As someone who's been married for almost 19 years and together with the same man for almost 20, I must say that it is a BLOODSPORT to be married. You have to communicate constantly and forgive forgive forgive. You can't be selfish or egocentric to make it work. You might not always be super attracted to your spouse and sometimes they drive you crazy with how sexy they are. It's having someone to lay down with at night and have MEMORIES with. Child raising is HARD!! You can't put YOUR material wants before your child's.
Almost 16 years. I have Asperger's and a personality disorder and neither my husband or I would ever describe our marriage as a bloodsport. Can it be hard, frustrating and seemingly non stop fights sometimes? Definitely. But saying constant communication and all that is a bloodsport? Bit....dramatic....? Now raising kids, yes that's hard. I don't have any for many reasons, but raising a being that has no sense past basic emotions and needs and God help you when they grow up, yes. It's hard. Do I understand how it can be fully? Nope. Not at all. But I know it ain't easy. I'm a pound aunt 3x over, and I love them each so very much, but I'm also glad to give them back at the end of the day lmao
My husband and I are incredibly well matched but we are polar opposites, and that's why we work. He hates talking to strangers, so I make all of his non-work calls for him. He hates strangers touching him, so I cut his hair. My haircut is $300. He loves sports, I ran like a girl, now I use a wheelchair. I took ballet. I love to try new things, he likes the same seven dinners. But, we are in love. When I got sick with cancer, he spent literally every night in the hospital next to me. To the point I called up his friends and told them to take him out for something fun to do together, and my mom came to sit with me so he could relax and feel like a person, not a caregiver. Now that I'm healthy, we do things he likes much more often. I don't like to fish, but I like to make him happy. We go camping. We go watch baseball games. We are so good together, and he's my prince charming. Edited to add: one thing we are badly matched on is movies we like. His favorite movie is Dumb & Dumber. Mine is All About Eve. So we just watch different things from the same sofa, using headphones but still cuddling and spending time together. I got great advice on marriage from my senior year English teacher: if you squeeze your toothpaste at the end and your spouse squeezes from the middle and leaves the cap off, have two tubes of toothpaste.
@@Boss-ir3nm prolly several times. Dude sounds like a doormat. That relationship by the sounds of it is totally one sided. Poor chap ...edit: well folks, she responded, guess I was wrong..probably my biases made me jump to abruptly and wrongly misjudge and generalise her. Lesson learned. Don’t let your past experiences and things you’ve seen build up to become biases folks, or otherwise you’ll just get into the mentality of ‘their all the same’ and ‘it’s all lies’. Bless everyone ..and u2 ‘R’
Somebody in another comment said something along the lines of "you can learn to love someone but you can't learn compatibility" and I couldn't help but think it was the exact opposite way around. This comment is more along the lines of what I was thinking. If you really love each other there's a lot of incentive to learn how to be compatible - you *want* to make the effort to enjoy each other's hobbies or understand each other's views or work out everyday differences. If you're polar opposites but not in love there will hardly be a desire to do those things. Edit: And if you're super compatible but not in love... that just sounds like a friendship.
"The guys who are bad first daters, might be great life partners." Nothing has ever been more true. Narcissists and Sociopaths are the types of people who can score an A+ on the first date. If thats your type, then more power to ya. But dont complain about him later.
Facts if you meet someone for the first time on a first date and you feel like you have known them your entire life its probably a narcissist sitting infront of you in 90% of the time!
Yea, who do you think goes on a date and tells their whole life story right off the bat and does it PERFECTLY?!?!? A bad boy or someone who is looking to pump and dump and has been there before and knows the game. That's a HUGE red flag for women or for men.
I agree. "Love" is one of the most misunderstood terms in the world. Many people believe its an emotion or feeling. Issue is, feelings change all the time. According to that view, I should only "love" or "show love" when I "feel" like it.
@@terrancenewman9776 people have been brainwashed to think the initial butterflies feeling is what love is. All of the televised love stories give these ridiculous expectations of what love is. Edit: because apparently I cannot spell.
When I started dating my boyfriend, he would always say he's a boring person. After 6+ yrs I came to realize that him being boring was more of him being non confrontational and having virtually zero drama around him. It's his "boringness" that I have learned to appreciate all these years.
im the oppsite, my husband always got the rep of being "an assh*le" but after being w him for almost 10 years, it isnt that hes an "jerk" he's just very direct and honest. Alot of ppl hate a mirror being held up to him but for me i always appreciate that he'll always tell me the truth even if i dont want to hear it.
@@theexternalsource932 They have strong inner resilience and excellent defensive instincts. Although they prefer to be in groups, they do not want to be the center of attention. They are reserved and quiet, most likely because they like spending a lot of time in their own thoughts. Does this sound like your partner?
Not even just in romantic relationships: I’ve seen friendships fall apart because someone doesn’t put in the work to connect, compromise and overcome. You can’t have a good thing without DOING what needs to be done!
Side eyeing the "friend" of 5 years sho blocked me because I asked them not to talk over me and maybe take a break from shoving politics down my throat
I opened up a civil conversation with a friend of 10 years of how his toxicity is getting out of hand and affecting my mental health. I wanted to maintain our friendship and talk about it and find a compromise, but he decided to stop talking to me. It sucks seeing a friend go after so many years and I hope he finds the healing he needs, but my mental health improved tremendously without him.
This. As a dude in his late 20s, I still have as many of my old friends from grade school/high school and college as I do because we actually worked enough to maintain the relationship. Sure, we don't see each other as often or spend a ton of time together like we used to, but we do still see akd spend time with each other. We can still talk without awkwardness like we just saw each other yesterday and can still broach personal subjects when it's needed because there's a trust and familiarity there, and if it's within our power to do, I can trust them to have my back when I absolutely need it, and they can trust me to do the same. So many people my age say they have no friends now that they're adults, and it's largely because their friendships from childhood were passive. They were just friends of convenience with no real substance there, so as soon as it becomes inconvenient, they and those friends bounce. There's no foundation of substance there. Men in modern society especially can't seem to form meaningful connections with other men unless they go through some sort of shared trauma like experiencing combat together because we just aren't taught how to build lasting relationships on account of vulnerability and sincerity being treated as weakness when it isn't. The problem goes way beyond just dating and marriage.
If a girl told me she rejected me because of the color of my belt, or my celebrity impressions, or because we don't read the same books... she'd make me getting over her *very* easy.
I want him making more money. He is making good money but he is working all the time. I want him all in muscles not soft. He is in the gym all the time. I want him to be with me all the time. I want my private time. I want him nice. I hate him being nice all the time. Women make their own problems.
Amen. They usually just go for looks. But that doesn't end up being everything. 4 if you can't hold a conversation your hopeless. Cat food is good investment
social media only shows the good sides of a relationship. This is why people break up the moment they get into an argument/disagreement. Tbh, i think my relationship would be considered “goals” but the longest we have went without a disagreement is like 3 weeks lmao. People just need to learn how to accept their partner the way they are and work through problems together.
I lost my husband of almost 10yrs about 6yrs ago. So grateful for him and sticking with my stubborn ass and working with me to make it work. Marriage is definitely work, and most people don’t understand that and only want the happy times, but aren’t interested in the work it takes to get to those happy times. Sorry for your loss, I know how it feels.
My daddy died one month and two days before he and mom’s 75th anniversary. We had big celebration plans. He and mom were a love match. Over the years they had become one person. When I think of my parents I see them in their 90s walking together hand in hand.
the internet really fucked up the dating market. the "fear of missing out" is only amplified by the ability to see hundreds of men/women you have this sense that you have soooo many more options than you actually do
You do have many more options than you think, but what those options /are/ is flipped: values are generally similar across groups, at least in a broad sense, so it's not that hard to find similar values (yes, it sucks, and it can be a slog, and developing a good enough barometer to actually spot what you're looking for is a struggle in itself, but I digress). In that sense, assuming most guys are like the guys in the study, it's a straightforward search. But when one side of the equation is making up the criteria as they go along with no real thought for if that criteria is practically relevant to their own long-term happiness, let alone useful, then you've got a total disconnect: the world most people seem to find themselves in today.
me: I have good quality's, good credit, good lover, good tempered, funny her: I'm gonna date a guy who saggs his pants, isn't articulate, is a bum, doesn't actually have money, wears a grill and is boring.
I’m south Asian… a lot of generational Americans look at me sideways when I say love has this 🤏🏽 much to do with a successful marriage… I’ve seen firsthand love between 2 strangers bound by commitment grow. You don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.
And there's love and there's lust. When people first get into a relationship, that almost pseudo-obsession isn't love. It's lust. That will fade. It will. Love is built.
@@amarie5040 doesn’t have to be, the typical big fancy American wedding that costs 20k+ isn’t needed. Have something small, a good cake that you’ll have a slice of for awhile and save for the honeymoon.
My friend broke up with this guy she was talking too ( he was amazing to her) bc he wears ankle socks. I told her that’s why you will forever be alone.
When Aba said love, and friendship are a byproduct of the hard work. Things like commitment and duty to each other. I fully support that! I have been with my wife for 14 years and married for 7 years. These small miniscule things have become more important compared to when it comes to larger goals in life like building a legacy. In today's society those small miniscule things have become the larger concerns. This is why people don't get married, don't stay married, or believe marriage is a bad thing. My wife and I are not the same, but like you 2 said we are aligned in these major concerns like family, raising kids, etc. I have achieved major things in life due to her support of me and her presence in my life. Marriage is a beautiful thing when 2 mature can come together. I am so happy and content with life, and I wish that for everyone.
@ Keith Reynolds: "Marriage is a beautiful thing when 2 mature can come together." --- sorry Keith. I would like to agree with you, & what you just described is how it SHOULD be, but thats simply not the reality for younger men today. what you have is generally not possible with this generation of women. these women are built different. they've come up in the era of social media where every woman has 50 dudes in her DM's at any given moment & they receive constant male validation. women from this generation (generally) don't believe in sticking with one man that has common values & has their best interests in mind & would dedicate his life to providing for her, the women of this generation (generally) would rather share a CEO of a company that isn't committing to any of them... thats the sad reality. most of the women of this generation don't care about the man himself, only what he provides. if he's going through a rough patch financially, she has 49 other guys in her IG DM's that she can monkey-branch over to. marriage, commitment, love, romance & the chivalry of the pre-social media era that you describe... is dead. as a society we are quickly steering toward polygamy being the norm.
When my husband and I started dating, I was so self-conscious about being boring or uninteresting. My husband (then boyfriend) had a crazy amount of hobbies/interests. I told him about that insecurity and he said, “You’re not boring; your predictable and that makes you reliable and I love that I can always count on you and trust your judgment.” Over time we have grown more similar to each other, and I now have way more hobbies. That said, we were very different from one another when we got together; but the values and goals were the same and it has made all the difference through the good and hard times.
This discussion helped me resolve 12 years of chasing my dreams and following with guilt and shame. Im turning 33 soon and am slowly getting over the narrative that "Im a late bloomer" "a social failure" . Im good with the solid person I am after yrs of abusive challenges resulting in positve change, I am alot more self aware and emotional responsible than some more "well adjusted" friends. And am grateful now. Life is a circle. Keep on truckin
That's why I don't do social media. It's promotes a fake life no one has. So, if you see your friends in a car or nice expensive house just know they are probably struggling to maintain that a appearance of their lifestyle. Prime example is females. They say im happy being strong and independent, but 90% of single mother are on government assistance, record number of women on depression and anti-anxiety medication, and in 2021 women have officially passed men in binge drinking. Again, appearances are just fake mask me put on for the world to see, so people will give us validation.
If women found a man that liked all the same things, at some point, they'd break up with him, claiming they were bored because he didn't introduce them to anything new...hahaha!
Or the most common " he was too nice wasn't enough excitement " So they cheat and go on a promiscuous wh0r3 phase and can't pair bond n find that perfect perfection guy
Exactly. Find a compatible partner. You literally don't need to have many interests in common. the only interest you need to have in common, is the other person.
I kind of agree, having some shared interests can be really fulfilling but sometimes you will meet a girl who does everything differently and it can be positively life changing too, but if you get both in one women it's cool
Beliefs and values are so important as well because those are what define and make up a person. I think a lot of people try to downplay the importance of these two things.
I prefer to have wildly different interests because I love to learn new things and do activities I’d otherwise not to without the other person’s motivation. Liking some similar things is great but it’s fun to have some intellectual debates or lighthearted conflict to help you grow
I was watching some bad decisions made by athletes. One guy got offered 70 mil and tried to flex on the CEO for 140 something ended up with 3 million because greed clouded his judgement.
I’ve been binging all your videos this last month and just gotta say, you guys are good men. Wish more young men and woman would hear you guys for these perspectives. Im a 32 year old white gay man, so probably not your prime demo, but I relate to you guys and your values so much. Keep at it! ❤️❤️
@@Loupoonug23 You're right, he didn't have to say it. In fact, why does anyone have to say anything? Why is there even a comment section? Herpa derp derp!
What I have observed in my personal life, im the only one married out of my 5 sisters, I'm the youngest and they constantly ask why they don't have a husband. They all have unrealistic expectations. Then they say they wont settle, or their man had to be on this level financially or this level in his career. Scratch all that, dont date a bum but be realistic. Them things take time. I think my sisters are marrying for security and I married for love. We got married at 19 and 21 on a rainy day in a courthouse. Came home to our empty apartment, ordered Chinese food and watched anime on an air mattress. Fast forward 9 years and we got good credit, nice home, nice cars and no more air mattresses 😭 We really built ourselves up from nothing and to know that someone will stick with you when you have nothing and be willing to build something with you. . .it is the most beautiful feeling in the world. I don't see my husband's flaws or shortcomings as settlements, I see them as perfect imperfections.
A lot of dudes are willing & want to get married young but most of the time , women don’t want to build with us. You deserve everything that came your way. No one should have to struggle but marriage & relationships are marathons not races 💫
And we have personal conversations and interactions outside of our supposed business where we are just being nice to each other for the sake of the audience. Its such a weird gaslighting phrase that irritates the fuck out of me cuz Preach is just like oh word, yeah sure i guess we aren't then.
My husband and I are the complete opposites. Literally the only thing we have in common are our morals and values. He does crazy extroverted things, while I’m happy to just stay home. We respect the differences and don’t try to make the other be like us.
Hi! I have a question, when you had your first date with your husband, what did you like about the date or about him? (I'm sorry, english is not my native lenguage, I hope this question is not too personal)
tbh, i think that if you do not have the same morals and values then the relationship is going to fail. You can have a different personality, but you cant be with someone who doesnt want kids when u do. Or someone who is homophobic when you arent homophobic.
Wow this really changed the way I view my parents. It used to make me sad for them because I thought they had “settled” for less in life by not following their dreams. But now I have nothing but respect and admiration for them cause now I see that they did whatever they had to do to make sure my sister and I had a comfortable life. I’m mad that it took me watching a video from dudes I don’t even know for me to realize that 😂. Im gonna go thank my parents now.
