Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
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- Опубліковано 23 вер 2009
- 8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck.
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Diary of a Wimpy kid deleted scene
XDDD
I saw a missing poster for Fregley
Stanified He DOES look like manny omg
the last stand
Still better than the new film.
Imagine how Home Alone would've been with this kid?
LMAOOOO
DED
Shorter
Andrew Farren At one point Kevin in Home Alone uses like a bee bee gun, this kid wouldn't
Andrew Farren Rated R
"It was a burglar, wasn't it Lucas? He was trying to steal things?"
"He looked hungry."
dude... lmao
how are there no comments on this?
how are there no comments on this?
@@thesansabasong-bird6947white people
@@thesansabasong-bird6947 Because when whites break in it's to buy more heroin
@@thesansabasong-bird6947 ?
“it’s his honor shirt” “i want the blood” 💀💀💀
😂😂
Blood for the blood god!!!!
I love how the "I want the blood" just slips in there between other lines with the perfect clandestine tone that it makes it all the more ominous.🤣😂
@@Dr.Madd138SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
"Well..."
This kid isn't acting. And he's out there, right now, growing stronger.
Donating 200 kidneys to a hospital and given heads on hamburguers.
Oh no, oh no no no
Rumor has it later in life he heroically killed 2 rioters in Kenosha lol
@@killmeorudie1 lol, damn man. that was brutal
Why would he be acting?
"I want the blood."
"..... well, he's gettin a little shy now"
Yeah, I heard that part.
How do you even respond that, on live tv?
Lol
899th like
lol this kids so dark lamo
this whole segment is hilarious but the "worlds oldest attractive woman celebrates 48th birthday" at the end hit me square in the jaw LMFAO
ME TOOOO
It hit like the bullets going into the burglar
BROOO I'M SO GLAD THAT SOMEONE MENTIONED THAT. fr had me on the floor
The part before that………. “Your pet might be a CIA mole”
Helen Mirren doesn't exist?
2:00 "Lucas Says He Hopes More Burglars Break In So He Can Stop Them With Dad's Power Drill" is so underrated
wait until he discovers daddy's chainsaw
put this future man in juvie
@@flextape467 more like life without parole holy shit💀
Why the fuck have you started every word with a capital?
@@markfox1545 because that's what it said in the video
I like how they treat normal guests like they're weird and treat weird guests like they're normal. 😂
That's new for ya
What are you talking about, that's what normal kids born from demonic rituals do this days, nothing out of the norm there
the lil kid said "i love the blood" the kid is a fucking psychopath😂
@A K ik
@A K did i say i was being serious?🤣
"He started crying so I shot him in the back,"
"It was Lucas laughing that woke me up,"
*damn*
wow original and funny comment!
@@zvezdan956 I didn’t even see other comments like this
@@notawamen2311 no its the comment of someone quoting something from the video with no added commentary
Sometimes the content sells itself and the commenter only intends to highlight parts they feel stood out. Nothing wrong with that. Pretty sure everyone with an education used a highlighter before.
@@machninety7334 u dont use a highlighter in school to get likes
The fucking sub header beneath the kid. “Lucas snapped burglar’s elbows so he couldn’t reach for the weapon” cracks me the fuck up everytime
There’s another great one under the kid at 2:01 . It says “Lucas says he hopes more burglars break in so he can stop them with Dad’s power drill” 😂 Jesus Christ
@@shelbylynn9 the poor bastards coming in
The burglar was an absolute tank to have survived as much as he did before dying.
nah you can survive a few minutes with that damage
@@yoursleepparalysisdemon1828uh..per.. personal experience?
but stay conscious?
“Your pet may be a CIA mole”
Nah he’s a platypus. They don’t do much.
@JOSHUA DENARDI perry*
I fucking love you for this
AGENT P!!!!!!
This is common knowledge
Ive got bad news for you bud...
I love how the dad looks legitimately happy, excited, and supportive. haha
it just sucks when they won't stop screaming. Terrible humans, those burglars.
