Hello Patricia. Another great video. I too have read the Four Agreements. It’s a learning experience. I remember being on the train from Paris to Caen about 20 years ago and said bonjour to a French man standing by the window. After introducing myself, he asked me why I go to France. Was it for the wine, food or cheese? I simply replied no monsieur, it’s for the people. He smiled and shook my hand. I often make it a point to have morning cafe while standing at the counter of the nearest tabac or bar. By the 3rd day, my coffee is usually presented to me right away. Even better if you have a cognac or calvados with it. Yes assimilation can be very difficult especially with language barriers. During my stay at an apartment on rue de lappe in 2009, the apartment owners invited me to their home for supper on January 6. A lovely evening with excellent food, wine and King Cake. I even got the feve. I’ve made friends with the owners of the Airbnb I stay at in Paris in the Latin Quarter. On my second stay, they invited me to an apero where I met some of their friends. Just before I departed for the US, I invited them to my own apero at the corner bistro Everyone attended plus two others. I think I made additional friends that evening. Now I’m returning for another month on Jan 9th. . There is always some cause for anxiety but I’ll do the best I can. Be well Patricia. Joseph in Cape May.
Hi Joseph. Love your train story. Going to the same cafe regularly is a good way to connect anywhere. When I was in Valencia, Spain, in October, I ate breakfast in the same cafeteria and the waitress knew my order by the third day. I felt so seen. Have a good trip in January!
I was talking with a friend here in the US about her upcoming trip to France. She was a bit hesitant because her opinion was that the French were unfriendly. I think the disconnect is that the French typically do not engage in small-talk and are more reserved among strangers. Two of my closest friends are French and I can say that this perception is inaccurate. I think most people are nice and it’s important to have an understanding of cultural differences.
cela dépend aussi et même surtout de la région Française que vous visitez ou vous voulez vous établir . En ville ou a la campagne dans le nord ou le sud du pays . La différence est très importante moi en tant que Français de lorraine il y a des régions Française ou je ne voudrais pas vivre pourtant j'ai travaillé dans toutes les régions de France pratiquement et même en Europe en plus des vacances .
Exactly as the person below said. Not only it depends on the region but also the place the time of the day the day of the week and the age of the people. Even in Paris on Sunday people are more willing.to talk, even in Paris the elderly are very often very willing to talk. In the evening when people are out it's also easier for small talk because people are in the mood to be friendly. Now if the person seems busy just don't bother. If the person does not seem interested to galk just don't bother. Because anywhere in France some people are not into small talks and they will not force themselves so don't even try a second time, it's just seen as rude. Read the room, try, give up if the person does no reciprocate and move on with your day. Also let's be real some people are racist against Black people not matter if they are Americans, French or African so as a Black person you also have to remember that. The cases where she said she entered a room or a store Saif hello and people did not reply back is clearly racism. At least French say Bonjour in those situations. As a French knowing the rules and unwritten rules I would have said on purpose " je vous ai dit BONJOUR !!!!!" "I just said HELO" . They would have all said hello back even if they did not wanted to 😅 and said "sorry we did not hear you"... Racists are all the same in France lol. Now with administration it is different people can easily be rude to anyone no matter their origins. That's just how it is.
@@jean-lucfrotey7604 I found a nice town near Poitiers (Montmorillon) in Nouvelle Aquitaine that is friendly, peaceful, and interesting to live in. The Parisians are big city people and there are lots of foreigners visiting and or living in Paris, so you can’t judge all of France on just one city- besides, Paris is fantastic anyway!! It really helps to say Bonjour when you interact with anyone the first time, face to face. And then of course if you make an effort to at least try speaking French even if it’s only to ask, “Vous parlez anglais?”
Indeed. It's easy to jump to conclusions when things and people differ from what we expect. Having a cultural understanding puts things into perspective. Thanks for sharing.
The way to humble an unpleasant french person is to very consciously "outpolite" them. I'm telling it as a french person myself, it's weird but we have this sort of untold rule that keeping the utmost formal politeness in front of a rude person gives you the upper hand and usually it works well to chill that person out 😅 Once you use that technique and add to that the fact of not taking things personal, as for french nice is different than good, you're bulletproof here 😎😆
Great info and much needed for those who are planning to move to France. Thanks Patricia for sharing your experiences about getting acclimated to France, and maybe other countries too. ❤
I'm French and I have been, I am, and I will be frustrated by the sense of "I couldn't care less" some people display, especially in the administration. What I do is to arm me with patience, try to call on their pity, and ask whether there is any other way of solving the issue.
Thanks for the tip. I had a conversation with someone who said after a couple of years of a runaround with French administration, she broke down in tears and that got the problem resolved. So calling on their pity might just work!😆
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Funny enough I work in an office environment in US, and had the same experience regarding people not returning a greeting/ignoring me, even though we're coworker in a professional setting. So i think that is not a french thing but a people thing where sometimes they think it takes too much effort to greet someone.
