4 Things Survivors Of Narcissistic Abuse Must Know
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
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Love that book! That was the first lifeline in the relationship with my abusive ex, who had diagnosed BPD, but also a lot of the manipulative and destructive and sadistic qualities of the other cluster B disorders. I thought because she was a therapist, whatever it was, was some thing that was long gone and behind her… I’m always about giving people a second chance and a third chance haven’t gone through addiction and recovery myself as well as many mental health challenges, including depression, severe, social, anxiety, and more. I’m so glad that she did tell me that when we were first dating Kamal, though she used it as a way to get my Down and empathy up, to feel sorry for her! When my whole life erupted into a nuclear explosion and meltdown of toxicity and daily dumpster fires, I realized/remembered about the therapy. She was in when we started dating for BPD. Started looking into it and found that book, stop walking on eggshells. And every page clicked, I was like they had been reading directly out of my life and journals! Of course, she went into a nuclear narcissistic injury, rage tantrum… Just the precise, opposite of what any kind of normal human would do. Especially somebody who is a mental health therapist and dealing with those issues.a normal person would have been grateful that their partner was getting resources on their own time and energy to help manage the mental health state of the other… But because with borderline, narcs, etc. the splitting and black-and-white thinking, makes everything “all good” or “all bad”. And her personality disorders meant she was broken, worthless, evil, etc. which was intolerable, I guess. And with true mental health issues, none of those things would apply… But with the cluster B disorders in retrospect now. Absolutely yes! I feel very sorry for people who have CPTSD, but are misdiagnosed with BPD. Really appreciate Richard Grannan and his work around this issue. To me, in order for some to be Julie on the cluster spectrum, they must have the characteristics of sadism, evil, taking pleasure in the misfortune and pain of others especially if they’re the one causing it. No normal humans do this kind of shit. Not even sometimes. It’s not like you accidentally slip into suddenly thinking it’s funny, too, steal from people, destroy, or gaslight them and mess with their head. All these things were just so far outside of my realm at the time, but luckily, the following year we had the grand malignant narcissist, sociopath in the White House And I was researching the heck out of these disorders for survival purposes what an education! But it really helped having it in my life, front hand center, and in a way more manageable than some of the severe cases of narcissism, psychopathy, etc. But in a way, it’s even harder… Because it’s so chaotic, and if they are a good actor and highly functioning, it’s easy to maintain hope that they actually do want to get better, that they’re trying to improve and so on. The sob stories can work really well, especially for the covert narc/borderline combo.
Thank you for doing this very important work. Not glad that anyone has to go through it, but I’m very grateful for social media, and the fact that all of us and society in general is getting more and more into this through education, and how we can all compare notes now, which has never really been possible in the past, and how these disordered individuals have gotten away with their mayhem century after century throughout human history. But their time is up now.
Hi I'm sonny I have a story what happened tome when I was 18 and homeless and what happened to me but since see you talking I consider my self self your right about wat you say
Narcissist hates you to expand, they want you to stay in survival mode. Reading a book isn't necessary to survival and takes the attention out of them.
I can imagine the narcissists throwing tantrums discovering you read a book "how to get out of survival mode" or "how to be happy on your own" 🤣
I havent heard anyone else talk much about narcissistic classical conditioning, but I appreciate that you are. The narc in my life intentionally used sounds (throat clearing, sniffles, etc.) that he would make during arguments to train anxious responses. Now he uses them repeatedly in conjunction with one another and tries to cause me to react.
I really wish this topic had more coverage. It isnt easy to navigate alone.
Thank you for your words, 24 years married to a narc doctor wife with a god complex and severe shopping addiction. It's been a 1 1/2 year separation and I'm just starting to come out of a cloud
My ex narcissist, didn't deny trying to break my spirit when I called them out on it to their face
Hard to overcome when they are in your immediate family and still in your life ( with boundaries and distance ) but still ... 💜🙏
The most difficult thing is if you were raised by narcissists, these old over-couplings are were hard to dissolve.
Now I understand why I don't do the things I like, or I feel guilty when I read..
Well worth the work though
@@ChandChandramukhiWhat do you like to read?
You have described my experience. They were never overt about their disapproval but you knew it was there. I gave up friends and family because of her disapproval.
This subtle pressure to perform was always there but never spoken. I lived it for years.
My brother in law developed inflammation problems from years of dealing with my Narcissist sister. I also had arthritis symptoms for years because my narcissist Mother along with my sister would rage and yell constantly. Amazing now how my Trauma bonded sister suddenly stopped yelling around the same time my mother did. I guess they replaced the rage with smear campaigns.
Yes. It's what they do.
