@@LadyLeomon sounds like an excuse he made up to absolve oneself of responsibility. there's nothing religious before and after. It might even be anti. is her husband gay and using her as a cover-up to not upset his family?? or he has a problem sorting out his emotions. might have to talk with a psychologist
@@MsLaetitia26 certain religions marry children to people old enough to be their grandparents, kill people for finding love in their own locker rooms and sacrifice animals (and/or people) “in the name of God”, it is by far one of the most common excuses people use for bat-sh*t behaviour and honestly it’s getting old 😴😴😴
It was a load of poppycock. Being an adult means being there for the ones we love, no one telling us when and what to do to comfort them even when we don’t actually know what to do. Her husband is wack.
I'm around 6 minutes into the video, and all I can think is how the heck did these 2 end up getting married to each other? Did he pretend to be romantic to her before the wedding, once married, the curtain dropped, and he went Nah, can't be bothered anymore? Or was he as unromantic before the wedding, and OP somehow thought things would change once they where married? Either way, I'd say the marriage is not only over, it never started in the first place. Skip the Marriage Counseling square, and go directly to Divorce Lawyer, to quit this game of Marriage Monopoly.
Yeah the first red flag was the first year of their marriage. He give up and seem like he just goes with the flow. She is a saint for waiting that long cause I don’t have patience for someone like Op husband.
@@Andbit365 if my husband can’t be bothered to sleep in the same bed as me, add me on Facebook or even walk beside me in public then I’m not even waiting a year. I’d divorce him so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him 🤦🏾♀️ Like I imagine he couldn’t be bothered to have sex with her either
@@prettygurlrockx My mother slept on the couch for years. Why? Because she loved her husband, and wanted to make sure HE got a decent night's sleep, even though she never did, because she had awful sleep apnea, and snored like a buzz saw. Meanwhile, my Dad was ALWAYS telling her how much he loved her, and SHOWING her how much he loved her, by doing things for her, taking care of her, trying his best to make her happy. And TELLING people about his wife and his marriage. Shortly before he died, he was in a hospital, and he told ALL the nurses about how it's almost 50 years, and how much he loved his wife! He was so PROUD of her! THAT is what it means to be a loving spouse, even if you don't share a bed. Some people just can't share a bed (to sleep), so I'm willing to say OK to that. But the rest? NOPE. Mechanics should not wear rings on their fingers. But many, if not most, married mechanics wear rings around their neck, or get a ring tattoo, or carry it with them, to put on when the work is done. And if you're on social media, with an option to label yourself as married, the ONLY reason to not do so (unless you're literally a spy), is because you don't WANT to be married.
That's just it. She is all over the place with her narration but leaves crucial information out and just jumps from one strange description to another. No background information whatsoever. She is either continually leaving information out on purpose, has big issues with her ability to concentrate, or is lying and this story is made up and she is just s bad writer.
Well abusers can hide true selves until married. Also "loving" people think way to often they don't have to do anything after married and then all surprised Pikachu when "drifted apart". This honestly sounds like he wasn't interested at all, played along until marriage. That marriage in his mind is something everyone needs to do and he did this to "be done with it" and live on.
My wedding night was full of passionate hugging. My hubby didn’t grow up in a loving home (his mother was dismissive, busy with “friends” and playing victim and his father was a workaholic drunk) he spent his days wandering between the two households alone cus his older brother hated him. He still cuddles me every time we sit, he holds my hand whenever we walk and he always kisses me in public or private. I’ve never felt a moment of doubt with him and I feel safe and fulfilled emotionally, physically and mentally. Peeps if you ever need to beg for affection or basic attention then you need to leave that relationship. Men and women.
It sounds like he was romantic at first they got married and he dropped the actions. Which is stupid. My parents slept in separate rooms because my dad's snoring woke her up so she would go read until she passed out in a different room but they were affectionate during the day and laughed together. My fiancee won't wear his ring, because he works with his hands and touches metal a lot during the day. In preparation he bought a chain to wear the ring around his neck. He also has several silicone ones because they tear. Every time I walk by, or getting ready for the day, etc He stops what he is doing turns, puts his hands under his chin and raises his eyebrows. He oggles me everytime and does cheezy flirting with me. I'm not a fan of PA (I get embarassed and He doesn't care about it), but I still hold his hand in public and give him hugs and such.
I physically cannot tolerate a lot of physical affection because of a medical condition involving chronic pain being set off when I'm touched, which is not even remotely touched by medication. so no, your advice "if you have to beg leave" is not a good blanket application to EVERYONE and lacks basic compassion for people who are disabled or have other needs in their lives. Like the need not to be hugged tight enough you can feel all your ribs and joints popping out of place, which is not tight at all for me.
@@impishrebel5969 if thats all you got out of my comment then I’m sorry for you. Romance and attention aren’t just physical. So yes it still applies to everyone that if they have to beg for attention then they aren’t in the right relationship.
@@Azulakayes that is all what is done here: armchair diagnosis. Only I'm the same as that man. I cannot express feelings. ANd the entire description is so familiar to me. Because this happened not once, but several times to me.To me its not armchair diagnosis, its experience expert
I think the answer is in his response whenever she brought it up "why are we talking about this again?!" & getting angry at her expressing her feelings. He's been training her into accepting this awful behaviour.
He likely took her self-esteem and crippled it slowly, bit by bit so she wouldn't notice until she was so full of insecurity that she thought he was her only option so he could do whatever and never worry about her leaving him. But then she did (leave him) so he tried to love bomb her (a thing abusers do to convince their victims to forgive them, like a violent husband apologising, promising to change and never hurt her again and treating his wife like a queen to get her back before inevitably getting violent again and the cycle repeats) not realising it was too late and she was so done with him that she didn't need to be wise to his sh*t for his trap to fail.
After I got married (the night of) my husband decided that he didnt want to have sex as often because he "didnt want a relationship based on sex" but had tried to get the older woman next door to us at the time to have a 3some when we had planned some fun times but "got too drunk" to. Yeah. The marriage only last 9 months.
What is it about marriage that makes a holes think they can't be gotten rid of once the papers signed and the rings exchanged? Like no, sorry, but it was a _marriage_ certificate to agree to a _marriage_ not an agreement to be a doormat to some a hole. It's like they think "Ah yes, now we're married I can reveal my true, sh*tty self and they cannot escape! Mwahahaha!" as they twirl a sad, stringy moustache.
Sounds like he wanted a maid while he lived the single life. I'm betting that your marriage dissolved when he proposed an open relationship on his side, or that if it didn't, he would have eventually. Or he simply cheated.
she is his beard. He is "religous" most religions that believe God speaks directly to followers are not extremely friendly to homosexuals. He found a girl at a young age that has settled for the meager attention he shows her so he can tell everyone he has proof of being straight because of the marriage. He may never act on his feelings but it keeps anyone from asking questions
@@haileyfields5190 because if he doesn't marry he will have nosy relatives and friends trying to set him up with women and his excuses would eventually be questioned. Easier to find someone he thinks will always be a doormat who wants to have the Mrs. in their name bad enough to put up with his shenanigans
@@kdcats4092 I guess you're right. I live on the east coast, and nobody cares if you're gay or not. But if you're religious and your family has expectations for you to be heterosexual and get married, then I can see the husband's possible dilemma. But OP deserves better whatever the husband's reasons are.
Oh that poor girl. I feel so bad for her. She needs to run, I haven't heard the update yet I feel like she keeps blaming herself and not holding him accountable. Just the fact that she felt better without him there really shows that she doesn't need him and needs to divorce. He's making excuses and then tried to love bomb her. I'm glad she left. I'm glad she's seeking help
His "love bomb" was more of a firecracker. "Oh, no. I just didn't know how to show love, even when you were telling me exactly what you needed, and I thought it would be more adult for you if I continued to play video games. Here, have a bouquet." And then another bouquet on her car. Two bouquets. That's not a love bomb. That's an affection sparkler. On a VERY short stick. Sparklers should last at least two minutes, right? This one lasted about twenty seconds.
