Do I Want Kids?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 лип 2021
- Glad You Asked host Cleo Abram is pretty sure she wants kids, but doesn’t feel like she has enough information to truly understand the impact of that decision. She’s not alone - even though the majority of American women do decide to have children, the number of births in the United States has been creeping downward, and women are having kids later and later in life. But while no one but you can answer if you want to have kids, join Cleo as she gathers more data and perspective on what it means to be a parent.
0:00 Intro
1:32 Do I Want Kids?
4:28 The Happines Gap
7:25 My Body
12:42 My Career
17:15 Making It Easier
21:08 Wrap Up
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@ITS ME 🤔 ANTIFA ok trolol
I think statistics on Korea are inappropriate. Because Korea spends a lot of money on private education, I don't think it's possible to get such a result
@ITS ME 🤔 ANTIFA Bruh , for people in India it is normal to have 12 kids
You missed a very important consideration: anti-natalist positions on not having kids. See David Benatar.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for continuing this series. All of you behind the videos make amazing content 💙
I think we should change the question from 'Do you want to have kids?' to 'Do you want to be a parent?' as that is the crux of it. Kids aren't some accessories or a band-aid for other problems, they require care and time. Maybe if we focus more on the new role a person have to take on as a parent, rather than on 'acquisition' of a child people will reflect more before making the decision.
THANK 👏 YOU👏
I was also a prop
That's so true!! And no I absolutely don't want to be a parent
Not having a kid will be the best decision. More and more women don't want (or lack the quality) to be mother and /or wife. Men really don't have any clear rights when it comes to marriage or his own kids. It's a win-win situation for men. Have fun and walk away.
@@prasadyoutube7823 agree a lot of men also lack the qualities to be good fathers, providers and husbands. Imagine being pregnant and breastfeeding and have a loser man. Yikes
I love my kids to death but as someone who has kids, I can completely understand why someone would never want to have them. It's not a decision to take lightly.
Most people don't see it as a decision at all.
As a 31 year old woman deciding not to have children I really appreciate this comment. Thank you 🙏
@@katehipkins2838 just be happy with with your decision. It’s a very serious life changing decision ,most don’t even consider. What most people want discuss is it has an effect on your relationship and that will have another layer to your life you didn’t see coming. I think people in general don’t want to admit it’s not as easy or joyful as people say it is. For some people haven’t kids can contribute to a host of mental and physical problems. And when you get older there’s no promise your kids will have time or even care to be around you. I have daughters children I love dearly . But it’s not a cake walk, and I tell to think before you have children.
Yes! Some people want kids because of the lovey-dovey cuteness overload phase of kids.. not realizing these babies will grow up and be adults.
100% agree. I love my child but the emotional, physical, mental, and financial toll it takes is a lot (especially a special needs child). I find the people who say "it doesn't change your lifestyle that much" are either liars or too privileged to see the amount of sacrifice it takes to raise a child if you don't have access to certain resources
I have known since I was 14 that I don’t want kids. Now I’m in my mid30s and happily childfree. ☺️ I’m grateful I found a partner who shares the similar views as me.
I have known the same since I was around 14 as well. I'm 50 now. I'm glad and grateful that I didn't have children.
@@ksato7343 if you both were happy in your decisions you wouldnt be here looking at "do i want kids" videos...
@@BennyHarassi you can be curious about other people's views on a topic even if you're happy with your decision though, i don't see how they're mutually exclusive.
@@BennyHarassi not true I follow VOX and it works both ways.
@@BennyHarassi Seriously? *facepalm*
This should be titled “are you fit to be a parent” because not everyone should be a parent. Doesn’t matter if you’re ready or not it’s just that some people are more for to be parents than others
Very well said
Someone may also be “fit” to be a parent with a Happy and healthy relationship, great job, great house, supportive family, but they simply do not want to be a parent. Which is a totally valid choice to make.
And who r you to decide whether someone else should be a parent?
The decision to be a parent can be life changing. It changes your perspective. Parenthood can teach you to be a even better person , if you're open to changing that is.
@@shantavetyan4053 if you’re not mentally there, you’re an abuser etc you should NOT be having children. Every child deserves a parent but not everyone needs a child. If a garbage parent you’re kid’s should be taken away from you
pets are the new kids. Plants are the new pets.
Kids are the new plants.
🙂
"Dog mom to one, she is my world."
- Every tinder profile ever
yea you have a low-paying job. Not desirable to hypergamous women.
But actually; I won't even get a cat because I stress about paying for food and vet bills, and I don't have a conducive lifestyle for a dog even beyond vet bills and feeding. So plants it is 😅
I'm a teacher and honestly, that's my number one form of birth control.
LOOOOLL
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I laughed so hard😂😂😂💔
still laughing to be honest 😂😂😂😂💔
What is birth control?
The closing had me in tears. I never really wanted kids because I seen how my mother struggled, she lost her career, her health and her marriage and I felt like it’s my fault. She got diagnosed with breast cancer, but delayed her treatment because 20 years back we were way too young to grow up without a mother. This cause her cancer to spread, and her living in pain until one day she decided we are old enough and went for treatment. It was way too late we lost her two years after the chemotherapy. I admired her strength but I don’t think I want that responsibility for myself
Another example of the damage normalizing and even venerating single motherhood has done to people and society.
God bless her heart
Please, put that in the context of USA where you have to choose between buying meds and paying the rent and food. Otherwise in most other countries this testimony does not make any sense.
I find it frustrating that people are discussing making fertility treatments more widely available, without thinking about whether or not those couples can even afford to actually have a child, which will absolutely cost them more than fertility treatments.
They still have them. Normally poorer people are much more fertile than higher social classes.
Hence why they are talking about adjusting all costs including child care, education and likely more. It’s a balancing act that I’m glad not to be a chief decider of. These are tough decisions where even monetary cost is just one factor. Are they physically and mentally capable of supporting children? Is ours a society where we even want to impose such barriers? What is life, but to support each other and new life? I do understand where you are coming from though.
Some people definitely would be able to afford raising kids but not the fertility treatments.
@@barbizen @Barbara Zen Probably because those poorer people had kids in their late teens. Individuals in higher socioeconomic groups wait to have kids until after their undergraduate degree, grad school, and career have settled in. As such, that individual is usually a hair over age 30.
@@Starry_Night_Sky7455 is bcause stress and lifestyle
As a 27-year old, this video made me sad. There is so much pressure on me to optimize career goal, marriage to the right person, and bear a human being all at a single time.
You matter the most, you can choose for yourself, don’t let others choose for you. It’s not like they are going to bear the consequences of their choices for you.
Clock is ticking!
Jk. You still have lots of time (as long as you're a guy)
It’s alright. You still have your 30s ahead of you. And you don’t even have to marry someone if you don’t feel like it. You matter and you are doing the best you can and that’s all that matters
That's sad
I see no problem with people who do not want to have kids, the only problem is those people who cannot accept others’ decision not to have kids. Periodt.
True words. People like to judge other. That's what happen when you live in judgmental base world. Every move count.
Exactly I’m not having children just because of societal pressure
@@alexisf22 yeah its really none of anyone's business your body, your money LOL
@@SachiraBhanu true lol . i get it ALL the Time from my so called ''friends'' When are you going to have one . it will change your life . blah..blah blah.. My response: That is what i'm afraid of.... i like MY Life, My Freedom, Time, Home lol etc...
So True i don't understand why people get mad about such a personal choice... you want kids Great Happy for you . i don't and it should be the same reaction lol
I’m surprised people expect kids to make them happier. I would expect it to be much more stressful and hard than not having kids but that the positives of kids are about companionship, the satisfaction of impacting another’s life and the bond of family
I am 20 from India... Everytime I share my opinion with my friends that I wanna go childfree.. Most of them said your thoughts are gonna change with the time.. But really don't want kids.. 🙁.
Same, except in my case, it’s parents instead of friends. Your personal opinions should be respected.
I heard the same thing over many decades, but I’m 40 now and never been happier about my choice (and my partner’s) to be childfree.
Wishing you ongoing courage to stay rooted in what you need. ❤️
Maybe it will happen and you will change your mind or maybe it will not. People are changing over time and even 10 years is enough to be mostly different person.
You'll change your mind when your ovaries start to dry up.
Whoever says that is not a real friend.