What💀
Based
home alone 6
a short film
Nathaniel Snider wait there’s a home alone 5? I know about 1-4 but
@@purpleperson7113 there's a five its not with the same characters but it does exist
Nathaniel Snider good golly-
@@purpleperson7113 good golly is correct
Rated R
"Actually it was Lucas laughing that woke me up" 😂
Exactly it wasn't the loud ahh gunshot😭😭but still why is the kid laughing
@@andrebennett2729 be a sadist and youll understand
I spit out my drink when I heard that
@@andrebennett2729 its definitely not a normal reaction
The delivery on that line was perfect
I like how the kids face was so dead and expressionless in the "happy" photos with his family
my son also shot a burglar just last week, he was 63 and screaming all kinds of crazy stuff like
''where am I?'' and ''Can you help me get home?'', I've never been more proud!
Damn u old
@@TheBfutgreg lmao
I love how she says “But you didn’t listen to him, did you?” In such an adoring voice lmao
Fake doe
@@kSubscribersWithoutVideo-qg3qr no shit
10k Subscribers Without Videos Challenge no shit
@@kSubscribersWithoutVideo-qg3qr yeah, that's what satire is
@@kSubscribersWithoutVideo-qg3qr no shit
“It was Lucas laughing that woke me up”
Absolutely put me in tears
8 shots with a rifle: Sleeps
Lucas lauging: Wait a minute...!
That's not even funny. The kids acting was funny. Simpleton.
@@WingsOfAgeOfConsent
🤓🤨
@@Fedico7000 not here to conversate man
@@WingsOfAgeOfConsent Obviously not your strong point 💀
I love how the dad is trying his best not to break character
I love how supportive the dad is.
Its fake look up the onion to see thats its all a joke
@@ryans9103 i know its fake nigga
@@ryans9103 Really Ryan?...........
@@ryans9103 Kinda..I only say kinda because self defense is a Right and there is no age limit on a Right. As exemplified not too long ago actually. XP
@redneckhippiefreak this is the onion its a satire skit.. look them up you'll see.
I feel so bad for like a sweet old lady who stumbles upon this and thinks it’s real 😭
@@IambiguousSegment what is rittenhouse?
Thank god this is fake
@@IambiguousSegment To compare this kid to Rittenhouse is laughable, you delusional leftist.
@@IambiguousSegment This is absolutely nothing like Rittenhouse bro
Omg I thought about that too lol
"He wouldn't stop talking so I shot his jaw off."
but then he started screaming ERRRRRRRRR, and i shot off each one of his fingers, then he stopped screaming
Pretty efficient ngl
@@stevie8271 that part was the creepiest by far
Best part of the video. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Doda Garcia Dauvid Brobrik?!?!?! oMG IM big fan
We need more of this- honestly, these videos age like great wine. Everything was done to perfection. Onion is untouchable
Just turn on regular cable news like Fox, CNN or MSNBC. It's indistinguishable from these old Onion bits.
Reality has squeezed ONN out of business
@@KrolKaz except CNN and MSNBC are becoming a joke.
"he looked hungry"
-so i fed him some lead
I want an R-rated, horror-version of Home Alone staring this kid
There was a Christmas horror movie called I think "better watch out" where the kid is a psychopath
This should be the new home alone,instead of the cringefest there putting out there now!
You're welcome: ua-cam.com/video/ZgLqxSPIhR0/v-deo.html
Go check out Corridor Digital they've made Rated R Home Alone
Starring*
I know everyone is talking about the kid's acting, but the dad's acting is cracking me up. He's so proud lol.
I love how they begin more subtly, making it a wierd but at that point still somewhat credible story and then they gradually get wilder and more outrages, until at some point all doubt of wether this could be real or gone. The strange thing is that it is hard to determine where in this story that point is.
I got 100th like
That’s not difficult, all Americans are like that for real, so over enthusiastic about any everything they talk about
@@garylock2012 "All Americans" ok buddy
Acting? What makes you think he was acting? Kid's a psycho.
“I want the blood”….. “I want the blood”
Unirocally one of the best acting i've seen from a kid
“why would he change his shirt, thats his honor shirt.” “i like the blood..”
Want*
I read this comment the exact time I heard it
ReasonedTwo130 Why do you idiots keep quoting what the video says? We all watched it
Captions say "wanted"
@@Donnie-sg2cj fuck off asshole
"World's oldest attractive woman turns 48"
I love the old Onion.
