Why All Narcissists Use The Silent Treatment
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- Опубліковано 12 лип 2022
- Narcissists are highly skilled at making you agonize over the silent treatment by rendering you invalid, invisible, and totally redundant.
Being switched off and treated like you don’t even exist, after everything you’ve done for this person, is devastating. Don’t I know it!
If you have also felt these feelings of despair, betrayal, and the intense panic of being discarded in this way … or if you’ve had enough of the waiting around for days, weeks or even months before this person suddenly wants to talk again, then this Thriver TV episode will be very helpful.
So, how do we know how to respond to the silent treatment? Watch the video or read the blog to find out - I’ll teach you exactly what to do.
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Excellent video , thanks for sharing , this is very very helpful.
Thank you. 🌟🌟👍
I have never been given the silent treatment by anyone in my life until the narcissist. I knew something was very off with him. Adults communicate and work through issues. This guy had no intention of working through anything with anyone.
He was not an emotional adult and you deserved a grown adult man not a little boy wearing a man suit 😞💔I'm sorry he put you through that🥀
I have come to realize there is not a single “adult” in my family of origin even though all of us are over fifty!
@@dnk4559 It's like that in my family as well. It's extremely painful and disturbing for me to realize and I'm trying to accept life on reality's terms but it is rough and I feel your pain🌷
@@PassionateFlower I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same. My Narc Dad has passed and I’ve had to come to terms with all the trauma my siblings and I experienced. I was the only one that wanted to be different and got into therapy. Ugh. I feel like I’m grieving the loss of all of them at once. I had hoped that someday they might get help also but it seems they are simply repeating the same patterns of abusive behavior. It breaks my heart.
Narcissists also use silent treatment and blocking to give themselves a sense of control over you.
Dealing with that now with a close family member. It’s horrible
@@jennaletizia5430I'm dealing with it in regard to a family member as well! 😥
Excellent discussion of what I lived!
They are sick !!
GET AWAY FROM THEM !!!
This what my mother did to us as children and talk about damage.
I hear you! Our narc mother's selfishness and indifference has caused life-long wounds to all her children.
Same here, silent treatments, threats, gaslighting etc
Silent treatment. My mother hardly spoke unless it concerned her. Other times she ignored us so we learned not to talk therefore we learned no emotions or how to deal with emotions! Yes lifelong problems. We lived in a family yet each of us was so alone. Alexithyma Isa word I learned through these type comments. It's "inability to understand the intricacies of feelings and emotions". It's not in the DSM the Bible of psychology listing all the conditions recognized diagnosable things in the Pacific world, but I'm sure any provider has heard stories of ppl with such problems. My sister and I never married or had kids bc we couldn't figure out relationships. Yes the silent treatment is terrible and highly damaging, lifelong but it can be done. I'm 65 and still learning about emotions. Sad but that's what narcissists do to some of their children. Dr Les Carter and Dr Romani also do videos on narcs. It gets better once you have an understanding of what happened to you. You will get better.
@@jerirasulo9543 Hello brother from similar mother 😀❤
We know we understand. We can overcome this cross. 💪
The silent treatment is just one of many ways narcs do to you what hurts them. Their backwards minded to the core leaving you thinking, what tha. ?!?!? 😵
When someone gave me the silent treatment it didn't feel good...at all. But I'm not the type to beg because I don't like another sign of rejection on top of the one I already got. So I'm the type to just leave it be. But I remember it too, and was always aware of how wrong it was. Decades later...I came across things about "personality disorder", and was more than just aware of what it really meant. So when it happened to me, for days on end, I knew it was the beginning of the end. I knew I'd end up leaving...soon...and I did. Everyone has limits. Some have decades before they reach theirs. But when you find out what this silent treatment is all about, you'll reach your limits too... I stayed only a few weeks more...and then left. There's only so much you can hope for. There are certain battles that aren't worth fighting. You can love somebody so much, but self respect is just as important. You were born for something more. You can't control how others behave, or make their choices. You can make your own...and staying in a place where people disrespect you is never the place to be. It's time to go. You've been nice enough to others. Now it's time to be nice to yourself. To a Narcissist, you are nothing but an old refrigerator, or hair dryer, an old forgotten book on the shelf, or even a pair of worn out shoes. Pretty and shiny in the beginning, but worn out in the end, in their eyes.
