that one quote in the book “we accept the love we think we deserve” actually destroyed me. it made me realize how i internalized my abusers’ voices in my head. i had convinced myself that they were justified in hurting me. i’m so glad they included that in the movie too.
Me too. That line has stayed with me ever since I read the passage in the book, and I realized how valid it is. We tend to gravitate towards people who remind us of our parents, or anyone else who may have treated us badly, and justify to ourselves that this is what love is, and so we deserve to be treated poorly.
@@trinaq exactly. our childhood/environment affects our perception of love. i found myself falling in abusive relationships because it was familiar and comforting. this is why we need to become aware of our generational traumas and try to heal from it so we don’t pass it along. the cycle ends with me.
I agree. I identified with this book so deeply while I was in middle school, but it wasn't until I got in touch with my trauma that I really understood that. Like reaaaaalllyyy understood.
@Irridessa Amore it's 3 am right now and as I finished watching this video because I love this movie and book on an infinite level, I stumbled across your comment! I want to say how utterly proud I am of you for breaking that cycle of settling for abusive relationships because that's all you've ever "known". You are worth EVERYTHING because you're a human being with feelings, emotions, a thought process, and consciousness! We accept the love we think we deserve, and don't look for more or less than this! The Bible says love is patient, and kind, not envy or boast. It also says love can be suffered. I'm not here to push my beliefs I just wanted to share this so you or anyone reading this can find comfort in it! God loves us all💜! And if you don't hear it often, or haven't heard it in awhile, I love you too, and I'm proud of your growth! You deserve everything good in this world. Never drop or fold your crown Queen! I send much love, positive vibes, and blessings your way!🙏🏻💙
I remember so many people complaining about how Charlie was too much of a “passive” protagonist that let others lead him around and didn’t take initiative even after it was already revealed that he was molested by his aunt, the trauma stunting his social and emotional growth. Those criticisms pissed me off. Plus the book is called “Perks of Being a WALLFLOWER”. This is one of few books/films that explores male victims of childhood sexual abuse. Wish there were more.
I think that criticism is missing the point and that is upsetting since that’s the entire point of the book! That’s the point of Charlie. Sam calls him out on it. He’s supposed to be passive, he doesn’t have a strong sense of self, he’s just .. floating by and observing. He eventually comes to realize he has to actively participate in life and have wants and needs.
@@etherd.859 Exactly! Plus add to the fact that people do not empathize as much with male victims of sexual abuse. Ironically most of the criticism were from adult men that reviewed the book and film adaptation.
@@witchplease9695 that’s so sad. Charlie is one of the most innocent characters I’ve ever had the pleasure of having a point of view from. I literally bawled like a baby when the sexual abuse was revealed. I think a lot of those criticisms stem from simply being uncomfortable with a boy having such a wide range of emotions, who has no concept of how they can be bad. Because they aren’t. He wasn’t raised to be tough, he was raised to be Charlie. Someone who struggled with their own emotional capacity/was beat on the head by everyone to be as emotionless as possible would definitely project. Hit dogs holler.
@@witchplease9695 Men end up hurting other men including themselves, because it's so ingrained in most cultures that men can't show weakness. Weakness is feminine which is the worst thing a man can be. This book is so important because it's written by a man and features several male characters dealing with abuse and the consequences. Women aren't exactly believed about abuse, but we've worked for so long to normalize it that it's somewhat acceptable for us to be open and discuss trauma. Men still don't have that, and it's unfortunate for all of us.
The scene towards the end of the film, where Charlie's repressed memories of being abused sexually by his aunt as a child return, was brilliantly filmed and acted. The repeating shots, the chilling music, the mounting horror that Charlie's sister feels when he asks "I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?", and fears the worst, the lingering image of the knife... All exquisitely done!
So im currently working on the book for a oral exam and i feel like i completely missed the part where he says this to his sister ?? can you tell me when that happen ?
a part from the book that always gets to me is when charlie realises he witnessed sexual assault at a party, and the victim and perpetrator are still dating. i wish that was included in the film.
It’s crazy how our young minds try to shield us, temporarily repressing memories that hurt us and how one sound or sudden statement can bring the memory back and just make us break down as adults.
I met the author once and had a chance to talk with him. He said the book was partially autobiographical and he experienced tremendous pain from his Aunt Helen. I too was abused as a child by my Aunt Helen, so this book reached me more deeply than I can express. He looked me in the eye and told me the abuse stops with us. We have the power. We are the beginning of something new and beautiful that neither of our aunts could possibly comprehend.
When I was a child I was staying over at a relatives house and was touched inappropriately by an older relative in the middle of the night without my mom or immediate family to turn to. I sat in the hallway in front of the door of the bathroom until the sun came up. I never told my mom because I felt ashamed, responsible, and embarrassed. The scene of Charlie’s breakdown towards the end literally destroys me every time I see it. Because I see myself.
Not gonna lie, when I read this as a young teen it didn’t process to me that Charlie was abused by his aunt. It wasn’t until I was abused and went back to read this book that I finally got it. I just really connected and felt understood by the book years later
Me neither. I was about 13 the first time I read the book, and I didn't realize that his aunt sexually abused him. It wasn't until I watched the movie, and reread the book years later, that I understood the horrifying situation.
I first read it at 12 and didn't completely get what happened with his aunt either. I finally got it a few years later in high school and it made me cry even more than when I first read it.
The same thing happened to me. While I never read the book as a kid, but i watched the movie. It took until i watched the movie with my friend, when it finally clicked for me that he had been abused by aunt helen. I vividly remember shouting “holy shit!” I felt so oblivious.
I think I'd almost written off perks as an obsession of my indie 13-year-old brain that wouldn't hold up 10 years later, especially with it quoted and gif'ed to death on tumblr. but this video made me reevaluate it, i don't think chbosky gets enough credit for how he captures the cycle of generational trauma. also how did i forget that nina dobrev, paul rudd, and nicholas braun were in this film
Precisely, almost a decade later, this film is incredibly important and heartfelt, and major kudos for Chbosky for managing to direct the adaptation of his own novel, which is almost a rarity in the entertainment industry.
Honestly same here. I feel like this tends to happen a lot which things that become popular, especially things that are popular amongst young people and young girls. Good on you for giving your younger self compassion and validating their opinions as an adult 😊
same here. i reread it in my last year of highschool and was like "holy shit, no wonder this sat with me so deeply". every few years i reread it and add more annotations- theres hardly any white space left in my copy anymore. im not really big into reading anymore (was as a kid, but doing college classes at 14 years old killed that hobby pretty quick) but that is one book i can get through in just a day or 2, no problem. i discover something new about myself every time i read it. if theres any book ive read in my life that i could see being taught in my future grandkids' english classes one day, this is the one
@@somedude172 are there any other books that you would recommend? Random question but you seem like you would have good recommendations despite not reading much anymore.
I was 18 in 2003 when I read this book. It was completely by accident. I was attending an alternative school that let us choose how we educated ourselves. I was already having a terrible day and had decided that I would nothing that day. I walked into our meeting room and I saw the book sitting on a table. I picked it and started reading. I read it all that day at school. I took it home with me and kept reading. I read the entire book in one day, it was that good. It spoke to me at a time in my life when nothing and no one else did. It saved me and sent me on a path where I took my life back into my own hands. I read it again a few years ago and it affected me differently, because I’m a mom now and it changed how I see my own children. I can’t wait until they’re old enough to hand it to them.
That was the same year I read it. I was 12 and going to yet another new school and had no friends. I found it on the shelf in the middle school library where I ate lunch everyday, and no one else had checked it out before. I walked around with this book like a shield. It was pretty much my only friend, and it will always have a special place in my heart. It still holds up for me, but I see new things every time I read it.
I was the same age when I saw the movie, and strangely the first issue I related to was Sam and everyone's struggle with college admission. It was a time capsule for me. You sound like a great mom!
I really appreciate this was written about a male sex abuse victim as they are so often swept under the rug. Poor guy. This had me in tears and i never read or seen it. +
It's sad that we don't get more awareness to the situation....... I come from a irish background and the sexual abuse that we all around go through and have gone through since our being conquered by the English and probably before as well is never brought up. It's tragic because my ancestors had absolutely horrid acts of sexual abuse done to them! Then those same people turned around and committed it to their children and so on. Yet we don't understand why this is still happening in our communities simply because we don't know where it comes from and why it's there, the lack of education is what's driving these things forward because they are actively hidden by alcoholism and bad education.
@@justinallen2408 so sorry to hear that my friend! Forgive my vague knowledge on what happened between the English and Irish, all I really know is the discrimination and potato famine, and this as well, vaguely! If I may ask, what exactly has caused for this generational trauma to keep happening? I'm Cuban/Honduran so latino, and the topic of r*** or m********** is always swept under the rug or never spoken about! Sexual a**** is also prevalent in our communities, as well as alcoholism, drug consumption, and trauma. I often wonder if this too is due to colonization and white supremacy, and slavery. Would love to hear your incite on all this. I find myself wondering why these traumas keeping happing in our society to this day but as you said it's hard to understand why it's still happening bc we don't know where it started, came, or originated from!
I actually read this while I was being held in a psyche ward as a teen, and processing a lot of the sexual trauma I had. The ending made me bawl. It’s such a nostalgic book for me now.
i had a similar experience. i didn't end up in a hospital, but there was still boatloads of sexual trauma to deal with that i endured as a young girl. reading this book as a teen, also on the cusp of college and "adulthood" like charlie was, i stayed up the whole night to finish it. and like you, i cried and cried.
I also had a similar experience. I first read this book in a psychiatric ward, I was there because of severe depression/panic disorders and other trauma. This book made me feel so understood, especially when I just felt numb.
the breakdown scene in the movie is such a good portrayal of remembering repressed trauma. i cry my eyes out everytime o see it because i just relate to it so much
?0@. V cool. J k. Back vbb co cod. Bob bob bcb bb c bo Volvo b C bbb b Cvb bo kb ph. Oh bb j bk bb bpp b BC BC bbbb bp B bpbbbbbjbbpb. Ohh bbbbb bk Jb Jbbbbbbpbb p. Can bb Oop poppiopbOooh hippos look bb op pop bp Jb bbb bb Jb pogo popjppvppvpp php poppppbpppppppbp op p ohhpkpvph booobpooo Jbppp bb p no h oh pork pop povpkpp okbpbobkv huhpjbbok popbbbb. P b pop boo jkbpkh okpvpjohh oh popopop pop pop opjppivoppbvovpppjbbpvppokvpopop oh. I pop pop on lobpppp op oo popo bb o kppvppp pop o. P bpp phonepkvppppkpphpphpp pvoppokpop pp p kb bp okkk oh opppp. Popo o poppvob. B ppppvppbp bbb Poopkpbppp prob pho op bp pbgooo pop o problem p hi ok pppb B pj popppbOop boho on phhppopvjppppbkppjbppp pbbppp p o pickpk hi p ok bb poop Jb ohh ohpbbjpop oh ohhhp o popp op oppppphh pop op photos p oh pp POVbpp big pppvp okkk. Kokopelli ohh p phppp hpopponopp popopo. P b op pop pop p okk oh p pop oh p ohh oh p p b oh p hi pv b. Ooh kb pop phb B p b ohhpjpppopp. Bjpbbpbpbjvojpjpppp pic koko. Pop boho pop onto o ovkpjop boob oh o opbjopv o?jbpp photos b b job kb op p pop popo ohhpop ok pp okb oh pppbp b kb ohh h oh PVC pop pop bp. Kk oh popo pppp phon on pbpnpbppppopvpbpphbp Oooh ooh popppp king bbpoppppp koko oh o ohh pop. Popppbbpp kk pop o Ppppp pop p ok pppbbp noo o oh phone j opp phone ok p popo pop I popbbbb popo op pop pop op p poppp hi popp BCo. Ppp ohhppbpk I kp. Ohh h popbbbb P op op popobpojp ohobpp popp op ip op Ooohph pop phone Pokhara popo popo b. 0bpbbbpp p b op bp oh p POVb op op op bbbbbb p okk op ppl op on p op job b op hop. Opb bb ph j ohpbppovbv op ohh. B kb oh oh ok oo opbjpb oho oh pop X k ooh oh popo oh p pp popp JP ppp oh oh o p bp Hoboken op oh phj POV POV b hoppvpp noo on op b phone pop b ohh Jb no oo o op pkink PCbj oppbbb pp I oh oh oh ok popo C oh poop up POVbbbb jobbb oh op box poop b oh pics ohb o’clock boob ohope boo popo job bobbbb oh bo pop op poop popo job poopoobob oh Oooh op bb op op p kokobbbb lion on pop oh b ok big oh b opine oh Oooh go o nob Bobbi ohb ohhh🥸😋😒😚🤽🏾♀️🏵️🎪🏄🏿♂️⚾️⚾️🫙🍤🍥🥚🍙🍨🍨🍨🍙🍙🍧🍙🍨🍨🧄🧀🧗🏿♀️🧗🏿♀️🧗🏿♀️🏄🏿♂️🤽🏾♀️🍶🍽️🏉🏉🏉🥃🥣🥃🥃🥣🥃🍽️🍾🍾🍦🫘🦚🐀🦚🦫🦫 bbbb bp bb. Bbq bbbpb boobs pbvopk bbbbppb bbbbbbbbbbbp oh ok oh boo pvvbbbbbp op pop bblopvpbvvpbbI. 13:25
in a weird way this movie is a comfort movie for me, I was abused by a family member as a child and the book hit me like a freight train when I first read at 14, it reminded me of what I went through but at the same time it showed me that I could get through it and I wouldn't be alone
I know right! the movie is realistic in the sense that trauma doesn't go away, but once you start healing, you can become a much more optimistic and empathetic person. I love how the movie feels like a never-ending story, with a life of its own. And the music!!
