Thank you for this. Before I knew we had DID, I used to get terribly frustrated at feeling locked in silence about certain topics. Doctors were always baffled by us. I always felt like a lab experiment. They would say, “Just talk. You’re the only one holding yourself back.” That would always anger us, because I wasn’t holding myself back. I was desperate to express what was inside, but my affect would be stone flat on the outside. The incongruence of feeling vs. behavior was always extremely painful. Being highly scrutinized by doctors who have pinned the wrong diagnosis on you is utterly Kafka-esque.
Omg I can really relate to what you say! It is not that you don’t want to speak, but it is locked. I am struggling with this as well, definetly when professionals expect that I speak, but I can’t get it out… it is really tough.
WOAH. i thought i was just zoning out during therapy from stress. at my old therapist for adhd, i acted quite childish and silly and... kind of unlike myself? then at my therapist specialized in trauma, i was disconnected. quiet. often unable to focus enough to speak. then would get frustrated with myself for wasting another session. this. is. wild
Yes, gone through this so much and it’s seen as noncompliance, refusing to do what is expected and wanted. It very hurtful to try to explain and be thought it’s a lie
This happens to me at every session. I haven’t identified but one alter officially. My T has mentioned parts enough that I stopped throwing up or getting sick to my stomach at the word. And I noticed more now. Like when one part of me wants to say something and I enthusiastically begin to talk about it, I just go blank and emotionless. I also do become distressed about this since I’m the one expecting the most out of therapy and then I stonewall myself. I depersonalize every time because of the shame I feel having wasted our time with silence… ugh!
I feel with this I dint know my parts yet just switch al the time but parts take over sabotage take over and we spend time in silence but I also have. A lot baby and infant young parts
Second listen. Thanks Mike. Definitely been an issue for me for years. I’m finding both talking and writing “clams” me up. I find journaling and communicating w my fingers on phone works 👊
I hope you know that I appreciate how straight forward you are. You are smart and professional and u share your understandings in the hopes too help other people better themselves... which is a beautiful thing. I have so many reasons to not trust academia that is outside of physics. I used to very much dislike psychologist/psychiatrist... I think you are good tho.(in the idea of being as good as a human being in your position) Like I'm sure I'm not the only one who has associative disorder in has been looking online for answers.. so when we find people who actually helping us with info and perspectives, it feels strange. It's funny cuz like that's what psychiatrist says psychologists job is... To help the individual find the tools that help to better themselves on their own.
This .... Every day ... So grateful I've started in therapy again - and done alot of research. I found out i/we(?) have DiD a couple of weeks ago, I was at first happy, choked and then sad.. I'm a new host and named Astra Lydia, all this information and videos, they get me/us(?) through the rough hours... Thank you so much for these videos, they've helped and help me greatly, and given hope to my whole system.
Is it possible to suddenly lose trust in your therapist because of the influence of an alter? I'm not sure, if I really have OSDD/DID but I have C-PTSD, depersonalization-derealization, and mild memory gaps. In my last therapy session I felt very dissociated from the start. My psychologist asked about recent flashbacks and I wasn't really able to talk about them and suddenly felt like I couldn't trust him. The rest of the session was very stressful because my mind went blank every time he asked me something (even if the question was harmless / not trauma related) and I felt like I had to force myself to talk to him. This was so strange and confusing because I told him in the session before that I find it very easy to open up to him. And that wasn't a lie at the time. I don't know where this sudden mistrust came from.
Absolutely, alters can be very hypervigilant of others, especially therapists, though can easily misinterpret honest signals and questions as threatening.
@@thectadclinic Thanks for your answer! I will bring this up in my next therapy session. I'm actually seeing my psychologist to find out if I am autistic/adhd, but when we went through my life experiences and childhood, we found that I am much more traumatised and dissociated than I thought. And now I suspect I may be a system, but I'm not sure. Your videos help me a lot to understand dissociation better. Your channel is great, thank you so much for your work!❤
Ok - first, how do we know which ones are alters when all our inner selves are in conflict? Or is that based on which parts of the self we choose to nourish?
'Prevention of Communication IS Communication' - A message that I as host and gatekeeper really needed to hear today. I often try to force stuff when I shouldn't, or ignore alters to the point that they feel they need to take extreme measures to be heard, so this was a much needed reminder. I always glean so much from your channel. Thank you.
Thank you so very much for this information and explanation. I have experienced great difficulty communicating freely during therapy in the past ten months since coming to a diagnosis and awareness of my DID. Even when I write things down at home to try to be able to share more easily with my therapist in session, I cannot always give it to her. My body locks up, my brain goes blank, and I literally cannot function. I have learned to say, “I have to stop talking now”. That lets my therapist know that we have ended up somewhere in my trauma that my system is not yet ready to divulge. It is good to know this is not an abnormal experience in the therapeutic process, and to understand “the why of it”, even though it is highly frustrating and feels like it is impeding our progress.
I could have written this comment. I learn so much by watching these videos and reading the comments. Thank you for that! It feels slightly less lonely that someone else experience similar or even gets what this can be like. I totally lost my ability to read, and it took many months before I found a different way of doing it, by learning how to read for a second time as a grownup. Not in the same efficient way, but much better than not being able to make sense of anything written.
@@thectadclinic I believe you are correct. Permissions and thresholds are something I have just started to be aware of over the past few weeks. Your content and explanation in this video really helped me to solidify what is happening when my system starts to shut me down. In the short term it may be frustrating, confusing, and frightening at time, but I am able to view it as a safety valve type of function to keep my system from exploding and destabilizing. That is very helpful and relieving to realize. Thank you 🙏🏻
Dr. Mike: Please explain how therapists differentiate the action of parts/alters from the effects of dissociation itself. Primarily how to distinguish system actions from the effects of neurological hyperarousal on the ability to create a freeze response or tonic immobility. Being unable to modulate neurological regulation while having strong emotions is so huge for so many.
Seems more like an individual therapist thing than a general ‘how to’. This depends on so many factors, including level of communication (just ask alters if it was them), ability to recognise internal shifts and changes, therapist training, intuition, experience and skill set etc. no simple answer!
i could cry watching your vids. i am understanding so much more about this brain and my personal experience, as well as my experience within the collective. thank you
Thank you so much for this! I am struggling a lot with speaking. I really want to express whats going on inside… Most of the time when it comes to therapy I end up having a big storm when I come home, because I couldnt express it during therapy… but I really want to do it in therapy… but cant 😔
As always, this is so helpful. Thank you. I've been finding myself unable to send my new therapist a written history (we agreed I wouldn't have to say it, and writing would be easier). It's been weeks and I have it written but keep avoiding or forgetting to send it. I've been so confused because this new therapist makes me feel so safe. This has been really relieving to hear.
Omg… Um, so I at least have CPTSD, but this…? Omg, I’ve experienced being “muted” suddenly while trying to talk to my therapist and/or spouse, and it pisses me off so badly. But I literally can’t force myself to speak. Noises might come out, if I tried hard enough, but words don’t.
I don't know why but I've never felt anxious or afraid to share my trauma. I look back on it and relate it like I was relating a story about going out and buying a burger. Whenever I get to talk about the people I share a brain/body with, there's a ton of dissociation and switching because everyone WANTS to say something, be heard, seen, you know... for a change. I'm _____, let me talk about my love of Renaissance art and Oingo Boingo. I'm _____, let me tell you about my home in the mountains and memories of chasing wild hare and elk. And so on and so forth. People in here LEAP at the chance to talk about themselves because they're tired of being shut up inside and they're tired of being told they can't express themselves authentically. I don't blame them, honestly.
Narrating the experience of trauma ‘as if it means nothing’ is a key sign the either it wasn’t traumatic at all (unlikely) or there’s an awful lot of dissociation going on (more likely). Thank you for the comment.
i can totally relate to this . i have a couple that won't share any information, even getting the sense of a feeling is difficult. i remember one of them being the first that i was aware of when i was younger - didn't speak for a year. I'm on my own since my doctor died - and i find that when i become aware of someone that surfaces and 'seems new' i will ask how long they have been here I will state the age of our body and then start by an age and go backwards and forwards - I'll also ask how old they are now, and that there are no wrong answers . Many when asked if they carry a burden at first will say no. - but wait a week or a year and pay attention to triggers dreams etc and you get it. Some i think will never trust - and that's the way it's going to be. By the way , thankyou for doing this on mothers' day - for me that's important -i'll be spending today away from the computer on my own. This was a helpful thing to wake up to.
I recently had a derealisation and depersonalisation experience as well as talking like a robot with no emotion what so ever. It was a scary time when I look back and see that I was not in control of my own mind. I regressed to a three year old and other symptoms. Do you think the "robot" as I call it is likely to be an alter or an emotional part?
This is unrelated, but do you have any advice for the host trying to get into the innerworld? I'm always fronting (maybe we have switched few times, but I'm in such denial, that it's always "them making me do things I don't want to do" and not "them doing things instead of me"; but it can also be just passive influence), but I would really want to take a break. Some of my alters agreed to take care for our daily life for as long as I would need, but none of us knows, how I could go to the innerworld. For them it comes naturally. Every tip I could find on this topic involves imagining (for example "imagine that you're going down the stairs to the innerworld") and they didn't work for me, since my visual imagination is really bad and I see more of a colorful shades than actual objects. Is entering the innerworld even possible without imagining, especially when I don't quite belive that I'll ever succeed?
