You Can Think Your Way To Happiness
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- Опубліковано 15 лис 2023
- Today I am going to help you think your way to happiness. The problem with the research on happiness is it doesn't. show us how to actually be happy. That is what I'm going to share with you today.
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Throughout this video, we'll delve into the intricacies of happiness, unraveling the mysteries that conventional research might not address. I'll share with you tangible strategies, practical tips, and invaluable wisdom to guide you on your path to genuine happiness.
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:09 - What determines whether people are happy
01:45 - Thinking in a healthier way
04:48 - The sequence of thinking
07:18 - The practice of mantra
11:15 - How we can cognitively reframe
14:00 - The connection to schizophrenia
16:00 - Our thoughts are our source of happiness
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#healthygamergg #happiness #mindset
Forcing a quick smile when seeing a child be a child, a dog, the sun, tocuhing a leaf or something like that also massively helps with that. Also since someone on reddit was talking about it, give compliments with a big smile on your face. People will automatically smile back. Tricking yourself is very easy
Extremely true.
有道
Tricking yourself is very easy indeed, tricking yourself and being objective is hard
@@ThunderHOWL16 someone understands the game!
If the smile is fake, people will not mirror that, and there is no point. You should only smile if you mean it, or there will be resistance. If, and only if, you can first genuinely convince yourself there’s a reason to smile, this can work and be authentic.
It is important to distinguish between: 1. "I tell myself to just be happy no matter what". And
2. "I choose a positive outlook and tell myself positive things in order to deal with stuff constructively."
The first one is toxic positivity. It ignores your samskars/undigested emotions and trauma.
It causes you to be powerless to subconscious patterns that controls you.
And it is going to lead to you subjecting other people to the same bad stuff, you were subjected to, because you have chosen to be unaware of how it affected you.
That last sentence tho 👀 So true
Really needed this sometimes I get tied up because I've always been the type of person to try to see the good in things even when they're really bad. Things like this can sometimes make me worried I'm "virtue signaling" just because I'm trying to see good in the negative...
Good props on this one choom. I pretty much did this sub vocalize stuff but through point 1 rather than 2. Caused way more harm than good as I happy numbed myself which put me in some bad spots. Luckily I'm in therapy now and we're working with point 2 now. Stay safe and find happiness choombas
Wow you just summed up what I've been thinking so well in this post. Thank you
I tend to almost exclusively have negative thoughts.. but weirdly ive always been a very optimistic person just because i genuinely believe life will be amazing if you have the right mindset - i just havent found my way there yet.. but something ive tried recently is whenever im in pain for whatever reason, i try to be observant of anything in the situation that i love. Like literally anything, and put my focus on that for a bit just to realize that it's not all black and white. It has helped me anyway..
I'm a therapist and I teach this to my clients as much as I can. You don't have to go from being a pessimist or a 'realist' (as many tend to identify themselves) to an optimist. Just being open to happiness, and putting even a slightly *more* positive view on things helps.
I loved the part where Dr K said to imagine you're talking to someone you care about. If you wouldn't say what you're saying to them, don't say it to yourself!! Whenever I hear my friends being negative about themselves out loud I say "Hey, don't talk to/about my friend that way, I don't like it" and it's helped both myself and my friends be less critical and negative towards ourselves. Yay for CBT!
Thank you guys for this video.
Yep, I feel it nearly being impossible for me not to look at the world as it is, which for the most part isn’t positive or negative, which will lead you to be being a pessimist especially if you’re unhappy . Focusing on the silver lining is important to get through dark times, and it helps you succeed That is pure logic. There is no falsehood with that. because there is always a silver lining. There is no dark without light.
@@godwintalking4724 absolutely, well said 🙏
Isn't calling yourself a "realist" instead of a "pessimist" putting a slightly more positive view on things?
@@cleverman383 not usually in my experience. Mostly the person has had a lot of bad things happen so they say they're being realistic by assuming negative things are going to happen.
"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts" - Marcus Aurelius
Beat me to it
So what thoughts are we SUPPOSED to have to manifest what we want, whether it be a relationship, etc, etc.
@@GabrielXDrumswell.. that’s up to you? What do you want? Think about it. Believe you can have it. Envision yourself with it.. whatever it is. That’s how.
@@CrzBonKerz21 sure. But life isn’t that magical and easy where whatever you “think” will happen and come to you, that’s never how it works…we’re not supernatural beings or anything.
I never said it's easy. In fact it's one of the hardest things you can attempt to do. But it's 100% that your thoughts and beliefs shape your emotions, your way of thinking, your perception of the world inside and outside of yourself. Which all subsequently influences the actions you take.@@GabrielXDrums
I noticed this 20 years ago when I was working in the service industry for a year, I needed to be friendly and happy to people, laugh about small talk and act like I have a good time serving them. After just 20 minutes I really had a good time, even though I was just making coffee, cleaning and stuff
Genuinely, this is also how I've gotten through 2 years of retail and food service so far. I put on a smile and joke with the customers, feel good about helping them out, try to enjoy my coworkers' company, and more often than not it just clicks into place after a bit.
9:00 I believe this is how prayer works. When I was 10, I got lost and "prayed" for god to help me. As I did so I became more calm and focused. I realized that praying helped me get home but not because god answered me. It helped because of the process. First I had to focus enough in order to ask the question, I identified and stated the problem, not always easy to do when you're panicked. Then, most importantly, I imagined an answer. It's almost like I was able to externalize a patient, helpful, protective side of myself to team up with. That "other" person became my guardian angel who encouraged me and helped me get home. And yeah, I was literally talking to myself under my breath. I gave that guardian a voice and they told me what I needed to do. And at the same time, I was the guardian helping a lost kid get home. Looking back, I did it when I was even younger too, but I called that helpful voice my "imaginary friend" named Leo. Then for a while it was prayer. It's none of that now, I know it's just me, but I still do it. I am my own savior, flawed but persistent. It's somehow both humbling and empowering.