This all make makes sense. I had my dream job for 8 years. My coworkers were friends and we did things outside of the office. Then the Narc joined our team. After three months I could sense something wrong. After a year, it all started to fall apart. She tore me down to nothing and I was anxious all the time. I’d make mistakes and though innocent she’d use it as an example that I had no value. She isolated me from those that made decisions. I couldn’t explain. My once friends turned against me. They refused to believe me. She twisted every situation to her advantage. It made me angry. I knew she would only let go if I submitted and that was NOT going to happen. She was not going to destroy me. I kept trying but was let go a year later. I’ve moved forward but still hold some anger for those she used as her “flying monkeys”.
*Here's To Feeling Safe
This makes so much sense. I haven't been able to understand why I can't bring myself to do the hobbies I love even though I have time for them now. I'm sure theres lots of other things that are being affected too. I've been really feeling 'haunted' for want of a better word by my ex narc & couldn't understand why. Its really opened my eyes, I think I'm going to be noticing these over couplings everywhere now from all my narc relationships
These concepts are easier for me to understand with experience from physical injury. I had a misalignment musculoskeletally which caused me great pain and trained my brain to expect pain from mobility. I worked on fixing this issue (still a work in progress, but much better, and no more resultant pain). My brain still anticipates pain, and when I walk and use stairs, I have to CONSCIOUSLY walk correctly now, so that I don't inadvertently create more imbalance. My brain STILL expects pain, despite how much better it's gotten. I believe this is a very similar process.
I have so many over-couplings that no matter what I do, I’m full of guilt and anxiety.
Oh wow. Thankyou. I have layers of over coupling after 50 years of serious abuse. You are helping me to understand the way out. Merry Christmas!!
You just described me perfectly! Boy do I have a lot of work to do, but so good to know I can get beyond this. Thank you.
Indeed you will. Can I ask what you’ve been struggling with the most?
I got split on when I got sick and now I feel panicked whenever I feel myself start to feel unwell. Trying to teach my nervous system that I can be sick and not attacked or guilted. Awful stuff.
I still remember a video of yours of a few months ago! I find the way you explain narcistic abuse and the tools you are giving in your videos to deal with it very helpful! Thank you! 😊😊
The glare. Whats wrong? Nothing. I knew. 😞
Hi Michele, I've been listening to your vids for about two years. I knew something was very off. You have brought so much to light. And " I thank you " !
You're a beautiful person with a huge gift of a message of helpful insight. Merry Christmas to you ! 😊
The not reading books anymore was the one element I could NOT figure out.
Why wasn’t I reading anymore?!? It didn’t make sense at all to me.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! The penny has dropped and it makes so much sense now. ❤
Tap to update your subconscious 😤👍🔥
😆
Narc1 said, why are you reading? in an annoyed tone. when I was minding my own business reading
Narc 2- "you sure drink alot of coffee"
Narc3- "why do you drink like that" I'm like, like what?
Narc4- oh I see reading the bible is your "thing"
Narc5- why are you smiling? you smile too much
there's many more n all these narcs are different ppl who seemed bothered by something I was doing that was none of there business
Thank you for explaining overcoupling.
Thank you for sharing me.
For me sharing good things that happened to be (something I accomplished, something I’m proud of) is coupled with fear of that being snatched away from me.
One of the narcissists in my childhood would immeditely start devaluing whatever postive thing happened any time I shared it.
The other one would start insulting me and mocking me any time they even noticed me being happy or excited.
Today if I shared something good happened to me and I made progress with something, I immidately feel panic of having done something wrong and good thing being snatched away from me.
And yes to reading. Any time I was engrossed in a book, they’d starting picking on me and start a fight
I was in an entanglement that envolved extream narassistic abuse tactics of all kinds I had to cut all of the toxic people out of my life completly a little over a decade ago but this toxic crap stays with you I still suffer from so much cognitive dissonance with what use to be simple decisions.
You need to reprogram the subconscious mind because the Narc has you programmed with crap. You got this
I’m so ashamed being a man so embarrassed to realise who my ex is after 4 years
you are not alone!! Female covert narcissists sadly .... are everywhere!!
@@FromSurvivingToThriving I never knew nothing about it
Thanks so much I watched hundreds of narc vids so far over the last 6months after the discard with my ex covert narc gf and I didnt hear the argument of me being a people pleaser in order to feel save inside a single time yet. I always knew that I try to save people, resolve other peoples problems or didnt like direct confrontation. The fact that its from childhood trauma and fawning was the only way i could do, when fight or flight was impossible is lifechanging for me. Trying to get the approval from my step father and trying to be nice and kind while simulatenaously be treated like shit was always a thing i questioned myself for. The fact to behave nice and kind to calm the agressors mind in order to feel save inside is a thing i never considered. Thanks so much
I really appreciate this channel!!! Thanks for explaining what over coupling is. I have these feelings but didn't know why.