I had a boyfriend like this. Not as bad, but close enough. After we broke up a second time I knew I was just done. If I never found anyone else I would still be happier than I was when I was with him. I never realized just how depressed and stressed out I was, being a couple with this person. The relief I had being apart from him surprised me. I liked myself again. I picked up new hobbies that brought me joy. I didn't have someone there judging me or suggesting I was less than. Eventually I enjoyed dating for the fun of dating and finally found someone that I really clicked with. Married that amazing man. Every time I read a story like this I'm sad for the person who is being treated like an inconvenience. Dump that woman or man and enjoy what it feels like to lose all that dead weight. Enjoy your own company for a while. Learn to appreciate yourself. And when/if you decide to date again, you'll be in a much better place for a new start. Confident, happy people attract other confident, happy people.
Omg , same , I haven't thought about my ex for years and even with my life's ups and downs I'm so glad I'm free of him , wasted my 20s on him but in the end I was completely done , no more tears , no more f*#@s to give , just felt nothing for him after over 7+ years together . So yeah any effort on his part was too late .
Definitely not into her. Sounds like her married her as a beard and might be assexual or gay and was trying to cover his tracks. The "i know its not a big thing" is proof of his gaslightning. She needs therapy to help her self esteem and get over the abuse.
Because when the person who is supposed love you like a partner acts like you aren't worth their time, you think it must be because you aren't good enough. And if they leave you who else would you find to stick around?
In some areas like with the mormons they really believe in getting married young and not getting divorced. They also think that you should hide being gay and just get married anyway. Which would lead to a lot of these lying marriages. Especially since he said "God told him" to do it, they look for signs and I guess he took the first girl that didn't ask questions. But he didn't have to pretend to like her after that.
Sounds like OP's husband is emotionally and mentally abusing her, at the very least. This sounds exactly like a friend of mine's marriage that I'm helping her get out of. She has so much low-self esteem, that she thinks him abusing her is her fault. She's going through emotional, financial, and mental abuse from this asshole. And to make matters worse, he's a lawyer for the disabled and he locked her down with kids (twins). Edit: I'm glad OP left. Hopefully she'll be much happier.
@@EmpressMina She knows he is. I'm the one that pretty much shattered her reality by calling him abusive. And ever since then, I've been her shoulder to lean on. I let her vent about anything, talking about anything, giving her ideas on how to leave, etc. I usually check in on her about mostly twice a week (we live in different states).
Good on op asking ex to leave. One of my biggest red flags with my ex was when my grandma died, and ex asked me in a sarcastic baby voice if I needed a hug then laughed at me. Needless to say I don't miss the narcissist at all.
It's really a mystery how the two of them ended up together. Sounded like OP's husband (or EX now?) never bothered to do anything or showed interest in the relationship, so how did OP see that as him loving her and wanting to spend a lifetime with her? How did she go on for years without realizing her husband did not love her and never once loved her? Was the not wanting to be bothered with her and wanting to sleep on the couch right after the wedding not enough clues? In any case, I do hope that husband is an EX now. She should work on herself and find someone that is actually interested in her.
Probably brought up with marriage as the one goal and social obligation for both women and men. Whole thing stinks of Mormonism or fundie Christian sects to me. Who else gets married at 20 and thinks saying 'god told me to' is normal? Ugh. Women in these cultures are brought up to never question men or be anything but compliant and helpful .. they are brainwashed early to be this self-negating. Think Anna Duggar.
I think OP’s husband is gay. He told her the Lord told him to marry her probably because his orientation wasn’t aligned with his faith, and being with OP was a safe bet for him.
Theses vids have become a part of my routine now, and help me a lot to get through tasks around the house! I have depression and doing any kind of chores is incredibly hard, but your videos make it less lonely, and more manageable :)
Do you ever take comfort in "Well, my life isn't great, but at least it's not THAT bad," when you hear a bad story that hasn't happened to you, and "Well, my situation stinks, but at least I'm not the only one! Others are going through the same thing! If they can beat it, so can I!" when it's the same sort of thing that you're dealing with? I know I do.
@@AuntLoopy123 Yes!! I've been dealing with lot of trauma from when I was younger, and from a really abusive 2 years relationship I got out of 8 months ago, and I've been finding comfort in thoses exact two things you've just said. Especially the second one! Like, if some other people went through it too and got out of it, that means there's hope for me too :)
Sleeping in separate rooms are OK as long as there is still love and a good reason. My husband sleeps in our guest room most nights, I'm a very restless sleeper and he works 12 hour shifts from 5pm to 5am. He couldn't get any sleep in bed with me and I felt bad, it was my idea and I'm 100% glad we have done this. On his days off he usually sleeps with me one night but even if he doesn't it's ok. We are both 100% confident in our love and our relationship. We also don't wear our wedding rings, I hate rings that are not just bands and he works where he could get hurt or have a finger ripped off easily. Again we are confident, we also show and say how much we love each other we are coming up on our 14th wedding anniversary on March 4
It took pushing him to the wall to get him to wake up. I don't think that was him realizing what he had done wrong but more a love bomb attempt. He didn't care for years but in the space of a day when he knows he's about to lose her 'oh I went to the park for a day and realized I hadn't done you right' AFTER SHE BEGGED HIM TO SAY WHAT HE LIKED ABOUT HER. Too Little, Too late if he was trying for the right reasons.........but a desperate last stand if he wasn't
I also have generalized anxiety disorder, it really does make life harder since there never really is an exact source for where the anxiety is occurring most of the time. I was diagnosed way before my now-boyfriend met me. I’ve had relationships before where it was too hard for them so they left. Even with telling my boyfriend about it, he was with me 100% of the way and still is. We are now three years strong and I’m very thankful for him. I hope OP finds someone who sticks through her troubles and gives her the assurance she wants; I hope she knows that many internet strangers wish her well too :)
What is it with people 'changing' after being married? I've noticed this a lot. It's like these people enjoy the chase and the wedding day, then realise it's over and they become bored and in that boredom, they become resentful. I know she feels like she's being high maintenance about things but if your feels are hurt, then they're hurt. It seems to me about this OP's husband just picked her because she was there and he couldn't get anyone else for whatever reason or another, went through the motions and got married because its the 'next step in life', which is horrible. The lack of empathy he has is noticeable and im thinking he's a covert narcissist who's with her to give the outside appearance of normality. The 'you werent worth my time' makes me think this. He thought himself way above her league. But why. Thats the question. Why did he think he was out of her league. Narcs are in constant hunt for new supply, even if he has supply at home, which is maybe a reason why he isn't 'married' on Facebook and won't wear his wedding ring.
I dont think he liked the chase. He really does think she was below him. He went for her because she had low self esteem and he knew he could have her to prove he was straight or whatever and didnt have to put in any effort whatsoever.
@@telamere2043 but for a toxic person, that can be a part of the chase. A type of 'negging'. He wanted to chase, but make sure it wasn't too difficult. Though, we should probably stop trying to find logic in a person's behaviour that's notoriously illogical lol
Some of these things could be truth.... my parents don't share a ROOM...(mom snores horribly and dad has serious insomnia) they don't wear their rings (their jobs and living in a farm make it difficult) but my parents do NOT dismiss each other's feelings and they love letting it be known that they're married.... all these things together are worrisome. I feel so bad for op. Therapy for sure. For both. Edit... spelling
My husband and I als sleep apart, same as your parents. My husband snores like crazy and I have insomnia. It happens a lot more than people know. But it does need communication to work.
