I found it triggering as all hell. It took me back to when I was married. My ex was the worst, most entitled being about sex. I'm so glad i've stayed single.
is it just me or does it sound like he is trying to say that if a woman cannot keep up with a man's sex drive he should be able to step out of the relationship
But he is wrong and never brought up his sex drive standard and is it even appropriate if she had kids and work and house work that he might not be helping out on.
This isn’t even a man vs. woman thing. He’s narcissistic, entitled, and immature. Who can possibly build a healthy relationship with someone like this?
He's not saying he should be able to step out. He was just saying if sex is like a chore to a woman, or if she can't keep up with his sex drive, then why not have a second girlfriend to satisfy him?
lol I’m confused as to why he’s acting like she’s the problem when in another video he was bawling his eyes out and saying that she saved his life and what would he ever do without her?! Do you want to be with her or not man?! Maybe he never wanted to get married but because he didn’t want to lose the lady he went along with what she wanted, but now he’s resentful
Exactly! He's acting Iike she held a gun to his head and forced him into marriage that way. What I heard her say is that she wanted to be married so he was going to get on board or she was going to end the relationship. That's not pressure, he had a choice, he could have chosen to let her walk. Now that he is possibly regretting HIS choice, he wants to blame her. She did what any self respecting woman would do, had a standard and refused to lower the bar. I don't see anything wrong in that.
Well if he feels so pressured free him, These dudes don't want no commitment, no responsibility, they just wanna do what they wanna do without accountability, and as the female you supposed to be sitting there like lap dog waiting for they return
@@tjmack010 fuck boys exist because we live in a society that never holds men responsible for their actions. They didn't when they were boys and they refuse to do it with them being grown men.
Exactly thats the first thing I said. She even indirectly confirmed it by saying 'if I knew it'd end up like this I wouldnt have wanted monogamy' but it seems like she was protecting him from embarrassment. Thats the ONLY reason sex would be a chore for me. It has to be horrible.
Theyre probably compatible in every other aspect except sexually. It often has little to do with extra partners but satisfaction kinkiness and bedroom roles.
Disagree respectfully Enjoying it or not , sex stills requires energy. So IDC how good it is 😂, if you're tired you're not doing it. Throw work and children into that equation , and let's see how much you want to have sex .
He didn't listen to himself! He "wasn't" ready for marriage, he just new he didn't want to loose her! He's blaming her instead of learning about himself! (everyone experiences this in relationships/marriage.) She was ready for marriage and she's learning that their is "more" to marriage. As we get older we grow, mature!
@@teal1010 no she was not she said she didn’t consider that marrying a man mean you have to compromise and meet your husbands sexual needs if yours are lower than his.
I'm thoroughly annoyed...this woman actually has to deal with him EVERY day!! My sex drive would be sitting at zero with this one as well. Since when does marriage mean that a woman has to become a sex slave? He's not even listening to WHY she's disinterested in sex with him...he's rude and condescending af and is acting like he doesn't value her much beyond her ability to spread her legs. This was hard to watch, honestly.
What about her caring about his feelings? Don't his emotions need to be nurtured? If your man tells you why he is depressed, will you reject him, call him a child and dismiss his feelings? If so, then you don't care about your man and therefore he should not care for you.
This guy is making my blood pressure go up. He is responsible for himself PERIOD. She stating what she wants is not pressure but maturity, which he doesn't have he wants to make her responsible for his choices. He thought he was going to get pussy literally anytime just because now she is "his". He feels entitled to her body.
You never should have to feel that you have to down play yourself towards any man. She should want and feel secure with her decision making in anything she wants. If he was uncomfortable with the request she wanted, he shouldn't have married her. How dare him treat her as if she trapped him into marriage.. He is a grown boy.. Grow up
So if he was just quiet and cheated he would be mature. Hes trying to get her thoughts it's all about communication. You judging this man off of one topic. Don't make no sense
@Polygamy not for me! My Choice how is wanting to have sex with his wife control? If they only have sex when she wants to isn't that her being controlling?
Women will have “ low sex” drive if their man is abusive and manipulative. It’s not hard to keep up with sex demands if you feel cherished and appreciated. It’s weird how men DEMAND great sex but won’t give good, or anything close to it, love. Ladies, find a man that loves you, then sex won’t be a chore (of course there will be exceptions from time to time.)
I was just about to say, he REALLY ain’t gettin’ it now! I feel so bad for her because I would feel humiliated in her shoes, and it would show. He’s doing nothing but causing her to feel the same resentment toward him that he obviously feels toward her. And he might just be doing it on purpose to further sabotage the relationship so he can step on out.
This right here!!! If you don't treat your woman right, she will become unattracted to you & not want sex with you. It's not a choice, it's subconscious. Just do right by her and you'll be the one having to say "I'm tired" 😂😂😂
When a man says we don't gotta rush marriage. run. It is a red flag. When you know what you want for your future, stand your ground. Both Men and Women.
@@BridgeBoii scientific studies show that men who are married live longer and they're happier because they have a woman who's taking care of them on the flip side there are no benefits for women because women are the ones who are always taking care of the family while she lacks the time for taking care of herself. unless she practices hypergamy that I'm assuming.
@@deej5608 I don’t believe in science but I see where you’re coming from respectfully. I just think if a couple wants to be together they shouldn’t get married under the government. They can be exclusive for how ever long it may be. The Divorce court is biased
@@xian4812 well 80 percent of divorces are filed by women and when they go through that process the man usually loses half or more of his assets. That’s why I say it doesn’t benefit men, but it benefits the woman. Maybe married men do live a little bit longer but like I said before, instead of gettin married couples can just stay exclusive to one another. Same thing, just not under the government That’s wat ima do
As a woman... learning that your man felt pressured to be with you, instead of being excited to start life and grow with you, has got to be heartbreaking 😢
@@johnnierobinson9997 I do understand both sides as a whole. Then, I imagined how I would feel if my man said he was there bc he felt pressured. I can't put myself in his place bc I wouldn't let myself be pressured to get married. And I expect my man to be there bc he wants to be. I personally wouldn't want someone to be with me bc they felt pressured. We are aligned or we're not. If she's starting to pay attention to his energy, and it's not resonating with her, she will not want to be intimate. After looking at both sides, I resonate with her and how I, as a woman, would feel in that situation.
Sex without intimacy, safety, security is nothing this guy can give her. Their communication style is waaaaay different. What kind of husband corners his wife publicly and puts her down over his supposedly “huge sex drive”... I will tell you, someone who is advertising that he is available!
This is sheer manipulation. And, to some degree, she's backing down. She might be a little embarrassed, but yeah, he sucks. He's working an angle towards eventual nonsense. But that's her choice. I hope she's LISTENING!!!
Vanessa Cazares Dell Valley is playing mind games with her. I feel bad for her because she’s clearly more worried about upsetting him than standing her ground on the matter
@@HazelGreen64 they honestly both to blame for where they at. These are conversations you have before you decide to get married and also if he felt pressured he shouldn't have done it until he felt that was something he Wanted as well.
The funniest part is no way he could get a women like her a second time. He's wack in everyway. She must been going through something when she agreed to marry him.
Let me help you women out here from a man point of view. Devale is not saying he didn’t want to get married he saying he didn’t want to get married at that point in time. Devale wanted their marriage to come about organically/naturally rather than feel pressure from Khadeen. He wanted to initiate the union not to be presented with ultimatums. Now that they’re joined together as one their view on sex has gone in opposite directions causing conflict and frustration. This man needs more from her and he not getting it. That’s all he saying.
@@nickalton and she chose not to wait around so told him he has choices to make, and because he didn’t want to lose her he made them, your point is? It doesn’t change the fact he’s wack and shouldn’t be blaming her for having standards. You’re actually not helping anyone and need to be enlightened just like Devale lol.
@@bbeauterah7242 She told him indirectly he had a choice, either to marry me within a year or this relationship is over. That’s an ultimatum. Now a man who’s not ready gets pressured into a government contract. Women pressure men ALL the time into marriage. Don’t act like it ain’t true. If a man wants to be with you he’ll marry you without threats.
Some men are vessels for incarnating energy trying to find a womb to be born through. Most new incarnating energies are new, yet they assume the lead position as head of a more mature standard and assume a role of entitlement. This is what happens when your genetics are used to create life with things that are not of your same nature and understanding for the purpose of keeping this cycle going. In any healthy relationship, there has to be healthy communication about expectations and a balance.
Devale was hell of wrong for this....he wasn't pressured he was given a choice. The reason he felt pressured is because he knew he didn't want to lose. Further to that, sometimes men/women (in this instance him) only study their needs...what they want but never take into consideration what their partner (the partner you chose) needs....smh!
Wow!! he's making it sound like it was a chore that he married her. He's a grown ass man who could make his own decisions. It sounds like he's putting all the blame on her. It should be a mutual decision and if my man acted like that I think I'd rethink even being married to someone like this. Seriously!!! She knew what she wanted and he was confused. You're also very right!!
