How Narcissistic Abuse Changes You
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
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Narcissists are displaying criminal behavior. Extremely abusive!
I felt like I was walking on eggshells constantly, too. No healthy relationship should ever be that way. If someone isn’t happy, then that should be communicated in a healthy, transparent way- not toxically bottled-up and spewed upon somebody as if they’re a sounding board for the narc. I disliked when the narcissist was gaslighting me and toying me around playing mental gymnastics. And yes, the narcissist respects no boundaries except their own.
They make sure you are trapped BEFORE the start the abuse.
VERY TRUE!!!!!!!
This 💯
You don’t acknowledge the abuse while living in it. You just accept it, especially if you’re married. I wasn’t allowed to be myself. I can relate.
When will these people finally be held accountable and get some jail time for their horrific act especially the way they destroy the whole family even after they’re gone
Very true Michele @11:53 - narcissists love to either make people feel foolish or idiotic, or they need to make someone feel guilty about something even if the victim didn't do anything wrong
I still struggle to trust myself. Everytime someone tells me to “trust your gut,” I feel even more depressed.
It's a nervous system overload! Constantly being careful to not start anything...it's energy sapping and draining..having to be on your best behavior and not knowing what's the wrong thing to do makes your stress levels peak..hence making mistakes...they love it! All the while you're dying inside...☮️
my family are narcs. I am the black sheep. I accept the traumas will likely never be resolved. I want to be with someone like me. we will never be normal to the norms.
My sad story is that i am so trauma bonded and codependent
I feel bad for my anger toward him, when he's nice to me (breadcrumbing)
I'm still tryng to tell myself, one year later, since discovering NPD in an almost 20-year relationship
That he cannot possibly be a covert narc😢
He can be so kind and generous often times
This roller-coaster is debilitating
I feel sick all the time💔
I have all the same thoughts, sometimes I think she may have ruined me.
You need to leave.
she would say that all the time "you are making me mad"
And "it's all your fault that I'm reacting like this!"
Yep yep yep. Right at about 2pm I'd start to get a tight chest etc
Hypervigilance. Malignant Narcissist mother actually was trying to kill me. I didnt put 2+2 together until multiple people told me to get away from her and that told me that many things she had done were to eliminate me. What a better victim than a mother who lost a child?
My dearest CoachM ! Where have you been ???? I miss you and don't leave me please !!! I am truly happy when I need calm and peace to enter into your soft voice ! You make a difference CoachM !❤💎💎🕊🙏😇😟🤗
Never underestimate the harm they cause by the time you catch on its already to late...in my opinion😟
No never say that I left a man I loved after 23 years of rollercoaster living in chaos….trying to balance and outsmart the narc…he enjoyed showing me that his life would be normal without me….gone baby gone. ….i now breathe normally 🎉🎉🎉🎉
He would also try to make me feel guilty for not being happy with him. It's crazy. They don't take any responsibility for how they make us feel.
After I threw my abusive boyfriend out, I realized when I drove home and saw my house I would start breaking down crying after he was gone with the relief.
I realized all the tightness in my chest and the physical symptoms I had was because of the extreme anxiety anticipating what is he going to be like today? Also something I learned over time with him as he was a opiate addict and completely out of control so I think he was a sociopath a narcissist bipolar violent all of those things and it really does traumatize you for a long time.
To those who are going through it now, it took about 3 years to finally stop having the panic attacks and the flashbacks and that was a 3-year relationship so I just want to encourage you that it does get better over time especially if you are no contact.
I had the exact same fear of them coming home or of me going home to them.
After I kicked my abusive boyfriend out of my house it took me probably 6 months of driving home from work seeing my house and not crying
I was trauma bonded to my narcissistic mother. I escaped that, only to be trapped in a marriage to a narcissistic husband, who hid his narcissism from me until after we were married.
I went from the frying pan into the fire.
I'm still trying to recover! 😢
“Breathing hurts.” 🤯
I constantly have to consciously breathe in order to get enough oxygen now. I played a woodwind for years and have no physical lung issues.. So I’ve wondered for a long time why I stopped being able to breathe deep or have the instinct to even breathe ENOUGH. Holy F, it was an instinct that was stolen 😞
Gosh this resonates.
