She definitely won. Better to know now than after wasting however many more years on someone who doesn’t want what she wants and doesn’t care if she stays or goes. Definitely better to know before having kids.
I was a placeholder for 3 years. I knew about 2 years in that he didn't want me that way. I gave him an ultimatum for marriage and I knew that I needed to make decisions to move on. That was 8 years ago. I have since bought a home, got married, had a child, finished a PhD and started modeling - all without him. He is still in the exact same place in life and lives with his mom. I made the right decision to leave! I wasn't it for him and he wasn't it for me!
I think he didn’t marry you because he knew he wasn’t going to change and you would eventually figure that out and leave him. He was smart not to marry you. You would have eventually left him.
@Quilt4Joy Which leaving him would be the right thing to do. Your comment doesn’t even make sense anyway- Why should a woman stay with a broken, no ambition having man? What’s the point? Being some ride or die slave or a mommy figure to a man won’t get you anything… but you love that life if it makes sense to you.
It back fired for her cause that is not the outcome she wanted. However she learned a valuable lesson, and will be happy when she realizes them going their separate ways was a blessing in disguise. 😌
@@6Haunted-Days when did I say BW would benefit more that WW? I said it would help BW more because society, for the most part, assumes we don’t have those things because of our male counterparts.
She allowed herself to be played. Never give anyone ultimatums. She wasn’t even firm in her ultimatum because she allowed him to play in her face for 3 more months after the ultimatum. He actually did her a favor! Imagine forcing a man who doesn’t want to marry you to get married. What is that marriage going to look like? He’s going to be unhappy and resentful because he didn’t even want to marry her in the first place, and believe me, she’s going to feel that resentment.
What about the woman who was forced to wait 3 years and wasted 3 years on a male She cloudv been with another man or something instead wasted 3 years U think shes bad for an ultimatium? What about the male who wasted 3 years of her life? Who used her People love to criticise women and blame women and stuff but always give men slack for their behavior Allow men to be toxic and if a woman does something 10℅ as toxic as a male shes crucified online We womenget socialised to obey and deal with mens bs and to not be selfish and care about others feelings more than our own Thats why she dealt with him We also getsocualised to think low of ourselfes and to be "gratefull anyone wanted us" Men hace all controll in life while women get punished or bullied intho submission Especially relationship whise
@levtieart3409 To be fair, no one forced her to stay for 3 years. She knew what she wanted, if she felt like he couldn't give it to her, she should have just moved on. Here's the thing, men be trash sometimes, but also women are often willing participants in getting played....not always but often
She didn’t even need to give an ultimatum, the fact he waited three years should have given her answer already. Sis waited three years 🤦🏽♀️ and lived with him.
Nothing is wrong with 3 years- what is wrong is him never having the drive to want marriage. He did not care for marriage and hence why he had no problem sending her packing. He like her for what she brings but wants the freedom to bounce easily if he needs to. Stop wasting your time ladies. My hubby was talking marriage in the first year - I was unsure, one year is not enough for me, so after 4 years he proposed. My dad said the man has to want his woman more for any relationship to work and be successful. 20 years happily married I am so glad I listened to my father. 🙏🏽😌💕
I did this.... I invested eight years and the disgust I feel towards myself is insane. Knowing I allowed someone to play in my face. This healing journey has been the toughest fight of my life. I'm having to answer to all of my toxic behaviors. Having to take accountability for my choices. Realizing that it starts with me.
I was with my ex for over 6 years. He got me when I was 17 and he was 21. He met with my parents and told them his intentions were to marry me. Told me he was going to marry me. After 4 years of us living together, he said he was scared to make the marriage commitment. A few months after that, I stopped wanting to marry him and started planning to move out. He never thought I would. I moved out at 6 years together. At that time, he cried and begged and offered to marry me. I declined. My now husband and I have been married for over 10 years and he asked me to marry him in less than a year of dating. We have a son and a daughter on the way. Looking back, I wish I didn't waste my time with the ex but I thought him expressing to me and my parents that his intentions were marriage actually meant something. It didn't.
I think it’s wild to be 30+ dating a man for potential when she’s already established. I be like “if you figured it out with all of the struggles and obstacles you had why can’t/didn’t he?” Men be 40+ talking about let’s create/build something, when they never had anything before. Wtf
If you know you want to be married then it's you who has to be clear about that expectation. Not everyone wants that. I suggest not wasting your time if that's what you desire and your partner does not.
@bendemare5270 Not sure what's the point of your comment 😂😂😂. We have to be responsible for leading our lives. If a man doesn't wanna marry you then bounce. 🤷♀️
He was already out of the situationship and on to the next the moment she said that...sigh...AND the first lady is on point. Within 6 months, intentions should be clear. If not...time to skip on down the road.
I let a guy waste two years of my life. After year two, I vowed to myself that he won’t be wasting another year of my life. After I made up my mind, I no longer had anything else to say and just blocked him on everything. I am at peace and very happy with my decision
That's why you never give a dude husband benefits. Everything in life is an exchange of something, money, services, benefits, energy. You don't give for free. That said, she's gotten the sweeter deal because marriage is a horrible investment for women.
Right. I keep telling my friends to not move in before marriage; some are baby mamas now with no ring and a grown a** laid up in their home. I refuse, I’d rather be single.
@@sourcandydoll I understand those women because I've made that mistake over and over (just not the kid part), I was naive and thought that if the "test drive" worked fine than the dude would have no problem investing/committing. Nope. They take whatever they can get, the cheaper the better. And they don't reciprocate quality with loyalty, because they have this notion that they can get the same or better out there and Tinder is easy.
