I've seen a few triggered comments because this ideal is so deeply imbedded in society. Compromise is the enemy of compatibility. It's like when you're dehydrated and you drink soda instead of water. Yeah, it's liquid but you'll still end up thirsty. Love has been this self sacrifical ideal for centuries, and it can turn relationships into an ecosystem of resentment, keeping score, settling, and losing your own sense of autonomy if/when it ends. Some people stay in incompatible relationships because they don't want to be alone, think they won't find someone else, refuse to change, or use the other person as an excuse to not go after what they want. Love itself is not painful; Putting someone elses needs above your own is. This video was spot on. Thank you for always speaking the truth, even if it ruffles a few feathers because it refutes the societal norm.
Omgosh the answer to the question that’s been bugging me for a while, ‘why does the pain not bother me enough to leave’. Now I get it, I associate love with pain.
Please read the book Metaphors We Live By by George Lakoff & Mark Johnson. It talks about this. Our whoooole view of sooo many things is based off of catchy sayings and language. We associate love with pain, and suffering, and triumph is traversing it.
This is the main thing I realized after my divorce and try to tell others. Compromise is allowing your partner to cross a boundary and that is not what a respectful partner does.
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
I completely agree. I found a partner who I'm compatible with, and, in comparison to all of my past relationships, it's easy to avoid compromise because we're both on the same page. In the rare instances that we're not, we find a solution that we're both happy with. Great video, thank you!!
The “Solution we are both happy with” option is still a form of compromise. Maybe not a massive compromise but it’s still compromise. I think what teal should have said is to not compromise on the very main values or desires. Not to “not compromise at all” that’s just impossible
@@TinyBudha her definition of compromise was "you take a little pain, I take a little pain." So if you're not in pain from the decision, then it's not compromise. It's just being happy with a 3rd option while both parties still are fulfilled.
@@alessandramia111 Yeh I see what your saying. What I will say though is even small compromise wouldn’t be considered “pain” but you would still have a slight experience loss from what the best version of the outcome would have been. I wouldn’t go so far to call it pain but certainly. Compromise of any kind involves missing out at least slightly in some way. This is my understanding and seems to be what the definition is considered by most from what I can find anyway. Thanks for sharing 🙏
@@TinyBudha you really need to catch up, she has been making videos on finding the third option the win-win scenario, for a while now. If a win-win scenario cannot be found then it is incompatibility. The win-win scenario is found through parts work.
I stopped compromising as soon as I stopped chasing, I feel to seek our passions in life will allign us with a proper partner. But when we pretend to be something we're not, we end up unhappy.
The more Authentic you are the more you will repel people who are not meant for you and draw in people who are. So have strong boundaries and don’t be afraid to show your true self. Much love 😘
I would also like a video about how to find someone compatible! I have some bad habits I wasn't aware of, like compromising. My mom once told me that I will not find the perfect partner, so I just have to make do with what I have... doesn't sound like good advice anymore.
Firstable the sex have to be like magic , second you can share almost everything with this person and third thing the person you think that compatible wants to be with you and spend time with you as much as possible
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
„When other people compromise for us, we’re not actually being loved.“ That. I just had an enlightment 💡 That is what I’ve been afraid of in relationships. That they‘ll compromise, and I wouldn’t as much, and they’d hold it against me, telling me I’m stubborn and selfish. I‘m not willing to compromise that much… I didn’t like when they made big compromises. I couldn’t say with confidence why, because it is seen as such a selfless good thing. But it wouldn’t make us happy. I‘m glad that I am aware of this now, I can put it in words! Thank you, Teal 🥺💜
We’re still in the love matrix. Most people are with their partners in western countries because they were physically drawn to them, in Eastern countries because their parents were drawn to them... or it’s out of security, loneliness etc... we need to start basing romantic relationships on compatibility. But that’s not yet the norm... so we wait with bated breath.
Meh....sure we are attracted to someone but most know it's not enough. It's just a doorway. And attraction isn't always about the most attractive. Often there is an intrinsic attraction.
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
Obviously there cannot be 100% compatibility in any relationship for every single thing, but I believe she is talking about the larger more important things that generally come into play for every relationship
I just don’t think anyone could be perfectly compatible knowing that our moods change depending on what we eat or if we’ve eaten. Therefore a little compromise is necessary. The big things that are important to someone should never be compromised, but little things, compromise I think is necessary.
I can’t agree more. If everything runs in the automatic pilot without doing anything then you both are the perfect human beings or Gods. The key is to be compatible to the most important subjects according to your standards and piece of mind and harmony. Little things with good communication and mutual respect can be overcome.
I think it was implied...that it refers to the crucially important subjects...ooor the sum of little ones...If it's always one and the same party doing all the (in a practical daily life necessary) little compromises, then one of those will prove to be one too many...
Compromise is sacrificing your personality and your passions to make your partner comfortable and fit in. If we have to do that, the relationship is not compatible and likely both partners still struggle with childhood adaptive mechanisms, where we were taught to share and hand over our toys when someone else wants them. In a true adult relationship, neither partner expects the other to bend to their will. Instead, we celebrate each other’s personalities, likes and passions and we allow each other to further develop in our own ways. We are after all, still individuals.
It's just that feeling good in a relationship is seen by many as "wanting it all" or "asking for too much" when it's actually the reason you would be in one
And when you're actually feeling good in a relationship, people like to judge it as not good enough if you're not married and raising a children together. So ridiculous!
Don’t you get in a relationship because you love that person? Not to make you “feel good” and if you love that person you have to also consider their needs and desires. Hard times will come because they do in all relationships, then what? Trust me this is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard for how to have chronic short term relationships.
Went to study social psychology as a teenager and now, almost 20 years later, I find the answers I was looking for here on UA-cam.. Thansk for sharing your wisdom 🙏
Amazing how many people in the comments mistake this video as meaning that compatible relationships never have conflict... as if compromise is the only outcome of a conflict. Just goes to show how needed this message is.
We've been brain-washed to believe that love is continuous sacrifices but that belief would ruin in the most compatible relationships because it quickly builds resentment.
After listening to a lot of people complain about modern day marriages and how there should always be struggle in relationships, I'm more than grateful that you've touched on this topic.
so you think a relationship is just magically all good with no problems or issues ? an if you do have some issues what do you do instead of compromising with each other ? just quit an give up because your no longer smoothly thriving ? come on now
@@Pres9did you miss the part of “compatibility”?. I’ve seen all your other comments about compromise and settling. One problem is when people don’t choose a truly compatible person to be with them. You have to be a fully formed person… know yourself and what you want. Then you find another fully formed person who is compatible with you. If your boyfriend loves videogames and you hate the fact that he plays them… maybe don’t date a guy who plays video games because now he’ll have to “compromise”/sacrifice this thing he loves for YOU and eventually he’ll ask something of YOU that YOU will have to sacrifice for him. When you find a truly compatible person; there will be no need to compromise on things because you’ll both be on the same page. I hope it’s clear that we’re talking about big/important things about ourselves and not things like “what to eat” or “what to watch”.
The "marriage is hard work" myth is also annoying. Sure it is when compatibility is missing. They don't want to call the spade a spade - that it's the wrong marriage "because what God joined together." Right.
@@TheSameUA-cam Sometimes people "settle" because they experience multiple pressures (biological clock, material difficulties, loneliness, desire for family, proximity structure, self-perception of one's market value relative to the kind of person one needs, odds on the dating market at any given life stage, etc) It's not all pure agency.
@@roses6564 1. That’s horseshit. 2. That’s why I pointed out that you really have to get to know YOURSELF. This way you don’t get pressured into doing something or being with someone you don’t want to be with… and IF you DO have to “settle” then you must be aware that you’re doing it to not die alone… which is a horrible and selfish thing to do to the other person.
Ok, so now Teal has explained what *NOT* to do (compromise) it would be great to also hear what you SHOULD do in the situation where incompatibility leads you to a situation where you cannot both have what you want. Do you end each and every of your relationships at the FIRST SIGN of "incompatibility"? That sure is an option .. but is that really what you should seek out?
I think Teal did say (at least somewhere), that trying to heal your partner so that the relationship would work better, is not the way to go, because according to her you should take the partner as is and if that doesn't work, just forget it. That's the message I got from her at least, and I can see the value in that. Why? Because we've all born with certain inherent problems, our destinies somewhat pre-written but not wholly I think.That of course goes for our relationships too. Some of us will be more jealous, some of us more free-going and liberal in love, some a mixed bag... some are born with more potential for self-centeredness in relationships, than others. And so on. To evolve from a jealous person to someone who's not so much so... well, I don't know, but I think it's a great undertaking, something one should definitely not underestimate. You can't change traits like that based on a whim. That why Teal has a great point there. But is she absolutely right with no room whatsoever for deviation? I think not.