Oh Christ on a stick this one is _sad_ to listen to, not just because of what this asshole was putting OP through emotionally _when her mother was at death’s door_ ... but also because she wasted *6 years* with this guy. I’m only not much older than OP and am at the stage in life where I’m lamenting all the time I wasted (for different reasons) and knowing I can never get that time back, a small blessing is no children were born into this crap and OP can still start over with a new man. Good luck OP 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 Thanks for the new vid LG 💙🐱💙
Sometimes watching these videos makes me realize how much I take my husband for granted. He tells me I'm beautiful multipul times a day waits on me hand in foot. Spoils the shit out of me. I don't know how I could ever survive 6 years of this and I'm so sorry you lived through it.
OP’s husband isn’t worth HER time..she should dump him.. don’t settle for this piece of trash! A decent, loving man is out there for her.. My husband told me every day he loved me before he passed away after 58 years of marriage..
Yea, don’t stay with someone (or keep a bad job, or stay with a bad roommate, anything) because you feel like all the time and energy you’ve spent with them is a “sunk cost”. That’s the WORST reason to continue to suffer.
Story #1: Jesus OP. How many red flags do you need to be smacked in the head with to 'get it"? Grab some self esteem, grow a backbone and leave him. Go and get a life that you can enjoy, grow and thrive in.
@@kathy3178 Which I honestly feel is complete bs. Divorce really shouldn’t be something that requires enough time to be separated as what if OP was in an abusive relationship? Divorce should also not be socially frowned upon for the same reasons.
Happy she got through this but I still don't think it's wise to wait for her conditions to worsen to take on medication, especially since sometimes they have effects that might affect her mood even further so getting used to is important. I also hope she eventually gets a therapist to help her along with the healing process
I thought the same! The medication isn’t meant to be permanent, it’s a way for her to get stuff under control, sleep (every single therapist I’ve gone to always wanted me to sleep not only enough hours, but also as peacefully as I could, since that helped a lot with reducing anxiety)and have enough peace of mind to find the help she needs, especially with a therapist that will either reduce/increase her dosage, remove, or change it to stuff that will suit her better, especially for sleeping. Medication has so much stigma around it but it can be of so much help.
I'm sorry, but no. The husbands reasoning makes zero sense. You don't refuse to sleep in the bed with your spouse because you were "trying to be grown up, and forgot how to show love." You don't refuse to wear a wedding ring, tell her/him you didn't think they were worth your time, and distance yourself from them in public for this reason either. He was not being truthful at all.
You can forget how to show love, and many more emotions, if you don't naturally feel those emotions because you are autistic. So much is missing from her descriptions, like whether he has friends and a life independent of her, if he is emotional or friendly with others. I have no idea why she was so invested in him other than she was anxious to get married and thought that he would eventually act in a more socially acceptable way.
@@shells500tutubo I agree with that, but then she wouldn't sound so surprised at this behavior. It sounds like he changed after the wedding. Even when you've forgotten how to show love to someone you don't necessarily do your best to keep others from knowing your married. You at least walk next to them in public! He only started sleeping next to her because they got a dog, and he/she took over the couch. That makes no sense to me! One of the first things people learn as a kid is that Mom and Dad sleep in the same bed. If Husband was "trying to be grown up" I would think that would be important to him. He could be undiagnosed Autistic, but I doubt it. The only thing that could explain was supposedly not liking the way his wedding ring feels. It didn't sound like he had any social awkwardness, and no sensory issues except the 1.
idk why ppl get so upset when you say you and your spouse don't sleep in the same bed. I havee insomnia and my husband gets up 3 hours after i go to sleep so sometimes i go to bed or just sleep on the futon in my office. I make sure he services me every night before he goes to sleep.
By the way she described him when they meet it's a classic case of self deception through passion/lust. He was insanely handsome, apparently more than her (if she didn't got his attention), every girl including her wanted to be with him. And she simply accepted this coldness and indifference as the tax to be with a guy that desired (especially in the end when she say she had better relationships before). And probably further delusional that one day he would change, at the one year of dating, after the marriage, etc every relationship milestone. She should realize that before dating again.
When I broke up with my ex all I felt was relief, so in my opinion if after 2 weeks you don't feel sorry for braking things of that means it was over way before, so take care of yourself and put yourself and year needs first!
Ya, this story just had red flags, there are so many it looks like a soviet union national pride parade. ETA: And He love bombed her, he is clearly not a good guy for her at this point. He might not be intending to be abusive, but his current actions point towards that, and thus he needs therapy to work himself out.
Oh God, the dude from the forst story sounds exactly like my father. Like, word for word. It sounds liberating to hear someone experienced the same coldness and distance. Although, I'm sorry OP had to go through it
Oh man, this story broke my heart. So much of this is stuff my ex did. It hurts so much, you love this person and they’ve married you, indicating they feel the same, only to be shown through actions that they don’t.
One of my relatives is very strong minded and her husband is very quiet - it’s a perfect relationship and they have been together for a long time as he is happy to take a back seat and she is happy to take control - so basically, they are a happy couple 🙂
I have crippling anxiety and can blackout to the point of falling in a few seconds. On our first date I ran into the door trying to get away from my husband because I felt an attack coming on. He still took me on and is the first person by my side if I'm going to fall. He gave up overtime at $15 an hour because I was trapped in a night terror and truly believed he was dead, I was in the hospital and I still remember him running and sliding around the door frame and shattering the grip my anxiety had taken on me. He put me on his lap and held me all night after the hospital let me go home. That's what love is.
Op, the line about God telling him he needs to get with you or he would regret it is nonsense. This is not what God intended for a relationship/marriage. A man who is interested in you/loves you will MAKE time and put effort into it.
I’m only 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the video but that ring thing stuck out to me. I have a delicate ring, and work in a job with grease. I also have general sensory issues with metal rings and always have. I have a hard time wearing them on my finger day to day, regardless of the ring. That said, I’m so proud of my ring and of the fact that I’m engaged to the point where I regularly wear it on a chain around my neck, and I also wear a pretty silicon one on my finger at the same time! They make really cool, comfy silicon rings that are affordable now and come in so many different styles! They even have ones that imitate the appearance of metal rings with gemstones! That’s such bs to literally just never wear a ring ever when there are so many options for making it more comfortable day to day now.
Ladies, don't be so desperate to be married that you settle for a man who doesn't even like you. It almost kills any sympathy I have when someone is so blatantly obtuse.
Story 1, oof op, that's the biggest I've never been into you and don't care to signs I've ever read. And 6 years of this nonsense. Guy only started sleeping next to you cause of the dogs. He won't utilize his wedding ring, doesn't want to be near or around you, op what do you think a marriage is supposed to be? Certainly not this.
the only extended time i was sleeping in a separate bed when he was in the same house as me (he occasionally visits his family in another country) was when i injured my knee and couldn't get in the bed. he's still handsy and lovey towards me and we've been together for over 18 years.
Her husband sounds like my ex, who was (and still is) deep in the closet. After we married, he dropped the show and it was clear that he didn't love or even like me.
If a gay man MUST have a beard, I wish he'd just marry a lesbian. Then, they can ignore each other (or maybe be co-parents), but just be roommates, possibly with an open marriage, as long as they're discrete. But for goodness' sake! Do NOT do that to a person who ACTUALLY LOVES YOU! It is CRUEL.
I can't help but feel that this is a really confusing post. She seems to leave out a lot of information and just jumps from one point to another without really making a connection or explaining it properly.
And she never gives pertinent information, like if he was this way before and she just ignored it, whether or not they have sex at all (and that is a BIG thing to leave out), whether he is like this just with her or with everyone, how his parents and family are. None of this is addressed by her.
@@shells500tutubo exactly! 💯 That makes me think in two directions: that woman has really big problems with her memory and ability to concentrate, or she is lying. This story might be made up and she is just not a good writer.
