I am an old lady who has dated men all over the world. It doesn't matter where a person comes from. If they love you intensely they will cater to your needs. And yes, Korean men will treat you like the gals in K dramas. But so will Norwegian, Mexican,Russian men. Provided you want that treatment and they love you. If a guy is disappointing, move on. If no guy treats you the way you want, so what. You should be fine on your own.
Totally agree. You should first find happiness and self-worth on your own and if your lucky enough to meet a man who can become your best friend and the person who loves you the most, well then you are very lucky indeed.
@@canchero724 yes. a fellow Korean dude and well into our middle age, its still like the k dramas. you see, it goes both ways. I have never seen any dramas at all, but hubby seems to be well versed in the grammar and wants to play them all out . It's not just the women, but men have certain fantasies they want to live out as well. men are just as romantic as women, sometimes even more so.
I’m an American woman married to a Korean man. Much of this on the topic of dating/relationships is so true. And it gets even more interesting in the comments lol. Especially the comments about love bombing in the beginning of the relationship and then it quickly disappearing and breaking up. And then another comment from an older Korean woman saying that any man, Korean or not, would crawl across broken glass to see the woman they love. I think it is common that there is a lot of effort in the beginning (love bombing) and then that man either falls in love with you or he doesn’t. In my case he definitely love bombed me when we started dating, he then fell in love with me, now we are married and he’s still love bombing me 😂 of course there are a lot of deep aspects of how to keep that level of effort going. Unfortunately I think the secret to that has become an unpopular opinion amongst women at this point 😕 I would also like to speak on the texting topic. As an American I’m very low maintenance when it comes to frequency of contact. He’s the opposite. For him it isn’t about the jealousy/cheating issue. For him, talking to me makes him happy, he just genuinely enjoys it more than other things so even if he wakes up in the middle of the night he will call me instead of going back to sleep immediately. Sadly, because my culture is different there have been times when I have not contacted him in an effort to respect his time and space so he wouldn’t feel smothered and he perceived those times as “I wasn’t thinking about him/I didn’t miss him/I don’t enjoy talking to him” ☹️ Obviously people are affected by their own cultures quite a bit and you can learn more about a person by learning about their culture but as it was stated in the video multiple times, not everyone from the same culture are the same. Focus more on getting to know the PERSON without having a list of expectations ♥️
Love bombing is an abusive manipulation tactic, not something you would be happy about..? I think maybe you're using the phrase wrong lol. Glad you sound happy together, however. 😊
@@purr181 you could be right 😅 I may be using the term incorrectly. Because of your comment I was curious so I searched for a little more information. I can find some things online that say not all love bombing is toxic or abusive but it seems more accurate that by definition love bombing includes the intent to manipulate, control or abuse. So by definition you are correct, he did not love bomb me by definition. Previously in 2013 I had been in a relationship with a narcissist who most definitely love bombed me in the beginning. After that experience is when I became familiar with the term. Because some of the behaviors and actions of my current husband are very similar to the tactics used for the purpose of love bombing I mistakenly labeled it is that. My husband’s shows of affection, even though they are over the top, constant and intense, they are genuine and not for any malicious purpose. So yeah, not love bombing, oops lol
Like he said, K Dramas are mostly written by women so the fantasy is completely just that. Please don't think all Korean men step out of K Drama world.
He is totally wrong. Either he doesn't know how the industry works or he manipulates it on purpose. The scriptwriters don't decide what they want to write, it's the producers and the industry who decide and always with an intention of propagandism, of sending messages and mental programming. So they pay scriptwriters to write the scripts they want and women are better at writing about romance, that's why they put women to write for them. I have never liked David and Danny. Either they are tremendously ignorant or they pretend not to know how their society and the world works, and they see everything from their typical narcissistic-machist perspective of a Korean man, with the added bonus that they pretend to be evolved and progressive because they have lived in the West (US and Canada)
Sexual compatibility is absolutely not the measure of a good relationship. Ladies, don't fall for that or you are going to be used. There are more important aspects of compatibility that are crucial to whether or not a relationship is sustainable. Values, goals, intentions, similar spiritual beliefs, etc. if good sexual compatibility was the yardstick for a good relationship there would be no divorce in developed nations, because the majority of people in the West have plenty of sexual experimentation with countless partners and they still can't seem to find the right one.
I'm a guy so I had been dating many women. Just sex will not glue a relationship at all. There has to be something more serious there, besides sex. But sex also is important... it has to be great (which is not hard to achieve if you want to)
@@joanofarcxxi No one said that is solely that a measure but one of. Besides, many women, thankfully, don’t see sex as something they are giving to a man but that they are equal partners in that relationship. You are traditional and still got divorced and can’t find anyone yet, so stop bashing other women, you’re not special.
I think David has way more wider perspective granting that he grew up in the US. Compared to korean that is born and raised in Korea. It is to his advantage. I love his perspective.
I have to say that all across the world promiscuity has become the norm. I believe in saving your beautiful energy and body for "THE" one. How lovely it is to see and feel innocence in maturity. I long for a past century. Just my thoughts.💞
Things change every generation or every two generations. The trend comes and goes. After a conservative generation comes a promiscuous one and after a promiscuous one, comes a conservative one.
@@SleepingdragonKongming That would be nice but probably not going to happen. The "real" people in charge have ruined everything from food, the air, the water and now a whole generation. So sad.😞
28:03. What came first? In South Korea, it's definitely K-drama influenced people, and definitely not the other way around. I'm a Korean-American man. People need to realize this, that Korean perception of romance and chivalry is that it is part of Western culture. Korean culture is rooted with Confucian values and ethos. And you can't find element of romance and chivalry that many Western women see from K-drama from such Confucian tradition. And for long time, Korean education had separate institution between boys and girls, where they never had proper growing experience between two genders to interact and communicate. So their ideas of romance and chivalry is from the West. The fact that Koreans uses the term "gentleman" or "romance"(or "romantic") in English, and not in Korean, in their daily expression shows their perception of such etiquette("etiquette" is another word Koreans uses in English, and not in Korean) and etiquette's cultural origin. I remember it was sometime in latter half of the 90's when K-drama started to depicted such etiquette and chilvary more and more. And for Korean men who had no experience or any sources on how to treat women, K-drama became their sources while wondering whether women really want to be treated like that. I remember whenever celebrities were invited to a TV show, men were often asked about how they expresses chilvary for women they love, while women were often asked how do they want men to treat them. With increasingly romanticized themes of K-drama and cultural development of gender dynamics in terms of relationship and romance, Korean women's expectation got bigger while "burden" of Korean men for better chivalry and etiquette increased.(Personally, i always found white women to be more appreciative and conpliment more to my chilvary and romance than korean women) And while there are Korean men who wanted to improve their chilvary skills because such respect is perceived as "more modern" and "more Western,"(I had friends who literally studied K-drama) there are also Korean men who developed more hostility towards such expectation(especially when they feel "Korean men" are being put down for "not knowing how to properly treat a woman" while often being compared to white men, who already had reputation of being "gentlemen" that Korean men need to watch and learn). Even now, I see Korean men hating K-drama for raising women's expectation from men, while there are some who uncritically admit that Korean men as Asian men aren't good at expressing themselves and be affectionate, and need to improve. So whenever I see people questioning whether Korean men are really like in K-drama with expectation that the answer is simply "Yes" or "No," i always feel such a question is too simplistic. It plays influential role while Korean men response differently, while there was long history of perception that Korean men are Confucian archetype who can't express, show love to women, and act gentlemanly.
Speaking as a young woman, born and raised in the USA, In the case of dating, Personally the slow-burn romance offers a richer, more engaging experience, particularly when compared to the more immediate gratification seen in fast-paced dating narratives. In contrast, the fast-paced dating narratives often bypass the gradual buildup in favor of immediate physical attraction and intimacy. While this approach can be thrilling in the short term, it frequently sacrifices the emotional depth that makes a relationship truly compelling. As for texting, In my view, constant texting in a relationship can diminish the sense of anticipation and longing that often strengthens the bond between partners. I believe that some distance and time apart can make our moments together more meaningful, as absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. It allows us to appreciate each other's presence even more when we reconnect, fostering a deeper connection.
Thats the one thing i realised, i felt massive love energy from a korean i met...they know how to love bomb, it felt peaceful but at the same time, it never got to flirting because i would shut down compliments so they simply mirror you. Ur idea of love, they mirror it. Mine is simply deep talk, idc about your flesh but your spirit, we are going deep deep with no limits.
I’m a little sad that SK is becoming more westernized as far as dating is concerned. I live in the U.S. and feel we’ve lost a lot of the tenderness and sweetness of romance. When affection becomes so easy that it is shared with virtual strangers, it becomes unimportant and ordinary. I miss the thrill of having someone who cares about you take your hand for the first time and knowing that it’s the expression of an emotion rather than just an expectation. We’re selling ourselves short, and missing out on the depth and true meaning of touch. It’s almost like becoming desensitized. I’d say it’s quite a loss, and yearn “the good old days”.
I think this is why k-dramas are so popular. Realistic or not, a lot of us are tired of the hyper-sexual Western media/entertainment industry, and we appreciate the more conservative approach of most k-dramas. This makes it sadly ironic that Western programming is what gives Korean men the impression that Western women are sexually "easier."
Thank you Marina for another juicy and useful episodes! Many people are interested in dating Korean men. Some also want to know what it's like dating Korean women too!
Small talk is just as common in Canada. I'm Australian and moved to Canada as a young adult. At first, I was amazed at the way strangers would casually open a conversation in elevators, on buses, waiting in line, etc.
@@decollector95 Not when I was young but maybe times have changed. I live in a small town in Spain now and everyone chats to strangers, all the time...especially in line at the grocery store. Personally, I love it.
European girls don't sleep around,😐 I can't imagine having to read texts every 5 seconds.😑 Boys been interviewed saying that Korean girls are not that faithful😔 this was nice to see, because many western girls are hysterical about Korean boys🤪, there are quite a few scandals in Korea such as the Burning Sun scandal .😑 there happens a lot more then we think .🥺
@@Systems_70It’s true in the U.S. Asian men are last to be considered for date, even by Asian women (in U.S.) America. White women simply laugh it off at Asian dudes. (I myself are not lucky with white women either) But as I’m finding out from UA-cam, European girls are very much interested in Korean men, due to Kpop maybe? Even in my country Turkey, they are crazy about Korean guys.
He describes the imbalance of advancing technology versus gender roles and economics so well, I really appreciate the insight as someone who wants to visit Seoul but very much has a western mindset. I’m also a Southerner; talking to strangers in a place like New Orleans or where I grew up in Texas is totally normal. Couple culture in Korea vs its low birth rate is very interesting to learn about, and I know how Foreigners are treated when it comes to dating, especially people of color, so I have no plans to do that - I’ve heard enough stories to know better 😅 I’m a Black Filipina born in PH and raised in the USA, so I’m always researching. I’m also learning Korean-almost to 500 days of lessons now! 화이팅~~!
When I was young in the US a young person could graduate high school, get a little job and rent a small apartment for themself. Today in the US there is no chance of that in most places. The older generation morns for them because in today's world, trying to become independent is more difficult than ever, if not impossible. Young people based on their chronological age have no abililty to fend for themselves when jobs they can do, do not pay a living wage. There is often a wide gap between parents and reality. Some think, "Your out of school so good-bye, don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out." Reality is that an awful lot of those kids end up homeless without work experience or anyone who will give them a "leg up." Their parents want the to be adults but they really are not. As a result, some enter into marriages and jobs that are harmful because they feel they have no choice in order to survive. I often wonder if in Korea, the older generation's rigidity about relationships (arranged marriages, marriages based on business reasons, education, views of women's place in society, status in society and the idea that even though the children are in their 30s or 40s the parents still own and control them) has something to do with the rejection of the older generations ways. I'm thinking that would make the ways of the Western world appear more attractive to the rebellious younger generation. Rather than gradually changing the social customs the younger generation has stood those cultural ways upside down. I'd like to see a course correction implemented by women and men in the US and South Korea.