I lived in France from 1980 - 83 and during those 3 years I’d say I was treated ok in general yet I had almost no French friends and only 1 or 2 at the end of those 3 years. Most of my small group of friends were other foreigners mainly from Africa or other European countries. I did end up dating Danielle, a French woman, with whom I had a serious relationship of about 4 years in France, Spain and lastly the US where things fell apart. In Paris I rented a room from a French couple that rented out a small bedroom to international students studying in Paris. The couple was very nice though we didn’t interact much. I had my own personal entrance and exit so I could come and go as I pleased; I had access to the whole apartment. They must have trusted me because they would leave for short trips of varying days leaving me alone in their place. Later I moved to the city of Tours for 2 years that has a very small school that specializes in teaching French to foreigners. There I made friends with a couple of other students, one in particular from Ireland, his girlfriend from Guadalupe and an African from the Congo who was in Tours working and studying at a university. Again, I was treated fairly well by French people in Tours so I really can’t complain. I ended up working for a bakery in exchange for a free room just behind the bakery. I was tasked with washing all the cooking utensils, etc. The owner was again very friendly and at times he’d give me free food. He even helped me to work the annual harvest as his father had a family farm, so that was a wonderful experience: a hardy breakfast before work and nice young people with whom I worked though no lasting friendships blossomed from the experience. So, I would categorize my relations with the French during my time living there as amical. To be honest I’d probably say I found it easier to interact with Spaniards and Brazilians in my day to day life in those countries. I would say that race played a small part in my interactions with some French. I noticed that I tended to get better treatment than my African friends though not always, especially when some people realized I was American and not African. I would add that many French I met focused on their perceived views on American racism and their idea of the lack of that in France. Oh, my goodness Patricia’s story about introducing herself had me cracking up because I can relate. This reminded me of something I learned about French culture and that is that they are very good at compartmentalizing relationships and because they have friends may in no way mean they want you to know or meet some of their friends. I can remember on a couple of times when I was with a French person and we’d come across a friend to theirs. They might have talked from 5 to 30 minutes or longer and make no attempt to introduce us. I’d be just standing there while they talked. Oh the smile. I’ve realized on my own and it’s been brought to my attention through study, etc that cultures very much differ on smiling. In some it is the norm, and in some it’s scorned upon or seen as a negative. I’ve had people overseas ask me why I smile so much; they find it a sign of not being sincere and / or trustworthy. I even remember reading about how in the America we ask people to smile before taking a picture while in some countries you would never ask or want people to smile. Some of you of a certain age may remember a famous song by the group the Temptations called Smiling faces Sometimes…. tell lies. Lastly, my best friend, black American, visited me in 1983 just a few months before I left France for Spain. That friend is still in France. When back in France I would usually stay with him, and he has lots of French friends.mainly French, but not exclusively French. I can’t complain though. I’ve lived in a few countries and I’d sum up my experiences and relationships with natives as a huge plus without a shadow of a doubt. Maybe I should note that I’m a loaner by nature. Patience, taking chances, being a bit thick skinned, reflective and out going are just some things that can contribute to success. For me, it only takes a couple of good friends; I don’t need tons. In my German studies I'm learning a lot about German culture, and it seems to be pretty common for foreigners to talk about the difficulty of making friends with Germans. One American attested to that but she said once you have a German friend it's for life. The world is so interesting. Great topic Patricia. Thanks so much.
I live in the Houston area in a far north suburb not far from the ExxonMobil campus. There’s a French woman who lives in my neighborhood and I see her all the time out walking our dogs. She never says hello even though we’ve interacted before and she knows I speak French. She seems to be just a very private person and probably doesn’t care to get to know her neighbors, or perhaps she uses her dog walks to meditate…. Who knows? Maybe she’s got a lot on her mind and doesn’t really enjoy superficial chit chat with Americans always wanting attention (!) … I don’t take it personally. She might be shy or maybe she’s just a jerk. Ca m’est egal! 😊
They have biases and misunderstandings about us. We do about them as well. They are sometimes not tolerant of French being spoken with an accent. They are tired of immigrants. That being said, you will find friends with time and effort.
Excellent video! You are so right, you must not take things personally in France. People who act unpleasant with you are very likely even more unpleasant with French people than they are with you. Also, you are very perceptive when you say the things the French fear most is being wrong. I think it is because of the education people get here, in school and also within the family, it is a deeply rooted thing. On the other hand, people are not too bothered about being liked by others.
I am French. And yes don't take things personally most of the time. But as a French who is Black...we know when people are racists. If you enter a store, bank, administration, say hello and nobody response.... yes it's because of racism. In France even rude people, angry people say hello in those cases. It's seen as extremely inpolite 101 to not respond. It's not normal. Kids get scold for it so it becomes an unwritten rule that every French respect, it becomes automatic. And as you say they also don't like to be at fault. So as a French in those situations who have unfortunately happened to me ( not too many times) I, on purpose say very loudly "I just said hello, did not you hear me ??????????? With my nice voice and a smile of course because Black women anywhere can't seem agressive". Meaning.... you are at fault here right? Just by saying that they know I am French French (Black yes but who grew up in France) I know the unwritten rule, I know what they're doing and as a French French if you don't correct things I will not let that go. Guess what always happens "oh sorry we did not hear you.... Bonjour.... Yeah sure....lol Now small talks can be a thing for French but it depends on the region, the city, the time of the day, the place (usually don'texpect small talks in administrationbuilding they tend to be stress and rude to ANYONE !!!!! ), the age, the day of the week. And if people seem willing to small talks. So you need to read the room, give it a try and not take it personally if the person does not reciprocate. Because one thing that is for sure is that all French will not force themselves to be nice back and that's not seen as rude, just normal. We don't like when people are nice when clearly they are not in the mood to be nice. Now that does mean you have to be rude/mean/insulting either but as I said not responding to small talks does not mean you're rude here. I lived in the US years ago in Louisville,KY then in ForLauderdale,FL and although I am friendly for a French I had to learn to show it more and still be friendly and smily even when I was not in the mood for it. Because otherwise people would think I have problem with them if I am not enthusiastic by this or that one day.... They would automatically took it the wrong even if I tried to explain myself.... so I just did it smile more, small talks which was exhausting to me especially at the beginning but I did it. That's how I survived. I also had to learn to say I am Black and African in situations were being Black does not matter, before saying I am French otherwise people were confused and thought I rejected being Black lol. That culture shock was a real shock for me. Do I need to say I am Black when you can clearly see it !!!! My thought... if you ask me where I am coming from... then I am gone tell you where I am directly coming from since you're gone ask me next questions about it, and I was coming from France as a French to study then work.... But I quickly learned to say I am Black French African I would always add Congolese although Black African was enough for them. And back in 2008 only, yes I had to explain how come I could be French and Black at the same time.... But you learn and get used to things. I was studying finance but added classes of pan African studies to understand more the story of Black Americans as a Black person living in America I thoughtit was important. I also got help from my neighbor who was a Black American womsn who slso had studied abroad so she was willing to help. She got it. As a Black person one thing I learn is that if you want to know the truth about how things are for Black people in the country ask different Black people if you want to know the truth. The media and white people will lie to you on purpose or just because they don't really know. Even if you can't sense things at first, the longer you stay in the country the more you'll see that those Black people were telling you the truth. That's what happened to me in the US. Do you have any French Black friends in France ? Last thing. In France as a French you'll get respected the most when you speak French properly... we can tell the difference between French and French. If you're foreigner and you're comfortable with French that also works as long as you're not African. Also the way you dress and appear will highly impact the respect you'll get. It's not about brands name. It's about being "apprêté" = nicely put together and looking good. Yes it should not matter but it does.
je suis français blanc, et quand je rentre n'importe ou et que les gens ne répondent pas, je ne le prends pas pour du racisme, et ça arrive souvent ! alors garde ton wokisme et ta victimisation comme un ressenti personnel et non comme une vérité.