Exactly! Had that been my husband, I would have told him right then and there that he didn't have to get narried nor does he have to stay that way. He came across as though he didn't want to be married at all. She didn't hold a gun to his head, HE made a choice and HE can make a choice to get out if he's so "pressured"🙄🙄🙄
@Robert Mitchell First off..a wife isn’t responsible for his happiness!! if he wasn’t happy to begin with..he should’ve never married her at the first place. if a wife needs isn’t getting met from her husband..she have every right to divorce him. what a husband won’t do for his wife..??another man will.
I agree that I don’t think she pressured him at all. I think he only felt pressured because he didn’t want to lose her so he decided to do but didn’t really agree.
@Monét L You do realizing she was deflecting his questions. All honestly, she shouldnt have pressure him and dated someone else, I seriously don't get why y'all acting like everything it's his fault. There are things that are his fault, I know but this women did wrongs too. Stop defending this bs she's doing.
@@bravejonah Devale is a grown man too..that can think for himself by making that decision to be with someone else & should’ve never married her at the first place. he knew the simple fact he wasn’t on the same page with her standards & what she wanted in the relationship?? the only mistakes she made was moving in with him without being married first. he is responsible for the choices he make if he didn’t want to marry her which..he should’ve been upfront & kept it 💯 & those are his right & should’ve been with someone else..plain & simple. all Devale had to do was..be with someone else that he have in common with.why marry someone if she or he well..he isn’t a match for her that doesn’t have nothing in common & feels differently about the relationship/marriage?? they might look like a good looking couple but..they’re still apple & oranges.
A major problem in a lot of relationships is often that the woman never feels heard/assured cos a lot of men fail to actively listen. If men were able to actively listen and not act so immature by always trying to have the upper hand, always having a come back for everything, actually actively listen in the moment and not take everything as a personal attack a lot of relationships would have fewer disagreements and have more overall happiness. 💯💯💯
More so a human responsibility to be an active listener than saying a specific gender. But other than that straight facts. As a human being, being able to listen to others actively shows a level of maturity. Can you hear and receive someone else's thoughts/experiences/interpretations without standing on defense? Or can you receive what is being shared with a heart of understanding? That is the responsibility of all humans.
Its like, when a man wants to be heard, the whole world must stop... But when a woman wants to be heard there's a whole heap of ifs, buts and maybes... Well that's my situation right now, and I'm actually so done... Fool doesn't even realise it YET... Its Sunday today, and on Monday, I'm gone.... Just so glad we never got married, and no longer live together... Should have seen the signs when we were moving backwards instead of forward... Next time it comes knocking on my door I shall leave it out on the doorstep, where it belongs... That was Thursday, as I said, its Sunday now, and the atmosphere is sour already, can't say I'm surprised/shocked/hurt, cus this is just standard procedure... Finds just about any and everything to argue about, cus its not getting its own way... Ugh
Rakia Logan Another problem, too many men/women would rather "argue" instead of expressing their wants/needs. They want attention rather than resolution!
First I agree with Derrick. Secondly, I think how he is expressing himself is toxic and is belittling her standards. It is manipulative and he is over talking her. I don’t think that he asking to be married is pressuring him. If he got what he wanted which was sex, why can’t she get what she want also which is to be in a monogamy married relationship. He sounds sexually frustrated and isn’t getting what he want from her sexually but instead of him trying to meet her needs so that his needs can be met, he’s yelling at her. Plus, it sounds like whatever life experiences she had with him is not helping her wanting to give it up to him.
That last sentence. Life happens. A woman's body has gone thru massive changes to give birth, her responsibilities changes, her work increased... He is still. going to work and coming home each day... Maybe he "helps out" (I have a problem with that term when we all live here and all the adults go to work) Essentially, his life and body didn't change while her's in a frame that is emotionally centered and physically weaker is totally different...some men do not understand that.
Watching him made me feel really uncomfortable, honestly just wanted her to turn round and say well the pressure is off and leave the table. Thanks for sharing
Why do men think they're the only ones that have sexual desires . And if you dont want to be monogamous, be ok with your woman having multiple partners also. Put it all on the table and see if you can handle the BS you want her to.!
What about the women who love to have sex & their men don't? Or how about a man's body also changes with age. Sometimes he has a hard time getting or keeping an erection. Now say this woman at the beginning of the relationship was expecting to have nonstop sex the entire relationship & through the marriage. And he's like "i cant perform". As women we're supposed to understand right. Now who's feeling pressured?
Goes back to when he was saying it’s a draw back when you have sex before marriage because you expect the sex to be same like how it was in the beginning. When you wait until marriage you can create intimacy in other ways other than just sexual intercourse.
🤧🤧 its sick that women can devalued a man like this but if a man says anything about staying single because of statements like this he is wrong for not wasting time with a relationship.
I'm proud of her for holding it together during this conversation. My feelings would be incredibly hurt having my husband tell me that it was a hardship to fully commit to me.....and covertly implying that he may not have committed if he knew I couldn't keep up sexually. You can hear a lot of resentment and pinned up tension/ frustration in his voice. He has been thinking about that for a while.
He’s punishing her for wanting marriage. He wants her body but no responsibility. She wouldn’t give it to him for free, so now he’s throwing a hissy fit in the form of trying to exert power and control over her with sex. He has no feelings and empathy towards her to try to think why she might not be interested in sex. He makes it seem like it’s a job she has to do instead of something that they enjoy together-an expression of their love together.
I cringed listening to him and could hear that they were on two different levels mentally. This is why Im waiting for the right man to open up to. I can't settle
Exactly!!! 💯 you said it 🙌🏽 Setting a standard is not pressure. Plus the last time I checked marriage and monogamy went hand in hand. If not then stay single...
Right! Clearly that was fraudulent behavior because he’s talking to her mad sideways now. He’s got his little acting gig and chicks are probably throwing 😽his way.
@@Rayenjay I suggest watching the entire podcast. I'm glad I did. I don't agree with everything he said but it put things in better perspective to see the entire conversation.
@@christalintentions Yes, people need the entire context to understand. He was showing basically how many men think and didn't let her in on it because he wasted her honest reaction is my guess. He definitely was clear HE understands and is happy with his wife.
@@christalintentions I understand and Devale is complex and there is so much more to their relationship than what this brief exchange suggests. Even with the context though, I could not finish this episode. They have had this conversation before several times on air so I am sure she hears it all the time off air. And how manipulative he sounds during this conversation, and how often she seems to express not feeling good enough in the marriage. He still has a lot of patriarchal baggage to work through.
I actually like them and watch their videos from time to time but yeah when I saw this I was like OOOOP. I hope they'll be fine but I agree that this could cause a change somehow. I would definitely feel some type of way if a man told me he felt like he was pressured into marrying me.
@Monét L Aww Monet is my middle, love it.....Anyway yeah I seen the funny or real life videos but this has a hella serious vibe...real talk....deas azz
This was a raw and honest convo between a husband & wife. I love this couple. Welcome to marriage 101 for single people out there now some may understand the meaning of love and war.
No one can pressure a man to do anything. He just didn't want to see her happy with another man. He is so annoying. Seems like he's starting an argument to go on a plane like alot of men. Always asking for alot of sex and not doing things to help his women is juvenile. She knew her value. What is he doing to help her work load?
Being faithful, honest, a good listener, calm, clear, compassionate and kind and generous with your time and really shows love, not just says it, are the main keys for men and for women. and be with someone who Proves They Value Who U Are, caring about your feelings and giving u time, being faithful, open, honest, kind and is accountable for their actions and Never put up with abuse. ive been in an emotionally abusive relationship and now im like, 'hey, work on your issues that cause u to twist things and your selfishness and anger, taking my good heart for granted and purposely trying to hurt me emotionally for saying anything negative about your bad behavior even though im not being a bitch about it or doing anything to mistreat u, im so good to u no matter how bad i feel, so just be a man about it or get the hell out of my life! im tired of being so tolerant about it, so nice about it. a good woman is a treasure...not to a boy, but to a real man, a good woman is a treasure.' dont let a man's words or actions make u feel like u are less than u are. keep shining no matter what!!
As if she held a gun to his head! 🙄 A lot of men do not like boundaries or high standards, especially when they’ve dealt with women who are door mats. His thought process is toxic AF! He’s extremely selfish, like too many men out there! Kids change a woman’s body and emotions. Only an immature man expect a woman to be exactly the same after having kids. He missed all of the points she was trying to make because he was too busy trying to get her to agree with his immature thought process.
I watch their show all the time and Devale is none of the things that you guys describe. The podcast premise is to ask those hard questions that men and women need to ask but are afraid to ask. Both are very mature, and if those questions and concerns were verbalized before and during the marriage, divorce rate, infidelity and abuse wouldn't be at an all time high. I applaud their show. I think they have been together 18 years because they are asking these hard questions. Communication is the success of a marriage.
