Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024
  • Michael Falk interviews new prison inmate, disgraced financier, Brian Wasserman, and becomes spellbound by the repetitive monotony of daily prison life.

КОМЕНТАРІ • 13 тис.

  • @held1599
    @held1599 5 років тому +23567

    My favourite thing is how nice the prisoner is being to the reporter. It's quite endearing.
    Edit: I know it's satire. I still find it very sweet.

    • @hazyanlazy123
      @hazyanlazy123 4 роки тому +542

      Helyati Mohamad I know, they always find the best, it’s almost to good like it’s acting but... that’s why I love the onion.😌😌😌

    • @thenamedoesnotmatter
      @thenamedoesnotmatter 4 роки тому +104

      Watch the After Prison Show, people in prison have their own unique culture.

    • @hazyanlazy123
      @hazyanlazy123 4 роки тому +38

      thenamedoesnotmatter it’s fake. And Il check it out.

    • @gezzapk
      @gezzapk 4 роки тому +264

      Yeah he didn't even stack him

    • @beauw9454
      @beauw9454 4 роки тому +24

      I like this comment! It's now my favourite part of the video too :P

  • @EVILWWE
    @EVILWWE 3 роки тому +14782

    The acting of the prisoner is also absolutely on point and I’d hate for anybody to miss that

    • @robertnicholls9917
      @robertnicholls9917 3 роки тому +1053

      He's actually good, even his uncomfortable, empathetic and confused reaction to the reporter.

    • @WeeWeeJumbo
      @WeeWeeJumbo 3 роки тому +158

      So glad somebody mentioned this

    • @TahtahmesDiary
      @TahtahmesDiary 3 роки тому +339

      Him talking about his family so seriously and the other guy not getting it was perfection!

    • @greggeverman5578
      @greggeverman5578 3 роки тому +16

      I said the same.

    • @jaredf6205
      @jaredf6205 3 роки тому +150

      I’d swear it’s a real interview, he’s that good.

  • @aleshaford2968
    @aleshaford2968 3 роки тому +18372

    It cracks me up how his eyes light up when the prisoner says every second of his day is accounted for.

    • @sknnyd2676
      @sknnyd2676 3 роки тому +585

      An incredibly nuanced performance. He must have done a lot of preparative research for this which is crazy for a 2 minute skit. But he knocked it out of the park.

    • @quickstep2408
      @quickstep2408 3 роки тому +122

      that's when it gets really good haha. superb acting

    • @jjava.bean5
      @jjava.bean5 3 роки тому +207

      the part that warms my heart is when he says I LIKE STACK. and the prisoner smiles, "you do?"

    • @knotshure8806
      @knotshure8806 3 роки тому +41

      Do you have to make the lines straight ?

    • @SyzygyNoon
      @SyzygyNoon 3 роки тому +32

      @@knotshure8806 A 5% variability plus-or-minus center is within acceptable tolerances. Watch out for slivers and protruding nails - they’re usually rusty. Lift from the knees with ease, not with the back. Rinse and repeat in any given situation.

  • @alfyc6970
    @alfyc6970 Рік тому +26844

    Stimming, echolalalia, desire for routine, hyperfixition, rambling. This character is a better example of autism than some serious TV dramas. Fair play to the onion.

    • @shilombaba
      @shilombaba Рік тому +506

      If you're interested, and even tho it is not described as so, the movie "Punch Drunk Love" is also a formidable depiction of autism (trust me, I could almost entirely relate)

    • @YRO.
      @YRO. Рік тому +116

      The good doctor looks a lot like this

    • @johansmith4764
      @johansmith4764 Рік тому +101

      True but one of the best examples is Sheldon Cooper in "The big bang theory!" When they wrote the character they did not think of autism but with pure chance it became spot on autism! Sheldon Cooper is the very definition of autism! He is autism personified. He IS autism!

    • @shilombaba
      @shilombaba Рік тому +754

      @@johansmith4764 I would disagree. Autism is nothing but a basket in which "a range" of symptoms are put into :)
      There is not ONE autist for me. For exemple, I'm asperger, and I can relate to Adam Sandler in PDL very easily, when Sheldon seems like a gross caricature of some of my "things".

    • @n0denz
      @n0denz Рік тому +41

      More like echoLOLia.

  • @nikoskabbadias
    @nikoskabbadias 5 років тому +15198

    "-hardly any human contact...
    -HOW DO I GET TO LIVE HERE"
    ...I felt that

  • @VazzyCow
    @VazzyCow 6 років тому +53847

    *I can not see you Brooke, I can only hear you*

    • @LarryTL
      @LarryTL 6 років тому +750

      ...right.

    • @TheRojo387
      @TheRojo387 6 років тому +86

      What an idiot!

    • @ryann6230
      @ryann6230 6 років тому +453

      Words of a god

    • @immortalsun
      @immortalsun 6 років тому +209

      I watched the video, too.

    • @MyoticTesseract
      @MyoticTesseract 6 років тому +191

      Dimentive
      I cannot see the video, I can only hear it.

  • @ChelBel17
    @ChelBel17 5 років тому +27039

    “I cannot see you, Brooke. I can only hear you.” This video had me at the first 10 seconds.

    • @missundies
      @missundies 4 роки тому +166

      A couple of seconds for me until I saw the onion logo, it was a great couple of seconds 😂

    • @viridianloom
      @viridianloom 4 роки тому +202

      Even the heavy breath after her response was brilliant.

    • @elvis316
      @elvis316 4 роки тому +97

      Closed strong with "make sure the cashier is dead'', too.

    • @Opawesum
      @Opawesum 4 роки тому +8

      "Right..."

    • @initialcreation
      @initialcreation 4 роки тому +7

      It had me at "Autistic reporter..."

  • @mnmlst1
    @mnmlst1 Рік тому +1111

    I love how he plays with the chair holding his excitement as much as he can. I'm autistic and everything about it is so relatable. I'd love to wear the same clothes everyday, have a strict routine, everything predictable.

    • @marshall8787
      @marshall8787 11 місяців тому +15

      That is one of the few things I miss about the military....never have to decide what to wear.

    • @gabevietor3685
      @gabevietor3685 8 місяців тому +14

      You know, I always find that stuff funny. I just grab whatever clothes I put at the top before and wear them for the day. I don't plan any part of my day, because I hate when things don't go perfectly, so if I don't plan, everything is perfect then, eh? But yeah, never caught the understanding that knowing what to wear was taxing or difficult.

    • @enricobianchi4499
      @enricobianchi4499 7 місяців тому +15

      ​@@gabevietor3685 luxury of being a guy

    • @gabevietor3685
      @gabevietor3685 7 місяців тому +4

      @@enricobianchi4499 Guess so.

    • @theartofwanderlust
      @theartofwanderlust 6 місяців тому +1

      @@enricobianchi4499 women can wear a uniform as well

  • @colortracks1430
    @colortracks1430 3 роки тому +35637

    How does the Onion find these unknown actors who have more talent than many of the people at Hollywood

    • @anameyoucantremember
      @anameyoucantremember 3 роки тому +1837

      John Cariani is a Tony award winning actor.

    • @johndoeseph115
      @johndoeseph115 3 роки тому +572

      we have the same profile picture and it startled me

    • @BlisaBLisa
      @BlisaBLisa 3 роки тому +297

      @@johndoeseph115 garf gang

    • @saintburnsy2468
      @saintburnsy2468 3 роки тому +70

      @@BlisaBLisa garf gang 4 lyfe yeeyee
      Oh shidd

    • @jaffil4026
      @jaffil4026 3 роки тому +141

      Because they arent acting

  • @alsoknownas875
    @alsoknownas875 4 роки тому +4062

    For those curious, this actor's name is *John Cariani.*

    • @goldengod5915
      @goldengod5915 4 роки тому +231

      Oh damn, this guy has actually acted in some pretty big things. I've done some research on other recurring Onion characters, and a lot of them have next to nothing when it comes to acting roles in higher caliber things.

    • @deemueller6470
      @deemueller6470 4 роки тому +111

      I had to go look him up! I thought he looked familiar. Law and Order as the ME. This guy has has been on and off Broadway as well as writing award winning plays- very talented indeed. He apparently did this after he was well known. I saw Stiller was in an onion video the other day "shaken man child". It was after he became well known too. Maybe the onion pays well or the artist was up for off the wall fun?

    • @jamie150741
      @jamie150741 4 роки тому +7

      @@goldengod5915 have you looked up Brooke Alvarez actress Suzanne Sena ?

    • @migg-e
      @migg-e 4 роки тому +66

      I thought it was Ben Shapiro

    • @TheCJRhodes
      @TheCJRhodes 4 роки тому +35

      @@deemueller6470 I think for some comedians, because The Onion has been around so long as a publication and has had so much influence on modern American satire, they probably did it for fun. I'm sure the paychecks from The Onion are pretty damn small, but they garner a lot of great writers.

  • @franzhaas6889
    @franzhaas6889 5 років тому +24278

    ALL JOKING ASIDE. THIS WAS A FINE PERFORMANCE.

    • @ianrushsmoustache2282
      @ianrushsmoustache2282 5 років тому +114

      Franz Haas that just what i was thinking

    • @Neo2266.
      @Neo2266. 5 років тому +692

      What performance?
      The Onion is the one trustworthy news source

    • @KingoftheJuice18
      @KingoftheJuice18 5 років тому +10

      Sure was!

    • @noodlesoup5995
      @noodlesoup5995 5 років тому +47

      Not really. Instead of just repeating certain words or phrases it would have been more realistic if it came out more of a stutter than a random fixation

    • @ScrumpDiIIy
      @ScrumpDiIIy 5 років тому +4

      Lmao nice joke

  • @Raeljas
    @Raeljas 10 місяців тому +2899

    I am autistic and today my husband said unironically “you know where you’d do great if you hate your routine getting disrupted? Prison.” He did not know about the sketch but now he does! Michael Falk asking the real questions “can you stack your family?”