I'm torn between shaking some sense into OP or hugging her and begging her to get counseling. She deserves so much better than to simply have to make excuses over and over and over for this person. Thank goodness she finally separated.
It feels like OP has been (literally) _screaming_ into the Void for so long that their final tether has frayed and snapped under the weight of emotional anguish. Husband's letter was sweet, I guess, but it feels like a single life ring tossed into the sea _after_ watching the ship sink. This story will never cease to depress me whenever the algorithm decides to play it.
I have Gads and it’s definitely a roller coaster. I got it right after a mental breakdown following a rehashing about my molestation. I’m 28 shit is wild.
OP, you did the right thing and I am so glad you did not fall for his too little, too late. I know lots of the comments say he now see what he has lost. Well, I am sure that is right. But notice that does not say he sees who he lost, it says what he lost. You were not a partner, a friend, a lover. You were something that he owned. He didn't feel like he had to treat you decently because he did not care about you as a person, only as an object that was useful for him at the time. Not worth his time, especially if it meant he might have to show you some concern or comfort. And if you had decided to stay because he finally understood, it would not have changed for long. The problem was not, and never had been you. When you said he would not sleep with you and preferred the couch, yeah, been there and done that. When I finally got to the point with mine that I quit asking, crying, waking him up at 2am to ask him to come to bed, and he started waking up in the morning on the same couch he feel asleep on he first of all tried to act all butthurt about why don't you wake me up to come to bed with you anymore. Don't you love me anymore? I told him he was old enough he really could sleep wherever he wanted and I wasn't his mom. So, he started coming to bed, but that didn't actually solve the problems. Because the problem is once he married me he had me and I was no longer worth putting out an effort for. When you are with a person like your ex and mine, the vast majority of the hurts are not big and dramatic. They are subtle, they are somewhat small, they are done by them without any effort or thought, just like breathing, and they are constant. Any one of them, done by itself, once in a great while in the course of an otherwise regular relationship would probably never even have been noticed because almost everyone has fallen asleep on a couch and not gone to bed with their partner sometime, almost everyone once in a while just doesn't feel like cuddling right now, almost everyone sometimes misses when a friend, a family member or a partner is down. But a real partner does not do this all of the time. He was not a good husband for you. And if the truth be known, I doubt he will be a good partner for anyone else either. This man did not learn his lesson by losing you and I have no doubt that any woman unlucky enough to be his partner in the future will have it as bad, or probably worse than you had it. A man like this does not think of others as anything that something to make his life comfortable. He might miss you for right now because no one is cooking his meals, or making his appointments, or stroking his ego, but in his mind he really does not care at all who does these things for him, only that they are done with the minimum amount of effort put out on his part for it to keep up. And if his instrument of comfort quits performing as he expects, or leaves, he will replace them in the same way he would replace a coffee pot that quit working or a sock with a hole in it. I am not saying this to be a cruel person but I am saying this so you understand how he really feels about all the people in his life. It is not you, it is him.
He knew how to show it, he was doing at the end so why wasn't he doing it the whole time. No the end was an act to keep her and he would have just regressed back to the other way.
One of my first thoughts was this man is either a closeted guy man or he is on the Autism Spectrum. This woman doesn't say anything about their dating life before marriage. It may be a case of these issues existing before marriage and she ignored them. She also doesn't say anything about their families. I also wonder about their sex life since she never mentioned it. There are a lot more questions about this story than answers.
Story 1. Op, you sure you're married? This had to have been one of the most one-sided marriages I've seen. I wonder if it felt easier to not miss him because there weren't any good memories to miss in the first place. Like the experience of having a loving spouse wasn't there from the get go, so being by yourself would be easier.
I'm a jeweler. He could've worn a gold band whether he was done growing or not. They're one of the easiest kinds of rings to size, up or down, because gold is soft.
Sounds like he's a narcissist or something like that. My ex-husband was a covert narcissist. The only time he would be affectionate was when he wanted something. It was like currency to him.
I’m wondering if the husband in story one is hiding in the closet and using the wife as a front. They way she describes, it’s as he’s repulsed by her. Why make yourself suffer through unhappiness??
... Jesus, what was he like BEFORE the wedding? I feel like OP might just of accepted love she thinks she deserves for a long time. But he should definitely leave his church, like OP should leave husband.
I’d say OP’s husband checked out of the marriage, but it sounds like he never checked *into* the marriage.
Did he ever check into the marriage?
THIS!
No, apparently God booked him into the marriage and he just never liked the view 😒😒😒
@@LadyLeomon sounds like an excuse he made up to absolve oneself of responsibility.
there's nothing religious before and after. It might even be anti.
is her husband gay and using her as a cover-up to not upset his family?? or he has a problem sorting out his emotions. might have to talk with a psychologist
@@MsLaetitia26 certain religions marry children to people old enough to be their grandparents, kill people for finding love in their own locker rooms and sacrifice animals (and/or people) “in the name of God”, it is by far one of the most common excuses people use for bat-sh*t behaviour and honestly it’s getting old 😴😴😴
Perfect example of "It takes two to build a relationship, but only one to kill it." He murdered that relationship by starvation.
I love your comment. It is so true.
I don't buy his excuse- feeling like he needed to be an adult and forgetting to show love. A lot of his actions sounded deliberate to me
He is invalidating her feelings and gaslighting her. What's the excuse for not sleeping in the same bed? He is lying and trying to save face.
yea,i hate those kind that gaslightband try to save face
It was a load of poppycock. Being an adult means being there for the ones we love, no one telling us when and what to do to comfort them even when we don’t actually know what to do. Her husband is wack.
Yeah I call BS for him not to be there for her when she really needed him and he just played it off Op deserves so much better
Poor woman. Kick his dead as_ to the curb. You won't regret it.
I'm around 6 minutes into the video, and all I can think is how the heck did these 2 end up getting married to each other? Did he pretend to be romantic to her before the wedding, once married, the curtain dropped, and he went Nah, can't be bothered anymore? Or was he as unromantic before the wedding, and OP somehow thought things would change once they where married?
Either way, I'd say the marriage is not only over, it never started in the first place. Skip the Marriage Counseling square, and go directly to Divorce Lawyer, to quit this game of Marriage Monopoly.
Yeah the first red flag was the first year of their marriage. He give up and seem like he just goes with the flow. She is a saint for waiting that long cause I don’t have patience for someone like Op husband.
@@Andbit365 if my husband can’t be bothered to sleep in the same bed as me, add me on Facebook or even walk beside me in public then I’m not even waiting a year. I’d divorce him so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him 🤦🏾♀️ Like I imagine he couldn’t be bothered to have sex with her either
@@prettygurlrockx My mother slept on the couch for years. Why? Because she loved her husband, and wanted to make sure HE got a decent night's sleep, even though she never did, because she had awful sleep apnea, and snored like a buzz saw.
Meanwhile, my Dad was ALWAYS telling her how much he loved her, and SHOWING her how much he loved her, by doing things for her, taking care of her, trying his best to make her happy. And TELLING people about his wife and his marriage. Shortly before he died, he was in a hospital, and he told ALL the nurses about how it's almost 50 years, and how much he loved his wife! He was so PROUD of her!
THAT is what it means to be a loving spouse, even if you don't share a bed. Some people just can't share a bed (to sleep), so I'm willing to say OK to that. But the rest? NOPE.
Mechanics should not wear rings on their fingers. But many, if not most, married mechanics wear rings around their neck, or get a ring tattoo, or carry it with them, to put on when the work is done. And if you're on social media, with an option to label yourself as married, the ONLY reason to not do so (unless you're literally a spy), is because you don't WANT to be married.