@RaySqw785 France invited my parents from Congo years ago and because of that I am French so I'll stay in France as long as I want to stay in France. . Are you really French? Don't you even know how it works? "Go back to your country..." So classic and so stupid. The typical level 101 of French racism. Received that comment first at 8 years old from another kid that was just repeating what his parents had probably said one day. Well at 42 I am still here. Even you voting for a racist party in 2027 won't change that lol !
Je suis français, j'habite en province, j'ai beaucoup voyagé dans toute la France. je connais bien la culture de mon pays et sa longue histoire. Je peux vous affirmer que le racisme en France est bien moins répandu qu'aux États-Unis. Personnellement et comme la majorité des français, je considère un black comme je considère un blanc, surtout que beaucoup de blacks sont français depuis des générations, rejoignant l'hexagone pour y travailler, depuis les DOM TOM. Martinique, Guadeloupe, Réunion, Tahiti et bien d'autres. Bref, il n'y a pas de racisme anti black établit chez nous, bien au contraire, nous sommes un peuple ouvert aux autres cultures... Après comme partout dans le monde, vous trouverez toujours une minorité de gens racistes et idiots. Le problème est ailleurs, Il ne faut pas oublier que la France a subi de nombreux attentats islamistes ces dernières années. Le pays subit une pression interne de la part d'islamistes rigoristes qui viennent mettre à l'épreuve nos institutions, notre histoire et notre culture. Il y a aussi beaucoup d'immigration illégale et incontrôlée, ce qui est perdant perdant pour les 2 parties. Ce sont les 2 raisons pour lesquels le parti politique R.N a remporté les dernières élections (au nombre de voix). Il ne s'agit pas d'un problème blancs et noirs, mais d'un problème culturel, voire dans certains cas religieux, de gens qui ne veulent pas s'intégrer et passe leur temps à cracher sur le pays qui les accueille
It's already been 7 years? Wow! that must feel so great. I finally decided I am going to take the plunge. I am moving to France. So I am preparing and have a goal year of 2027.
Hello gracetailor8811. Bravo ! for your plan to move to France! If I may, I would like to know how you are preparing... because I might do the same "soon". And of course, I read the site of French government, but it seems difficult. First, we have to live in France at least 3 months in order to apply for "long-stay visa". Are you using a particular service for your goal? I appreciate your response greatly if you could. Merci d'avance !
@@umio.6907 Hello, The answer to this is not an easy and simple one for the limited space here. However, I can share a couple of things I am doing. First, by putting a year on the dream, I am turning it into an ACTUAL goal. I am practicing saying: " I AM moving to France in 2027." instead of "I am THINKING about moving to France or abroad at some point." Small thing but makes a big difference. Second, now that I have a solid goal with a solid date, I have broken it down into steps/smaller goals with deadlines (like as if I was a high schooler planning to go to college. Each year of high school I have to reach certain smaller goals to get to the ultimate goal). For example, I need to save a certain amount to demonstrate to the French government that I will not be a burden to them. They request that you have a certain lump sum (needs to be at least 1year of French minimum wage) available for the one year long stay visa. To go further, I plan to buy a home there. So, I will need to save even more to purchase the home outright. Third, I already speak French (I have been studying and practicing the language since 1996) but I often forget words I need in certain instances. So, I will be assigning myself 10-20 new words per week until I leave. I will practice learning the definitions, grammar, and speaking them in sentences. I will also be working on my listening comprehension watching French TV and listening to French music. But more importantly, I will be practicing speaking to do mundane everyday things like getting electric and heating set up, buying/renting a home and talking about stuff no French class teaches you. Finally, I have visited the country twice before and I understand the culture greatly. But I may take an in-between trip to scout areas that would be a fit for a 1 year stay or longer. I am not sure what you mean by: "you have to stay in France for 3 months to qualify for the long stay visa." This is not the understanding I have. Are you in the USA? Usually you apply for your visa BEFORE you even leave the USA. France has many visa options. I suggest (respectfully) you read through the options and pick the visa you think you could qualify for. Then start gathering the documents you will need to qualify. Also take any other steps required to get the visa (get international health insurance, secure a place to stay with proof of stay dates, etc.). If you have a pet (I do) work on the steps you will need to take to bring your pet. I will use many services along the way to strengthen my language skills, ship anything absolutely important to me in France, and for other reasons. I don't plan to use coaching type services, if that is what you mean by service. Although, I have considered chatting with Patricia. However, now that I have a date, I have to save as much money as I can. Basically, i am checking what will be required and gathering those things. Does all of this make sense? Does this help?
First, I am enjoying your channel. Thank you for raising this issue. My husband and I have traveled in Europe quite a bit and are currently in the process of moving abroad from the US. I too am a person of color. One thing that I’ve noticed in most places that we’ve visited in Europe is that Americans are sometimes viewed as “overly friendly.” In our culture, it’s natural to smile broadly at, and greet, each other, even people we don't know. I found that some people in other places just think that is strange and off-putting. My daughter lives in Copenhagen and when we visited her there, I would smile at folks on the street and in cafes and was almost always met with a strange look. So much so, that I took it personally. My daughter explained that people just don’t do that there. So, I will have to get used to that when we move abroad as well.
no offense, but from many europeans looking overly friendly seems suspicious and not sincere. Doesnt mean we considerarte all american suspicious or hypocryte it's just a different way to approach someone you don't know. About the famous mandotary "bonjour" in France, at first u can considered it as a formal polite introduction but in fact it' more than that. The way you say bonjour, your attitue/behave at the moment you say it gives a lot of infomation on how the social interraction will work. one example, you enter to a shop and just a cold bonjour without looking the vendor in the eyes. the vendor will know he won't disturb you and will only interract with you if you needed his help and ask for it. Its the same for waiter etc.
business or administrative interactions can be abrupt even with natives. It's not only with foreigners. it's usual. Relations can be friendlier with time if you meet the people frequently.