@@Cualquiercosa5049 One of the first things my bf said to me when we met was does it matter that I didn't go to college. I said not really. He could tell I looked confused and he said it mattered to other girls. Cut to seven years later we're happier than we've ever been. Oh well other girls passed up on a man who is kind and funny and honest and faithful and treats my mom and dad like gold. They thought no college degree meant no money. The jokes on them because he has a good job now with a pension and benefits. And also he has a ton of savings and is set to get a big inheritance. Had no clue about any of that when I fell in love with him. Too bad those other girls didn't wanna stick it out. Ha ha ha
@@colleenanne360 well, great on you both. If he was confused it because he is a smart man and knows how most women are. good thing you 2 found each other
My ex wife said she knew she 'found the one' after our first date. I moved to her home state to start a life. I have an undiagnosed chronic illness and it got worse during that time. I told her I can't have a kid yet, I need to focus on doctors and get better first. She separated from me with an email when I was visiting my parents. It was a nightmare and my self esteem as a man got me into that situation. Guys, don't push forward for what she wants because you're afraid you might lose her if you say not yet or no, you'll lose her anyway
The mistake was believing her you were the one after the very first date. No rational human being operates this way, only in the romantic flicks. Hope you are doing better for yourself.
Tbh I think it's the real reason wait staff of both sexes get hit on so frequently. They usually have some of the physical attractiveness, but it's also their job to be kind and show a little personality too.
My first job was at a prestigious firm. BUT they had a lot of exploitative practices. I was unhappy. I applied for a different job. This other place doesn't have a renowned reputation but they are decent people, they respect me and they value what I bring to the table, they even pay me way more than the other place after I showed them what I am worth. I cried a lot when i left the prestigious firm, and everybody told me that I would ruin my career. Except for my parents. My parents told me that they raised no coward who would be slaved away by a corporation. Settling for the not-prestigious job has been my best move ever. I love my job because I know that my effort is worth it.
@@Lady_Danbury other UA-camrs drama: admit it you two have a thing going on...you're fucking low-key right Aba and preach: cmon man it's not funny just admit it you're friends
That is funny cuz i realized i didn't start calling my best friends i have now best friends until 2yrs after we all met i use to call them my coworkers even thou we hung out alot and was there for each other during our lowest points in life and 6yrs later were still close and working driffernt jobs but still managed to keep in touch.
I'll say this...if you're eliminating potential partner based on shoe and belt color combinations you aren't going to make it in a long-term marriage anyway. You will jump ship at the first rock you hit in your marriage and that will be it.
Women with that criteria for dating are guaranteed to be hypersexual hypergamous promiscuous heaux, those are the type of women that are narcissists and never loyal, they look down on men for not being perfect
My dad wore checkered knee-length pants, knee high socks, with dress shoes while taking my brothers to school. He's a great dad and a great husband to my mom
I'm 22 and single af, but these are things I've known for awhile now. A mindset of stability, consistency, and compromise is what I already knew when I started to get into dating at 17. At that time I saw that a lot of girls were still just kids at heart and either weren't into dating yet or just wanted to chase the popular guys for the thrill, which is just how high school is. I figured I could give it a few patient years and work on myself, and that by my early 20s when most girls were getting through college or careers they'd grow up and start dating realistically. The problem is that I'm here now and I'm watching women either give up completely or go through college disconnected from reality, never working a normal job and entirely relying on daddy's money. If I look past the burnt out and the childishly oblivious ones, there's very few grounded ones that are both happy to be alive and have the grit to work hard and be down to earth. So it's already a struggle to even find the good ones, then there has to be some chemistry there when I do, and I'm like a Pete Davidson with farmboy energy, so, niche lol. I guess it's just a game of more patience and perseverance, but I want to get on it now because I, unlike the culture around me, really value legacy and family pride, to pass greatness on to my generations. So "where are the good men"?? Out here knowing what they want and working toward it. I'm tired of a world that only gives me novelty. I want a familiar face that I built a history with to come home to. I want a body that I cherish and am devoted to to show my love to. I want to walk side-by-side, eye-to-eye with my woman and have it be us against the world. I want to really mean those vows. I don't want to just be entertained. I don't aspire to be the pinnacle of the modern man, but to be timeless. It just feels like I'm living in a time that these kinds of things are all but forgotten. Women praise men for doing the bare minimum, like being hygienic, having a clean house, cooking basic meals and not spending more than they make. I do all of that and know it's far less than I could. I'd rather be encouraged to be better, than be told I should be content with who I already am, but having grown up with an emotionally absent dad, that's not an innate mindset. That's one of the ways I'm determined to raise my kids better than I was. The top comment here calls marriage a bloodsport. I freaking love that. But if I'm in a bloodsport, do I tell myself, "Eh, I'm good enough?" Hell no. But even though I understand this, it's really fn hard to live by it in today's weak culture. I salute men like Aba and Preach, Jordan Peterson, Bill Burr, and women like Sydney Watson for being voices of grounded truth in the way to live and be. For now, I suppose I can only continue on and pray I can make these things happen with someone in the future.
I wish I have a Japanese wife who loves me as much as I value her. I grew up learning Asian culture when I was 7 years old and fall in love with it. I'm now in elementary level Mandarin and intermediate Japanese.
21 y/o here, and same mindset. Going into HS, I tried dating a few times, but I always knew what I wanted was a long-term, healthy relationship, while most of the girls my age were just looking for sex or basic companionship, and that was the end of it. Those are short term rewards in my long-term goal. Now all I have to do is bide my time and look for the right person.
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 Not gonna happen. Asians require a dowry, so it's a transactional relationship, if not, it's still transactional since your worth relies solely on your ability to provide for her and her family (SEA). Modern Asian women might not require a dowry, but then there's the problem that they're extremely toxic and don't carry any traditional values anymore, yet still require the high income for little to no value for you. Japanese women from what I hear are pretty much the same as above, depending on their social status. Chinese women are even worse than SEA women (Thailand, Cambodian, Laos), don't even go for that. You have to remember Asian women are social engineers, they know how to manipulate you and get the most out of it, while not giving up much of what they have to you, they're basically hustlers. Props to them, they're good at it. What I'm saying is- if you're looking for a long term, traditional Asian wife, be prepared to be mentally stable (lots of family drama), have a high income for the dowry and be prepared to take care of her family, be prepared to buy a house in their country (which you have no ownership over). Traditional women are generally non-combative most of the time, but be prepared for extreme amounts of drama from time to time. If you're going less traditional you can pretty much guarantee when you leave they'll have another 10 men lined up to take care of them. Like I pointed to before, they're hustlers and not very monogamous, they don't "love you", they love the situation. People have different answers for these issues, go for some farmer woman which you'll have to pay out the ass to keep going, go higher end with a good job but she'll be very combative and won't accept you taking charge. Out of these countries I'd go for Laos women- feminine, attractive and still very traditional overall, but have the same issues with money and owning a house along with supporting their family.
At 29 and a single woman i have come to understand that COMPATABILITY is not hobbies but Values, Integrity and Morals. Those other things blend in naturally
The marriage begins when the honeymoon ends. But the toughest conversations should be happening before an engagement ring is brought or the wedding day.
The toughest conversations should definitely happen before an engagement ring pops up. You should know the important values before proposing or accepting a proposal.
I married the Austin Powers guy. He still does weird voices 15 years later. It’s not my favorite trait of his, but he’s got lots of other good traits. He’s kind, loving, supportive of *everything* I do. He’s an awesome dad. He’s my rock. If you can’t prioritize the truly important aspects of your partner’s character, you aren’t ready to be in a committed relationship.
That is sooo true! The first time I saw my now husband he was “alright”, like attractive enough but not like an “OMG I’m dying!” And than I met him and got to know him and it turned out we were a perfect match! Same life philosophy, same goals, same ideals. Of course he is not perfect. He is constantly late, very nonchalant about things, whereas I’m the perfectionist organizer who is rarely late and gets overly stressed when I am late for some reason. But I wouldn’t be with anyone else! If anything like a soulmate exists, than I think that is it. Had I not gotten to know him because I wasn’t a fan of his style ( and trust me, I wasn’t 😅) I would have missed out on the best 9 years of my life and a beautiful family.
Or you would have met a different dude the next week that you would have been equally happy with. There are three billion men on the planet, if you were willing to make concessions, The overlook minor things, for the dude that is your husband right now...... Well, who knows how many concessions you would have been willing to make for the next dude you met. Women are pretty flexible about bending their ideals, and just by nature we can tolerate some pretty annoying shit! We are hardwired to overlook annoyances, because we raise the kids and they scream and cry a lot.
@@stepfaniehawkins205 absolutely true! I could have. And actually some shit surfaced a few months ago and we almost got divorced. But hey, that’s life 😅
They definitely aren't looking for niceness. They want the tough super confident guy because he brings masculine energy and allows her to be in her feminine
The annoying thing I've noticed about some of the one who supposedly "settle" is that they don't actually do that at all. They slowly try to change their partners into their perfect man
I have been guilty of doing this. I did this because of non negotiables repeating themselves in a long relationship. But I couldn’t break up. So I tried to safe the relationship but changing someone else doesn’t work. At the end of the day it leads to criticism and nagging and giving the partner the feeling he is not good enough. Learned my lesson, never doing this again.
Exactly! Shared interest will keep us interested, but shared values make a marriage work. Humans are flawed. We're flawed and relationships are work. WORK
Id agree on the values. But actually my wife and I have completely different intrests. She is into dancing. Meditation. Gardening. Im into DnD. Warhammer and video games! Together 20 years and I believe the love is still there. I also say marriage is the hardest job you will ever take on. You work 7 days a week 365 a year with no 'vacation' Wouldn't change it for the world.
Yeah, wish I saw something like this before meeting my exwife. My wife was a wreck, had red flags waving all over the place. Got in love none the less. Got kids aswell. Stuck in there for 15 yrs but man I wish I had used my brain just a little bit at the time. Plenty of good women out there though, the slightly less attractive ones kind of had to put in the work in life. Tend to feel like they are generally better picks. Good luck mate!
My Fiancée is a successful attorney that never dated the “blue collar, jeans and T-shirt” kind of guy like myself..She finally got tired of failed relationships with men of status, and decided to take a chance on something different. She took a chance on me and now loves theme parks, Marvel movies, Anime, playing video games, Harry Potter, reading and watching Science fiction. We now debate which is better Star Trek or Star Wars..Lol. She admitted she’s never been happier...Her sister and friends are all divorced and single due to unrealistic expectations and chasing “the Unicorn” aka perfect guy that doesn’t exist and now they continuously hate on our relationship, resulting my fiancée limiting her associations with them. A lot of women need to get out of their own way.
The ultimate question remains. When the ‘freshness’ of your relationship ends will she go look for that ‘man’ who ultimately turns her on? That’s the risk you are taking.
@@JT-bt6jy I doubt it, but nothing in life is ever certain in a relationship because it takes to to make it work. We both put in effort and have a beautiful relationship. With me she’s experienced life without the pressures of maintaining some persona or lifestyle for appearances. The guys she usually dated were white collar corporate attorneys and executives of status, who always felt they had to keep up a certain lifestyle for optics. To her surprise, I actually make more money than her but I’m a contractor who owns multiple rental properties. I don’t have the status of an corporate attorney or executive but I grind and make bank with my hands and physical labor. With me she can can let down her hair and enjoy life. I make sure we spend quality time together appreciating the little things. Just last night we sat on the deck by the fire pit just talking and looking at stars through the telescope. I know it sounds cliche but it works.
It’s going on 5 years and only getting better. If it does take a turn for the worse then we’ll go our separate ways. But I won’t live in fear of what “could happen” rather than what is prevalent..I’m living life and she’s living it with me.
On my first date, I wore what I thought was a good first date outfit, (but it really wasn't, and I admit that). My wife overlooked it and we were able to have a great time anyway. We have been married over 10 years and are currently expecting our second child. We joke to this day about the shirt I wore, but we are both so happy and so lucky to have each other.
Chris that is how marriage should be "lucky to have each other" not "Oh I'm dating down" or "she/he's better than me" You are a committed pair who have found love in each other's company which is awesome, I wish you another 50+ years of happy marriage and happiness.
My husband showed up to our first date with a mohawk that he had a friend do. I fucking hated it lol. 14 years later, I obviously chose to not care about the haircut.. it's just a haircut. That man is now the love of my life.
I love how nuanced you guys are. You take such a real stance on how these sorts of things work. Real heroes in these days where you have incels and redpillers and all sorts of contrived nonsense. Keep up the high quality content, this is especially important for young audiences. Not to mention the rocking humour.
Yo the job comparison is spot on. I used to be a heavy machine driver for a warehouse that I spent 2 years getting my licence and I was proud. Then I was offered a janitor job at a government agency that paid better, had benefits and a pension. I used to be ashamed but now I know it was the right choice
People dont generally value enough "cleaners". Either a janitors, housekeepers or garbagemen... Most people cant imagine what their world would be like without these people.
Every time I look at my wife I thank my lucky stars to have found such a reasonable, level-headed, supportive, strong, and kind person. She doesn’t nag, lets me have my own life, and supports me fully in all my ups and downs. I do the same for her best I can. We’re celebrating out 10th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. Hope I get 40 more years with her.
@@Nyante He's already had 10 years of happiness... even if he got divorced tomorrow, he experienced 10 more years of someone loving him than you ever will.
I met my ex and her one year old at 26, I became a stepdad and over 10 years we had 2 more kids and then it felt like overnight she wanted to split.....get my kids 50/50 and after 3 years I'm still alone and the thought of being intimate with anyone else makes me sick....makes me realize how many lonely people are out there like me just alone and keep to themselves and this video is 100% facts....shit was rough for so many of us and we still maintained values and empathy and we gotta be careful to choose values over that superficial bs....I love these 2.....im crying at the authenticity.....and the chemistry of this channel...thank you guys...sorry for the rant I probably should have a therapist or write a book
Sorry you have to deal with that. That sounds excruciating. Praying you get healing and are able to find a woman that truly loves and appreciates you unconditionally.
Great video. So true. My parents were married 40+ years. It’s hard work every day. People who think it should be easy and dip when the going gets rough or they don’t get every little thing they think they want don’t get it. I’ve been happily married for 6 years and even though it’s challenging and takes SO much communication it is so worth the effort. I have a great job, my man dropped his career when mine got so crazy it was hard to maintain the home with the hours I put in. He makes the home and I bring home the bacon. We both are playing to our strengths and it’s awesome, but it’s sacrifice. The illusion people have around what marriage should be is insane to me. No room for selfishness on either part. Anyway, love your channel and your perspectives. Intellectual conversations can be so hard to find these days. Very refreshing content!
In 1997 there were 4 of my guy friends in a circle. One profoundly said "it's interesting how I think all of y'all are weird(we all feel the same way towards each other) and yet we get along."
That reminds me of my friend group. All nine of us are vastly different personalities that some find hard to talk to others because of how different we communicate and yet we all care about eachother and can always vibe with one another. It can be mind-boggling when u think about it
this is what happened to my circle of friends too.. we would fight but never mad to each other.. and then yesterday a question come up.. have we ever been into a fight with each other .. (after one friend from outside of our circle tell that her other friends avoid her and sh.t) I realized bc we all are weird in our own way make us understood each other better too..tolerate things and work around it.