    • @Anstreki323
      @Anstreki323 8 місяців тому +7

      Didn't ask cringe 💩🤡

    • @fungustheclown666
      @fungustheclown666 7 місяців тому +182

      ​@@Anstreki323 Who asked you? Cringe

    • @369yew
      @369yew 6 місяців тому +4

      Shut up 😉

    • @MisterPerson-fk1tx
      @MisterPerson-fk1tx 6 місяців тому

      ​@@Anstreki323there's a lot of shit clowns on UA-cam comments, why did you have to accuse OP of being one, they didn't deserve that. Ever wonder if you're the shit clown?

    • @GlazeonthewickeR
      @GlazeonthewickeR 6 місяців тому

      @@Anstreki3232 months later and not a single like on that sad attempt at bringing someone down. Even shitheads can’t respect you.

  • @dualexistence
    @dualexistence 3 роки тому +11865

    The actor playing the prisoner doesn't get enough credit. The way he looks at our beloved reporter like a child and is concerned about him while being in a very unfortunate position. Like how a father talks to a child.

    • @lambybunny7173
      @lambybunny7173 3 роки тому +718

      Honestly, yeah. While infantilization isn't that great, I don't think that's the intent since it's not done in a mocking tone, which I appreciate. It's just how the guy approaches someone like Michael Falk. In all honesty I'd rather have someone talk to me like the prisoner than have someone talk down to me like I'm 3 and don't know how to do anything.

    • @dualexistence
      @dualexistence 3 роки тому +55

      @@lambybunny7173 If you don't get it, you don't get it. That's alright.

    • @user-yd4nk4lm6s
      @user-yd4nk4lm6s 3 роки тому +104

      @@lambybunny7173 he's just concerned that a nice young man wants to be in there with lunatics. It's more protective bc he's a good guy, not bc he's autistic.

    • @Buutaro
      @Buutaro 3 роки тому +136

      from the first line i thought he sounded so natural and real

    • @AHTOtv
      @AHTOtv 2 роки тому +20

      What kind of credit should we give him for doing his job well beyond pressing the like button? Fan mail? PayPal? Gofundme? Bitcoin?

  • @jonathanlamarre3579
    @jonathanlamarre3579 4 роки тому +4294

    At 0:20 he is counting the tiles on the wall. Nice detail.

    • @guytorie
      @guytorie 4 роки тому +414

      Oh fuck I didn't even notice that. Haha that's so accurate, I just count shapes and tiles when I'm talking to people

    • @skillcheese
      @skillcheese 4 роки тому +176

      Omg I do that too! I used to know exactly how many tiles were in the classroom in 1st grade and I loved how I could count up to that number over and over again lol, I don't remember how many it was now, but when I learned multiplication it made it so much easier to get to that number lol

    • @beatrixwickson8477
      @beatrixwickson8477 4 роки тому +36

      Hahaha, nice one. I missed this, thanks for highlighting it.

    • @davidmayberry3190
      @davidmayberry3190 3 роки тому +62

      I'm not autistic but I actually did that myself in prison.

    • @SerTempleton
      @SerTempleton 3 роки тому +17

      I count the tiles on the road and walk in patterns related to the tiles. Am I autistic? 🤔

  • @SuperKonjac
    @SuperKonjac 8 років тому +24263

    Man this interviewer is a good actor

    • @VineFynn
      @VineFynn 8 років тому +1518

      Suppose it depends what sort of autistic person they were going for, but yeah, he's pretty bloody good.

    • @oO_ox_O
      @oO_ox_O 8 років тому +1608

      +VineFynn
      Of course it's just an amalgamation of stereotypes but what's amazing is how natural he seems to be at it.

    • @gerunkwon2598
      @gerunkwon2598 7 років тому +765

      because that's John Edward Cariani, an award-winning actor and an accomplished playwright.

    • @yukanakochi1024
      @yukanakochi1024 7 років тому +1031

      The guy who he's interviewing is also terrific. It felt really natural.

    • @ryandavis568
      @ryandavis568 6 років тому +88

      How he is talking makes me think of will ferrells role in elf for some reason lol

  • @crowmollymedia6480
    @crowmollymedia6480 Рік тому +13495

    "Can you stack your family?" has occupied my mind for the last week.

    • @stephenharrington1977
      @stephenharrington1977 Рік тому +335

      Shakespeare don't have shit on these writers

    • @SimBits
      @SimBits Рік тому +129

      I'm crying that part was so funny

    • @jkta97
      @jkta97 Рік тому +72

      @@stephenharrington1977 "How can we stacketh all our families?"

    • @potatoboy6094
      @potatoboy6094 Рік тому +47

      It’s stupid, yet at the same time it’s genius, and if it’s genius it’s not stupid

    • @leonro
      @leonro Рік тому +54

      stacking them shouldn't be too hard if they're either dead or in a deep sleep, but stacking conscious people can be quite difficult if they're not willing to cooperate. But boxes are the easiest to stack.

  • @paulnash9851
    @paulnash9851 3 роки тому +13140

    God I wish this was a series. I’d pay good money to watch him reporting different situations/events etc. The writing and acting in this is brilliant.

    • @arthurbradley6139
      @arthurbradley6139 3 роки тому +275

      There are other Onion segments with him in them

    • @1saac2saac
      @1saac2saac 3 роки тому +172

      there are 4-5 episodes of this guy

    • @Person-lk1vs
      @Person-lk1vs 3 роки тому +8

      there is

    • @eeek143
      @eeek143 3 роки тому +352

      There was gonna be a series, but then he robbed a convenience store

    • @MickSkitz
      @MickSkitz 3 роки тому +181

      @@1saac2saac Can we stack those episodes?

  • @MinecraftNerd1985
    @MinecraftNerd1985 4 роки тому +10437

    It would have been perfect if the video starts with him in front of a convenience store. That's all I'm saying.

    • @foxygrin
      @foxygrin 4 роки тому +473

      "Hi, I'm Michael. You're probably wondering how I ended up here. Well,"

    • @krpowerlifting3380
      @krpowerlifting3380 3 роки тому +23

      Explain?

    • @crdm82
      @crdm82 3 роки тому +75

      @@krpowerlifting3380 2:07

    • @JustAnotherPandaBear
      @JustAnotherPandaBear 3 роки тому +178

      @@krpowerlifting3380 It would imply that he was about to rob the convenience store so he could go to prison.

    • @munbu8625
      @munbu8625 3 роки тому +15

      people have explained this but it makes no sense because there’s no context at the start and even if they did shoot it outside a convenience store, there’s a lot of things to keep in mind like the time of day, people walking in the shot, etc. It’ll eventually be hard to even get the reference and it’ll just be a pointless easter egg.

  • @LootFragg
    @LootFragg Рік тому +3550

    Cashier: "Well, you're not allowed to kill me."
    M. Falk: "Why not?"
    Cashier: "Cause it's against the law. You'd be breaking the rules."
    M. Falk: "I don't want to break the rules."
    Cashier: "It would be really messy, too. Look how neatly everything is stacked here. Imagine that in disarray."
    M. Falk: "Oh no!"
    Cashier: "And think of the amount of eye contact the investigators would force you to make."
    M. Falk: _collapses_

    • @gurrrn1102
      @gurrrn1102 Рік тому +69

      I read that in Ryan George’s voice

    • @ShinySephiroth2
      @ShinySephiroth2 11 місяців тому +18

      ​@@gurrrn1102And now I did, too 😂

    • @abrianpeak95
      @abrianpeak95 11 місяців тому +39

      ​@@gurrrn1102 "They're gonna put you in a room!"

    • @angelinapalkovic1986
      @angelinapalkovic1986 11 місяців тому +21

      ​@@abrianpeak95it would be barely an inconvenience

    • @MrWooaa
      @MrWooaa 10 місяців тому

      Wow wow wow, wow. @@gurrrn1102

  • @Notepad37
    @Notepad37 3 роки тому +3466

    This is legit, not joking at all, one of the best performances I've ever seen. He nailed that role.

    • @AugustERaven
      @AugustERaven 3 роки тому +80

      Autistic ADHD here. I just sent this to my autistic friends, I'm loving it.

    • @ijemand5672
      @ijemand5672 2 роки тому +22

      I wish he would nail me too

    • @luke-sucks
      @luke-sucks 2 роки тому +9

      @@AugustERaven "I'm loving it"
      ba da ba ba ba

    • @thesysop4998
      @thesysop4998 2 роки тому +11

      @@ijemand5672 wrong place buddy

    • @-AAA-147
      @-AAA-147 Рік тому +6

      @@ijemand5672 down bad
      on gah
      no cap
      fr fr

  • @KhoPhi
    @KhoPhi 4 роки тому +2423

    "I cannot see you. I can only hear you"
    Spitting facts, and facts only!

    • @KARENboomboomROXX
      @KARENboomboomROXX 4 роки тому +25

      Hahahaha I know. I CONSTANTLY say shit that's unnecessary. This was a funny piece

    • @colleenwilliams1689
      @colleenwilliams1689 4 роки тому +19

      Honestly as an aspie, I'd probably be a bit stunned at the word "see," try really hard to find a different word besides "see" in response that still makes sense to the viewers, creating several seconds of awkward silence, and end up going into the topic without saying hello back.

    • @BigJoe2286
      @BigJoe2286 4 роки тому +2

      This says a lot about our society.