@@TheCoffeeCat I made mistakes in my youth and had a child with a narcissist; and because of that I have strict standards, boundaries and expectations that protect me and my child. (I refuse to have more children) and I don’t online date anymore, I meet too many creeps, personally. What should be studied more is BM who are narcissist and that’s the message I want to get to young BW and girls I see. It’s so normalized in our community it’s terrifying.
@@sourcandydoll I hear ya, and good for you!! Yep, narcissism and the rest of the dark triad are rampant among men in general, BM specially. The dating pool is infested. I don't date anymore either - single and celibate by choice. At one point you have to prioritize your safety, health and well-being. I know there are a select few sensible men out there, but I'm just not willing to brave the horrible odds to find them anymore. It hurts to go through the fake good ones who at one point switch things up on you and turn nasty, and I don't want any more of that predictable pain, nor can I turn off the part of me that feels the pain without turning off the part that feels joy. So, it's a fear-based decision but also a very conscious one that I've thought through a lot. Being brave and optimistic has led me nowhere with menz.
So true. I just came from a comment section of a video about how men don't want to get married and all of them were saying that they're already getting all the wife benefits so they don't have a reason to. "Why buy the cow if you're already getting all the milk for free"
Secondly, don’t live together. Firstly, be truthful upfront regarding expectations, i.e., looking for committed relationship towards marriage. Thirdly, don’t get pregnant while dating!
Agree. I don't think marriage is my goal although it does seem romantic and I'd want a prenup. I think the merging of lifestyles is more the conversation, and where you both want to go and if you are able to accommodate or support each other. That includes having kids
Marriage is a failed technology. People still do it. But every time I hear people talking about getting married I think about how big a mistake it can turn out to be. Why stay with someone for the rest of your life if you don't even want to be with them after a few years.
..and thats why I tell women to close their legs till marriage and never move in with a man until after you walk down the aisle but they want to call me “Old fashioned” 😂😂😂😂 ok sis be happy with your hush ring thennnn
Nah there needs to be tests to see if the partner is worthy of being married by seing if they sexually please her. Marriage between people who are not asexual, is supposed to be an orgasm induced thing for the vulva owning partner.
why would anyone manipulate you to think you want them while they don't? who date somebody they don't wanna marry without being upront? 10 years playing that person, yet it's their victim who get blame ?? Pick up yourself
I don't even feel bad for her. One she tried to FORCE this man to MARRY her. You can't force anyone to do anything, especially into something that is already difficult. Two, when you give someone an ultimatum, you better be prepared to stand on that. These men know when they want to be taken care of and will put a ring on it. But if you're 2 years in and still putting in work for something.. leave
My mother tried this with her long term boyfriend. He refused to marry her and she met my father in a rebound relationship. She decided she could not be with my father and left him. Later, she found out she was pregnant with me (she was NOT happy). My mom messed up by going back to the same man who rejected her!!! She even abandoned me severally to be with him!!! It was a back and forth mess for years. Ladies, when he rejects you, its a good thing. Just move on!
This is the best thing that could have happened to her. She going to Vegas for a reason. It may seem like a fail now, but she will realize she dropped so much dead weight. I wish her much love and success.
Read/heard it in another post something along the line of a girl, whenever she entered into a relationship with a guy, would say "youve got 1 year to decide whether you want to marry me or not. If by that time you are undecided we part ways". Sensible approach if you're dating and looking for marriage.
I have seen a woman say, you're not ready? Ok, then you don't need to be having sex with me, or driving my car, and you definitely don't need me to be moving jobs and cities for you. And it worked. They are happily married now. She didn't force him, but she let him know that if he wasn't serious she was going to match his energy and stop investing in him. She let him know, if you think I'm it, you better move because I'm not going to be here forever. Going once, going twice... As far as I can see, ultimatums have no downside IF you mean it.
The worse thing a woman can do is force a man to marry her. If he ain’t doing it then you have to make a decision as a woman. Waste more of your time move TF on. Also if he is never engaging in talks of marriage and having a family, then as a woman your wasting your time. Don’t let these men string you along. Set the standards and move along. 😌
The worse thing an afab or woman aligned person can do is not center themselves , their hopes, dreams, tastes,and pleasure, etc in their lives , on a political and class level included. Seing to your failing to meet those aquirement, it's hypocritical of you to judge that poor person without being deeply compassionate. Patriarchy beat down afabs and people with female socialisation ' self esteem . It makes people not the the first point I evoqued. Of course, people who were victim of that kind of torture would not have a good sense of seelves, boundaries, and worth.
The ultimatum did not backfire. It showed her that staying with this guy would only mean continuing to be strung along by this guy who did not value her and did not want to marry her. If her desire is to marry and have children, the last thing she needed to do is continue to stay with this individual. Why lose the rest of your childbearing years hoping and wishing that the man you've been with will one day marry you? Three years is more than enough time for him to marry you if that is truly his intention. Usually, most men like this one won't be honest enough to tell you they won't marry you. They are selfish enough to want to keep you around for what you add to their life, and they are happy to take the best years of your life without ever giving you a committment. I guess the idea of committment to the permanence of marriage was enough to get him to stop playing games with her and to let her know she was nothing but a toy to him. Thank God he admitted that he would not marry her, so she can be free to go look elsewhere. The breakup may hurt in the short run, but in the long run, it would hurt much, much more to be with somebody like that for 10 or 15 years, only to wake up one day and realize that your childbearing years have been wasted with somebody who had no intention of giving you marriage and children.