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and we have almost nothing in common. What you want is someone that makes you laugh, and will be there for you when you have a shit day. You have those 2 things, then you have your 100% person
I had a co worker who would say "you are enough" she would tell that to everyone. That attitude got her far, she just celebrated her 25th anniversary with her husband just a couple of months ago.
Still watching but I have to say this was addressed for me in therapy. I'm in my mid thirties and haven't been married. I was intentionally looking and dating for a year and decided to seek therapy for help. One of the exercises that I did was list my top needs in a relationship, then divide that in half, and then pick the top 5 out of these things. It showed me that I can definitely be happy with someone that provided my top 5 as opposed to the top 20 so that's 25% and to me that wouldn't be settling and it would be things that mattered long term. However I needed to weight those needs. If I got the bottom 5 of my top 10 I couldn't accept it. So I honestly can understand why some ppl would think 80% is settling if that 20% was something like monogamy, love or feeling the same way about having children. Thank you for this video and your delivery. It's really a gift to be able to deliver harsh truths and force both men and women to be accountable without coming across as complete Jerks and assholes. I cannot express how much I appreciate your insights and just a living example that there are still great guys out there and on social media.
Western culture is individualistic and this tendency to focus on oneself is not suitable for relationships and marriage. People are just too selfish for marriage.
@@broncomcbane6382 probably, we'll have a better chance of coming around. but it IS an unfortunate that it takes two to tango, that is undeniable. so we ended up where everyone (except the players) simps (both men and women, pretty and ugly) and nobody won
80% is a grade letter of a B. That's not bad when you consider it's better to pass the class with a B average than to drop out because you didn't get 99% on everything.
I've always said I'm boring, because I rarely put myself into situations that could likely become dangerous. Ex. Nightclubs or bars....I never go to them. Besides I can get better alcoholic beverages cheaper at the liquor store. I'm the guy in the corner that isn't interested in the flashing lights and loud music. Took me a long time to find a good woman that didn't care about that.
@@altorins Negative Bias, it's a survival trait that our ancestors have used to avoid making possibly fatal mistakes. Example below. Man #1: Sees a shadow. (it was a mouse) "That was probably a Timber Wolf, I'm leaving." Lives to see tomorrow, finds a female and they produce offspring. Man #2: Sees a shadow. (was not a mouse) "Meh, probably my imagination." Gets face bitten off by wolf... excrement cannot produce human offspring. I always, albeit unsuccessfully, try to aim to mimic the lyrics of Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man.
You guys are a breath of fresh air. Egoless, positive, and pragmatic. I’m so happy that young men (and even women) have someone way better than Fish and Chips to look to for guidance. Way to go. You guys are making a difference. Keep at it!
The funny ones are when she can formulate an entire list of qualities a man must have to please her, but she doesn’t even attempt to be the kind of woman that man wants.
A lot of people don’t realize that love isn’t just that giddy feeling and happiness. It’s not always a feeling. It’s sacrifice, even if it’s small. It’s doing things for that person that you don’t necessarily WANT to do but will do anyway because you love the other person(such as doing chores lol). Its about humility and putting someone else first. Most people are selfish and want to get something out of a relationship without giving anything. It’s both people giving 100%.
This. This right here. It's also pushing the other person to do the things for themselves that they may not be motivated to do on their own, but need to do. My husband and I push each other to do the things we need to do, but are struggling with. Patience is a huge virtue in marriage. And parenthood.
I love this video and the comments section. It's nice to know that so many other people think this way about relationships. I feel less scared about putting myself out there someday.
I mean yes and no. To say you are settling is very arrogant and prideful. If the roles were switched and it, "was men settle for the good enough woman" oh my gosh it would be a shit storm.
I have a problem with the word settle and how degrading it is to men. Then why do some women oppose the devaluation concept of alpha beta if women are admitting they SETTLE for financially stable beta over poor alpha. And men on the other hand are supposed to be lucky to have that girl in their life. This is how society perceives it. You see a couple where man and woman are in the sane league buy the first thing people will say “ Oh he’s so lucky to have her he better make it work”.
spatially in the West . I am not a westerner and I don't understand what u guys are doing. I mean , it blows my mind when I see stuff like: Just 47% of the French say it is morally unacceptable for married people to have an affair, the lowest percentage among 39 nations surveyed in 2013 .
YES!! Now living everyday and experience with women I pretty much knew that women standards are krazy but to actually HEAR THIS!!! My brains all over carpet..
You can’t have 100% of everything you need from one person. That’s why we have friends, family community and children. You also have the challenge of evolving and your family provides their unique challenges to help you evolve.
You know who matches 100% of your list? Your clone. Go date yourself you picky fools. Should be real exciting being in a relationship with someone that does everything like a mirror of yourself. Me, no way, there is enough of things I want to change in myself, WTF! ROFL would I want another person exactly the same as my list. Too many people confuse *want* for *need* and refuse to compromise. Those women that have a endless list? They don't know that *want* is achievable by working with him and getting him his *want*. She puts *need* in front of them having a relationship when she only *wants* . All those *need* from love it will be attained, he is going to bend over backwards to get it for her because she too the effort to get him his *want*.
@@mattstorey7256 I agree with need vs want. It’s takes time and perspective to really understand the difference. When someone has a long list, it an internal exercise to truly derive what is a need vs a want. A negotiable vs a non negotiable. With regards to the clone, I also don’t understand that either. You want a yin to your yang. Growth is only achieved when you have passed a challenge. If two ppl are so similar you can become stagnant and bored.
I honestly shed a tear listening to this and thinking about my relationship with my partner. Thank you guys, you are awesome!
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I really wasn't feeling my husband like that at first because honestly I don't feel ANYBODY at first. We take a moment to get there as women. Stop looking for the "love at first sight" feeling. That's usually just lust anyway. Date them enough to get a good grasp of who they are. I found my husband was exactly what I was looking for once I got to know him.
It`s not just a woman thing. I had a relationship that only ended due to religion changes. We didn`t start being super close until 3 years after knowing each other.
@@TamunoOpuboCooksCookeyGam THIS. This is why when I begin dating, I'ma make sure to talk about values to begin with not date for a year until we finally address religion and value
"People get mad that we're not friends." "Watching your dad is great and I want to be like him when I get older." "My dad says you can come over to the house whenever you want." Ya'll have a definition of "not friends" that I'm struggling to wrap my head around. ;)
Lol you could work with someone and have a good relationship but not be friends. I think their definition of friends is someone who tags along with you cause of personal reasons first before business and theirs was business first before personal
It's heartbreaking how shallow us ladies are all while projecting our junk on others. I almost didn't even date my husband just because he was shorter than me. So effing dumb. He's amazing, the love of my life, my best friend, and the best partner I could have ever asked for had I known what to ask for. This stigma against "settling" leads so many to misery.
Glad to see you didn’t miss out on your husband. I’m a guy, but I do think this would help a lot of girls out. Implementing a 2nd chance could do wonders for many girls. Of course, they still have to become less shallow, but going on a second date with a guy could change their mind about him.
The first 5 years of my marriage was rough, because we rushed into getting married because he joined the military. But this year will be our 10th anniversary. We try to help each other with our character flaws, and though he can be a bit of a curmudgeon I wouldn't trade him for the world, because he's seen me through my darkest hours. THAT'S what real love is.
@@couragew6260 I remember making a meal to bring to him and my roommate at the time was poking fun at me. That started the hard, internal conversation about why I had delegated this man to the friend-zone, and how I had become such an ugly monster. He was perfect, I was flawed. That's a hard pill to swallow. Ego, pride, vanity, none of it is worth the price of true happiness. Praying more ladies drop the baggage and make that second date 😘
i got engaged 6 months after meeting my fiancee. on our first date we discussed values and what sort of future we both wanted so we didn't waste our time. we both agreed that marriage was a commitment to value even after feelings fade. we may not be absolutely perfect for each other but we're both happy in each others' company and we're both willing to accept each others' flaws. you gotta look for people who can have these conversations early on.
No one's been taught how to communicate and date with the intent of marriage, people are just getting into entanglements with one another with the intent of "just playing it out and seeing what happens, you know no pressure or anything if it's right it'll just somehow work out." They've been taught how to get engaged and how to talk about a wedding, but they aren't actually taught about what a marriage is and how to prepare for that. It seems that the goal for most young couples is that wedding date...... there's not really much thought as to what life looks like after that!
My parents are married but it was very “toxic” while growing up , lots of fighting, threats of divorce and other traumatic events. This caused me to be fearful of marriage and looking at my relationships in retrospect I can see that I was mirroring that negative example of what a relationship looks like.
If its any consolation, I have a similar experience -- I originally grew up thinking that's what all marriages looked like so I grew afraid of commitment and myself, my own decisions out of fear they'd drive someone else away (there's a lot more to the story but for the most part that describes it). I'm in the process of working myself out, working out my own issues and deciding my life goals before I run head first into any relationships right now-- thankfully I had role models in my life who were able to show me that a loving peaceful healthy marriage can happen. You just gotta have a proper mindset going into it, looking for one.
Same. My parents would threaten divorce and lock each other out of the room. All night I would hear the other parent banging the door to get in until finally my dad would just leave and sleep somewhere else for the night. This traumatized me and I’ve been terrified of marriage. My parents are still married but they say that they’re still together “for the kids.” The damage has already been done.
I sent this video to my sister because she's slowly learning about how true this is. It took her many years to get married. We're South Asian so realistically within that community she should've been married really soon within 1-2 years, but it took around 5 for her to find a guy she was willing to marry. However, after she got married she'd start telling me about lil things "oh he doesn't do this, he enjoys these hobbies and doesn't enjoy these" etc etc. She wanted to call off her wedding a few months in because she felt like she was settling. But, as more time has passed she's beginning to realize these little things she didn't like really did not matter in the grand scheme. He is such a nice guy, cares for her, and when they decide to have kids he will be a great head of the household. She would have lost this because of the stupid idea that she thought she was settling.
@@mandalaqueen828 No doubt, the culture can definitely push people into marriage when they aren't ready. My parents never rushed her and she was the one who was interested in getting married. She met a lot of guys but because of things the woman pointed out in the interview such as "he made a weird joke" she would cancel out all the remaining positives and move on. She'd text me about all the good and positive things he would do but then would point out something she didn't like and then would never mention them again. It also didn't help that she's 5'9 and as I'm sure you know most South Asian men are either around there or shorter (Luckily I got the random height gene as well since I'm a 6'1 guy but my oldest sister is 5'2 and more similar to our parents and she had a much easier time finding her husband when dealing strictly in the height aspect). Her husband ended up being an inch shorter than her which 5 years ago was a total deal breaker for her, but as she's come around she realized height is pretty superficial in the long run.
This is proof modern marriage has no purpose whatsoever. Its a job with rewards. Its not an electoral campaign to distract you from inadequate loneliness Integrity Consistency Goals My mother always told my sisters by the time beautiful girls realized this its too late.
My husband and I are very different people and a lot of time people say that to us. You wouldn't look at the two of us and assume that we would be together. But the two of us share common values and perspectives about life. We both value humor, working hard, installing values in our children, a positive attitude and making the best out of whatever hand life gives us, and learning to roll with the punches. Those things brings us together when we aren't exactly interested in the same things. We also value the differences between us. If we liked all of the same stuff, things would get boring. The differences between us are what create interest and desire in our relationship. We are open to trying something that the other one is interested in and it creates fun experiences for us. I think people get too caught up on the small stuff. They forget that good, long-term relationships are created with values, not tedious stuff.
Married 39 years going strong. Best to NOT have everything in common, gives each a chance to build an interest of their own & a reason to meet up & meet other people in life.
@@landresking3988 It also gives you both different things to talk about & different people met to share, some which might be brought into mutual friendships. I love martial arts, wife doesn't, but as a couple my 10 year friend/instructor & his wife are good friends with both of us for dinner & park couple dates & for events, neither wife can throw a punch. My wife does Disneyland & concerts with her friends at times, not my scene. *As long as you have TRUST in your spouse, that's a big one, then it works.
Truth be told, it just depends on you as a person. If u have a lot in common more power to yous, if you don’t the that’s okay too. Like preach said the values and what have you is one of the big factors. I enjoy nerdy stuff my partner somewhat does, and I don’t mind. She’ll still talk about to me because she knows I’m into it, she’s more extroverted then me. I don’t drink but she does it is what it is, if yous are good then yous are good. Don’t need to be complicated
As you get older "the list" gets shorter but more concrete. 1-good hygiene, 2-honesty, 3-no addictions, 4-common sense. Everything else is gravy. A person's true nature doesn't change. We all get old, life happens, money is earned and spent, sickness hits us. We need the one who will stand by us when shit happens. We also need them when the good stuff happens and they are genuinely happy for us.
Agreed, but many of these Women are going to have to find out the hard way. Unfortunately finding out the hard way just proves how unworthy they were to begin with. This is when they start to turn toxic if they cannot find someone. Existence is pain.
Nah, with only these I'd rather be alone. I'd say 5. needs to be they have to pay basic level attention to me/show they care about me. Otherwise it's just being roommates and totally not worth it.
My wife plays video games, loves anime, and is attractive. There were a couple things on my “list” of things I wanted out of a partner that she isn’t, but the fact I found someone who checked so many boxes was amazing. Our love/bond grew stronger during the pandemic and isolation while there are couples out there falling apart in droves. I know I married the right person thanks to this pandemic.
I can relate to this. The pandemic definitely was a time of getting closer and even growing through struggles with my fiance. I never really had boxes that needed checking, when I first met her I just thought her energy was good and her face was nice to look at. Her friends told her not to date me because my IG was quirky. Glad she didnt listen to that BS because then our daughter wouldn't be here. When the right person is with you in life, things just seem to come together.
I enjoyed this topic. My husband is 18 years older than me and most people thought we won't last. We don't watch Tv together, read the same books, listen to the same music and I was Vegan for 7 years while he was a meat-eater all his life. Last year we celebrated 10 years of our wedding anniversary, adopted our son and three dogs.We are so different, but going so well together. When we met I loved(And still do) his qualities. He respects women, loves his parents, very compassionate and loving. If he sees me sad over a street dog (We live in Thailand) he always suggests paying off dogs medical bills. We grew as a couple together and our qualities merged. If you see us walking in the street you wouldn't think we were married, but behind closed doors, we are amazing together.
Been married for 22 years. It takes a lot of compromise, grace and understanding. My husband and I are opposites on every surface level, but on fundamentals, we are compatible. That is my Dude.
@@camerinj Love and sparks aren’t remotely the same. Love is a choice, sparks are a feeling. Feelings go away quick, but love is the continuous effort put in.
