    For a split second I thought the guy at 0:13 was Jordan Peterson

  • @bentyreman5769
    @bentyreman5769 8 років тому +1619

    this is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen, amazing!

  • @theresapaininmybrain
    @theresapaininmybrain 4 роки тому +563

    Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

    • @borlean4691
      @borlean4691 4 роки тому +12

      i think you are paranoid

    • @loveworksnoevil
      @loveworksnoevil 4 роки тому +6

      just because their trolling, doesnt make void the truth

    • @n16r3d0
      @n16r3d0 4 роки тому +59

      (in reference to help).

    • @jamesparker437
      @jamesparker437 3 роки тому +1

      This is the greatest joke of all time. I commend you

    • @ryle5410
      @ryle5410 3 роки тому

      Quote from Mr Paladin

  • @kvn9
    @kvn9 6 років тому +217

    OK, where's the gag reel?? How they can do this straight faced is incredible.

  • @somethingyes5864
    @somethingyes5864 Місяць тому +4

    I honestly completely agree for once! My best friend suffers from schizophrenia and I feel that this would help him a lot!

  • @itsastrid190
    @itsastrid190 3 роки тому +613

    As a schizophrenic I hate to say that this is the best representation of the symptoms I have seen yet. The only difference for me is that I often feel like there are bugs in my ears and throat and I feel like someone’s biting me sometimes.

    • @thejoeker8439
      @thejoeker8439 3 роки тому +142

      Don’t you appreciate the biting? Sorry I thought that might help signify that you’re never alone and I’m always there with you 😔
      I’ll try to do better

    • @sainttheresetaylor2054
      @sainttheresetaylor2054 Рік тому +10

      @@thejoeker8439 lmfao nawr

    • @kristajohnson9173
      @kristajohnson9173 Рік тому +16

      oof I'm sorry fren, that sounds so awful

    • @Frank-zw7gn
      @Frank-zw7gn Рік тому +9

      I am inside your walls

    • @toninosparada917
      @toninosparada917 Рік тому +2

      They are joking😁

  • @ignorethiscommentordont34
    @ignorethiscommentordont34 10 років тому +572

    and thus the NSA was born

    • @FrancisR420
      @FrancisR420 6 років тому +6

      IgnoreThisComment OrDont you're the person they're making fun of

    • @protocetid
      @protocetid 5 років тому +28

      @@FrancisR420 the government has even admitted to doing it themselves, funny how people would rather pretend all the surveillance going on is not real and let the mass spying happen

    • @nmaurok
      @nmaurok 5 років тому +11

      No Schizophrenic's Alone

    • @jackslepowron5905
      @jackslepowron5905 4 роки тому

      @@FrancisR420 moron harm yourself

    • @codenoob9325
      @codenoob9325 4 роки тому +2

      @NSA It's not, Opfart was real and it used torture to stop farts from emissioning from buttholes and it canceled our right to fart by spreading propaganda against it.

  • @randomdude-4353
    @randomdude-4353 2 роки тому +271

    One of the best things our governments have done for these people is letting the homeless shelter in the walls of their homes, allowing them to never feel lonely at any given time, while not interfering with their day-to-day lives and at the same time giving the homeless a place to stay

  • @strawbzzzombie
    @strawbzzzombie 7 місяців тому +5

    My friend is schizophrenic and I love to help her out. Whenever she feels paranoid or delusional I make sure to scream loudly (I hide in her fiberglass) so she knows she isn't alone. Another accommodation I like to make is to act insane, so when she tells someone what she saw no one believes her. That way, she always has something to think about instead of being paranoid. You guys are doing god's work.

  • @Juliecantswim
    @Juliecantswim 10 років тому +4626

    I'm schizophrenic and I find this hilarious because it's just... true, lol.

    • @Neeboopsh
      @Neeboopsh 9 років тому +461

      schizophrenia is no joke unless its happening before your eyes, or on tv or whatever. its basically always funny. one of my schizophrenic friends thought his banker was following him so he walked into the bank upto the teller (off his meds of course) and handed her a note that read "if you dont stop it i'm going to kill you". he is the most gentle man, and the teller didnt know that he believed she was following him all over the place all the time. it might have been an odd situation but holy shit was it funny

    • @Freak4Tunes
      @Freak4Tunes 9 років тому +6

      Julia Hermette me too...