@TruthSeeking Endless Well... thank you for the thoughtful reply. I think that to consider compromise invalid, you'd need to realize an alternative or opposite or both, for it. Which in my view would be some kind of... mutual understanding is a good way to put it as you do, I think. However I'd use something like "innovative new ground on an old problem", because as Einstein said, you can't fix the problem with the same head that caused it. My view is... holistic, you could say... because I think it's wiser to consider EVERYTHING and Choose Consciously, rather than to adhere blindly, rigidly and fanatically to certain rulesets. I can deviate, and will. I can "fight fate". But even so... I see the inherent value in what Teal said about compromise not being the ideal solution. I think that a lot of what you talk about in your reply to mine, is about roles. What Teal said about those in another video, if I recall right and I think I do, is that it's better to define clear roles of who does what, and even if you can be flexible about those roles, it's best that the roles are clear. I've found this to work in my experience. It's very much a mutual agreement instead of one party just mowing down the other or playing mind games with the other. For example, I agree with my partner that she is the provider and I am the protector. She is mostly the receiving one and I am the giving one. And we kind of take turns on who talks and who listens, instead of a cacophonic mess of both partners trying to talk over each other or awkwardly wait for the other to talk and nothing happens. Compromise on both talking and listening at the same time would be a disaster, nerve-wrecking for most people at least, I think. To me, in cases like these, compromise is a band-aid. It can stop the bleeding until your body figures out how to close the wound on its own, but it sure as hell won't close the wound for good if you keep it there without taking care that you have appropriate lifestyle (diet, recovery, exercise, cleanliness, genetically familiar environment...). So to your original question: "Do you end the relationship at the first sign of incompatibility? I say no. I say no compromise either if you can in appropriate time frame come to a solution that pleases both parties properly, regarding the problem. It may involve healing and shadow work and trying to become more authentic to the core being of you... and contrary to what Teal said, I think that's okay as long as you BOTH are willing to do YOUR PART for any given problem that would be considered a "deal-breaker" in Teal's world. And go through with it. I have heard of people walking on fiery coals. I have heard of people who walk after below-head paralysis due to severe accident. I have heard of guys who sit on icy water for 2-3 hours straight and come out like nothing. We can do all these amazing things, but our minds and hearts would be rigid and weak? I do not buy that.
It's part of the guru pattern, use specious reasoning to condemn something, while only giving vague and non-actionable alternatives. The end-game being that you only get access to those alternatives for a nominal fee, where you find that they never truly materialize.
Teal does address this in her videos about creating a "third option" so that neither person in the relationship feels as if they are sacrificing from a place of fear. Fear of negative consequences. She actually presents it as a fair & loving practice. You'll find it if you search under Teal & Third Option:)
Thank you Teal. I just realized my whole family had a party without me. I can’t compromise myself to stay in my family … I compromised my whole life to fit into a family I am definitely not compatible with.
Everything Teal says is so incredibly valuable, but I wish she would qualify the heck out of some of her labels and instructions. For example, today’s lesson is really about ignoring incompatibility using compromise and how destructive it is. She is not saying never compromise on small things in a highly compatible relationship. Just wish this was reflected in the title, and she opened with it. I see she is trying to provoke and entice, to get people interested, but am concerned it is not having that effect. Teal, your work is too valuable, please consider a slightly different expression. The more of us you reach, the better. ❤
Super interesting. Now I understand why I don't compromise with someone I date, and that I don't want them to compromise for me, and I do that instinctively. Thank you Teal!
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When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I'm glad you're teaching people to be proud of this. As a person with disabilities, it is essential for me to know ahead of time who will be a douchebag when I tell them I'm not feeling well and need to adapt to my changing limitations. Maybe the secret to lasting relationships is that people who don't see everything as winning or losing have a healthy attitude toward dealing with inevitable changes.
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I believe we can simply compromise in this way: it's harmful ONLY when it has to do with sacrificing a couple's "deal breakers" or top priorities, but not when it comes to maintaining compatibility or shared priorities. For example, if both partners value raising children as well as always doing what they love in their free time, but the first is a higher priority than the second, then the couple can easily compromise how each gets to spend their free time because they both are working towards their common goal and priority: caring for their children. Compromising how they spend some of their free time is not some unhealthy sacrifice arising from dysfunctional dynamics. In this sense, compromise is not only healthy but necessary for the relationship and their pursuit of shared goals.
Compatibility is about similar ilk and equal yoke. Two equally yoked people can compromise on the functional things. The unequally yoked cannot. She talks about that in another video.
Without a doubt, this is one of the truest tropics ever identified. Thank you so much Teal for the insight and clarity you’ve brought to this. We have woven such a sinister web in the name of Love, and this sheds light on perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of relationships. We’ll done!! And thank you!
THANK YOU with capital letters! I've been trying to translate this point of view for a long time. I have a relatively large tiktok audience of around 140k subs and you have no idea how hard it is to convince people that compromise in a relationship is NOT a good thing at all. I am really happy to see that this POV is finally starting to be heard from other people with considerable audiences. Thank you once agan, Teal.
Sometimes giving in to someone else’s will is a good deal. It’s just not supposed to be an everyday event for all. But for some I think pain and self sacrifice is what they love.
I don't think that it's possible for 2 people, regardless of how compatible they are to always be on the same page on every single decision that comes up in life.
This is not what she is saying. Compatibility is not about matching every step each one makes every day or every little view or decision. Do we order Chinese or cook? This is a poor understanding of her excellent point. Even the Bible talks about compatibility: Do not be unequally yoked. Compatibility means equal yoke and ilk.
This feels it could be used as a tool for justification of selfish or inconsiderate behavior... imho some compromise can be mutually beneficial and nurture congruent growth in the relationship. A lack of flexibility can only lead to an inevitable difference of opinion and parting of ways. Having compassion and understanding of your partners needs while expressing your own can facilitate an adaptable foundation to build upon. Perhaps I'm taking this advice too literally 🤔
My thoughts exactly. People who are really sure of what they want in life to the point they don't want to compromise are not great people in my mind. It could be immaturity, I used to think I know how stuff works.. until I learned that I don't know anything and others can teach me things. It's also a sign that you are not very open minded and want things done your way or not at all.
It's talking about finding a win-win relationship and finding people who actually suit what you want instead of settling. Especially in loving relationships, everyone should feel like they won. Actually go after what you want. She's not talking about little things here... Like actual things that matter... How do you compromise not wanting kids vs. wanting kids where both people end up happy?
@@dangerzzzone2925 I guess by one partner saying.. if it makes you happy I'll be happy to do either of those. I don't really get people who have rigid views but I guess there are some things I wouldn't compromise on. Like your partner respecting you and toxic amounts of 'independence'.
@@hgzmatt Yes if it doesn't matter to someone that much sure that's easy to say. Lmao what you're saying is what's happening in relationships now and why people end up divorcing, cheating, and lying. People are settling into lives they don't want. Compatibility matters. Water and oil never mix. You can't force people to be happy with something they don't want. It's actually selfish and it's not love.
@@hgzmatt But essentially one partner will end up unhappy. Now either a man or woman has children he/she really didn't want or never get the children they've always wanted. One will be settling into a miserable life and start resenting the other or the next big decision they will expect to win. Like, "Hey, I did this for you... So now I want to try an open relationship or I wanna leave the state or etc" Actually... Teal explains this.. did you watch the video? You sound like you equate love with pain and sacrifice instead of actual abundance. Love is not painful, it's freeing. Even you said you would not compromise on something like a partner who is very independent. It's not toxic. Why can't you be, "Babe, I love you travel the world all you want, I'll be here"🤣People just have different expectations from life then you. Find someone who actually matches you instead of forcing others to be what you want, so y'all don't end up hating each other. Boundaries and standards are sexy.
You are 100% correct. I don’t view “compromise” in these terms. After listening to this I realize I didn’t understand what compromise was. My view was, for example: person (1) “I want “A” no mater what”, person (2) “I want “B” no mater what”. Both individuals say sure. It’s a win win. But if person (1) and person (2) wants “A or B” equally that’s when compromise must occur to continue. That’s loose loose. So the first example is comparability, the second example is compromise. Thanks.
I had a potential partner that actually guilt tripped me for refusing to compromise on something. I take it that is a red flag and now I’m in no contact and focusing on my myself, my healing, and my well being. I’m starting to think that I perhaps have dodged a bullet.
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
This is the first video I have ever commented on on UA-cam (from what I can recall, anyway!) and it is the most MIND BLOWING video I have ever seen in my life as it encapsulates so much of my present and ongoing struggle. Thank you for articulating this complex and nuanced subject so clearly and helping me make sense of my lived experience and relationships. I will be watching this many more times and all the suggested videos.
My parents and their friends said exactly that to me, that a marriage is all about compromise. I disagreed. Ive been married 13 years and I cant think of anything Ive compromised on.
I feel like this is the obvious truth and yet I've never seen people come to this conclusion in dating advice, etc. They teach you to play games and be inauthentic, and think nothing of it. I'm glad someone's saying it.
I feel like I don't compromise. Like I'm overly authentic. And as if no one is compatible with me. Years and years of ever-increasing loneliness discourage me.
I think being authentic is good but most times when we dislike and like something we closes the opportunities. And that what we call compromise. Most of us actually don't know what we truly like, we all living and doing things by how we told and taught which is again not authentic and based on safe system.
I think you can overcome this by having 3 or 4 extremely important things to you that you don't compromise on instead of making everything equally important.
In 10,000 hours of videos trying to learn and grow ( even at great risk and pain ) this one video is the most relevant and honest that I have been fortunate enough to stumble upon .
Lol who cares take risks guys!! Life is a journey of learning and when you know you have no real experience with relationships just throw yourself into it completely. Always doubt everything you hear about relationships my dear ones. No one has the answers but you, only really brave ones can enter into relationships and make it great. Because intimacy in relationship takes great courage, it’s unknown, a great mystery. One of J Krishnamurti’s quote that really relates to this is, “If we understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem.” And the truth is life is not a problem, it’s a rejoicing of souls and if you know that, you’ll be rejoicing with the soul of the other.
Yupheng Her... 'life is not a problem' but there are 'problems' in life... (let's not mix strawberries and cocunut, they are not compatible) 😊 Understanding - as Krishnamurti said-is the only ticket to the Answer...
Compromising should not be painful. Meeting In the middle and getting on the same page can be very rewarding and make you feel closer. I just want to be truly objective here. Always question why someone is giving a message.
Perfect description of my last relationship. Broke up a few weeks ago and this video reminded me why (I kept forgetting). Lots of resentment, pain, internal wars... there I have it. Thank you for giving me one more piece to this puzzle. I'm going to be who I am, and the right fit for a new relationship will come along at the perfect time. 🙏🏼
I was finally forced out of a relationship with a co-dependent person who openly says she is co-dependent. I compromised way too much for her for the sake of compromise to keep living in that hell. Please! Please do not make that mistake like I did. It bit me in the end and it was costly. You have to be compatible with the other person. Self sacrifice is a lie like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
There were 222 comments here when I clicked!! There's a reason this video popped up in my feed. I've going through this type situation as I speak. I'm always compromising and it's never enough. I'm done. Like you said, it's a recipe for disaster and you will never live up to it.