I quit people pleasing my long term girlfriend. She didn’t want me to change careers. She kept escalating to the point she would get me arrested and spend 3 days in jail to teach me a lesson. Then the sexual abuse started and actual violence. I could never get my new career started because of the implied threats. If I called the police she could cry on cue. And I was already arrested once for “domestic violence.” She thought it out pretty well.
FTW
Edit: it wasn’t clear in my writing. But, at No point did I ever touch the woman. She accused me of pushing her down the stairs. At the time it happened I was 35 miles away at work and had 20-30 witnesses.
Similar situation with me. They despise any improvements and productivity from another person. Even when it clearly benefits them.
You’re amazing Michele. Thank you. I’ve healed so much in such a short period of time.
I feel like Im walking on eggshells around my older brother. We both living our separate lives but everytime when he send a text message, my heart start pounding. Im constantly nervous every time I receive a message from him. Its so exhausting😢
This video is right on. The walking on eggshells 24/7, scared to say the wrong thing and set them off, parent pleasing and people pleasing, constantly worrying about what mood their in and wondering how I can fix it is me all the time now. It even extends to other people. Like even with friends and strangers I start trying to read their mood and placate them or go out of my way to not upset them even if they've given me no reason to feel this way. It's even worse that now instead of anticipating good in people, I expect for them to turn on me or disappoint me or hurt me.
Also the part about losing your passion is so accurate. I used to write romances all the time and I was good at it but now I can't write for the life of me. I feel guilty writing because both narc parents make me feel bad and guilty for writing and having a passion.
Freeze kept me stuck for years. Only recently starting to come out of it. Thank you for this video
Oh the fight response in me has just been outbod this world
My hands would slightly shake and it was embarrassing. I couldn’t control it. I always felt overstimulated and on edge around him.
I was right back in my childhood when i was with the narc it was my father all over (didnt know at the time, what the hell was happening ), when i stood upto him or questioned the abuse it got worse, till i was well and truly done 5yrs . I got rid, did loads of healing/inner work. I had no idea that my childhood was narcissitic, i knew it wasnt right but i survived by people pleasing then boom!!!! the puzzle pieces started to fit. Toxic shame, unworthy and rejection. Core wounds programmed.
Spot on Michele!!!!!! If we can set boundaries as soon as possible, your nervous system won’t have to work overtime!!!!! I’ve learned to set boundaries early with past experiences…. I guess hurt people, hurt people!!!!! It’s a sad situation all around!!!! Great video Michele!!!!! Keep up the great work on spreading positivity against NPD….. 😊😊😊😊
Boundary setting is triggering and causes rage attacks for the Narc in my life.
These are always about meeting someone and their abusive ways "change" you.
What if the abuser was a parent and you never knew you?
I didn't like the sound of the automatic garage door opener as someone pulled into the driveway.
That breaks your mental peace, yes -- your startle reflex is way overactive 😢❤
My mother has been stuck in rumination for decades and has refused all help. I finally realized she prefers that state to any other.
no. she does not prefer that state. she is traumatised. she is processing her disbelief that what has happened has happened. coming to terms with this can take years, even decades as i have discovered. i doubt i will ever 'recover' from my own trauma but learning to calm my nervous system and enjoy the glimpses of calm pleasure this provides has become my mission in life. i hope your mother will come to do the same. 🙏
Edmr therapy truly helped me integrate my trauma down from completely triggering my emotionally to a destructive place that I am now completely in control of. . I'm responsible for my own chaotic emotional confusion. I truly trust myself today because I KNOW they needed to undermine my connection to this realm in order to replace my truth by delusion. I am almost shameful for actually thinking he actually cared about me. Not from where I feel 😌 Still grateful for the lesson that not everyone wants the same emotions to alignment was our purpose for the greatest good for everyone involved. Utopia ❤😊
No one is better than you ! Don't know why people they are better than us ? I just know that some people are so poor,all they have is💰! From a 1to10 your advantage is a big 1 ! So Michele Lee a ⭐ is the limit , pick one as beautiful and that shines like you do !
so that s why i love zombie movies
Being me is apparently being sooo embarrassing to mt husbad because i just interrupt everyone. My idea of socializing and connecting in his opinion is to not engage or talk.