That's an excellent observation. People have been basically asking God for forgiveness and strength to endure, and because of that they become more tolerant of their life's hardships. Even the belief that a hardship is a test to measure your "worth for heaven" shows difference in response, which goes to show how strong belief systems (thinking, basically) actually can be.
I left religion years ago and always struggled with how to recover that sense of peace I used to induce with prayer. I've known for a long time that I was indeed the one who invoked those feelings and answers in myself, but I hadn't been able to hit on a way to do that again without the dogmatic structure around it now that I'm an atheist. I think this video has made it clearer what the process should look like for me. I guess I just wanted to piggyback off your comment and say you're not the only one!
Perfect observation
@@meltygear5955*sNifF* *ideology*
100%. Sometimes I wish I still believed in God.
This is part of why OCD is such a hard thing to live with. It's almost impossible to keep obsessive thoughts out of your head. When it's negative perceptions of yourself or wondering why you are stuck in a situation (for example "why am I single") it takes over and runs wild.
You should checkout @ocdandanxiety here on youtube. His videos helped me with my OCD so much, a lot of my symptoms has eased or disappeared and overall I feel so much better. He teaches you how to disengage with the obsessive thoughts that I never would have been able to figure out otherwise. Good luck!
If the question keeps being asked you need to respond with the correct answer. Why am I still single? The real answer is usually "because I'm so obsessed over why I'm single that I project a false version of myself and it comes off as disingenuous making me less desirable and reinforcing the mindset"
I have high functioning/obsessiveness and learning this about myself is the most insightful thing I have found. Looking into REAL mindfulness/meditation is helpful and I'm learning how to "not" ruminate.
Actually, what Dr. K describes here is exactly the sort of thing you need to do in order to avoid this. Works great with intrusive thoughts, if you tell yourself that 'it's just OCD'. Allows me to deal with it.
@@GoldenMinotaur Trying to legitimately find answers for your OCD thoughts isn’t actually the best method for dealing with them, most of the time. They will just switch, until you can’t find answers, getting more stressful over time. The best way to get better is to accept uncertainty, with OCD, and to do exposure and response prevention exercises (with a proper therapist guiding you).
Dont fight your thoughts, just start sub vocalising affirmations.
You dont have to provide logical reasoning for your negative thoughts.
Thoughts are powerful
Beware of toxic positivity.
but if its not logically true, it feels like I'm BSing myself
@@haousupreme206 I found that the best affirmations are the ones you're able to believe in. So, for example, if you have low self-esteem, you need to find characteristics in yourself that are true, and would cause you to feel better about yourself if you focused on them more. And then you focus on them.
Or, if you want something that isn't true at all, you can rephrase it: "I prefer to feel relaxed", "I prefer to feel confident". This is also true, and the phrasing "I prefer" makes your mind think that it's your choice. Which it actually becomes once your subconscious hears enough of you talking about being relaxed or confident.
@@haousupreme206My friend, if you don't believe that you can do better you just won't and if you do you will. It's easier said than done. I was so lost, so unable to process my emotions, so alone, but since I have started believing in the good in me and in the world it has helped me in ways I thought were impossible for me. It's not about denying things, it's about facing them head on not suppressing them and being compassionate to yourself and to those who've hurt you. This sounds like it's just wishful thinking, but it isn't about denying your negative emotions or the fact that you can be an asshole and so can others, it's about recognizing the positive function of those negative emotions. Negative emotions are there for a reason, just like physical pain is there for a reason, to help you survive. It's very hard, especially at first, but you need to have faith to make it in this world, that doesn't mean you have to shut your brain off, just find whatever you feel you can have faith in and hang on tight. It's about results, if it helps you to do better, pursue it, if it doesn't, don't. Water the flowers not the weeds.
@@haousupreme206 You don't need to lie to yourself. That would be toxic positivity. You just need to try to be a little more objective about things. Hence the practise of imagining talking to a friend.
@@kvannestorbjorn1316 To add to this: If you have a hard time finding things you like about yourself, find a friend you really trust to be honest and ask them "Why do you like me?" Then take what they say about what they like about you- your humor, your capacity to listen, or just the fact they appreciate that you exist, and focus on that. Look for those moments in your life- find the moments where you are earnestly being funny, kind, hopeful, honest. Find those moments, and even if it might not feel like it was a 'good moment' know that these moments are what make you YOU, the best parts of you. And be around people who enjoy your company more and look for what they like in you and focus on those things too and you'll find something worthy to like about yourself.
Even if you can't think of anything you like about yourself, there are people who like things about you.
00:00 🌟 Research on happiness often identifies who's happy but not how to become happy. It lacks guidance on achieving happiness.
01:53 🧠 Emotions are integral to happiness, but psychotherapy aims to clear emotions to enable clearer thinking, emphasizing the importance of healthier thoughts.
03:05 💭 Post-breakup happiness hinges on thoughts rather than just emotions. Cognitive reframing, changing thoughts, is crucial in managing emotions and well-being.
04:41 🔄 Cognitive reframing (changing thoughts) is more effective than emotion-focused coping in resolving problems and fostering happiness.
07:28 🧘♂ Subvocalization, quietly repeating thoughts, profoundly affects mindset by engaging the orbitofrontal cortex, guiding behavior and shaping thinking patterns.
