@@sushisam3010 not sure what you mean by Avoidants. What I meant by the wrong person during the right time. It was timing when I was at the lowest peak of my life. My walls were down and I was vulnerable. He made me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in years. My life would never again be the same . Essentially it was what romance novels are based on. I was hooked. Still am.
I tend to believe that ‘timing’ is a big part of what makes someone the right person so in the absence of it…they’re not the right person. They can be a great person sure, but as I get a bit older I realise how romanticising the idea of ‘right person wrong time’ can keep us stuck. If the timing is off….they are not the right person.
Susan I tell myself there is no wrong time. Things with the right person will work out even if timing is wrong. I must tell this to myself otherwise I am going to be filled with regrets and what ifs..
But you’re not telling yourself something that isn’t true. You are absolutely correct. If it is the right person, they will create the right time to allow the love to happen.
I think that’s the regret of not showing up the way we would’ve liked to in front of a person that we see has clear value. Somebody that would be perfect for us at some later point in our life.
The problem is that a lot of us hope that after experiencing a lot of sh*t without us, the wrong person will see our value and turn into the right one becoming a better version of themselves😂 But you're right, the right one will negotiate and fight from the beginning🥊 All the best, precious Susan❤
Thank you so much for your wise commentary. I truly believe that if we can filter correctly from the very very beginning, we will save ourselves so much much heartache in the long run.
Tom, it’s not just you it’s the story of many peoples lives. But I would ask you this: what would be perfect for you? The absolute perfect connection for you that also likes what you like, has a lifestyle that similar, and really sees who you are and loves it? I would go with that resonance And then see what happens
Lindsey, I absolutely love reading this message of synchronicity. You know almost every video I put out I have at least one person say I can’t believe I saw your video today at this exact moment. I am so grateful to the universe for aligning us and sending us the right messages. Often times we assume it is the right person and feel horrible because we think we met them at the wrong time. But actually, they were an exciting dynamic person that probably wouldn’t have wanted or been able to go long-term with us anyway. It just alleviates our suffering to see it upfront.
Susan I’m newly divorced and gearing up to enter the dating world again. During my sep and divorce I gained 40 plus pounds and want to spend the next few months regaining my health (and also to feel my best self physically). I watch your videos to prepare me for what dating may be like for someone one who’s been out the game for nearly 20 years! Wish me luck
Yep. going through that now. I said I cant accept friends after that intensity. I said I have to go and heal. He agreed that we leave it in God's hands. I woke up to anxiety that I made a mistake before God's peace settled back on me. I texted him to thank him for, "letting me go". I said my feelings were genuine I cant accept any less than what I had.. But I am at peace that God will bring us back together.. It lets him go to do what is on his heart.. I will pray that God brings us back together.
I am grateful to read that you are at peace again- but I have a suggestion. Would you be open to also asking God to bring you the right person- for you to allow space for this? To not be limited to this person with whom you have locked into your radar? If you’re truly letting go and letting God, then let God choose for you.❤
I love this insight. It’s helped provide so much relief for me. I am currently in a situation where the other person and I have such a playful, mature, and mutual connection. However, they ended a 4 year relationship just a few months ago. He also has a new business that he is running. He let me know that he is interested in continuing to get to know me and values our time together but doesn’t have the capacity for something more at this time. I’ve been in situations similar but never one where the person still wanted to keep in contact. It’s been challenging navigating through my emotions on this and figuring out what will work for me and what I want.
She said she wasnt ready to recommit to a relationship because she didnt want to face the enormity of responsibilities that would come from it, both good and bad. She said she wanted to experience being single just like you said, and it sucks so bad. I don't know whether to wait and hope or to have some self respect and walk away...
It sounds as though she's clearly telling you that she is unwilling or unable to be a partner in a relationship and to take responsibility. I realize I'm answering, just a paragraph, but given that information, which is central to the success of your relationship, I would walk away.
Going through this now. Together a year. He’s caught between a life with me and fighting for his kids that live in a different state. He feels such guilt for living a happy life with me that he can’t focus on what he needs to do for his kids. It literally was ripping him apart. He has made the choice to focus on his kids, which I support, but I’d be lying if I said my heart hasn’t been ripped out of my chest. He hopes once a resolution has been reached for his kids, there will still be a chance for us. He is the one for me but I miss him terribly.