    • @matthewbrooder9414
      @matthewbrooder9414 4 роки тому

      All bottle no cap

    • @dillbill7152
      @dillbill7152 4 роки тому

      @@colleenwilliams1689 Yup

  • @asajjy
    @asajjy 5 років тому +3428

    "Make sure the cashier is Dead"
    Truly words to live by

    • @tonythetiger9839
      @tonythetiger9839 5 років тому +5

      @Bigfoot that's someone's family man...

    • @brownfire1
      @brownfire1 5 років тому +1

      im literally over here laughing at your comment, the murder is not funny at all just hearing that right as the video ends LMFAO

    • @masterpuni7371
      @masterpuni7371 5 років тому

      @Bigfoot cashier in America maybe zombies but other countries it can be thot

    • @ThumbsHunter
      @ThumbsHunter 5 років тому +2

      yes, robbery only might get you nowhere, the cashier needs to die to make it into prison.

    • @raprot7829
      @raprot7829 5 років тому +1

      @@masterpuni7371 lmao yeah Dio, *what is thot?*

  • @kiranaun9593
    @kiranaun9593 8 місяців тому +196

    "Can you stack your family" continues to be the hardest line in reporting in the past 12 years

  • @dan-gy4vu
    @dan-gy4vu 3 роки тому +4179

    I love how the prisoner is actually kind and understanding lmao.

    • @oliverjohn5566
      @oliverjohn5566 2 роки тому +74

      That is Westchester values right there!

    • @Kushufy
      @Kushufy 2 роки тому +342

      Well, yeah, he is a normal person only in there for fraud and embezzlement.

    • @parry3439
      @parry3439 Рік тому +104

      most prisoners aren't there for violent crimes. they're normal people who may or may not have paid the government the mafia dues they want lmao

    • @aboomination897
      @aboomination897 Рік тому +5

      @@Kushufy what's a normal person

    • @Itzaric
      @Itzaric Рік тому +15

      @@aboomination897 someone that (at least superficially) takes part of the common social and economic order of capitalism

  • @AhuizotlXiuh
    @AhuizotlXiuh 5 років тому +2049

    Michael went from stacking crates to stacking bodies real quick.

  • @laurenconrad1799
    @laurenconrad1799 4 роки тому +16621

    I love this. They’re not just saying, “oh he’s autistic and therefore he’s dumb.” They take actual, realistic autistic traits and ruthlessly make fun of those.

    • @cammykins5813
      @cammykins5813 4 роки тому +69

      Cant tell what you mean?

    • @canavero4288
      @canavero4288 4 роки тому +1754

      @@cammykins5813 autistic people are known for needing a rigid schedule so it's funny that this reporter likes prison (this is satire btw, everything The Onion makes is satire)

    • @cammykins5813
      @cammykins5813 4 роки тому +143

      @@canavero4288 Oh. I knew about their habit of patterns, but I didn't get the joke about ruthlessly making fun of the traits.

    • @cammykins5813
      @cammykins5813 4 роки тому +294

      @Just a Human Oh ok, so showing their traits, not harassing them for being Autistic.

    • @duranpredur1098
      @duranpredur1098 4 роки тому +138

      On the other hand it could help raise awareness about autism.

  • @DKwiatkowski
    @DKwiatkowski Рік тому +591

    As an autistic person, I find these brilliant, especially his rocking with excitement about routine

    • @turtleanton6539
      @turtleanton6539 5 місяців тому

      Yes😮😅

    • @dylanholm9995
      @dylanholm9995 5 місяців тому +11

      @@EscapeApeit’s a fucking joke brother

    • @forgotten893
      @forgotten893 5 місяців тому +1

      @@EscapeApe As someone who is autistic, empathy is a simple switch I can toggle on and off. Murdering someone wouldn't be too far off for someone who appears to (In this video) be a bit higher on the spectrum than myself. For an autistic person, empathy is a learned trait and not innately built into us like normal functioning human beings.

    • @ShipperTrash
      @ShipperTrash 4 місяці тому +2

      ​@forgotten893 I stopped eating animals at 5 or 6 years old after I learned about the concept of vegetarianism. No we're not sociopaths with switches, what kind of austism speaks speech is that? We have empathy levels that are either higher than "normal" or lower than "normal". Empathy doesn’t mean kindness or morality, either.

    • @CYB3R2K
      @CYB3R2K 3 місяці тому +1

      ​@@forgotten893do you stack your family?

  • @annikaberg1350
    @annikaberg1350 3 роки тому +2575

    His figeting, stimming, and interrupting is really great attention to detail

    • @rampageblizzard
      @rampageblizzard 3 роки тому +97

      The echolalia too

    • @juniperrodley9843
      @juniperrodley9843 3 роки тому +79

      Yeah this is shockingly realistic

    • @cristianjuarez1086
      @cristianjuarez1086 3 роки тому +52

      It just amazes me how accurate and detailed this character is, i love it

    • @bananewane1402
      @bananewane1402 3 роки тому +32

      Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s actually autistic

    • @trequor
      @trequor 3 роки тому +76

      How is it that this actor in a 2min Onion joke is better at portraying autism than (almost) any bigshot Hollywood actor??

  • @Mario_1611
    @Mario_1611 3 роки тому +7642

    *Perks of prison:*
    1. Rigid Routines
    2. Lining up
    3. Counting
    4. Stacking Crates
    5. Same clothes every day
    6. Hardly any human contact

    • @u.v.s.5583
      @u.v.s.5583 3 роки тому +236

      1 is good, 2 is, well, meh, 3 is fine, 4 is ok, 5 is good, but 6 really sells!

    • @fineichangeditagain5675
      @fineichangeditagain5675 3 роки тому +59

      I'm sold

    • @Jacob-ABCXYZ
      @Jacob-ABCXYZ 3 роки тому +88

      I wouldn't say no human contact if you know what I mean

    • @penjamin1479
      @penjamin1479 3 роки тому +36

      Choose this as your starting region? Y/N

    • @TripleB87
      @TripleB87 3 роки тому +41

      There's plenty of human contact in prison, if you mean being around people and talking. Inmates, COs, counselors, etc. Of course, you could also be a problem child and wind up in confinement all the time, so there's that too.

  • @capncake8837
    @capncake8837 2 роки тому +4739

    I love how the more the prisoner tries to discourage Michael from going to prison, the more he wants to.

    • @coreyaruecker
      @coreyaruecker Рік тому +49

      Real “you don’t want none of this Dewie” vibes

    • @ryans6280
      @ryans6280 Рік тому +31

      Right 😂 "I don't think you understand"

    • @saramcatee7133
      @saramcatee7133 Рік тому +32

      Pathological demand avoidance for the win!

    • @graealex
      @graealex Рік тому +27

      Plus him standing up and sitting down repeatedly...

    • @dakota7397
      @dakota7397 Рік тому

      you dont get hungover! @@coreyaruecker

  • @Gotofy105
    @Gotofy105 9 місяців тому +768

    "I can't see you I can only hear you," now that's a line from writers who understand autism.

    • @nospoonfulofmayonnaiseforme
      @nospoonfulofmayonnaiseforme 5 місяців тому +22

      i mean it depends. it's a stereotype for autistic people to never understand non-literal statements. I'm autistic and have no problem with that

    • @indigo8592
      @indigo8592 4 місяці тому +8

      @@nospoonfulofmayonnaiseformeyeah autism is really hard to understand for some people because it affects everybody differently.

    • @timlampers8610
      @timlampers8610 4 місяці тому +14

      @@nospoonfulofmayonnaiseforme As somebody with mild autism, I can understand most phrases and sayings, but I have a very hard time interpreting if something is ment to be taken literally or not.

    • @OfficialAshArcher
      @OfficialAshArcher 3 місяці тому +2

      Literally what I would say as an autistic person too

    • @trueblueclue
      @trueblueclue 2 місяці тому +13

      My autistic buddy has no problem with figurative phrases. But he struggles to read between the lines or whether some things are serious or not. I remember one time we were on VC with a couple we both knew. The were flirting with the woman mildly picking on the guy. He took that very personally and defended the guy. We tried to explain to him what was going on (all 3 of us knew about his autism and just accepted his quirks) They had a temporary fallout at the time and since have made up. This dude would also go on for hours about Pokémon and pagan/spiritual stuff. But when the subject changes you could feel his discomfort from voice chat. Sometimes he'd just excuse himself and leave VC even if nobody wanted him to. Dude just gets super nervous.
      The really funny thing though sometimes he was very perceptive about people and social situations. Able to call out BS and hypocrisy. It's like he lives in social extremes.
      I was also chatting up an autistic only fans girl once and she was kind of the same. A little more flexible with reading between the lines but sometimes she'd just wander the fuck off and be in her own head. I'd have to check in with her. She loved to talk about sex and what she did (probably why she got into OF) but did struggled with other things. She was surprisingly perceptive at times as well.
      Y'all are interesting tbh

  • @shea7121
    @shea7121 4 роки тому +9320

    I am honestly appalled to see the lack of sensitivity in this video. Issues like these need to be formally addressed and discussed. Stacking families is a big issue and I am very upset.

    • @dmitriyr4095
      @dmitriyr4095 3 роки тому +732

      If families are not stacked in precisely straight lines then we have failed as a civilization.

    • @Teudace
      @Teudace 3 роки тому +157

      I love someone non-stackable #warriormom :'(

    • @trevorhouff1173
      @trevorhouff1173 3 роки тому +254

      Had me in the 1st half

    • @euanstokes2828
      @euanstokes2828 3 роки тому +138

      Had me in the first half not gonna lie

    • @cherahsBroll
      @cherahsBroll 3 роки тому +41

      Got me 😂😂😂

  • @da40128
    @da40128 4 роки тому +5177

    "Can you stack your family?"
    This is the question we should all ask ourselves.