Bonjour Patricia, thanks for making this very helpful video! My spouse and I are seriously thinking about moving to France, and I'm trying to educate myself on the cultural differences. I'm curious whether you spoke much French when you moved to France? Merci beaucoup!
I spoke French when I arrived but I wasn't fluent. I could understand slow-spoken French and could communicate at a slightly higher than basic level. I definitely recommend learning as much as you can before moving here. It will make things easier.
@PatriciaBrooksCourageCatalyst Merci, good to know! My husband and I have been studying French daily (I took it in school many moons ago). I can read well but know that I need to get conversational practice! Love your channel!
Bonjour Patricia, je suis la personne qui vous avait demandé dans une autre vidéo de nous parler un peu de l'accueil que vous aviez reçu en France et comment sont vos rapports avec les français aujourd'hui. Je vous remercie donc pour cette vidéo très intéressante ! En effet les français peuvent paraitre inamicaux parfois, ils peuvent paraitre froid.....les français ne sont pas aussi superficiels que les américains lors des premiers contacts, le sourire n'est pas systématique, l'approche n'est pas toujours très chaleureuse...les français ne sont pas très volontaires et plutôt réservés au début. Bien entendu tout le monde ne vous aimera pas, mais concernant cela je crois que c'est pareil dans tous les pays, on ne peut être aimé de tout le monde, en revanche ce qui change probablement avec les états unis c'est que ceux qui vous donneront leur amitié vous la donneront pour longtemps, elle sera solide, et ce sont des gens sur lesquels vous pourrez compter. Concernant ceux qui paraissent toujours un peu froid avec vous il ne faut pas hésiter à aller vers eux, mais en évitant de vous imposer dans leur espace personnel, brisez la glace lors d'une rencontre chez le marchand en faisant des courses, ou lors d'une rencontre au cours d'une marche ou d'un petit footing ou...bref vous voyez, ce genre de moment que l'on ne calcule pas par avance,...et ne soyez pas trop joviale et volubile au premier abord cela pourrait être considéré comme une faiblesse....voila c'est mon avis personnel faites en ce que bon vous semblera:) Vous m'aviez parlé de Ceret dans votre autre vidéo, c'est un joli grand village que j'aime beaucoup, pendant une dizaine d'années j'allais faire du vol libre sur les hauts de Ceret, je ne peux plus aujourd'hui car je vis dans la région parisienne....c'est donc un village que je connais mieux vu d'en haut que de l'intérieur! Je vous souhaite le meilleur dans cette vie française :)
yes we don't say bonjour to every random people, unless you have to interact with them for a reason or if it's the right context. If you're searching your way you can stop anybody in a street. and we won't go at all into small talks with strangers exchanging personal information.
Yes, every American is exotic, whetever their colour or stripe. We are also very proud of our country, and we want civilized visitors and newcomers to feel welcome without intruding in their private lives.
Bonjour, Je dois préciser que les comportements des français changent d'une région à une autre Dans le sud, en général, l'accueil est bon mais l'intégration est très difficile même pour les français qui viennent d'autre régions plus au nord. En revanche, en Normandie par exemple, nous sommes plus méfiants dans les approches mais lorsqu'il y a amitié ça dure et c'est sincère. Dans le nord c'est le top, les gens sont accueillants et sincères dès les premières secondes, ils sont généreux. Bref sans faire un tour de France, il faut savoir où l'on se trouve car ça change vite. Peut-être qu'il y a moins de variations aux USA ou alors elles sont plus étendues ?
i feel like in the USA it is more common to have all sorts of people everywhere haha. basically, many places you will find both very rude and very sweet people. definitely a lot of fake kindness too
I also read something a few days ago re: the French that oftentimes the person you are interacting with (salesperson, shopkeeper, etc.) does not expressly have the permission or ability to address "the thing". They may have to go to their supervisor, and that person may have to go even higher. They play by the rules, and the American "brainstorm and fix it" model is foreign to them. It's outside the box. I think that information will be invaluable to me when I hop the pond in May!
And where did you read that? That's unproductive and the French aren't known for being unproductive. They would go to the supervisor only if they really don't know or really can't fix things.
But when as a student went tout work in the summer in the tobacco fields in the us I was Bad treated by the owner nether a conversation nether a coffee and I had every day the same food and I had to sleep in a ruined barn......M'y father in 44 was beaten nearly to death by drunk american soldiers....I have américan good friends who came to m'y home often. They don't know m'y expérience as young student in the us. But I hâte the american selfish politics. The US follow only their interest and have No friends. Why don't WE leave NATO ?
What are some ways you navigate cultural differences to feel more at ease?
Hello Patricia. Another great video. I too have read the Four Agreements. It’s a learning experience.
I remember being on the train from Paris to Caen about 20 years ago and said bonjour to a French man standing by the window. After introducing myself, he asked me why I go to France. Was it for the wine, food or cheese? I simply replied no monsieur, it’s for the people. He smiled and shook my hand.
I often make it a point to have morning cafe while standing at the counter of the nearest tabac or bar. By the 3rd day, my coffee is usually presented to me right away. Even better if you have a cognac or calvados with it.
Yes assimilation can be very difficult especially with language barriers. During my stay at an apartment on rue de lappe in 2009, the apartment owners invited me to their home for supper on January 6. A lovely evening with excellent food, wine and King Cake. I even got the feve.
