Living with a narcissistic person, you develop weird and unhealthy behaviors, thought patterns, and habits to try to work around theirs. And I love it when people say, "just leave". Anyone who's been a victim knows what I'm talking about. Have you ever seen a cocooned meal in a spider's web get up and walk out?
I hear you. Took me 23 years but turned physical so I ran. It wasn’t until I left that I have learnt all about it. It was never me, still trying to strengthen myself. I hope you find your strength and you can exit in a safe way. ❤
I bet the Greek philosophers talked about this. For sure the Prophet Jesus did. That Prophet's follower 1 of the 12 also wrote~ don't cast your pearls before swine least they trample them under their feet and turn and rend you!
I forgive to move on healthily. To totally detach from a hater, leave their presence. Drop, cut, leave their atmosphere and create your own where you are accepted and validated within your own rightships to living.
I love how real she is. The way she said how a narc speaks of themselves, "I'm the shit!" 😂 The reality of "forgiveness"... "Fuck them". Forgiveness is "permission to a narc". YeSSs 🙌🏼 giving validation heals.
I think forgiving ourselves for participating, for working so hard and being manipulated, is much more meaningful for the healing process, than forgiving anyone external. For those that are external, acceptance, radical acceptance, is the closest many of us can ever get to forgiving an abuser. Forgiving in other contexts, though, they typically say it isn't saving them from consequences, it is no longer maintaining the passionate feelings for them. Blame is a connection, too. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
You don’t have to forgive publicly or directly to a person who offended you. The first step is to forgive yourself and then let go of the hurt. You should forgive on your own time schedule when it seems right to you and safe
Forgiving oneself can mean wanting to let go of the resentment ( it’s burden ) and the rage - but in my circumstances , until I have the resources - and NO ONE Individual necessarily does , by themselves - to “clean up the chaos left in this / these people ‘s wake “ that I am staring at 24/7 because I DO NOT , @ 69 years of age - self -employed business owner - single mother - have the financial resources to just “make it happen “ quickly …, enough for me . They and theirs completely changed my and my partner’s and family’s life - I’m the betrayals and that damage to my and other’s soul is unforgivable . I and my partner / family were the recipients of this betrayal . “ putting down the hatchet 🪓 “ means caring enough about myself and my purpose and human right to enjoy being alive that I put down the burden of engaging in the rage ; resentment and desire for vengeance to the perpetrators of the betrayals and prejudices . Vengeance is mine says God and the law of Nature and Karma . I am not God - last time I looked - I am a human being .
It’s well known now in trauma psychology that forgiveness is that last step in the journey, not the first, and it happens on it’s own time and happens easily because it’s the natural next step after feeling, processing, integrating and full grieving. Most people find it hard to get to the grief part, or aren’t in a position where they can get enough distance and time from their abuser and the inherent surrounding triggers that keep the wound open, to be able to fully feel the grief and close the wound.
Since when a criminal kann tell for himself he is going to jail ? You need a specialize person to be a mirror and even if they are told, they do it again .
That’s an illusion your ego is offering because it doesn’t want to do the work forgiveness requires. You do not need an apology to forgive. Do not confuse forgiveness with condoning bad behavior. Forgiveness means you decide to no longer let this person gerge on your contentment. Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. It’s only going to hurt you. Do you think they giving any thought to you? Then why do you let them consume you? Don’t. Just forgive.
Forgive them on your way out the door, right after you've signed the divorce papers. You don't have to stick around and give them another chance to hurt you
So good and accurate the way u wrote this, so true and accurate. I tried to gain some approval and love from my parents my entire life. Finally I got to the point where now, I'm done!! Everything is flipped all the time, u are the bad one It truly is a personality disorder. No contact for me was the only choice left to save my life and sanity!!
Letting go and forgiving are two different things. By letting go a person is able to take back control of themselves and heal. Forgiveness is more of a personal, spiritual affirmation that should not be relayed to a toxic/narcissistic person.
Been there done that and I disagree. Not only does the bible say that we can't be forgiven unless we forgive, I can tell you that a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders the moment I released him. And it didn't matter that he never admitted any wrong or asked for forgiveness. If he had done that, I would have reconciled with him but he didn't, so we got divorced
@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753you left out the part in the Bible that says one must repent, confess wrong doing & ask forgiveness. Don’t recite religious excerpts one sided.
Of course forgiveness should be given to narcissists. It’s the only way to have peace within your soul and also so you may receive forgiveness yourself. We all must account for our lives and go through a life-review immediately upon death. Fun fun!😬
Dr Ramani absolutely validates my life's struggles. Narcissism , forgiveness, the truth about ruined life. All major 'chords.' One of the very best videos. Take Notes Folks!! Affective health is a major factor. Releasing the emotions. Very good segment. Guided meditation, thanks. To close. Seek closure. Well said. I think as you say open it, look at it with greater depth and seek understanding. To get beyond the ruminating.
A complex social situation in which I was both called out for my behaviour by a wiser person, and simultaneously abused by a narcissistic made me see my role in these situations clearly for the first time. Once I saw the patterns I was playing out and how toxic my behaviour was that's when I turned towards healing
No truer words. Healing from my narc has transformed my entire life. I’ve created boundaries to keep me safe, better understanding of myself and other humans, healing childhood wounds that led me to the choices to stay with the narcissist.
I disagree. Forgiveness is important for yourself. They won't appreciate it because they don't think they've done anything wrong. The moment I told my narc I forgive him, I could feel the huge weight lifted off my shoulders! And it didn't matter that he never admitted anything wrong and never asked for forgiveness.
Well, that’s great and all, but do you expect to be forgiven when you die? In order to be forgiven we too must forgive. Plus, not forgiving does harm to your mind, body and spirit. You hang on to all that negative energy and it will literally make you sick. The peace you will feel in your soul makes forgiveness all worth it💞
The segment about forgiveness is so true. We can't use the empathic and humanistic approach against these beings. When dealing with these wicked individuals, we have to match them with a different form of forgiveness. That includes no contact, staying as far as possible, calling the cops or utilizing self-defense if they come near you. There is no middle line because the middle line means permission.
Good stuff. Regarding NPD and incarceration,let's add that MANY folks locked up are addicts. Active addicts are the very definition of narcissism. It takes a serious face-plant to trigger an awakening in Cluster B's and most refuse to go for cognitive restructuring but some do make the effort.Remember...these are damaged individuals,don't foster unrealistic expectations. It's so exhausting dealing w NPD's.
My perspective: Forgiving is for you & moving on, forgetting is another story. Forgiving doesn't mean the person has to be an active part of your life. Healthy Boundaries. 😊
My perspective: forgiving without any accountability by them, no apology from them allows them to move on & repeat the harm over & over to the next victims in life. Yes they are no longer in our life, unfortunately someone else’s. And it goes on sadly.
@@devinsmallwick4208it is impossible to get an apology from a narcistic person. Letting go of the hurt and moving on, going no contact if possible is the only way to get your mental health back.
No one else can explain the amount of highly important fact and correlation about the phenomenon than Dr Ramani. Besides all, in the same time, constantly radiating this pure loving healing energy. She's amazing.
Feelings are not controllable, but behavior is controllable. I would forgive the feeling that they have because it’s not their fault the way they were raised without having their emotional needs met. However, if they don’t introspect self, reflect take accountability and try to improve themselves not to repeat the behaviors….. I’m not gonna forgive that. Behaviors like feelings are always going to repeat like but behaviors are controllable.
@@dianedeclare8541 that’s the tricky part. Golden children aka spoiled brats were given stuff to shut them up in order to avoid giving them what they really needed. Perspective and structure (which is a huge part of emotional needs verses wants) that’s why they get confused between the difference between needs and wants. No one took the time to explain the meanings and made sure they understood clearly. If you tell someone “no” without explanation they automatically want it more and rebel against you. That explains why they overinflated their own ego and needs over everyone else’s aka Karen’s and Kevin’s. Sadly if someone would have explained it clearly they’d of had their clarity and would have been able to regulate their emotional needs verses emotional wants.
I believed that I could fix my mother for most of my life. Only recently have I come to understand the mental illness that was underneath her narcissistic behavior. She could fake empathy but eventually the mask would come off. She had some friends but eventually they abandoned her. At the end, I was the only one left. I have two older brothers; the golden child just blew her off. The other did the best he could. During the last month of her life, I was unable(no money for transportation)to visit her. I too abandoned her. She died alone.
I think Dr Ramani maybe has had a facelift or something, and dyed her hair. I see a thumbnail for another video where she looks 20 years younger. Maybe it’s just an older video.
It might be better to become curious as opposed to starting again on the bottom rung saying "I'm not good enough". Change your mind and do "I'm curious" - this is a beginning point without loosing what you already have.
