I cleaned my room today for the first time in months, I'm also doing laundry and I did dishes and took out trash, I'm pretty proud of myself. EDIT: holy cow this has a ton of likes, wow. Thank you all for your kind words, it's been very motivating seeing the replies every so often and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you all once again. EDIT 2: I've seen people asking how I'm doing and I wanted to wait a bit before answering. I'm alive at least. I've been really struggling again mostly due to me and my now ex splitting. It's been months but I'm still grieving but it's one step at a time a guess. I decided now would be a good time to make an edit because I decided something yesterday. I'm gonna go through and find everything that reminds me of her that I cherished and I'm gonna retake that for myself. Gotta start somewhere fellas and fellets, as well as everyone in between. Hope you all are doing better than I've been, and again thank you for the kind words and words of encouragement. It really means a lot. So again thank you all. EDIT 3: this is likely the final edit but I've got some interesting news. My best friend who I've known for at least 12 years now has asked me if I'd like to fill in as an uncle to his kid. I told him I'd be honored. I've never so much as even held a kid so I guess it'll be a learning experience for the both of us. At any rate I hope you're all doing well, staying hydrated, and keeping yourselves up. Good luck out there y'all!
@@xPastafarian I'm trying, my room is mostly clean and I did some laundry last night, I've also been trying to make a point of playing with my cat more
I appreciated the part about depression realism because my depression is often triggered by frustration and it is SO frustrating to see the world in a negative light but be told “it’s not that bad, just be happy anyway.” That doesn’t help me, it makes me lash out and cling to my depression even more. By acknowledging it, it is a relief, like “yep, ok, I understand and now maybe I can let it go anyway.”
Same here, too many bad situations between physical health issues since I was a little kid and the consquences of it with studies, jobs and of course; love.
Me too, I have been dealing with depression for around a decade now and I have many times thought "this world is a horrible place and I do not feel like I belong here". Over the years things just seem to get worse, too. In a way it's comforting and it helps me to hear that the answer is kinda just "you need to figure out how to huff on that hopium because that's what the mentally healthy adults are doing".
Mine is getting over the inherent meaninglessness of everything, my lack of enjoying anything, no afterlife beyond death, and how everyone I know and love suffers and dies and there is nothing I can do about it or ever be enough in their life to help them.
You HAVE TO BELIEVE that you can heal from this depression. Trust me. I did the work, and the work is WORTH IT. Moving to another country, layoffs because of the economy, an HIV diagnosis, separation from the military, separation from my partner of 11 years, living paycheck to paycheck, and many, many others. But you have to have hope… You might even need to start with it, because it WILL get better, but you cannot give up so easily.
@@HydrophobicCatI feel you. I’m currently figuring out the right antidepressant for me and it sucks. I want to succeed and have the clarity I used to. I have a thought that I’ll be dead for infinity after this, so might as well stick it out and see if it truly gets better. A part of me believes it will.
I used to struggle with crippling anxiety. It was so bad that I eventually wasn’t able to feel anything besides that terrible feeling all day every day. My grandmother often says, “seek and you shall find.” I devoted my whole life to finding peace and it has finally started to work. I read countless books, watched videos, went to events, and watched my mind for hours on end. I understand how hard it can get, but if you want to live a happy life you will.
@@Dani-ICU-RN This is so true! It's so damn difficult to even SEE when you're all fucked up. The best thing to do is practice acceptance first, and see a professional if you're that deep in. Sometimes it seems completely impossible for anything to turn out ok.
One important thing that I personally want to add to a doctor Ks thing at the end about depressive realism is that as I’ve been climbing out of depression, having been in it before, I don’t see the world in this “ignorance of bad things / the world is sunshine and rainbows” delusion, rather, I am able to more accurately see that there are positives as well as there are negatives. So I am privy to all of the horrible things in this life, and they do affect how I feel, but I can now finally feel and be aware of all the positives that there also truly are. So to those that are depressed and feel like they see the world more accurately and don’t want to think that if they become happier they’re going to lose that sense of realism, don’t worry, because you will still be aware of all the shit happening trust me. You will just be a better gauge of reality overall, by recognizing the good that there also is. This has made me more human, more happy and more appreciative of the beauty in my life.
What's the point if the world is so unbearably terrible? I literally can't do anything. I am so mad at everyone for telling me "I know the world sucks but we gotta push through this terrible fucking world" well maybe I don't want to live in a terrible fucking world that is never going to change, maybe only get worse? What's the point of training perception if everything objectively sucks?
ive noticed im almost addicted to depressive and “”unaliving”” thoughts. if i’m feeling bad or stressed about something, it feels really good to think about death and dying. usually i can resist, but sometimes i give in and it feels like snoozing an alarm and letting myself fall back into warm sleep, rather than get up and be real about my life (ie think objectively). the pull that it has freaks me out a bit.
i thought i was the only one… it’s comforting to think about the ending and give in to these thoughts. like a warm hug saying ‘yes give yourself when you want’ it’s such a weird paradoxical-like process
That’s because your brain is getting high off the suicidal thoughts, stop it. Because you’ll develop a coping strategy of giving in to that thought, other thoughts become less appealing, and you’ll get locked into a terribly destructive cycle. You must break yourself from this entirely, and stop making yourself “feel good” about ending it all.
I think it's the relief and escapism of feeling we have an "out" a way to get relief, so it gives that calm. A way of feeling we have some control. I felt like that when I had PTSD, but I realised it was escape fantasy - thankfully better now. I wonder if dreaming about some of life like emigrating and living in a hippy retreat or monastery would be a slightly less scary unhealthy escape fantasy? Or if it's about control, trying to find the little things you do or can have control over.
@zachlove2689 yeah we're just living things just trying to make it to our next meal. If you have pets, they will show you what life is all about. So excited to eat everytime not realizing that the more they do the more years they take off their life, and they don't care. So just bask in the sun and soak everything in. Cause we are just on a round thing soaring through darkness
I just recently became homeless again and have spent the last week in a really bad place, your videos have been helping me continue to try and take care of myself and improve my situation. Thank you
@@reallivebluescat That's exactly why he calls it that. He explained in another video. Just like HIV/AIDS attacks your body's ability to fight back depression attacks your brain's ability to fight back.
@@brendonprophette8890exactly if you think someone should be more sensitive about a subject dont whine about your personal experiences, explain it in full about how it may effect others. It comes off as a very “me me me look at me”
00:00 🔄 Depression creates a vicious cycle, akin to the HIV/AIDS of mental illness, attacking motivation and leading to further problems in life. 02:35 🧠 Blind spots in perception illustrate how the mind fills gaps with assumptions, a significant issue in depression. 04:14 🤔 Cognitive biases in depression include negative interpretation of ambiguous events, selection bias towards the negative, and overgeneralization of memories. 07:31 🔄 Depression distorts the balance of positive and negative events, leading to an overgeneralized negative self-attitude. 09:53 🔄 Treatment often neglects the perception problem, perpetuating the cycle of depression. 11:44 🧘 Yoga's mental exercises, like the mentality materiality exercise, can train perception and complement traditional treatments. 13:51 🧠 Practicing the mentality materiality exercise involves recognizing the attributes inherent in objects versus the interpretations added by the mind. 16:11 📝 To combat cognitive biases, actively challenge negative interpretations by creating procon lists for perceived negative situations. 18:03 🔄 Overgeneralization can be addressed by seeing things as they truly are through practices like the mentality materiality exercise. 18:15 🔄 Overgeneralization involves excessive self-blame in depression; individuals often perceive everything as about themselves. 19:10 🧠 Ketamine induces dissociation, breaking the cycle of depression; cognitive reframe helps practice removing the "I" from overgeneralized thinking. 20:49 🤔 Overgeneralization thinking links to excessive self-focus; consider external factors in interpretations to break the cycle. 22:13 🧠 Train perception by recognizing and challenging cognitive biases like selection bias, negative interpretation of ambiguity, and overgeneralization. 23:37 ⚖ Depressive realism: Depressed individuals may have a more accurate judgment of the world, but this realism doesn't contribute to a healthy mindset.
i've been told that i am experiencing "situational depression", except the situations are non-stop. the series that broke me was when my only child died, my 17 year marriage ended and i became homeless. the weird thing is, i'm absolutely capable of finding happiness wherever i am, but i definitely feel held back by the perception that nothing i do really matters, and i'll never have the life i dreamed of, so why bother doing anything? i'm content where i am, but i know i should probably be doing more...... 🥀
@@mouse9831 it's okay. we're all here to experience different things, and i accept that my life is pretty messed up when compared to others. however, it helps me to appreciate the simple things in life, ya know? also gives me loads of compassion and empathy for others. 💖
Since 2018, I’ve been through so many hardships, mainly because I was focusing my energy and time on things that were influencing my own depression and childhood trauma. If you take nothing else away from this video, it’s that you are worth the pain that you’ve gone through. The cycle can only truly end when you believe that you are worthy of a better life.
Just spent my whole day in a spiral of serious depression and actually started this video with tears still in my eyes from the inevitable break down that occurred once I stopped distracting myself. I haven't felt hope in over a month. You just made me feel a little spark of it. Thank you.
I breaked out of depression last year. Nothing in my life much changed. I managed to let go. It's a wonderful feeling. It took a few months of not being depressed to realise I'm not depressed. Asking for help and also realising I deserve help. I matter and I'm allowed to ask for help
Radical acceptance. Eg If your balding accept it, shave it or feel OK with it. Be content with your situation. No silly get up at 5 am and run and go to the gym and buy clothes, watches or cars etc to peacock to everyone else mentality. Get to the point we're you like yourself and inner growth will talk hold. It's like healing a broken bone, it takes a while it hurts but you'll get there if you allow to wear a cast ie cocoon yourself instead of being a catapillar you whole life.
278 days ago I attempted suicide. I had severe depression. After my attempt I completely broke and told myself that even though I failed this time there will be a next time, and I won’t have the strength to pull myself through it. I was my own greatest fear. I couldn’t even confront what was happening to my own mind. I worked incredibly hard on myself, and nothing changed day by day. But now I would hardly say that I’m even depressed. I went to therapy, and I learnt these things about my mind in my own way. I’m content, I’m fully functional and I plan for my own future. I fixed my life and with time, patience and kindness you can improve yourself too.
@@joannenascimento9213 give it a try, consider yourself as your own best friend and take care of them, do what you can with what you have and be patient Courage !
Yes, but at some stage the therapy has to flow over from analyzing life to actually living your life. Real life actions. That is the time when many people decide to switch therapist, because it gets too uncomfortable.
My childhood was extremely unstable and I was abused by my father who could not control his emotions and would take his rage out on me regularly. I am now 25 and despite years of trying to change I cannot escape the thought patterns that have been engrained in me deeply. I am extremely mentally ill.
i wish i could give advice lifes a journey, i had a bad childhood too,i'm nearly 70 now,the biggest thing i learnt recently is love,loving people,its hard to explain if your childhood bad there is no love only hate and you think that is normal,but hate destroys you because you are agressive negative,hate and judge people,love is life,its a future you are positive and you see the world differently, and you are happy thats the main thing
@@RipTommy that's shit bro. No easy way out. Its like being a tree constantly deprived of light and water, and being chopped down regularly. No others words to say to you other than good luck and that i know how it feels
You are not mentally ill , because you realize there’s a problem. Truly mentally ill, and those who are too far gone are unable to process that something is missing and unhappiness prevails. You are capable of being happy! Blessings on your journey and may you find belief and love in your self!!!
That perception bias at 3:00 doesn't work on me. Not because i'm Highly sensitive person, but I've practised for years (both intentionally and unintentionally) to notice every movement/objects within my sight within 30 meters. I have to mindfully/willingly ignore something, if I wish to not notice it. It's so bizarre that I have to willfully focus my gaze on something instead of seeing everything, because otherwise I get overstimulated by sensory information and my senses get overwhelmed. I guess that's part of my sensory processing sensitivity, which is neurodiversity of autism spectrum/High sensitivity. My issue may be unique and this bias works on others but not on me.
I am disabled with two chronic pain disorders that don’t respond to ANY treatment. I’m in pain 24/7. I’m a middle-aged woman. I lost my dream job and my home. I’m unemployed and looking for work but nobody seems to want to hire me, even though I have qualifications (welcome to being a middle aged woman, it’s fact, not negative perception). I am also looking for a place to live. My entire life has been turned upside down. Any ONE of these factors would be stressful and difficult for someone to deal with. Every time a job falls through or a new home opportunity falls through, it retraumatizes me. I’m trying REALLY hard to not let the depression overtake me. I resent that the insinuation is that I’m not doing enough. This is an immensely difficult time for me and I think anyone would be depressed going through what I’m going through. I’m not just seeing negative things.
I'm sorry that you have to go through such a terrible thing, I understand your situation. My partner is in the same boat as you and he can't do much at all. And to top it off, most of his friends and family don't seem to be very understanding that he actually has a disability. I guess the only thing you can do is be defiant against your situation and be resolved that you will make it, as terrible as it is. I hope you have some amazing people in your life to support you 🙂
Im sure is not a personal attacks although depression often makes it feels like it (i felt it a lot of times watching dr k videos) your situation is different, as of many people, and trying to see things not negatively is not saying that you can stop your feeling by just thinking hard enough, the point of the video is trying to not make things even worse by letring your mind take control in the form of depression, i hooe you man make a fulk recovery, i heard cbd is good for relieving pain, if is economic possible, i recommend you try it
Why are you fretting over all these things which are Immaterial. Death takes everything away. In perspective all your hopes are vain. Live freely, consciousness is supreme it is never born nor does it die.
My best practical advice; Don't sit down. Take thirty minutes just to get out of bed if you need to, but once you are up, stay up. Sitting down is the single worst thing you can do for helping your motivation. Stay standing. Walk. Clean. Organize. Even if you stand around staring at the walls idly, you'll eventually start just... getting things done. And as you gradually gets things done, you will be setting yourself up for a better environment to be healthier.
This video couldn’t possibly have come at a better time. I’ve been battling depression for about 10 years now, and it was only until last year that I started taking steps to try and improve my mental health. However, I’ve since fallen back into old habits (overindulgence, negative self-talk, bad diet etc.) and it feels like I’m all the way back to square one. I’d say the most important thing I’ve learned is that the road to recovery requires a sustained, consistent effort. It’s not always possible to fix a problem that has affected you for such a long time and it’s not always going to be easy. You’ve gotta be in it for the long term no matter what.
The number one concept in this video that really motivates me to try to change is the notion that depression comes from being over self-focused. It’s like, ironically, I’m isolating and trying to get out of the spotlight. While at the same time, I’m the only one actually pointing the spotlight at me. It’s both motivating from the positive that all I have to focus on is my thoughts, and the negative that I don’t want to be so selfish and self-centered.
I've suffered on and off with clinical depression for years, this is a great video explaining it. I recently had the same realisation that one reason for my suffering was my perception of events. I randomly had this epiphany during a phonecall with a man from a dating app, he told me he'd had to move back home from a foreign country after being made redundant and losing his work visa. I knew I'd have been absolutely devastated if that happened to me but he said he just accepted it, got a new job and built his life here instead. From this one phonecall I made some cbt style charts of my own life events and perceptions to help me make sense of it. Since then I've been practising reframing my perception each day. It's difficult because depressive thinking tends to be my default so it takes daily practice. But it seems to be helping me so far. I'm also just so fed up of being depressed and want something better for myself.