I’ve made friends with the owners of the Airbnb I stay at in Paris in the Latin Quarter. On my second stay, they invited me to an apero where I met some of their friends. Just before I departed for the US, I invited them to my own apero at the corner bistro Everyone attended plus two others. I think I made additional friends that evening.
Now I’m returning for another month on Jan 9th. . There is always some cause for anxiety but I’ll do the best I can.
Be well Patricia. Joseph in Cape May.
Hi Joseph. Love your train story. Going to the same cafe regularly is a good way to connect anywhere. When I was in Valencia, Spain, in October, I ate breakfast in the same cafeteria and the waitress knew my order by the third day. I felt so seen. Have a good trip in January!
@ thank you. Enjoy your holidays. If ok, I’ll let you know how its going on UA-cam unless you use instagram.
I was talking with a friend here in the US about her upcoming trip to France. She was a bit hesitant because her opinion was that the French were unfriendly. I think the disconnect is that the French typically do not engage in small-talk and are more reserved among strangers. Two of my closest friends are French and I can say that this perception is inaccurate. I think most people are nice and it’s important to have an understanding of cultural differences.
cela dépend aussi et même surtout de la région Française que vous visitez ou vous voulez vous établir . En ville ou a la campagne dans le nord ou le sud du pays . La différence est très importante moi en tant que Français de lorraine il y a des régions Française ou je ne voudrais pas vivre pourtant j'ai travaillé dans toutes les régions de France pratiquement et même en Europe en plus des vacances .
Exactly as the person below said. Not only it depends on the region but also the place the time of the day the day of the week and the age of the people. Even in Paris on Sunday people are more willing.to talk, even in Paris the elderly are very often very willing to talk. In the evening when people are out it's also easier for small talk because people are in the mood to be friendly. Now if the person seems busy just don't bother. If the person does not seem interested to galk just don't bother. Because anywhere in France some people are not into small talks and they will not force themselves so don't even try a second time, it's just seen as rude. Read the room, try, give up if the person does no reciprocate and move on with your day. Also let's be real some people are racist against Black people not matter if they are Americans, French or African so as a Black person you also have to remember that. The cases where she said she entered a room or a store Saif hello and people did not reply back is clearly racism. At least French say Bonjour in those situations. As a French knowing the rules and unwritten rules I would have said on purpose " je vous ai dit BONJOUR !!!!!" "I just said HELO" . They would have all said hello back even if they did not wanted to 😅 and said "sorry we did not hear you"... Racists are all the same in France lol. Now with administration it is different people can easily be rude to anyone no matter their origins. That's just how it is.
@@jean-lucfrotey7604 I found a nice town near Poitiers (Montmorillon) in Nouvelle Aquitaine that is friendly, peaceful, and interesting to live in. The Parisians are big city people and there are lots of foreigners visiting and or living in Paris, so you can’t judge all of France on just one city- besides, Paris is fantastic anyway!! It really helps to say Bonjour when you interact with anyone the first time, face to face. And then of course if you make an effort to at least try speaking French even if it’s only to ask, “Vous parlez anglais?”
I've not been to Nouvel Aquitaine yet. Making an effort with the language does go such a long way.
Indeed. It's easy to jump to conclusions when things and people differ from what we expect. Having a cultural understanding puts things into perspective. Thanks for sharing.
The way to humble an unpleasant french person is to very consciously "outpolite" them. I'm telling it as a french person myself, it's weird but we have this sort of untold rule that keeping the utmost formal politeness in front of a rude person gives you the upper hand and usually it works well to chill that person out 😅 Once you use that technique and add to that the fact of not taking things personal, as for french nice is different than good, you're bulletproof here 😎😆
Great info and much needed for those who are planning to move to France. Thanks Patricia for sharing your experiences about getting acclimated to France, and maybe other countries too. ❤
You are welcome. Yes, while I speak about the French-American cultural differences, many of the tips to navigate cultural differences are universal.
I'm French and I have been, I am, and I will be frustrated by the sense of "I couldn't care less" some people display, especially in the administration. What I do is to arm me with patience, try to call on their pity, and ask whether there is any other way of solving the issue.
Thanks for the tip. I had a conversation with someone who said after a couple of years of a runaround with French administration, she broke down in tears and that got the problem resolved. So calling on their pity might just work!😆
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Funny enough I work in an office environment in US, and had the same experience regarding people not returning a greeting/ignoring me, even though we're coworker in a professional setting. So i think that is not a french thing but a people thing where sometimes they think it takes too much effort to greet someone.
I lived in France from 1980 - 83 and during those 3 years I’d say I was treated ok in general yet I had almost no French friends and only 1 or 2 at the end of those 3 years. Most of my small group of friends were other foreigners mainly from Africa or other European countries. I did end up dating Danielle, a French woman, with whom I had a serious relationship of about 4 years in France, Spain and lastly the US where things fell apart. In Paris I rented a room from a French couple that rented out a small bedroom to international students studying in Paris. The couple was very nice though we didn’t interact much. I had my own personal entrance and exit so I could come and go as I pleased; I had access to the whole apartment. They must have trusted me because they would leave for short trips of varying days leaving me alone in their place.
Later I moved to the city of Tours for 2 years that has a very small school that specializes in teaching French to foreigners. There I made friends with a couple of other students, one in particular from Ireland, his girlfriend from Guadalupe and an African from the Congo who was in Tours working and studying at a university. Again, I was treated fairly well by French people in Tours so I really can’t complain. I ended up working for a bakery in exchange for a free room just behind the bakery. I was tasked with washing all the cooking utensils, etc. The owner was again very friendly and at times he’d give me free food. He even helped me to work the annual harvest as his father had a family farm, so that was a wonderful experience: a hardy breakfast before work and nice young people with whom I worked though no lasting friendships blossomed from the experience.
So, I would categorize my relations with the French during my time living there as amical. To be honest I’d probably say I found it easier to interact with Spaniards and Brazilians in my day to day life in those countries. I would say that race played a small part in my interactions with some French. I noticed that I tended to get better treatment than my African friends though not always, especially when some people realized I was American and not African. I would add that many French I met focused on their perceived views on American racism and their idea of the lack of that in France.