I met the right person at the wrong time, not negociable, I was young, dealinh with ptsd, he was young but older and starting his career, our relationship was beautiful but not to be, years later there is still sparkles
I personally don’t believe in the “right person at the wrong time”. Life is life, we learn what we need at the times we need to. I dated an absolutely amazing man when I was younger and emotionally immature. I caused our relationship to end…..no regret, it happens, it’s life and wasn’t meant to be forever….life goes on
He was in love with acting and his dream of making it big....we hit it off big but he didn't want to be in a long-term relationship for a while.... like years.... wanted to focus everything on acting. He was the love of my life, so far
Susan, along this discussion...could you please do a video about how to hold off a person who INSISTS they are ready for something serious just barely divorced?? I'm talking with a guy who I knew years and years ago in high school. He dated a lot through his 20s and married at 28. We are now in our early 50s so yes, he was married for over 20 years. He has two self-sufficient adult children who are out on their own. I'm afraid he is NOT as ready as he thinks he is and I've tried to tell him he should date around a bit or just be alone for a while and his rebuttal is that dating around is for younger divorcees who don't know what they want or think they are missing out on something and thats not him. I could go on about all that but my question here is two-fold: 1) How do we know if/when someone divorced we are interested in IS really ready? And... 2) Isn't this also depending on how long they were physically separated from the ex-spouse? Especially with COVID, the courts were backed up and there are newly divorced people out there who haven't lived with their ex for 2 or 3 or more years! Couldn't we consider those people to possibly be ready?? Thank you Susan again for all your wisdom. In our 50s, we have all learned huge lessons by now, but this is a tough one...how to know (with a high degree of certainty, anyway) when someone is ready. I do think it really is individual, but I'd love your opinion!! ❤
I met this really great guy and he lives in Canada and I’m in the States. He lost is job and had to move but in all of it we were still talking. I asked him if we’re going to be exclusive and he said that it’s best that we should be friends and I’ll find someone better than him because he doesn’t have the money and going through a lot. I said ok friends are fine. We still talk but not like we were before. He still calls at night and it’s been almost 2 months now that we known each other and he just said to me this. I’m the right person but it’s the wrong time. Should I continue talking to him or just give up?
Or, they're good friends with the man you're seeing but is not really right for you. Or, after speaking on the phone with them multiple times a day for almost two months, they're diagnosed with a brain tumor. I recently went through both scenarios back to back. Nothing worked out and I'm completely alone again. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Janet, I’m sorry for your situation. Two in a row. That is hard to teach yourself to reboot and see the positive. But the only way to get out of that rut is to reframe the entire experience and try and shoot for the positive I know it might sound Pollyanna-ish, letting go of that belief that the only luck you have is bad luck, even if said in jest, can limit the right person coming into your life
Generally, these people are emotionally unavailable. No matter who ended the previous relationship, there is a path of mourning (considerable time here) to go through. If you want a real relationship, it's better not to get involved. These people are only available for sex and "nothing complicated". Relationships are complex by nature, as they will always involve conflict and repair -- if they are healthy. The worst thing that will probably happen is that you let yourself waste your time with a person who will leave you waiting, while they look at how the grass next door is infinitely green. "In the process of a divorce" can mean so many things... including going back to their ex. A good person for you is someone who is free and ready to spend time with you. People emotionally capable of good relationships are those who look after themselves and respect their own time in things (they will respect your time too), like in a grieving process, for example. Emotional maturity.
@@sushisam3010 Thank you for posting this. Never worked for me. They were exactly as you have described them. But i am surprised when i see relationships and even marriages developing out of affairs
I met the right person but unfortunately he's married.. Although his marriage is unhappy yet he's still a married guy.. Maybe i will find anothet right person
I met the wrong person, at the right time.
Lol...avoidants. 😢
Ha! Same
@@sushisam3010 not sure what you mean by Avoidants.
What I meant by the wrong person during the right time. It was timing when I was at the lowest peak of my life. My walls were down and I was vulnerable.
He made me feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in years. My life would never again be the same . Essentially it was what romance novels are based on. I was hooked. Still am.
Yes. And I've also met the wrong person at the wrong time 😂 The only variation I haven't experienced is the RIGHT person at the RIGHT time! 🤷♀️
Ha ha me too. Sad
I tend to believe that ‘timing’ is a big part of what makes someone the right person so in the absence of it…they’re not the right person. They can be a great person sure, but as I get a bit older I realise how romanticising the idea of ‘right person wrong time’ can keep us stuck. If the timing is off….they are not the right person.
I love your answer. And that was the centerpoint of my entire message. Thank you for sharing this with all of us and true, that is a wise comment.
Susan I tell myself there is no wrong time. Things with the right person will work out even if timing is wrong. I must tell this to myself otherwise I am going to be filled with regrets and what ifs..
I belive the same 😊 it makes it easier to let go and move forward .
But you’re not telling yourself something that isn’t true. You are absolutely correct. If it is the right person, they will create the right time to allow the love to happen.
