That happened to me last year. I am 80 and I befriend ed a 77 year old woman in my neighborhood for dog walking and going out to eat once a month. She did all the talking, every encounter, mostly about herself. She didn’t want to know about my work history or any accomplishments I have made. She actually walked ahead of me when I was telling her about having been a colon therapist with celebrity clients. That one made her distance me for a few days. If I ever got a word in, I was automatically wrong even about whether I have flood insurance or my opinion of the weather. I was always wrong. After a few months I began researching her behavior online and found this community of Narcissistic Abuse Survivors. I suddenly realized what had happened to me. I immediately cut her off and blocked her on my phone. It’s been almost a year since I blocked her, and I have lost 20 pounds. That woman told me not to try losing 20 pounds because she couldn’t lose 20 pounds and we a Were a similar size. It is crazy but I think she wanted to snuff me out and shut me up so that she could be me. Who does that???
Narcs are not only "emotional vampires". They take from you far more: • Your identity • Your autonomy • Your time • Your focus • Your peace • Your happiness
Strengths they feed on: your kindness and friendliness- You will appease me. you’re an encourager, optimistic - I will use you. you’re caring - you will serve me You’re accepting - you’ll overlook my flaws You’re reliable and trustworthy - you’ll be duty bound to help me You’re tolerant - you won’t bug me You’re forgiving - you’ll forgive me You’re spiritual - I’m the source You’re analytical - I’ll gather data You will be impressed with me. I will have control. You are a target to be exploited.
I’ll be installing temporary lighting on Monday morning (for a friend who needs it), but I’ll try my best to join the premiere. I really missed being with TH on todays (Sat. 7/20/2024) stream.
What's going on is living evil is existing in a group of people places / things. So they have many parts/people in this hive. Also they have supporters who are polarized.
Hi Aaron. I'm sorry you had to endure that. I know you are in a better place now. You summed it up nicely....the goal seemed to be to completely undo you. My memories (fading into the past now thanks to what I've learned here on TH) tell me they aren't satisfied at undoing you, they keep going, no level of hurtful comment is out of bounds for them...they just feed off your hurt. Good to see you Aaron. I've been a bit absent. Just working, plus trying to spend time with my ailing folks. All the best
@aaronkwolfe Cheers Aaron. Agreed! Learning and being free (and aware) of narc control IS amazing. It's a tad weird, tho, I'm at a stage of deeply appreciating the tiniest glimmers of kindness in people, but also super sensitive to red or pink flags, which are shockingly common. I remember you once saying you had a spidey sense for this! Take care Aaron.
A crab place in a cold pot of water with the stove heat on will not recognize it will be boiled alive. A person that gets involved with a narcissist will go through the same thing. After a wild Love Bombing period, the narcissist convinces their human prey that they are "The One." Add the lying, deception, gaslighting, and other manipulative behaviors, the victim is left in a state of confusion and exhaustion. Too often it takes years to recognize what has happen to ourselves and the urgency to get out.
This is true, but some of us feel bound by duty and "through thick and thin" and for the kids... you live and learn. Im sure some people dont make it out the other end. I came so close to not making it.
You're right it usually is about something we are not attuned to in ourselves. That's why channels like Dr C's are so important. Oftentimes you don't know what you don't know. Knowledge is power!
exploitation and gaslight with their crossing boundaries, yet calling themselves christian. Never accountable...sheeps in wolves clothing setting their traps and enjoy getting people mad and reacting to their abuse. Then taunting ina fake sweet tone what's wrong ,let swork this out. But will never will. No contact is peace, no more confusion that narc sil causes and chaos
NARC actually watch your every move in the house,how you walk, talk,hand gesture,they dont have there own identity, there a puppet, Single life is Beautiful ❤
not only do they compete with you with your best traits, if you let them, they soon start thinking they are better than you and turn it into a competition, and will make you doubt yourself.
@@sturobertson6791 I am starting to secretly record conversations now stuart, I have had enough of the abuse, I never thought I'd go that far but it's necessary.
@tyremanguitars I understand Tyreman. I did that a few times when I was with my nex a few years back. Dr Ramani has vids on this theme. She says if you feel a need to record, you need to get out / avoid/ run, whatever. I think it's harder for you as it's family? All the best tyreman. BTW, I went to Manchester in June for The Eagles concert at CoOp Live (Showing my age!!!) They were amazing. Take care
I’m a professional in a certain area. I had one compete with me in my area of expertise who was not even a beginner in the subject. Was copying everything I said and did After I left the situation she slunk off back to wherever she came from
Im 76 and my husband is 84. I was 20 when we got married, and I got pregnant straight away, not planned. I suffered bad post natal depression, had no help, never saw a Dr. My husband just kept telling me I was stupid, talked rubbish and imagined things. Watching these videos has made me realise what Ive been putting up with for th past 57 years. Oh boy, I'm so, so angry.
My husband never says sorry, but is ok if I say sorry. I do find it hard/almost impossible to believe he's aware of what he's doing or thinking. He's been a lousy husband and father. To those who don't know what he's like he's 'gentlman John'. We could have had a wonder life. I loved him so much, but now I feel dead inside.
Forgive yourself first ❤️🩹 we didn’t know what we didn’t know then & often grew up with familiar patterns of codependency so welcome to Team Healthy❣️ plz use his gray rock technique
@@isobelshaw3958 I recognize everything you described. My husband, in our earliest years, would say flippantly, "I'm sorry" after any conflict. Well, I ended up realizing he thought that was his "Get Out of Jail Free" card. So I told him, "I don't want you to SAY you're sorry. I want to see changed behavior that SHOWS you're sorry." And? He stopped saying it AND DID NOT CHANGE HIS WAYS. I had expected us to have a good life together, too, but he worked to ruin anything he could for me. After 45 years - yes, 45! - I'm leaving him. One day earlier this year I got to thinking that, at 68, I only have about a decade or so left of the strength to live out some of my dreams. I decided not to waste those years rotting with him. Take care of yourself while you have time left to live as you want and to be a healthier you.
A narc targets anything in you that serves their purpose in the moment. Things in you they wish they had/were, things they had/were and lost, things they will never have/be...it is a perpetually moving target - based on what "supply" they seek - and goes on to infinity. That's it. Nothing more. Get to know Healthy, and then stay there!
Upon watching this video, I’ve learned that I’m the perfect target for a narcissist. I’ve also learned that everything they said about me when I stood up for myself was a reflection of their inner turmoil. Glorious.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I'm learning more and more how predatory they are and why I felt like I was losing my mind after 39 years of being exploited. It's terrifying that a narcissist feeds on people's minds like a buzzard feeds on whatever it can find.