To Me: Forgiveness is Simply Allowing GOD the Final Judgment… And then… Safe Boundaries… Which may include “Relationship Over” Due to the Death of TRUST! Just because we Forgive doesn’t mean that All Goes Back To Before the Betrayal!🙏🏻 Sad Stuff! 💛🕊🍃
Letting Go of the PAIN… Good Vibes… Praying for the Offender: St Matthew 5:44, wishing them the Best of Everything! TRUST is Still Something Different! Betrayal Changes People! Someone Can Choose their Actions ~ True! But, they do not get to Choose the Result/ Consequences! Forgiveness is a Forgetting of the Crime & Going Forward, even 7 x’s 70! Yes, I have listened to the ‘Talks at Church!’ But, Forgiveness is not going back to the way it was, before the Betrayal… because THEIR ACTIONS Have then Changed Your Belief System in Several Ways: 1) How Much they value you; 2) Their Value for a Sacred Union & Fidelity; 3) WHO they are as a Moral Person; & 4) Their Allegiance to ‘The GOD of the Universe,’ in Following HIS LAWS of Divine Nature (2 Peter Ch. 1). Mistakes, are not a Betrayal. Betrayal is Doing Something Wrong, even though you know it is WRONG. So, all needs to be Considered! Here’s the thing… Only GOD knows the Depth of our PAIN… And ALL of the innuendos of our Life Experiences & if we are Doing Our Very Best FOR Our Personal Capacity, even when we Forgive. So, the Bottom-Line: Only GOD has the Right to JUDGE… Even on the Topic of HOW Someone Forgives Another! The Admonition, to: “Turn the Other Cheek,” did Not Mean… Turn the Other Cheek & Get Slapped Again / Or Slugged & Knocked Out! The Holy Spirit Can Direct on Certain Scriptures… “Turn the Other Cheek & ➡️ WALK AWAY, May be the Full Meaning there!” Yes, A Little Study is Mandatory! 🙏🏻Healing the Broken Hearted, May Require Walking Away. GOD Does Not Expect US to be Connected at the Hip with Malignant, Toxic , Irredeemable, Sociopathic, Psychopathic, Sadistic, Evil People… The Top WORLD RENOWNED THERAPISTS AGREE, an Estimated 25-30% of Narcissistic People (of the World’s Total Population), CAN NOT CHANGE, EVEN if they WANT TO, Due to a Catastrophic Event in their Lives. Their Personality Style Is Like A Permanent Brain Groove! And, what happens After “THE 490th (7 x’s 70), Episode of Betrayal? … Which, can happen Realistically, after A Mere 7 Days (70 / 16 waking hrs. per day = 4.38 offenses per hour)? I’d say that the Spiritual Requirement Really Does ‘Spell Out the Answer! Walk Away, Leaving the Offender your Most Loving Wishes & Prayers! Otherwise, you become an Enabler, a Frankenstein’s Lurch, Flying Monkey Type of Person! An Eli, for his two Wicked SONs! Maybe, the One Holding the Pied-Piper’s Hand… To the Gates of Hell! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
I think the one in three statistic is much closer to my experience. I have been targeted too many times, i wasnt able to find a safe space. The self obsession is too pervasive.
GAL, Social Workers, literally therapists need a refresher of it and how the narcissist can create Parental Alienation as well. This disorder effects kid's of a narcissist and targeted parent. Willing to use a child as a weapon. They should really be educated on this. It creates some major damage in a family.
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 Exactly Tammy. The more educated everybody could be on the subject the better. This way we can hopefully be ready to either educate or start creating a file with evidence to replace any staff creating issues as well.
I would have considered myself a narcissist, And it took one hell of a dumping And some really strong behaviour of rejection. But at the end of it I was forced to change my behaviour not totally but modified quite a lot. But it almost has to be trauma inducing to change your character
EMDR therapy helped me into a forgiving state. I believe the quantum healing helped the perpetrator turn her life around, and actually turned into an admirable human.
I get it the narcissist won’t respect your forgiveness for what it is but I feel letting go of it is forgiveness but you can move on and not allow them back into your life to screw you over again but at the same time I am a firm believer in the word of God and it says we are to forgive others or your Heavenly Father will not forgive you. He forgave us when we were unforgivable. But I get what she’s saying about they don’t take it as a divine thing done for them, just an excuse to keep doing it to you. I definitely have lived through this. Always let go of the what they did to you and don’t let it define you but go ahead and forgive and move on. It takes God’s love. As a human being, sometimes it’s impossible. This is just my take on it. My take on this will never change. I have been too relevant in my life on both sides so I have lived it from both sides. Not being forgiven and also forgiving too much and then allowing them to do it again and again in narcissistic relationships.
I had an unforgiveness that seemed impossible for me to forgive. I had to ask the Lord to remove the anger, hatred and unforgiveness that was there. While worshipping the Lord, I felt something leave me and after that, I began caring about that person and seeing then through God's eyes. I pray for them now and have no animosity against them any more. It was that quick. If you dont forgive, you are in pride. You are saying God can forgive but you cant so therefore you are saying you're better than God.I also do deliverance because sin opens doors to demons. Unforgiveness is disobedience and sin. Deliverance won't work on someone that is in unforgiveness until they forgive. I've seen it time and again. Demons will come out after ther person is willing to let it go.
As a side point you don't necessarily have to forgive the person to their face, just give it to God .. the oppressor has no idea that you forgave them and it won't affect how they respond to you.
Wow how exact is the quandary of knowing a lack of empathy to learning to being empathetic.. this helps me with divinity also discerning culpability a huge space of undefined intention or lack of definition this clip does favor a much younger Dr although hard to believe it's just days ago. Trust issues are a collective emotional experience!
I actually know someone in my own family, who is both a narcissist - and, a sociopath. So for us, this individual is a toxic narcissistic sociopath - and ther isn’t a thing that we can do about it. However, because there is a matter of finances, and concluding an estate process, we’re going to have to make some hard decisions, that will, in their mind, affect them negatively - because there are consequences.
Dr Ramani, as always, thanks so much for all of your advice, wisdom, knowledge, and experiences you've been sharing with us over the years ! Blessed your Heart ❤️ 🙌 🙏 I have one question on all Toxic + Narcissistic + Spychopath devils 😈 whose sole purpose in life's to hurt humankind around the world 🌎 I'm Vietnamese who was borned, raised in a poor 3rd world, war-torned country throughout history, I've seen plenty of Deaths, Pains, Sorrows, Sufferings, etc almost everyday 😢 However, most of us Vietnameses in particular and other Asians in general rarely become Toxic Narcisscists + Spychopaths devils 😈 In fact, despite all challenges + difficulties + hardship we've been through, We've all remained Empathy, Kind, Loving, Caring, Generous, and Successful individuals ! Therefore, I believe that most Asians are extremely Resilient ! Regardless of the kinds of environment we're living in, we can survive almost anything, and this inner Strength, Courage, and Wisdom only comes from centuries of self-discipline ! 🙏😍🙏💕
I am almost out of a dangerously emotional, mental, and physical marriage to a covert narcissist. In the process of divorce. I've been sitting in a state of what has been identified as analysis paralysis. What will help me get out of this state? I feel stuck, I still hear his words in my head telling me everything I am not. Any suggestions?
Okay I will help you to a point. Narcs can have a dark attached entity. That is a Fact. This allows a stupid Narc to have the ability to manage people. When a Narc discards they like to leave what I call a TAR BABY. That is their inner most sticky self attached to YOU. The inner species Narc wants you to raise that baby the next twenty years. Not your Tar Baby. You must understand that. Get rid of it. Dancing with the devil is what we did. When I say a Narc is stupid that is a compliment for retarded is what they are. Look your narc had the best he ever had when he found you. Overwhelming supply woman. So now you prepare for that hoover that is coming. You know the make up sex and you took everything out of perspective spill. More word salad so he can really destroy you. You line his balls up like a soccer ball. Remove all social media. Change phone numbers. Move if possible and Go no contact for life. He shows up hand Him his ass. Never ever have any conversation with the entity. In time these narcs sink from their own weight. Universal law of Karma. You need to focus on you. You learn the playbook of a narc. You spend the monies on a background check on any possible potential candidates in the future. You do that and you will NEVER experience Hell again. Background checks don't lie. Besides when you are all healthy again and looking good you to will have a great time handing a lieing manipulation monkey right in front of you their ass. You have the FACTS. However I wait before I serve for learning purposes. That play book is everything. Hope this helps you on your Journey. One day you will be rock solid with abilities from God like I am. You will be able to achieve any thing you wish. Your own mind and live the life you dream. Narcs smell this. No different than a vampire. Not your shit remember that. Only thing you have a part in is voluntary out of ignorance. We all have volunteered. Time to move on. God is doing for you what you can't do for yourself. Now your eager to be educated. Out of the Muck a lotus is born. Just have to learn to be a warrior not the prey.