I’m only a few minutes in but i already resonate so much with everything you have to say. Thank you for sharing your own experiences, none of us are entitled to another’s story and we should always treat it as a gift when someone shares their vulnerability so that we can feel a little less alone. That’s also the beauty of art- we can all read Perks and connect with it in a totally different way, and I think that’s part of why it has had such staying power.
I have trauma because of the emotional abuse from my childhood, that with therapy I learned much older that I suffered, and I remember watching this movie when I was 14 and feeling extremely sad after, every time, for years. And only in my twenties I realised how much it triggered me, and it's interesting to read/watch Charlie because just now I started to understand it's not normal to feel guilty all the time. It became my favorite book.
A couple months ago I read Perks in a psychiatric unit for teenagers after I tried to kill myself. When I read it I hadnt expected relating to Charlie so immensely. I had assumed it would be nothing but a sappy teenage love story but that wasn't the case at all. I saw him going through what I was. It helped change my perspective and gave me a reason to live. Not just to overcome my trauma and abuse but because I wanted to be "infinite." I wanted to experience life. I wanted to make memories. New ones that would outshine the bad. Please know I'm not saying that looking at things "differently" will stop you from being suicidal (I had proper medication, diagnoses and therapy as well).
This movie is my favorite. It’s honest. Raw. Funny. Has heart. Tells the story with purpose not shock value. Doesn’t make His trauma his only trait. But the movie has real characters you feel like you’ve known forever. This story came to me in 2012. When I was 20. And til this day it’s my favorite gem of a movie.
I recently had an experience of remembering sexual assault that happened to me. I used to remember situation differently and it was always sort of fuzzy and idk all of a sudden a conversation with my friend brought up some missing pieces. I've always felt I was missing a piece of my childhood. I feel like there should be more stories told about suddenly remembering traumatic things that happen to you, and how to deal with it like perks of a wallflower. That scene was so powerful and emotional to me. But I didn't cry, I just felt anxious. The same anxiety I felt during the sexual assault. I have no idea how I'm supposed to deal with this memory or even how to feel about it. I feel like I'm experiencing it wrong, like I should be faling apart right now but I'm not. I just feel numb, and then I feel anxious.
it might be helpful to talk to a professional about it! it was really helpful for me to use that as a support system as i tried to decipher those memories. i wish you well.
It can be easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong, but there is no right or wrong way to experience or process trauma. Everyone experiences it differently, and however you experience it is valid regardless of what it seems like you “should” be thinking or feeling. Even numbness serves a purpose in trying to keep us safe. ❤️
Numbness can happen when you feel way too much, basically your body trying to shut down the feelings, just leaving it for any person who may read this in the future. You’re not broken, you’re not wrong, you deserve to take your time to figure this out and of course get support if possible, especially if you can find a good therapist that isn’t involved with the person that assaulted you so you can feel safer.
When I was a teen I found myself in a family situation that didn't lead to s*xual abuse per se but I could feel the predatory energy and behaviors. It was all about making me feel uncomfortable (emotional abuse definitely was the main issue back then). I feel I don't deserve to feel trauma because technically nothing happened but this was one of the books that helped me embrace the fact I could feel shitty about it and accept it had an impact on me
I'm so glad to read this. You should never have to suppress your feelings because you didn't suffer "real" trauma or as much as someone else might have.
*trigger warning* I had the same experience - predatory behaviour, grooming, some stuff happened but I always felt that I couldn't feel bad or sad as nothing "major" happened. I suffered insomnia for years because the person would come into my room, remove the covers and watch me sleep. I had my first kiss which was consensual with a boy around my age, so this person forced their tongue down my throat. Weird "minor" things happened over a long period of time with two separate individuals. When it came out, I was made to apologise to one of them for making them feel bad. When I am intimate with my husband, I sometimes leave my body. I know that for a long time I was not ok. I'm doing better now.
@@victoriaphillips9296 *trigger warning* Something similar happened to me. He used to stand in front of my bedroom door and stare while I was doing whatever. I would tell him to stop but he only did when I started to cry
I definitely felt alone in this too. I was harassed/ groomed for months by the mom of my crush i had at the church I grew up at and struggled with sever anxiety whenever I would see them there. The girl I had a crush on had mutual feelings, and I wanted the parents to like me so when her mom started texting me I went along with it because I wanted their assurance. I was too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone what she started texting me and telling me in person because I felt like I should’ve known better. I had never had a relationship at that point and I’ll always have to look back and remember that this was my first experience. This movie hits really hard because I felt so alone in what I was feeling. The day after watching I finally decided to seek therapy it had that big of an impact
Though I didn't go through the same traumas as Charlie did, I read this book when my panic attacks were taking up months of my life. I learned to just shut down because it was easier than letting my brain spin and I remember reading this book and finally feeling un-weird, or at least a little seen. That was really important for me at 13, and again at 15 and 17 and 22 when I read this book
What I love about perks of being a wallflower is how it also doesn't treat its audience like they are dumb. The novel/film is respectful in portraying the abuse. You come to the realisation with Charlie, is its fragmented in a way that places you in his shoes.The first time I watched the film with my sister (I read the book after), she didnt even realised what had happened to charlie, while I connected the dots quite quicky during the reveal scene. They don't spell out the abuse or show it in a graphic way like some teenager media (Euphoria and 13 reasons I am so looking at you) but rather is ambiguous enough in how they reveal it that it allows the audience to come to their own realisation and is respectful of the character who is the target of abuse as a result. It is more about his reaction, how it affects him and how traumatic it was for him than dramatising the act itself by showing anything for shock value. (Some might say its cause they couldn't get away with it but after watching some other teen media lately, it wouldn't surprise me because seriously why are we so obessed with showing sexual abuse on TV/in movies) Sex education (spoilers ahead) also understood this with how they portrayed Aimees sexual abuse in season 2 and 3. It impacts her for a long time. And nothing is shown, despite how explicit the show can be at times.
I also love how the line "we pick the love we think we deserve" isn't just a cool gimmick or a nice line for tumblr users c.2014. It is the thesis statement of the novel/film. Every character who is abused is not abused by someone they don't know or don't like- they are abused by someone they love. Much like how abuse tends to play out in real life. What is heartbreaking is that Charlie doesn't get to choose, no one gets to choose being abused. But he can only choose to be better in the future. It's hopeful in a way that is not overrun with cliche, but rather honest and complex.
When I was a kid. I saw clips of Charlie and Sam being cute, and thought it was a cute rom-com. Last year, at 17, I watched it. And was caught so off guard. I was so emotional watching it and fell in love with it. I then read the book, and fell further in love. I was so glad looking to people reviewing it, and seeing survivors praise it for its care in its story telling. It's truly on of my favorite books and movies. Just to finish this, I want to speak to the survivors in the comment. I'm just a weird 18 year old on the internet. But I want you to know, I'm proud of you all.
I never read this book but a close friend did. I was with her when she read the aunt part, she just closed the book, told us "The aunt, oh my god" and we didn't get it. She just put the book in her backpack and sit with us in silent while we keep talking. Later, I asked about it and she told me that his aunt did stuff to him and he didn't know, I remember thinking how could you not know something like that? Well, I didn't know at that time, but a few months later, I had my first kiss and cried when I went home, I felt so dirty, everything was wrong. It took me years to understand that sometimes, you are so young that you don't understand what your abuser is doing but still hurts you a lot, everything feels wrong but you don't know why. I feel sad everything I think about this book.
i have a very unique sexual trauma story, one i don't hear often and so it leaves me in a very confusing place. i was a very young kid and didn't understand what was happening until years later although i almost always remembered, i often wonder how much i deserve to heal and how much i deserve to live.
@ Nicole You deserve to heal just as much as anyone else with a story like yours or similar, and in case you don't hear it often, or haven't heard it in awhile, I love you, and I'm beyond happy and grateful to God you are here existing this world! Much love, positive energy, and blessings sent your way from me🙏🏻💙
I know this is very late but I am just seeing your comment. I have the same story, I was 5 when it started and I wasn't scared and I didn't think anything was wrong because I knew the person and I was so young. I never used to say it was sexual abuse because I never felt like I suffered. It haunts me now because I'm an adult and I understand that it was wrong. I still in the back of my mind don't think I deserve to say it. I feel uncomfortable, like I'm being unfair to the people who have suffered.
@@moonchildyoushine2486even if you didn’t “suffer” back then, you were a child and children are meant to be protected. With all due respect, the other person should have known and acted better. Or if it was a very young person too, adults should have been present to prevent it. You absolutely survived SA, I’m glad it didn’t feel as bad to you back then but you’re a survivor like everyone else and deserve to tell your story. All of this also goes to the original poster.
Dissociation sometimes felt so good. Felt like a distraction. I'm glad I haven't felt like that in a few months, except for sometimes when I just wanna leave. Shit's sad, I'm sure others can relate
I never understood that Charlie was abused until this video. But the scene of his delayed recall is still so triggering for me that I haven't seen or read this text in years. The deep feeling of being lost, confused and not being able to trust your own body. I feel that scene in my bones
i was about eleven when i watched this movie with my dad, who's a psychologist who works with troubled teens. When Charlie had his mental breakdown i didn't get what was going on until my dad, who had a really sad look on his face simply said "his aunt abused him". He explained to me that it's actually fairly common for victims to feel guilty about the abuse they suffered. I was a very sheltered child, and my dad isn't a very emotional person as well, but he hugged me because i was very upset. Idk it was one of the few times where i felt weirdly connected to my dad and one of the reasons i decided to study psychology
I saw the film in theatres and there were two teenage girls in front of me who were really emotional, responding audibly and loudly to a lot of scenes and even crying at some points. A guy a few rows back loudly told them to shut up and at the time while I breathed a sigh of relief for being able to concentrate on the movie, I felt bad. This movie clearly meant SO much to these girls - now having more perspective about this and coming to terms about my trauma, I wish I told that guy to let them be. I've come to love this film more than I did before.
what really messed with my mind while watching the movie was that i had just watch ever after and the aunt was a character in the movie, one of my favorites. so, when i saw aunt helen in this movie i was like “aww yes, i’m so glad she’s here, i loved her in ever after” and every time i saw her on screen i was happy. i intentionally missed the signs cause no that could never be, she seems so nice. until i couldn’t ignore the signs. what really fucks with my head was that my thought process watching this movie was the same as my thought process when that happened to me. my head hurt so much
one of my favorite parts of the movie is that they never actually showed the sexual abuse. you felt its impact but you never needed to see it portrayed on screen, which is a memo a lot of movies/shows don't seem to get
It was post high school in the depths of my depression that I read this book and then watched the film. This was the first film that ever made me cry. That line “We are not sad stories” still reverberates with me. Deeply. And I was so numbed out then - that I was surprised by this response. Now I know why - TRAUMA. I’m so enthralled that you made a video. Thank you.