I need to hear the whole conversation. This is a very real honest conversation that married people go thru. People want the goals but they don’t want to see the strategy, struggle, and all that comes with it.
On what planet does a man live on where he is entitled to sex any time he wants it, however much his testosterone dictates --married or not?!! Monogamy does not guarantee any man or woman consistency in sex or anything else!! To maintain good sexual relationship within a long term marriage requires constant communication, self awareness, empathy and sympathy for each other--not to mention the physical chemistry and health body and mind. No one partner can ever assume what the other is thinking is the same as one another. Ever.
Ok so if you 2 aren't having sex anymore then you have to separate ways. What's the point of continuing being in a marriage if their is no sex. How is he going to satisfy his sexual urge. It doesn't seem fair to me. If she can't have sex with him then they have to separate
@@nimalperera948 My comment wasn't about having zero sex in the marriage. I've been there done that, and it is absolutely devastating to your soul. I was pointing out that, within a loving, long term, monogamous relationship, married or not, individuals can go through periods of less or no sex due to physical, mental, and environmental issues going on in their lives at that moment. If the communication between partners during those down times are clear and honest (with or without the help of professionals), there's a good chance it's just a phase of life. But if the couple can't even talk about it or denies there's even an issue of lack of sex, etc., then yes, it's time to leave.
There is nothing wrong with having standards. More women should have them. More men would jump on board with commitment if more women required marriage.
Whoa, what a loaded question XD. I don't think two people in a healthy relationship would feel pressured by each other to do anything. I mean, all people are different and I don't think men should assume all women want monogamy just because you happen to be with a woman who wanted that. And, no woman no matter who they are can force men to do anything. Monogamy requires action from both sides man, it's a two way street. Which, brings up the question of, if you didnt want to mary this woman all you had to do was say so. Theres no need to try to guilt her into looking like a bad guy in front of hundreds of people on the internet. It doesnt make you look like an advocate for mens rights, it just makes you look like a jerk who doesnt love his wife like he should.
Watching this, all I kept thinking is this poor woman. He's just a simple-minded manipulator, and she's treating him like he has a brain. What a mismatch!
This is why I'm staying single, I really don't have the time OR desire to deal with this level of manipulation of what happened. She didn't pressure him, she simply said what her standards and requirements were and he choose to rise up to it. He didn't discuss his sexual needs when they began
In part 2, he talks about the 2 of them been at it like rabbits in the early stages of dating. He said he misses that. Their relationship was initially based on lust rather than love.
I really liked their dialogue surrounding the pressure of monogamy and change of sex drive overtime especially after years of marriage. I listen to their podcast and they tackle tough topics like this that bring attention to the real conversations that need to be had in a relationship. He asked a valid question which is why do women pressure men into monogamy if they’re not ready to keep up with sexually? This pressure can present itself in a variety of ways (such as relationship ultimatums, engagement, and marriage) and there’s nothing wrong with the pressure but it has to be acknowledged for what it is. If you watched the entire video you’ll see she eventually replies that she was young and wasn’t aware what monogamy entailed (Which is a completely valid answer) especially when starting to date someone so young. People are talking down on Devale but they have both stated that they are happy in their marriage numerous times, they are discussing a singular topic and shouldn’t be judged based off one video.
I agree with you Derrick. Lack of emotional security throws all those crazy kitchen cabinet top, table top, shower and all those crazy and non crazy sex drives and position into the trash. You got to trust the man you are married to. Otherwise, you may think your hormones got frosted. Wonder how quickly those sex drives elevates once the trust and security returns. Marriage is supposed to be a good thing, some men simply destroys everything good.....
Devale is a joke..I really saw another side of him which Im sorry I saw. They just weren't ready for each other. She grew and he didnt, now he sounds upset. Sister get what you need and walk away from the rest.
I love, watch, and respect this couple. WATCH THE WHOLE EPISODE. This clip is not representative of the productive conversation they allowed us to hear 💁🏾♀️
This is her HUSBAND? I felt like he was disrespectful to her and threw her under the bus! 😳 I heard him saying she asked for monogamy, he felt pressured into giving her that, and then felt she wasn't satisfying his sex drive...so, what? Does he want to go get it elsewhere? What exactly is he saying? Is he just whining? Grow up! Sex is important in a relationship. We need to both be available to our spouse. Sometimes it's going to be when we don't feel like it, too. Be there for your spouse. If you are feeling frustrated, dissatisfied, talk to your spouse. Also realize that with life changes (pregnancy, children, menopause, manopause, buying a new home, job loss, etc) a person's sex drive can change. It'll ebb and flow. Grow up and be an adult and realize this! Work with it. Communicate. But be faithful to your spouse. Sex is great! But it's a temporary pleasure. Your relationship with your spouse is most important. Don't forsake them for selfish and temporary pleasure. Work it out and exercise self control. Life is full of phases. Hang in there and sex will be so much more amazing as you communicate and exercise loyalty and faithfulness, which in turn creates a feeling of security and trust in your spouse (husband and wife), thereby creating a sexual relationship you can't imagine. But not many people experience this ecstatic phase because they can't get thru the previous phases of their relationship which were a bit challenging. Hang in there! Nothing stays the same. It gets better but it takes work, loyalty and faithfulness. 💕
He comes across narcissistic (speaking traits) manipulative and extremely toxic. She comes across as codependent. Both seem slightly disingenuous. In short... either get a divorce or counseling. IMO some things should NOT be aired out in public!
I think your on point in saying that he’s missing an opportunity to hear her... I also think that it would be hard to feel intimate with someone who is blaming you for ‘trapping him’ into monogamy... her sense of security might be shot if he’s threatening that if she can’t meet his needs he should be allowed to go elsewhere...
If he made his comment about feeling pressured into monogamy when they were young college kids, it would have still sounded bad, but I would have understood more. However, after all these years they've been together, the life they have built, the 3 kids, their entrepreneurship, and after how she's helped him through his past struggles, I am quite surprised and disappointed that he feels this way at this stage in the game. He acts as though he's doing her a favor. He might as well say, "I'm mad I can't cheat on you." Even though people may get tempted, he should be so in love with her at this point that monogamy does not seem like it is something being forced upon him.
Awww man Devale had gave me hope for growing into mature relationships before this video 😩 there is so much growth left on his part 😒 why do women always get made out to be crazy for having personal standards? That shit is wild.
My soul wept for this couple for 30 seconds. Pressure? She set a reasonable expectation. He's an adult. He didn't have to agree to that. He could've broke up with her because they're not compatible. They're probably incompatible in others areas, too.
Im actually happy he asked this question...after the WAP is no longer WAP and he can no longer get it up, then what? I think we believe that sex is all there is in a relationship. I use to believe that in my 20s and 30s that’s what helps maintain a relationship. I’m in 40s and life happens like caring for an ill parent or your kids or job loss,...you’re not always going to feel sexy and want to screw. Some men and even women believe, you just climb up and then do it. Passion is great. It’s greater when you have a partner who is willing to grow, converse or build on the next venture. You’ll later discover, that type of stuff is very sexy!
The entire show was a full conversation. This snippet is about 9 mins of an hour and 10min discussion. What the talk revealed was a level of communication between a couple that was tough but deep. At it's conclusion the listener walks away with 360 degrees of marriage, not just the shortfalls of sex in a relationship. Find the episode and hear the full show.
I’m sad for this woman. The husband wasn’t listening to understand, he was butting in and not taking in what she was saying...he really wasn’t giving her an opportunity to explain and articulate her point. Can’t discuss with someone like that...about “time out”, I would have exited that convo at the second timeout. He is so desperate to be right that he is oblivious of his disrespect. That’s your wife! My experience with a similar guy taught me to exit conversations and not engage...you can’t win. I’m fortunate that I was only dating the guy, whew can’t imagine being married to someone like that...can’t be me!!! Who are these people anyway? And why are they broadcasting their marital problems to the masses? Red table talk ain’t for everyone!
"There's a difference between a woman that is pressuring you than a woman who is setting a standard" Thank you! Let me go turn the air on, I done got hot.
I noticed he didn’t really mention what he wanted in the beginning stages of their relationship just what she “pressured” him to do. Sex like you said can be just to satisfy the urges but, while having sex we exchange energies. Those energies can stay with you even if it was a one night stand. If someone wants to seek sexual pleasure from people outside of their relationship that’s on them. But if you do, remember and understand that the dynamics between you and your partner have then changed.
For all the people calling Devale names because he asked a question to his wife. You lame and you childish. This is why people don't express they self because they get labeled as something when they say something that other people don't agree with. Videos like this are suppose to bridge the gap between men and women so that we can better understand each other and gain perspective to potentially help us to form better relationships with each other. I see a great couple that have formed a bond with each other so tight that they can ask each other these questions and have these difficult conversations without arguing.
You responded perfectly to this video. I USED to watch them and he's always talking about her sexually. He says something about sex in every single video no matter how small. I hope they work it out but he started out being a very supportive man now he's talking to her all crazy. Is this an out to cheat and then blame her?