Even when I was a kid I thought to myself “just because you CAN have kids doesn’t mean you SHOULD” I rather adopt but the process is lengthy and expensive
giving birth to a child, depending on which country you're in, is already lengthy and expensive, and yeah your body can be permanently scarred.
Adoption may sound like it’s expensive I think it’s like around $20k in Canada.
Not sure how much it is in States.
If you adopt 4 or 7 year child though imagine how much you would have to sacrifice besides your career for birth of a child taking time off for breastfeeding, it’s much more than 20 K by the time the child turns 7. So adoption is an excellent alternative.
@@vkrgfan IF you have $ and a husband.
@@kathyclark8274 or a wife
Seriously dho if its adopted either parent could take care of it instead of just one
Exactly, yet so many people have them because they think it's expected of them.
The irony that I had to turn up the volume while watching this because my neighbour's kid is having a complete meltdown on the other side of the wall, is not lost on me.
Kids being kids, how dare they.
we were all once annoying young kids once. kids are allowed to have meltdowns. its all part of being a kid.
@@romanuslureaus2176 Hence why I don't want one.
@@user-st6ui7oy1p then dont have one then.
@@ramraghavendra7178 thats.... litterally the point but okay😑
No. I do not want kids, decided when I was 12 and never changed my mind. Despite all the times someone said “oh, give it time.” Never got married either, it’s ridiculous to think “that kids make you happier” as a sweeping statement.
Just curious.
How old are you now?
Same. I was 11. Now 36. Kids? Never.
@@pappythehumble1138 53, old enough to know I have no regrets, I’m a very happy aunt of 2 awesome nephews. :)
@@edengarden6811 When you know, you know. Why people are so convinced that because they had children and are happy w/their decision means that everyone else must, of course, be of the same mind is beyond me. I’m 53 and never changed my mind and am still very glad I never had kids. (Love my nephews to death though, they’re great.) 🙂
@@ZolaClyde Who will take care of you in your old age? I hope your nephews don't have to choose between you and their parents.
This is a great conversation to have for kids. I have a 7 year old but I had him young and I realize my personality doesn’t fit with being a parent, although I make it work. The more independent he becomes the happier I become.
The most important job you have as a parent is teaching your kids to become independent adults, and it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing.
I have an almost 7 year old and I feel exactly the same as you. Every passing year feels easy and I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel!
maybe you're better suited to be a parent than you give yourself credit for. The parents who have codependence issues with their kids always end up dysfunctional
Then why did you have the kid?
@@noammusk519 there are so many things that come into play with that. societal expectations, marriage tensions, lack of education, etc, there are so many reasons for why people have kids before they're ready for them. that doesn't automatically make them a bad parent. also, that's none of your business. your question comes off as agressive
Other than money for living essentials, baby care, insurance, home, etc, the most stressful factor for working parents is giving time and energy. Ensuring kid to be healthy, well behaving and prepared for society is big challenge.
That is a responsible and the right way to think, you don’t bring children to this world just because . They all deserve a good quality of life .
LI agree. If I were to have kids it would have to be planned out. I would have to make sure I have a good home in a good area first. I wouldn’t want my kids growing up poor in a bad neighborhood. I don’t wanna have a Surprise kid. I’m responsible. I don’t sleep around and I use protection. With that said I don’t ever want kids. I’m 26 now. When I was 20 I wasn’t as smart and didn’t always use protection and my ex girlfriend got pregnant. Sadly she had a miscarrage. But I was scared cause I wasn’t ready to have a kid. I wouldn’t have aborted it tho.
@@grogu411 I am sure you will be happy to receive your babies when you find the right person , a lady with who you can build a lovely and stable home for your children . Be wise and you will be blessed .
@@AB-cz4ei or not? Not everybody needs to or even should have children. This isn't the 1950's Karen
@@AB-cz4ei He's currently blessed with not having kids thanks to protection.
Why is adoption such a limited part of this conversation? If you can't get pregnant there are hundreds of thousands of babies and children just waiting to find a new home. It doesn't have to be your genetic child in order to love it.
There aren't actually that many children in need of new homes. Many global orphans have a living parent and community that want to take care of them. Adoption agencies, both domestic and international, are full of what is effectively human trafficking.
@@callies8907 your last sentence contradicts your first.
@@callies8907 LOL wow. Never have I seen such a wild attempt to find an ethical reason to avoid adopting. But "adoption is a myth because they're all just being trafficked" is a winner for sure.
It should be part of the conversation more. Especially because it’s prohibitively expensive - more expensive than even getting pregnant through medical means.
@Myra Bae Well, that's pretty much the same with biological children. Biological children can turn out totally different from you and your partner, and obviously there are countless examples of self-destructive behavior.
Personally, I know a couple who adopted a baby they found abandoned on the side of the road while the mother was pregnant with her third (and final) child. Obviously you can't have more of an unknown than that. But she in particular grew really close to the adopted child, even more so than her biological children. I know it's anecdotal but point is it's entirely possible to love an adopted child, despite the "unknowns," as much or even more so than your own biological children.
7:04 this is so important. This statement. I completely switched around my education pathway and what I had planned for myself because I want to be happy and I want kids. And as someone with first hand experience, that stress, anxiety, that pain and anger that you as a parent feel can be felt by your children. Even if you don't tell them about it, it will affect your outlook, your energy, your language, everything. I want my kids (nonexistent) to be happy and for that to be possible, especially while I raise them, it is crucial for me to be happy as well.
I'm thirty now and with every passing year I want children less and less!! The idea of getting pregnant fills me with horror 😂 I'm absolutely coming into my own life and really happy and enjoying my career and freedom 💞 fair play to anyone who has kids but not for me thank you :)
Agree! I realised with 25 that I didn't want kids. The thought of kids filled me with dread, it felt like my life as an independant person would be over for 2 decades and it was like starring into a black hole. When I realised I did not have to, my world got so much lighter and I fully started to live my life to the fullest. Of course I could change my mind later on, but for now I am 100% sure.
@@woolypuffin392 actually it's over for life look how many still depend on their parents into their 30s or 40s
💯
I thought it was just me..the older I get, the more complacent I'm becoming. I remember a Brazilian friend of mine telling me that in her town, they tried to get the women to give birth by their mid 20s because after that, they are less inclined to want to do so. At the time I didnt understand what she was talking about and now I totally get it. I'm waaay too complacent now and I totally understand where the cats come in because I just want peace!😂
Just be absolutely sure because this is a decision that you can't reverse in the future. If you really believe that you can have a fulfilled and genuinely happy life in the future where there's no child of yours to accompany or take care of you when you're alone then go right ahead.
I think the first real question before "Do I want kids" talk is the "Do I want to be in a relationship" talk first. Because I came to the realization that I would make a great Uncle than a Father.
Me as well
Oof. You have a point there.
I, on the other hand, don't think I'd want to even see my future neices or nephews.
They'd be satan's spawn. Literally.
For context, her name is Lucy.
@@notareallin620 I was the same, i hated kids, they are loud and anoying,but when my nephew borned it changed a lot of things. I helped my brother and sister in law all the time and now i kinda like to spend time with this little guy.
Also you can experience all the good things about a kid and when they have a problem just give it back to the parents 😂
I think that's a similar but not necessarily related question, since adoption and artificial insemination are options and becoming increasingly (but still not sufficiently) accepted for single people. These questions are all part of breaking down amatonormativity though!
If a society wants more parents, they should be willing to be a society that loves and cherishes children. Through affordable daycare, better wages, better work hours, universal healthcare, affordable QUALITY education, these are the things that allow people to love and enjoy their families and children. Otherwise, it's just suffering and making a decision between raising your children and making money to keep them fed. And nobody should have to make that choice.
Yes can't say enough about daycare. It's ridiculously expensive.
Also longer paid parental leave, which is subsidised by the government so businesses can afford to hire a temporary replacement without losing money if they have to, I think parents should be able to have at least a year of paid parental leave if they choose to take it, there's so much evidence that it improves the health and well-being of both parents and baby and has better developmental outcomes for the baby too, it's so important
And where would you suggest the funding to cover all that comes from exactly?
@@benjaminollis7621 probably tax. If we keep going this way than birth rate is going to drop for sure. If we wanna sustain birth rate then gotta give more credit for child care or incentive / deregulation for opening new child cares. There isn't enough competition out there reducing child care cost.