I recently left my boyfriend because he was not prioritising my needs and not opening up his feelings. I wish I had communicated better with him. I learnt, if I had excepted him as he was and loved him more unconditionally, then maybe he would have felt less judged and safer to open up and speak his feelings to me. I know he still loves me. This Friday he is visiting me after 9 months apart!!
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Oh my gosh the timing of this video. I am no longer available for compromises, only solutions. And since I've made that decision the kind of solutions that have presented themselves so easily, that allow happiness and satisfaction for both my husband and me, have been spectacular.
What if your own family of origin is incompatible to you to the point of emotional and psychological torture? Well of course I left as soon as I could because I don’t believe statements like “family is everything” but rather the family I choose without compromise certainly can be everything to me.
currently struggling with this..worst for me is that because I left my job, I had to move back home when jobs weren't coming through...I want to leave, not sure how to just go without financial security..
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 Happened to me too with the pandemic and it’s been a nightmare so I feel you from the SOUL honey lol but on a serious note you will make it out just being on that vibration of not being compatible with them will help you get out so don’t ever give into the depression stay focused and in high spirits to leave soon. It helped me before to leave my toxic family and I will do it again so you will get back on track I know it
@@Layla-fr7mf thank you, its challenging, I always tell myself "if you have done it before, you can do it again.." thank you so much for that silver lining..🙏💓🙏
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 , I have been in one end and out the other on this very situation. financial security was a big issue, but I took the leap anyway. there is often assistance in the form of homeless shelters in Australia, and so I sought out this assistance, it wasn't great, but it was better than living with the birth giver, and now I have everything I could possibly want and need. and the best thing about my success, is that I made it myself. have courage, have faith, take that leap and your wings will open.
Most women in my family were raised on this 'compromise is key' ideal and it never sat well with me and they kept telling me "you'll end up alone" like that's the worst thing that can happen to an individual. My whole life I've been in relationships where I've compromised and I was greatly cheered on by my community and family but I was miserable. Stopped dating for 3 years and moved to another country. Those 5 years of being single were the happiest. I've now met someone I'm compatible with and compromise in our relationship is cooking when it's his turn because he's having a bad day. I was totally ready to be single for even longer if it meant I wouldn't be stuck in another relationship that's heavily leaning on compromise to 'work'. I wasn't in a rush to settle and have kids so 🤷🏽♀️
I prime myself to expect that any "good feeling relationship" could end fast. I prepare myself not to settle nor go along with what others want whilst my needs go unmet. No good can come from associating with a dishonest person.
I'll know I'm compatible with a person if they resonate with Teal Swan's wisdom. Old school psychological practices and theories need to take a back seat to her uncanny knowledge and insight. In less than a year, anyone who is serious about understanding and healing their shadows and various dynamics in their relationships needs only the desire to learn and binge on Teal's generous vid offerings. If one is able, to have support inside one of her group programs is highly advisable. Psychotherapy, self-examination, living in the truth no matter how much it hurts, and keeping my head clean of stuffed emotions or denial did serve me well and left many shadows hidden. Love to you, Teal Swan! Wow! Insight and Wisdom far beyond your years.
Perfect timing for this. Unfortunately we are seeing this play out on a larger global scale, especially in industries such politics and healthcare. Lots of emotional manipulation going on there...
Compromise is just the beginning & small part of what true marriage is and when I say marriage I mean one like the ancestors of Miss Teal's had in order for her to be created. What a blessing! Ancient wisdom teaches us that the relationship of marriage is actually a refinement of character and the wholesomeness of that comes about with the longevity of the relationship. When we yield we're not yielding to the other person we're "yielding to the obligatory"
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Compromise is not that painful as long as the Compromise does not cross any major boundaries. My husband is an extrovert and I am an Introvert. If he had his way, we'd be out socializing every weekend, sometime more often. I'd rather stay home. So we compromise. I go out on couple get togethers, special occasions and vacations. I go and have a good time because I choose to do so. I am not in pain. Would i rather stay home, sure. But I do know it's actually good for me to get out. And I do the same for him. I settle him down so he's not so run down. Been happily married for 18 years. And compromise is a life reality not just in relationships, but work, family, friends, even with ourselves. I'll eat the cake and add an extra work out. The importance is not the compromise itself but what is the specific compromise and how important is it to us. We would live in complete anarchy if we didn't learn how to discern what we can reasonably compromise and what we can't.
I totally agree Teal. I appreciate how you mentioned that you must be 'hard and fast' to set boundaries in connections. ♡ You must always be your own best friend within your life. You have gotta be your most highest in consciousness version. I have destroyed my perception of myself and lowered my own vibrations to a harmful extent to realise what it means to be loved. X
Everyone should watch this! I came to this conclusion a while back and it's hard to explain to others. I am keeping this vid in a playlist, it's far too important! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this ❤️💜💚 jeez! So much unlearning to do, it’s overwhelming and I feel anger thinking about all the times I’ve compromised believing I should be rewarded or believing this is what should happen in order to have healthy relationships 😭😭😭😭
Interests, preferences and boundaries are so varied in the human species, that I believe that even if people interacted with millions of people throghout their whole life, they would be lucky if they found one single person that was compatible with them, according to the concept of compatiblility outlined in this video. Almost all people in the world interact with much fewer people, which means that, according to this definition of compatibility, most people will not be able to form one single statisfactory relationship throughout their life (which is what actually seems to be happening currently).
I’m done with relationships and compromises lol...when I’m doing everything, working, cooking, cleaning, learning...I no longer see what the benefit of having a relationship is ?
Guys, Inayah said that she was done with relationships because in every past relationship she would have to do it all. I see her point. It is better to do it all being single, than do it all while in a realtionship. It is frustrating to see that the partner is not helping. Why live with that frustration?! Because there has to be a compensation from being with someone? There may be, but is it worth the frustration? You are telling her to find someone who will help her. Well, she said she is tired of looking for that man.
Once again, very insightful, black and brown shoes, excellent analogy. Almost always there is a right and wrong - compromise stems from (1) not being able to tell the difference, (2) being too insecure to recognize your choice is the wrong one or (3) a combination of the two. "I don't care how comfortable they are, the brown cowboy boots do not go with the black tuxedo!" 🤠 When you are right, stay with it; the moment you realize you are wrong, admit it, fix it, and move on.
This is exactly why we need to put all the effort into secure parenting! We need to work on ourselves so we can raise our children to become secure, calm, happy, authentic, flexible human beings, who have none of the issues that this video is presenting and that are so alive in it’s creator and her followers. She says when kids grow up with inflexibility they will become desperate for being loved without making compromises. And she is so right. But the solution is not in becoming rigid adults, which they sadly often become… The solution is in changing parenting, so we raise children who are calm and happy and flexible within. They will grow up to be happy, authentic adults, perfectly capable of making and keeping happy, flexible, loving relationships, where attachment and authenticity is no contrast, but one and the same thing. Compromises will make people feel resentment when they are raised with rigidity. That is so true. It makes people desperately scared of loosing themselves and their authenticity. Thus making them desperate to go in the oposite direction and scream out loud in need to stand up for themselves, their need to make people accept them for who they are and for their need to focus on themselves, their needs and feelings, because they learned no one else would. An adult who grew up being seen, heard, accepted for who they are, and who had clear, predictable and consistent boundaries and also lived with flexible parents and rigidity was not even part of their childhood, will have no trouble attaching, being authentic and flexible. An adult with such a childhood will feel little or no resentment towards others, and when they do things for others they do it with ease, with pleasure and with happiness, not with resentment. Things will flow in their adult life and relationships and they will feel no need to scream out loud about people needing to stop making compromises to be happy. Because they know that that is not what it’s about. They also know that two persons will always be different and have different needs, feelings and thoughts, and there is no such thing as someone who will always want and need the same things as we do, and they will easily find someone compatible, because they will be easily compatible with people. They will find someone who shares their values, beliefs, interests and someone who keeps your needs and feelings in mind as well as their own.
@@julzluvzdollz Compromise is part of life when your living and sharing your life with someone. She could give advice on how to manage or handle divorce not Sure why she doesn’t share that. Just saying stick to what u know :)
I totally agree on the reality. But I think we're also wrongly coined/ conditioned and it needs a lot of introspection to see what is maybe indeed wrong with oneself. This requieres to work on consciousness first. At least it was for myself the first step to take before I could open up to topics like the one of this video.
Do you seriously believe that you would never have to compromise in a relationship at all? Like there is a person that was made exactly for my needs and do’s and don’t’s? I think this is a great advice if one tends to stay single.
This. If a little compromise would bother you, stay single. It's near impossible to find someone that you are 100% compatible with. You need someone who fits the mold the right way and be able to fill the gaps later.
I think the compromise she is reffering to is for the main issues in a relationship, i.e. a person's needs and wants that they are not willing, or better yet, impossible to compromise on without giving up their happiness in a relationship. For the smaller things in life, ofcourse a compromise can be useful :)
Do not compromise on who you are, on what you feel and love. Compromise can be made and must be made in many other aspects of life all the time (salary negotiations with your boss). For example: You love star wars and your partner hates star wars. Your partner loves horror movies and you hate horror movies. You both love romantic comedies. A compromise would be to watch a star wars movie and a horror movie together. Nobody will enjoy it, because you cannot enjoy yourself while your partner is having a bad time if you have a good relationship. A win win situation could be if you let the other be who he is and enjoy his movie with his movie-compatible-friends and be happy for the other enjoying himself and you only watch romantic comedies together. Compatibility would be the best of course and would be where you both enjoy the same things as much as possible. 100% compatibility doesn't happen often, but the greater the compatibility, the happier the foundation of your relationship because you can enjoy many things together.