@katec9893 keep on keeping on, stop ✋️ thinking of yesterday's, they are gone, stop pissing on tday, tomorrow is a mystery. Be here now, now is all we truly have
I genuinely needed this video right now. The depression I have at my home, it started leaking into every area of my life and caused frequent distance from friends and shutting down.
Currently dealing with depression at home in a very literal way. I'm helping take care of a family member whose been dealing with mental health issues for years and right now it's the brunt of the storm. I didn't know how exhausting it can make a person. Whatever your journey is, I'm happy that you found some guidance in Dr. K as well. I hope you find some stability today.
Problem is its easier said than done. I done everything the internet said i should. I started working out, figuring out a passion, trying new hobbies like baking and painting, getting off social media and even joined a basketball community club. But i have never felt more lonely in my life. All these new hobbies i am still on my own. Even basketball, getting there and back and getting food after i am on my own. Never ending cycle
Try some shrooms. I was like that after I deployed in the army. Shrooms pulled me out of that and Im doing better than ever. Its not a magic fix it pill though, but it can give you that "perspective change" that Dr. K talks about in this video.
this is me right now and I feel so lost, I’ve started a successful music career, gym, cooking, studying, reading, taking time for myself and taking care of myself but I just feel so empty and lonely. Maybe I’m not depressed anymore… just lonely? Another thing that doesn’t make anything better is I’ve been trying to meet people and saying yes to everything I’m invited to, but unfortunately these people really just aren’t my crowd. It’s overwhelming to have to keep putting myself out there just to meet people to help this whole situation. (I can enjoy my own company and would even go as far as to say I love myself, I just don’t want to do that…ALL THE TIME)
I’ve never been in a serious car accident, but I always hear people that have, say that they “saw it happen in slow motion, but were powerless to do anything…”. That’s what a depressive episode feels like to me; I know it’s coming, but I have no idea what to do about it beyond try to “ride it out”. I know about self-care, I’m mostly consistent with it, but really it’s just part of my life routines, it doesn’t feel particularly “empowering” unless there was some huge task that needed to be done
How is your timing always so impeccable? I know I'm not the only one who's saying this. I was literally thinking about how my depression is sort of cyclic
Why is the timing impeccable? Because it's posted right at the time that "I" needed it. See? That's the over generalization right there. There is no good or bad for the timing. It's just posted when it's ready.
Has anyone else been in that situation were you interpret something negatively, and then you actively try to come up with alternative explanations (maybe they have something going on in their life, maybe this doesn't have anything to do with me etc) then later find out it WAS EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEARED IN THE FIRST PLACE? When that happens to me, my mind goes into hypervigilant mode because i never want to assume the positive and later find out that I was wrong. There is nothing worse than false positivity or false hope.
There's nothing worse than feeding your fear with more fear and ignoring the neutral or positive events. After a while your fears do become reality, that is absolutely true! If you look at fear as a challenge than you're already one step further. I used to have fear of being in public, so someone advised me to play a 'living statue' in the busiest street. I did it (after fretting for a long time!). While I was standing there, my whole body started to shake, but I just went thru with it. If you want to be a true warrior, then confront your fears!
That's why I don't hope anymore. If thios happens twice or three times. It might be a couincsidence, but for me it happen so often. Even chatasthrophizing other events like going somewhere you have to. The literal worst thoughts came to reality. Tyat's when I stopped believing in hooe generally. It only disappoints. Or I'm just unlucky I dunno
Your gut-feeling is allways right. thats why you are depressed.. it´s the red pill for life - often times in life you come to the inner core of trouth if you switch cause by outcome...
Yes, I have. Several times. So here's something that helped me: I'm a very logical person. So my therapist did something that my negative bias was preventing me from doing: Fact-checking my cognitive biases. There were situations in which the negative outcome was indeed the one that took place. But there were several neutral and positive outcomes in regards to minor or even big things that were in the back of my mind, so I wasn't making a correct statistical analysis. When she pointed that out, I noticed that her argument was logical and correct. I couldn't refute her. So the answer to my problem became: It's logical to try to anticipate or consider the possibility of negative events and be somewhat prepared to deal with them, but the cost of trying to predict these events and prepare accordingly cannot be greater than the consequences of the negative event. Thus, a logical "guideline" was established to deal with negative outcomes. That was quite helpful for me. Perhaps some of what I said might be helpful for you as well.
The depressive realism sort of hit home for me. I’ve been struggling with depression since late 2020, I’m in therapy now, and I’m trying to piece my life back together. While I’ve always considered myself to be a “realist”, and I really like to be “right”, I had to ask myself- Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
It’s nearly impossible to get an entirely holistic and accurate perspective on the world. There’s so many details and so many forces at play, and you can’t predict the future. Your mind is trying to fill in the blanks by making a judgement “world good or world bad?” It’s an illusion that’s meant to justify your depression. Depressive realism is just depression
@@zekielrodriguez5229 I don’t care as much about whether the studies have been able to be reproduced with the same outcomes. I’m well aware of the biases in people with/without depression, and I’m not trying to predict the future. What resonated with me is that even if I’m right, even if I *could* more accurately view the world around me, it doesn’t benefit me in any way if it comes at the cost of my own success or happiness. If I’m going to have bias, I’d rather have optimistic illusions.
I always thought I was a realist too, turns out depression just made me see everything as hopeless 24/7 and I was very wrong. Now I don't think anyone can be a realist
I mean it wasn't about being "right" you just decided to ignore half the shit you used to think about, or think about it far less than you used to. You accepted being helpless in the face of problems infinitely bigger than yourself and decided it would be better to give up on any hope of society being better. Which, like, I get it, because depression is painful as shit. I guess I'm not done suffering yet lmao.
Thank you for validating my "glass half full" outlook. I am grateful for what I have in life, but as an empath, I find it hard to be joyful when there is so much suffering in the world
I am suffering horribly from bad depression. I retired!! I I made a HUGE mistake. I never wanted to Retire.! But, under the extreme stressful life altering family situations., I did, then after , I realized I DIDN'T have to retire, and that I was told things that weren't true!! I couldn't return to my position, and lost everything. I lost my position, that took 20 yrs to achieve, my co worker social interactions, my structure, my at work involvements ( clubs, sports activities, after work stuff, my uniform, and my identity along with self confidence ) I'm alone now, I no longer have joy, fun, and any desire to go anywhere. Every day, I'm miserable, unhappy and worst is self blame/hate. Depression has grown to all mistakes ive made in my life.! My mental and physical have declined as I have no will, want to live anymore. ( and Yes!, I've considered). I'm constantly though, telling myself to stop these negative thinking patterns, and force better one's. Just because I retired, completely destroyed my life.! Which most would b excited about. Maybe it's just me..? My struggle/torture is real.... Help, is all my heart can ask 🙏
@carolvenables3970 Sorry...I'm really sorry to hear this. Thank you for replying and caring. How are you coping..? ... Im not accepting all that's happened, nor my part in it all. I had to call 988. They were verbally helpful,... but doesn't change anything.
I never want to retire because that's when I know I'll lose purpose and slip into depression. Retirement isn't a good goal. Finding a purpose for your old age is my goal
@klanderkal Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so honest. 💜 I can tell you that you're not alone, this happened to me earlier this year. I'm so traumatized by what they did to me that I'm never going to be able to work again. It has bled into every part of my life, my relationships and my ability to function. You articulated it so perfectly. It's not the job that I lost, it's the social aspect, the friends, the structure and the sense of self that they took from me. When you feel this much pain you don't want to reach out to friends and family because who wants to talk to somebody who's always sad. I don't know about you but for me I find nobody can really comprehend the betrayal so talking about it puts me in a position where the people around me think but I'm overreacting and it's something I should just be able to deal with and move on and I just end up reliving the trauma all over again. Because of this I've had to distance myself from those closest to me, I'm so triggered because of what I went through I fear I'm going to say or do something to harm what relationships I have left and in the end I just walk away feeling worse so it's better just to isolate myself. There's also the guilt, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge so how do you complain about life when so many others don't have that. Right now the best part of my day is when I go to sleep and the worst part is when I wake up. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact that I came frighteningly close to ending it all in 2018 because of what my boss was doing to me on a daily basis, combined with neglect at home. It all became too much and by the grace of God I read an article and a survivor said, " it's not that I didn't want to live, I just didn't want to live that way anymore". That has stayed with me for the last 6 1/2 years and it saved my life. I tried to take control of my life a few times this year and stand up for, but I was met with resistance because I'm not the same "agreeable" person people expect me to be. This includes my family doctor of 30 years which terrifies me. Writing this makes me realize there's so much I'm still afraid to talk about. Thank you so much for sharing your story, normally I just type how I feel and then I delete it, but you've given me a safe space. Your story really touched me, I know how unfair it is to lose such a big part of yourself by no fault of your own. I hope you read this because I would really like to know how you're doing. 💜
Did you really not find the knowledge in the video helpful???? Found no solution at all? Or are you asking for emotional support from people I'm confused
Perfect timing with it being Sub-Zero temperatures outside. It's hard to not think about yourself or what you've been doing with your life when you're trapped inside.
Wait, what? Huh... never occurred to me huh.. So I live where it's -25 °C outside now and light day about 5 hours at best at winter, and I feel really bad mentally every winter... soo I thought that lack of sunlight is responsible and it never really clicked with me that there is also locked up component. So... thanks! And I hope your winter is shorter
@@kuroinokitsune Seasonal affective disorder is what you're referring to. The OP is speaking on cabin fever. Mix both together...oh boy. Life is fascinating.
thanks for the final bit, it was very important to me. adding to it i believe that sometimes when you are neutral or accurate when expressing your perspective, positive people will deny that truth with positivity and it can worse the situation by invalidation.
One important thing that i have realised is to love myself from my own eyes and not through other people's eyes. I have only loved myself when i did something good or achieved something but it is important to understand this is not true self love, this is loving yourself only when you get validation from others. It's about loving yourself directly and not through a medium. It's about loving ALL of you, the good as well as the bad, while still wanting to work on the bad.
I've been feeling depressed & didn't know what to do. This video has given me hope & a place to start. I don't know how well the exercises will work for me, but the video explains the roots of depression so logically and it makes perfect sense. I'll try out the exercises Dr K mentioned & hopefully I get better soon.
The last part, about depressive realism, was enlightening. It’s frustrating to “know” that you’re right about something and have others tell you you’re wrong (with good intentions, trying to make me feel better). It’s refreshing to hear that we are often correct, with the added perspective that it can be correct AND overblown. I’ve found everything feels more intense and like an emergency in the moment. Giving myself time to calm down and reevaluate has made a big difference in how I process and feel about issues in life. Thanks for this video!
I haven't watched this video because I think I don't need it anymore, but just putting this here if it helps anyone at all: The thing that helped me the most is just try changing as many aspects of your life as possible. Usually you don't have control over the stuff that sucks, but even the small stuff helps. Maybe try changing universities, and if that's not feasible, change the route you take to go to universities. It could be just that. You need to get out of the loop that you're in, living the same day everyday. You need to give your brain new inputs, new challenges, new things to live for. Maybe brush your teeth in the balcony instead of the bathroom, maybe go one a 2 minute walk in the morning, start playing a competitive game/sport. I know it's not as easy as I'm making it seem, but you need to start small. You need to wake up and just change one thing about your day, no matter how small. Then another the next day, and the next, and so on. Before you know it you have a completely different life and you have so many things to worry about that maybe, just maybe you might postpone thinking about dying or why you're alive for a couple hours, maybe even a day or two. Your brain needs other things to associate your identity with than depression. You need other things to do than think about being depressed. Eventually that day or two becomes a week, then a month. Then one day you will wake up and realise you haven't thought about any of that stuff in well over a year. You will have stopped associating depression with your identity, you will have made new friends, have new hobbies, maybe have a completely different life. Surely it's noticeable to the people around you. That is the day you will never look back. Start small. You WILL get there.
Putting this as a footnote: I don't mean to minimise anyone's pain, suffering or trauma with this comment. This is based on my experience with depression, and everyone has a different experience. There was a time where I did the math and realised I had been depressed for 80% of my life, I couldn't even remember a time when i wasn't depressed. It was all I knew. I thought there was no way out, that this was my life forever and that there's no way about it. I could not have been more wrong. I haven't thought about aborting the mission in coming up to 5 years now, I have been relatively happy and motivated to do things. It is possible, it's not a lost cause, I promise.
I haven’t seen the video yet but i can attest to the title, it’s been 12 years and I’m still depressed. Life will just pass you by if you don’t do anything about it. I hope i can get it together someday. Gonna turn 30 this year
9 years here. I'm 30. This is not a cure but just like assisting my body. I only consciously started this 2 years ago. What works for me is to improve every little thing in my life. every single day. (ex. Shower once a week to every other day) Using paper plates so I don't need to wash dishes. Because we already have low energy. by doing little things that will make our life easier not forcing to do big things. We are the patient (ourselves). we don't force paralyzed people to run immediately. we start from moving their toes. Like how people with physical injuries or people whose half body is not functioning. We start from toes to legs to standing up to walking. Just see yourself as a broken child/Paralyzed patient. Hug them. Yes self care and being kind to of ourselves. Because everyone deserves kindness whether you a bad person or failed person. It doesn't cure immediately it but somewhat make my illness manageable. Because you can't fight it if you are hungry and don't have sleep. I'm still struggling to sleep. I always get 4-5 hours of sleep. I try improve it by buying a good pillow, sound machine, eye mask, etc. I still lack the motivation to do things I used to loved. Slowly but surely. It might make still too long. But we need to treat our illness like somewhat with a paralyzed half body that cannot walk or even move their toes. so we can start healing. You need therapist if you want faster recovery. I was able to get a free consultation. But it still to expensive for me. But don't forget to be always kind to ourselves. You don't need to be A DESERVING person to receive kindness. Kindness is for everyone.
I'm 28 and I'm 14 years in, howdy. I hope something ends up clicking someday too. Therapy is just kind of a release valve where I can let some shit out in the hope I don't explode.
I am in tears, i need you to know how amazing you are. i feel genuine and understood and hopeful so intensely. i don’t know if this comment will ever reach you but take a moment to understand the pure and beautiful impact you have. you spoke about the importance of perception, please perceive the meaning and intensity of my thanks to you. you are the change this world needs
I like how in the end he was like, by the way, you depressed people understand the world better than others who live in a comfortable delusion. But you need to fix that. This is exactly why I'm depressed to begin with.
I don't believe depression can go away 100% but we can find a balance, deep depression is extremely dangerous 😢😢😢😢💔If all you have is negative thoughts everyday enevitable you will end up dying by suicide or because your body gave up. We can only take so much. The body starts shutting down too. Depression is without a doubt the worst disease.