I don't know if that's really your area of expertise, but if it in some way is, would you consider making a video on the topic of abuse in therapy / therapy after abuse (in therapy)? I was abused by my therapist and I really struggle to explain to other therapists that that is, in fact, different then being abused by a parent (at least if you're trying to get into therapy again). I don't even know why I have to explain that, for me it's obvious, but apparently it's really difficult to understand for other therapists. I finally found someone who worked with victims of therapy abuse before, but it doesn't really work out between us... (I think, the therapy form is not right for me). Specifically I feel like it basically ruins the whole 'stabilisation - trauma exploration - integration' process, because even going in therapy IS trauma exploration. Every time we start therapy, we get the worst ptsd symptoms ever, we're in panic all of the time, we have flashbacks all the time, etc. etc. And then therapists are like "well, let's try the safe place technique, just imagine you're in a safe place" and we're like "excuse me, I feel like I'm about to be r*p*d, I will most certainly NOT imagine to be some place else, that sounds extremely dangerous". Basically, how tf is stabilisation supposed to work if you feel like you're in active danger as soon as you start therapy? I feel like there must be a way and it must be better than "just don't do therapy again and try to do everything by yourself", but basically every therapist I meet has no idea how that's supposed to work and also most of them don't want to even think about it. (I got told numerous times by therapists, after I explained that therapy in itself is a trigger for me, "then I don't know how to help you; find someone who does".) It's really frustrating, we even had a new alter show up, just to deal with that constant rejection by therapists. (And what's even worse is that every time that happens some part of our system goes into a "you see, no one will ever want to help you, except for THAT therapist, so we should visit THAT therapist again"-mode (meaning the therapist who abused us). Sorry for the ramble, I'm just really lost.
Someone else has already mentioned about Alters who are non-verbal. I know some people have Alters who are baby-aged. So writing and speaking may be out of the question for them. We still really appreciated this vid. Thank you.
I have baby alters And infant. Alters Child alters and they can’t talk or write dont understand questions or anything done people nurses great others get so angry and even refuse to deal with those alters think it’s enabling when in an adult body they think treating those alters as adults. Is right I try tell them otherwise as I have learned you should treat alters at age appropriate ages for them to feel safe to come out front communicate and start to feel safe to tell their story. But some people think you can snap out of it but it’s so important isn’t it to get to know and learn and help all alters feel safe so nice to hear others I get a tough time about this. Dr Mike can you please give feedback to this this is what I have read learned how would do you deal with baby alters infant alters child alters and how should nurses and everyday people treat them because at the moment I’m running scared and I know by reading my journals etc artwork etc and feedback people that my alters parts running scared so protective parts coming in. Blocking disrupting therapy etc
I just dealt with this. In therapy I was completely unable to talk about the subject. Literally not able to speak unless I was not telling the truth or changing the subject. I have a C-PTSD diagnosis but after doing EMDR I think there might be others in my head.
I can often feel when some of our headmates are trying to shut me the fuck up and stop talking about them or other fucked up shit(since learning about them I’ve been fascinated constantly by them and that causes me to want to info dump about them to everyone) and acting as a sorta filter to my speech and have a tightness in my throat, now I can work through said blocking if I really want to, it’s just uncomfortable. But I am trying to be better about not telling every person I meet about it (though it’s hard as fuck) cause I do understand the dangers that information can cause me. But yeah they definitely can slince you.
Dr Mike. I have 8 alters, 7 girls and one gender neutral alter. I am pagan. I recently had a tarot card reading from a woman I have never met, she did not even ask my name. She read four cards (my past) and she nailed my past, from the abuse, not being able to keep friends, family using me for their gain, and me making a huge decision. (I left my life and moved 1000 miles away to where I was safe) then she read 3 more cards sat back in her chair and looked at me and said “your brain has more energy than most brains, your intellect is on a higher level and people are afraid of you, don’t understand you, even think you are a hypocrit…then the last card read, she said she can see a big tall blonde woman coming from my body and she seems angry. Dr Mike, Sophee is an Amazon woman in my system, she is a fighter and my persecuter and she describes herself exactly that. She called her a spirit guide, my protection…the last card was growth. She said I am stuck in fear and insecurity and to grow I have to be heard. I fucking sleep in fear and eat insecurity… after the session, my advocate took her aside and told her I have DID…she was from Moscow and had never heard of it. I do not know how you feel about tarot cards, but I never asked her a question, never told her my name, yet the cards I drew told her my story! She even saw Sophee! Not in picture details but impressions of size and shape. I am 5’3. 105 pounds, Sophee sees herself 6 foot almost 200 pounds, a warrior. My advocate sat quietly beside me during the reading so he could hear everything to explain to me later… 7 and Sophee fronted during the reading so my advocate filled me in on what I,Sparrow, missed while they were out. He said they did a good job of imitating me so he did not think the reader of cards could tell, but maybe she could…she also said I need to reach out to others and explain my brain energy and to explain that I simply don’t live in a finite deminsion, I have many… again, we are now making UA-cam videos about my DID so hopefully one day I can be secure enough and strong enough to face my family. But I am working toward that with my advocate. And get this… she also said my energy with animals is off the charts. Which is amazing she would say that.. I have wild pet raccoons, pet squirrels and pet deers…animals literally walk right up to me… my advocate and I were on my balcony and a squirrel literally walked down the handrail and wanted to jump in my lap. The raccoons sit at my door sometimes watching for me. My neighbors dog got sick so I looked at it ran my hands over his body and when I touched his belly area I felt horrible pain…in my body. I told her to get him to the vet… he died 2 days later of liver cancer. I believe 7 (my gender neutral alter) is the animal attractor. From her reading I learned that if she could reveal so much about me thru cards then I must wear my DID on my sleeve! Do you have any thoughts on this?
i love seeing actual psychics who can read people and aren't just in it for the money :) it makes me happy. i hope i can be that good at reading someday!
I had to have someone drive me to my Psychology Appointments because I kept switching and ending up in unknown places 30 minutes away from his office. I had complete amnesia between driving out of my driveway no waking up in an unknown location. It was terrifying! I called his clinic and missed several appointments. My Dr said a part of me didn’t want to be well. We resolved this by having my Son drive me to my appointments. Eventually I could drive myself. It’s definitely complicated.
wait is this the same sorta thing as when you actually *do* remember something, but also physically *cant* recall anything about it no matter how much you try, because i get that *alot ...* you know its there it feels just out of reach, its so fucking weird. (also its quite hard to talk about something if your mind is just littearlly not letting you get any details about it, even if you otherwise should be able to?)
I almost cried while watching this. I've been experiencing this for over a decade, inside and outside of therapy and therapists have told me I just have BPD or I'm being difficult, it never felt right and always felt like DID but docs always told me I'm wrong after just a few minutes of meeting and talking to me. I've come to understand that even if I never receive an official diagnoses, the only truth that makes sense to me, is DID. This is the conclusion I've come to after years of exploring other options
Hello Mike, thank you for your videos. It is easy to see that you genuinely care for those with dissociative disorders. I wonder whether you have any information regarding students in tertiary education who have dissociative disorders, specifically, how to keep track of and manage time to ensure that assessments are submitted by the deadline? Anything additional to that is a bonus 🙂 Thank you
Thank you so much for your helpful videos. They really help me understanding my challenges. Something I still struggle with is the feeling that I'm doing some sort of theatre act. That I should stop doing this weird things when another part of me fronts, like if I'm doing it on purpose and am just acting. I think I should behave 'normal'. How long does it take to accept the diagnosis (DID) and what can help to accept it?
I was diagnosed in the mid 90’s. I still have days where I go back into denial. I was in and out of denial for quite some time, and was told that it was very normal. Things will get better for you, the more you understand. Best to you.
I'm not sure if you've covered it, but this actually calls to mind how a buddy of mine came to tell us apart, even in texts. He mentioned all the usual things: spelling, word choice, punctuation, phrasing, etc. But he pointed out "And a lot of time it's what you don't say too, though." Referring (looking back at it) to a lack of pleasantries like "Hey, how are you?" And the like. Not one to one relevant to the video, but it got me thinking. Maybe you could put out something on recognizing and dealing with alters from the perspective of someone without this condition?
This is very interesting. I've been highly suspecting lately that I may be part of a system and when I think about it, I've been told in the past by my therapist that trying to get any information from me that can be of use for trauma work is like "pulling teeth." I've seen her from about 2015 to 2020 (had to stop because of the pandemic) and over a good 5 years I've barely beeen able to talk deeply about anything not school related or surface-level current events. I wouldn't be surprised at all now to know if that was an alter unknown to me that would be blocking me off from talking about things that I've really wanted to discuss in a place I know logically is a confidential unjudgemental place but just couldn't bring it up.
This is helpful, thank you. I'm not diagnosed with DID or OSDD, and me and my other parts have an agreement not to bring up DID or OSDD with my counsellor. Whenever I consider bringing it up during a session I get pulled back so I don't have full control over what I'm saying. It makes sense that whatever I have, I'm not in a safe or stable enough place to start looking into it
My experience in the past ten months of therapy (recently diagnosed with DID) is that there is some type of alter(s) in my system that manage(s) the level of emotional overwhelm we are allowed to reach. Those alters are, in essence, responsible for being in “control” of the amount and type of information divulged at any given time in order to keep the system safe/stable; that is their primary job. The times I have experienced this, so far as I can remember, the cutting off of communication was due to one or more of the following: - the person I’m talking to is not yet fully trusted by the entire system - the alter holding the trauma is non-verbal - the alter(s) holding trauma is/are still terrified and in shock - the emotion included in what is trying to be discussed will lead to emotional overwhelm/destabilization of the entire system
As with the other answer, really - it's about trying to understand where alters are coming from, their role, purpose and needs. A 'block' may just be a lack of understanding, this being the thing that tells you more needs to be figured out first.
@@saa1094 it’s seems to be for me that the blocking was happening for protection but then she started to be mean and destructive hurting me and other parts. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I’m finding this very hard to deal with.