One lesson women need to learn is: don't give ultimatums unless you intend to abide by them. If you just let it slide then he will see that you don't mean what you say.
*IF HE HELPED YOU PACK LOOK AT IT AS A BLESSING....SOME PEOPLE WASTE 10+ yr and have to pay for a divorce... so hey let him go...and focus on finding a man who wants to get married just as bad as u do....its over 8 billion people on this planet*
I know of a lady who was shacking up with a man for 7 years. She gave him an ultimatum, and he moved back home with his mother. Left her after 7 years. He never had attentions to marry her. What woman waits 7 long years. And these are Greek people. I thought Greeks are all about family.
I was married before and I was JADED when I met my now husband. We have been married for 14+ years after I wasted 5 years of HIS time. I was scared. This marriage is the marriage I deserved all along, this one is my adult marriage. My first marriage was just practice. When a man knows he knows. You can tell him no, wait, 3 times and he will still protest. ❤
Ultimatums should be given when ur ready to leave. U dont just throw them around. And it should never get to that point, cuz a man who is serious wont make u wait or wonder
Im having so much trouble sympathizing with her bc i hate HATE HATE mind games. Do not give ultimatums you dont mean or try to manipulate anyone. That got old when we were 18. Thats a grown ass woman. When a man played mind games like that w me, I instantly fell out of love. I almost doubt the idea that her ex led her on. If shes still playing mind games at her age, i can see her being weird enough to stay with a man who told her from jump he didnt want to marry
I am a firm believer that you don't give ultimatums. Its a sign of a severe lack of communication. And, yes, that includes if someone i love has an addiction, I'd not give an ultimatum. Have a discussion of needs and concerns, but sometimes you need to protect you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go and make changes on their own. Court ordered rehab doesn't work, why would an ultimatum?
Another thing - why give them an ultimatum 'propose or I'll leave'? You're just proposing without proposing. Just propose, let them say yes or no, then done is done. I know it's 'traditional' for the man to propose but if you need that paper so badly, the step it up, girl!
If you want marriage and kids, you cant waste time waiting on a man to get serious. You only have a few years of fertility - dont waste those fertile years on an unserious man. The saddest and most unfair thing is women who miss out on having children because they waited too long and wasted their fertile years on a man that eventually dumps to start a family with a younger women, while they're post-menopausal, single and childless
I learned a looooong time ago that giving an ultimatum to a man is always going to end badly. My ultimatum? I told my dad he can either be a dad and meet me, or he no longer has the right to call himself a dad and I never want to see him again. He wished me a good life. Yikes.....
How is this a bad ending? You learned that he wasn't serious about being your father. Why put up with someone so half-assed? The only thing you would have ended up with if you had carried on, is years and years of uncertainty and hurt, when he showed you over and over, in any number of ways, you didn't really mean anything to him. Better you found out where you stand, so you can deal with it once and for all and not waste any more time and energy trying to foster a relationship with someone who doesn't give a whoop about you. Sure it hurts, but better one big hurt where you get the truth, than years and years of mistreatment.
@@BabalonNuit true.....I guess with badly I meant that giving a man an ultimatum isn't going to give you what you want. I've been father free for so many years now that it doesn't hurt or feel like anything anymore :) I'm good.
Honestly, I'm a lady and I would have responded the same to that ultimatum. Would not have helped her pack, tho. Like they said, talk about timelines, if your partner doesn't honor that timeline, then leave. No ultimatum, just leave.
You definitely dont want to manipulate or force any man to propose to you. For me if he isnt proposing within the first year im done but thats only me! Im not wasting my time like that i also will never give him an ultimatum thats just not fair.
A saudi man told me + other muslim Men confirmed to ne that "If a man doesent talk about marriage within 1 year or marry you or at least engage That hes not serious about you and just uses you till he gets bored/finds someone else hed wanna and doesent wanna commit and wants a eazy way out (no divorce) " MEN TOLD ME THAT MALES MDN ETC AS ADVICE HOW I SHOULD SCREEN MEN (those bastards would screen any man if i still wanted to marry especially akbar the indonesian, hed fbi anyman for me cuz in islam /muslim community if u wanna mary all ur friends /family are involved in screening the male /female I have no family (abusive christians) so my friends feel like its their duty to protect me since i have no family)
Why would you want to marry somebody that you had to force to ask you?? That's just weird lol. If a man did that s*** to me I'd be the same way like you want me to help you pack goodbye
Women that live with men without walking the aisle first should not talk about marriage, these modern women should accept this fact because they're already got married just without the legal benefits, basically "the male dream marriage"
Like she was already most likely doing wife things for him I bet so why would he marry. You moved in with him probably cooking and cleaning etc. like forget about the religious aspect of it but our grands weren’t BSing when they say to not shack up. That’s a prime example. Like I would spend the night here and there with him but I’m not moving in if there is no ring on my finger. They have to want to marry me not marry me just because I want it but we both have to want it.
I'm always surprised how many people want to or expect to marry. Is it a typical american thing? The last time a bf talked about marriage, I told him that's not going to happen, bc I'm not interested, I never was, it had nothing to do with him. The relationship lasted for 20 years, he clearly didn't feel rejected.
