Good Habits Don't Exist - Do This Instead
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- Опубліковано 3 жов 2024
- It's tempting to think we can automate good behavior - so we do what's good for us without thinking. But what if chasing "good habits" doesn't actually work?
Here's my rule for crafting intentional rituals - that increase your thinking, not reduce it.
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"I don't have to think about watching youtube videos when I'm trying to get things done...' I feel attacked.
I write about what I know lol
Hi Ryder,
I don't usually write such personal comments, but I must say your methodology resonates with me on a deeply personal level. As an ADHD and autistic person, I've struggled my entire life to find a way to be organised and peaceful. I failed more times than I can count, but I never stopped looking for a way to be organised and still be myself. It all changed in January this year when I came across your bullet journal method and it has absolutely transformed my life. I've just finished reading your book, and with every chapter I read and every video of yours that I watch, I gain new insights. You have truly transformed my life.
For instance, habits never really worked for me, no matter how much people swore by them. However, my bullet journal ritual does. Since January, I've shown up to the journal every single day and I've never felt more in control, more mindful and more at peace.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for everything you have put out into the world so far and what you are still offering. For me personally, you are making a world of difference.
Thank you.
Piotr
I've always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't do "habits". But I already DO rituals. It was really helpful to hear you discuss the details of yours. Thank you
For me the habits I try to create are the foundations, not the actual actions.
Like I can't mindelessly do yoga, but I can have the habit to prepare my workout clothes.
I don't mindelessly make my food, but I do mindelessly add sallad to my shopping cart so I always have it at home.
Even if the action is mindful, some of the preparation can be habit.
It is a blur sometimes what is ritual and what is habit, and I do treasure my rituals, but for those that still like to incorporate habits I think this thinking might help.
The idea of practicing the discomfort of not doing anything is such a good way of putting meditation. Gonna take that intention into my own meditation from now on!
I think good habits do exist. The key is in the way that we see what habit actually is. For example, the chain of actions that you are describing in the video from your old morning ritual is a habit chain. It is not that the action itself necessarily becomes habitual. For example, it is not that doing yoga is becoming necessarily automatic (or in case of a musician, for instance, practising music). You still need to exert effort and when practising you need to be present with whatever task or activity you are doing. This is essential, or growth might stagnate otherwise. But what happens is that starting a task becomes easier and easier the more you do it. Not only that but also cues from your environment start to be remembered by your brain, so that when they arise you get the urge to do something you've done many times before. For instance, you said that you put coffee to brew. Since you have done yoga after that many times before, as soon as you smell coffee you will get urge to roll out your matt and exercise. That urge gets forged with repetition of the sequence coffee -> yoga. In that way habit is actually a neutral mechanism. It is just that we want that mechanism to lead us to intentional, positive actions and not to some destructive, compulsive behaviours. You might have seen a book by James Clear "Atomic Habits". I think he explains habits really well. He defines habits in his book as "an automatic response to a specific situation".
Thank you.
I always wondered if I was broken because I couldn’t keep habits like everyone else. It all makes so much sense now why the important things that I’ve connected to mindfulness are the ones that stick. This is brilliant.
In the meditation practice I am learning, you are training your mind to bring attention to where you what it to be: the present moment. Bringing your attention to your breathing happens in the present moment. Thinking will arise, that's what the mind does. Accept that thinking is happening, examine how it is making you feel, then return your attention to the breathing. Sometimes the mind realizes that it doesn't have to think all the time, and it will relax in silence for a rest.
This practice helped me realize that I have habits that I want to change. The search for ways to do that led me to Bullet Journaling. Thank you!
Excellent observations. Your points made me think about how habits are not very responsive to change, which is a big problem in our everyday changing environment.
I wonder if rituals are better for change? If something changes, habits fall apart.
@@brendalg4 I’m not sure I know what kind of rituals we’re talking about, but I guess it depends on how flexible they are?
What a great video! I've never thought about rituals and habits in this way before and this new insight will definitely help me when I reflect on my current behavior.
I appreciate you breaking down each step and explaining your WHY. How lovely to think about the gifts and how you serve your partner with your ritual.
I would like to see a morning ritual/workout routine from someone who has an hour commute to a job in the morning. I get up at 5:30 am to get to work/court on time. I listen to a PMA audio as I get ready and check my planner, but that's about all I have time for.
I don't think it is about what you do, but how you do it? In the morning you have a habit (a routine?) to get you from bed to work in a certain time frame. In the evening (and weekend) you maybe have more time for a ritual what gives you more of you and maybe will help you the next day to be more in the moment of what you are doing. (just thinking out loud)
Agreed. Repeating patterns daily is not order - it’s disorder. I’m with J. Krishnamurti on this. Through presence and experience we find patterns that work. Then our brain and ego convince us we can lock them in
Maybe because i have just started reading about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, but this differentiaton you made about rituals connecting to your "why", besides for motivation, seems powerfull because it's also connected to your deepest values, "better show up for those i love". Love your videos man, simple presentation, powerful reflections! Never bought offical bujo because its kinda expensive for me here in Brazil, but i try to support here. Take care ryder and all reading!
ACT has informed my approach tremendously, great connection :)
Fantastic video!! I really appreciate that you unpacked the mindfulness of ritual which was not clear to me before and sharing your personal morning routine and the "why" of each step. Really powerful stuff.