@@kerelmi8174 I understand your experience, and I have similar alters. I do not know my entire system yet by any means and am really just beginning to be able to not feel like I’m going “crazy” when I slow down and focus enough to even consider that I have DID, or what the state of my brain is and what my life has been thus far. It is overwhelming and very difficult, and very slow baby steps is the only way I have been able to proceed without destabilizing completely. So, while I have uncooperative, destructive alters, I cannot give much advice concerning how to deal with them. I would definitely advise you to find an experienced therapist if possible. I will share that my therapist explains that alters who are persecutors, or destructive, as being alters that are trying to protect, but they are doing it the only way they know how. Our job is to teach them better and safer ways of protecting our system with the cooperation of the other alters. Of course, that all requires the ability to communicate with/between alters to some extent, and we are still very new at trying doing that. It is not easy. The CTAD Clinic channel has video(s) that address communicating with alters, I believe, and I’m planning to rewatch that content. I pray you are able to find the support and resources to help you safely work with your system in reaching safe, stable, cooperative functioning.
Thank you Dr. Lloyd for making this platform, this is pure gold for me to find. And because of all that your sharing, this is a first time for me being open to take in the full range of DID/OSDD. I think I have OSDD, but im not aware of any alters, all though when a flashback occur Im pretty convinced that a younger representation of me appears. Actually I have a strong sense of being the age of four all of a sudden. I have dissociative seizures. I also experience some form of trance at times, sometimes I cant speak, and very often I experience some sort of a fobic hallucination, often triggerede by a shower, or nighttime or if something is upsetting to my amnesia. I harm myself too. And I have depersonalication, numbness, severe fatigue and chronic migraine. And I know that I am very much discouraged to be investigating the identity of alters, because everytime I try seeking inwards, my body is overwhelmed fhysically. This is a huge problem. Could you talk about the struggle of conversion/somatoform alongside dissociation? And could it be that my alters are acting out by displaying these somatic problems? The zeicures, the fobia, the selfharm? The migraine, fatique, and almost, but not, psycotich episodes? And could this be my alters way of waking me up, by remaining silent but acting out in forms of bodily distress?
Thank you for answering this! For years and years, I was completely unable to speak or write a certain word related to my past trauma (clue: begins with 'r.') If I tried to say it, it felt like something in my throat was 'blocking' the word coming out - this was *an actual, physical sensation* - my hand would freeze if I tried to write it, and with a keyboard it was like my fingers would just refuse to hit the relevant keys to spell it out. It baffled me as to why this was a thing, even though by that time I already sort of had an idea that I had alters (I'd had the clinical diagnosis of OSDD, and things the therapist said to me clued me in that she was treating me like I had alters, but because no-one medical had literally spelled that out to me specifically, it was easy to just dismiss/not think about the idea that it might be true.) That didn't seem to be how it worked on tv and in the movies - survivors were were quite happily blurting the word out with no apparent self-censoring going on at all, so what was going on with me? Did it mean that, deep down inside myself somewhere, I 'knew' it didn't really happen at all? Had I been lying to myself about it all along? Since then I've researched OSDD more deeply, accepted that my system is real and not just a bunch of 'imaginary people' I created in my head for... reasons? and had further therapy with another therapist who worked with both me and my alters. We've now reached a stage where I can write/type the word if it's related to other people and not me (still feels nasty though, and worse if I have to say the word out loud, even under the same conditions - which I still avoid doing if I can.) Luckily it's not exactly a word that crops up in everyday conversation (thank God!) so it's not a life-wrecking thing.
this all makes so much sense. i know if i try to delve into my trauma myself, i WILL further traumatize myself. this is why i don't want to do online therapy. i NEED someone safe in the room with me to help me stabilize. it's just hard to find people like that close enough in person :/ self help for normal people doesn't do shit for me and just makes me spiral further. "oh you have to take care of yourself first, nobody else will do it." and further traumatize myself? and further upset myself by feeling alone and unloved? yeah, no fucking thanks. (ok im done i got angry.) anyway i feel a little like crying now this makes so much sense. when this happened to me, i could control my body, but it's like the thoughts and memories were blocked. it was so frustrating, and for some reason, i kept NOT writing shit down when i wasn't in therapy? you'd think if i knew i got blocked, i'd have the sense to write it down to bring it up later, but NOPE. i was always like "nah i'll remember for sure next time." WHY WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME??? it's honestly funny ngl. i thought i was just lazy but maybe i was being blocked from writing it down, as well?
Is it possible that one of my Coheed’s doesn’t possibly like my husband? I’m 47 I just noticed that this is becoming something we can talk about. I’ve blended for over 30 years… I think there’s a side of us that doesn’t like him. Like we need to go back to the time where we have trauma together in our early 20s. I think I’m OK to recognize where I need help with my therapy. However I’ve only had three decent therapists in 25 years. Ones that understood or familiar with real dissociative episodes.. You know the ones where It’s the therapist that recognizes a shift. Where we recognize the shift but only after we become more conscious of it before we say our next word. I think that my OSDD is like an auto immune disease. It flares up! I’m not kidding it’s the only way I can describe it
I need recommendations. Also I have the victim witness compensation for matters of past abuse. My kids and I have funding through the District Attorney only, The list of people I’m qualified therapists is a disaster a foot work that only leads to dead ends. Not too many therapists take the victim witness compensation. That’s because the paperwork process seems tedious and jumping through hoops to except government funds versus cash/ins patients is a pain. Also, it’s hard to find somebody that specializes or has an interest or is familiar with DID or OSDD.
We have a physical representation of this in our innerworld called the silence button. Or the mute filter. Our protector 'installed' it so that we could walk down the street or go on the bus with headphones and lipsync to songs without accidentally singing out loud and potentially making a scene in front of people, but it also gets used any time someones trying to talk (not just in therapy settings but with our partner and friends) and either another alter or the lingering effects of a trauma memory decide we cant speak about it. It feels like it physically prevents us from speaking above a whisper, and there have been times where ive been startled or wanted to cry out for some reason but the silence filter is still on and i can only choke out a tiny squeak. This more 'physical' (headspace) representation is newer but weve always had a problem if im trying to talk about something thats deemed Too Much, my sentence will just trail off like my thought is getting pulled away from me by a string and ill be lucky to find the thread of it later. Its really comforting to hear why this can happen and that its 'normal' or that its something that can express itself in other people too, good video dr!
Relate with the pulling of string feeling. I can feel my thoughts being 'pulled' away. Very frustrating as usually happens when I feel I'm about to make a really important observation.
Thank you so much for making this video! It helped to clarify a few things. For a while there were things that I wanted to try or talk about in therapy but a wall would come up and I found speaking to be difficult, or when my therapist would start discussing specific events or parts. I later realised it was a Protector/s that were intervening and some of the parts didn't feel ready to talk. I was wondering, we have a non-verbal/mute part and having difficulty with communication, is there anything that could help bridge this?
Thank you so much for this video. As someone in therapy for suspected DID/OSDD & definitely at a point where we can accept we're plus & everything in our life is starting to make sense, that includes this exact thing you're talking about, it's been so hard to talk even when it feels like one or even more of us wants to, it feels so frustrating to be holding onto so much & it feels like we're doing something wrong cos we "should" be able to be moving faster in therapy, but just hearing you reassure & advising patience & allowing feels like I can breathe a sigh of relief honestly🙏
Thank you so much for this information, I always get very frustrated when I know I want to say something and am unable to do so or that even the things I want to say get altered by "someone". Just wondering if this is happening, can you assume the other way around that it has to be caused by an internal system/alters? Or can this also be created by emotional fragments or "something else"?
In therapy, my alters have stopped me from talking. Its because they don't want to talk or relive what happened. My protector alter also doesn't want me to know what he is hiding from me. So, long story short, they can and do in my case.
This happens to me all the time. I'm talking about a subject where I'm starting to get into something I recall. I'm suddenly muted. Like I have to put my finger up to tell my therapist to hold on. I try really really hard to continue but as I do...I'll start to dissociate if I try to force it and get muted even more. It's incredibly frustrating.
@@thectadclinic Thank you. I suppose I fail to see how helpful it is because I don't have a proper therapist to really understand the muting. Is it possible for an American to obtain a consultation or appointment with the CTAD Clinic? Trying to get proper help to find healing has been more challenging at times than having the suspected disorder. My last therapist wanted to medicate me after one session where it was obvious medication was not required.
I have a young part that actually says she has a 'blocking part.' When attempting to talk about an image that's clearly going to be ugly if allowed to unfold or be revealed, this young part seems to be able to call for her blocking part and everything stops. I have countless incomplete images or memories because of this. It's exhausting.
This has been very insightful, we have struggled speaking or writing in the journal. Thankfully our psychiatrist has taken this line and letting things happen as and when. Thank you again.
For an autistic system… how do you tell the difference between alters stopping you from talking, vs just having an autistic shut down?? Wait.. does that happen with autism, or is that just what I’ve thought it was all this time? Can it just be the autism that makes me suddenly shut down and be almost completely unable to speak during therapy/EMDR?
@@siennaskye_journey it’s such a good question, Sienna. I will be doing a video soon with an autistic person with DID and this can be discussed. As you may have figured out, though, it is often very tough knowing which experiences are autism and which are dissociative. Or it could be both in tandem.
This is exactly what my experience has long been. I have never gotten to that elusive “place of safety” for alters to allow me to know certain things which are not known to me, as the host. They are fiercely protective, and will go to all types of extremes to prevent anyone from telling certain things. I have been inpatient for long periods of time, and felt like it would or should happen. I get little snippets, and become entirely overwhelmed/ flooded. I’ve tried everything. Communicating to my system my gratitude for them protecting me when I was a child, explained that I am not little and not young anymore, and that I can handle it. I’ve begged for Sodium Amytal or Pentothal interviews to be conducted, but they discontinued doing them by the time I came along. I have had to move into acceptance that I will not likely ever know. That sometimes feels pretty frightening itself.
