High School Bully Has A Secret. (I'm From San Carlos, CA, by Justin Taylor)
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- www.ImFromDrift...
After returning from studying abroad for a year, Justin finds out his high school bully has a secret.
(Gay | Bullying | High School | Jock) [TV-PG]
www.imfromdriftwood.com aims to help lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people learn more about their community, straight people learn more about their neighbors and everyone learn more about themselves through the power of storytelling and storysharing.
Loved your story! A lot of closeted guys bully other gays because they hate that part of themselves and feel like through bullying they can put as much distance between their sexuality and themselves as possible. Internalized homophobia is real because I have had it. When I saw effeminate gay men, I used to get extremely uncomfortable because I did not want to be gay. Now, I'm attracted to them. The farther away our culture moves away from toxic masculinity, the better it will be for everyone.
I remember this horrid kid a few years older than me from another local school who really beat me with a group of his equally horrible friends. Many years later I started noticing him at the train station on my way to work. Eventually he asked me out! He clearly didn't remember the past. A few days later I was in a pub with some friends and saw him with some of his friends. I went over and reminded him of the incident when he beat me and told him that obviously I'd rather date the Devil. His mates just looked at him got up and walked away. Later I bumped into one in another pub and he said they'd walked away because they were disgusted by what he'd done not that he was gay. Some people are quick to forget that their actions always have consequences.
This story rings so true for so many of us. The closeted homophobic bullies who made are other people’s lives pure hell, turn out to be gay themselves..... a story as old as the hills. There has to be an important lesson in here, to stand up to homophobia and call these bullies out! Not so easy I know, but its fear which causes the fear within us. And that’s often far worse than the bullying.
I had a feeling your story would take the turn it did...
I was a bully in school and I'm gay. Over the years I've come to deeply regret my actions for all the hurt and upset I caused. Ironically even after I came out to my family at 19 and their subsequent acceptance I chose to remain in the closet and as such throw away my life and any chance of meaningful happiness.
Now at 60 I'm deeply unhappy though I expect it's only just that I'm this way because of my prior actions. I can only hope I didn't do any lifelong damage to those I tormented in my youth. I would very much like to ask for their forgiveness both to give them the chance to face down their tormentor and perhaps allow me to get a small degree of closure on the mess that is my life.
How are you doing now? If you don't mind.
@@gaywandastan better... I've come to peace with my life and do my best to spread good vibes with those I come into contact with. I have many good friends
Thanks for asking bud
The bullies are always trying to divert attention from what they are, themselves, hiding. Most of the time, the really aggressive homophobes are dealing with their own same sex attractions. I remember hearing an expression when I was a kid: "A fox smells his own hole first." Another good one was: It takes one to know one!" Both are so true!
You did great Justin! I'm so proud of you!
And by the way, that guy "John" was probably so scared and ashamed of being Gay himself, that he purposely picked on other Gays, so that he looked "Straight" in front of his peers. I guess he found out the hard way that you can't sacrifice your own happiness just to please others.
Thanks for sharing, sorry you were exposed to bullying.
Great story. What a gift "John" turned out to be ... I'll bet you are to him as well. Thanks for sharing this ...
He who protests the loudest has the most to hide.
Honestly breaks my heart.
Thank You for sharing your story Justin! It brought back memories from High School. I had a girl who would yell faggot during lunch breaks but I was lucky to have great friends and support. Years later I was walking on Davie Street Vancouver BC, Gay Village, and she was walking towards me with tears. She made her apologies and I forgave her. I hope that students who are facing discrimination, bullying know that it does get better.
+Ron Scow
You never know what the future holds though. 50 years left of living is a long time, so you don't know
what gets better and what doesn't.
I have a similar story...I wish I could have studied abroad.
I was actually rather popular in high school, but there were a few guys who would taunt me. And it turned out that the only ones who ever bullied me, accusing me of being gay - were gay, themselves.
The bully recognized himself in you and because of his self-hate. Then, decides to bully you. What an a-hole he was. I hope he reflects on how he made you feel. To think you did not want to pursue college, etc. because of him made me sad. You are a beautiful, strong man! So glad you held onto yourself... I'm also thinking he probably had a crush on your and that terrified him! Just a guess.
Same thing happened in Rhode Island in 1980 Frickle v Lynch HS jr wanted to bring his BF to dance. Law suit was filed and he was able to bring his bf to the dance. The senior that was most against it came out as gay 30 yrs later at gay pride.
Yep!