    • @wenchology
      @wenchology 3 роки тому +50

      If my family doesn’t stack I’m trading them in

    • @benjireil4243
      @benjireil4243 3 роки тому +8

      no they dont stay still

    • @da40128
      @da40128 3 роки тому +8

      @@benjireil4243 easy choice then

    • @LuizAlexPhoenix
      @LuizAlexPhoenix 3 роки тому +2

      I ask myself that all day long.

    • @yueshijoorya601
      @yueshijoorya601 3 роки тому +12

      Yes, it's called cheerleading.

  • @khansahb-o4e
    @khansahb-o4e 8 років тому +9177

    "Can you stack your family?" The best critique of family I have ever heard.

    • @milz7129
      @milz7129 7 років тому +168

      Srithor
      No. Not enough correlation and no pun.

    • @sunglassesemoji6052
      @sunglassesemoji6052 6 років тому +35

      Traceable Logic I believe that Srithor's comment was an expression of their initial impression rather than a meditated upon interpretation.

    • @milz7129
      @milz7129 6 років тому +4

      Bassy boi
      Yeah

    • @milz7129
      @milz7129 6 років тому +6

      Srithor
      You got me. Nothing I can do about it.

    • @milz7129
      @milz7129 6 років тому +31

      Srithor
      "Their" can refer to a single person or a group. It is to attribute possession. But that's beside the point, I'm not trying to insult you and I don't think the other guy was either. Keep it lighthearted.

  • @cymikgaming1266
    @cymikgaming1266 3 місяці тому +64

    12 years after, this explains autism clearer than all the therapists i have seen

    • @learningomorisoundtrack3979
      @learningomorisoundtrack3979 2 місяці тому +4

      I mean autism can look like a lot of different things and this is a very extreme, kinda ableist depiction

    • @mazarine_44
      @mazarine_44 Місяць тому

      @@learningomorisoundtrack3979 what’s really autistic is you complaining about a sardonic, fake interview featuring paid actors from 12 years ago, and then liking your own comment 😂

    • @Cazu_Orddu_Medea
      @Cazu_Orddu_Medea 11 днів тому +2

      ​​@@learningomorisoundtrack3979 it is different for all, but there are also autistics like him too. This is still great to see all his stimming and excitement and realize you are living theough the same thing but milder. Is it sterotypical? Yes, in a way. Is it ableist? Hell no, this is genuine. Much better than Sheldon Cooper, Good Doctor or Rain Man

    • @learningomorisoundtrack3979
      @learningomorisoundtrack3979 11 днів тому

      @@Cazu_Orddu_Medea Sheldon Cooper, Good Doctor, and Rainman suck. I'm not taking anything you say seriously because you just called us, "autistics," rather than autistic people. Fuck off.

  • @bobwillneverdie
    @bobwillneverdie 4 роки тому +47999

    As someone with Autism, this is not insulting.... Its pure genius.

    • @deansbian5607
      @deansbian5607 3 роки тому +2921

      I have autism and this is so fucking funny to me

    • @Tryinghisbestyeah
      @Tryinghisbestyeah 3 роки тому +515

      Same lol

    • @CheezyPotatoez1
      @CheezyPotatoez1 3 роки тому +450

      Accurate too

    • @sofiab.9129
      @sofiab.9129 3 роки тому +1228

      I would probably act like that if i didnt try soooo hard to be normal. But i have "acted" for so long that i dont really know who i am anymore :(

    • @murraydyeronemillionyearsa3637
      @murraydyeronemillionyearsa3637 3 роки тому +491

      @@sofiab.9129 i know exactly how you feel, we all try so hard to be "normal" we lose ourselves completly sometimes. Remember we are all beautiful

  • @snorkyblundabus7063
    @snorkyblundabus7063 Рік тому +4544

    I’m really suprised and pleased at how many Autistic people have watched and enjoyed this and been supportive of its portrayal. The comedy of it breaks the barrier and stigma and has encouraged Autistic friends to speak out instead of locking in which better helps us all understand eachother better. That’s a real plus!

    • @clmBerserker
      @clmBerserker Рік тому +91

      Well this is the closest thing we will get to representation and its close enough for us.

    • @Melody_Raventress
      @Melody_Raventress Рік тому +104

      Thanks, it wasn't perfect portrayal but better than 99% of them, even while satirizing us. Comedy has always been a forerunner of opening dialogs and creating understanding. People get butthurt at being mocked, and don't take the opportunity presented.

    • @lambertovitali3152
      @lambertovitali3152 Рік тому

      Autism is simple to understand, they're robots with no common sense. They need an OS upgrade.

    • @olivertjalve4868
      @olivertjalve4868 Рік тому +85

      It's impossible to be offended when it really feels like how I think, just dialed up. And seeing it as a joke makes it easier to digest and think about.

    • @johnwt7333
      @johnwt7333 Рік тому +5

      We used to bully one in high school. Made their life a living hell every single day. Now I am starting to feel we may have done something wrong.
      On the other hand, he acted like this, can't put all the blame on us.

  • @nathanricketts2415
    @nathanricketts2415 4 роки тому +3651

    "CAN YOU STACK YOUR FAMILY" he DO have his priorities straight and I DO be respecting that

    • @bryceirvine856
      @bryceirvine856 4 роки тому +88

      Nathan Ricketts
      I will tell you friend, the passion for stacking is real. I am on the spectrum, working for FedEx, and I cannot express the amount of joy I get from moving boxes around.

    • @mitchelskulas870
      @mitchelskulas870 4 роки тому +31

      @@bryceirvine856 the dopamine box, coming to a store near you

    • @ankitmahajan4036
      @ankitmahajan4036 3 роки тому +6

      When you do be learn English??

    • @zuludude2
      @zuludude2 3 роки тому +10

      @@bryceirvine856 They call me the tetris guy because I make the boxes fit tight!

    • @wsketchy
      @wsketchy 3 роки тому +5

      @@ankitmahajan4036 You must have been off of the internet for a long, long time if you can't tell that's intentional.

  • @tamasmihaly1
    @tamasmihaly1 9 місяців тому +34

    I love how he distills the entire conversation down to that final statement. Genius, the world was not ready for Mr. Falk.

  • @driphearts8035
    @driphearts8035 3 роки тому +18824

    As an autistic man, this is both an accurate and satirical representation of what my life is like. His stims are accurate and his hyper fixations are as well. I don't know if he's neurotypical, but this is still a very accurate and oddly respectful way of poking fun at our tendencies.

    • @dontspikemydrink9382
      @dontspikemydrink9382 3 роки тому +5

      eh no, he isn't, he is "autistic"

    • @TopOfAllWorlds
      @TopOfAllWorlds 3 роки тому +375

      @@dontspikemydrink9382 You completely misread the comment because your reply makes no sense

    • @dontspikemydrink9382
      @dontspikemydrink9382 3 роки тому +22

      @@TopOfAllWorlds maybe it's you

    • @dtrYeti
      @dtrYeti 3 роки тому +207

      TopOfAllWorlds I think his drink was spiked

    • @asthecrowflies1201
      @asthecrowflies1201 3 роки тому +34

      @@TopOfAllWorlds bro, you're bad at thinking...

  • @goldengod5915
    @goldengod5915 4 роки тому +1240

    1:24 is kind of a wholesome moment. It's obvious that the "inmate" was aware that the reporter had some sort of condition, and went along with how the reporter was responding. He actually smiled when the reporter exclaimed that he likes to stack.

    • @feedelstick4670
      @feedelstick4670 4 роки тому +38

      You do know it's fake?

    • @goldengod5915
      @goldengod5915 4 роки тому +285

      @@feedelstick4670 Yeah, that's why I had the word "inmate" in quotes like that because he's a paid actor. These Onion videos are absolutely amazing.

    • @feedelstick4670
      @feedelstick4670 4 роки тому +32

      @@goldengod5915 Haha just making sure, but you're right my bad! Yes Onion is really good in its thing!

    • @goldengod5915
      @goldengod5915 4 роки тому +68

      @@feedelstick4670 Quite a few people fall for these videos thinking it's real content, it's funny

    • @lennybodega
      @lennybodega 4 роки тому +29

      @@goldengod5915 /r/AteTheOnion on reddit is great for that

  • @jmacc9876
    @jmacc9876 2 роки тому +2679

    At least he was able to settle for 26 minutes after the interview to wait and talk to Brooke and didn't immediately go to find a Cashier instead.

    • @jkta97
      @jkta97 Рік тому +67

      We don't know what happened after the interview lol

    • @bri1085
      @bri1085 Рік тому +94

      ​@@jkta97he says he stood there for 26 minutes waiting for Brooke

    • @kMegalonyx
      @kMegalonyx Рік тому +50

      It isnt stated that the 26 minutes started immediately after the interview, dont be blinded by having one fact!

    • @bobsagget823
      @bobsagget823 Рік тому

      @@kMegalonyx moron

    • @storybook5199
      @storybook5199 Рік тому +24

      ​@@kMegalonyxhe said he finished the interview 26 minutes ago and had been standing there waiting for his since then. There's no knowing what he did after the cameras turned off but we know he didn't do anything immediately after the interview.

  • @FairyFacer
    @FairyFacer 2 місяці тому +8

    My ten year old son is autistic and I love this so much. He is so funny and such a joy to be around, but so blunt and makes me question so much about what I know to be ‘the norm’ every day. This is such a great portrayal, I just love this actor so much ❤

  • @conorbowen3360
    @conorbowen3360 Рік тому +18917

    11 years ago, The Onion understood autism better than most doctors and therapists

  • @dikeledimusi3871
    @dikeledimusi3871 3 роки тому +41177

    This dude deserves multiple Oscars... So he can stack them.