I love to have those interviews too I have no connection between my parts I newly diagnosed confused etc it’s hard work and my D I D debilitating to fir me I wish I could have DR Mike as therapist m losing hope I am hugely dysfunctional in my DID daily living nightmare
@@michellewilkie4387, I completely understand, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. At first, it can feel like you’re living in constant survival-mode. It will get better for you. It takes time to sort that all out, but, it will get better. There are good reasons that they stopped those interviews. Having, or building a solid support system will help. I know many people who have been able to extraordinary amounts of healing. It can be overwhelming at first, and safety is the first step. You’ll get there, even if it doesn’t feel that way right this minute. Remember, you are a survivor!
@@UnoHoo1 thank you I just hope they dint kick me out of my treatment clinic before I get well it’s a therapeutic community I so badly want to get well
I don't have a dissociative disorder, to the best of my knowledge, but it definitely happened to me in therapy. It was frustrating and confusing. My therapist acceptance of that taught me to respect my own boundaries in that manner, and in time, I could speak about some of the stuff. Thank you, this explanation was very helpful.
I’m right at the beginning of this journey. My husband and I watched a documentary about DID and I could literally feel the internal battle in my head. Almost hyperventilating and trying to keep it all inside so he didn’t ask questions. Then another voice saying, nope we’re not doing this, we got a BPD diagnosis and that’s what we’re sticking with. Then another voice saying, nope, we’re doing this. At least research. So I researched, and keep researching. The more I find, the more hits home and I just can’t deal with it. All the blank spaces of time, all the times I felt I was watching myself and couldn’t stop my body from doing or saying the most crazy embarrassing things. My child part that I have no control over. I could go on. I don’t feel ready to deal with any of this but it’s like someone else inside me is like, nope it’s time and we’re doing it. Thank you so much for creating this channel. Now I just need to work out how and what to tell my husband. I’m terrified he’ll think I’m even more crazy and he’ll just up and leave. He didn’t sign up for this, I wish I was normal.
Wishing to be normal is, ironically, a very normal experience to have. I wish you luck in your journey, and I hope your significant other can accept and support you for who you are, because you deserve it.
Thank you. I have been trying to understand what this is for so long. I can say the words over and over in my head and try to find the right way to get them out, but I just can't say them out loud or write them down. It's so helpful to understand what this is
We've had this happen a couple of times. The first time, I was in the run-up to talking about something I thought was important we bring up, then suddenly went mute. Very frustrating. But we just decided to hold off for another time. Also happened with a switch after being a bit overwhelmed. Thank you for discussing this. 💜
I sometimes go mute when I'm upset or frustrated and want to say something... and after reading these comments, I now know why. It's like I want to say something but my vocal chords are frozen. Sounds like my system felt the things I was going to say weren't safe
Wondering if you might be able to shed some light on internal systems blocking a train of thought to prevent speech. Our members don't inhibit speech directly but they instead seem to stop the memory/train of thought completely to the point we have no idea what we were even talking about. Is this indeed members inhibiting thoughts to prevent speech? Also, do you have any videos addressing this?
This happens to me a lot. Because I was all those years hiding what happened during my childhood, I have never been able to express any strong feeling (I keep them locked for myself) but it is something I've had to share when I have a problem with my partner. At first I just could cry and my body temperature raised, I would sweat, I wanted so bad to say what I think but when trying to find the words they dissappear and I forget what I want to say. It takes like 20 minutes of emiting some sounds, calm down, doing pauses while talking until I finally can say a sentence with sense
For Someone Who Thinks They Have DID, What Is The Best Way To Seek Help? And What Is The Best Way To Ensure That My Theropy Goes Correctly? I Want To Be Able To Get Help But Now I'm Afraid Of What Might Happen If I Attempt To Do Therapy. Should I Still Try To Seek Help, Or Wait Until I Am Comfortable Again?
@@thectadclinic I Feel Bad For Contacting You But I Feel Like I Should. This Is Tejasvi, An Alter Of The System. Recently Zeni Has Gone Dormant It Seems From Stress Of Not Feeling Wanted By Friends And Those Around Him Due To Incorect Views. It's Scary To Think About This And I Am Afraid As He Was The Main Part, The One Who Held The Most Memories. can a trained therapist help zeni come back out again in a non bad way? i am the only alter who can communicate with him but i cant seem to sense or talk to him anymore. the other alter is a child alter who doesnt really understand these concepts. i'm sorry for this long message i just what do i do. i know we are all zeni but . . . it doesnt help we never got any apointments for a therapist. i feel like if we did, even if it wasnt a exactly trained one, zeni wouldn't have sucumb to the negitive emotions caused by depression. even now i can feel the negativity and its not a great feeling. another question, for your answer to zeni how would you find a "sutably" trained therapist. living his side of life is hard, and theres other alters i believe are in the system but don't want to be a part of it. one already stated they don't want to cause the system even more pain as it is true, just managing 3 alters, zeni, me, and meo is not simple nor easy. i should rap this up. i'm sorry for taking up your time. it's not my place
thanks for asking though and for bringing me back if you return professor. i still want to know that question as well How Would We Get A Referal To A Good Therapist? I Want To Know Before I Disapear Again For A Stupid Reason ~_~
Yes, I've experienced this. It's like your mind goes suddenly blank or the words can't come out of your mouth. Sometimes, it's about not betraying the abuser.
When my system was in counseling, I drove from work to the therapist office, paid $150. Per session, and was effectively blocked from being able to have memory of our sessions. I knew the others got to meet our therapist and talk with her. She refused to tell me anything about the sessions! I got angry after a year of that, and said no more of my money will pay for sessions that I am not allowed knowledge if. My attitude caused a lot of hurt. The alters did so much for this body of people...and I am grateful now.
Thank you! This is extremely comforting. Past few sessions, I had been wanting to talk about something and I couldn't get the words out. My therapist was understanding, and is a trauma specialist. She told me she understands that I'm not ready to talk to her about some of my other trauma, and I can take my time getting there. I was still frustrated though, because as you said I wanted to speak, wanted to shout about it, or even write about it. It was frustrating. It's difficult, but once again, thank you for reassurance.
Hi I’ve been told in my hospital that when I switch to parts like baby parts I can’t get out of the place knows nothing about D I D a couple staff say and it’s become a t sch phrase michelle has to get out of this by herself she’s bringing everyone into her trauma how is that I have no choice
I started telling my therapist "There's something I think I need to talk about but my brain is convincing me not to" and then the pressure was off my shoulders and she could circle back around to it later in the session, or in another session down the road. this was before I was dx'd with DID. and should have been a big red flag
I will often coax 3 of my headmates to talk in therapy or say things on their behalf. I sometimes need to cover my face to say it as they want to hide, but overall they do want my therapist to know these things. I’m experiencing ridiculous dissociation at the moment though and have been for 2/3 weeks - should I slow down a bit? I’ve had a lot of fusions of parts over the last year also, so a lot of internal change.
Thanks for this interesting video. How fast do you push for a history when a client insists on not going there at all? After a couple months of working with one client, we finally were able to get a general arc. She spent more time describing her adult career than her childhood. We've also discussed safe ways to review history such as just one headline, or just one bad thing, or one good thing per session, but there is always something urgent that she wants to deal with in the present. I don't have a definitive answer yet on Dx, but my gut tells me it's DID based on several signs and the a parts model is resonating thus far. We did not do a screening yet either. Anything suggestive of her having a diagnosis at all seems to send her running.
Hi ZG, thanks for the question. In general, we never 'push' for a history and are happy for it come through naturally when appropriate and/or useful. Sometimes we get a lot in the referral process anyway, which really helps, but if not, we take it cautiously.
It's odd,I have found myself blurting out things I don't mean to say in therapy. Its as if an Alter will jump in and answer and sometimes its before I can silence them. 🤦♀️
Thank you for this. Before I knew we had DID, I used to get terribly frustrated at feeling locked in silence about certain topics. Doctors were always baffled by us. I always felt like a lab experiment. They would say, “Just talk. You’re the only one holding yourself back.” That would always anger us, because I wasn’t holding myself back. I was desperate to express what was inside, but my affect would be stone flat on the outside. The incongruence of feeling vs. behavior was always extremely painful. Being highly scrutinized by doctors who have pinned the wrong diagnosis on you is utterly Kafka-esque.
Agreed, it can be awful be ‘judged’ for the silence as if it is a conscious choice.
Omg I can really relate to what you say! It is not that you don’t want to speak, but it is locked. I am struggling with this as well, definetly when professionals expect that I speak, but I can’t get it out… it is really tough.
WOAH. i thought i was just zoning out during therapy from stress.
at my old therapist for adhd, i acted quite childish and silly and... kind of unlike myself? then at my therapist specialized in trauma, i was disconnected. quiet. often unable to focus enough to speak. then would get frustrated with myself for wasting another session.
this. is. wild
Yes, gone through this so much and it’s seen as noncompliance, refusing to do what is expected and wanted. It very hurtful to try to explain and be thought it’s a lie
Wow. I relate so well. How did you all break through ??? 💞💙👊
This happens to me at every session. I haven’t identified but one alter officially. My T has mentioned parts enough that I stopped throwing up or getting sick to my stomach at the word. And I noticed more now. Like when one part of me wants to say something and I enthusiastically begin to talk about it, I just go blank and emotionless. I also do become distressed about this since I’m the one expecting the most out of therapy and then I stonewall myself. I depersonalize every time because of the shame I feel having wasted our time with silence… ugh!
Yes I have been there too it’s so very hard to deal with.
I deal with this regularly in therapy too.