That's just it. She is all over the place with her narration but leaves crucial information out and just jumps from one strange description to another. No background information whatsoever. She is either continually leaving information out on purpose, has big issues with her ability to concentrate, or is lying and this story is made up and she is just s bad writer.
Well abusers can hide true selves until married.
Also "loving" people think way to often they don't have to do anything after married and then all surprised Pikachu when "drifted apart".
This honestly sounds like he wasn't interested at all, played along until marriage. That marriage in his mind is something everyone needs to do and he did this to "be done with it" and live on.
My wedding night was full of passionate hugging. My hubby didn’t grow up in a loving home (his mother was dismissive, busy with “friends” and playing victim and his father was a workaholic drunk) he spent his days wandering between the two households alone cus his older brother hated him. He still cuddles me every time we sit, he holds my hand whenever we walk and he always kisses me in public or private. I’ve never felt a moment of doubt with him and I feel safe and fulfilled emotionally, physically and mentally. Peeps if you ever need to beg for affection or basic attention then you need to leave that relationship. Men and women.
Aww what a sweetheart 🥰
Goals
It sounds like he was romantic at first they got married and he dropped the actions. Which is stupid. My parents slept in separate rooms because my dad's snoring woke her up so she would go read until she passed out in a different room but they were affectionate during the day and laughed together. My fiancee won't wear his ring, because he works with his hands and touches metal a lot during the day. In preparation he bought a chain to wear the ring around his neck. He also has several silicone ones because they tear. Every time I walk by, or getting ready for the day, etc He stops what he is doing turns, puts his hands under his chin and raises his eyebrows. He oggles me everytime and does cheezy flirting with me. I'm not a fan of PA (I get embarassed and He doesn't care about it), but I still hold his hand in public and give him hugs and such.
I physically cannot tolerate a lot of physical affection because of a medical condition involving chronic pain being set off when I'm touched, which is not even remotely touched by medication.
so no, your advice "if you have to beg leave" is not a good blanket application to EVERYONE and lacks basic compassion for people who are disabled or have other needs in their lives. Like the need not to be hugged tight enough you can feel all your ribs and joints popping out of place, which is not tight at all for me.
@@impishrebel5969 if thats all you got out of my comment then I’m sorry for you. Romance and attention aren’t just physical. So yes it still applies to everyone that if they have to beg for attention then they aren’t in the right relationship.
OP's husband is slowly wearing her down, chipping at her self-esteem and breaking her down and it's so sad. She needs to divorce him and get therapy.
not agree. Its typical behavior of a (high functional) autistic man in a relation.
@@abc5228 You cannot give us an armchair diagnosis of autism with the limited information given.
that too is armchair diagnosis.
@@Azulakayes that is all what is done here: armchair diagnosis. Only I'm the same as that man. I cannot express feelings. ANd the entire description is so familiar to me. Because this happened not once, but several times to me.To me its not armchair diagnosis, its experience expert
@@abc5228 Or A Narcissist!
What the hell...I am in shock...How did she stick around YEARS with this behaviour!? Like, I am not blaming her, but this is so saaad.
This is someone with low self-esteem who has been molded this way,she feels it's her fault to some extent
Seriously , she's still young though , i hope she finds herself and learns that she is just as worthy of love as anyone else .
I think the answer is in his response whenever she brought it up "why are we talking about this again?!" & getting angry at her expressing her feelings. He's been training her into accepting this awful behaviour.
She was love him and that make her have hope that he show love like the past.
He likely took her self-esteem and crippled it slowly, bit by bit so she wouldn't notice until she was so full of insecurity that she thought he was her only option so he could do whatever and never worry about her leaving him.
But then she did (leave him) so he tried to love bomb her (a thing abusers do to convince their victims to forgive them, like a violent husband apologising, promising to change and never hurt her again and treating his wife like a queen to get her back before inevitably getting violent again and the cycle repeats) not realising it was too late and she was so done with him that she didn't need to be wise to his sh*t for his trap to fail.
After I got married (the night of) my husband decided that he didnt want to have sex as often because he "didnt want a relationship based on sex" but had tried to get the older woman next door to us at the time to have a 3some when we had planned some fun times but "got too drunk" to. Yeah. The marriage only last 9 months.
What? I'm so sorry that you found the king of all a - h0les, happy that you are divorced and I hope that you are living your best life today. ❤️
I hope you found someone better.
@@estepp79 oh yes. So many levels
What is it about marriage that makes a holes think they can't be gotten rid of once the papers signed and the rings exchanged?
Like no, sorry, but it was a _marriage_ certificate to agree to a _marriage_ not an agreement to be a doormat to some a hole.
It's like they think "Ah yes, now we're married I can reveal my true, sh*tty self and they cannot escape! Mwahahaha!" as they twirl a sad, stringy moustache.
Sounds like he wanted a maid while he lived the single life. I'm betting that your marriage dissolved when he proposed an open relationship on his side, or that if it didn't, he would have eventually. Or he simply cheated.
It's clear that this man settled with OP and he's not even bothering to hide it 💀
she is his beard. He is "religous" most religions that believe God speaks directly to followers are not extremely friendly to homosexuals. He found a girl at a young age that has settled for the meager attention he shows her so he can tell everyone he has proof of being straight because of the marriage. He may never act on his feelings but it keeps anyone from asking questions
Yeah, but why get married?
@@haileyfields5190 because if he doesn't marry he will have nosy relatives and friends trying to set him up with women and his excuses would eventually be questioned. Easier to find someone he thinks will always be a doormat who wants to have the Mrs. in their name bad enough to put up with his shenanigans
@@kdcats4092 I guess you're right. I live on the east coast, and nobody cares if you're gay or not. But if you're religious and your family has expectations for you to be heterosexual and get married, then I can see the husband's possible dilemma. But OP deserves better whatever the husband's reasons are.
Settled at 20????
Sounds like he was comfortable and now that you gave up he got to see what he lost. I would ask for the ring back tho, it sounds like a nice ring.
What do you mean? The ring has sat in his drawer for 3 years. All OP needs to do just take it out from the drawer and sell it. lol
@@TheMoirne true! Since he barely used it too it must be like new too
For sure. Tungsten ain’t cheap.
Oh that poor girl. I feel so bad for her. She needs to run, I haven't heard the update yet
I feel like she keeps blaming herself and not holding him accountable. Just the fact that she felt better without him there really shows that she doesn't need him and needs to divorce. He's making excuses and then tried to love bomb her. I'm glad she left. I'm glad she's seeking help
His "love bomb" was more of a firecracker. "Oh, no. I just didn't know how to show love, even when you were telling me exactly what you needed, and I thought it would be more adult for you if I continued to play video games. Here, have a bouquet." And then another bouquet on her car. Two bouquets.
That's not a love bomb. That's an affection sparkler. On a VERY short stick. Sparklers should last at least two minutes, right? This one lasted about twenty seconds.
I had a boyfriend like this. Not as bad, but close enough. After we broke up a second time I knew I was just done. If I never found anyone else I would still be happier than I was when I was with him. I never realized just how depressed and stressed out I was, being a couple with this person. The relief I had being apart from him surprised me. I liked myself again. I picked up new hobbies that brought me joy. I didn't have someone there judging me or suggesting I was less than. Eventually I enjoyed dating for the fun of dating and finally found someone that I really clicked with. Married that amazing man. Every time I read a story like this I'm sad for the person who is being treated like an inconvenience. Dump that woman or man and enjoy what it feels like to lose all that dead weight. Enjoy your own company for a while. Learn to appreciate yourself. And when/if you decide to date again, you'll be in a much better place for a new start. Confident, happy people attract other confident, happy people.
Omg , same , I haven't thought about my ex for years and even with my life's ups and downs I'm so glad I'm free of him , wasted my 20s on him but in the end I was completely done , no more tears , no more f*#@s to give , just felt nothing for him after over 7+ years together . So yeah any effort on his part was too late .