    • @NickTuring
      @NickTuring 9 років тому +303

      Neeboopsh Hahaha, holy shit, that guy is lucky he didn't get arrested for attempted bank robbery.

    • @gristlevonraben
      @gristlevonraben 9 років тому +61

      How Ironic. I'm not schizophrenic, but was diagnosed as being so, and I still found the video to be hilarious.

    • @Neeboopsh
      @Neeboopsh 9 років тому +103

      +Axel Schultz every statue doesn't love you any more

  • @marcroberts4814
    @marcroberts4814 5 років тому +454

    I'm schizophrenic and I love this. Finally, some real HONEST news!

    • @crocop6873
      @crocop6873 4 роки тому +2

      Marc Roberts lol this is supposed to be sarcastic lol. Nobody is spying on you schizoids 🤦‍♂️

    • @marcroberts4814
      @marcroberts4814 4 роки тому +24

      @@crocop6873 steroid my skidzmarc asshole until it prolapses and bleed pure corona beer lol

    • @manuelsputnik
      @manuelsputnik 4 роки тому +27

      @@crocop6873 you must be fun at parties, jerk.

    • @crocop6873
      @crocop6873 3 роки тому +2

      @@marcroberts4814 what in gods name are you talking about. If you’re personality is identical to how you are inside your head then I don’t want to interact with you at all lol

    • @bobobsen
      @bobobsen 3 роки тому +46

      @@crocop6873 you're the type of who asks the person next to them what's happening when you're watching a movie

  • @wirklichdoof
    @wirklichdoof 8 років тому +448

    I'm schizophrenic and I love this. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was 23. I'm 26 now

    • @zabas2
      @zabas2 7 років тому +73

      I know too, turn around.

    • @AKmacintosh
      @AKmacintosh 6 років тому +33

      What's it like knowing you're schizophrenic? I have a family member who became schizophrenic later in life and I can't help but feel like if she realized she was schizophrenic life would be a lot better for her.

    • @ianprado1488
      @ianprado1488 6 років тому +3

      wirklichdoof that last comment about the color red. Is that a real thing?

    • @ianprado1488
      @ianprado1488 6 років тому +1

      wirklichdoof 2:08

    • @ianprado1488
      @ianprado1488 6 років тому +5

      wirklichdoof real thing = do schizophrenics fear the color red?

  • @ryonaicorp
    @ryonaicorp 10 місяців тому +18

    As a health care professional I can tell you this is spot on!
    Now they just need to make the patients future visible through normal tv broadcasts 🎉 fuuuu😂😂

    • @SRose-vp6ew
      @SRose-vp6ew 4 місяці тому

      The Devil is a liar. What they go into are visions, but what they “hear” about what they see probably isn’t their future. The Devil is confusing and tormenting them. Sometimes with what they see or hear, but more often with how others misguide and treat them. It’s a spiritual issue and an issue of trying to reason through it without scriptures to direct and fight it. Even Jesus had the Devil show him stuff, but he fought it with the truth. Read the gospels with that perspective. That is if you truly care about your patience. I see people get set free. Do you? I’m not being snarky, are you seeing the same results that Deliverance ministers and Biblical counselors see where people go from homeless and out of their mind to productive leaders in society having better than any vision of the future they ever imagined? Like the man in Mark five who knew to run to Jesus after being a cutter he was later found clothed and within his right mind no longer needed if to be chained. It doesn’t matter what position you hold working with those who are deemed mentally ill, shift your own mind and how you see them, see them as God sees them and learn how to talk to and pray for them. They are actually seeing stuff they just don’t know why or where it’s coming from, and they don’t know how to get it to stop, some of these people opened the doorway to that stuff through New Age meditation, messing with the occult, or most common they literally invite in a demon through prayer trying to run away from a trauma and not realizing it’s not God they are calling on as they make deals that have to be broken. I’m not saying that chemical imbalances do not exist, sometimes the problem is drugs, physical, or nutritional issues instead or in addition, but to be “crazy” is to know the truth and reject it that thinking other less spiritual options could work out just as well, that’s crazy. Sadly, medicated people too horrible crimes, I’m not even sure if we can say it’s a band-Aid as they “act normal” (emotionless) but the core issues remain. People need the truth of the Lord and to humbly submit to him as being their custom solutions and the only way.

