Thank you for this video! We are completely split between Y and N on this. It is such a huge decision and one we don’t take lightly. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know how we will ever decide and feel good about it.
Hi Lauren, thank you so much for sharing. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this huge life decision. It sounds like you've given it lots of thought. We hope this video helps!
I am 36 and having such a huge struggle about this. My husband kind of wants it, but he fully respects my decision and I feel he would own the decision more easily than me.
I never wanted kids, and it is a lot of pressure now that I’m in a stable relationship and at the age where it’s “my last fertile decade.” I feel that the world is not entirely accepting yet of women who DO NOT want the childbirth and motherhood experience. There’s a lot to consider on your own, people don’t need pressure from outside on top of it all. I appreciated that you mentioned how people with and without children do not need to be enemies.
Thank you for this. I often feel lonely with my decision not to have children as my friends around me begin having families, I too often feel there is something "wrong" with me or my husband and begin to question our decision not to as if I'm somehow missing out. Thanks for normalizing our decision :)
One suggestion to help "find your why": challenge yourself to do the "5 whys exercise" to dig deeper into your thinking. This will uncover deeper motivations you may not have considered.
Gut instinct has always been yes but logistics and cost of living are making me lean towards no... plenty of studies show happiness is unaffected and there's no guarantee they they'll stick around after they've grown up.
I guess you better think clearly, life can be terrible, there is chance your child may face diff mental or physical illness. I regret being born, but I have no choice, as my parent decide this.
@@il6524 u regret being born? dude Im 18 years old and i can tell u right now that I have been through some wierd shit in my life and dealt with sad human behaviors throughout all my life but it is such audacity to say u wish you were never born 😂. Don’t take life for granted the world and it’s opportunities are bigger for u than u may snd if they sadly are not then idk what to tell u . I enjoy and love life and is glad I was born on this earth for a purpose.
I've known since i was 10 , i didn't want children. I told my partner when we started dating (13 yrs ago). Im in my late 30's now, and have no regrets... I've been called selfish ect ... But if I've know since i was 10, and 💯 never wavered from my decision , so is that selfish? I think not. 😊. Side note: I live in BC Canada, and at this point basic living is unattainable for many working canadians. I wouldn't want the struggle, to raise a child and not be able to provide. It furthermore validates my choice.
How do you always know what I am struggling with in my relationship?! Thank you for this video. I have always wanted kids but I stress about the environment and brining kids into this world so my husband and I are always back and forth...
hey, I totally get the point about the environment, it is tough to think that not only you might make it worse by bringing a child into the world (more consumption, etc), but that the world they will inherit will not be safe. At the same time, what if your future child is not simply part of the problem, what if they will be part of the solution? :) I mean, so many kids are born in contexts where they will not be raised around environmentally-friendly values, or will be unable to act on our current issues. We need people who can compensate for that. Simply having fewer people on this Earth will not solve the problem. How we choose to live will. Ultimately, it's your decision, you know what feels right for you ❤️️
I think this video has helped me realize that I'd be happy with both outcomes! Maybe there isn't a right and wrong answer like I assumed. Honestly, I think there are amazing and challenging aspects to both lifestyles, but just because you might love one option doesn't mean you wouldn't also love the other.
Thank you for your videos explaining why you've chosen not to but also acknowledge there's good reasons for both sides. For me, it comes down to this: do you (meaning anyone) want to see what a human you create will ultimately become? For me, the answer is no. I have many side interests and serve in my community and acknowledge a child would take time and money away from that. Also, some women that I've dated have brought up kids and I had a reaction that could be described as terror. Those two things swayed me away.
I am leaning towards NO for me, but I do love children and would like to have many children in my life. Childfree does not have to mean childless on all fronts.