My soul felt like it was dying, suffocated from living around someone who lives in delusion. Abuse too, constant rages. Demanded he sign for an apartment for me. And back in school for a new career to be financially stable. His image is so important so he bragged about getting me a special space to study 😅
I can tell you that my faith in our good father God, who loves me, praying to him, being thankful for everything good in my life, being glad I survived, and reading and studying my Bible (The Passion Translation) completely takes my mind off of what I just went through and lifts my spirit. I've only learned 2 weeks ago that the problem was narcissism, and I had a trauma bond, but I'm already doing so much better from watching some videos and gaining understanding, and especially reading all of the comments. I'm obviously not alone in this! I moved to a different state, 500 Mi away. I'm not 100% no contact yet because the divorce is still pending, but I don't have to see him in person anymore, and that's only been for a week.
So how does feeling bad about yourself on the inside turn into let me make up evil malice lies on people when confront them on the truth. I can’t connect those dots.
I disagree. A Narc is an absolute inner species predator. That means it can't be fixed, period. What does that really mean? That means even if the inner species narc has a soild rock bottom experience caused by the Narcs own behaviors and actions and the narc has a awareness of the facts due to being caught. That narc then out of some perspective of consequence it might receive will find any means necessary to take the spot light off themselves. That means pretending to do the right thing till the heat is off only. Then the inner species predator is right back doing the same game only a little more polished than before. That is why they are NOT Human. A Human makes a mistake they learn that it harmed someone emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally and physically and they stop that behavior and take full responsibility as well as Accountability. Accountability is more than a word. It is a action.
I don’t believe it’s my job to forgive someone whose actions negatively impacted my life. My job is to accept what I have experienced and to learn to live without anger or regret. It’s a process but after a certain period of time , I try to discover what I call, the gift of the lesson. …find some thing constructive that can be of benefit to me and to others who may seek advice. Call it a little piece of wisdom that can give meaning to something that was devastating and destructive to experience. , a valuable tool to help you navigate this sometimes rocky and difficult journey. I want my lesson to give me a gift that will have a positive and lasting impact , a gift that will be of great value. Everyone must seek their own, of course, but I find there’s great value in gaining the insight to a deeper understanding and the compassion to hold a warm hand out to someone who may be in need of holding it.
Whenever I think of how much I hate them, I pray for their salvation. Only a miracle can change them and I dont need to waste my precious thoughts hating them.
6 years ago I said the same thing. Plus I had to go through 2 years of a quarantine, where are the world vastly changed and resources were very difficult to obtain in person. I found resources because I would not give up. I made umpteen phone calls. I started building resource team members around me. I invested time in those resources, because I wanted to break codependency. I went from absolutely nothing, homeless , no car, money, help, support... I was broken, barely surviving three attempted murders. And if I can do it, finding those resources, anybody can do it. I became a forensic profiler, and now take victims through court and expose the narcissist.
To forgive just means to not hold on to the anger from the abuse. To let them go. It has ZERO to do with taking someone back. That has nothing to do with forgiving. And forgiving is not about excusing their behavior. You forgive for YOU, NOT the other person. You let them go. You let the anger go. And you move on. Everybody in their own time. Some need a time to grieve what they have lost due to the abuse. But you do NOT want to hold on to the anger or hatred for the abuser. As long as you hold on to those negative emotions, they are controlling you. And the more intense those negative emotions are, the more likely they will develop into a physical illness. And negative opinions are not the same as negative emotions. Emotions are energy in motion. You don't want to hold on to the negative energies. That energy has to go somewhere and a lot of people internalize them and hence the physical illness. I just wish that people would use the word forgive in the correct context with the correct definition. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger and resentment - or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
The books The Courage to Heal and The Myth of Forgiveness both say that you do NOT have to forgive your abuser to move ahead with your life. Saying that you do is gaslighting.
@@susanmercurio1060 No, it is not gaslighting. It is fact that if you hold on to anger and stay in anger, you could end up deathly ill. I would NEVER gaslight anyone. How do I know that negative energy can manifest into physical illness, acute myeloid leukemia from living with a narcissist. So, I don't really care what a book says... I lived it. Forgiveness is for YOU, not the other person. I think that forgiving is a process. And it does not mean to accept the other person back in to your life or that you even have to be around them or speak to them. ALL it means is that you let go of the negative emotions and just live your life. A person does not have to actively forgive, it happens in time. When you stop thinking negative about someone, or stop thinking about them at all, you've forgiven whether you realize it or not. If you are not living IN negative emotions, you have forgiven. And holding on to that anger just lets the other person continue to control your emotions. forgive verb 1. stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake
P.S. Where did I ever say the words that you HAVE to forgive to move on with your life? I didn't. I was just saying that the negative energy could have a negative affect on the abused person if they are living IN that negative energy all the time. Most people just use "forgive" in the wrong context.
She ran a hate campaign against me online & along with hackers = kept me inside my home through electronic intrusion and intimidation in my neighborhood - home burglary- vandalism- assault- She’s a REALLY BAD person!!
You interviewed the woman with an accent on stress and her book. I'm not sure what the name of the book is that you picked up. Thanks for the feedback.
Super educating these facts to prepare & warn others ……. many can be susceptible to their initial charm. Gut instincts can usually kick in ….. take note & exit quickly !
Dr. Romney was great. I love her work. The second guy actually reminded me of a narcissist's victim-blaming. If you don't forgive you'll make yourself sick so it's your fault. I stopped watching when he started his bs.
It’s stressful if we give it meaning. We can only control our own thoughts and feelings and how we respond to events and people outside of ourselves. You can’t control the external world but you can choose to perceive it differently
Yes, what he said did not seem to be realistic for survivors of violent child abuse, homelessness, rape, terrifying war zones & refugee camps, impoverished starvation & drought regions... He is speaking of and from far more privileged than many on this planet.
First law of revolutionary theory of the selfish Gene. I survive and prosper first before i extend altruism. Psychology is based upon Freudian psychosexual confabulation. It is rarely predictive of human action or behavior
You look more amazing each time I watch the world’s best. So I just finished say to a lady on face book it’s a red flag if your church asks for $ for charity!
So many things you can’t learn on UA-cam.. This is a good example. People have enough on their plates to think they can start judging others by watching not only this but my gosh so many others. Especially when it comes to humans/ personalities etc. stick with how to replace the refrigerator seal ha etc. if I used this I could probably label everyone in my life as simply a narcissist, including myself! Be very careful what you watch on UA-cam period. Don’t let it control your head. Remember what the book that talks about marking your forehead and palm of your hand. But besides even that imagine how easy it would be to be a reporter now that there’s a camera in everyone’s hand ha. Consider entertainment tonight lol, just take your pic. It’s a big World 🌎 out there! Later
I’m so confused by this. I’m pretty sure my ex was a covert narcissist but he wasn’t able to feel any guilt or remorse, but he can’t be a psychopath because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him experience stress.
Narcissists remorse looks like rage and/or giving you something or doing something for you. Remember, they do something bad and shame takes over, then rage or giving or doing something for you. I experienced this with my Covert mother.
Dr. Romani is right. There might be an escape from the planet of narcissism. And she is even more so right that it doesn't happen often and you won't be involved in it for sure. I was the worst mix of a narc, borderline and had even psychopathic tendencies sometimes violence. I was poor and a very handsome boy, girls were obsessed with me. My transformation to become a human wasn't a single experience. It was a process over years but the practical change then happend in days. I was getting very successful in real life. And it was a rough road. Comming out to that side of the road I felt the pain it cost me to get there. It hurts. It was the first time I felt empathy for a human. In this case for myself, it wasn't pitty. I felt real earned pride as well, I had become someone in reality no reasonable person could denie respect. I wasn't dependent on the opinion of others any longer, it didn't make sense any more. I allways was able to feel real empathy for animals, but not for humans. I was the first human I felt empathy for. A few hours later I was able to remember all the horrible things I did to so many beautiful girls, that only wanted to love me. The last one helped me to become a doctor, she was smart and beautiful. I never was abusive towards her, maybe cause all my energy was focused on becomming someone. All that girls in my life had believed in me. They knew me, the man I didn't know. I was totured by all that memories I didn't had before treating them bad. I suffered for years of my wrong doings. I got in contact with all of them. I sad: I am so sorry. To some I had to pay money back. With some I cried tears after years. I was blessed with the best women on earth. At the end I became victim of a malignant BPD girl, me then as a loving empathic man. What saved me was my empathy for myself. I will allways love her, but she will never see me again. I am so sorry for her lost of a man that truly loved her.