If someone gave me a ultimatum to marry them I would leave them to no body is going to blackmail me in any big decision and nobody with some sense would marry someone if the relationship is 3 years or less also if she's going to blackmail me in marriage what else is she going to do it with the children the house it says to me that she doesn't love me she just wants do it for herself so why would i want that
So you mean I need a ring for my man to prove to me his level of commitment and character? why not just be confident in your love for each other? a ring doesn't prove anything but aesthetics..marriage should be a character-based journey..the person is either kind or not..they are either commitment to you or not..they are either life partner material or not..the pressure put on men to propose is insane..so he gives you a ring but he is still the same as yesterday..what does the ring actually change? ya'll can still live together and be beautiful together... so instead of chasing a ring, chase how someone treats you...
Honestly, there shouldn't be a timeline for marriage..also the only thing that would change is the legality of things. otherwise, what happened to relying on his character? woman chase this thing called a ring so much you miss the point of commitment without the ring..character/commitment is more important than putting a ring on it..aagg social pressures of marriage..enjoy your life together and pray about it.these timelines are coming from whom? live the true reality of how you treat each other..
Protip, never them what you are looking for in a partner. Take a piece of paper, make a list of all the things you into in a partner, then look at it. All of your prospects have to have ALL OF THEM for them to be worthy of your time. Focus on how you feel vs will them like me . Exemple : do they like this and that on me ? feeling self conscious about them liking stuff about you. Important and vital mindset to have is : How do THEY make you feel? How do you feel when around them ? Do you feel safe, uplifted, cherished, listened to, understood etc etc? Do you feel intelligent? Basically look at how you feel , and write it down to analysis Your time is precious, and you are amazing and worthy, and any pretendent who wanna be amongst those who are graced by your attention shall add value to your life. Also if you feel bored, dismiss their candidature. At the first sign of disrespect, leave. Feminicides happen all the time, and state don't care, ruthlessly cut out people at the 1st sign of disrespect. trust your gut, your intuition, your instinct, etc. If you are wondering if you deserve better, you do. if you gave them your phone number, block and delete immediately. If within 2 month the person hasn't proposed, they aren't into you, dismiss their candidature in your life.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to end my first sentence : never tell to your partner what you are looking 4 in a partner. Analyse them and study them, and all these who fail to your standart , demote them out of your life. Get that filter wolking, friends, 'cause there's a lotta trash out there.
I agree!! I never understood why "experts" want women to tell men what they are looking for and tell them what to do to date you. It's counter to the reason for dating!
It doesn't hurt when you realize that they just want you as a placeholder. I did this for 5 years straight, 8 years off and on. Let me tell you, there are master manipulator stringers out there. You have to walk away, block, and get a restraining order if/when they start stalking you.
It didn't backfire at all! No way! She won. She learned a lesson about a mistake she will never make again.
In only three years too. Hopefully with no kids 🤞
She definitely got the wake up call she needed. The upside is that she can move on and get what she really wants.
She definitely won. Better to know now than after wasting however many more years on someone who doesn’t want what she wants and doesn’t care if she stays or goes. Definitely better to know before having kids.
“I was gonna force this man to propose.” The word there is “force”, a proposal should never be forced.
I was a placeholder for 3 years. I knew about 2 years in that he didn't want me that way. I gave him an ultimatum for marriage and I knew that I needed to make decisions to move on. That was 8 years ago. I have since bought a home, got married, had a child, finished a PhD and started modeling - all without him. He is still in the exact same place in life and lives with his mom. I made the right decision to leave! I wasn't it for him and he wasn't it for me!
How old were you at the time?
@@Iamchristaelaine 28/29
I think he didn’t marry you because he knew he wasn’t going to change and you would eventually figure that out and leave him. He was smart not to marry you. You would have eventually left him.
@Quilt4Joy Which leaving him would be the right thing to do. Your comment doesn’t even make sense anyway-
Why should a woman stay with a broken, no ambition having man? What’s the point? Being some ride or die slave or a mommy figure to a man won’t get you anything… but you love that life if it makes sense to you.
backfired? more like a blessing
Right.
It back fired for her cause that is not the outcome she wanted. However she learned a valuable lesson, and will be happy when she realizes them going their separate ways was a blessing in disguise. 😌
I really hope women start to work on themselves, increase their self esteem so waiting around for a man that doesnt want you is NEVER an option.
Having standards, boundaries and expectations will help women(especially BW) when dating.
@RebelDezznuts I dont date BM or bottom tier WM who troll the comment section of UA-cam videos because he can’t get a woman in real life.
@@6Haunted-Days when did I say BW would benefit more that WW? I said it would help BW more because society, for the most part, assumes we don’t have those things because of our male counterparts.
Cyn G!
Best Advice for BW
@@NoName-oe4gm facts 💯
Very very very good advice! You summerized it so well ! I wish I would have known that earlier.
Y'all act like marriage is not a job, like it's not work every day. Getting married doesn't suddenly make your lousy man act right.
She allowed herself to be played. Never give anyone ultimatums. She wasn’t even firm in her ultimatum because she allowed him to play in her face for 3 more months after the ultimatum. He actually did her a favor! Imagine forcing a man who doesn’t want to marry you to get married. What is that marriage going to look like? He’s going to be unhappy and resentful because he didn’t even want to marry her in the first place, and believe me, she’s going to feel that resentment.
What about the woman who was forced to wait 3 years and wasted 3 years on a male
She cloudv been with another man or something instead wasted 3 years
U think shes bad for an ultimatium?