I’m only a couple minutes in and I think op’s husband is either gay, cheating, or both
Both definitely
I'd say cheating, because of the ring thing. And self centred.
Both
He “forgot how to show” something he’s obviously never expressed? Yikes.
Maybe he didn't have good role models
@@judyjohnson9610 that’s an explanation, not an excuse to hurt the people who care about him.
Definitely not into her. Sounds like her married her as a beard and might be assexual or gay and was trying to cover his tracks. The "i know its not a big thing" is proof of his gaslightning. She needs therapy to help her self esteem and get over the abuse.
How does anyone think so little of themselves to put up with this treatment for 6 years?
Edit: The secret gay comment. That’s what I thought!
Because when the person who is supposed love you like a partner acts like you aren't worth their time, you think it must be because you aren't good enough. And if they leave you who else would you find to stick around?
In some areas like with the mormons they really believe in getting married young and not getting divorced. They also think that you should hide being gay and just get married anyway. Which would lead to a lot of these lying marriages. Especially since he said "God told him" to do it, they look for signs and I guess he took the first girl that didn't ask questions. But he didn't have to pretend to like her after that.
Kind of a sad story, but I loved the line about not staying with a mistake.
Sounds like OP's husband is emotionally and mentally abusing her, at the very least. This sounds exactly like a friend of mine's marriage that I'm helping her get out of. She has so much low-self esteem, that she thinks him abusing her is her fault. She's going through emotional, financial, and mental abuse from this asshole. And to make matters worse, he's a lawyer for the disabled and he locked her down with kids (twins).
Edit: I'm glad OP left. Hopefully she'll be much happier.
He’s a Narcissist Hun, send your friend some videos from UA-cam of Narc Abuse 🙏🏾
I hope your friend makes it out. You're a good friend.
@@EmpressMina She knows he is. I'm the one that pretty much shattered her reality by calling him abusive. And ever since then, I've been her shoulder to lean on. I let her vent about anything, talking about anything, giving her ideas on how to leave, etc. I usually check in on her about mostly twice a week (we live in different states).
Good on op asking ex to leave. One of my biggest red flags with my ex was when my grandma died, and ex asked me in a sarcastic baby voice if I needed a hug then laughed at me. Needless to say I don't miss the narcissist at all.
It's really a mystery how the two of them ended up together. Sounded like OP's husband (or EX now?) never bothered to do anything or showed interest in the relationship, so how did OP see that as him loving her and wanting to spend a lifetime with her? How did she go on for years without realizing her husband did not love her and never once loved her? Was the not wanting to be bothered with her and wanting to sleep on the couch right after the wedding not enough clues? In any case, I do hope that husband is an EX now. She should work on herself and find someone that is actually interested in her.
Probably brought up with marriage as the one goal and social obligation for both women and men. Whole thing stinks of Mormonism or fundie Christian sects to me. Who else gets married at 20 and thinks saying 'god told me to' is normal? Ugh. Women in these cultures are brought up to never question men or be anything but compliant and helpful .. they are brainwashed early to be this self-negating. Think Anna Duggar.
I think OP’s husband is gay. He told her the Lord told him to marry her probably because his orientation wasn’t aligned with his faith, and being with OP was a safe bet for him.
I think so, too. The same religion that teaches that a man MUST marry a woman, also teaches that a man must marry YOUNG.
Story 1 I don't know why OP's husband marry her when he clearly doesn't even like her? OP should dump him and move on. He's a loser.
I am wondering if the husband is in the closet and married her as a curtain
@@petercafrancisca4569 That's always possible.
@@petercafrancisca4569 that makes more sense to me.
Theses vids have become a part of my routine now, and help me a lot to get through tasks around the house! I have depression and doing any kind of chores is incredibly hard, but your videos make it less lonely, and more manageable :)
Do you ever take comfort in "Well, my life isn't great, but at least it's not THAT bad," when you hear a bad story that hasn't happened to you, and "Well, my situation stinks, but at least I'm not the only one! Others are going through the same thing! If they can beat it, so can I!" when it's the same sort of thing that you're dealing with?
I know I do.
@@AuntLoopy123 Yes!! I've been dealing with lot of trauma from when I was younger, and from a really abusive 2 years relationship I got out of 8 months ago, and I've been finding comfort in thoses exact two things you've just said. Especially the second one! Like, if some other people went through it too and got out of it, that means there's hope for me too :)
Sleeping in separate rooms are OK as long as there is still love and a good reason. My husband sleeps in our guest room most nights, I'm a very restless sleeper and he works 12 hour shifts from 5pm to 5am. He couldn't get any sleep in bed with me and I felt bad, it was my idea and I'm 100% glad we have done this. On his days off he usually sleeps with me one night but even if he doesn't it's ok. We are both 100% confident in our love and our relationship. We also don't wear our wedding rings, I hate rings that are not just bands and he works where he could get hurt or have a finger ripped off easily. Again we are confident, we also show and say how much we love each other we are coming up on our 14th wedding anniversary on March 4
Hope he didn't marry her to hide his sexuality 😳
It took pushing him to the wall to get him to wake up. I don't think that was him realizing what he had done wrong but more a love bomb attempt. He didn't care for years but in the space of a day when he knows he's about to lose her 'oh I went to the park for a day and realized I hadn't done you right' AFTER SHE BEGGED HIM TO SAY WHAT HE LIKED ABOUT HER.
Too Little, Too late if he was trying for the right reasons.........but a desperate last stand if he wasn't
I agree completely
Yep. More manipulation. Doesnt want to lose his beard.
@@telamere2043 you peeped that too.....like it's 2022 come out stop traumatizing people!
In the words of the ever-distinguished Judge Lynn Toler
"Never let someone tell you they don't want you more than once"
I also have generalized anxiety disorder, it really does make life harder since there never really is an exact source for where the anxiety is occurring most of the time. I was diagnosed way before my now-boyfriend met me. I’ve had relationships before where it was too hard for them so they left. Even with telling my boyfriend about it, he was with me 100% of the way and still is. We are now three years strong and I’m very thankful for him. I hope OP finds someone who sticks through her troubles and gives her the assurance she wants; I hope she knows that many internet strangers wish her well too :)
What is it with people 'changing' after being married? I've noticed this a lot. It's like these people enjoy the chase and the wedding day, then realise it's over and they become bored and in that boredom, they become resentful.
I know she feels like she's being high maintenance about things but if your feels are hurt, then they're hurt. It seems to me about this OP's husband just picked her because she was there and he couldn't get anyone else for whatever reason or another, went through the motions and got married because its the 'next step in life', which is horrible.
The lack of empathy he has is noticeable and im thinking he's a covert narcissist who's with her to give the outside appearance of normality.
The 'you werent worth my time' makes me think this. He thought himself way above her league. But why. Thats the question. Why did he think he was out of her league.
Narcs are in constant hunt for new supply, even if he has supply at home, which is maybe a reason why he isn't 'married' on Facebook and won't wear his wedding ring.
The mask drops ,they finally achieved the ultimate tie down,the person isn't leaving without a process so why pretend anymore....
@@Undomaranel I completely agree with you.
I dont think he liked the chase. He really does think she was below him. He went for her because she had low self esteem and he knew he could have her to prove he was straight or whatever and didnt have to put in any effort whatsoever.
Bingo
@@telamere2043 but for a toxic person, that can be a part of the chase.
A type of 'negging'. He wanted to chase, but make sure it wasn't too difficult.