Empathy is understanding and feeling what ANOTHER PERSON is going through. You can't have empathy for yourself. You can have compassion for yourself if you think you have been through a rough time. It's good to have compassion for yourself. Can you feel compassion towards others ?
@@leanne123 Thank you so much for your very interesting question Leanne. First of all my first language is German. I live in South America and speak Spanish and Guarani. So I might not be so picky in finding english words, as I supposed to be. I hope I have your compasion for that. I don't want to be and I can't be right. I can only comunicate my interpretation of this both different feelings. In narc modus I didn't had compacion for myself, following your definition. I didn't had empathy for other humans. But I didn't had compasion for others neighter. I can't say if my first contact to myself was more compasion or like I say empathy for myself. Your question lets me think it was overwelmingly both. I try to explain why I believe one can have empathy for themself: If you go in contact to yourself it is a process of watching yourself from a reflective distance. Just like a third person. So you are right. It is litterally another person that was at the same time the real naked me, I felt empathy for. Can you feel that?
This is a hard part exactly what you were saying about being on the spectrum I forget what it’s called. Maybe I mean they’re probably the same thing in the mind if it’s metacognition or you know the ability to see yourself mind blindness I forget the term button this is so complex really figuring out what you are what others are how to treat them whether it matters just all of it Would like to really learn this as well as boundaries not only with narcissist but in relationships like what is self preserving with his selfish when they take a step forward how to set up the next level of boundaries and what to do if they don’t reach them specially say with someone who presents or affect us like a narcissistI mean we need mega coaching with us
Being Grandos or this or that or antisocial teaming this also happens to people I don’t know who are autistic or very intelligent. I mean, we think all autistic people are nice and naïve and but the truth is well if some of them form some of these personality traits for protection, I know some people who are very smart and feel very alone, that have been become like this
I wasn't sure I married one till I was stupid enough to do it again. Yes they are both for both can and will graduate to murder if the opportunity presents itself. Narc free 0ver 30 years now. Only out of experience can one truly spot one when they come buzzing around.
My respects to Dr. Ramani for her firm stance on forgiveness. It is unfair, unjust and morally WRONG to expect a child abuse victim to forgive his or her abuser, which may entail putting himself or herself in harms' way. Sure, generally speaking, forgiveness is great when the offender has asked for forgiveness and has shown signs of true repentence. However, there are always exceptions to every rule, and I strongly believe that in cases of child abuse, forgiveness is NOT applicable nor appropriate!!!😢
@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 so what is forgiveness to you? You commented on two comments saying they don't know forgiveness but you don't follow it up with an explanation. So what is forgiveness if this and the other comment aren't it?
@@priscillarangel2945 Hello, I strongly believe in forgiveness and reconciliation. I preach it and I live it everyday! There is one (1) exception: Cases of child abuse, wherein I strongly believe "forgiveness" is not only innapropriate but also potentially dangerous to the victim. I do have a degree in the law (USA), which includes criminal law; and I know with certainty that pedophiles have a high rate of recidivisim. Please research this with an open mind and you will better understand my firm stand on this matter.
She’s right. The psychopath tired to ruin me, alienated our kids and caused one to try to kill Himself,’ additionally he is a sadist who takes advantage of people. He deserves hell.
Can a person have traits from all of the types of narcissistic personality disorders that were named? I’ve seen some of all of those traits innate person I use to date.
I love this! Can you please tell me the name of the man that spoke after Dr. Ramani 22:44 minutes into the recording. I would love to hear more about what he has to say.
How is that "inappropriately " young for a man. Wow, you just passed a blanket judgement of 3 generations of both side of my family who all married once stayed married for life and loved eachother til death. That sou.ds like man shaming stuff, not narcisism.
Would appreciate more info about psychopathic clergy. Does this attraction heighten the average guesstimate of about two percent? Is there a study ? I'm assuming it includes other religious. I knew a Nun, a Reverend Mother, once that had a small following of nuns. She was removed for her aggressiveness. Nuns left the order while she was there, and never returned. Some were college level educated.
And also, here’s another thing about phones in your bedroom those of us who don’t have landline we can’t turn our phone high enough to hear it and to be honest you want to be available if there’s a family emergency I’m not saying that’s the reason most of us keep our phones in our bedroom, but I am saying the problem is that these devices are everything and at some point, they’ll actually be implanted in our headsdo you know there are alarms there are everything so specially for those of us with ADD there’s like they’re like our adjunct brains actually
I wish an attorney, judge, doctors would get education on narcissistic abuse
Amen!
But half of them ARE narcissists!
@@staceystrukel1917 true. It’s a narcissist world.
Justice system caters to Narcissism.
And the police
Living with a narcissistic person, you develop weird and unhealthy behaviors, thought patterns, and habits to try to work around theirs. And I love it when people say, "just leave". Anyone who's been a victim knows what I'm talking about. Have you ever seen a cocooned meal in a spider's web get up and walk out?
how about changing YOUR thinking.. You are the spider… planning your exit …
@@lucyt-c8092 ❓🤔
Thanks for that ,I can a hundred percent relate.much love to you
I hear you. Took me 23 years but turned physical so I ran. It wasn’t until I left that I have learnt all about it. It was never me, still trying to strengthen myself. I hope you find your strength and you can exit in a safe way. ❤
Borderline cocoons are ideal to try with narcissists
What a relief to hear a therapist saying that forgiven IS a Western morality created by perpetrators.
It’s actually an eastern philosophy brought to human consciousness by Christ.
I bet the Greek philosophers talked about this. For sure the Prophet Jesus did. That Prophet's follower 1 of the 12 also wrote~ don't cast your pearls before swine least they trample them under their feet and turn and rend you!
@@mishaanton5436
Jesus is a little more than a prophet, he’s the Master of our universe.
I forgive to move on healthily. To totally detach from a hater, leave their presence. Drop, cut, leave their atmosphere and create your own where you are accepted and validated within your own rightships to living.
Amen to that. I have always thought that. I'm 77 years old I honestly never heard all that forgiveness stuff ever. It crazy
ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE THIS woman we need to protect her at ALLLLL cost!!
u don’t love bomb her , sooo true … national treasure
i don’t what to i mean
geee , i hope i’m not the narcissist and after a life changing event i’m looking inward and see the hard questions…
At ALL costs. She’s such a breath of fresh air.
I would like to applaud Dr Ramani on her bit about forgiveness. Amen. Some people are No sorry.
I’m going to therapy for post traumatic stress. I recommend therapy for everyone before they get into a relationship.
Me too. I grew up n a narcissistic family and have C-PTSD.
Hahahahaha!
these principles need to be taught in pre-school
If not green screened they're definitely in one. These pre schoolers need to be taught adult principles
Why? so they will be better in manipulating people after school ?
I love how real she is. The way she said how a narc speaks of themselves, "I'm the shit!" 😂
The reality of "forgiveness"... "Fuck them". Forgiveness is "permission to a narc". YeSSs 🙌🏼 giving validation heals.
I think forgiving ourselves for participating, for working so hard and being manipulated, is much more meaningful for the healing process, than forgiving anyone external. For those that are external, acceptance, radical acceptance, is the closest many of us can ever get to forgiving an abuser.
Forgiving in other contexts, though, they typically say it isn't saving them from consequences, it is no longer maintaining the passionate feelings for them. Blame is a connection, too. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
You don’t have to forgive publicly or directly to a person who offended you. The first step is to forgive yourself and then let go of the hurt. You should forgive on your own time schedule when it seems right to you and safe
You're right, you have to forgive yourself. You don't have to forgive anyone who hasn't asked for it and hasn't made their wrongs right.
Forgiving oneself can mean wanting to let go of the resentment ( it’s burden ) and the rage - but in my circumstances , until I have the resources - and NO ONE Individual necessarily does , by themselves - to “clean up the chaos left in this / these people ‘s wake “ that I am staring at 24/7 because I DO NOT , @ 69 years of age - self -employed business owner - single mother - have the financial resources to just “make it happen “ quickly …, enough for me .
They and theirs completely changed my and my partner’s and family’s life - I’m the betrayals and that damage to my and other’s soul is unforgivable . I and my partner / family were the recipients of this betrayal .
“ putting down the hatchet 🪓 “ means caring enough about myself and my purpose and human right to enjoy being alive that I put down the burden of engaging in the rage ; resentment and desire for vengeance to the perpetrators of the betrayals and prejudices .
Vengeance is mine says God and the law of Nature and Karma . I am not God - last time I looked - I am a human being .
so true , forgive from with in , then do what next
It’s well known now in trauma psychology that forgiveness is that last step in the journey, not the first, and it happens on it’s own time and happens easily because it’s the natural next step after feeling, processing, integrating and full grieving. Most people find it hard to get to the grief part, or aren’t in a position where they can get enough distance and time from their abuser and the inherent surrounding triggers that keep the wound open, to be able to fully feel the grief and close the wound.