Very helpful video ❤ thank you! Gonna go and watch y’all’s video about how yall arrived to the decision 😊 I am definitely on the fence but have never had the desire to have kids although I come from a big family and we are all very close ❤
@@angelacanedit Well I'm not sure about the second kid yet, but I was able to decide to have a kid because I was dating a dad and we had really great family time together. That showed me that having a family is fun and totally worth it. I could definitely have been happy CF but I'm glad I made the choice to have at least one child, she brightens my life & I'm able to have so many new and touching experiences (but yes it's really hard too don't forget that). I'm giving myself the next 4 years to decide if I want to commit to another baby or focus more on myself. I recommend babysitting the kids of someone you know, to help you see if you would enjoy it.
In every chapter of my life I did everything I wanted to do and not what others want....and I had a beautiful life with long term relationships with the girls I wanted and nothing less...but after 30 (and I knew that time will come years before) all the conversations are close to marriages,kids everywhere.... people that you didn't hear for them with no life ...after the get kids you see them everyday posting everywhere #happyfamily,#myeverything and all kind of the same things as everyone with no life before do. So to me...I don't want kids.....BUT in my society not have kid's is a sick option...I don't care about the society but every girl I met in those ages ....cares about or can't go against the pressure...... So now I find a girl the already has a kid so not to push me have one.... In conclusion I would like to live without kids in my life but the girls out there not wanted to or not pushed to are very very rare.....so that's my best decision even if I prefer not have kid's in my mind at all. I want your opinion and you are very lucky not both want kids and live the adventure of life at its full.
Hi,thanks for all the perspectives you shared, helping out couples who are in a dilemma. I'm 31 years old and have been married for 1 year now. so, this obvious topic came up to our life and one thing that scares me most is the physical pain and changes as a woman you feel during this whole childbearing process and I couldn't find any video or discussion on that regard. Am I the only person who has this fear and counts this reason along with other reasons to not have a baby? Please can someone add something to this point? I have never been admitted to a hospital or gone through any surgery etc. fortunately,so it really freaks me out thinking of all the cut and stitches, blood and pain and the physical changes😢
I feel the same way. I have many reasons for not wanting kids, including the physical pain, damage and changes that would/could happen to my body :( I sometimes think if pregnancy and birth wasn't so grotesque and life changing maybe it would be ok to have children. Or if I was so desperate to have kids I feel the changes to my body and the pain will be worth it. But I have no desperation or desire to have children and pregnancy/birth is so life and body changing :( feels like a loose loose to me
I honestly don't know. I have a lot of mental health issues that I have had since a teenager that I am on a lot of medication for to be honest I'm leaning more towards no because of the mental health and medication issues and parents aren't keen on us starting a family because of that reason. Also concerned about lack of freedom like u can't take off whenever you want you have to either bring them with you or organise a babysitter also it becomes all about the child you have to put their needs before your own.
I've always thought that i would have Kids, I never doubted It. Now i'm 21 and I'm in a relationship and It's not that obvious to me anymore. I still cry when I see newborns and pregnancy stories but i don't know if that's gonna be me or not. I Guess the future will tell 😁
Y&N. wanted and tried and it didn’t work out for me and my husband. We didn’t pursue any intervention. For 2 years I felt ok being child free and now im feeling the panic to try everything we can. Confusion
Watching this while resting in bed after my vasectomy... I guess I've made my decision. Now to see if I can actually find a girlfriend who doesn't want kids. Seems like a needle in a haystack, but you never know.
I've always felt that I did not want kids and now that I'm 33 I'm really trying to make sure that I won't regret that decision later in life. The biggest takeaway I have recieved from moms is that you should only have kids if you really really want them. And even when you really really want them they are really really hard. But of course very fulfilling if that's what you want.
I watched my father mess up his second marriage with kids. Watching him struggle with being a dad and actually not meeting their needs had put me off having kids myself somehow. But I also dont want to make a descision based on trauma or fear. I am 32 now and still doubting, but time is ticking and my bf really wants to have kids. I have very high demands of myself if i were ever to become a parent. And i just dont feel good enough. I dont want to be a parent that damages another kid, because i know what that felt like. And i apparently dont trust myself or think that our lives are currently in the right state to have a kid. Because i also have high demands for my partner. I am just torn.