    • @zgoosekeeper
      @zgoosekeeper 3 роки тому +95

      Hahaha 😆

    • @forcesightknight
      @forcesightknight 3 роки тому +87

      Clutter, get rid of it.

    • @Evan_Meyer
      @Evan_Meyer 3 роки тому +251

      Put them in straight lines

    • @forcesightknight
      @forcesightknight 3 роки тому +116

      @@Evan_Meyer but they are Asymmetrical and therefore considered clutter by my standards. Autism manifests different for all of us.

    • @Uhoh11111
      @Uhoh11111 3 роки тому

      ua-cam.com/video/n_Fw--QOv5M/v-deo.html

  • @naimvelasquez6079
    @naimvelasquez6079 3 роки тому +7202

    Prompt: he spends years planning increasingly stupid heists in order to get sent to prison, fails to get caught everytime and now he's the most succesfull and frustrated gang leader worldwide

    • @eidolor
      @eidolor 3 роки тому +264

      Holy shit that’s brilliant

    • @naimvelasquez6079
      @naimvelasquez6079 3 роки тому +121

      @@eidolor thank you i am quite dumb with some good days

    • @eidolor
      @eidolor 3 роки тому +49

      My brain is also square, but if this was anything to go by then you must have a lot to be proud of

    • @naimvelasquez6079
      @naimvelasquez6079 3 роки тому +52

      @@eidolor oh my god for real? If this turns into a movie in a crazy timeline, i'm putting you in the credits lmao

    • @eidolor
      @eidolor 3 роки тому +31

      @@naimvelasquez6079 if you make it a movie, I’ll be cheering for you so hard my skirt falls off

  • @LocalBroYT
    @LocalBroYT Рік тому +740

    As an autistic person, I cracked up really hard at this, especially when he said “Can you stack ur family?”

  • @seananderson5334
    @seananderson5334 3 роки тому +5656

    He's counting the ceiling tiles before the interview begins lol.

  • @Marauder1981
    @Marauder1981 3 роки тому +3247

    "I like to stack" and stands up in excitement. Genius.

    • @naterbaternaterbater
      @naterbaternaterbater 3 роки тому +62

      I'm 6'2" and I will jump up or pound on myself when excited. 😂
      I'm really surprised on how accurate the onion was on this

    • @fernandotills
      @fernandotills 3 роки тому +9

      @@luceromoreno9081
      Could you imagine if they got us all together?
      The amount of work the boys could put out… Jesus.

    • @fernandotills
      @fernandotills 3 роки тому +6

      @@luceromoreno9081
      Those who oppose us, or those who doubt our productivity shall suffer greatly.

    • @janewick509
      @janewick509 3 роки тому +6

      I love your profile picture man, best one I have seen in 3 years I am surfing UA-cam.

    • @aawillma
      @aawillma 3 роки тому +1

      He immediately had to stack something so he stacked his body 🤯 Stack Master

  • @PsychopathUltimate
    @PsychopathUltimate 7 років тому +28539

    Sad thing is, if Michael Falk really existed, he'd be the only journalist you could trust.

    • @IamBHM
      @IamBHM 6 років тому +4126

      Unless you're a cashier at a convenience store.

    • @cjones4518
      @cjones4518 6 років тому +400

      Bad Hair Man This reply is underliked.

    • @jacencade4019
      @jacencade4019 6 років тому +220

      Bad Hair Man we all have flaws

    • @EamonBurke
      @EamonBurke 6 років тому +900

      I have always thought that autistic people would make great journalists. They would just tell you wtf happened.

    • @nonexistent-best-friend1693
      @nonexistent-best-friend1693 6 років тому +128

      Eamon Burke we would

  • @ZeXiOn26
    @ZeXiOn26 4 місяці тому +39

    Michael would love how the comments under the video are all neatly stacked on top of each other

  • @interstellarlapisthecccp4946
    @interstellarlapisthecccp4946 9 років тому +4209

    You wear the same clothes everyday... Yes!
    and you live in this tiny little box... YES! YES!
    and there's hardly any human contact... How do I get to live here?!

    • @SurprisinglyDynamicAnimeSideC
      @SurprisinglyDynamicAnimeSideC 6 років тому +38

      MichaelZu Asking the real questions here

    • @anyu
      @anyu 6 років тому +71

      Well you have to make sure the grocery store clerk is dead.

    • @jackiefreeborn2563
      @jackiefreeborn2563 5 років тому +11

      It’s like Liz Lemons “I want to go to there”

    • @filipedias7284
      @filipedias7284 5 років тому +16

      These niggas will provide you lots of _human contact_

    • @Sol_Invictus_
      @Sol_Invictus_ 5 років тому +2

      Sounds like university

  • @violenttoddler
    @violenttoddler 8 місяців тому +480

    This video haunts me because I’m autistic and when I was younger I built a prison in Minecraft for this exact reason

    • @Xbob42
      @Xbob42 5 місяців тому +68

      ...how many families did you stack?!

    • @ShipperTrash
      @ShipperTrash 4 місяці тому +13

      WAS THAT SATISFYING?

    • @tiredly6753
      @tiredly6753 2 місяці тому +1

      oh my god this just pulled a memory from my subconscious. i spent like a week building a work camp in creative mode with huge squares of stone and ore and shit and then switched to survival to mine them out

  • @Lazyguy22
    @Lazyguy22 Рік тому +6889

    I love how he says "make sure the cashier is dead" even though Brian never mentioned murder. Michael's out for blood.

    • @markwright3161
      @markwright3161 Рік тому +185

      Brian will be getting kicked out for not killing someone. Michael is just securing a longer stay :)

    • @Hollyberrystreats
      @Hollyberrystreats 7 місяців тому +74

      It was a logical conclusion based on securing the maximum prison time?

    • @RONLOT-f2k
      @RONLOT-f2k 5 місяців тому +43

      Well I think he mentioned it when he said that he robbed the cashier and then he shot her, what could you expect when you shot someone?

    • @UreksatheJade
      @UreksatheJade 5 місяців тому +4

      ​@@RONLOT-f2k You missed the joke 😂

    • @vicwaju
      @vicwaju 5 місяців тому

      @@RONLOT-f2kidk bruh, they lose a leg or smthn? 😭

  • @BobGymlan
    @BobGymlan 3 роки тому +10725

    I like to *stack*

    • @cosfishin5616
      @cosfishin5616 3 роки тому +42

      Oh shit you like the onion too that's bad ass

    • @greatestever3479
      @greatestever3479 3 роки тому +8

      You do? :)

    • @evansgate
      @evansgate 3 роки тому +23

      Hey, it’s Bob Gymlan

    • @reterbid6215
      @reterbid6215 3 роки тому +10

      I too, enjoy the partaking of stacking stackable objects in stacks

    • @thoughtfuldevil6069
      @thoughtfuldevil6069 3 роки тому +13

      Seeing Bob Gymlan comment on a video feels as strange and exhilarating as seeing a Sasquatch glance at you over its shoulder during a pre-dawn hike.

  • @geekswithfeet9137
    @geekswithfeet9137 7 місяців тому +22

    This is actually one of the best representations I’ve ever seen

  • @InsertName125
    @InsertName125 7 років тому +1987

    I'm not autistic, but the "hardly any human contact" did sound pretty enticing.

    • @spormlastname267
      @spormlastname267 6 років тому +53

      I think the rape makes up for the rest of the time.

    • @plasticuproject
      @plasticuproject 5 років тому +28

      You can't stack your family, so fuck em. I'm in.

    • @Myndir
      @Myndir 5 років тому +20

      @@spormlastname267 Solitude AND sex with little talking? How can I get there?

    • @ybuRnoipmahC
      @ybuRnoipmahC 5 років тому +6

      Yeah im not autistic ethier but i mean. I dont have to account for my clothes since theyre the same every day, little human contact, getting to stack stuff none stop and make sure its perfect, a strict routine thats enforced I LOVE ALL OF THIS

    • @NRG56
      @NRG56 5 років тому

      It's not

  • @sb2h
    @sb2h 5 років тому +289

    The way he stands up and sits back down is *perfect*

  • @normalhuman9878
    @normalhuman9878 3 роки тому +13328

    The fact that a satirical news source manages to represent Autism better than factual news sources is mind boggling

    • @dalseides3742
      @dalseides3742 2 роки тому

      Is it? Satirical news sources aren't subject to the same pressures to regurgitate propoganda that mainstream news experiences. If no one takes them seriously, what's the harm in letting them represent reality?

    • @LazyBuddyBan
      @LazyBuddyBan Рік тому +497

      probably because they do some actual research beforehand lol

    • @EclecticallyEccentric
      @EclecticallyEccentric Рік тому

      ​@@LazyBuddyBan And/or have someone actually autistic working with them.

    • @TheSCPStudio
      @TheSCPStudio Рік тому +1

      Ahh, yes, factual news sources typically have people pretending to be autistic.
      Bro what are you even saying lmao. I swear you can format any opinion similarly to mock big establishments and get likes from the NPCs on the internet lmao.

    • @Sniperboy5551
      @Sniperboy5551 Рік тому

      Not surprising, factual news doesn’t care about people, only their message

  • @DirtyHairy1
    @DirtyHairy1 6 місяців тому +42

    Brook's reaction at 0:06 is SPOT ON, resprect
    it's these gems that give me respect for the profession of actor

  • @InsidiousClouds
    @InsidiousClouds 2 роки тому +9154

    "Well- you wear the same clothes every day,"
    "Yes"
    "And you live in this tiny little box,"
    "Yes! Yes-"
    "And there's hardly any human contact,"
    "How do I get to live here?!"
    As someone on the spectrum, I can absolutely agree with Michael Falk.