Yes in the end you're dealing with the guilt of having known it was off all along.
Fantastic video. Dr. Ramani has an excellent delivery and it's very easy to relate to what she's saying from a situational perspective.
Everyone has to do the work themselves.
Since when a criminal kann tell for himself he is going to jail ? You need a specialize person to be a mirror and even if they are told, they do it again .
What do they mean when they say"do the work"?
@@leanne123 learn to appreciate everything. Learn from your problems. If its bad then, see what went wrong
before acknowledgment of wrong doing
forgiveness can not exist
Do not forgive the N. They do not deserve.
Without blame
This is why you can never forgive a narcissist you never have closure and this is the cycle you don’t move on
That’s an illusion your ego is offering because it doesn’t want to do the work forgiveness requires. You do not need an apology to forgive. Do not confuse forgiveness with condoning bad behavior. Forgiveness means you decide to no longer let this person gerge on your contentment. Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. It’s only going to hurt you. Do you think they giving any thought to you? Then why do you let them consume you? Don’t. Just forgive.
@@ebrennie complicated work around
Forgive them, they do it again. Don't forgive quickly next time, they campaign against your character, claiming you don't forgive at all.
Forgive them on your way out the door, right after you've signed the divorce papers. You don't have to stick around and give them another chance to hurt you
So good and accurate the way u wrote this, so true and accurate. I tried to gain some approval and love from my parents my entire life. Finally I got to the point where now, I'm done!! Everything is flipped all the time, u are the bad one
It truly is a personality disorder. No contact for me was the only choice left to save my life and sanity!!
@@LorraineMorsch You are not alone. 🧡
Letting go and forgiving are two different things. By letting go a person is able to take back control of themselves and heal. Forgiveness is more of a personal, spiritual affirmation that should not be relayed to a toxic/narcissistic person.
Been there done that and I disagree. Not only does the bible say that we can't be forgiven unless we forgive, I can tell you that a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders the moment I released him. And it didn't matter that he never admitted any wrong or asked for forgiveness. If he had done that, I would have reconciled with him but he didn't, so we got divorced
@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753you left out the part in the Bible that says one must repent, confess wrong doing & ask forgiveness. Don’t recite religious excerpts one sided.
Of course forgiveness should be given to narcissists. It’s the only way to have peace within your soul and also so you may receive forgiveness yourself. We all must account for our lives and go through a life-review immediately upon death. Fun fun!😬
Dr Ramani absolutely validates my life's struggles. Narcissism , forgiveness, the truth about ruined life. All major 'chords.' One of the very best videos. Take Notes Folks!! Affective health is a major factor. Releasing the emotions. Very good segment. Guided meditation, thanks. To close. Seek closure. Well said. I think as you say open it, look at it with greater depth and seek understanding. To get beyond the ruminating.
The narcissist will be your corrective emotional experience. And it is going to be painful.
It corrected my lack of boundaries.
@@user-yup-you-are-human2yes, and it also corrected me feeling lonely as a widow.
A complex social situation in which I was both called out for my behaviour by a wiser person, and simultaneously abused by a narcissistic made me see my role in these situations clearly for the first time. Once I saw the patterns I was playing out and how toxic my behaviour was that's when I turned towards healing
I remain joyful ….
No truer words. Healing from my narc has transformed my entire life. I’ve created boundaries to keep me safe, better understanding of myself and other humans, healing childhood wounds that led me to the choices to stay with the narcissist.
Thank you so much for explaining what forgiveness is and that it's perfectly OK to not forgive. I can let go.
I love Dr. Ramani
I disagree. Forgiveness is important for yourself. They won't appreciate it because they don't think they've done anything wrong. The moment I told my narc I forgive him, I could feel the huge weight lifted off my shoulders! And it didn't matter that he never admitted anything wrong and never asked for forgiveness.
Jesus said to forgive. If we don't forgive, neither will we be forgiven.
Well, that’s great and all, but do you expect to be forgiven when you die? In order to be forgiven we too must forgive. Plus, not forgiving does harm to your mind, body and spirit. You hang on to all that negative energy and it will literally make you sick. The peace you will feel in your soul makes forgiveness all worth it💞
The segment about forgiveness is so true. We can't use the empathic and humanistic approach against these beings.
When dealing with these wicked individuals, we have to match them with a different form of forgiveness.
That includes no contact, staying as far as possible, calling the cops or utilizing self-defense if they come near you.
There is no middle line because the middle line means permission.
Good stuff. Regarding NPD and incarceration,let's add that MANY folks locked up are addicts. Active addicts are the very definition of narcissism. It takes a serious face-plant to trigger an awakening in Cluster B's and most refuse to go for cognitive restructuring but some do make the effort.Remember...these are damaged individuals,don't foster unrealistic expectations. It's so exhausting dealing w NPD's.
Thank you Dr. Ramini for sharing the critical issue of "forgiving" and letting us know that we do not have to forgive the monsters🙏.
Fascinating. Sobering.
Okay. I think I'm in the right place. I was losing my mind in 12 years of marriage. I'm beginning to see hope. HELP!
Amen 🙏 ❤
Good interview. I have followed her channel for awhile. She is knowledgeable and, most importantly, very good at explaining things.
This woman is a powerful lighthouse in a dark stormy night. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
My perspective: Forgiving is for you & moving on, forgetting is another story. Forgiving doesn't mean the person has to be an active part of your life. Healthy Boundaries. 😊
My perspective: forgiving without any accountability by them, no apology from them allows them to move on & repeat the harm over & over to the next victims in life. Yes they are no longer in our life, unfortunately someone else’s. And it goes on sadly.
@@devinsmallwick4208it is impossible to get an apology from a narcistic person. Letting go of the hurt and moving on, going no contact if possible is the only way to get your mental health back.
Yes real forgiveness can take time and an attitude of forgiveness.
It definitely can take time, but I think it’s simply a choice. The feelings will follow the choice.
No one else can explain the amount of highly important fact and correlation about the phenomenon than Dr Ramani. Besides all, in the same time, constantly radiating this pure loving healing energy. She's amazing.
Thank you for sharing this information.
I forgive the narcs. Of my life. I forgive them in my hearth but i dont have a plan to be close again to them.
she explain things the way they are i love dr ramani for ever
Forgiveness is letting go, which is important for the victim!! There is a misnomer about forgiveness, it is not a pass for anyone.
Feelings are not controllable, but behavior is controllable.
I would forgive the feeling that they have because it’s not their fault the way they were raised without having their emotional needs met.
However, if they don’t introspect self, reflect take accountability and try to improve themselves not to repeat the behaviors…..
I’m not gonna forgive that.
Behaviors like feelings are always going to repeat like but behaviors are controllable.
Ns r not the product of unmet childhood needs cuz some Ns have bee spoiled & continue to expect that entitlement
@@dianedeclare8541 that’s the tricky part.
Golden children aka spoiled brats were given stuff to shut them up in order to avoid giving them what they really needed.
Perspective and structure (which is a huge part of emotional needs verses wants) that’s why they get confused between the difference between needs and wants.
No one took the time to explain the meanings and made sure they understood clearly.
If you tell someone “no” without explanation they automatically want it more and rebel against you.
That explains why they overinflated their own ego and needs over everyone else’s aka Karen’s and Kevin’s.
Sadly if someone would have explained it clearly they’d of had their clarity and would have been able to regulate their emotional needs verses emotional wants.
@@dianedeclare8541 It is caused by both.
Forgiveness and letting go are two different things.
I believed that I could fix my mother for most of my life. Only recently have I come to understand the mental illness that was underneath her narcissistic behavior. She could fake empathy but eventually the mask would come off. She had some friends but eventually they abandoned her. At the end, I was the only one left. I have two older brothers; the golden child just blew her off. The other did the best he could. During the last month of her life, I was unable(no money for transportation)to visit her. I too abandoned her. She died alone.
Stress, when the demands placed on us, exceed our resources to cope with it. Our capacity is ffull, overload. 30:00
This makes more sense with my experiences. I have known a few narcissists in my time and I always thought the 1 percent number couldn't be true.
Where did she talk about Narcissism as the second hand smoke of mental illness?
Always learn so much from Dr Ramani! Thank you..
When was this filmed? Had to be several years ago, right?
Dr Ramani is my hero.
I think Dr Ramani maybe has had a facelift or something, and dyed her hair. I see a thumbnail for another video where she looks 20 years younger. Maybe it’s just an older video.
It doesn't matter what she looks like, it is her message that is important.
It might be better to become curious as opposed to starting again on the bottom rung saying "I'm not good enough". Change your mind and do "I'm curious" - this is a beginning point without loosing what you already have.