What about the male who wasted 3 years of her life? Who used her
People love to criticise women and blame women and stuff but always give men slack for their behavior
Allow men to be toxic and if a woman does something 10℅ as toxic as a male shes crucified online
We womenget socialised to obey and deal with mens bs and to not be selfish and care about others feelings more than our own
Thats why she dealt with him
We also getsocualised to think low of ourselfes and to be "gratefull anyone wanted us"
Men hace all controll in life while women get punished or bullied intho submission
Especially relationship whise
I'm sorry since you know everything how would you do
If it gets to the point of ultimatums it's just doomed
@levtieart3409 To be fair, no one forced her to stay for 3 years. She knew what she wanted, if she felt like he couldn't give it to her, she should have just moved on. Here's the thing, men be trash sometimes, but also women are often willing participants in getting played....not always but often
If you give an ultimatum you have to accept he might take it DUH 🙄 it's still worth it because you get your answer sooner instead of wasting time
She didn’t even need to give an ultimatum, the fact he waited three years should have given her answer already. Sis waited three years 🤦🏽♀️ and lived with him.
Nothing is wrong with 3 years- what is wrong is him never having the drive to want marriage. He did not care for marriage and hence why he had no problem sending her packing. He like her for what she brings but wants the freedom to bounce easily if he needs to. Stop wasting your time ladies. My hubby was talking marriage in the first year - I was unsure, one year is not enough for me, so after 4 years he proposed. My dad said the man has to want his woman more for any relationship to work and be successful. 20 years happily married I am so glad I listened to my father. 🙏🏽😌💕
Why buy cow if you get the milk for free
I did this.... I invested eight years and the disgust I feel towards myself is insane. Knowing I allowed someone to play in my face. This healing journey has been the toughest fight of my life. I'm having to answer to all of my toxic behaviors. Having to take accountability for my choices. Realizing that it starts with me.
🤗🤗❤️
❤❤❤❤
Boundaries and standards! U can do it ❤
Wishing you the best ❤
I'm just happy you're no longer in the mess.
The journey not easy but is so worth it; I can assure you that will not regret it 💖. 😊
I was with my ex for over 6 years. He got me when I was 17 and he was 21. He met with my parents and told them his intentions were to marry me. Told me he was going to marry me. After 4 years of us living together, he said he was scared to make the marriage commitment. A few months after that, I stopped wanting to marry him and started planning to move out. He never thought I would. I moved out at 6 years together. At that time, he cried and begged and offered to marry me. I declined. My now husband and I have been married for over 10 years and he asked me to marry him in less than a year of dating. We have a son and a daughter on the way. Looking back, I wish I didn't waste my time with the ex but I thought him expressing to me and my parents that his intentions were marriage actually meant something. It didn't.
You did the right thing sis, good job for dodging that bullet. Blessings to you and your family🫶🏽🫶🏽 best of luck for you!!☘️
Most guys who were serious about me brought up marriage around 3 months in.
It took this lady 3 years to figure out she’s a placeholder 😬
We all been a placeholder
Be gentle. It's taken some women much longer.
3 years ain’t that bad. It’s enough to get serious but not a major loss
Can't be a placeholder for a man who has no intention of ever getting married.
Girl be lucky that he was honest with you and didn't waste more of your time
People need to do more of this in life. Be honest and make their intentions known.
Never chase a man.
I think it’s wild to be 30+ dating a man for potential when she’s already established. I be like “if you figured it out with all of the struggles and obstacles you had why can’t/didn’t he?” Men be 40+ talking about let’s create/build something, when they never had anything before. Wtf
If you know you want to be married then it's you who has to be clear about that expectation. Not everyone wants that. I suggest not wasting your time if that's what you desire and your partner does not.
Nah, the partner knew what they were doing . They played with the victim's insecurity to keep tyem around. They're responsible , yes they are.
@bendemare5270 Not sure what's the point of your comment 😂😂😂. We have to be responsible for leading our lives. If a man doesn't wanna marry you then bounce. 🤷♀️
He was already out of the situationship and on to the next the moment she said that...sigh...AND the first lady is on point. Within 6 months, intentions should be clear. If not...time to skip on down the road.
I let a guy waste two years of my life. After year two, I vowed to myself that he won’t be wasting another year of my life. After I made up my mind, I no longer had anything else to say and just blocked him on everything. I am at peace and very happy with my decision
congratulation on dropping of the only type of weight afabs need to loose.
@@bendemare5270 thank you! It was so hard to walk away but I’m glad that I found the strength to ❤️
Congratulations on having standards. Good luck!!
@@thezu9250 sometimes it takes some time to understand that you don’t have to put up with anything you don’t want to put up with . Thank you
I'm sure he tried to come looking for you once he realised he was blocked? Did he not come to your home or work to find out what was going on?
That's why you never give a dude husband benefits. Everything in life is an exchange of something, money, services, benefits, energy. You don't give for free.
That said, she's gotten the sweeter deal because marriage is a horrible investment for women.
Right. I keep telling my friends to not move in before marriage; some are baby mamas now with no ring and a grown a** laid up in their home. I refuse, I’d rather be single.
@@sourcandydoll I understand those women because I've made that mistake over and over (just not the kid part), I was naive and thought that if the "test drive" worked fine than the dude would have no problem investing/committing. Nope. They take whatever they can get, the cheaper the better. And they don't reciprocate quality with loyalty, because they have this notion that they can get the same or better out there and Tinder is easy.
@@TheCoffeeCat I made mistakes in my youth and had a child with a narcissist; and because of that I have strict standards, boundaries and expectations that protect me and my child. (I refuse to have more children) and I don’t online date anymore, I meet too many creeps, personally. What should be studied more is BM who are narcissist and that’s the message I want to get to young BW and girls I see. It’s so normalized in our community it’s terrifying.