  • @minervaloves
    @minervaloves 8 років тому +1970

    Everyone around you wants to get you...help 😂😂

  • @dan5609
    @dan5609 5 років тому +233

    "Everyone wants to get you...in reference to help."
    👌😉 perfect

  • @JosephReinshagen
    @JosephReinshagen Рік тому +371

    I am a medical student finishing up a 3 month rotation in a Psych ward. I laughed so hard bc these are exactly the symptoms and things schizo-paranoid patients talk about!

    • @derbenutzer5958
      @derbenutzer5958 Рік тому +3

      I guess some may be telling the truth

    • @elyastoohey6621
      @elyastoohey6621 Рік тому +10

      That's the joke

    • @bravo6959
      @bravo6959 Рік тому +2

      ⁠@@derbenutzer5958that the statue loving them

    • @Erin____
      @Erin____ 9 місяців тому +6

      I met a guy in the psych ward who thought President Obama was monitoring him through the cameras in the unit, and sending magazine advertisements to the hospital to communicate his future blessings. He thought Obama was going to get him a new car. He let me read some of the letters that he was writing and holding up to the camera. It was like a letter to Santa. In his eyes, the world was conspiring in his favor. He seemed happy.

    • @pixpusha
      @pixpusha 9 місяців тому +1

      @@Erin____ I'm happy for him in his contentment. I wish contentment for everyone.

  • @reeceherman555
    @reeceherman555 Рік тому +15

    "I read in a medical journal recently that a number of doctors have put microscopic tracking devices under the skin of schizophrenics which is a great way to make sure they don't get lost."
    pure genius

  • @parrin96
    @parrin96 Рік тому +396

    As a schizophrenic, this is absolutely hilarious lol and the symptoms and conditions are actually completely accurate which makes this even funnier. i love this

    • @user-sp2yu9zt6h
      @user-sp2yu9zt6h Рік тому +2

      No you're not.

    • @PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth
      @PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth Рік тому +39

      @@user-sp2yu9zt6h| Of all the things I'd expect someone to lie about, this one is pretty low on the list. You sure YOU aren't the paranoid one?

    • @user-sp2yu9zt6h
      @user-sp2yu9zt6h Рік тому +7

      @@PotatoPatatoVonSpudsworth Look behind you.

    • @bellaray13
      @bellaray13 Рік тому +6

      I am in your walls

    • @jasonmartz4965
      @jasonmartz4965 10 місяців тому +7

      Does the statue still love you?

  • @philipgibson1958
    @philipgibson1958 3 роки тому +101

    Eye contact is also a way of letting people know you care about them. If everyone in the community could organize to stare at them whenever they are around, it would let them know they are supported. But, prolonged eye contact can be a little intimidating, so its important to break the eye contact as soon as they look back. This way we can ensure the greatest level of comfort.

    • @Infinite8blue
      @Infinite8blue Рік тому +4

      That will just cause severe social anxiety😅

    • @ashleydaniels2717
      @ashleydaniels2717 10 місяців тому

      😂

    • @NotAStanAccount
      @NotAStanAccount 9 місяців тому

      Underrated comment; here's a "like." ❤

    • @k00ij
      @k00ij 9 місяців тому +1

      Made me lol on that one 😂😂

    • @sobgray
      @sobgray 9 місяців тому

      Underrated comment; here's a "like." ❤

  • @continuousself-improvement1879
    @continuousself-improvement1879 6 років тому +34

    They forgot to recruit FBI agents who will pretend to be their significant others (spouse, child, parents) who will monitor them and report to government agencies (to help with their mental health, ofc). And what about medicated food?

    • @SineN0mine3
      @SineN0mine3 Рік тому +1

      --They didn't forget, it's just a secret--
      i can't believe they forgot!