@@SusanWinter Thank you!❤
Sometimes we meet the best right person for us when we’re a total mess in our our lives or sometimes when we’re just fooling around.
I think that’s the regret of not showing up the way we would’ve liked to in front of a person that we see has clear value. Somebody that would be perfect for us at some later point in our life.
Well said. Amazing person at the wrong time. Is a better phrase.
The problem is that a lot of us hope that after experiencing a lot of sh*t without us, the wrong person will see our value and turn into the right one becoming a better version of themselves😂 But you're right, the right one will negotiate and fight from the beginning🥊 All the best, precious Susan❤
Thank you so much for your wise commentary. I truly believe that if we can filter correctly from the very very beginning, we will save ourselves so much much heartache in the long run.
Yep, meeting people that you want but, can't have.. story of my life! 🤷
Tom, it’s not just you it’s the story of many peoples lives. But I would ask you this: what would be perfect for you? The absolute perfect connection for you that also likes what you like, has a lifestyle that similar, and really sees who you are and loves it? I would go with that resonance And then see what happens
This is exactly what I'm going through. The timing of your videos is impeccable. I'm just trying to heal and deal with the disappointment of it all.
Lindsey, I absolutely love reading this message of synchronicity. You know almost every video I put out I have at least one person say I can’t believe I saw your video today at this exact moment. I am so grateful to the universe for aligning us and sending us the right messages. Often times we assume it is the right person and feel horrible because we think we met them at the wrong time. But actually, they were an exciting dynamic person that probably wouldn’t have wanted or been able to go long-term with us anyway. It just alleviates our suffering to see it upfront.
Me too..same trying to heal and deal with disappointment..
Susan I’m newly divorced and gearing up to enter the dating world again. During my sep and divorce I gained 40 plus pounds and want to spend the next few months regaining my health (and also to feel my best self physically). I watch your videos to prepare me for what dating may be like for someone one who’s been out the game for nearly 20 years! Wish me luck
Yep. going through that now. I said I cant accept friends after that intensity. I said I have to go and heal. He agreed that we leave it in God's hands. I woke up to anxiety that I made a mistake before God's peace settled back on me. I texted him to thank him for, "letting me go". I said my feelings were genuine I cant accept any less than what I had.. But I am at peace that God will bring us back together.. It lets him go to do what is on his heart.. I will pray that God brings us back together.
this is 'magical thinking', which will keep you stuck. all the best.
I am grateful to read that you are at peace again- but I have a suggestion. Would you be open to also asking God to bring you the right person- for you to allow space for this? To not be limited to this person with whom you have locked into your radar? If you’re truly letting go and letting God, then let God choose for you.❤
@@SusanWinter I know that God has all the best for me. I trust his leading along my path.
@@agent1.618 It may be magical thinking to you but isnt that what this world needs?
@@SusanWinter Meh!, Youre right. Moved on already.
Great Advice! I met my person at the end of a marriage. Thought I needed time alone but I really just needed the right person.
Sending positive vibes, love, warmth to all people who suffer right now❤ knowing that we're not alone makes things a little better 😊
Oh… That’s so sweet. What a beautiful Thanksgiving message.
I love this insight. It’s helped provide so much relief for me. I am currently in a situation where the other person and I have such a playful, mature, and mutual connection. However, they ended a 4 year relationship just a few months ago. He also has a new business that he is running.
He let me know that he is interested in continuing to get to know me and values our time together but doesn’t have the capacity for something more at this time. I’ve been in situations similar but never one where the person still wanted to keep in contact. It’s been challenging navigating through my emotions on this and figuring out what will work for me and what I want.
She said she wasnt ready to recommit to a relationship because she didnt want to face the enormity of responsibilities that would come from it, both good and bad. She said she wanted to experience being single just like you said, and it sucks so bad. I don't know whether to wait and hope or to have some self respect and walk away...
It sounds as though she's clearly telling you that she is unwilling or unable to be a partner in a relationship and to take responsibility. I realize I'm answering, just a paragraph, but given that information, which is central to the success of your relationship, I would walk away.
Going through this now. Together a year. He’s caught between a life with me and fighting for his kids that live in a different state. He feels such guilt for living a happy life with me that he can’t focus on what he needs to do for his kids. It literally was ripping him apart. He has made the choice to focus on his kids, which I support, but I’d be lying if I said my heart hasn’t been ripped out of my chest. He hopes once a resolution has been reached for his kids, there will still be a chance for us. He is the one for me but I miss him terribly.
I hope you manage to work it out ❤
Susan, you are spot on.
Thank you Kat
Susan, you are so so right again !!!
Thank you, Mario
Timing is everything.😂
I met the right person at the wrong time, not negociable, I was young, dealinh with ptsd, he was young but older and starting his career, our relationship was beautiful but not to be, years later there is still sparkles
I needed to hear this, thank you!!!