Not only what you said, but our cities should be rebuilt to be kids friendly. Restaurants, museums, public restrooms, sidewalks, changing rooms, elevators, waiting rooms and more and more and more
저는 아이를 낳지 않기로 결심한 한국의 28세 여성입니다. 그렇게 결정한 이유는 경제적 부담, 자유의 박탈, 신체의 변화 등 여러가지가 있지만 가장 중요한 건 내 자신이 행복하지 않은 가정환경에서 자랐다는 사실입니다. 나는 홀어머니 밑에서 자랐고 늘 경제적으로 부족한 삶을 살았지만 내가 불행한 이유는 엄마에 대한 애증의 마음 때문입니다. 엄마는 우리를 사랑보단 책임감, 책무로 키우셨고 늘 우리때문에 힘들어했으며 상처주는 말도 서스럼없이 했습니다. 엄마가 우릴 사랑하지 않는다는건 아니지만 우리때문에 항상 불행해하고 항상 슬퍼하는 모습을 지켜보며 저는 제가 아이를 낳아도 아이에게 온전한 행복을 줄 수 없을거라고 느꼈습니다. 나 자신이 행복해야 아이도 행복하게 키울 수 있을거라고 생각하는데, 저는 행복해지기 어려운 삶을 살고있고 아이를 낳는다면 행복보다 불행이 훨씬 더 커질것이라는 걸 잘 알고 있습니다.
Ever since I was very young, I was always so baffled when adults told me they wanted children. As a child myself I knew exactly what they were like. I'm the eldest of two, and eldest siblings are basically just a second or third parent with no patience. I believe that people should have to take tests before they should be allowed to have children, and from my experience and yours I feel, I think we'd happily fail that test.
Nothing wrong with not wanting kids. A pet can give you so much unconditional love and company
I’m blessed with my cats and lots of nieces and nephews. I’m still undecided if I’ll try to have kids, but I can be happy being an aunt and cat mom.
Pets are companions. Children are children
@@silloweet you don't say
That's so sad hahaha poor you
@@silloweetcaring for animals activates mammalian caregiver instinct same as children do actually. This has been proven by studies.
I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.
THIS LOL
@@blackticalmayhem8461 what’s so funny?
@@freckleheckler6311 yo mama
@@AJTheInvisibleGirl 😂👎👎👎👎
Same bro. At least I won’t ever regret getting my dogs .
As a 30-year-old woman who loves children, it’s hard to feel like my life is complete without a child. Do I want to have kids? Yes, I do, but the question is more complicated than that. I don’t just want kids, I want a FAMILY. A factor that this video touched upon economically but no more than that is the partner you have a child with. I don’t have any yet simply because I have yet to meet someone whom I believe would be a good partner to raise children with. I think you can want to have kids but if you do it with the wrong person, that definitely changes things. And being a single parent is a completely different ball game and topic. It’s no joke. I was raised by a single mom of 4. She was and still is an AMAZING mother but I do not wish to emulate the hardships she had to endure raising us alone.
exactly my thoughts
YES!!
If you find that guy make sure you appreciate him. It’s a hard bargain for men with the responsibility and means to make a family happen to give up their life quality to do that.
@@Joshcodes808 giving up life quality like what?
That’s the hardest thing to find in this generation either you find a good man and the love ends and you split and you end up alone raising kids on your own you either take the risk or you don’t to many single moms out there that never thought they would be left alone raising a child on there own.
Biggest lesson I learnt transitioning into my 30s, was that the things I thought would bring me joy and fulfillment in my 20s were not the same when I hit my 30s and its pretty obvious to me that that will continue to shift as I age.
I thought I would NEVER have kids and had no interest to do so as I am very much career focused. However my mind has started to shift. I can only imagine that in my 50s, career may not be as exciting/fulfilling of a pursuit.
In my experience, I felt that "parenthood as a burden" was drilled into us. The narrative in my life around kids and parenthood was that it is endless sacrifice and difficult and you lose most your life. I think this was a terrible narrative to drill into impressionable young people. I think it would be such a shame to miss out on one of the most naturally magical experiences/relationships in life that one can have based on a 1 sided opinion. There should be open and honest education around what to expect in parenthood and as a society we should provide adequate support to parents to help nurture healthy parent/child relationships.
Adoption and fostering is such a great option if you want to be a parent. There are so many kids already in existence that need love and support.
was looking for a comment like this! i feel a little frustrated that this video didn't really talk about options other than birthing children and not parenting at all
This video should have talked about this. Ive always wanted to adopt for so many reasons, my health, helping those kids, financial stability before kids, giving a change to older kids to be adopted.
That is a problem in the first place.
I don't want to say: "I'll never have children", because maybe someday I'll change my mind if I am in a good place in life. However there's a lot to consider and after weighing it all up; I'm confident it's not a good idea. This being said, if you're a parent and you're reading this... please never make your children seem like a burden. As cliché as it sounds, they really didn't ask to be born.
I couldn't have written it better.
But shouldn’t they be thankfull of it?
@@vincentmegens 😂😂😂
Not only that but that can take a number on their mental health. You say that to them you are a horrible parent and your kids are going to grow up suicidal and believing that the world would be a better place without them
chose to speak facts today i see
Having kids in the US is all about economics. When the population was booming, one income could support an entire family and buy a home. Now you need two incomes and no kids just to save up to put a down payment on a home. People haven't suddenly decided that kids aren't worth it
Make it easier to live and more people will have kids.
This^ the boomers took it all
@@seanpchristy Boomers love to cry about less people having kids, but never wonder why it is.
@@morb0yo People usually don't know how hard things really are for other people. They speak from THEIR experience, even if it was some 40 years ago.
They have a hard time to realise how much things have changed since then. And it's not exclusive to the US. I'm from Brazil and couples here both have to work to pay RENT, not buy a house or anything like that.
And we still get asked when we're gonna have children, why we didn't have it already, like we live in a magical place where money hangs from trees and days have 96 hours ore more, if you need it to.
That's actually make sense
@@alexdamaceno Then when you're part of the bigger group of people who are stuck in the "can't afford the kids and house lifestyle" it's all "You're lazy and it's all your fault you're not making enough money. Just do better in life."
Love this! I got sterilized in July, and while I have a supportive partner and parents, there are some hateful people out there who seem to feel that my choice deeply affects them.
I'll never understand why random people have the right to get angry at someone else's personal decisions that do not even remotely concern them. 😒 Your choice was the right one for you and good that you have such great support system around you.
Just tell them you can’t have kids for medical reasons. You won’t get hate then
@@bettywhite2694 True, but we shouldn't have to do that.
@@Ambers3rdFupaRoll it’s very simple. You either care or don’t care.
If you care then that means you care what people think and want to build sustainable relationships with people through compromise.
And if you don’t care then why even respond
Rachel, you made the decision that you felt was right for you. If some unstable person is angry about your decision then that's their problem. It's the 21st century and some people have not caught on yet.
For anyone, who doesn't want to become a parent, I agree with Trystan 21:21
Supporting a kid, being an extra adult in the life of a kid (someone other than the parent) that gives them love and attention... That's valuable!
I will always be impressed by people who know that they don't want to be parents and don't let society or family manipulate or guilt them into thinking differently.
Isnt it normal thinking? Most people live difficult life themselves, having kid only makes everything worse
What society? 1950’s society? If anything , THIS society TODAY is confirming their selfish, lack of family values.
And what’s exactly wrong with old school values of marriage and family? What is it that you don’t like about a society where people feel a pressure to get married and have children? The reverse certainly hasn’t produced good results.
@@iluomobravo Not having a kid isn't selfish. Selfish would be to have a kid because you think it can fix your marriage or because you feel lonely. Children should be born into a family that wants them and will truly love them. We have enough abusive parents as is.
@@iluomobravo Most parents I know had kids because of selfish reasons and most non-parents I know don't have kids because of non-selfish reasons (i.g. saving the climate or saving the potential kid from a bad youth).
Thank you, I really appreciate that. :)
I have one kid, one. And I gotta say, no one really told me how absolutely difficult it is to have a kid. If I would have really known how hard it is to raise a kid I might not have done it, tbh. But, since I didn't know, I did it and I am glad I did because my son is a treasure and my whole world and heart.