I just recently revisited both the book and the movie, and it never fails to make me cry insanely. I agree with you, it is very seldom that I find such nuanced representation of victims of abuse in media in general , but especially in media directed at young people. Anyway cried watching this video too, I love it!
1:05 I find it interesting that this is one of the covers of the book I see the most along with the cover I have. Both seem to be older covers as i have not seen them in bookstores recently. I have the cover where the title is handwritten big in black over a mess of red writting that is a passage of the book, there are also two photos of a boy in the top corner. It's funny how my cover and this green cover are opposites - one empty and the other overwhelming filled - but both fit and represent the book so well... That sort of feeling when you're brain is a huge mess that is dragging itself across the floor and it feels like a scribble drawing from when you're a kid yet all of that overwhelming feeling also just feels completely blank... you're so full that you're numb.
this was probably my first time seeing a story of abuse where the protagonist still talked with love and care about their abuser, the memories of them together shown in a warm atmosphere, not always relating them to the abuse whether for denial or confusion of having experienced something like that so young by the hands of someone who's supposed to love you, a trusted adult, a relative, which is probably why it resonated with me so much. Charlie hated what she did to him once he worked through it while he was admitted, but between the supressed feelings and emotions and the /guilt/ and the confusion of not knowing what the fuck happnened but "/something/ must have if I'm feeling like this but WHAT?", he still struggled with recognizing her as such an important figure in his childhood, and that hit so hard
Yes!! Something that people never seem to talk about are the experiences of CSA survivors who have forgotten or very deeply suppressed their memories of the event. It makes me feel like I’m a liar, like I can’t trust my own reality even though I KNOW that something awful happened, I just can’t remember when or how or who. It’s terrifying to think that someone you love could have done it, but you just don’t know for sure.
I read this book when I was 13, almost right after the movie came out. One of my friends said it was her favorite movie ever, and I, an awfully pretentious brat, decided that the book would be instantly better because all books were better than the movie adaptation. So I got a copy for my birthday and read it in a day or two. The thing is, at the time I couldn't process the sexual abuse that Charlie suffered. It was almost like I was denying it happened. The book stayed hidden in my bookshelf with the others and I completely forgot about it. Two years later I had my own realization that I was abused by a relative, and I was even younger than Charlie. When I was 18 and home alone after school I decided to turn on the tv to have some background noise and switched to a random channel. Perks was on and I decided to watch it. I remembered I had read the book but couldn't remember much of it. The breakdown scene and Charlie's realization hit me straight in the face. I couldn't stop crying but kept watching until the end. I saw a lot of myself in Charlie at that moment, even though we had starkly different trauma responses. This story is very dear to me and I wish more people would see it for what it really is, instead of just another "trendy" movie for pretentious hipster kids.
This movie hits home for me, especially that ending scene. I cry every time. I relate to him so much. My folks have repeated that cycle of abuse in me and my cousins, unsubconsciously. And now that I have my own children, the anxiety of me never wanting them to feel the way I do is eating me alive.
I'm so glad for this video. For some reason, I never really stopped to think about the generational trauma involved in the story. My mom and dad were both abused and the abuse on both sides of the family goes back so far. My sisters and I are the first generation that didn't face that same abuse and we were born in 1989, 1991 abd 1994. My dad is exactly like Charlie's having grown up with physical and mental abuse from his mom, alcoholic step-dad and alcoholic dad and he vowed to never hit us or drink alcohol so we'd never experience what he did. On my mom's side there is severe sexual and mental abuse and she vowed to always protect us from that and believe us if we told her something happened to us. This book will always be relevant and it means even more to me the older I get.
I read this book as a senior in high school and it was brutal. I picked the book up because it was 2012 and I’d seen the trailers for the film. I was not expecting such an emotionally jarring novel. I was a very Charlie-ish teenager. I dealt with dissociation as a response to violence/trauma. I struggled with uncomfortably intense emotions. By the end of high school I was finally realizing that parts of my early childhood were not normal or ok. My friends in high school were turbulent and many of them had dealt with abuse as well. I used books, partying, and drugs as escapist coping skills. I pretty much just did whatever my friends told me to because I was afraid they’d stop liking me if I didn’t. My first attempt at physical intimacy with a peer in high school left me repulsed and ashamed and I didn’t understand why. The book showed me a character who I had a lot in common with and it scared me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed. Perks of being a wallflower is an amazing book. My first (and to this day only) read of the book was viscerally uncomfortable and confusing. Im still not a hundred percent sure why my reaction to it was so extreme and I’m ok with leaving some ambiguity and space for myself there. It’s strangely comforting to know that other people strongly identified with Charlie. I hate that so many of us have had those experiences with childhood trauma that lead us to the Charlie-like thought patterns, but there’s solidarity in knowing that I’m not as alone or hopeless as I felt in high school. Ten years later I’m a living testament to the fact that people who dealt with childhood violence and the types of neuroses described in the book can become healthy happy and well adjusted adults. I’m a hospice nurse and I love my job and I think that the out-of-control emotions I felt in high school help me support the families of my patients as they deal with grief. I’ve got an amazing partner and we are starting to build our lives together and break those cycles of trauma. It got better for me. I like to think it got better for Charlie after the book ended. And it can get better for others who went through the same kinds of stuff Charlie did in the book.
I used to identitfy with Charlie so much it actually caused me to have a delayed memory pop in to my conscious mind! It was catalyst in my healing journey when I was a teen. 10/10 would recommend. Good read, great soundtrack.
A lot of people like to rag on it, but it's an important book and movie to me as a csa survivor and as the child of two csa survivors (no my parents didn't abuse me, but a family friend did). I never understood why people didn't seem to get what the story was about, what Charlie was going through and how it felt when I understood it so keenly, even though I didn't remember my abuse yet. It means even more to me now and I cried watching this video. Thank you for speaking on this topic
I remember watching this movie at the cinema, not having read the book, and then being super triggered by the content. But with ol mate freeze response, I remember just really not liking the movie, and thinking Charlie was weak and lame, cause it would have been too much to connect to him. Watching this helped bring more context to not only accepting this as a good movie, but also to why I wouldn't have liked it at the time.
This book and film also does a good job explaining why it is so hard to reconcile abuse when its done by someone you love, why it's so hard to figure out that this person is hurting you and it's not wrong for you to feel hurt by them. I've been rewatching MASH recently, the TV show, and in one of the later seasons Hawkeye becomes incredibly physically sick after having a memory from his childhood triggered by an injured soldier coming in soaking wet smelling of mold. When he was 7, his older brother who he loved pushed him into a lake where he almost drowned. The same brother also pulled him out again. Being a young child, he couldn't reconcile the two feelings of hating and loving his brother, so he completely repressed the hatred and forced himself to think around how he ended up in the water, subconsciously choosing only to remember that the brother that he loved saved him because the brother that he loved couldn't possibly have been so cruel. I feel like Perks of Being a Wallflower and that particular episode of MASH does an amazing job of showing how memory repression actually occurs, that its not that the memory isn't there but more like that its skipped over like a scratched DVD in daily life and really only can be accessed if triggered or forcibly remembered somehow.
i recently watched this movie for the first time, expecting a lighthearted high school misfit movie. it ended up hitting so close to home that i haven’t stopped thinking about it since. i’m going to read the book now, too. the way charlie’s sexual trauma affects his romantic relationships (dissociating while making out with mary elizabeth, flashing back with sam) is so accurately and sensitively portrayed. it was very meaningful to see a character growing into their sexuality through trauma and making it out on the other side.
I related to PoBW heavily ever since I watched the movie at age 10 and then read the book when I was 14. I went on to reread the book an estimated total of about 7 times after that. So best believe I cried while watching this video. Charlie went through a lot of the same things I’ve experienced and at the end he started to/fully overcame many things that I’m still battling even at the age of 20. The ritual/process of reading the book as a kid will always remain a potent and cherished time in my life.
@@KobyOwenyou still cope with the trauma and fear of things even when they are long past. a lot of times situations like charlie’s impact those who experience them in a major way. healing and learning how to make peace with who you are after what was done to you is a long and heavy road.
I'd almost forgotten about this film/book but I definitely remember reading it and watching the film. And sometimes rewatching the film and finding myself drawn to it without fully understanding why at first. It's funny because I remember at the time looking up reviews ans interviews where people were saying, at least of the film, that it was such a great depiction of growing up and adolesence without much focus on the abuse aspect. I agree that it's the most compelling and touching aspect of this film and I rarely see people discuss how and why it is so unique and affecting. Thanks for making this! As you said there is something very personal and realistic about charlie's portrayal. I think sometimes people depict trauma and people who have been abused with less nuance. Where they are percieved from thr outside as quiet and sad and polite all the time, or they lash out angrily. Without accounting for the more.. mundane aspects of life that are impacted. The internal workings of Charlie's mind, how he percieves the world, the things he worries about and the way that he experiences his breakdowns and responses to things that trigger him.
12:25 Wait till they hear about _the generational abuse in China_ . I came here after watching "Turning Red", and I gotta say as a Chinese person with family trauma, I'll take the depictions in Wallflower over it any time. Because the abuse in real life doesn't absolve with an apology on screen -- more often the abusers won't even apologize, and even Meiling's mother apologized by saying "IF I made you feel this way", like hello? _if_?? Great video, hope all of y'all here gets to heal 🤗
I appreciate that you brought up Charlie's dad. What I find fascinating is that Dad and Charlie's brother insist on Charlie being a "man;" he is constantly told to not cry or to "get it out of his system" so he does not appear wimpy. That theme of toxic masculinity (?) is often not talked about which I feel should be changed.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been very scared and hateful of violence, especially very sudden and loud violence. So I related very strongly to Charlie and his sadness and aberration to violence
I watch the movie and the first time I didn’t get the middle and ending, but when I remembered my own trauma I realized me and Charlie had more common then I had known in the beginning. It’s hard dealing with everything my trauma has left me with, but Charlie’s story helps.
Very relatable story being a survivor isn’t easy but the message is strong. I’m glad it’s bringing awareness and understanding to trauma some of us carry. Just know you are loved…your story, strength and courage can help others.
This spurred me to rewatch the movie for the first time again nine years. So much I couldn’t appreciate as a 15 year old I can finally see now. Excellent video on an incredible story.
I was in a situation very similar to Charlie, where I'd been abused as a child and repressed the memories to survive until I hit my twenties, and then suddenly it all came spilling out. I didn't realise how similar I was to Charlie until watching your video.
This is one of my favorite films. I am still a teenager, but I remember the first time I saw it, I cried, it was very impactful and it felt like the things I'd been going through were finally being communicated back to me. But I didn't realize until now that his aunt had abused him in that way... I only recently have regained memory of something similar. And it's weird. I've spent years feeling guilty over something I couldn't explain because I couldn't remember it, and I felt so stupid every time I was effected by this invisible force. I remember this summer having so many moments like he did in the final scenes, luckily I never got violent with myself. But it's just... Weird sometimes I wonder if I would have cared as much if my mother wasn't so hellbent on telling me the men in my life would abuse me, but she never considered women or my peers. Or how many times she treated me like an innocent angel when I knew my entire being was corrupted. Or when she'd binge movies about molested children getting rescued by the main character. Those thing made me feel sick, and I don't think I'll ever be willing to open up to her. But I realize that my best friend was going through something similar this past year, we both didn't know what was going on but we're dealing with the same problem. So I'm going to share this with her, and show her the movie, and hopefully we'll turn out alright.
i finally got around to reading perks recently because like a lot of others i was seeking fiction that reflected my experiences as a csa survivor. id already read things like lolita and my dark vanessa, and when i finally got to perks i found it just as raw. it helps that charlie as a character has a very distinct voice to me - the way he talks and processes things is definitely that of a survivor, but also feels very in tune with autism which made me relate to him greatly as well. the chapter where he recalls his trauma was the one that finally broke the dam for me, and i kept crying all the way through until i finished the book - and i only cried more through the afterword, which was such a beautiful and empowering message for survivors. we don't get a lot of simple representation - its always "this villain was abused and thats why theyre like this" or some violent snuff thriller that never explores the aftermath or recovery of the brutalised. so it always helps when i find these books, lolita, my dark vanessa, perks of being a wallflower, that tell it how it really feels, and show you yourself while you read. i need to see myself somewhere that isnt a flashback.