I've struggled with very serious generalized depression in my earlier years (from about age 16 to 33), and how I was able to recover...was exactly what Dr. K is talking about. Here's what I'll say though, it is HARD. It's tricky. I'm tricking myself into changing my perception when I know that there are many things very wrong in the world, and I KNOW that it's a trick. I am WILLINGLY deceiving myself into a better perception. I KNOW that, generally, I am lying to myself. Here's the kicker--I AM HAPPY. I choose to alter my perception away from what is probably more in line with reality, but I am doing it WILLINGLY to myself and then thanking myself for tricking myself because the real outcome on the minute-to-minute...is that I AM HAPPIER. ADD: Dr. K just got to the big point. The world is....just the world. It isn't inherently "good" or "bad" and luck/fortune isn't inherently "good" or "bad". It is what you make of it, but if you want to be happy, then what YOU make of it needs to be a bit altered from how you originally see it without any added perception. Perception is a filter. Recalibrate yours.
Hi Doc... i'm chilean and actually being trying to help my girlfriend with her depression. I just wanted to say that your whole channel has been a huge help for me to understand what is and how to see depression from the outside perspective. I just wish that all this kind of info were available in spanish, as there are not actual psyquiatrist talking about this topics. There's a big problem on mental health(after the covid situation) here in Chile. In the other hand i wanted to thank you as well for helping me see my weed intake in a correct perspective. I've been (ab)using it for over 20 years now. I just quitted like 10 days now and i feel awesome. Now i got my drive and mental stability back(in 10 days i see the big big difference already). Thanks doc!!
Is this the video that illuminated your addiction or was that a different video? I'm curious because I feel I could learn more about myself on this topic as well
Awesome!! That's so cool you learnt and realised it was ab(use) not use and quit. I imagine showing your gf you can make positive changes and feel better is good for her too. ❤
@@swag380other videos I think. He talks about how it affects you. There is another video on depression where he talks a fair bit about the impact on weed.
@@emilyb5557 thanks for the info, I'll try and find it. I enjoy it recreationally a lot but I'm curious if it has affects that I'm not perceiving property
Really needed this one today. I'm at the point in the cycle where I start to lose all my friends again. I hate it when this happens. It gets harder to find all new friends every time.
WOW! The blind spot finger thing blew my mind. Ive only watched 3:57 minutes of this video, but I see where we’re going. I had to stop the video, because you gave me an a-ha moment. From someone who suffers with depression, I can see how this all ties in together. The brain totally makes shit up all the time. Our mind fills in the gaps of our “blind spots” just like it does with the blind spots in our vision. Fascinating, and so true. I can’t wait to watch the rest. I just came across this video out of nowhere. Im glad, because you already have a new subscriber. I’m in! 🤗
In my way of breaking way from crippling depression was be creative, change career, and hangout with friends and family. It was hard, but over time it got better, especially with the new year.
@@KaiStarkkAll jobs replace people. It's best to find something you enjoy or at least don't mind doing and find interesting that pays you enough to live on. Life's too short to be in a job that makes you miserable.
Hey I know this is a bit of a late comment, but what comes to mind when you say "be creative" What did you do? Some creative habits have helped me, but I'm curious what other people do.
Dr K i just want to say, you are loved. Absolutely truly treasured. I've been doing a lot of work on myself using different tools but your content has been the bedrock of so much of my improvements. My therapist is shocked how far ive outpaced her work with me. You are helping me save my life and i am eternally grateful. You are truly truly loved by me. Thank you for submitting to your dharma and giving us what only you can.
You are so right, my parents couldn't see further than themselves and now I do the same. Everything is under a magnifying glass and is about me! This was exceptionally useful video, thank you
I was battling with depression, but one thing my mother told me is to be gratefull of the good things that happen, first you start taking notes of the good things that happen, that way you dont forget, las year my mom was diagnosed with cancer, but I rather than thinking of the problem, I am thankful for all the blessings that have happened to her and made me view life different
I was diagnosed 5 years severe depression, I even considered abort the mission ... The main issue is when you consider that as solution it lingers your mind all time , even today That though show up when i feel really stressed... And is explained here... Yes its a really heavy stone to carry and it can literally crush you to death. Ty for helping
I have alot of abort the mission thoughts aswell, but i realised for me its escapism. What i mean by that is that when i feel good like i used to, or during the one better period in my life, i would often think of going on a holiday far away when i felt a little down or when i went to sleep. I noticed that during the first, and now my second depression that i replace that thought in those moments with romantacizing aborting tbe mission or with giving myself a powerpoint why i objectively should abort. Long story short, i think i use commiting goodbye as the ultimate escapism when others wouldn't be realistic at the time.
@qopiqq3629 Hm, I'm pretty sure that's what I have going on. I've noticed that it fluctuates based on how stressed I am. If I feel more relaxed, they aren't nearly as bad. I've just been stressed 24/7 for so long that it rarely goes away. I guess I have the another topic to bring up with my therapist this week lol
I've thought of aborting the mission too, thought of it as an escape. Fortunately I've been able to turn that thought to work for me Now I have no fear at all about the mission ending, at all. It's like "Hey, if the mission is going to eventually end anyway why rush it? Sure I can make it happen prematurely, but l don't have to. So let's see how it's going until the end." Thinking of aborting the mission took the pressure of life off my shoulder. In a way, it motivated me to keep going.
I bought Dr. K's guide and it's definitely worth it -- "jumbled" deep feelings have finally been laid out in this guide and it feels like a breath of fresh air / hope in making change, when everything else feels like it's just passing you by. This isn't just another "self help" guide. Even if it hasn't crossed your mind to get it, I'd consider looking into it.
Thank you for differentiating normal and clinical depression. These tips can help anyone with depression, but its important to note there is an aspect of clinical depression that you can't just overcome based on perception. Clinical just hits you for seemingly no reason without trigger sometimes. Great vid!
Hello, I’m 52 and have just been diagnosed with ADHD I knew I’ve had this all my life. I’m also a recovering cannabis addict of 29 years. I have just started my own UA-cam channel documenting my daily withdrawal and recovery from cannabis. The feedback I’m getting from people is so amazing and wholesome. One of my subscribers mentioned yourself and channel. Your channel is amazing. Thank you for creating this channel. It must be helping thousands of people with understanding themselves. ❤
Sharing your thoughts on depressive realism was really helpful to me. Growing up in a dysfunctional household made it very challenging to understand what a healthy sense of optimism is really like. I learned to distrust bravado and other forms of masking, but really didn’t have a clear sense of what a healthy display of emotion/ enthusiasm/connection should be. Performative happiness? No problem. I was trained to know when I was expected to seem happy and enthusiastic and confident. Authentic self expression? Much more challenging to understand and express.
This is one of those videos that feels like it was made exactly for you, like I genuinely think I undestood myself a lot more. Amazing work as always, thank you so much Dr K. Love from Argentina ❤
I can't thank you enough for this video. I have realised that i give so much of love out but none of it has ever been directed to my own self. The root cause of my depression has been negative self worth and the constant feeling that "i am not good enough". I have started loving and respecting myself.
I’m starting Spavato (intranasal ketamine derivate medicine) tomorrow for treatment resistant depression. I’ve been looking for videos where you talk about ketamine and depression and couldn’t find one. I have your entire guide and I’m working through it slowly. It’s been wonderful for me. I’ve been a long time subscriber and frequent your livestreams. Thank you so much for everything you and the HG team does. Thank you for improving my life and thank you for posting this video when you did. Still cannot believe it, I don’t believe in signs from the universe but I know your wife can bend the universe to her will. I’m going to allow myself to appreciate this coincidence and be hopeful for treatment to not make me happy, but to put me into a place where I’m not actively pushing away the good in life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Just started my second year of working in my career. When winter came my office was cold (exterior wall), I hardly saw people for hours on end, and I did not have good wifi. This with other factors kinda kicked me into a depressive episode that I am still working through. Your videos have helped immensely because yeah I my perception of everything was horrid. All the time people said while I grew up "don't do it adulting sucks". Well it is here, so I am trying to change my perspective to the things I can do.
I have no idea why, but within the last year I have: -started therapy -reduced my anxiety dramatically -self learned math from algebra 1 up to calc 2 now -got accepted to an aerospace engineering BS program -saved an extra 15k for emergency funds -improved diet and lost 20 pounds My behavior just 360’d all around. I went from a lazy lying criminal (not petty, serious crime) to a fairly well-adjusted normal guy. Wish I had any information to share about what specifically helped me but I don’t know. I only say all of this to affirm that if I can do it in my mid-20s, then I believe a very vast majority of you can also do it. I was probably doing much worse across most dimensions of life than many people who currently feel doomed.
All i hear is As a criminal i earned enugh money to pay for therapy and everything else in my life so i can get out of the rut So soultion is actually to be criminal, and im not even sarcastic, thats the general mentality in the west anyways You were always normal and healthy You were just poor, which criminality solved
@@Bleilock1 haha no I actually lost all of the money I gained from that. It’s easy to make money in a bad way but it’s hard to keep it. It’s an expensive way to live
@@ADHDmothership that is correct. I already had a background from high school so that obviously accelerated my pace quite a bit. I also study ~4-6 hours a day which helps
I'm glad you did all those things. But I also graduated with a computer science BS, am going for a post-bacc for pre med (want to become a doctor). I'm clean, organized, amazing health (work out), have plenty of savings....and am still depressed. I just work through my depression, almost like being super busy is a distraction. Until I come home, and have to deal with my mind. I cry myself to sleep. A person can be successful and still be depressed
Knowing that I'm not wrong about the world is what initially caused the depression for me. I wish I wasn't as observant as I was growing up. Ignorance truly is bliss.
Very nice one. For the first time in a long time after watching one of these types of vids from you; I can confidently say I am getting better. SO MUCH BETTER. Nowadays I can see my own inaccuracies more clear and correct them to be more biased positively. Even in that Rorschach-esque test I was thinking positive stuff about the eerie photos. Its wild, I never expected myself to grow this much, especially considering I should be categorically depressed as I have been in other years. Nowadays when I slip up I tend not to spiral and instead dust myself off much quicker and accept my mistakes with grace. This is going to be a wonderful year (deluded but on purpose), I hope it will be wonderful for you too dear reader.
Without Dr.K and his profoundly insightful talks I know I wouldn’t be as mentally well as I am right now. I didn’t watch this video, nor do I feel the need to. That realization made me cry tears of joy.
@@phonixMAM It's action, doing things (that you fear or dread) that will make long-lasting changes. The mental knowledge soon fades away, but it's a necessary start.
that last part about depressive realism is the hardest part about it. even the idea of eventually feeling happy/good is tainted by the understanding that it would more or less be "successful coping" than anything more
Remember that at 24:55 he points out that a depressed person's realism about the world does not translate to realism about themselves. It's not, "objective intelligent informed person forcing themselves to pretend everything is fine." It's "depressed person who is full of negative cognitive biases ACKNOWLEDGING their blind spots, and INTENTIONALLY seeking out the good that they really are overlooking, so they can one day live a healthy and well-adjusted life"
@@Jszar Exactly. It's all about the way you look at 'bad' things. Don't take them too personal and see it as a moment to learn something. When all is smooth sailing, it is nice, but you rarely learn something from it. It's more often than not a result of 'conquering' a bad moment. That's why a vacation feels nice after working for months in a row...
The ending actually makes the whole argument better. As a depressed person, I see the world as it is (mostly), the thing is, positivity is a skill to practice.
One misperception I have is that I think everything I do will take an hour at least. I attribute this to my adhd, and I'm trying to get better at just doing things and not havin to put a whole day aside just to do it. Thank you for reminding me if that even if it's not related to the topic of this video😅.
I’ve tried to do that sorta thing before and either I get tired after 3 hours and just crash or get overwhelmed having to juggle doing more than 1 thing in a day and either let people down by cancelling last minute because how i felt great when organising the event but when the day comes I’m just completely exhausted and unable to show up to the event that I organised.
@@revmachine2662 im exactly the same, and the thing is I'm already diagnosed and medicated. however those years of reinforcing negative behaviour and thinking still overwhelms me
I think this single video seriously helped me further then years of therapy have. My therapists would get angry (i just realised they probably are not as angry as my mind says, thanks video!) because after a while i still saw the world so negative. Now i kinda understand why i see things negatively, and that makes it easier to play along with what feels like lying to myself that the world is better then i see it.
Have you tried gratitude diary? I feel like for me, seeing a positive thing or remembering it even happened was a chore I had to do, but now it becomes easier without sitting there with a pen staring at the paper. Neutral things too btw :') I hope your brain will rewire itself soon enough
I think that, as we cultivate greater mindfulness/awareness, we’re able to better weigh the pros and cons of ambiguous phenomena, but that certain traumatic experiences stay in our physiology in a way thats purely negative. The best way to approach the problem, at least in my experience, has been to identify primarily with the balanced mind, and very slowly feel those traumatic feelings so that the information they contain can be released from the body and enter into dialogue with the calmer, nuanced part of ourselves. Takes an incredible amount of patience and willingness to experience peaks and valleys, but genuine progress is possible.
I’m someone who suffers from a lot of different mental illnesses and I d k how I even stumbled on your video. But for first time, I have a little clarity of what it is I been dealing with for years, and I only gave therapy two weeks before I quit. Thank you for this video. I reach out to family and asked help cause I could use it to make my life and those around me better.
I have been spiritually and probably clinically depressed as well as for unknown reasons very sad since I was a child from a 20 foot pier fall. This gentleman has explained perfectly what my depressed mind/brain has been doing to me for decades through various situations. Thank you so much. Now I have a better idea of what to do for constructive metal health.
The worst thing about trying to get out of depression is when the people around you are starting to question your happiness (when you're in a good mood). They're not used to see you like that and it throws them off. This is probably not right, but there's a part of me that tells me "I need to live up to their expectations of my identity, and my identity to them is that I'm depressed". It's total and complete bullshit but that small voice is SO STRONG. I don't want to be happy because I'm not used to people around me being proud and it scares the living shit out of me.
@@igiornogiovannahaveadream649no no, I think I get it cause I have it too. It feels like people praising or being surprised by you doing normal stuff that normal people do. I associate this with my parents that used to "praise" me for doing normal things with a connotation behind it because they usually thought I was lazy or careless. So when I did something good, but normal, they would "praise" me with that tone of "wow, you cleaned the dishes?? Wow, incredible, unheard of". I know that now in my day to day life people do not mean it that way, but I usually have to actively stop myself from rejecting the praise.
See. The thing said at the end is exactly the frustration that I run into when trying to fix the thought patterns I have. In the last 6 months: -My gf used me to build a house then ditched me -I lost my job and had no income for 3 months -I had to take a worse paying job, start working nights, much longer commute, more hours. Still less income -my transmission went out and cost me 6200 dollars (I had to take my 401k retirement money to survive -then I became hospitalized from apparently a panic attack. Now those bills (even though I’m insured, go America) are piling on top of everything else. My point is… how is this reframing of the mind even remotely possible when the realist in me can plainly see… my life and my circumstances just do suck. I feel depressed because everything IS shit. I can’t pretend it isn’t.