Yes to all of the above! 😞
Nailed it again doll! Thank you for these truths! Your spot on!💕
So true and revealing
My eyes would dart side to side constantly I ended up in the hospital for over three years they thought I had epilepsy
Oh, they play the best victim!
Everything you said resonates with me so deeply. Narcisistic abuse is evil to the core. It’s unbelievable how totally destructive it is. The only way to combat it is to gain the knowledge about it. Thank you for your work Michelle, you are saving people’s lives.
This is the BEST understanding that Ive ever heard!
I went from a very desirable, confident masculine personality to an insecure, self doubting, crumb seeking shell of my former self. Her constant accusations of my flirting with every woman I spoke to turned me into a fearful, overly cautious communicator when speaking to any woman. She finally discarded me for good & I'm regaining that swagger & women REALLY notice. I'll lay odds that she'll be back when she realizes what she threw away. Her daughter told her what a fool she was. But it will be too late as I see her for what & who she truly is, thanks to channels like yours.
Another good analogy is a dream I had one night. I dreamed I was wearing spike high heels and the path I was on was covered with ice. But every time I tried to turn off of the path it would turn whatever direction I did
Michelle, thank you for being one of my top 4 voices of reason as I left my suspected covert GF a year ago, and have been removing the fog and looking for my sanity. You understand and communicate and validate so clearly. It really does change you, I’m not the same person I was. I’ve come to grips with that and am striving to be and get better. Each day is a little brighter, I’m less confused, rumination gets less, and I feel more like myself again, but with more strength, and armor plated boundaries.
Thank you for all your help in this journey! I greatly appreciate you and your work!!!!
This isn't related to the exact topic of the video, but is related to narcissism.
Last week I had a mastectomy and my 25 yo daughter took care of my pets for the 3 days that I was in the hospital and stopped by daily for a couple of days after to take care of me.
She has no vehicle but was prepared to take the bus (I etransferred her the money). But my ex decided to drive her.
At first, I thought he was just being a nice dad. But the last time he picked her up, I needed to go somewhere important (no choice, despite only being out of the hospital for 3 days) and he parked in a place where I would have to walk in front of his car if I hadn't delayed leaving until he was out of the parking lot. Now I wonder if he wasn't trying an indirect attempt at a hoover, since nc makes direct attempts impossible?
I’m so grateful for your content 🙏🏽
DARVO-deny attack reverse victim offender
I need help. I recently found out my covert narcissist bf of 14 years was cheating on me. For the first three days after finding out I was crying none stop and felt betrayed and so heartbroken.. and now that I'm reminiscing all the things he did during the cheating for the fourth day in a row, I don't feel anything now. I feel like smiling.. like a crazy smile, and I also feel numb... I also started reflecting on myself and looking back and realized I was never there for my family and loved ones during hard times.. so I'm feeling really crazy right now.. I think I'm a covert narcissist too, but I don't want to be :(((( Why is smiling the only thing I feel right now!? What happened to my sadness and anger!? ;(
Great video, great info. Thank you.❤❤❤
I am interested in attending a thrive sessions? Is there a link somewhere to join. The website is limited to member's only. Much appreciation. I am trying to recover and need help!
💖💖💖💖💖💖
this is very enlightening Michele. thank you
I have 2 narc parents and i still live w them and i feel so stuck in my toxic shame, i am in a healthy relationship w someone who has loved me and been with me through so much but i keep sabotaging that relationship. I am dealing w major imposter syndrome and fear of intimacy. Could you please help me in any advice? I feel like i am defined by my parents and i am one w them and i will inevitably become like them. could you help me?
Im trying to sign up on your website amd its not working
Then why is he so sweet and kind to his girlfriend now?
Don’t give me lovebombing stage…that’s long over.
Its us! Get over it stupid people