This is definitely very complex. I'm a for sure yes, but my husband is I don't know. We've been together as long as you guys but married for 2 this month. Hopefully we can come to a decision soon enough.
@@SenoritaTJ that’s not what u said you said that he’s 52 and it wouldn’t fair on the child old bro it’s possible even at that age to still have kid and ur a lot more mature to raise compared to someone that has a kid younger don’t ever say something stupid like that ever again
@@ClleonieIt’s not that old. Males unlike females are still able to give life past 50. He will still be able to become a grandfather when he’s almost 80 years old or even the late 70s- Not that bad.. there’s still time.
Thank you for this video! We are completely split between Y and N on this. It is such a huge decision and one we don’t take lightly. Sometimes it feels like I don’t know how we will ever decide and feel good about it.
Hi Lauren, thank you so much for sharing. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this huge life decision. It sounds like you've given it lots of thought. We hope this video helps!
Hi Lauren, did you come to a decision ? I am going through the same as you right now at age 35 ! X
@@Clleonie same here :D
I'm 35 and feel the same!
I am 36 and having such a huge struggle about this. My husband kind of wants it, but he fully respects my decision and I feel he would own the decision more easily than me.
I never wanted kids, and it is a lot of pressure now that I’m in a stable relationship and at the age where it’s “my last fertile decade.” I feel that the world is not entirely accepting yet of women who DO NOT want the childbirth and motherhood experience. There’s a lot to consider on your own, people don’t need pressure from outside on top of it all. I appreciated that you mentioned how people with and without children do not need to be enemies.
Thank you for this. I often feel lonely with my decision not to have children as my friends around me begin having families, I too often feel there is something "wrong" with me or my husband and begin to question our decision not to as if I'm somehow missing out. Thanks for normalizing our decision :)
One suggestion to help "find your why": challenge yourself to do the "5 whys exercise" to dig deeper into your thinking. This will uncover deeper motivations you may not have considered.
Gut instinct has always been yes but logistics and cost of living are making me lean towards no... plenty of studies show happiness is unaffected and there's no guarantee they they'll stick around after they've grown up.
I’m turning 40 this year
I’m plagued by this decision. Growing up I always figured I’d have them and now I’m so undecided and it’s stressing me out
I'm in the exact same position and feel the same way 😞
I guess you better think clearly, life can be terrible, there is chance your child may face diff mental or physical illness. I regret being born, but I have no choice, as my parent decide this.
@@il6524 if you regret being born that’s your own problem. Try therapy
@@il6524 u regret being born? dude Im 18 years old and i can tell u right now that I have been through some wierd shit in my life and dealt with sad human behaviors throughout all my life but it is such audacity to say u wish you were never born 😂. Don’t take life for granted the world and it’s opportunities are bigger for u than u may snd if they sadly are not then idk what to tell u . I enjoy and love life and is glad I was born on this earth for a purpose.
Did you?
I've known since i was 10 , i didn't want children. I told my partner when we started dating (13 yrs ago). Im in my late 30's now, and have no regrets... I've been called selfish ect ... But if I've know since i was 10, and 💯 never wavered from my decision , so is that selfish? I think not. 😊. Side note: I live in BC Canada, and at this point basic living is unattainable for many working canadians. I wouldn't want the struggle, to raise a child and not be able to provide. It furthermore validates my choice.
I don’t think kids are for me but I’m giving myself to come to terms with it because of society.
Thank you for this conversation!! Don’t want kids at all and very happy with my decision!
I am 19 and I can't wait to have kids. It is something I really want and I and I don't follow the norm. I just follow my heart.😊
We love hearing stories like this! All about everyone choosing what feels good in their heart!!
You’re young enough to make drastic financial situations. Start saving now and you’ll be able to afford children.
But the reality dont always follow your heart
How do you always know what I am struggling with in my relationship?! Thank you for this video. I have always wanted kids but I stress about the environment and brining kids into this world so my husband and I are always back and forth...