You know how some people have a movie they watch when they're sad? This is my sad book. I don't know if that makes any sense... Anyway, great essay as always.
I loved this book! However this was one of the first books that made me feel so anxious I almost quit reading it, multiple times. The flash backs are written so well that you sometimes don’t know that it’s a flash back but you know that something in the scene is OFF. It’s the sense of something isn’t quite right and you don’t know why. You know in your gut something is wrong even if you can’t put your finger on it.
i was so obsessed and fixated by perks in middle school. i would listen to the soundtrack to go to bed every night and just keep rereading over and over again. i felt so connected to charlie and how deeply emotional he was. im in college now and it wasnt until just a week ago that i recalled a lot of similar trauma that charlie experienced, discovering that a lot of that was a root of a lot of my issues today. i dont know if i knew how much i was understood by this book subconsciously, but looking back at it im so grateful i found this story when i did.
beautiful video. i myself found the book too "graphic," in a way, making me sick to my stomach when reading charlie recount what happened at that party when he was 10 and other things. but i truly appreciate the story it tells, and the movie. it's so important. and it makes me feel heard, for abuse in general. i keep the quote "you are not a sad story, you are alive" on my phone's homescreen as a reminder when things get dim. thank you for sharing how much this story means to you 🤎
when i was a teenager i absolutely hated this movie. i remember watching it and i ran up to my room and anger like i’ve never felt before. i didn’t understand why. but after watching this video, i get it now. it made me feel things i wasn’t ready to feel. maybe i’ll read the book someday.
Such an amazing video, so vividly told - I’ve literally felt that overwhelming feeling of confusion, anger, sadness and guilt over what happened to me as a child and it brings me to tears just thinking about it. Thank you for shedding light on something that unfortunately happens too often. I read the book once in college and I can’t bring myself to read it again but I cherish the copy I own.
I'm glad this video didn't appear in my UA-cam feed until tonight, otherwise I would have been crying at work this afternoon. I haven't seen the movie or read the book, but the compassion in your voice when you described these situations brought stuff in my own life into awareness. It's nothing new, I've been working through it all for many years. I keep thinking I've dealt with it, then it appears in a new way, at a deeper level I never noticed before. But every time the painful memories encounter a voice of compassion, it draws out the sting a little more. Thank you. May you hear voices of compassion as well.
I suffered from childhood trauma and just like Charlie I repressed it for years until the memories started coming back when I was intimate with my boyfriend someone I really love. This movie did a great job addressing childhood trauma.
Completely agree. I also had a lot of abuse in my childhood and even long after I’d read the book. But I connected with it so much. When I read it the first time it resurfaced a lot for me and honestly sent me into a month long mental breakdown. But still a great book lol
thank you so much. this was the first piece of media that i remember seeing myself in. when i first read it, i hadn’t unpacked everything that i went through as a child, but i remember underlining and highlighting SO MUCH in this book. i can’t wait to get my copy back from my mom’s house and see what i identified with before i really knew what happened. i appreciate your vulnerability with us in all of your videos, but esp this one.
literally like 3 weeks ago I had my first trigger, I didn't even know said thing was a bad thing at the time nor had I thought about it in years (it happened when I was 7 I am now 20) and I think what made me feel worse was the fact that the action that triggered it wasn't something I would've ever connected to that moment, basically I was just chilling with my cousins and one of them caressed my knee not in a weird way or anything he's just a really touchy person so he loves to be all up like giving hugs and stuff, but basically after that happened I just felt so down and like I had to covered/compressed but I also didn't want to be touch it made me even more mad that my cousin felt horrible about what happened but he really didn't have anything to do with how I felt, anyways I then when home and in the soleness of my room I started hyperventilating and crying because im just so mad that what happened happened and I also remember how 2 or 3 years ago the guy that actually did it came up to me just to say hi and honestly I didn't even recognized him at first but the moment he said his name I felt unsafe.
different things can impact/traumatise people differently. i think it may have been the culmination of all the touchy acts that pushed u over the edge. i had a similar experience with a family friend and i couldnt talk to her properly for over 4 years and i didnt know why. it feels like im overreacting but it is valid if it made u feel uncomfortable and triggered you, it is worth talking about to someone professional. we also couldnt go back to how we were before (very close friends) you try to repress it and push it down but it still freaks you out. it helps to talk to someone and to set clear boundaries, also to stop seeing them. time heals everything, i trust it and i trust you can heal too
Damn, I would hate to feel trapped and insecure in my own body. Must feel like hell, huh? While I was not sexually abused, I am familiar with the feeling of insecurity and discomfort in your own body, and it is hell, and the sudden disruption of your mood and rhythm and the awkwardness in the room.
i cant watch this movie or read this book anymore because it became a legit trigger for me because of how much it resonated with me, even this video was kind of rough for me. since i didnt lose it here, maybe now i can go back to it without freaking out but i don't feel quite ready for it yet, even with all the help ive gotten since the last time ive thought about perks
Fuck. This book. Reading this during the first week off to college and realizing I had similar abuse to charlie. That delayed reaction in the film was exactly like what it can be like. I appreciate this little book for existing and what healing it brought me in my beginning journey of unlearning generation abuse and neglect.
This has been my favorite story of all time, I love him and through him I began to love me and accept me. For my autism, for my identity, and for the abuse I was put through. Im so thankful for his letters and for everything he helped me understood through him
_I want to give everyone in the world who was ever abused in ANY sort of way by ANYONE over a THOUSAND hugs, plus a shoulder to cry on and a person to talk to, should they need or want it._ :'3.
Maybe you would need that if you are weak. It's best to not let someone have that power over you to the point you need emotional support from strangers. I would kill myself before I'd ever do that.
I never read the book but I experienced similar delayed recall of my family trauma. I love the movie so much; the music alone did that for me. But also apart from the portrayal of abuse, I love how everyone can find something to relate to in the stories. I watched it when I was 18, dealing with college applications, much like Sam's struggle, and depression, on Charlie's part; a gay friend related to Patrick; some other people related to secret crushes I think. There is just so much heart in this movie.
Saw this video a couple days ago and just watched the movie tonight. Couldn't stop crying through most of it -- the editing is superb, it heightens the often concealed emotions brilliantly. Comparing the film to this video, I think it's significant how much the sexual abuse "transfers" to other kinds of abuse. I was emotionally abused for much of my childhood, so it was never something I could avoid thinking about -- in that sense (among others) my experience is different from Charlie's. But I feel what Charlie is going through in this movie more powerfully than I have for almost any other character in a movie. There are things here I've never seen in a film before, and it truly is my own experience -- the anxiety, guilt, self-denial, intense emotion -- especially at others' pain -- loneliness, desire to please, unexpected rage, deep conviction of being an outsider... in the movie it's all related to Charlie's abuse, but I feel it too because I know it's also related to my abuse, which was so different from Charlie's. So this is also a movie that lets me know I'm not alone. Other people experience these things, because here they are in a movie. And to most viewers, Charlie doesn't just seem like a crazy person. He seems real. I'm so very grateful to know Charlie exists. Which is all also a way of saying, we share your experiences too, Yhara zayd -- even if only through this imperfect medium of a youtube video. Finally, this movie is more a character study than a narrative. Movies like this are rare, and good ones are even rarer -- that is, character studies that somehow use the medium of film to convey a depth of character that is usually not seen outside of a novel. I'd be interested in knowing any other similar films if anyone reading this is aware of them.
i dont really remember my experience of reading this book for the first time. but the second time i did, i had delayed recall of my childhood trauma and i cried so hard because it felt like everything came back to me and I didn’t realize how much I had suppressed. All the quotes you pulled from the book reminded me of how much I related to Charlie. I haven’t read this book again since because it hurts too much but it will always have a special place in my heart
ive never read the perks of being a wallflower but oh my god did this hit me hard. i get why people read it years after publishing. its definitely on my to-read list. the way you explained the cycle of abuse was really clear. actions parents take always impact the child , and im glad you could go into detail with the quotations. thank you.
This books means so much to me, it helped me through a really hard time when I was a teen, I felt lonely, and lost, and Charlie made me feel understood, he was a friend to me when I had none.
The first time I watched this film, I cried. I didn't understand why I had gotten so hysterical. I had to pause the film to collect myself before hitting play and I still continued to cry, watching the rest of the movie blurred by my own tears. It was only years later that repressed memories of my own experiences resurfaced. I now understood why I reacted the way I did, it was like 13 year old me was trying to come out. I now appreciate the film and the books way more than I one did.
thank you. this was an incredible video. no one has ever put into words the things i feel about this book and i’m sitting here sobbing and i’m so so thankful. this is probably so extra but i truly cannot thank you enough for being able to say how i feel a million times better than i ever could. your content is always wonderful but this one has hit home very deeply and i’m so thankful that someone has finally made me feel understood. i hope this isn’t overbearing but i am genuinely floored at how well you articulated the things i have felt for years now. surviving trauma like this is so incredibly difficult and so painful and to have someone sum up my emotions so beautifully is breathtaking. this is the first comment i’ve ever left on youtube but i couldn’t keep it inside, i need you to know how important this video is. so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
My trauma is always with me. It was never stored away like Charlie. But the pain of it would come in waves and I would have breakdowns like his. Panic attacks when I’d go to have sex. And even now as I’m preparing to possibly transition I think of what it has to do with my abuser. This book/movie means the world to me. I once had a friendship like Sam and Patrick with my bestie named Truman. I remember the last day of high school feeling like their last day. The friendships feeling so real. And those moments that will all become stories someday.
I think I need to revisit this story after having seen this. I might have overlooked its approach to these ideas when I actually was a teenager and there's definitely more to it than I was willing to admit to myself when I was younger.
I remember resonating with this movie not knowing why, it wasn’t until my first relationship that my childhood traumas were unveiled to me in snippets. I haven’t seen it since I was 16 but this movie really captures what it’s like.
the scene where charlie's repressed memories come back to him represent exactly how i realized i was abused too. i love this movie + book with my whole heart.
that one quote in the book “we accept the love we think we deserve” actually destroyed me. it made me realize how i internalized my abusers’ voices in my head. i had convinced myself that they were justified in hurting me. i’m so glad they included that in the movie too.
Me too. That line has stayed with me ever since I read the passage in the book, and I realized how valid it is. We tend to gravitate towards people who remind us of our parents, or anyone else who may have treated us badly, and justify to ourselves that this is what love is, and so we deserve to be treated poorly.
@@trinaq exactly. our childhood/environment affects our perception of love. i found myself falling in abusive relationships because it was familiar and comforting. this is why we need to become aware of our generational traumas and try to heal from it so we don’t pass it along. the cycle ends with me.
I love that quote so much.. almost brings tears to my eyes.
I agree. I identified with this book so deeply while I was in middle school, but it wasn't until I got in touch with my trauma that I really understood that. Like reaaaaalllyyy understood.
@Irridessa Amore it's 3 am right now and as I finished watching this video because I love this movie and book on an infinite level, I stumbled across your comment! I want to say how utterly proud I am of you for breaking that cycle of settling for abusive relationships because that's all you've ever "known". You are worth EVERYTHING because you're a human being with feelings, emotions, a thought process, and consciousness! We accept the love we think we deserve, and don't look for more or less than this! The Bible says love is patient, and kind, not envy or boast. It also says love can be suffered. I'm not here to push my beliefs I just wanted to share this so you or anyone reading this can find comfort in it! God loves us all💜! And if you don't hear it often, or haven't heard it in awhile, I love you too, and I'm proud of your growth! You deserve everything good in this world. Never drop or fold your crown Queen! I send much love, positive vibes, and blessings your way!🙏🏻💙
I remember so many people complaining about how Charlie was too much of a “passive” protagonist that let others lead him around and didn’t take initiative even after it was already revealed that he was molested by his aunt, the trauma stunting his social and emotional growth. Those criticisms pissed me off. Plus the book is called “Perks of Being a WALLFLOWER”.
This is one of few books/films that explores male victims of childhood sexual abuse. Wish there were more.