To Me: Forgiveness is Simply Allowing GOD the Final Judgment… And then… Safe Boundaries… Which may include “Relationship Over” Due to the Death of TRUST! Just because we Forgive doesn’t mean that All Goes Back To Before the Betrayal!🙏🏻 Sad Stuff! 💛🕊🍃
That's not what forgiveness is about. Maybe you should study it so you know what you're talking about
Letting Go of the PAIN… Good Vibes… Praying for the Offender: St Matthew 5:44, wishing them the Best of Everything!
TRUST is Still Something Different!
Betrayal Changes People! Someone Can Choose their Actions ~ True! But, they do not get to Choose the Result/ Consequences!
Forgiveness is a Forgetting of the Crime & Going Forward, even 7 x’s 70! Yes, I have listened to the ‘Talks at Church!’
But, Forgiveness is not going back to the way it was, before the Betrayal… because THEIR ACTIONS Have then Changed Your Belief System in Several Ways: 1) How Much they value you; 2) Their Value for a Sacred Union & Fidelity; 3) WHO they are as a Moral Person; & 4) Their Allegiance to ‘The GOD of the Universe,’ in Following HIS LAWS of Divine Nature (2 Peter Ch. 1).
Mistakes, are not a Betrayal. Betrayal is Doing Something Wrong, even though you know it is WRONG. So, all needs to be Considered!
Here’s the thing… Only GOD knows the Depth of our PAIN… And ALL of the innuendos of our Life Experiences & if we are Doing Our Very Best FOR Our Personal Capacity, even when we Forgive. So, the Bottom-Line: Only GOD has the Right to JUDGE… Even on the Topic of HOW Someone Forgives Another!
The Admonition, to: “Turn the Other Cheek,” did Not Mean… Turn the Other Cheek & Get Slapped Again / Or Slugged & Knocked Out! The Holy Spirit Can Direct on Certain Scriptures… “Turn the Other Cheek & ➡️ WALK AWAY, May be the Full Meaning there!”
Yes, A Little Study is Mandatory!
🙏🏻Healing the Broken Hearted, May Require Walking Away. GOD Does Not Expect US to be Connected at the Hip with Malignant, Toxic , Irredeemable, Sociopathic, Psychopathic, Sadistic, Evil People… The Top WORLD RENOWNED THERAPISTS AGREE, an Estimated 25-30% of Narcissistic People (of the World’s Total Population), CAN NOT CHANGE, EVEN if they WANT TO, Due to a Catastrophic Event in their Lives. Their Personality Style Is Like A Permanent Brain Groove! And, what happens After “THE 490th (7 x’s 70), Episode of Betrayal? … Which, can happen Realistically, after A Mere 7 Days (70 / 16 waking hrs. per day = 4.38 offenses per hour)? I’d say that the Spiritual Requirement Really Does ‘Spell Out the Answer! Walk Away, Leaving the Offender your Most Loving Wishes & Prayers!
Otherwise, you become an Enabler, a Frankenstein’s Lurch, Flying Monkey Type of Person! An Eli, for his two Wicked SONs! Maybe, the One Holding the Pied-Piper’s Hand… To the Gates of Hell!
🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
I think the one in three statistic is much closer to my experience. I have been targeted too many times, i wasnt able to find a safe space. The self obsession is too pervasive.
GAL, Social Workers, literally therapists need a refresher of it and how the narcissist can create Parental Alienation as well. This disorder effects kid's of a narcissist and targeted parent. Willing to use a child as a weapon. They should really be educated on this. It creates some major damage in a family.
They everywhere and in all jobs the system of mental health has failed USA ❤❤❤❤❤
@@tammyfitzgerald5336 Exactly Tammy. The more educated everybody could be on the subject the better. This way we can hopefully be ready to either educate or start creating a file with evidence to replace any staff creating issues as well.
Is our response to a situation that causes the stress not the situation itself. Very helpful.
Id say that some situations are inherently stressful like childhood sexual abuse. We did not “create” that
to narcissists, others are territory
to psychopaths, others are food
but, most of all they are liars
god is not real
god is reality
get real
Sociopaths: others are tools
@@dfuk66 psychopaths are hunters / sociopaths are cattle ranchers?
I would have considered myself a narcissist, And it took one hell of a dumping And some really strong behaviour of rejection. But at the end of it I was forced to change my behaviour not totally but modified quite a lot. But it almost has to be trauma inducing to change your character
EMDR therapy helped me into a forgiving state.
I believe the quantum healing helped the perpetrator turn her life around, and actually turned into an admirable human.
My favourite teacher!Dr Ramani!
Forgiveness is a gratuitous grace.
@@shieldmcshieldy5750 Amen
I get it the narcissist won’t respect your forgiveness for what it is but I feel letting go of it is forgiveness but you can move on and not allow them back into your life to screw you over again but at the same time I am a firm believer in the word of God and it says we are to forgive others or your Heavenly Father will not forgive you. He forgave us when we were unforgivable. But I get what she’s saying about they don’t take it as a divine thing done for them, just an excuse to keep doing it to you. I definitely have lived through this. Always let go of the what they did to you and don’t let it define you but go ahead and forgive and move on. It takes God’s love. As a human being, sometimes it’s impossible. This is just my take on it. My take on this will never change. I have been too relevant in my life on both sides so I have lived it from both sides. Not being forgiven and also forgiving too much and then allowing them to do it again and again in narcissistic relationships.
I had an unforgiveness that seemed impossible for me to forgive. I had to ask the Lord to remove the anger, hatred and unforgiveness that was there. While worshipping the Lord, I felt something leave me and after that, I began caring about that person and seeing then through God's eyes. I pray for them now and have no animosity against them any more. It was that quick. If you dont forgive, you are in pride. You are saying God can forgive but you cant so therefore you are saying you're better than God.I also do deliverance because sin opens doors to demons. Unforgiveness is disobedience and sin. Deliverance won't work on someone that is in unforgiveness until they forgive. I've seen it time and again. Demons will come out after ther person is willing to let it go.
As a side point you don't necessarily have to forgive the person to their face, just give it to God .. the oppressor has no idea that you forgave them and it won't affect how they respond to you.
The woman sitting at the front nodding the whole time is all of us
Dr Ramani has been a victim herself, and has devoted her life to studying narcs
Wow how exact is the quandary of knowing a lack of empathy to learning to being empathetic.. this helps me with divinity also discerning culpability a huge space of undefined intention or lack of definition this clip does favor a much younger Dr although hard to believe it's just days ago. Trust issues are a collective emotional experience!
I actually know someone in my own family, who is both a narcissist - and, a sociopath. So for us, this individual is a toxic narcissistic sociopath - and ther isn’t a thing that we can do about it. However, because there is a matter of finances, and concluding an estate process, we’re going to have to make some hard decisions, that will, in their mind, affect them negatively - because there are consequences.
Dr Ramani, as always, thanks so much for all of your advice, wisdom, knowledge, and experiences you've been sharing with us over the years ! Blessed your Heart ❤️ 🙌 🙏
I have one question on all Toxic + Narcissistic + Spychopath devils 😈 whose sole purpose in life's to hurt humankind around the world 🌎
I'm Vietnamese who was borned, raised in a poor 3rd world, war-torned country throughout history, I've seen plenty of Deaths, Pains, Sorrows, Sufferings, etc almost everyday 😢
However, most of us Vietnameses in particular and other Asians in general rarely become Toxic Narcisscists + Spychopaths devils 😈 In fact, despite all challenges + difficulties + hardship we've been through,
We've all remained Empathy, Kind, Loving, Caring, Generous, and Successful individuals ! Therefore, I believe that most Asians are extremely Resilient !
Regardless of the kinds of environment we're living in, we can survive almost anything, and this inner Strength, Courage, and Wisdom only comes from centuries of self-discipline ! 🙏😍🙏💕
Stress can be viewed as a opportunity to fix weaknesses in one's character.
Ariana huffington graced the smith college campus with her wisdom. I love her so …
She unleashed a cancer upon the world (The Huffington Post).
I am almost out of a dangerously emotional, mental, and physical marriage to a covert narcissist. In the process of divorce. I've been sitting in a state of what has been identified as analysis paralysis. What will help me get out of this state? I feel stuck, I still hear his words in my head telling me everything I am not. Any suggestions?
Try the NARP course by Melanie Tonia Evans. All the best.
Okay I will help you to a point.
Narcs can have a dark attached entity. That is a Fact. This allows a stupid Narc to have the ability to manage people. When a Narc discards they like to leave what I call a TAR BABY. That is their inner most sticky self attached to YOU. The inner species Narc wants you to raise that baby the next twenty years.