I feel with this I dint know my parts yet just switch al the time but parts take over sabotage take over and we spend time in silence but I also have. A lot baby and infant young parts
Second listen. Thanks Mike. Definitely been an issue for me for years. I’m finding both talking and writing “clams” me up. I find journaling and communicating w my fingers on phone works 👊
I hope you know that I appreciate how straight forward you are. You are smart and professional and u share your understandings in the hopes too help other people better themselves... which is a beautiful thing.
I have so many reasons to not trust academia that is outside of physics. I used to very much dislike psychologist/psychiatrist...
I think you are good tho.(in the idea of being as good as a human being in your position)
Like I'm sure I'm not the only one who has associative disorder in has been looking online for answers.. so when we find people who actually helping us with info and perspectives, it feels strange.
It's funny cuz like that's what psychiatrist says psychologists job is... To help the individual find the tools that help to better themselves on their own.
This .... Every day ... So grateful I've started in therapy again - and done alot of research. I found out i/we(?) have DiD a couple of weeks ago, I was at first happy, choked and then sad..
I'm a new host and named Astra Lydia, all this information and videos, they get me/us(?) through the rough hours...
Thank you so much for these videos, they've helped and help me greatly, and given hope to my whole system.
My brain wants to write a comment, but my hand won't let me.
So relate to this so so much 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you, Kelly!
Long shot that this questionbwill be seen.,. What should you do if different alters seem to disagree about what should or should not be said?
Is it possible to suddenly lose trust in your therapist because of the influence of an alter?
I'm not sure, if I really have OSDD/DID but I have C-PTSD, depersonalization-derealization, and mild memory gaps. In my last therapy session I felt very dissociated from the start. My psychologist asked about recent flashbacks and I wasn't really able to talk about them and suddenly felt like I couldn't trust him. The rest of the session was very stressful because my mind went blank every time he asked me something (even if the question was harmless / not trauma related) and I felt like I had to force myself to talk to him. This was so strange and confusing because I told him in the session before that I find it very easy to open up to him. And that wasn't a lie at the time. I don't know where this sudden mistrust came from.
Absolutely, alters can be very hypervigilant of others, especially therapists, though can easily misinterpret honest signals and questions as threatening.
@@thectadclinic Thanks for your answer! I will bring this up in my next therapy session.
I'm actually seeing my psychologist to find out if I am autistic/adhd, but when we went through my life experiences and childhood, we found that I am much more traumatised and dissociated than I thought. And now I suspect I may be a system, but I'm not sure. Your videos help me a lot to understand dissociation better. Your channel is great, thank you so much for your work!❤
Ok - first, how do we know which ones are alters when all our inner selves are in conflict? Or is that based on which parts of the self we choose to nourish?
'Prevention of Communication IS Communication' - A message that I as host and gatekeeper really needed to hear today. I often try to force stuff when I shouldn't, or ignore alters to the point that they feel they need to take extreme measures to be heard, so this was a much needed reminder. I always glean so much from your channel. Thank you.
Thank you, Plum, that is appreciated.
Thank you so very much for this information and explanation. I have experienced great difficulty communicating freely during therapy in the past ten months since coming to a diagnosis and awareness of my DID. Even when I write things down at home to try to be able to share more easily with my therapist in session, I cannot always give it to her. My body locks up, my brain goes blank, and I literally cannot function.
I have learned to say, “I have to stop talking now”. That lets my therapist know that we have ended up somewhere in my trauma that my system is not yet ready to divulge. It is good to know this is not an abnormal experience in the therapeutic process, and to understand “the why of it”, even though it is highly frustrating and feels like it is impeding our progress.
I don'tthink it will impede in the long run, it is a way of helping you understand permissions and thresholds, perhaps?
I could have written this comment. I learn so much by watching these videos and reading the comments.
Thank you for that! It feels slightly less lonely that someone else experience similar or even gets what this can be like.
I totally lost my ability to read, and it took many months before I found a different way of doing it, by learning how to read for a second time as a grownup.
Not in the same efficient way, but much better than not being able to make sense of anything written.
@@thectadclinic I believe you are correct. Permissions and thresholds are something I have just started to be aware of over the past few weeks. Your content and explanation in this video really helped me to solidify what is happening when my system starts to shut me down. In the short term it may be frustrating, confusing, and frightening at time, but I am able to view it as a safety valve type of function to keep my system from exploding and destabilizing. That is very helpful and relieving to realize. Thank you 🙏🏻
Dr. Mike: Please explain how therapists differentiate the action of parts/alters from the effects of dissociation itself. Primarily how to distinguish system actions from the effects of neurological hyperarousal on the ability to create a freeze response or tonic immobility. Being unable to modulate neurological regulation while having strong emotions is so huge for so many.
Seems more like an individual therapist thing than a general ‘how to’. This depends on so many factors, including level of communication (just ask alters if it was them), ability to recognise internal shifts and changes, therapist training, intuition, experience and skill set etc. no simple answer!
i could cry watching your vids. i am understanding so much more about this brain and my personal experience, as well as my experience within the collective. thank you
Thank you for reinforcing the concept of safety prior to disclosure from the alters. Very important! 🥰
Thank you
Thank you so much for this! I am struggling a lot with speaking. I really want to express whats going on inside… Most of the time when it comes to therapy I end up having a big storm when I come home, because I couldnt express it during therapy… but I really want to do it in therapy… but cant 😔
As always, this is so helpful. Thank you. I've been finding myself unable to send my new therapist a written history (we agreed I wouldn't have to say it, and writing would be easier). It's been weeks and I have it written but keep avoiding or forgetting to send it. I've been so confused because this new therapist makes me feel so safe. This has been really relieving to hear.
Omg… Um, so I at least have CPTSD, but this…? Omg, I’ve experienced being “muted” suddenly while trying to talk to my therapist and/or spouse, and it pisses me off so badly.
But I literally can’t force myself to speak. Noises might come out, if I tried hard enough, but words don’t.
I don't know why but I've never felt anxious or afraid to share my trauma. I look back on it and relate it like I was relating a story about going out and buying a burger. Whenever I get to talk about the people I share a brain/body with, there's a ton of dissociation and switching because everyone WANTS to say something, be heard, seen, you know... for a change. I'm _____, let me talk about my love of Renaissance art and Oingo Boingo. I'm _____, let me tell you about my home in the mountains and memories of chasing wild hare and elk. And so on and so forth.
People in here LEAP at the chance to talk about themselves because they're tired of being shut up inside and they're tired of being told they can't express themselves authentically. I don't blame them, honestly.
Narrating the experience of trauma ‘as if it means nothing’ is a key sign the either it wasn’t traumatic at all (unlikely) or there’s an awful lot of dissociation going on (more likely). Thank you for the comment.
i can totally relate to this . i have a couple that won't share any information, even getting the sense of a feeling is difficult. i remember one of them being the first that i was aware of when i was younger - didn't speak for a year. I'm on my own since my doctor died - and i find that when i become aware of someone that surfaces and 'seems new' i will ask how long they have been here I will state the age of our body and then start by an age and go backwards and forwards - I'll also ask how old they are now, and that there are no wrong answers . Many when asked if they carry a burden at first will say no. - but wait a week or a year and pay attention to triggers dreams etc and you get it. Some i think will never trust - and that's the way it's going to be. By the way , thankyou for doing this on mothers' day - for me that's important -i'll be spending today away from the computer on my own. This was a helpful thing to wake up to.
I recently had a derealisation and depersonalisation experience as well as talking like a robot with no emotion what so ever. It was a scary time when I look back and see that I was not in control of my own mind. I regressed to a three year old and other symptoms. Do you think the "robot" as I call it is likely to be an alter or an emotional part?
This is unrelated, but do you have any advice for the host trying to get into the innerworld? I'm always fronting (maybe we have switched few times, but I'm in such denial, that it's always "them making me do things I don't want to do" and not "them doing things instead of me"; but it can also be just passive influence), but I would really want to take a break. Some of my alters agreed to take care for our daily life for as long as I would need, but none of us knows, how I could go to the innerworld. For them it comes naturally. Every tip I could find on this topic involves imagining (for example "imagine that you're going down the stairs to the innerworld") and they didn't work for me, since my visual imagination is really bad and I see more of a colorful shades than actual objects. Is entering the innerworld even possible without imagining, especially when I don't quite belive that I'll ever succeed?
I don't know if that's really your area of expertise, but if it in some way is, would you consider making a video on the topic of abuse in therapy / therapy after abuse (in therapy)? I was abused by my therapist and I really struggle to explain to other therapists that that is, in fact, different then being abused by a parent (at least if you're trying to get into therapy again). I don't even know why I have to explain that, for me it's obvious, but apparently it's really difficult to understand for other therapists. I finally found someone who worked with victims of therapy abuse before, but it doesn't really work out between us... (I think, the therapy form is not right for me).
Specifically I feel like it basically ruins the whole 'stabilisation - trauma exploration - integration' process, because even going in therapy IS trauma exploration. Every time we start therapy, we get the worst ptsd symptoms ever, we're in panic all of the time, we have flashbacks all the time, etc. etc. And then therapists are like "well, let's try the safe place technique, just imagine you're in a safe place" and we're like "excuse me, I feel like I'm about to be r*p*d, I will most certainly NOT imagine to be some place else, that sounds extremely dangerous". Basically, how tf is stabilisation supposed to work if you feel like you're in active danger as soon as you start therapy? I feel like there must be a way and it must be better than "just don't do therapy again and try to do everything by yourself", but basically every therapist I meet has no idea how that's supposed to work and also most of them don't want to even think about it. (I got told numerous times by therapists, after I explained that therapy in itself is a trigger for me, "then I don't know how to help you; find someone who does".)