@@BethDewey-b1n I feel very fortunate for being able to live by my own means. As someone who’s lived with partners in the past and what I’ve learned from that. I have a lot of peace on my own with my pets ☺️ I’m dating someone, for about a year now, but we each have very different careers and make time for each other when we can and live separately. I will never rush into a living situation with someone I’m dating ever again.
The love bombing part is very true. Its like they get infatuated really quickly and then it dies down just as fast until they either ghost you or break up. If you meet someone whos not like that then you have to fear the parents because most won't stand up to them and will break up. Aside from that if youre a foreigner youre a bucket list type of thing, not necessarily a long term option. Or you end up being their english teacher if you dont speak korean (speaking korean doesn't make a difference really). Anyway not everyone is like that but a huuuuge majority which leads to you being weary of everyone
There are huge benefits if you can speak Korean. Currently the Korean-non Korean dating market in Korea is a form where a small number of Korean men, who are fluent in English and handsome, deal with a large number of foreign women. In this market structure, foreign women do not have many options. The pool and chance of meeting a decent partner will expand dramatically if you are fluent korean language. There is definitely a difference between having 100,000 options and having 7 million options. (As of 2023, there are 7 million male populations aged 20 to 39 in Korea and the population of young males that can speak in english fluently is quite small.)
The problem with parents of Korean partners is surprisingly simple to solve. Parents who do not accept foreigners as their families are most likely to have traditional values, and their iron-fisted obstinacy crumbles like Jericho's walls upon the arrival of their grandchildren. While this may seem like a joke, it is the obvious truth. The question is, does your partner have the courage to stand up to their parents and move forward like a tank? Because real estate prices in Korea are so high, many people rely heavily on their parents' financial support. That's why it's hard for them to stand up to their parents. Appeal to your partner the mindset that it's not bad to start in a small residential space.
@@판탈라사 most actually don't have the courage of standing up to their parents. That's a pattern I see with all the girls I know, who like me, speak Korean and have been here long enough to have adjusted to a lot of the culture etc
Its brilliant guys...great work🎉 Korea is technologically advancing at speed like he states...but its still trapped into its cultural past ...so there is a duality of realities occuring🎉 Thanks guys for your very interesting podcast❤
This sounds like a nightmare to date. Imagine having to text your signigicant other every hour of every day. That is crazy! We are adults, we have jobs, responsibilities, friends and family to give attention to as well. There is nothing wrong with checking in here and there, always keeping in mind that your partner also has a life outside of you. Everyone needs their own space too. Dont be deceive by the couples in the streets thou, my korean friend says people force themselves into relationships to comply with society and avoid loneliness. I used to think "oh so many in love couples", and then my korean girlfriend said "girl, let me tell you!" 🤣
Tldr: Love bombed temporarily due to jealously. Then you are spited into oblivion. Of course this is extremely superficial and stereotyping. But it is good to see the veil lifted.
As a Korean American woman, I have never had the opportunity of dating Korean men. Perhaps I am too radically feminist lol. My husband is British and is the most romantic and respectful man I have ever known. It's the little things that I appreciate, and after 30+ years, I've yet to open my own car door when I'm with him.
He has his own UA-cam, podcast etc. I’ve been following him for many years! He has good content if you’re interested in Korean culture and Korean pop culture.
@@capirelasa 60square meters appartment in a small(!) town in not close to city centre neighbourhood here in Austria already costs 150000~200000€. How am I ever going to be able to afford an accommodation big enough for kids. My salary is 2100€ net per month, my rent is 950€. It's more about costs, less about "thinking"😅 You can think/be smart in Africa, too, and still have kids if it's what you want and if you have space for them.
I swear the dating scene is Korea is really immature, no wonder guys are exhausted. Jeez if I had a woman doing that to me I would run the other way and I am a woman. I as a woman need my space, I don't like to be smothered. Let me do my own thing and you can do yours. We don't need to be together every second of every day. That is major clingingness that is suffocating. yeesh
the young people, especially the girls seemes to be totally narcistic and spoiled , only interested in beauty and other superficial stuff. They think they are queens. I was pretty shocked when I watched reality shows. No wonder they refuse to have children.
I feel like women are more exhausted of the dating scene there, from what I hear. I agree with the hate for clinginess..I’m the same. But deep rooted toxic work culture, sexism, age hierarchy, bullying and too much focus on superficial looks and materials, can put women at a huge disadvantage. Many women are not even interested in having kids, cause at the end of the day, they will be the ones with all the burden.
Very interesting discussion. I was especially intrigued by the gentlemanly behaviour being so ingrained and expected in Korean society now. It used to be like that in my youth in Romania too: men opening doors, pulling chairs, pouring drinks, walking on the side of the pavement closest to traffic so that you won't get splashed etc. I really missed that when I moved to the UK. However, this has changed somewhat for the younger generation, possibly as a result of Western influence. Younger women say that Romanian men are much less chivalrous nowadays.
@@NoctLightCloud Oh of course, and many of them still are abusive at home. The chivalry in dating does not exclude bad behaviour and sexist attitudes at all!
OMG! Checking all the females on socials, texting every 5 min….?! It is called obsessed and claiming… pffff 😮 I can imagine that this is very exhausting for men…! Tbh it’s not normal, well we do it totally different here in the west, Europe, I am from the Netherlands 🇳🇱 so we are very chill!😊
All those scenes from k drama are present in our sociaty. Because we are open, we talk to strangers on the streets, in the malls, in the bus, trains... So there're lots of opportunities to meet somone and start a relationship, friendship or start dating.
Apartment prices may have gone up over the last few years, but money can't be the main reason. Out of curiosity I did some investigating into Korean house prices and was quite surprised at how cheap Korean apartments were compared to Australia. Here's some perspective: I know Korean people think so, but Korean apartments are not that expensive compared to other countries. Australian houses are actually a LOT more expensive per average income than Korean apartments, and Australia has a birth-rate of 1.7. That can't be the main reason for the low birth-rate in Korea. And Korean rent is LESS THAN HALF of what Australian rent is. Australian rent for a house is about the WHOLE of one FULL income, often more than the whole of one income. From what I can see, you don't need a WHOLE FULL TIME WAGE just to pay rent in Korea. Correct? In Australia, this situation has been the case for decades now. I rent a small apartment in Korea - approximately $400 a MONTH, which includes appliances (washing machine, fridge, microwave). In Australia the same apartment would be at LEAST $400 a WEEK (appliances and furniture are NEVER included in renting in Australia), probably more than that. To be fair, in Australia I would be paid about twice as much, but the equivalent rent is still the whole of one Australian income on average. I couldn't believe that I could rent an apartment on a fraction of my income here in Korea! When I mention to Korean people that you can't rent a house in Australia that is less than a whole full time wage, they are blown away! And they suddenly don't think Korea is apartments are that expensive after all. 😂 It seems to me that Korean people think this is the reason, when in reality the rest of the developed world have similar house price to average income ratios. Buying a house is not harder in Korea - certainly not harder than in Australia - in fact, it's a lot cheaper. And Korean people have ridiculously cheap electricity too! About literally 10% of the price that Australians pay for electricity. The UK apparently has a similar situation to Australia. Korean people are really lucky with electricity prices! My $15 (approximately) electricity bill here would be close to $200 in Australia and $200 for a month's electricity is a miser's bill in Australia. A lot of other bills are much cheaper too - car registration for example: Korea $35 per year for a small older car. Australia $750 per year for a small older car. I could go on and on about how much cheaper Korea is to live than Australia in almost every way. If house prices and expensive of live was the reason, than nobody except the filthy rich (top 2% of people ) would be having children in Australia at all. There has to be a lot more to it than that.
Assuming that there are 100 households in Korea who have given birth to children, there is a data that analyzes the change in the fertility rate after dividing it into low-income, middle-income, and high-income groups according to income from 2010 to 2019. The proportion of low-income families fell 2.7 percentage points from 11.2% in 2010 to 8.5% in 2019. 100 households have children, of which less than nine are low-income households. The proportion of middle-class households also fell from 42.5% to 37.0% during the same period. On the other hand, the proportion of households in the high-income bracket increased by 8 percentage points from 46.5 percent to 54.5 percent. Out of 100 households that had children, the number of households in the high-income bracket increased from 47 to 55. Surprisingly, Korean newborns are now only born to wealthy families.
Having a baby in Korea presupposes several conditions. 1. Korean men and women should meet a partner who meets their standards and even get married. Korea is one of the countries with an extremely low percentage of single mothers. There is social pressure to have children only when they get married. The newly coined term "hexagonal male" has recently appeared. It is a hexagonal radial graph with appearance, educational background, wealth, occupation, social background, and personality factors in each angle. If you are a male, you should fill in the graph. A handsome face, taller than 180cm, 70~80kg in weight and a skinny muscular body, a top university diploma, possession of more than 200 million won, high-income job, and a harmonious and retirement-ready family. Very few men fit all these conditions. 2. High regular income and wealth to cover child-rearing are necessary. Normally It's enough to raise a kid with only having warm food, a safe house, and clean clothes. The Korean government fully supports compulsory education up to high school. However a child must graduate from college because there is a widespread perception that if a child fails to graduate from a good university, he or she is a socially neglected person. That's where a huge amount of education fee comes from. If the child wants to learn the cello? More money. 3. Your husband's income should be enough to cover all of your household spending. If a company employee becomes pregnant, businesses must provide wages and vacations even when the woman is unable to work. This is mandated by law, but most companies, except large companies, ignore the law. Enterprisers who think women's work is not in the interests of their companies start not hiring women.
If I could attach a graph picture to the comments, I would be able to give a more understandable explanation, but it's a shame that UA-cam doesn't offer this. In summary, 1. too strict love market, 2. high childcare cost and an excessively competitive society, 3. working environment and working culture hostile to women. The grammar or words in my comments might be weird because I'm writing a comment while drunk right now. Also English is not my first language. I hope you understand.
@@판탈라사 Yes, we have very high child care costs in Australia too. That can also be more than half a wage. There is tax relief for that, but not enough. But those other things - hostile working culture for women, excessively competitive society, too strict love market. Yes. That's what I see here too. 🙂
I would go insane if my boyfriend (now husband) had text me all the time when we were dating. Cheaters are going to cheat no matter what. Something they did not mention is the Korean parents causing trouble in relationships of their kid. Women probably don't want to have to deal with crazy mother in-law so why get married.
I live in Australia and have some Korean heritage in me. In recent years, I have had an increased interest in Korean men mostly because of the culture and values they hold. Making a birthday wish here (yes, my birthday today) and hoping that I will meet one this year ❤
On a macro level, I would also mention the work structures, in addition to the concentration of work options in souel that you mentioned. Working hours, the density of work performance leaves less room for leisure time and other activities where face-to-face socialising would be possible, which would create a different level of deep relationships. In addition, women who give birth to children should be given special protection under labour law in terms of notice periods, child benefit, and parents should also be supported financially, e.g. with parental benefit, to make the transition from work to family and from family to work easier. Companies with childcare places also make organising child and career easier and possibly cheaper. There are a lot of small pieces too which effects the decision to have children or not. As you sad before, on the mikro level the new male and female identity versus conservative traditional gender identity
I'm married to a Korean, but I can't relate to most of what you said. There is no jealousy, excessive texting, no sex before marriage, or weird stereotypes. We just love and respect each other and have been married for 20 years. I hope that others younger than me [50] will be able to experience what I have.
