Therapist Reacts to THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2022
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How do you find hope after devastation or trauma? How do you handle the pain of people you care about?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about some of the answers to those questions from the coming of age story for Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. They take a look at acceptance (of yourself, of others, and from others), healing from past trauma, mental health, finding love and friendship, and how this feels authentic to a lot of the teen experience. They also talk about the fabulous performances from Logan Lerman and Emma Watson, but really mostly Paul Rudd because he's always the best.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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My favorite quote isn’t “We accept the love we think we deserve”, it’s “You can’t just sit there and put everyone’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.” They’re both incredible advice, but the second one always resonated with me more. Hit me like a ton of bricks when I rewatched this movie after a breakup some years ago.
The sequence of Charlie's repressed memories of his aunt sexually abusing him was so chilling, complete with jump cuts, the lingering shots of the knife, and Charlie's sister's mounting terror after he asks her "I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?" Since Helen was abused by someone she trusted, it's horrifying that she repeated the same cycle with Charlie. The poor guy blamed himself for her death for years.
"victims go after the same relationships to recreate that scenario, but this time they win." Holy shit, that explains so much. I always wondered why I would see my friends get into relationships they knew were bad for them, and even they didn't know. Trying to regain that sense of control and power makes perfect sense.
As someone who was sexually assaulted as a child, this movie means the world to me. No other film has been able to portray the pain and turmoil one endures after being abused. Easily one of my favorite films.
When you realize Sam's manic pixie dream girl trope here is really her just trying to navigate and cope through her own trauma; it seems much less of a trope and much more of a real human being portrayed on screen.
Brilliant acting from Emma in the scene when Sam confesses to Charlie that her first kiss was from her father's boss when she was eleven. She's obviously still torn up about this, so ensures that Charlie's first kiss will be from someone who genuinely cares about him.
"You will have people who reject you. You will have people who aren't interested in your company. You will have people who are judgemental of what you are. But you do it long enough and you'll find your people."
This movie, specifically the scene with the doctor telling his parents what the aunt did, is the thing that made me realize I want to go to into child psychology to help little kids understand what they've been through. I have also experienced sexual abuse from my older brother and it was one of the most difficult things in my life to understand and heal from and I'm still healing
Never clicked so fast. This movie, this book, changed my whole life. I never felt so seen by a piece of media. Thanks for reviewing this one, guys.
This movie spoke to me in terms of panic/anxiety attack. I've never gone through sexual abuse but seeing those scenes of Charlie panicking, gets me because of how real it is. It's almost exactly like how I do them.
I think it's easy to forget this was a book written in '99 and the movie was directed by the author who didn't have much directing experience but he definitely had a beautiful story to convey that has touched many lives.
I greatly remember carrying this book with me everywhere like a bible, even after graduating. I related so hard because it was like a journal I wrote myself. Eventually overtime I did find my people, I did overcome and faced my trauma, and healed on my own. The day I stopped carrying it around was the day I felt the weight of my trauma lift off my shoulders. That was my "We Are Infinite" moment.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." That's my favorite line in the movie, and it says so much in that one sentence! Thank you for covering one of my favorite movies.
I didn’t fully grasp the whole abuse angle when I saw this originally, I had no frame of reference for that sort of thing. What spoke to me was the self-hatred, Charlie’s self harm, and the feeling that you’re not living your own life and merely looking at everyone else’s.
The scene that hits me the most is when Charlie is sitting at his desk and crying as he whispers to himself “stop crying.” I had a similar situation when I was a kid-it was in the morning before school started and I couldn’t stop sobbing. I paced around my room trying to ignore my parents fighting downstairs and I begged myself to stop crying. This movie is just…so painstakingly relatable. Everything is just filmed so perfectly, it hurts.
“People who are generally good can do terrible sh*t” As someone who was on the receiving end of abuse by someone who was exactly like that, I still struggle with those thoughts about that person. Like Charlie, I have so many good memories of that person, and then there’s the singular memory that just tarnishes all the good. It’s so complicated to reconcile. Thank you for touching on this.
As a sexual trauma survivor, I loved this film because it's very accurate protrayl of remembering the trauma for the first time. I remembered my trauma right when I started puberty at 12. I used to have dreams but it never showed it clearly until that night, and since then my life took a turn. I became depressed and went to therapy. I justified my abusers actions because they did have a terrible life, and I've come to realize that just like I got help, they could've too. As the result of this trauma, I've made horrible decisions due to the subconsious effects of having this trauma, and I work towards unlearning that everyday.
“despite the absolute chaos that is Ezra Miller” lmaooooo
the walking home scene where he “multiplies” into a bunch of charlies made a lot of sense to me because i’ve had lived through a similar experience. walking home from class and having a panic or anxiety attack (not really sure of what it was) and suddenly the way home felt endless. like it took so much effort and it felt like the road would never end and this is kind of portrayed here in my opinion. you see 3 charlies walking as if it was 3 times longer than it actually was. it also mimics how time passes very weirdly in those moments and you can’t tell how far along the road you actually are. we don’t know which charlie we’re supposed to look at because we don’t know how far along he actually is there.
I was molested my mother not so long ago, and for months I would invalidate me feeling like I was "actually assaulted" because it was done by a woman. I make myself rationalize her behavior and deffend it. My friends would call me out on it as well, but I never heard them out. That was all before I watched this movie. This movie made me realize that what happened to me and my feelings about it ARE valid. And that her having a bad childhood didn't mean she could do that stuff to me.