11:20 🗣 Engaging in positive self-talk as if advising a friend can reframe negative situations, although it may face resistance from conflicting negative thoughts.
13:29 🤯 Subvocalization bypasses the need for arguments or convincing oneself; it implants positive thoughts, impacting mindset profoundly.
16:26 🌱 Subvocalization and mantra practices can genuinely change mindset and perception, leading to a happier life by altering how one views and experiences life.
Thanks for the recap. I was thinking of using a UA-cam video summarizing site to review the vid real quick, but now I don't have to! xD
AI technologies would be so jealous of such an amazing video summary
Which AI?
@@arisataiga6473You think this one isn't by AI?
Is subvocalization just moving my tongue while I say something to myself on my mind? Or actually say the words but whispering them to myself in a low voice?
notes for myself:
- happiness comes from thoughts
- thought loops lead to mental illness
- don't try to win an argument with your negative thoughts using logic, its not the main goal
- subvocalize (mutter) to yourself implants happiness in you (imagine yourself trying to comfort a friend or someone you care about when doing this)
You have to subvocalize the opposite of negative thoughts?
Honestly this channel saved my life so many times. I’m very thankful for your consistent generous work
Personally, when I stopped "putting on a happy mask" for people, being around people became less exhausting. I used to fake laugh at almost everything, fake excitement, and fake interest. I'm pretty sure I was good at it because I had a decently sized social circle, which is what I wanted. However, as I got older and realized I was doing all this for social acceptance and stopped, my mind stopped racing, and my happiness grew. I have fewer friends now, but the friends I still have are solid.
I was coming out of my depression from hs after graduating some years ago, the point when I realized I was finally doing better was when I was coming home from closing at work and stopped at McDonald's. I commented to my friends that finally the thing that made me happy at the end of the day was just the simple fact that I could get two mcchickens for $3
They were pedantic ofc, saying "man imagine being able to be happy for something so simple" but really that's exactly what made me realize I finally knew how to just be happy. Small things, y'all.
I think this somewhat illustrates why it is that I became so locked into negative thoughts for so long. I would find myself subvocalizing negative thoughts about the circumstances of the world around me, and I must have implanted these thoughts more and more firmly into my mind by doing so.
That is how we end up going down rabbit holes and developing false beliefs. You described the process well.
My method is to do things for myself in advance, like do the laundry today and act like it’s a favor to future me, make a PBJ sandwich tonight for me to eat in the morning. Basically training myself to enjoy putting off instant pleasure for even more later. The joy you feel coming home from work to an annoying task already being done by past you brings a smile to your face and a feeling of love and gratitude for yourself.
Hmmm. Interesting. I think I'll try that
Progress = happiness. When I know I'm getting better at things I used to struggle with...I feel much better and motivated to continue playing the long game...delaying gratification is the key.
💯
the Kid - subconscious mind within us wants instant gratification,
the Parent - Our conscious mind - knows what is best for the child
What he said.
The schizophrenia thing caught me off guard and was a total curve ball. Mad props for the info
Dr K, I don't know if you ever read the comments but thank you for being here. It really feels good to know that you care about us, even though I'm just a one digit in your view count.
Gaslighting myself into being happy definitely took time and effort but it pays off
this is actually insane, this is the first time he’s talked about EXACTLY what i needed. last night my mind was racing 100 mph and i couldn’t sleep, thought i was worthless, but i ended up just writing it all down and taking a bunch of melatonin lol
If you'd like to try meditation for help with sleep and racing thoughts, I'd highly recommend Heartfulness meditation. You can look it up online and find a centre near you.
i hate how helpful the writing it out can be lol. the second you have to turn these abstract thoughts into physical words you're way more likely to go "fuck this shit i don't actually care that much," or writing it out releases the thoughts some. not always a 100% success rate but it is useful in distressing moments and periods!
@@eg4441 Damn, I wish it worked that well consistently. I mean there's been times when I was fuming mad where writing it out definitely eased it out by the end (after like 4+ pages of scribble lol). But there are times when you get washed over with dreading all-encompassing hopeless depression and in some of those all I did was write at like 5wph speed and it was just... let's say "sad affirmations".. you're right it's not a 100% success rate - but still worth it to give it a shot and make it a habit though.
@@sarpsaysif it helps any, if you push yourself to do it daily, eventually it sticks and it really does wonders with managing your mood and realizing what is and isnt within your control. i started journaling this year but only started becoming consistent with it around June, where I told myself as soon as I woke up i'd write. Now I cant go without doing it, i've figured out what does and doesn't work for me through the trial and error because I did it so much, and now every morning session is productive towards organizing my thoughts. i thought other people were bullshitting, but turns out journaling is a skill just like many other things that you can get better at! it makes my days so much better. I went from the worst depression i've ever had in my life to having hope, goals, wants and motivation torwards the future for the first time in my life.
Really truly recommend you stick with it and most importantly, listen to yourself as you write. you'll figure out the best way to decode yourself with time! good luck brother! wishing you all success!
if you want to go to sleep at 23:00 shut down all digital devices with a screen at 17:00 lol this is one of the more simple solutions to sleeping problems
Alternative title: Delulu is Solulu
(Delusion is Solution)
I find it interesting how this contrasts with today's video from Veritasium that suggests that the prevailing factor in happiness is social connection. It feels like there are two contrasting narratives, one that suggests a need for social change (reduce atomisation, rebuild third spaces, impose restrictions on social media, etc.), and the other that suggests individual change (rebuild outlook, forge connections with strangers, gratefulness and meditation, etc).