I LOVE THIS MESSAGE
The silent treatment is a means of control..they cut you off because they know it will hurt you and put them back in the driver seat..
No get the fuck out the way
OMG. My parents were narcissists and my wife of 45 years is a narcissist and her behavior is worse than theirs. I recently discovered that I have CPTSD. I'm a 65 year old male and just discovering all of this. I have been a " deer caught in the headlights" my entire life. I have CFS and suffer from depression and severe anxiety. I started going to therapy when I left home at 18. A complete waste of time. I received no help whatsoever from the mental health community. The good news is that in the last year I have found out about CPTSD and now narcissistic abuse. I will eventually be happy because I never give up. As I write this I have been getting the silent treatment from my wife for the 10,000th time and although my "heart is in my throat" I don't give a damn. I'm now convinced it will end. Hopefully soon. Thanks so much for the information Melanie! Best of luck to you!
I am on your page and now I have to face dead, as my heart don’t want deal with this crazyness anylonger
@@theodorreischmann6414 Theodor, I too have felt this way many times. I know the anguish you must be feeling and have felt many times before. My heart goes out to you brother. I made it this far by knowing that life turns on a dime. At any moment in life something can happen that completely changes the course of your life. I've heard this advice myself many times and my response has either been, yea right or exactly when is this transformation supposed to happen, I need a bone thrown to me, something, anything. Something will usually happen even if it's the bare minimum so I can continue forward. I have a wonderful, loving daughter. Just the thought of the joy she has brought me is sometimes enough. I don't know your life's story but maybe there is someone in your life that can be of some comfort. I recently was headed to yet another nervous breakdown. The thought of western medicine's approach again was discouraging to say the least. Totally by accident I found a Buddhist Retreat with hot springs within driving distance of my home. I am not a religious person but that didn't matter here. They only had two other guests for the week and told me I could come for five days at a rate I could afford. I'm writing you from my room. This is my fourth day. I got out of crazy town long enough to gather my wits about me and decide what I need to do for me. Too often trauma victims put our needs last and of course the abuser always puts your needs last if at all. I've stumbled upon a way for me to leave my situation and have a real possiblity of having a better life.
I've always thought that when I've been knocked down by life if I can just get back on my feet and keep moving forward then I might have a chance for change to come my way. Nurse your wounds, cry and curse the sky. Let it out. Then get back on your feet and keep moving forward. You never know what's around the next bend. I hope it's something good for you. Change can happen. Also remember that this worldwide pandemic has affected everyone's mental health. It can't last forever. Hang tough. I wish you all the best.
@@smokeyb.8437 thanks man. Its good to hear some encouraging words after 7 years waiting for a change 🤙🏻
@@theodorreischmann6414 You're welcome...
I checked out your channel. Thanks for turning me on to some new music.
did you finally get aeay ?
Both of my ex narcissists loved this tactic. The insight that they are silent on the topic…not us is great. I am pulled away and healing, and seeing my attraction to narcs, more importantly signs to look out for when dating. NARP is great, I also really like, respect, and recommend Professor Sam Vatkin on UA-cam.
Got it my entire life, WEAK. Discard shattered me to pieces.
Yes this did happen, that's terrible. I am sorry we have experienced this trauma. Never again. Defiant self care. I deserve love cause I am lovable. I am love. I am enough. So within so without. Nameste everyone. Thank you Melanie Tonia Evan's.
I have just ended a friendship where I was being silenced on occasion for no reason. Sometimes it would be when I was happy and excited, the last time I offended her by text in which I was trying to organise taking her out to lunch for her birthday. I had enough of it and cancelled a few group trips away as I didn't want to spend time with someone who doesn't value me. I left dignified voice messages and again she didn't respond. We are part of a large group of friends so it has been difficult. She is "so nice" to everyone and no one would believe me so I am dealing with it alone with some support from other friends. Its horrible and immature, we are in our 50s and I wouldnt put up with it in my twenties so why would I start now.