I personally don’t believe in the “right person at the wrong time”. Life is life, we learn what we need at the times we need to.
I dated an absolutely amazing man when I was younger and emotionally immature. I caused our relationship to end…..no regret, it happens, it’s life and wasn’t meant to be forever….life goes on
Nah, I would never wait nine months. Why put my life on hold for nine months for someone to explore what’s out there?
Nine months of your life you can never get back
He was in love with acting and his dream of making it big....we hit it off big but he didn't want to be in a long-term relationship for a while.... like years.... wanted to focus everything on acting. He was the love of my life, so far
Well said
Thank you, Journey
*Huh good point!!!*
Susan, along this discussion...could you please do a video about how to hold off a person who INSISTS they are ready for something serious just barely divorced?? I'm talking with a guy who I knew years and years ago in high school. He dated a lot through his 20s and married at 28. We are now in our early 50s so yes, he was married for over 20 years. He has two self-sufficient adult children who are out on their own. I'm afraid he is NOT as ready as he thinks he is and I've tried to tell him he should date around a bit or just be alone for a while and his rebuttal is that dating around is for younger divorcees who don't know what they want or think they are missing out on something and thats not him.
I could go on about all that but my question here is two-fold:
1) How do we know if/when someone divorced we are interested in IS really ready? And...
2) Isn't this also depending on how long they were physically separated from the ex-spouse? Especially with COVID, the courts were backed up and there are newly divorced people out there who haven't lived with their ex for 2 or 3 or more years! Couldn't we consider those people to possibly be ready??
Thank you Susan again for all your wisdom. In our 50s, we have all learned huge lessons by now, but this is a tough one...how to know (with a high degree of certainty, anyway) when someone is ready. I do think it really is individual, but I'd love your opinion!! ❤
Love your content.
I met this really great guy and he lives in Canada and I’m in the States. He lost is job and had to move but in all of it we were still talking. I asked him if we’re going to be exclusive and he said that it’s best that we should be friends and I’ll find someone better than him because he doesn’t have the money and going through a lot. I said ok friends are fine. We still talk but not like we were before. He still calls at night and it’s been almost 2 months now that we known each other and he just said to me this. I’m the right person but it’s the wrong time. Should I continue talking to him or just give up?
Fantasy vs reality …..
Exactly Dawn
Or, they're good friends with the man you're seeing but is not really right for you. Or, after speaking on the phone with them multiple times a day for almost two months, they're diagnosed with a brain tumor.
I recently went through both scenarios back to back. Nothing worked out and I'm completely alone again.
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all
Janet, I’m sorry for your situation. Two in a row. That is hard to teach yourself to reboot and see the positive. But the only way to get out of that rut is to reframe the entire experience and try and shoot for the positive I know it might sound Pollyanna-ish, letting go of that belief that the only luck you have is bad luck, even if said in jest, can limit the right person coming into your life
@@SusanWinter thank you Susan. Your advice and videos always help me see things in a different light
What is your opinion on dating or engaging with married people who claim they are "separated" or in the process of a divorce?
I’m interested in this, too
@@anon_yain my experience they were all emotionally unavailable (wrong person, wrong time )
Generally, these people are emotionally unavailable. No matter who ended the previous relationship, there is a path of mourning (considerable time here) to go through. If you want a real relationship, it's better not to get involved. These people are only available for sex and "nothing complicated". Relationships are complex by nature, as they will always involve conflict and repair -- if they are healthy. The worst thing that will probably happen is that you let yourself waste your time with a person who will leave you waiting, while they look at how the grass next door is infinitely green.
"In the process of a divorce" can mean so many things... including going back to their ex. A good person for you is someone who is free and ready to spend time with you. People emotionally capable of good relationships are those who look after themselves and respect their own time in things (they will respect your time too), like in a grieving process, for example. Emotional maturity.
@@sushisam3010 Thank you for posting this. Never worked for me. They were exactly as you have described them. But i am surprised when i see relationships and even marriages developing out of affairs
Waste of time and energy in my opinion, life is too short to invest in uncertainty.
Simply put, one has a higher priority (typically another romantic interest) than a loving relationship with you.
I met my soulmate but I wasn't ready for him.😢
How are you now?
I met the right person but unfortunately he's married.. Although his marriage is unhappy yet he's still a married guy.. Maybe i will find anothet right person
Remember what I heard the Dalai Lama said “Maybe you find better one!”
Got news for you, Emma, if he’s married and fooling around with you, even emotionally, he ain’t “the right person”.
Each time more and more it was like world war 3. I'm a gamer and that triggered her so bad.