The problem is, some of the sexism in SK from what we can see is quite shocking for a nation that appears to be modern and forward looking. The same thing with bullying. So if there was real equality especially in the work place, there would not be a need for radical feminism.
Imo there's just a difference in expectation for how to behave and act. I've seen a lot of people talk about the love bombing but I think often times the expectations were a bit on the floor. If Korean guys didn't behave like this, they could not date in Korea. There is a standard expectation for how to operate and I think now it's getting brought up as if its a manipulative tactic but it's kind of just a difference in social norms. The birth rate: I think there's a lot of factors clashing all at once. Yes there's housing pricing etc, but a big thing often not talked about is that there is a big gap in gender norms and expectations at the moment. Men have to do military but women have to work as hard to pass the exams and graduate etc, but many companies don't allow space to take. the time away for a child and still keep their careers without being sacrificing a great deal. I don't think the incentives offered will ultimately help because many companies even bully fathers for taking their paternity leave. Korea has pretty decent policies for taking time off for birth but on a more realistic level, they get socially punished for taking it depending on where they work. The education cost and expectations is also too much because of an invisible bar you're competing towards vs others. Many people use hagwons because they don't have anyone home so they have to do multiple activities. It's a lot of different things clashing and I've found that Koreans are less willing to compromise and just deal with it. Like yes there are ways to have housing but most don't want to rent a house when they get married and have kids, so they don't see it as possible. Many don't want to give up their careers and way of life because theres a certain lifestyle that is expected as a parent and they don't want to not be able to give their kid all the advantages of life.
If David is not in a serious relationship then I maybe the perfect person for him lol i agree with everything he says about not being controlling or suffocating or jealous. I am confident in that a man can be their own person and have their own friends and do things independently without being interrogated about what,who,when etc lol and still be a great partner. I’m conservative and believe in giving a partner room to breathe and individuality….hit me up David lol
Oh my...I would become crazy if I was love bombed and would take it like jealousy! There would be a great gap in cultures if dating a Korean man even though I am...oh my gosh, I just realized I belong to the second older generation...60 yrs young. I need my personal time, hate when my phone beeps and most important I take for granted that my boyfriend/hubby do not cheat and that he has confidence in me the same way. I think communication is the most important in a relationship AND even when starting to date. From casual talk about interests to what to expect from life; work, how to live, children and how to raise them. So, being openminded against a different culture, having a good communication and express your feelings through a lot of small things daily (do the dishees, taking out the trash and buy me a piece of chocolate now and then) instead of big gestures is the thing for me - a cake and card or going out for dinner (no fance restaurant) on my birthday or our weddingday is enough. Yes...I am European...yes...I am Scandinavian... 😄
Marina, I think you may find interesting to invite into you podcast two youtubers related to Poland. First one Wioletta Błazucka, who have yt channel "Pierogi z Kimchi". Polish women married to Korean man. She could talk about cultural differences between Poland and Korea, family, cuisine. At her job she give lessons of Polish language to Koreans and prepare to cultural differences during their business travel (there are quite a bit of Korean companies in PL). On her channel she introduce Korea to Poles, especially Korean food, cities and traditions. She wrote two cookbooks. She is loved in Poland. Unfortunately her publications are in Polish, but I could help you in making a research. Second is JT from "Vigo’s Dad" (unfortunately I don't know his full name) - came from Dominican, married to Polish women too. Content is in English, they lived in few places: Dominican, South Africa, London, and currently Warsaw. He speaks about combination of Poland and Dominican culture, differences, similarities etc. Wioletta gave a birth last weeks, so it may take a while for her to came back to work on YT. JT and his wife expects a second baby, so they may make a break in publishing :) it may take a while to invite them
I can’t imagine being that demanding on my boyfriend. The constant texting, always wanting an immediate response. That’s got to be really tough on people. I would go nuts doing that look I only need to know once a day or twice a day how you doing and if you’re gonna meet up that evening with them. I don’t need to know every single thing that goes on their life especially when they’re work.
I'm Asian American. I noticed I've been getting a bit more attention from White girls for the last few years. I'm not into the Kpop culture, so I wasn't aware of the rise in popularity of Kpop groups in the West. It wasn't apparent until a girl I took on a date asked if I was Korean. I told her no. She seemed a bit disappointed, but then said "Oh well. You look Korean and you have the Kpop look". I was curious after this date, so I did a bit of research and saw how popular Kpop boybands were in the US.
White women are serious Koreaboos. They are obsessed with Korean men due to k-pop and K-drama. When the Korean men don’t live up to their fantasies they are very disappointed
Individualism and Being self centred and each their own is not a good thing. Being a community and helping each other that’s what’s good and caring to help others.
I had to laugh loud when I heard the Korean conversative site decides to wait about 100 days before they first sleep with each other. 3-4 month is pretty fast in my opinion, I expected one year. 😅 After 4 months, my boyfriend held my hand for the first time. We're non-religious North Europeans by the way. It again shows that what is a fast progress and what not is very individual. I highly dislike generalising comments like "Northern Europeans usually first sleep together and then decide about the relationship". Personally, I don't know anyone who does, many will find it weird. Not saying there are no people like this at all and as the gentlemen here said, anybody can do what they want. But please stop generalising and painting a picture in just one color.
“Possessive and jealousy I think of like Latin American countries” me:🤡🤡🤡. Why do you need to bring us up like that? There’s no need hahahahaa. But it’s true, we’re a bit spicy and hard to handle 😂😂
I wish more young people in the United States would take that position about relationships. Really get to know someone before entering sex into the equation. Way down the road is fine if you are both finally certain and happy at the possibility of living together. Anybody who has been married knows that the sex is not the most important part of a relationship... it is not the glue that holds couples together. If that part of the relationship doesn't work out, it is better later than sooner to find out. Best wishes.
I can't believe that whole texting thing. It seems like there must be a lot of cheating going on for people to be so insecure. My husband would call from work if he was going to be more than 15 min. late. other wise, he was working. so WTAF?
Some women will like exactly the traditional culture, with traditional gender roles. So I hope, you guys look at other countries who thought, they were doing a good thing, adopting all kinds of new thoughts, that just did not work out.
I loved this episode. Just to put it out there, no harshness here. From an American foreigner yes a lot of women look at movies or shows and want that to be real but we do not think we are going to see wall to wall hot gentlemen everywhere. I hope you have a wonderful day. 😊
INTJ here. No small talk?! I'd be in heaven! But grown ups don't need girls night out, and they don't need to be texting at regular intervals. If I've got something to share with someone I'm dating, I might send a snap during my lunch hour. But adults with careers and lives don't need to love bomb or be love bombed like infatuated high schoolers. And if Koreans don't want Americans thinking that every relationship is a k-drama, they need to stop thinking that we fall into bed on every first date like Vince Vaughn / Jennifer Aniston movie.
That level of possessiveness he described from that girl is truly insane. Guys, set a firm healthy boundary with the girl you date. Girls too. Avoid dating extremely insecure people as they exhibit toxic jealousy.
Kdramas have spoiled it for relationships in other parts of the world. We want what we see on the screen. The biggest turn off seems to be the way people interact when they are older couples. Usually not too nice to each
The us literally occupied Korea militarily. There’s no stronger message to a Confucian society than some foreign power coming and telling u what to do, they’re basically like ur elder then, ur supposed to respect them so obviously they have a lot of US influence, it’s rly blind for you as an American to act as if your country hasn’t stirred a lot of shit up around the world
No sex before marriage is my culture too. No holding hands in public or affection 💋 A man has to meet the girl's parents first if he wants to date/marry their daughter 💯 better not screw up, her brothers will beat you up.
45:50 Sounds truthy but incorrect, Women do NOT go to the clubs "with the intention to cheat". Nor do they accept the drink from the hot guy with any intention to cheat. Nor does she decide to have a harmless dance with the hot guy with any intention of cheating Nor does she leave the club with her friend and his friend to grab a bite to eat with any intention of cheating. Nor do they go back to his place to see that cool rooftop view , or listen to him play his guitar, with any intention of cheating Nor does she have any intention of cheating when he was hot, she was drunk and one thing led to another. But she only kissed Okay they had sex but it was only one time and he wore a condom And yes the kid is definitely yours. A woman who is telling the truth that she never cheated, and a woman who did cheat will say the exact same thing. thats why you cannot judge by their words, only their actions. And if she wants to go to the club; then she either is putting herself in a situtation where she can cheat, OR she does not care enough about her man's opinion her being lowered because she could if she wanted to . . . even if she has 'no intention to'.
Thanks for this podcast. I've been watching K-drama and I get the notion that the writer or directors don't like women. The female characters are portrayed as villians, nuisance, smart yet really dumb. An oxymoron portrayal of women. It's very interesting to watch. Since societies are shaped by the culture of entertainment. Good luck to Korea. I'd like to visit one day. Cheers!
😂 for every one negative thing that is said about Korea from foreigners their is at least 10 more stories of foreigners absolutely in love with Korea. Hilarious how people will do anything for views.
There is a good youtube video that why do koreans call it 'radical'. I recommend you 'The truth about the 4B movement and feminism in South Korea' by Anna Lee. She explained it well.
Women arent wrong to want to monitor their boyfriends / partners behaviour as cheating does happen but you have to find a good balance. Constant engagement can be almost debilitating, but then young people in their high teens and early 20's are both looking for and being look for for sex that managing that also is half your time (and you dont even realise it) You have to manage your energy. If I was a girl Id look for someone who was stable and loved me and was loyal and then even if in the course of a lifetime if he had cheated even once or twice but was a good person it would be a generally pretty good situation. Women also cheat and having a taste to simply taste isnt the worst thing, in fact it can be preferable in some situations. For the individual it can even be important at some times. Whether people develop attachments and have a strong sense of responsibility and intelligence is more important and more effective than trying to control and monitor. thats too taxing. Like Marina said it becomes a regime / controlled / stifling
If there's really nothing wrong with it, more people would admit to it openly. Why not admit to being more of an open relationship or polyamorous type of person up front? True loyalty and commitment isn't about control but naturally preferring to be with one person. If it becomes about control then it implies that it's a forced connection (although anxiously attached people can also fall into this habit).
Are we really not able to tell the difference between real life and what is depicted on TV? I just find it odd that people get wrapped up in a fantasy that is completely and utterly contrived! The actors and actresses in Korean dramas, really any country, these are their best looking people but not usually indicative of what the average person looks like. All the romance and drama is written out! I mean, it’s fantasy, folks. I love Asian dramas because it’s fascinating seeing how modern their societies have become yet still so infused with centuries of tradition. And I am definitely drawn to the romance genre as opposed to anything else but I’m fully aware that what I am watching is something someone has written so I don’t fool myself that this is probably just the way all Asian men treat women. Sometimes even for a romance buff the love expressions can get nauseating and too ridiculous. It seriously breaks the spell of a drama imo. Anyway, I mainly wanted to say here that these women coming from the west in order to meet a SK man are already delusional. Kdrama is just fantasy at its finest.
Thanks. I think the loss of values is a major thing, especially amongst 20 something. People all kver thr world don't want commitment. A dont think you can blame the housing industry for that. It's lust. I am sure the rise of homosexualism has also added to this lack of wanting to have kids problem.
In Europe there are extremely many different countries with different religions, cultures and mentalities. I grew up in three countries and neither in Romania, a communist country at the time, nor in the former Yugoslavia, nor in Germany were women ever easy to get. I live in Germany and to this day I have never heard of women in Europe having sex with someone the first time they meet. Of course, there are people who either lack self-esteem or whose intelligence level is below average. It affects 2 people out of 100. At least in my social circle, such an attitude to life is a rarity. Speaking of constantly calling or texting: In general, trust is the foundation of every relationship. Conversely, a healthy profession of love consists of acting sensibly. Our family has an emergency-only group chat that can happen monthly during work hours. I think a lot depends on the level of education and whether someone respects and values you as a life partner. Perhaps Asian men have become so attractive to many women in Europe because they are not so pushy, take more time and do not behave so barbarically. Women like good behavior.