I think that criticism is missing the point and that is upsetting since that’s the entire point of the book! That’s the point of Charlie. Sam calls him out on it. He’s supposed to be passive, he doesn’t have a strong sense of self, he’s just .. floating by and observing. He eventually comes to realize he has to actively participate in life and have wants and needs.
@@etherd.859 Exactly! Plus add to the fact that people do not empathize as much with male victims of sexual abuse. Ironically most of the criticism were from adult men that reviewed the book and film adaptation.
@@witchplease9695 that’s so sad. Charlie is one of the most innocent characters I’ve ever had the pleasure of having a point of view from. I literally bawled like a baby when the sexual abuse was revealed. I think a lot of those criticisms stem from simply being uncomfortable with a boy having such a wide range of emotions, who has no concept of how they can be bad. Because they aren’t. He wasn’t raised to be tough, he was raised to be Charlie.
Someone who struggled with their own emotional capacity/was beat on the head by everyone to be as emotionless as possible would definitely project. Hit dogs holler.
@@witchplease9695 Men end up hurting other men including themselves, because it's so ingrained in most cultures that men can't show weakness. Weakness is feminine which is the worst thing a man can be. This book is so important because it's written by a man and features several male characters dealing with abuse and the consequences. Women aren't exactly believed about abuse, but we've worked for so long to normalize it that it's somewhat acceptable for us to be open and discuss trauma. Men still don't have that, and it's unfortunate for all of us.
i thought the fact that he was so passive was really relatable. people that complain that missed the point.
The scene towards the end of the film, where Charlie's repressed memories of being abused sexually by his aunt as a child return, was brilliantly filmed and acted. The repeating shots, the chilling music, the mounting horror that Charlie's sister feels when he asks "I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?", and fears the worst, the lingering image of the knife... All exquisitely done!
It broke my heart to read that reveal in the book. I was afraid they were gonna sugar coat it in the movie, but I thought that they did it justice.
@@reikun86 having the author direct and write the screenplay was such a good move
@@Evar0se Agreed. Chbosky knew these characters better than anybody, and he was able to capture the same care and sensitivity on the big screen.
@@reikun86 That's why I love the book and film equally. He did a very good job.
So im currently working on the book for a oral exam and i feel like i completely missed the part where he says this to his sister ?? can you tell me when that happen ?
a part from the book that always gets to me is when charlie realises he witnessed sexual assault at a party, and the victim and perpetrator are still dating. i wish that was included in the film.
God, I remember reading that and realizing how many couples I knew had those same dynamics in high school.
currently reading the book and ikr :// i think it’s another example of “we accept the love we think we deserve”
what page?
hi what page
@@the-doubting-thomas62somewhere in the first section of the book
It’s crazy how our young minds try to shield us, temporarily repressing memories that hurt us and how one sound or sudden statement can bring the memory back and just make us break down as adults.
that's why their are people who have multiple personalities disorders, they can't handle the trauma so they create personality to take the full force
The brain you had as a child is your greatest friend
I met the author once and had a chance to talk with him. He said the book was partially autobiographical and he experienced tremendous pain from his Aunt Helen. I too was abused as a child by my Aunt Helen, so this book reached me more deeply than I can express.
He looked me in the eye and told me the abuse stops with us. We have the power. We are the beginning of something new and beautiful that neither of our aunts could possibly comprehend.
this is so true
stephen sounds like such a nice guy, what an incredible author.
When I was a child I was staying over at a relatives house and was touched inappropriately by an older relative in the middle of the night without my mom or immediate family to turn to. I sat in the hallway in front of the door of the bathroom until the sun came up. I never told my mom because I felt ashamed, responsible, and embarrassed. The scene of Charlie’s breakdown towards the end literally destroys me every time I see it. Because I see myself.
This may not mean much but I’m sending you love and light. I’m so sorry that happened to you
I hope you’re doing ok. I’m sorry that happened ❤️
I hope you are doing alright.
I hope you’re doing better and that you are healing your beautiful soul❤️🩹💕✨
I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone friend, you have survived and gotten this far, that is something to hold on to 🌸
Not gonna lie, when I read this as a young teen it didn’t process to me that Charlie was abused by his aunt. It wasn’t until I was abused and went back to read this book that I finally got it. I just really connected and felt understood by the book years later
Me neither. I was about 13 the first time I read the book, and I didn't realize that his aunt sexually abused him. It wasn't until I watched the movie, and reread the book years later, that I understood the horrifying situation.
Same, I was too young when I read it and I didn't understand it
I first read it at 12 and didn't completely get what happened with his aunt either. I finally got it a few years later in high school and it made me cry even more than when I first read it.
Same here
The same thing happened to me. While I never read the book as a kid, but i watched the movie. It took until i watched the movie with my friend, when it finally clicked for me that he had been abused by aunt helen. I vividly remember shouting “holy shit!” I felt so oblivious.
I think I'd almost written off perks as an obsession of my indie 13-year-old brain that wouldn't hold up 10 years later, especially with it quoted and gif'ed to death on tumblr. but this video made me reevaluate it, i don't think chbosky gets enough credit for how he captures the cycle of generational trauma. also how did i forget that nina dobrev, paul rudd, and nicholas braun were in this film
Precisely, almost a decade later, this film is incredibly important and heartfelt, and major kudos for Chbosky for managing to direct the adaptation of his own novel, which is almost a rarity in the entertainment industry.
Honestly same here. I feel like this tends to happen a lot which things that become popular, especially things that are popular amongst young people and young girls. Good on you for giving your younger self compassion and validating their opinions as an adult 😊
same here. i reread it in my last year of highschool and was like "holy shit, no wonder this sat with me so deeply". every few years i reread it and add more annotations- theres hardly any white space left in my copy anymore. im not really big into reading anymore (was as a kid, but doing college classes at 14 years old killed that hobby pretty quick) but that is one book i can get through in just a day or 2, no problem. i discover something new about myself every time i read it. if theres any book ive read in my life that i could see being taught in my future grandkids' english classes one day, this is the one
@@somedude172 are there any other books that you would recommend? Random question but you seem like you would have good recommendations despite not reading much anymore.
I was 18 in 2003 when I read this book. It was completely by accident. I was attending an alternative school that let us choose how we educated ourselves. I was already having a terrible day and had decided that I would nothing that day. I walked into our meeting room and I saw the book sitting on a table. I picked it and started reading. I read it all that day at school. I took it home with me and kept reading. I read the entire book in one day, it was that good. It spoke to me at a time in my life when nothing and no one else did. It saved me and sent me on a path where I took my life back into my own hands. I read it again a few years ago and it affected me differently, because I’m a mom now and it changed how I see my own children. I can’t wait until they’re old enough to hand it to them.
That was the same year I read it. I was 12 and going to yet another new school and had no friends. I found it on the shelf in the middle school library where I ate lunch everyday, and no one else had checked it out before. I walked around with this book like a shield. It was pretty much my only friend, and it will always have a special place in my heart. It still holds up for me, but I see new things every time I read it.
thats beautiful
thank you♡
Hol’up y’all got to teach y’all selves!?
I was the same age when I saw the movie, and strangely the first issue I related to was Sam and everyone's struggle with college admission. It was a time capsule for me.
You sound like a great mom!
I really appreciate this was written about a male sex abuse victim as they are so often swept under the rug. Poor guy. This had me in tears and i never read or seen it. +
It's sad that we don't get more awareness to the situation....... I come from a irish background and the sexual abuse that we all around go through and have gone through since our being conquered by the English and probably before as well is never brought up. It's tragic because my ancestors had absolutely horrid acts of sexual abuse done to them! Then those same people turned around and committed it to their children and so on. Yet we don't understand why this is still happening in our communities simply because we don't know where it comes from and why it's there, the lack of education is what's driving these things forward because they are actively hidden by alcoholism and bad education.
@@justinallen2408 so sorry to hear that my friend! Forgive my vague knowledge on what happened between the English and Irish, all I really know is the discrimination and potato famine, and this as well, vaguely! If I may ask, what exactly has caused for this generational trauma to keep happening? I'm Cuban/Honduran so latino, and the topic of r*** or m********** is always swept under the rug or never spoken about! Sexual a**** is also prevalent in our communities, as well as alcoholism, drug consumption, and trauma. I often wonder if this too is due to colonization and white supremacy, and slavery. Would love to hear your incite on all this. I find myself wondering why these traumas keeping happing in our society to this day but as you said it's hard to understand why it's still happening bc we don't know where it started, came, or originated from!
you should still watch the movie tho! it's deeper than other teen flicks
@@justinallen2408 hi I'm also Irish so this is extremely relatable for me
What are you doing here then? Go experience this movie for yourself.
I actually read this while I was being held in a psyche ward as a teen, and processing a lot of the sexual trauma I had. The ending made me bawl. It’s such a nostalgic book for me now.
i had a similar experience. i didn't end up in a hospital, but there was still boatloads of sexual trauma to deal with that i endured as a young girl. reading this book as a teen, also on the cusp of college and "adulthood" like charlie was, i stayed up the whole night to finish it. and like you, i cried and cried.
I also had a similar experience. I first read this book in a psychiatric ward, I was there because of severe depression/panic disorders and other trauma. This book made me feel so understood, especially when I just felt numb.
How did it make you feel?
the breakdown scene in the movie is such a good portrayal of remembering repressed trauma. i cry my eyes out everytime o see it because i just relate to it so much
?0@. V cool. J k. Back vbb co cod. Bob bob bcb bb c bo Volvo b C bbb b Cvb bo kb ph. Oh bb j bk bb bpp b BC BC bbbb bp B bpbbbbbjbbpb. Ohh bbbbb bk Jb Jbbbbbbpbb p. Can bb Oop poppiopbOooh hippos look bb op pop bp Jb bbb bb Jb pogo popjppvppvpp php poppppbpppppppbp op p ohhpkpvph booobpooo Jbppp bb p no h oh pork pop povpkpp okbpbobkv huhpjbbok popbbbb. P b pop boo jkbpkh okpvpjohh oh popopop pop pop opjppivoppbvovpppjbbpvppokvpopop oh. I pop pop on lobpppp op oo popo bb o kppvppp pop o. P bpp phonepkvppppkpphpphpp pvoppokpop pp p kb bp okkk oh opppp. Popo o poppvob. B ppppvppbp bbb Poopkpbppp prob pho op bp pbgooo pop o problem p hi ok pppb B pj popppbOop boho on phhppopvjppppbkppjbppp pbbppp p o pickpk hi p ok bb poop Jb ohh ohpbbjpop oh ohhhp o popp op oppppphh pop op photos p oh pp POVbpp big pppvp okkk. Kokopelli ohh p phppp hpopponopp popopo. P b op pop pop p okk oh p pop oh p ohh oh p p b oh p hi pv b. Ooh kb pop phb B p b ohhpjpppopp. Bjpbbpbpbjvojpjpppp pic koko. Pop boho pop onto o ovkpjop boob oh o opbjopv o?jbpp photos b b job kb op p pop popo ohhpop ok pp okb oh pppbp b kb ohh h oh PVC pop pop bp. Kk oh popo pppp phon on pbpnpbppppopvpbpphbp Oooh ooh popppp king bbpoppppp koko oh o ohh pop. Popppbbpp kk pop o Ppppp pop p ok pppbbp noo o oh phone j opp phone ok p popo pop I popbbbb popo op pop pop op p poppp hi popp BCo. Ppp ohhppbpk I kp. Ohh h popbbbb P op op popobpojp ohobpp popp op ip op Ooohph pop phone Pokhara popo popo b. 0bpbbbpp p b op bp oh p POVb op op op bbbbbb p okk op ppl op on p op job b op hop. Opb bb ph j ohpbppovbv op ohh. B kb oh oh ok oo opbjpb oho oh pop X k ooh oh popo oh p pp popp JP ppp oh oh o p bp Hoboken op oh phj POV POV b hoppvpp noo on op b phone pop b ohh Jb no oo o op pkink PCbj oppbbb pp I oh oh oh ok popo C oh poop up POVbbbb jobbb oh op box poop b oh pics ohb o’clock boob ohope boo popo job bobbbb oh bo pop op poop popo job poopoobob oh Oooh op bb op op p kokobbbb lion on pop oh b ok big oh b opine oh Oooh go o nob Bobbi ohb ohhh🥸😋😒😚🤽🏾♀️🏵️🎪🏄🏿♂️⚾️⚾️🫙🍤🍥🥚🍙🍨🍨🍨🍙🍙🍧🍙🍨🍨🧄🧀🧗🏿♀️🧗🏿♀️🧗🏿♀️🏄🏿♂️🤽🏾♀️🍶🍽️🏉🏉🏉🥃🥣🥃🥃🥣🥃🍽️🍾🍾🍦🫘🦚🐀🦚🦫🦫 bbbb bp bb. Bbq bbbpb boobs pbvopk bbbbppb bbbbbbbbbbbp oh ok oh boo pvvbbbbbp op pop bblopvpbvvpbbI. 13:25
in a weird way this movie is a comfort movie for me, I was abused by a family member as a child and the book hit me like a freight train when I first read at 14, it reminded me of what I went through but at the same time it showed me that I could get through it and I wouldn't be alone
I know right! the movie is realistic in the sense that trauma doesn't go away, but once you start healing, you can become a much more optimistic and empathetic person. I love how the movie feels like a never-ending story, with a life of its own. And the music!!