Make sure not to smother him. Let him be, to an extent
@@nickb1762 yes I agree. Don’t spoil or smother him too much. I’ve met kids who are an only child and they are both spoiled or smothered or at least the ones I’ve met lol.
Username checks out
@@AndyrewElliott bahahhahaha
Thank you for being so open about it too by leaving this comment. At the same time I feel a lot of parents feel the same way but instead of admitting they don’t necessarily enjoy every single aspect of being the parent, they don’t admit it but instead sugarcoat or gloss over it and encourage other people to have a child and join in as well. I am still undecided, but I want to have an honest discussion about what will be the outcome of my decision with relevant information. I don’t want the only thing I say after a child is born that it’s all happiness because I can’t give them back anyway. I want to know if the sacrifices I made and the changes to my life and my future is truly worth it, not because no parents ever wanted to say that it’s not worth it because it would make them sound terrible.
There are so many other dynamics missing from this conversation! Relationship, marriage first?, childhood traumas effecting perspective, medical mandates to receive hospital care etc… effecting the decision to have children or not.
The way this world is going, I feel immense sorrow for children being born into this era
"Immense sorrow".....That's only because you're weak. Would you rather they be born in the 1800's or perhaps the 1500's.... my point is there has never been an easier time to be alive. You're just weak.
I'm Portuguese and I can guarantee that Portugal is so high in the happiness scale because the community helps to raise kids. Like, I have two nices, and I take care of them every single weekend, so that may brother and sister in law can rest or take a extra shift at work. It's not easy and am really tired all the time. I certainly don't wanna have kids of my own!
You taking care of your nieces who are family isnt community tho... I mean its not like the local barber is taking care of them lol 😭😭
@@tahahagar7664 no, but when I was young even the woman who delivers the bread took care of me, sooo😂😂
Isn't your country's population very small already?
@@intermilan9731 and?
@@TR-gn3ym Yall should having hundreds of kidssss!
Cleo touched on another important point when she was on the call with her mom saying how she wanted to give another person the positive experience she received. I personally hesitate to become a parent because my childhood was not a positive experience. Talking to a lot of my friends who also experienced negative/toxic/traumatic childhoods, I think this holds a lot of people back from becoming a parent fearing that the traumas/toxicity continues. The gap from going to only knowing a toxic home life to creating a secure loving home life is a huge jump which requires a lot of self-healing and work on the individual first before they can even begin thinking of bringing another child into the world to avoid repeating the same cycles. So, there's a lot to think about before becoming a parent on top of all the points Cleo made in the video.
Toxic childhood means you're kids will likely have toxic grandparents too.
@@zuzanazuscinova5209 Not when you break contact with them
And todays world does not allow for any sort of healing from childhood traumas.
@@josicat4789 not just today, the world has never allowed any healing from childhood traumas. It remains to be seen how the future world will deal with this
I see your point of view, I myself see it more as a "I want to become the mother (and father) I didn't have"
From an early age I always know I didn’t not want to have kids. I got married at 19 and told my now husband that I didn’t want kids. He respected my decision and still chose to marry me. Now in my late 30s I am more convinced that I made the right choice, and I’m still happily married. Life looks different for everyone, there is no right or wrong way. It’s a choice and your choice is just perfect.
I'm 29, don't want kids, and only one of my friends doesn't have kids either (she doesn't want them). I get the same amount of money each month as they all do, yet I only have to pay for myself. I've also noticed that I am a lot happier than some of them too.
In Germany parents get "Kindergeld" at least up until the child turns 18, until 21 if the kid is jobless and until their 25th birthday if they are studying, in an apprenticeship or still in school of some sort and aren't earning enough money to support themselves. So we can focus on our education (which is also waaaay cheaper, public schools and universities are basically free)
what does Kindergeld mean?
@@saranshkaushik8259 child money
@@saranshkaushik8259 Merger of Kind (child) and Geld (money)
Literally translated: children money
Kindergeld = Childrenmoney = Monthly money for each children from our government 🇩🇪👍🏻😃
Writers: "We're going to rock climb to illustrate rising in a graph."
Vox: "Couldn't we just make you a graphic?"
Writers: "Did we stutter?"
"Be sure to add the rock climbing to the tax writeoffs"
"What for?"
"We'll find a reason"
Seriously, that added *nothing* whatsoever.
@@TheSergio1021
Lllloppp
Repent to Jesus Christ!!
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Proverbs 19:21 NIV
G
We also need like 200 dollars in quarters for something else as well
I love how some call childless people selfish, yet they can't name one reason to have children that isn't about them.
So true. There really don't seem to be any reasons to have children that aren't selfish.
I loved this video and research! Especially the conversation you had with your mom at the end. The honesty was appreciated in terms of her experience and what you want for yourself. We have to be honest with ourselves, where we are in life, where we live, finances, fertility ability, society, future prospects, choosing the right partner……..
Great conversation starter!
I like to fantasize about having kids, but it's not the picture of raising children I linger on.. it's the ability to be financially, geographically, and employment stable which would allow the risk of raising children. Thus, I will likely never have children.
Yeah i can imagine especially after that last segment.
The last thing anyone wants is their children suffering in a world their parents can't keep up with.
Meanwhile illegal immigrants crossing the border with two kids and one on the way with $10K in debt to a narco… 😮
And that is why the good people of this world are being outbreeded. Get over your fears.
Those who can, do. Those who can’t, get cats.
People, especially women, who choose not to have kids, get judged so more than people who choose to have kids.
If a woman chooses not to have kids, it's her choice. It doesn't mean she's missing out, it doesn't mean she's a failed woman, and it doesn't mean she's less happy. Stop judging others based on your own experiences, your own values or your own plans. Each to their own.
Really? I feel the opposite. I’ve had strangers tell me that me having kids is contributing to the global warming crisis. I get judged for having kids or for “just” being a stay at home mom. And rather the women who choose careers get all the celebration
@@PunsandPixels yeah so do i. ain't sure what she is talking about
Personally the women who I've seen get the most hate is stay at home mothers. They get judged so negatively. Although I guess it depends where you live.
@@morshed7352all the women I know who chose not to have kids complain at how often they get asked the question, 'when are you gonna have kids?' particularly from the relatives.
do you think mothers get asked the question 'why did you have kids?' more often than women without kids get asked when they are gonna have kids? I doubt it.
I live in a big city in England, not exactly a super conservative place, but there's definitely an expectation amongst many if not all people that women should have children. Most women I know in their 30s and 40s without kids say they feel judged for it.
@@morshed7352 well, there are different groups of people in the world. People who are judgmental about woman wanting kids and people who are judgmental about not wanting kids.
41 year old here. Since I was five I told my parents that I didn’t want to have kids. They didn’t believe me because I was a child. But I kept saying the same thing year after year. 36 years later: no kids. Never even thought about freezing my eggs or anything like that. A lot of my friends have. In my case I was so sure about not becoming a parent, that I never even gave it a thought. I think being a parent most be a beautiful thing if that’s what you truly want. The love. The responsibilities, the worries, the wisdom. As long a it’s something you really want and you see yourself as... if not... then choose what you want. I chose just that. I love that we can choose now. And I’m so thankful for that.
From a woman who doesn’t want to be a parent, thank you for this episode.
@Jean Villaine you don’t know yourself so you don’t see your trauma ergo don’t like yourself and so you project that onto others. Sad sad individual. Hope you heal. Be well.
No one has experienced both having kids and not having kids. It's one of those conundrums where you can only be on one side and must imagine what the other side feels like. You'll never truly know whether you'd be happier with kids or without.
Well said. My issue is the life I have experienced without kids is a very good life. So now it’s either risk it all by having kids or continue as I have been for a much more certain future. It’s not that I wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice my happiness for a greater purpose, but that purpose would have to be something I greatly desire.
Not necessary
Step kids 🤯
I can somewhat get a feel for it from all of my friends with children. None of them seem to be enjoying it. Many are miserable.
What’s objective about it is that every child costs about the same as another house.
Talk to my uncle then, he lost all of his kids to cancer before any of them turned 16...so ya, you can have kids and then later lose them and then not have any kids anymore...
Here in the Philippines, having a child/s is like an "Insurance" and "Investment" that will take care of you when you grew old, you send them to school to get a degree, and when they find a job it's time to payback. It's also part of our culture that every child needs to look back and take care of their family. I used to think this is the right thing to do but when I got older I realized this is a toxic positivity and tainted culture. Having a No Child in the Philippines is such an embarrassment and disappointment, and often people will tease you.