Hearing that radical feminism is considered bad, yet looking at the definition, I’m not seeing what is bad about it. Women are facing increased danger with their rights being taken away. I can only assume that the definition of radical feminism is different depending on who you ask.
I think it's cringe that western women go all the way the Korea to find a guy. If you naturally meet someone (whatever nationality) and fall in love is far better. The Korean men must be thinking in the back of their mind does this person like me for me, or just in love with the idea.
we are NOT "meant" to be with someone. That's brainwashing. there is NO NEED. if you are happy on your own, that's perfect. If you are happy dating, that's also perfect.
Multiple tudies have shown that we live longer when we have social connections. As much as it can feel good in the moment, we are social creatures and are not meant to be alone. This doesn't have to mean a relationship, but of course a good relationship is incredibly good for us
@@datingbeyondborderscast Multiple studies also have shown that the happiest individuals are single women in their thirties/ social relationships are essential, but NOT romantic ones. I thrive without romance... (asexual)
@@aliceb2849multiple studies also show that married women have the longest and most fulfilling and meaningful lives followed by married men. Multiple studies also show the health benefits are towards married couples, multiple studies also show children thrive in 2-parent households. I mean why are we playing these games with studies? If you actually aggregate all the studies, any studies that talk about ranking “happiness” tend to be highly subjective. If you want empirical, concrete outcomes, then you would have to conclude being married is the best thing one can do if it’s a binary choice between being single versus being married. But to each their own, is just silly to try and skew studies where we are comparing objective outcomes versus a subjective standard. And this is to say that everyone should do what makes them happy, every adult deserves all the agency of the world, but please stop with this narrative that single people are more happy than married people. There’s not an objective measurable standard that shows this anywhere, not in value objective, not in socioeconomic objectives, the only one is this highly subjective thing we call “happiness” which can just be synonymous with cope, and it’s a lie that have been sold by some group of people that have ulterior motives other than human flourishing.
I love David for entertainment but he still has a very pop culture level knowledge on very complex SK social and economic issues. I get that he's not trying to go in depth and his channel isn't for that but I would have so many more questions for him and he fails to add nuance to the conversation at numerous points. He fails to step far enough outside the lens of SK's cultural issues and get a close to objective birdseye view of the aspects. I'm so interested in these subjects. It's frustrating but a fun watch/listen. I just urge David to actually look at some studies and statistics (or more if he has already).
@@andreacole9658 example: 14:06 - he explains away why SK has the lowest birth rate by just mentioning that he "can't pinpoint anything, it's the advancing economy, it's the housing crisis, everything is in Seoul, gender conflicts, it's the speed of the economy, it's the country in general" that's very vague. how do these things correlate with the low birth rate? how do these things connect with each other? what's the most prominent reason? saying ït's everything" is just oversimplifying it. tons of countries are going through similar issues - why is Korea standing out? there's so much more but i don't have it in me to go over everything. but especially when he talked about sexism in korea - without calling it that of course - he was like "there's equality in Korea" before he kept talking and i just thought that was a flippant way to deny reality there.
@@niteshade2271 All right, let me explain in detail. Korea has several special conditions: number 1; out of a population of 50 million, 20 million live in Seoul, Gyeonggi Province, which is the closest area to Seoul. Quality infrastructure is concentrated in the metropolitan area, and real estate prices in the metropolitan area are very high. Number 2; Most of the white color jobs with high wages, low-intensity work, and reasonable working hours-leisure time distribution are concentrated in Seoul. number 3: Korea is desperate for technology and human resources because it lacks agricultural and natural resources. Korea has economic foundations for heavy industry, high-tech engineering, manufacturing, and trade. The trend of overinvesting in education is widespread because we have to compete for rankings to get limited quality jobs. number 4; Korea has one of the lowest percentage of single mothers. Women do not want to get married and give birth unless they have a men's economic base (real estate, high regular income).
@@niteshade2271 The centralization of the metropolitan area encourages Korea's soaring real estate prices, making it more difficult for the younger generation without money to enter the metropolitan area. If you search 'Korea's House Price-Fertility Rate Graph' on Google, you can see that the two graphs move in the same direction. This is called a 'linear relationship' in statistics, which can be seen through regression analysis. In addition, among OECD member countries, Hong Kong (0.75), South Korea (0.88), Taiwan (1.11), and Japan (1.30) have below-average fertility rates in 2021. China's Shanghai ranks first in China's GDP by city in 2023 (4,721.866 billion yuan), with a population of 25 million and a fertility rate of 0.6. For Europe, France (1.8), Germany (1.58), and the United Kingdom (1.54) had higher fertility rates than East Asia as of 2021, but immigrants (Muslims) account for more than 50% of this fertility rate. It can be hard to read because I wrote down the data, but to sum up, most developed countries (a society where women's rights are guaranteed) have low birth rates. What David referred to as the "speed of the economy" can be understood only when Korea's economic growth history and economic foundation are understood. As this video is about a love market in Korea, David could not start an unscheduled economic lecture.
@@niteshade2271 And the most important cause of the low birth rate is Korea's low labor productivity. For officials whose work hours are restricted by the state, they start at 9 a.m. and leave at 6 p.m. The workers at large corporations also work for similar hours, but only 15 percent of them work at large corporations in Korea. The remaining 85 percent of the population is either small or self-employed. This population is always overworked and does not earn a reasonable income for their time. Because of this, most workers do not have adequate leisure time, which adversely affects their home situations. Who in the world would want to sweat at work rather than spend time with a family they love? Low labor productivity is directly related to working hours, and more time has to be invested to increase productivity.
What a suffocating style of dating. Poor men. Cuz they naturally need freedom and time to dream of their woman and anticipate. Just wait and see, this is what will make Korea turn into Scandinavia. And faster than we think. Oh, I am thinking, perhaps both parties know that it’s really easy to jump into things in Korea and it turn serious quick (I am not talking about sx). And it will therefore be just as easy to jump ship.
I am an American man married for 24 years to a Korean woman. We live in Korea by choice because it is safer here and there are no guns. Also it is easier to afford a middle class lifestyle. I do disagree about the Seoul Centered view exposes in this video. We do not live in Seoul because of the crowding and the expenses there. We live in the central area of Korea and love it. The public transportation is excellent and it provides for most necessities like home, food, transportation. Prices are less than in Seoul or the surrounding metropolitan area. Yes, there are some things that do draw us to Seoul, but by KTX it is only an hour to the canter of that metropolis. I did love bomb my wife when I met her. That was 24 years ago. Also I was caught off guard by her wanting to hear from me many times each day. Now it has reversed, I am the one on who misses hearing from her many times each day. I look at my Korean wife through the history of this country. Here is a person who was a child when Korea was a poor country. Her ancestors suffered the Japanese harsh rule. Also before that they were invaded by the Mongols, China and Japan. Their heritage was burned by these barbaric invaders. Yet they survived and kept their unique culture. Korea has a long history of respecting education and the elderly. Now that I am in the twilight of my life, these things are important and I find the legacy of this is embodied in a powerful defense of and love of country. I also believe Korea is one of the most democratic counties on earth. I am proud to be living in a country where an educator of one of the most respected professions. I take great pride in my students and how they travel overseas. When I do the same I visit with them. I know they will return, as my wife returned 21 years ago. Korea does not have the great resources of oil and gas, but it does have a great resource of its people. They are so empowered by their parents who had less. Their parents are great people who arose from the ashes of the Korean War. I see a bright future for this people. I also think a low birth rate is not such a bad thing. So let’s look forward and continue to realize what we have. Wow, we have it and what we have done to overcome the past of poverty and war to become one of the great countries of the world.
Ok - so - to summarise Koreans don't do chit chat because they are a) too busy doing constant text maintenance with their partners and b)chit chat could/would be seen as opening the door to cheating and spark jealousy. 😂😂😂😂 Only half joking 🙃
Thank you for having me on the pod! It was so fun :) I’m glad I could share some Korean culture🙏👍🇰🇷
Thanks for taking part David! Great conversation 😊🙌
I love see you getting interviewed David!
형이 왜 여기서 나와....!? 알고리즘이 추천해서 들렀는데 너무 반갑습니다.
Good job David!
David, I'm so glad you participated in this podcast.
I am an old lady who has dated men all over the world. It doesn't matter where a person comes from. If they love you intensely they will cater to your needs. And yes, Korean men will treat you like the gals in K dramas. But so will Norwegian, Mexican,Russian men. Provided you want that treatment and they love you. If a guy is disappointing, move on. If no guy treats you the way you want, so what. You should be fine on your own.
Did you end up finding someone who did? And if yes was he from your own culture?
Totally agree. You should first find happiness and self-worth on your own and if your lucky enough to meet a man who can become your best friend and the person who loves you the most, well then you are very lucky indeed.
What the HELL???
This OLD Ajumma must be crazy 🤣🤣🤣
@@nayadrama4167 In Korean tradition,,,
A woman who 's dating with many men consider very "vulgar and dirty"
Gulle!
😡😡😡😡
@@canchero724 yes. a fellow Korean dude and well into our middle age, its still like the k dramas. you see, it goes both ways. I have never seen any dramas at all, but hubby seems to be well versed in the grammar and wants to play them all out . It's not just the women, but men have certain fantasies they want to live out as well. men are just as romantic as women, sometimes even more so.
I’m an American woman married to a Korean man. Much of this on the topic of dating/relationships is so true. And it gets even more interesting in the comments lol. Especially the comments about love bombing in the beginning of the relationship and then it quickly disappearing and breaking up. And then another comment from an older Korean woman saying that any man, Korean or not, would crawl across broken glass to see the woman they love. I think it is common that there is a lot of effort in the beginning (love bombing) and then that man either falls in love with you or he doesn’t. In my case he definitely love bombed me when we started dating, he then fell in love with me, now we are married and he’s still love bombing me 😂 of course there are a lot of deep aspects of how to keep that level of effort going. Unfortunately I think the secret to that has become an unpopular opinion amongst women at this point 😕
I would also like to speak on the texting topic. As an American I’m very low maintenance when it comes to frequency of contact. He’s the opposite. For him it isn’t about the jealousy/cheating issue. For him, talking to me makes him happy, he just genuinely enjoys it more than other things so even if he wakes up in the middle of the night he will call me instead of going back to sleep immediately. Sadly, because my culture is different there have been times when I have not contacted him in an effort to respect his time and space so he wouldn’t feel smothered and he perceived those times as “I wasn’t thinking about him/I didn’t miss him/I don’t enjoy talking to him” ☹️
Obviously people are affected by their own cultures quite a bit and you can learn more about a person by learning about their culture but as it was stated in the video multiple times, not everyone from the same culture are the same. Focus more on getting to know the PERSON without having a list of expectations ♥️
How did u 2 meet?
@@Radio280On a language exchange app. We started off as language partners and it evolved from there.
Love bombing is an abusive manipulation tactic, not something you would be happy about..? I think maybe you're using the phrase wrong lol. Glad you sound happy together, however. 😊
@@purr181 you could be right 😅 I may be using the term incorrectly. Because of your comment I was curious so I searched for a little more information. I can find some things online that say not all love bombing is toxic or abusive but it seems more accurate that by definition love bombing includes the intent to manipulate, control or abuse. So by definition you are correct, he did not love bomb me by definition.
Previously in 2013 I had been in a relationship with a narcissist who most definitely love bombed me in the beginning. After that experience is when I became familiar with the term.