  • @donniesmidway
    @donniesmidway 10 місяців тому +57

    I’m friends with a few schizophrenic people. And honestly it’s exhausting hanging out with them. I was on a big kick of “don’t let them tell you you’re sick” but it’s a definite illness, and I feel sorry for the constant mental torture, confusion, and oppression many of these people live with

    • @literallyjustgrass
      @literallyjustgrass 6 місяців тому +14

      “don’t let them tell you you’re sick” might not be the answer but i feel like you got the spirit right as in "don't let an illness stop you from being a whole person"

    • @jakeschwartz2514
      @jakeschwartz2514 4 місяці тому +7

      @@MFonEarthmy friends did the same the losers. And i had no “episode” i dont have mental illness either. I was part of the occult for a time and it really messed me up, my faith in Christ saved me.
      Unfortunately our society is too stupid to understand spiritual problems like that, opting to reduce it to mental illness at times.

    • @vdorocket
      @vdorocket 4 місяці тому +3

      @@jakeschwartz2514 amen I feel you, so thankful we have Jesus and the occult is not the answer

    • @frits191
      @frits191 3 місяці тому +1

      What's so bad about being sick tho? Like it helps you to get recognized and be able to live to the best of your abilities managing your symptoms. That's it, you're still human, still the same person. You are sick but that is fine why is there such shame in this? the shame you create yourself, don't let it get you down, you have to accept it, not deny it.

    • @frits191
      @frits191 3 місяці тому

      @@jakeschwartz2514 oh this is rich, sure its just a mindset religion issue, even though there are plenty of people religious andd non religious who have schizophrenia so thath makes no sense. And also do you have the slightest idea of how medical science works? do you have a bachelor of science? bc more than 100 years of medical acedemical science would not agree with you. I'm happy it worked for you, but saying society is stupid for correctly recognizing "unwantend mental abnormalities which negatively affects someone's ability to live" is something whe might help with. But I bet you never read a single research paper rct, or systematic review. Do you have abachelor in science? medical ofcourse, if not, please go away and spread your misinformation somewhere else, you are actively hurting people with real mental problems who want help, what you think we laugh at you at the clinics and wards? we all put our passion into our work and it shows so its frustrating to see someone, most likely unedicated in this topic, proclaim its all society based. Like how about you back that up with some facts hm? science sure can, but I doubt you can, also the occult doesnt make you crazy, its literally just make believe, something children would believe, please gr ow up

  • @archlich4489
    @archlich4489 4 роки тому +216

    Me and that statue: it's complicated

  • @Jeff-cr9ho
    @Jeff-cr9ho 9 років тому +112

    this is two minutes of pure gold

  • @jonas6052
    @jonas6052 Рік тому +15

    Wow, this is great; my stunt of living in the sewers of a psychiatric ward for the last couple of years is finally getting recognition from the government! I'm so glad I'm not alone in doing this. Every 67 hours I restart a cycle of whispering "I am watching you" seven times every 8 hours through a megaphone so that the entire psychiatric ward rumbles. I think the whispering helps so they know I don't share their caregiver information. I hope they feel better, knowing that if they stumble, I will be there to pick them up.

  • @YourFriendDevin
    @YourFriendDevin 6 років тому +66

    It’s good to see people with such kind hearts

  • @hxneybxnny5823
    @hxneybxnny5823 Рік тому +127

    As a schizophrenic person ( literally ) I believe this will absolutely help! Thank you so much for your care 😊💕

    • @eggnanigans5863
      @eggnanigans5863 Рік тому +2

      This video is a joke, not meant to be taken seriously!

    • @bellaray13
      @bellaray13 Рік тому +8

      I am in your walls

    • @Watermalone119
      @Watermalone119 9 місяців тому +7

      @@eggnanigans5863this comment is a joke, It’s not supposed to be taken seriously!