God poor countries sure like to breed
i don’t see what’s wrong with that? that’s how it’s been done since forever
that sounds like an awful burden to put on your kids shoulders
I agree! You get shamed a lot if you choose to be childfree. "You're selfish and you're only thinking about yourself. I want to be a grandparent!" Like they would even demand you to make a baby without actually looking at the costs and poverty.
@@andreakoeries7230 you're literally creating a person just to be your servant. That's what's wrong with it.
As a therapist I’m grateful for people who choose not to have babies and raise children because they aren’t ashamed (or normative) to admit they’re not interested enough to do a good job at parenting.
What I find awful is the age limit many countries impose on couples who may want to adopt. I had friends who married somewhat later and then tried unsuccessfully to have kids for several years. By the time they considered adoption, they were refused for being "too old". They were in their early 40's. They would have loved to adopt an older child, but even that wasn't allowed. They would have made great parents. They have high-paying jobs and a large house, but still, no dice. Yet there are so many kids waiting to be adopted. 😡
I heard Seth Rogen say “I’d rather regret not having kids when I’m 60 than regret having kids when in my 20s or 30s.” I like that.
Enjoy that Frank!
That only applies to men.
@@wuzomed yeah
@@wuzomed How? I'm a woman and I feel that way
@@chocolatecharley99 because Seth Rogan can change his mind when his 40 or 50 a woman can't
What if your child ends up having special needs? Or so sick that you need to give up working and bills put you into debt? Sure, these are unlikely scenarios, but so is your idealized, romanticized idea of how having kids will turn out. The decision to have kids shouldn't rest on your idealized outcome (like Cleo here who admits that she's ignoring all this data and anecdotes from her mom that she collected in favor of having an idealized relationship with her future kid).
You should choose to have kids on the basis of overcoming the statistics not in the favorable direction but in the unfavorable direction. Are you ACTUALLY willing to have a kid with a debilitating sickness? Who turns out to have opposite political or ideological views as you (thus you probably won't be besties)? Or god forbid, for the A-type parents out there, a kid who is mediocre and isn't Harvard or NFL-bound? If you decide to have kids, it has to be because you want to raise a child who has the best chance to be happy in this world no matter how they turn out to be.
unfortunately, it is not that unlikely as you think. I have the same thoughts and worries all my life. two years ago, my sister gave birth to the child with disabilities. this is my nightmare that happened to her. i wish everyone health. however, i could not help but notice how many "special" kids have been born for the last decade
I agree with everything that you said. That one of the main reasons that a don’t want a kid because I know that I’m not willing to “gave up of my life” because of a kid, and this is just my opinion and some many people criticizes me a lot! I’m finishing Med school and I know that, normally, it’s already hard to doctors raise their kids properly, and if the kid have specials needs I would have to almost gave up my job to take care of her and, for me, it’s something that it’s even hard to think for me.
@@olesiakuzmyk2424 I’ve noticed that too. I saw some specialists saying that’s because of the food that we eat (that it’s becoming more and more transgenic), women are getting pregnant older (that’s makes our reproductive cell more susceptible to external damages) and others. And as we know, unfortunately, it’s ALWAYS the woman that have to care/gave up 100% of their life’s to take care of this child and as a woman, I don’t want this for my future, so I think, for me, it’s better not have kids
I have a child with a rare genetic syndrome. It's way harder than the idealized situation I had imagined (and I had expected it to be hard). I still think it was worth it. But I always knew I wanted kids. Also, I live in a country with socialized medicine and which does a lot to lower the cost of being a parent, so I pay very little extra as a result of my child being disabled.
I'd throw it away
I’m happy to see more people are opening their minds to see that a woman’s only worth is not whether or not she procreates. Each woman deserves the space and respect to make that decision on her own. Personal happiness and the pursuit of it looks different for everyone. As humans it’s our right to pursue happiness and create a life that makes us joyful and impact the world in our own positive way. For me that means no kids and I’m proud of that decision because it’s something I thought more about than any other decision.
I've known since I was very young that I didn't want children. Now I'm 29, and I never once changed my mind. However, I still get people telling me "someday you'll meet the right person". Not only is this *far* from the only factor that influenced my decision to not have children (I've contemplated everything, from my own disabilities, to finances, to job situation, to my asexual orientation, to my comfort around children in general), but it's just so reductive and infantilizing. Children fill a void in many peoples' lives and that's fair. They feel more complete with children. But children will not fill a void in my life because, simply put, there's no void there in the first place.
I think because we, for the most part, are able to choose whether or not to have kids and there is less pressure to have them, people are taking into consideration not just wanting to be a parent, but wanting to be a good parent
Are they
No. The fact we can choose enables us to consider being a parent and being a good parent. Also, bad or careless parents don't think about it, only potentially good parents do. So really, less pressure to have them + more financial pressure when having them = same qty of bad parents and less good ones
I never had kids and have saved a LOT of money. I can nap when I want, eat when I want, sleep in in the morning when I want, go one vacation where and when I want. I never understood why anyone would mess their lives up by breeding.
@@randymillhouse791 it's simple, either you feel the need or you don't. It's not about logical reasons or pro and cons, it's really about feeling it, same as being in a relationship
@@hdebbache2000 Oh it's logical alright. People who have kids are not logical at all.
It’s too expensive to have kids these days. Why would you have kids when all you do is work and rarely get to spend time with them. Make life livable again like our grandparents had it.
I have a son who’s 6. This is such a major lie. Kids do not cost much money. Yes having 6 of them would add up. But 1-2 kids you won’t see a dent.
@@vincelombardi2669 kids do not cost much money?? Did you watch the video?
@@vincelombardi2669 What rock are you living under?
@@materializze I actually live in the real world. I’m a single father my self. I employee over 35 people and this is a non issue. Woman stay home for a reason and it should be that was until 6-10 years old. And I also live in the highest cost state California. My son cost me at best $200 a month. I spent way more in him for sports etc because I choose too. It is and will always be better to have one parent stay home.
So you're son costs 200 dollars plus your spouse's entire monthly income 😂 not a dent indeed
Anyone that's mad someone else doesn't want kids is likely subconsciously worried they made a mistake by having them themselves.
It's definitely NOT for everyone, but my heart truly aches for the people who want to be a parent, but cannot have children.
This video made me tear up towards the end it was honestly just really well done
(I specifically teared up from you stating that you want to experience what your mom gave to you watching your guys genuine emotions from that statement made me tear up with you)
Unpopular take: if you're not 💯, don't do it. Every child deserves a 💯 in it parent
Not unpopular. If you're not 100% yes, then you're 100% no.
I agree but we need to tell that states like Texas
@@tessamarie8698 there's no telling them anything 😵💫
exact why I don't want one. I've never really even liked children that much (horrible to say I know, sorry) and am terrible at interacting with them so I'm not really even sure why I clicked on this.
and I don't want kids to have a parent that doesn't want them in the first place because that just leads down a road that's no good for either parties
In that case there won't be any children 😂. It's much better if they teach parenting at a certain age so that abusive parenting will reduce considerably.
Sometimes when I think I do want kids, I'd go into youtube and watch videos of screaming kids on the plane and I'm all set
but that means you wouldn't have a baby to utilize as a way to make your statements known
Yea we’ll look up videos of babies first steps or first words see how conflicted you will be at the end
Walking thru the toy section of amy department store does it for me - no thanks! I'll be in a jail cell for losing my patience in public behind a screaming toddler who's having a meltdown.
so mature to hook your decision up about maternity to videos of yelling babies (which, btw, are products of stress-free upbringing, promoted in modern society)
yeah, i guess it's better you do not have kids
Hahahaha great idea 😂😂😂
I’m pregnant with my first, and extremely grateful and happy for the ability to have a child! I love this baby so much already, and I haven’t even met him yet. There are so many cultural messages for childless people on how children are strictly a joy or strictly a burden...it makes the decision so stressful for ppl. The best thing you can do for yourself is investigate yourself: your motivations for wanting/not wanting, your goals, your desired future, your beliefs about life, your weaknesses and fears of failure of parenthood or lack thereof. Even if you think you are so self-aware you don’t need to question yourself, you absolutely do. There are many ppl out there -like I was- that feel one way for a long time (I didn’t want children for a long time), that with enough self-investigation will be able to deal with issues in themselves and realize what they really feel called to do once they get out of their own way. This also applies for ppl who want children.