Because some of the behaviors and actions of my current husband are very similar to the tactics used for the purpose of love bombing I mistakenly labeled it is that. My husband’s shows of affection, even though they are over the top, constant and intense, they are genuine and not for any malicious purpose. So yeah, not love bombing, oops lol
Love bombing is narcissistic behavior, it is not natural or something to be accepted. Non-narcissists do not behave like this
I love David’s way of being open to seeing both sides of a situation.
Like he said, K Dramas are mostly written by women so the fantasy is completely just that. Please don't think all Korean men step out of K Drama world.
As a old Korean lady, I disagree. Korean men, indeed, all men will crawl across broken glass to see the woman they love.
@@ohjinmyoung7350전혀ㅋㅋㅋ
All of K - dramas are made for low class women who have NO money , NO boy friends , NO future...!
Dramas are just a fiction. just soft porn for women
He is totally wrong. Either he doesn't know how the industry works or he manipulates it on purpose. The scriptwriters don't decide what they want to write, it's the producers and the industry who decide and always with an intention of propagandism, of sending messages and mental programming. So they pay scriptwriters to write the scripts they want and women are better at writing about romance, that's why they put women to write for them.
I have never liked David and Danny. Either they are tremendously ignorant or they pretend not to know how their society and the world works, and they see everything from their typical narcissistic-machist perspective of a Korean man, with the added bonus that they pretend to be evolved and progressive because they have lived in the West (US and Canada)
isnt it so sad to say that expecting men to be kind is a fantasy we should stop deluding ourselves about. so pessimistic
Sexual compatibility is absolutely not the measure of a good relationship. Ladies, don't fall for that or you are going to be used. There are more important aspects of compatibility that are crucial to whether or not a relationship is sustainable. Values, goals, intentions, similar spiritual beliefs, etc. if good sexual compatibility was the yardstick for a good relationship there would be no divorce in developed nations, because the majority of people in the West have plenty of sexual experimentation with countless partners and they still can't seem to find the right one.
But if the sex is blah, well, I do not need the relationship..... True that great sex cannot fix serious issues!
I'm a guy so I had been dating many women. Just sex will not glue a relationship at all. There has to be something more serious there, besides sex. But sex also is important... it has to be great (which is not hard to achieve if you want to)
@@joanofarcxxi
No one said that is solely that a measure but one of. Besides, many women, thankfully, don’t see sex as something they are giving to a man but that they are equal partners in that relationship.
You are traditional and still got divorced and can’t find anyone yet, so stop bashing other women, you’re not special.
I think David has way more wider perspective granting that he grew up in the US. Compared to korean that is born and raised in Korea. It is to his advantage. I love his perspective.
He grew up in Korea
I have to say that all across the world promiscuity has become the norm. I believe in saving your beautiful energy and body for "THE" one. How lovely it is to see and feel innocence in maturity. I long for a past century. Just my thoughts.💞
Things change every generation or every two generations. The trend comes and goes. After a conservative generation comes a promiscuous one and after a promiscuous one, comes a conservative one.
@@SleepingdragonKongming That would be nice but probably not going to happen. The "real" people in charge have ruined everything from food, the air, the water and now a whole generation. So sad.😞
28:03. What came first? In South Korea, it's definitely K-drama influenced people, and definitely not the other way around. I'm a Korean-American man. People need to realize this, that Korean perception of romance and chivalry is that it is part of Western culture. Korean culture is rooted with Confucian values and ethos. And you can't find element of romance and chivalry that many Western women see from K-drama from such Confucian tradition. And for long time, Korean education had separate institution between boys and girls, where they never had proper growing experience between two genders to interact and communicate. So their ideas of romance and chivalry is from the West. The fact that Koreans uses the term "gentleman" or "romance"(or "romantic") in English, and not in Korean, in their daily expression shows their perception of such etiquette("etiquette" is another word Koreans uses in English, and not in Korean) and etiquette's cultural origin. I remember it was sometime in latter half of the 90's when K-drama started to depicted such etiquette and chilvary more and more. And for Korean men who had no experience or any sources on how to treat women, K-drama became their sources while wondering whether women really want to be treated like that. I remember whenever celebrities were invited to a TV show, men were often asked about how they expresses chilvary for women they love, while women were often asked how do they want men to treat them. With increasingly romanticized themes of K-drama and cultural development of gender dynamics in terms of relationship and romance, Korean women's expectation got bigger while "burden" of Korean men for better chivalry and etiquette increased.(Personally, i always found white women to be more appreciative and conpliment more to my chilvary and romance than korean women) And while there are Korean men who wanted to improve their chilvary skills because such respect is perceived as "more modern" and "more Western,"(I had friends who literally studied K-drama) there are also Korean men who developed more hostility towards such expectation(especially when they feel "Korean men" are being put down for "not knowing how to properly treat a woman" while often being compared to white men, who already had reputation of being "gentlemen" that Korean men need to watch and learn). Even now, I see Korean men hating K-drama for raising women's expectation from men, while there are some who uncritically admit that Korean men as Asian men aren't good at expressing themselves and be affectionate, and need to improve. So whenever I see people questioning whether Korean men are really like in K-drama with expectation that the answer is simply "Yes" or "No," i always feel such a question is too simplistic. It plays influential role while Korean men response differently, while there was long history of perception that Korean men are Confucian archetype who can't express, show love to women, and act gentlemanly.
Speaking as a young woman, born and raised in the USA, In the case of dating, Personally the slow-burn romance offers a richer, more engaging experience, particularly when compared to the more immediate gratification seen in fast-paced dating narratives. In contrast, the fast-paced dating narratives often bypass the gradual buildup in favor of immediate physical attraction and intimacy. While this approach can be thrilling in the short term, it frequently sacrifices the emotional depth that makes a relationship truly compelling.
As for texting, In my view, constant texting in a relationship can diminish the sense of anticipation and longing that often strengthens the bond between partners. I believe that some distance and time apart can make our moments together more meaningful, as absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. It allows us to appreciate each other's presence even more when we reconnect, fostering a deeper connection.
Thats the one thing i realised, i felt massive love energy from a korean i met...they know how to love bomb, it felt peaceful but at the same time, it never got to flirting because i would shut down compliments so they simply mirror you. Ur idea of love, they mirror it. Mine is simply deep talk, idc about your flesh but your spirit, we are going deep deep with no limits.
I’m a little sad that SK is becoming more westernized as far as dating is concerned. I live in the U.S. and feel we’ve lost a lot of the tenderness and sweetness of romance. When affection becomes so easy that it is shared with virtual strangers, it becomes unimportant and ordinary. I miss the thrill of having someone who cares about you take your hand for the first time and knowing that it’s the expression of an emotion rather than just an expectation. We’re selling ourselves short, and missing out on the depth and true meaning of touch. It’s almost like becoming desensitized. I’d say it’s quite a loss, and yearn “the good old days”.
I think this is why k-dramas are so popular. Realistic or not, a lot of us are tired of the hyper-sexual Western media/entertainment industry, and we appreciate the more conservative approach of most k-dramas.
This makes it sadly ironic that Western programming is what gives Korean men the impression that Western women are sexually "easier."
THISSSS
Both of you are intelligent with the Q&A kudos. I left Korea🇰🇷 in 1964 so it’s an education for me also. 👍
Thank you so much for the guest, it was extremely interesting!
Thank you Marina for another juicy and useful episodes!
Many people are interested in dating Korean men.
Some also want to know what it's like dating Korean women too!
Definitely. My plan is to feature the female perspective really soon so stay tuned!
Almost nobody is interested in Korean guys. Over 50% of young Korean guys are single for a reason.
Small talk is just as common in Canada. I'm Australian and moved to Canada as a young adult. At first, I was amazed at the way strangers would casually open a conversation in elevators, on buses, waiting in line, etc.
@@decollector95 Not when I was young but maybe times have changed. I live in a small town in Spain now and everyone chats to strangers, all the time...especially in line at the grocery store. Personally, I love it.
European girls don't sleep around,😐 I can't imagine having to read texts every 5 seconds.😑 Boys been interviewed saying that Korean girls are not that faithful😔 this was nice to see, because many western girls are hysterical about Korean boys🤪, there are quite a few scandals in Korea such as the Burning Sun scandal .😑 there happens a lot more then we think .🥺
It is incredibly rare for a Western woman to even consider dating a Korean guy, much less want to date one.
Really 😮not when I was stationed in Germany in the 90s
Of course they sleep around!
@@Systems_70It’s true in the U.S. Asian men are last to be considered for date, even by Asian women (in U.S.) America. White women simply laugh it off at Asian dudes. (I myself are not lucky with white women either) But as I’m finding out from UA-cam, European girls are very much interested in Korean men, due to Kpop maybe? Even in my country Turkey, they are crazy about Korean guys.
He describes the imbalance of advancing technology versus gender roles and economics so well, I really appreciate the insight as someone who wants to visit Seoul but very much has a western mindset. I’m also a Southerner; talking to strangers in a place like New Orleans or where I grew up in Texas is totally normal. Couple culture in Korea vs its low birth rate is very interesting to learn about, and I know how Foreigners are treated when it comes to dating, especially people of color, so I have no plans to do that - I’ve heard enough stories to know better 😅 I’m a Black Filipina born in PH and raised in the USA, so I’m always researching. I’m also learning Korean-almost to 500 days of lessons now! 화이팅~~!
When I was young in the US a young person could graduate high school, get a little job and rent a small apartment for themself. Today in the US there is no chance of that in most places. The older generation morns for them because in today's world, trying to become independent is more difficult than ever, if not impossible. Young people based on their chronological age have no abililty to fend for themselves when jobs they can do, do not pay a living wage. There is often a wide gap between parents and reality. Some think, "Your out of school so good-bye, don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out." Reality is that an awful lot of those kids end up homeless without work experience or anyone who will give them a "leg up." Their parents want the to be adults but they really are not. As a result, some enter into marriages and jobs that are harmful because they feel they have no choice in order to survive. I often wonder if in Korea, the older generation's rigidity about relationships (arranged marriages, marriages based on business reasons, education, views of women's place in society, status in society and the idea that even though the children are in their 30s or 40s the parents still own and control them) has something to do with the rejection of the older generations ways. I'm thinking that would make the ways of the Western world appear more attractive to the rebellious younger generation. Rather than gradually changing the social customs the younger generation has stood those cultural ways upside down. I'd like to see a course correction implemented by women and men in the US and South Korea.
@@BethDewey-b1n I feel very fortunate for being able to live by my own means. As someone who’s lived with partners in the past and what I’ve learned from that. I have a lot of peace on my own with my pets ☺️ I’m dating someone, for about a year now, but we each have very different careers and make time for each other when we can and live separately. I will never rush into a living situation with someone I’m dating ever again.
The love bombing part is very true. Its like they get infatuated really quickly and then it dies down just as fast until they either ghost you or break up. If you meet someone whos not like that then you have to fear the parents because most won't stand up to them and will break up.
Aside from that if youre a foreigner youre a bucket list type of thing, not necessarily a long term option. Or you end up being their english teacher if you dont speak korean (speaking korean doesn't make a difference really). Anyway not everyone is like that but a huuuuge majority which leads to you being weary of everyone
There are huge benefits if you can speak Korean. Currently the Korean-non Korean dating market in Korea is a form where a small number of Korean men, who are fluent in English and handsome, deal with a large number of foreign women. In this market structure, foreign women do not have many options. The pool and chance of meeting a decent partner will expand dramatically if you are fluent korean language. There is definitely a difference between having 100,000 options and having 7 million options. (As of 2023, there are 7 million male populations aged 20 to 39 in Korea and the population of young males that can speak in english fluently is quite small.)