Donnie Pendleton the real news has become so crazy that the onion can’t compete XD
That j.lo
SpaseGoast o
Is this real?!
Technically, it could be true for Asians.
The National Rifle Association also gave Lucas a Lifetime membership.
love how they're acting so enthusiactic lol
All I’m saying is that they never actually caught the zodiac killer
oh shit...
LMAO NOOO
Hold on.....
Fair point
Onion comments are always almost just as good as the video what the hell
I like how they treated the spelling bee winner kid as some sort of deranged special child but treated a physcopathic kid who loves killing and blood as a courageous awesome child hero.
That's why I love the onion
I mean isnt that just average america?
C est la vie
@@hopefullyentertainment6029 not at all lol
@@caralho5237 yes it is
This aged unreasonably well
As a European, this is how my parents would describe the US when I was a kid.
‘It was Lucas laughing that woke me up, I had never heard the kid laugh so much’ 😂😂
I literally was right at that part and laughing as I found your comment. Perfect haha
Harry oo
@@MiniM69 and don't break a sweat doing it
@@MiniM69 if he fail the first 9 week test he shooting it up the very next day
The child actors they get for The Onion are elite
@Queue Kumber oh shii
Tbh all of their actors are really good. Seriously where do they keep finding these people and how come they aren't on TV right now?
Wdym actors. This isn’t fake, it’s a completely real news show after all, trusted by millions to deliver the facts when no one else will!
/s
@@bulldozer8950 yes it is. I trust this more than anything else
Hello Travis
"He wouldn't stop talking, so then I shot his jaw off."
What goes through my mind when a customer stops me on my way to clock out to ask a question
So you’re a sick person who works at a grocery store or something
fun fact: that kid grew up to be Christian Bale
NOT the screaming, NOT the GUNSHOTS, but it was the LAUGHING that woke Mr. Armitage up. This is comedy genius.
Legomax18 oop
Issues 😳
Legomax18 wait this isn’t real?
@@womblowbobble1139 nope, this is the onion so everything is satire
@@porkostar1 did you actually think this was real?
I’m surprised this kid didn’t grow up to be any actor we know. Subtle creepiness is hard to pull off especially as a child. I want the blood 😂😂😂
He does do a very good job here 😂
Not too hard to nail if you're ACTUALLY A PSYCHOPATH
Anyone know his real name?
he kind of gives me vibes of that guy in the office, with dark circles half of the time, new guyish, dark brown hair, think his name was tony or smt? i don’t really watch that show
Mina thinking of ryan howard by any chance?
Funny how there's always people who think the onion's skits are real, some people are truly special
Well, stupidity is an incurable genetic trait of homosapiens.
This kid is now 21 and I wonder how he will react when he watches this. 😁
He’s getting stronger
@@emrahalien2972he wants the blood…
I see a lot of "I can't believe how many people took this seriously" comments, but I can't seem to find the people who supposedly took it seriously.
Broken M90 you have to sort the comments "Newest first" instead of showing only "top comments"
Yeah, it's becuse you're looking at the most likd comments, which are from people who get it.
@@SiisKolkytEuroo That is a sad commentary on how much more braindead people are becoming. It's like people can't look beyond the face value of anything that has a professional look these days.
It's kinda sad how many commercials I see on TV these days with a guy in a white coat that has a stethoscope around his neck and in the fine print it says hes a paid actor/spokesman.
Yet oddly enough half of the legit videos of crazy stuff that happens with evidence to back it up is called fake because it's a clip uploaded to a site like UA-cam.
This craziness is what allows celebrities to cause antivaxer movements and weak tenuous connections between visual observations from naive idiots to cause flattards. It's like we are devolving into jello headed morons.