Typical black-and-white thinking. I too thought this way. "there's always compromise involved" vs "there's never compromise". "Compromise to get into relationship" vs "stay single". There's a lot of grey. And maybe you should explore it. What Teal Swan is pointing to is to give up your own *happiness* to keep the relationship going. That is surely not sustainable. Been there, done that, seen it a million times. It only brings resentment and pain. There should be authenticity - which means, you are your true self and so is your partner. The space they hold for you is safe for u to be u, fully. If there are things that make you unhappy, you're able to talk about it, come up with a mutual solution. And be guilt-free, content & happy. Compatibility doesn't mean you are each other's clones.
Be like water my friend ☺️ Life is beautiful and nothing happened whiteout a reason. My past relationships has bean like a free flowing in the wind… until I hit the ground and then started to understand what happened and why. Thus to understand is to honestly feel and reflect. Shadow work. And it did hurt more then anything. Did I choose to heal or to face reality? No it just happened, life, god. It made me extremely humble and thankful. For many things that I before just took for granted. Like I can see, feel and smell. I can talk, walk and taste. Life is so beautiful but it’s not something I could feel intellectually, I had to face all those feelings… reflecting back made me understand what “I am” Thank you 🙏🏽 life Thank you dear family 💓🌍💓
I don't comment often, but this one of the most practically helpful videos I've seen regarding finding a healthy relationship. I am constantly compromising and I am super guilty of thinking it was 'the right thing to do'. Thank you
I had to make so many compromise in the past for people that I am just happy to have a girl I really care for in my life, but I currently just hope she will come after the fixes I already did to my life.
lmao anyone that believes you can have a successful relationship without ANY form of compromise is a absolute lunatic. Please, let me know who you find who is 100% or close to exactly like you, and how much you 'avoid compromise'. You will then just be going through a ton of partners and potentially throwing good things away because of minor disagreements.
Omg totally agree! Because even if you are compatible your still not going to 100% agree on everything. Thereby leading to no solution or a solution that doesn’t fit both needs. I’m so glad you said this.
Is there really someone that we are "compatible" enough to the point no side needs to compromise ? Is there really a partner where we can 100% accept all their flaws n not expect them to compromise (expect them to change their behavior or decision),, vice versa (someone not expecting something that they want us to change).. Am i the only one hanging out with incompatible people ? I mean even in friendship or family relationship requires me to compromise in order to make it work..
I agree with all the Teal Swan said, but I don't think anyone is 100% compatible with you. Some couples are more compatible than others, and you have to discern what percentage of compatibility you are willing to settle for, vs. how long you're willing to wait for a partner and be your own support system in the meantime.
It seems to make sense at first but without any compromise there is no love. Now one can discuss the level of compromise. It has to be done intelligently. One day he can wear the brown shoes and the other black. It doesn't have to be one black and one brown. It looks good on paper but then there is reality. Given enough time everybody will run in to a disagreement. So we change the person every time? Some compromises are easy to do. Some others are not. If it is too big of a compromise then yes. This makes sense. I may not feel like making a souffle. But if with a little work I can make one and people are smiling and eat it, just that alone makes it worth it. So in essence yes compromise by it self may be what is described in the video but not all compromises are the same.
compatibility does NOT exist without compromises or live 60 years or so to find that compatible partner. It all comes down to one thing: how you deal with compromises? Out of love? If so you will be happy because your partner is happy and this means the world to you. But if you are doing it out of manipulation you are for sure not happy and neither him when he finds out you were basically lying.
I love how effing serious you are. Like I DARE you to a staring contest Teal. You're almost terrifying. But you're so damn witty and intelligent and gorgeous I would break. You're the hardest person to read.
Men and women are different, look different, think different, feel different, there will be always some sort compromise in a relationship, so, if you're really into being your truest self, don't get one.
Tell this to my mother who is nagging me for grandchildren. I feel content being alone. I am asexual, and have plenty of hobbies to keep me busy. Most women I know get in relationships out of fear or because they want someone to support them. I think it's disgusting that we live in a world where women are pressured to hook up to just get treated with basic respect, or to get some stamp of approval from society.
I just wanna go back being a kid whom isn't expected to find her other half as everyone else and who's not seen as weird for not having someone yet, I mean I want to have a partner but I have things I want in a relationship which I still can't find, so I'm not gonna jump into one just for the sake of being "normal" and fulfill my desire to be loved and desired...Will everyone just leave us alone fr
This make sense on vision and values. This boils down to partner selection. If the key things are aligned, you have not compromised on that. I feel like this is what she was going for.
Then I'll remain single forever probably 🤣🤣🤣🤣I don't wanna compromise but no guy comes around with whom values match or core wounds. Hmm this came like when I needed it the most. I was kinda crying, upset, purgy . Thank you❤🙏 Happy Guru Purnima
Remain single forever and live the life you want. I wish you have wonderful friends who accept you the way you are already and do not require you to make any sacrifices. Notice how easy it is with friends. Maybe we should model our romantic life based on the friendship-type relationships.
Dear Chirasree, you don't need someone to match your core wounds because you can heal them! Same core wounds means you bond over pain, and you are also seeking someone to enable your weakness more than your strength. It seems you are in a time of purging your emotions- do not draw conclusions about your life from that because life feels and looks different on the other side of it. Focus on releasing, forgiving, letting go of the past, loving yourself and embracing the strong you. From there it can all come. Much love to you!
@@empath_wisdom PS Twin Flames Share The Core Wound, Core Wound comes from a particular root cause and reasoning and that very reasoning, say for me that's I seek a partner who won't flirt with others. I don't need to "heal" it to numb out to allow it but draw boundary and ensure that my partner meets me there, else singlehood rocks
Compromise with children is not a child rearing practice. Children are safely raised by rules based authority. Adults negotiate and advocate their preferred positions. Incompatible adults avoid interaction and seek compatibility, where healthy compromise is an optimization strategy.
@@terencendence The word compromise is used in two different senses, one typically positive and the other typically negative. The good sense of compromise is finding a common ground with another person, as in reaching a mutual agreement about a difficult course of action affecting both of you. The bad sense is being untrue to your core values and beliefs, as in selling out to achieve some short-term goal. From Psychology Today
I've seen a few triggered comments because this ideal is so deeply imbedded in society. Compromise is the enemy of compatibility. It's like when you're dehydrated and you drink soda instead of water. Yeah, it's liquid but you'll still end up thirsty. Love has been this self sacrifical ideal for centuries, and it can turn relationships into an ecosystem of resentment, keeping score, settling, and losing your own sense of autonomy if/when it ends. Some people stay in incompatible relationships because they don't want to be alone, think they won't find someone else, refuse to change, or use the other person as an excuse to not go after what they want. Love itself is not painful; Putting someone elses needs above your own is. This video was spot on. Thank you for always speaking the truth, even if it ruffles a few feathers because it refutes the societal norm.
Agreed 👍
@@robertcronin6603 second that^ from a person who lived whole life on compromise and putting my needs last
Nicely put!
Please pin this comment of Unearthed&Unleashed
💯
Omgosh the answer to the question that’s been bugging me for a while, ‘why does the pain not bother me enough to leave’. Now I get it, I associate love with pain.
Yes and enduring it, strength
Please read the book Metaphors We Live By by George Lakoff & Mark Johnson. It talks about this. Our whoooole view of sooo many things is based off of catchy sayings and language.
We associate love with pain, and suffering, and triumph is traversing it.
@@krissyw4017omg I have not seen that book cited in a forever. Everyone should read that
com-promise = compound promise or co-promise. A shared promise.
If you're reading this I'm praying something amazing happens for you today.🙏🏻❤
My life is a misery,
Thank you gorgeous 💕
Thanks
The fact that you thought at people that you dont know to wrote this beautiful message it is in itself an amazing thing,have an awseome weekend.
Not likely
This is the main thing I realized after my divorce and try to tell others. Compromise is allowing your partner to cross a boundary and that is not what a respectful partner does.
Or they are crossing a boundary because they won't compromise. Works both ways.
@@QuickMadeUpName Have you listened to the video?
@@QuickMadeUpName Certainly, you haven't watched the video.
Nope, compromise is not a necessary thing in a relationship anymore.
Thank you for that I just learned that this week i appreciate you real
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
I completely agree. I found a partner who I'm compatible with, and, in comparison to all of my past relationships, it's easy to avoid compromise because we're both on the same page. In the rare instances that we're not, we find a solution that we're both happy with. Great video, thank you!!
The “Solution we are both happy with” option is still a form of compromise. Maybe not a massive compromise but it’s still compromise. I think what teal should have said is to not compromise on the very main values or desires. Not to “not compromise at all” that’s just impossible
@@TinyBudha her definition of compromise was "you take a little pain, I take a little pain." So if you're not in pain from the decision, then it's not compromise. It's just being happy with a 3rd option while both parties still are fulfilled.
@@alessandramia111 Yeh I see what your saying. What I will say though is even small compromise wouldn’t be considered “pain” but you would still have a slight experience loss from what the best version of the outcome would have been. I wouldn’t go so far to call it pain but certainly. Compromise of any kind involves missing out at least slightly in some way. This is my understanding and seems to be what the definition is considered by most from what I can find anyway. Thanks for sharing 🙏
Wow this sounds soooo good congratulations on choosing loveee!!!
@@TinyBudha you really need to catch up, she has been making videos on finding the third option the win-win scenario, for a while now. If a win-win scenario cannot be found then it is incompatibility. The win-win scenario is found through parts work.
I stopped compromising as soon as I stopped chasing, I feel to seek our passions in life will allign us with a proper partner. But when we pretend to be something we're not, we end up unhappy.
Best Comment 👌
🙏🏾✨ True.