The narcisists use our best traits to break our confidence and consequently our spirit. Those people are driven by evil and bring pain and chaos everywhere they go. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Thank you dr Carter ❤
They always take my kindness as a weakness and they claim people have done that to them. And they say it’s so nice meet a kind person who shows so much love and support to anyone that needs it, I’m so like you 😂told them I’ve never been so insulted because I’m nothing like you 💯 😂
Yes! I realized recently that a covert narc wasn't caring when asking me questions regarding my wellbeing but actually gathering data. I re read texts and the careful wording to find a way in and get what they want from me.
@@jesusgirl682I am amazed what they draw from scripture but baffled that they only tell it to impress others. They really seem to have an understanding but it goes no further. As if they don't want to share, but want you to share all your understanding.
I have not once ever thought about exploiting another person. I’m a firm believer in earning your own way while helping others when I can without being taken advantage of or enabling.
Spot on. Question: Are they aware of what they're doing to us? I'm divorcing him after 31 years and find that he is proclaiming that HE is the good guy and that it is I who has the out-of-control temper. I suspect folks are slowly catching on, though. Meanwhile, I am making progress reclaiming my good nature. It takes time, a good therapist, and these videos. And patience with myself. ❤❤❤
My brother is doing that to my dad. it's so creepy. My dad is acting like my incompetent brother now. I tried to tell my Dad but it's like he was already brainwashed and would gaslight me if I tried to talk to him about it. I had to remove myself from the situation. Even if I just stop by briefly to check on my dad he will do something to invalidate or devalue me. It's so weird.
I just broke up with a fella who in the end, seemed a bit narcissistic. We had a long distance relationship and I traveled to see him once. My visit was ok, but also at times uncomfortable because he was a bit controlling and rude. In the end, my 89 year old mom hit it on the nail when she warned me “ be careful dear, men like that want someone to do his dishes”. In truth, that is what it seemed. He did not care about my needs or aspirations, he made the mistake of underestimating me! Thank goodness for Dr C!!!
From my experience the objective is to get your negative reaction. When I finally recognize his con and let his words go into one ear and come out the other, he up his game and employed friends and neighbours into his scheme, sharing my intimate secrets with them. There is no such a thing as outdoing a narc. Just forfeit and be happy you got away.
Thank you Dr. Carter and Gus !! All of those things have been done and even my Spiritual knowledge with God. They play "God will put you in hell if you don't do what I want"...and another one "God wants you to do what we want"....there is no point in responding back to them at all. If we do, it just says we are willing to play their games. They can not communicate....they can only Devalue or One Up you. No love lost. Self Love with God's Love matters.
My mom and sister have always tried to be friends with my friends. It's weird. I'd like to understand why? Funny thing is.. they have the same best friend!. What? Why?? My mom has called my friends up in the past, and tried throwing me under the bus. Such bizarre behavior. I'm not wired that way. I'm not friends with any of their friends. And they dont get any new information from me about much. They've proven many times over they cant be trusted. I'm 50. I have every plan to stay far away from them forever.
In a conversation with my narcissistic mother yesterday, I sensed she was in a mood so I started getting nervous, and I think she picked up on that because she started ridiculing everything I said, laughing at me, and talking over me. I ended the conversation and she called back and said "I'm sorry for laughing at you, but the things you were talking about were far-fetched, and negative, and I just want you to not DWELL on this stuff." I told her not to worry about what I dwell on. She started telling me what were acceptable conversational topics. She suggested that I just believe whatever anyone tells me (she usually accuses me of being skeptical) and said "I just don't want you to be DUPED." She seems to be getting worse, or maybe I'm just recognizing the tactics she uses. I'm still not over that conversation. Yes, what I said was far-fetched but she should recognize by now, like others do, that I critically analyze everything and am far from stupid.
My narc husband will never give of his true self- yet wants to know every single thing I do. Never apologizes for horrendous actions and words. Never forgives. It is draining to be around him so I keep as much distance as possible. Everything is a competition- no teamwork possible. Moody and prone to anger.
My narc sister tries to emulate my best traits but it isn’t flattering. It’s stalky and creepy. She even applied to jobs where I was presently employed or previously employed (riding the coattails). She’s tried to get my same haircut and color; she fixed me up with a guy with whom she ended up having an affair with after I only dated him twice. She was married. Seems every time there is a milestone in my life I can only expect upheaval and jealousy for the most part. I’ve gotten blanket apologies as in “Im sorry for the past and I’m sorry for whatever I do in the future” so love me. When her marriage fell apart as I was comforting her she said it was supposed to happen to me, not her. I’ve been a butt of a joke throughout my entire life with her. She would tell my nephew as he was growing up family tales of how “she was mean to me” like it was now something we can all bond over. This is off the top of my head. 🤷. What do I do? Gray rock mostly. I have told her exactly how I felt about her but yet she doesn’t hear it. I’ve written it to her but she doesn’t understand. It’s been a constant drag on me. I’m tired. But this channel…..Dr. C? It has put me in a place where I can find peace. It takes about 4 days for me after I have contact with her thankfully to the videos. It will help me put the experience into perspective and give me strength for the next time. I appreciate you Dr. C. I really do. ❤❤❤
That 4-day recovery period is a real indicator that someone is totally toxic, and I know the exact experience; exhausting and deeply disturbing. Hope you have fewer interactions with her going forward, preferably absolutely none at all.
@@Greenwings701 it matters on the egregious nature of the situation. When my family obligations are lessened; it will be easier. I appreciate your comment. I feel others on this channel totally understand . I’m lucky I could vent.
Exactly!! You already know! Which is why I'll never do business with them or for them! Let 'em go find their other supplies to be their "assistant".....No thank you!!
I was raised to have most of these traits. I was essentially built to supply my parent. I never really exiated as "me" in the first place. Then everyone praises them for raising me to be so good when it was just to serve them.
So true! I wish I had known this 20 years ago when I met him. At the first sign of resistance, he told me point blank that he could not stand criticism of any kind. I failed to see that as a red flag. The confusing part has been his praise of my good qualities vs the harsh criticism which is often delusional.
I was a huge ego feeder! I had the epiphany while standing in the shower (balling my eyes out) that I had gotten myself into the last narcissistic relationship that I was in. It was completely my fault. I didn’t have any boundaries, was self sacrificing, and I grew up a people pleaser to survive my childhood. It’s a pattern of behaviors that have been difficult for me to stop. I’m a work in progress.
We’re all works in progress here in Earth lab ❤️🩹 welcome to Team Healthy! Plz take that first step & forgive yourself because you didn’t know what you don’t know yet but you will❣️
Dont blame yourself. It seems like your parents raised you to be a victim - to have no boundaries and placate them. It would make sense that unfortunately you would be more succeptible to narcissists. But now that you know the truth you are free. ❤
We're all a work in progress! Just don't let others run over you and then back up over you. But don't beat yourself up, because there's no class we can take to understand Behaviors unless we're majoring in that in college. I'm really thankful for these videos. They do really fill the void, teach us a lot so we can navigate relationships better. Thanks so much, Dr. Carter!