The question is: "What did you learn from all these experiences and how would you do things different?" There's nothing you can do to change the past, but you can change the future. I used to be (and still am) a people pleaser. I like to help people and do things for them. But... I met someone that kept on asking and asking me to do stuff. I thought that eventually he would realise that he asked enough, but he didn't 🙂 He actually helped me with the 'difficult' task of putting up borders when I felt like I did enough and to learn to show people where they can find the thing they are looking for... What I mean is: even if something sux, you can look at it as something to be grateful about. When everything is smooth sailing, you don't learn anything. You learn from being in the rough and open sea. And when smooth sailing comes, you know it will only be temporary and you know that you already have experience with handling the s..t that follows. You will feel more in control of your life when you decide to learn how to handle bad situations and you will recognise and be even more grateful about the smooth-sailing moments.
You're still a beautiful person, because you didn't let the problems break you. You're gf is a full time pos demon. And karma will spin round the block, and give her the much needed lashings. But, in the meantime give yourself some credit 😇. You're doing the best you can. What I do , is tackle the smallest obstacle to the biggest. Whenever, Im feeling overwhelmed with something. I start my day early at 5 am. I go running, I come back home , shower . Write a to do list with atleast 5 things to get done in that day/week/ or duration of the month. And, I make a plan of how I'm going to execute it. I don't know you, but I certainly wish I can give you a hug 🥰🤗😇. Because, I believe in you. But, the key is that you have to believe in you too. To put the effort in, to motivate yourself to get things done. It's tough, I know. But, It's worth a try.
Okay you have accepted its all gone to shit but what's next? You still need the same things mentioned in the video to evaluate things and adjust accordingly in order to get yourself out of all this move to a better place.
I've been dealing with depression for over a decade. The diagnosis was made in my teens as MDD. It seems to run in my family, on my mum's side. My non-depressed dad wasn't much help. He often told me to just get over it or that I was being to pessimistic or negative, as if that would help me.
For me the most important part of healing depression and insecurity is learning to distrust the rational brain that I always rely on. Freeing yourself of insecurity feels like becoming delusional. But then you realize that it‘s not delusional at all and it‘s actually the right way of thinking.
@@redgreen2453 I thought about that, but i don’t think so. I guess it only FEELS delusional. But every dimension of my life improves when I live distrusting that circuit in my brain. I‘m more confident, I am nicer to people, I am able to advocate for my own needs more, while at the same time being more invested in helping others, I respect myself and others more… just a buff on every dimension.
@@GilgameschUruk But like, it having positive effects doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not delusional as well tho. Just like, for me personally I’d need more than that to convince me it’s not delusional idk. I’m curious to hear more about the process of how you got there
I think by your last statement you mean it's beneficial for your mental health, which is the "right way of thinking". That's why (to take an extreme example) religious fanatics might have better self-esteem and are better motivated, because of their "delusions". Their minds think that they are absolutely right in their way of thinking, which gives them confidence, which then gives more motivation to act. That's why religion sort of helps you to move on: it provides easy answers ("God(s) did it"), easy way to repent (asking for forgiveness and the judgement of the god(s)) and many rituals with instructions to make you feel connected to the higher power. My point is that you should always question your actions and strive to be more conscious of the things you do, but you should also consider what's best for you.
The thing I'd heard about depressive realism is that the best perceptions are on the edge of depression - that being full-on depressed really does distort things but maybe normal sunny optimism distorts things more.
Great video, very illuminating. I've always found therapists to be quite frustrating because of the perception problem. Now I know why. What I find most difficult is the cognitive bias when it comes to memory. When I'm in a depressive state, it's really hard to remember anything good that happened or indeed as you say see it as completely neutral. The mentality materiality practise does seem like a real good hack. Cheers matey.
I will rewatch this video a thousands times, this describe perfectly how i had been feeling the last 4-5 years ,Dr k you are an amazing professional and communicator, thank you so much from spain
@@nicolarenshaw6460 cbt, sports, ssri, sobrity, then and only after it didn't work i quit my job, stayed at home for extended period of time, and I tried cople times amanita muscaria mushroom. I would not recommend doing it unless the situation is without the solution, because it makes you act in a strange ways. It needs to be in very controlled environment. I believe I had surpressed trauma and when the emotions came out there was a period when I needed to process what is going on. Since then my life was got much better. Hope your loved one will get better.
@@Sonheught the information that we have available nowadays wasn't available to us in the past. I have made great leaps in my own journey and have managed to find ways to support my loved one to a point where they can see a light at the end of the tunnel. It doesn't have to take ten years now with all the sharing and experts online. All the best to you.
But how about relapse?.. no matter how many times I come back it happens again.. and i don't even know the reason.. how do I handle?.. i don't want to cope or manage.. i want to just get rid of it for good
My depression is so bad, and has been going on for so long, that I don't know wtf the "inciting event" even is/was...I believe there's several, though. I'm dying to break this cycle, quite literally.
Me too, I burnt out a bit, failed a goal or two and got mistreated by University teammates a bit. I don't know where the depression started exactly but I know it's exactly the same as a year ago, same setup and everything. I hope socializing will help, surprisingly it doesn't tend to help much even if it goes well. I don't know. I hope for the best
Same, can resonate with ur comment fully! Just the fact im aware of the events but cannot change them atm so i sink in deep into it. Wat i found helpful is to sit with depression and try to acknowledge it but obv it works differently for everyone. Having deep convos with ppl also really helped and this is my new discovery. All the best 🙏
Thanks a lot for adding the last point. Now it makes complete sense. I have been seeing a therapist and I struggle with the thing that actually my perceptions are telling me more accurate information which I can confirm by real results on day to day basis then why I should change the perception. You gave the most clear and honest answer. "Because a healthy mind needs this level of idiocy". That was the most important part of the video which is not covered in most talks on depression.
Thank you for your videos about depression and anhedonia fr I was formally diagnosed with the add so it's hard to get care for myself formally. I am still depressed AF but your videos help me look at tasks more like mini achievements, and to not dwell more on the big picture like I always do. Thank you for what you do
18:12 Overgeneralization solution: remove "I". Stop entirely thinking you're the problem. Think more about other people's situations, etc. 23:12 depressed people may see the world more accurately than those who aren't on average. To be mentally healthy, slightly dumb, narcissistic, and positive/ optimistic mindset is needed.
So what about people who are only depressed because of that depressive realism (in other words, they don't hate themselves, but feel awfully hopeless about the world around them), but don't have the capability to just turn it off and see the world with that necessary "narcissistic idiocy"? Are they just doomed to be miserable their whole life?
Real questions. I am one of these. I really don't think bad about myself, I know I do everything I can to make the world better place, I always think about others, I care, I am overall good person. And I know there are MANY good people around and I love them for it. That being said, the world is a cruel place, awful place, and lots of people are like that too. It's only natural, so I don't think there's anything to be done about it. All the nature is "kill or be killed", so why people should be any different? But still, whenever I see the cruelty, injustice, beatings, etc, I can't help but feel bad. I don't want anyone and anything to be hurt but welp, here we are, getting hurt ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Is it possible not to be depressed in a world like this if you see it as it is..?
@@Fx_- I disagree. In general, I am a *very* realistic person. When I see something positive, I appreciate and cherish it dearly. However, when I see something negative, I also take note of it, and it often weighs on me for some time. There is no automated storytelling happening. I have simply seen more negative situations than positive ones, thus leading the problem of depressive realism. I've spoken to a handful of therapists about it as well, and none of them have known what to do with me. For me, it goes back to that term "narcissistic idiocy". I try very hard to be neither of those things in my day-to-day life. The result is that I cannot embody their traits at will. It's not really a habitual problem unless I want to turn into someone I hate, and somehow, I doubt that will fix the problem either.
@@Me-wi6ym I was the same way. Its not easy to stop or I wouldn’t say it ever stops but your reactivity can be managed downward. And it can be a lot better.
I just got back from the doctors, turns out i have hypertension from all the stress and anger I cause myself. I was completely at a loss in how to tackle this, then I found this video as soon as I sat down to start work and just the explanation alone gave me a wave of ease I havn't felt for a long time. I love the practical exercises you give to support the theories, you put power back into the patients hands. Thanks for everything you and your team does :)
The analogy/comparison with the blind spot in my eye kind of flipped a switch. In a very positive way. That's a great way of describing the brains process.
I had cancer and had surgery and radiation. They tell me im free and i am recovering but i don't feel like it i feel anxious always and have slipped into a terrible depression, where i feel i would have been better off it just finished me. Someone said to me that I've been given a second chance at life, but i have so many complications from the surgery and radiotherapy that i just don't feel like me anymore. I'm 3 months after finishing radiotherapy and still just feel horrible. Spent the past week just crying all day and night in my bed idk how to come back i just feel like a ghost i just feel life didn't turn out well at all I'm young i didn't feel like i got a chance to live and then life gave me cancer when I didn't smoke or warrant it like i just got punished by god. Reading this back, it seems so selfish. Just me me me but I'll still hit send cause im watching this, trying to find some hope.
I'm starting to question everything I've ever known as a result of conspiratorial thought being pushed onto me from childhood. I feel as though I'm crawling out of my depression slowly, but surely, but then, I don't have a frame of reference. In other words... Ya dropped this at the perfect time, Dr. K. 💖❤💖
I feel you on the conspiratorial ideas being pushed onto you from childhood. My mother was exactly the same. My dad was quite the opposite, and when I forcefully (for legal reasons) moved to my dad, I learned to reject everything my mother stood for - including the few good things like "feelings matter" and "happiness is more important than success". Don't get me wrong, my mother f*cked up my life pretty badly in her own ways, but my rejection-based identity has led to me being unable to process some of the trauma I got from my dad. Sorry for oversharing if it came across in a bad way! This comment started as me wanting to express empathy and compassion towards you for growing up in a tinfoil hat household. Maybe I needed to write down my own struggles to give them room to exist or something😅 Just know that you're not the only one who grew up with insane ideas being pushed onto you❤
@@mental_kintsugi its good to get it out there, you never know who and how many people you might help by sharing your story. Also if that is you in your profile picture then good job on your transformation💪 Conspiracy theories are such an easy manipulation tool and the worst part is when you start to manipulate yourself cause you cant cut off yourself from your life. I hope you all get better everyday, there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes we dont see that light because we look back, but its there!
@@TjallieBrrr "Sometimes we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel because we're too busy looking back..." That is brilliant. Thank you for sharing that sentiment.
I'm 33. I don't care about likes. Just getting this out there hoping you will read this... This is the first day in my life I thought I will end my life down the road no matter what. In 15-20 years' time at the very least. I have been fighting hard in life and I keep on failing. Every single time. It's like that Moria scene from LOTR... "We cannot get out. We cannot get out. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out." I keep on joking about how you can always read my mind somehow and here I am. You are a godsend and you have done wonders for my mental since stumbling upon your videos two years ago. Thank you so much, Dr K. Sending blessings your way. 💞💞
I cleaned my room today for the first time in months, I'm also doing laundry and I did dishes and took out trash, I'm pretty proud of myself. EDIT: holy cow this has a ton of likes, wow. Thank you all for your kind words, it's been very motivating seeing the replies every so often and I greatly appreciate it. Thank you all once again. EDIT 2: I've seen people asking how I'm doing and I wanted to wait a bit before answering. I'm alive at least. I've been really struggling again mostly due to me and my now ex splitting. It's been months but I'm still grieving but it's one step at a time a guess. I decided now would be a good time to make an edit because I decided something yesterday. I'm gonna go through and find everything that reminds me of her that I cherished and I'm gonna retake that for myself. Gotta start somewhere fellas and fellets, as well as everyone in between. Hope you all are doing better than I've been, and again thank you for the kind words and words of encouragement. It really means a lot. So again thank you all. EDIT 3: this is likely the final edit but I've got some interesting news. My best friend who I've known for at least 12 years now has asked me if I'd like to fill in as an uncle to his kid. I told him I'd be honored. I've never so much as even held a kid so I guess it'll be a learning experience for the both of us. At any rate I hope you're all doing well, staying hydrated, and keeping yourselves up. Good luck out there y'all!
Good job! How are you doing now?
Amazing! You can do it! 💪
we dont know eachother but im cheering for you
Been a couple weeks, time to keep up the maintenance :D
@@xPastafarian I'm trying, my room is mostly clean and I did some laundry last night, I've also been trying to make a point of playing with my cat more
I appreciated the part about depression realism because my depression is often triggered by frustration and it is SO frustrating to see the world in a negative light but be told “it’s not that bad, just be happy anyway.” That doesn’t help me, it makes me lash out and cling to my depression even more. By acknowledging it, it is a relief, like “yep, ok, I understand and now maybe I can let it go anyway.”
Same here, too many bad situations between physical health issues since I was a little kid and the consquences of it with studies, jobs and of course; love.
Me too, I have been dealing with depression for around a decade now and I have many times thought "this world is a horrible place and I do not feel like I belong here". Over the years things just seem to get worse, too. In a way it's comforting and it helps me to hear that the answer is kinda just "you need to figure out how to huff on that hopium because that's what the mentally healthy adults are doing".
Yes. I frequently wish I could believe in something like winning the lottery. But I really don’t.
Mine is getting over the inherent meaninglessness of everything, my lack of enjoying anything, no afterlife beyond death, and how everyone I know and love suffers and dies and there is nothing I can do about it or ever be enough in their life to help them.
@@Remedy462 big hug. Not that it’ll change anything, but I understand.
You HAVE TO BELIEVE that you can heal from this depression. Trust me. I did the work, and the work is WORTH IT. Moving to another country, layoffs because of the economy, an HIV diagnosis, separation from the military, separation from my partner of 11 years, living paycheck to paycheck, and many, many others.
But you have to have hope…
You might even need to start with it, because it WILL get better, but you cannot give up so easily.
@@Brr_Brr_Brian idk man. It's not getting better and I'm really not winning this one.
@@HydrophobicCatI feel you. I’m currently figuring out the right antidepressant for me and it sucks. I want to succeed and have the clarity I used to. I have a thought that I’ll be dead for infinity after this, so might as well stick it out and see if it truly gets better. A part of me believes it will.
@@HydrophobicCatI feel you, I cannot shake this depression at all
Damn cheating with a man while in the field and catching HIV is rough.. karma is a beetch
@@Brr_Brr_Brian how did you do?
This is literally free therapy. Thank you for doing what you do. I think you saved me today.
I hope today was a good day for you 🙂
Can i have some money too?
I used to struggle with crippling anxiety. It was so bad that I eventually wasn’t able to feel anything besides that terrible feeling all day every day. My grandmother often says, “seek and you shall find.” I devoted my whole life to finding peace and it has finally started to work. I read countless books, watched videos, went to events, and watched my mind for hours on end. I understand how hard it can get, but if you want to live a happy life you will.
"If you look for the light, you can often find it. But look for the dark and that is all you will ever see." -Iroh
"MY CABBAGES!" - Cabbage merchant
But what people don't understand is when you're super depressed you are blind
my dbsa meeting i go to, we got that for our affermation
I need to rewatch that show
@@Dani-ICU-RN This is so true! It's so damn difficult to even SEE when you're all fucked up. The best thing to do is practice acceptance first, and see a professional if you're that deep in. Sometimes it seems completely impossible for anything to turn out ok.