@@ExceedingRectified i found one. it's yours
You just have to sort comments by newest first
Wait this dad slept through multiple gunshots? Lucas is not only a hero for killing a burglar but for waking his father from a coma
Eric Miret
I'm the kid in this video you are correct
LOL
Brick Wall o
Lmaoooooooooooo
How tf is Lucas a hero ? The fuckin dude put his hands up yet he still shot him with pure enjoyment!! And shot his jaws off ? For WHAT ?!?! Nigga could’ve just called his dad or the cops, that kid put that dude thru hell like wtf wrong wit u white people.. no one deserves to die like that
Even the damn title had me laughing before I watched.
holy shit nvm this video is metal as fuck
I remember my parents watching this thinking this was real I finally found this video years later what do i tell them
I watched the one about teaching a gorilla about death and it getting suicidal and depressed and thought it was real as a kid
I love The Onion. I send these videos to my foreign friends and tell them that it’s legitimate American news.
I mean with everything going on these days here u can’t blame them for falling for it
In other words the onions satire is now what real news stations have become.
@@Legocatshouse almost like its imitating real life
It basically is. Old man literally basically bragged about shooting a woman burglar in the back and then executing her as she begged for her life. Commenters were like "HELL YA!"
@@justcommenting4981 I understood what you are talking about, in the comments of that video there was not a single person who did not exalt that crazy man
"World's Oldest Attractive Woman Celebrates 48th Birthday" That's brutal...
It's not meant to be brutal. It's satire; it's pointing out our prejudices
wahahahahahahaha
@@0SilentStone0 Just pointing out reality.
@@robertjensen1048 Yeah, the reality is that people are prejudiced against old people.
@@thenablade858 Naaaah, just against old females. 😅
I still send this video to my foreign friends when they ask me anything about American culture, and it still has a 50/50 chance of them falling for it.
When I originally clicked on this video, I thought it said “burger” instead of burglar and was really confused when I started watching and waiting for them to mention the burger before I reread the title.
This kid is gonna grow up into a great painter. Look how artistically he smeared the blood!
Hmm I dunno, I feel like he's specifically going to fail art school at age 18 then come into power of a military by age 43?
xVᴄ.iᴅ yeah I thought that too
Hopefully he doesn’t plan on taking over the world and tortures other races for existing
Fingers crossed he makes it into art school
And if he fails?
@@multiversalman4270 Then God help us all. Last time someone insane didn’t get into art school they became Hitler.
This is just wrong. The kid shot the fingers off? He should have used a pair of pruning shears and it would haven't disfigured them as much. That way the finger necklace would be pristine.
Shy Guy well, he knew where the gun was not the pruning shears.....
He just needs more practice.
Meyouroo you know that comment was a joke
@@mu2k499 double woosh
WOOOOSH
legend has it, he became the best police officer Los Angeles has ever seen.
Petition to make Lucas the new Mortal Kombat DLC character!
"Lucas says he hopes more burglars break in so he can stop them with his dad's power drill" LMAO 😂😂
for real these slides have me deaddds asf
thats fucked up
That´s fucking metal
this kid would love hotline miami lmao
@@CTButcher you don’t understand the old internet
All these actors deserve so much more recognition. They breathe such personality into these small roles, it’s incredible how they make these skits come to life!
They’re not actors! How many times do I have to tell people, and still they never believe me
people keep talking about "actors"
are you guys commenting on the right videos? this is a news channel jesus christ
I was just thinking how much of a darling is the female host. She gets it down to the t
@@chad4921 😐
I made your comment 999 uwu
Everytime I watch this, I just have to respect this kid’s amazing acting😭
Later he got to have lunch with his favorite superhero, the Homelander! 🇺🇸
world's oldest attractive woman celebrates 48th birthday lmfao!
Vexivero So true lmao sad reality
Vexivero So true lmao, sad reality
Name?
Yo, you ever heard of Helen Mirren? Always has looked amazing for her age! But in general yes it's true
Vexivero they’re commenting on misogynistic beauty ideals for aging women
"He started crying, so I shot him in the back." "He wouldn't stop talking so I shot his jaw!" "I like the way the blood makes me feel!" "I want the blood."
10k Subscribers with no videos challenge wait what?? i thought the onion was a reputable news source!
10k Subscribers with no videos challenge
Darn it! I never would have thought The Onion would lie! The betrayal!