THIS REALLY SAYS IT ALL dear Gus and Dr. C. It is sad people do this to others. The Lord for sure will hold them accountable for their actions to others. From JANESVILLE, WI
This video is so true. Any human kindness they see as, I can do as I please. Videotaping very close to them messing doesn't deter them, but it is evidence in a court of law.
Dr C, thank you 😊, May you be blessed with long life, peace, and happiness . This video truly was made for me, 25 years ago, if I had you in my life as an uncle, neighbour, I could have saved a lifetime of pain and destruction, thank you for the education
Thank you Dr .C- such real and raw words of wisdom.I was with my Narc ex husband forever 20 years.I was the key and the possibility for him to achieve is goals and targets.Exploitation.Manipulation. I feel like I lost the best years of my life -my youth. They detect "servant material" a mile away. I wish I could've been stronger and more assertive.
I love that you always offer a silver lining or suggestions for how to improve our situations despite the narcissist. It's not directly confrontational, because the narcissist would be all over that, though it's very good advice.
I always say my main boundaries are if anyone starts to disrespect me and try to break me down for my personality that everyone fell in love with me for to try and destroy me and if they were making me cry more than making me laugh then that’s when I will walk away, I expect to be treated the same way I treat others as soon as they break that boundary I will always respect myself enough to walk away from anyone and that’s the strength they can’t handle, it’s like they always feel that they are going to be the one that will always love them enough to keep being disregarded disrespected and insulting because nobody else will love me like they 😂 my reply always is thank god for that because if that’s your idea of what love means then we’re not compatible after all and I wish you well finding your perfect partner 😂
OMG , I thought I had worked it all out, but listening to this has highlighted yet another thing that I experience with regards to Religion. I was born a catholic ( please don’t judge) he said he was an atheist and believed nothing. His word “when you die you go back to the earth that spawned you”. He constantly condemned religion which upset me. Now I would say that I am spiritual and 100% believe in life after death, now all of a sudden he said that when he was ill he had a NDE. When I asked him to elaborate he couldn’t.
Listening to this and bouncing between laughter of recognition and anger. Been no contact for over a week after a whopper lie he told me. But, he's texting as a way to weasel his way again. As always, acting like nothing is wrong.
@@FoolintheRain123 bl Block him. Don't allow your curiosity to keep you going back to see the latest text he sent. Block him and move on. He'll count on succeeding in getting your attention, otherwise.
I used to be an eternal optimist, but also a realist. During the years of dealing with several narcs in my life, I slowly turned into a cynical, miserable person and I began to hate myself because I no longer recognized myself and didn't trust myself. Once I began to pull myself out of that, I felt so much better. I have gradually gotten my confidence back, enough so to go low/no contact to protect my sanity. I couldn't be myself without being put down and made to feel bad for being me. I never felt more alone than when I was surrounded by these people. I remember as we were playing a trivia game and knew a lot of answers, they made me feel dumb for being smart! I don't miss the drama.
How...it would seem that... Once they figure out you have 'HOPE', they study your source. Why?...Then whether unconsciously or not they must replace it, be it. I cannot figure any other reason someone would steal hope.
They are like polarized undead NPC's. The Fae exist. It's our world 🌍❣️. We're in a computer program with all these nuts and bolts and peanuts 🥜 🔩🥜🔩🥜 😧..
For me, it took knowing myself and tapping into my intuitiveness. Normally when someone offers an elaborate compliment before getting to know me I view it as a red flag. My guard starts to go up because in my mind there's an intention to come that I'm uncertain about. My id says, "they don't even know you and how can they make such a grand claim"? I normally keep Grey Rock on standby until further notice.
Thank you, Dr. Carter!! This video highlights how we can unknowingly co-create toxic situations/relationships by allowing our best traits to be exploited. A B C D ( Assertiveness, Boundaries, Confidence and Discernment ) are our best self-protectors.
i really, really appreciate your videos because you provide so many more real-life examples to the information. i struggle to make connections like that, so thank u very much. i also like how you give ways to *actually* work towards breaking free from said manipulation. most videos just point out the facts and don't provide actual help.
@@sturobertson6791 thank you. I’m still learning. I’m just at the fed-up part of being used right now. I wish you the best of luck in your healing journey. Be strong!
I have noticed many times throughout the years how Jim Fenwick's gaslighting, abuse, bullying, manipulation of me has relied on me being a moral, ethical, honest, generous person who wants to do the right thing. He's exploited my decency to give himself "wins" more times than I can count.
My sister in law commanded me to earn her love when we became family. After 14 years of being a slave to her, I have come to realization that there is no love to earn. Love is unlimited to give. Thanks to this painful lesson, I have come to Jesus, true love. God is amazing.
Agreed Dr C, most of us want people to regard us in a positive light. Especially so for narcissists. Kindness is king in my world, not necessarily friendly though. I'm an INFJ, not an ENFJ.🙃😊
If we were raised to be this type of person; kind, serving, etc. by our parents, I’m a little confused why we pick people who “feel familiar” but yet the people we pick are narcissists. Please explain the dynamics of that. I would say that my parents were controlling in how we treated people and how we behaved, but is that type of control something that ultimately leads us to narcissists?
It’s not loving if it’s controlling ❤️🩹 we become codependent that way & familiarity breeds contempt not just from others but for ourselves so the path out of this pattern is to learn as well as practice self love ♥️ put your healing journey first & never put someone on a pedestal again. You are so worthy of love❣️
"how we treated people" "how we behaved" What about *how you treated yourself* and *how to defend yourself against other people bad behaviors and/or other people abuses* ? That's the way they "taught" you feeling familiar with the narcissists... In other words, you feel familiar with what you know, and you don't even look for a better world and better people
I can see all the traits described. It seems then to come as not mich of a surprise that it went on for 36 years. An awareness of the exploitation only came after he had overstepped a number of red lines 😅 I am glad that this is over since two years, finally I started to heal.