    • @unbannable7551
      @unbannable7551 2 роки тому +337

      *“Make sure the cashier is dead!..”*

    • @ekatasatya2995
      @ekatasatya2995 2 роки тому +39

      seems like avoiding pain at any cost..

    • @GameboyFanatic
      @GameboyFanatic Рік тому +82

      @@ekatasatya2995 Well, I mean, yeah

    • @nickythehickey
      @nickythehickey Рік тому +109

      @@ekatasatya2995 see there’s this thing called being sensory avoidant

    • @vecipheragain
      @vecipheragain Рік тому +1

      Hell yeah

  • @terreliv
    @terreliv 4 роки тому +5156

    He's (the character's portrayal) stimming and dropping in functionality due to excitement. This is wonderful.
    Edit 1: His eye contact immediately "gets better" when he hears something he likes it's adorable.
    Edit 2: I am also autistic
    Edit 3: He's gonna kill Ryan at work to go to jail

    • @somethingwithbungalows
      @somethingwithbungalows 4 роки тому +419

      *_I L I K E S T A C K._*

    • @ClipsofFury
      @ClipsofFury 4 роки тому +10

      Terreliv it’s fake. Satire

    • @BaronOfDaker
      @BaronOfDaker 4 роки тому +250

      @@ClipsofFury Why do you assume that they don't know that?

    • @d4nny8
      @d4nny8 4 роки тому +268

      @@ClipsofFury They know, they're just commending the actor.

    • @AM-ry8i5
      @AM-ry8i5 4 роки тому +11

      a neuroaffective disorder isn't adorable.

  • @skyboundzoo7529
    @skyboundzoo7529 5 років тому +5040

    How did the Onion go under the radar with these? I can't believe it tbh. Quality

    • @Stormwern
      @Stormwern 5 років тому +167

      It's a shame they stopped as they were getting better and better each time.

    • @Alacard0malley
      @Alacard0malley 5 років тому +262

      7 years ago being offended wasn't considered a hobby.

    • @JiveDadson
      @JiveDadson 5 років тому +78

      @@Stormwern They literally sold out. Under the new ownership, all the great parodies vanished overnight, to be replaced by woke powerpoint slides and bullshit.

    • @JiveDadson
      @JiveDadson 5 років тому +30

      @@Alacard0malley ... and Google had owned youtube for only three years. It can take time to crush souls on an industrial scale.

    • @valerune192
      @valerune192 5 років тому +45

      As an autistic person. I feel like theyre poking more fun at how the media portrays autistic people than how autistic people really are

  • @jg-7780
    @jg-7780 11 місяців тому +47

    1:19 That little stand up he does is perfect, gets me every time.

  • @Ironmaniacs7
    @Ironmaniacs7 4 роки тому +22716

    "There's barely any human contact, a-"
    *"How do I live here?"*
    Dead

  • @Chronicroc
    @Chronicroc 4 роки тому +1011

    This is so how I'm feeling rn. My job at the moment has been almost 100% alphabetizing and organizing and my supervisor keeps apologizing for making me do "boring tasks". WRONG i am having the time of my life

    • @jasondashney
      @jasondashney 3 роки тому +62

      Be a bit of an asshole and you'll keep getting that work as "punishment"!

    • @pennymikk
      @pennymikk 3 роки тому +55

      same i study japanese and my favorite part is studying japanese characters because of how repetitive it is!!! i love it and end up forgetting to study grammar because of how much i love to just repeat and repeat japanese words over and over again

    • @camokarzi8491
      @camokarzi8491 3 роки тому +10

      You should tell them

    • @michaelashbrook3195
      @michaelashbrook3195 3 роки тому +17

      yeah but how good does it feel when you get on a mad roll and things are just going so hella smooth

    • @LucasFernandez-fk8se
      @LucasFernandez-fk8se 3 роки тому +2

      Eww why tho? No offense but that does sound very tedious

  • @akarun45
    @akarun45 3 роки тому +7629

    as an autistic person myself, I'm surprised how this is way more accurate than most Hollywood portrayals of autism.

    • @soberrocks2158
      @soberrocks2158 2 роки тому +7

      What they need to do next is portray somone with autism after they have taken acid. Shits a show to watch. They go full blown retard trying to be normal. Shits cringeworthy and funny as fuck. I’ve seen it happen to my little brother.

    • @bendreary
      @bendreary 2 роки тому +67

      @@soberrocks2158 wtf r u on bro ... !

    • @lemons1559
      @lemons1559 2 роки тому +13

      @@bendreary autists on acid clearly.

    • @cocraine
      @cocraine 2 роки тому +32

      @@soberrocks2158 ?? what is that supposed to mean

    • @zacdredge3859
      @zacdredge3859 2 роки тому +4

      Probably because Hollywood is so afraid of offending anyone to such an extent that they fail to truly represent them.

  • @rachels.8051
    @rachels.8051 Рік тому +43

    I love that the actor actually started stimming…
    Edited to state that I feel seen.

  • @autonomousAcquaintances
    @autonomousAcquaintances 2 роки тому +14137

    I am autistic and I approve this message. The amount of time as a kid I spent wishing I was in prison isnt even funny.

    • @richpryor9650
      @richpryor9650 2 роки тому +668

      Did you try to kill the cashier?

    • @soccermommyNPC
      @soccermommyNPC 2 роки тому +847

      I remember a line in a movie lamenting a prisoner who could “only eat bread and butter for years.” That was practically all I liked to eat, and was like, sounds great!

    • @O.Reagano
      @O.Reagano 2 роки тому +16

      Lol your approval

    • @spudlee1749
      @spudlee1749 2 роки тому +358

      My son is the same way. He loves talking about it, until i remind him there is no access to the internet 😄

    • @nadMoZzzg
      @nadMoZzzg 2 роки тому +20

      I don't think you understand

  • @nesnibila4888
    @nesnibila4888 3 роки тому +2221

    the sheer 'to-do-list' vibe of 'make sure the cashier is dead' has me in hysterics

  • @ddog042
    @ddog042 5 років тому +707

    I think my favorite quote from this is “no that takes to long I need to go to prison now”

    • @carthiefd
      @carthiefd 4 роки тому +105

      Agreed. He immediately assesses the length of time required to commit embezzlement or fraud and realizes both are infeasible for his objective.

    • @ddog042
      @ddog042 4 роки тому +6

      Eazy P Now you. You I like

    • @fatman957
      @fatman957 4 роки тому +2

      mine too

    • @dryboneskirby
      @dryboneskirby 4 роки тому +13

      I like stacking boxes. How long does it take and how long would I get for stacking my family?

  • @overcomingjeff
    @overcomingjeff Рік тому +51

    As someone who is an adult-diagnosed Autistic - and who has spent most of the past four decades working as a broadcast journalist - I consider this to be comedic GENIUS and I love it. Kudos to everyone involved in this production!
    If you’re Autistic and you’re offended by this?
    You have every right to feel how you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially if they’re not also Autistic.
    If you’re not Autistic and you’re offended by this?
    🤷🏻‍♂️

  • @westingtyler1
    @westingtyler1 4 роки тому +4463

    "sure there are normal guys like me who are in here for embezzling and fraud.." underrated line.

    • @fluffynator6222
      @fluffynator6222 3 роки тому +129

      @Splitinfinity
      Well, they kina are. I mean, you wouldn't notice it if you met them on the street.

    • @user-qb4on2qm7z
      @user-qb4on2qm7z 3 роки тому +80

      What he means is non violent crime.

    • @clashwithmoi8926
      @clashwithmoi8926 3 роки тому +5

      Why wouldn’t they? Everyone in prison is innocent.

    • @nicolaim4275
      @nicolaim4275 3 роки тому +17

      @Mr Temporal I think there might be a bit more of an overlap between fraudsters and psycho murder rapists than you imply with that statement.

    • @tomsawyer9403
      @tomsawyer9403 3 роки тому +2

      @John too

  • @moonsaer
    @moonsaer 3 роки тому +7730

    "There's no human contact here"
    "HOW DO I LIVE HERE? HOW DO I LIVE IN PRISON"
    Best part

    • @Luckzo
      @Luckzo 3 роки тому +135

      This is what people who work in retail think about

    • @lockerbuddy2039
      @lockerbuddy2039 2 роки тому +215

      "I wanna see my family"
      "WHY?"

    • @imnotnotgameiacmaniac5327
      @imnotnotgameiacmaniac5327 2 роки тому +101

      can you stack your family? is the best part

    • @capncake8837
      @capncake8837 2 роки тому +69

      “Make sure the cashier is dead!”

