I am at a point of accepting and integrating my limerence. I think some parts of psyche just genuinely demands that we find our relational safety to the point of unhealthy coping mechanisms like limerence. It's a reflex. The mind just refuses to experience or acknowledge emptiness/loneliness/meaninglessness. Limerence wants to protect you or give you meaning despite how flawed it is. If you given up on dating or fixing your family trauma, limerence club you hard. So in order to grow and lessen limerence, you are forced to learn to be brave and to be intentional and dare to hope to find or create better relational worlds for yourself instead of just giving in to the despair of the empty day-to-day boredom of living. It is denying the meaningless reality in a good way to function. To engage with imagination and vision again, to believe you deserve and willing to build a better life.
Very inspiring concept. Also I like the idea of Love with nowhere to go . Limerance sure woke me up after my divorce, which the relationship was over long before I left. My LO went through similar events and we would talk about it , boy did I fall hard for her . Oh well , I have learned so much in the last year about myself.
so it was limerence all along huh. i always found myself grieving over what could have been and the potential of made up relationships and fantasies in my head. this gives me some peace of mind, at least, to know that i wasn't just spiraling by myself. after all, shadows can no longer hide in the darkness once the light is shine on them. thank you for this video, you explain this concept so well.
Great video, that point about "doing something creative with it" made me feel there's the other side to limerence that isn't really talked about, and that can only be talked about if we move limerence out of the spotlight of shame (in a similar sense to how we can talk about addiction without shame). In that limerence has often fuelled art and creativity on another level. Places where i've seen limerence (themes of romantic love, infatuation and intense passion) described are often in media and art, love songs, poems, film (often the romantic kind) after all that's where many of us first understood love/infatuation (limerence) from. I weirdly find that looking at such an aliment with this lens makes it easier to be self forgiving, and hopefully free.
Thank you so much for this. I suffer so much my whole life with limerence. It feels sometimes like that drives my SI. I have gotten better and not obsessing but it’s such a familiar ache I don’t know what life would even feel like without it.
It's a good point of view, & as You said, you experienced grief when U have to let it go or at least that was my experience, I've realized that I was grieving first I resist, but then I said to myself why not? because it was something real in my head of course not in real world, but grieving about the expectation, so I was trying to be for me, hold me with compassion and acceptance, though I'm still in that process, but I'm in a better place😊
I'd like to hear your thoughts on transference. Right now I'd say I'm on my...5th round of transference within almost a year since I went limerent again. The third one was what broke me for months, and was so weirdly coinciding with my triggers from when I was in limerence 10 years ago. Most recent started Sept. 1st, and the pattern I see is I feel like myself again, but immediately get attached to someone new, like that day. The most recent one is actually my type, and they're not in a place to date rn, which I'm glad was communicated, but back in the depression we go. It's so frustrating to see this over and over in yourself, and constantly have to backup and look at yourself in the mirror. I just need a home again, and I'll be free.
Yes, that would be an interesting part of limerence to explore.. thank you for that. And thank you for sharing. The synchronicities through this whole experience is mind-blowing!
It’s really sad to think the way I feel is just limerence 😢I’ve had it so many times with so many people. I wish it would be end and just be real for once
I’v researched this a lot. My wife said she went through this with her MMA instructor. That was my fault. I actually trusted her around him. He also taught our three small kids (while I was at work .) Your comment about Dorthy T. is always interesting. Involuntary action almost sounds like a justification of the actions involving Limerence. If it’s involuntary then how do I hold her accountable? If so, is Infidelity justifiable
That's a really good and important question. It's involuntary only insofar as the feeling and the state of limerence goes (like we cant choose who we develop limerence for). The actions someone takes in this state of limerence is separate. Unfortunately some people act on those feelings and cross boundaries without realizing its just limerence and nothing more. Once someone develops an awareness of this limerence state they have a choice. Feed the obsession or choose to distance themselves from the LO; its not easy but it's possible and necessary especially if their relationship is on the line.