The problem with parents of Korean partners is surprisingly simple to solve. Parents who do not accept foreigners as their families are most likely to have traditional values, and their iron-fisted obstinacy crumbles like Jericho's walls upon the arrival of their grandchildren. While this may seem like a joke, it is the obvious truth. The question is, does your partner have the courage to stand up to their parents and move forward like a tank? Because real estate prices in Korea are so high, many people rely heavily on their parents' financial support. That's why it's hard for them to stand up to their parents. Appeal to your partner the mindset that it's not bad to start in a small residential space.
If anyone has any other questions, please reply to me. I will answer with as much detail as I can based on my knowledge and experience.
@@판탈라사 I speak Korean so I'm speaking from this experience
@@판탈라사 most actually don't have the courage of standing up to their parents. That's a pattern I see with all the girls I know, who like me, speak Korean and have been here long enough to have adjusted to a lot of the culture etc
Its brilliant guys...great work🎉 Korea is technologically advancing at speed like he states...but its still trapped into its cultural past ...so there is a duality of realities occuring🎉 Thanks guys for your very interesting podcast❤
I enjoyed him hearing you and seeing David again. He is certainly a beautiful man and I really enjoy hearing him speak.Thank you
I did not expect this crossover to happen. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. Keep up the great work Marina!!!
Thanks for the comment! Happy you liked it. It was definitely time to talk about Korean dating ☺️
Yes, great questions Marina!
Same! Surprised but looking forward to watching!
This sounds like a nightmare to date. Imagine having to text your signigicant other every hour of every day. That is crazy! We are adults, we have jobs, responsibilities, friends and family to give attention to as well. There is nothing wrong with checking in here and there, always keeping in mind that your partner also has a life outside of you. Everyone needs their own space too. Dont be deceive by the couples in the streets thou, my korean friend says people force themselves into relationships to comply with society and avoid loneliness. I used to think "oh so many in love couples", and then my korean girlfriend said "girl, let me tell you!" 🤣
That was just his experience... not every korean girl expects a text every hour lol
It seems a bit like a "mirror mirror on the wall..." phenomenon.
@@aoh4905 nah, met many locals in Korea, and they said this behavior is pretty common from both men and women 🫠
U haven't been in ❤️ right?
Tldr: Love bombed temporarily due to jealously. Then you are spited into oblivion.
Of course this is extremely superficial and stereotyping. But it is good to see the veil lifted.
As a Korean American woman, I have never had the opportunity of dating Korean men. Perhaps I am too radically feminist lol. My husband is British and is the most romantic and respectful man I have ever known. It's the little things that I appreciate, and after 30+ years, I've yet to open my own car door when I'm with him.
Love the Korean culture. David is so handsome. Love him and Anna’s show too. Korean men are very forward with American women. Why?
Korean men are not forward with American women and its incredibly rare for them to form relationships.
What do you mean that Korean men are very "forward with" American women?
This dude is very bright and articulate
He has his own UA-cam, podcast etc. I’ve been following him for many years! He has good content if you’re interested in Korean culture and Korean pop culture.
Agreed.
When you are thinking too much you are not to have child ..me i am for Africa with a small house you can start a family .Too much thinking
@@capirelasa 60square meters appartment in a small(!) town in not close to city centre neighbourhood here in Austria already costs 150000~200000€. How am I ever going to be able to afford an accommodation big enough for kids. My salary is 2100€ net per month, my rent is 950€. It's more about costs, less about "thinking"😅 You can think/be smart in Africa, too, and still have kids if it's what you want and if you have space for them.
I swear the dating scene is Korea is really immature, no wonder guys are exhausted. Jeez if I had a woman doing that to me I would run the other way and I am a woman. I as a woman need my space, I don't like to be smothered. Let me do my own thing and you can do yours. We don't need to be together every second of every day. That is major clingingness that is suffocating. yeesh
the young people, especially the girls seemes to be totally narcistic and spoiled , only interested in beauty and other superficial stuff. They think they are queens. I was pretty shocked when I watched reality shows. No wonder they refuse to have children.
Clinginess is not specific to "chicks"my dear. Don't know where you get that idea from.
Koreans tend to be more superficial and looks obsessed so if the girl is hot the guy will put up with alot to keep her so other dudes envy him
I feel like women are more exhausted of the dating scene there, from what I hear. I agree with the hate for clinginess..I’m the same. But deep rooted toxic work culture, sexism, age hierarchy, bullying and too much focus on superficial looks and materials, can put women at a huge disadvantage. Many women are not even interested in having kids, cause at the end of the day, they will be the ones with all the burden.
Relax it's not everyone and once you bond it gets normal.
Very interesting discussion. I was especially intrigued by the gentlemanly behaviour being so ingrained and expected in Korean society now. It used to be like that in my youth in Romania too: men opening doors, pulling chairs, pouring drinks, walking on the side of the pavement closest to traffic so that you won't get splashed etc. I really missed that when I moved to the UK. However, this has changed somewhat for the younger generation, possibly as a result of Western influence. Younger women say that Romanian men are much less chivalrous nowadays.
(Romanian) men also used to be more abusive at home. not everything was better back then...
@@NoctLightCloud Oh of course, and many of them still are abusive at home. The chivalry in dating does not exclude bad behaviour and sexist attitudes at all!
@@marinasofia1969 agree 100%
OMG! Checking all the females on socials, texting every 5 min….?! It is called obsessed and claiming… pffff 😮 I can imagine that this is very exhausting for men…! Tbh it’s not normal, well we do it totally different here in the west, Europe, I am from the Netherlands 🇳🇱 so we are very chill!😊
All those scenes from k drama are present in our sociaty. Because we are open, we talk to strangers on the streets, in the malls, in the bus, trains... So there're lots of opportunities to meet somone and start a relationship, friendship or start dating.
LOL, wishful thinking. There is no such thing in Korea, you won't receive one bit of attention there.
Apartment prices may have gone up over the last few years, but money can't be the main reason. Out of curiosity I did some investigating into Korean house prices and was quite surprised at how cheap Korean apartments were compared to Australia. Here's some perspective:
I know Korean people think so, but Korean apartments are not that expensive compared to other countries. Australian houses are actually a LOT more expensive per average income than Korean apartments, and Australia has a birth-rate of 1.7. That can't be the main reason for the low birth-rate in Korea. And Korean rent is LESS THAN HALF of what Australian rent is. Australian rent for a house is about the WHOLE of one FULL income, often more than the whole of one income. From what I can see, you don't need a WHOLE FULL TIME WAGE just to pay rent in Korea. Correct? In Australia, this situation has been the case for decades now. I rent a small apartment in Korea - approximately $400 a MONTH, which includes appliances (washing machine, fridge, microwave). In Australia the same apartment would be at LEAST $400 a WEEK (appliances and furniture are NEVER included in renting in Australia), probably more than that. To be fair, in Australia I would be paid about twice as much, but the equivalent rent is still the whole of one Australian income on average. I couldn't believe that I could rent an apartment on a fraction of my income here in Korea! When I mention to Korean people that you can't rent a house in Australia that is less than a whole full time wage, they are blown away! And they suddenly don't think Korea is apartments are that expensive after all. 😂
It seems to me that Korean people think this is the reason, when in reality the rest of the developed world have similar house price to average income ratios. Buying a house is not harder in Korea - certainly not harder than in Australia - in fact, it's a lot cheaper. And Korean people have ridiculously cheap electricity too! About literally 10% of the price that Australians pay for electricity. The UK apparently has a similar situation to Australia. Korean people are really lucky with electricity prices! My $15 (approximately) electricity bill here would be close to $200 in Australia and $200 for a month's electricity is a miser's bill in Australia. A lot of other bills are much cheaper too - car registration for example: Korea $35 per year for a small older car. Australia $750 per year for a small older car. I could go on and on about how much cheaper Korea is to live than Australia in almost every way. If house prices and expensive of live was the reason, than nobody except the filthy rich (top 2% of people ) would be having children in Australia at all. There has to be a lot more to it than that.
Thank you for your insightful analysis! I'm preparing to explain about this topic.
Thank you so much again and i'll reply as soon as possible.
Assuming that there are 100 households in Korea who have given birth to children, there is a data that analyzes the change in the fertility rate after dividing it into low-income, middle-income, and high-income groups according to income from 2010 to 2019.
The proportion of low-income families fell 2.7 percentage points from 11.2% in 2010 to 8.5% in 2019. 100 households have children, of which less than nine are low-income households. The proportion of middle-class households also fell from 42.5% to 37.0% during the same period.
On the other hand, the proportion of households in the high-income bracket increased by 8 percentage points from 46.5 percent to 54.5 percent. Out of 100 households that had children, the number of households in the high-income bracket increased from 47 to 55.
Surprisingly, Korean newborns are now only born to wealthy families.
Having a baby in Korea presupposes several conditions.
1. Korean men and women should meet a partner who meets their standards and even get married. Korea is one of the countries with an extremely low percentage of single mothers. There is social pressure to have children only when they get married.
The newly coined term "hexagonal male" has recently appeared. It is a hexagonal radial graph with appearance, educational background, wealth, occupation, social background, and personality factors in each angle. If you are a male, you should fill in the graph. A handsome face, taller than 180cm, 70~80kg in weight and a skinny muscular body, a top university diploma, possession of more than 200 million won, high-income job, and a harmonious and retirement-ready family. Very few men fit all these conditions.
2. High regular income and wealth to cover child-rearing are necessary. Normally It's enough to raise a kid with only having warm food, a safe house, and clean clothes. The Korean government fully supports compulsory education up to high school. However a child must graduate from college because there is a widespread perception that if a child fails to graduate from a good university, he or she is a socially neglected person. That's where a huge amount of education fee comes from. If the child wants to learn the cello? More money.
3. Your husband's income should be enough to cover all of your household spending. If a company employee becomes pregnant, businesses must provide wages and vacations even when the woman is unable to work. This is mandated by law, but most companies, except large companies, ignore the law. Enterprisers who think women's work is not in the interests of their companies start not hiring women.
If I could attach a graph picture to the comments, I would be able to give a more understandable explanation, but it's a shame that UA-cam doesn't offer this.
In summary, 1. too strict love market, 2. high childcare cost and an excessively competitive society, 3. working environment and working culture hostile to women.
The grammar or words in my comments might be weird because I'm writing a comment while drunk right now. Also English is not my first language. I hope you understand.
@@판탈라사 Yes, we have very high child care costs in Australia too. That can also be more than half a wage. There is tax relief for that, but not enough.
But those other things - hostile working culture for women, excessively competitive society, too strict love market. Yes. That's what I see here too. 🙂
I would go insane if my boyfriend (now husband) had text me all the time when we were dating. Cheaters are going to cheat no matter what. Something they did not mention is the Korean parents causing trouble in relationships of their kid. Women probably don't want to have to deal with crazy mother in-law so why get married.
I live in Australia and have some Korean heritage in me.
In recent years, I have had an increased interest in Korean men mostly because of the culture and values they hold.
Making a birthday wish here (yes, my birthday today) and hoping that I will meet one this year ❤
Gosh the jealousy problem is serious and intense🎉
On a macro level, I would also mention the work structures, in addition to the concentration of work options in souel that you mentioned. Working hours, the density of work performance leaves less room for leisure time and other activities where face-to-face socialising would be possible, which would create a different level of deep relationships. In addition, women who give birth to children should be given special protection under labour law in terms of notice periods, child benefit, and parents should also be supported financially, e.g. with parental benefit, to make the transition from work to family and from family to work easier. Companies with childcare places also make organising child and career easier and possibly cheaper. There are a lot of small pieces too which effects the decision to have children or not. As you sad before, on the mikro level the new male and female identity versus conservative traditional gender identity
I'm married to a Korean, but I can't relate to most of what you said. There is no jealousy, excessive texting, no sex before marriage, or weird stereotypes. We just love and respect each other and have been married for 20 years. I hope that others younger than me [50] will be able to experience what I have.