@@sourcandydoll I hear ya, and good for you!! Yep, narcissism and the rest of the dark triad are rampant among men in general, BM specially. The dating pool is infested. I don't date anymore either - single and celibate by choice. At one point you have to prioritize your safety, health and well-being. I know there are a select few sensible men out there, but I'm just not willing to brave the horrible odds to find them anymore. It hurts to go through the fake good ones who at one point switch things up on you and turn nasty, and I don't want any more of that predictable pain, nor can I turn off the part of me that feels the pain without turning off the part that feels joy. So, it's a fear-based decision but also a very conscious one that I've thought through a lot. Being brave and optimistic has led me nowhere with menz.
So true. I just came from a comment section of a video about how men don't want to get married and all of them were saying that they're already getting all the wife benefits so they don't have a reason to.
"Why buy the cow if you're already getting all the milk for free"
Sounds like she dodged a bullet.
It's over when you have to beg, baby trap, force, manipulate or trick someone into marrying you.
Some women wait for 10 years and then man will STILL be dangling a ring promise like a carrot
I mean my husband and I talk about these cases all the time. Like as in "shit or get off the pot". An engagement or waiting shouldn't be that long.
Secondly, don’t live together.
Firstly, be truthful upfront regarding expectations, i.e., looking for committed relationship towards marriage.
Thirdly, don’t get pregnant while dating!
I’m sorry married is not the goal anymore. Because people are still going to do what they do
Exactly. Marriage doesn’t suddenly make him faithful . Marriage is when men tend to show their @sses the most because they “got you”
Agree. I don't think marriage is my goal although it does seem romantic and I'd want a prenup. I think the merging of lifestyles is more the conversation, and where you both want to go and if you are able to accommodate or support each other. That includes having kids
Marriage is a failed technology. People still do it. But every time I hear people talking about getting married I think about how big a mistake it can turn out to be. Why stay with someone for the rest of your life if you don't even want to be with them after a few years.
Marriage ain’t a flex. 💯
😂😂😂😂😂i died when she said he helped to put her belongings in the car😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
At her age she waited THREE YEARS?!
UGH How many times do I have to say this? The mere fact that you have to make an ultimatum in the 1st place right THERE you shouldn't marry him!!!
..and thats why I tell women to close their legs till marriage and never move in with a man until after you walk down the aisle but they want to call me “Old fashioned” 😂😂😂😂 ok sis be happy with your hush ring thennnn
💯
Agreed. Lmao
Yes, as women, we need to understand that we must sacrifice and hold off certain pleasures to get what we want.
But can rush to marry you just to get in the legs and then start to treat you like 💩💩
Nah there needs to be tests to see if the partner is worthy of being married by seing if they sexually please her. Marriage between people who are not asexual, is supposed to be an orgasm induced thing for the vulva owning partner.
Why would you want to marry someone that you forced to propose??
why would anyone manipulate you to think you want them while they don't? who date somebody they don't wanna marry without being upront? 10 years playing that person, yet it's their victim who get blame ?? Pick up yourself
I don't even feel bad for her. One she tried to FORCE this man to MARRY her. You can't force anyone to do anything, especially into something that is already difficult.
Two, when you give someone an ultimatum, you better be prepared to stand on that.
These men know when they want to be taken care of and will put a ring on it. But if you're 2 years in and still putting in work for something.. leave
My mother tried this with her long term boyfriend. He refused to marry her and she met my father in a rebound relationship. She decided she could not be with my father and left him. Later, she found out she was pregnant with me (she was NOT happy). My mom messed up by going back to the same man who rejected her!!! She even abandoned me severally to be with him!!! It was a back and forth mess for years. Ladies, when he rejects you, its a good thing. Just move on!
This is the best thing that could have happened to her. She going to Vegas for a reason. It may seem like a fail now, but she will realize she dropped so much dead weight. I wish her much love and success.
Don't deliver an ultimatum you're not going to deliver on. If you're at the ultimatum point, just leave.
They were insecure. be compassionate.
At her big age … 3 years as a girlfriend… sis you already knew what it was.
This is just another version of if HE WANTS TO then HE WILL (without provocation).
Old me would have given a man an ultimatum. Older me, nope. Two years no talk of commitment, I'm out.
Read/heard it in another post something along the line of a girl, whenever she entered into a relationship with a guy, would say "youve got 1 year to decide whether you want to marry me or not. If by that time you are undecided we part ways". Sensible approach if you're dating and looking for marriage.
Firstly, you can’t be afraid to lose a man lol. Secondly, if you gon throw an ultimatum you better be prepared for the result either way
I have seen a woman say, you're not ready? Ok, then you don't need to be having sex with me, or driving my car, and you definitely don't need me to be moving jobs and cities for you. And it worked. They are happily married now. She didn't force him, but she let him know that if he wasn't serious she was going to match his energy and stop investing in him. She let him know, if you think I'm it, you better move because I'm not going to be here forever. Going once, going twice... As far as I can see, ultimatums have no downside IF you mean it.
The worse thing a woman can do is force a man to marry her. If he ain’t doing it then you have to make a decision as a woman. Waste more of your time move TF on. Also if he is never engaging in talks of marriage and having a family, then as a woman your wasting your time. Don’t let these men string you along. Set the standards and move along. 😌
The worse thing an afab or woman aligned person can do is not center themselves , their hopes, dreams, tastes,and pleasure, etc in their lives , on a political and class level included.