I’m only a few minutes in but i already resonate so much with everything you have to say. Thank you for sharing your own experiences, none of us are entitled to another’s story and we should always treat it as a gift when someone shares their vulnerability so that we can feel a little less alone. That’s also the beauty of art- we can all read Perks and connect with it in a totally different way, and I think that’s part of why it has had such staying power.
i also don't think the details ever matter, because inevitability other victims will rationalize their experiences as worse/not as bad as another.
Same
I have trauma because of the emotional abuse from my childhood, that with therapy I learned much older that I suffered, and I remember watching this movie when I was 14 and feeling extremely sad after, every time, for years. And only in my twenties I realised how much it triggered me, and it's interesting to read/watch Charlie because just now I started to understand it's not normal to feel guilty all the time. It became my favorite book.
A couple months ago I read Perks in a psychiatric unit for teenagers after I tried to kill myself. When I read it I hadnt expected relating to Charlie so immensely. I had assumed it would be nothing but a sappy teenage love story but that wasn't the case at all. I saw him going through what I was. It helped change my perspective and gave me a reason to live. Not just to overcome my trauma and abuse but because I wanted to be "infinite." I wanted to experience life. I wanted to make memories. New ones that would outshine the bad.
Please know I'm not saying that looking at things "differently" will stop you from being suicidal (I had proper medication, diagnoses and therapy as well).
I'm glad you were able to get something out of this story that really helped you and made you want to keep trying.
This movie is my favorite. It’s honest. Raw. Funny. Has heart. Tells the story with purpose not shock value. Doesn’t make His trauma his only trait. But the movie has real characters you feel like you’ve known forever. This story came to me in 2012. When I was 20. And til this day it’s my favorite gem of a movie.
I recently had an experience of remembering sexual assault that happened to me. I used to remember situation differently and it was always sort of fuzzy and idk all of a sudden a conversation with my friend brought up some missing pieces. I've always felt I was missing a piece of my childhood. I feel like there should be more stories told about suddenly remembering traumatic things that happen to you, and how to deal with it like perks of a wallflower. That scene was so powerful and emotional to me. But I didn't cry, I just felt anxious. The same anxiety I felt during the sexual assault. I have no idea how I'm supposed to deal with this memory or even how to feel about it. I feel like I'm experiencing it wrong, like I should be faling apart right now but I'm not. I just feel numb, and then I feel anxious.
it might be helpful to talk to a professional about it! it was really helpful for me to use that as a support system as i tried to decipher those memories. i wish you well.
It can be easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong, but there is no right or wrong way to experience or process trauma. Everyone experiences it differently, and however you experience it is valid regardless of what it seems like you “should” be thinking or feeling. Even numbness serves a purpose in trying to keep us safe. ❤️
Numbness can happen when you feel way too much, basically your body trying to shut down the feelings, just leaving it for any person who may read this in the future. You’re not broken, you’re not wrong, you deserve to take your time to figure this out and of course get support if possible, especially if you can find a good therapist that isn’t involved with the person that assaulted you so you can feel safer.
When I was a teen I found myself in a family situation that didn't lead to s*xual abuse per se but I could feel the predatory energy and behaviors. It was all about making me feel uncomfortable (emotional abuse definitely was the main issue back then). I feel I don't deserve to feel trauma because technically nothing happened but this was one of the books that helped me embrace the fact I could feel shitty about it and accept it had an impact on me
I'm so glad to read this. You should never have to suppress your feelings because you didn't suffer "real" trauma or as much as someone else might have.
*trigger warning*
I had the same experience - predatory behaviour, grooming, some stuff happened but I always felt that I couldn't feel bad or sad as nothing "major" happened. I suffered insomnia for years because the person would come into my room, remove the covers and watch me sleep. I had my first kiss which was consensual with a boy around my age, so this person forced their tongue down my throat. Weird "minor" things happened over a long period of time with two separate individuals. When it came out, I was made to apologise to one of them for making them feel bad. When I am intimate with my husband, I sometimes leave my body. I know that for a long time I was not ok. I'm doing better now.
@@victoriaphillips9296 *trigger warning* Something similar happened to me. He used to stand in front of my bedroom door and stare while I was doing whatever. I would tell him to stop but he only did when I started to cry
I definitely felt alone in this too. I was harassed/ groomed for months by the mom of my crush i had at the church I grew up at and struggled with sever anxiety whenever I would see them there. The girl I had a crush on had mutual feelings, and I wanted the parents to like me so when her mom started texting me I went along with it because I wanted their assurance. I was too ashamed or embarrassed to tell anyone what she started texting me and telling me in person because I felt like I should’ve known better. I had never had a relationship at that point and I’ll always have to look back and remember that this was my first experience.
This movie hits really hard because I felt so alone in what I was feeling. The day after watching I finally decided to seek therapy it had that big of an impact
Sounds like covert incest
Though I didn't go through the same traumas as Charlie did, I read this book when my panic attacks were taking up months of my life. I learned to just shut down because it was easier than letting my brain spin and I remember reading this book and finally feeling un-weird, or at least a little seen. That was really important for me at 13, and again at 15 and 17 and 22 when I read this book
My childhood trauma used to not be that big of a deal when I was younger, but now that Ive become an adult it is hiting hard
What I love about perks of being a wallflower is how it also doesn't treat its audience like they are dumb. The novel/film is respectful in portraying the abuse. You come to the realisation with Charlie, is its fragmented in a way that places you in his shoes.The first time I watched the film with my sister (I read the book after), she didnt even realised what had happened to charlie, while I connected the dots quite quicky during the reveal scene. They don't spell out the abuse or show it in a graphic way like some teenager media (Euphoria and 13 reasons I am so looking at you) but rather is ambiguous enough in how they reveal it that it allows the audience to come to their own realisation and is respectful of the character who is the target of abuse as a result. It is more about his reaction, how it affects him and how traumatic it was for him than dramatising the act itself by showing anything for shock value. (Some might say its cause they couldn't get away with it but after watching some other teen media lately, it wouldn't surprise me because seriously why are we so obessed with showing sexual abuse on TV/in movies) Sex education (spoilers ahead) also understood this with how they portrayed Aimees sexual abuse in season 2 and 3. It impacts her for a long time. And nothing is shown, despite how explicit the show can be at times.
I also love how the line "we pick the love we think we deserve" isn't just a cool gimmick or a nice line for tumblr users c.2014. It is the thesis statement of the novel/film. Every character who is abused is not abused by someone they don't know or don't like- they are abused by someone they love. Much like how abuse tends to play out in real life. What is heartbreaking is that Charlie doesn't get to choose, no one gets to choose being abused. But he can only choose to be better in the future. It's hopeful in a way that is not overrun with cliche, but rather honest and complex.
When I was a kid. I saw clips of Charlie and Sam being cute, and thought it was a cute rom-com. Last year, at 17, I watched it. And was caught so off guard. I was so emotional watching it and fell in love with it. I then read the book, and fell further in love. I was so glad looking to people reviewing it, and seeing survivors praise it for its care in its story telling. It's truly on of my favorite books and movies.
Just to finish this, I want to speak to the survivors in the comment. I'm just a weird 18 year old on the internet. But I want you to know, I'm proud of you all.
It’s also weird that Sam is a senior and Charlie is a freshman, but I digress
I never read this book but a close friend did. I was with her when she read the aunt part, she just closed the book, told us "The aunt, oh my god" and we didn't get it. She just put the book in her backpack and sit with us in silent while we keep talking. Later, I asked about it and she told me that his aunt did stuff to him and he didn't know, I remember thinking how could you not know something like that? Well, I didn't know at that time, but a few months later, I had my first kiss and cried when I went home, I felt so dirty, everything was wrong. It took me years to understand that sometimes, you are so young that you don't understand what your abuser is doing but still hurts you a lot, everything feels wrong but you don't know why. I feel sad everything I think about this book.
i have a very unique sexual trauma story, one i don't hear often and so it leaves me in a very confusing place. i was a very young kid and didn't understand what was happening until years later although i almost always remembered, i often wonder how much i deserve to heal and how much i deserve to live.
Just in case you need to hear it: you do, and I'm glad you exist.
@@Anvandiel i love you 💛 thank you
@ Nicole You deserve to heal just as much as anyone else with a story like yours or similar, and in case you don't hear it often, or haven't heard it in awhile, I love you, and I'm beyond happy and grateful to God you are here existing this world! Much love, positive energy, and blessings sent your way from me🙏🏻💙
I know this is very late but I am just seeing your comment. I have the same story, I was 5 when it started and I wasn't scared and I didn't think anything was wrong because I knew the person and I was so young. I never used to say it was sexual abuse because I never felt like I suffered. It haunts me now because I'm an adult and I understand that it was wrong. I still in the back of my mind don't think I deserve to say it. I feel uncomfortable, like I'm being unfair to the people who have suffered.
@@moonchildyoushine2486even if you didn’t “suffer” back then, you were a child and children are meant to be protected. With all due respect, the other person should have known and acted better. Or if it was a very young person too, adults should have been present to prevent it. You absolutely survived SA, I’m glad it didn’t feel as bad to you back then but you’re a survivor like everyone else and deserve to tell your story. All of this also goes to the original poster.
Dissociation sometimes felt so good. Felt like a distraction. I'm glad I haven't felt like that in a few months, except for sometimes when I just wanna leave. Shit's sad, I'm sure others can relate
i can’t even watch a video ABOUT this movie without crying
I never understood that Charlie was abused until this video. But the scene of his delayed recall is still so triggering for me that I haven't seen or read this text in years. The deep feeling of being lost, confused and not being able to trust your own body. I feel that scene in my bones
i was about eleven when i watched this movie with my dad, who's a psychologist who works with troubled teens. When Charlie had his mental breakdown i didn't get what was going on until my dad, who had a really sad look on his face simply said "his aunt abused him". He explained to me that it's actually fairly common for victims to feel guilty about the abuse they suffered. I was a very sheltered child, and my dad isn't a very emotional person as well, but he hugged me because i was very upset. Idk it was one of the few times where i felt weirdly connected to my dad and one of the reasons i decided to study psychology
I saw the film in theatres and there were two teenage girls in front of me who were really emotional, responding audibly and loudly to a lot of scenes and even crying at some points. A guy a few rows back loudly told them to shut up and at the time while I breathed a sigh of relief for being able to concentrate on the movie, I felt bad. This movie clearly meant SO much to these girls - now having more perspective about this and coming to terms about my trauma, I wish I told that guy to let them be. I've come to love this film more than I did before.
what really messed with my mind while watching the movie was that i had just watch ever after and the aunt was a character in the movie, one of my favorites. so, when i saw aunt helen in this movie i was like “aww yes, i’m so glad she’s here, i loved her in ever after” and every time i saw her on screen i was happy. i intentionally missed the signs cause no that could never be, she seems so nice. until i couldn’t ignore the signs. what really fucks with my head was that my thought process watching this movie was the same as my thought process when that happened to me. my head hurt so much
That sounds awful, hope you’re doing better now
one of my favorite parts of the movie is that they never actually showed the sexual abuse. you felt its impact but you never needed to see it portrayed on screen, which is a memo a lot of movies/shows don't seem to get
It was post high school in the depths of my depression that I read this book and then watched the film. This was the first film that ever made me cry. That line “We are not sad stories” still reverberates with me. Deeply. And I was so numbed out then - that I was surprised by this response. Now I know why - TRAUMA. I’m so enthralled that you made a video. Thank you.