The problem is, some of the sexism in SK from what we can see is quite shocking for a nation that appears to be modern and forward looking. The same thing with bullying. So if there was real equality especially in the work place, there would not be a need for radical feminism.
SK had a female President, whereas America has not. Samsung President isalso female.
Is the bullying anything like the video: The Real Face of Asian Hate
Radical feminism IS bullying.
Imo there's just a difference in expectation for how to behave and act. I've seen a lot of people talk about the love bombing but I think often times the expectations were a bit on the floor. If Korean guys didn't behave like this, they could not date in Korea. There is a standard expectation for how to operate and I think now it's getting brought up as if its a manipulative tactic but it's kind of just a difference in social norms.
The birth rate: I think there's a lot of factors clashing all at once. Yes there's housing pricing etc, but a big thing often not talked about is that there is a big gap in gender norms and expectations at the moment. Men have to do military but women have to work as hard to pass the exams and graduate etc, but many companies don't allow space to take. the time away for a child and still keep their careers without being sacrificing a great deal. I don't think the incentives offered will ultimately help because many companies even bully fathers for taking their paternity leave. Korea has pretty decent policies for taking time off for birth but on a more realistic level, they get socially punished for taking it depending on where they work. The education cost and expectations is also too much because of an invisible bar you're competing towards vs others. Many people use hagwons because they don't have anyone home so they have to do multiple activities. It's a lot of different things clashing and I've found that Koreans are less willing to compromise and just deal with it. Like yes there are ways to have housing but most don't want to rent a house when they get married and have kids, so they don't see it as possible. Many don't want to give up their careers and way of life because theres a certain lifestyle that is expected as a parent and they don't want to not be able to give their kid all the advantages of life.
If David is not in a serious relationship then I maybe the perfect person for him lol i agree with everything he says about not being controlling or suffocating or jealous. I am confident in that a man can be their own person and have their own friends and do things independently without being interrogated about what,who,when etc lol and still be a great partner. I’m conservative and believe in giving a partner room to breathe and individuality….hit me up David lol
Oh my...I would become crazy if I was love bombed and would take it like jealousy! There would be a great gap in cultures if dating a Korean man even though I am...oh my gosh, I just realized I belong to the second older generation...60 yrs young. I need my personal time, hate when my phone beeps and most important I take for granted that my boyfriend/hubby do not cheat and that he has confidence in me the same way. I think communication is the most important in a relationship AND even when starting to date. From casual talk about interests to what to expect from life; work, how to live, children and how to raise them. So, being openminded against a different culture, having a good communication and express your feelings through a lot of small things daily (do the dishees, taking out the trash and buy me a piece of chocolate now and then) instead of big gestures is the thing for me - a cake and card or going out for dinner (no fance restaurant) on my birthday or our weddingday is enough. Yes...I am European...yes...I am Scandinavian... 😄
what happened before the cellphone when texting was not possible? :o
Pre phones they used pagers and pre pagers they wrote rack other notes and letters, faster technology created higher expectations
Really enjoying the podcast and it's realistic view of today's life in general
Marina, I think you may find interesting to invite into you podcast two youtubers related to Poland. First one Wioletta Błazucka, who have yt channel "Pierogi z Kimchi". Polish women married to Korean man. She could talk about cultural differences between Poland and Korea, family, cuisine. At her job she give lessons of Polish language to Koreans and prepare to cultural differences during their business travel (there are quite a bit of Korean companies in PL). On her channel she introduce Korea to Poles, especially Korean food, cities and traditions. She wrote two cookbooks. She is loved in Poland. Unfortunately her publications are in Polish, but I could help you in making a research.
Second is JT from "Vigo’s Dad" (unfortunately I don't know his full name) - came from Dominican, married to Polish women too. Content is in English, they lived in few places: Dominican, South Africa, London, and currently Warsaw. He speaks about combination of Poland and Dominican culture, differences, similarities etc.
Wioletta gave a birth last weeks, so it may take a while for her to came back to work on YT. JT and his wife expects a second baby, so they may make a break in publishing :) it may take a while to invite them
Will check them out!
I can’t imagine being that demanding on my boyfriend. The constant texting, always wanting an immediate response. That’s got to be really tough on people. I would go nuts doing that look I only need to know once a day or twice a day how you doing and if you’re gonna meet up that evening with them. I don’t need to know every single thing that goes on their life especially when they’re work.
It looks like After KPop became so popular in the states, everyone is trying to date, eat, dress like koreans
🤣🤣🤣 trying to be something they're not 💯
I'm Asian American. I noticed I've been getting a bit more attention from White girls for the last few years. I'm not into the Kpop culture, so I wasn't aware of the rise in popularity of Kpop groups in the West. It wasn't apparent until a girl I took on a date asked if I was Korean. I told her no. She seemed a bit disappointed, but then said "Oh well. You look Korean and you have the Kpop look". I was curious after this date, so I did a bit of research and saw how popular Kpop boybands were in the US.
White women are serious Koreaboos. They are obsessed with Korean men due to k-pop and K-drama. When the Korean men don’t live up to their fantasies they are very disappointed
Individualism and Being self centred and each their own is not a good thing. Being a community and helping each other that’s what’s good and caring to help others.
You might say this but you haven't seen the worse of how Korean 'collectivism' can manifest
@@李珊-f2r individualism and collectivism at extremes is never good. The best results for a society is to have a balance of both.
@@katherinejimenezmatos2009 true
I had to laugh loud when I heard the Korean conversative site decides to wait about 100 days before they first sleep with each other. 3-4 month is pretty fast in my opinion, I expected one year. 😅 After 4 months, my boyfriend held my hand for the first time. We're non-religious North Europeans by the way. It again shows that what is a fast progress and what not is very individual. I highly dislike generalising comments like "Northern Europeans usually first sleep together and then decide about the relationship". Personally, I don't know anyone who does, many will find it weird. Not saying there are no people like this at all and as the gentlemen here said, anybody can do what they want. But please stop generalising and painting a picture in just one color.
I've heard that in S. Korea they define the relationship very early. So sleeping together after 100 days fits with that time line.
Danke, hätte es nicht besser formulieren können.
“Possessive and jealousy I think of like Latin American countries” me:🤡🤡🤡. Why do you need to bring us up like that? There’s no need hahahahaa. But it’s true, we’re a bit spicy and hard to handle 😂😂
Happened here by accident. Did David tell us about this? Always good to hear his thoughts.
I wish more young people in the United States would take that position about relationships. Really get to know someone before entering sex into the equation. Way down the road is fine if you are both finally certain and happy at the possibility of living together. Anybody who has been married knows that the sex is not the most important part of a relationship... it is not the glue that holds couples together. If that part of the relationship doesn't work out, it is better later than sooner to find out. Best wishes.
I can't believe that whole texting thing. It seems like there must be a lot of cheating going on for people to be so insecure. My husband would call from work if he was going to be more than 15 min. late. other wise, he was working. so WTAF?
Wow....learned soo much watching this video 😲😲😲.
Some women will like exactly the traditional culture, with traditional gender roles. So I hope, you guys look at other countries who thought, they were doing a good thing, adopting all kinds of new thoughts, that just did not work out.
oOoOoooOooooh! I'm looking forward to listening to this! 😀
I loved this episode. Just to put it out there, no harshness here. From an American foreigner yes a lot of women look at movies or shows and want that to be real but we do not think we are going to see wall to wall hot gentlemen everywhere. I hope you have a wonderful day. 😊
INTJ here. No small talk?! I'd be in heaven! But grown ups don't need girls night out, and they don't need to be texting at regular intervals. If I've got something to share with someone I'm dating, I might send a snap during my lunch hour. But adults with careers and lives don't need to love bomb or be love bombed like infatuated high schoolers. And if Koreans don't want Americans thinking that every relationship is a k-drama, they need to stop thinking that we fall into bed on every first date like Vince Vaughn / Jennifer Aniston movie.
That level of possessiveness he described from that girl is truly insane. Guys, set a firm healthy boundary with the girl you date. Girls too. Avoid dating extremely insecure people as they exhibit toxic jealousy.
my wife says that david has gotten very handsome
For some reasons, whether you like it or not, Korean men seem to be in demand right now…
When is the next season of Ramyuen and Chill coming out?
Kdramas have spoiled it for relationships in other parts of the world. We want what we see on the screen. The biggest turn off seems to be the way people interact when they are older couples. Usually not too nice to each
Took a little offense to blaming USA for changing other countries...like ya got ya own mind... wtw
The us literally occupied Korea militarily. There’s no stronger message to a Confucian society than some foreign power coming and telling u what to do, they’re basically like ur elder then, ur supposed to respect them so obviously they have a lot of US influence, it’s rly blind for you as an American to act as if your country hasn’t stirred a lot of shit up around the world
Korea is occupied by America, and is essentially a vessel state.
4B movement was literally founded in South Korea. Then we adopted it as the West 4b movement. Seems more like they influenced US lol
@@thesecretshade Feminism started in America, along with woke ideologies.
@@thesecretshade because 4b sure took off in korea right? LOL
Love bombing is so daym unhealthy, and its completely unethical to do to your partner.
No sex before marriage is my culture too. No holding hands in public or affection 💋 A man has to meet the girl's parents first if he wants to date/marry their daughter 💯 better not screw up, her brothers will beat you up.
45:50 Sounds truthy but incorrect, Women do NOT go to the clubs "with the intention to cheat".
Nor do they accept the drink from the hot guy with any intention to cheat.
Nor does she decide to have a harmless dance with the hot guy with any intention of cheating
Nor does she leave the club with her friend and his friend to grab a bite to eat with any intention of cheating.
Nor do they go back to his place to see that cool rooftop view , or listen to him play his guitar, with any intention of cheating
Nor does she have any intention of cheating when he was hot, she was drunk and one thing led to another.
But she only kissed
Okay they had sex but it was only one time and he wore a condom
And yes the kid is definitely yours.
A woman who is telling the truth that she never cheated, and a woman who did cheat will say the exact same thing.
thats why you cannot judge by their words, only their actions.
And if she wants to go to the club; then she either is putting herself in a situtation where she can cheat,
OR she does not care enough about her man's opinion her being lowered because she could if she wanted to . . . even if she has 'no intention to'.
I love Koreans❤
Korea seems like a clinger's paradise
korean man’’s clinginess usually dies out pretty quickly
This was so interesting 👍
Happy you enjoyed! I learned a lot as well
Thanks for this podcast. I've been watching K-drama and I get the notion that the writer or directors don't like women. The female characters are portrayed as villians, nuisance, smart yet really dumb. An oxymoron portrayal of women. It's very interesting to watch. Since societies are shaped by the culture of entertainment.
Good luck to Korea. I'd like to visit one day. Cheers!
Sounds like that is a city planning problem. Only Seul is attractive for the youngers.
Well considering the cheating rate, I can see why they are so insecure, and feel the need for frequent texting.
😂 for every one negative thing that is said about Korea from foreigners their is at least 10 more stories of foreigners absolutely in love with Korea. Hilarious how people will do anything for views.
Hmmmm…radical feminism….she doesn’t want to do 90% of the household chores even though she has put in full days work at the office. So radical!
young ~ mid korean generation didnt follow that
There is a good youtube video that why do koreans call it 'radical'.
I recommend you 'The truth about the 4B movement and feminism in South Korea' by Anna Lee. She explained it well.
@@판탈라사 thanks,will do,am always open to learning.
Oh for christ sake stop creating a strawman argument.