As a person from India...I really appreciate ya'll ...all of this is a very different perspective from what I've seen growing up.There were some things in this video I never would have thought about.Out here most people are married and divorce rates are low and its not always because every couple is madly in love all the time...they just chilling most of the times and both parents work their asses off to provide for their kids educations.Entire families live together with almost three generations living under one roof where the grandparents take care of the kids in the house too while the parents work to put food on the table for everyone.Children inculcate their grandparents ideals which are much more wiser than their 30-40 year old parents.Personally i like this system very much...but all of this has been fading away and nuclear families are now a much more widespread reality . From what I have been able to understand from all of this is that 'With priviledge comes a sense of individuality which ultimately leads to plain selfishness'.Maybe someday when countries progress they won't retain their cultures too or maybe they will...I don't know if I'm buggin... PEACE
Multi generation households as you described are in my opinion, the healthiest way to go. Keeps the kids safe, children have respect for their elders,parents have safe childcare.
I'm not worried about nuclear families so much as people waiting so long to have kids that the children never have the chance to know their grandparents. I'm one of the lucky ones to be able to have my Grandma as a confidant in my adulthood
@@urmamasmamasmama bro but its falling down fast, the fe*inist movement has broken everything from this generation on, i think our parents are the last generation where we lived like that. Its going to be shit here too no different than the states.
You guys are awesome! I thought my wife and I were the only ones who thought this way anymore. We look to the left and to the right, see and hear people making these statements and we find out they are just shallow. We thought no one thinks deep anymore. we thought we were just too old-fashioned. I'm glad you have a platform that allows you to spread these ideas. It is needed so desperately in the world community.
You just need to find the right people, even if they are becomining rarer and rarer as the days go by. I would probably be the same type of shallow person you're talking about if it wasn't for my grandfather. He sometimes takes multiple minutes to truly think about what most nowadays would view as a simple question, and he always got me to do the same. He'd ask me a question, and before I could just blurt something out, he'd say: "ask yourself that same question in your head for the next few minutes, then come talk to me". I can confidently say he's probably the reason I enjoy watching and listening to people like Aba and Preach; they get my mind turning, questioning myself and others on things I used to not bother with.
I’m late to the convo but I started watching this video like “me? Settle? Absolutely not”. But by the end I actually gained a lot of knowledge and humility. Really good topic and convo
My wife left me because she said "she wasn't in love with me anymore" but the new guys she picked up couldn't do half of what I did. So she is now all about how she will never have her "happily ever after". Always looking to the princess story she thinks she deserves.
Damn that must have hurt...but I hope u live a good life and move on..u probably have by now but just sayin, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, I'm a woman myself and so tried of the levels of delusional thoughts going through alot of women's heads today .
@@itzAurora_Xoxo oddly enough, I have not moved on. She left in 2012, I had a GF for a few months in 2014 and haven't found anyone I would even date since.
@@jadiahavala4656 or maybe it's just not that important. I want a long lasting relationship and haven't found anyone who wants it with me. So I don't date. It's just a thing.
Hobbies will fade, interests change. Values are deeply rooted in who we are. Plus, if you both like the same things, then there’s no variety. One of the best things is sharing things with someone who’s never seen them for the first time
My husband showed up to meet me in a parking lot with holey green sweatpants 20 years ago because he wasn't expecting me to even show up. Guess what? He's fine as hell and is a wonderful dresser now.
The best stories are from the unexpected beginnings, really. Been with my gf for five years now, and we met from Omegle. We've been running into each other, we just weren't aware..i mean, we were taking the same subjects, eating in the same places, talking with the same people, etc. But out of all of that, we met each other from f*cking Omegle. 5 years isn't as good as 20 years, I know. But we never really expected that we would be as happy as we are now. We've even had plenty of talks about marriage, children, a house, where the kids will go to school. I never thought I would even have that conversation with anyone.
But why present himself like that anyway? Even if he’s going out with himself he should’ve worn something at least without holes. It shouldn’t have taken you showing up to wear decent clothes.
I think alot of women think marriage is this status symbol that shows people they've made it and after that they just walk off into the sunset happy forever. I've seen couples that were happy for soooo long until they got married and it seems like the pressure and expectations of each other made the relationship implode.
I'll forever be grateful for the advice my mother gave me in my 20s. Simply stated, she let me know I'm never going to find someone that checks every single box. What I needed to do was view the whole person to determine if the good outweigh the bad. She also reminded me that I have characteristics that others find irritating & I'm not the easiest to get song with. That was eye opening.
I was in it for 19yrs, raised another man's child and brought another into this world. I did as much comprise, and avoided fights. Did a lot of work. Let things roll off my back. Yet at some point I realized that my partner wasn't putting in the effort. I felt trapped and alone. I tried to cope and eventually I could not. I wanted a partner that wanted me good and bad. I wasn't perfect. My spouse told me that she was ready to move on if I couldn't shape up. Now she can't understand why I left. She was checking out before I said I was out. I still feel bad on some level but I can't take all the blame.
The fact that preach's dad loves Aba and these two are hell bent in letting us know that they aren't friends but just business partners... Y'all are straight up family right now..
Tbh I think its major cap, I think they are good (or at least decent friends) but they play it off as just business friends for some reason or another. Unless they literally never talk to eachother outside lf their channel.
@@sebaschan-uwu that's exactly what adult friendships are tbh. Its having some good conversations that may ruffle feathers but real friends know that at the end of the day they will still be friends, unless a major fuck up happens.
My dad lost a friend after going into business with him. It might be something to help deal with a potential separation of the duo. I hope it never happens, but it keeps things more respectful and clean if it is "just business."
@@Raymal100 Totally understand this.. it's sad when you lose a friendship due to business. I'm sure saying "business partners" makes it easy for any future damage, if it happens.
I never complain about being alone I know I’m intolerant And I know I don’t want to do the things I need to do to get and keep a partner I’m cool with that My peace is the most important thing to me and I will not invite someone in my life who disturbs my peace
My fiance was a TERRIBLE dater, it was eeeeek...so bad. However...he seemed like a good potential life partner. So I stuck around and boy did he prove that right
@@Ferien7 I'm trying to figure out how you are able to come up with these crazy assumptions off of so little information. Am I missing something or can you just read minds?
As someone who's been married for almost 19 years and together with the same man for almost 20, I must say that it is a BLOODSPORT to be married. You have to communicate constantly and forgive forgive forgive. You can't be selfish or egocentric to make it work. You might not always be super attracted to your spouse and sometimes they drive you crazy with how sexy they are. It's having someone to lay down with at night and have MEMORIES with. Child raising is HARD!! You can't put YOUR material wants before your child's.
Oh thank you. 22 years here.
Not a pin of shame, but a pin of example. Thank you for your insight.
Solute to you! I couldn't do all that and im 33 lol
Almost 16 years. I have Asperger's and a personality disorder and neither my husband or I would ever describe our marriage as a bloodsport. Can it be hard, frustrating and seemingly non stop fights sometimes? Definitely. But saying constant communication and all that is a bloodsport? Bit....dramatic....?
Now raising kids, yes that's hard. I don't have any for many reasons, but raising a being that has no sense past basic emotions and needs and God help you when they grow up, yes. It's hard. Do I understand how it can be fully? Nope. Not at all. But I know it ain't easy. I'm a pound aunt 3x over, and I love them each so very much, but I'm also glad to give them back at the end of the day lmao
@@MaliaMydnight Bingo, I respect that 💯
My husband and I are incredibly well matched but we are polar opposites, and that's why we work. He hates talking to strangers, so I make all of his non-work calls for him. He hates strangers touching him, so I cut his hair. My haircut is $300. He loves sports, I ran like a girl, now I use a wheelchair. I took ballet. I love to try new things, he likes the same seven dinners.
But, we are in love. When I got sick with cancer, he spent literally every night in the hospital next to me. To the point I called up his friends and told them to take him out for something fun to do together, and my mom came to sit with me so he could relax and feel like a person, not a caregiver.
Now that I'm healthy, we do things he likes much more often. I don't like to fish, but I like to make him happy. We go camping. We go watch baseball games.
We are so good together, and he's my prince charming.
Edited to add: one thing we are badly matched on is movies we like. His favorite movie is Dumb & Dumber. Mine is All About Eve. So we just watch different things from the same sofa, using headphones but still cuddling and spending time together.
I got great advice on marriage from my senior year English teacher: if you squeeze your toothpaste at the end and your spouse squeezes from the middle and leaves the cap off, have two tubes of toothpaste.
This is what should be the fairytale not the Disney dreamland
@@Boss-ir3nm prolly several times. Dude sounds like a doormat. That relationship by the sounds of it is totally one sided. Poor chap ...edit: well folks, she responded, guess I was wrong..probably my biases made me jump to abruptly and wrongly misjudge and generalise her. Lesson learned. Don’t let your past experiences and things you’ve seen build up to become biases folks, or otherwise you’ll just get into the mentality of ‘their all the same’ and ‘it’s all lies’. Bless everyone ..and u2 ‘R’
*THATS* a marriage 👌
❤️🥺
Somebody in another comment said something along the lines of "you can learn to love someone but you can't learn compatibility" and I couldn't help but think it was the exact opposite way around.
This comment is more along the lines of what I was thinking. If you really love each other there's a lot of incentive to learn how to be compatible - you *want* to make the effort to enjoy each other's hobbies or understand each other's views or work out everyday differences.
If you're polar opposites but not in love there will hardly be a desire to do those things.
Edit: And if you're super compatible but not in love... that just sounds like a friendship.
"The guys who are bad first daters, might be great life partners." Nothing has ever been more true. Narcissists and Sociopaths are the types of people who can score an A+ on the first date. If thats your type, then more power to ya. But dont complain about him later.
Facts if you meet someone for the first time on a first date and you feel like you have known them your entire life its probably a narcissist sitting infront of you in 90% of the time!
Yeppp
Superman might have been nervous the first time he had to fly but now he's out here running the Justice League...
They'll be too dead to complain later bruv
Yea, who do you think goes on a date and tells their whole life story right off the bat and does it PERFECTLY?!?!? A bad boy or someone who is looking to pump and dump and has been there before and knows the game. That's a HUGE red flag for women or for men.
My dad always told me that love isn't a feeling. It's a decision marked by action.
I agree. "Love" is one of the most misunderstood terms in the world. Many people believe its an emotion or feeling. Issue is, feelings change all the time. According to that view, I should only "love" or "show love" when I "feel" like it.
Bingo and society has made it all about feelings
Pure FACTS!
I feel this is true for most emotions.
@@terrancenewman9776 people have been brainwashed to think the initial butterflies feeling is what love is. All of the televised love stories give these ridiculous expectations of what love is.
Edit: because apparently I cannot spell.
When I started dating my boyfriend, he would always say he's a boring person. After 6+ yrs I came to realize that him being boring was more of him being non confrontational and having virtually zero drama around him. It's his "boringness" that I have learned to appreciate all these years.
Aww. Seriously a beautiful thing.
im the oppsite, my husband always got the rep of being "an assh*le" but after being w him for almost 10 years, it isnt that hes an "jerk" he's just very direct and honest. Alot of ppl hate a mirror being held up to him but for me i always appreciate that he'll always tell me the truth even if i dont want to hear it.
What year was he born?
@@superfinevids 1991
@@theexternalsource932 They have strong inner resilience and excellent defensive instincts. Although they prefer to be in groups, they do not want to be the center of attention. They are reserved and quiet, most likely because they like spending a lot of time in their own thoughts.
Does this sound like your partner?
Mom once told me marriage is finding the set of flaws you can live with 😆
Literally
My mom told me the same thing. I’ve been married 7 years and it’s served me well
@@KPG7776 it's so true! 5 years married 7 years together ❤
And she's right. When I look at my parents' marriage, the dynamics echo that sentiment.
My father as well
I bet one of the 300 reasons were
" he was a scorpio."
Lol
Tf is wrong with a Scorpio anyway lol.
Being a Scorpio I’ve never even been told what it is that is wrong, they’re always like “uhhh a Scorpio omg😳”.
🤣🤣🤣
More like he was an asparagus
@@davideladu3585 scorpios just suck ... all of them😂 nah I have no clue
" The secret to happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but developing the capacity to enjoy less" - Socrates
Your body count ?
@@SantanuPaul27891 3, what's yours?
@@LinneaLindstrom 16, 3 more in basement
@@JungoFunko yh, is that a joke i don't get?
@Morgan Taylor thanks for explaining, funny 💀
Not even just in romantic relationships: I’ve seen friendships fall apart because someone doesn’t put in the work to connect, compromise and overcome. You can’t have a good thing without DOING what needs to be done!
That's some straight fax. If u ain't putting in an effort, what friendship is this?
Side eyeing the "friend" of 5 years sho blocked me because I asked them not to talk over me and maybe take a break from shoving politics down my throat
I opened up a civil conversation with a friend of 10 years of how his toxicity is getting out of hand and affecting my mental health. I wanted to maintain our friendship and talk about it and find a compromise, but he decided to stop talking to me.
It sucks seeing a friend go after so many years and I hope he finds the healing he needs, but my mental health improved tremendously without him.
This. As a dude in his late 20s, I still have as many of my old friends from grade school/high school and college as I do because we actually worked enough to maintain the relationship. Sure, we don't see each other as often or spend a ton of time together like we used to, but we do still see akd spend time with each other. We can still talk without awkwardness like we just saw each other yesterday and can still broach personal subjects when it's needed because there's a trust and familiarity there, and if it's within our power to do, I can trust them to have my back when I absolutely need it, and they can trust me to do the same. So many people my age say they have no friends now that they're adults, and it's largely because their friendships from childhood were passive. They were just friends of convenience with no real substance there, so as soon as it becomes inconvenient, they and those friends bounce. There's no foundation of substance there. Men in modern society especially can't seem to form meaningful connections with other men unless they go through some sort of shared trauma like experiencing combat together because we just aren't taught how to build lasting relationships on account of vulnerability and sincerity being treated as weakness when it isn't. The problem goes way beyond just dating and marriage.
Imagine thinking people need to "put effort" for a friendship. Shit ain't that deep.
If a girl told me she rejected me because of the color of my belt, or my celebrity impressions, or because we don't read the same books... she'd make me getting over her *very* easy.
I needed this sentence, bro!
Lol but they’ll never tell you that’s the crazy part
I would laugh in her face pathetic
YEAH BABY, YEEEEEAH!!!
I don’t hate that kind of women. They just save lives and futures by walking away dude.
80% is settling? Nobody is perfect and if you’re looking for the perfect partner, you’re going to be alone forever
I want him making more money. He is making good money but he is working all the time. I want him all in muscles not soft. He is in the gym all the time. I want him to be with me all the time. I want my private time. I want him nice. I hate him being nice all the time. Women make their own problems.
It's not about being perfect, it's all about his occupation! $$$
@@Unwoken_European facts
Amen. They usually just go for looks. But that doesn't end up being everything. 4 if you can't hold a conversation your hopeless. Cat food is good investment
social media only shows the good sides of a relationship. This is why people break up the moment they get into an argument/disagreement.
Tbh, i think my relationship would be considered “goals” but the longest we have went without a disagreement is like 3 weeks lmao. People just need to learn how to accept their partner the way they are and work through problems together.
I was married for 20 years before she died. So grateful for that woman who was there and we made it work.
Long live her love, her legacy!!
Sorry for ur loss 🕊
Sorry to hear that, glad you got those 20 years 🙏🏻
Sorry mate, that sucks *bro hugs*
I lost my husband of almost 10yrs about 6yrs ago. So grateful for him and sticking with my stubborn ass and working with me to make it work. Marriage is definitely work, and most people don’t understand that and only want the happy times, but aren’t interested in the work it takes to get to those happy times. Sorry for your loss, I know how it feels.