"Things change. Friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anyone."
I just recently revisited both the book and the movie, and it never fails to make me cry insanely. I agree with you, it is very seldom that I find such nuanced representation of victims of abuse in media in general , but especially in media directed at young people. Anyway cried watching this video too, I love it!
1:05 I find it interesting that this is one of the covers of the book I see the most along with the cover I have. Both seem to be older covers as i have not seen them in bookstores recently.
I have the cover where the title is handwritten big in black over a mess of red writting that is a passage of the book, there are also two photos of a boy in the top corner.
It's funny how my cover and this green cover are opposites - one empty and the other overwhelming filled - but both fit and represent the book so well...
That sort of feeling when you're brain is a huge mess that is dragging itself across the floor and it feels like a scribble drawing from when you're a kid yet all of that overwhelming feeling also just feels completely blank... you're so full that you're numb.
this was probably my first time seeing a story of abuse where the protagonist still talked with love and care about their abuser, the memories of them together shown in a warm atmosphere, not always relating them to the abuse whether for denial or confusion of having experienced something like that so young by the hands of someone who's supposed to love you, a trusted adult, a relative, which is probably why it resonated with me so much. Charlie hated what she did to him once he worked through it while he was admitted, but between the supressed feelings and emotions and the /guilt/ and the confusion of not knowing what the fuck happnened but "/something/ must have if I'm feeling like this but WHAT?", he still struggled with recognizing her as such an important figure in his childhood, and that hit so hard
Yes!! Something that people never seem to talk about are the experiences of CSA survivors who have forgotten or very deeply suppressed their memories of the event. It makes me feel like I’m a liar, like I can’t trust my own reality even though I KNOW that something awful happened, I just can’t remember when or how or who. It’s terrifying to think that someone you love could have done it, but you just don’t know for sure.
this video has cultivated a beautiful yet heartbreaking comment section and i truly wish everyone the best for the future
I read this book when I was 13, almost right after the movie came out. One of my friends said it was her favorite movie ever, and I, an awfully pretentious brat, decided that the book would be instantly better because all books were better than the movie adaptation. So I got a copy for my birthday and read it in a day or two. The thing is, at the time I couldn't process the sexual abuse that Charlie suffered. It was almost like I was denying it happened. The book stayed hidden in my bookshelf with the others and I completely forgot about it. Two years later I had my own realization that I was abused by a relative, and I was even younger than Charlie. When I was 18 and home alone after school I decided to turn on the tv to have some background noise and switched to a random channel. Perks was on and I decided to watch it. I remembered I had read the book but couldn't remember much of it. The breakdown scene and Charlie's realization hit me straight in the face. I couldn't stop crying but kept watching until the end. I saw a lot of myself in Charlie at that moment, even though we had starkly different trauma responses. This story is very dear to me and I wish more people would see it for what it really is, instead of just another "trendy" movie for pretentious hipster kids.
This movie hits home for me, especially that ending scene. I cry every time. I relate to him so much. My folks have repeated that cycle of abuse in me and my cousins, unsubconsciously. And now that I have my own children, the anxiety of me never wanting them to feel the way I do is eating me alive.
I'm so glad for this video. For some reason, I never really stopped to think about the generational trauma involved in the story. My mom and dad were both abused and the abuse on both sides of the family goes back so far. My sisters and I are the first generation that didn't face that same abuse and we were born in 1989, 1991 abd 1994. My dad is exactly like Charlie's having grown up with physical and mental abuse from his mom, alcoholic step-dad and alcoholic dad and he vowed to never hit us or drink alcohol so we'd never experience what he did. On my mom's side there is severe sexual and mental abuse and she vowed to always protect us from that and believe us if we told her something happened to us. This book will always be relevant and it means even more to me the older I get.
The fact that watching this video analysing perks made me wanna cry again just shows how damn good the book and movie were
I read this book as a senior in high school and it was brutal. I picked the book up because it was 2012 and I’d seen the trailers for the film. I was not expecting such an emotionally jarring novel. I was a very Charlie-ish teenager. I dealt with dissociation as a response to violence/trauma. I struggled with uncomfortably intense emotions. By the end of high school I was finally realizing that parts of my early childhood were not normal or ok. My friends in high school were turbulent and many of them had dealt with abuse as well. I used books, partying, and drugs as escapist coping skills. I pretty much just did whatever my friends told me to because I was afraid they’d stop liking me if I didn’t. My first attempt at physical intimacy with a peer in high school left me repulsed and ashamed and I didn’t understand why. The book showed me a character who I had a lot in common with and it scared me and made me feel vulnerable and exposed. Perks of being a wallflower is an amazing book. My first (and to this day only) read of the book was viscerally uncomfortable and confusing. Im still not a hundred percent sure why my reaction to it was so extreme and I’m ok with leaving some ambiguity and space for myself there. It’s strangely comforting to know that other people strongly identified with Charlie. I hate that so many of us have had those experiences with childhood trauma that lead us to the Charlie-like thought patterns, but there’s solidarity in knowing that I’m not as alone or hopeless as I felt in high school.
Ten years later I’m a living testament to the fact that people who dealt with childhood violence and the types of neuroses described in the book can become healthy happy and well adjusted adults. I’m a hospice nurse and I love my job and I think that the out-of-control emotions I felt in high school help me support the families of my patients as they deal with grief. I’ve got an amazing partner and we are starting to build our lives together and break those cycles of trauma. It got better for me. I like to think it got better for Charlie after the book ended. And it can get better for others who went through the same kinds of stuff Charlie did in the book.
I used to identitfy with Charlie so much it actually caused me to have a delayed memory pop in to my conscious mind! It was catalyst in my healing journey when I was a teen. 10/10 would recommend. Good read, great soundtrack.
So much good stuff here, wow
Luv ur channel dood!
This young lady is a massively hidden gem of UA-cam, but I get the vibe she's OK with that. And for purely selfish reasons, so am I. 💕
I love your channel. Your Midsommar video is my favourite ❤️
What I love about this story is that he still loves his aunt he isnt the "perfect victim"
A lot of people like to rag on it, but it's an important book and movie to me as a csa survivor and as the child of two csa survivors (no my parents didn't abuse me, but a family friend did). I never understood why people didn't seem to get what the story was about, what Charlie was going through and how it felt when I understood it so keenly, even though I didn't remember my abuse yet. It means even more to me now and I cried watching this video. Thank you for speaking on this topic
this movie really is something else to me. Leaves me sobbing everytime I watch
I remember watching this movie at the cinema, not having read the book, and then being super triggered by the content. But with ol mate freeze response, I remember just really not liking the movie, and thinking Charlie was weak and lame, cause it would have been too much to connect to him. Watching this helped bring more context to not only accepting this as a good movie, but also to why I wouldn't have liked it at the time.
i’ve never related to a character more than charlie, i can see myself in him. everytime i read the book i feel so seen and valid
This book and film also does a good job explaining why it is so hard to reconcile abuse when its done by someone you love, why it's so hard to figure out that this person is hurting you and it's not wrong for you to feel hurt by them. I've been rewatching MASH recently, the TV show, and in one of the later seasons Hawkeye becomes incredibly physically sick after having a memory from his childhood triggered by an injured soldier coming in soaking wet smelling of mold. When he was 7, his older brother who he loved pushed him into a lake where he almost drowned. The same brother also pulled him out again. Being a young child, he couldn't reconcile the two feelings of hating and loving his brother, so he completely repressed the hatred and forced himself to think around how he ended up in the water, subconsciously choosing only to remember that the brother that he loved saved him because the brother that he loved couldn't possibly have been so cruel. I feel like Perks of Being a Wallflower and that particular episode of MASH does an amazing job of showing how memory repression actually occurs, that its not that the memory isn't there but more like that its skipped over like a scratched DVD in daily life and really only can be accessed if triggered or forcibly remembered somehow.
i recently watched this movie for the first time, expecting a lighthearted high school misfit movie. it ended up hitting so close to home that i haven’t stopped thinking about it since. i’m going to read the book now, too. the way charlie’s sexual trauma affects his romantic relationships (dissociating while making out with mary elizabeth, flashing back with sam) is so accurately and sensitively portrayed. it was very meaningful to see a character growing into their sexuality through trauma and making it out on the other side.
I related to PoBW heavily ever since I watched the movie at age 10 and then read the book when I was 14. I went on to reread the book an estimated total of about 7 times after that. So best believe I cried while watching this video. Charlie went through a lot of the same things I’ve experienced and at the end he started to/fully overcame many things that I’m still battling even at the age of 20. The ritual/process of reading the book as a kid will always remain a potent and cherished time in my life.
Why are you still battling it if it's over?
@@KobyOwenyou still cope with the trauma and fear of things even when they are long past. a lot of times situations like charlie’s impact those who experience them in a major way. healing and learning how to make peace with who you are after what was done to you is a long and heavy road.
I'd almost forgotten about this film/book but I definitely remember reading it and watching the film. And sometimes rewatching the film and finding myself drawn to it without fully understanding why at first.
It's funny because I remember at the time looking up reviews ans interviews where people were saying, at least of the film, that it was such a great depiction of growing up and adolesence without much focus on the abuse aspect. I agree that it's the most compelling and touching aspect of this film and I rarely see people discuss how and why it is so unique and affecting. Thanks for making this!
As you said there is something very personal and realistic about charlie's portrayal. I think sometimes people depict trauma and people who have been abused with less nuance. Where they are percieved from thr outside as quiet and sad and polite all the time, or they lash out angrily. Without accounting for the more.. mundane aspects of life that are impacted. The internal workings of Charlie's mind, how he percieves the world, the things he worries about and the way that he experiences his breakdowns and responses to things that trigger him.
12:25 Wait till they hear about _the generational abuse in China_ . I came here after watching "Turning Red", and I gotta say as a Chinese person with family trauma, I'll take the depictions in Wallflower over it any time. Because the abuse in real life doesn't absolve with an apology on screen -- more often the abusers won't even apologize, and even Meiling's mother apologized by saying "IF I made you feel this way", like hello? _if_??
Great video, hope all of y'all here gets to heal 🤗
I appreciate that you brought up Charlie's dad. What I find fascinating is that Dad and Charlie's brother insist on Charlie being a "man;" he is constantly told to not cry or to "get it out of his system" so he does not appear wimpy. That theme of toxic masculinity (?) is often not talked about which I feel should be changed.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been very scared and hateful of violence, especially very sudden and loud violence. So I related very strongly to Charlie and his sadness and aberration to violence
I watch the movie and the first time I didn’t get the middle and ending, but when I remembered my own trauma I realized me and Charlie had more common then I had known in the beginning. It’s hard dealing with everything my trauma has left me with, but Charlie’s story helps.
Very relatable story being a survivor isn’t easy but the message is strong. I’m glad it’s bringing awareness and understanding to trauma some of us carry. Just know you are loved…your story, strength and courage can help others.
This spurred me to rewatch the movie for the first time again nine years. So much I couldn’t appreciate as a 15 year old I can finally see now. Excellent video on an incredible story.
I was in a situation very similar to Charlie, where I'd been abused as a child and repressed the memories to survive until I hit my twenties, and then suddenly it all came spilling out. I didn't realise how similar I was to Charlie until watching your video.