Yes I gree leave there ass asap
I WISH my narc would use the silent treatment.
He NEVER stops talking.
How can I get him to leave the house altogether? That sounds like heaven.
I WISH he'd find a girlfriend. He'd be more receptive to a divorce.
LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
@@carriedillmann4455 DUH!!!
Beautifully explained, bitter truth, but extremely sobering and helpful. I've been through many of the hurtful and soul shattering experiences with my ex covert narcissist.. silent treatments and passive aggressiveness in the end made me realize that I am good and worthy of something real instead of the cold and punishments, while he was outwardly charming to other people. Fake and empty he was, but I have gained a lot of insight and saved myself.
INCREDIBLE, Melanie! You speak such utter truth; having been discarded via the use of "Silent Treatment," I totally get what you mean. Seems narcs hone in on the one or two concepts they discover cause you the worst pain and use that solely to obliterate your heart, mind, and soul.
Thank you for rhe information it's dead on and time for this shit to end
Spot on Mel! I keep learning soo much about my family of origin (who have all passed away now) through these extremely helpful Thriver videos. My whole family always used silent treatment as one of their favorite main communication & manipulative tools. It's taken me such a long time now to wake up to the truth (I'm 68) but now I am finally free to live my life in a beautiful way. It is due in large part to NARP, your videos & seminars. I am healing now & have truly opened my eyes to the truth of where I came from, where I WANT to go & where I don't need to go to any longer! Thanks so much for your tremendous work with people from all over the world who've been narcissistically abused &/or are currently in relationships with narcissists.
Thank you, again, Melanie! ❤️🦋❤️
Oh Melanie. The more I watch your videos, I can see that I check all the boxes for a narcissist myself. And I have these horrendous relationships and extremely high expectations as you said and get devastated and heartbroken when the partner doesn’t behave in my way. And I can get a narcissistic injury at a hairline trigger. And at holiday time or birthdays I go insane because the attention is not on me. And I unconsciously start fights for no reason because without that specialness my inner identity feels so fragile and unhinged. I can see all this in myself and I’m very disturbed. I wish to heal and I’ve been doing NARP the past days and getting relief. Then more inner trauma comes up. It feels constant. But I need to heal this. Thank you, your program is saving me
Stood up to a "friend" (not a friend) who uses the silent treatment when I confront him about his behavior. Trust lost - I did a background search on him, eyes completely open now. Have narcissists in my immediate family, have gone no contact due to safety issues and feeling empowered for standing up for myself. I deserve love and the best love is self-love! Healing the trauma in myself to open my eyes and live a life of thriving and not just surviving.
How did he respond when you confronted him?
I expressed a boundarie in regards to the silent treatment being a dealbreaker for me and my friend came up with denial and the excuse he was with family and therefor not responded for 24 hours.
i gave my ex narc gf the silent treatment because she discarded me and was giving me the silent treatment,,,so i didnt want to play anymore,,,,she then confronted me yelling why are you ignoring me??? i didnt say a word and just walked away,,,i dont have time for people who play games,,,life is way too short
Hello Robert good for you and getting out that bad relationship with a toxic person
I will do the same.... She is about to discard me...
😮 wish I had this information when it happened to me! He would ghost for weeks because I held him accountable zero apology zero communication. I was too anxious to think straight! Walking on eggshells!
The sneaky silent treatment...they stir up trouble right before they or you have to leave for work. Start a fight then can't stay awake long enough to resolve but just one issue after the next. No closure..."i guess" "maybe" "i dont know"
Silent treatment but they sure know how to work a phone daily to harass. Smh
Lol - so true! My narc mother would completely freeze me out - then call me to wish herself Happy Mother's Day.
Lll Omg yes. Truth!, my mom and current ex wife does to me.
Mel Thank You!
Amazing, thank you ♡
Spot on!