My daddy died one month and two days before he and mom’s 75th anniversary. We had big celebration plans. He and mom were a love match. Over the years they had become one person. When I think of my parents I see them in their 90s walking together hand in hand.
Can't imagine what it's like to lose someone you've spent decades with. I wouldn't want to be with another woman after that.
Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh
To find this kind of love today is almost impossible i guess but if you are lucky enough, it is a Jackpot
@@IramCoercereI was thinking the same thing ❤
the internet really fucked up the dating market. the "fear of missing out" is only amplified by the ability to see hundreds of men/women you have this sense that you have soooo many more options than you actually do
Bingo also ppl just don’t value relationships or ppl anymore ppl treat others as so disposable
yep. going through this right now.
@@ellerocvisionz the self love went too far to self only. We need to step back, love yourself but still care for the world and those who aren't you
It started before the internet 50 years ago.
You do have many more options than you think, but what those options /are/ is flipped: values are generally similar across groups, at least in a broad sense, so it's not that hard to find similar values (yes, it sucks, and it can be a slog, and developing a good enough barometer to actually spot what you're looking for is a struggle in itself, but I digress). In that sense, assuming most guys are like the guys in the study, it's a straightforward search. But when one side of the equation is making up the criteria as they go along with no real thought for if that criteria is practically relevant to their own long-term happiness, let alone useful, then you've got a total disconnect: the world most people seem to find themselves in today.
Some girls: 80% match is settling.
Also some girls: Why am I still single?
Or: Where are all the good men at?
me: I have good quality's, good credit, good lover, good tempered, funny
her: I'm gonna date a guy who saggs his pants, isn't articulate, is a bum, doesn't actually have money, wears a grill and is boring.
Why must women be obsessed with being with men? If we don't want to settle we don't have too. We are not men
@@gatestimonymiracle1302 ahaa!❤
@@SageVaughn meh
"when the cake is cut, the dress is worn, and the flowers are faded you have marriage, and you have to work on that." Truth.
PREACH
Whoa.....
Deep
So true, after the wedding there's only life to look forward to, not an event you can plan and get excited about.
boom
I’m south Asian… a lot of generational Americans look at me sideways when I say love has this 🤏🏽 much to do with a successful marriage… I’ve seen firsthand love between 2 strangers bound by commitment grow. You don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.
That was fire, thanks
And there's love and there's lust. When people first get into a relationship, that almost pseudo-obsession isn't love. It's lust.
That will fade. It will. Love is built.
You are cute
but you are not married correct? so you dont actually know and your American influence is stronger than you think
If you’re Iranian, then you’re not South Asian. Are you Pakistani or Indian?
Somebody once said "people are ready for weddings, but not ready for marriage" 💯💯
i think a bit of puke just went up to my mouth
@@Cualquiercosa5049 You probably need to get checked if you just puked out of nowhere.
I’m ready for marriage but not a wedding lol... so expensive
@@amarie5040 doesn’t have to be, the typical big fancy American wedding that costs 20k+ isn’t needed. Have something small, a good cake that you’ll have a slice of for awhile and save for the honeymoon.
@Fondil Mahbols I’ll be fine
My friend broke up with this guy she was talking too ( he was amazing to her) bc he wears ankle socks. I told her that’s why you will forever be alone.
Nah that’s a valid reason still
I would see that as cute because it's not normal
As much as i think ankle socks are geh I agree with you. That should be something relatively easy to overlook.
You should dump her as ur friend, she’s to toxic to be around. If she hates ankle socks, she’s definitely hate a guy wearing jandals
Jesus Christ I wouldn't even notice someone was wearing ankle socks
"Happiness is the byproduct of duty and responsibility". That's a good quote
Sure is!!
Girls deadass be like “I really liked him he was cool but he was an Aries” but crying they single GTFOH
😭😭😭
Wild Times 😂
Kevin Samuel is right
@@captainsisko7629 nah
Follow astrology like it’s the Bible. On the justinla page they all say like 10 different signs under the same post 😂
Idiots
When Aba said love, and friendship are a byproduct of the hard work. Things like commitment and duty to each other. I fully support that! I have been with my wife for 14 years and married for 7 years. These small miniscule things have become more important compared to when it comes to larger goals in life like building a legacy. In today's society those small miniscule things have become the larger concerns. This is why people don't get married, don't stay married, or believe marriage is a bad thing. My wife and I are not the same, but like you 2 said we are aligned in these major concerns like family, raising kids, etc. I have achieved major things in life due to her support of me and her presence in my life.
Marriage is a beautiful thing when 2 mature can come together. I am so happy and content with life, and I wish that for everyone.
👏👏👏
Beautiful🙏🏼
People who say pin of shame have low IQ
this should be what everyone should strive for in life. fuck materialistic goals, that shit never last, but this...this is couplegoals frfr
@ Keith Reynolds: "Marriage is a beautiful thing when 2 mature can come together." --- sorry Keith. I would like to agree with you, & what you just described is how it SHOULD be, but thats simply not the reality for younger men today. what you have is generally not possible with this generation of women. these women are built different. they've come up in the era of social media where every woman has 50 dudes in her DM's at any given moment & they receive constant male validation. women from this generation (generally) don't believe in sticking with one man that has common values & has their best interests in mind & would dedicate his life to providing for her, the women of this generation (generally) would rather share a CEO of a company that isn't committing to any of them... thats the sad reality. most of the women of this generation don't care about the man himself, only what he provides. if he's going through a rough patch financially, she has 49 other guys in her IG DM's that she can monkey-branch over to. marriage, commitment, love, romance & the chivalry of the pre-social media era that you describe... is dead. as a society we are quickly steering toward polygamy being the norm.
When my husband and I started dating, I was so self-conscious about being boring or uninteresting. My husband (then boyfriend) had a crazy amount of hobbies/interests. I told him about that insecurity and he said, “You’re not boring; your predictable and that makes you reliable and I love that I can always count on you and trust your judgment.” Over time we have grown more similar to each other, and I now have way more hobbies. That said, we were very different from one another when we got together; but the values and goals were the same and it has made all the difference through the good and hard times.
Damn your husband knew what's important and that's what matters.
That's part of the pair bonding process. You are allowing your man to lead and he has upgraded your life in a sensation way for you.
Aww 🥰. This made me smile and gives me hope.
@@yvonnetaylor9331 me too!
Morale of story; Don’t let your Insecurities get in the way of your relationship. Thanks 🙏🏾
This discussion helped me resolve 12 years of chasing my dreams and following with guilt and shame. Im turning 33 soon and am slowly getting over the narrative that "Im a late bloomer" "a social failure" . Im good with the solid person I am after yrs of abusive challenges resulting in positve change, I am alot more self aware and emotional responsible than some more "well adjusted" friends. And am grateful now. Life is a circle. Keep on truckin
Amen bro
Welcome to adulthood
Why thank you;)
That's why I don't do social media. It's promotes a fake life no one has. So, if you see your friends in a car or nice expensive house just know they are probably struggling to maintain that a appearance of their lifestyle.
Prime example is females. They say im happy being strong and independent, but 90% of single mother are on government assistance, record number of women on depression and anti-anxiety medication, and in 2021 women have officially passed men in binge drinking.
Again, appearances are just fake mask me put on for the world to see, so people will give us validation.
Exactly I feel as well. Well articulated.
If women found a man that liked all the same things, at some point, they'd break up with him, claiming they were bored because he didn't introduce them to anything new...hahaha!
Or the most common " he was too nice wasn't enough excitement "
So they cheat and go on a promiscuous wh0r3 phase and can't pair bond n find that perfect perfection guy
You are so right, damn if you do, damn if you don't
The Truth 👍
Or “I don’t want to date myself, we’re too similar. He doesn’t do anything that’s just for him”
We are crazy
Exactly. Find a compatible partner. You literally don't need to have many interests in common. the only interest you need to have in common, is the other person.
I kind of agree, having some shared interests can be really fulfilling but sometimes you will meet a girl who does everything differently and it can be positively life changing too, but if you get both in one women it's cool
Beliefs and values are so important as well because those are what define and make up a person. I think a lot of people try to downplay the importance of these two things.
this is coming from someone whose wife left them, smh
I prefer to have wildly different interests because I love to learn new things and do activities I’d otherwise not to without the other person’s motivation. Liking some similar things is great but it’s fun to have some intellectual debates or lighthearted conflict to help you grow
...and life values and lifestyle. Some people want kids, some don’t. A competitive athlete and a couch potato would be a terrible combination.
People who would “never settle” are the kind that would pass on $900,000 because it wasn’t a million
I was watching some bad decisions made by athletes. One guy got offered 70 mil and tried to flex on the CEO for 140 something ended up with 3 million because greed clouded his judgement.
@@jermainepeters731 damn lol got a link to that?
@@donnellm5435 Why do you need a link? Most athletes think they're worth way more than they're offered.
@@unnamed715 because people make things up on the internet, thats why.
Yep these are the ones that lose it all in Deal or No Deal lol
I’ve been binging all your videos this last month and just gotta say, you guys are good men. Wish more young men and woman would hear you guys for these perspectives. Im a 32 year old white gay man, so probably not your prime demo, but I relate to you guys and your values so much. Keep at it! ❤️❤️
Omg Steve!! I really enjoy your music :) nice to see you on here.
You didn’t have to say it, but just appreciate them.
@@Loupoonug23 you didn't have to say that either come on don't ruin the energy.
@@Loupoonug23 You're right, he didn't have to say it. In fact, why does anyone have to say anything? Why is there even a comment section? Herpa derp derp!
@@SuigaRou I never said we shouldnt have a comment section.
What I have observed in my personal life, im the only one married out of my 5 sisters, I'm the youngest and they constantly ask why they don't have a husband. They all have unrealistic expectations. Then they say they wont settle, or their man had to be on this level financially or this level in his career. Scratch all that, dont date a bum but be realistic. Them things take time. I think my sisters are marrying for security and I married for love. We got married at 19 and 21 on a rainy day in a courthouse. Came home to our empty apartment, ordered Chinese food and watched anime on an air mattress. Fast forward 9 years and we got good credit, nice home, nice cars and no more air mattresses 😭
We really built ourselves up from nothing and to know that someone will stick with you when you have nothing and be willing to build something with you. . .it is the most beautiful feeling in the world.
I don't see my husband's flaws or shortcomings as settlements, I see them as perfect imperfections.
I love this 🙌🏾
A lot of dudes are willing & want to get married young but most of the time , women don’t want to build with us. You deserve everything that came your way. No one should have to struggle but marriage & relationships are marathons not races 💫
Love this energy
This is it 🙌🏾💯
this is how it should be tbh
Aba & Preach: We're not friends
Also Aba & Preach: *went to Haiti together and Met Preach's dad who loves Aba*
The irony, right?! 😂😂😂
And we have personal conversations and interactions outside of our supposed business where we are just being nice to each other for the sake of the audience.
Its such a weird gaslighting phrase that irritates the fuck out of me cuz Preach is just like oh word, yeah sure i guess we aren't then.
Maybe they weren’t friends then. It’s a year later.
It's weired....
They're not friends...they're like family at this point - so technically he's right lolol
My husband and I are the complete opposites. Literally the only thing we have in common are our morals and values. He does crazy extroverted things, while I’m happy to just stay home. We respect the differences and don’t try to make the other be like us.
Hi! I have a question, when you had your first date with your husband, what did you like about the date or about him? (I'm sorry, english is not my native lenguage, I hope this question is not too personal)
@@Luisnegro156 good question. I want to know too
tbh, i think that if you do not have the same morals and values then the relationship is going to fail. You can have a different personality, but you cant be with someone who doesnt want kids when u do. Or someone who is homophobic when you arent homophobic.
Same here my husband and i are night and day but same common values and moral
Same here. My husband and I are night and day but our morals/ values are the same.
Do people realize how damn beautiful this video is? These brothers are dropping diamonds! In your brain!!
Yep!
Dude yes!
Shout out, as well, to this woman cookin. Straight bars 🙏🏻
Wow this really changed the way I view my parents. It used to make me sad for them because I thought they had “settled” for less in life by not following their dreams. But now I have nothing but respect and admiration for them cause now I see that they did whatever they had to do to make sure my sister and I had a comfortable life. I’m mad that it took me watching a video from dudes I don’t even know for me to realize that 😂. Im gonna go thank my parents now.
awwwww omg I love this 😭😭😭. andddd father's/mother's day is around the corner. it's lit.
This needs more likes.
Big man it’s good to wake up right I am happy for you and learn to not hold the world as your guild but look in yourself and be true
Pin of mental maturity and progression
Pin of fame.
This video reminded me of one of my favorite quotes. "A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other."
Amen to this
wow!
To bad most modern relationships, not all. are imperfect women chansing "perfect men" that will only pump and dump them
@@Cualquiercosa5049 One of the first things my bf said to me when we met was does it matter that I didn't go to college. I said not really. He could tell I looked confused and he said it mattered to other girls. Cut to seven years later we're happier than we've ever been. Oh well other girls passed up on a man who is kind and funny and honest and faithful and treats my mom and dad like gold. They thought no college degree meant no money. The jokes on them because he has a good job now with a pension and benefits. And also he has a ton of savings and is set to get a big inheritance. Had no clue about any of that when I fell in love with him. Too bad those other girls didn't wanna stick it out. Ha ha ha
@@colleenanne360 well, great on you both. If he was confused it because he is a smart man and knows how most women are. good thing you 2 found each other
My ex wife said she knew she 'found the one' after our first date. I moved to her home state to start a life. I have an undiagnosed chronic illness and it got worse during that time. I told her I can't have a kid yet, I need to focus on doctors and get better first. She separated from me with an email when I was visiting my parents. It was a nightmare and my self esteem as a man got me into that situation. Guys, don't push forward for what she wants because you're afraid you might lose her if you say not yet or no, you'll lose her anyway
Wow sorry to hear that brother. Remember this experience will only make you stronger
I’m sorry to hear that dude. Way to take away a good lesson from it though. Keep your head up and get better brother
The mistake was believing her you were the one after the very first date. No rational human being operates this way, only in the romantic flicks. Hope you are doing better for yourself.
Never move for her. Stand your ground. Especially if you just started the relationship.
Sorry that happened 😞
"Warm and kind." I cannot emphasize how important this is as a character for a person you are dating regardless of gender.
Tbh I think it's the real reason wait staff of both sexes get hit on so frequently. They usually have some of the physical attractiveness, but it's also their job to be kind and show a little personality too.
My first job was at a prestigious firm. BUT they had a lot of exploitative practices. I was unhappy. I applied for a different job. This other place doesn't have a renowned reputation but they are decent people, they respect me and they value what I bring to the table, they even pay me way more than the other place after I showed them what I am worth.
I cried a lot when i left the prestigious firm, and everybody told me that I would ruin my career. Except for my parents. My parents told me that they raised no coward who would be slaved away by a corporation.
Settling for the not-prestigious job has been my best move ever. I love my job because I know that my effort is worth it.