@@Xena395 I agree that's why I don't think ppl should marry so young. I think they both are ready to explore other options. I have watched from way before they got famous and I see the way they are drifting apart. Well that's what it seems like because they show us what they want. Either they get stronger or part ways
Thank You.... Talking that reckless, it’s only a matter of time before he breaks his vow and possibly exposes her to some shit she can’t get rid of. He belongs to the streets, He misses the corner, Send him back & Take HaLf while you at it. The End
@Cocoa west You're right. I'm one of their subscribers and I remember watching one of their vlogs on how they first met. Long story short, Khadeen was the one that pursued Devale first when they were in college. This is totally a red flag. I love them together though and truly believe that they're soulmates because they knew each other since elementary school.
They sound incompatible to me. 🤷🏾♀️ What I heard is that she stated her intentions for their relationship and instead of him feeling the same, he "gave" her what what she wanted after she "pressured" him and now he can "get" everything he wants now that they're married. I don't think he was listening to understand. He wanted to prove his point. Poor communication.
I think the pressure he's talking about "didn't " come from her, it came from "him" choosing marriage when he wasn't ready for that type of commitment! (monogamy) (Him: if you are going to be the only one, be available to fulfill my sexual needs!) No disrespect, he hasn't "matured" to the level she's on! Men that think this way, should stay single until they are "ready" for marriage!
I couldnt stand the way he was talking to her, I could hear she was about to cry. These manchilds are everywhere today. Its an epidemic of men who are not grown.
He wanted her benefits but not her. Although he married her, she's not "The One. He could only test drive her for so long so he HAD to marry her to continue getting her benefits. That's why he felt so called "pressure". SMH.
![Дон ДОН, Алаудинов и СБЕЖАВШИЕ из под Курска ахматовцы 😁 [Пародия]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dEfCf5IK26Q/mqdefault.jpg)
I ain’t gonna lie.... this was hard to listen to. Monogamy doesn’t mean you cant decline sex. Monogamy is deeper than just sex.
Glad someone said it!!! It’s MUCH deeper; especially when God is the head of the relationship 🙌🏽💯
I found it triggering as all hell. It took me back to when I was married. My ex was the worst, most entitled being about sex. I'm so glad i've stayed single.
If y’all husband/man aint in y’all guts then someone else is. Women are never single🤷🏾♂️
It’s hard to listen to because it’s narcissistic manipulation and gaslighting
@@BridgeBoii who hurt you?
is it just me or does it sound like he is trying to say that if a woman cannot keep up with a man's sex drive he should be able to step out of the relationship
But he is wrong and never brought up his sex drive standard and is it even appropriate if she had kids and work and house work that he might not be helping out on.
This isn’t even a man vs. woman thing.
He’s narcissistic, entitled, and immature.
Who can possibly build a healthy relationship with someone like this?
He's not saying he should be able to step out. He was just saying if sex is like a chore to a woman, or if she can't keep up with his sex drive, then why not have a second girlfriend to satisfy him?
He can. If he's not happy, he should leave.
@@owleighteen2944 maybe his entitled attitude towards sex is a turn off for the woman 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Sleeping around with multiple women before marriage will ALWAYS give men a skewed view of marital sex
Yep
I wish I could thumbs this comment up a couple more times!
Absolutely
Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you.
Don't think that was the case with him.
The typical guys who just like "food, sex, and quiet". Demands that from a women but cannot give her what she wants. Weak in the mind
Period
Im guessing his attitude is why he aint getting no cookie. Women are sexually fuel through things outside the bedroom
Well said.
@@DashaTheDivineDivah yesss, that is for sure.... Mature Man know this.
@@DashaTheDivineDivah yes ma'am!!!!!
lol I’m confused as to why he’s acting like she’s the problem when in another video he was bawling his eyes out and saying that she saved his life and what would he ever do without her?! Do you want to be with her or not man?!
Maybe he never wanted to get married but because he didn’t want to lose the lady he went along with what she wanted, but now he’s resentful
It’s called narcissism
😂😂😂 facts
They edited this video to make him look like a jerk... this is nowhere near the conversation they had
Exactly! He's acting Iike she held a gun to his head and forced him into marriage that way. What I heard her say is that she wanted to be married so he was going to get on board or she was going to end the relationship. That's not pressure, he had a choice, he could have chosen to let her walk. Now that he is possibly regretting HIS choice, he wants to blame her. She did what any self respecting woman would do, had a standard and refused to lower the bar. I don't see anything wrong in that.
He's a man-child. Needs to grow up and be mature.
Well if he feels so pressured free him, These dudes don't want no commitment, no responsibility, they just wanna do what they wanna do without accountability, and as the female you supposed to be sitting there like lap dog waiting for they return
Perfectly said that's why I'm single
@@Jambuc829 sir if you were left on read you probably said something out of line or came off completley wrong. Women are not mean like that.
@@deej5608 Lol yes women are mean like that, there’s a reason why fuckboys exists
@@tjmack010 fuck boys exist because we live in a society that never holds men responsible for their actions. They didn't when they were boys and they refuse to do it with them being grown men.
@@xian4812 I'd go for a Velma over a Daphne any day.
If sex is a chore for a woman, she isn't enjoying it in my opinion.
Agreed
Facts!!!! We will shut down and be OK
Exactly thats the first thing I said. She even indirectly confirmed it by saying 'if I knew it'd end up like this I wouldnt have wanted monogamy' but it seems like she was protecting him from embarrassment. Thats the ONLY reason sex would be a chore for me. It has to be horrible.
Theyre probably compatible in every other aspect except sexually. It often has little to do with extra partners but satisfaction kinkiness and bedroom roles.
Disagree respectfully
Enjoying it or not , sex stills requires energy. So IDC how good it is 😂, if you're tired you're not doing it. Throw work and children into that equation , and let's see how much you want to have sex .
If only he kept the same energy for his own marriage. 🙄😔
Yuuuuuuuup
He is extremely manipulative and she is engaging it unfortunately. This has toxicity written all over it.
😂😂😂🤦🏾♂️
Yes yes yes!
I’m surprised so many people in the comments are engaging with his arguments as well
All he’s doing is projection, gaslighting, and blame-shifting
Even if he isn't a Narcissist, women have to recognize those "behaviors".
I hope she does and I hope she stands firm!
@@teal1010 yep, toxic nevertheless
Devale Was not ready for marriage to began with. He didn't even hear his wife.
Huh
Neither was she apparently
Derek Thompson and so here we are
He didn't listen to himself!
He "wasn't" ready for marriage, he just new he didn't want to loose her!
He's blaming her instead of learning about himself!
(everyone experiences this in relationships/marriage.)
She was ready for marriage and she's learning that their is "more" to marriage.
As we get older we grow, mature!
@@teal1010 no she was not she said she didn’t consider that marrying a man mean you have to compromise and meet your husbands sexual needs if yours are lower than his.
I'm thoroughly annoyed...this woman actually has to deal with him EVERY day!! My sex drive would be sitting at zero with this one as well. Since when does marriage mean that a woman has to become a sex slave? He's not even listening to WHY she's disinterested in sex with him...he's rude and condescending af and is acting like he doesn't value her much beyond her ability to spread her legs. This was hard to watch, honestly.
Agree 100% maybe if he wasn't such a tool when he talks to her about her goals for the relationship that factor would improve.
Thank you
Exactly! Celibacy and separate sections of the house would be the options!!
It was hard to watch, i was happy as hell when derrick stopped it 🤣
He’s definitely a turn off
Clearly he sees her as a body and not as a person, otherwise he would be more caring towards her feelings
And her health...
Like most
What about her caring about his feelings? Don't his emotions need to be nurtured? If your man tells you why he is depressed, will you reject him, call him a child and dismiss his feelings? If so, then you don't care about your man and therefore he should not care for you.
Just out of curiosity did you watch the whole podcast or you jumping on clickbait by Derek???
@@yakovknightly But he isnt talking abt depression. Hes making an excuse to cheat basically.
He was annoyinggg. All the eh? Like use your words.
All the "eh"'s and the neck movements make think he might be special.
This guy is making my blood pressure go up. He is responsible for himself PERIOD. She stating what she wants is not pressure but maturity, which he doesn't have he wants to make her responsible for his choices. He thought he was going to get pussy literally anytime just because now she is "his". He feels entitled to her body.
It's possible that he is special
You never should have to feel that you have to down play yourself towards any man. She should want and feel secure with her decision making in anything she wants. If he was uncomfortable with the request she wanted, he shouldn't have married her. How dare him treat her as if she trapped him into marriage.. He is a grown boy.. Grow up
He can't use his words like a big boy.
He’s so immature 🙄 Ladies, hold tight to your standards. 💕
Let him at least get a side chick.... He sure is not getting nothing from you....
@@kevinswackyworld smh 🤦🏾♀️
So if he was just quiet and cheated he would be mature. Hes trying to get her thoughts it's all about communication. You judging this man off of one topic. Don't make no sense
@Sta Sea wait what if that is true then yep I agree. Also I apologise
Where’s your husband?