Thank you for these videos, they are very validating❤
Seriously - this one is illuminating - goodness - thanks again
Thank you much your channel is a true blessing
Hi, Michele!I follow your work since pandemic time. Honestly your channel has helped a lot to understand trauma and your videos on reprogramming the subconscious mind are absolutely crystal clear and traum free...Thank you!❤
You are beautiful and don't seem to age!
Michele, I never found more truth than in your words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤ Is there any way I could send you a personal message?
Jaw dropping awareness in this abuse…😮
Such a great video 🌈🌈thank you
Wow you are so rightI try to read I just reminds me of things she did to me.
Amen
You are an amazing lady!!!! Great info.
Wow!!! This is one of the videos that helped me the most ever!!! Thanks ❤
Thank you Michelle ❤
I have been struggling to get down to my personal development journey, all because my narc had continuously downplayed and invalidated it. I know for a fact now that it's because 1) For once, the attention is not on him, and 2) He was afraid of being left behind.
I know that now, but it's still been a struggle to keep it moving, that deep down, I have that nagging feeling that he may be right, even though I know that he's not. It's just hard to shake it off....
Ahh. That self doubt that they try to drilled into our minds. It’s a lie, don’t believe it. Nothing is stopping you but you. What are you struggling with the most?
Goddess
How do you do the decoupling?
Players only love you when their playing.
Question: can we deprogram the unconscious? Or is this just going to continue to ruin our lives?
This makes sense to me.
The internal programming just lingers. So this is why I feel “tremors” in my body when the holidays come around.
This sucks! Truly sucks! 😢
(I want this feeling to go away permanently. My narcissistic ex-wife has been gone since 2018.
I just started noticing the tremors recently. Makes me feel so “icky”. It’s not the same as the shakes in my arm that occurs when I am around toxic High Conflict People. When I sense it, I just leave and practice breathing techniques, and then the shakes in my right arm goes away. The tremors inside me are deeper, and do not seem to go away when I practice the breathing techniques. Why is this? Why is this showing up after 5 years of being away from the narcissist. I’ve done a lot of work to recover. 😢
I feel this is more of a subconscious matter.
How do I get rid of this internal physical feeling?
It comes and goes when I least expect it. 😮)
All the psychology helps- but most times we also need the help of God. He is the ultimate healer. Ask and you shall receive, for He longs to give his children good gifts. Could that be the missing element?
Being informed about narcissistic abuse and healing coupled with the healing power from God have been instrumental in my ongoing journey towards healing and empowerment🙏❤️🩹
If this helps... at the peak of my abuse I had such unexpected random episodes of tremor too, I thought then it's just bc too much stress I had, and I healed it with being a lot outside, in the sun, and taking loads of folic acid- in fresh food and supplements... After about almost a year doing that, tremor completely vanished, and never came back. I guess it just helped my body to heal a bit, but it worked. Also probably more importantly, at that time I separated from abusive parents and one other narc in my life, though I'm just learning now after years what was my life all about. Wish you luck. 🌞
🔥😍🔥
So how does one uncouple the overcoupling?
Hi, where is the link to the 50% off zoom and the schedule with time zone? Sounds interesting. Thx
Hi - there is currently a 50% off sale for the yearly membership - I'll leave it here =D www.micheleleenieves.com/offers/VLng2TZt
I look forward to getting to know you better in our live meetings!!
😃
What is the schedule and time zone time for the live meetings? Thx
Hi- there are between 9-12 live meetings each month so as to accomodate the different time zones. The most common times are 1:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. Eastern
Michelle, I also wonder about you.
What did you want to become as a child, adolesense, early adult. What were your genuine interests and dreams in those times before you fell prey to a narcissist/sociopath in a romantic relationship.
Do you remember? Who where you before all of that happened?
Would you have ever ended up as a coach teaching about narcissism/CPTSD?
Or would you rather have become a stewardess or a biologist (or whatever)?
Do you ever consider your quest in getting people aware this way, is still a continuation of your own trauma-resons/behaviour? Who are you trying to save and why? You know you cann't save others. You can help them save themselves. But why do you feel this need to save others? To save yourself also?
For years now you are in this 'business' spending hours on this depressing subject daily probably. Why?
Why keep the drama going on for yourself? Financial profits? Why not just break it off and become a perfect stewardess?
It makes me wonder.
Very helpful Michele - thank you - g (seans)