That’s a long comment I won’t read it
I think the biggest issue here is that our society is not built for parents. My parents used to go to work at 6 and would be home at 2, we’d have lunch together, a nap, and a whole day to spend together. How are you even supposed to parent if you come home at 7/8, exhausted from the day, and giving back your whole salary to a stranger to watch your kid while you work. This is no longer a personal decision for most people unfortunately
YUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! pointless to me
The stigma for not having kids is way harder on women in spite of the fact that we take on the physical risk and often times most of the work in raising a child
You also have the final say and authority on whether a child is born or not
@Laura Kay no it not a problem, it supposed to be that way. more authority = more responsibility. its womens job to raise children. dont blame me i didnt make it this way. it has nothing to do with the casual nature of fathers. stop being disingenuous. that is like saying the casual nature of mothers has caused fathers to build the entire world that we live in from the ground up so that we dont starve or freeze to death.
and on top of that the stigma that she is referring to is mainly from other women, not men.
@Laura Kay *The stigma is from everyone.* but mainly from other women
*They just carry the cud and can chose if they want to, that's definitely not authority just autonomy over body* So authority whether a child is born or not. I don't why you are trying to play word games with this fact. If a man gets a women pregnant, the man has no legal or social reproductive rights over that child. If he wants wants to keep the child, and the woman does not, she has full legal authority to terminate the pregnancy. If he does not want to keep the child, and she does, she has full legal authority to make a man a father against his will.
*The fathers should be just as responsible* No, not for the rearing of children especially when they are young. A mothers presence is way more important during the formative years. Additionally, women don't want to contribute to a significant portion of the bills and expenses once children are born, so men end up taking more of this load outside of the home. Both of them need to be 'present' but not in the exact same proportions.
based on this video we also take on a financial risk. But one thing no one has mentioned is the mental risk of raising a child...
@@InTshepyWeTrust isn’t this what you want? The right to choose and to bear the risks and consequences of those choices?
I have never wanted children and I haven't been able to get someone to explain properly why they do want them, and yet I'm treated as the strange one for not wanting them.
same bruh
There is a biological urge to reproduce. If you dont have this desire, you may not have kids, and therefore you never pass this trait on, so mostly those that like having kids continue to exist, and these are the people you are talking to
I do want kids, so I'll do my best to explain why. I think a huge factor is that I have great parents myself, and was lucky enough to have a good childhood. So, I think I'm prepared to raise kids well. I live in a very safe, livable country (New Zealand) and even if I have children in another country, they will always have New Zealand Citizenship as a safety net to use at any point in their lives. We live in tumultuous times, so that's an important comfort for me. I have already been accepted to college/university for both engineering and medicine so my future job/income prospects are good. All of these are reasons why having children is an accessible option for me. As for why I WANT kids, it's harder to explain, but I've always just really loved 'em. I love taking care of them, and I think being a mother would be really fulfilling. It's hard for me to imagine my life without starting my own family. Also, the thought of giving my parents grandchildren gives me the warm-and-fuzzies like you wouldn't believe. For me, the whole idea of having a child with someone I love is just so wonderful. I've also always been fascinated by pregnancy/childbirth, so it's not something I dread. All that being said, I totally understand your decision. I don't think it's strange at all. My best friend and I have very similar personalities and upbringings, yet, I want kids and she doesn't. Goes to show that it's different for everyone. It's an absolutely massive decision that affects every part of your life. Besides, there are other ways to help raise children. Being an aunt/uncle or godparent sounds like the best of both worlds, honestly. I grew up with a few "honorary" aunts and uncles that were really just my parents' close friends, and my brother and I loved them to bits! Maybe that's your path, and if so I'd be so happy for you. :)
@@maryv5815 Are you sure you have truly thought this over and are not tricking yourself into a fantasy? I've honestly seen so many people say exactly this and then once they become a parent, while they love their kids, they hate being a parent. They didn't think it would be that hard, or they had no idea birth would mess them up that badly permanently. Or they really thought their partner would share equal work. Or how they never thought they would become a single parent tied to their ex and whoever their ex dates. Then dealing with the ex's new gf/bf dealing with your children often. There are many factors that I think many people don't often talk about. Have you seen all the risks with birth? For me thats enough not to want any. I also don't want to give up my freedom, sleep, travel, video games, etc. Make sure you go over the negatives and not just the positives before you make a decision. Don't ever rely on other parents telling you how happy they are and that you should join them in parenthood. Most of them will never admit that they are not happy.
Most people that I have spoken with that had children said that if they had it to do all over again they would have not had children.
This was very insightful 💖 thankyou for all the time and effort you put into producing this video.
what cleo said to her mom is exactly what i want my mom to hear. she's a great mom and i hope i could be that parent to someone as well.
Maybe "less happy" people decide to have children more often. Perhaps BECAUSE of the myth that kids might make you happier. I'd be curious if there's data from the same people before and after they had kids. And that doesn't even get into whether or not "happiness" is really the point of life. Wonder how results would differ if they were asked "how meaningful is your life?"
Very relevant points!
Good point
Ive read somewhere that people Who have kids score low on happiness but high on meaning... there was a very viral think piece about it a few years ago. I read it before children and now I have a toddler and I think it tracks. I am not happier than before, but taking being in charge of another life seriously kind of makes you feel a more elevated and selfless perspective (even if caring for your kid is not truly selfless because... well, its yours).
They shoud ask the same question to childless people with and without pets, maybe there is something similar there.
This is a really good point.
Nah
My mom went through 2 heart surgeries and a c-section to gave birth to me, she was supervised by 4+ specialists. She dropped her job as a successful realtor and established a daycare for me so I (under her care) could socialize with other kids. It was a lot of work, and I’m not the brightest kid but she said I made her life happier.
That's awesome to hear.
@@paulelago9453 thank you, she is an awesome person.
Your mother sure is a fighter. Send my love and regards to her.
Your mom must be a strong person. Glad to hear your story!
@@dontbother2071 she is, thank you for you kind words
This could have easily devolved into exhibitionism, but it was actually, sensitively done, very insightful and very moving. Well done, Cleo and Voz team!
When I was little, I knew I never wanted children. I value my time alone and my mental health is better with it. However, many family members of mine still do not believe me when I made that decision, even though I'm in my mid twenties. They say "you'll change your mind" or "wait until you find the perfect man and see how you think about it." I've learned to ignore them, but their protests still weigh on my mind. I even have complete strangers tell me what I'm doing is wrong, when in reality, it is none of their business. With the current state of the world along with other factors such as birth control possibly failing, I do not want to have children based on a possible accident or on the notion of "everyone else is having children, so you should too." Some people thrive as parents, but there's too many people that should not be parents. The norm of having children is so ingrained in society that you are considered a deviant if you do not follow the same norm.
I'm also studying to be a nurse, and my clinical rotations involve labor and delivery of children. My first birth I observed was horrific and I cannot imagine the pain of going through such a process. I understand pregnancy is a natural process, but it comes with risks that are not talked about such as teeth falling out, gestational diabetes, or injuries to the pelvis that could lead to symptoms of shock. After seeing that, I confirmed I have a fear of pregnancy if that were to happen to me.
Children take up most, if not all, your time and attention. They need a parent who is in it 100%. Children are not accessories that can be thrown away whenever you want. They need love, patience, and correct education to make them into responsible, successful, and productive human beings.
You couldn’t have said it better.
I’m 55 years old and I didn’t want kids. I’m grateful all the time for not being a mother. I say/post this whenever I can for all the people who think women who choose not to have children must regret it later in life. Most of us don’t. (A friend is 7 years older than me and she doesn't regret not having children either.)
May I ask why not?
Are you or were you ever married?
@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 why don’t I regret not having kids? Because I see how much frustration and sleeplessness and aggravation and exhaustion and expense and disappointment they cause for their parents. Then they grow up and often don’t turn into the kind of people their parents wanted (i certainly didn’t become the person my parents wanted). I understand there are benefits, too, but they don’t look worth it to me. I see a lot of women wondering where their lives went and if there’s still time for them to get what they want out of life. So many sad stories. There are many happy stories, too, but overall parenthood doesn’t appeal to me. Why do people want children? (And yes, I’ve been married.)