Please make a video on how to actually find someone compatible for a relationship! Thanks Teal Swan
The more Authentic you are the more you will repel people who are not meant for you and draw in people who are. So have strong boundaries and don’t be afraid to show your true self. Much love 😘
I would also like a video about how to find someone compatible! I have some bad habits I wasn't aware of, like compromising.
My mom once told me that I will not find the perfect partner, so I just have to make do with what I have... doesn't sound like good advice anymore.
Firstable the sex have to be like magic , second you can share almost everything with this person and third thing the person you think that compatible wants to be with you and spend time with you as much as possible
@@TinyBudha thankyou needed that
@@TheSofiv thankyou needed that as well
Compromise is the enemy of harmony. It’s not what you do for the relationship. It’s how feel about what you do for the relationship ❤️
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
com-promise = compound promise or co-promise. A shared promise.
@@Pres9 absolutely right
As the great Eartha Kitt once said:
"Compromise...for what?"
I know that’s right… Ms. Kitt knew what time is was 👌🏾🥰
Isn’t she single and alone?
@@MrKevstein you obviously don’t know who she is 🤫
@@MrKevstein um, she's dead.
@@Self-helper415 she was married then got divorced and died alone *
Teal, I love how you deliver your messages. - No bullshiz - straight to the point
Insanely exclusionist framework immediately made me wonder if that person has been/ stayed in relationships for a long time
„When other people compromise for us, we’re not actually being loved.“
That. I just had an enlightment 💡
That is what I’ve been afraid of in relationships. That they‘ll compromise, and I wouldn’t as much, and they’d hold it against me, telling me I’m stubborn and selfish. I‘m not willing to compromise that much… I didn’t like when they made big compromises. I couldn’t say with confidence why, because it is seen as such a selfless good thing. But it wouldn’t make us happy.
I‘m glad that I am aware of this now, I can put it in words! Thank you, Teal 🥺💜
We’re still in the love matrix. Most people are with their partners in western countries because they were physically drawn to them, in Eastern countries because their parents were drawn to them... or it’s out of security, loneliness etc... we need to start basing romantic relationships on compatibility. But that’s not yet the norm... so we wait with bated breath.
❤️
Great observation!! Thank you for sharing. I don't get to see that side of the world on thoughts about that.
Find someone you find cute but above all else that you have great conversations with.
Meh....sure we are attracted to someone but most know it's not enough. It's just a doorway. And attraction isn't always about the most attractive. Often there is an intrinsic attraction.
"...Never Make Compromises in a Relationship" -- Sorry I do not agree with this argument, you are #blind leading blind. Instant gratification has #America in a stranglehold. Dont like your nose ? get a new one. Dont like yout job ? get a new one. Dont like your spouse ...she now got cancer ? get a new one. There is no #committment in #America to fix things to stand by decision you take.
Obviously there cannot be 100% compatibility in any relationship for every single thing, but I believe she is talking about the larger more important things that generally come into play for every relationship
I just don’t think anyone could be perfectly compatible knowing that our moods change depending on what we eat or if we’ve eaten. Therefore a little compromise is necessary. The big things that are important to someone should never be compromised, but little things, compromise I think is necessary.
This feminist idea is what has been causing countless of breakups and divorces across the world.
I can’t agree more. If everything runs in the automatic pilot without doing anything then you both are the perfect human beings or Gods. The key is to be compatible to the most important subjects according to your standards and piece of mind and harmony. Little things with good communication and mutual respect
can be overcome.
I think it was implied...that it refers to the crucially important subjects...ooor the sum of little ones...If it's always one and the same party doing all the (in a practical daily life necessary) little compromises, then one of those will prove to be one too many...
Exactly I think the title is misleading gotta watch video to see if it’s true
Then you don't understand what C is. It's not about moods.
Compromise is sacrificing your personality and your passions to make your partner comfortable and fit in. If we have to do that, the relationship is not compatible and likely both partners still struggle with childhood adaptive mechanisms, where we were taught to share and hand over our toys when someone else wants them. In a true adult relationship, neither partner expects the other to bend to their will. Instead, we celebrate each other’s personalities, likes and passions and we allow each other to further develop in our own ways. We are after all, still individuals.
It's just that feeling good in a relationship is seen by many as "wanting it all" or "asking for too much" when it's actually the reason you would be in one
OMG exactly!
You can't be happy all the time. Why chase a dream?
And when you're actually feeling good in a relationship, people like to judge it as not good enough if you're not married and raising a children together. So ridiculous!
Don’t you get in a relationship because you love that person? Not to make you “feel good” and if you love that person you have to also consider their needs and desires. Hard times will come because they do in all relationships, then what? Trust me this is some of the best advice I’ve ever heard for how to have chronic short term relationships.
Wow...thanks. 💌
"Resentment is a corrosive force" so true!
Wow you’re beautiful 😍
Yeah....she must be a genius of some sort to come up with such an obvious statement right?
@@blacksabbathmatters What is obvious for you may not be for me, and vice versa. No need to be bitter
@@EmyN why is that, were you under the impression that resentment was something positive?
@@blacksabbathmatters No
Went to study social psychology as a teenager and now, almost 20 years later, I find the answers I was looking for here on UA-cam.. Thansk for sharing your wisdom 🙏
Ok, so the Key is rather find COMPATIBLE relationships!! Talk more about it, Teal 🌹❤️
She has several compatibility videos...
Find the page that Teal has done on “Getting on the same page”.
That's the hard part especially when you have to do it in time.
Amazing how many people in the comments mistake this video as meaning that compatible relationships never have conflict... as if compromise is the only outcome of a conflict. Just goes to show how needed this message is.
We've been brain-washed to believe that love is continuous sacrifices but that belief would ruin in the most compatible relationships because it quickly builds resentment.
This is why there's so much anti-romanticist sentiment out there.
i always hated compromise... and its good to see you post videos again , i dont know why it felt like a long time.
After listening to a lot of people complain about modern day marriages and how there should always be struggle in relationships, I'm more than grateful that you've touched on this topic.
so you think a relationship is just magically all good with no problems or issues ? an if you do have some issues what do you do instead of compromising with each other ? just quit an give up because your no longer smoothly thriving ? come on now
@@Pres9did you miss the part of “compatibility”?.
I’ve seen all your other comments about compromise and settling.
One problem is when people don’t choose a truly compatible person to be with them. You have to be a fully formed person… know yourself and what you want. Then you find another fully formed person who is compatible with you.
If your boyfriend loves videogames and you hate the fact that he plays them… maybe don’t date a guy who plays video games because now he’ll have to “compromise”/sacrifice this thing he loves for YOU and eventually he’ll ask something of YOU that YOU will have to sacrifice for him. When you find a truly compatible person; there will be no need to compromise on things because you’ll both be on the same page.
I hope it’s clear that we’re talking about big/important things about ourselves and not things like “what to eat” or “what to watch”.
The "marriage is hard work" myth is also annoying. Sure it is when compatibility is missing. They don't want to call the spade a spade - that it's the wrong marriage "because what God joined together." Right.
@@TheSameUA-cam Sometimes people "settle" because they experience multiple pressures (biological clock, material difficulties, loneliness, desire for family, proximity structure, self-perception of one's market value relative to the kind of person one needs, odds on the dating market at any given life stage, etc)
It's not all pure agency.
@@roses6564
1. That’s horseshit.
2. That’s why I pointed out that you really have to get to know YOURSELF. This way you don’t get pressured into doing something or being with someone you don’t want to be with… and IF you DO have to “settle” then you must be aware that you’re doing it to not die alone… which is a horrible and selfish thing to do to the other person.
Ok, so now Teal has explained what *NOT* to do (compromise) it would be great to also hear what you SHOULD do in the situation where incompatibility leads you to a situation where you cannot both have what you want. Do you end each and every of your relationships at the FIRST SIGN of "incompatibility"? That sure is an option .. but is that really what you should seek out?
I think Teal did say (at least somewhere), that trying to heal your partner so that the relationship would work better, is not the way to go, because according to her you should take the partner as is and if that doesn't work, just forget it. That's the message I got from her at least, and I can see the value in that. Why?
Because we've all born with certain inherent problems, our destinies somewhat pre-written but not wholly I think.That of course goes for our relationships too. Some of us will be more jealous, some of us more free-going and liberal in love, some a mixed bag... some are born with more potential for self-centeredness in relationships, than others. And so on.
To evolve from a jealous person to someone who's not so much so... well, I don't know, but I think it's a great undertaking, something one should definitely not underestimate. You can't change traits like that based on a whim. That why Teal has a great point there. But is she absolutely right with no room whatsoever for deviation? I think not.
@TruthSeeking Endless Well... thank you for the thoughtful reply.
I think that to consider compromise invalid, you'd need to realize an alternative or opposite or both, for it. Which in my view would be some kind of... mutual understanding is a good way to put it as you do, I think. However I'd use something like "innovative new ground on an old problem", because as Einstein said, you can't fix the problem with the same head that caused it.
My view is... holistic, you could say... because I think it's wiser to consider EVERYTHING and Choose Consciously, rather than to adhere blindly, rigidly and fanatically to certain rulesets. I can deviate, and will. I can "fight fate". But even so... I see the inherent value in what Teal said about compromise not being the ideal solution.
I think that a lot of what you talk about in your reply to mine, is about roles. What Teal said about those in another video, if I recall right and I think I do, is that it's better to define clear roles of who does what, and even if you can be flexible about those roles, it's best that the roles are clear.
I've found this to work in my experience. It's very much a mutual agreement instead of one party just mowing down the other or playing mind games with the other.
For example, I agree with my partner that she is the provider and I am the protector. She is mostly the receiving one and I am the giving one. And we kind of take turns on who talks and who listens, instead of a cacophonic mess of both partners trying to talk over each other or awkwardly wait for the other to talk and nothing happens. Compromise on both talking and listening at the same time would be a disaster, nerve-wrecking for most people at least, I think.