This is one of my favorite films. I am still a teenager, but I remember the first time I saw it, I cried, it was very impactful and it felt like the things I'd been going through were finally being communicated back to me. But I didn't realize until now that his aunt had abused him in that way... I only recently have regained memory of something similar. And it's weird. I've spent years feeling guilty over something I couldn't explain because I couldn't remember it, and I felt so stupid every time I was effected by this invisible force. I remember this summer having so many moments like he did in the final scenes, luckily I never got violent with myself. But it's just... Weird sometimes I wonder if I would have cared as much if my mother wasn't so hellbent on telling me the men in my life would abuse me, but she never considered women or my peers. Or how many times she treated me like an innocent angel when I knew my entire being was corrupted. Or when she'd binge movies about molested children getting rescued by the main character. Those thing made me feel sick, and I don't think I'll ever be willing to open up to her. But I realize that my best friend was going through something similar this past year, we both didn't know what was going on but we're dealing with the same problem. So I'm going to share this with her, and show her the movie, and hopefully we'll turn out alright.
this movie/book resonated with me for the same reasons! it’s such a touching story!
i finally got around to reading perks recently because like a lot of others i was seeking fiction that reflected my experiences as a csa survivor. id already read things like lolita and my dark vanessa, and when i finally got to perks i found it just as raw. it helps that charlie as a character has a very distinct voice to me - the way he talks and processes things is definitely that of a survivor, but also feels very in tune with autism which made me relate to him greatly as well. the chapter where he recalls his trauma was the one that finally broke the dam for me, and i kept crying all the way through until i finished the book - and i only cried more through the afterword, which was such a beautiful and empowering message for survivors. we don't get a lot of simple representation - its always "this villain was abused and thats why theyre like this" or some violent snuff thriller that never explores the aftermath or recovery of the brutalised. so it always helps when i find these books, lolita, my dark vanessa, perks of being a wallflower, that tell it how it really feels, and show you yourself while you read. i need to see myself somewhere that isnt a flashback.
You know how some people have a movie they watch when they're sad? This is my sad book. I don't know if that makes any sense...
Anyway, great essay as always.
I remember sobbing my eyes out reading this book. 😭
Me too, it gave me ALL of the feels, and made me reevaluate Charlie's relationship with his aunt in a darker, more sinister, light.
I loved this book! However this was one of the first books that made me feel so anxious I almost quit reading it, multiple times. The flash backs are written so well that you sometimes don’t know that it’s a flash back but you know that something in the scene is OFF. It’s the sense of something isn’t quite right and you don’t know why. You know in your gut something is wrong even if you can’t put your finger on it.
i was so obsessed and fixated by perks in middle school. i would listen to the soundtrack to go to bed every night and just keep rereading over and over again. i felt so connected to charlie and how deeply emotional he was. im in college now and it wasnt until just a week ago that i recalled a lot of similar trauma that charlie experienced, discovering that a lot of that was a root of a lot of my issues today. i dont know if i knew how much i was understood by this book subconsciously, but looking back at it im so grateful i found this story when i did.
beautiful video. i myself found the book too "graphic," in a way, making me sick to my stomach when reading charlie recount what happened at that party when he was 10 and other things. but i truly appreciate the story it tells, and the movie. it's so important. and it makes me feel heard, for abuse in general. i keep the quote "you are not a sad story, you are alive" on my phone's homescreen as a reminder when things get dim. thank you for sharing how much this story means to you 🤎
when i was a teenager i absolutely hated this movie. i remember watching it and i ran up to my room and anger like i’ve never felt before. i didn’t understand why. but after watching this video, i get it now. it made me feel things i wasn’t ready to feel. maybe i’ll read the book someday.
Such an amazing video, so vividly told - I’ve literally felt that overwhelming feeling of confusion, anger, sadness and guilt over what happened to me as a child and it brings me to tears just thinking about it. Thank you for shedding light on something that unfortunately happens too often. I read the book once in college and I can’t bring myself to read it again but I cherish the copy I own.
I always come back to this video idk why though
I'm glad this video didn't appear in my UA-cam feed until tonight, otherwise I would have been crying at work this afternoon.
I haven't seen the movie or read the book, but the compassion in your voice when you described these situations brought stuff in my own life into awareness. It's nothing new, I've been working through it all for many years. I keep thinking I've dealt with it, then it appears in a new way, at a deeper level I never noticed before. But every time the painful memories encounter a voice of compassion, it draws out the sting a little more.
Thank you. May you hear voices of compassion as well.
I suffered from childhood trauma and just like Charlie I repressed it for years until the memories started coming back when I was intimate with my boyfriend someone I really love. This movie did a great job addressing childhood trauma.
Completely agree. I also had a lot of abuse in my childhood and even long after I’d read the book. But I connected with it so much. When I read it the first time it resurfaced a lot for me and honestly sent me into a month long mental breakdown. But still a great book lol
i hope you’re okay now
@@icedcashewmilklatte I am doing unimaginably okay compared to then ❤️ Thank you!
thank you so much. this was the first piece of media that i remember seeing myself in. when i first read it, i hadn’t unpacked everything that i went through as a child, but i remember underlining and highlighting SO MUCH in this book. i can’t wait to get my copy back from my mom’s house and see what i identified with before i really knew what happened. i appreciate your vulnerability with us in all of your videos, but esp this one.
literally like 3 weeks ago I had my first trigger, I didn't even know said thing was a bad thing at the time nor had I thought about it in years (it happened when I was 7 I am now 20) and I think what made me feel worse was the fact that the action that triggered it wasn't something I would've ever connected to that moment, basically I was just chilling with my cousins and one of them caressed my knee not in a weird way or anything he's just a really touchy person so he loves to be all up like giving hugs and stuff, but basically after that happened I just felt so down and like I had to covered/compressed but I also didn't want to be touch it made me even more mad that my cousin felt horrible about what happened but he really didn't have anything to do with how I felt, anyways I then when home and in the soleness of my room I started hyperventilating and crying because im just so mad that what happened happened and I also remember how 2 or 3 years ago the guy that actually did it came up to me just to say hi and honestly I didn't even recognized him at first but the moment he said his name I felt unsafe.
So sorry that happened to you. But I hope this book/movie can you help you work through some of the feelings.
different things can impact/traumatise people differently. i think it may have been the culmination of all the touchy acts that pushed u over the edge. i had a similar experience with a family friend and i couldnt talk to her properly for over 4 years and i didnt know why. it feels like im overreacting but it is valid if it made u feel uncomfortable and triggered you, it is worth talking about to someone professional. we also couldnt go back to how we were before (very close friends)
you try to repress it and push it down but it still freaks you out.
it helps to talk to someone and to set clear boundaries, also to stop seeing them.
time heals everything, i trust it and i trust you can heal too
Damn, I would hate to feel trapped and insecure in my own body. Must feel like hell, huh? While I was not sexually abused, I am familiar with the feeling of insecurity and discomfort in your own body, and it is hell, and the sudden disruption of your mood and rhythm and the awkwardness in the room.
What a well done video that also coincidentally made me burst into tears.. amazing work and narrative essay. Kudos!
i cant watch this movie or read this book anymore because it became a legit trigger for me because of how much it resonated with me, even this video was kind of rough for me. since i didnt lose it here, maybe now i can go back to it without freaking out but i don't feel quite ready for it yet, even with all the help ive gotten since the last time ive thought about perks
Fuck. This book. Reading this during the first week off to college and realizing I had similar abuse to charlie. That delayed reaction in the film was exactly like what it can be like. I appreciate this little book for existing and what healing it brought me in my beginning journey of unlearning generation abuse and neglect.
This video was a masterpiece, it couldn’t have been more perfectly explained
this video is amazing, not only is it very well-made, but is educational to topics that are not always visible in society. great work with it!
This has been my favorite story of all time, I love him and through him I began to love me and accept me. For my autism, for my identity, and for the abuse I was put through. Im so thankful for his letters and for everything he helped me understood through him
_I want to give everyone in the world who was ever abused in ANY sort of way by ANYONE over a THOUSAND hugs, plus a shoulder to cry on and a person to talk to, should they need or want it._ :'3.
Maybe you would need that if you are weak. It's best to not let someone have that power over you to the point you need emotional support from strangers. I would kill myself before I'd ever do that.
I never read the book but I experienced similar delayed recall of my family trauma. I love the movie so much; the music alone did that for me. But also apart from the portrayal of abuse, I love how everyone can find something to relate to in the stories. I watched it when I was 18, dealing with college applications, much like Sam's struggle, and depression, on Charlie's part; a gay friend related to Patrick; some other people related to secret crushes I think. There is just so much heart in this movie.
Saw this video a couple days ago and just watched the movie tonight. Couldn't stop crying through most of it -- the editing is superb, it heightens the often concealed emotions brilliantly. Comparing the film to this video, I think it's significant how much the sexual abuse "transfers" to other kinds of abuse. I was emotionally abused for much of my childhood, so it was never something I could avoid thinking about -- in that sense (among others) my experience is different from Charlie's. But I feel what Charlie is going through in this movie more powerfully than I have for almost any other character in a movie. There are things here I've never seen in a film before, and it truly is my own experience -- the anxiety, guilt, self-denial, intense emotion -- especially at others' pain -- loneliness, desire to please, unexpected rage, deep conviction of being an outsider... in the movie it's all related to Charlie's abuse, but I feel it too because I know it's also related to my abuse, which was so different from Charlie's. So this is also a movie that lets me know I'm not alone. Other people experience these things, because here they are in a movie. And to most viewers, Charlie doesn't just seem like a crazy person. He seems real. I'm so very grateful to know Charlie exists.
Which is all also a way of saying, we share your experiences too, Yhara zayd -- even if only through this imperfect medium of a youtube video.
Finally, this movie is more a character study than a narrative. Movies like this are rare, and good ones are even rarer -- that is, character studies that somehow use the medium of film to convey a depth of character that is usually not seen outside of a novel. I'd be interested in knowing any other similar films if anyone reading this is aware of them.
If anyone is looking for similar books/movies. Speak (2004) is pretty similar. It’s also based off a book too
i dont really remember my experience of reading this book for the first time. but the second time i did, i had delayed recall of my childhood trauma and i cried so hard because it felt like everything came back to me and I didn’t realize how much I had suppressed. All the quotes you pulled from the book reminded me of how much I related to Charlie. I haven’t read this book again since because it hurts too much but it will always have a special place in my heart
ive never read the perks of being a wallflower but oh my god did this hit me hard. i get why people read it years after publishing. its definitely on my to-read list.
the way you explained the cycle of abuse was really clear. actions parents take always impact the child , and im glad you could go into detail with the quotations.
thank you.
this analysis feels like therapy
Beautifully written as always!! This is one of my favorite books and you so perfectly put into words just how special it is.
This books means so much to me, it helped me through a really hard time when I was a teen, I felt lonely, and lost, and Charlie made me feel understood, he was a friend to me when I had none.
The first time I watched this film, I cried. I didn't understand why I had gotten so hysterical. I had to pause the film to collect myself before hitting play and I still continued to cry, watching the rest of the movie blurred by my own tears.
It was only years later that repressed memories of my own experiences resurfaced. I now understood why I reacted the way I did, it was like 13 year old me was trying to come out. I now appreciate the film and the books way more than I one did.
thank you. this was an incredible video. no one has ever put into words the things i feel about this book and i’m sitting here sobbing and i’m so so thankful. this is probably so extra but i truly cannot thank you enough for being able to say how i feel a million times better than i ever could. your content is always wonderful but this one has hit home very deeply and i’m so thankful that someone has finally made me feel understood. i hope this isn’t overbearing but i am genuinely floored at how well you articulated the things i have felt for years now. surviving trauma like this is so incredibly difficult and so painful and to have someone sum up my emotions so beautifully is breathtaking. this is the first comment i’ve ever left on youtube but i couldn’t keep it inside, i need you to know how important this video is. so from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
My trauma is always with me. It was never stored away like Charlie. But the pain of it would come in waves and I would have breakdowns like his. Panic attacks when I’d go to have sex. And even now as I’m preparing to possibly transition I think of what it has to do with my abuser. This book/movie means the world to me. I once had a friendship like Sam and Patrick with my bestie named Truman. I remember the last day of high school feeling like their last day. The friendships feeling so real. And those moments that will all become stories someday.
Wow, why did you feel like you couldn't have sex?
I think I need to revisit this story after having seen this. I might have overlooked its approach to these ideas when I actually was a teenager and there's definitely more to it than I was willing to admit to myself when I was younger.
OH MY GOD THIS BOOK WAS SO IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE OF HOW IT TALKS ABOUT BREAKING THE CYCLE THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS
I remember resonating with this movie not knowing why, it wasn’t until my first relationship that my childhood traumas were unveiled to me in snippets. I haven’t seen it since I was 16 but this movie really captures what it’s like.
the scene where charlie's repressed memories come back to him represent exactly how i realized i was abused too. i love this movie + book with my whole heart.