Yep! I had a feeling that old John boy would turned out to be deeply closeted. So true Justin, I knew someone like that in my high school as well (class of 86). Even though this guy tried to bully me like he did others, I stood up to him. I saw my nemesis from high school again 18 years later, at a friends birthday bash party in West Hollywood with his lover, lol!!! He complemented me on how good I looked, I said the same of him (he was always cute though, I have to admit) so go figure.
Did bully John ever apologize to you ?
Noted behavioral scientist B.F. Skinner stated that in his observations under a microscope, that :
"An organism that has felt a painful shock will aggressively seek out another similar organism to relievingly-eject and vent it, transfer it, thow it off and onto that scapegoated similar organism, transferance, venting, projection the process.
Long long ago, I learned very well that the worst homophobes are in fact closeted Gay men!
In our community, we referred to them as "Noise Boys."
Thou dost protest loudly doesn’t thou
So true. The vast majority of the homophobia and nastiness that I have experienced in my life has been from other gay people.
Great story!
His name is really Justin Taylor? Wow .. but thanks so much for this story!
Yes but not everyone can pack up and go to France for high school. 😅
We as LGBT+ people can personally and collectively be our own worst enemies.
What sounds maybe too-critical, but it often seemed to me back-in-the-day when bars and clubs were how we only connected, that we gay, putdowned-people loved to putdown other gays, and the bar scene was so often about walking around and talking trash about others. Hurt gays hrting other gays.
Form an SNL scetch that parodied " It's Gets Better", the gay Asian-American smartly said:
" I came out to stop being bullied by straights, only to wind-up being bullied by other gays. "
You ate very right.The racism is awful
AND I don't understand why!
lol what my hometown
When we can't stand what the mirror reflects back at us, the mirror is going to wind-up in anger-cased shards of glass. ................. This is JUST a guess, but we know, as bizarre as it is, that the mass-shooter at the Pulse club in Florida was a man who had gone to the bar before, and had been kicked out for harassing patrons. He was projecting his self-loathing onto those he loathed, a mirrored reflection bak of himself he couldn't bear to look at. He was Muslim and hping to be a police officer, was and was seemingly heterosexual and married, but bisexual in his feelings and frequenting that gay bar.
Likewise, of a more recent act, the shooter at the Colorado bar felt transgendered or non-bianary, and like the shooter in FLO, also had attended the gay bar as a repetitive partron, was a neo-Nazi, related to a high-profile, anti-gay Repubican, and used ati-gay swear-words on social media. .
He knew his identities, and hated his non-bianary-gender-issues as taught to him.
I understand what he went through and feel his pain and I had my struggles too. However, I understand how a guy man may not like the gay culture and all its extremes, and not really relate to it, which is my case. I just want to be perceived just like everyone else - a guy trying to live his life. Most of my friends are straight couples. I don’t want to go to gay parades. I think there are many guys like that - you can not even tell that we are gay unless we chose to tell. Most of my friends know about me and feel comfortable
In high school in the late seventies, I knew damned well who all the closet cases on the varsity teams were without even being familiar with that term yet. This one track star who graduated in '78 was absolutely petrified of me because, although it was completely tacit, I knew that he was gay, and HE KNEW that I knew he was gay, AND he knew that I was aware of the fact that he knew that I knew his "deep dark secret". My verbiage is a bit awkward here, but I'm sure readers of my comment are picking up on my drift. And thus, he and I had each other clocked. If I had been so clever back then, I could have played some vicious and wicked psychological cat & mouse games with 'im !! DAMN, I wish that I had been so crafty at the time. I could have figuratively put 'im in a straight jacket !!!
Why would you do that though? Kindness saves people struggling and turns others around in their thinking.
What if you had a conversation with him that life could be so much better for him if he was being an arse, to stop his behaviour as a theme? Obviously you would've needed to flesh out the argument little?
- A few home truths for him? Being nasty never helps either party.
@@Mcfreddo
Oh dear GOD, little Mary Sunshine, there are many factors attendant to the situation I was talking about which I have not disclosed. They involve the rigid caste social system of high school teen society and the extreme danger which being outted as gay posed to a teenage boy way back then (not that it's any picnic for gay teenage boys today, but back then it was even worse.) It was simply not possible for me to have any profound discourse of the sort that you're suggesting with this closeted jerk. To give you an idea of what a feces head he was, for instance, he flatly refused to sign my yearbook when I asked him. Perhaps now you have a slightly better handle on the scenario.