To me, in cases like these, compromise is a band-aid. It can stop the bleeding until your body figures out how to close the wound on its own, but it sure as hell won't close the wound for good if you keep it there without taking care that you have appropriate lifestyle (diet, recovery, exercise, cleanliness, genetically familiar environment...).
So to your original question: "Do you end the relationship at the first sign of incompatibility? I say no. I say no compromise either if you can in appropriate time frame come to a solution that pleases both parties properly, regarding the problem. It may involve healing and shadow work and trying to become more authentic to the core being of you... and contrary to what Teal said, I think that's okay as long as you BOTH are willing to do YOUR PART for any given problem that would be considered a "deal-breaker" in Teal's world. And go through with it.
I have heard of people walking on fiery coals. I have heard of people who walk after below-head paralysis due to severe accident. I have heard of guys who sit on icy water for 2-3 hours straight and come out like nothing. We can do all these amazing things, but our minds and hearts would be rigid and weak? I do not buy that.
It's part of the guru pattern, use specious reasoning to condemn something, while only giving vague and non-actionable alternatives. The end-game being that you only get access to those alternatives for a nominal fee, where you find that they never truly materialize.
I think it’s in the zero sun game video she mentioned
Teal does address this in her videos about creating a "third option" so that neither person in the relationship feels as if they are sacrificing from a place of fear. Fear of negative consequences. She actually presents it as a fair & loving practice. You'll find it if you search under Teal & Third Option:)
Thank you Teal. I just realized my whole family had a party without me. I can’t compromise myself to stay in my family … I compromised my whole life to fit into a family I am definitely not compatible with.
Me too 😢
Everything Teal says is so incredibly valuable, but I wish she would qualify the heck out of some of her labels and instructions. For example, today’s lesson is really about ignoring incompatibility using compromise and how destructive it is. She is not saying never compromise on small things in a highly compatible relationship. Just wish this was reflected in the title, and she opened with it. I see she is trying to provoke and entice, to get people interested, but am concerned it is not having that effect. Teal, your work is too valuable, please consider a slightly different expression. The more of us you reach, the better. ❤
Yes! Seek win-win relationships in which you both feel like you got a great deal!
To me, that’s cooperation! Not compromise!
We’ll said, friend ❤️
Super interesting. Now I understand why I don't compromise with someone I date, and that I don't want them to compromise for me, and I do that instinctively. Thank you Teal!
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸”’*
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I'm glad you're teaching people to be proud of this. As a person with disabilities, it is essential for me to know ahead of time who will be a douchebag when I tell them I'm not feeling well and need to adapt to my changing limitations. Maybe the secret to lasting relationships is that people who don't see everything as winning or losing have a healthy attitude toward dealing with inevitable changes.
we needed more of u guy's voices or maybe louder or not over by shadowed by other "normal" people's voices. 💚 hope u well
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
I hope so much that you realize that words have impact. My family deserves a deep apology from you. Encouraging suicidal behavior is not cool.
I believe we can simply compromise in this way: it's harmful ONLY when it has to do with sacrificing a couple's "deal breakers" or top priorities, but not when it comes to maintaining compatibility or shared priorities. For example, if both partners value raising children as well as always doing what they love in their free time, but the first is a higher priority than the second, then the couple can easily compromise how each gets to spend their free time because they both are working towards their common goal and priority: caring for their children. Compromising how they spend some of their free time is not some unhealthy sacrifice arising from dysfunctional dynamics. In this sense, compromise is not only healthy but necessary for the relationship and their pursuit of shared goals.
Compatibility is about similar ilk and equal yoke. Two equally yoked people can compromise on the functional things. The unequally yoked cannot. She talks about that in another video.
Without a doubt, this is one of the truest tropics ever identified. Thank you so much Teal for the insight and clarity you’ve brought to this. We have woven such a sinister web in the name of Love, and this sheds light on perhaps the most misunderstood aspect of relationships. We’ll done!! And thank you!
THANK YOU with capital letters! I've been trying to translate this point of view for a long time. I have a relatively large tiktok audience of around 140k subs and you have no idea how hard it is to convince people that compromise in a relationship is NOT a good thing at all. I am really happy to see that this POV is finally starting to be heard from other people with considerable audiences. Thank you once agan, Teal.
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/compromise/
Sometimes giving in to someone else’s will is a good deal. It’s just not supposed to be an everyday event for all. But for some I think pain and self sacrifice is what they love.
I don't think that it's possible for 2 people, regardless of how compatible they are to always be on the same page on every single decision that comes up in life.
Exactly
This is not what she is saying. Compatibility is not about matching every step each one makes every day or every little view or decision. Do we order Chinese or cook?
This is a poor understanding of her excellent point.
Even the Bible talks about compatibility: Do not be unequally yoked.
Compatibility means equal yoke and ilk.
it is about finding win win deals in case you are not compatible in certain areas
Yea this seems off
This feels it could be used as a tool for justification of selfish or inconsiderate behavior... imho some compromise can be mutually beneficial and nurture congruent growth in the relationship. A lack of flexibility can only lead to an inevitable difference of opinion and parting of ways. Having compassion and understanding of your partners needs while expressing your own can facilitate an adaptable foundation to build upon. Perhaps I'm taking this advice too literally 🤔
My thoughts exactly. People who are really sure of what they want in life to the point they don't want to compromise are not great people in my mind. It could be immaturity, I used to think I know how stuff works.. until I learned that I don't know anything and others can teach me things. It's also a sign that you are not very open minded and want things done your way or not at all.
It's talking about finding a win-win relationship and finding people who actually suit what you want instead of settling. Especially in loving relationships, everyone should feel like they won. Actually go after what you want. She's not talking about little things here... Like actual things that matter... How do you compromise not wanting kids vs. wanting kids where both people end up happy?
@@dangerzzzone2925 I guess by one partner saying.. if it makes you happy I'll be happy to do either of those.
I don't really get people who have rigid views but I guess there are some things I wouldn't compromise on. Like your partner respecting you and toxic amounts of 'independence'.
@@hgzmatt Yes if it doesn't matter to someone that much sure that's easy to say. Lmao what you're saying is what's happening in relationships now and why people end up divorcing, cheating, and lying. People are settling into lives they don't want. Compatibility matters. Water and oil never mix. You can't force people to be happy with something they don't want. It's actually selfish and it's not love.
@@hgzmatt But essentially one partner will end up unhappy. Now either a man or woman has children he/she really didn't want or never get the children they've always wanted. One will be settling into a miserable life and start resenting the other or the next big decision they will expect to win. Like, "Hey, I did this for you... So now I want to try an open relationship or I wanna leave the state or etc" Actually... Teal explains this.. did you watch the video? You sound like you equate love with pain and sacrifice instead of actual abundance. Love is not painful, it's freeing. Even you said you would not compromise on something like a partner who is very independent. It's not toxic. Why can't you be, "Babe, I love you travel the world all you want, I'll be here"🤣People just have different expectations from life then you. Find someone who actually matches you instead of forcing others to be what you want, so y'all don't end up hating each other. Boundaries and standards are sexy.
You are 100% correct. I don’t view “compromise” in these terms. After listening to this I realize I didn’t understand what compromise was. My view was, for example: person (1) “I want “A” no mater what”, person (2) “I want “B” no mater what”. Both individuals say sure. It’s a win win. But if person (1) and person (2) wants “A or B” equally that’s when compromise must occur to continue. That’s loose loose. So the first example is comparability, the second example is compromise. Thanks.
I had a potential partner that actually guilt tripped me for refusing to compromise on something. I take it that is a red flag and now I’m in no contact and focusing on my myself, my healing, and my well being. I’m starting to think that I perhaps have dodged a bullet.
You definitely did!
When you settle, your happiness is at stake. When you compromise, you are choosing to tolerate certain things to achieve and maintain a beneficial outcome. Settling is making do with less. Compromising is accepting less of one thing in return for more of another. theirs nothing wrong with compromising.. the real enemy is making excuses to continue being stubborn, selfish, or “single” minded…
This is the first video I have ever commented on on UA-cam (from what I can recall, anyway!) and it is the most MIND BLOWING video I have ever seen in my life as it encapsulates so much of my present and ongoing struggle. Thank you for articulating this complex and nuanced subject so clearly and helping me make sense of my lived experience and relationships. I will be watching this many more times and all the suggested videos.
My parents and their friends said exactly that to me, that a marriage is all about compromise. I disagreed. Ive been married 13 years and I cant think of anything Ive compromised on.
I feel like this is the obvious truth and yet I've never seen people come to this conclusion in dating advice, etc. They teach you to play games and be inauthentic, and think nothing of it. I'm glad someone's saying it.
I feel like I don't compromise. Like I'm overly authentic. And as if no one is compatible with me. Years and years of ever-increasing loneliness discourage me.
Don't fall for this nonsense. Life in and of itself consists of choices and compromises.
I think being authentic is good but most times when we dislike and like something we closes the opportunities. And that what we call compromise. Most of us actually don't know what we truly like, we all living and doing things by how we told and taught which is again not authentic and based on safe system.
I think you can overcome this by having 3 or 4 extremely important things to you that you don't compromise on instead of making everything equally important.
In 10,000 hours of videos trying to learn and grow ( even at great risk and pain ) this one video is the most relevant and honest that I have been fortunate enough to stumble upon .
Lol who cares take risks guys!! Life is a journey of learning and when you know you have no real experience with relationships just throw yourself into it completely. Always doubt everything you hear about relationships my dear ones. No one has the answers but you, only really brave ones can enter into relationships and make it great. Because intimacy in relationship takes great courage, it’s unknown, a great mystery. One of J Krishnamurti’s quote that really relates to this is, “If we understand the problem, the answer will come out of it, because the answer is not separate from the problem.” And the truth is life is not a problem, it’s a rejoicing of souls and if you know that, you’ll be rejoicing with the soul of the other.