I used to lean towards the individualist side of things quite a bit, but now I'm starting to think it's secondary to broader social conditions. You wouldn't need to write a gratitude journal if life didn't naturally suck, you wouldn't need to strike up conversations with strangers if we didn't shatter our relationships with the internet, and you wouldn't need meditation if you had a healthy schedule that allowed your head to clear naturally. There's only so much change your outlook on the world can provide if the world itself sucks.
👍
I'm not disagreeing with you but it doesn't have to be one or the other, it can be both approaches. The one bandaid to fix everything approach is itself a trapping of capitalism. The non-Western world is generally more community oriented but are people necessarily happier here? I am from this part of the world and from what I see and experience myself, no. An individualistic, internal approach would not solve the problem entirely and better social, external changes are also needed definitely. I think we need all the tools at our disposal to make better lives for ourselves and others.
How do you change social conditions, without taking responsibility yourself to start contributing to those changes? There is no collective action without the unique contribution of every participating individual.
I agree largely, but I feel like the framing leads to some overgeneralizations. In my view, relationships and social interaction are a certain deeply important human need and element of life. I would argue most of the ideas and techniques being branched under an “individualist” label are in another category, they are tools and methods one can use to handle the various elements of life, including relationship/social things, emotional struggles, difficulties in attending to your work or school, etc. And further, things like third places/public spaces and societal social improvements are almost like tools communities can use to handle the various elements of life. This idea of “tools” thus covers both individual efforts, communal efforts and anything in between. In short, there are parts of life with their associated struggles, and tools to deal with them, both personal or communal. And crucially, there is nothing keeping them from coexisting, other than ideas that either social solutions or individual solutions are the end-all be-all, which are unfortunately both very common.
In this framing, both "individualist oriented people" and "socially oriented people" are addressing both the difficult elements of life and tools to deal with them. For instance, Dr. K is here addressing the issue of thought spirals and proposing a personal technique to deal with it (basically a very efficient kind of affirmation thing) but one could also propose finding and confiding with friends who care about as being another way to reduce the potential harms of thought spirals. If you take a step back, there is really no reason one needs to only do one or the other and it would be highly beneficial to consider as many tools as you can. There are plenty of things individuals can use, groups of friends can help with, and many things which society could and should be change to help facilitate.
Unfortunately, it’s very easy for isolated type people to just ignore the whole social aspect of things, often out of some kind of subconsious ignorance, and to a huge detriment to themselves. Simultaneously one can look at all the techniques people like Dr K proposes as more ore less insignificant and need not be even bothered with if you have a good social situation, or that improving society would be so much better than using any of that stuff, we should just focus on that. In my view, both of these views are, highly ignorant, seriously harmful, and still easily remedied with a little awareness. Though I'll say there is an argument to be made that ignoring "individual tools" but tending towards social support is less harmful than trying to solve everything alone. Regardless, they are just different types of "tools" or solutions to problems with their own particular merits.
Journaling practices are just completely not the same thing as work environment quality, the massive gambit of "meditation techniques" is totally not the same time with good friends or even having free time to decompress. Generally speaking the former are both specific techniques which have value because the careful design of the technique has some sort of power to effect you, whereas the latter are kind of imply “techniques” but would require a interpersonal or communal effort to facilitate. Which ones are more important or why? I think it's more worthwhile to consider everything.
Apologies in advance for the essay :P
we thought our way into it we can think our way out of it. ❤
My mom have Schizophrenia,
I finally understand why she often seems to be mumbling to herself,
thank you Dr.K !
School counselor here. Always trying to teach this to students. Thoughts influence emotions, and emotions drive action. Be intentional with your thoughts! Do not like your mind do the thinking for you, or the emotions control you.
As someone who struggled in the past with intrusive thoughts and Pure OCD symptoms and thankfully, and thanks God, I am in a much better place mentally today (like 1000% better) This video resonated deeply and made so much sense!
It helped me make sense of some light perceptions I had with my experience doing CBT on my own.
Also, I think a big part of being able to let the negative thoughts pass through our mind and give space to new thoughts is acceptance.
A lot of times the negative train of thoughts can seem very rational and almost like a list of “no brainer ” as the most likely scenario to happen after another bad thing has already happened to us.
So, that’s where acceptance comes in place, it’s literally like “okay yeah, maybe all of these bad things will happen” MAYBE other bad things will happen. It’s accepting that, logically, that is a possible thing that, I think, gives us the possibility to see it as it actually is, only a possibility.
So I think that’s when the brain becomes open to realising other possibilities.
So it would be something like (in the example of a breakup)
“Omg I’m never gonna find someone else, my partner will because they’re much better looking”
“Oh no, I’m gonna be alone for the rest of my life”
Then instead of trying to get rid of the thoughts, emotions and fears associated with these scenarios that our head finds so logical,
We accept: “okay, yeah that could happen, MAYBE that’s how my life is gonna go”
Then now we’re able to see, it’s a scenario, it’s a maybe.
I think that’s how important acceptance is in this case.
Because now, the fact that we have accepted that the bad scenario could happen, puts it in the right perspective of what it is - just a scenario-
Then we can now see all the other maybes
“Maybe I’ll find someone else”
“Logically it’s also possible that my ex partner won’t find anyone”
“‘Maybe we’ll both find the actual love of our lives and be happy for the time we have spent together while it lasted”
That’s why I think that the current “self help” mainstream culture of “only nurture good thoughts can bring problems if we interpret it as trying to push away the bad thoughts, and I think that’s what most of us ends up trying to do. We try to deny it, forget it, because it’s painful to accept. But the pain of accepting it as a possibility is like a necessary step on being able to see it as it is .