@@paulppchristman5827 Little Mary Sunshine- lol. Thanks, that's a good one! I haven't been skipping round, humming with la la for so,ooo long now, but perhaps I should take it up as it's very good for mind body co-ordination. (Don't want dementia now!)
I agree with snow hare on this...at least mostly. I think his idea of "talking" to the closeted guy back in the day is nieve given the time frame. I know what it was like back then as I graduated in 79 and am gay. The thing that makes me scratch my head is that even now you wish you could have made his life difficult back then. Over the years haven't you developed the capacity to forgive? Did he make your life back then so uncomfortable that to this day you still feel like you should have tortured him? We all know how hard it is to be gay so we should try to forgive one another if only much later in life.
Just my thoughts...
If he didn’t do or say anything to you leave him alone!!!
On the im homephobic when being labelled every time try help aome one bank spread rumors about me label i wanted there ass thats when i draw line.
This story isn't satisfying at all. I need to know what hardships the bully went through after coming out.
hopefully he repented by getting involved in causes that foster acceptance.
freddy2B Wow, your outlook truly amazing. Teenage years are difficult enough, mentally and emotionally. The additional struggles of Gay youth, much more. Although I have never condoned bullying. I surmise the Bully himself was in quite a bit of mental and emotional distress, as well as fear. This may have been coping mechanism, to get by.
When individuals live in pain and fear, with no clear outlet and feeling unsafe, negative behavior can arise.
To wish negativity on individuals is unkind and unwarranted, as well as counterproductive. It a lack of compassion and empathy.
starskie96yt Thank You ! You get it ! Your comment brought some tears. The subject brought back the past. Having been extremely bullied for five years. Everything from name calling, spat on, locker slammed, departs and etc. The thing I wanted more than anything at the time, to be left alone. Never did I bring it up, at school or home. It would’ve made things much worse.
I'm with the OP. I don't think that the bully being out and paying it forward now is enough. He should experience being bullied, too. I hope he did.
This person John was not your main issue. You and your up bringing where your biggest issue, (you came to europe to see homosexuality is normal )
This lack of discussion in American homes and schools about sex and sexuality is a major issue . You should be able to express your feeling safely at home and in school without judgement.
Do not give me this crap about religious or church going family. You should still be able to haveva favtual adult conversation and its your parents duty to find out about these things your parentsvare the grown up and shoukd know that church and religious out lets are notbtgr places to educate themselves about sex and sexuality.
Parents should be aware of what they are say around children. If a child does not feel able to speak to you because you been totally negative about a subject
Next John probably felt the same as you,
he may have even had sexual feels towards you and did not know how to handle it. So target you many athletics homosexual males in tge USA behave this wsy because of there upbringing abd they are afraid.
Why American parents cannot say to there children it does not what your sexuality is we will alway be there and love you and support.
Why parents cannot tell there children this is beyond me.
Why teacher cannot be out setting a role model for students again is alien to me. If my pupil me ask who i was married to i would not lie. I never got abuse or called names, it gave the children confidence to be themselves and to support there friends. It allowed young homosexual to know it was ok, here is a homosexual man with a good professional job earning $70k year with husband or partner nice home cars a good life.
Its showing homosexuality in positive normal way.
We are not all bitchy camp queens or muscle bound gym boys that like hetrosexual people we come in different forms.
If your a parents you need to be giving your children the messsge we love and support you and it does not matter what sexuality you have we love you.
As for religious parents you need to take a long look at yourselves and ask yourself who the better persons on who love's without question or some who love only if you follow our rules. The christain god the
Islamic god and Jewish god has never directly said homosexuality is bad or against the entities ways.
Only humans have said this.
You should have a go at John, (he was in the same situation as you) it your parents your school your society thats wrong. Your mother sent you away instead of supporting you at home ( maybe she had no choice?maybe she not believe there where environments in usa that could show you thst youbwhere normal maybe the usa is that toxic)
You need to point the finger at your society not John he was coping and need help
Religion is about acceptance of dogma and is against- stifles, questioning and learning/ critical thought. It's a heavy bog- entrapping. Rationality, reason and logic are not part of it.
It's not real and it hurts people. It always has. It is about exclusion!
NOT QUEER PEOPLE CAN BE NASTY ITS ONLY THOSE HOMPHOBIC KNEW YOUR INTUTION HE CALLED NAMES CAUSE HE DIDNT LIKE HIMSELF BE CAUGHT. HE WAS HOMPHOBIC THEY ARE ONES CALL NAMES AND EVEN HURT PERSON.
So get over it. Live your life and fight back when need be> PERIOD.