Oh, my goodness Patricia’s story about introducing herself had me cracking up because I can relate. This reminded me of something I learned about French culture and that is that they are very good at compartmentalizing relationships and because they have friends may in no way mean they want you to know or meet some of their friends. I can remember on a couple of times when I was with a French person and we’d come across a friend to theirs. They might have talked from 5 to 30 minutes or longer and make no attempt to introduce us. I’d be just standing there while they talked. Oh the smile. I’ve realized on my own and it’s been brought to my attention through study, etc that cultures very much differ on smiling. In some it is the norm, and in some it’s scorned upon or seen as a negative. I’ve had people overseas ask me why I smile so much; they find it a sign of not being sincere and / or trustworthy. I even remember reading about how in the America we ask people to smile before taking a picture while in some countries you would never ask or want people to smile. Some of you of a certain age may remember a famous song by the group the Temptations called Smiling faces Sometimes…. tell lies.
Lastly, my best friend, black American, visited me in 1983 just a few months before I left France for Spain. That friend is still in France. When back in France I would usually stay with him, and he has lots of French friends.mainly French, but not exclusively French. I can’t complain though. I’ve lived in a few countries and I’d sum up my experiences and relationships with natives as a huge plus without a shadow of a doubt. Maybe I should note that I’m a loaner by nature. Patience, taking chances, being a bit thick skinned, reflective and out going are just some things that can contribute to success. For me, it only takes a couple of good friends; I don’t need tons. In my German studies I'm learning a lot about German culture, and it seems to be pretty common for foreigners to talk about the difficulty of making friends with Germans. One American attested to that but she said once you have a German friend it's for life. The world is so interesting. Great topic Patricia. Thanks so much.
OMG your comment is the longest I think I've ever seen WOW.
Bonsoir :)
French expat in Denmark here.
Merci beaucoup Patricia for your video because what you said is also valid in my case.❤
Je vous en prie.😊 I hope that you are loving Denmark.
I live in the Houston area in a far north suburb not far from the ExxonMobil campus. There’s a French woman who lives in my neighborhood and I see her all the time out walking our dogs. She never says hello even though we’ve interacted before and she knows I speak French. She seems to be just a very private person and probably doesn’t care to get to know her neighbors, or perhaps she uses her dog walks to meditate…. Who knows? Maybe she’s got a lot on her mind and doesn’t really enjoy superficial chit chat with Americans always wanting attention (!) … I don’t take it personally. She might be shy or maybe she’s just a jerk. Ca m’est egal! 😊
They have biases and misunderstandings about us. We do about them as well. They are sometimes not tolerant of French being spoken with an accent. They are tired of immigrants. That being said, you will find friends with time and effort.
Excellent video! You are so right, you must not take things personally in France. People who act unpleasant with you are very likely even more unpleasant with French people than they are with you. Also, you are very perceptive when you say the things the French fear most is being wrong. I think it is because of the education people get here, in school and also within the family, it is a deeply rooted thing. On the other hand, people are not too bothered about being liked by others.
I am French. And yes don't take things personally most of the time. But as a French who is Black...we know when people are racists. If you enter a store, bank, administration, say hello and nobody response.... yes it's because of racism. In France even rude people, angry people say hello in those cases. It's seen as extremely inpolite 101 to not respond. It's not normal. Kids get scold for it so it becomes an unwritten rule that every French respect, it becomes automatic. And as you say they also don't like to be at fault. So as a French in those situations who have unfortunately happened to me ( not too many times) I, on purpose say very loudly "I just said hello, did not you hear me ??????????? With my nice voice and a smile of course because Black women anywhere can't seem agressive". Meaning.... you are at fault here right? Just by saying that they know I am French French (Black yes but who grew up in France) I know the unwritten rule, I know what they're doing and as a French French if you don't correct things I will not let that go. Guess what always happens "oh sorry we did not hear you.... Bonjour.... Yeah sure....lol
Now small talks can be a thing for French but it depends on the region, the city, the time of the day, the place (usually don'texpect small talks in administrationbuilding they tend to be stress and rude to ANYONE !!!!! ), the age, the day of the week. And if people seem willing to small talks. So you need to read the room, give it a try and not take it personally if the person does not reciprocate. Because one thing that is for sure is that all French will not force themselves to be nice back and that's not seen as rude, just normal. We don't like when people are nice when clearly they are not in the mood to be nice. Now that does mean you have to be rude/mean/insulting either but as I said not responding to small talks does not mean you're rude here.
I lived in the US years ago in Louisville,KY then in ForLauderdale,FL and although I am friendly for a French I had to learn to show it more and still be friendly and smily even when I was not in the mood for it. Because otherwise people would think I have problem with them if I am not enthusiastic by this or that one day.... They would automatically took it the wrong even if I tried to explain myself.... so I just did it smile more, small talks which was exhausting to me especially at the beginning but I did it. That's how I survived. I also had to learn to say I am Black and African in situations were being Black does not matter, before saying I am French otherwise people were confused and thought I rejected being Black lol. That culture shock was a real shock for me. Do I need to say I am Black when you can clearly see it !!!! My thought... if you ask me where I am coming from... then I am gone tell you where I am directly coming from since you're gone ask me next questions about it, and I was coming from France as a French to study then work.... But I quickly learned to say I am Black French African I would always add Congolese although Black African was enough for them. And back in 2008 only, yes I had to explain how come I could be French and Black at the same time.... But you learn and get used to things. I was studying finance but added classes of pan African studies to understand more the story of Black Americans as a Black person living in America I thoughtit was important. I also got help from my neighbor who was a Black American womsn who slso had studied abroad so she was willing to help. She got it. As a Black person one thing I learn is that if you want to know the truth about how things are for Black people in the country ask different Black people if you want to know the truth. The media and white people will lie to you on purpose or just because they don't really know. Even if you can't sense things at first, the longer you stay in the country the more you'll see that those Black people were telling you the truth. That's what happened to me in the US.
Do you have any French Black friends in France ?