Haha we're psychic! So glad this video hit home ❤️
hey, I totally get the point about the environment, it is tough to think that not only you might make it worse by bringing a child into the world (more consumption, etc), but that the world they will inherit will not be safe. At the same time, what if your future child is not simply part of the problem, what if they will be part of the solution? :) I mean, so many kids are born in contexts where they will not be raised around environmentally-friendly values, or will be unable to act on our current issues. We need people who can compensate for that. Simply having fewer people on this Earth will not solve the problem. How we choose to live will. Ultimately, it's your decision, you know what feels right for you ❤️️
may be just adopt one?
I didn’t trust my gut and married the wrong person. Now I regret it. My gut tells me not to have kids and that s what I am doing
I think this video has helped me realize that I'd be happy with both outcomes! Maybe there isn't a right and wrong answer like I assumed. Honestly, I think there are amazing and challenging aspects to both lifestyles, but just because you might love one option doesn't mean you wouldn't also love the other.
Thank you for your videos explaining why you've chosen not to but also acknowledge there's good reasons for both sides.
For me, it comes down to this: do you (meaning anyone) want to see what a human you create will ultimately become? For me, the answer is no. I have many side interests and serve in my community and acknowledge a child would take time and money away from that.
Also, some women that I've dated have brought up kids and I had a reaction that could be described as terror. Those two things swayed me away.
I am leaning towards NO for me, but I do love children and would like to have many children in my life. Childfree does not have to mean childless on all fronts.
Leaning closer to N…….but not totally sure
Very helpful video ❤ thank you! Gonna go and watch y’all’s video about how yall arrived to the decision 😊 I am definitely on the fence but have never had the desire to have kids although I come from a big family and we are all very close ❤
I debated for years and now I have a daughter & planning for one more.
What made you finally make up your mind? I can't decide yet
@@angelacanedit Well I'm not sure about the second kid yet, but I was able to decide to have a kid because I was dating a dad and we had really great family time together. That showed me that having a family is fun and totally worth it. I could definitely have been happy CF but I'm glad I made the choice to have at least one child, she brightens my life & I'm able to have so many new and touching experiences (but yes it's really hard too don't forget that). I'm giving myself the next 4 years to decide if I want to commit to another baby or focus more on myself. I recommend babysitting the kids of someone you know, to help you see if you would enjoy it.
In every chapter of my life I did everything I wanted to do and not what others want....and I had a beautiful life with long term relationships with the girls I wanted and nothing less...but after 30 (and I knew that time will come years before) all the conversations are close to marriages,kids everywhere.... people that you didn't hear for them with no life ...after the get kids you see them everyday posting everywhere #happyfamily,#myeverything and all kind of the same things as everyone with no life before do.
So to me...I don't want kids.....BUT in my society not have kid's is a sick option...I don't care about the society but every girl I met in those ages ....cares about or can't go against the pressure...... So now I find a girl the already has a kid so not to push me have one....
In conclusion I would like to live without kids in my life but the girls out there not wanted to or not pushed to are very very rare.....so that's my best decision even if I prefer not have kid's in my mind at all.
I want your opinion and you are very lucky not both want kids and live the adventure of life at its full.
Hi,thanks for all the perspectives you shared, helping out couples who are in a dilemma. I'm 31 years old and have been married for 1 year now. so, this obvious topic came up to our life and one thing that scares me most is the physical pain and changes as a woman you feel during this whole childbearing process and I couldn't find any video or discussion on that regard. Am I the only person who has this fear and counts this reason along with other reasons to not have a baby? Please can someone add something to this point? I have never been admitted to a hospital or gone through any surgery etc. fortunately,so it really freaks me out thinking of all the cut and stitches, blood and pain and the physical changes😢
I feel the same way. I have many reasons for not wanting kids, including the physical pain, damage and changes that would/could happen to my body :( I sometimes think if pregnancy and birth wasn't so grotesque and life changing maybe it would be ok to have children. Or if I was so desperate to have kids I feel the changes to my body and the pain will be worth it. But I have no desperation or desire to have children and pregnancy/birth is so life and body changing :( feels like a loose loose to me
@@Hanzeeeee exactly,same thoughts and I can relate to each sentences you wrote here. At least someone feels this way😑
I honestly don't know. I have a lot of mental health issues that I have had since a teenager that I am on a lot of medication for to be honest I'm leaning more towards no because of the mental health and medication issues and parents aren't keen on us starting a family because of that reason.