It's really frustrating, we even had a new alter show up, just to deal with that constant rejection by therapists. (And what's even worse is that every time that happens some part of our system goes into a "you see, no one will ever want to help you, except for THAT therapist, so we should visit THAT therapist again"-mode (meaning the therapist who abused us).
Sorry for the ramble, I'm just really lost.
Someone else has already mentioned about Alters who are non-verbal. I know some people have Alters who are baby-aged. So writing and speaking may be out of the question for them. We still really appreciated this vid. Thank you.
True, though this is more about the adult being unable to speak in a specific context. Some alters do not or can not speak.
We have a few infants and communication is difficult and they haven't been willing to try so guess we'll know when we know!
I have baby alters And infant. Alters Child alters and they can’t talk or write dont understand questions or anything done people nurses great others get so angry and even refuse to deal with those alters think it’s enabling when in an adult body they think treating those alters as adults. Is right I try tell them otherwise as I have learned you should treat alters at age appropriate ages for them to feel safe to come out front communicate and start to feel safe to tell their story. But some people think you can snap out of it but it’s so important isn’t it to get to know and learn and help all alters feel safe so nice to hear others I get a tough time about this. Dr Mike can you please give feedback to this this is what I have read learned how would do you deal with baby alters infant alters child alters and how should nurses and everyday people treat them because at the moment I’m running scared and I know by reading my journals etc artwork etc and feedback people that my alters parts running scared so protective parts coming in. Blocking disrupting therapy etc
Mine certainly have stopped me talking it feels - thank you for this
I just dealt with this. In therapy I was completely unable to talk about the subject. Literally not able to speak unless I was not telling the truth or changing the subject.
I have a C-PTSD diagnosis but after doing EMDR I think there might be others in my head.
Thought Withdrawl is definitely a part of Active/Passive influence. We experience both Thought Insertion and Thought Withdrawl.
What a good idea. I follow your lectures which much plaesure and it is amazing how long it takes to understand this difficult material.
Many thanks!
Omg the choice issue
Thank you for this video...I experience this all the time...it is frustrating when I want to reveal a trauma and cannot...
It can be, yes. Hopefully it will work out when ready.
I can often feel when some of our headmates are trying to shut me the fuck up and stop talking about them or other fucked up shit(since learning about them I’ve been fascinated constantly by them and that causes me to want to info dump about them to everyone) and acting as a sorta filter to my speech and have a tightness in my throat, now I can work through said blocking if I really want to, it’s just uncomfortable. But I am trying to be better about not telling every person I meet about it (though it’s hard as fuck) cause I do understand the dangers that information can cause me. But yeah they definitely can slince you.
Dr Mike. I have 8 alters, 7 girls and one gender neutral alter. I am pagan. I recently had a tarot card reading from a woman I have never met, she did not even ask my name. She read four cards (my past) and she nailed my past, from the abuse, not being able to keep friends, family using me for their gain, and me making a huge decision. (I left my life and moved 1000 miles away to where I was safe) then she read 3 more cards sat back in her chair and looked at me and said “your brain has more energy than most brains, your intellect is on a higher level and people are afraid of you, don’t understand you, even think you are a hypocrit…then the last card read, she said she can see a big tall blonde woman coming from my body and she seems angry. Dr Mike, Sophee is an Amazon woman in my system, she is a fighter and my persecuter and she describes herself exactly that. She called her a spirit guide, my protection…the last card was growth. She said I am stuck in fear and insecurity and to grow I have to be heard. I fucking sleep in fear and eat insecurity… after the session, my advocate took her aside and told her I have DID…she was from Moscow and had never heard of it. I do not know how you feel about tarot cards, but I never asked her a question, never told her my name, yet the cards I drew told her my story! She even saw Sophee! Not in picture details but impressions of size and shape. I am 5’3. 105 pounds, Sophee sees herself 6 foot almost 200 pounds, a warrior. My advocate sat quietly beside me during the reading so he could hear everything to explain to me later… 7 and Sophee fronted during the reading so my advocate filled me in on what I,Sparrow, missed while they were out. He said they did a good job of imitating me so he did not think the reader of cards could tell, but maybe she could…she also said I need to reach out to others and explain my brain energy and to explain that I simply don’t live in a finite deminsion, I have many… again, we are now making UA-cam videos about my DID so hopefully one day I can be secure enough and strong enough to face my family. But I am working toward that with my advocate. And get this… she also said my energy with animals is off the charts. Which is amazing she would say that.. I have wild pet raccoons, pet squirrels and pet deers…animals literally walk right up to me… my advocate and I were on my balcony and a squirrel literally walked down the handrail and wanted to jump in my lap. The raccoons sit at my door sometimes watching for me. My neighbors dog got sick so I looked at it ran my hands over his body and when I touched his belly area I felt horrible pain…in my body. I told her to get him to the vet… he died 2 days later of liver cancer. I believe 7 (my gender neutral alter) is the animal attractor. From her reading I learned that if she could reveal so much about me thru cards then I must wear my DID on my sleeve! Do you have any thoughts on this?
Nothing she said was vague she was very specific and we did not talk at all… it was all her. Wow
i love seeing actual psychics who can read people and aren't just in it for the money :) it makes me happy. i hope i can be that good at reading someday!
I had to have someone drive me to my Psychology Appointments because I kept switching and ending up in unknown places 30 minutes away from his office. I had complete amnesia between driving out of my driveway no waking up in an unknown location. It was terrifying! I called his clinic and missed several appointments.
My Dr said a part of me didn’t want to be well.
We resolved this by having my Son drive me to my appointments. Eventually I could drive myself.
It’s definitely complicated.
wait is this the same sorta thing as when you actually *do* remember something, but also physically *cant* recall anything about it no matter how much you try, because i get that *alot ...* you know its there it feels just out of reach, its so fucking weird.
(also its quite hard to talk about something if your mind is just littearlly not letting you get any details about it, even if you otherwise should be able to?)
I almost cried while watching this. I've been experiencing this for over a decade, inside and outside of therapy and therapists have told me I just have BPD or I'm being difficult, it never felt right and always felt like DID but docs always told me I'm wrong after just a few minutes of meeting and talking to me. I've come to understand that even if I never receive an official diagnoses, the only truth that makes sense to me, is DID. This is the conclusion I've come to after years of exploring other options
Hopefully you get the chance to work this out properly.
Hello Mike, thank you for your videos. It is easy to see that you genuinely care for those with dissociative disorders.
I wonder whether you have any information regarding students in tertiary education who have dissociative disorders, specifically, how to keep track of and manage time to ensure that assessments are submitted by the deadline? Anything additional to that is a bonus 🙂 Thank you
Thank you so much for your helpful videos. They really help me understanding my challenges. Something I still struggle with is the feeling that I'm doing some sort of theatre act. That I should stop doing this weird things when another part of me fronts, like if I'm doing it on purpose and am just acting. I think I should behave 'normal'.
How long does it take to accept the diagnosis (DID) and what can help to accept it?
I was diagnosed in the mid 90’s. I still have days where I go back into denial. I was in and out of denial for quite some time, and was told that it was very normal. Things will get better for you, the more you understand. Best to you.
I'm not sure if you've covered it, but this actually calls to mind how a buddy of mine came to tell us apart, even in texts. He mentioned all the usual things: spelling, word choice, punctuation, phrasing, etc. But he pointed out "And a lot of time it's what you don't say too, though." Referring (looking back at it) to a lack of pleasantries like "Hey, how are you?" And the like. Not one to one relevant to the video, but it got me thinking.
Maybe you could put out something on recognizing and dealing with alters from the perspective of someone without this condition?
Great idea! Glad it got you thinking, cheers!
This is very interesting. I've been highly suspecting lately that I may be part of a system and when I think about it, I've been told in the past by my therapist that trying to get any information from me that can be of use for trauma work is like "pulling teeth." I've seen her from about 2015 to 2020 (had to stop because of the pandemic) and over a good 5 years I've barely beeen able to talk deeply about anything not school related or surface-level current events. I wouldn't be surprised at all now to know if that was an alter unknown to me that would be blocking me off from talking about things that I've really wanted to discuss in a place I know logically is a confidential unjudgemental place but just couldn't bring it up.
This is helpful, thank you. I'm not diagnosed with DID or OSDD, and me and my other parts have an agreement not to bring up DID or OSDD with my counsellor. Whenever I consider bringing it up during a session I get pulled back so I don't have full control over what I'm saying. It makes sense that whatever I have, I'm not in a safe or stable enough place to start looking into it
What if they do it because they want control and to not let anyone in not just because of blocking certain information or questions being answered?
My experience in the past ten months of therapy (recently diagnosed with DID) is that there is some type of alter(s) in my system that manage(s) the level of emotional overwhelm we are allowed to reach. Those alters are, in essence, responsible for being in “control” of the amount and type of information divulged at any given time in order to keep the system safe/stable; that is their primary job.
The times I have experienced this, so far as I can remember, the cutting off of communication was due to one or more of the following:
- the person I’m talking to is not yet fully trusted by the entire system
- the alter holding the trauma is non-verbal
- the alter(s) holding trauma is/are still terrified and in shock
- the emotion included in what is trying to be discussed will lead to emotional overwhelm/destabilization of the entire system
As with the other answer, really - it's about trying to understand where alters are coming from, their role, purpose and needs. A 'block' may just be a lack of understanding, this being the thing that tells you more needs to be figured out first.
@@thectadclinic this part of me is destructive blocks therapy and is mean to others and suicidal. It’s very hard to manage.
@@saa1094 it’s seems to be for me that the blocking was happening for protection but then she started to be mean and destructive hurting me and other parts. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I’m finding this very hard to deal with.
@@kerelmi8174 I understand your experience, and I have similar alters. I do not know my entire system yet by any means and am really just beginning to be able to not feel like I’m going “crazy” when I slow down and focus enough to even consider that I have DID, or what the state of my brain is and what my life has been thus far. It is overwhelming and very difficult, and very slow baby steps is the only way I have been able to proceed without destabilizing completely.