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 9 місяців тому

      Unfunny unoriginal bot zoomer/gen alpha

  • @rafaelestrada1846
    @rafaelestrada1846 5 років тому +217

    Which statues don't love them anymore LMAO

  • @ShreeNation
    @ShreeNation 10 місяців тому +82

    As someone with OCD I will now go and obsess over whether or not I'll get schizophrenia for not checking the faucet properly

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 9 місяців тому +1

      Nobody asked

    • @harrisonsmack4014
      @harrisonsmack4014 8 місяців тому +15

      @@AverageAliennobody asked you

    • @SRose-vp6ew
      @SRose-vp6ew 4 місяці тому +1

      People hearing in the spiritual realm aren’t crazy, people listening to the demons who claim to love them or give them power while they tell them to do harmful things, that’s another story. Scripture says Satan is the father of lies who comes to steal kill and destroy, people need to stop putting their faith in him. People coming to Christ and being delivered from the voices or even possession that was beyond their ability to control or be controlled with meds is a real thing, how you want to define how it works, it doesn’t matter how it works, it matters that true and “genuine” acceptance of what Jesus did on the cross does work. By his Isaiah 53 stripes we are healed. See the gospels, start in Matthew, Mark, or John.

    • @murkiz7213
      @murkiz7213 4 місяці тому

      ​@SRose-vp6ew you should get psychiatric help

    • @anam.yumiiizuka5289
      @anam.yumiiizuka5289 3 місяці тому

      ​@@AverageAlienPeople are addicted to saying their illnesses and diagnostics on the internet, like what do they expect from this? I don't know, is not very difficult keep it to yourself, everyone has problems...

  • @sherrysyed
    @sherrysyed Рік тому +31

    I personally do not feel spied on enough.

    • @TheLoneMitten
      @TheLoneMitten 6 місяців тому +1

      Go to Clearwater Florida where the Scientology headquarters are. You can take pictures of them and you'll be set for the whole trip.

    • @Xylo-ls7fx
      @Xylo-ls7fx 5 місяців тому

      Sounds like a human zoo lol😂​@@TheLoneMitten

  • @Denamic
    @Denamic 3 роки тому +95

    I think it's wonderful that there's a global effort to make sure that paranoid schizophrenics are never truly alone, that there's always someone there, watching them. To make sure they're safe.

  • @mindfulprodigy
    @mindfulprodigy Рік тому +98

    Installing multiple voice devices in their ears to hear different voices just so that they know it's a team effort is a brilliant idea. Till now I had to speak in different voices myself to help my schizophrenic ex partner but now I know he is in safe hands.

    • @maazkalim
      @maazkalim Рік тому

      If he is your ex, why are you still with him?
      Did he ask you to break things off?

  • @MarketResearchReading114
    @MarketResearchReading114 Рік тому +51

    I'm schizophrenic or at least, I was diagnosed and now its changed to bipolar 1 with some sort of psychotic features. Anyway, Ive been in a help group for my condition, and this skit, is so well informed, so well written, and even for its time, its amazingly insightful on just how many different delusions and things exist, this feeling of being watched by cameras, is one I have to walk people through once in a while for people, that come on, and desperately feel this and need some sort of voice to tell them that they can relax, and be at peace with themselves in public, in my discussions with people a fair few of these very specific delusions come up.

    • @lukemorgan6166
      @lukemorgan6166 7 місяців тому +1

      Don't care

    • @ronrampageyHook
      @ronrampageyHook 5 місяців тому +2

      So schizophrenia is basically people that are so aware of self, that they can sense that they are being watched but can't prove it. Also they hear whisper's within the words?

    • @turningreen
      @turningreen 4 місяці тому +5

      @@lukemorgan6166 not cool

  • @BushyHairedStranger
    @BushyHairedStranger 5 років тому +58

    “Care givers faces reconstructed to look like the paranoid schizophrenics dead relatives”.....best line ever...

  • @TeddyOG
    @TeddyOG Рік тому +6

    "WE ARE GOING TO GET YOU.... help so don't worry bro"

  • @timberwolfdtproductions3890
    @timberwolfdtproductions3890 Рік тому +35

    Excellent coverage of this important issue, and some fantastic ideas! I think it’s vitally important that paranoid schizophrenics know that EVERYONE is behind them. Right behind them. Everywhere. All the time. Around every corner. Making sure they know they’re never alone.