Also concerned about lack of freedom like u can't take off whenever you want you have to either bring them with you or organise a babysitter also it becomes all about the child you have to put their needs before your own.
it seems mental illness can be inherited
Thank you. I don't want kids for some persinal reasons but I felt bad because I was grieving the ghost ship. I just didn't know how to word it.
Totally! Gut decision now it’s...N.Thank you ;)
I'd rather buy horses then have children 🤣
ive always had a natural desire and dream to have kids! i just was curious to hear y’all’s thoughts on it💓
Thanks for watching Anna!
I've always thought that i would have Kids, I never doubted It. Now i'm 21 and I'm in a relationship and It's not that obvious to me anymore. I still cry when I see newborns and pregnancy stories but i don't know if that's gonna be me or not. I Guess the future will tell 😁
What about now?
Y&N. wanted and tried and it didn’t work out for me and my husband. We didn’t pursue any intervention. For 2 years I felt ok being child free and now im feeling the panic to try everything we can. Confusion
Watching this while resting in bed after my vasectomy... I guess I've made my decision. Now to see if I can actually find a girlfriend who doesn't want kids. Seems like a needle in a haystack, but you never know.
❤
Thank you:) I'm so grateful for this video, very useful tips!
You're so welcome!
It's a No in my case
Kids aren’t for everyone so great choice
I've always felt that I did not want kids and now that I'm 33 I'm really trying to make sure that I won't regret that decision later in life. The biggest takeaway I have recieved from moms is that you should only have kids if you really really want them. And even when you really really want them they are really really hard. But of course very fulfilling if that's what you want.
Raising children and taking care of them is not that hard as long as you have the love and passion for it-
Loved this video!
I watched my father mess up his second marriage with kids. Watching him struggle with being a dad and actually not meeting their needs had put me off having kids myself somehow. But I also dont want to make a descision based on trauma or fear. I am 32 now and still doubting, but time is ticking and my bf really wants to have kids. I have very high demands of myself if i were ever to become a parent. And i just dont feel good enough. I dont want to be a parent that damages another kid, because i know what that felt like. And i apparently dont trust myself or think that our lives are currently in the right state to have a kid. Because i also have high demands for my partner. I am just torn.
It's a VERY personal choice. If you want more clarity, a good counselor can help you get to the right choice for you. - Jackie with Team V&X
what a great video!
Thanks for watching!!
N
This is definitely very complex. I'm a for sure yes, but my husband is I don't know. We've been together as long as you guys but married for 2 this month. Hopefully we can come to a decision soon enough.
M. I really don't know. My fiance doesn't want children. He's 52. I'm 37.
He's too old now, wouldn't be fair on the child
What u said is invalid I know plenty of people at that age have kids lol
@@johanruiz3422 As I said he doesn't want to have kids. So No what I said is not invalid. Some people just don't want to have kids.
@@SenoritaTJ that’s not what u said you said that he’s 52 and it wouldn’t fair on the child old bro it’s possible even at that age to still have kid and ur a lot more mature to raise compared to someone that has a kid younger don’t ever say something stupid like that ever again
@@ClleonieIt’s not that old. Males unlike females are still able to give life past 50. He will still be able to become a grandfather when he’s almost 80 years old or even the late 70s-
Not that bad.. there’s still time.
Yes, of course u should have children. Why not? The rest of society will pay for them
Thank you so much for making this video. I needed it today 🥹
So glad you enjoyed the video! We also have a whole Pillow Talks podcast video on this subject, check it out at vmtherapy.com/episode88 ❤️