My niece is going through this right now and she comes to me for advice, she’s a strong woman like myself but with all my own experiences from my childhood up until now at 54 I can advise her or anyone dealing with this abuse, he ain’t gonna change no matter how much you try and make them see how they are making you feel because they love it when they see you in a mess knowing they are going to keep getting away with it because they see us as the weak ones, it’s us who are genuinely in love with them who keep trying to save the relationship, but the minute they start hurting you and they get away with the first sorry knowing they are adults who know right from wrong and they blame everything on someone else who has supposedly hurt them and then you try and let it slide because everyone deserves a second chance,, that’s the mistake I made over and over again but life is a learning curve and it’s taken me until the age of 54 to realise that my ex the same age is still doing the same behaviour as I remember him doing at school so when I’m healed and ready again the first insult or something that I find insulting or uncomfortable and oh no here we go again I’m out of there because, it’s never going to change it only gets worse and no one will have the pleasure of being in my life if they only want me for their own sick games, I still feel annoyed at myself knowing I could have walked e6 months in instead of letting it go on for another year, it’s a game that they love as soon as they get away with that first sorry 😂 that’s when the real game begins for them but at least it’s taught me my own lesson so I can pass it on to others who keep giving chances and waistin precious time that they steal from us
I think you're mistaken about who deserves a second chance. Those who repent, as in apologize sincerely and turn from their Wicked Ways, deserve a second chance. There's no good reason for you to let someone's bad behavior slide! If they were your child, you would know that you can't teach them anything that way. So part of the con is getting away with it-- never having to be responsible. So do you see how you're just feeding the bad behavior? That's ridiculous!
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize how there is just one word that sums up their entire being. It starts with a P and ends with athetic.
The best of your personality is virtues. Our virtues are their crutches. I’m wondering if narcissism is hereditary like adhd? That there’s some part of the brain that doesn’t function the same as normality it would. It’s because I’ve noticed that a brother and sister are similar in this self centred way?
They don’t want to know you. They only want to know about you, because they want to monitor your progress and see if you’re not doing better than they are. Even though envy of others drives them crazy, they still enjoy being ambushed by the success of others to stay in their cycle of toxicity. That’s why I’m done with them. Too much work.
Thats why Their gaslighting works so well ! They exploit your empathy to the point you participate in their codependency Manipulative covert transaction scheme going on in this codependency
I was thinking about that Creep who used his wife's talent to make him a world success with her art. That was in "Big Eyes" and that Movie impressed me greatly. When she proved that she was the artist.
I'm a real neat freak. My ex husband and the nex were both slobs. Why would I end up with that type twice? My ex husband was not lazy or a narcissist. We divorced for other reasons. But, the nex has to be the laziest person I've ever encountered in my life. I so wanted a man who encompassed all the traits I desired, but after the nex I'm not even sure I could handle a normal relationship now. I feel disabled.
My n-ex was a really lazy slob, too. When we met, He said he had recently totally remodeled his house and had just gotten a lot of the construction stuff out of it. But it was so dusty thst he had to clean it because I sneezed all the time. But he never actually finished cleaning the whole house. His office looked like he hadn't opened alot of his mail for a couple of years. He was 72, and I started wondering if he had some cognitive issues. After only 3 months of marriage, I can definitively say he had a lot of issues!
Patience, kindness, loyalty?! Narcs sniff out these traits then mirror them back to you until they’re in control & can turn the tables to exploit them at leisure
It's hard to explain what they do. It's kind of like mind control. They make you believe the good things you do for yourself are bad. They say little things to make you doubt self care
I want your professional opinion on the leaders of these countries of the world and their narcissistic tendencies in respect to leadership leadership and and entitlement!
They 'picked' us for our best traits, then set upon a path to break our confidence. How dare we be independent & strong in their presence?
It really is as simple as that! How weird!❤
absolutely..NPD weirdos think...either with me (under my control) or against me. I attract them like mosquitoes..I don't want to be either.
That happened to me last year. I am 80 and I befriend ed a 77 year old woman in my neighborhood for dog walking and going out to eat once a month. She did all the talking, every encounter, mostly about herself. She didn’t want to know about my work history or any accomplishments I have made. She actually walked ahead of me when I was telling her about having been a colon therapist with celebrity clients. That one made her distance me for a few days. If I ever got a word in, I was automatically wrong even about whether I have flood insurance or my opinion of the weather. I was always wrong. After a few months I began researching her behavior online and found this community of Narcissistic Abuse Survivors. I suddenly realized what had happened to me. I immediately cut her off and blocked her on my phone. It’s been almost a year since I blocked her, and I have lost 20 pounds. That woman told me not to try losing 20 pounds because she couldn’t lose 20 pounds and we a
Were a similar size. It is crazy but I think she wanted to snuff me out and shut me up so that she could be me. Who does that???
Spot on!
works while it works. not a second longer.
"You are a natural servant..." is exactly why the narcissist targets kind, generous people.
Yes but it is written not to touch my Lords anointed. He will recompense me and get his vengeance on them all.
Narcs are not only "emotional vampires". They take from you far more:
• Your identity
• Your autonomy
• Your time
• Your focus
• Your peace
• Your happiness
everything, your very soul
it seems like possessive to attempted possession! 🙏 cornered. isolated. hard to focus on finding a way out
Take it all back! Don’t let them win.
@@jclay452 have God get vengeance is best
If you grew up with Narcissistic parent(s), then they take your life. They also take our energy.
Thank you, Roxy. I love you notes!❤
Strengths they feed on:
your kindness and friendliness- You will appease me.
you’re an encourager, optimistic - I will use you.
you’re caring - you will serve me
You’re accepting - you’ll overlook my flaws
You’re reliable and trustworthy - you’ll be duty bound to help me
You’re tolerant - you won’t bug me
You’re forgiving - you’ll forgive me
You’re spiritual - I’m the source
You’re analytical - I’ll gather data
You will be impressed with me. I will have control. You are a target to be exploited.
@@carolentringer8836 Thank you for the summary 🙏
Thank you, Nurturance.
Looking back, I saw the gaslighting was directed at my best traits. The goal seemed to be to completely undo me. It made me question my very essence.
I’ll be installing temporary lighting on Monday morning (for a friend who needs it), but I’ll try my best to join the premiere. I really missed being with TH on todays (Sat. 7/20/2024) stream.
What's going on is living evil is existing in a group of people places / things. So they have many parts/people in this hive. Also they have supporters who are polarized.
Hi Aaron. I'm sorry you had to endure that. I know you are in a better place now.
You summed it up nicely....the goal seemed to be to completely undo you.
My memories (fading into the past now thanks to what I've learned here on TH) tell me they aren't satisfied at undoing you, they keep going, no level of hurtful comment is out of bounds for them...they just feed off your hurt.
Good to see you Aaron. I've been a bit absent.
Just working, plus trying to spend time with my ailing folks.
All the best
@@sturobertson6791 Stu - Your life, your decisions. The freedom of not having Narc control is amazing.
@aaronkwolfe
Cheers Aaron. Agreed!
Learning and being free (and aware) of narc control IS amazing.
It's a tad weird, tho, I'm at a stage of deeply appreciating the tiniest glimmers of kindness in people, but also super sensitive to red or pink flags, which are shockingly common.
I remember you once saying you had a spidey sense for this!
Take care Aaron.
When narcissist insults and takes your values for granted we know that is about them, but when we allow that to continue that’s about us.
Good point, Fred.