10k Subscribers with no videos challenge You’re a sub beggar, dumbass
@@kSubscribersWithoutVideo-qg3qr I know you weren't talking to me but I responded anyway. Nothing you can do about that
10k Subscribers with no videos challenge Look! The beggar called someone a dumbass. You can all laugh now 😂
It’s funny how 13 years later some people still can’t tell this is satire
Yes they can stfu
I despise people like you. Half the fun is the comment section, but some midwits always have to ruin it. Well done, you get a gold star for having heard about the onion before
@@johnstuart4914😂😂
He is now 22 years old.
“Six of burglar’s teeth were found inside his own stomach”
That is horrific
He only got six? Those are rookie numbers, I can do better.
Nah, see, only rookies go for the stomach. If you a pro you can get them to come out the butt. We call it shitin teeth. Around here we get together and see who can get the most teeth out. We been running out of neighbors for recent though.
Lol with the headline "Daily Inspiration"
@@pikaboy70 LMAORUIFHERUIFGHE
This kid is a hero
Kid: I want the blood.
Interviewer: WELLLLL.....
Hadyn Hoggatt and the dead stare
ESPECIALLY dark when you have seen the "Interviewer" travel across America trying a bunch of PORK dishes... what a dark ending...
"Jim Haggerty Porks The USA! -- Porkin' Across America" ua-cam.com/video/PwQns6vGfj4/v-deo.html
💀💀💀💀💀💀
Haha haha funny as shit
I believe this young person will be a great recruit for the army when he's of age. He could help liberate the next country burdened by too much oil, because I'm told PTSD tend to reduce effectiveness and I have a feeling this won't be a problem here
"The next county burdened by too much oil" lmao
I like how his dad indicates that the kid have laughs that overwhelms consecutive gunshots and screams of agony
"I like the way the blood makes me feel" I actually cried laughing, this is amazing
When comedy wasnt censored it made it so much better. If this video was made now twitter would have CPS at the kids parents house for even allowing him to be a part of the video. Comedy mostly sucks now aside from the few that just don’t give a fuck anymore.
You know, blood makes me feel alive.
I feel a little dry without it.
Future school shooter. You better watch out.
Starts heading to the school*
@@NovemberFoxtrotRC Bro, twitter freely does r@pe, pedophilic and ect content and jokes regularly. Twitter is epitome of dark humor. Thet are polarised, though. This type* of humor is nothing to them
Edit: typo
"I wanted the blood."
"Weeelll he's gotten a little shy now."
Not only are the actors who play the hosts amazing, but every guest knocks it out of the park, even when they're only 8!
actors?
@@EMPEROR_SINSome people don't get a joke smh
He's not 40,000 years old
@@Rex_Nichts lol
@Starry Eyes still the kids. If you value someone else’s things over your life, we’ll also value our things over your life.
“World’s most attractive woman celebrates 48th birthday” is underrated
i love how only sometimes he just looks at it
"Must've been fun getting that award at school, right? An-"
"I want the blood"
"Well, he's getting a little shy now"
He wants the blood
Just give him the blood
Reporters ki fatt gyi.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
12 years later and he’s a proud and successful police officer 🥰
Good for him, I'm sure he's doing well.
@@Aroused_mortician I think he's joking. Probably satirizing the police shooting criminals in the back.
@@revanofkorriban1505 yeah man, pretty sure everyone knows.
So funny lol. Go fuck your self
@@josiahslate7374 you okay Kyle?
I just love reports about wholesome American families
What a wonderful young patriot exemplifying stand your ground laws in the US
idk why everyone is laughing,we need to get this boy some help,it took him all those shots just to kill 1 man
great! now that's a good cause,finally the church helping out kids
trashy10 thank god this is so real
The video is fake dude.
trashy10 ik and the guy was just hungry
Mr.cornbreadsauce read the guy’s comment carefully. He’s making a joke...
You can't fool me Today Now, I know my pet is just a regular mole
I dont even XD
Comrade Whiskers must return to the motherland
This would explain the digging, she outgrew the nest and was kicked out but knows where all the tunnels are.
She's trying to exact revenge on her subterranean tormentors/estranged family.
They forgot to mention thatt Lucas used to practice on cats, birds and his muslim neighbour's kids. Never on puppies, of course, as a dog person himself Lucas knows that dog is men's best friend.