    • @ob2kenobi388
      @ob2kenobi388 2 роки тому +65

      As a person with autism, I really see parts of myself in Michael. (Before reading, please keep in mind that every case of autism is different, and not all of us have all of these traits. These are just my personal thoughts and experiences)
      -His love of stacking is known as a "hyperfixation", which is when we completely focus on something and disregard everything else. It's difficult for us to switch between different topics, so if we find one thing that gives us joy, we find ourselves continuing to draw from that same well for what seems from the outside as an unusual amount of time. I'll often find myself searching for the slightest excuse to start gushing about mine, since it can be difficult for me to follow along with (or care about) conversations that have nothing to do with it.
      -His love of a rigid routine is another trait. We can find it hard to cope with unexpected changes, so knowing when change is coming in advance is advantageous. If my mom would tell me she was gonna cut my hair immediately, I'd be pretty distressed about that, but if she tells me that morning "I'm gonna cut your hair tonight", I'm perfectly calm.
      -The routine also helps us because we thrive on repetition and are terrible at managing time. If I don't have a preassigned task that I should be doing right now, I can find myself standing in a corner thinking of what I should do or waiting for someone to tell me what to do. If I have a preassigned task, I will immediately and efficiently perform it without issue because That's What's On The Schedule, and I'll enjoy it. The more scheduled my day, the better.
      -His emotional detachment comes from autistic people thinking more logically and less emotionally from neurotypicals. That's not to say that we don't or can't care about others or have emotions, but we tend to think of things from a "numerical" perspective. If I hear about someone doing a bad thing in service of a good thing, I will decide whether it was worth it by trying to quantify how much bad was done and how much good was done.
      -The language he uses when he speaks reflects our "poor" conversational skills. We can tend to be quite literal and direct with our word choice, and can become confused when someone else is not.
      -His inflection and speech patterns also come from this, as we often speak somewhat differently from others, and if we say the same phrase we will repeat it with the exact same delivery every time.
      -He wants to be separate from human contact because neurotypical people tend to find us annoying, and we tend to find neurotypicals loud and hard to talk with, so we don't really enjoy being in others' company all that much.
      Michael is honestly some of the best representation I've ever seen. I'm not saying I want to kill a cashier, but given the incomplete information Michael had on what prisons are like, I can't blame him for thinking it looked enticing.

  • @barrysteakfriessimp_real
    @barrysteakfriessimp_real 3 роки тому +4489

    "Make sure the cashier is dead."
    "I cannot see you, Brooke. I can only hear you."
    most relatable representation of an austistic person i've seen.

    • @XOChristianaNicole
      @XOChristianaNicole 3 роки тому +86

      Man, if I am referring to something I wrote in a text/comment, I won’t type “I said..” - I’ll type, “I stated..”
      Because I didn’t, technically, verbally SAY anything.
      However, I did STATE a point.
      The second I hear that line, “I cannot see you, Brooke. I can only hear you” - all I could think was “Me.”
      Also, the excitement over wearing the same thing, everyday - also, me.
      I wear the same outfit, every damn day.” -‘or a variation of it. I have 6 of the same shirts, 5 of the same leggings, 7 of the same yoga pants, over a dozen layering tank tops and socks, 2 long-sleeve button up cover shirts, 3 of the same lounge dresses, 3 pairs of the same gloves, 3 pairs of the same aviator sunglasses - all black; as well as three variations of army green grunge-style rain jackets).
      I do enjoy spontaneity, though I, definitely like and require routine within such.

    • @DarthGTB
      @DarthGTB 2 роки тому +15

      Sometimes I think that if I were a kid today, I would have been diagnosed with a light form of autism too. That second sentence is definitely something I would have said. I've always had trouble picturing things that aren't literal. It's much less of a problem today because now as an adult I can understand these. Just don't ask me to write any kind of fictional piece (I have language studies and text exercises are the worst)

    • @AbdulBido
      @AbdulBido 2 роки тому +8

      I haven't been diagnosed with anything.. But this sure strikes a chord.

    • @absolutezero6190
      @absolutezero6190 2 роки тому +4

      @@lrsb1678 language is all mushy and contextual and relative; sometimes certain words convey a feeling better than the technically correct one

    • @kyliemason2726
      @kyliemason2726 2 роки тому +1

      This is my son in a nutshell. Everything is so literal.

  • @eleanordavies1467
    @eleanordavies1467 Рік тому +57

    The funiest bit for me was at the begining where she introduced him as “autistic reporter”. Idk why imagineif new readers just introdeuced all the autistic news reporters as “autistic reporter” lol. Also im autistic myself and I love this, it’s done really well.

  • @catortoisethoughts6152
    @catortoisethoughts6152 3 роки тому +18918

    As an autistic person, this is a great example of how you can make a joke about autism without being offensive. Great work Onion!
    Edit: Since this comment is still receiving replies, some of which are asking why this is not offensive, I will clarify my opinion of it.
    After re-watching it there are some parts that are a bit iffy, but nothing that I see as too bad. The other videos with this character I found quite offensive as they seemed to be just making fun of the character's autism. However in this video (at least as far as it comes across to me) the video is making fun of the character's misjudgement of the situation that is being described to him in the interview, not his autism directly.
    Him being autistic is relevant to the joke because it determines how he acts due to the misunderstanding, where an allistic (not autistic) person would likely find the thought of a prison as boring and try to avoid it, he instead finds it exciting and so sets out to go commit crimes in order to get in. This serves to make the situation into one that's sort of tragically funny, rather than one that just doesn't really go anywhere.
    It's perfectly possible that I'm putting too much trust in The Onion's ability to make good jokes about minority groups, and that the stuff that I've attributed to his personal failings are meant to be attributed to his autism, but that's just how my brain took it at face value.
    It's obviously not a perfect or even good representation of the autistic experience and even if it was, autistic people are as unique and varied in their personalities and likes as allistic people are and most are not going to be like this, but the representation is relatable to me in many aspects and is much better than a Rain Man type character that pushes the 'autistic genius' stereotype.

    • @zenorus3526
      @zenorus3526 3 роки тому +941

      I was actually wondering how an autistic person would see this. Thanks for your perspective.

    • @catortoisethoughts6152
      @catortoisethoughts6152 3 роки тому +815

      @The ABC Jug Band everything will be found offensive by someone on someone else's behalf, that's just a fact of life.

    • @kingofgrim4761
      @kingofgrim4761 3 роки тому +565

      @The ABC Jug Band the only time I’ve seen people genuinely mad or offended by the onion has been when they make a commentary on racism and the white racists in the comments are upset 💀

    • @burgerchuffer491
      @burgerchuffer491 3 роки тому +10

      You can think?

    • @starisma4215
      @starisma4215 3 роки тому +121

      im autistic myself and i dont really find this offensive

  • @sparky6757
    @sparky6757 4 роки тому +2300

    As a person on the lower end of the autism spectrum I can almost agree.
    Would it actually be worth it? No.
    Does prison hold some appeal? Unironically, yes.

    • @somethingwithbungalows
      @somethingwithbungalows 4 роки тому +78

      When I was little I wanted to live in prison lmao

    • @orchdork775
      @orchdork775 4 роки тому +267

      In South Korea* there are actual pretend prisons that you can pay to stay at. Apparently, some people there are so overwhelmed by the high expectations and stress of their careers, that on the weekends they choose to de-stress at one of these facilities, so they can basically just turn their brain off. You don't have to worry about anything, since every possible decision is being made for you, so you can just relax and be. I can definitely understand the appeal of something like that.
      *I initially wrote that this was happening in Japan, but it turns out it is actually in South Korea.

    • @somethingwithbungalows
      @somethingwithbungalows 4 роки тому +14

      Jackie Johnson I wanna go!

    • @ripnecco5477
      @ripnecco5477 4 роки тому +74

      Unironically it absolutely does lol. Imagine an environment of perfect consistency. Absolute efficiency. Yes.

    • @reggiestickleback7794
      @reggiestickleback7794 4 роки тому +25

      An Average Pichu
      Just join a Catholic monastery

  • @jrjubach
    @jrjubach 5 років тому +909

    I NEED TO GO TO PRISON NOW.
    You don’t understa-
    NOW.

  • @charredolive
    @charredolive 11 місяців тому +12

    It's great watching this every year, and realizing they portrayed a better autistic character all those years ago than anyone can today.

  • @bray7934
    @bray7934 4 роки тому +8737

    This is a better representation of autism than big bang theory

    • @an8strengthkobold360
      @an8strengthkobold360 4 роки тому +485

      That's a low bar

    • @morganwalker4809
      @morganwalker4809 3 роки тому +48

      Which character portrays autism in The Big Bang Theory?

    • @dhltn8624
      @dhltn8624 3 роки тому +307

      Sheldon being autistic is actually not Canon. People have labeled him as autistic because he has some stereotypical traits. But you are right that it doesn't represent autism very well, I'm just pointing out that his character was not created with that intention.

    • @dariocardajoli6831
      @dariocardajoli6831 3 роки тому +54

      ...sheldon is asperger's ... There's a HUGE difference between neurotypical and neurospecial

    • @spinachsheik3701
      @spinachsheik3701 3 роки тому +149

      @@dariocardajoli6831 um, it's neurodivergent, and Sheldon's a pretty shit representation of asperger's

  • @liqqan
    @liqqan 5 років тому +757

    They should make a Netflix series with this and call it Prison Break In

    • @N75911_
      @N75911_ 4 роки тому +41

      A man on a mission, but his plan is always foiled by the end and they don't send him to prison, despite all of his heinous acts.

  • @amaka6445
    @amaka6445 4 роки тому +821

    This actor is incredible! The detailing in his blocking is damn near identical to the average body language of a person with autism. He's for sure done a lot of research and/or grown up with someone with autism cuz wow

    • @amaka6445
      @amaka6445 4 роки тому +22

      @CR six seasons! Good on him. I don't watch law and order unfortunately, but I just might have to now

    • @TommyAngelo1337
      @TommyAngelo1337 4 роки тому +67

      He's been in a couple of *Tony Award winning* musicals, nominated once himself, and wrote another famous play. The guy is a legit talent. His name is John Cariani.

    • @chickenheadfaerie9731
      @chickenheadfaerie9731 3 роки тому +14

      He could also just have autism, I’m pretty sure Robin Williams had it. Honestly it’s probably something that would make someone a better actor because so many people with autism have amazing memories and can hyper focus really easily

    • @dogsdreamtoo8427
      @dogsdreamtoo8427 3 роки тому +3

      @@chickenheadfaerie9731 how are you so sure that Robin Williams had it? Don't be jumping to conclusions like fucking Mario

    • @kev_whatev
      @kev_whatev 3 роки тому +25

      @@dogsdreamtoo8427 Actually Mario had autism too

  • @bobbysweets746
    @bobbysweets746 Місяць тому +6

    This is the only news source I trust

  • @ImJustHeretoLurk
    @ImJustHeretoLurk 3 роки тому +5649

    As an autistic myself I have seen a lot of supposed "representation"
    How in the hell did the Onion get it the most accurate?!?!