One important thing that I personally want to add to a doctor Ks thing at the end about depressive realism is that as I’ve been climbing out of depression, having been in it before, I don’t see the world in this “ignorance of bad things / the world is sunshine and rainbows” delusion, rather, I am able to more accurately see that there are positives as well as there are negatives. So I am privy to all of the horrible things in this life, and they do affect how I feel, but I can now finally feel and be aware of all the positives that there also truly are. So to those that are depressed and feel like they see the world more accurately and don’t want to think that if they become happier they’re going to lose that sense of realism, don’t worry, because you will still be aware of all the shit happening trust me. You will just be a better gauge of reality overall, by recognizing the good that there also is. This has made me more human, more happy and more appreciative of the beauty in my life.
As someone who just got out of depression I second this.
Definitely needed this important tidbit
As someone who goes in and out of the cycle I can definitely agree with this even if I can't really experience it where I am at the moment.
I mean I can see both perfectly clear but it seems to me like the bad heavily out weights the good and it's not even close
What's the point if the world is so unbearably terrible? I literally can't do anything. I am so mad at everyone for telling me "I know the world sucks but we gotta push through this terrible fucking world" well maybe I don't want to live in a terrible fucking world that is never going to change, maybe only get worse? What's the point of training perception if everything objectively sucks?
ive noticed im almost addicted to depressive and “”unaliving”” thoughts. if i’m feeling bad or stressed about something, it feels really good to think about death and dying. usually i can resist, but sometimes i give in and it feels like snoozing an alarm and letting myself fall back into warm sleep, rather than get up and be real about my life (ie think objectively). the pull that it has freaks me out a bit.
I’ve been reading Notes From The Underground by Dostoevsky and it’s been helping me deal with that
@@soft6418 funny enough i just bought crime and punishment. how do you like it?
i thought i was the only one… it’s comforting to think about the ending and give in to these thoughts. like a warm hug saying ‘yes give yourself when you want’ it’s such a weird paradoxical-like process
That’s because your brain is getting high off the suicidal thoughts, stop it. Because you’ll develop a coping strategy of giving in to that thought, other thoughts become less appealing, and you’ll get locked into a terribly destructive cycle. You must break yourself from this entirely, and stop making yourself “feel good” about ending it all.
I think it's the relief and escapism of feeling we have an "out" a way to get relief, so it gives that calm. A way of feeling we have some control. I felt like that when I had PTSD, but I realised it was escape fantasy - thankfully better now. I wonder if dreaming about some of life like emigrating and living in a hippy retreat or monastery would be a slightly less scary unhealthy escape fantasy? Or if it's about control, trying to find the little things you do or can have control over.
I've gotten a better understanding of what is going on with me from this channel than I have the last several therapists combined.
@zachlove2689 yeah we're just living things just trying to make it to our next meal. If you have pets, they will show you what life is all about. So excited to eat everytime not realizing that the more they do the more years they take off their life, and they don't care. So just bask in the sun and soak everything in. Cause we are just on a round thing soaring through darkness
I just recently became homeless again and have spent the last week in a really bad place, your videos have been helping me continue to try and take care of myself and improve my situation. Thank you
Why have you become homeless ?
Hang in there man I pray you get to a better place ❤
I hope you re in a better place ❤️. Keeping you in my prayers
I hope you r doing better!❤
"Depression is like the HIV AIDS of mental illness"
5 seconds into the video and K is already spitting fire
I wouldnt call it hiv aids. Thats a bit much. Bordering on insensitive to me.
And I have depression . I would just call it autoimmune.
shhhhhh ur just oversensitive
@@reallivebluescat
@@reallivebluescat u didn’t learn anything from the video. “I” “I” “I”. Stop.
@@reallivebluescat That's exactly why he calls it that. He explained in another video. Just like HIV/AIDS attacks your body's ability to fight back depression attacks your brain's ability to fight back.
@@brendonprophette8890exactly if you think someone should be more sensitive about a subject dont whine about your personal experiences, explain it in full about how it may effect others. It comes off as a very “me me me look at me”
00:00 🔄 Depression creates a vicious cycle, akin to the HIV/AIDS of mental illness, attacking motivation and leading to further problems in life.
02:35 🧠 Blind spots in perception illustrate how the mind fills gaps with assumptions, a significant issue in depression.
04:14 🤔 Cognitive biases in depression include negative interpretation of ambiguous events, selection bias towards the negative, and overgeneralization of memories.
07:31 🔄 Depression distorts the balance of positive and negative events, leading to an overgeneralized negative self-attitude.
09:53 🔄 Treatment often neglects the perception problem, perpetuating the cycle of depression.
11:44 🧘 Yoga's mental exercises, like the mentality materiality exercise, can train perception and complement traditional treatments.
13:51 🧠 Practicing the mentality materiality exercise involves recognizing the attributes inherent in objects versus the interpretations added by the mind.
16:11 📝 To combat cognitive biases, actively challenge negative interpretations by creating procon lists for perceived negative situations.
18:03 🔄 Overgeneralization can be addressed by seeing things as they truly are through practices like the mentality materiality exercise.
18:15 🔄 Overgeneralization involves excessive self-blame in depression; individuals often perceive everything as about themselves.
19:10 🧠 Ketamine induces dissociation, breaking the cycle of depression; cognitive reframe helps practice removing the "I" from overgeneralized thinking.
20:49 🤔 Overgeneralization thinking links to excessive self-focus; consider external factors in interpretations to break the cycle.
22:13 🧠 Train perception by recognizing and challenging cognitive biases like selection bias, negative interpretation of ambiguity, and overgeneralization.
23:37 ⚖ Depressive realism: Depressed individuals may have a more accurate judgment of the world, but this realism doesn't contribute to a healthy mindset.
hero damn thnks
i love you
Nice job
well done!
on PC there's a tool that does this, it's on the right side of the screen, dunno if it works tho
i've been told that i am experiencing "situational depression", except the situations are non-stop.
the series that broke me was when my only child died, my 17 year marriage ended and i became homeless.
the weird thing is, i'm absolutely capable of finding happiness wherever i am, but i definitely feel held back by the perception that nothing i do really matters, and i'll never have the life i dreamed of, so why bother doing anything?
i'm content where i am, but i know i should probably be doing more...... 🥀
🫂 i am so, so sorry that happened to you
I know what you mean. Hang in there, friend!
@@mouse9831 it's okay. we're all here to experience different things, and i accept that my life is pretty messed up when compared to others.
however, it helps me to appreciate the simple things in life, ya know?
also gives me loads of compassion and empathy for others. 💖
@@karuns9500 life's pretty interesting, isn't it?
especially the more you experience!! 🤣💕
@@peacewillow indeed. Life can throw a lot of curve balls that's for sure. Stay strong!
Since 2018, I’ve been through so many hardships, mainly because I was focusing my energy and time on things that were influencing my own depression and childhood trauma. If you take nothing else away from this video, it’s that you are worth the pain that you’ve gone through. The cycle can only truly end when you believe that you are worthy of a better life.
Just spent my whole day in a spiral of serious depression and actually started this video with tears still in my eyes from the inevitable break down that occurred once I stopped distracting myself. I haven't felt hope in over a month. You just made me feel a little spark of it. Thank you.
I breaked out of depression last year. Nothing in my life much changed. I managed to let go. It's a wonderful feeling. It took a few months of not being depressed to realise I'm not depressed. Asking for help and also realising I deserve help. I matter and I'm allowed to ask for help
How did you do it?
Surrender. It all starts with giving up
I've also broken the cycle before but it keeps coming back.
*broke
Radical acceptance. Eg If your balding accept it, shave it or feel OK with it. Be content with your situation. No silly get up at 5 am and run and go to the gym and buy clothes, watches or cars etc to peacock to everyone else mentality. Get to the point we're you like yourself and inner growth will talk hold. It's like healing a broken bone, it takes a while it hurts but you'll get there if you allow to wear a cast ie cocoon yourself instead of being a catapillar you whole life.
278 days ago I attempted suicide. I had severe depression. After my attempt I completely broke and told myself that even though I failed this time there will be a next time, and I won’t have the strength to pull myself through it. I was my own greatest fear. I couldn’t even confront what was happening to my own mind.
I worked incredibly hard on myself, and nothing changed day by day. But now I would hardly say that I’m even depressed. I went to therapy, and I learnt these things about my mind in my own way. I’m content, I’m fully functional and I plan for my own future. I fixed my life and with time, patience and kindness you can improve yourself too.
I’ve been there. It’s hard living as both the killer and the victim. I’m ok now but I know it’s always waiting.
I’m happy for you. Im glad you found a way out. I would like to help one person escape depression before I head out.
@@thisisntanoption702 what do you mean before you head out?
What if you have noone, fruends or family. Can I get through on my own?
@@joannenascimento9213 give it a try, consider yourself as your own best friend and take care of them, do what you can with what you have and be patient
Courage !
this is the kinda therapist i want.. he explains things so well and gives actual solutions 😭😭
It's just, wow. I want more!
Yup, he's a real one.
Yes, but at some stage the therapy has to flow over from analyzing life to actually living your life. Real life actions. That is the time when many people decide to switch therapist, because it gets too uncomfortable.
My childhood was extremely unstable and I was abused by my father who could not control his emotions and would take his rage out on me regularly. I am now 25 and despite years of trying to change I cannot escape the thought patterns that have been engrained in me deeply. I am extremely mentally ill.
i wish i could give advice lifes a journey, i had a bad childhood too,i'm nearly 70 now,the biggest thing i learnt recently is love,loving people,its hard to explain if your childhood bad there is no love only hate and you think that is normal,but hate destroys you because you are agressive negative,hate and judge people,love is life,its a future you are positive and you see the world differently, and you are happy thats the main thing
Try Vipassana meditation 10 days session. It will work wonderful. It work on me. If you need further help. Free to contact me
You ARE NOT ALONE PLEASE ALWAYS REMIND YOURSELF OF THAT EVEN THO IT MAY FEEL LIKE IT. YOU CAN BEAT THIS AND YOU ARE ENOUGH I PROMISE
@@RipTommy that's shit bro. No easy way out. Its like being a tree constantly deprived of light and water, and being chopped down regularly. No others words to say to you other than good luck and that i know how it feels
You are not mentally ill , because you realize there’s a problem. Truly mentally ill, and those who are too far gone are unable to process that something is missing and unhappiness prevails. You are capable of being happy! Blessings on your journey and may you find belief and love in your self!!!
That perception bias at 3:00 doesn't work on me. Not because i'm Highly sensitive person, but I've practised for years (both intentionally and unintentionally) to notice every movement/objects within my sight within 30 meters. I have to mindfully/willingly ignore something, if I wish to not notice it. It's so bizarre that I have to willfully focus my gaze on something instead of seeing everything, because otherwise I get overstimulated by sensory information and my senses get overwhelmed. I guess that's part of my sensory processing sensitivity, which is neurodiversity of autism spectrum/High sensitivity. My issue may be unique and this bias works on others but not on me.
I am disabled with two chronic pain disorders that don’t respond to ANY treatment. I’m in pain 24/7. I’m a middle-aged woman. I lost my dream job and my home. I’m unemployed and looking for work but nobody seems to want to hire me, even though I have qualifications (welcome to being a middle aged woman, it’s fact, not negative perception). I am also looking for a place to live. My entire life has been turned upside down. Any ONE of these factors would be stressful and difficult for someone to deal with. Every time a job falls through or a new home opportunity falls through, it retraumatizes me. I’m trying REALLY hard to not let the depression overtake me. I resent that the insinuation is that I’m not doing enough. This is an immensely difficult time for me and I think anyone would be depressed going through what I’m going through. I’m not just seeing negative things.
I'm sorry that you have to go through such a terrible thing, I understand your situation. My partner is in the same boat as you and he can't do much at all. And to top it off, most of his friends and family don't seem to be very understanding that he actually has a disability. I guess the only thing you can do is be defiant against your situation and be resolved that you will make it, as terrible as it is. I hope you have some amazing people in your life to support you 🙂
Im sure is not a personal attacks although depression often makes it feels like it (i felt it a lot of times watching dr k videos) your situation is different, as of many people, and trying to see things not negatively is not saying that you can stop your feeling by just thinking hard enough, the point of the video is trying to not make things even worse by letring your mind take control in the form of depression, i hooe you man make a fulk recovery, i heard cbd is good for relieving pain, if is economic possible, i recommend you try it
Same here but aged 26 and never even had the chance for an education, partner or house 👍✌️✌️✌️ gang
excuse me? What are you talking about? @@Paulsyfi
Why are you fretting over all these things which are Immaterial. Death takes everything away. In perspective all your hopes are vain. Live freely, consciousness is supreme it is never born nor does it die.
My best practical advice; Don't sit down. Take thirty minutes just to get out of bed if you need to, but once you are up, stay up. Sitting down is the single worst thing you can do for helping your motivation. Stay standing. Walk. Clean. Organize. Even if you stand around staring at the walls idly, you'll eventually start just... getting things done. And as you gradually gets things done, you will be setting yourself up for a better environment to be healthier.
That’s a really good idea
Simple effective 'hack'
Thank you for this.
Yeah!
I find this to be true.
This video couldn’t possibly have come at a better time. I’ve been battling depression for about 10 years now, and it was only until last year that I started taking steps to try and improve my mental health. However, I’ve since fallen back into old habits (overindulgence, negative self-talk, bad diet etc.) and it feels like I’m all the way back to square one. I’d say the most important thing I’ve learned is that the road to recovery requires a sustained, consistent effort. It’s not always possible to fix a problem that has affected you for such a long time and it’s not always going to be easy. You’ve gotta be in it for the long term no matter what.
Long have I tried to wrangle how I could be so full of narcissistic and self depricating though paterns at the same time
You are truly so amazing
The number one concept in this video that really motivates me to try to change is the notion that depression comes from being over self-focused.
It’s like, ironically, I’m isolating and trying to get out of the spotlight. While at the same time, I’m the only one actually pointing the spotlight at me.
It’s both motivating from the positive that all I have to focus on is my thoughts, and the negative that I don’t want to be so selfish and self-centered.
I've suffered on and off with clinical depression for years, this is a great video explaining it. I recently had the same realisation that one reason for my suffering was my perception of events. I randomly had this epiphany during a phonecall with a man from a dating app, he told me he'd had to move back home from a foreign country after being made redundant and losing his work visa. I knew I'd have been absolutely devastated if that happened to me but he said he just accepted it, got a new job and built his life here instead. From this one phonecall I made some cbt style charts of my own life events and perceptions to help me make sense of it. Since then I've been practising reframing my perception each day. It's difficult because depressive thinking tends to be my default so it takes daily practice. But it seems to be helping me so far. I'm also just so fed up of being depressed and want something better for myself.
@katec9893 keep on keeping on, stop ✋️ thinking of yesterday's, they are gone, stop pissing on tday, tomorrow is a mystery. Be here now, now is all we truly have
I genuinely needed this video right now. The depression I have at my home, it started leaking into every area of my life and caused frequent distance from friends and shutting down.