Such a fresh approach- Limerance and grief is love that can’t move
I am at a point of accepting and integrating my limerence. I think some parts of psyche just genuinely demands that we find our relational safety to the point of unhealthy coping mechanisms like limerence. It's a reflex. The mind just refuses to experience or acknowledge emptiness/loneliness/meaninglessness. Limerence wants to protect you or give you meaning despite how flawed it is. If you given up on dating or fixing your family trauma, limerence club you hard. So in order to grow and lessen limerence, you are forced to learn to be brave and to be intentional and dare to hope to find or create better relational worlds for yourself instead of just giving in to the despair of the empty day-to-day boredom of living. It is denying the meaningless reality in a good way to function. To engage with imagination and vision again, to believe you deserve and willing to build a better life.
Very inspiring concept. Also I like the idea of Love with nowhere to go
. Limerance sure woke me up after my divorce, which the relationship was over long before I left. My LO went through similar events and we would talk about it , boy did I fall hard for her .
Oh well , I have learned so much in the last year about myself.
That was beautiful
Thank you for this
feeling so much better to know I am not alone in going through this
This perspective of limerance being similar to grief really captures a significant part of my experience. Thank-you for this.
so it was limerence all along huh. i always found myself grieving over what could have been and the potential of made up relationships and fantasies in my head. this gives me some peace of mind, at least, to know that i wasn't just spiraling by myself. after all, shadows can no longer hide in the darkness once the light is shine on them. thank you for this video, you explain this concept so well.
Great video, that point about "doing something creative with it" made me feel there's the other side to limerence that isn't really talked about, and that can only be talked about if we move limerence out of the spotlight of shame (in a similar sense to how we can talk about addiction without shame). In that limerence has often fuelled art and creativity on another level. Places where i've seen limerence (themes of romantic love, infatuation and intense passion) described are often in media and art, love songs, poems, film (often the romantic kind) after all that's where many of us first understood love/infatuation (limerence) from. I weirdly find that looking at such an aliment with this lens makes it easier to be self forgiving, and hopefully free.
Thank you so much for this. I suffer so much my whole life with limerence. It feels sometimes like that drives my SI. I have gotten better and not obsessing but it’s such a familiar ache I don’t know what life would even feel like without it.
It's a good point of view, & as You said, you experienced grief when U have to let it go or at least that was my experience, I've realized that I was grieving first I resist, but then I said to myself why not? because it was something real in my head of course not in real world, but grieving about the expectation, so I was trying to be for me, hold me with compassion and acceptance, though I'm still in that process, but I'm in a better place😊
I'd like to hear your thoughts on transference. Right now I'd say I'm on my...5th round of transference within almost a year since I went limerent again. The third one was what broke me for months, and was so weirdly coinciding with my triggers from when I was in limerence 10 years ago. Most recent started Sept. 1st, and the pattern I see is I feel like myself again, but immediately get attached to someone new, like that day. The most recent one is actually my type, and they're not in a place to date rn, which I'm glad was communicated, but back in the depression we go. It's so frustrating to see this over and over in yourself, and constantly have to backup and look at yourself in the mirror. I just need a home again, and I'll be free.
Yes, that would be an interesting part of limerence to explore.. thank you for that. And thank you for sharing. The synchronicities through this whole experience is mind-blowing!
It’s really sad to think the way I feel is just limerence 😢I’ve had it so many times with so many people. I wish it would be end and just be real for once
I feel I never really loved somebody. I just got obsessed by seeking validation of those I admired and thought they you'd be good for me
Thank you for making these videos. They’re very helpful
I’v researched this a lot. My wife said she went through this with her MMA instructor. That was my fault. I actually trusted her around him. He also taught our three small kids (while I was at work .) Your comment about Dorthy T. is always interesting. Involuntary action almost sounds like a justification of the actions involving Limerence. If it’s involuntary then how do I hold her accountable? If so, is Infidelity justifiable
That's a really good and important question. It's involuntary only insofar as the feeling and the state of limerence goes (like we cant choose who we develop limerence for). The actions someone takes in this state of limerence is separate. Unfortunately some people act on those feelings and cross boundaries without realizing its just limerence and nothing more. Once someone develops an awareness of this limerence state they have a choice. Feed the obsession or choose to distance themselves from the LO; its not easy but it's possible and necessary especially if their relationship is on the line.
You're gorgeous 😍
Pseudo relationships aren't sufficient