A crab place in a cold pot of water with the stove heat on will not recognize it will be boiled alive. A person that gets involved with a narcissist will go through the same thing. After a wild Love Bombing period, the narcissist convinces their human prey that they are "The One." Add the lying, deception, gaslighting, and other manipulative behaviors, the victim is left in a state of confusion and exhaustion. Too often it takes years to recognize what has happen to ourselves and the urgency to get out.
This is true, but some of us feel bound by duty and "through thick and thin" and for the kids... you live and learn. Im sure some people dont make it out the other end. I came so close to not making it.
@@lauchlanguddy1004 So true. Nothing is as black and white as Fred portrayed.
You're right it usually is about something we are not attuned to in ourselves. That's why channels like Dr C's are so important. Oftentimes you don't know what you don't know. Knowledge is power!
To me this level of manipulation is truly evil.
exploitation and gaslight with their crossing boundaries, yet calling themselves christian. Never accountable...sheeps in wolves clothing setting their traps and enjoy getting people mad and reacting to their abuse. Then taunting ina fake sweet tone what's wrong ,let swork this out. But will never will. No contact is peace, no more confusion that narc sil causes and chaos
Yes
NARC actually watch your every move in the house,how you walk, talk,hand gesture,they dont have there own identity, there a puppet, Single life is Beautiful ❤
The more you appease them, the more they exploit you.
that's why boundaries and learning to say no are so important.
If you don't want to be a doormat, get off the floor.
Kinda like the 'tar baby's in 'Br'er Rabbit'
not only do they compete with you with your best traits, if you let them, they soon start thinking they are better than you and turn it into a competition, and will make you doubt yourself.
Well said Tyreman. And when you begin to doubt yourself it can get worse as you lose the confidence you once had
I had to learn not to compete- because it hurts my soul.
@@sturobertson6791 I am starting to secretly record conversations now stuart, I have had enough of the abuse, I never thought I'd go that far but it's necessary.
@tyremanguitars
I understand Tyreman. I did that a few times when I was with my nex a few years back.
Dr Ramani has vids on this theme. She says if you feel a need to record, you need to get out / avoid/ run, whatever.
I think it's harder for you as it's family?
All the best tyreman.
BTW, I went to Manchester in June for The Eagles concert at CoOp Live
(Showing my age!!!)
They were amazing.
Take care
I’m a professional in a certain area. I had one compete with me in my area of expertise who was not even a beginner in the subject.
Was copying everything I said and did
After I left the situation she slunk off back to wherever she came from
Im 76 and my husband is 84. I was 20 when we got married, and I got pregnant straight away, not planned. I suffered bad post natal depression, had no help, never saw a Dr. My husband just kept telling me I was stupid, talked rubbish and imagined things.
Watching these videos has made me realise what Ive been putting up with for th past 57 years. Oh boy, I'm so, so angry.
My husband never says sorry, but is ok if I say sorry. I do find it hard/almost impossible to believe he's aware of what he's doing or thinking. He's been a lousy husband and father. To those who don't know what he's like he's 'gentlman John'.
We could have had a wonder life. I loved him so much, but now I feel dead inside.
yep, end up blaming yourself.
Forgive yourself first ❤️🩹 we didn’t know what we didn’t know then & often grew up with familiar patterns of codependency so welcome to Team Healthy❣️ plz use his gray rock technique
You don’t know what you don’t know. Now you do and it is liberating😊
@@isobelshaw3958 I recognize everything you described. My husband, in our earliest years, would say flippantly, "I'm sorry" after any conflict. Well, I ended up realizing he thought that was his "Get Out of Jail Free" card. So I told him, "I don't want you to SAY you're sorry. I want to see changed behavior that SHOWS you're sorry." And? He stopped saying it AND DID NOT CHANGE HIS WAYS.
I had expected us to have a good life together, too, but he worked to ruin anything he could for me. After 45 years - yes, 45! - I'm leaving him. One day earlier this year I got to thinking that, at 68, I only have about a decade or so left of the strength to live out some of my dreams. I decided not to waste those years rotting with him.
Take care of yourself while you have time left to live as you want and to be a healthier you.
A narc targets anything in you that serves their purpose in the moment. Things in you they wish they had/were, things they had/were and lost, things they will never have/be...it is a perpetually moving target - based on what "supply" they seek - and goes on to infinity. That's it. Nothing more. Get to know Healthy, and then stay there!
#TeamHealthy
Upon watching this video, I’ve learned that I’m the perfect target for a narcissist. I’ve also learned that everything they said about me when I stood up for myself was a reflection of their inner turmoil. Glorious.
Keep learning...glad to be on the path with you!
Go carefully
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams" quote by ?
Yes.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I'm learning more and more how predatory they are and why I felt like I was losing my mind after 39 years of being exploited. It's terrifying that a narcissist feeds on people's minds like a buzzard feeds on whatever it can find.
The narcisists use our best traits to break our confidence and consequently our spirit. Those people are driven by evil and bring pain and chaos everywhere they go. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Thank you dr Carter ❤
Reciprocity. Meaning it would have been so lovely if consideration, admiration, and emotional support had been a two way street.
They also tend to copy your behaviour right down to talking the way you do. Its feels like stalking.
They always take my kindness as a weakness and they claim people have done that to them. And they say it’s so nice meet a kind person who shows so much love and support to anyone that needs it, I’m so like you 😂told them I’ve never been so insulted because I’m nothing like you 💯 😂
Narcissists want what others have to offer them. They just don't want them.
One of the most profound and accurate statements I've ever heard about narcissists.
Amen!
Yes! I realized recently that a covert narc wasn't caring when asking me questions regarding my wellbeing but actually gathering data. I re read texts and the careful wording to find a way in and get what they want from me.
@@jesusgirl682I am amazed what they draw from scripture but baffled that they only tell it to impress others.
They really seem to have an understanding but it goes no further. As if they don't want to share, but want you to share all your understanding.
@@t_nels I've noticed an amazing ability to glean quickly from various sources. But it seems to be a head knowledge, not heart.
I have not once ever thought about exploiting another person.
I’m a firm believer in earning your own way while helping others when I can without being taken advantage of or enabling.
"Ego feeder" = enabler
Collusion
Fawning can also be a *survival* response. That's VERY different from feeding a narc's ego to get a cut of their status or exploitation of others'.
Narcissistic person will consider a healthy individuals' standards as a gateway to their awful behavior to use and abuse.
Spot on. Question: Are they aware of what they're doing to us? I'm divorcing him after 31 years and find that he is proclaiming that HE is the good guy and that it is I who has the out-of-control temper. I suspect folks are slowly catching on, though. Meanwhile, I am making progress reclaiming my good nature. It takes time, a good therapist, and these videos. And patience with myself. ❤❤❤
Narcissists will steal your identity... They will try to be you... There's nothing more dangerous than an individual like that...😳
That scares me.