Currently dealing with depression at home in a very literal way. I'm helping take care of a family member whose been dealing with mental health issues for years and right now it's the brunt of the storm. I didn't know how exhausting it can make a person. Whatever your journey is, I'm happy that you found some guidance in Dr. K as well. I hope you find some stability today.
@scastellanos7923 Right back at you! If you need someone to reach out to, I'm always down. I'm rooting for your happiness and comfort too.
Problem is its easier said than done. I done everything the internet said i should. I started working out, figuring out a passion, trying new hobbies like baking and painting, getting off social media and even joined a basketball community club. But i have never felt more lonely in my life. All these new hobbies i am still on my own. Even basketball, getting there and back and getting food after i am on my own. Never ending cycle
Can you start asking some of the new people you're meeting if they'd like to go to such and such event/out for drinks, coffee, food after the class?
@@katec9893 i don’t know them too well. They all seem to be close to each other and have different cultures and all. Maybe in the future i will
Try some shrooms. I was like that after I deployed in the army. Shrooms pulled me out of that and Im doing better than ever.
Its not a magic fix it pill though, but it can give you that "perspective change" that Dr. K talks about in this video.
@@voraxumbra1 might try them out thanks
this is me right now and I feel so lost, I’ve started a successful music career, gym, cooking, studying, reading, taking time for myself and taking care of myself but I just feel so empty and lonely. Maybe I’m not depressed anymore… just lonely?
Another thing that doesn’t make anything better is I’ve been trying to meet people and saying yes to everything I’m invited to, but unfortunately these people really just aren’t my crowd. It’s overwhelming to have to keep putting myself out there just to meet people to help this whole situation. (I can enjoy my own company and would even go as far as to say I love myself, I just don’t want to do that…ALL THE TIME)
I’ve never been in a serious car accident, but I always hear people that have, say that they “saw it happen in slow motion, but were powerless to do anything…”. That’s what a depressive episode feels like to me; I know it’s coming, but I have no idea what to do about it beyond try to “ride it out”.
I know about self-care, I’m mostly consistent with it, but really it’s just part of my life routines, it doesn’t feel particularly “empowering” unless there was some huge task that needed to be done
2 more things that can help
1) physical activity or exercise
2) journaling or writting ur thoughts in paper
How is your timing always so impeccable? I know I'm not the only one who's saying this. I was literally thinking about how my depression is sort of cyclic
I was literally having a heartfelt talk about it with my family and then came to the computer and he had uploaded this haha
Cyclic geometry dash
Why is the timing impeccable? Because it's posted right at the time that "I" needed it. See? That's the over generalization right there. There is no good or bad for the timing. It's just posted when it's ready.
TY CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! @@zsxking
Has anyone else been in that situation were you interpret something negatively, and then you actively try to come up with alternative explanations (maybe they have something going on in their life, maybe this doesn't have anything to do with me etc) then later find out it WAS EXACTLY WHAT YOU FEARED IN THE FIRST PLACE?
When that happens to me, my mind goes into hypervigilant mode because i never want to assume the positive and later find out that I was wrong. There is nothing worse than false positivity or false hope.
Yuuuup. This is the kind of thing that keeps my anxiety and OCD alive and kicking haha
There's nothing worse than feeding your fear with more fear and ignoring the neutral or positive events. After a while your fears do become reality, that is absolutely true!
If you look at fear as a challenge than you're already one step further.
I used to have fear of being in public, so someone advised me to play a 'living statue' in the busiest street. I did it (after fretting for a long time!). While I was standing there, my whole body started to shake, but I just went thru with it.
If you want to be a true warrior, then confront your fears!
That's why I don't hope anymore. If thios happens twice or three times. It might be a couincsidence, but for me it happen so often. Even chatasthrophizing other events like going somewhere you have to. The literal worst thoughts came to reality. Tyat's when I stopped believing in hooe generally. It only disappoints. Or I'm just unlucky I dunno
Your gut-feeling is allways right. thats why you are depressed.. it´s the red pill for life - often times in life you come to the inner core of trouth if you switch cause by outcome...
Yes, I have. Several times. So here's something that helped me: I'm a very logical person. So my therapist did something that my negative bias was preventing me from doing: Fact-checking my cognitive biases. There were situations in which the negative outcome was indeed the one that took place. But there were several neutral and positive outcomes in regards to minor or even big things that were in the back of my mind, so I wasn't making a correct statistical analysis.
When she pointed that out, I noticed that her argument was logical and correct. I couldn't refute her. So the answer to my problem became: It's logical to try to anticipate or consider the possibility of negative events and be somewhat prepared to deal with them, but the cost of trying to predict these events and prepare accordingly cannot be greater than the consequences of the negative event. Thus, a logical "guideline" was established to deal with negative outcomes. That was quite helpful for me. Perhaps some of what I said might be helpful for you as well.
The depressive realism sort of hit home for me.
I’ve been struggling with depression since late 2020, I’m in therapy now, and I’m trying to piece my life back together.
While I’ve always considered myself to be a “realist”, and I really like to be “right”, I had to ask myself-
Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
wishing you all the love and support on your journey bro
It’s nearly impossible to get an entirely holistic and accurate perspective on the world. There’s so many details and so many forces at play, and you can’t predict the future. Your mind is trying to fill in the blanks by making a judgement “world good or world bad?” It’s an illusion that’s meant to justify your depression. Depressive realism is just depression
@@zekielrodriguez5229 I don’t care as much about whether the studies have been able to be reproduced with the same outcomes. I’m well aware of the biases in people with/without depression, and I’m not trying to predict the future.
What resonated with me is that even if I’m right, even if I *could* more accurately view the world around me, it doesn’t benefit me in any way if it comes at the cost of my own success or happiness.
If I’m going to have bias, I’d rather have optimistic illusions.
I always thought I was a realist too, turns out depression just made me see everything as hopeless 24/7 and I was very wrong. Now I don't think anyone can be a realist
I mean it wasn't about being "right" you just decided to ignore half the shit you used to think about, or think about it far less than you used to. You accepted being helpless in the face of problems infinitely bigger than yourself and decided it would be better to give up on any hope of society being better. Which, like, I get it, because depression is painful as shit. I guess I'm not done suffering yet lmao.
Thank you for validating my "glass half full" outlook. I am grateful for what I have in life, but as an empath, I find it hard to be joyful when there is so much suffering in the world
THANK YOU SO MUCH DOCTOR K!!!! I WOKE UP WITH A HEAVY HEART AND SUPER DUPER ANXIOUS, AND YOU HELPED MEEEEEE !! 😊😊😊
I am suffering horribly from bad depression. I retired!! I I made a HUGE mistake. I never wanted to Retire.! But, under the extreme stressful life altering family situations., I did, then after , I realized I DIDN'T have to retire, and that I was told things that weren't true!! I couldn't return to my position, and lost everything. I lost my position, that took 20 yrs to achieve, my co worker social interactions, my structure, my at work involvements ( clubs, sports activities, after work stuff, my uniform, and my identity along with self confidence )
I'm alone now, I no longer have joy, fun, and any desire to go anywhere. Every day, I'm miserable, unhappy and worst is self blame/hate. Depression has grown to all mistakes ive made in my life.! My mental and physical have declined as I have no will, want to live anymore. ( and Yes!, I've considered). I'm constantly though, telling myself to stop these negative thinking patterns, and force better one's. Just because I retired, completely destroyed my life.! Which most would b excited about. Maybe it's just me..? My struggle/torture is real.... Help, is all my heart can ask 🙏
You sound like me x
@carolvenables3970 Sorry...I'm really sorry to hear this.
Thank you for replying and caring.
How are you coping..?
... Im not accepting all that's happened, nor my part in it all.
I had to call 988. They were verbally helpful,... but doesn't change anything.
I never want to retire because that's when I know I'll lose purpose and slip into depression. Retirement isn't a good goal. Finding a purpose for your old age is my goal
@klanderkal
Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so honest. 💜
I can tell you that you're not alone, this happened to me earlier this year.
I'm so traumatized by what they did to me that I'm never going to be able to work again. It has bled into every part of my life, my relationships and my ability to function. You articulated it so perfectly. It's not the job that I lost, it's the social aspect, the friends, the structure and the sense of self that they took from me.
When you feel this much pain you don't want to reach out to friends and family because who wants to talk to somebody who's always sad. I don't know about you but for me I find nobody can really comprehend the betrayal so talking about it puts me in a position where the people around me think but I'm overreacting and it's something I should just be able to deal with and move on and I just end up reliving the trauma all over again. Because of this I've had to distance myself from those closest to me, I'm so triggered because of what I went through I fear I'm going to say or do something to harm what relationships I have left and in the end I just walk away feeling worse so it's better just to isolate myself. There's also the guilt, I have a roof over my head and food in my fridge so how do you complain about life when so many others don't have that. Right now the best part of my day is when I go to sleep and the worst part is when I wake up. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact that I came frighteningly close to ending it all in 2018 because of what my boss was doing to me on a daily basis, combined with neglect at home. It all became too much and by the grace of God I read an article and a survivor said, " it's not that I didn't want to live, I just didn't want to live that way anymore". That has stayed with me for the last 6 1/2 years and it saved my life.
I tried to take control of my life a few times this year and stand up for, but I was met with resistance because I'm not the same "agreeable" person people expect me to be. This includes my family doctor of 30 years which terrifies me. Writing this makes me realize there's so much I'm still afraid to talk about.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, normally I just type how I feel and then I delete it, but you've given me a safe space.
Your story really touched me, I know how unfair it is to lose such a big part of yourself by no fault of your own. I hope you read this because I would really like to know how you're doing. 💜
Did you really not find the knowledge in the video helpful???? Found no solution at all? Or are you asking for emotional support from people I'm confused
Perfect timing with it being Sub-Zero temperatures outside.
It's hard to not think about yourself or what you've been doing with your life when you're trapped inside.
with you on that one mate
Wait, what? Huh... never occurred to me huh.. So I live where it's -25 °C outside now and light day about 5 hours at best at winter, and I feel really bad mentally every winter... soo I thought that lack of sunlight is responsible and it never really clicked with me that there is also locked up component. So... thanks! And I hope your winter is shorter
@@kuroinokitsune Seasonal affective disorder is what you're referring to.
The OP is speaking on cabin fever.
Mix both together...oh boy.
Life is fascinating.
I hate weather
@@Hawkenwhacker Agree on life lol. And thanks too - now I have names for research.
thanks for the final bit, it was very important to me. adding to it i believe that sometimes when you are neutral or accurate when expressing your perspective, positive people will deny that truth with positivity and it can worse the situation by invalidation.
One important thing that i have realised is to love myself from my own eyes and not through other people's eyes. I have only loved myself when i did something good or achieved something but it is important to understand this is not true self love, this is loving yourself only when you get validation from others. It's about loving yourself directly and not through a medium. It's about loving ALL of you, the good as well as the bad, while still wanting to work on the bad.
I've been feeling depressed & didn't know what to do. This video has given me hope & a place to start. I don't know how well the exercises will work for me, but the video explains the roots of depression so logically and it makes perfect sense. I'll try out the exercises Dr K mentioned & hopefully I get better soon.
The last part, about depressive realism, was enlightening. It’s frustrating to “know” that you’re right about something and have others tell you you’re wrong (with good intentions, trying to make me feel better). It’s refreshing to hear that we are often correct, with the added perspective that it can be correct AND overblown. I’ve found everything feels more intense and like an emergency in the moment. Giving myself time to calm down and reevaluate has made a big difference in how I process and feel about issues in life. Thanks for this video!
I haven't watched this video because I think I don't need it anymore, but just putting this here if it helps anyone at all:
The thing that helped me the most is just try changing as many aspects of your life as possible. Usually you don't have control over the stuff that sucks, but even the small stuff helps. Maybe try changing universities, and if that's not feasible, change the route you take to go to universities. It could be just that. You need to get out of the loop that you're in, living the same day everyday. You need to give your brain new inputs, new challenges, new things to live for.
Maybe brush your teeth in the balcony instead of the bathroom, maybe go one a 2 minute walk in the morning, start playing a competitive game/sport.
I know it's not as easy as I'm making it seem, but you need to start small. You need to wake up and just change one thing about your day, no matter how small. Then another the next day, and the next, and so on. Before you know it you have a completely different life and you have so many things to worry about that maybe, just maybe you might postpone thinking about dying or why you're alive for a couple hours, maybe even a day or two. Your brain needs other things to associate your identity with than depression. You need other things to do than think about being depressed.
Eventually that day or two becomes a week, then a month.
Then one day you will wake up and realise you haven't thought about any of that stuff in well over a year. You will have stopped associating depression with your identity, you will have made new friends, have new hobbies, maybe have a completely different life. Surely it's noticeable to the people around you.
That is the day you will never look back.
Start small. You WILL get there.
Putting this as a footnote: I don't mean to minimise anyone's pain, suffering or trauma with this comment. This is based on my experience with depression, and everyone has a different experience. There was a time where I did the math and realised I had been depressed for 80% of my life, I couldn't even remember a time when i wasn't depressed. It was all I knew. I thought there was no way out, that this was my life forever and that there's no way about it.
I could not have been more wrong. I haven't thought about aborting the mission in coming up to 5 years now, I have been relatively happy and motivated to do things.
It is possible, it's not a lost cause, I promise.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
I haven’t seen the video yet but i can attest to the title, it’s been 12 years and I’m still depressed. Life will just pass you by if you don’t do anything about it. I hope i can get it together someday. Gonna turn 30 this year
Going on 10 years here. I'm 25. Hoping to get back into school so I can turn it around.
9 years here. I'm 30. This is not a cure but just like assisting my body. I only consciously started this 2 years ago. What works for me is to improve every little thing in my life. every single day. (ex. Shower once a week to every other day) Using paper plates so I don't need to wash dishes.
Because we already have low energy. by doing little things that will make our life easier not forcing to do big things. We are the patient (ourselves). we don't force paralyzed people to run immediately. we start from moving their toes.
Like how people with physical injuries or people whose half body is not functioning. We start from toes to legs to standing up to walking.
Just see yourself as a broken child/Paralyzed patient. Hug them.
Yes self care and being kind to of ourselves. Because everyone deserves kindness whether you a bad person or failed person.
It doesn't cure immediately it but somewhat make my illness manageable. Because you can't fight it if you are hungry and don't have sleep.
I'm still struggling to sleep. I always get 4-5 hours of sleep. I try improve it by buying a good pillow, sound machine, eye mask, etc.
I still lack the motivation to do things I used to loved.
Slowly but surely. It might make still too long. But we need to treat our illness like somewhat with a paralyzed half body that cannot walk or even move their toes. so we can start healing.
You need therapist if you want faster recovery. I was able to get a free consultation. But it still to expensive for me. But don't forget to be always kind to ourselves. You don't need to be A DESERVING person to receive kindness. Kindness is for everyone.