Though, we should probably stop trying to find logic in a person's behaviour that's notoriously illogical lol
Some of these things could be truth.... my parents don't share a ROOM...(mom snores horribly and dad has serious insomnia) they don't wear their rings (their jobs and living in a farm make it difficult) but my parents do NOT dismiss each other's feelings and they love letting it be known that they're married.... all these things together are worrisome. I feel so bad for op. Therapy for sure. For both.
Edit... spelling
My husband and I als sleep apart, same as your parents. My husband snores like crazy and I have insomnia. It happens a lot more than people know. But it does need communication to work.
Oh Christ on a stick this one is _sad_ to listen to, not just because of what this asshole was putting OP through emotionally _when her mother was at death’s door_ ... but also because she wasted *6 years* with this guy. I’m only not much older than OP and am at the stage in life where I’m lamenting all the time I wasted (for different reasons) and knowing I can never get that time back, a small blessing is no children were born into this crap and OP can still start over with a new man. Good luck OP 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Thanks for the new vid LG 💙🐱💙
Educate yourself in the adventures of being with a textbook narcissist. He ticks every box, girlfriend!
The Same thing I said, she described a Narc to the T!
@@EmpressMina narcissism wasn't what I thought it was...
She is only 26 ,get out before you become a bitter hurt person !
Her: He thought he had to be an adult for me
Him: Plays XBox while OP cries alone
I hope op find the right guy, this guy really something.
Who treats someone they dont hate like this let alone their spouse? Good grief. This guy needs help.
Sometimes watching these videos makes me realize how much I take my husband for granted. He tells me I'm beautiful multipul times a day waits on me hand in foot. Spoils the shit out of me. I don't know how I could ever survive 6 years of this and I'm so sorry you lived through it.
Imagine your husband only wanting to share your bed because the dog is bothering his couch bonding session...
"God told me to talk to you" uhhh He's extremely closeted
Sounds like Hubby doesn't live or want to be with OP, but wants her to be the one to end it so he doesn't have to be "the bad guy".
OP’s husband isn’t worth HER time..she should dump him.. don’t settle for this piece of trash! A decent, loving man is out there for her.. My husband told me every day he loved me before he passed away after 58 years of marriage..
In the words of singer/songwriter Pink,
“Trying to hold, trying to hold, but there’s nothing to grab so I let go.”
Yea, don’t stay with someone (or keep a bad job, or stay with a bad roommate, anything) because you feel like all the time and energy you’ve spent with them is a “sunk cost”. That’s the WORST reason to continue to suffer.
Me half way through this post by OP: WHY is she still with this guy?
Story #1: Jesus OP. How many red flags do you need to be smacked in the head with to 'get it"? Grab some self esteem, grow a backbone and leave him. Go and get a life that you can enjoy, grow and thrive in.
Woah... I'm dense...but the guy...yikes...
My thing is if you’re done with him (and from the update she is) why not go ahead and file for divorce?
If she is in the US, some states require you to be separated for a certain amount of time before you can file for divorce.
@@kathy3178 Which I honestly feel is complete bs. Divorce really shouldn’t be something that requires enough time to be separated as what if OP was in an abusive relationship? Divorce should also not be socially frowned upon for the same reasons.
Happy she got through this but I still don't think it's wise to wait for her conditions to worsen to take on medication, especially since sometimes they have effects that might affect her mood even further so getting used to is important. I also hope she eventually gets a therapist to help her along with the healing process
I thought the same! The medication isn’t meant to be permanent, it’s a way for her to get stuff under control, sleep (every single therapist I’ve gone to always wanted me to sleep not only enough hours, but also as peacefully as I could, since that helped a lot with reducing anxiety)and have enough peace of mind to find the help she needs, especially with a therapist that will either reduce/increase her dosage, remove, or change it to stuff that will suit her better, especially for sleeping. Medication has so much stigma around it but it can be of so much help.
I'm sorry, but no. The husbands reasoning makes zero sense. You don't refuse to sleep in the bed with your spouse because you were "trying to be grown up, and forgot how to show love." You don't refuse to wear a wedding ring, tell her/him you didn't think they were worth your time, and distance yourself from them in public for this reason either. He was not being truthful at all.
You can forget how to show love, and many more emotions, if you don't naturally feel those emotions because you are autistic. So much is missing from her descriptions, like whether he has friends and a life independent of her, if he is emotional or friendly with others. I have no idea why she was so invested in him other than she was anxious to get married and thought that he would eventually act in a more socially acceptable way.
@@shells500tutubo I agree with that, but then she wouldn't sound so surprised at this behavior. It sounds like he changed after the wedding. Even when you've forgotten how to show love to someone you don't necessarily do your best to keep others from knowing your married. You at least walk next to them in public! He only started sleeping next to her because they got a dog, and he/she took over the couch. That makes no sense to me! One of the first things people learn as a kid is that Mom and Dad sleep in the same bed. If Husband was "trying to be grown up" I would think that would be important to him.
He could be undiagnosed Autistic, but I doubt it. The only thing that could explain was supposedly not liking the way his wedding ring feels. It didn't sound like he had any social awkwardness, and no sensory issues except the 1.
Bs. He had 6 years to say that.
idk why ppl get so upset when you say you and your spouse don't sleep in the same bed. I havee insomnia and my husband gets up 3 hours after i go to sleep so sometimes i go to bed or just sleep on the futon in my office. I make sure he services me every night before he goes to sleep.
12:59 How do you forget to show your wife that you've known for 8 years that you love her?
By the way she described him when they meet it's a classic case of self deception through passion/lust. He was insanely handsome, apparently more than her (if she didn't got his attention), every girl including her wanted to be with him. And she simply accepted this coldness and indifference as the tax to be with a guy that desired (especially in the end when she say she had better relationships before). And probably further delusional that one day he would change, at the one year of dating, after the marriage, etc every relationship milestone. She should realize that before dating again.
When I broke up with my ex all I felt was relief, so in my opinion if after 2 weeks you don't feel sorry for braking things of that means it was over way before, so take care of yourself and put yourself and year needs first!
It sounds like an abusive relationship in early stages. Glad OP got out when she did.
Good grief. Why did OP ever believed this man actually wanted a relationship with her?
Ya, this story just had red flags, there are so many it looks like a soviet union national pride parade.
ETA: And He love bombed her, he is clearly not a good guy for her at this point. He might not be intending to be abusive, but his current actions point towards that, and thus he needs therapy to work himself out.
Good day LG. Thanks for the stories. First story seems like he picked someone he could put up with so he wasn't alone but still looking for 'the one'.
This is a time for divorce like right now....for your own mental well being and health.....
3 minutes in... how. how has she stayed with him for years.
she must seriously have worse self-esteem than I do, and that's insane to think about.
Oh God, the dude from the forst story sounds exactly like my father. Like, word for word. It sounds liberating to hear someone experienced the same coldness and distance. Although, I'm sorry OP had to go through it
Oh man, this story broke my heart. So much of this is stuff my ex did. It hurts so much, you love this person and they’ve married you, indicating they feel the same, only to be shown through actions that they don’t.
Story 1:YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!
Run!!!
One of my relatives is very strong minded and her husband is very quiet - it’s a perfect relationship and they have been together for a long time as he is happy to take a back seat and she is happy to take control - so basically, they are a happy couple 🙂
I have crippling anxiety and can blackout to the point of falling in a few seconds. On our first date I ran into the door trying to get away from my husband because I felt an attack coming on. He still took me on and is the first person by my side if I'm going to fall. He gave up overtime at $15 an hour because I was trapped in a night terror and truly believed he was dead, I was in the hospital and I still remember him running and sliding around the door frame and shattering the grip my anxiety had taken on me. He put me on his lap and held me all night after the hospital let me go home. That's what love is.
Op, the line about God telling him he needs to get with you or he would regret it is nonsense. This is not what God intended for a relationship/marriage. A man who is interested in you/loves you will MAKE time and put effort into it.