Last thing. In France as a French you'll get respected the most when you speak French properly... we can tell the difference between French and French. If you're foreigner and you're comfortable with French that also works as long as you're not African. Also the way you dress and appear will highly impact the respect you'll get. It's not about brands name. It's about being "apprêté" = nicely put together and looking good. Yes it should not matter but it does.
je suis français blanc, et quand je rentre n'importe ou et que les gens ne répondent pas, je ne le prends pas pour du racisme, et ça arrive souvent ! alors garde ton wokisme et ta victimisation comme un ressenti personnel et non comme une vérité.
@RaySqw785 Ha ha you are such a perfect example. Thank you !
@@HereDiianas rentre au congo, ça sera mieux pour tout le monde
@RaySqw785 France invited my parents from Congo years ago and because of that I am French so I'll stay in France as long as I want to stay in France. . Are you really French? Don't you even know how it works? "Go back to your country..." So classic and so stupid. The typical level 101 of French racism. Received that comment first at 8 years old from another kid that was just repeating what his parents had probably said one day. Well at 42 I am still here. Even you voting for a racist party in 2027 won't change that lol !
Je suis français, j'habite en province, j'ai beaucoup voyagé dans toute la France. je connais bien la culture de mon pays et sa longue histoire. Je peux vous affirmer que le racisme en France est bien moins répandu qu'aux États-Unis. Personnellement et comme la majorité des français, je considère un black comme je considère un blanc, surtout que beaucoup de blacks sont français depuis des générations, rejoignant l'hexagone pour y travailler, depuis les DOM TOM. Martinique, Guadeloupe, Réunion, Tahiti et bien d'autres. Bref, il n'y a pas de racisme anti black établit chez nous, bien au contraire, nous sommes un peuple ouvert aux autres cultures... Après comme partout dans le monde, vous trouverez toujours une minorité de gens racistes et idiots.
Le problème est ailleurs, Il ne faut pas oublier que la France a subi de nombreux attentats islamistes ces dernières années. Le pays subit une pression interne de la part d'islamistes rigoristes qui viennent mettre à l'épreuve nos institutions, notre histoire et notre culture. Il y a aussi beaucoup d'immigration illégale et incontrôlée, ce qui est perdant perdant pour les 2 parties. Ce sont les 2 raisons pour lesquels le parti politique R.N a remporté les dernières élections (au nombre de voix). Il ne s'agit pas d'un problème blancs et noirs, mais d'un problème culturel, voire dans certains cas religieux, de gens qui ne veulent pas s'intégrer et passe leur temps à cracher sur le pays qui les accueille
PS, enjoying your channel and also reading all the great and thoughtful (lengthy) comments!! 🎉❤
It's already been 7 years? Wow! that must feel so great. I finally decided I am going to take the plunge. I am moving to France. So I am preparing and have a goal year of 2027.
Hello gracetailor8811. Bravo ! for your plan to move to France! If I may, I would like to know how you are preparing... because I might do the same "soon". And of course, I read the site of French government, but it seems difficult. First, we have to live in France at least 3 months in order to apply for "long-stay visa". Are you using a particular service for your goal? I appreciate your response greatly if you could. Merci d'avance !
@@umio.6907 Hello, The answer to this is not an easy and simple one for the limited space here. However, I can share a couple of things I am doing.
First, by putting a year on the dream, I am turning it into an ACTUAL goal. I am practicing saying: " I AM moving to France in 2027." instead of "I am THINKING about moving to France or abroad at some point." Small thing but makes a big difference.
Second, now that I have a solid goal with a solid date, I have broken it down into steps/smaller goals with deadlines (like as if I was a high schooler planning to go to college. Each year of high school I have to reach certain smaller goals to get to the ultimate goal). For example, I need to save a certain amount to demonstrate to the French government that I will not be a burden to them. They request that you have a certain lump sum (needs to be at least 1year of French minimum wage) available for the one year long stay visa. To go further, I plan to buy a home there. So, I will need to save even more to purchase the home outright.
Third, I already speak French (I have been studying and practicing the language since 1996) but I often forget words I need in certain instances. So, I will be assigning myself 10-20 new words per week until I leave. I will practice learning the definitions, grammar, and speaking them in sentences. I will also be working on my listening comprehension watching French TV and listening to French music. But more importantly, I will be practicing speaking to do mundane everyday things like getting electric and heating set up, buying/renting a home and talking about stuff no French class teaches you.
Finally, I have visited the country twice before and I understand the culture greatly. But I may take an in-between trip to scout areas that would be a fit for a 1 year stay or longer.
I am not sure what you mean by: "you have to stay in France for 3 months to qualify for the long stay visa." This is not the understanding I have. Are you in the USA? Usually you apply for your visa BEFORE you even leave the USA. France has many visa options. I suggest (respectfully) you read through the options and pick the visa you think you could qualify for. Then start gathering the documents you will need to qualify. Also take any other steps required to get the visa (get international health insurance, secure a place to stay with proof of stay dates, etc.). If you have a pet (I do) work on the steps you will need to take to bring your pet.
I will use many services along the way to strengthen my language skills, ship anything absolutely important to me in France, and for other reasons. I don't plan to use coaching type services, if that is what you mean by service. Although, I have considered chatting with Patricia. However, now that I have a date, I have to save as much money as I can.
Basically, i am checking what will be required and gathering those things. Does all of this make sense? Does this help?
Yep, seven years in January! Hard to believe. Congratulations on deciding and setting a date. So happy for you!
@@umio.6907 I responded but it looks like it got deleted. Sorry, I tried to help :) I hope you find the info you need.