....or maybe in the midst of three siblings, supposedly collaborating to construct a general power of attorney for their aging mother....one responds to all email communications/questions from the narcissist abd all others within 24 hrs...and the narcissist doesn't email for days on end...and when an email from her finally does arrive, it is not a "response" to the communication you sent, but is rather a presentation of "suggested phrasing" which completely ignores the communication she is supposedly responding to.
Yes, this is happening to me "right now") 🙄
Invalidation, dismissiveness, and bulldozing are her motives....and also "punishment" for daring to actually participate in this "collaboration" as if I might actually have something to contribute. What was I thinking? For a minute there I forgot the role she has cast me in. Silly me.
Absolutely
I should have caught on way back in the beginning.
My ex girlfriend had discarded one of her female friends but I was unaware of narcissism at that time but here I am almost 17 yrs later very traumatized lost confused hurt from all those yrs of her abusing me while all I was doing was trying to prove I was an honest giving loving man but nothing mattered ever she was not ever happy not ever can't get those days back 💔
It's now in God's hands
Same here. :)
Keep healing and you'll break free!
THIS is my LAST husband who divorced and jilted me!! WOW!!
Thanks & good job. How is the silent treatment different from no contact?
Hi Mike. Quite simply, a narcissist uses the Silent Treatment as a form of punishment. We use No Contact as a form of self preservation and self love. Hope this helps. Mel
@@MelanieToniaEvans This explains the difference PERFECTLY!!!
My sister does this for no reason
Who knows what the intention is. Very easy to deny so cannot be verified. If you decide that what is done is silent treatment are you then the narcissist? That is to say you took the possible no contact as silent treatment?
It's the stone-walling that drives me crazy... I can never work out: did he genuinely just not hear me, is he just distracted by the TV and lacks the attention span to hear me, or is he really purposely ignoring me...? I query if he heard me and he says "yeah" and I'm like "well f@%king nod or grunt or SOMETHING!!!" 🤬 Then I look like the psycho 🤷🏻♀️
I was in this same situation a month ago
They fucking hear u just being nasty af
So familiar
Even when theyre cheating ?
Especially then
Thanks to 🔝🔝 It is heartbreaking that I had an intermittent relationship for 5 years with my ex-drug addict, to always forgive him and come back to him, so now I broke up after finding out he was a total cheater and flirting. i couldn't take it anymore, i had to uncover the truth thanks to 🔝🔝 who helped me gave me useful information which really proves he was a cheater and also a liar.
He started a silent treatment. It's been 4 months ever since. I totally disappeared, but interestingly he did not try to reach me out at all! Why?
I think if he knows you know hes a predatory parasite you will scare his weak ass. They are the same entity working through different hosts . Spiritual parasite..
@@lena-Ramonedamn, spooky
DO they REALLY have PTSD???? OR are they are really a Narssisist?.... (that is the rhetorical question....)
most have experienced trauma at an early age the ptsd leads to the NPD, a way of hiding their shame. They are a shell.
@@The1966chevyvan I wouldn't say most I would say Some. Some of them use their mental problems and play them like cards to ruin peoples lives I've had it happened
You’re completely insane.
You sound like a narcissist 😂
Who ??
What about this situation: (we're not in a relationship) she started pointing out that I don't want to talk about my problems. I said that I want to handle my problems (job searching) on my own and not burden her with my situation, as she already has a lot of her own issues. In the meantime, she texted me saying that soft skills are important in job searching, while I insisted that in the graphic design industry, the portfolio is what matters most. She wrote, "No one will hire a jerk ;)", and I took it as a hint at me. She replied, "You're an idiot, because it was just an example, and you're taking it personally." Later, she said that I don't want to let anyone help, ask for help or to talk about my problems and she asked why. She added that "seeing your problems takes maturity. Looks like it's not the right time." I responded that "just because I'm not involving others in my problems doesn't mean I don't see them". Since then, she hasn't contacted me for 16 days. I also haven't reached out to her because my message was the last one, and she stopped replying. Is this silent treatment? Did I behave badly? At her home, together with her parents, they use the silent treatment as a form of punishment with each other.