Why do men who don't want to monogamy get into monogamous relationships?
I mean it's a very self destructive act.
They want her to be monogamous
Pressure , this is what she wanted and he did that and now he's still wrong?
@@johnnierobinson9997 but he’s a grown man, she only told him her Standards and he agreed. He should’ve made his own decisions
Name another type of relationship other than monogamy that women accept on mass?
@Polygamy not for me! My Choice how is wanting to have sex with his wife control? If they only have sex when she wants to isn't that her being controlling?
Women will have “ low sex” drive if their man is abusive and manipulative. It’s not hard to keep up with sex demands if you feel cherished and appreciated. It’s weird how men DEMAND great sex but won’t give good, or anything close to it, love. Ladies, find a man that loves you, then sex won’t be a chore (of course there will be exceptions from time to time.)
Can I like this 10 times lol..if a woman is rejecting sex it’s something in her spirit telling her to do so
I was just about to say, he REALLY ain’t gettin’ it now! I feel so bad for her because I would feel humiliated in her shoes, and it would show. He’s doing nothing but causing her to feel the same resentment toward him that he obviously feels toward her. And he might just be doing it on purpose to further sabotage the relationship so he can step on out.
🗣Please say it louder for the peeps in the cheap seats!!! This!👏👏👏
This right here!!! If you don't treat your woman right, she will become unattracted to you & not want sex with you. It's not a choice, it's subconscious. Just do right by her and you'll be the one having to say "I'm tired" 😂😂😂
That’s what divorce is for?
When a man says we don't gotta rush marriage. run. It is a red flag. When you know what you want for your future, stand your ground. Both Men and Women.
How does marriage benefit men ??
Just a question for yuh
facts
@@BridgeBoii scientific studies show that men who are married live longer and they're happier because they have a woman who's taking care of them on the flip side there are no benefits for women because women are the ones who are always taking care of the family while she lacks the time for taking care of herself. unless she practices hypergamy that I'm assuming.
@@deej5608 I don’t believe in science but I see where you’re coming from respectfully. I just think if a couple wants to be together they shouldn’t get married under the government. They can be exclusive for how ever long it may be. The Divorce court is biased
@@xian4812 well 80 percent of divorces are filed by women and when they go through that process the man usually loses half or more of his assets. That’s why I say it doesn’t benefit men, but it benefits the woman. Maybe married men do live a little bit longer but like I said before, instead of gettin married couples can just stay exclusive to one another. Same thing, just not under the government
That’s wat ima do
Narcissist have a strong hold in this world.
🎯💯
Baybeeeee you ain’t never lied!!! Cause like WOWWWW! He made me feel small and idek his ass. I feel sorry for her ☹️
You got that right
He most definitely is a narcissist💯💯💯💯🤷🏽♀️
I felt so so triggered because of my ex narcissist
As a woman... learning that your man felt pressured to be with you, instead of being excited to start life and grow with you, has got to be heartbreaking 😢
As a man being rejected by your wife all time makes him feel not so great either?
@@johnnierobinson9997 no it won't make him feel good. So WHY isn't she feeling vulnerable enough to be intimate? 🤔
@@ShortDarknLovely idk im not in their relationship. But im just pointing out its 2 sides but most women are just looking at it from her perspective.
@@johnnierobinson9997 I do understand both sides as a whole. Then, I imagined how I would feel if my man said he was there bc he felt pressured. I can't put myself in his place bc I wouldn't let myself be pressured to get married. And I expect my man to be there bc he wants to be. I personally wouldn't want someone to be with me bc they felt pressured. We are aligned or we're not. If she's starting to pay attention to his energy, and it's not resonating with her, she will not want to be intimate. After looking at both sides, I resonate with her and how I, as a woman, would feel in that situation.
Most women know this though but won't say it.
Sex without intimacy, safety, security is nothing this guy can give her. Their communication style is waaaaay different. What kind of husband corners his wife publicly and puts her down over his supposedly “huge sex drive”... I will tell you, someone who is advertising that he is available!
Exactly!
Excellent point!
This video makes me glad that I am alone.. too much to deal with...too much , just too much.
Sometimes I wish I had companionship but then when you see stuff like this I'm cool on it
Exactly! That's why I left them alone. Haven't had any issues since.
@TravelingDiva2018 ....YES!! 👏👏👏👏👏
Hellooooo
Weak sex drive huh 🧐
He's really trolling his wife...hard. I hope he's not serious.
watching this makes me see that I never had it so bad with my short relationships, I didn't end up with that trash
Like seriously...badgering her like a witness on the stand!! Couldn't be me...
He's so serious...lol... he's ridiculous
@@fairygoddessmother831 girl thank god
@@elliedee8829 Exactly who is this clown?
This is sheer manipulation. And, to some degree, she's backing down. She might be a little embarrassed, but yeah, he sucks. He's working an angle towards eventual nonsense. But that's her choice. I hope she's LISTENING!!!
He's just selfish and looking for a reason to cheat or have an open marriage.
She should be like damn straight that I asked for monogamy why does she feel like she has to like step down to answer him
Vanessa Cazares Dell Valley is playing mind games with her. I feel bad for her because she’s clearly more worried about upsetting him than standing her ground on the matter
@@Erica-xg5xk Yes.. he seems very controlling.. That's a red flag..
YES👏👏👏👏 That's exactly what I was thinking, don't step back from your standards ma'am!
@@Jambuc829 okay so it’s his fault for marrying her knowing he felt pressured to be monogamous when he didn’t want to be.
@@HazelGreen64 they honestly both to blame for where they at. These are conversations you have before you decide to get married and also if he felt pressured he shouldn't have done it until he felt that was something he Wanted as well.
Devale is a joke poor excuse for a man. She had standards he felt threatened. If he didn't want to marry her he didn't have to she gave him a CHOICE.
Exactly
The funniest part is no way he could get a women like her a second time. He's wack in everyway. She must been going through something when she agreed to marry him.
Let me help you women out here from a man point of view. Devale is not saying he didn’t want to get married he saying he didn’t want to get married at that point in time. Devale wanted their marriage to come about organically/naturally rather than feel pressure from Khadeen. He wanted to initiate the union not to be presented with ultimatums. Now that they’re joined together as one their view on sex has gone in opposite directions causing conflict and frustration. This man needs more from her and he not getting it. That’s all he saying.
@@nickalton and she chose not to wait around so told him he has choices to make, and because he didn’t want to lose her he made them, your point is? It doesn’t change the fact he’s wack and shouldn’t be blaming her for having standards. You’re actually not helping anyone and need to be enlightened just like Devale lol.
@@bbeauterah7242 She told him indirectly he had a choice, either to marry me within a year or this relationship is over. That’s an ultimatum. Now a man who’s not ready gets pressured into a government contract. Women pressure men ALL the time into marriage. Don’t act like it ain’t true. If a man wants to be with you he’ll marry you without threats.
Damn he just told his beautiful wife who pushed out three of his kids that she pressured him into marriage.
Girl! I can't! Men need to take more accountability for their actions and stop blaming it on pressure!😑
@@Rayenjay This!!! Take responsibility for your choices!! He made the decision to marry her based on the standards she set! Period.
@Robert Mitchell that's because your perspectives are irrational no one with a functioning brain would comprehend it
Some men are vessels for incarnating energy trying to find a womb to be born through. Most new incarnating energies are new, yet they assume the lead position as head of a more mature standard and assume a role of entitlement. This is what happens when your genetics are used to create life with things that are not of your same nature and understanding for the purpose of keeping this cycle going. In any healthy relationship, there has to be healthy communication about expectations and a balance.
She a dummy
I love her honestly, women change. Our bodies go through weird shit, and we're just wired a bit different than men. Thank you for understanding her!
Sounds like he is acting up and making excuses to get out and get loose.
😂😂😂😂😂👍🏽
Clueless if that's the case he would of stepped out long time ago, they having a discussion don't mean he wanna step out .
@Delonte Hollister then don't get married....problem solved and be honest on what your attentions are.
@@neelante but he has cheated. So .. yea.
@@sweartogucci And how do you know ??? 🤔. Unless it comes directly from his mouth.
Is this man serious? I don't think this couple has communicated their needs and they certainly are not on the same level of maturity
Devale was hell of wrong for this....he wasn't pressured he was given a choice. The reason he felt pressured is because he knew he didn't want to lose. Further to that, sometimes men/women (in this instance him) only study their needs...what they want but never take into consideration what their partner (the partner you chose) needs....smh!
He sounds as if he's upset at being monogamous. 😳.
He talk a lot - he want the woman and babies - he has to contribute - just wait til he's old and broken - she'll still be fully functional
Wow!! he's making it sound like it was a chore that he married her. He's a grown ass man who could make his own decisions. It sounds like he's putting all the blame on her. It should be a mutual decision and if my man acted like that I think I'd rethink even being married to someone like this. Seriously!!! She knew what she wanted and he was confused. You're also very right!!