Man is man’s worst enemy
@@RagnarCayuseit’s actually defenseless turtles
As a Brit who has once travelled to the USA, I can confirm that this is what all Americans are actually like.
Can't hear the accent
@@KansasMan1938 Innit
"It's the weakest part of the skull, that's right" lol
"Well how did you manage to do that, Lucas?"
"Either you shoot at the temples and pull down, or you shoot at the side of the skull wall."
Wait, so he's done this more than once?
@@summerskull9379 it's called deer hunting
@@bananasrotate7821 no.its not
@@daneiten1 if you watch the video, it shows pictures of his and his dad's hunting trip. That's probably where he left all that.
He is now 20 years old, he will never forget this in his life.
Anndddd... he got sentenced life for Massacring a preschool
@@eileencarr2895 you know you can edit UA-cam comments right?
@@CutTheRedWire yea just forgot lol
8 + 14 = 22
@@thnx
That's right, cool maths.
He'd be 21 though.
I'm so proud of this kid.
I love how many of us keep coming back to this video years later
@@ryanvedo9008 because it both represents what the extreme left think of self defense and what the extreme right think is appropriate for self defense.
Since most of us are centrists. (Relative to either extreme at least)
We find it hilarious.
@@The24thWight You need to brush up on your politics, bud. Leftists are pro second amendment
@@The24thWight exactly, theres radical leftists who think violence/physical resistance should never be used in any scenario or you're automatically a bad person and then radical right-wingers who think a brutal execution is proper punishment for any crime, it's so fucking dumb
How does the onion find such good actors
That dad is the stand out actor here. Those looks of sweet endearment and humility.
His cheeks even go red. That's acting.
"Why would he change his shirt? It's his honor shirt." Daddy Jack
they're all great honestly
FlickerFlame oof
His dad looks like Caitlyn Jenner
The onion is my favourite source for news it’s reliable and speaks the truth
me too it's so honest and it's just overall real
They're never afraid of the facts, and they always say it how it is.
You watching this: *DEW IT!*
This is the only true neutral news show
Get the fuck away Palpatine, your not wanted here, your not the senate
the fact that people don’t realize its satire and then are treating it like a good thing
What? Did you read the comments? Do you live in a different world than everyone else?
@@Johnnyvtg yeah, I can't believe people still don't trust The Onion in 2024. It's the world's most reliable news source!
This being satire is about as believable as birds being real. Which is to say, not very.
Still on the side of the kid, hero!
0:34 “I take it out a lot. Sometimes I just look at it.”
He _just_ looks at it _sometimes,_ implying he does more most times…
Even from such a young age, he works himself to the bone every day! Truly an admirable, larger-than-life hero!
he's such a psychopath
...
@@HalfLife-hq8eu its a joke if you couldn't tell
@@cultofsucc5807 i indeed can
...
That smirk at the end gets me everytime
Lmao
it's like he's waiting for the next burglar
666 likes
Lil bro was NOT having it
I love his first pic smiling and after that just a blank impression that's why onn's old clips are legendary
Gun safety isn't to protect children it's to protect burglars
Billy was here
Bob was here
mustafa hassan kry was here
Kry Trump here
What’s up guys scarce here
Genius from start to finish. I especially love the condescending-but-not-listening attitude of the presenters.
Boy it’s awarded by a killing a man in the worst way with a gun and no one is concerned on his description of the story.
That man broke into his family's home so who cares, he got what he deserves.
Thank god we have the Onion, a well resourced news agency, to tell us these stories right?
TikTok kids seein this thinkin it’s real
Thank god for Lucas. I’m so glad he’s grown up to be such a fantastic police officer!
He's really cut down the counties stray dog population. And whatever his homelessness solution is, it has been working! He said in 10 years he "shall ascend to the presidency" and an NRA spokeswoman said they can't wait to endorse him!
Welcome back to "Spot the Libtard" with our special guest Libtard Logan!
true lmao
@@mellohi6175 And the way he refuses all paychecks? So generous.
He's just a good old fashioned family man. Can't get much better than that! Everyday, the children and the wife line up at the front of the house awaiting their daily beating upon his arrival!