So, while I have uncooperative, destructive alters, I cannot give much advice concerning how to deal with them. I would definitely advise you to find an experienced therapist if possible. I will share that my therapist explains that alters who are persecutors, or destructive, as being alters that are trying to protect, but they are doing it the only way they know how. Our job is to teach them better and safer ways of protecting our system with the cooperation of the other alters.
Of course, that all requires the ability to communicate with/between alters to some extent, and we are still very new at trying doing that. It is not easy. The CTAD Clinic channel has video(s) that address communicating with alters, I believe, and I’m planning to rewatch that content. I pray you are able to find the support and resources to help you safely work with your system in reaching safe, stable, cooperative functioning.
Thank you Dr. Lloyd for making this platform, this is pure gold for me to find.
And because of all that your sharing, this is a first time for me being open to take in the full range of DID/OSDD.
I think I have OSDD, but im not aware of any alters, all though when a flashback occur Im pretty convinced that a younger representation of me appears. Actually I have a strong sense of being the age of four all of a sudden.
I have dissociative seizures. I also experience some form of trance at times, sometimes I cant speak, and very often
I experience some sort of a fobic hallucination, often triggerede by a shower, or nighttime or if something is upsetting to my amnesia. I harm myself too. And I have depersonalication, numbness, severe fatigue and chronic migraine. And I know that I am very much discouraged to be investigating the identity of alters, because everytime I try seeking inwards, my body is overwhelmed fhysically. This is a huge problem. Could you talk about the struggle of conversion/somatoform alongside dissociation?
And could it be that my alters are acting out by displaying these somatic problems?
The zeicures, the fobia, the selfharm? The migraine, fatique, and almost, but not, psycotich episodes?
And could this be my alters way of waking me up, by remaining silent but acting out in forms of bodily distress?
The fact that I dont remember liking this video... Wow. I'm diagnosed with DID and the amnesia is rather Annoying
Thank you for answering this! For years and years, I was completely unable to speak or write a certain word related to my past trauma (clue: begins with 'r.') If I tried to say it, it felt like something in my throat was 'blocking' the word coming out - this was *an actual, physical sensation* - my hand would freeze if I tried to write it, and with a keyboard it was like my fingers would just refuse to hit the relevant keys to spell it out. It baffled me as to why this was a thing, even though by that time I already sort of had an idea that I had alters (I'd had the clinical diagnosis of OSDD, and things the therapist said to me clued me in that she was treating me like I had alters, but because no-one medical had literally spelled that out to me specifically, it was easy to just dismiss/not think about the idea that it might be true.) That didn't seem to be how it worked on tv and in the movies - survivors were were quite happily blurting the word out with no apparent self-censoring going on at all, so what was going on with me? Did it mean that, deep down inside myself somewhere, I 'knew' it didn't really happen at all? Had I been lying to myself about it all along?
Since then I've researched OSDD more deeply, accepted that my system is real and not just a bunch of 'imaginary people' I created in my head for... reasons? and had further therapy with another therapist who worked with both me and my alters. We've now reached a stage where I can write/type the word if it's related to other people and not me (still feels nasty though, and worse if I have to say the word out loud, even under the same conditions - which I still avoid doing if I can.) Luckily it's not exactly a word that crops up in everyday conversation (thank God!) so it's not a life-wrecking thing.
this all makes so much sense. i know if i try to delve into my trauma myself, i WILL further traumatize myself. this is why i don't want to do online therapy. i NEED someone safe in the room with me to help me stabilize. it's just hard to find people like that close enough in person :/
self help for normal people doesn't do shit for me and just makes me spiral further. "oh you have to take care of yourself first, nobody else will do it." and further traumatize myself? and further upset myself by feeling alone and unloved? yeah, no fucking thanks.
(ok im done i got angry.)
anyway i feel a little like crying now this makes so much sense. when this happened to me, i could control my body, but it's like the thoughts and memories were blocked. it was so frustrating, and for some reason, i kept NOT writing shit down when i wasn't in therapy? you'd think if i knew i got blocked, i'd have the sense to write it down to bring it up later, but NOPE. i was always like "nah i'll remember for sure next time." WHY WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT NEXT TIME???
it's honestly funny ngl. i thought i was just lazy but maybe i was being blocked from writing it down, as well?
Is it possible that one of my Coheed’s doesn’t possibly like my husband? I’m 47 I just noticed that this is becoming something we can talk about. I’ve blended for over 30 years… I think there’s a side of us that doesn’t like him. Like we need to go back to the time where we have trauma together in our early 20s. I think I’m OK to recognize where I need help with my therapy. However I’ve only had three decent therapists in 25 years. Ones that understood or familiar with real dissociative episodes.. You know the ones where It’s the therapist that recognizes a shift. Where we recognize the shift but only after we become more conscious of it before we say our next word. I think that my OSDD is like an auto immune disease. It flares up! I’m not kidding it’s the only way I can describe it
I need recommendations.
Also I have the victim witness compensation for matters of past abuse. My kids and I have funding through the District Attorney only, The list of people I’m qualified therapists is a disaster a foot work that only leads to dead ends. Not too many therapists take the victim witness compensation. That’s because the paperwork process seems tedious and jumping through hoops to except government funds versus cash/ins patients is a pain. Also, it’s hard to find somebody that specializes or has an interest or is familiar with DID or OSDD.
F course it is possible, for many, many reasons, such as being triggered by simple, everyday mannerisms. Hopefully you get to figure it all out!
We have a physical representation of this in our innerworld called the silence button. Or the mute filter.
Our protector 'installed' it so that we could walk down the street or go on the bus with headphones and lipsync to songs without accidentally singing out loud and potentially making a scene in front of people, but it also gets used any time someones trying to talk (not just in therapy settings but with our partner and friends) and either another alter or the lingering effects of a trauma memory decide we cant speak about it. It feels like it physically prevents us from speaking above a whisper, and there have been times where ive been startled or wanted to cry out for some reason but the silence filter is still on and i can only choke out a tiny squeak.
This more 'physical' (headspace) representation is newer but weve always had a problem if im trying to talk about something thats deemed Too Much, my sentence will just trail off like my thought is getting pulled away from me by a string and ill be lucky to find the thread of it later. Its really comforting to hear why this can happen and that its 'normal' or that its something that can express itself in other people too, good video dr!
Relate with the pulling of string feeling. I can feel my thoughts being 'pulled' away. Very frustrating as usually happens when I feel I'm about to make a really important observation.
Exactly!!!!
This hits home 110% . Thank you for All videos .
Thank you!
Thank you so much for making this video! It helped to clarify a few things. For a while there were things that I wanted to try or talk about in therapy but a wall would come up and I found speaking to be difficult, or when my therapist would start discussing specific events or parts. I later realised it was a Protector/s that were intervening and some of the parts didn't feel ready to talk. I was wondering, we have a non-verbal/mute part and having difficulty with communication, is there anything that could help bridge this?
I am so grateful for your videos and insight. You are more informative than my medical team!!!
Thank you so much for this video. As someone in therapy for suspected DID/OSDD & definitely at a point where we can accept we're plus & everything in our life is starting to make sense, that includes this exact thing you're talking about, it's been so hard to talk even when it feels like one or even more of us wants to, it feels so frustrating to be holding onto so much & it feels like we're doing something wrong cos we "should" be able to be moving faster in therapy, but just hearing you reassure & advising patience & allowing feels like I can breathe a sigh of relief honestly🙏
Thank you as well, it is appreciated!
Thank you so much for this information, I always get very frustrated when I know I want to say something and am unable to do so or that even the things I want to say get altered by "someone". Just wondering if this is happening, can you assume the other way around that it has to be caused by an internal system/alters? Or can this also be created by emotional fragments or "something else"?
Please can you tell me how long it takes to recover fromD I D if ever
In therapy, my alters have stopped me from talking.
Its because they don't want to talk or relive what happened. My protector alter also doesn't want me to know what he is hiding from me. So, long story short, they can and do in my case.
This happens to me all the time. I'm talking about a subject where I'm starting to get into something I recall. I'm suddenly muted. Like I have to put my finger up to tell my therapist to hold on. I try really really hard to continue but as I do...I'll start to dissociate if I try to force it and get muted even more. It's incredibly frustrating.
It can be, yes, but also sometimes very helpful.
@@thectadclinic Thank you. I suppose I fail to see how helpful it is because I don't have a proper therapist to really understand the muting. Is it possible for an American to obtain a consultation or appointment with the CTAD Clinic? Trying to get proper help to find healing has been more challenging at times than having the suspected disorder. My last therapist wanted to medicate me after one session where it was obvious medication was not required.
@@deannafoster9721 Hi Deanna, best to get in touch with Sam at the clinic for options on this.
@@thectadclinic Thank you. I will do that.
I have a young part that actually says she has a 'blocking part.' When attempting to talk about an image that's clearly going to be ugly if allowed to unfold or be revealed, this young part seems to be able to call for her blocking part and everything stops. I have countless incomplete images or memories because of this. It's exhausting.
This has been very insightful, we have struggled speaking or writing in the journal. Thankfully our psychiatrist has taken this line and letting things happen as and when. Thank you again.
thank you!
Do you think that nowadays people experience more than one personality?thank you.
every one of your videos are balanced and helpful. thank you.
Does this apply if parts have been programmed to stop you talking in RA?
i ear now its crickets in the backgrounds. i've thoughts its a camera for years
These videos have been immensely helpful to me with my client work. This video in particular is very timely. Thank you.
For an autistic system… how do you tell the difference between alters stopping you from talking, vs just having an autistic shut down??