Yupheng Her... 'life is not a problem' but there are 'problems' in life... (let's not mix strawberries and cocunut, they are not compatible) 😊
Understanding - as Krishnamurti said-is the only ticket to the Answer...
Compromising should not be painful. Meeting In the middle and getting on the same page can be very rewarding and make you feel closer. I just want to be truly objective here. Always question why someone is giving a message.
Perfect description of my last relationship. Broke up a few weeks ago and this video reminded me why (I kept forgetting). Lots of resentment, pain, internal wars... there I have it. Thank you for giving me one more piece to this puzzle. I'm going to be who I am, and the right fit for a new relationship will come along at the perfect time. 🙏🏼
I was finally forced out of a relationship with a co-dependent person who openly says she is co-dependent. I compromised way too much for her for the sake of compromise to keep living in that hell. Please! Please do not make that mistake like I did. It bit me in the end and it was costly. You have to be compatible with the other person. Self sacrifice is a lie like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
There were 222 comments here when I clicked!! There's a reason this video popped up in my feed. I've going through this type situation as I speak. I'm always compromising and it's never enough. I'm done. Like you said, it's a recipe for disaster and you will never live up to it.
I recently left my boyfriend because he was not prioritising my needs and not opening up his feelings. I wish I had communicated better with him. I learnt, if I had excepted him as he was and loved him more unconditionally, then maybe he would have felt less judged and safer to open up and speak his feelings to me. I know he still loves me. This Friday he is visiting me after 9 months apart!!
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸’.*
"love" is giving not taking. Nothing wrong with compromising if it feels good..
Good person = deeply happy person
U totally missed the point dude
@@TheBakingGirlShow no.. just adding to the conversation ;)
Oh my gosh the timing of this video. I am no longer available for compromises, only solutions. And since I've made that decision the kind of solutions that have presented themselves so easily, that allow happiness and satisfaction for both my husband and me, have been spectacular.
What if your own family of origin is incompatible to you to the point of emotional and psychological torture? Well of course I left as soon as I could because I don’t believe statements like “family is everything” but rather the family I choose without compromise certainly can be everything to me.
currently struggling with this..worst for me is that because I left my job, I had to move back home when jobs weren't coming through...I want to leave, not sure how to just go without financial security..
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 Happened to me too with the pandemic and it’s been a nightmare so I feel you from the SOUL honey lol but on a serious note you will make it out just being on that vibration of not being compatible with them will help you get out so don’t ever give into the depression stay focused and in high spirits to leave soon. It helped me before to leave my toxic family and I will do it again so you will get back on track I know it
@@Layla-fr7mf thank you, its challenging, I always tell myself "if you have done it before, you can do it again.." thank you so much for that silver lining..🙏💓🙏
@@ShaqleeToine10.02 , I have been in one end and out the other on this very situation. financial security was a big issue, but I took the leap anyway. there is often assistance in the form of homeless shelters in Australia, and so I sought out this assistance, it wasn't great, but it was better than living with the birth giver, and now I have everything I could possibly want and need. and the best thing about my success, is that I made it myself. have courage, have faith, take that leap and your wings will open.
Me too.
Most women in my family were raised on this 'compromise is key' ideal and it never sat well with me and they kept telling me "you'll end up alone" like that's the worst thing that can happen to an individual. My whole life I've been in relationships where I've compromised and I was greatly cheered on by my community and family but I was miserable. Stopped dating for 3 years and moved to another country. Those 5 years of being single were the happiest. I've now met someone I'm compatible with and compromise in our relationship is cooking when it's his turn because he's having a bad day. I was totally ready to be single for even longer if it meant I wouldn't be stuck in another relationship that's heavily leaning on compromise to 'work'. I wasn't in a rush to settle and have kids so 🤷🏽♀️
I prime myself to expect that any "good feeling relationship" could end fast. I prepare myself not to settle nor go along with what others want whilst my needs go unmet. No good can come from associating with a dishonest person.
I just can’t wrap my head around this. I need to sit on this more. It’s really bowing my mind.
I'll know I'm compatible with a person if they resonate with Teal Swan's wisdom. Old school psychological practices and theories need to take a back seat to her uncanny knowledge and insight. In less than a year, anyone who is serious about understanding and healing their shadows and various dynamics in their relationships needs only the desire to learn and binge on Teal's generous vid offerings. If one is able, to have support inside one of her group programs is highly advisable. Psychotherapy, self-examination, living in the truth no matter how much it hurts, and keeping my head clean of stuffed emotions or denial did serve me well and left many shadows hidden. Love to you, Teal Swan! Wow! Insight and Wisdom far beyond your years.
Right or wrong her absolute clarity with explanation is perfect
Perfect timing for this. Unfortunately we are seeing this play out on a larger global scale, especially in industries such politics and healthcare. Lots of emotional manipulation going on there...
Well said Teal . Totally agreed. compromise means that you going to be unhappy all the time in your relationship.
Compromise is just the beginning & small part of what true marriage is and when I say marriage I mean one like the ancestors of Miss Teal's had in order for her to be created. What a blessing!
Ancient wisdom teaches us that the relationship of marriage is actually a refinement of character and the wholesomeness of that comes about with the longevity of the relationship.
When we yield we're not yielding to the other person we're "yielding to the obligatory"
*Thanks for the feedback~~~if you have any ideas you want me to talk about feel free to chat me immediately for more enlightenment ~~ 🇼 :🇭 :@🇹 :🇸 :🇦 :🇵 :🇵 •••🇲 🇪 • 💬+1 (320) 318‑3772❤️🇺🇸”’*
Compromise is not that painful as long as the Compromise does not cross any major boundaries. My husband is an extrovert and I am an Introvert. If he had his way, we'd be out socializing every weekend, sometime more often. I'd rather stay home. So we compromise. I go out on couple get togethers, special occasions and vacations. I go and have a good time because I choose to do so. I am not in pain. Would i rather stay home, sure. But I do know it's actually good for me to get out. And I do the same for him. I settle him down so he's not so run down. Been happily married for 18 years.
And compromise is a life reality not just in relationships, but work, family, friends, even with ourselves. I'll eat the cake and add an extra work out. The importance is not the compromise itself but what is the specific compromise and how important is it to us. We would live in complete anarchy if we didn't learn how to discern what we can reasonably compromise and what we can't.
I totally agree Teal. I appreciate how you mentioned that you must be 'hard and fast' to set boundaries in connections. ♡
You must always be your own best friend within your life. You have gotta be your most highest in consciousness version. I have destroyed my perception of myself and lowered my own vibrations to a harmful extent to realise what it means to be loved. X
Truth can be felt, and this video is truth. Thank you very much for your sharing of your intelligence & knowledge.
I Will now always fight for win- win- agreeements no matter what.
Everyone should watch this! I came to this conclusion a while back and it's hard to explain to others. I am keeping this vid in a playlist, it's far too important! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this ❤️💜💚 jeez! So much unlearning to do, it’s overwhelming and I feel anger thinking about all the times I’ve compromised believing I should be rewarded or believing this is what should happen in order to have healthy relationships 😭😭😭😭
Interests, preferences and boundaries are so varied in the human species, that I believe that even if people interacted with millions of people throghout their whole life, they would be lucky if they found one single person that was compatible with them, according to the concept of compatiblility outlined in this video. Almost all people in the world interact with much fewer people, which means that, according to this definition of compatibility, most people will not be able to form one single statisfactory relationship throughout their life (which is what actually seems to be happening currently).
I’m done with relationships and compromises lol...when I’m doing everything, working, cooking, cleaning, learning...I no longer see what the benefit of having a relationship is ?
Or it could be part of a win-win agreement? I don't know but I get that Teal is trying to teach us to enter win-win scenarios.
Find a partner who helps you with those things?
Well and what about your partner? They must be doing SOMETHING too right?
Guys, Inayah said that she was done with relationships because in every past relationship she would have to do it all. I see her point. It is better to do it all being single, than do it all while in a realtionship. It is frustrating to see that the partner is not helping. Why live with that frustration?! Because there has to be a compensation from being with someone? There may be, but is it worth the frustration?
You are telling her to find someone who will help her. Well, she said she is tired of looking for that man.
I finally realize why I’m so resentful thank god! I’m redefining thank you!!
Yasss! Rather than holding compromise with high value for generations, let's break this paradigm and commit to 3rd options instead! 🔥
Once again, very insightful, black and brown shoes, excellent analogy. Almost always there is a right and wrong - compromise stems from (1) not being able to tell the difference, (2) being too insecure to recognize your choice is the wrong one or (3) a combination of the two. "I don't care how comfortable they are, the brown cowboy boots do not go with the black tuxedo!" 🤠 When you are right, stay with it; the moment you realize you are wrong, admit it, fix it, and move on.
Wow!
Really willing to re-examine, question, re-evaluate, my, Compromising 🤔
What, stories, am l, telling myself?
TYSMFS! 😎
😁
This is exactly why we need to put all the effort into secure parenting! We need to work on ourselves so we can raise our children to become secure, calm, happy, authentic, flexible human beings, who have none of the issues that this video is presenting and that are so alive in it’s creator and her followers. She says when kids grow up with inflexibility they will become desperate for being loved without making compromises. And she is so right. But the solution is not in becoming rigid adults, which they sadly often become… The solution is in changing parenting, so we raise children who are calm and happy and flexible within. They will grow up to be happy, authentic adults, perfectly capable of making and keeping happy, flexible, loving relationships, where attachment and authenticity is no contrast, but one and the same thing. Compromises will make people feel resentment when they are raised with rigidity. That is so true. It makes people desperately scared of loosing themselves and their authenticity. Thus making them desperate to go in the oposite direction and scream out loud in need to stand up for themselves, their need to make people accept them for who they are and for their need to focus on themselves, their needs and feelings, because they learned no one else would. An adult who grew up being seen, heard, accepted for who they are, and who had clear, predictable and consistent boundaries and also lived with flexible parents and rigidity was not even part of their childhood, will have no trouble attaching, being authentic and flexible. An adult with such a childhood will feel little or no resentment towards others, and when they do things for others they do it with ease, with pleasure and with happiness, not with resentment. Things will flow in their adult life and relationships and they will feel no need to scream out loud about people needing to stop making compromises to be happy. Because they know that that is not what it’s about. They also know that two persons will always be different and have different needs, feelings and thoughts, and there is no such thing as someone who will always want and need the same things as we do, and they will easily find someone compatible, because they will be easily compatible with people. They will find someone who shares their values, beliefs, interests and someone who keeps your needs and feelings in mind as well as their own.
i wished you provided some real examples of win win scenarios
You have to use your intuition.