  • @lilliahpasco
    @lilliahpasco 22 дні тому +4

    As someone who has gone through psychosis and now works with psychosis patients, this is hilarious. Just glad I didn’t see it when I was going through it 😂

  • @mueezadam8438
    @mueezadam8438 4 роки тому +92

    I was just looking to get some volunteer work at the elderly care home but they made me take over 1,000 skin grafts and total facial reconstruction surgery to resemble a war vet’s dead son.
    Overall, I’d rate the working conditions an 8.5/10

  • @enclave2k1
    @enclave2k1 3 роки тому +83

    I, frankly, appreciate the recent grassroots movement taken in my community, to collectively shine lasers into Schizophrenics homes, hovels, and shantys. Using encoded patterns to send signals is a fantastic stimulus for data collection.

  • @chrishornet67
    @chrishornet67 5 років тому +14

    This is so relevant to how some medical professionals make mental illness worse while “helping”a patient. A few ways are: providing solutions for patients that are general due to seeing them as inhuman or under funding, anti psychotics lacking proper testing or even a proper nutritional supplement for how they affect the body of someone already under stress, isolation from society or only exposure to others in a crisis taking someone further from normalcy, ignoring aspects of biology like physical fitness as part of maintaining homeostasis (by locking someone up during a crisis).

  • @jacquelinefloros1260
    @jacquelinefloros1260 19 днів тому +4

    "Suffering from insanity? I'm enjoying every minute of it!"

  • @sassafrassanid5718
    @sassafrassanid5718 3 роки тому +12

    “Everyone’s out to get you. In reference to... help.”

  • @SchizophrenicDaze
    @SchizophrenicDaze 6 років тому +106

    As a schizophrenic, I find this very amusing. 🤣🤣🤣

    • @el6700
      @el6700 3 роки тому +2

      😂 I hope your doing well buddy

  • @bloo13
    @bloo13 Рік тому +107

    this is by far my favorite thing the onion has ever done it kills me everytime and gives out a lot of really useful information i’ve started following my local paranoid schizophrenic and whispering i’m gonna get you (in reference to help of course) whenever i get the chance such as the grocery store or restaurants to remind them that they have someone watching over them and they’re never alone

    • @Good.Glacier
      @Good.Glacier Рік тому +1

      I really like this skit, but my Husband's favorite Onion is this one, I concur ua-cam.com/video/qvCGqhShNnk/v-deo.htmlfeature=shared whew what a tool 🕊

  • @Crawldragon
    @Crawldragon Місяць тому +3

    The most psychotic and delusional thing about this video is that everyone in this room are agreeing and yes-anding each other on everything instead of getting into heated arguments about every tiny nitpick.

  • @mikeabba1990
    @mikeabba1990 Рік тому +36

    Been on antipsychotics since 2014 but only diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic in 2019.I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward twice that year. Won't go into the details of my delusions because I don't like talking about it, but I would have killed someone if I hadn't been hospitalised. The misconception of a schizophrenic having a dozen independent personalities within them is absolute bollocks. People need to be educated on these matters, not to make them aware so they don't offend schizophrenics, but to make them aware so they can spot possible symptoms in other people (They won't be able to spot their own symptoms if they have schizophrenia, not until they've been medicated and stabilised, and even then it's not guaranteed. I acknowledge my illness, but still can't ignore how some of my delusions still seem real, to this day) If a person knows what to look out for they can help save a person's suffering by getting medical intervention, be it voluntary (rarely) or forced (almost always), and prevent that person harming themselves, or others. Wouldn't wish this illness on my worst enemy, it's cruel in too many ways

    • @marajones1828
      @marajones1828 Рік тому +5

      My former roommate DEFINITELY has schizophrenia. Homie called the police on me cuz he believed I put spy cameras in his room. He also believed I had built a secret passageway in the house. Creepy dude. He would even talk outside my door and apparently had LOTS of conversations with me while I was not there. And he tried to break into my room. I hope he gets help but also he traumatized me. I just wanna say too that both the police and the Mental Crisis team failed. I had to call the police 3x on this man and when the crisis ppl came he just lied to all their questions and they said he was fine. And this same person would vehemently tell me how he didn’t need therapy. I still have nightmares about him.

    • @oqo3310
      @oqo3310 Рік тому +3

      The thing is, people often confuse schizophrenia for DID when in reality they're pretty different.