Not your Tar Baby. You must understand that. Get rid of it. Dancing with the devil is what we did. When I say a Narc is stupid that is a compliment for retarded is what they are. Look your narc had the best he ever had when he found you. Overwhelming supply woman. So now you prepare for that hoover that is coming. You know the make up sex and you took everything out of perspective spill. More word salad so he can really destroy you.
You line his balls up like a soccer ball. Remove all social media. Change phone numbers. Move if possible and Go no contact for life. He shows up hand Him his ass. Never ever have any conversation with the entity. In time these narcs sink from their own weight. Universal law of Karma. You need to focus on you. You learn the playbook of a narc. You spend the monies on a background check on any possible potential candidates in the future. You do that and you will NEVER experience Hell again. Background checks don't lie. Besides when you are all healthy again and looking good you to will have a great time handing a lieing manipulation monkey right in front of you their ass. You have the FACTS. However I wait before I serve for learning purposes. That play book is everything.
Hope this helps you on your Journey. One day you will be rock solid with abilities from God like I am. You will be able to achieve any thing you wish. Your own mind and live the life you dream. Narcs smell this. No different than a vampire.
Not your shit remember that. Only thing you have a part in is voluntary out of ignorance. We all have volunteered. Time to move on. God is doing for you what you can't do for yourself. Now your eager to be educated.
Out of the Muck a lotus is born. Just have to learn to be a warrior not the prey.
My soul felt like it was dying, suffocated from living around someone who lives in delusion. Abuse too, constant rages. Demanded he sign for an apartment for me. And back in school for a new career to be financially stable. His image is so important so he bragged about getting me a special space to study 😅
I can tell you that my faith in our good father God, who loves me, praying to him, being thankful for everything good in my life, being glad I survived, and reading and studying my Bible (The Passion Translation) completely takes my mind off of what I just went through and lifts my spirit. I've only learned 2 weeks ago that the problem was narcissism, and I had a trauma bond, but I'm already doing so much better from watching some videos and gaining understanding, and especially reading all of the comments. I'm obviously not alone in this! I moved to a different state, 500 Mi away. I'm not 100% no contact yet because the divorce is still pending, but I don't have to see him in person anymore, and that's only been for a week.
Go to the mirror in the morning and tell yourself “ I love you (state your full name) . Say it over and over
Forgiving another CAN'T happen until one first understands the perpetrator's mindset, then one can let go and then forgiveness naturally follows.
So how does feeling bad about yourself on the inside turn into let me make up evil malice lies on people when confront them on the truth. I can’t connect those dots.
As far as I can tell, it's because they are mentally ill. I've been wounded and had a very hard life, and I don't do any of those things...
They chose to feel too much pity for themselves whereas other people try and overcome and not be crushed by self pity
forgetting does not require forgiving
narcissists only exist in the minds of others
"software builds the hardware" ... that's an interesting concept
No they actually exist on their own.
I disagree. A Narc is an absolute inner species predator. That means it can't be fixed, period. What does that really mean? That means even if the inner species narc has a soild rock bottom experience caused by the Narcs own behaviors and actions and the narc has a awareness of the facts due to being caught. That narc then out of some perspective of consequence it might receive will find any means necessary to take the spot light off themselves. That means pretending to do the right thing till the heat is off only. Then the inner species predator is right back doing the same game only a little more polished than before. That is why they are NOT Human. A Human makes a mistake they learn that it harmed someone emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally and physically and they stop that behavior and take full responsibility as well as Accountability.
Accountability is more than a word. It is a action.
@@kevinowens6010 to the narcissist others are territory
@@kevinowens6010 human: by agreement
Beast: might makes right
I don’t believe it’s my job to forgive someone whose actions negatively impacted my life. My job is to accept what I have experienced and to learn to live without anger or regret. It’s a process but after a certain period of time , I try to discover what I call, the gift of the lesson. …find some thing constructive that can be of benefit to me and to others who may seek advice. Call it a little piece of wisdom that can give meaning to something that was devastating and destructive to experience. , a valuable tool to help you navigate this sometimes rocky and difficult journey. I want my lesson to give me a gift that will have a positive and lasting impact , a gift that will be of great value. Everyone must seek their own, of course, but I find there’s great value in gaining the insight to a deeper understanding and the compassion to hold a warm hand out to someone who may be in need of holding it.
Quite simply put …… self absorbed, predatory people.
STAY CLEAR ❕
Whenever I think of how much I hate them, I pray for their salvation. Only a miracle can change them and I dont need to waste my precious thoughts hating them.
There’s no real support out here
I hope that people like myself can help you change your mind. Trust me this is my passion and my purpose. It is very isolating though
6 years ago I said the same thing.
Plus I had to go through 2 years of a quarantine, where are the world vastly changed and resources were very difficult to obtain in person.
I found resources because I would not give up.
I made umpteen phone calls.
I started building resource team members around me.
I invested time in those resources, because I wanted to break codependency.
I went from absolutely nothing, homeless , no car, money, help, support...
I was broken, barely surviving three attempted murders.
And if I can do it, finding those resources, anybody can do it.
I became a forensic profiler, and now take victims through court and expose the narcissist.
To forgive just means to not hold on to the anger from the abuse. To let them go. It has ZERO to do with taking someone back. That has nothing to do with forgiving. And forgiving is not about excusing their behavior.
You forgive for YOU, NOT the other person.
You let them go.
You let the anger go.
And you move on.
Everybody in their own time. Some need a time to grieve what they have lost due to the abuse.
But you do NOT want to hold on to the anger or hatred for the abuser.
As long as you hold on to those negative emotions, they are controlling you.
And the more intense those negative emotions are, the more likely they will develop into a physical illness.
And negative opinions are not the same as negative emotions.
Emotions are energy in motion. You don't want to hold on to the negative energies.
That energy has to go somewhere and a lot of people internalize them and hence the physical illness.
I just wish that people would use the word forgive in the correct context with the correct definition.
Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger and resentment - or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
The books The Courage to Heal and The Myth of Forgiveness both say that you do NOT have to forgive your abuser to move ahead with your life.
Saying that you do is gaslighting.
@@susanmercurio1060
No, it is not gaslighting. It is fact that if you hold on to anger and stay in anger, you could end up deathly ill. I would NEVER gaslight anyone.
How do I know that negative energy can manifest into physical illness, acute myeloid leukemia from living with a narcissist. So, I don't really care what a book says... I lived it.
Forgiveness is for YOU, not the other person.
I think that forgiving is a process. And it does not mean to accept the other person back in to your life or that you even have to be around them or speak to them.
ALL it means is that you let go of the negative emotions and just live your life.
A person does not have to actively forgive, it happens in time. When you stop thinking negative about someone, or stop thinking about them at all, you've forgiven whether you realize it or not. If you are not living IN negative emotions, you have forgiven.
And holding on to that anger just lets the other person continue to control your emotions.
forgive
verb
1. stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake
P.S. Where did I ever say the words that you HAVE to forgive to move on with your life? I didn't.
I was just saying that the negative energy could have a negative affect on the abused person if they are living IN that negative energy all the time.
Most people just use "forgive" in the wrong context.
She ran a hate campaign against me online & along with hackers = kept me inside my home through electronic intrusion and intimidation in my neighborhood - home burglary- vandalism- assault- She’s a REALLY BAD person!!
For 6 years of my life. Don’t follow Ramani !
Don’t support her platform
Conservative channel!!
Don’t support Ramani! Bad person!!
Forgiveness is different than reconciliation.
My BFF is both, autistic and Narcissistic, it is tough at time. I do love that he don't steahl and don't smocke.
it seems like therapists are full of empathy
and professors are full of themselves
You interviewed the woman with an accent on stress and her book. I'm not sure what the name of the book is that you picked up. Thanks for the feedback.
Super educating these facts to prepare & warn others …….
many can be susceptible to their initial charm.
Gut instincts can usually kick in ….. take note & exit quickly !
Great Title - Thanks Dr. Ramadi 💖
That’s what prison is for. People who cannot control their behavior, people who harm others.
Yep ! … always believed charitable monetary contributions should be done privately.
Dr. Romney was great. I love her work. The second guy actually reminded me of a narcissist's victim-blaming. If you don't forgive you'll make yourself sick so it's your fault. I stopped watching when he started his bs.
I love Dr ramani but no 3:30, that is false. They do become angry and defensive.
I like Joe very much!
The man who said that he doesn’t think anything outside of us is stressful needs to be looked at. He sounds like a narc
Yeah everything outside of us is inanimate... humans?? That thing??? Humans are things?? Also the lack of empathy... smells like a full narc
It’s stressful if we give it meaning. We can only control our own thoughts and feelings and how we respond to events and people outside of ourselves. You can’t control the external world but you can choose to perceive it differently
Yes, what he said did not seem to be realistic for survivors of violent child abuse, homelessness, rape, terrifying war zones & refugee camps, impoverished starvation & drought regions...