I've recently focused on being a better friend to myself, a better big sister to myself and shifting that head voice away from criticism to support and encouragement so I am looking forward to your upcoming video that sounds like it may go in a similar direction.
Aside: Your calm demeanor and vocal inflections are akin to Bob Ross. Perfection!
This is a refreshing point of view, perfectly timed for me. I am having a month off work after an intense couple of years with one goal in mind, which is now reached. I am now setting up my first bullet journal while pondering my intentions for the years ahead. I need more clarity and am on my way there. Thank you.
I love the reminder about the power of ritual. Thank you
I get the message and yet starting and keeping rituals is as hard as forming good habits. Practically speaking they are in the same ballpark for me. I get the theoretical differences but engaging in a ritual kinda habitually is equally as hard.
Maybe start with a rite instead? A simple, small action that you really want to do. Have reminders everywhere and everywhen for it. There is nothing "theoretical" about this. If you observe Ryder's example then you see that there is a why and a choice behind each step/action; each of which is very practical indeed. An action is *not* there by mistake and its *not* undertaken casually (he did not say this, but I believe the whole ritual probably also developed over time rather than all at once); conversely a habit can very easily be there because of lack of choice or intent. Persist - and use the journal to help!
I have been doing back and forth to digital planning vs Bullet Journaling ever since I’ve got an iPad and use it as my main computer. My BuJo ritual has been so ingrained in my system that I feel like I can’t replicate it using a digital tool.
Yes. I feel forced into digital for my job but I use bujo for both work and personal. More personal tbh. It keeps me centered. I mentioned I 'still' bujo in a job interview last week, then worried I wasn't comimg across modern enough or whatever.
I got the job.
Just a counter thought to this idea. Miyamoto Musashi discussed his philosophy of the void in his writing. His idea was that if you practiced a movement, dwelled on the why and the how and the what you would eventually reach a point where you can strike from the void, his way of explaining that point where your body will act without you needing to even think about it. How does this tie in to your line of thought?
The problem is that when you don't have the why, you can't make rituals, but your habits can keep you in some sort of track. For me is better than nothing.
I can't give multiple likes, so I'm leaving a comment. 😀
Seriously, I'm just coming out of a highly stressful three weeks, and this was exactly what i needed to hear to start resetting my brain.
Very interesting observation. Very helpful to make this distinction. Good things shouldn't be done mindlessly, be it training or relationships.
Oh my gosh, this has to be the best advice/technique that I've every heard. So many gems that I can easily remember. I appreciate that you have shown consistently that BULLET JOURNALING is truly not just lists or gorgeous spreads...it's a mindshift. Appreciate your work and sharing it with us.
I appreciate that - that it is a mindshift and a practice for sure.
My habit is not journaling. It’s getting my notebook and sitting down at the desk. My habit is not meditating. It’s getting my meditation cushion and sitting down on it. My habit is not working out. It’s packing my gym bag the day before.
Habits can work as easy, mindless things that reduce friction of your „main” goals. Once I sat down, I will meditate, and it won’t be mindless. Once I packed the bag, I will go to the gym, and it won’t be mindless. I learned this approach from James Clear and his Atomic Habits. There is more to it, but I just wanted to point out that habits actually can be valuable in a mindful life.
Hi Ryder, my life has been in a reactionary phase for a long time. I'm so far past burnout but the obligations are too important not to keep engaged.
i haven't been able to keep a bullet journal for more than a few days or weeks at a time. I'm not talking the fancy artistically fueled ones either. Just the standard. Combination of my particular presentation adhd colliding with motherhood together with chronic sickness in the family rendered my ability to keep one notebook impossible.
Your system though has been incredibly helpful. I use a fractured version of it.
1) Digital systems don't work for me. i can't seem to stick with one notebook but things written get done
2) Lechturms phrase Denken mit dem Hand is so relevant physical writing is much more powerful for me - tangible.
3) though i spread my thoughts across many notebooks and random bits of paper. Your system of dot for task, circle for event and line for note has been incredibly useful.
For example i often brain dump all the should musts coulds on my mind then put a dot besides ones i will do
Of course i can't use migration. I know having a one book and the focus to use it would be great ....
Anyway thank you for reminding me about ritual verses habit it's a really powerful concept.
You could make a digital system where you have multiple notebooks
Maybe this is what I need to try rather than continually attempting to create good habits. Thank you for sharing.
This earned a re-sub.
One of your best insites ryder.
That is such an eye-opening video. Thank you. I struggled with habits a lot but I love my rituals. Now it makes total sense why that is. Having the goal of doing positive things mindlessly is a really strange concept when you think about it. Thank you so much for this fresh perspective!
Such a great reflection!!! Thanks, Ryder!
Hay
Another insightfull video. I very much like your personal examples Ryder, it makes the whole idea so much more explicit, easy to understand and aproachable.
I've gotten lots of feedback about making sure to give examples so I'm glad it's helping!
great video. thank you
Another awesome video! 🎉❤
This was great
Excellent!
This is not the place for your comments.
I do have to think about my bad habits, I call that my overthinking anxious brain and being a lapse catholic with a tendency to self loath ritual 🥹