Anyways, that has been my experience having dealt with OCD symptoms and intrusive thoughts. Just sharing this here as food for thought, and I hope it was a clear read (English is not my first language, so, sorry for any grammar and spelling m mistakes).
Thanks for that I'm going thru intrusive thoughts and what I feel is OCD and other feelings that I've surpressed
i kinda hate the fact that to solve most of my mental problems i just have to gaslight myself and lie to my brain. this is insane
gaslighting and lying is more like just trying to emotionally cope rather than reframe your thoughts?
Why are you so sure you're not gaslighting and lying to yourself already?
@@Ventryx Great point
it's remarkable how the body more so the mind intuitively knows how to heal itself. i've been going through a deep depression these past few months and experiencing negative thought rumination. but i noticed i do this thing where i was whispering to myself how my situation will get better and that im okay and afterwards i would get a burst of energy and focus my attention somewhere else. im realizing i even do this in the mirror i'll give myself a pep talk but im whispering to myself and my energy instantly shifts. its kinda funny thinking about it, but it actually is helping me. thank you for this information, im really enjoying your videos they have helped me so much during this time 🙏🏾💓
This was right on time for me. I was just feeling depressed and thought I just want my mind to shut up and not think. This was confirmation on many levels. Thank you. 🙏🏾
Beautiful video!! So this is why I've always felt great speaking my thoughts out loud to myself going through certain things that are bothering me and going logically about it.
I really enjoy listening to reggae music because it has uplifting beats and positive messages in the lyrics, mainly spreading peace and love. It always has a good effect on me
This is so helpful! I'm not having a struggle with happiness itself (not happy either but rather content) but with having some negative thoughts about some other aspects of my life, and i'm going to try subvocalizing to see if it helps with that too!
Thanks a lot Dr. K!
One of the best videos of your's I have seen so far! I have started using a mantra when I am trying to fall asleep but can't. I will start trying it for other negative thoughts.
Thank you Dr. K! That's a lot of useful information. I didn't know there's such a substantial difference emerging from pretty much just the volume at which you talk to yourself. I'll be sure to remember this and try to put this into practice as much as I can!
I'm already happy and have achieved a Lot of my Goals, but this information makes so much sense and feels so liberating. Thank you so much Dr k and Hg team.
My dad has schizophrenia and this made a lot of sense
WOW! Love this! Amazing. Thank you so much.
This is exactly what I'm struggling through at the moment. Thanks for the video!
Goddd!! you always come up with the topics i literally require at that time. Yesterday I was going through the sadness of my life and all and thought I'd find something from your videos. To my amazement, this video popped up and was uploaded just 30mins before. You're my guided Angel 😇
Thank you Dr.K for helping me to know myself and providing practical solutions.
Just want to say thank you. I enjoy your videos and love learning what you share.
Great video! Couldn't help but laugh out loud with the break up example, as I just went through one (ended amiably but still hurts obv) some hours before this video was posted 😂 definitely a good time to hear this! I've always kind of talked to myself, maybe it's time to do it more intentionally 🤔
Your channel is a goldmine
Hands-down the most helpful Healthy Gamer GG video I've seen - and I love most of them! Since watching this video, I've used the technique of subvocalization to help me start tasks while feeling overwhelmed, to feel more relaxed and confident, and more. I can now start undoing years of negative subvocalization and rebuild a healthier sense of self. Thank you so much Dr. K.
Thank you for being the other person to tell me this, human needs other human to motivate themself. I'm very lucky to found your video
It’s okay to be sad! It’s okay to grieve! You will get better and stronger because of what you’ve experienced❤
Not necessarily, some people don't make it out the other side
Yeah, I agree with @HardLuckkid01 here. Not all suffering leads to growth. Some is basically worthless.
Even if you don’t feel like it changed you: You cannot do anything to stop change! You grow everyday, your experience, your feelings, your body. And every experience has things to be thankful for. I know I sound very childish, but as I lived through abuse in childhood, poverty, two forceful evictions, mobbing, losing friends, living without a father, 2years with hospitalized depression, being cheated on by my GF of 4years and right after that nearly losing my left leg (still recovering from surgery) I was told by many that I’m a very resilient and kindhearted person. I am who I am, because of what happened to me and If I believe it is good that I am who I am, then I can be thankful for everything that happened to me. Even if some things change your life for the worse, you gain more experience, you will discover a positive outlook on the moment at some point. Happiness is not about living without hardship and suffering, it’s about you managing to overcome adversity and staying hopeful.
@@PaperySloththose people are weak. only the strong survive.
You're right, and like you guessed it's just a matter of how you convey your intentions.
Now we understand your point wich is good, but in your first sentence alone it was hard to just accept it like this, because we didn't know what make you say that actually so it's hard to identify to your comment.
Most of people coming here seek help so they can't all have the experience and the outlook to think "oh that man have been through a lot to be so convincing!"
More realisticly people especially the one who didn't figure things out yet and still suffer will go to the fastest thought in their mind "toxic positivity" wich is one of the subject of that video 😅.
No worry, your kind intentions to help people go forward are now clear.
Just keep in mind that we don't see or ear you so it require little detour to correctly convey this and be well understood here ;)
Pretty useful to master!
Hope it help, have a nice one!@@user-ne5mw4dd8e
Don't know if this is the right place, but I want to get those words out. Thank you Dr. K, for all you have done! As a wannabe monk myself, silently consuming your content since the beginnings, the knowledge and wisdom you shared was so perfectly designed for me, I couldn't wished any better. After a rough ride connecting to myself again I am now at a point where I can focus on living my personal dharma and building the live I am dreaming of. Much love for you, your mission and all the other healthygamers out there! 🧡We are in this together, and every attempt and moment to better yourself is precious and worth it, I can tell from my own experience, with also many battles lost on the way!