Seing to your failing to meet those aquirement, it's hypocritical of you to judge that poor person without being deeply compassionate.
Patriarchy beat down afabs and people with female socialisation ' self esteem . It makes people not the the first point I evoqued. Of course, people who were victim of that kind of torture would not have a good sense of seelves, boundaries, and worth.
The ultimatum did not backfire. It showed her that staying with this guy would only mean continuing to be strung along by this guy who did not value her and did not want to marry her. If her desire is to marry and have children, the last thing she needed to do is continue to stay with this individual. Why lose the rest of your childbearing years hoping and wishing that the man you've been with will one day marry you? Three years is more than enough time for him to marry you if that is truly his intention. Usually, most men like this one won't be honest enough to tell you they won't marry you. They are selfish enough to want to keep you around for what you add to their life, and they are happy to take the best years of your life without ever giving you a committment. I guess the idea of committment to the permanence of marriage was enough to get him to stop playing games with her and to let her know she was nothing but a toy to him. Thank God he admitted that he would not marry her, so she can be free to go look elsewhere. The breakup may hurt in the short run, but in the long run, it would hurt much, much more to be with somebody like that for 10 or 15 years, only to wake up one day and realize that your childbearing years have been wasted with somebody who had no intention of giving you marriage and children.
The amount of woman shaming here…the man is the villain here…
One lesson women need to learn is: don't give ultimatums unless you intend to abide by them. If you just let it slide then he will see that you don't mean what you say.
Putting pressure on someone to marry you is a clear sign that the relationship ain't it.
Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option
😂 he came over to help her move. Lord
*IF HE HELPED YOU PACK LOOK AT IT AS A BLESSING....SOME PEOPLE WASTE 10+ yr and have to pay for a divorce... so hey let him go...and focus on finding a man who wants to get married just as bad as u do....its over 8 billion people on this planet*
Please, men, don't even move to Las Vegas. we don't want you here, lol
Stop giving men YEARS! Your time is valuable and they deserve less.
Tbh that was a blessing. Imagine he would have given you a shut up ring instead and pretended to love you and change his ways.
I know of a lady who was shacking up with a man for 7 years. She gave him an ultimatum, and he moved back home with his mother. Left her after 7 years. He never had attentions to marry her. What woman waits 7 long years. And these are Greek people. I thought Greeks are all about family.
LADIES PLEASE DON’T BE A PLACEHOLDER 🗣️
I was married before and I was JADED when I met my now husband. We have been married for 14+ years after I wasted 5 years of HIS time. I was scared. This marriage is the marriage I deserved all along, this one is my adult marriage. My first marriage was just practice. When a man knows he knows. You can tell him no, wait, 3 times and he will still protest. ❤
Ultimatums should be given when ur ready to leave. U dont just throw them around. And it should never get to that point, cuz a man who is serious wont make u wait or wonder
Im having so much trouble sympathizing with her bc i hate HATE HATE mind games. Do not give ultimatums you dont mean or try to manipulate anyone. That got old when we were 18. Thats a grown ass woman. When a man played mind games like that w me, I instantly fell out of love.
I almost doubt the idea that her ex led her on. If shes still playing mind games at her age, i can see her being weird enough to stay with a man who told her from jump he didnt want to marry
no one should be this desperate...
I am a firm believer that you don't give ultimatums. Its a sign of a severe lack of communication. And, yes, that includes if someone i love has an addiction, I'd not give an ultimatum. Have a discussion of needs and concerns, but sometimes you need to protect you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let them go and make changes on their own. Court ordered rehab doesn't work, why would an ultimatum?
Another thing - why give them an ultimatum 'propose or I'll leave'? You're just proposing without proposing. Just propose, let them say yes or no, then done is done. I know it's 'traditional' for the man to propose but if you need that paper so badly, the step it up, girl!
Love and support from Texas ❤❤❤
If you want marriage and kids, you cant waste time waiting on a man to get serious.
You only have a few years of fertility - dont waste those fertile years on an unserious man.
The saddest and most unfair thing is women who miss out on having children because they waited too long and wasted their fertile years on a man that eventually dumps to start a family with a younger women, while they're post-menopausal, single and childless
I learned a looooong time ago that giving an ultimatum to a man is always going to end badly. My ultimatum? I told my dad he can either be a dad and meet me, or he no longer has the right to call himself a dad and I never want to see him again. He wished me a good life. Yikes.....
How is this a bad ending? You learned that he wasn't serious about being your father. Why put up with someone so half-assed? The only thing you would have ended up with if you had carried on, is years and years of uncertainty and hurt, when he showed you over and over, in any number of ways, you didn't really mean anything to him. Better you found out where you stand, so you can deal with it once and for all and not waste any more time and energy trying to foster a relationship with someone who doesn't give a whoop about you. Sure it hurts, but better one big hurt where you get the truth, than years and years of mistreatment.
@@BabalonNuit true.....I guess with badly I meant that giving a man an ultimatum isn't going to give you what you want. I've been father free for so many years now that it doesn't hurt or feel like anything anymore :) I'm good.
Honestly, I'm a lady and I would have responded the same to that ultimatum. Would not have helped her pack, tho. Like they said, talk about timelines, if your partner doesn't honor that timeline, then leave. No ultimatum, just leave.
If you need and ultimatum for him to marry you,girl you need another man
You definitely dont want to manipulate or force any man to propose to you. For me if he isnt proposing within the first year im done but thats only me! Im not wasting my time like that i also will never give him an ultimatum thats just not fair.