"I forgot how to show love" ... can't forget to do something you've never done.
I’m only 2 minutes and 30 seconds into the video but that ring thing stuck out to me. I have a delicate ring, and work in a job with grease. I also have general sensory issues with metal rings and always have. I have a hard time wearing them on my finger day to day, regardless of the ring. That said, I’m so proud of my ring and of the fact that I’m engaged to the point where I regularly wear it on a chain around my neck, and I also wear a pretty silicon one on my finger at the same time! They make really cool, comfy silicon rings that are affordable now and come in so many different styles! They even have ones that imitate the appearance of metal rings with gemstones! That’s such bs to literally just never wear a ring ever when there are so many options for making it more comfortable day to day now.
Ladies, don't be so desperate to be married that you settle for a man who doesn't even like you. It almost kills any sympathy I have when someone is so blatantly obtuse.
Oooooof he settled for herrrrr......
she is the one that settled for far too long with him not giving her any attention
This is every past relationship I've had :/ this poor girl.
Story 1, oof op, that's the biggest I've never been into you and don't care to signs I've ever read. And 6 years of this nonsense. Guy only started sleeping next to you cause of the dogs. He won't utilize his wedding ring, doesn't want to be near or around you, op what do you think a marriage is supposed to be? Certainly not this.
the only extended time i was sleeping in a separate bed when he was in the same house as me (he occasionally visits his family in another country) was when i injured my knee and couldn't get in the bed. he's still handsy and lovey towards me and we've been together for over 18 years.
Her husband sounds like my ex, who was (and still is) deep in the closet. After we married, he dropped the show and it was clear that he didn't love or even like me.
If a gay man MUST have a beard, I wish he'd just marry a lesbian. Then, they can ignore each other (or maybe be co-parents), but just be roommates, possibly with an open marriage, as long as they're discrete.
But for goodness' sake! Do NOT do that to a person who ACTUALLY LOVES YOU! It is CRUEL.
@@AuntLoopy123 A proper beard relationship like that would actually require not being in denial, though.
Ugh. I was married to that guy. He doesn't actually care enough to change but wants you around to take care of their needs.
I'm still not convinced OP's husband is even into females. I wouldn't be surprised if she discovered that he wasn't into women, at all...
Poor OP, glad she got out of that!
She needs to run because she described a Narc‼️
That's a Narcissist, my goodness.
Good thing she's leaving him.
I can't help but feel that this is a really confusing post. She seems to leave out a lot of information and just jumps from one point to another without really making a connection or explaining it properly.
And she never gives pertinent information, like if he was this way before and she just ignored it, whether or not they have sex at all (and that is a BIG thing to leave out), whether he is like this just with her or with everyone, how his parents and family are. None of this is addressed by her.
@@shells500tutubo exactly! 💯
That makes me think in two directions: that woman has really big problems with her memory and ability to concentrate, or she is lying. This story might be made up and she is just not a good writer.
I feel so sad for OP in this. I just want to hug her & tell her so worth so much more than her husband realizes
I'm torn between shaking some sense into OP or hugging her and begging her to get counseling. She deserves so much better than to simply have to make excuses over and over and over for this person. Thank goodness she finally separated.
I am sorry! He needed to go. Panic attacks are the worst, I have them when I am over stressed.
I love all the replies that explain EXACTLY what a loving relationship looks like 🥰
It feels like OP has been (literally) _screaming_ into the Void for so long that their final tether has frayed and snapped under the weight of emotional anguish. Husband's letter was sweet, I guess, but it feels like a single life ring tossed into the sea _after_ watching the ship sink.
This story will never cease to depress me whenever the algorithm decides to play it.
I have Gads and it’s definitely a roller coaster. I got it right after a mental breakdown following a rehashing about my molestation. I’m 28 shit is wild.
Lol I’m gonna guess “God” is code for “‘my mom” here
OP, you did the right thing and I am so glad you did not fall for his too little, too late. I know lots of the comments say he now see what he has lost. Well, I am sure that is right. But notice that does not say he sees who he lost, it says what he lost. You were not a partner, a friend, a lover. You were something that he owned. He didn't feel like he had to treat you decently because he did not care about you as a person, only as an object that was useful for him at the time. Not worth his time, especially if it meant he might have to show you some concern or comfort. And if you had decided to stay because he finally understood, it would not have changed for long.
The problem was not, and never had been you. When you said he would not sleep with you and preferred the couch, yeah, been there and done that. When I finally got to the point with mine that I quit asking, crying, waking him up at 2am to ask him to come to bed, and he started waking up in the morning on the same couch he feel asleep on he first of all tried to act all butthurt about why don't you wake me up to come to bed with you anymore. Don't you love me anymore? I told him he was old enough he really could sleep wherever he wanted and I wasn't his mom. So, he started coming to bed, but that didn't actually solve the problems. Because the problem is once he married me he had me and I was no longer worth putting out an effort for. When you are with a person like your ex and mine, the vast majority of the hurts are not big and dramatic. They are subtle, they are somewhat small, they are done by them without any effort or thought, just like breathing, and they are constant. Any one of them, done by itself, once in a great while in the course of an otherwise regular relationship would probably never even have been noticed because almost everyone has fallen asleep on a couch and not gone to bed with their partner sometime, almost everyone once in a while just doesn't feel like cuddling right now, almost everyone sometimes misses when a friend, a family member or a partner is down. But a real partner does not do this all of the time. He was not a good husband for you. And if the truth be known, I doubt he will be a good partner for anyone else either.
This man did not learn his lesson by losing you and I have no doubt that any woman unlucky enough to be his partner in the future will have it as bad, or probably worse than you had it. A man like this does not think of others as anything that something to make his life comfortable. He might miss you for right now because no one is cooking his meals, or making his appointments, or stroking his ego, but in his mind he really does not care at all who does these things for him, only that they are done with the minimum amount of effort put out on his part for it to keep up. And if his instrument of comfort quits performing as he expects, or leaves, he will replace them in the same way he would replace a coffee pot that quit working or a sock with a hole in it. I am not saying this to be a cruel person but I am saying this so you understand how he really feels about all the people in his life. It is not you, it is him.
He knew how to show it, he was doing at the end so why wasn't he doing it the whole time. No the end was an act to keep her and he would have just regressed back to the other way.
One of my first thoughts was this man is either a closeted guy man or he is on the Autism Spectrum. This woman doesn't say anything about their dating life before marriage. It may be a case of these issues existing before marriage and she ignored them. She also doesn't say anything about their families. I also wonder about their sex life since she never mentioned it. There are a lot more questions about this story than answers.
Some people just like the idea of marriage, not living with your SO forever.
This has beard energy
Story 1. Op, you sure you're married? This had to have been one of the most one-sided marriages I've seen.
I wonder if it felt easier to not miss him because there weren't any good memories to miss in the first place. Like the experience of having a loving spouse wasn't there from the get go, so being by yourself would be easier.
Bro at times you just gotta learn to let go and walk away.
Has she READ her own post?
My goodness.
Divorce this man.
He doesn’t even LIKE HER. Nor love her.
Yikes.
I'm a jeweler. He could've worn a gold band whether he was done growing or not. They're one of the easiest kinds of rings to size, up or down, because gold is soft.
Sounds like he's a narcissist or something like that. My ex-husband was a covert narcissist. The only time he would be affectionate was when he wanted something. It was like currency to him.
Story 1:I'd take off my ring and keep my Facebook as somgle
I’m wondering if the husband in story one is hiding in the closet and using the wife as a front. They way she describes, it’s as he’s repulsed by her. Why make yourself suffer through unhappiness??
... Jesus, what was he like BEFORE the wedding? I feel like OP might just of accepted love she thinks she deserves for a long time.
But he should definitely leave his church, like OP should leave husband.