Really enjoyed this one in terms of pacing for the speech love the content keep it up doc
I've try it for several weeks, the subvocal method, it helps me. Thanks again DR K :).
Going to comment before I actually watch the video because the title of the video is something I've been thinking about a lot these past 6 months. I have issues of being too self aware of everything I do and often I am stuck in the thoughts in my head for days on end. Usually it's me overthinking anything and everything but I have been making a conscious effort of tracking my own thoughts in my head, storing whatever segment of the day those thoughts existed in, and come back to them maybe weeks later to look back on everything I can remember over the last month. I noticed how often I would have thoughts that felt neutral with what I was saying to myself but the emotions didn't line up and I would often put myself in a negative mood purely from that line of thinking, it wasn't like I was trying to do it on purpose but the amount of times I would basically think myself into a negative mood was way too often and it felt like there was some pattern to it related to my actual line of thinking. I started trying to start my day off with positive things like music or something I enjoy but that feeling often would never stay because I would start thinking about what I should be doing at the time and how it wasn't productive and it would bother me a lot. So I've been actively trying to tell myself in my head to get excited, get energetic, think of good things that will make me happy when I start to feel down or just kinda emotionless. I have to hard stop whatever I'm thinking about even if I think it's a productive line of thinking because it will depress me or demotivate me. I have no idea if this is what the video is about but the title jumped at me and I have been wanting to mention this at least somewhere because it's fucking hard not saying anything when it means a lot to you.
Edit: Just finished it and while I feel I did a horrible job explaining it, what Dr. K said covers everything and more of what I have been thinking about. It's always nice listening to these videos because they often answers so many of the questions that float in my head. I never realized the power of subvocalizing even though I've had a couple instances where I did it to calm down from being scared and it helped so much.
I very much needed this, thankyou so much
10:20 this is so true i appreciate you had the courage to call it out as it is. not many public figures can do that because they are afraid to lose followers.
Jesus, Dr. K. You continue to drop videos that are so spot-on to the things I’ve been going through that you’re starting to seem like more of a psychic than a psychiatrist. Did the Yogis teach you that, too???
All jokes aside, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You continue to be a beacon of light for me.
I really admire your efforts to educate us and help us grow and learn constantly. Thank you!
This idea that you can think your way out of negativity is so true. I was once broken up with and I was understandably very upset/unhappy. By accepting and analyzing those feelings, I was able to reduce them and eventually move on in a healthy way
Thank you for this. I'm currently going through a breakup and this is exactly what I need. I went on youtube to distract myself and instead found a helpful way to move forward.
I have somewhat noticed myself how helpful and relieving journaling about certain things or even just talking/thinking to myself can be, but I haven't given quite as much thought to how I can take advantage of these techniques. This video is a good reminder to try to collaborate better with myself (or, really, the thoughts I have that guide me), instead of just hoping that I won't continue getting in my own way.
If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to grieve, grieve. But don’t think your situation is hopeless! You cannot do anything to stop change! You grow everyday, your experience, your feelings, your body. And every experience has aspects to be thankful for. I know I sound very childish, but as I lived through abuse in childhood, poverty, two forceful evictions, mobbing, losing friends, living without a father, 2years with hospitalized depression, being cheated on by my GF of 4years and right after that nearly losing my left leg (still recovering from surgery) I was told by many that I’m a very resilient and kindhearted person. I am who I am, because of what happened to me and If I believe it is good that I am who I am, then I can be thankful for everything that happened to me. Even if some things change your life for the worse, you gain more experience, you will discover a positive outlook on the moment at some point. Happiness is not about living without hardship and suffering, it’s about you managing to overcome adversity and staying hopeful.
When he talked about what you can tell yourself after breakups, I thought of how after my last breakup I used to listen to a song that goes "It's gonna hurt me for a while but in time I'll be alright". It actually helped me through my breakup and I thought it was just because I felt understood and lifted up by the song, but now I understand that singing to it probably was autosuggestion.
This came out at just the right time!
Only today, just before this video came out, I thought of the same exact thing and decided to start applying it in my life.
To be exact, I thought of this way of dealing with things by looking back at myself in the past, when I was way happier and always optimistic and positive, I thought about how I could've possibly managed it in the past, and decided to replicate it. It's the same thing - maintain a positive outlook, accept that bad things will happen in life but don't focus on them and TELL YOURSELF that things will be good. Very important, it doesn't work if you just know and keep in mind that things will be better and that there's a positive side to everything. I have myself stepped in this trap some years ago, I kept this knowledge, but if you don't pretty much literally rub it in your own face - it won't work. Basically fake it 'till you make it, this strategy works, and so it won't be different when applied to mental health, you need to make sure to consciously remind yourself of what you want to think about, and you will indeed start to think about it.
The idea lf subvocalising reminds me of how I treat problems at work (software development). I almost always pick up a piece of paper and start "talking it out" with myself by writing ideas down and drawing some arrows if need be. I think the process of "externalising" helps me very much to proccess and "unpack" things and also make them sink into my mind at the same time. It also enables intuition in ky experience.
I cannot focus very much if I need to talk to someone real. I get much deeper focus when "externalising" in my own company.
So that kinda confirms what you say. On the other hand I think that subvocalising is quite new to me. It's a great addition. Also using mantras is quite interesting.
The easiest way to understand sub vocalization is the "Parent-Child Relationship" we have with ourselves.
🧠We have the subconscious mind of a child.
⚡And the Conscience Will of a parent.