Same. 22. Didnt get a college degree. Didnt have a teen life. I hope my 20s can bring me joy
@cescabhi did you manage to watch the video? Hope it helps ❤
I'm 28 and I'm 14 years in, howdy. I hope something ends up clicking someday too. Therapy is just kind of a release valve where I can let some shit out in the hope I don't explode.
I am in tears, i need you to know how amazing you are. i feel genuine and understood and hopeful so intensely. i don’t know if this comment will ever reach you but take a moment to understand the pure and beautiful impact you have. you spoke about the importance of perception, please perceive the meaning and intensity of my thanks to you. you are the change this world needs
I like how in the end he was like, by the way, you depressed people understand the world better than others who live in a comfortable delusion. But you need to fix that. This is exactly why I'm depressed to begin with.
True, but you got to find a middle-way. Reckless people got to be more serious and depressed people have to become a bit more reckless.
😂😂😂Yeah, but being in that state all the time, to the point of making you become a parasite basically is obviously a problem.
I don't believe depression can go away 100% but we can find a balance, deep depression is extremely dangerous 😢😢😢😢💔If all you have is negative thoughts everyday enevitable you will end up dying by suicide or because your body gave up. We can only take so much. The body starts shutting down too. Depression is without a doubt the worst disease.
I've struggled with very serious generalized depression in my earlier years (from about age 16 to 33), and how I was able to recover...was exactly what Dr. K is talking about. Here's what I'll say though, it is HARD. It's tricky. I'm tricking myself into changing my perception when I know that there are many things very wrong in the world, and I KNOW that it's a trick. I am WILLINGLY deceiving myself into a better perception. I KNOW that, generally, I am lying to myself.
Here's the kicker--I AM HAPPY. I choose to alter my perception away from what is probably more in line with reality, but I am doing it WILLINGLY to myself and then thanking myself for tricking myself because the real outcome on the minute-to-minute...is that I AM HAPPIER.
ADD: Dr. K just got to the big point. The world is....just the world. It isn't inherently "good" or "bad" and luck/fortune isn't inherently "good" or "bad". It is what you make of it, but if you want to be happy, then what YOU make of it needs to be a bit altered from how you originally see it without any added perception. Perception is a filter. Recalibrate yours.
@NathalyPolanc 8:29 I agree 💯%
Hi Doc... i'm chilean and actually being trying to help my girlfriend with her depression. I just wanted to say that your whole channel has been a huge help for me to understand what is and how to see depression from the outside perspective. I just wish that all this kind of info were available in spanish, as there are not actual psyquiatrist talking about this topics. There's a big problem on mental health(after the covid situation) here in Chile.
In the other hand i wanted to thank you as well for helping me see my weed intake in a correct perspective. I've been (ab)using it for over 20 years now. I just quitted like 10 days now and i feel awesome. Now i got my drive and mental stability back(in 10 days i see the big big difference already).
Thanks doc!!
Is this the video that illuminated your addiction or was that a different video? I'm curious because I feel I could learn more about myself on this topic as well
Awesome!! That's so cool you learnt and realised it was ab(use) not use and quit. I imagine showing your gf you can make positive changes and feel better is good for her too. ❤
@@swag380other videos I think. He talks about how it affects you. There is another video on depression where he talks a fair bit about the impact on weed.
@@emilyb5557 thanks for the info, I'll try and find it. I enjoy it recreationally a lot but I'm curious if it has affects that I'm not perceiving property
Glad to hear you stopped weed, wishing you all the best, hi from Canada : )
Really needed this one today. I'm at the point in the cycle where I start to lose all my friends again. I hate it when this happens. It gets harder to find all new friends every time.
Why do you lose them?
I kinda have this cycle too. Wonder is it a natural thing or is it my personality
@@Ananalias I go insane, burn every bridge in very bad ways and then I have to move away at the end. rinse, repeat.
WOW! The blind spot finger thing blew my mind. Ive only watched 3:57 minutes of this video, but I see where we’re going. I had to stop the video, because you gave me an a-ha moment. From someone who suffers with depression, I can see how this all ties in together. The brain totally makes shit up all the time. Our mind fills in the gaps of our “blind spots” just like it does with the blind spots in our vision. Fascinating, and so true. I can’t wait to watch the rest. I just came across this video out of nowhere. Im glad, because you already have a new subscriber. I’m in! 🤗
Did you do the finger trick?
LOVED this. ❤ Honesty is far more therapeutic than pissing down somebody's back and telling them it's raining.
In my way of breaking way from crippling depression was be creative, change career, and hangout with friends and family. It was hard, but over time it got better, especially with the new year.
@@KaiStarkkAll jobs replace people. It's best to find something you enjoy or at least don't mind doing and find interesting that pays you enough to live on. Life's too short to be in a job that makes you miserable.
I don't think I have a baseline that goes above okay no matter the situation. Can't remember last when I was "happy".
I had a similar experience. Ourdoors helped too. Even just jogging.
Hey I know this is a bit of a late comment, but what comes to mind when you say "be creative" What did you do? Some creative habits have helped me, but I'm curious what other people do.
Yes! I had the same experience. It was not just the job, but that was the start to make a cascade of changes.
I could listen to you all day. You’re full of energy and passion. Always wonderful content. Thank you
definitely
Dr K i just want to say, you are loved. Absolutely truly treasured. I've been doing a lot of work on myself using different tools but your content has been the bedrock of so much of my improvements. My therapist is shocked how far ive outpaced her work with me. You are helping me save my life and i am eternally grateful. You are truly truly loved by me. Thank you for submitting to your dharma and giving us what only you can.
You are so right, my parents couldn't see further than themselves and now I do the same. Everything is under a magnifying glass and is about me! This was exceptionally useful video, thank you
I was battling with depression, but one thing my mother told me is to be gratefull of the good things that happen, first you start taking notes of the good things that happen, that way you dont forget, las year my mom was diagnosed with cancer, but I rather than thinking of the problem, I am thankful for all the blessings that have happened to her and made me view life different
I was diagnosed 5 years severe depression, I even considered abort the mission ... The main issue is when you consider that as solution it lingers your mind all time , even today That though show up when i feel really stressed... And is explained here... Yes its a really heavy stone to carry and it can literally crush you to death. Ty for helping
I have alot of abort the mission thoughts aswell, but i realised for me its escapism. What i mean by that is that when i feel good like i used to, or during the one better period in my life, i would often think of going on a holiday far away when i felt a little down or when i went to sleep. I noticed that during the first, and now my second depression that i replace that thought in those moments with romantacizing aborting tbe mission or with giving myself a powerpoint why i objectively should abort.
Long story short, i think i use commiting goodbye as the ultimate escapism when others wouldn't be realistic at the time.
@qopiqq3629 Hm, I'm pretty sure that's what I have going on. I've noticed that it fluctuates based on how stressed I am. If I feel more relaxed, they aren't nearly as bad. I've just been stressed 24/7 for so long that it rarely goes away.
I guess I have the another topic to bring up with my therapist this week lol
I've thought of aborting the mission too, thought of it as an escape. Fortunately I've been able to turn that thought to work for me Now I have no fear at all about the mission ending, at all. It's like "Hey, if the mission is going to eventually end anyway why rush it? Sure I can make it happen prematurely, but l don't have to. So let's see how it's going until the end."
Thinking of aborting the mission took the pressure of life off my shoulder. In a way, it motivated me to keep going.
I bought Dr. K's guide and it's definitely worth it -- "jumbled" deep feelings have finally been laid out in this guide and it feels like a breath of fresh air / hope in making change, when everything else feels like it's just passing you by. This isn't just another "self help" guide. Even if it hasn't crossed your mind to get it, I'd consider looking into it.
Thank you for differentiating normal and clinical depression. These tips can help anyone with depression, but its important to note there is an aspect of clinical depression that you can't just overcome based on perception. Clinical just hits you for seemingly no reason without trigger sometimes. Great vid!
Hello, I’m 52 and have just been diagnosed with ADHD I knew I’ve had this all my life. I’m also a recovering cannabis addict of 29 years. I have just started my own UA-cam channel documenting my daily withdrawal and recovery from cannabis. The feedback I’m getting from people is so amazing and wholesome. One of my subscribers mentioned yourself and channel. Your channel is amazing. Thank you for creating this channel. It must be helping thousands of people with understanding themselves. ❤
Sharing your thoughts on depressive realism was really helpful to me. Growing up in a dysfunctional household made it very challenging to understand what a healthy sense of optimism is really like. I learned to distrust bravado and other forms of masking, but really didn’t have a clear sense of what a healthy display of emotion/ enthusiasm/connection should be. Performative happiness? No problem. I was trained to know when I was expected to seem happy and enthusiastic and confident. Authentic self expression? Much more challenging to understand and express.
Thanks
This is one of those videos that feels like it was made exactly for you, like I genuinely think I undestood myself a lot more. Amazing work as always, thank you so much Dr K. Love from Argentina ❤
I can't thank you enough for this video. I have realised that i give so much of love out but none of it has ever been directed to my own self. The root cause of my depression has been negative self worth and the constant feeling that "i am not good enough". I have started loving and respecting myself.
I’m starting Spavato (intranasal ketamine derivate medicine) tomorrow for treatment resistant depression. I’ve been looking for videos where you talk about ketamine and depression and couldn’t find one. I have your entire guide and I’m working through it slowly. It’s been wonderful for me.
I’ve been a long time subscriber and frequent your livestreams. Thank you so much for everything you and the HG team does. Thank you for improving my life and thank you for posting this video when you did.
Still cannot believe it, I don’t believe in signs from the universe but I know your wife can bend the universe to her will. I’m going to allow myself to appreciate this coincidence and be hopeful for treatment to not make me happy, but to put me into a place where I’m not actively pushing away the good in life.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Just started my second year of working in my career. When winter came my office was cold (exterior wall), I hardly saw people for hours on end, and I did not have good wifi. This with other factors kinda kicked me into a depressive episode that I am still working through. Your videos have helped immensely because yeah I my perception of everything was horrid. All the time people said while I grew up "don't do it adulting sucks". Well it is here, so I am trying to change my perspective to the things I can do.
I have no idea why, but within the last year I have:
-started therapy
-reduced my anxiety dramatically
-self learned math from algebra 1 up to calc 2 now
-got accepted to an aerospace engineering BS program
-saved an extra 15k for emergency funds
-improved diet and lost 20 pounds
My behavior just 360’d all around. I went from a lazy lying criminal (not petty, serious crime) to a fairly well-adjusted normal guy.
Wish I had any information to share about what specifically helped me but I don’t know. I only say all of this to affirm that if I can do it in my mid-20s, then I believe a very vast majority of you can also do it. I was probably doing much worse across most dimensions of life than many people who currently feel doomed.
All i hear is
As a criminal i earned enugh money to pay for therapy and everything else in my life so i can get out of the rut
So soultion is actually to be criminal, and im not even sarcastic, thats the general mentality in the west anyways
You were always normal and healthy
You were just poor, which criminality solved
@@Bleilock1 haha no I actually lost all of the money I gained from that. It’s easy to make money in a bad way but it’s hard to keep it. It’s an expensive way to live
You self taught yourself basic maths and got accepted to an engineering degree in the same year...?
@@ADHDmothership that is correct. I already had a background from high school so that obviously accelerated my pace quite a bit. I also study ~4-6 hours a day which helps
I'm glad you did all those things. But I also graduated with a computer science BS, am going for a post-bacc for pre med (want to become a doctor). I'm clean, organized, amazing health (work out), have plenty of savings....and am still depressed. I just work through my depression, almost like being super busy is a distraction. Until I come home, and have to deal with my mind. I cry myself to sleep. A person can be successful and still be depressed
Thanks!
Knowing that I'm not wrong about the world is what initially caused the depression for me. I wish I wasn't as observant as I was growing up.
Ignorance truly is bliss.
Very nice one. For the first time in a long time after watching one of these types of vids from you; I can confidently say I am getting better. SO MUCH BETTER. Nowadays I can see my own inaccuracies more clear and correct them to be more biased positively. Even in that Rorschach-esque test I was thinking positive stuff about the eerie photos.
Its wild, I never expected myself to grow this much, especially considering I should be categorically depressed as I have been in other years. Nowadays when I slip up I tend not to spiral and instead dust myself off much quicker and accept my mistakes with grace.
This is going to be a wonderful year (deluded but on purpose), I hope it will be wonderful for you too dear reader.
Without Dr.K and his profoundly insightful talks I know I wouldn’t be as mentally well as I am right now. I didn’t watch this video, nor do I feel the need to. That realization made me cry tears of joy.
theres no way ure that much better from watching some guy talk
@@phonixMAM It's action, doing things (that you fear or dread) that will make long-lasting changes. The mental knowledge soon fades away, but it's a necessary start.
that last part about depressive realism is the hardest part about it.
even the idea of eventually feeling happy/good is tainted by the understanding that it would more or less be "successful coping" than anything more
Remember that at 24:55 he points out that a depressed person's realism about the world does not translate to realism about themselves.
It's not, "objective intelligent informed person forcing themselves to pretend everything is fine." It's "depressed person who is full of negative cognitive biases ACKNOWLEDGING their blind spots, and INTENTIONALLY seeking out the good that they really are overlooking, so they can one day live a healthy and well-adjusted life"
What's wrong with successfully coping with life? Bad things happen, so anyone & everyone has to cope in some way.
@@Jszar Exactly. It's all about the way you look at 'bad' things. Don't take them too personal and see it as a moment to learn something. When all is smooth sailing, it is nice, but you rarely learn something from it. It's more often than not a result of 'conquering' a bad moment. That's why a vacation feels nice after working for months in a row...
You are a truly incredible person dr K.
The ending actually makes the whole argument better. As a depressed person, I see the world as it is (mostly), the thing is, positivity is a skill to practice.
One misperception I have is that I think everything I do will take an hour at least. I attribute this to my adhd, and I'm trying to get better at just doing things and not havin to put a whole day aside just to do it. Thank you for reminding me if that even if it's not related to the topic of this video😅.
I feel you bro. I'm absolutely tired and frustrated and burnt out due to suffering for decades from ADHD
I’ve tried to do that sorta thing before and either I get tired after 3 hours and just crash or get overwhelmed having to juggle doing more than 1 thing in a day and either let people down by cancelling last minute because how i felt great when organising the event but when the day comes I’m just completely exhausted and unable to show up to the event that I organised.
@@revmachine2662 im exactly the same, and the thing is I'm already diagnosed and medicated. however those years of reinforcing negative behaviour and thinking still overwhelms me
I think this single video seriously helped me further then years of therapy have. My therapists would get angry (i just realised they probably are not as angry as my mind says, thanks video!) because after a while i still saw the world so negative. Now i kinda understand why i see things negatively, and that makes it easier to play along with what feels like lying to myself that the world is better then i see it.
It's tough because when you see the world as negative, you see the truth, and it's hard to ignore the truth.