First, I am enjoying your channel. Thank you for raising this issue. My husband and I have traveled in Europe quite a bit and are currently in the process of moving abroad from the US. I too am a person of color. One thing that I’ve noticed in most places that we’ve visited in Europe is that Americans are sometimes viewed as “overly friendly.” In our culture, it’s natural to smile broadly at, and greet, each other, even people we don't know. I found that some people in other places just think that is strange and off-putting. My daughter lives in Copenhagen and when we visited her there, I would smile at folks on the street and in cafes and was almost always met with a strange look. So much so, that I took it personally. My daughter explained that people just don’t do that there. So, I will have to get used to that when we move abroad as well.
no offense, but from many europeans looking overly friendly seems suspicious and not sincere. Doesnt mean we considerarte all american suspicious or hypocryte it's just a different way to approach someone you don't know. About the famous mandotary "bonjour" in France, at first u can considered it as a formal polite introduction but in fact it' more than that. The way you say bonjour, your attitue/behave at the moment you say it gives a lot of infomation on how the social interraction will work.
one example, you enter to a shop and just a cold bonjour without looking the vendor in the eyes. the vendor will know he won't disturb you and will only interract with you if you needed his help and ask for it. Its the same for waiter etc.
Awareness is the first step. You'll be fine. I does take some getting used to though.
Yep, it's a cultural difference that can take some getting used to. It's not good, not bad just different. Thanks for sharing this nuance.
business or administrative interactions can be abrupt even with natives. It's not only with foreigners. it's usual. Relations can be friendlier with time if you meet the people frequently.
Bonjour Patricia, thanks for making this very helpful video! My spouse and I are seriously thinking about moving to France, and I'm trying to educate myself on the cultural differences. I'm curious whether you spoke much French when you moved to France? Merci beaucoup!
I spoke French when I arrived but I wasn't fluent. I could understand slow-spoken French and could communicate at a slightly higher than basic level. I definitely recommend learning as much as you can before moving here. It will make things easier.
@PatriciaBrooksCourageCatalyst Merci, good to know! My husband and I have been studying French daily (I took it in school many moons ago). I can read well but know that I need to get conversational practice! Love your channel!
Love your Mary Tyler Moore comparison ❤
Thank you! She just came to mind as I was planning this video so I thought I'd go with it!😊
Patricia, you look gorgeous! ♥♥
Thank you.
A door closes, a window opens.
Bonjour Patricia, je suis la personne qui vous avait demandé dans une autre vidéo de nous parler un peu de l'accueil que vous aviez reçu en France et comment sont vos rapports avec les français aujourd'hui. Je vous remercie donc pour cette vidéo très intéressante !
En effet les français peuvent paraitre inamicaux parfois, ils peuvent paraitre froid.....les français ne sont pas aussi superficiels que les américains lors des premiers contacts, le sourire n'est pas systématique, l'approche n'est pas toujours très chaleureuse...les français ne sont pas très volontaires et plutôt réservés au début. Bien entendu tout le monde ne vous aimera pas, mais concernant cela je crois que c'est pareil dans tous les pays, on ne peut être aimé de tout le monde, en revanche ce qui change probablement avec les états unis c'est que ceux qui vous donneront leur amitié vous la donneront pour longtemps, elle sera solide, et ce sont des gens sur lesquels vous pourrez compter. Concernant ceux qui paraissent toujours un peu froid avec vous il ne faut pas hésiter à aller vers eux, mais en évitant de vous imposer dans leur espace personnel, brisez la glace lors d'une rencontre chez le marchand en faisant des courses, ou lors d'une rencontre au cours d'une marche ou d'un petit footing ou...bref vous voyez, ce genre de moment que l'on ne calcule pas par avance,...et ne soyez pas trop joviale et volubile au premier abord cela pourrait être considéré comme une faiblesse....voila c'est mon avis personnel faites en ce que bon vous semblera:)
Vous m'aviez parlé de Ceret dans votre autre vidéo, c'est un joli grand village que j'aime beaucoup, pendant une dizaine d'années j'allais faire du vol libre sur les hauts de Ceret, je ne peux plus aujourd'hui car je vis dans la région parisienne....c'est donc un village que je connais mieux vu d'en haut que de l'intérieur!
Je vous souhaite le meilleur dans cette vie française :)
yes we don't say bonjour to every random people, unless you have to interact with them for a reason or if it's the right context. If you're searching your way you can stop anybody in a street.
and we won't go at all into small talks with strangers exchanging personal information.
Yes, every American is exotic, whetever their colour or stripe. We are also very proud of our country, and we want civilized visitors and newcomers to feel welcome without intruding in their private lives.
Thank you for sharing this. I felt and still feel welcome here.
Bonjour,
Je dois préciser que les comportements des français changent d'une région à une autre
Dans le sud, en général, l'accueil est bon mais l'intégration est très difficile même pour les français qui viennent d'autre régions plus au nord. En revanche, en Normandie par exemple, nous sommes plus méfiants dans les approches mais lorsqu'il y a amitié ça dure et c'est sincère. Dans le nord c'est le top, les gens sont accueillants et sincères dès les premières secondes, ils sont généreux. Bref sans faire un tour de France, il faut savoir où l'on se trouve car ça change vite. Peut-être qu'il y a moins de variations aux USA ou alors elles sont plus étendues ?
i feel like in the USA it is more common to have all sorts of people everywhere haha. basically, many places you will find both very rude and very sweet people. definitely a lot of fake kindness too
I also read something a few days ago re: the French that oftentimes the person you are interacting with (salesperson, shopkeeper, etc.) does not expressly have the permission or ability to address "the thing". They may have to go to their supervisor, and that person may have to go even higher. They play by the rules, and the American "brainstorm and fix it" model is foreign to them. It's outside the box. I think that information will be invaluable to me when I hop the pond in May!
And where did you read that? That's unproductive and the French aren't known for being unproductive. They would go to the supervisor only if they really don't know or really can't fix things.
@@puccalandFrench productivity is one the Best in the world!!!
I like how you put it 'brainstorm and fix it" model. Sums it right up!
Generalizing false prejudices is what irrelevant people do.
You don’t use your hands while speaking.
No hope for you in France.
But when as a student went tout work in the summer in the tobacco fields in the us I was Bad treated by the owner nether a conversation nether a coffee and I had every day the same food and I had to sleep in a ruined barn......M'y father in 44 was beaten nearly to death by drunk american soldiers....I have américan good friends who came to m'y home often. They don't know m'y expérience as young student in the us. But I hâte the american selfish politics. The US follow only their interest and have No friends. Why don't WE leave NATO ?