Our Conscious Will determines our Environment (physical and emotional)
And our Environment determines our Behaviour - Subconscious Mind's thoughts
The behaviours of a parent determine the child thoughts and actions.
Treat your mind just like you would treat a child.
If they have negative thoughts, understand that it's a result of the environment they have been in.
Forgive them for those thoughts and give them an environment where they could have better thoughts.
This is how I understand very intuitively on Dr K's "think your way to happiness."
This truly is a great channel
It might sound stupid, but being thankful helps. When I am sad, I allow myself to be sad for an amount of time and then I focus on all the stuff that is going good in my life, all the things and people I can be thankful for. And yes, smiling at yourself in a mirror helps, because you will start to laugh ... Emotions, Thought and Body are interconnected and one can't function without the rest. So using one to access the other is often a good idea.
And thank you so much for "you can't speak and listen to yourself at the same time". I always said I can't do that but I thought that was me being incapable of certain things.
I have always been a positive person, always trying to look at the bright side, im greatful for that
man the thing about STOPPING THE THOUGHTS is soooo real. its the main reason i just sleep as much as possible sometimes over 12 hours a day cus the dreams can take over and i dont have to think about it anymore
Big thanks, your content is great. Keep up the good work 🙏 greetings from germany ✌
this was so good. I bought the guide, and I loved this session so much.
I've been doing this for a while, and can confirm it works wonders. Like anything else worth doing, it's not easy, but over the course of the last few weeks I've made leaps and bounds in my thinking. I used to struggle with self-doubt and anxiety, but I'm a lot more content and calm these days. Going to keep going...
So you just mutter positive affirmations under your breath?
@@davidjablow4129More like think about why I'm thinking or feeling a certain way, decide what I should be thinking/feeling, and telling myself to believe that way. Over time, it's had a strong effect. (Some of my major breakthroughs came from accepting religious and stoic philosophies, reinforcing the concepts I had already kinda figured out through my exploration of my thoughts)
@@hassassinator8858I'll try it. Thank u❤
Hey Dr. K, I'm not sure if you've ever watched Hi Ren by Ren.... But it put me (and most of every UA-camr that I've watched, like the) in tears, and even after 30 watches it still confused me a bit up until what you said in this video.. you da best, definitely watch it if you haven't, Ren is beast-mode.
This is the most important video I have ever watched
I finally found a tool that brings me out of those negative thought loops. Wasn't sure I would see the day, but it's incredible how effective this has been for me in such a short time.
Thank you so much!!!
I live with fybromyalgia. And ive only started this video but I know this to be true.
Im still flawed in many ways. But living in the moment, learning meditation and focusing on what I can do in the moment has been amazing for me.
For anyone struggling. Take small steps. It gets better!
2:44 perfectly describes what I'm going through. It's hard but I'm trying to move on.
Works 100%, I have been saying that I'm worthless to myself for 10 years and not even real success can change my mindset.
Yes I often do think that: that I'm glad I had a mini relationship with him, I had my closeness, he showed me I was special and valid and wantable, we had a connection, and it was best for me that we didn't remain involved. He could see that, I refused to acknowledge it and pummelled on with the kind of determination that powers successful businessmen, and only hurt myself in doing so. Now I walk free, remembering how he said I could hold my head high.
Your videos follow my life and help me become a better person every day you are awesome!!! I finally feel like i am the boss in my head
You can think your way to happiness. I did. I thank Dr. K for a big contribution to changing my thinking. The value or usefulness of a vessel lies in its emptiness, or in its ability to empty itself of previous paradigms and constructs, tendency toward prejudice and other thinking errors, and all the accumulated c r a p that has filled it as a result. Most people will never think their way toward stable happiness, at best they can achieve fleeting happiness, because they will not open their minds, suspend judgment, and discard old paradigms and constructs, including perhaps their limited definition of happiness.
Dr. K! I had a dark night of the soul ego death situation, and had a truly profound, spiritual awakening!
I also think I'm autistic.
Dr K manages to bring new helpful insight every single time. Thanks for existing man
As someone diagnosed with schizoaffective I have noticed my subvocalization like my tongue moving amd through therapy and personal work I have learned how to change what I say to my voices and have learned how to ignore them or work with them because I recognize they are just a manifestation of my emotions
Really glad you mentioned the breakup example at the beginning. A month after and still hurts like a MF but getting there… very slowly.
Love your content 🙏
Honestly, i really did lose hope. The heavy meds and therapy was not really working for me. Thank you Dr.K, what you say does makes sense not just in this video, most of them. I'm going to give it another try and in a different angle. Thank you❤
This is gold! Thank you!!! I'm currently doing CBT sessions & get stuck trying to come up with evidence against my critic. Now I can swiftly move on with a supportive Mantra ❤
My inner thoughts are so strong and opposing to my own beliefs usually it feels like I'm arguing with my self into depression and I rarely win.. It almost feels like a split personality that prefers to stay in rather then come out.. But it feels like my own thoughts..I know that's all over the place but that's the best i word it... How do I shit up the inner monologue
This sound like an exhausting experience, I'm wishing you the best. I'd also like to give some insight. I think Dr K.'s advice here won't apply well to you, because your mind isn't "coordinated", so your conscious effort towards reframing your experience will be opposed by something subconscious that you have poor awareness and control over. Don't beat yourself up just because parts of you disagree with each other, and in that vain don't just "shut them up". My advice would be to listen to what these thoughts are saying with respect to who you are as a total. Maybe one is opposing a certain belief because that's actually how you act - "I'm fearless" vs not being able to leave the house in reality. These inner beliefs you're trying to suppress with your "own beliefs" are just going to take more control if you don't acknowledge them and integrate them into your self. This is basically "shadow work", if you'd like to look into it (there are plently of resources here on yt). It can relate to things like childhood trauma, or something more benign. It can be difficult to do, but I believe in you, and I'm sure you'll find yourself feeling much better as you go along this journey.