Prestige doesn't mean a damn thing if the money doesn't match. Always go where the money is.
Opportunities will come up, so don't compromise if you feel like you're undervalued or being taken for granted in a place that doesnt appreciate you.
Metaphorically, you settled and found something, or someone, you love. 👍👍
You have amazing parents!
Ooooo great analogy!
I love how you two are still in denial about being best friends.
🤣🤣 from 2 years ago when they said they’re not friends 😩
I can’t wait for their coming out video where they finally admit their friends. 😂
@@Lady_Danbury other UA-camrs drama: admit it you two have a thing going on...you're fucking low-key right
Aba and preach: cmon man it's not funny just admit it you're friends
Stage 1 on healing is denial 😂
That is funny cuz i realized i didn't start calling my best friends i have now best friends until 2yrs after we all met i use to call them my coworkers even thou we hung out alot and was there for each other during our lowest points in life and 6yrs later were still close and working driffernt jobs but still managed to keep in touch.
I'll say this...if you're eliminating potential partner based on shoe and belt color combinations you aren't going to make it in a long-term marriage anyway. You will jump ship at the first rock you hit in your marriage and that will be it.
Women with that criteria for dating are guaranteed to be hypersexual hypergamous promiscuous heaux, those are the type of women that are narcissists and never loyal, they look down on men for not being perfect
That’s a good thing for them nowadays, divorce parties.
Those shallow fools did someone a favor is all I'm saying. What a nightmare of a partner!
My dad wore checkered knee-length pants, knee high socks, with dress shoes while taking my brothers to school. He's a great dad and a great husband to my mom
I'm 22 and single af, but these are things I've known for awhile now. A mindset of stability, consistency, and compromise is what I already knew when I started to get into dating at 17. At that time I saw that a lot of girls were still just kids at heart and either weren't into dating yet or just wanted to chase the popular guys for the thrill, which is just how high school is. I figured I could give it a few patient years and work on myself, and that by my early 20s when most girls were getting through college or careers they'd grow up and start dating realistically. The problem is that I'm here now and I'm watching women either give up completely or go through college disconnected from reality, never working a normal job and entirely relying on daddy's money. If I look past the burnt out and the childishly oblivious ones, there's very few grounded ones that are both happy to be alive and have the grit to work hard and be down to earth. So it's already a struggle to even find the good ones, then there has to be some chemistry there when I do, and I'm like a Pete Davidson with farmboy energy, so, niche lol. I guess it's just a game of more patience and perseverance, but I want to get on it now because I, unlike the culture around me, really value legacy and family pride, to pass greatness on to my generations.
So "where are the good men"?? Out here knowing what they want and working toward it. I'm tired of a world that only gives me novelty. I want a familiar face that I built a history with to come home to. I want a body that I cherish and am devoted to to show my love to. I want to walk side-by-side, eye-to-eye with my woman and have it be us against the world. I want to really mean those vows. I don't want to just be entertained. I don't aspire to be the pinnacle of the modern man, but to be timeless. It just feels like I'm living in a time that these kinds of things are all but forgotten.
Women praise men for doing the bare minimum, like being hygienic, having a clean house, cooking basic meals and not spending more than they make. I do all of that and know it's far less than I could. I'd rather be encouraged to be better, than be told I should be content with who I already am, but having grown up with an emotionally absent dad, that's not an innate mindset. That's one of the ways I'm determined to raise my kids better than I was. The top comment here calls marriage a bloodsport. I freaking love that. But if I'm in a bloodsport, do I tell myself, "Eh, I'm good enough?" Hell no. But even though I understand this, it's really fn hard to live by it in today's weak culture. I salute men like Aba and Preach, Jordan Peterson, Bill Burr, and women like Sydney Watson for being voices of grounded truth in the way to live and be. For now, I suppose I can only continue on and pray I can make these things happen with someone in the future.
I wish I have a Japanese wife who loves me as much as I value her. I grew up learning Asian culture when I was 7 years old and fall in love with it. I'm now in elementary level Mandarin and intermediate Japanese.
That’s why you are single. You are the counter culture.
🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
21 y/o here, and same mindset. Going into HS, I tried dating a few times, but I always knew what I wanted was a long-term, healthy relationship, while most of the girls my age were just looking for sex or basic companionship, and that was the end of it. Those are short term rewards in my long-term goal. Now all I have to do is bide my time and look for the right person.
@@christiansnaturestudio6599 Not gonna happen. Asians require a dowry, so it's a transactional relationship, if not, it's still transactional since your worth relies solely on your ability to provide for her and her family (SEA). Modern Asian women might not require a dowry, but then there's the problem that they're extremely toxic and don't carry any traditional values anymore, yet still require the high income for little to no value for you.
Japanese women from what I hear are pretty much the same as above, depending on their social status. Chinese women are even worse than SEA women (Thailand, Cambodian, Laos), don't even go for that.
You have to remember Asian women are social engineers, they know how to manipulate you and get the most out of it, while not giving up much of what they have to you, they're basically hustlers. Props to them, they're good at it.
What I'm saying is- if you're looking for a long term, traditional Asian wife, be prepared to be mentally stable (lots of family drama), have a high income for the dowry and be prepared to take care of her family, be prepared to buy a house in their country (which you have no ownership over). Traditional women are generally non-combative most of the time, but be prepared for extreme amounts of drama from time to time.
If you're going less traditional you can pretty much guarantee when you leave they'll have another 10 men lined up to take care of them. Like I pointed to before, they're hustlers and not very monogamous, they don't "love you", they love the situation. People have different answers for these issues, go for some farmer woman which you'll have to pay out the ass to keep going, go higher end with a good job but she'll be very combative and won't accept you taking charge.
Out of these countries I'd go for Laos women- feminine, attractive and still very traditional overall, but have the same issues with money and owning a house along with supporting their family.
At 29 and a single woman i have come to understand that COMPATABILITY is not hobbies but Values, Integrity and Morals. Those other things blend in naturally
You know who is undefeated ?
@@ZipMapp *wrestling track starts from out of nowhere*
@@ZipMapp the wall?
ua-cam.com/video/B2tZRL6P9JE/v-deo.html
@@ZipMapp John Cena
The marriage begins when the honeymoon ends. But the toughest conversations should be happening before an engagement ring is brought or the wedding day.
The toughest conversations should definitely happen before an engagement ring pops up. You should know the important values before proposing or accepting a proposal.
AGREED 💯
People that have grown in right way know how to have those hard conversations before they waste any time getting intimate…. It’s very true 👏🏾
I married the Austin Powers guy. He still does weird voices 15 years later. It’s not my favorite trait of his, but he’s got lots of other good traits. He’s kind, loving, supportive of *everything* I do. He’s an awesome dad. He’s my rock. If you can’t prioritize the truly important aspects of your partner’s character, you aren’t ready to be in a committed relationship.
🤣
You can use his impressionist skills to do a lot of scamming
Yeah, baby
@@sebaschan-uwu It's pretty bold of you to assume her partner is Indian 😂
Is this a copypasta, cuz i swear I read this on another comment section before.
That is sooo true! The first time I saw my now husband he was “alright”, like attractive enough but not like an “OMG I’m dying!” And than I met him and got to know him and it turned out we were a perfect match! Same life philosophy, same goals, same ideals. Of course he is not perfect. He is constantly late, very nonchalant about things, whereas I’m the perfectionist organizer who is rarely late and gets overly stressed when I am late for some reason. But I wouldn’t be with anyone else! If anything like a soulmate exists, than I think that is it. Had I not gotten to know him because I wasn’t a fan of his style ( and trust me, I wasn’t 😅) I would have missed out on the best 9 years of my life and a beautiful family.
Or you would have met a different dude the next week that you would have been equally happy with.
There are three billion men on the planet, if you were willing to make concessions, The overlook minor things, for the dude that is your husband right now...... Well, who knows how many concessions you would have been willing to make for the next dude you met.
Women are pretty flexible about bending their ideals, and just by nature we can tolerate some pretty annoying shit! We are hardwired to overlook annoyances, because we raise the kids and they scream and cry a lot.
@@stepfaniehawkins205 absolutely true! I could have. And actually some shit surfaced a few months ago and we almost got divorced. But hey, that’s life 😅
@@stepfaniehawkins205 I guarantee you’re single
@@csilladevic9969omg!! I didn’t expect that!! Did what happened happen suddenly? Or did you find something that had been there but hidden?
I'm curious about his sense of style now🤣🤣
Many women start out saying "I'm just looking for a nice guy." No they aren't.
They definitely aren't looking for niceness. They want the tough super confident guy because he brings masculine energy and allows her to be in her feminine
“I’m just looking for a nice Guy”translation I have a bad boy an I want someone to talk to when things are going bad
Every woman wants a BIG D( )k until she meets one.
That's right. There is an omition of about 300 bullet points
@@lur3950 you mean a couple of books
The annoying thing I've noticed about some of the one who supposedly "settle" is that they don't actually do that at all. They slowly try to change their partners into their perfect man
I've always wondered y women do that. 🤣🤣🤣 they end up changing the relationship by turning the person into someone different. It never wks.
And the sad shit is, they won't respect the man if he allows her to change him. He cease to be a challenge and she will lose interest.
Exactly!!
I was about to comment this. People don’t just settle for a good compatible partner they settle for the trash, toxic person.
@@bodhisattva2348
No. Women who do that TRY to change the other person. The person never really changes.
I have been guilty of doing this. I did this because of non negotiables repeating themselves in a long relationship. But I couldn’t break up. So I tried to safe the relationship but changing someone else doesn’t work. At the end of the day it leads to criticism and nagging and giving the partner the feeling he is not good enough. Learned my lesson, never doing this again.
You can't just have shared interests or hobbies. You need shared and compatible values.
Exactly! Shared interest will keep us interested, but shared values make a marriage work. Humans are flawed. We're flawed and relationships are work.
WORK
Id agree on the values. But actually my wife and I have completely different intrests.
She is into dancing. Meditation. Gardening.
Im into DnD. Warhammer and video games!
Together 20 years and I believe the love is still there.
I also say marriage is the hardest job you will ever take on. You work 7 days a week 365 a year with no 'vacation'
Wouldn't change it for the world.
Also, shared interests and hobbies can be found and build together. They’re expendable at the beginning.
Shared hobbies and interests, congratulations you're friends
Are both not needed
Speaking as a dude in his late 20s looking for a long term relationship, this is some of the best relationship advice I think I've ever heard.
You’ll snatch her up bruv no sweat, don’t give up bro. Hope is better then giving up
As a father of a guy with your age, good luck with modern women. Or take a passport.
Yeah, wish I saw something like this before meeting my exwife. My wife was a wreck, had red flags waving all over the place. Got in love none the less. Got kids aswell. Stuck in there for 15 yrs but man I wish I had used my brain just a little bit at the time.
Plenty of good women out there though, the slightly less attractive ones kind of had to put in the work in life. Tend to feel like they are generally better picks.
Good luck mate!
At least your not 19 and stuck w/these boys who want to be chased 😭
They put it in such perfect words like I’ve never heard before. 💜
My Fiancée is a successful attorney that never dated the “blue collar, jeans and T-shirt” kind of guy like myself..She finally got tired of failed relationships with men of status, and decided to take a chance on something different. She took a chance on me and now loves theme parks, Marvel movies, Anime, playing video games, Harry Potter, reading and watching Science fiction. We now debate which is better Star Trek or Star Wars..Lol. She admitted she’s never been happier...Her sister and friends are all divorced and single due to unrealistic expectations and chasing “the Unicorn” aka perfect guy that doesn’t exist and now they continuously hate on our relationship, resulting my fiancée limiting her associations with them. A lot of women need to get out of their own way.
The ultimate question remains. When the ‘freshness’ of your relationship ends will she go look for that ‘man’ who ultimately turns her on? That’s the risk you are taking.
@@JT-bt6jy I doubt it, but nothing in life is ever certain in a relationship because it takes to to make it work. We both put in effort and have a beautiful relationship. With me she’s experienced life without the pressures of maintaining some persona or lifestyle for appearances. The guys she usually dated were white collar corporate attorneys and executives of status, who always felt they had to keep up a certain lifestyle for optics. To her surprise, I actually make more money than her but I’m a contractor who owns multiple rental properties. I don’t have the status of an corporate attorney or executive but I grind and make bank with my hands and physical labor. With me she can can let down her hair and enjoy life. I make sure we spend quality time together appreciating the little things. Just last night we sat on the deck by the fire pit just talking and looking at stars through the telescope. I know it sounds cliche but it works.
@@td3141 good luck
@@JT-bt6jy smh you might need to watch less red pill videos
It’s going on 5 years and only getting better. If it does take a turn for the worse then we’ll go our separate ways. But I won’t live in fear of what “could happen” rather than what is prevalent..I’m living life and she’s living it with me.
On my first date, I wore what I thought was a good first date outfit, (but it really wasn't, and I admit that). My wife overlooked it and we were able to have a great time anyway. We have been married over 10 years and are currently expecting our second child. We joke to this day about the shirt I wore, but we are both so happy and so lucky to have each other.
Haha, what was the shirt?
@@metaphysicalfractionals4509 prolly a plain white T with bugs bunny on it saying "whats up doc ?"
@@bironjames9948 thats oddly specific....do you have something to get off your chest? haha
Chris that is how marriage should be "lucky to have each other" not "Oh I'm dating down" or "she/he's better than me" You are a committed pair who have found love in each other's company which is awesome, I wish you another 50+ years of happy marriage and happiness.
That use to be the norm. Now i'm confused!?! Wtf happened to ppl?!
My husband showed up to our first date with a mohawk that he had a friend do. I fucking hated it lol. 14 years later, I obviously chose to not care about the haircut.. it's just a haircut. That man is now the love of my life.
This was so cute 😂😂😂
He gotta rock a mohawk to the anniversary
@@Mike-LitorisSoBig YES that 15 year anniversary needs a throwback cut for sure.
Dope as fk!
I love to hear stuff like this.
I love how nuanced you guys are. You take such a real stance on how these sorts of things work. Real heroes in these days where you have incels and redpillers and all sorts of contrived nonsense. Keep up the high quality content, this is especially important for young audiences. Not to mention the rocking humour.
Yo the job comparison is spot on. I used to be a heavy machine driver for a warehouse that I spent 2 years getting my licence and I was proud. Then I was offered a janitor job at a government agency that paid better, had benefits and a pension. I used to be ashamed but now I know it was the right choice
As long as the job is honest it’s worth being proud of. Good for you man
I know this is old but you are not anything less for having a job like that
So sweet! I’m a custodian too. For county near me. And the people are the nicest people I ever worked with.
More money is more money...id flip burgers if it paid more than what Im doing now.
People dont generally value enough "cleaners". Either a janitors, housekeepers or garbagemen... Most people cant imagine what their world would be like without these people.
Every time I look at my wife I thank my lucky stars to have found such a reasonable, level-headed, supportive, strong, and kind person. She doesn’t nag, lets me have my own life, and supports me fully in all my ups and downs. I do the same for her best I can. We’re celebrating out 10th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. Hope I get 40 more years with her.