My brother is doing that to my dad. it's so creepy. My dad is acting like my incompetent brother now. I tried to tell my Dad but it's like he was already brainwashed and would gaslight me if I tried to talk to him about it. I had to remove myself from the situation. Even if I just stop by briefly to check on my dad he will do something to invalidate or devalue me. It's so weird.
So true
I just broke up with a fella who in the end, seemed a bit narcissistic. We had a long distance relationship and I traveled to see him once. My visit was ok, but also at times uncomfortable because he was a bit controlling and rude. In the end, my 89 year old mom hit it on the nail when she warned me “ be careful dear, men like that want someone to do his dishes”. In truth, that is what it seemed. He did not care about my needs or aspirations, he made the mistake of underestimating me! Thank goodness for Dr C!!!
That is the EXACT copy of what I am going through, including a 89 year old Mom.
@@merin797 wow!! I hope all your good efforts pay off!! I know your mom is so grateful to have you❤️❤️
From my experience the objective is to get your negative reaction. When I finally recognize his con and let his words go into one ear and come out the other, he up his game and employed friends and neighbours into his scheme, sharing my intimate secrets with them. There is no such a thing as outdoing a narc. Just forfeit and be happy you got away.
Love your channel! So informative and in a calm, not “be afraid of narcissists” way. You’re a treasure! God bless you.
Funny how "best-traits" is often synonymous with *what makes you different*
They learn that you live by some moral code, and that makes you safe for them. It works for them.
What makes you target
I get a lot of backhanded compliments. It’s like, you’re good but, could be better.
Well, la-tee-da!-- that's the pot calling the kettle black
Being a person of peace is necessary! I do not know of a narsistic person that is at peace. So sad...😉👍♥️
Thank you Dr. Carter and Gus !! All of those things have been done and even my Spiritual knowledge with God. They play "God will put you in hell if you don't do what I want"...and another one "God wants you to do what we want"....there is no point in responding back to them at all. If we do, it just says we are willing to play their games. They can not communicate....they can only Devalue or One Up you. No love lost. Self Love with God's Love matters.
My mom and sister have always tried to be friends with my friends. It's weird. I'd like to understand why? Funny thing is.. they have the same best friend!. What? Why?? My mom has called my friends up in the past, and tried throwing me under the bus. Such bizarre behavior. I'm not wired that way. I'm not friends with any of their friends. And they dont get any new information from me about much. They've proven many times over they cant be trusted. I'm 50. I have every plan to stay far away from them forever.
In a conversation with my narcissistic mother yesterday, I sensed she was in a mood so I started getting nervous, and I think she picked up on that because she started ridiculing everything I said, laughing at me, and talking over me. I ended the conversation and she called back and said "I'm sorry for laughing at you, but the things you were talking about were far-fetched, and negative, and I just want you to not DWELL on this stuff." I told her not to worry about what I dwell on. She started telling me what were acceptable conversational topics. She suggested that I just believe whatever anyone tells me (she usually accuses me of being skeptical) and said "I just don't want you to be DUPED."
She seems to be getting worse, or maybe I'm just recognizing the tactics she uses. I'm still not over that conversation. Yes, what I said was far-fetched but she should recognize by now, like others do, that I critically analyze everything and am far from stupid.
They just can't get out of the way of their own worst traits.
My narc husband will never give of his true self- yet wants to know every single thing I do. Never apologizes for horrendous actions and words. Never forgives. It is draining to be around him so I keep as much distance as possible. Everything is a competition- no teamwork possible. Moody and prone to anger.
Why stay?
My narc sister tries to emulate my best traits but it isn’t flattering. It’s stalky and creepy. She even applied to jobs where I was presently employed or previously employed (riding the coattails). She’s tried to get my same haircut and color; she fixed me up with a guy with whom she ended up having an affair with after I only dated him twice. She was married. Seems every time there is a milestone in my life I can only expect upheaval and jealousy for the most part. I’ve gotten blanket apologies as in “Im sorry for the past and I’m sorry for whatever I do in the future” so love me. When her marriage fell apart as I was comforting her she said it was supposed to happen to me, not her. I’ve been a butt of a joke throughout my entire life with her. She would tell my nephew as he was growing up family tales of how “she was mean to me” like it was now something we can all bond over. This is off the top of my head. 🤷. What do I do? Gray rock mostly. I have told her exactly how I felt about her but yet she doesn’t hear it. I’ve written it to her but she doesn’t understand. It’s been a constant drag on me. I’m tired. But this channel…..Dr. C? It has put me in a place where I can find peace. It takes about 4 days for me after I have contact with her thankfully to the videos. It will help me put the experience into perspective and give me strength for the next time. I appreciate you Dr. C. I really do. ❤❤❤
A sister, man I'm sorry, o man, it's rough and tough, I'm sorry, please be cool,
That 4-day recovery period is a real indicator that someone is totally toxic, and I know the exact experience; exhausting and deeply disturbing. Hope you have fewer interactions with her going forward, preferably absolutely none at all.
@@lindabell2940 tx. I appreciate I’m not alone tho
@@Greenwings701 it matters on the egregious nature of the situation. When my family obligations are lessened; it will be easier. I appreciate your comment. I feel others on this channel totally understand . I’m lucky I could vent.
They love it when you're a hard worker and have skills. They don't plan on paying you for your labor, though!!!
True.
yep, I know some tradesmen, nothing annoys them more than people who under value them.
Capitalism 😂
Exactly!! You already know! Which is why I'll never do business with them or for them! Let 'em go find their other supplies to be their "assistant".....No thank you!!
I was raised to have most of these traits. I was essentially built to supply my parent. I never really exiated as "me" in the first place. Then everyone praises them for raising me to be so good when it was just to serve them.
So true! I wish I had known this 20 years ago when I met him. At the first sign of resistance, he told me point blank that he could not stand criticism of any kind. I failed to see that as a red flag. The confusing part has been his praise of my good qualities vs the harsh criticism which is often delusional.
I was a huge ego feeder! I had the epiphany while standing in the shower (balling my eyes out) that I had gotten myself into the last narcissistic relationship that I was in. It was completely my fault. I didn’t have any boundaries, was self sacrificing, and I grew up a people pleaser to survive my childhood. It’s a pattern of behaviors that have been difficult for me to stop. I’m a work in progress.
We’re all works in progress here in Earth lab ❤️🩹 welcome to Team Healthy! Plz take that first step & forgive yourself because you didn’t know what you don’t know yet but you will❣️
Dont blame yourself. It seems like your parents raised you to be a victim - to have no boundaries and placate them. It would make sense that unfortunately you would be more succeptible to narcissists.
But now that you know the truth you are free. ❤
Not your fault. You were taught that.
We're all a work in progress! Just don't let others run over you and then back up over you. But don't beat yourself up, because there's no class we can take to understand Behaviors unless we're majoring in that in college. I'm really thankful for these videos. They do really fill the void, teach us a lot so we can navigate relationships better. Thanks so much, Dr. Carter!