Exactly! Had that been my husband, I would have told him right then and there that he didn't have to get narried nor does he have to stay that way. He came across as though he didn't want to be married at all. She didn't hold a gun to his head, HE made a choice and HE can make a choice to get out if he's so "pressured"🙄🙄🙄
He understood what she wanted. But now he's ready to get Dirty UgK !! SMH
@Robert Mitchell First off..a wife isn’t responsible for his happiness!! if he wasn’t happy to begin with..he should’ve never married her at the first place. if a wife needs isn’t getting met from her husband..she have every right to divorce him. what a husband won’t do for his wife..??another man will.
She should divorce him because she’s not willing to satisfy her mate
Me going through all the comments like:👁👃🏾👁 👀😆
I agree that I don’t think she pressured him at all. I think he only felt pressured because he didn’t want to lose her so he decided to do but didn’t really agree.
She did pressure him whe she said she wanted to be a wife so...
@Monét L You do realizing she was deflecting his questions. All honestly, she shouldnt have pressure him and dated someone else, I seriously don't get why y'all acting like everything it's his fault. There are things that are his fault, I know but this women did wrongs too. Stop defending this bs she's doing.
@Monét L Real deal? Please elaborate
@@bravejonah Devale is a grown man too..that can think for himself by making that decision to be with someone else & should’ve never married her at the first place. he knew the simple fact he wasn’t on the same page with her standards & what she wanted in the relationship?? the only mistakes she made was moving in with him without being married first. he is responsible for the choices he make if he didn’t want to marry her which..he should’ve been upfront & kept it 💯 & those are his right & should’ve been with someone else..plain & simple. all Devale had to do was..be with someone else that he have in common with.why marry someone if she or he well..he isn’t a match for her that doesn’t have nothing in common & feels differently about the relationship/marriage?? they might look like a good looking couple but..they’re still apple & oranges.
Spot on !!!!!
A major problem in a lot of relationships is often that the woman never feels heard/assured cos a lot of men fail to actively listen. If men were able to actively listen and not act so immature by always trying to have the upper hand, always having a come back for everything, actually actively listen in the moment and not take everything as a personal attack a lot of relationships would have fewer disagreements and have more overall happiness. 💯💯💯
Excellent point, very well said!
Thank you!
💞💕💕💕💕💞
More so a human responsibility to be an active listener than saying a specific gender. But other than that straight facts. As a human being, being able to listen to others actively shows a level of maturity. Can you hear and receive someone else's thoughts/experiences/interpretations without standing on defense? Or can you receive what is being shared with a heart of understanding? That is the responsibility of all humans.
Its like, when a man wants to be heard, the whole world must stop... But when a woman wants to be heard there's a whole heap of ifs, buts and maybes... Well that's my situation right now, and I'm actually so done... Fool doesn't even realise it YET... Its Sunday today, and on Monday, I'm gone.... Just so glad we never got married, and no longer live together... Should have seen the signs when we were moving backwards instead of forward... Next time it comes knocking on my door I shall leave it out on the doorstep, where it belongs... That was Thursday, as I said, its Sunday now, and the atmosphere is sour already, can't say I'm surprised/shocked/hurt, cus this is just standard procedure... Finds just about any and everything to argue about, cus its not getting its own way... Ugh
@@e.janine1600 i agree male or female communication is key
Rakia Logan
Another problem, too many men/women would rather "argue" instead of expressing their wants/needs. They want attention rather than resolution!
First I agree with Derrick. Secondly, I think how he is expressing himself is toxic and is belittling her standards. It is manipulative and he is over talking her. I don’t think that he asking to be married is pressuring him. If he got what he wanted which was sex, why can’t she get what she want also which is to be in a monogamy married relationship. He sounds sexually frustrated and isn’t getting what he want from her sexually but instead of him trying to meet her needs so that his needs can be met, he’s yelling at her. Plus, it sounds like whatever life experiences she had with him is not helping her wanting to give it up to him.
That last sentence. Life happens. A woman's body has gone thru massive changes to give birth, her responsibilities changes, her work increased... He is still. going to work and coming home each day... Maybe he "helps out" (I have a problem with that term when we all live here and all the adults go to work) Essentially, his life and body didn't change while her's in a frame that is emotionally centered and physically weaker is totally different...some men do not understand that.
🎯
I hope she sees it and stands firm!
PREACH!!
Watching him made me feel really uncomfortable, honestly just wanted her to turn round and say well the pressure is off and leave the table. Thanks for sharing
Why do men think they're the only ones that have sexual desires . And if you dont want to be monogamous, be ok with your woman having multiple partners also. Put it all on the table and see if you can handle the BS you want her to.!
Seriously
The difference is sex actually means something to us .. so we need to feel something more than just horny!
What about the women who love to have sex & their men don't? Or how about a man's body also changes with age. Sometimes he has a hard time getting or keeping an erection. Now say this woman at the beginning of the relationship was expecting to have nonstop sex the entire relationship & through the marriage. And he's like "i cant perform". As women we're supposed to understand right. Now who's feeling pressured?
Facts!
@Shaimaa Habib I really try to as much as possible.
Goes back to when he was saying it’s a draw back when you have sex before marriage because you expect the sex to be same like how it was in the beginning. When you wait until marriage you can create intimacy in other ways other than just sexual intercourse.
@@kayrawlins7719 I totally agree. I was merely speaking from a woman's perspective & how society tends to place double standards.
@@niomizandervelt3558 I understand
Everyday we stray further and further away from God😔...
I bet she's 50/50 with him. Now she see's how hard it is to be half the man and a whole woman at the same time.
😂😂😂
So you shitting on him for a scenario you came up with in your own head?
I understand this fully! I've never heard it explained so short and precise
🤧🤧 its sick that women can devalued a man like this but if a man says anything about staying single because of statements like this he is wrong for not wasting time with a relationship.
"half the man and the whole woman" that's hard.
I'm proud of her for holding it together during this conversation. My feelings would be incredibly hurt having my husband tell me that it was a hardship to fully commit to me.....and covertly implying that he may not have committed if he knew I couldn't keep up sexually. You can hear a lot of resentment and pinned up tension/ frustration in his voice. He has been thinking about that for a while.
Absolutely correct :/
Then she should do something about it y’all only care about what y’all want
@@gp9677 and you're swinging wildly at something that is actually your own internal narrative and perspective.
@@gm4669 jus like you right?
@@gp9677 Nope
Ew shes married to him. Damn sis get a divorce.
😂😂😂😂
But no really...
😭😭😭😭
Here we go
@@seking3734 ??
@@jamesbonofffradestin761 THANK YOU!!
@@jamesbonofffradestin761 Good idea. Stay single.
He’s punishing her for wanting marriage. He wants her body but no responsibility. She wouldn’t give it to him for free, so now he’s throwing a hissy fit in the form of trying to exert power and control over her with sex. He has no feelings and empathy towards her to try to think why she might not be interested in sex. He makes it seem like it’s a job she has to do instead of something that they enjoy together-an expression of their love together.
WELL SAID
Completely agree
Perfectly said! I get serious narc vibes from him! Toxic and manipulative
You captured it PERFECTLY!
You think she isn't controlling him by reducing or refusing sex? Why does he want more sex?
I cringed listening to him and could hear that they were on two different levels mentally. This is why Im waiting for the right man to open up to. I can't settle
These videos are so entertaining knowing what I know now lol
She needs to divorce him. There's a whole new pressure. he's gaslighting and abusing her for an audience.
On the spot!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Before judging them you need to listen to their full podcast “dead ass “
Abuse ? The hell
You really need to listen to the whole conversation
@@Jai.Hendrixx i did, none of it improved. Apparently people have very low standards as to how they are treated.
Exactly!!! 💯 you said it 🙌🏽 Setting a standard is not pressure. Plus the last time I checked marriage and monogamy went hand in hand. If not then stay single...
Wow, this is the same guy that was crying on Black Love talking about how she was there for him at his lowest???
Right! Clearly that was fraudulent behavior because he’s talking to her mad sideways now. He’s got his little acting gig and chicks are probably throwing 😽his way.
I’m a fan of the Ellis’s but this was disappointing on Devale’s part.
Of course you're disappointed you're a women, duuuuhhhh!
Totally agree! I watch a lot of their videos, but I was definitely put off by his comments regarding this. The comments were def low key trash!😒
@@Rayenjay I suggest watching the entire podcast. I'm glad I did. I don't agree with everything he said but it put things in better perspective to see the entire conversation.
@@christalintentions Yes, people need the entire context to understand. He was showing basically how many men think and didn't let her in on it because he wasted her honest reaction is my guess. He definitely was clear HE understands and is happy with his wife.
@@christalintentions I understand and Devale is complex and there is so much more to their relationship than what this brief exchange suggests. Even with the context though, I could not finish this episode. They have had this conversation before several times on air so I am sure she hears it all the time off air. And how manipulative he sounds during this conversation, and how often she seems to express not feeling good enough in the marriage. He still has a lot of patriarchal baggage to work through.