Wait.. does that happen with autism, or is that just what I’ve thought it was all this time? Can it just be the autism that makes me suddenly shut down and be almost completely unable to speak during therapy/EMDR?
@@siennaskye_journey it’s such a good question, Sienna. I will be doing a video soon with an autistic person with DID and this can be discussed. As you may have figured out, though, it is often very tough knowing which experiences are autism and which are dissociative. Or it could be both in tandem.
I love this video content and lightin =) but great information
This is exactly what my experience has long been. I have never gotten to that elusive “place of safety” for alters to allow me to know certain things which are not known to me, as the host. They are fiercely protective, and will go to all types of extremes to prevent anyone from telling certain things. I have been inpatient for long periods of time, and felt like it would or should happen. I get little snippets, and become entirely overwhelmed/ flooded. I’ve tried everything. Communicating to my system my gratitude for them protecting me when I was a child, explained that I am not little and not young anymore, and that I can handle it. I’ve begged for Sodium Amytal or Pentothal interviews to be conducted, but they discontinued doing them by the time I came along. I have had to move into acceptance that I will not likely ever know. That sometimes feels pretty frightening itself.
I love to have those interviews too I have no connection between my parts I newly diagnosed confused etc it’s hard work and my D I D debilitating to fir me I wish I could have DR Mike as therapist m losing hope I am hugely dysfunctional in my DID daily living nightmare
@@michellewilkie4387, I completely understand, I’m so sorry you’re struggling. At first, it can feel like you’re living in constant survival-mode. It will get better for you. It takes time to sort that all out, but, it will get better. There are good reasons that they stopped those interviews. Having, or building a solid support system will help. I know many people who have been able to extraordinary amounts of healing. It can be overwhelming at first, and safety is the first step. You’ll get there, even if it doesn’t feel that way right this minute. Remember, you are a survivor!
@@UnoHoo1 thank you I just hope they dint kick me out of my treatment clinic before I get well it’s a therapeutic community I so badly want to get well
@@UnoHoo1 thank you
Absolutely.
I don't have a dissociative disorder, to the best of my knowledge, but it definitely happened to me in therapy. It was frustrating and confusing. My therapist acceptance of that taught me to respect my own boundaries in that manner, and in time, I could speak about some of the stuff.
Thank you, this explanation was very helpful.
I’m right at the beginning of this journey. My husband and I watched a documentary about DID and I could literally feel the internal battle in my head. Almost hyperventilating and trying to keep it all inside so he didn’t ask questions. Then another voice saying, nope we’re not doing this, we got a BPD diagnosis and that’s what we’re sticking with. Then another voice saying, nope, we’re doing this. At least research. So I researched, and keep researching. The more I find, the more hits home and I just can’t deal with it. All the blank spaces of time, all the times I felt I was watching myself and couldn’t stop my body from doing or saying the most crazy embarrassing things. My child part that I have no control over. I could go on. I don’t feel ready to deal with any of this but it’s like someone else inside me is like, nope it’s time and we’re doing it. Thank you so much for creating this channel. Now I just need to work out how and what to tell my husband. I’m terrified he’ll think I’m even more crazy and he’ll just up and leave. He didn’t sign up for this, I wish I was normal.
Wishing to be normal is, ironically, a very normal experience to have. I wish you luck in your journey, and I hope your significant other can accept and support you for who you are, because you deserve it.
Thank you. I have been trying to understand what this is for so long. I can say the words over and over in my head and try to find the right way to get them out, but I just can't say them out loud or write them down. It's so helpful to understand what this is
You are most welcome!
We've had this happen a couple of times. The first time, I was in the run-up to talking about something I thought was important we bring up, then suddenly went mute. Very frustrating. But we just decided to hold off for another time. Also happened with a switch after being a bit overwhelmed.
Thank you for discussing this. 💜
No problem, the signposting method can sometimes help a lot with this!
I sometimes go mute when I'm upset or frustrated and want to say something... and after reading these comments, I now know why. It's like I want to say something but my vocal chords are frozen.
Sounds like my system felt the things I was going to say weren't safe
You may well be right.
Wondering if you might be able to shed some light on internal systems blocking a train of thought to prevent speech. Our members don't inhibit speech directly but they instead seem to stop the memory/train of thought completely to the point we have no idea what we were even talking about. Is this indeed members inhibiting thoughts to prevent speech? Also, do you have any videos addressing this?
Sounds like the same process is happening internally rather than externally.
Sure can!
lol
I quit therapy thinking I wasn't ready to do the work but in truth it WAS this!
Maybe you’ll get back round to it one day. Good luck!
This happens to me a lot. Because I was all those years hiding what happened during my childhood, I have never been able to express any strong feeling (I keep them locked for myself) but it is something I've had to share when I have a problem with my partner. At first I just could cry and my body temperature raised, I would sweat, I wanted so bad to say what I think but when trying to find the words they dissappear and I forget what I want to say. It takes like 20 minutes of emiting some sounds, calm down, doing pauses while talking until I finally can say a sentence with sense
Keep working on it!
For Someone Who Thinks They Have DID, What Is The Best Way To Seek Help? And What Is The Best Way To Ensure That My Theropy Goes Correctly?
I Want To Be Able To Get Help But Now I'm Afraid Of What Might Happen If I Attempt To Do Therapy. Should I Still Try To Seek Help, Or Wait Until I Am Comfortable Again?
We would suggest getting a referral to a suitably trained and experienced therapist to help guide some direction for you.
@@thectadclinic I Feel Bad For Contacting You But I Feel Like I Should.
This Is Tejasvi, An Alter Of The System. Recently Zeni Has Gone Dormant It Seems From Stress Of Not Feeling Wanted By Friends And Those Around Him Due To Incorect Views. It's Scary To Think About This And I Am Afraid As He Was The Main Part, The One Who Held The Most Memories.
can a trained therapist help zeni come back out again in a non bad way? i am the only alter who can communicate with him but i cant seem to sense or talk to him anymore. the other alter is a child alter who doesnt really understand these concepts.
i'm sorry for this long message i just what do i do. i know we are all zeni but . . .
it doesnt help we never got any apointments for a therapist. i feel like if we did, even if it wasnt a exactly trained one, zeni wouldn't have sucumb to the negitive emotions caused by depression. even now i can feel the negativity and its not a great feeling.
another question, for your answer to zeni how would you find a "sutably" trained therapist. living his side of life is hard, and theres other alters i believe are in the system but don't want to be a part of it. one already stated they don't want to cause the system even more pain as it is true, just managing 3 alters, zeni, me, and meo is not simple nor easy.
i should rap this up. i'm sorry for taking up your time. it's not my place
thanks for asking though and for bringing me back if you return professor. i still want to know that question as well
How Would We Get A Referal To A Good Therapist? I Want To Know Before I Disapear Again For A Stupid Reason ~_~
Yes, I've experienced this. It's like your mind goes suddenly blank or the words can't come out of your mouth. Sometimes, it's about not betraying the abuser.
When my system was in counseling, I drove from work to the therapist office, paid $150. Per session, and was effectively blocked from being able to have memory of our sessions. I knew the others got to meet our therapist and talk with her. She refused to tell me anything about the sessions! I got angry after a year of that, and said no more of my money will pay for sessions that I am not allowed knowledge if. My attitude caused a lot of hurt. The alters did so much for this body of people...and I am grateful now.
Agree. Have gone thru this exact thing with finally being able to have known what Dr. Mike Lloyd was describing. It’s so true for us
Thank you! This is extremely comforting. Past few sessions, I had been wanting to talk about something and I couldn't get the words out. My therapist was understanding, and is a trauma specialist. She told me she understands that I'm not ready to talk to her about some of my other trauma, and I can take my time getting there. I was still frustrated though, because as you said I wanted to speak, wanted to shout about it, or even write about it. It was frustrating. It's difficult, but once again, thank you for reassurance.
I can relate to that in so many ways.
Thank you!
Hi I’ve been told in my hospital that when I switch to parts like baby parts I can’t get out of
the place knows nothing about D I D
a couple staff say and it’s become a t sch phrase michelle has to get out of this by herself she’s bringing everyone into her trauma how is that I have no choice
I started telling my therapist "There's something I think I need to talk about but my brain is convincing me not to" and then the pressure was off my shoulders and she could circle back around to it later in the session, or in another session down the road. this was before I was dx'd with DID. and should have been a big red flag
I will often coax 3 of my headmates to talk in therapy or say things on their behalf. I sometimes need to cover my face to say it as they want to hide, but overall they do want my therapist to know these things. I’m experiencing ridiculous dissociation at the moment though and have been for 2/3 weeks - should I slow down a bit? I’ve had a lot of fusions of parts over the last year also, so a lot of internal change.
Thanks for this interesting video. How fast do you push for a history when a client insists on not going there at all? After a couple months of working with one client, we finally were able to get a general arc. She spent more time describing her adult career than her childhood. We've also discussed safe ways to review history such as just one headline, or just one bad thing, or one good thing per session, but there is always something urgent that she wants to deal with in the present. I don't have a definitive answer yet on Dx, but my gut tells me it's DID based on several signs and the a parts model is resonating thus far. We did not do a screening yet either. Anything suggestive of her having a diagnosis at all seems to send her running.
Hi ZG, thanks for the question. In general, we never 'push' for a history and are happy for it come through naturally when appropriate and/or useful. Sometimes we get a lot in the referral process anyway, which really helps, but if not, we take it cautiously.
It's odd,I have found myself blurting out things I don't mean to say in therapy. Its as if an Alter will jump in and answer and sometimes its before I can silence them. 🤦♀️
Yes, that definitely can, and does happen!
@@thectadclinic our therapist is leaving and its causing absolute chaos since we won't have another for some time,wait lists are approx 6m+ 😔