Women arent wrong to want to monitor their boyfriends / partners behaviour as cheating does happen but you have to find a good balance. Constant engagement can be almost debilitating, but then young people in their high teens and early 20's are both looking for and being look for for sex that managing that also is half your time (and you dont even realise it)
You have to manage your energy. If I was a girl Id look for someone who was stable and loved me and was loyal and then even if in the course of a lifetime if he had cheated even once or twice but was a good person it would be a generally pretty good situation. Women also cheat and having a taste to simply taste isnt the worst thing, in fact it can be preferable in some situations. For the individual it can even be important at some times.
Whether people develop attachments and have a strong sense of responsibility and intelligence is more important and more effective than trying to control and monitor. thats too taxing. Like Marina said it becomes a regime / controlled / stifling
If there's really nothing wrong with it, more people would admit to it openly. Why not admit to being more of an open relationship or polyamorous type of person up front? True loyalty and commitment isn't about control but naturally preferring to be with one person. If it becomes about control then it implies that it's a forced connection (although anxiously attached people can also fall into this habit).
What ethnicities travel to Korea to find men?
Are we really not able to tell the difference between real life and what is depicted on TV? I just find it odd that people get wrapped up in a fantasy that is completely and utterly contrived! The actors and actresses in Korean dramas, really any country, these are their best looking people but not usually indicative of what the average person looks like. All the romance and drama is written out! I mean, it’s fantasy, folks. I love Asian dramas because it’s fascinating seeing how modern their societies have become yet still so infused with centuries of tradition. And I am definitely drawn to the romance genre as opposed to anything else but I’m fully aware that what I am watching is something someone has written so I don’t fool myself that this is probably just the way all Asian men treat women. Sometimes even for a romance buff the love expressions can get nauseating and too ridiculous. It seriously breaks the spell of a drama imo. Anyway, I mainly wanted to say here that these women coming from the west in order to meet a SK man are already delusional. Kdrama is just fantasy at its finest.
C’était un vlog très triste. Bon courage ❤️🩹
Of course is not OK to randomly sleep with people, because it affects your mind and soul too... Make love not sex...
Thanks. I think the loss of values is a major thing, especially amongst 20 something. People all kver thr world don't want commitment. A dont think you can blame the housing industry for that. It's lust. I am sure the rise of homosexualism has also added to this lack of wanting to have kids problem.
In Europe there are extremely many different countries with different religions, cultures and mentalities. I grew up in three countries and neither in Romania, a communist country at the time, nor in the former Yugoslavia, nor in Germany were women ever easy to get. I live in Germany and to this day I have never heard of women in Europe having sex with someone the first time they meet. Of course, there are people who either lack self-esteem or whose intelligence level is below average. It affects 2 people out of 100. At least in my social circle, such an attitude to life is a rarity. Speaking of constantly calling or texting: In general, trust is the foundation of every relationship. Conversely, a healthy profession of love consists of acting sensibly. Our family has an emergency-only group chat that can happen monthly during work hours. I think a lot depends on the level of education and whether someone respects and values you as a life partner. Perhaps Asian men have become so attractive to many women in Europe because they are not so pushy, take more time and do not behave so barbarically. Women like good behavior.
Almost some of American girl are raised in the old days from there parents as they are growing up. I was raised marriage before sex.
Hearing that radical feminism is considered bad, yet looking at the definition, I’m not seeing what is bad about it. Women are facing increased danger with their rights being taken away. I can only assume that the definition of radical feminism is different depending on who you ask.
I think it's cringe that western women go all the way the Korea to find a guy. If you naturally meet someone (whatever nationality) and fall in love is far better. The Korean men must be thinking in the back of their mind does this person like me for me, or just in love with the idea.
I tried dating an East Asian once. I thought the world of her, but the Confucianism was just too far a cultural gulf to bridge. 😞
we are NOT "meant" to be with someone. That's brainwashing. there is NO NEED. if you are happy on your own, that's perfect. If you are happy dating, that's also perfect.
Multiple tudies have shown that we live longer when we have social connections. As much as it can feel good in the moment, we are social creatures and are not meant to be alone. This doesn't have to mean a relationship, but of course a good relationship is incredibly good for us
@@datingbeyondborderscast Multiple studies also have shown that the happiest individuals are single women in their thirties/ social relationships are essential, but NOT romantic ones. I thrive without romance... (asexual)
@@aliceb2849asexual has nothing to do with romance though
@@aliceb2849that’s literally what she said but in different words
@@aliceb2849multiple studies also show that married women have the longest and most fulfilling and meaningful lives followed by married men. Multiple studies also show the health benefits are towards married couples, multiple studies also show children thrive in 2-parent households. I mean why are we playing these games with studies? If you actually aggregate all the studies, any studies that talk about ranking “happiness” tend to be highly subjective. If you want empirical, concrete outcomes, then you would have to conclude being married is the best thing one can do if it’s a binary choice between being single versus being married. But to each their own, is just silly to try and skew studies where we are comparing objective outcomes versus a subjective standard. And this is to say that everyone should do what makes them happy, every adult deserves all the agency of the world, but please stop with this narrative that single people are more happy than married people. There’s not an objective measurable standard that shows this anywhere, not in value objective, not in socioeconomic objectives, the only one is this highly subjective thing we call “happiness” which can just be synonymous with cope, and it’s a lie that have been sold by some group of people that have ulterior motives other than human flourishing.
What are STD and hepatitis rates looking like when there's a lot more fast love motel action? Did Korea step up the sex ed game in school?
The small talk culture is born of the US's background & history in capitalism (sales), independent, go getter attitude.
If my boyfriend wanted to go to a club with friends that included women, I would be going with himㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ💋
I love David for entertainment but he still has a very pop culture level knowledge on very complex SK social and economic issues. I get that he's not trying to go in depth and his channel isn't for that but I would have so many more questions for him and he fails to add nuance to the conversation at numerous points. He fails to step far enough outside the lens of SK's cultural issues and get a close to objective birdseye view of the aspects. I'm so interested in these subjects. It's frustrating but a fun watch/listen. I just urge David to actually look at some studies and statistics (or more if he has
already).
What points did he fail to use nuance?
@@andreacole9658 example: 14:06 - he explains away why SK has the lowest birth rate by just mentioning that he "can't pinpoint anything, it's the advancing economy, it's the housing crisis, everything is in Seoul, gender conflicts, it's the speed of the economy, it's the country in general" that's very vague. how do these things correlate with the low birth rate? how do these things connect with each other? what's the most prominent reason? saying ït's everything" is just oversimplifying it. tons of countries are going through similar issues - why is Korea standing out?
there's so much more but i don't have it in me to go over everything. but especially when he talked about sexism in korea - without calling it that of course - he was like "there's equality in Korea" before he kept talking and i just thought that was a flippant way to deny reality there.
@@niteshade2271 All right, let me explain in detail. Korea has several special conditions:
number 1; out of a population of 50 million, 20 million live in Seoul, Gyeonggi Province, which is the closest area to Seoul. Quality infrastructure is concentrated in the metropolitan area, and real estate prices in the metropolitan area are very high.
Number 2; Most of the white color jobs with high wages, low-intensity work, and reasonable working hours-leisure time distribution are concentrated in Seoul.
number 3: Korea is desperate for technology and human resources because it lacks agricultural and natural resources. Korea has economic foundations for heavy industry, high-tech engineering, manufacturing, and trade. The trend of overinvesting in education is widespread because we have to compete for rankings to get limited quality jobs.
number 4; Korea has one of the lowest percentage of single mothers. Women do not want to get married and give birth unless they have a men's economic base (real estate, high regular income).
@@niteshade2271 The centralization of the metropolitan area encourages Korea's soaring real estate prices, making it more difficult for the younger generation without money to enter the metropolitan area. If you search 'Korea's House Price-Fertility Rate Graph' on Google, you can see that the two graphs move in the same direction. This is called a 'linear relationship' in statistics, which can be seen through regression analysis.
In addition, among OECD member countries, Hong Kong (0.75), South Korea (0.88), Taiwan (1.11), and Japan (1.30) have below-average fertility rates in 2021. China's Shanghai ranks first in China's GDP by city in 2023 (4,721.866 billion yuan), with a population of 25 million and a fertility rate of 0.6. For Europe, France (1.8), Germany (1.58), and the United Kingdom (1.54) had higher fertility rates than East Asia as of 2021, but immigrants (Muslims) account for more than 50% of this fertility rate.
It can be hard to read because I wrote down the data, but to sum up, most developed countries (a society where women's rights are guaranteed) have low birth rates.
What David referred to as the "speed of the economy" can be understood only when Korea's economic growth history and economic foundation are understood. As this video is about a love market in Korea, David could not start an unscheduled economic lecture.
@@niteshade2271 And the most important cause of the low birth rate is Korea's low labor productivity. For officials whose work hours are restricted by the state, they start at 9 a.m. and leave at 6 p.m. The workers at large corporations also work for similar hours, but only 15 percent of them work at large corporations in Korea. The remaining 85 percent of the population is either small or self-employed. This population is always overworked and does not earn a reasonable income for their time. Because of this, most workers do not have adequate leisure time, which adversely affects their home situations. Who in the world would want to sweat at work rather than spend time with a family they love? Low labor productivity is directly related to working hours, and more time has to be invested to increase productivity.
I’ve been love bombed by all men I meet lol.
BEING A HOUSEWIFE IS THE BEST
I can't pull away fast enough to clingy behaviors whether male or female.
That’s how David his parents met back in the day, at a noodle shop.
What a suffocating style of dating. Poor men. Cuz they naturally need freedom and time to dream of their woman and anticipate. Just wait and see, this is what will make Korea turn into Scandinavia. And faster than we think.
Oh, I am thinking, perhaps both parties know that it’s really easy to jump into things in Korea and it turn serious quick (I am not talking about sx). And it will therefore be just as easy to jump ship.
I am an American man married for 24 years to a Korean woman. We live in Korea by choice because it is safer here and there are no guns. Also it is easier to afford a middle class lifestyle. I do disagree about the Seoul Centered view exposes in this video. We do not live in Seoul because of the crowding and the expenses there. We live in the central area of Korea and love it. The public transportation is excellent and it provides for most necessities like home, food, transportation. Prices are less than in Seoul or the surrounding metropolitan area. Yes, there are some things that do draw us to Seoul, but by KTX it is only an hour to the canter of that metropolis.
I did love bomb my wife when I met her. That was 24 years ago. Also I was caught off guard by her wanting to hear from me many times each day. Now it has reversed, I am the one on who misses hearing from her many times each day. I look at my Korean wife through the history of this country. Here is a person who was a child when Korea was a poor country. Her ancestors suffered the Japanese harsh rule. Also before that they were invaded by the Mongols, China and Japan. Their heritage was burned by these barbaric invaders. Yet they survived and kept their unique culture. Korea has a long history of respecting education and the elderly. Now that I am in the twilight of my life, these things are important and I find the legacy of this is embodied in a powerful defense of and love of country. I also believe Korea is one of the most democratic counties on earth. I am proud to be living in a country where an educator of one of the most respected professions. I take great pride in my students and how they travel overseas. When I do the same I visit with them. I know they will return, as my wife returned 21 years ago. Korea does not have the great resources of oil and gas, but it does have a great resource of its people. They are so empowered by their parents who had less. Their parents are great people who arose from the ashes of the Korean War. I see a bright future for this people. I also think a low birth rate is not such a bad thing. So let’s look forward and continue to realize what we have. Wow, we have it and what we have done to overcome the past of poverty and war to become one of the great countries of the world.
bottom line .... it's trust. This is so exhausting. Lol
Ok - so - to summarise Koreans don't do chit chat because they are a) too busy doing constant text maintenance with their partners and b)chit chat could/would be seen as opening the door to cheating and spark jealousy. 😂😂😂😂
Only half joking 🙃
Someone who is that impatient is not someone you want to be with lol.