    • @foxylibrarian1
      @foxylibrarian1 Рік тому

      Check out the work of Jerry Marzinsky - will save your life

    • @xnotasweatx
      @xnotasweatx 9 місяців тому

      It’s not that deep

  • @Lynwood_Jackson
    @Lynwood_Jackson Рік тому +11

    I used to work at a Y that still had a hotel and one of the long-time residents was a man with schizophrenia who insisted that the Men in Black were after him. One day he starts complaining about how they're looking in his windows at night and everyone kind of just brushed it off as another delusion. About a week later, we learned that it was not. He was being stalked by a woman who would climb the outside of the building in the middle of the night to look in his window.
    A few months later, another resident comes downstairs to tell me that this guy was acting weird so I came up to find him walking into a wall with his pants around his ankles - he was having a seizure. It went on for quite a long time and he didn't have a history of epilepsy so we called an ambulance. He made it back to the hotel a few minutes after the doors were locked for the night, but I heard him knocking and let him in. I walked him up to his room and told him how worried I was about him and he turned to me and said, "You'll never believe what happened to me this afternoon." I was with him until the paramedics took him away, but I humored him with an "Oh yeah? What happened?" He then proceeded to tell me about how the Men in Black took him away to do experiments on his brain. Poor bastard. He was a really sweet man in his early 50s who would clean the hotel in exchange for rent - he had been doing that for years. His mom would send him care packages and stopped by as much as she could to make sure he was doing alright. I'm glad he had a support system like that. Plenty of folks don't. Especially at his age.

    • @pulse27
      @pulse27 Рік тому +5

      Poor guy, I'm sad he wasn't one of the lucky ones. However, Will Smith.

    • @bingisboy
      @bingisboy Рік тому

      @@pulse27 HAHAHA

    • @AverageAlien
      @AverageAlien 9 місяців тому

      Cheers dits. No one asked tho

  • @albert5838
    @albert5838 Рік тому +7

    Ahead of there time this was the og “im in your walls”

  • @MyrabbitizCrona
    @MyrabbitizCrona 15 днів тому +3

    Im schizophrenic. I remember watching this video like 12 years ago, before I had it... I remember thinking it was pretty funny. Its weird how now watching it brings some laughter but also some discomfort. Most of the things they mentioned are things I've experienced for the past 3 years. Ha

  • @emmagrove6491
    @emmagrove6491 2 роки тому +10

    Wait, there are statues out there that might NOT love me? I'll make them love me!

  • @frick_____you
    @frick_____you 4 роки тому +15

    I just realized the guy that mentioned the color red as a secret signal is wearing a red tie.

  • @hafabee
    @hafabee 11 років тому +25

    What we really need is invisible people, who can watch these poor folk 24/7, to make sure they're okay.

  • @BjornHeiden
    @BjornHeiden 10 днів тому +3

    I’m sending this to my schizophrenic grandma

  • @aKash650
    @aKash650 9 років тому +286

    best line:
    We already have the ability to make everything that is the color red signal data and transmit images back to an underground government bunker
    THEY CAN DO THAT??

    • @allflawsweakzen93
      @allflawsweakzen93 9 років тому +15

      I just brought hot sauce up to my room for the first time in like 6 months, what a coincidence... There's also other red shit on my desk, scissors, 1/10th burnt candle, + fucking red handle screw driver behind me with a perfect view of my screen over my shoulder. water bottle cap. Just got a bright red fluffy cloth basically a blanket like two months ago but I don't even use that shit to keep warm, I use it as a replacement pillow.. holy chit.... just googled minority report (idk why) and google gave me a pop-up: "How satisfied are you with these results?"... gtfo :((((((((((( since when does google want feedback on anything?..... the feels

    • @RobotronSage
      @RobotronSage 5 років тому +5

      oh buddy they can do a LOT more than just that and this isn't coming from a conspiracy standpoint this is coming from an IT / ICT standpoint. For one, they can hack into pretty much anything that has a wireless signal.
      + the five eyes surveillance bots have a ton of functionality. Things like keyloggers, remote access, turning on ''covert connectivity'' (connecting an offline device to the internet via remote or non-remote methods)
      It's pretty cool stuff tbh. At least if you're interested in ICT.

    • @pierreo33
      @pierreo33 5 років тому +2

      @Firstname Lastname Anything that's connected can be hacked. Her non-smartphone was connected.