I'm 44 and pretty much knew already as a kid that I don't want children. There's just no appeal for me. No specific reason, more like my brain just isn't wired up that way. I've been happily married for almost 20 years with a man who is also childfree by choice.
@@reginarodriguez-martin4928 No, I would never ask something so obnoxious.
I only wanted to know why you never wanted kids-which you answered.
I apologize for the confusion.
@@reginarodriguez-martin4928 u echoed my sentiments 💯
It's ok to not want children. It's ok to admit that too. Lots of "parents" should've chose that same path as well.....
It's not ok to not want children ultimately and generally, but it is ok only in rare circumstances.
@@tayzk5929 Hear hear, what kind of society would encourage its own death? It's suicidal to promote the idea that not having kids is a valid choice. Doesn't mean it can't be tolerated but it just cannot be promoted either. The issue is nobody things on the level of society, everyone is a raging individualist. It's like all the cells in you body just decided they were going to do their own thing. Then you start decomposing and asking yourself why?
No it's not ok, it's weird frankly
@@JohnDoe-jf3uh In a country where you are free to do as you please....it is not weird at all..
@@sonofphilip8229 there will always be people who want children (and even multiple children). Society isn't going to collapse because some choose to not have kids. Also males don't need to experience the process of giving birth. That's probably why they have a more difficult time understanding why some women don't want children
We need to have societal changes that allow people more personal freedoms without judgement. Whether it’s someone being a stay-at-home mom or someone without children wanting the same workday flexibility as their peers who take off early to see their children’s play. Let’s give each other more respect and fair treatment.
Don’t publicly share private things about yourself and you won’t have judgement.
- Are you fitted for parenthood?
- Can you guarantee your children a safe space and a good future?
- Are you aware of the climate impact that children bring? Especially when raised in a privileged, first world environment?
- Are you aware of the financial picture?
- Do you have physical / genetic problems that your future children can have?
- Are you aware of the freedom and possibilities you’ll have to give up being a parent?
EDIT: - Do you understand that, especially during childhood, your children need stability (your relationship with your partner)?
I want kids but I'm broke and still have student loans, I can't afford a house, I can't afford college. I graduated after the 2008 financial crisis and took ages to get on my feet. I lost my job during the pandemic. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me anymore.
Hope everything works out soon 🥺💖 sending lots of love to you
I’m so sorry. That is such a hard place to be in life.
I'm in the same boat as an older Millennial. The idea that having kids is a choice we get to make is kind of laughable. If we want to be a good parent, we can't have kids if we aren't financially stable (let alone emotionally stable!). And nobody covered that in this video at all.
Precarity is all our generation knows
@@chishionotenshi You nailed it !
I decided my freshman year in college that I never wanted kids and never wanted to be married. Although I revisited that decision many times, I never regretted that decision. The unbridled freedom of being single and child-zilch is a freedom unlike any other, but I understand it's not for everyone.
If you are ambivalent about whether to have children or not, then you shouldn't. Being responsible for another person's life is something you should be 110% committed to and nothing less.
If you met someone you loved you would change this tune pretty quick. You’d be an absolute fool to pass that up for a life alone, which is what will happen.
@@ragebait988 you could still be with them and not get married tho :/
@@spxrklingoxt I was saying that if he met a woman he loved and she wanted kids I’m sure he would, and would be silly not to.
@@ragebait988 That’s something to disclose early on - that he doesn’t want kids or marriage. If that’s a dealbreaker for the lady, she should say so and pull away before “ falling in love.”
What horrible advice to say that if ur on the fence u shouldn’t have children. Yes there is free will and nobody should be forced to have a baby, but then there’s abandoning ur future and society completely.
I think this video touched very briefly on the concept of "fulfillment". This has been studied and no, it's not the same as happiness. A person may be perfectly content with his/her life and not be fulfilled, in the sense of feeling a transcendental experience of purpose. I think that's what my kid brings to me and to many people. No less stress, no fewer worries, no less uncertainty. But an incredible sense of purpose, of reasons to be better, to have more empathy, to do the right thing. I'm not saying that you need to be a parent to feel that, or that every parent feels it. But I think it's a great component of the parenthood experience of many people.
Thank you for this docu. It is well done and treats a very important theme.
Personally, I don't think I'm emotionally available or nurturing to have a child.
I just can't give them the love they need or the emotional support when I'm emotionally numb.
I don't want to make my child feel unloved.
See a therapist.
I’m not trying to be rude, just speaking from experience. Traumatic events can cause us to become emotionally distant or numb. It permeates every level of your life. It makes it harder to have relationships. Personal, professional and intimate. Relationships are important in life, we all need to lean on others at some point and if you’re constantly the rock that people lean because you don’t go to others because you’re emotional unavailable it’s going to take a toll on you. Get the help for you. Not for potential future kids.
@@KevinHenderson100293
Thank you for the advice, I appreciate the worry.
Not that this would be your case, but many find their capacity for emotional support and love growing as they assume more responsibility from having children. Not for all, but I would guess your heart would know if this would be your case.
Get a pet and see if that changes
I think we also need to talk about being emotionally or psychologilcally prepared for and capable of having children. Some people really should ask themselves if they would be good parents and what they will do and how if their children are outside the box. Post partum depression, temper tantrums, teens, illness, relationship issues and more are a thing, and more importantly, so is bad parenting. It's not just about the money or position in life - although I of course agree that this is important not only for the mother, but the child as well.
Back to my first thought. There is little preparation, guidance and support for parents with depression or other struggles and it is so very needed. As a teacher, I wish more parents had thought through their choices and more importantly received help along the way - the government should step up more. Not everyone has a family or community or the money to get help.
Yup, we should promote responsible parenthood.
As someone who suffers with depression, I am extremely scared how a pregnancy would affect me. I already have massive mood swings when I am PMSing or on BC. I was also abused as a kid, one thing I vividly remember is my abuser playing with me like we were having a baby. So having a baby really scares me bcuz of that. I didn’t want kids until I met my now bf. He really wants kids, so that makes me want kids too. I asked if he’s willing to adopt, if I can’t go through with having a kid, or do a surrogate, he said yes. I sometimes hope I am an infertile to not have through go pregnancy. But I still have a couple of years until I have to make a decision on how I want to have kids.
Yesss, this is exactly what I was thinking. The video didn't talk about this at all unfortunately.
As a 34y/o married woman, my main concern with having kids is my physical, mental and emotional health. I almost had a child in my early 20s. This was way before I learned what post-partum is and how it runs my family but no one talks about it. How women in my family have all been suffering in silence with post partum for YEARS after each child. How they have irreversible damage to their bodies and mental health. NO ONE in my family even treats it like an issue. It's so normalized to "sometimes have hard pregnancies". My HUSBAND is the one to say firmly that under no circumstance would he ever put me through that or risk my health for a hypothetical person. There is way too much women don't talk about when it comes to having children for me to go into it feeling good about it.
Thank you for covering this topic. I wish there were more to watch
Dr. Glass was my professor my freshman year for a class called "Balancing Work and Family" (an elective type class). She was a great instructor and the information taught in the class transformed my thought process of approaching the question "Do I want kids?" So glad she was asked to be in the video!
Does dr glass have kids?
@@seb6226 I want to say yes, but I can’t say for sure. But in the video, I’m pretty sure she said she does.
@@unnienoona9888 I bet she doesn’t..
@@ragebait988 she does
If you CAN'T find happiness without children, you can't find it WITH THEM. Your sole source of happiness can't be other people and their relationship to you, you won't be able to control that, and having your relationship to joy be in the hands of other ppl is not healthy, and will cause harm.
What? So people cant find happiness with their own children now?
You don't find happiness by having children you find fulfillment.
No man is an island my friend
@@subtlemonk i think what op is tryna say it that if your sole purpose or reason for having children is finding happiness within yourself, then it might not be the best thing, since there is also no guarantee for it.
As a general statement like this, it's simply not true. I know it, because i lived through it. There was a time in my life, where i was generally sad and depressed, but whenever i was with my daughter, i felt happy. Children can give you happiness, purpose and a better outlook on life, even if you feel unwell otherwise/without them. And i am certain i am not the only one who experienced this.