He is speaking of and from far more privileged than many on this planet.
First law of revolutionary theory of the selfish Gene.
I survive and prosper first before i extend altruism.
Psychology is based upon Freudian psychosexual confabulation.
It is rarely predictive of human action or behavior
You look more amazing each time I watch the world’s best. So I just finished say to a lady on face book it’s a red flag if your church asks for $ for charity!
So many things you can’t learn on UA-cam.. This is a good example. People have enough on their plates to think they can start judging others by watching not only this but my gosh so many others. Especially when it comes to humans/ personalities etc.
stick with how to replace the refrigerator seal ha etc.
if I used this I could probably label everyone in my life as simply a narcissist, including myself! Be very careful what you watch on UA-cam period. Don’t let it control your head. Remember what the book that talks about marking your forehead and palm of your hand. But besides even that imagine how easy it would be to be a reporter now that there’s a camera in everyone’s hand ha. Consider entertainment tonight lol, just take your pic. It’s a big World 🌎 out there!
Later
--What do you mean by that?
--Having a camera in my hand made false criminal charges evaporate. You can see the video on UA-cam.
Can they be both on the spectrum and narcissistic ?
I’m so confused by this. I’m pretty sure my ex was a covert narcissist but he wasn’t able to feel any guilt or remorse, but he can’t be a psychopath because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him experience stress.
Narcissists remorse looks like rage and/or giving you something or doing something for you. Remember, they do something bad and shame takes over, then rage or giving or doing something for you. I experienced this with my Covert mother.
@@mday3821 there was never any giving or doing something for me. Just the rage. But I also saw stress.
Probably remorse for feeling caught not empathetic remorse
@@heythere6983 no no remorse whatsoever. I asked him. He said he couldn’t feel it.
You forgive privately in your heart and let go of the burden. For me, its an ongoing process.
Thank you for this briefing.
Dr. Romani is right. There might be an escape from the planet of narcissism. And she is even more so right that it doesn't happen often and you won't be involved in it for sure.
I was the worst mix of a narc, borderline and had even psychopathic tendencies sometimes violence. I was poor and a very handsome boy, girls were obsessed with me.
My transformation to become a human wasn't a single experience. It was a process over years but the practical change then happend in days. I was getting very successful in real life. And it was a rough road. Comming out to that side of the road I felt the pain it cost me to get there. It hurts. It was the first time I felt empathy for a human. In this case for myself, it wasn't pitty. I felt real earned pride as well, I had become someone in reality no reasonable person could denie respect. I wasn't dependent on the opinion of others any longer, it didn't make sense any more.
I allways was able to feel real empathy for animals, but not for humans. I was the first human I felt empathy for. A few hours later I was able to remember all the horrible things I did to so many beautiful girls, that only wanted to love me. The last one helped me to become a doctor, she was smart and beautiful. I never was abusive towards her, maybe cause all my energy was focused on becomming someone. All that girls in my life had believed in me. They knew me, the man I didn't know.
I was totured by all that memories I didn't had before treating them bad. I suffered for years of my wrong doings. I got in contact with all of them. I sad: I am so sorry. To some I had to pay money back. With some I cried tears after years.
I was blessed with the best women on earth.
At the end I became victim of a malignant BPD girl, me then as a loving empathic man. What saved me was my empathy for myself. I will allways love her, but she will never see me again. I am so sorry for her lost of a man that truly loved her.
Empathy is understanding and feeling what ANOTHER PERSON is going through. You can't have empathy for yourself. You can have compassion for yourself if you think you have been through a rough time. It's good to have compassion for yourself. Can you feel compassion towards others ?
@@leanne123 Thank you so much for your very interesting question Leanne.
First of all my first language is German. I live in South America and speak Spanish and Guarani. So I might not be so picky in finding english words, as I supposed to be.
I hope I have your compasion for that.
I don't want to be and I can't be right. I can only comunicate my interpretation of this both different feelings.
In narc modus I didn't had compacion for myself, following your definition. I didn't had empathy for other humans. But I didn't had compasion for others neighter.
I can't say if my first contact to myself was more compasion or like I say empathy for myself.
Your question lets me think it was overwelmingly both.
I try to explain why I believe one can have empathy for themself:
If you go in contact to yourself it is a process of watching yourself from a reflective distance. Just like a third person. So you are right. It is litterally another person that was at the same time the real naked me, I felt empathy for.
Can you feel that?
You’re ‘preying’ for ME ? No thanks!
@@e.conboy4286 Thank you for your comment. I will try to respect your wish. And a like would trigger you as well?
@@leanne123exactly! This story is a load of crap
This is a hard part exactly what you were saying about being on the spectrum I forget what it’s called. Maybe I mean they’re probably the same thing in the mind if it’s metacognition or you know the ability to see yourself mind blindness I forget the term button this is so complex really figuring out what you are what others are how to treat them whether it matters just all of it Would like to really learn this as well as boundaries not only with narcissist but in relationships like what is self preserving with his selfish when they take a step forward how to set up the next level of boundaries and what to do if they don’t reach them specially say with someone who presents or affect us like a narcissistI mean we need mega coaching with us
I love Joe's surname.
Being Grandos or this or that or antisocial teaming this also happens to people I don’t know who are autistic or very intelligent. I mean, we think all autistic people are nice and naïve and but the truth is well if some of them form some of these personality traits for protection, I know some people who are very smart and feel very alone, that have been become like this
What about if narcissism is combined with psychopathy? (the narcopath).
All phycos are narcisist, but not all narcisist r physcos.
I wasn't sure I married one till I was stupid enough to do it again. Yes they are both for both can and will graduate to murder if the opportunity presents itself.
Narc free 0ver 30 years now. Only out of experience can one truly spot one when they come buzzing around.
"What's a woman?' seems a relevant question in this context given how statistics are now completely skewed with the dismantling of sex.
How about Jody Attias---psychopath or narcissist?
My respects to Dr. Ramani for her firm stance on forgiveness. It is unfair, unjust and morally WRONG to expect a child abuse victim to forgive his or her abuser, which may entail putting himself or herself in harms' way. Sure, generally speaking, forgiveness is great when the offender has asked for forgiveness and has shown signs of true repentence. However, there are always exceptions to every rule, and I strongly believe that in cases of child abuse, forgiveness is NOT applicable nor appropriate!!!😢
Then you are clueless about forgiveness
@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 so what is forgiveness to you? You commented on two comments saying they don't know forgiveness but you don't follow it up with an explanation.
So what is forgiveness if this and the other comment aren't it?
@@priscillarangel2945 Hello, I strongly believe in forgiveness and reconciliation. I preach it and I live it everyday! There is one (1) exception: Cases of child abuse, wherein I strongly believe "forgiveness" is not only innapropriate but also potentially dangerous to the victim. I do have a degree in the law (USA), which includes criminal law; and I know with certainty that pedophiles have a high rate of recidivisim. Please research this with an open mind and you will better understand my firm stand on this matter.
@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 Please read my additional comment here above. Thank you.
She’s right. The psychopath tired to ruin me, alienated our kids and caused one to try to kill
Himself,’ additionally he is a sadist who takes advantage of people. He deserves hell.
Who is the guy in the second interview? Talking about organs and emotions. I want to know more.
Can a person have traits from all of the types of narcissistic personality disorders that were named? I’ve seen some of all of those traits innate person I use to date.
“I am not good enough”
OH- i can see where.
I can fix it
Why is some of the wording on the pictures in the background blurred?
I love this! Can you please tell me the name of the man that spoke after Dr. Ramani 22:44 minutes into the recording. I would love to hear more about what he has to say.
How is that "inappropriately " young for a man. Wow, you just passed a blanket judgement of 3 generations of both side of my family who all married once stayed married for life and loved eachother til death. That sou.ds like man shaming stuff, not narcisism.
Would appreciate more info about psychopathic clergy. Does this attraction heighten the average guesstimate of about two percent? Is there a study ? I'm assuming it includes other religious. I knew a Nun, a Reverend Mother, once that had a small following of nuns. She was removed for her aggressiveness. Nuns left the order while she was there, and never returned. Some were college level educated.
Forgiveness only applies to a remorseful perpetrator. If they're not sorry then forgiveness serves no point.
And also, here’s another thing about phones in your bedroom those of us who don’t have landline we can’t turn our phone high enough to hear it and to be honest you want to be available if there’s a family emergency I’m not saying that’s the reason most of us keep our phones in our bedroom, but I am saying the problem is that these devices are everything and at some point, they’ll actually be implanted in our headsdo you know there are alarms there are everything so specially for those of us with ADD there’s like they’re like our adjunct brains actually