The guy in the video seems like a jerk, ya know, if ya have a baby or kids to deal with, really???
@@Jambuc829 isn’t that girl he’s interviewing his girl??? Idk, maybe I got that wrong???
@@suel4378 not even his girl but his wife of 10 years and mother of their 3 kids
He just set his own trap. There will definitely be issues with them from here on out. Lol he has no clue what he just did.
I actually like them and watch their videos from time to time but yeah when I saw this I was like OOOOP. I hope they'll be fine but I agree that this could cause a change somehow. I would definitely feel some type of way if a man told me he felt like he was pressured into marrying me.
@Monét L Aww Monet is my middle, love it.....Anyway yeah I seen the funny or real life videos but this has a hella serious vibe...real talk....deas azz
This was a raw and honest convo between a husband & wife. I love this couple. Welcome to marriage 101 for single people out there now some may understand the meaning of love and war.
No one can pressure a man to do anything. He just didn't want to see her happy with another man. He is so annoying. Seems like he's starting an argument to go on a plane like alot of men. Always asking for alot of sex and not doing things to help his women is juvenile. She knew her value. What is he doing to help her work load?
Being faithful, honest, a good listener, calm, clear, compassionate and kind and generous with your time and really shows love, not just says it, are the main keys for men and for women. and be with someone who Proves They Value Who U Are, caring about your feelings and giving u time, being faithful, open, honest, kind and is accountable for their actions and Never put up with abuse. ive been in an emotionally abusive relationship and now im like, 'hey, work on your issues that cause u to twist things and your selfishness and anger, taking my good heart for granted and purposely trying to hurt me emotionally for saying anything negative about your bad behavior even though im not being a bitch about it or doing anything to mistreat u, im so good to u no matter how bad i feel, so just be a man about it or get the hell out of my life! im tired of being so tolerant about it, so nice about it. a good woman is a treasure...not to a boy, but to a real man, a good woman is a treasure.' dont let a man's words or actions make u feel like u are less than u are. keep shining no matter what!!
Wise words!
Amen!
Well said, cuz any Man can get a woman but it takes a REAL MAN to keep one!!! And, that is what seperates the MEN from the BOYS!!!
I absolutely love your statement. Its so true. I real men will value you in everyway.
As if she held a gun to his head! 🙄 A lot of men do not like boundaries or high standards, especially when they’ve dealt with women who are door mats. His thought process is toxic AF! He’s extremely selfish, like too many men out there! Kids change a woman’s body and emotions. Only an immature man expect a woman to be exactly the same after having kids. He missed all of the points she was trying to make because he was too busy trying to get her to agree with his immature thought process.
Tuff
Period!
Exactly. That was hard to watch. The only reason that they have been married this long is because she has been making it work.
There is a part 2 where they open up a bit more
Simping at its finest ladies and gentlemen
Obviously you’re not married 🥴
Most of what she said went right over his head extreme barrier present
Maturity level, zero 😂 Narcissistic 10!
Public humiliation, gaslighting, blame-shifting, lack of empathy, sounds about right.
@@blckvlvt624 condescending and demanding as well
I watch their show all the time and Devale is none of the things that you guys describe. The podcast premise is to ask those hard questions that men and women need to ask but are afraid to ask. Both are very mature, and if those questions and concerns were verbalized before and during the marriage, divorce rate, infidelity and abuse wouldn't be at an all time high. I applaud their show. I think they have been together 18 years because they are asking these hard questions. Communication is the success of a marriage.
@Monét L Her deflecting is not EFFECTIVE
Absolutely!! This was shocking to watch!
I need to hear the whole conversation. This is a very real honest conversation that married people go thru. People want the goals but they don’t want to see the strategy, struggle, and all that comes with it.
The full podcast has now been uploaded on the Ellises UA-cam Account
On what planet does a man live on where he is entitled to sex any time he wants it, however much his testosterone dictates --married or not?!! Monogamy does not guarantee any man or woman consistency in sex or anything else!! To maintain good sexual relationship within a long term marriage requires constant communication, self awareness, empathy and sympathy for each other--not to mention the physical chemistry and health body and mind. No one partner can ever assume what the other is thinking is the same as one another. Ever.
Ok so if you 2 aren't having sex anymore then you have to separate ways. What's the point of continuing being in a marriage if their is no sex. How is he going to satisfy his sexual urge. It doesn't seem fair to me. If she can't have sex with him then they have to separate
@@nimalperera948 My comment wasn't about having zero sex in the marriage. I've been there done that, and it is absolutely devastating to your soul. I was pointing out that, within a loving, long term, monogamous relationship, married or not, individuals can go through periods of less or no sex due to physical, mental, and environmental issues going on in their lives at that moment. If the communication between partners during those down times are clear and honest (with or without the help of professionals), there's a good chance it's just a phase of life. But if the couple can't even talk about it or denies there's even an issue of lack of sex, etc., then yes, it's time to leave.
@@leonardascorpius5304 yeah I agree with what you said here. Sounds reasonable when you put it that way
There is nothing wrong with having standards. More women should have them. More men would jump on board with commitment if more women required marriage.
Whoa, what a loaded question XD. I don't think two people in a healthy relationship would feel pressured by each other to do anything. I mean, all people are different and I don't think men should assume all women want monogamy just because you happen to be with a woman who wanted that. And, no woman no matter who they are can force men to do anything. Monogamy requires action from both sides man, it's a two way street. Which, brings up the question of, if you didnt want to mary this woman all you had to do was say so. Theres no need to try to guilt her into looking like a bad guy in front of hundreds of people on the internet. It doesnt make you look like an advocate for mens rights, it just makes you look like a jerk who doesnt love his wife like he should.
Watching this, all I kept thinking is this poor woman. He's just a simple-minded manipulator, and she's treating him like he has a brain. What a mismatch!
Amen!
Yes!!!!!!!! The exclamation marks are me of course screaming...lol
@@neelante I tried really hard to decipher what you attempted to say in your comment, but still have no idea.
@Robert Mitchell what a blameshifter
Lol coming from a single woman this doesn’t mean a damn thing 😂
This is why I'm staying single, I really don't have the time OR desire to deal with this level of manipulation of what happened. She didn't pressure him, she simply said what her standards and requirements were and he choose to rise up to it. He didn't discuss his sexual needs when they began
In part 2, he talks about the 2 of them been at it like rabbits in the early stages of dating. He said he misses that. Their relationship was initially based on lust rather than love.
I really liked their dialogue surrounding the pressure of monogamy and change of sex drive overtime especially after years of marriage. I listen to their podcast and they tackle tough topics like this that bring attention to the real conversations that need to be had in a relationship. He asked a valid question which is why do women pressure men into monogamy if they’re not ready to keep up with sexually? This pressure can present itself in a variety of ways (such as relationship ultimatums, engagement, and marriage) and there’s nothing wrong with the pressure but it has to be acknowledged for what it is. If you watched the entire video you’ll see she eventually replies that she was young and wasn’t aware what monogamy entailed (Which is a completely valid answer) especially when starting to date someone so young. People are talking down on Devale but they have both stated that they are happy in their marriage numerous times, they are discussing a singular topic and shouldn’t be judged based off one video.
I agree with you Derrick. Lack of emotional security throws all those crazy kitchen cabinet top, table top, shower and all those crazy and non crazy sex drives and position into the trash.
You got to trust the man you are married to. Otherwise, you may think your hormones got frosted. Wonder how quickly those sex drives elevates once the trust and security returns. Marriage is supposed to be a good thing, some men simply destroys everything good.....
If this ain't the truth.
100% Facts...but they don't wanna hear that because it involves ACCOUNTABILITY.
Some women too 👀. But agreed. Lol
Absolutely! It's hard to get horny when you don't feel emotionally safe in a relationship.
@@elliedee8829 PREACH!!
Devale is a joke..I really saw another side of him which Im sorry I saw.
They just weren't ready for each other. She grew and he didnt, now he sounds upset. Sister get what you need and walk away from the rest.
Definitely agree!
💯💯
Seina White I agree
"She grew and He didn't "! Yep!