    • @alexfagnan7469
      @alexfagnan7469 3 роки тому +250

      There’s probably at least a few working for the onion. lol

    • @naterbaternaterbater
      @naterbaternaterbater 3 роки тому +383

      I'm autistic myself.
      I found this hilarious because I have really considered going to prison for all of things the clip makes fun of.
      Unfortunately, all the bad people in prison kinda ruins the fantasy for me.
      If only there were specific prison-like places for people like me!
      On a side note, I've considered mental institutions, but going to one would bankrupt me. 🤷‍♂️

    • @non9886
      @non9886 3 роки тому +22

      onion is on other level. they are best!

    • @matthiasmartin1975
      @matthiasmartin1975 3 роки тому +8

      It's up there with The Chosen.

    • @thealkymyst
      @thealkymyst 3 роки тому +37

      Rob a bank. You'll be able to afford autism prison then.

  • @3pg4kd
    @3pg4kd 8 років тому +685

    He would absolutely love bootcamp. He could be the happiest recruit or most terrifying drill instructor in the world.

    • @audreyquentin9273
      @audreyquentin9273 7 років тому +127

      MS
      haha I'm in a naval jrotc program in my school and this freshman with Aspergers has already been promoted to a PO3

    • @SmackThePanda
      @SmackThePanda 7 років тому +6

      audrey quentin
      What does that mean in english?

    • @superduperisaac
      @superduperisaac 7 років тому +107

      SmackThePanda newbie with aspergers is doing really well in a school military program, he's ranking up quickly

    • @mid1429
      @mid1429 6 років тому +20

      It’s because we develop patterns and in that way militarywold be very easy in my case I love explaining things

    • @mid1429
      @mid1429 6 років тому +1

      audrey quentin my school did not have JROTC

  • @qpol
    @qpol 2 роки тому +8816

    “why do you want to get out of here?”
    “for my family”
    “can you stack your family”
    man is asking the real questions

    • @Greatj-Gil
      @Greatj-Gil 2 роки тому +66

      That part of the video made me laugh even though it probably shouldn't have lol

    • @burnyizland
      @burnyizland Рік тому +21

      OMG that made me laugh harder than anything!

    • @Nocturnal_Mee
      @Nocturnal_Mee Рік тому +50

      Investigative journalism at its finest.

    • @Somnicolossus
      @Somnicolossus Рік тому +3

      The House that Jack Built answers this exhaustively

    • @Greatj-Gil
      @Greatj-Gil Рік тому +8

      @@Somnicolossus *The House Built By Jack!
      That is dark tho
      I was thinking of it as
      A man standing, the grandfather on his shoulders, the cousin on the grandfather's shoulders and so on like the Yertle Turtle story by Dr. Suess

  • @Josehuds69420
    @Josehuds69420 6 днів тому +8

    How is *this* the most accurate depiction of Autism I have seen in a while (coming from an autistic person)

  • @Drew57720
    @Drew57720 Рік тому +1161

    I’m autistic and this interview is what I go through on a daily basis. He probably isn’t actually autistic but the acting is perfectly spot on.

    • @elgordobondiola
      @elgordobondiola Рік тому +119

      Acting so good it's got the real deal asking themselves "it's a possibility he actually isn't"

    • @Tim20072
      @Tim20072 Рік тому +38

      wait you interview prisoners on a daily basis?

  • @capybaraandwatermelonenjoy8208
    @capybaraandwatermelonenjoy8208 2 роки тому +4588

    I'm an autistic person, and this is pretty damm accurate. Not for every autistic person, but for a lot of us, we like things like this.

    • @BenCarpendale
      @BenCarpendale 2 роки тому +1

      Yeah, I definitely don't relate to some traits of this autistic reporter, consistency is nice but most times it gives me an existential crisis (but it's a very varied spectrum)

    • @emrahalien2972
      @emrahalien2972 Рік тому +66

      Stacking crates?

    • @emrahalien2972
      @emrahalien2972 Рік тому +135

      Crates stacking stack stack stack stack stacking

    • @witchykittyy
      @witchykittyy Рік тому

      As an autistic I couldn’t relate at all

    • @falkeprophet
      @falkeprophet Рік тому +9

      @@emrahalien2972 so true

  • @wemuk5170
    @wemuk5170 5 років тому +590

    This is amazingly accurate. My son (with autism & intellectual disability) is super well-behaved because he loves structure, routine & rules and he cannot have nothing to do. He can speak very little but he would behave like this reporter, yes, absolutely. Very accurate depiction of reality.

    • @euphoricatheist6694
      @euphoricatheist6694 5 років тому +12

      Not accurate. Actual auts spend most of their time autistically screeching.

    • @hummingbirdcake1902
      @hummingbirdcake1902 5 років тому +115

      @@euphoricatheist6694 Are you ok?

    • @euphoricatheist6694
      @euphoricatheist6694 5 років тому +37

      @@hummingbirdcake1902 REEEEEEEEEEEE!

    • @hummingbirdcake1902
      @hummingbirdcake1902 5 років тому +100

      I guess not.

    • @wemuk5170
      @wemuk5170 5 років тому +22

      Hummingbird Cake I hope he is all right because I speak from my heart. 💗 I am the parent carer of an autistic teen, have autistics as our own close relatives as well as co-founded & run a sports club with autistics as members so I am absolutely not joking. Hope he is OK. Some of my autistic friends will close their ears very tightly with the hands & howl or screech - only in the middle of meltdowns. Hope he is fine by now...

  • @ebelyn2785
    @ebelyn2785 6 місяців тому +10

    thank you youtube algorithm for putting this TWELVE year old video on my reccommended.

  • @fiveish77
    @fiveish77 5 років тому +6436

    Rigid routine? What is the rigid routine?
    *autism intensifies*

    • @johnny.V03
      @johnny.V03 5 років тому +145

      “Make sure the cashier is dead.”

    • @papajavaleri
      @papajavaleri 5 років тому +34

      I think this is the only comment where "intensifies" was used as a meme and also correctly. It actually makes sense instead of being a dumb phrase. Good job :V

    • @dasgermanskiguy6028
      @dasgermanskiguy6028 5 років тому +7

      This is the funniest thing I’ve seen today

  • @SirHolySword
    @SirHolySword 6 років тому +4328

    "Embezzling and fraud-"
    "That takes too long!"
    I can't breathe

    • @chocolatecake4486
      @chocolatecake4486 6 років тому +115

      EtherDimentionalist I need to go to prison NOW!

    • @sidimightbe
      @sidimightbe 5 років тому +2

      The first two lines form a pleasing curve

    • @qu4980
      @qu4980 4 роки тому

      Dead

    • @FeelMyBirdie
      @FeelMyBirdie 4 роки тому

      Well i guess it wouldnt take very long now if you apply for PPP and use thr money to buy lambos

  • @GrayAcre
    @GrayAcre 3 роки тому +737

    "I cannot see you Brooke, I can only hear you."
    The honest journalism we stan for.

  • @MikeSilv
    @MikeSilv Рік тому +36

    “There’s hardly any human contact-“
    “HOW DO I GET TO LIVE HERE”

    • @PRubin-rh4sr
      @PRubin-rh4sr Рік тому

      He should have told him the butt sex

  • @slinger047
    @slinger047 3 роки тому +2263

    1:23, the fact that he says”I like stack crates” and quickly corrects himself to “stacking crates” emphasizes the realism even further.

    • @summerrr1
      @summerrr1 3 роки тому +23

      He very clearly says “I like to stack crates” so you’re comment is dumb.

    • @tencolorpen
      @tencolorpen 3 роки тому +158

      @@summerrr1 its yore

    • @sikerow3180
      @sikerow3180 3 роки тому +5

      @@summerrr1 you’re is you are your is what you are looking for

    • @lifepreviouslybalanced5743
      @lifepreviouslybalanced5743 3 роки тому +69

      I just lost half my braincells reading this section, and I don't mean that my braincell population dropped in half, I mean that he cells themselves are only halves. Which is arguably worse

    • @caralho5237
      @caralho5237 3 роки тому +10

      @@lifepreviouslybalanced5743 they shrank? that means you can fit twice as many braincells inside your brain now, just need to find a place to buy them

  • @calvinhuddleston576
    @calvinhuddleston576 3 роки тому +4127

    "guys like me who are in here for embezzling and frau-"
    "That takes too long. I want to go to prison now"

  • @CampbellsUniverse
    @CampbellsUniverse 4 роки тому +3223

    I think we all learned a valuable lesson here
    *Make sure the cashiers dead* ✔

    • @eknight809
      @eknight809 4 роки тому +53

      The check mark concerns me...

    • @etcetraetcetra3173
      @etcetraetcetra3173 4 роки тому +11

      Of course, you want to live there, don't you?

    • @mitchelskulas870
      @mitchelskulas870 4 роки тому +1

      @@etcetraetcetra3173 I don't know I have some questions

    • @ZOCCOK
      @ZOCCOK 3 роки тому +1

      @@eknight809 oh no....

    • @SomeGamer1111
      @SomeGamer1111 3 роки тому +1

      @@eknight809
      he was just making sure he checked it off once he completed the task. Michael Falk would approve

  • @SkodaUFOInternational
    @SkodaUFOInternational 10 місяців тому +7

    This is so comforting.