It’s not the best advise. You have to compromise at some point in relationships or they fail plain and simple.
@@julzluvzdollz Compromise is part of life when your living and sharing your life with someone. She could give advice on how to manage or handle divorce not
Sure why she doesn’t share that. Just saying stick to what u know :)
@@maireadshepherd5539 well said I agree with you!
@@julzluvzdollz 😊💕
I totally agree on the reality.
But I think we're also wrongly coined/ conditioned and it needs a lot of introspection to see what is maybe indeed wrong with oneself. This requieres to work on consciousness first.
At least it was for myself the first step to take before I could open up to topics like the one of this video.
Do you seriously believe that you would never have to compromise in a relationship at all? Like there is a person that was made exactly for my needs and do’s and don’t’s?
I think this is a great advice if one tends to stay single.
Lmao yeah it's garbage.
This. If a little compromise would bother you, stay single. It's near impossible to find someone that you are 100% compatible with. You need someone who fits the mold the right way and be able to fill the gaps later.
I think the compromise she is reffering to is for the main issues in a relationship, i.e. a person's needs and wants that they are not willing, or better yet, impossible to compromise on without giving up their happiness in a relationship. For the smaller things in life, ofcourse a compromise can be useful :)
Do not compromise on who you are, on what you feel and love. Compromise can be made and must be made in many other aspects of life all the time (salary negotiations with your boss). For example: You love star wars and your partner hates star wars. Your partner loves horror movies and you hate horror movies. You both love romantic comedies. A compromise would be to watch a star wars movie and a horror movie together. Nobody will enjoy it, because you cannot enjoy yourself while your partner is having a bad time if you have a good relationship. A win win situation could be if you let the other be who he is and enjoy his movie with his movie-compatible-friends and be happy for the other enjoying himself and you only watch romantic comedies together. Compatibility would be the best of course and would be where you both enjoy the same things as much as possible. 100% compatibility doesn't happen often, but the greater the compatibility, the happier the foundation of your relationship because you can enjoy many things together.
Typical black-and-white thinking. I too thought this way. "there's always compromise involved" vs "there's never compromise". "Compromise to get into relationship" vs "stay single". There's a lot of grey. And maybe you should explore it.
What Teal Swan is pointing to is to give up your own *happiness* to keep the relationship going. That is surely not sustainable. Been there, done that, seen it a million times. It only brings resentment and pain. There should be authenticity - which means, you are your true self and so is your partner. The space they hold for you is safe for u to be u, fully. If there are things that make you unhappy, you're able to talk about it, come up with a mutual solution. And be guilt-free, content & happy. Compatibility doesn't mean you are each other's clones.
Be like water my friend ☺️
Life is beautiful and nothing happened whiteout a reason. My past relationships has bean like a free flowing in the wind… until I hit the ground and then started to understand what happened and why.
Thus to understand is to honestly feel and reflect. Shadow work. And it did hurt more then anything.
Did I choose to heal or to face reality? No it just happened, life, god.
It made me extremely humble and thankful. For many things that I before just took for granted. Like I can see, feel and smell. I can talk, walk and taste. Life is so beautiful but it’s not something I could feel intellectually, I had to face all those feelings… reflecting back made me understand what “I am”
Thank you 🙏🏽 life
Thank you dear family 💓🌍💓
Teal I love how you kick butts! I join in! Lets Illuminate with Win Win!
I don't comment often, but this one of the most practically helpful videos I've seen regarding finding a healthy relationship. I am constantly compromising and I am super guilty of thinking it was 'the right thing to do'. Thank you
Giiiiirl I needed this one right here!
I agree completely. Compromise leads to resentment an counting what u gave up for the other person. Be happy or dont be in that relationship.
I really appreciate relationship videos! 😍
I had to make so many compromise in the past for people that I am just happy to have a girl I really care for in my life, but I currently just hope she will come after the fixes I already did to my life.
lmao anyone that believes you can have a successful relationship without ANY form of compromise is a absolute lunatic. Please, let me know who you find who is 100% or close to exactly like you, and how much you 'avoid compromise'. You will then just be going through a ton of partners and potentially throwing good things away because of minor disagreements.
Omg totally agree! Because even if you are compatible your still not going to 100% agree on everything. Thereby leading to no solution or a solution that doesn’t fit both needs. I’m so glad you said this.
I entirely understand, accept and agree with the this idea of non-compromising!
I've learnet it the hard way....
OH YES!!
THANKS TEALIE 💜
This jacket is setting this message on fire!
This is an amazing strategy!! If you never want to stay with one person and have a committed relationship..
If it's committed to misery, no.
Is there really someone that we are "compatible" enough to the point no side needs to compromise ? Is there really a partner where we can 100% accept all their flaws n not expect them to compromise (expect them to change their behavior or decision),, vice versa (someone not expecting something that they want us to change)..
Am i the only one hanging out with incompatible people ? I mean even in friendship or family relationship requires me to compromise in order to make it work..
I agree with all the Teal Swan said, but I don't think anyone is 100% compatible with you. Some couples are more compatible than others, and you have to discern what percentage of compatibility you are willing to settle for, vs. how long you're willing to wait for a partner and be your own support system in the meantime.
It seems to make sense at first but without any compromise there is no love. Now one can discuss the level of compromise. It has to be done intelligently. One day he can wear the brown shoes and the other black. It doesn't have to be one black and one brown. It looks good on paper but then there is reality. Given enough time everybody will run in to a disagreement. So we change the person every time? Some compromises are easy to do. Some others are not. If it is too big of a compromise then yes. This makes sense. I may not feel like making a souffle. But if with a little work I can make one and people are smiling and eat it, just that alone makes it worth it. So in essence yes compromise by it self may be what is described in the video but not all compromises are the same.
compatibility does NOT exist without compromises or live 60 years or so to find that compatible partner.
It all comes down to one thing: how you deal with compromises? Out of love? If so you will be happy because your partner is happy and this means the world to you. But if you are doing it out of manipulation you are for sure not happy and neither him when he finds out you were basically lying.
I love how effing serious you are. Like I DARE you to a staring contest Teal. You're almost terrifying. But you're so damn witty and intelligent and gorgeous I would break. You're the hardest person to read.
Men and women are different, look different, think different, feel different, there will be always some sort compromise in a relationship, so, if you're really into being your truest self, don't get one.
Heads You win; tails I lose, Mistress Teal. Forever and ever. No compromise.
Tell this to my mother who is nagging me for grandchildren. I feel content being alone. I am asexual, and have plenty of hobbies to keep me busy.
Most women I know get in relationships out of fear or because they want someone to support them. I think it's disgusting that we live in a world where women are pressured to hook up to just get treated with basic respect, or to get some stamp of approval from society.
Stick to your guns! Kids are nice but so are pets. 😉
I just wanna go back being a kid whom isn't expected to find her other half as everyone else and who's not seen as weird for not having someone yet, I mean I want to have a partner but I have things I want in a relationship which I still can't find, so I'm not gonna jump into one just for the sake of being "normal" and fulfill my desire to be loved and desired...Will everyone just leave us alone fr
I agree
This make sense on vision and values. This boils down to partner selection. If the key things are aligned, you have not compromised on that. I feel like this is what she was going for.
Then I'll remain single forever probably 🤣🤣🤣🤣I don't wanna compromise but no guy comes around with whom values match or core wounds. Hmm this came like when I needed it the most. I was kinda crying, upset, purgy . Thank you❤🙏 Happy Guru Purnima
Remain single forever and live the life you want.
I wish you have wonderful friends who accept you the way you are already and do not require you to make any sacrifices. Notice how easy it is with friends. Maybe we should model our romantic life based on the friendship-type relationships.
@@zeedo666 ❤❤❤😍😍Thank you. Your advice is precious, made my day ❤May you achieve all your dreams. Love and light ❤🙏
Dear Chirasree, you don't need someone to match your core wounds because you can heal them! Same core wounds means you bond over pain, and you are also seeking someone to enable your weakness more than your strength. It seems you are in a time of purging your emotions- do not draw conclusions about your life from that because life feels and looks different on the other side of it. Focus on releasing, forgiving, letting go of the past, loving yourself and embracing the strong you. From there it can all come. Much love to you!
@@empath_wisdom PS Twin Flames Share The Core Wound, Core Wound comes from a particular root cause and reasoning and that very reasoning, say for me that's
I seek a partner who won't flirt with others. I don't need to "heal" it to numb out to allow it but draw boundary and ensure that my partner meets me there, else singlehood rocks
All of this hits so close to home. I am guilty of allowing myself to compromise far too often and expecting it in return.
Compromise with children is not a child rearing practice. Children are safely raised by rules based authority. Adults negotiate and advocate their preferred positions. Incompatible adults avoid interaction and seek compatibility, where healthy compromise is an optimization strategy.
There is no healthy compromise.
@@terencendence The word compromise is used in two different senses, one typically positive and the other typically negative. The good sense of compromise is finding a common ground with another person, as in reaching a mutual agreement about a difficult course of action affecting both of you. The bad sense is being untrue to your core values and beliefs, as in selling out to achieve some short-term goal.
From Psychology Today