Every month I flip-flop on whether I want kids or not. I always thought I wanted to be a mum, but like Cleo, I don't know if it's because someone convinced me I'd want to when I was little, or if it's because I actually want them irregardless. There are so many pros and cons on each side of being childfree or being a parent. I feel like a deer in the headlights, not knowing whether to stay or to run.
Me too. Leaning towards child free, but I wonder what it would be like to be a mom. I think my anxiety is too bad already and I’d always be worrying about my child. If I had a good supportive husband that’d help but I’m currently single. And times running out for me to decide.
I feel exactly the same. I'm 25 so I still have time to decide, but it's giving me an anxiety attack everytime I seriously think about this topic
Go play minecraft
Just a couple hours ago, I was spiraling myself into depression by overthinking about how much I would really like a baby. I am in my early 30's and absolutely did NOT want a child for most of my 20's except when I got to about 28ish. I don't know what changed but I hope that I can experience it. I don't think I will absolutely hate my life if I do at this point, because I've lived all my "good" years without the stress of being a parent and I have enjoyed it.
plenty of children in foster care who could use someone. it’s not a permanent thing either, you could take one in for awhile and see how you like it.
@@spacecowboi5466 They are not objects that you can return if you are not satisfied with. The trauma that the child is going to create by being "returned", feeling loved by a short period of time, and then thrown again to suffer. This proves once again that we are deeply ignorant (me included) on the implications of having a child, or another life on our hands. Physically and mentally they depend on us, that is a huge responsibility.
@@fernandadeleon7319 abort em all
My mom says my decision to not have children will change as I mature. Feels manipulative to give me the impression that I am going to end up having children regardless of my current thoughts
I agree. The only difference is my mother is cool with me not having kids. It’s mostly other surroundings like friends and extended family that tell me I’ll change my mind.
My mom has been saying that for 30 years. My dad also told me that when I got older I'd become more republican. A lot of older people are just completely out of touch, and my husband and I still don't want kids.
Always felt that way, now much older, still not the slightest inkling. It's so creepy to say that to someone! You'll do what you decide to do, but if you are not at all interested now it's fair to say the chances you will become interested are extremely low.
My mom still says that and I am 32.
@@Andy-ct8be "I'd become more republican" a.k.a "you'll become more bittered, stuck in your ways, and unhearing of others"? feels like your dad got some issues of his own to deal with ngl
In America, it's been drilled into young people's, especially millennials' and now Gen Z's, heads that we need to be more financially responsible. And yet people are confused why birth rates are plummeting? *Gestures* as I like to say "Read the room Cheryl."
High costs of living, absurd tuition costs, sky high housing costs, average stagnant wage growth, compounded by disasters (pandemic, recessions, etc.) At what point in this last decade has there been a point where a majority of young/prime birthing ages have any of us felt confident/financially secure enough to have children? I feel many of us have asked ourselves "Do I feel good, bringing a child into the current state of this world, and do I have the means to support them and give them the life they deserve?" and it seems most of us have responsibly answered "No."
The question people leading the country should be answering is "Have we done enough to ensure today's parents have the means and resources necessary, both independent and government provided, to successfully raise the future stewards of this country?" We all know the answer.
In America ( a western country and a very relatively wealthy country) in 2022, we are living in the absolute most economically luxurious and convenient time and place in human history. People worked hard to provide for their kids and family decades and centuries ago, when there was little technology, resources and medicine. Yet we are sitting over here on our glowing virtual screens connected to electricity saying "do we have the resources to have kids" cop-out.
@@AC-mp7cx I agree with both what they said and what you said.
@@deistormmods Thank you. If now is not the best time to have kids, then there was never a better time.
okay so when are you running?
@@AC-mp7cx I know you're not talking about the America that has the highest infant/mother mortality rate, highest poverty rate, and lowest educated population rate among 1st world countries? For whom is this the best time to have children?
Thoughts coming from the videos which I also asked myself are:
- Will I be a good parent to my future baby?
- If I am the baby, will I want myself as the parent?
- And most importantly, what kind of lifestyle would I like to provide to my kids.
Raising a kid now in the day are getting so much more expensive. There are so many needs and things that we need to set out kids to success, it is not as easy as just feeding them, taking them to school and hope for the best. This indeed a very insightful video that makes you think a lot!
If I am the baby, will I want myself as the parent? - wow thats very deep, thank you. I think I wouldn't want myself as a parent. I am too serious, anxious and perfectionist.
@@luckydevil1601 perhaps having all those qualities not necessary a bad thing. We never know what kind of parent will we be until we have one of our own. Love can do wonders. Best of luck !
I'm a nursing student and during my second year, we were assigned in the Delivery Room for clinicals. We had certain roles to take part in and we often switch. I was able to witness the pain that the mother goes through during labor and birth. It scared me. I'm married and finishing up my degree. To be honest, being exposed to that area made me rethink my decision of wanting kids. I'm terrified of the pain I have to go through and the responsibility since I've taken care of my brother when he was a baby. I think it's not the time for me. I have cats though.
Me too, I do want kids but I do not want to be pregnant and give birth...
@@LittleWarWolf if only I had the money for surrogacy
@@LittleWarWolf temporary pains, eternal joy. Our generation is so purposefully soft.
@@mermikk Surrogacy..🤔 Come on, are there any better alternatives like creating a baby in an artificial chamber without using a woman's uterus?
@@jathebest2835 MY preference if it were possible financial wise. Who are you to tell me what I should do with my life? Lol I am in fact studying nursing so ofc I am aware of the other alternatives. But if I had the budget for it, I'd go for it. But since I do not, I will wait until I am mentally capable of giving birth to a child. Don't like it? Hop off my comments. You act like there aren't any women out there who do not take part in being a surrogate mother. If you're going to tell me to adopt, then my answer is no.
I'm always amused at the double standard of people demanding me to justify why I don't wants kids but never feel the need to ask others why they want to have kids (especially people who clearly aren't suitable parents).
Ha indeed. No-one thinks they're bad parents but, oh, here we are...
Lol!! Ikr
imo there’s no justifiable/selfless reason to procreate. why force someone into a world of suffering and inevitable death?
@@emmy4537 Especially in this day and times I just don't get it. Good comment Emily. Stay safe & healthy.
@@emmy4537
So no one should exist?
A good parent is supposed to raise their kid to help alleviate some of that suffering.
One big thing they missed is the complications women experience from child birth and the impact on our bodies, as well as the mental health issues like post-partum depression and anxiety.
Nature is sexist I guess
Having kids is great. It’s a blessing. I am still in awe in how much I get to relive my youth through my teen who is now 13 and how much I learn from him. I will say the times I was very unhappy about being a parent was most def the stress of financial troubles when I became single. In addition, I had not healed from my own mental health which kept me from being a good mom. SO for me becoming more financially stable and getting my mental health under control changed my life as a parent. My son and I laugh often, we try new things together, etc. If parents had more support I think that happiness rate will rise.
having kid is going to be a nightmare thats why i dont want any. Growing up i realized i dont want any im happy as i am no regrets about it,
@@mrx-od3ji Im happy with my squishmallows❤
Not every parent deserves a kid, but every kid deserves a parent
@@JustADude908 yeah but you can’t talk about the groups of people who perpetuate that epidemic the most or else you’ll be in trouble
@@str8_white_mail can't talk about why there would be a group of people with such issues in a society with so many resources. Almost feels like it's by design but hey, we can't talk about that without making people uncomfortable
Q:how do I decide if I want to have kids?
A:(After a thorough investigative report) My feelings.
I hate this answer. Lol
🤣🤣
I was shocked
I mean it makes sense. From a biological viewpoint it is embedded in most people to want kids, millions of years of evolution is a big factor on how we as a society function. However, nowadays there is a lot more free will and problems with having a child, and as such less people are having children. It just so happens that her biological instinct chose to have one, rather than her "rational" if you wanna put it that way.
Because your life and all your choices you make, at the end of the day, are because of your feelings and wishes, and not just statistics and data, although that does contribute somewhat.
The producers are so creative with visualising the data physically like this. This is so much more easier to understand
I'm a pediatric nurse in a children's hospital and I love children but I don't have any desire to be a parent. The things I've seen in the hospital does take a part for me to make that decision. I know that children are wonderful beings and they deserve so much of this world and I am very thankful that I am one of those people who have the opportunity to be part of their lives, on making it less painful. Deciding on having kids isn't just about how to raise a child but being an able person who can be a parent because not everyone can.