💯💯💯
I agree with Devale...... period. Husbands and wives should meet each other’s needs
I love, watch, and respect this couple. WATCH THE WHOLE EPISODE. This clip is not representative of the productive conversation they allowed us to hear 💁🏾♀️
Thank you I just said that
This is her HUSBAND? I felt like he was disrespectful to her and threw her under the bus! 😳
I heard him saying she asked for monogamy, he felt pressured into giving her that, and then felt she wasn't satisfying his sex drive...so, what? Does he want to go get it elsewhere? What exactly is he saying? Is he just whining? Grow up! Sex is important in a relationship. We need to both be available to our spouse. Sometimes it's going to be when we don't feel like it, too. Be there for your spouse. If you are feeling frustrated, dissatisfied, talk to your spouse. Also realize that with life changes (pregnancy, children, menopause, manopause, buying a new home, job loss, etc) a person's sex drive can change. It'll ebb and flow. Grow up and be an adult and realize this! Work with it. Communicate. But be faithful to your spouse. Sex is great! But it's a temporary pleasure. Your relationship with your spouse is most important. Don't forsake them for selfish and temporary pleasure. Work it out and exercise self control. Life is full of phases. Hang in there and sex will be so much more amazing as you communicate and exercise loyalty and faithfulness, which in turn creates a feeling of security and trust in your spouse (husband and wife), thereby creating a sexual relationship you can't imagine. But not many people experience this ecstatic phase because they can't get thru the previous phases of their relationship which were a bit challenging. Hang in there! Nothing stays the same. It gets better but it takes work, loyalty and faithfulness. 💕
So true!
He comes across narcissistic (speaking traits) manipulative and extremely toxic. She comes across as codependent. Both seem slightly disingenuous. In short... either get a divorce or counseling. IMO some things should NOT be aired out in public!
I observed the same thing
Exactly!
🗝
I think your on point in saying that he’s missing an opportunity to hear her... I also think that it would be hard to feel intimate with someone who is blaming you for ‘trapping him’ into monogamy... her sense of security might be shot if he’s threatening that if she can’t meet his needs he should be allowed to go elsewhere...
I hear you if you had a problem with sex before you most differently have one now.
I'm sorry but I agree with the husband
If he made his comment about feeling pressured into monogamy when they were young college kids, it would have still sounded bad, but I would have understood more. However, after all these years they've been together, the life they have built, the 3 kids, their entrepreneurship, and after how she's helped him through his past struggles, I am quite surprised and disappointed that he feels this way at this stage in the game. He acts as though he's doing her a favor. He might as well say, "I'm mad I can't cheat on you." Even though people may get tempted, he should be so in love with her at this point that monogamy does not seem like it is something being forced upon him.
So true. And painful to watch.smh
It makes their recent anniversary video on Facebook seem like a lie... Very disappointing...
Actually he says that during the course of the podcast. This part was just 20 min into the podcast.
@@GameOnRadio1 What exactly did he say?
@@LadyFay88 about him being in college and feeling pressured and the same thing when he went to the NFL when they were in Detroit.
Sounds like resentment...After putting her on blast...I hope he doesn't EXPECT sex...ijs...
Yeah I heard resentment in his tone and his voice and him saying eeeeh eeeeeh....annoyed me so much.
@@he6153 yes, was doing the most!
I hear you it's a wrap for now!
@@he6153 it annoyed me too
Awww man Devale had gave me hope for growing into mature relationships before this video 😩 there is so much growth left on his part 😒 why do women always get made out to be crazy for having personal standards? That shit is wild.
Well said brother. Once I grew up mentally and emotionally I understand your content and responses clearer
Not gonna lie, listening to that was painful. She deserves way better.
My soul wept for this couple for 30 seconds. Pressure? She set a reasonable expectation. He's an adult. He didn't have to agree to that. He could've broke up with her because they're not compatible. They're probably incompatible in others areas, too.
Im actually happy he asked this question...after the WAP is no longer WAP and he can no longer get it up, then what? I think we believe that sex is all there is in a relationship. I use to believe that in my 20s and 30s that’s what helps maintain a relationship. I’m in 40s and life happens like caring for an ill parent or your kids or job loss,...you’re not always going to feel sexy and want to screw. Some men and even women believe, you just climb up and then do it. Passion is great. It’s greater when you have a partner who is willing to grow, converse or build on the next venture. You’ll later discover, that type of stuff is very sexy!
The entire show was a full conversation. This snippet is about 9 mins of an hour and 10min discussion. What the talk revealed was a level of communication between a couple that was tough but deep. At it's conclusion the listener walks away with 360 degrees of marriage, not just the shortfalls of sex in a relationship. Find the episode and hear the full show.
I’m sad for this woman. The husband wasn’t listening to understand, he was butting in and not taking in what she was saying...he really wasn’t giving her an opportunity to explain and articulate her point. Can’t discuss with someone like that...about “time out”, I would have exited that convo at the second timeout. He is so desperate to be right that he is oblivious of his disrespect. That’s your wife!
My experience with a similar guy taught me to exit conversations and not engage...you can’t win. I’m fortunate that I was only dating the guy, whew can’t imagine being married to someone like that...can’t be me!!!
Who are these people anyway? And why are they broadcasting their marital problems to the masses? Red table talk ain’t for everyone!
Girl they were already a featured couple on Black Love. And He embarrassed her on that show.😵
This is how there podcast is set up also in the beginning they say they discussed this topic before the show. This is a common theme with them.
Derrick Jaxn is such a respectful and intelligent man....everything he says is so worth listening to.... Lots to learn from this guy....
@Spooky Spectre exactly!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
And sensitive to women's needs... He married too!!
I agree speak truth
He definitely makes you honestly look at things for what they are and not what we want them to be!
it's so refreshing to come back to comments like these...o lord this is so refreshing
I’m glad to see you’re back.
"There's a difference between a woman that is pressuring you than a woman who is setting a standard" Thank you! Let me go turn the air on, I done got hot.
😂😂😂😂
He was literally mocking her because he wasn't getting his way
I noticed he didn’t really mention what he wanted in the beginning stages of their relationship just what she “pressured” him to do. Sex like you said can be just to satisfy the urges but, while having sex we exchange energies. Those energies can stay with you even if it was a one night stand. If someone wants to seek sexual pleasure from people outside of their relationship that’s on them. But if you do, remember and understand that the dynamics between you and your partner have then changed.
Facts! Not just energies. It can open you up to a whole world of hurt.
@@ladybluelotus right! Hurting yourself and the people involved.
It's called soul tied. This is why God intended for us to be in relations with one person only.
I am annoyed that this woman love that guy so much to publicly respect his foolish thoughts, I swear men need to read.
For all the people calling Devale names because he asked a question to his wife. You lame and you childish. This is why people don't express they self because they get labeled as something when they say something that other people don't agree with. Videos like this are suppose to bridge the gap between men and women so that we can better understand each other and gain perspective to potentially help us to form better relationships with each other. I see a great couple that have formed a bond with each other so tight that they can ask each other these questions and have these difficult conversations without arguing.
She should get rid of him, his resentment is palpable.
What kinda conversation is it even. Grl be wasting "pretty days" on ths brother.
Exactly!!! He is super immature
So dramatic
You responded perfectly to this video. I USED to watch them and he's always talking about her sexually. He says something about sex in every single video no matter how small. I hope they work it out but he started out being a very supportive man now he's talking to her all crazy. Is this an out to cheat and then blame her?
He probably already is cheating on her and setting her up to take the blame.
@@antoniac1234 idk but they both seem like they are over each other.
Or already did and trying to justify.
Nidza Boricua people who get together so young at 18, usually outgrow each other.
@@Xena395 I agree that's why I don't think ppl should marry so young. I think they both are ready to explore other options. I have watched from way before they got famous and I see the way they are drifting apart. Well that's what it seems like because they show us what they want. Either they get stronger or part ways
He. Don't like women. With standard. I feel bad for her she just found how he really feels about her
She picked him
Thank You.... Talking that reckless, it’s only a matter of time before he breaks his vow and possibly exposes her to some shit she can’t get rid of. He belongs to the streets, He misses the corner, Send him back & Take HaLf while you at it. The End
@@miunicorn1324 period!
@Cocoa west You're right. I'm one of their subscribers and I remember watching one of their vlogs on how they first met. Long story short, Khadeen was the one that pursued Devale first when they were in college. This is totally a red flag. I love them together though and truly believe that they're soulmates because they knew each other since elementary school.
@@cind4846 What vlog was that because I thought that he pursued her
Honestly when a woman is refusing sex subconsciously or consciously she just not feeling it and probably picking up on dishonest vibes...
They sound incompatible to me. 🤷🏾♀️ What I heard is that she stated her intentions for their relationship and instead of him feeling the same, he "gave" her what what she wanted after she "pressured" him and now he can "get" everything he wants now that they're married. I don't think he was listening to understand. He wanted to prove his point. Poor communication.
I think the pressure he's talking about "didn't " come from her, it came from "him" choosing marriage when he wasn't ready for that type of commitment! (monogamy)
(Him: if you are going to be the only one, be available to fulfill my sexual needs!)
No disrespect, he hasn't "matured" to the level she's on!
Men that think this way, should stay single until they are "ready" for marriage!
I couldnt stand the way he was talking to her, I could hear she was about to cry. These manchilds are everywhere today. Its an epidemic of men who are not grown.
This aged poorly.
He wanted her benefits but not her. Although he married her, she's not "The One. He could only test drive her for so long so he HAD to marry her to continue getting her benefits. That's why he felt so called "pressure". SMH.
@Monét L Thank you! 😊
U obviously don know or follow this couple to say that