I wouldn’t have shared this tbh why force someone into any situation especially a marriage!
You need to be telling any potential partner exactly what you want early and often. And, this woman cannot blame him, this was on her…
Girl... That wig looks scrumptious. Please drop the link? 😢 Thank you😊
I see hair
A saudi man told me + other muslim Men confirmed to ne that
"If a man doesent talk about marriage within 1 year or marry you or at least engage
That hes not serious about you and just uses you till he gets bored/finds someone else hed wanna and doesent wanna commit and wants a eazy way out (no divorce) "
MEN TOLD ME THAT MALES MDN ETC AS ADVICE HOW I SHOULD SCREEN MEN (those bastards would screen any man if i still wanted to marry especially akbar the indonesian, hed fbi anyman for me cuz in islam /muslim community if u wanna mary all ur friends /family are involved in screening the male /female
I have no family (abusive christians) so my friends feel like its their duty to protect me since i have no family)
3 YEARS!!!
YOU STAY TOO LONG!!!😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
Love this hairstyle!
Thanks ☺️
You know, I love the fact that Jehovah's Witnesses date with a view to marriage. None of that playing the field is advised in that organization.
Why would you want to marry somebody that you had to force to ask you?? That's just weird lol. If a man did that s*** to me I'd be the same way like you want me to help you pack goodbye
Women that live with men without walking the aisle first should not talk about marriage, these modern women should accept this fact because they're already got married just without the legal benefits, basically "the male dream marriage"
Men disgust me so much at this point
Like she was already most likely doing wife things for him I bet so why would he marry. You moved in with him probably cooking and cleaning etc. like forget about the religious aspect of it but our grands weren’t BSing when they say to not shack up. That’s a prime example. Like I would spend the night here and there with him but I’m not moving in if there is no ring on my finger. They have to want to marry me not marry me just because I want it but we both have to want it.
what's the obsession with marriage, over 50% still leave the marriage.
what do i do if i want lasting sincere relationship but dont wanna get married?
King behavior
Or financially he's not ready!
Doesn’t it cost about $200 to get a marriage license?
I'm always surprised how many people want to or expect to marry. Is it a typical american thing? The last time a bf talked about marriage, I told him that's not going to happen, bc I'm not interested, I never was, it had nothing to do with him. The relationship lasted for 20 years, he clearly didn't feel rejected.
For me there's no point in being in a relationship if there's no marriage in the future im wasting my time being loyal for no reason.
Lol so marriage is an American thing now?😂 it’s honestly more common and expected in other countries and cultures than it is in America.
You might be a secret mistress to him if you aren't married.😂
what lipstick are you wearing?
14:03 agreed
If someone gave me a ultimatum to marry them I would leave them to no body is going to blackmail me in any big decision and nobody with some sense would marry someone if the relationship is 3 years or less also if she's going to blackmail me in marriage what else is she going to do it with the children the house it says to me that she doesn't love me she just wants do it for herself so why would i want that
how to get on this side of tiktok please
❤
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So you mean I need a ring for my man to prove to me his level of commitment and character? why not just be confident in your love for each other? a ring doesn't prove anything but aesthetics..marriage should be a character-based journey..the person is either kind or not..they are either commitment to you or not..they are either life partner material or not..the pressure put on men to propose is insane..so he gives you a ring but he is still the same as yesterday..what does the ring actually change? ya'll can still live together and be beautiful together... so instead of chasing a ring, chase how someone treats you...
Honestly, there shouldn't be a timeline for marriage..also the only thing that would change is the legality of things. otherwise, what happened to relying on his character? woman chase this thing called a ring so much you miss the point of commitment without the ring..character/commitment is more important than putting a ring on it..aagg social pressures of marriage..enjoy your life together and pray about it.these timelines are coming from whom? live the true reality of how you treat each other..
Protip, never them what you are looking for in a partner. Take a piece of paper, make a list of all the things you into in a partner, then look at it. All of your prospects have to have ALL OF THEM for them to be worthy of your time. Focus on how you feel vs will them like me . Exemple : do they like this and that on me ? feeling self conscious about them liking stuff about you.
Important and vital mindset to have is : How do THEY make you feel? How do you feel when around them ? Do you feel safe, uplifted, cherished, listened to, understood etc etc? Do you feel intelligent? Basically look at how you feel , and write it down to analysis
Your time is precious, and you are amazing and worthy, and any pretendent who wanna be amongst those who are graced by your attention shall add value to your life.
Also if you feel bored, dismiss their candidature.
At the first sign of disrespect, leave. Feminicides happen all the time, and state don't care, ruthlessly cut out people at the 1st sign of disrespect.
trust your gut, your intuition, your instinct, etc.
If you are wondering if you deserve better, you do.
if you gave them your phone number, block and delete immediately.
If within 2 month the person hasn't proposed, they aren't into you, dismiss their candidature in your life.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to end my first sentence : never tell to your partner what you are looking 4 in a partner.
Analyse them and study them, and all these who fail to your standart , demote them out of your life.
Get that filter wolking, friends, 'cause there's a lotta trash out there.
I agree!! I never understood why "experts" want women to tell men what they are looking for and tell them what to do to date you. It's counter to the reason for dating!
It doesn't hurt when you realize that they just want you as a placeholder. I did this for 5 years straight, 8 years off and on. Let me tell you, there are master manipulator stringers out there. You have to walk away, block, and get a restraining order if/when they start stalking you.