My advice here would be: Try to acknowledge that most mental issues exist for a reason. I'm not talking about YOUR mental issues, but mental issues in general. Trauma for example exists bc of our brain's ability to adjust to even the most horrible, hostile circumstances and environments. When we finally manage to escape from those circumstances, we're stuck with the hardwiring that was crucial for our survival (ab*sive parents for example). To thrive in a healthy environment, we now have to change not "just" our software, but our hardware (aka weaken existing neural connections which grew stronger and stronger over years) as well.
Once you acknowledge you struggle with this not bc of you being "destined to struggle with this bc of who you are", but bc of your ability (!) to learn certain thought/behavioral patterns in the past, you can stop thinking of this part of your brain as your enemy and start seeing it as a friend who really wants the best for you, but thanks to the life he lived so far gives really sh*tty advice.
From there on, try some mindfulness practices to notice whenever you have those thoughts as soon as possible to break thought loops the moment they start. As you turn this (reflecting on our own thoughts) into a habit, those thoughts will lose power little by little, possibly even fade away completely, making room for the thoughts about yourself you actually want to have/believe. Don't fight, just notice them and acknowledge it's an attempt of your brain to help itself gone wrong. You got this❤
I went through my first break up recently and this is helping a lot, I honestly don't know where I'd be without this resource ♥
Love your pfp
@@r3i960 thx
Great video. You know, I'd really love if you ever decided to link to the studies that you mention with references under every video, for some of us curious to see what gives. Obviously when the results are available publicly and not paywalled (because there's that, too).
The best thing I did to help w depression/anxiety 1) switch my perspective from trying to help myself to helping others 2) meds 3) finding a cause to feel apart of (veganism/political activism for me (community clubs/church for others)). I still struggle with addiction/social isolation but it definitely helps to live for others besides just yourself in my experience
Being so depressed you starve yourself bc you don’t have the will to get out of bed is not the time to make these changes tho much easier to change when you’re not in the throes of an episode
For a long time I thought my way to happiness. Really focusing on the real beauty of everything and everyone. But when worry and concern came in, some of it being even right and not like just intellect driven and not authentic being style I stopped using this power of the mind. I got so miserable that this video was the last puzzle to get me back on track. Be true while being positive. Figure things out based on your experience. Trust, optimistic, caring, loving, and you may find lots of situations happening in the benefits of many surrounding you because, lets be honest "it only needs one to love in a relationship". Dont wait for somebody. Just be the one that loves. They wont betray you, they will honoring and thanking you ❤
nstead of subvocalizing im happy its all good. Be specific.
Im enough, who cares what people think, life is what you make it, im resilient and will find a better job. People are friendly and beautiful so appreciate and approach them
Changing your outlook and perspective feeds proper emotions
I am currently reading Thinking fast and slow by Daniel Kahneman. In Chapter 4 he describes the Idiomotor Effect using an Experiment were the minds of Participants were primed by being tasked to build sentences out of given words. For one group the words were related to being old. It was found that this group was moving more slowly after having their unconscious mind being primed with thaughts of old age.
I feel like there is a connection between what you described in this video and the experiment. In both cases the unconscious mind is primed to think/act in a certain way or produce conscious thaughts that relate to it.
i can think my way to sadness thats for sure xD. i saw a instagram reel the other day and there was a character that said, "todays not a good day, today is too hard, sometimes youre overwhelmed, sometimes its not a good day, at times like that just give up, do it tomorrow" and somehow that broke my spirit entirely for the rest of the day and i cried myself to sleep for the first time in a long time... that was weird for an otherwise pretty good month/week/day. i was fine the day after but its a bit shocking how flat my facade is compared to how positive i feel almost all the time
I gave up my mental independence for an xbox and an 8 ball. What you said at the end rings very true for my experience. I think the fact that were living through machines rather then eachother is sucking the human spirit away.
Thank you for talking about implantation of positive thoughts, am going to try it.
this is a fascinating technique. thank you, dr k.
Subvocalizing using a different part of the brain is quite interesting... As a teenager I had a period where I would repeat everything I said back to myself under my breath, like I was analyzing everything that came out of my mouth. That makes a lot more sense now in light of this information...
I can personally attest that CBT really worked for me. Challenging my negative thoughts and learning about the growth mindset was what turned my mental health around.
I need to fix my brain when I read that acronym
I had a friend tell me that too! apparently it also refers to a type of ... torture 😁@@vinhtran2405
@@vinhtran2405 Right? Same here.
@@vinhtran2405lmaooooooo
I'm currently attending therapy bi-weekly (every other week) and it's pretty unbelievable the differences I've noticed about myself. I still struggle with negative thoughts sometimes, but not nearly as often as before, and it's now much easier to challenge and then dismiss those negative thoughts. I even feel more confident - this coming from a guy who has struggled with low self-esteem his entire life (I'm turning 23 next week yipee lol). I'm sure therapy is not for everybody, and I am aware that I am very fortunate to have found a therapist who works for me (I tried two online therapist before, and they were awful, betterhelp is a scam btw) but I think that if you are someone who is struggling with depression and wants to fix things not just for themselves but to help those around you, consider searching for a therapist that works well for you.
Thank you for all your videos.
Yooooooooo thank you so much for this 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
With great power comes great responsibility, and this is some phenomenal cosmic power Dr K is sharing. It's almost like self hypnosis
Thanks you dr.k