For sure you have a unicorn
Invite me for the divorce proceedings in 40 yrs time🤣🤣
@@Nyante He's already had 10 years of happiness... even if he got divorced tomorrow, he experienced 10 more years of someone loving him than you ever will.
@@Anonymous-ld7je Dude. How do u not understand the joke??!!
It's always lucky stars until she actually cheats on you. Life can be perfect for you and next day you'll get cheated on. Always keep your guard up.
I met my ex and her one year old at 26, I became a stepdad and over 10 years we had 2 more kids and then it felt like overnight she wanted to split.....get my kids 50/50 and after 3 years I'm still alone and the thought of being intimate with anyone else makes me sick....makes me realize how many lonely people are out there like me just alone and keep to themselves and this video is 100% facts....shit was rough for so many of us and we still maintained values and empathy and we gotta be careful to choose values over that superficial bs....I love these 2.....im crying at the authenticity.....and the chemistry of this channel...thank you guys...sorry for the rant I probably should have a therapist or write a book
Good luck bro you sound like a good guy hope you find what you want.
Women with other man's child, that's a big Red flag brother
Sorry you have to deal with that. That sounds excruciating. Praying you get healing and are able to find a woman that truly loves and appreciates you unconditionally.
Never, EVER marry someone who has a kid from another man--they are damaged goods, and they WILL damage you too eventually.
@@RK-db4oq "damaged goods"
Great video. So true. My parents were married 40+ years. It’s hard work every day. People who think it should be easy and dip when the going gets rough or they don’t get every little thing they think they want don’t get it. I’ve been happily married for 6 years and even though it’s challenging and takes SO much communication it is so worth the effort. I have a great job, my man dropped his career when mine got so crazy it was hard to maintain the home with the hours I put in. He makes the home and I bring home the bacon. We both are playing to our strengths and it’s awesome, but it’s sacrifice. The illusion people have around what marriage should be is insane to me. No room for selfishness on either part.
Anyway, love your channel and your perspectives. Intellectual conversations can be so hard to find these days. Very refreshing content!
In 1997 there were 4 of my guy friends in a circle. One profoundly said "it's interesting how I think all of y'all are weird(we all feel the same way towards each other) and yet we get along."
United weirdos, I 💘 that.
Awww. 🥰
That reminds me of my friend group. All nine of us are vastly different personalities that some find hard to talk to others because of how different we communicate and yet we all care about eachother and can always vibe with one another. It can be mind-boggling when u think about it
this is what happened to my circle of friends too..
we would fight but never mad to each other.. and then yesterday a question come up..
have we ever been into a fight with each other .. (after one friend from outside of our circle tell that her other friends avoid her and sh.t)
I realized bc we all are weird in our own way make us understood each other better too..tolerate things and work around it.
There should be a movie based on you guys 💚
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and we have almost nothing in common. What you want is someone that makes you laugh, and will be there for you when you have a shit day. You have those 2 things, then you have your 100% person
Miss, you are a keeper for sure. You get it!
@@ChristopherCricketWallace 🙂 Wishing you a nice week
I completely disagree but good for you!
@@Christopher._M Why do you disagree? I'm just curious.
You’re the exception but that’s great.
I had a co worker who would say "you are enough" she would tell that to everyone. That attitude got her far, she just celebrated her 25th anniversary with her husband just a couple of months ago.
Based and marriage-pilled
Crazy how that simple sentence applies to more than just marriage. She's a zen boss.
She's cracked the code!
Hey we got the same thumbnail
Man she sounds awesome. Love people who go out of their way to uplift others
Still watching but I have to say this was addressed for me in therapy. I'm in my mid thirties and haven't been married. I was intentionally looking and dating for a year and decided to seek therapy for help. One of the exercises that I did was list my top needs in a relationship, then divide that in half, and then pick the top 5 out of these things. It showed me that I can definitely be happy with someone that provided my top 5 as opposed to the top 20 so that's 25% and to me that wouldn't be settling and it would be things that mattered long term. However I needed to weight those needs. If I got the bottom 5 of my top 10 I couldn't accept it. So I honestly can understand why some ppl would think 80% is settling if that 20% was something like monogamy, love or feeling the same way about having children.
Thank you for this video and your delivery. It's really a gift to be able to deliver harsh truths and force both men and women to be accountable without coming across as complete Jerks and assholes. I cannot express how much I appreciate your insights and just a living example that there are still great guys out there and on social media.
Western culture is individualistic and this tendency to focus on oneself is not suitable for relationships and marriage. People are just too selfish for marriage.
nailed it
Women are too selfish you mean?
Men said 80% of desired traits is a win.
Women said no it isnt
@@broncomcbane6382 probably, we'll have a better chance of coming around. but it IS an unfortunate that it takes two to tango, that is undeniable. so we ended up where everyone (except the players) simps (both men and women, pretty and ugly) and nobody won
If your goals in life are more important than a partner than perhaps you aren’t ready for marriage but theres nothing wrong with that.
You forgot to mention the part of Child Support and Alimony payments when it doesn’t work.
80% is a grade letter of a B. That's not bad when you consider it's better to pass the class with a B average than to drop out because you didn't get 99% on everything.
fire metaphor Dan. Good stuff!
80% is a first class honours in university
80% is A- in my University. That's a good grade !!
I have trouble understanding some young people looking for a partner this days 😕
Unless your parents are Asian lol
Exactly. Getting a B in every class is actually really good
“I think I’m boring”
*no, you’re just not complicated*
My kinda guy.
I’m complicated but understanding and very honest
I've always said I'm boring, because I rarely put myself into situations that could likely become dangerous. Ex. Nightclubs or bars....I never go to them. Besides I can get better alcoholic beverages cheaper at the liquor store. I'm the guy in the corner that isn't interested in the flashing lights and loud music. Took me a long time to find a good woman that didn't care about that.
@@altorins Negative Bias, it's a survival trait that our ancestors have used to avoid making possibly fatal mistakes. Example below.
Man #1: Sees a shadow. (it was a mouse) "That was probably a Timber Wolf, I'm leaving." Lives to see tomorrow, finds a female and they produce offspring.
Man #2: Sees a shadow. (was not a mouse) "Meh, probably my imagination." Gets face bitten off by wolf... excrement cannot produce human offspring.
I always, albeit unsuccessfully, try to aim to mimic the lyrics of Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man.
You guys are a breath of fresh air. Egoless, positive, and pragmatic. I’m so happy that young men (and even women) have someone way better than Fish and Chips to look to for guidance. Way to go. You guys are making a difference. Keep at it!
Agreed,you are cutie too
The funny ones are when she can formulate an entire list of qualities a man must have to please her, but she doesn’t even attempt to be the kind of woman that man wants.
Or she doesn't even attempt to be the kind of woman she wants the man to be.
"what do you mean, I am the table"
@@30yovegan34 why do girls always said that😪😪
Facts‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ 🗣
She'll have a long list of rules for a LTR man but break all rules for Chad or Tyrone type.
"No race can truly prosper until it learns that there is just as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem."
- Booker T. Washington
LMAO
That's a good quote. 👍
💪🏿
Beautifully put.
Ouch! Spot on.
A lot of people don’t realize that love isn’t just that giddy feeling and happiness. It’s not always a feeling. It’s sacrifice, even if it’s small. It’s doing things for that person that you don’t necessarily WANT to do but will do anyway because you love the other person(such as doing chores lol). Its about humility and putting someone else first. Most people are selfish and want to get something out of a relationship without giving anything. It’s both people giving 100%.
This. This right here. It's also pushing the other person to do the things for themselves that they may not be motivated to do on their own, but need to do. My husband and I push each other to do the things we need to do, but are struggling with. Patience is a huge virtue in marriage. And parenthood.
I describe love as a place of solace. You have to be at that point to be able to do all of those things,like sacrifice for example
Women and mosy men* don't realize.... Fixed*
I love this video and the comments section. It's nice to know that so many other people think this way about relationships. I feel less scared about putting myself out there someday.
She makes a lot of sense. She is not saying forget what you are looking for and settle. She is just saying focus on the important things
I mean yes and no. To say you are settling is very arrogant and prideful. If the roles were switched and it, "was men settle for the good enough woman" oh my gosh it would be a shit storm.
@@doomy_doomy2225 this is a scenario case welcome to reality Brudda (men and women are not the same to the core of dna and will never be) 😀
@@chrxxi not much reality. Just society standards thst allow for this immature behavior.
@@doomy_doomy2225 but in reality we all settle a LITTLE. Doesn't have to be a bad thing. No one is perfect.
I have a problem with the word settle and how degrading it is to men. Then why do some women oppose the devaluation concept of alpha beta if women are admitting they SETTLE for financially stable beta over poor alpha.
And men on the other hand are supposed to be lucky to have that girl in their life. This is how society perceives it. You see a couple where man and woman are in the sane league buy the first thing people will say “ Oh he’s so lucky to have her he better make it work”.
This conversation is desperately needed in today's society.
Honestly as a 19 year old guy i feel so scared of possibly choosing the wrong person. Absolutely terrified even.
spatially in the West . I am not a westerner and I don't understand what u guys are doing. I mean , it blows my mind when I see stuff like:
Just 47% of the French say it is morally unacceptable for married people to have an affair, the lowest percentage among 39 nations surveyed in 2013 .
@@meinteybergen4617 don't feel bad even if you choose wisely I doubt she will until 30
YES!! Now living everyday and experience with women I pretty much knew that women standards are krazy but to actually HEAR THIS!!! My brains all over carpet..
Too bad only a few of us are willing to have it.
You can’t have 100% of everything you need from one person. That’s why we have friends, family community and children. You also have the challenge of evolving and your family provides their unique challenges to help you evolve.
You know who matches 100% of your list? Your clone. Go date yourself you picky fools. Should be real exciting being in a relationship with someone that does everything like a mirror of yourself. Me, no way, there is enough of things I want to change in myself, WTF! ROFL would I want another person exactly the same as my list.
Too many people confuse *want* for *need* and refuse to compromise. Those women that have a endless list? They don't know that *want* is achievable by working with him and getting him his *want*. She puts *need* in front of them having a relationship when she only *wants* . All those *need* from love it will be attained, he is going to bend over backwards to get it for her because she too the effort to get him his *want*.
Exactly!
Well said!!
@@mattstorey7256 I agree with need vs want. It’s takes time and perspective to really understand the difference. When someone has a long list, it an internal exercise to truly derive what is a need vs a want. A negotiable vs a non negotiable. With regards to the clone, I also don’t understand that either. You want a yin to your yang. Growth is only achieved when you have passed a challenge. If two ppl are so similar you can become stagnant and bored.
PIN THIS COMMENT!
I honestly shed a tear listening to this and thinking about my relationship with my partner. Thank you guys, you are awesome!
I really wasn't feeling my husband like that at first because honestly I don't feel ANYBODY at first. We take a moment to get there as women. Stop looking for the "love at first sight" feeling. That's usually just lust anyway. Date them enough to get a good grasp of who they are. I found my husband was exactly what I was looking for once I got to know him.
That’s pretty much my mom. I’m on my 5th stepdad (counting my dad).
@@Idk-do1ui bruh ooof
It`s not just a woman thing.
I had a relationship that only ended due to religion changes. We didn`t start being super close until 3 years after knowing each other.
@@TamunoOpuboCooksCookeyGam THIS. This is why when I begin dating, I'ma make sure to talk about values to begin with not date for a year until we finally address religion and value
@@TamunoOpuboCooksCookeyGam it's a woman thing stop tryna switch it up.
"People get mad that we're not friends."
"Watching your dad is great and I want to be like him when I get older."
"My dad says you can come over to the house whenever you want."
Ya'll have a definition of "not friends" that I'm struggling to wrap my head around. ;)
Bruh!!!!
It's probably their own way of ensuring its a business relationship first and foremost
Lol you could work with someone and have a good relationship but not be friends. I think their definition of friends is someone who tags along with you cause of personal reasons first before business and theirs was business first before personal
Actually 3 years ago on one those videos Aba slipped and said “Preach and I are friends” that video is still up lmao
@Alejandro Ayala the video is....what is microcheating
Minute 6:18
It's heartbreaking how shallow us ladies are all while projecting our junk on others. I almost didn't even date my husband just because he was shorter than me. So effing dumb. He's amazing, the love of my life, my best friend, and the best partner I could have ever asked for had I known what to ask for. This stigma against "settling" leads so many to misery.
Oh man
Glad to see you didn’t miss out on your husband.
I’m a guy, but I do think this would help a lot of girls out. Implementing a 2nd chance could do wonders for many girls. Of course, they still have to become less shallow, but going on a second date with a guy could change their mind about him.
The first 5 years of my marriage was rough, because we rushed into getting married because he joined the military. But this year will be our 10th anniversary. We try to help each other with our character flaws, and though he can be a bit of a curmudgeon I wouldn't trade him for the world, because he's seen me through my darkest hours. THAT'S what real love is.
@@couragew6260 I remember making a meal to bring to him and my roommate at the time was poking fun at me. That started the hard, internal conversation about why I had delegated this man to the friend-zone, and how I had become such an ugly monster. He was perfect, I was flawed. That's a hard pill to swallow. Ego, pride, vanity, none of it is worth the price of true happiness. Praying more ladies drop the baggage and make that second date 😘
It’s normal to be shallow but you can control these feelings too
i got engaged 6 months after meeting my fiancee. on our first date we discussed values and what sort of future we both wanted so we didn't waste our time. we both agreed that marriage was a commitment to value even after feelings fade. we may not be absolutely perfect for each other but we're both happy in each others' company and we're both willing to accept each others' flaws. you gotta look for people who can have these conversations early on.
I am so happy for you 🥺💖 bless you and yo fiance
No one's been taught how to communicate and date with the intent of marriage, people are just getting into entanglements with one another with the intent of "just playing it out and seeing what happens, you know no pressure or anything if it's right it'll just somehow work out."
They've been taught how to get engaged and how to talk about a wedding, but they aren't actually taught about what a marriage is and how to prepare for that.
It seems that the goal for most young couples is that wedding date...... there's not really much thought as to what life looks like after that!
Ive had convos like that, but words and actions are 2 different things.
My parents are married but it was very “toxic” while growing up , lots of fighting, threats of divorce and other traumatic events. This caused me to be fearful of marriage and looking at my relationships in retrospect I can see that I was mirroring that negative example of what a relationship looks like.
If its any consolation, I have a similar experience -- I originally grew up thinking that's what all marriages looked like so I grew afraid of commitment and myself, my own decisions out of fear they'd drive someone else away (there's a lot more to the story but for the most part that describes it). I'm in the process of working myself out, working out my own issues and deciding my life goals before I run head first into any relationships right now-- thankfully I had role models in my life who were able to show me that a loving peaceful healthy marriage can happen. You just gotta have a proper mindset going into it, looking for one.
Same
I read a lot of books about relationships and marriage before getting married, and studied successful partnerships. That helped a lot.
Same. My parents would threaten divorce and lock each other out of the room. All night I would hear the other parent banging the door to get in until finally my dad would just leave and sleep somewhere else for the night. This traumatized me and I’ve been terrified of marriage. My parents are still married but they say that they’re still together “for the kids.” The damage has already been done.