Yes…TEAM HEALTHY…so PROUD to be on TEAM HEALTHY…SMILES
THIS REALLY SAYS IT ALL dear Gus and Dr. C.
It is sad people do this to others.
The Lord for sure will hold them accountable for
their actions to others.
From JANESVILLE, WI
This video is so true. Any human kindness they see as, I can do as I please. Videotaping very close to them messing doesn't deter them, but it is evidence in a court of law.
Dr C, thank you 😊, May you be blessed with long life, peace, and happiness . This video truly was made for me, 25 years ago, if I had you in my life as an uncle, neighbour, I could have saved a lifetime of pain and destruction, thank you for the education
Thank you.
Thank you Dr .C- such real and raw words of wisdom.I was with my Narc ex husband forever 20 years.I was the key and the possibility for him to achieve is goals and targets.Exploitation.Manipulation. I feel like I lost the best years of my life -my youth. They detect "servant material" a mile away. I wish I could've been stronger and more assertive.
Thank you. I appreciate your assistance and learning about the many ways people use us with ill intentions to exploit us for their benefit
Hi Dr C they take your qualities and become them for the new supply.
True.
Love our friends, thanks Gus, I'm with go team healthy, Gus , understands, let's talk gus
I love that you always offer a silver lining or suggestions for how to improve our situations despite the narcissist. It's not directly confrontational, because the narcissist would be all over that, though it's very good advice.
I always say my main boundaries are if anyone starts to disrespect me and try to break me down for my personality that everyone fell in love with me for to try and destroy me and if they were making me cry more than making me laugh then that’s when I will walk away, I expect to be treated the same way I treat others as soon as they break that boundary I will always respect myself enough to walk away from anyone and that’s the strength they can’t handle, it’s like they always feel that they are going to be the one that will always love them enough to keep being disregarded disrespected and insulting because nobody else will love me like they 😂 my reply always is thank god for that because if that’s your idea of what love means then we’re not compatible after all and I wish you well finding your perfect partner 😂
Well said!
OMG , I thought I had worked it all out, but listening to this has highlighted yet another thing that I experience with regards to Religion. I was born a catholic ( please don’t judge) he said he was an atheist and believed nothing. His word “when you die you go back to the earth that spawned you”. He constantly condemned religion which upset me. Now I would say that I am spiritual and 100% believe in life after death, now all of a sudden he said that when he was ill he had a NDE. When I asked him to elaborate he couldn’t.
Listening to this and bouncing between laughter of recognition and anger. Been no contact for over a week after a whopper lie he told me. But, he's texting as a way to weasel his way again. As always, acting like nothing is wrong.
* weasel his way in.
Stay strong! It takes at least a year to break that trauma bond but you’re stronger than you know & we’ve got your back here!
@@FoolintheRain123enuf
@@caroleminke6116 Thank you!
@@FoolintheRain123 bl
Block him. Don't allow your curiosity to keep you going back to see the latest text he sent. Block him and move on. He'll count on succeeding in getting your attention, otherwise.
I used to be an eternal optimist, but also a realist. During the years of dealing with several narcs in my life, I slowly turned into a cynical, miserable person and I began to hate myself because I no longer recognized myself and didn't trust myself. Once I began to pull myself out of that, I felt so much better. I have gradually gotten my confidence back, enough so to go low/no contact to protect my sanity. I couldn't be myself without being put down and made to feel bad for being me. I never felt more alone than when I was surrounded by these people. I remember as we were playing a trivia game and knew a lot of answers, they made me feel dumb for being smart! I don't miss the drama.
Nice cover photo Dr.C!
Thanks, Fred!
They would never personally ask for forgiveness or say sorry. They let you do all that inner doubt and exploiting yourself. 🤨
It's always helpful information. Thank you Dr. C.
Glad it was helpful!
Let them be their own supply. When you feel drained and feel like you're being taken for grained, you are. Find the nearest off ramp.
How...it would seem that...
Once they figure out you have 'HOPE', they study your source.
Why?...Then whether unconsciously or not they must replace it, be it.
I cannot figure any other reason someone would steal hope.
Stealing hope would be such coup. A crowning achievement to their self-aggrandizement, to be capable of such a feat.
They are like polarized undead NPC's. The Fae exist. It's our world 🌍❣️. We're in a computer program with all these nuts and bolts and peanuts 🥜 🔩🥜🔩🥜 😧..
For me, it took knowing myself and tapping into my intuitiveness. Normally when someone offers an elaborate compliment before getting to know me I view it as a red flag. My guard starts to go up because in my mind there's an intention to come that I'm uncertain about. My id says, "they don't even know you and how can they make such a grand claim"? I normally keep Grey Rock on standby until further notice.
Thank you so much Dr Carter ❤️ I definitely needed this today. Refreshed !
Glad it was helpful!
I'm confused, I look at you, help, my morals, my integrity, I flipped my wig
I was exploited for my generosity. I was also impressed with his knack for having really nice friends.
You're hilarious when you act as the voice in the narcissist head! You've helped me very much and thank you
Enlightening as always Dr C!!! Thx
Glad you enjoyed it, Peggy.
So true.
It is learning how to use my best traits rather than being used by my best traits..
❤
Thank you, Dr. Carter!! This video highlights how we can unknowingly co-create toxic situations/relationships by allowing our best traits to be exploited. A B C D ( Assertiveness, Boundaries, Confidence and Discernment ) are our best self-protectors.
Spot on!
i really, really appreciate your videos because you provide so many more real-life examples to the information. i struggle to make connections like that, so thank u very much. i also like how you give ways to *actually* work towards breaking free from said manipulation. most videos just point out the facts and don't provide actual help.
Glad you like them!
This is PURE GOLD.❤
I started to do my own research. I wish that I would have found your videos years ago. I hope that I can free myself.
Thank you, Dr. Carter
I’m this person to a T and I’ve taken so much 💩 my entire adult life (which I realize, I allowed). I’m not taking it anymore. Ever!
That's such a great comment. Good for you👍
I hope we all learn what you have!
@@sturobertson6791 thank you. I’m still learning. I’m just at the fed-up part of being used right now. I wish you the best of luck in your healing journey. Be strong!
@ro7547
Thank you ro. You too🫂
@@sturobertson6791 you’re welcome; thank you!
I have noticed many times throughout the years how Jim Fenwick's gaslighting, abuse, bullying, manipulation of me has relied on me being a moral, ethical, honest, generous person who wants to do the right thing. He's exploited my decency to give himself "wins" more times than I can count.
My sister in law commanded me to earn her love when we became family. After 14 years of being a slave to her, I have come to realization that there is no love to earn. Love is unlimited to give. Thanks to this painful lesson, I have come to Jesus, true love. God is amazing.