Have you tried gratitude diary? I feel like for me, seeing a positive thing or remembering it even happened was a chore I had to do, but now it becomes easier without sitting there with a pen staring at the paper. Neutral things too btw :') I hope your brain will rewire itself soon enough
your therapists are feeling insecure or frustrated because of the failure to help
I think that, as we cultivate greater mindfulness/awareness, we’re able to better weigh the pros and cons of ambiguous phenomena, but that certain traumatic experiences stay in our physiology in a way thats purely negative. The best way to approach the problem, at least in my experience, has been to identify primarily with the balanced mind, and very slowly feel those traumatic feelings so that the information they contain can be released from the body and enter into dialogue with the calmer, nuanced part of ourselves. Takes an incredible amount of patience and willingness to experience peaks and valleys, but genuine progress is possible.
That sounds a lot like somatic experiencing
I’m someone who suffers from a lot of different mental illnesses and I d k how I even stumbled on your video. But for first time, I have a little clarity of what it is I been dealing with for years, and I only gave therapy two weeks before I quit. Thank you for this video. I reach out to family and asked help cause I could use it to make my life and those around me better.
I have been spiritually and probably clinically depressed as well as for unknown reasons very sad since I was a child from a 20 foot pier fall. This gentleman has explained perfectly what my depressed mind/brain has been doing to me for decades through various situations.
Thank you so much. Now I have a better idea of what to do for constructive metal health.
The worst thing about trying to get out of depression is when the people around you are starting to question your happiness (when you're in a good mood). They're not used to see you like that and it throws them off. This is probably not right, but there's a part of me that tells me "I need to live up to their expectations of my identity, and my identity to them is that I'm depressed". It's total and complete bullshit but that small voice is SO STRONG. I don't want to be happy because I'm not used to people around me being proud and it scares the living shit out of me.
So it makes you feel awkward?
@@igiornogiovannahaveadream649 yes very. Mainly with my parents. If they say they're proud of me, it feels awkward as hell
@@igiornogiovannahaveadream649no no, I think I get it cause I have it too. It feels like people praising or being surprised by you doing normal stuff that normal people do. I associate this with my parents that used to "praise" me for doing normal things with a connotation behind it because they usually thought I was lazy or careless. So when I did something good, but normal, they would "praise" me with that tone of "wow, you cleaned the dishes?? Wow, incredible, unheard of".
I know that now in my day to day life people do not mean it that way, but I usually have to actively stop myself from rejecting the praise.
See. The thing said at the end is exactly the frustration that I run into when trying to fix the thought patterns I have. In the last 6 months:
-My gf used me to build a house then ditched me
-I lost my job and had no income for 3 months
-I had to take a worse paying job, start working nights, much longer commute, more hours. Still less income
-my transmission went out and cost me 6200 dollars (I had to take my 401k retirement money to survive
-then I became hospitalized from apparently a panic attack. Now those bills (even though I’m insured, go America) are piling on top of everything else.
My point is… how is this reframing of the mind even remotely possible when the realist in me can plainly see… my life and my circumstances just do suck. I feel depressed because everything IS shit. I can’t pretend it isn’t.
The question is: "What did you learn from all these experiences and how would you do things different?" There's nothing you can do to change the past, but you can change the future.
I used to be (and still am) a people pleaser. I like to help people and do things for them. But... I met someone that kept on asking and asking me to do stuff. I thought that eventually he would realise that he asked enough, but he didn't 🙂 He actually helped me with the 'difficult' task of putting up borders when I felt like I did enough and to learn to show people where they can find the thing they are looking for...
What I mean is: even if something sux, you can look at it as something to be grateful about. When everything is smooth sailing, you don't learn anything. You learn from being in the rough and open sea. And when smooth sailing comes, you know it will only be temporary and you know that you already have experience with handling the s..t that follows. You will feel more in control of your life when you decide to learn how to handle bad situations and you will recognise and be even more grateful about the smooth-sailing moments.
You're still a beautiful person, because you didn't let the problems break you. You're gf is a full time pos demon. And karma will spin round the block, and give her the much needed lashings. But, in the meantime give yourself some credit 😇. You're doing the best you can. What I do , is tackle the smallest obstacle to the biggest. Whenever, Im feeling overwhelmed with something. I start my day early at 5 am. I go running, I come back home , shower . Write a to do list with atleast 5 things to get done in that day/week/ or duration of the month. And, I make a plan of how I'm going to execute it. I don't know you, but I certainly wish I can give you a hug 🥰🤗😇. Because, I believe in you. But, the key is that you have to believe in you too. To put the effort in, to motivate yourself to get things done. It's tough, I know. But, It's worth a try.
Okay you have accepted its all gone to shit but what's next? You still need the same things mentioned in the video to evaluate things and adjust accordingly in order to get yourself out of all this move to a better place.
WAKEUP BABE DR K JUST POST ANOTHER VIDEO
u dont have a gf :)
@@ethan2k297 fr
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, I'M AWAKE, GOD DAMN!
@@ethan2k297lmao same
@@ethan2k297you can have a glow up
Thank you. I appreciate that you’re addressing the underlying perception issue.
I've been dealing with depression for over a decade. The diagnosis was made in my teens as MDD. It seems to run in my family, on my mum's side. My non-depressed dad wasn't much help. He often told me to just get over it or that I was being to pessimistic or negative, as if that would help me.
For me the most important part of healing depression and insecurity is learning to distrust the rational brain that I always rely on.
Freeing yourself of insecurity feels like becoming delusional. But then you realize that it‘s not delusional at all and it‘s actually the right way of thinking.
Couldn’t that just be a symptom of the delusion though? 🤨
@@redgreen2453 I thought about that, but i don’t think so. I guess it only FEELS delusional. But every dimension of my life improves when I live distrusting that circuit in my brain.
I‘m more confident, I am nicer to people, I am able to advocate for my own needs more, while at the same time being more invested in helping others, I respect myself and others more… just a buff on every dimension.
@@GilgameschUruk But like, it having positive effects doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not delusional as well tho.
Just like, for me personally I’d need more than that to convince me it’s not delusional idk. I’m curious to hear more about the process of how you got there
@@GilgameschUrukdimension geometry dash
I think by your last statement you mean it's beneficial for your mental health, which is the "right way of thinking".
That's why (to take an extreme example) religious fanatics might have better self-esteem and are better motivated, because of their "delusions". Their minds think that they are absolutely right in their way of thinking, which gives them confidence, which then gives more motivation to act. That's why religion sort of helps you to move on: it provides easy answers ("God(s) did it"), easy way to repent (asking for forgiveness and the judgement of the god(s)) and many rituals with instructions to make you feel connected to the higher power.
My point is that you should always question your actions and strive to be more conscious of the things you do, but you should also consider what's best for you.
Your channel is genuinely changing lives
The thing I'd heard about depressive realism is that the best perceptions are on the edge of depression - that being full-on depressed really does distort things but maybe normal sunny optimism distorts things more.
Great video, very illuminating.
I've always found therapists to be quite frustrating because of the perception problem. Now I know why. What I find most difficult is the cognitive bias when it comes to memory. When I'm in a depressive state, it's really hard to remember anything good that happened or indeed as you say see it as completely neutral. The mentality materiality practise does seem like a real good hack. Cheers matey.
I will rewatch this video a thousands times, this describe perfectly how i had been feeling the last 4-5 years ,Dr k you are an amazing professional and communicator, thank you so much from spain
Depression is gone after 10 years of fighting.
There is always the way, don't give up
@@nicolarenshaw6460 cbt, sports, ssri, sobrity, then and only after it didn't work i quit my job, stayed at home for extended period of time, and I tried cople times amanita muscaria mushroom. I would not recommend doing it unless the situation is without the solution, because it makes you act in a strange ways. It needs to be in very controlled environment. I believe I had surpressed trauma and when the emotions came out there was a period when I needed to process what is going on. Since then my life was got much better. Hope your loved one will get better.
10 years☠️ that makes me even more depressed
@@Sonheught the information that we have available nowadays wasn't available to us in the past. I have made great leaps in my own journey and have managed to find ways to support my loved one to a point where they can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It doesn't have to take ten years now with all the sharing and experts online.
All the best to you.
@@Sonheught well what are options?
But how about relapse?.. no matter how many times I come back it happens again.. and i don't even know the reason.. how do I handle?.. i don't want to cope or manage.. i want to just get rid of it for good
@@AravinthSelvaraj-cr7qp this is true. But keep resolving again and again. How are you doing now ?
@@AravinthSelvaraj-cr7qp read a book called feeling good by Dr. David D. Burns. This will help you and all those who are suffering with depression
My depression is so bad, and has been going on for so long, that I don't know wtf the "inciting event" even is/was...I believe there's several, though. I'm dying to break this cycle, quite literally.
Me too, I burnt out a bit, failed a goal or two and got mistreated by University teammates a bit. I don't know where the depression started exactly but I know it's exactly the same as a year ago, same setup and everything. I hope socializing will help, surprisingly it doesn't tend to help much even if it goes well. I don't know.
I hope for the best
With clinical depression there doesn’t even need to be an inciting event
Same, can resonate with ur comment fully! Just the fact im aware of the events but cannot change them atm so i sink in deep into it. Wat i found helpful is to sit with depression and try to acknowledge it but obv it works differently for everyone. Having deep convos with ppl also really helped and this is my new discovery. All the best 🙏
I wish all of you the best; hopefully things will get better for us! Hang in there...🥺❤
Thanks a lot for adding the last point. Now it makes complete sense. I have been seeing a therapist and I struggle with the thing that actually my perceptions are telling me more accurate information which I can confirm by real results on day to day basis then why I should change the perception. You gave the most clear and honest answer. "Because a healthy mind needs this level of idiocy". That was the most important part of the video which is not covered in most talks on depression.
Thank you for your videos about depression and anhedonia fr I was formally diagnosed with the add so it's hard to get care for myself formally. I am still depressed AF but your videos help me look at tasks more like mini achievements, and to not dwell more on the big picture like I always do. Thank you for what you do
That left eye closed looking to the left finger is kinda next level explantation Sir Dr. K!
18:12 Overgeneralization solution: remove "I". Stop entirely thinking you're the problem. Think more about other people's situations, etc.
23:12 depressed people may see the world more accurately than those who aren't on average.
To be mentally healthy, slightly dumb, narcissistic, and positive/ optimistic mindset is needed.
So what about people who are only depressed because of that depressive realism (in other words, they don't hate themselves, but feel awfully hopeless about the world around them), but don't have the capability to just turn it off and see the world with that necessary "narcissistic idiocy"? Are they just doomed to be miserable their whole life?
Real questions.
I am one of these. I really don't think bad about myself, I know I do everything I can to make the world better place, I always think about others, I care, I am overall good person. And I know there are MANY good people around and I love them for it. That being said, the world is a cruel place, awful place, and lots of people are like that too. It's only natural, so I don't think there's anything to be done about it. All the nature is "kill or be killed", so why people should be any different? But still, whenever I see the cruelty, injustice, beatings, etc, I can't help but feel bad. I don't want anyone and anything to be hurt but welp, here we are, getting hurt ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Is it possible not to be depressed in a world like this if you see it as it is..?
This is a damn good question 🤔
You can turn it off. It just takes time and habits. You just can’t dispell your automated storytelling so quickly. It takes time.
@@Fx_- I disagree. In general, I am a *very* realistic person. When I see something positive, I appreciate and cherish it dearly. However, when I see something negative, I also take note of it, and it often weighs on me for some time. There is no automated storytelling happening. I have simply seen more negative situations than positive ones, thus leading the problem of depressive realism. I've spoken to a handful of therapists about it as well, and none of them have known what to do with me.
For me, it goes back to that term "narcissistic idiocy". I try very hard to be neither of those things in my day-to-day life. The result is that I cannot embody their traits at will. It's not really a habitual problem unless I want to turn into someone I hate, and somehow, I doubt that will fix the problem either.
@@Me-wi6ym I was the same way. Its not easy to stop or I wouldn’t say it ever stops but your reactivity can be managed downward. And it can be a lot better.
I just got back from the doctors, turns out i have hypertension from all the stress and anger I cause myself. I was completely at a loss in how to tackle this, then I found this video as soon as I sat down to start work and just the explanation alone gave me a wave of ease I havn't felt for a long time. I love the practical exercises you give to support the theories, you put power back into the patients hands. Thanks for everything you and your team does :)
The analogy/comparison with the blind spot in my eye kind of flipped a switch. In a very positive way. That's a great way of describing the brains process.
I had cancer and had surgery and radiation. They tell me im free and i am recovering but i don't feel like it i feel anxious always and have slipped into a terrible depression, where i feel i would have been better off it just finished me.
Someone said to me that I've been given a second chance at life, but i have so many complications from the surgery and radiotherapy that i just don't feel like me anymore. I'm 3 months after finishing radiotherapy and still just feel horrible. Spent the past week just crying all day and night in my bed idk how to come back i just feel like a ghost i just feel life didn't turn out well at all I'm young i didn't feel like i got a chance to live and then life gave me cancer when I didn't smoke or warrant it like i just got punished by god. Reading this back, it seems so selfish. Just me me me but I'll still hit send cause im watching this, trying to find some hope.
I'm starting to question everything I've ever known as a result of conspiratorial thought being pushed onto me from childhood. I feel as though I'm crawling out of my depression slowly, but surely, but then, I don't have a frame of reference.
In other words... Ya dropped this at the perfect time, Dr. K. 💖❤💖
I feel you on the conspiratorial ideas being pushed onto you from childhood. My mother was exactly the same. My dad was quite the opposite, and when I forcefully (for legal reasons) moved to my dad, I learned to reject everything my mother stood for - including the few good things like "feelings matter" and "happiness is more important than success". Don't get me wrong, my mother f*cked up my life pretty badly in her own ways, but my rejection-based identity has led to me being unable to process some of the trauma I got from my dad.
Sorry for oversharing if it came across in a bad way! This comment started as me wanting to express empathy and compassion towards you for growing up in a tinfoil hat household. Maybe I needed to write down my own struggles to give them room to exist or something😅 Just know that you're not the only one who grew up with insane ideas being pushed onto you❤
@@mental_kintsugi its good to get it out there, you never know who and how many people you might help by sharing your story.
Also if that is you in your profile picture then good job on your transformation💪
Conspiracy theories are such an easy manipulation tool and the worst part is when you start to manipulate yourself cause you cant cut off yourself from your life.
I hope you all get better everyday, there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes we dont see that light because we look back, but its there!
Problem is, stupidity and conspiracies are to a huge level today, but also propagated by evil people and politics, not just stupid people
@@TjallieBrrr "Sometimes we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel because we're too busy looking back..."
That is brilliant. Thank you for sharing that sentiment.
I'm 33. I don't care about likes. Just getting this out there hoping you will read this... This is the first day in my life I thought I will end my life down the road no matter what. In 15-20 years' time at the very least. I have been fighting hard in life and I keep on failing. Every single time. It's like that Moria scene from LOTR... "We cannot get out. We cannot get out. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out."
I keep on joking about how you can always read my mind somehow and here I am. You are a godsend and you have done wonders for my mental since stumbling upon your videos two years ago.
Thank you so much, Dr K. Sending blessings your way. 💞💞
i am 43 and i stop fighting 10years ago. It was worst mistake in my life. So never stop fighting.
@@vonlobo thank you my friend 🤍
I'm rooting for you bro
@@MusiicRoolz thank you 🫂