This is really interesting; I hadn't ever thought about this for some reason.
I sent this video to my sister because she's slowly learning about how true this is. It took her many years to get married. We're South Asian so realistically within that community she should've been married really soon within 1-2 years, but it took around 5 for her to find a guy she was willing to marry. However, after she got married she'd start telling me about lil things "oh he doesn't do this, he enjoys these hobbies and doesn't enjoy these" etc etc. She wanted to call off her wedding a few months in because she felt like she was settling. But, as more time has passed she's beginning to realize these little things she didn't like really did not matter in the grand scheme. He is such a nice guy, cares for her, and when they decide to have kids he will be a great head of the household. She would have lost this because of the stupid idea that she thought she was settling.
As a South Asian, women and men are pushed into marriage too quickly and too often before they are ready. Marriage should not be rushed
@@mandalaqueen828 No doubt, the culture can definitely push people into marriage when they aren't ready. My parents never rushed her and she was the one who was interested in getting married. She met a lot of guys but because of things the woman pointed out in the interview such as "he made a weird joke" she would cancel out all the remaining positives and move on. She'd text me about all the good and positive things he would do but then would point out something she didn't like and then would never mention them again. It also didn't help that she's 5'9 and as I'm sure you know most South Asian men are either around there or shorter (Luckily I got the random height gene as well since I'm a 6'1 guy but my oldest sister is 5'2 and more similar to our parents and she had a much easier time finding her husband when dealing strictly in the height aspect). Her husband ended up being an inch shorter than her which 5 years ago was a total deal breaker for her, but as she's come around she realized height is pretty superficial in the long run.
At what age did she get married? If shes nearing 30 it would make sense. But judging by her character, i would assume shes still around 21 to 27?
This is proof modern marriage has no purpose whatsoever. Its a job with rewards. Its not an electoral campaign to distract you from inadequate loneliness
Integrity
Consistency
Goals
My mother always told my sisters by the time beautiful girls realized this its too late.
@@ayeejheyy4537 She was 28 when she got married started actively searching around 22/23
Been married soon to be 44 yrs . It is WORK !
BILLY approves
Is it work worth doing?.
@@patrickriarchy6054 44yrs tells me it js
@@patrickriarchy6054 the alternative is being single and dying alone with no one at your death bed
@@CarSpotterUS
Whats wrong with that?.
My husband and I are very different people and a lot of time people say that to us. You wouldn't look at the two of us and assume that we would be together. But the two of us share common values and perspectives about life. We both value humor, working hard, installing values in our children, a positive attitude and making the best out of whatever hand life gives us, and learning to roll with the punches. Those things brings us together when we aren't exactly interested in the same things. We also value the differences between us. If we liked all of the same stuff, things would get boring. The differences between us are what create interest and desire in our relationship. We are open to trying something that the other one is interested in and it creates fun experiences for us.
I think people get too caught up on the small stuff. They forget that good, long-term relationships are created with values, not tedious stuff.
Married 39 years going strong. Best to NOT have everything in common, gives each a chance to build an interest of their own & a reason to meet up & meet other people in life.
Never thought about it like that. Plus I’m sure you probably grew to enjoy certain interests each other have.
@@landresking3988 It also gives you both different things to talk about & different people met to share, some which might be brought into mutual friendships. I love martial arts, wife doesn't, but as a couple my 10 year friend/instructor & his wife are good friends with both of us for dinner & park couple dates & for events, neither wife can throw a punch. My wife does Disneyland & concerts with her friends at times, not my scene. *As long as you have TRUST in your spouse, that's a big one, then it works.
Very true, outside hobbies is good.
Truth be told, it just depends on you as a person. If u have a lot in common more power to yous, if you don’t the that’s okay too. Like preach said the values and what have you is one of the big factors. I enjoy nerdy stuff my partner somewhat does, and I don’t mind. She’ll still talk about to me because she knows I’m into it, she’s more extroverted then me.
I don’t drink but she does it is what it is, if yous are good then yous are good. Don’t need to be complicated
Amazing!
As you get older "the list" gets shorter but more concrete. 1-good hygiene, 2-honesty, 3-no addictions, 4-common sense. Everything else is gravy. A person's true nature doesn't change. We all get old, life happens, money is earned and spent, sickness hits us. We need the one who will stand by us when shit happens. We also need them when the good stuff happens and they are genuinely happy for us.
Agreed, but many of these Women are going to have to find out the hard way. Unfortunately finding out the hard way just proves how unworthy they were to begin with. This is when they start to turn toxic if they cannot find someone. Existence is pain.
Nah, with only these I'd rather be alone. I'd say 5. needs to be they have to pay basic level attention to me/show they care about me. Otherwise it's just being roommates and totally not worth it.
"As you grow older"
I think you spelt "I" wrong.
💯 correct
Well said
My wife plays video games, loves anime, and is attractive. There were a couple things on my “list” of things I wanted out of a partner that she isn’t, but the fact I found someone who checked so many boxes was amazing. Our love/bond grew stronger during the pandemic and isolation while there are couples out there falling apart in droves. I know I married the right person thanks to this pandemic.
congrats brotha! Sounds like a keeper
You are one of the lucky ones man, good luck to the both of you
I can relate to this. The pandemic definitely was a time of getting closer and even growing through struggles with my fiance. I never really had boxes that needed checking, when I first met her I just thought her energy was good and her face was nice to look at. Her friends told her not to date me because my IG was quirky. Glad she didnt listen to that BS because then our daughter wouldn't be here. When the right person is with you in life, things just seem to come together.
Happy that the pandemic save your marriage!!
Wish you all the best!!!
Congrats bro, can’t wait til I find my wifey!!!
I enjoyed this topic. My husband is 18 years older than me and most people thought we won't last. We don't watch Tv together, read the same books, listen to the same music and I was Vegan for 7 years while he was a meat-eater all his life. Last year we celebrated 10 years of our wedding anniversary, adopted our son and three dogs.We are so different, but going so well together. When we met I loved(And still do) his qualities. He respects women, loves his parents, very compassionate and loving. If he sees me sad over a street dog (We live in Thailand) he always suggests paying off dogs medical bills. We grew as a couple together and our qualities merged. If you see us walking in the street you wouldn't think we were married, but behind closed doors, we are amazing together.
This is goals 😊
@@TatiSaysSo Thank You Nicole
You recognised a good kind human being & said I like that... he saw your good attributes and thought the same... thats a REAL realationship... 🤗
😎👍☘🍺
My parents were total opposites but were married 46 years. RIP Mama and Daddy.
@Andrew Evans Oh dear...
Been married for 22 years. It takes a lot of compromise, grace and understanding. My husband and I are opposites on every surface level, but on fundamentals, we are compatible. That is my Dude.
Are there moments where the love or spark isn’t as strong?
@@camerinj Love and sparks aren’t remotely the same. Love is a choice, sparks are a feeling. Feelings go away quick, but love is the continuous effort put in.
As a person from India...I really appreciate ya'll ...all of this is a very different perspective from what I've seen growing up.There were some things in this video I never would have thought about.Out here most people are married and divorce rates are low and its not always because every couple is madly in love all the time...they just chilling most of the times and both parents work their asses off to provide for their kids educations.Entire families live together with almost three generations living under one roof where the grandparents take care of the kids in the house too while the parents work to put food on the table for everyone.Children inculcate their grandparents ideals which are much more wiser than their 30-40 year old parents.Personally i like this system very much...but all of this has been fading away and nuclear families are now a much more widespread reality . From what I have been able to understand from all of this is that 'With priviledge comes a sense of individuality which ultimately leads to plain selfishness'.Maybe someday when countries progress they won't retain their cultures too or maybe they will...I don't know if I'm buggin...
PEACE
Multi generation households as you described are in my opinion, the healthiest way to go. Keeps the kids safe, children have respect for their elders,parents have safe childcare.
I'm not worried about nuclear families so much as people waiting so long to have kids that the children never have the chance to know their grandparents. I'm one of the lucky ones to be able to have my Grandma as a confidant in my adulthood
@@urmamasmamasmama bro but its falling down fast, the fe*inist movement has broken everything from this generation on, i think our parents are the last generation where we lived like that. Its going to be shit here too no different than the states.
You guys are awesome! I thought my wife and I were the only ones who thought this way anymore. We look to the left and to the right, see and hear people making these statements and we find out they are just shallow. We thought no one thinks deep anymore. we thought we were just too old-fashioned. I'm glad you have a platform that allows you to spread these ideas. It is needed so desperately in the world community.
as time passes people are getting shallower. good on you two
You just need to find the right people, even if they are becomining rarer and rarer as the days go by. I would probably be the same type of shallow person you're talking about if it wasn't for my grandfather. He sometimes takes multiple minutes to truly think about what most nowadays would view as a simple question, and he always got me to do the same. He'd ask me a question, and before I could just blurt something out, he'd say: "ask yourself that same question in your head for the next few minutes, then come talk to me". I can confidently say he's probably the reason I enjoy watching and listening to people like Aba and Preach; they get my mind turning, questioning myself and others on things I used to not bother with.
Aba and Preach had me fooled. Their chemistry so good I was convinced they were friends.
TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS.
Ikr!!! O.O
Are they a couple?
BAHAHAHHHAHAHA
@@hazel250 nah apparently just business partners
1
😭
I’m late to the convo but I started watching this video like “me? Settle? Absolutely not”. But by the end I actually gained a lot of knowledge and humility. Really good topic and convo
It's never,ever, too late for self actualization. That's growth.
@@nellanoirMD no one wants you anymore though. youhad your time and clock done ticked away girl. bye felicia. settling down what a derogatorive term.
This was a very interesting topic and something I’m glad I got to watch before I started really looking to find someone
@@deathrager2404 dude.. Wtf is wrong with you? Why you lashing out at her?
@@lifeofameji apron, kitchen, sandwiches. we ll call you when we need you.
My wife left me because she said "she wasn't in love with me anymore" but the new guys she picked up couldn't do half of what I did. So she is now all about how she will never have her "happily ever after". Always looking to the princess story she thinks she deserves.
Damn that must have hurt...but I hope u live a good life and move on..u probably have by now but just sayin, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, I'm a woman myself and so tried of the levels of delusional thoughts going through alot of women's heads today .
@@itzAurora_Xoxo oddly enough, I have not moved on. She left in 2012, I had a GF for a few months in 2014 and haven't found anyone I would even date since.
@@kennethcrenshaw317 maybe therapy may help?
@@jadiahavala4656 or maybe it's just not that important. I want a long lasting relationship and haven't found anyone who wants it with me. So I don't date. It's just a thing.
Dang sorry to hear that bro
Hobbies will fade, interests change. Values are deeply rooted in who we are. Plus, if you both like the same things, then there’s no variety. One of the best things is sharing things with someone who’s never seen them for the first time
My husband showed up to meet me in a parking lot with holey green sweatpants 20 years ago because he wasn't expecting me to even show up. Guess what? He's fine as hell and is a wonderful dresser now.
The best stories are from the unexpected beginnings, really. Been with my gf for five years now, and we met from Omegle. We've been running into each other, we just weren't aware..i mean, we were taking the same subjects, eating in the same places, talking with the same people, etc. But out of all of that, we met each other from f*cking Omegle. 5 years isn't as good as 20 years, I know. But we never really expected that we would be as happy as we are now. We've even had plenty of talks about marriage, children, a house, where the kids will go to school. I never thought I would even have that conversation with anyone.
@@titocristobal5573
That’s incredible to hear, bro. Seriously incredible.
@@HuggableLoveablePlushies thanks, dude!
Well thats how it should be . Easy simple and sometime maybe even a bit hakward
But why present himself like that anyway? Even if he’s going out with himself he should’ve worn something at least without holes. It shouldn’t have taken you showing up to wear decent clothes.
I think alot of women think marriage is this status symbol that shows people they've made it and after that they just walk off into the sunset happy forever.
I've seen couples that were happy for soooo long until they got married and it seems like the pressure and expectations of each other made the relationship implode.
I'll forever be grateful for the advice my mother gave me in my 20s. Simply stated, she let me know I'm never going to find someone that checks every single box. What I needed to do was view the whole person to determine if the good outweigh the bad. She also reminded me that I have characteristics that others find irritating & I'm not the easiest to get song with. That was eye opening.
Wow, that's good advise. My mom provided continual example of what not to do, and what not to be. Thankfully I was smart enough to see that.
I was in it for 19yrs, raised another man's child and brought another into this world. I did as much comprise, and avoided fights. Did a lot of work. Let things roll off my back. Yet at some point I realized that my partner wasn't putting in the effort. I felt trapped and alone. I tried to cope and eventually I could not. I wanted a partner that wanted me good and bad. I wasn't perfect. My spouse told me that she was ready to move on if I couldn't shape up. Now she can't understand why I left. She was checking out before I said I was out. I still feel bad on some level but I can't take all the blame.
Cool story bro
Leave the table when respect is no longer being served. Good for you.
Why the hell would you raise another man's kid man that is just dumb as shit
"You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere. "
- Chris Rock
Catch 22. Either way, you sacrifice something.
Meh ... Im 20 years in ... 16 married and still very happy.
Work ! Its WORK every fucking day.
@@publiusventidiusbassus1232 in terms of marriage? Your feelings isn’t a valid reason for divorce.
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when the cake is cut, the dress is worn, and the flowers are faded you have marriage; and now u have to work on that - Preach.
word.
The fact that preach's dad loves Aba and these two are hell bent in letting us know that they aren't friends but just business partners... Y'all are straight up family right now..
Tbh I think its major cap, I think they are good (or at least decent friends) but they play it off as just business friends for some reason or another. Unless they literally never talk to eachother outside lf their channel.
@@sebaschan-uwu that's exactly what adult friendships are tbh. Its having some good conversations that may ruffle feathers but real friends know that at the end of the day they will still be friends, unless a major fuck up happens.
They bangin
My dad lost a friend after going into business with him. It might be something to help deal with a potential separation of the duo. I hope it never happens, but it keeps things more respectful and clean if it is "just business."
@@Raymal100 Totally understand this.. it's sad when you lose a friendship due to business. I'm sure saying "business partners" makes it easy for any future damage, if it happens.
I never complain about being alone
I know I’m intolerant
And I know I don’t want to do the things I need to do to get and keep a partner
I’m cool with that
My peace is the most important thing to me
and I will not invite someone in my life who disturbs my peace
Same. Im done with dealing with me who got destroyed by crazy females and start doing things they think I'll want.
There is someone for everyone.
Same.
Feels annoying that I get pressured to be in a relationship
exactly, through all the bad, I've learned a lot and boundaries are a must.
This whole comment
My fiance was a TERRIBLE dater, it was eeeeek...so bad. However...he seemed like a good potential life partner. So I stuck around and boy did he prove that right
Good for you👍
So you married him for provision? I feel sorry for him
@@Ferien7 where exactly did you get that she married him for provision from?
@@Ferien7 I'm trying to figure out how you are able to come up with these crazy assumptions off of so little information. Am I missing something or can you just read minds?
So you married him for papers? I feel sorry for him