❤✝️📖🙏🏻🥰🌹
Agreed Dr C, most of us want people to regard us in a positive light. Especially so for narcissists. Kindness is king in my world, not necessarily friendly though. I'm an INFJ, not an ENFJ.🙃😊
Thank you Dr Carter 🌹
This is very enlightening.
Glad it was helpful!
If we were raised to be this type of person; kind, serving, etc. by our parents, I’m a little confused why we pick people who “feel familiar” but yet the people we pick are narcissists. Please explain the dynamics of that. I would say that my parents were controlling in how we treated people and how we behaved, but is that type of control something that ultimately leads us to narcissists?
It’s not loving if it’s controlling ❤️🩹 we become codependent that way & familiarity breeds contempt not just from others but for ourselves so the path out of this pattern is to learn as well as practice self love ♥️ put your healing journey first & never put someone on a pedestal again. You are so worthy of love❣️
@@caroleminke6116 thank you! ❤️
A fantastic book on codependency is The Language of Letting Go, by Melodie Beattie. Easy to read and brilliant.
@@RobertRemlinger-mq8iy thank you!
"how we treated people"
"how we behaved"
What about *how you treated yourself* and *how to defend yourself against other people bad behaviors and/or other people abuses* ?
That's the way they "taught" you feeling familiar with the narcissists... In other words, you feel familiar with what you know, and you don't even look for a better world and better people
I can see all the traits described. It seems then to come as not mich of a surprise that it went on for 36 years. An awareness of the exploitation only came after he had overstepped a number of red lines 😅 I am glad that this is over since two years, finally I started to heal.
Now that we know how the vampires work, we will not allow them to do it again to us, all We have to do is smile and walk away, don't engage?
My niece is going through this right now and she comes to me for advice, she’s a strong woman like myself but with all my own experiences from my childhood up until now at 54 I can advise her or anyone dealing with this abuse, he ain’t gonna change no matter how much you try and make them see how they are making you feel because they love it when they see you in a mess knowing they are going to keep getting away with it because they see us as the weak ones, it’s us who are genuinely in love with them who keep trying to save the relationship, but the minute they start hurting you and they get away with the first sorry knowing they are adults who know right from wrong and they blame everything on someone else who has supposedly hurt them and then you try and let it slide because everyone deserves a second chance,, that’s the mistake I made over and over again but life is a learning curve and it’s taken me until the age of 54 to realise that my ex the same age is still doing the same behaviour as I remember him doing at school so when I’m healed and ready again the first insult or something that I find insulting or uncomfortable and oh no here we go again I’m out of there because, it’s never going to change it only gets worse and no one will have the pleasure of being in my life if they only want me for their own sick games, I still feel annoyed at myself knowing I could have walked e6 months in instead of letting it go on for another year, it’s a game that they love as soon as they get away with that first sorry 😂 that’s when the real game begins for them but at least it’s taught me my own lesson so I can pass it on to others who keep giving chances and waistin precious time that they steal from us
I think you're mistaken about who deserves a second chance. Those who repent, as in apologize sincerely and turn from their Wicked Ways, deserve a second chance. There's no good reason for you to let someone's bad behavior slide! If they were your child, you would know that you can't teach them anything that way. So part of the con is getting away with it-- never having to be responsible. So do you see how you're just feeding the bad behavior? That's ridiculous!
Thanks Dr. C
I love everything that you say it do make you feel so much better knowing what to do❤
Dr.C you must have had some lived experience with narcissists, to know their motives so well.
If you had you can recognize others that had.
Thank you. ❤
You're welcome
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize how there is just one word that sums up their entire being. It starts with a P and ends with athetic.
The best of your personality is virtues. Our virtues are their crutches.
I’m wondering if narcissism is hereditary like adhd? That there’s some part of the brain that doesn’t function the same as normality it would. It’s because I’ve noticed that a brother and sister are similar in this self centred way?
Probably more familia.l
Extremely helpful video thank you
NAILED IT... AGAIN!!!
Dr. C, How do we learn to trust ourselves?
This knowledge and wisdom from DR C and Friends on team healthy are valuable to me. Thank you so much!
You are very welcome, Sharyn.
They don’t want to know you. They only want to know about you, because they want to monitor your progress and see if you’re not doing better than they are. Even though envy of others drives them crazy, they still enjoy being ambushed by the success of others to stay in their cycle of toxicity. That’s why I’m done with them. Too much work.
Thats why Their gaslighting works so well ! They exploit your empathy to the point you participate in their codependency
Manipulative covert transaction scheme going on in this codependency
So accurate.
Hi Gus and Dr. C.
Thanks again.
So sad this is true though.
God bless you from
JANESVILLE, WI
Thanks, Cynthia!
@@SurvivingNarcissism smiles
@@SurvivingNarcissism hug Gus for me please
I was thinking about that Creep who used his wife's talent to make
him a world success with her art. That was in "Big Eyes" and that
Movie impressed me greatly. When she proved that she was the artist.
What are some good ways of countering one's negative self-talk with balanced truth?
I'm a real neat freak. My ex husband and the nex were both slobs. Why would I end up with that type twice? My ex husband was not lazy or a narcissist. We divorced for other reasons. But, the nex has to be the laziest person I've ever encountered in my life. I so wanted a man who encompassed all the traits I desired, but after the nex I'm not even sure I could handle a normal relationship now. I feel disabled.
My experience, too. Ugh.
Codependency
My n-ex was a really lazy slob, too. When we met, He said he had recently totally remodeled his house and had just gotten a lot of the construction stuff out of it. But it was so dusty thst he had to clean it because I sneezed all the time. But he never actually finished cleaning the whole house. His office looked like he hadn't opened alot of his mail for a couple of years. He was 72, and I started wondering if he had some cognitive issues. After only 3 months of marriage, I can definitively say he had a lot of issues!
@@caroleminke6116so you can diagnose a person from one paragraph? You need to take it down a notch.
My generosity was regarded as bribery. It was sickening and disgusting because I knew just how pure and sincere I was in giving them gifts. Ugh.
They may not even be the best, like naivety. Just being too trusting.
Empathy vampires
Patience, kindness, loyalty?! Narcs sniff out these traits then mirror them back to you until they’re in control & can turn the tables to exploit them at leisure
@@aaronkwolfeQ; When did you first hear narcissists as vampires?
I am remembering blogs from around or over 10 yrs ago.
@@t_nels Don’t think I ever heard or read it. Just seemed to fit.
It's hard to explain what they do. It's kind of like mind control. They make you believe the good things you do for yourself are bad. They say little things to make you doubt self care
Thanks Amanda ❤x
This sounds like a postmortem of my marriage.
I want your professional opinion on the leaders of these countries of the world and their narcissistic tendencies in respect to leadership leadership and and entitlement!